


Blood Stained

by Madison



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Angst, Drama, Erotica, F/M, Pregnancy, Psychological Torture, Rape, Rape Recovery, Romance, Torture, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-03
Updated: 2014-03-03
Packaged: 2017-11-11 08:33:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 100
Words: 614,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/476633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madison/pseuds/Madison
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Yes there will be rape in this story. About 3 or 4 times, and the chapters are marked. This story though is not focus on rape. It will be a very emotional story, and no falling in love as he rapes her because he's so good. It's going to be a long recovery process. </p><p>The first 20ish chapters are not beta-ed, I'm sorry for that. But, Daniella is currently going over them (thank god for her!) English is my second language.</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Encounter

**Author's Note:**

> Yes there will be rape in this story. About 3 or 4 times, and the chapters are marked. This story though is not focus on rape. It will be a very emotional story, and no falling in love as he rapes her because he's so good. It's going to be a long recovery process. 
> 
> The first 20ish chapters are not beta-ed, I'm sorry for that. But, Daniella is currently going over them (thank god for her!) English is my second language.

The setting sun slowly began to paint the sky crimson. Soon, the night fell and an icy breeze shook the leaves that barely hung from the trees. Fall was fast approaching and the nights were becoming cooler and darker. The subtle feeling of death and despair ravaged the land below.

Kagome sat on the edge of her bed while fighting to keep her eyes open. Her energy was completely drained and remaining awake required tremendous efforts. Her sudden tiredness was caused by the increase in youkais that roamed in the Feudal Era. She was forced to battle on her own more often than usual which resulted in a constant use of her powers.

The closer the jewel was to completion, the more evil beings emerged from hiding in the hope of snatching the few remaining shards. Unfortunately, time was not on their side and it took Kagome quite a lot of begging to convince Inuyasha to let her go home. She understood his reasoning,  _and whining_ , but she wished he was able to understand that she had a life on the other side of the well.

In spite of that fact, asking for a day off for an algebra test while Naraku prepared for battle was a bit insignificant.

Then again, she was not going to completely forget about her family and the old life she had in the Modern world.

Nonetheless, with time now on her side, she found herself regretting her actions. The break she requested was a bit selfish, especially since she did not study and was unable to answer half the questions on her test. As a matter of fact, Kagome was certain that none of her answers were right; they might as well have been in English.

Her schoolwork suffered the most from her time traveling habits. Considering the fact that her acceptance into high school was a miracle, she doubted her last year was going to end well. She kept bothering Inuyasha about her exams and her insane amount of studying but at this point she wondered why she even troubled herself. Despite how hard she tried she failed each time.

There was however still a bright side to this whole situation; she was able to take a proper bath  _and_  obtained some relaxation. She did feel a bit of guilt when she thought about her friends who were not given the same privilege. At least unlike them she had a place to run to where she could escape the horror and where she was shielded from Naraku and youkais since they did not exist in her time.

A sigh rolled off her lips; sitting there, feeling bad about it would not get her back faster.

Without a second thought, she shoved her pajama in her big yellow bag.

_Come on, one last push._

If it was not for Inuyasha and his tantrums she probably would have at least spent the night. Not because she desperately wished for a full night of sleep in her own comfortable bed but because of her family. Each time it was getting harder to ignore the longing looks her mother would throw her way every time she was getting ready to disappear through the well.

Of course her mother would  _never_  stop her but it did not mean that she did not worry for her safety. Kagome could not help biting her lip; would she been torn between two families and two worlds her entire life?

Kagome shook her head softly, before deciding enough time was wasted on useless thoughts. She did this for over two years now and one night of deep thinking would not change anything. She threw her bag over her shoulder, a sad smile on her face. She headed downstairs where her mother was waiting for her. Contrary to her daughter's, her mood seemed extremely bubbly and bright.

A true smile adorned her face while glancing at her daughter who was painfully coming down the stairs with her heavy bag. She was well aware of her daughter's inner pains and struggles, which was why every time she did her best to cheer her up.

Kagome had a greater destiny than any of them and she would not get in the way of that. Instead, she would always be there to show her support.

Mrs. Higurashi walked closer to her daughter and helped her with her bag by lifting it by the handle. "Already all packed?" she asked with a sweet smile.

Kagome could not help but ponder if her mother was hiding her pain. Never, not even when her father died, did her mother show any kind of sign that she was suffering, at least not in front of her children. Sometimes it was hard to determine how she truly felt.

"Sorry I can't stay very long, mom," Kagome said as she offered her an apologetic smile. Words would never be enough.

Miyu shook her head softly. "Don't be sorry, Kagome. They need your help over there."

She was extremely proud of all the work her daughter did on the other side of the well and all the innocent people she saved. Kagome was still so young, yet she accomplished more than most people in their lifetime. Mrs. Higurashi knew it a arduous task to live a double life and lie to everyone the way she did. Lies were always bound to trouble one's soul.

Kagome's heart squeezed in pain while she looked at her mother. She chased it aside knowing she needed to be strong. For her mother's sake, Kagome tried to brighten her expression and smile at her. After everything she did for her, the last thing she deserved was her concern and tears.

"I'll try to come back soon."

Her mother nodded, her smile never fading and her eyes glistened as if they were wet. With one last look, Kagome grabbed her bag from her mother before waving at her. Her head up high, she started to walk in direction of the well before the nightfall.

Kagome was aware that they would not begin traveling tonight but Inuyasha was one to wake up bright and early in the morning. The earlier she came back, the more sleep she was likely to obtain. Also, it would lessen the amount of whining from Inuyasha. If she did not return too late, he might not complain about the amount of hours they lost because she went home.

Once she finally reached the well, she put both of her hands on the edge of it before jumping in, traveling five hundred years into the past.

Relief took over her body once her feet touched the bottom of the well, letting her know she arrived on the other side. Kagome lifted her head up slightly and expected to see Inuyasha's hand. Instead, she was graced with emptiness. She rolled her eyes, assuming he was still mad about her leaving. He could be so immature and stubborn sometimes.  _Jerk_.

She sighed heavily before grabbing one of the vines and making her way up. Kagome did not require his help. She could do it on her own! After all, before he started walking her to the well every time and picking her up, she was just fine without his help.

As Kagome arrived at the top, she exhaled heavily, completely exhausted and sweaty. She then proceeded to throw her bag on the ground before pulling herself out of the well with a tight hold on the wooden edge. Her eyes darted around, still searching for Inuyasha but once again she was struck by his missing presence.

Kagome assumed he would have enough decency to wait around the well. Even if it was only to yell at her and complain about how slow she was.

For the first time since she landed in the Feudal Era, anxiety filled her.

 _What if something happened?_  Maybe Naraku attacked while she was gone?

Then she felt  _it._

A shard.

Kagome's heart immediately began to beat faster. The remaining shards could be counted on one hand and every single one of them was precious. It was then that it hit her; the reason why Inuyasha was not present was perhaps because he was after the shard. He could not feel them like she could, but a youkai, or Naraku, might have come and taunted him away with a shard.

Inuyasha was so hot headed that he probably went for it without thinking twice about it. Fear clouded her mind as she instantly started to run in direction of the shard, not wondering if it was safe or not to go off on her own.

The more Kagome ran towards the shard, the further it seemed to go; that or she was extremely slow. After fifteen long minutes of running, she could not help but be out of breath. Kagome stopped in her tracks and pressed her body against a tree, as she tried to regain some energy. She was not used to covering long distances on foot since Inuyasha usually carried her.

This only helped to remind her just how out of shape she was and how she needed to stop depending on Inuyasha so much.

As she enjoyed a small break she was hit by a thought; she should have ran into Inuyasha by now. Also, he should have caught her scent by now. She could not help but bit her bottom lip as another thought came through. Did she run into the unknown assuming Inuyasha would come along? She cringed and resisted the urge to smack herself. How could she be such a reckless idiot?

At the time it seemed like a good idea, but now Kagome seriously doubted herself. She glued her lips together and turned her head around frantically trying to identify her surroundings. Now not only was she an idiot, but also she was also  _lost_  in the middle of the forest, all by herself.

It seemed that somewhere between running toward the shard and her horrible sense of direction, she found herself in new territories or at least unfamiliar ones.

At least she had her bow and arrows.

When reaching out and feeling the empty air behind her head, Kagome realized that with all this, she forgot her bow was in Kaede's hut.  _Damn it_. Why did that sound so  _typical_  of her?

 _Great_ , as if she did not have enough problems already, she was now an unarmed, completely alone, miko lost in the middle of the forest. Oh, and on top of that, she had absolutely no idea who or where her enemy was. For all she knew, this was a trap to lure her away from her friends and she walked right into it.

_Idiot._

She was more intelligent than this and she should have known better! Her heart skipped a beat at the thought of what could happen to her. But that was not the worst part. Kagome hated her current situation because she disliked how weak it made her appear.

She knew how Inuyasha perceived her, or the way he would  _subtly_  compare her to Kikyo and her amazing powers. It was true she made an extremely bad first impression since she was the one who broke the jewel, but still, since then she matured and changed.

Kagome was not the little fifteen years old girl who fell down the well two years ago who could not even shot an arrow. Kagome was now a grown woman, with more power, but what she did had no importance since it seemed Inuyasha would never see her as a powerful Miko.

In his eyes, Kagome would never be as strong as  _his_  Kikyo and she would always require his protection, night and day. Even when she tried to fight on her own, he'd simply push her out of the way. But of course, if the perfect Kikyo told him to get lost because she did not need his protection, he wouldn't argue with her twice and he would simply give her all the room she required.

The woman was made out of freaking  _clay_  for crying out loud.  _Clay!_

Kagome sighed heavily before slowly dropping down to her knees. The earth felt cool against the heated skin as she dug deeper with her forehead resting against a hard tree trunk. Why did she hurt herself like this? Why did she let Inuyasha treat her like she was worthless?

She did sit him every time he was being a jerk, but somehow that was not enough. No matter what she did, she could not severe the link between him and Kikyo. What was it about that woman that he simply could not overlook? It was as if once he latched onto her, he was never able to let go.

Before Kagome could stop herself, she felt tears stinging her eyes and threatening to fall. She did not wish to do this to herself and she promised she would not waste any more tears on him. Although she was grown up, her childish love crush on Inuyasha remained. It did not matter how badly he treated her, she couldn't stop her feelings and she couldn't prevent herself from loving him. She loved him with all her heart, but she knew Inuyasha would never feel for her as much as she did for him.

Too much of his heart belonged to a dead woman.

For Inuyasha, she would probably give her life away while his soul belonged to Kikyo. It was hardly fair but then again life was not.

Suddenly, Kagome was brought out of her thoughts by the sound of crackling branches. She immediately raised her head high and scanned the area around her, trying to detect a familiar aura. Kagome began to feel nervous as she wondered who was there; could it be Naraku?

If it was indeed Naraku, she did not have much time to make an escape. She immediately rose up to her feet as gracefully as she could ready to run away as fast as possible. The first time she run  _towards_  the danger, but this time she was not as oblivious and knew her friends were not there to fight with her.

Also, she was in no way equipped to fight whoever was lurking in the shadows and running was her only option. She could only hope that she would be able to make it to safety before  _whatever_  caught her.

Perhaps with some luck maybe Inuyasha would actually be around this time.

It killed her that she had to run away like a coward, but there was no way she could risk fighting with bare hands. It was true that she did possess some kind of purification powers, but she never had a chance to train them. She did master the bow and arrows, but unfortunately she did not have that weapon with her at the moment.

The bow was much easier to wield than her actual power, which require much more practice and meditation; she didn't have the time for any of these. But, she always had a chance to try to shoot an arrow. Practice and mastery came naturally over the years.

As she ran, Kagome turned her head and glanced back to try and catch a glimpse of her  _opponent_. If only she could stumble onto a familiar face –heck even Kouga! The knowledge of someone else being around would make her feel safer. Since Kagome wasn't looking in front of her, she became distracted and her coordination greatly suffered from her lack of attention.

As expected, she suddenly tripped over a branch.

The impact came quickly and painfully and before Kagome could protect her head, it was smashed against a rock. The hit was so unexpected that for a second, Kagome did not feel it. She had to blink a few times for the pain to make its way to her brain. As soon as it hit her, Kagome's head violently began to throb. She managed to get on four with her blurry vision.

She succeeded in raising a shaky hand to her head and rubbed it slightly as she could feel a headache coming. Slowly, her vision cleared up, but the pain refused to cease.

As she removed her hand from her forehead, she felt something thick going down her arm. She yanked her arm around before she realized it was blood.  _No need to panic, its just blood. You've seen blood before._  She pulled her arm closer to her body and saw the huge amount of blood on her palm going down her wrist and to her elbow.

She obtained worse injuries on her arm in the past, causing her to still be extremely calm. The resolution to not panic however left her mind quickly when she felt the blood sliding down her cheek.

_How hard did I hit myself?_

Obviously, she was a little more concerned about her head injury than the wound on her arm. Nevertheless, neither of these were her priority at the moment since her situation just got more complicated. The scent of her blood would surely attract youkais and she needed to leave  _now_  or they would turn her into their midnight snack.

She scrambled around for a few seconds before she managed to make it on her own two feet. Even though she still felt extremely dizzy from the hit, she immediately started to run again. In addition, she could see ahead of her that the forest was ending soon.

Once she took the first step, she was made aware of the pain in her right leg.

A sharp, breathe-taking agony ran through her whole body, giving her cool chills, as she put down all her weight on her injured leg. The wound from her head distracted her from any other kind of pain and she failed to notice the state of her leg.

 _I can do this._  Kagome winced at every step she took, but she kept on running –well wobbling.

She needed to push her pain aside, or she might not make it; her adrenaline was the main reason why she could still run.

Kagome felt extremely relieved when she began to get closer to the end of the forest, hoping to be safe. After all, she couldn't be that far from Kaede's village. If she could only last a few more minutes, she would mostly be out of harm ways.

Of course, all of this was before she ran into a brick of wall.

It was only once her ass hit the ground, for the  _third_ time in the last five minutes, that Kagome reminded herself that she was in the Feudal Era  _and_  in the middle of the forest, which meant there was no brick wall.

Her lips tightly glued together, Kagome raised her up, terrified, only to see the last person she would ever expect –Sesshomaru.

She blinked a few times, just to assure herself he was the one standing in front of her. S Sesshomaru wasn't regularly around these parts of the lands and running into him was a rare occurrence. To be honest, they did not see him and his pack in _months_.

Also, for her defense, he did look quite different from usual. His eyes were the first change she noticed; they were crimson and seemed much larger than what she remembered. There was a purple  _fume_  surrounding him and his aura was much different. It didn't smell nor feel as though it was him at all.

His prominent fangs were sticking out of his mouth and she couldn't chase the feeling that he was staring at her as if she were a piece of meat. "S-Sesshomaru?" She managed to inquire while hiding her surprise.

Kagome gazed around, trying to see whether Jaken and Rin were with him but he was alone.

Unfortunately for her, Sesshomaru did not reply and he simply kept glancing down at her, which crept her out. She was aware that Sesshomaru was never the talking type of youkai,  _but_  there was this unusual look about him, which was why she hoped to get an answer from him.

 _Come on say something,_ she thought when the silence kept on stretching.

Then out of the blue, he emitted what sounded like a growl, but a blood thirsty one.

Surely, Sesshomaru wouldn't  _eat_ her right? They weren't friends – or anything that came close to it – but still. He did not tried to kill Inuyasha in years. Why would he waste his time on her? He was just angry about something and he stumbled onto her,  _right?_  She was just at the wrong place at the wrong time….  _Right?_

Maybe he was hunting? That would surely explain his eyes and his behavior; the only other time she saw him with eyes like this, it was in his father's tomb, seconds before he transformed into a giant dog. The red eyes situation was probably a demon thing that happened when they were hunting, or when all of their senses were on alert.

Sesshomaru growled again, much louder this time.

After a few seconds, in which he did nothing but stare at her, this  _feeling_  crept up inside of her and Kagome just  _knew_ she had to go for it, so while she was still on the ground, she turned her back to him and managed to crawl away from Sesshomaru. In her mind, the more distance between them, the better.

Sadly, Sesshomaru cut her escape short. Kagome was unable to stop the gasp from escaping her lips as se felt him pull her back by yanking her leg.

Maybe this was a bad idea after all. The thought that the position she was in might have tickled his  _senses_  never crossed her mind. The only thing she thought of was  _escaping_. It seemed her brain was prone to  _stupid_  decisions today.

Afterwards, everything went too fast for her to take conscience of what was happening.

One second she was on the ground and then the next she was trap between a tree and Sesshomaru's chest. It was so tight that she could feel her own chest being compressed far more than it should. Her eyes were tightly close as she was trying to breathe, but unfortunately for her he was making that a rather impossible task.

Kagome was afraid that if she opened her eyes, she would see a blood thirsty monster ready to rip her head off and eat her.  _Come on you can do this_.

It took only a few more seconds for their eyes to lock in, as if he was longing for her to look at him. Although he still had that killer look in his eyes, Kagome couldn't help the blush that decorated her cheeks. She was never close like this with Sesshomaru before and it was  _embarrassing._ This was what she called too close for comfort.

 _Kagome, this is not time to have these kinds of thoughts_.

What was wrong with her? She couldn't possibly be focusing on the proximity right now, when he was seconds away from killing her! She could agree that he looked decent, but it she was in no way interested in Sesshomaru.  _Maybe if he had cute ears like Inuyasha._ He was cold-hearted and usually didn't give a damn about humans, nor other living being.

Soon, she was brought out of her thoughts when Sesshomaru slightly tilted his head and approached his face from hers.  _Oh Kami, don't tell – no he wouldn't. Sesshomaru would never kiss me. It must be the hit to my head._  He despised humans; she was surprised he was this close to her to begin with. Usually he didn't appreciate the mix between youkais and humans.

But, Kagome was right; Sesshomaru wasn't going for her lips. Something else was tempting him and causing his beast to come out in such a savage manner. He put one of his hands on the side of her head and turned it a bit to give himself better access. Kagome closed her eyes, waiting for him to rip her head off, or take a bite out of her.  _I should have stayed home_.

Then, Kagome felt his warm tongue licking the side of her head.

Sesshomaru was  _licking_  the blood on her head?

She was not even sure what her reaction was supposed to be. This was  _unexpected._  However, Kagome was quite happy her head was still attached to her body and that no body part was missing. She was about to sigh in relief when she realized that if he were after her blood, it could lead to nothing good for her.

_Oh Kami, I don't want to die._

She knew the wolves used to eat humans, but did all youkais do so? She doubted Sesshomaru ate humans; after all he had Rin under his care. He wouldn't keep a human so close if they were his source of nutrients.

Sesshomaru seemed to be completely ignoring her and her dilemma as he kept lapping her blood. After a few more licks, he pulled away from he, and she noticed the look in his eyes grew angrier, or at least, the color of his eyes intensified. Fear wrapped itself around her heart and she knew she had to do something.

Kagome tried to wriggle out of his hold, but it was useless; his hold on her was unbreakable. No matter how much she tried to move, he was tightly keeping her in place, completely trapped. She was aware that she could probably try to use her Miko powers, but it would lead her nowhere.

She would maybe consider it as a last minute resort if he did attempt to kill her, but for now, she would not. After all, she did not have great powers yet and she probably couldn't even harm a youkai as powerful as him. She imagined he would feel a small tingle, but nothing else.

Moreover, that might anger him and she wanted to avoid that at any cost. Yes, it would be a very last resort. Maybe to obtain just enough time to distract him, so she could try and…outrun him?  _Ugh_.

Sesshomaru moved his hands down and then wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her up so that her knees were up to his face. He buried his nose in the crook of her knee and sniffed in the scent of her blood, the crimson color in his eyes deepening. She could feel the vibration going through his chest as he growled.

Kagome was shaking slightly, but surprisingly it wasn't from fear. She wasn't quite sure where the feeling originated from, but she couldn't help herself. She was so inexperience and this was truly affecting her body.

She gasped as she felt Sesshomaru's tongue on her cool skin and she threw her head back a bit, feeling a rush of blood going to her face. This was  _not_  happening.

He started to lick all the blood that was on her leg, from her knee all the way up to her thigh. She heard him growl as he reached the cut and he began sucking the blood out of it. Then, his warm tongue kept working his way up, looking for more blood. The more Sesshomaru tasted her body, the redder her cheeks became.

She should wiggle out of his hold, but she was frozen in place.

Kagome held her breath as she felt his tongue getting closer to her womanhood. Her blush only grew wider; she never had such an  _experience_  with a man before and  _Kami_  she'd never thought it would be with Sesshomaru, especially when he was in such a state. She bit her bottom lip, praying he would stop. This was in no way her idea of a first _fooling around_ , especially not if it involved him.

She was usually so eager to yell and fight her way through everything, yet she found herself extremely powerless at the moment. Powerless and voiceless. She almost blamed it on her shock. This was so out of character coming from him that she was almost wondering if she weren't unconscious and dreaming from the hit to her head.

Kagome pondered if there was something she could do; she wanted to push him away, but it would be in vain. She wasn't even sure he was aware of his own actions, because if someone would never get involve in such a way with a human. Kagome was certain that he would rather die than  _pick up_  his father's trait about humans.

"Sesshomaru?" she tried, but again, no response. Just a growl.

Then, the unexpected happened; Kagome felt Sesshomaru bury his nose in her core through her underwear, almost pushing it  _inside_. Kagome gasped in surprise while her eyes grew wide open. The feeling caused a throbbing throughout her whole body and her body temperature rose.

 _Oh my -_  Her blush was covering her whole face and she felt her body being lite up on fir. Although she was shocked, the growls coming out of his throat were causing a vibration in her womanhood and it wasn't unpleasant.

" **Mine _._** "

Kagome knew for a fact this wasn't Sesshomaru's usual voice. She realized she should be scared, but she couldn't help the feeling of arousal that took over her mind and soul.

 _There is no way I'm getting_ excited _by Sesshomaru._

Again, she tried to wriggle free, but nothing happened. All her thoughts went down the drain when she felt his tongue pressing on her core, wetting her underwear. As he kept licking, Kagome pinched her lips together trying to refrain herself from making any noises she'd regret.  _This is not happening._

Then, she felt Sesshomaru's claw on her skin, working its way up, and she shivered in pleasure. He put his digit inside her underwear, so he could lift it and slid a finger under the fabric, parting it slightly. When his claw brushed against her sensitive clit, Kagome couldn't stop the moan that escaped her lips. Tears stung her eyes, as she felt shameful for her own body's reaction.

Then time froze, and Sesshomaru stopped moving.

Kagome, who was still breathing fast, peered down at him, wondering why he had stopped. All she found was two  _amber_  eyes staring back at her. If that wasn't enough to scare her, the  _trance_  look he had about him was also gone. Before she could even open her mouth, she felt herself being dropped to the ground –her ass was getting sore. When she opened her eyes, after blinking for a mere second, Kagome found herself staring at  _nothing_.

Sesshomaru was gone.

Confused and her body still a little  _hot_  from the encounter Kagome, ran her hand through her hair. The Miko could feel the blood under her fingers, which had dried in her hair, making it crusty. It seemed the great Sesshomaru had missed a spot. Kagome simply remained in her sitting position, more confused than ever.

What in the world just happened?

-B-


	2. Mistakes

Inuyasha couldn't help but cringe as he sped through the forest. Kagome was going to  _kill_  him, or even worse; she was going to sit him for hours!

He caught a drift of her scent a little over an hour ago, but found himself unable to retrieve her from the well. He was forced to  _abandon_  Kagome to remain by Kikyo's side. Though it wasn't completely heartless of him; she  _just_  returned from one of her eggs-hams and therefore was not in any kind of danger.

On top of that the well was located only minutes away from Kaede's village and even Kagome could find her way back without any help.

Although there was still the tiny possibility that Kagome was even now waiting by the well for him. No, that would be out of character. She wasn't one to wait for him for so long.

From experience he could guess that Kagome probably already knew that he was with Kikyo. He didn't know how but for some unexplainable reason Kagome could always tell when he was back from one of his  _meetings_  with Kikyo. He could try to explain to her  _why_  that meeting was important but Inuyasha already was aware that she wouldn't listen.

There was no point in explaining anything to her when she angry. Also, now was probably  _not_  the right time to tell her he would never be seeing Kikyo again.

He already made that life changing decision a few weeks back but it took him forever to gather the courage to bring it up to Kikyo. She was his first love and also the first person he allowed himself to get close to. On top of that it was hard for Inuyasha to ignore the guilt of her death. All he ever wanted to do was make it up to her.

Though as the time passed he realized his heart no longer belong to Kikyo; it was Kagome's.

He couldn't explain the reason. Perhaps it was the lively vibe coming from Kagome since she was alive, unlike Kikyo. Her cheeks would often become tainted with a nice shade of red and most of all, she could breathe. Kagome devoted herself entirely just to remain by his side and heknew her longer than Kikyo. She cared about him on a level Kikyo never did.

For the first time, Inuyasha wished to live which would allow him to be with Kagome. Years past and he damaged Kagome, consequently he came to the conclusion that now was the time to show her how much she meant to him before he lost her.

Severing the link between him and Kikyo was the perfect way to prove to Kagome just how important she was.

Surprisingly, Kikyo accepted his choice with a much better attitude than he expected. Inuyasha was ready to argue and keep his ground yet nothing of the sort occurred. No further than a year ago she was convinced that she would not find peace until she took him to hell with her.

All she requested in exchange of disappearing from his life was some time alone with him. This was why he was not able to meet up with Kagome when he smelled her presence. Kikyo made a decent final request and he was unable to break the deal they made. On top of that all he did was hold her, which did not disrespect Kagome.

The only other time he would ever see the dead Miko would be when the time would come to put an end to Naraku's reign for good.

It would be useless to explain this to Kagome right now since she would be ticked off at him. He would deal with it for now. Plus it wasn't as though he wasn't used to being sit anyhow. He kept repeating to himself that this was worth it.

After all, he hurt Kagome more than once.

As Kagome's scent became more prominent, he felt himself getting excited and he sped up even more to reach her faster. As soon as he arrived at Kaede's hut, he spotted Kagome, Miroku, Sango and Shippo sitting outside around a fire and his heart warmed up at the thought of seeing her. He winced in fear as he tried to scan her face only to find out...

Kagome looked  _happy_?

She was smiling and there wasn't a hint of anger on her angelic face. He found himself holding a breath back, confused on how he should even act. Maybe she did not discovered where he ran off to, or maybe Sango and Miroku kept their mouth shut about the whole deal?

No, it was impossible, Kagome could simply sense it when Kikyo was around and she knew it was the only times he ever left on his own.

_Something was off._

Inuyasha couldn't help but stare at her; this was  _strange_. She should be waiting for him, ready to dig him into hell. He slowly made his way towards them, being careful since she didn't look like her r _egular_  happy self. Something appeared different, maybe even  _forced,_ as if she was trying really hard to make everyone believe she was in a good mood.

He was getting the same cool chill he had when she gave him that  _fake smile_  of hers.

Something about it was scarier than anything he ever encountered.

Oh yes, she would definitely have his head on a platter.

Kagome was very well aware of Inuyasha's eyes on her and she was trying to act as normally as possible. Honestly, it was not as if she could come out and say,  _hey I saw your brother in the woods and he didn't look like himself. Oh yeah, we also had a weird sexual experience._  Not only would it provoke an intense and jealous reaction out of Inuyasha but also, he would probably act extremely reckless.

On top of that, she was not comfortable with the events that happened; she couldn't chase off the feeling of shame. When she finally paid more attention to Inuyasha, she noticed that he looked confused, and as if he was trying to figure out something.

 _Oh_.

She totally forgot; Inuyasha was not there when she came out of the well!

When she observed him more closely, she could see how nervous he was and there would be only one reason for him to be this way; he was with Kikyo. It was more important to have a secret rendez-vous with Kikyo than pick her up; she didn't care. The little pinch she felt in her heart had nothing to do with this.

"Inuyasha," she said acknowledging him; this awkwardness was killing her.

When he didn't respond immediately, she felt herself become tense. Could it be that he smelled Sesshomaru on her? When she came back to her senses after the encounter she carefully washed herself in the nearest river and even changed her clothes.

"Keh."

The tone of her voice wasn't an angry one, but something was different about her. He did not miss how stressed she became. Wasn't he the one who was supposed to feel that way?

Maybe he would let her strange mood slide for tonight and question her tomorrow; he wasn't one for patience, but this required it since he didn't want the Kikyo issue to be brought up. Her mood wasn't right just yet and something was obviously bothering her already.

In one last attempt, Inuyasha sniffed the air, but nothing different came up.

_Hold on._

He sniffed again, trying to determine a scent. He couldn't quite recognize the smell since he did not come in contact with it before, yet it had a familiar feel to it. Quickly, Inuyasha was brought out of his thoughts when Kagome turned her head and locked eyes with him.

She was giving him one of those death stares and he chose to look away to avoid being sit. Kagome knew the look on his face and she was aware he caught a smell. However, it couldn't possibly be Sesshomaru right? The one thing he should have smelled was her blood.

She was very careful about everything. She made sure the cut on her leg was slightly open since she planned on using the blood to distract him if any smell lingered on her body. Kagome couldn't let Inuyasha see she was nervous, hence why she had acted angrily.

"Kagome?"

She jumped slightly at the mention of her name, and turned her head to face Sango. Kagome was so lost in her thoughts that she totally forgot the discussion she was having with her friend.

Sango assumed that Inuyasha deeply hurt Kagome, although she didn't know the circumstances of the fight. When Kagome gazed at Inuyasha, Sango noticed the tension between them, but it was a usual occurring. Inuyasha always betrayed Kagome, which was why Sango had not said anything when her friend became lost in her own little world.

They all knew Inuyasha was gone to see Kikyo, they simply hoped he would have been back before Kagome's return. Of course, that did not occur. Sango had to admit though that Kagome was doing a better job than usual of hiding it.

It was almost as if she truly  _weren't_  mad.

"I'm sorry Sango, I guess I'm a little tired," she nervously said before chuckling.

Honestly, she needed to get a grip on herself, or they would all start noticing that whatever was wrong with her wasn't related to Inuyasha.

Sure, Inuyasha kissed and  _maybe_ done even more with Kikyo, but she couldn't help it. She felt as if she betrayed him. It was as if, to her, she did not put up a good enough fight and she also even got slightly  _er, aroused._  It was Sesshomaru for crying aloud! She barely knew him and she intended for things to remain that way.

He could have killed her. Heck, he could have easily snapped her neck in two. How could her body have betrayed her like this? She wished she pushed him away until no strength was left in her body.

"I think I should get some rest," Kagome said looking down at the ground. "Don't worry, I won't break down," added Kagome when she noticed Sango's internal struggle.

She didn't need Sango thinking she was  _so_ heartbroken over Inuyasha since right now him and Kikyo were far in her mind.

Her mind was blank except for sexual  _thoughts_.

She did recall that some _sounds_  had escaped her throat during her interaction with Sesshomaru, but that was totally out of her control. Kagome's breathing accelerated and before she knew it, she was standing up.

Sango was peering at her with concern filling her eyes. "Kagome?"

"I'm okay," Kagome said not wanting to distress her further.

Kagome knew there was only one way to put a end to all this. As much as she would hate it, she had to speak with him.

-B-

_3_

_2_

_1_

"Inuyasha, I swear to Kami, if you don't stop looking at me like that I will sit you so hard, I'll break your stupid neck."

Honestly. She was wondering if he could be anymore annoying?

She did not get any sleep at all and now it appeared that Inuyasha was doing everything he could to irritate the hell out of her. It was obvious there was something on his mind and she wished he would just come out and say it already. That was perhaps Inuyasha's biggest problem; he was a stubborn dog.

As Inuyasha noticed her enraged expression, he realized he somehow preferred this angry Kagome to the one she was last night. At least, he knew what to expect when she was irritated; many threats of death and a lot of sitting.

Inuyasha wanted to ask her about the previous night and all the mixed signals he got, but it would have to wait because he  _had_  to tell her what happened between him and Kikyo. He did not intend to lose Kagome, especially not now when he was so close to making her his. One mistake and it could still all be ruined.

He made the error of letting her go in the past and he wouldn't repeat it. Now that things were finally settled between him and Kikyo, it was time to fix his relationship with Kagome.

"Kagome, please, just hear me out all right?" he almost pleaded which was unusual for him.

She sighed heavily; she had no desire to hear those words again, or to listen to him express how much better Kikyo was. She heard all his reasons and excuses a million times and she failed to see the point of hurting herself like that again. Kagome was already trying hard enough to come to term with the fact that he chose the dead miko over her and she didn't need him to shove it in her face constantly.

"Inuyasha…" she said, her voice extremely threatening.

Inuyasha shook his head, he had a feeling she might react that way, so he decided to simply come out, and say it. "We were saying GOODBYE! That's all!"

She bit her bottom lip, but a smirk crept up on her. "Inuyasha,  _sit."_

_Thump._

He would be lying if he said he did not see that one coming. However, he was grateful it was one sit, which meant he easily got back up. Kagome had already started walking away but he caught up to her pretty quickly.

"Look, I just held her Kag. I'm not going to see her anymore," he said, before grabbing her hand with his.

Kagome slightly flinched at his touch before she looked up at him, trying to search his eyes. She was easily able to tell whether he was lying or no, and after a few seconds she determined he wasn't. The feeling of shock that overtook her was terribly hard to hide. Did he really give up on Kikyo?

Knowing him and his feelings towards the dead Miko, it was probably an arduous task for him and it left her speechless. Actually, she couldn't even believe this was actually happening. Many times she dreamed for it to occur… but now… it was real?

"I didn't mean to abandon you like that. I promise Kagome, I won't be seeing her anymore."

He still felt a bit of pain in his fear since Kikyo was a big part of his life, but it was the right thing to do. If he wanted a life, a future, then Kagome had to be the one.

She didn't know whether she should believe him, even if it looked truthful, because he lied often when it came to Kikyo, but then again, what would be the reason now? It was an understanding that he was free to see Kikyo and that they had no commitment between each other.

Although it hurt like hell every time he left for her.

Even if the situation was turned around considering what happened between her and Sesshomaru.

_Which is something I'll never think about again. Ever._

It did not meant anything. It simply troubled her so much because it was her first time in such a situation and… gosh, why was this memory still so vivid in her mind? She wanted to erase it! Oh how she wished that sleep fixed everything.

Then, Inuyasha pulled her back into reality by grabbing her other hand and pulling her closer to him. "Kagome, just give me a chance," he pleaded with a slight blush on his cheeks.

Maybe she was crazy because she could swear Inuyasha actually stepped it up and proposed some kind of commitment. It was off-limits with his promise to Kikyo, but now, he was going forward? It was hard to believe that everything was coming crashing upon her all at once.

She found herself at lost for words and she wasn't even sure there was a right answer for this. Kagome wanted to be with him as long as she remembered, but he always hurt her. If she said yes, she could be hurt again. Was it safe to take that risk again? Did she want to be broken again?

No.

_But._

But, he was her first love, the man who she devoted herself to for years, the one she wanted to be with for so long. Oh how she wanted him to pick her over Kikyo and he just did it after all this time. Maybe she could give it a chance, after all it would be silly not to give their relationship a chance and to try to make things right since it was all she ever wanted.

Perhaps it was the idea of finally obtaining what she wished for that was terrifying her.

She nodded her head softly and a bright smile illuminated his face. She did not see him this happy in a long time, so she decided it was worth it. She too deserved a shot at happiness right? What she dreamed off what finally coming through, how could she  _not_  be happy?

Inuyasha stood in front of her, feeling a little awkward. So, what was he allowed to do? On which ground did they stand? Slowly, he got a little closer to her, but stopped before he stepped into her personal space; he would let Kagome do the first move.

Kagome decided to give him the extra push he needed, and closed the distance between them. She felt herself slightly blushing when he wrapped his arms around her waist. Sure, Kagome was a seventeen years old girl, but a very inexperience one. She buried her face in his chest and let herself drown in his smell.

This felt like  _her_  safe place.

This was how things were meant to be and nothing could ruin them. It was hard for Inuyasha to admit or act on any kind of feelings and she was grateful he could open up this much to her. He rested his chin on her head and smiled slightly when he felt her heartbeat increase. This was the feeling she waited for these past two years, this was the  _moment_  she was waiting for.

From now on, they could only grow stronger right? This was a big step, and she would cherish it: Inuyasha picked her. He put an end on things between him and Kikyo. No more two-timing. No more heartbreak. He was hers and she was his.

The only thing remaining for them to do was getting rid of Naraku forever. But, they couldn't do that just yet since there were five shards remaining, including the one keeping Kohaku alive, and the two in Kouga's legs. So, technically two shards remained somewhere in the unknown. She shook her head softly; now wasn't the time to fill her mind with such thoughts.

She would simply enjoy this moment and worry later, after all, who knew when Inuyasha would express  _good_  emotions again? Kagome chuckled softly, attracting Inuyasha's attention. Immediately, he pulled away; did he do something wrong? Why was she laughing at him?

"Something funny wench?" he asked, a tad bit irritated, before crossing his arms in front of his chest.

And there he was, the Inuyasha she was used to. Well it had lasted a good minute, or two, which was better than nothing.

Kagome shook her head. "Nothing."

"Whadda ya mean nothing?" he inquired, his temper getting the best of him. "You think I didn't hear you laugh?"

There was only one way to solve this. "Sit boy."

_Thump._

Kagome had a smile on her lips as she walked away from Inuyasha, who was cursing her through the mud.  _Yes, this was their routine._  With her mind cleared, and her spirit high, the event of the previous night was pushed back in the corner of her mind. It was forgotten temporarily, lurking in the shadow, waiting to resurface.

-B-

The night was cold and chilly, leaving nothing behind other than the darkness of the sky. The forest was fairly quiet and empty and the disturbance was a group of footsteps quietly moving together. The moods and the joy was low as everyone - or almost -could feel the thick tension surrounding their vicinity.

Rin held her stomach with both of her hands as she rode on Ah-Un. She was feeling extremely hungry, but she didn't want to bother Sesshomaru-sama. Since last night, her Lord was in such a terrible mood that even she noticed. Something was keeping him very pre-occupied.

He came back with blood on the corner of his mouth and his usually so tamed hair was a little bit wild. He usually had the same facade on, which prevented the world from seeing his feelings, but for a while there, it was possible to see emotions going through his eyes.

It was almost a terrifying experience.

Jaken also did not fail to notice the change in his Lord and he was terffied since he had no idea what happened to Sesshomaru-sama, but he knew better than to ask. It seemed that the Lord was lost deep in his thoughts and completely restless.

In addition, he couldn't help but wonder why he left in a rush last night. Without a word, his precious Lord disappeared in the forest at an unusual speed. At first Jaken considered that Sesshomaru might have sensed Naraku but that was no explanation for the silence.

"Rin, you may go and fetch some food for yourself."

Both Rin and Jaken slightly jumped at their Lord's words, since they were not expecting it. Quickly, Rin recovered, and smiled.

"Yes, thank you Sesshomaru-sama."

Without another word, Rin and Ah-Un started to move away from the Lord, while Jaken was walking toward him. His steps were small and quiet, since he feared his wrath. Unfortunately, for him, when he finally reached Sesshomaru, he was cut short.

"Jaken you will accompany Rin." His words were cold, and emotionless.

Jaken immediately froze and after a few seconds, he nodded his head although Sesshomaru could not see it since his back was facing him. Jaken waited a couple more seconds, but when the silence remained, he decided I was best to do as he was told and leave.

Sesshomaru kept walking further, now that he was alone, and did not stop until he reached the edge of the path. He closed his eyes as the wind blew through his long, silky, silver hair, nearly tangling it. A feeling of anger filled his heart at the moment, but his face remained neutral as per usual.

He could not explain what happened, or how it occurred. Never before did such horrendous action go down. His beast was never able to overpower him, nor should it be attempt to do such thing. Sesshomaru's control never slipped away in the past and it was a mistake that would not repeat itself.

Usually a beast would emerge when the situation was appropriate and when the  _master_  allowed it. Neither of those conditions were fulfilled last night. For the last three hundred years Sesshomaru possessed a perfect control over everything concerning himself and last night it was overthrown. He did not wish to ever be this powerless ever again.

Still, the Lord didn't know yet what was the worst of it all. The fact that his beast took over or the situation he found himself in. Also, almost an hour went by before he found himself in control again and by that time the damage already occurred. He could not erase the events that took place.

The memories of what happened with his half-brother's human where blocked by his beast, at least for the most part, but he was able to form an idea of what occured. On top of that, he could also still taste her blood in his mouth. It was unthinkable that, this Sesshomaru was found in such a situation with a human.

Humans by themselves were fine, but he had no intention of being  _involved_  with one. Humans with humans and youkais with youkais. Any other mix was just insanity. It was below him, and it disgusted him. To think that  _his_  lips even touched her skin was repulsive. He would not involve himself with them the way his father did.

He would not repeat that mistake.

Also,  _hanyous_  were a disgrace to both races.

He could stand humans more than hanyous as long as they remained with their own kind. But, beings like his half-brother weakened and stained great lines like his. To think that his powerful blood was mixed with human blood angered him to no end.

Perhaps it was why the event was so upsetting, but an incident like the one of the previous night would never happen again, since he would not lose control again. His beast would be kept in check and not be allowed out again. Whatever silly thought crossed its mind and got him involved with the Miko, it was over.

As if he would ever have any sort of interest in her. Her human heritage put aside, she seemed quite stubborn and rude for a human.

There was only one good thing out of the whole mess; he knew she wouldn't speak of the event. She seemed to try to avoid conflict and she did her best to restore peace. Even she was aware of the hanyou's insane temper and how he was hotheaded, and she would keep herself silent. If he ever noticed that she didn't then he would find a way to deal with the problem personally.

He didn't like getting involved, but he had no intention of losing his reputation the way his father did.

This would never happen again.

Never.

-B-

The sun set and rose as another day came by and they began another shard hunt.

Inuyasha woke everyone up pretty early, just before the sunrise, saying they wasted enough time. Although, it wasn't as though they had somewhere to go since they had no idea where the remaining shards were. Nevertheless, Inuyasha insisted that they wouldn't find them by resting, and enjoying life as if nothing was wrong.

Of course the entire workload rested upon Kagome's shoulders since she was the only one who was able to sense the shards. She wanted just as much as anyone else to find them but at this point they were probably very well hidden, or with someone who had no intention of sharing them.

Still, they couldn't stop looking.

They were now on the route towards the West, with Inuyasha and Kagome at the front, Shippo on her shoulder, while Miroku and Sango were walking behind them. Kagome couldn't help but turn her head every now and then, just to get a glimpse of them.

They would be perfect for each other,  _if_  only Miroku could cure his wandering hand.  _Like that's ever going to happen._

Inuyasha stole a glance here and then, every time she wasn't looking. He was so relieved when she accepted, although he probably wasn't showing it that much. He wasn't one to display emotions publicly like she did and he usually hid everything behind anger. Since he didn't want to piss her off right now with irritation, he'd rather just keep everything for himself.

Plus it wasn't anyone's business.

No, things between them did not really changed since his confession and their kiss, but it wasn't as if they were going to jump steps in one day. After all, it took them over two years to get to where they were now. He was comfortable with a slow pace and knew Kagome would be as well.

Then it happened.

Before anyone could realize what was going on, Kagome was on her knees, grabbing her chest with one hand. Immediately, all of her friends rushed to her side, worried about her.

"Kagome what's wrong?" Sango asked as she rubbed her back.

"Kag? Kagome?" Inuyasha inquired with clear concern in his voice as he kneeled in front of her. "Wench, what's wrong with you?" he snapped.

Kagome wanted to speak, but it felt as if she lost her voice. A sharp  _pain_  went through her whole body and it seemed to wrap itself around her heart. She couldn't find her voice and it was though she was choking. Her entire soul burned up with a pain she never experience before. Quickly enough she found herself trembling.

Panic ran through Inuyasha as he hurried to wrap his arms around Kagome, as if it was would lessen her pain. He held on as tightly as he could, doing his best to keep his calm and a straight face. He felt her fragile body shake so much, it was as if it was breaking in his arms. He closed his eyes tightly as tears were forming.

Then, all of the sudden he felt the shacking stop and because of lack of strength he felt her lean into his chest. Inuyasha gently raised a hand and ran it through her hair trying to soother her pain while her tears staining his clothes. He assumed she was crying from the shock and pain.

After a few instants, Kagome pushed him away a bit before she pressed her palms against the ground, and panted slightly. This whole time, she was not able to catch her breath and now her lungs needed their fill of air. After a minute or two, she reached out for Inuyasha's arm and put all her weight on him so that she could help herself up.

Once she was standing on her two feet, she pinched her lips together and wobbled.

"What the hell was all that about?" Inuyasha inquired when he released his hold on her. He did not mean to snap at her but it was his way to relieve his stress.

Kagome softly shook her head. She didn't know what happened, but she didn't want anyone to worry about her. They had enough with their own problems, and they didn't need hers.

"I just felt light-headed, I probably didn't eat enough," she said while putting on a fake smile for their sakes.

"Keh," was Inuyasha's only response before he started to walk away.

Deep inside, he didn't quite believe her, but he decided to keep it to himself for the moment. Lately, it felt as if she kept many things from them, and he didn't like it. Inuyasha wanted to find what was wrong her, because he would not lose her, he had Kikyo taken away from him in the past and that was enough. Kagome would not die on him, like his previous love did, and he would do anything to prevent that.

Kagome gave Sango an apologetic smile before hurrying her steps, catching up to Inuyasha. Sango sighed heavily as she watched her friend walk off, as if nothing happened. Every day, her worries for her only grew bigger and she knew it was time for them to go bathe and have  _girl talk_  as Kagome called it.

Kagome closed her eyes for a couple of seconds, before taking in a deep breath; she didn't like what just occurred and all her senses were on alert. She felt her miko powers struggle within her and it worried her since she was in unknown territories when it came to her powers.

She hoped it was a one-time thing.

Deep inside, she wished she could erase the last couple of days. As Kagome was about to open her eyes again she quickly found herself hit by the presence of a familiar aura. Her eyes flashed open and she quickly began gazing around. Her heart began pounding as she expected to see someone, anyone, but after a few seconds she realized there was nothing but nature and trees around her.

"Are you okay?"

Kagome tilted her head slightly and nodded at Sango. "Yeah, I just. I thought I sensed something."

"A shard?"

No. "Yeah. But it's nothing. I was wrong."

Sango seemed a bit disappointed before resuming her walking. Meanwhile it was hard for Kagome to ignore the slight pain that remained in her heart. It was as if her heart was shattered and broken to pieces.

She felt like dying.

-B-

 


	3. Shattered Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! If anyone is sensitive then, do n o t read this. There will be an important part near the end of the chapter which involves rape. I will mark it so you may skip it if you wish.
> 
> Oh and all the Sesshomaru thinking, well it's not like the real Sesshomaru thinking. Keep that in mind.

 

Kagome felt a bit dizzy as she landed in the Feudal Era. This had been her first trip back home in two weeks and it had been extremely short. They had run out of many supplies thus Inuyasha had allowed her to return home for a few hours to let her stock up again. He hadn't even put up a fight and she figured it had been because she would only be gone for a short while.

As she climbed out of the well with much difficulty, her heart began to face. She couldn't help the strange feeling of déjà-vu taking over her body and mind. Kagome found herself holding back her breath, almost expecting Sesshomaru to appear out of nowhere. As a matter of fact she hadn't thought about those  _events_  in a while and having those memories being rushed to her mind wasn't exactly thrilling.

Kagome had been extremely busy in the past week, which was something she was grateful for. It had helped her forget the faithful inside, though now it appeared it hadn't fully worked. It left a bittersweet taste in her mouth since she had no desire to be stuck in the same whirlpool of guilt.

She finally let herself breathe out, before shaking her head.

Kagome was well aware that she wouldn't see Sesshomaru again, though many questions were dying to be answered. Her main one was if her recent  _pain_  attacks were related to him. Frankly, she doubted it, but she couldn't help the little voice within her head. Ever since their encounter,  _chest_  pain would come around at least twice a day and it was becoming so frequent, that it was daily routine. However, something was different about them; they were affecting her heart.

She felt heartbroken, as if a being in need was calling out to her with its whole soul. Kagome really couldn't explain what she was feeling, but it was almost terrifying; sometimes, tears even came to her eyes and she couldn't stop herself. She could see the concern in Inuyasha's eyes every day, but there was no explanation she could give him. The only hint of a suggestion was Sesshomaru, but even that was far fetched.

How could it have anything to do with him?

Granted Sesshomaru had touched her a bit, but that wasn't enough to affect her. Unless he had truly been under a spell, and somehow she had become infected as well?

No, this was something else, probably stressed. Kagome wasn't getting enough sleep and they were often running around, fighting and her body was simply trying to tell her it was tired. Yes, this was the logical explanation. Suddenly, Kagome was brought back out of her thoughts by footsteps.

Immediately, her whole body froze and she closed her eyes, hoping this was all just a dream. As the footsteps got closer, her heartbeat increased and fear installed itself in her heart.

_Again?_

She almost jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder. "Kag?"

Kagome felt so relieved when she realized it was Inuyasha.  _Wrong Brother._  She put her best smile on before turning around and facing him.

"You al'ight?" he asked, trying to catch her in a lie.

Most of the time she was having panic attacks, as she called them, and she would lie to them, pretending it was something else. He had smelled the fear when he got near her and naturally assumed she was having another episode. He wished she would just be honest with him. It was already enough that he couldn't help her; she could at least allow him to bring her comfort.

She nodded. "I'm just a little tired."  _And have a little too much imagination…_

Inuyasha didn't believe her one bit, but he still let it go, so he grabbed her bag from her and started to head in direction of the village. Kagome was grateful that Inuyasha dropped the issue so often since she didn't want to lie to him more than she already was.

Plus, she'd probably end up sitting him into oblivion; she was very  _PMS_ , causing her to have less patience than usually with the hanyou. She was pretty sure he noticed it too, because he seemed to try to  _not_  annoy her. Obviously, his nose had told him it was  _not_  the time to be bothering her.

Kagome watched him walk ahead of her and her heart felt heavy. It had been two weeks now, since he had finally put Kikyo behind him and made his move towards her, yet nothing had happened between them. Kagome brought her hand to her lips, touching them; she still hadn't her first kiss.

Some little voice inside of her was wondering if he were still interested in her. She would reassure herself by saying he wouldn't have come forward if he hadn't, but she still wished they could make more progress. After all, what seventeen years old still hadn't kissed anyone?

Kagome understood this was still _new_  and they were still  _young_ , but honestly all she was asking for was a kiss, while most girls her age had already gone all the way. However, she knew better than to push Inuyasha when he wasn't ready. Although, he wasn't good at decision-making, and could never make up his mind, so maybe he was waiting for a sign? Maybe she would need to be the one to come forward and initiate everything.

Kagome took a deep breath before walking faster so she could catch up to him. Her heart was beating like crazy as she reached out for his hand. She could feel herself blushing, and she didn't know why; it was only a kiss.

But, this would be her  _first_  kiss. It was important, it was a big step.

"Inuyasha?" she asked, her voice almost a whisper.

Immediately he stopped walking, and focused all his attention on her. He didn't know what had her feeling so distress, but he didn't like it. Her eyes looked all tear up, and her cheeks were red. Was she sick?

Kagome decided to not waste any time, thus she closed her eyes and leaned forward slightly. Right away, Inuyasha let go of her hand and his surprise caused her bag to fall on the ground. He was trying to figure out if Kagome was implying what he thought she was. Did she want him to kiss her?

Since she remained like that for a few more seconds, he nervously decided to take his chance. Inuyasha wasn't very experienced with all of this; he had only kiss Kikyo before and only a few times. On top of that, he had a feeling that kissing her would be much different from kissing Kikyo. The warmth would be a big factor.

Inuyasha put his hands on her shoulders and brought her forward crashing his lips on hers. Kagome felt the whole world around her stop for a second as she finally obtained her wish. She was  _kissing_ Inuyasha.

Her heart was beating like a hammer within her chest. At first, both of them were going very slowly, keeping a certain distance, but after a few instants, Inuyasha wrapped his arms around her waist and brought her closer.

She had never been so happy of her whole life. She lost herself into Inuyasha, finally getting a taste of him. Inuyasha gently nibbled on her bottom lip before releasing her. As he pulled away, they were staring at each other, a little bit out of breath. Kagome couldn't hide the small smile on her face as she grabbed Inuyasha's hand.

Maybe today wasn't such a bad day after all.

-B-

Something had happened.

Sango watched as her best friend walked beside her, a smile on her face. Ever since she had come back with Inuyasha the previous night, her mood had been extremely good. Heck, she hadn't even sat Inuyasha when he had acted like a jerk. Sango was determined to get to the bottom of this, so slowly she got closer to her friend and bumped into her. Kagome, who had been lost in her thoughts, turned to look at her friend. She immediately recognized the look in her eyes.

She wanted answers.

Kagome shook her head softly before glancing around. Inuyasha and Miroku, who had Shippo on his shoulder, were walking ahead of them and Kagome decided they were far enough. Moreover, she had never been good at keeping things for herself, especially good things.

She got closer to her friend's ear and whispered, "I might have kissed Inuyasha last night."

Kagome herself still couldn't believe that such a thing happened to her. After all the heartaches he had put her through, it had seemed impossible for them to ever make it in the end. Kagome always believed her love would be one sided until the day she would finally get over it. Yet, it seemed life had graced her with a bit of luck.

Sango couldn't help the smile that took over her face. Although Inuyasha had his bad side, ever since he had dropped Kikyo and officially taken Kagome, her friend had been happier. Her mood was better than Sango had seen in years. If things were finally good between them and Inuyasha made her glow with joy, Sango couldn't ask more for the woman she considered her sister.

"Kagome, that's great!" said Sango before wrapping her arms around her.

Kagome smiled at her, but couldn't help but feel a small sadness. She wished Sango could be happy too and make progress with Miroku. After all the taijiya deserved it a lot more than she did. After the loss she had gone through, it was about time she got some happiness. It almost felt unfair that she was getting a taste of love when Sango was still so alone.

"You know, you  _could_  make the same progress," she said before looking in direction of Miroku.

Immediately Sango blushed and gazed away to hide her embarrassment. It wasn't as though she hadn't thought about it, but Miroku's ways always stopped her. Not only did he flirt with every woman he saw, but also she knew it would only encourage his perverted side. Not that she disliked that side of him that much or anything…

When Sango remained silent, Kagome shook her head. "You know he would never turn you down Sango!"

"Miroku wouldn't turned down any woman," said Sango, her tone extremely serious.

Everyone was aware of Miroku's lecherous side, but Kagome also knew that no matter what he did, the houshi had feelings for Sango. It was shown by the way he tried to grope her more often than anyone else, or those moments where he actually behaved himself and was there for her. More than once he had risked his life to save Sango. Maybe her friend couldn't see the signs yet, but Kagome could.

At the moment he wasn't tied down at all and it mostly explained why he allowed his hand to travel so much, but if there was a real commitment between him and Sango, Kagome strongly believed he would cease his lecherous behavior, or at least improve himself.

Kagome shrugged her shoulders. "I still think you should give him a chance."

Sango remained silent, but deep inside she wanted to. Maybe if Miroku made an attempt that wasn't all about grabbing her ass, then perhaps she would go for it. Scratch that,  _she would probably let him_. Before she knew it, she giggled softly, earning her a strange look from Kagome. She had a feeling whatever Sango was thinking about, it had something to do with Miroku.

It brought her attention back to her hanyou and a big smile still adorned Kagome's face as she watched Inuyasha walk in front of her. Usually, he would carry her but today they had no lead and there were in no rush to get anywhere. In addition, she had a feeling Sango had wanted to talk to her, so she set it up so they could have some girl time at some point during the day.

Slowly, Inuyasha turned his head to gaze at Kagome. She was brightly smiling at him and it made his heart melt. Deep inside, he was aware that he had done the right thing by breaking things off with Kikyo. He still missed the clay miko, but Kagome could fill that void in him that Kikyo had never been able to.

There was also the fact that his heart had never been completely fulfilled. Inuyasha trusted Kagome, but he had been betrayed so many times that it was hard to fully give his heart. There was a pain within him that would never be chased away and the only solution he had was to learn to live with it.

Still, there were situations that brought him happiness. He still couldn't believe he was lucky enough to have someone like her in his life. She loved him, and only him. He had noticed her devotion over the years and he knew there was nobody that could be so devoted.

Once everything with Naraku would be over, he intended on mating with Kagome. She was the first one to accept him and he didn't want to risk losing her. In his mind, she was the only one who wouldn't be ashamed to be his even though he was a filthy hanyou. Only Kagome knew how to make him find peace within himself and he was grateful for that.

Of course, he hadn't talked about this with her yet, but he could hardly see her saying no. Especially since he could also travel through the well. He would even let her pick which side they would live on, whatever made her happy.

Her world was a bit strange, and it was true that it would take some time to adjust, but it was a sacrifice he was willing to make. Plus, his own world didn't hold a lot he held dear. He had no family here and he was considered an outcast. On the other side, he could start new and perhaps a fresh start was all he required.

Inuyasha gently smiled at Kagome as he came out of his thoughts, before turning his head back in direction of the road.

Kagome hadn't felt that good in a long time. Actually, she didn't have a single panic attack during the whole day; maybe things were looking up for her! Now that she felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off her shoulders, Kagome's spirits were brightening. Not only did she have confidence in herself, but also into their victory.

Often, when Inuyasha had picked Kikyo over her, it had affected her self-esteem, but now, she felt good in her own skin. No more trouble, no more doubts. For once there was only one direction she could go into and it was  _forward_. She was first and she was on top. Never had Kagome realized how much it had affected her in the past, but now that her life was brightened, the veil had been lifted. Still, Kagome decided that she shouldn't dwell upon it.

After all, Inuyasha and her already had their difficulties and they had come through all of them. She had no doubt they could make it through whatever lay ahead of them. The wind caressed her face, as she closed her eyes. Yes, her heart, her soul, and her body belonged to Inuyasha. She would give her life for him, and never would she endanger him.

After all the heartache he caused her, she still loved him.

-B-

_Nothing better to relax._

Kagome was at the springs by herself, taking a long deserved bath. It had taken her a few minutes to convince Inuyasha that she would be just fine on her own. He had insisted it would be dangerous since it was a fairly good distance from their camp, but she had sat him and he had let her go. Sometimes he was over protective of her, but she liked it since it meant he cared about her.

Although at the moment, she was enjoying the hot springs maybe a little better than his caring. The stress from the past weeks had started to affect her and this break had been exactly what she needed to relax her tensed muscles. Moreover, unlike Inuyasha she wasn't worried because  _if_  something were to happen, she wasn't really far from the camp, or at least not as far as he put it.

She knew if she screamed, Inuyasha would hear her and come running, so there was no risk.

Kagome moved her bag near the edge of the water and took out all the products she needed. Kagome hurried to pour shampoo in her hand and started to massage her scalp. She couldn't help but take in a deep breathe, as she loved the scent of mango and pineapple coming from the shampoo. Inuyasha would always complain the scent was too strong, but she didn't care because for her human nose it was perfect.

Slowly she dipped her head under water, rinsing off all the shampoo from her hair. Kagome felt a little lonely without Sango there with her, but the taijiya had not the same view on bathing as Kagome. Unlike her, they did not think bathing every day was a necessity. It probably wasn't, but she couldn't chase a habit she had followed her whole life.

Nonetheless, it was nice to have someone to chat with and at the moment she felt like she had so much to share, yet she had to keep it inside. To distract herself Kagome began to imagine herself in a bubble bath with a little plastic duck floating around her and she chuckled. It used to be her favorite thing in the world when she was a little girl.

Kagome closed her eyes and rested her head on a nearby rock. Here she was  _naked_  and all by herself. The thought made her blush and she couldn't help but think about Inuyasha. Surely, there would be a time where they would become closer physically. Maybe not now, or not until Naraku was defeated, but one day.

Of course, thinking about such thing only made her go three different shades of red. The thought of being naked in front of Inuyasha was extremely embarrassing, but at least she was relieved that both of them had no experience in the domain. She wanted her first time to be special, just like every other girl.

Although, for her special didn't mean roses, candles, and a big banner. She just wanted to be with someone she loved and who loved her back.

The presence of someone nearby brought Kagome out of her thought. She felt warmth in her lower regions as she wondered if it were Inuyasha. What would she do if he showed up while she was here, alone and naked? It was way too soon wasn't it? Her heartbeat increased as she opened her eyes, only to gasp.

In front of her was standing the last person she expected to see and the one she had been trying to chase out of her mind.

Sesshomaru.

Fear took her over when she noticed that just like the previous time she had encountered him his eyes weren't amber but crimson. His aura was just as unusual, and his fangs were sticking out of his mouth making him look even more like a predator. Her whole body went on alert, as his unexpected presence was a mystery.

Last time, she had blamed his presence on her blood since it had appeared to be the object of his interest. But this time she had no idea what he was doing here. After all, she hadn't hurt nor cut herself and her period wasn't for another couple of days. On top of that all those things together  _shouldn't_  be a reason for him to lurk in the shadows like that.

"Sesshomaru?" she tried, as she slowly swam away from him.

She could already not trust him when he was acting normal, so when he was in this state, she  _knew_  she couldn't. Though at the moment she could not go very far.

Sesshomaru didn't say a word but simply sniffed the air around. Kagome couldn't help but wonder if he had been glancing around for something, but simply stumble unto her? Why did that sound way too convenient? Two times in a round? No odds were that good. At least not in this case.

Suddenly, Kagome slightly jumped when she hit a rock, thinking it was something else. Her heart began pounding, as she felt trapped like a prey.

Sesshomaru locked his red eyes on her and proceeded to walk forward. He wouldn't come in the water would he? She was  _naked_  for Kami's sake! Although she had a feeling Sesshomaru couldn't care less about that detail at the moment. Kagome knew it would be safer for her to be out of the water, then in it and from the look of it, Sesshomaru was ready to go in the water if he had to.

Slowly, and carefully, she emerged out of the water and as quickly as possible, she hid behind a rock; she didn't want to give him a free show.

Then, Kagome, calmly – or as calmly as she could - started to consider her options. She could run, but Sesshomaru would probably catch her in not time, or she could also scream for help and Inuyasha would come running, but that would be dangerous. She recognized that Sesshomaru could kill his half-brother in a second and she didn't want Inuyasha to be dead because of her.

It was true that Sesshomaru had not attempted to kill his brother in a long time, but there was something different about him. Sesshomaru didn't look like  _Sesshomaru_. She never trusted him or anything, but he appeared to be ready to commit some harsh actions.

Technically she had no reason to fear Sesshomaru; last time he had crept her out extremely, but he hadn't hurt her in any way. Not a scratch. Maybe she would be able to deal with this on her own. After all, hadn't she handled herself the last time? She wasn't a damsel in distress that always required rescuing.

Kagome gulped before covering herself the best she could, trying to get to her clothes, or at least the towel. She thanked the Kami when she reached the light blue towel and grabbed it with her left hand. She was about to wrap it around her body when Sesshomaru stopped her.

She felt his hand wrap tightly around her wrist and her heart skipped a beat. There, she was standing completely naked in front of Sesshomaru and on top of that, he was staring at her naked body with no shame, causing Kagome to be even more uncomfortable. In her heart she knew something was wrong because  _he_  would never do that.

Kagome tried to pull away, but he only yanked her back painfully. He growled at her, his eyes growing even bigger. Kagome felt a lump caught in her throat as she watched the powerful youkai approach her. His face was only inched from hers, when he ceased all movement and smelled her face. Apparently, he wasn't happy with what he found out because a deep angry growl came out of his chest, almost causing vibrations to go through her body.

Kagome couldn't help the fear that took her over and once again, she tried to pull away from his grasp, wishing for nothing but to be far from him, but it was hopeless. Angrily, he dragged her over to a grass patch area and threw her on the ground, her back slamming against it.

She wanted to say something, but her words were caught in her throat and she felt like a mute. In a desperate moment, she could not even rely on her voice to help her. Sesshomaru wasn't the nicest person, but she knew he wasn't that horrible. He was cold and careless, but didn't go out of his way to harm people who hadn't done anything to him. This couldn't be happening.

As far as she could think, she hadn't done anything to him. If she had, she certainly didn't remember, but surely it hadn't been her intention to do so! A silent scream escaped her lips when Sesshomaru kneed down to the ground and forcefully parted her legs, before nesting in between them.

Kagome tried to back away the horror of the things to come flashing through her mind, but before she could do anything, he had her pinned down to the ground. He held her hands above her head, while his other hand was holding her down by the waist. Kagome felt tears coming up to her eyes, as her body started to shake. The reality of her helplessness was crushing her guts.

She wanted to chase the bad thoughts away, but she couldn't help but imagined what he would do next. She wanted to scream and hope Inuyasha would come, but she didn't, she couldn't. She loved Inuyasha, and no matter how strong he was truth was, Sesshomaru was stronger.

Inuyasha had only half the blood Sesshomaru possessed and she refused to endanger his life. Sesshomaru wouldn't kill her. If her death were what he wished for, he would have done it already. She would live… unfortunately. But Inuyasha, he wouldn't be so lucky. The thought of bearing his pain alone was breaking her heart.

Sesshomaru paid no attention to the tears rolling down her cheeks as he forcefully pressed his lips against her. He  _had_  to kiss her. He had been so far away from her when he had caught the divine scent of her body and perhaps he wouldn't have been so harsh if she had only remained away from the filthy hanyou. He made sure to suck, and nibble on her lips, getting rid of the hanyou scent, which had been staining her cherry lips.

*****I'll start the warning here*****

Satisfied once the scent had been removed, he left her lips to move down and attacked her neck, while still holding her in place. There was nothing he needed more in this world than her scent and her taste. Her soul had been calling out to him for a long time now and tonight she was making it so difficult on him to wait. He licked her collarbone, slightly nibbling her skin, while Kagome struggled under him.

 _This was not happening_. She couldn't let this occur. It didn't matter how weak she was, she had to find a way to break through this.

"Please, Sesshomaru," she begged, hoping he would come back to his senses.

Kagome knew it wasn't Sesshomaru. If only the real one could come through. Never had she wanted to see his amber eyes so badly.

The Lord didn't even raise his head, letting her know her words mattered very little to him. Couldn't she understand it was supposed to be this way? Now she was begging him to cease his actions because her mind had been corrupted by the hanyou. Too often her scent had been drown in his, but it would no longer happen.

Sesshomaru decided to taste her, his mouth moving to her left breast, and immediately, he took it in his mouth, sucking on it like a pup. Kagome's body being so  _untouched_  reacted to Sesshomaru's touch, but her mind didn't. She ignored the feeling of warmth going through her as she tried to kick him away with her feet.

"Let me go!" she said, a lot louder than she expected.

She didn't want her first time to be like this; she didn't want her first time to be with Sesshomaru, when it was meant to be with Inuyasha. She prayed to the Kamis he would come back to himself soon enough. Once again, she tried to push him away from her, but it only made the situation worst.

It was obvious that he wasn't pleased with her defiance; he was her alpha and she was supposed to submit to him. How dare she? All he desired was to make her his, but she showed such disrespect! Sesshomaru raised his hand and smacked her across the cheek.

Kagome was too stunned at first to say anything. Her cheek stung like a million of needles were pricking at her skin and her eyes were filled with heavy tears. She could not believe Sesshomaru had just hit her; she was pretty sure she would bruise. He didn't seem very fazed about the whole thing since he had gone back to her breast. He played with her nipple with his clawed fingers, causing them to harden.

" **My bitch."**

After all that time waiting, wanting. He hadn't planned for it to be today, but now that he was so close to her, he knew he couldn't rip himself away anymore. Too long he had waited and now there was no turning back. Tonight she'd be his.

At his harsh tone, Kagome found herself overwhelmed with fear again. No matter how much she had hoped, Kagome knew he wouldn't come out of this. Her heart sunk has the realization settled in. Words weren't reaching out to him, neither were tears nor begging. Unless he was broken away from his trance,  _this_  would happen.

He hadn't gone this far last time and she couldn't see his eyes changing back. She feared for Inuyasha's safety but the more seconds that passed and the more she wanted to scream. Surely, if all her friends came, they could at least get rid of Sesshomaru right? Maybe at the worst cause him to flee!

That was when her stupidity hit her.

Sesshomaru would never be a coward in front of anybody. The result would be him killing all of her friends and she couldn't bare such a thought. He had shown mercy before, but he had also shown _death_. She would not carry the guilt of their deaths, it would kill her.

Then all the sudden Kagome was pulled away from her thoughts as she gasped when she felt an intrusion in her body. Kagome raised her head slightly and glanced down only to find Sesshomaru still sucking at her breast. What she couldn't see but feel was his finger inside her womanhood.

He was fingering her at a very quick pace, being careful with his claws. Kagome had of course masturbated a few times, but when someone else was doing it, it was extremely different. The more his pace quicken, the more Kagome hated herself. She could feel herself getting wetter against her will and it was killing her, twisting her stomach into knots.

_I don't want this._

She wished this could all be a nightmare and that she could wake up. When Sesshomaru inserted another digit, she felt more tears coming. She needed to get him off her and right now.

Sesshomaru could sense and smell her distress, which was why he kept increasing his speed. She was going to be his mate; he had to learn to chase away her pain. Was he not providing her with pleasure? Why did she cry? He was only doing this to make the whole process easier for her.

In her desperate moment, Kagome did a desperate attempt. She grabbed his wrist with her hand and attempted to use what little power she had trained.

Unfortunately for her that wasn't much since she had mostly focus on bows and arrows. Still, a small pink glow came out of her hand and it was enough to slightly burn Sesshomaru.

He let go of her hand nearly immediately, but his expression told her he was  _very enraged._  She backed away from him, removing his fingers from inside her core simultaneously. Her wetness was slightly dripping as she tried to scramble on her feet to run away. Obviously, before she could barely make it on two feet, Sesshomaru had caught her again.

His little bitch was starting to annoy him; especially with the way she kept challenging his alpha status.

 **"Submit,"** he demanded.

She needed to learn that her place was beneath him and then she would be able to feel happiness and joy again. Why did she make it difficult? He didn't wish to see her tears, but she gave him no choice. He needed her to understand she was his and that he could provide her with a pleasure still unknown to her.

Kagome shook her head, trying to free from his grip. "DON'T TOUCH ME!" she screamed, trying to hit him, and break free.  _Let this be a nightmare. Let me wake up._

He felt saddened by her words; he loved his female and her tears were stirring a rage inside of him. He had hoped she would have seen how good to her his attentions were and that it would have made her cries cease. He had struck her out of necessity and had made sure it didn't leave a mark.

Why did she insist on fighting him? She was  _his_ , and he wouldn't let her go back to that hanyou. She didn't belong to that filth, she belong by his side where he would give her everything she required. He didn't want to her hurt, but apparently, she wouldn't see things his way; he would need to teach her how to treat her alpha and he would secure her position at his side.

He would have been kind to her, but she didn't want it that way. So be it then. He had to make her his at all cost before he completely lost her. He wished she would have been happier, but apparently, it could not be helped. Sesshomaru, despite her struggles, put her on four on the cold earth. Kagome felt more tears coming, as she knew what was about to happen.

"NO! PLEASE!" she screamed, as she felt something touch her virginal womanhood.

 _Oh Kami._  This was never what she had pictured.

Sesshomaru positioned himself at her wet entrance, excitement and thrilled traveling through his body, before putting both of his hands on her shoulders to keep her in place. He growled in satisfaction when the tip of his cock felt her wetness. She was his, she would never leave him.

Without a second thought he plunged his dick within her awaiting pussy. Sesshomaru only stopped when he reached her hymen, proof of her pureness. A smirk appeared on his lips before he broke through and took her virginity. Kagome cried out in pain as she felt him take something sacred to her.

"Stop, PLEASE, stop!" she cried as she tried to move away from him.  _Oh God, it hurt **.**_

Ignoring her plea, Sesshomaru started to pounce his dick into her tight, wet cunt as some blood dripped out of her. The scent of her blood combined with the scent of her heat was enough to drive him wild. Not hearing her cries of pain, he let his cock ravaged her pussy, thrusting harder and deeper every time. For so long he had lusted after his little mate and now finally had the chance to taste her. The only reason why he was pushing aside her cries, because he knew, eventually she would learn this was better.

The abuse was causing her wetness to disappear, but the blood inside and outside of her was acting as a lube, causing Sesshomaru to be able to slide in and out easily. Kagome's eyes were tightly shut, as she prayed for this nightmare to end. Her first time was supposed to be sweet and filled with love, not with some  _disgusting_ beast.

Up until now, she had no problem with Sesshomaru, but now, she couldn't help the hatred that grew in her heart.

How could she not despise him?

She couldn't even find the strength to scream at him anymore, as he simply dismissed her. Kagome couldn't let him have her pain, thus she kept it inside. She could hear him groan in pleasure and it disgusted her, although, she was more disgusted with herself than she was with him. She was soiled; she was  _dirty_.

Sesshomaru ignored her pain as he enjoyed the feeling of being buried deep inside his little bitch. He couldn't get enough of her warmth and tightness. He pushed his dick as deep as he could inside her bloody cunt, filling her completely.

Another kind of pain hit Kagome as he did so, giving her the strength to try to pull away from his grasp. When she did, he growled and decided to modify their position slightly, to have a better hold on her. Even now, she was trying to escape him, and the pain in his heart deepened.

He flattened her against the ground and covered her back with his body. Now Kagome was pinned between the ground and Sesshomaru's chest. The feeling that there was no escape only upset her more. Sesshomaru groaned in satisfaction when their new position allowed him to plunge further into her pussy, while feeling her ass pressed against him.

His release was close and soon, he would fill her fertile womb with his seeds. He increased his rhythm, not noticing that Kagome was now silent, but that the tears were still spilling out of her eyes. She had never felt so helpless in her whole life and her heart was minutes away from breaking into pieces. She wanted Inuyasha by her side; she had wanted him to be the one to take her virginity.

*****Warning ends here*****

Then she felt it. Sesshomaru released his cum within her, completely coating her insides. What she hadn't expected was for him to sink his fangs into her neck, marking her as his. For a second, the whole world stopped. Kagome silently cried out a scream of pain, as blood dripped down from her neck to her shoulder.

Then, another wave of pain hit her when he pulled his fangs away, lapping the blood around the mark. If she could have felt anything but suffering, she would have felt relieved when he removed his length from her abused womanhood. When he moved away from her, Kagome went on her back, sobbing before curling up on herself.

Sesshomaru was standing naked in front of her, his breathing heavy. When he didn't move for a few minutes, Kagome slightly turned her head to look at him. His eyes were flickering from crimson to amber. She bit her bottom lip, as she knew what was coming and she had a feeling this time he couldn't just run away like last time, although she wished he would.

She  _hated_  him and she never wanted to see him again.

Finally, his eyes settled to their original amber color.

-B-


	4. Honor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Kagome is a strong, fighting spirit, and she will be, but in this chapter, not so much. After being raped, she is very broken. This is a slow recovery.

To say that the situation spun out of control was not describing it accurately enough.

Last time such event happened, Sesshomaru was blessed enough to not remember any of it. This time, he was not granted the same gift. The scent of blood was everywhere: on  _her_ , on  _him_ and their surrounding. Also, he could smell  _fear_  and  _shame_  coming from the Miko. For a second there, he was  _astonished_ that she, out of the two of them, felt shame.

He was a Taiyoukai and what just occurred was  _clearly_  beneath him. Not only because she was a  _human_  but also because of the act itself. It was below him to  _rape_  a human woman. He did not need to perform such lowly act to satisfy his desires; there was plenty of willing females youkais begging him to take them.

Granted it was common for some youkais to fight their bitch and force the act upon them to show they were stronger and worthy of mating but the Miko was human. Such customs was not as familiar unless the family organized and forced a wedding upon their child.

Now that was where the worst part came in; he  _mated_  the Miko. Sesshomaru had no idea what possessed his beast to do such a  _disgraceful_ act. He might have Rin as his ward but  _never_  did he wish to repeat his father's mistake and downfall by taking a  _human_  as a mate. That was also something that was  _clearly_  below him.

Any  _pup_  emerging from this union would be  _hanyou_. His heir could not be hanyou.

That was when he took noticed of the blue, puffy eyes locked on his person. The hatred in her eyes was apparent and shared. He held no interest whatsoever for the Miko who traveled with his half brother. Though that might be confusing to some since he  _mated_  her but it was not  _his_  doing. If he were in control, he would have never been anywhere near her.

He had nothing against her per say but he had no desire to have her as his mate.

Now came the problem of  _what_  he would with the Miko. He found himself in a very tight spot at the moment. He could simply toss her away when he marked her; his honor was something he held high, unlike his father and Inuyasha. On top of that she was now  _his_ meaning he could not have another mate. He could solve the solution by killing her, but again, not only would that bring him annoying problems he did not want to deal with, but also, it would reflect badly on him.

To top it all, she was the Shikon no Tama Miko. He was not sure if she would play a key element in the defeat of Naraku,  _or_  the jewel, which meant he could not possibly kill her. The only  _bright_  side he could see to this currently was that she was not an  _ordinary_  human. At least she had some sort of powers.

He sighed, clearly annoyed.

She on the other hand had long turned her eyes away from him and now her face buried in the ground.

Kagome realized that once he came back to  _normal_  she should have run off and never returned. Unfortunately, she was unable to execute that plan. To start, there was a killer pain and soreness in her lower body preventing her from getting up and she was completely exhausted. Although her body  _was_  tired it was not physical; it was mental.

Her rape took a lot out of her little body and simply opening her eyes to glare at him was draining. Frankly, she did not know what to do with herself. He used her, defiled her and now he was probably getting ready to throw her away. He could probably go on with his life has if nothing happened but she could not. She could already feel a scar forming on her heart, one that would never leave.

 _Inuyasha_.

He would never want her now that she was mated to his brother. She was disgusting and a disgrace. Kagome felt the tears coming to her eyes once more and there was nothing she could do but let them out. Maybe if she drowned herself in tears, she would find some sort of relief.

Kagome could not help but feel as if she betrayed Inuyasha even if none of this was her fault. He finally gave up on Kikyo and they had a real future together ahead of them. Maybe if she told him about what happened in the forest a few weeks ago she could have avoided this entire mess. This  _was_  her fault.

Although, she would never regret not calling out for him. If she had, Sesshomaru would have killed him and she would have still been raped. He still could go back to Kikyo and be happy with her with whatever time she had left. Being with the clay Miko who was pure was better than being with her was it not?

And then, she heard her heart crack before it shattered into pieces.

Kikyo and Inuyasha. Together.

After all the efforts and emotions she put into loving Inuyasha, she was going to lose him right after winning his heart. It was unfair. This was all Sesshomaru's fault. She despised him; she hated him with every cell in her body. He tok everything from her, even things she worked hard to obtain.

It drained her entire energy and spirit to put up with Inuyasha and Kikyo for all those years...

But because of whatever selfishness he had, he stolen it away from her. Her light was gone because of him and she could not forgive him.

Quickly though, Kagome was ripped away from the desperation of her thoughts. She gasped silently when she saw his bare feet beside her. Immediately she curled up into a fetal position, tears coming to her eyes. It made her appear pathetic but it was the only way she had to defend herself at the moment or at least the only one she could think of.

"No," she begged in the form of a whisper. Why was he coming for more? She thought he was back to normal now. Maybe, he was here to bring her sweet relief. Maybe, he was going to get rid of her.  _Please_.

"Miko, get up," he ordered, his voice anything but kind.

He did not approve of his beast' actions but he would not condemned then.  _Raping_  was perhaps beneath him since she was human but he mated her. It redeemed his actions. He had no intention of feeling pity towards her. Such acts were commons and she should be more aware of her surroundings.

And now… he had to care for her. Males looked after their females. It was custom.

Nevertheless, he had to admit her reaction was a bit different than what he was used to. Many females were not as  _broken_  as she was after such events. Perhaps some experienced a bit of sadness but they eventually got over it. It was life and they moved on, accepting their new status. Kagome on the other hand seemed ready to break down.

Kagome's whole body started to shake and she could not stop herself. "I can't," she said in such a small voice that if he was not a youkai, he would not have heard it.

He sighed in annoyance before grabbing her arm and pulling her up. Kagome immediately yanked out of his touch and covered herself with her arms. Her whole body stiffened as soon as he made contact with her skin.

"Don't touch me," she said before backing away from him.

If he wanted to grab her she could hardly stop him but she refused to ever give in.

Sesshomaru had to admit he expected such a reaction from her. Considering how pathetically foolish she looked it as clear her human mind could not comprehend what happened to her.

"Miko, you will cease this behavior this instant."

Kagome's eyes opened wide, not believing his words. He  _raped_  and abused her body and she had to  _behave_? Did he not understand how much he crushed her soul? Could he comprehend that he selfishly ripped away something important to her?

"Wh-what?" she asked, tears threatening to fall down. Right now, she was a train wreck and did not know how to deal with her emotions.

The way she was crying made her feel sick but it was her only way to express herself at the moment. Her words of rage would be lost on him but her tears could her salvation. Those, he could not ignore.

"This Sesshomaru does not like to repeat himself," he said rubbing his forehead out of aggravation.

She was already giving him a headache and it only a few moments went. He had to set one thing clear; he would not put up with her attitude.

"You  _raped_ me," she said, choking on her sobs, "and I have to pretend like nothing happened?" Kagome felt as if her body was going to give up, forcing her to lean on a rock behind her.

Obviously, she did not understand youkais and their  _laws_. Apparently, he was wrong to think she even had knowledge of such events even though her own people did it.

"This Sesshomaru does  _not_ approve of what happened, but you have not been wronged in any way nor raped. It would have looked bad on this Sesshomaru to take you like this and throw you away like a common whore but nothing of the such was done. This Sesshomaru  _mated," God it killed him to say that, "_ you, reestablishing his honor and by the same occasion, blessing you with a privilege."

If she understood everything correctly, he thought that since he did not use her as a  _whore_  but mated her, it erased all the pain and suffering he caused her? Although tears were rolling down her cheeks, all that filled her was rage.

What kind of world was this? How could this whole situation not faze him? No matter where and when, rape was never something that could be dismissed. She refused to believe that even in the Feudal Era it was perfectly fine: it could not be. It was a disgusting act that  _took away_  someone's life.

"Being  _stuck_  with you is a  _privilege_?" Right now all she wanted was to crawl in a corner and cry until there were no tears left in her body. Yet, she could not stop fighting him. It was the only thing keeping her going.

"Onna, do not over estimate yourself. You are but a human and being mated to you is a disgrace. However I cannot simply throw you away without having you tarnish my status."

This was all that mattered to him? He ravaged her and soiled her and none of it held any kind of importance to him? "I don't want you near me," she said, backing up in the rock even more, feeling the sharp edges dig in her back.

Sesshomaru did not want to bother himself with the Miko but he could hardly leave her with his half-brother. He did not know what got into his  _beast_  but it caused him more trouble than anything else. He was going to make sure an incident of the sort never happened again. Although, he already tried to stop another occurrence like that to take place and failed.

To think that him, Sesshomaru, was not able to control his beast. He was supposed to represent strength and dignity. It could not be known that he only mated her because of a loss of control.

There was only one thing he could do; he would keep the Miko close by until his beast calmed down. Sesshomaru would not allow himself to lose control again and if he needed to drag an annoying human female around for that to happen, he would do it. In addition, how would it look for him to leave his  _mate_  with the hanyou?

"Miko, you are coming with me."

Kagome's eyes opened wide. There was no way in hell she was going anywhere with this  _monster_. "I'm not leaving with you," she said, her voice filled with hatred.

He had to be completely out of his mind to think that she would willingly go anywhere with him after the horror he put her through. Kagome could not care less if he thought it was normal, because she did not. Her soul was ripped apart and even though it felt as he held a piece of it, she refused to follow him.

Sesshomaru already knew she would prove to be difficult. The blame though could easily be put on the hanyou. He was not a true alpha to his pack and the woman become out of control. At the moment, he lacked any time and patience to deal with her.

The hard way would work since her tears mattered very little to him.

"Pitiful human. Do you believe the hanyou will desire you now? You have bedded and mated the one he despised the most next to Naraku. It will only take minutes before he runs back to the dead miko, betrayed. You hold no more value to him."

Kagome felt her heart caught in her throat as desperation took hold of her. Inuyasha would not  _cast_  her away like that would he? She did think he might go to Kikyo but he would not hate her. This was not her fault! Sesshomaru was the one who raped her!

But… Inuyasha and her could never be mated now.

Every second, he would know she belonged to another against her wish. Her heart sank deeply when the realization hit her. Maybe, she was not looking at it right. Maybe, he really  _chose_  her no matter what.

He would love her and protect her from Sesshomaru.

"I'm going back to Inuyasha, " she said with her whole body fearing his reaction. She slowly walked toward her clothes and put them on as quickly as possible.

Deep inside, Kagome needed to believe Inuyasha would choose her.

The whole time Sesshomaru kept his eyes locked on her but did not utter a word. This Miko was  _annoying_  and dared to defy him. He could feel himself losing control but decided to see how things would play out. He would let her go to the hanyou. There was no way Inuyasha would simply _take_ her back.

Also, the look in her eyes would probably be enough to restore his good mood. For now, he would let the Miko believe she was free.

As she started to walk away she kept looking at him, afraid that he would go after her.

Sesshomaru would not though. It was too bothersome to chase her when she would come back running of her own will once she would encounter the hanyou. Perhaps he did harbor feelings for the Miko but they would not matter. His blood, his weak  _alpha_  side would feel anger once it would realize its chosen female was taken.

Meanwhile, Kagome was moving as fast as she could. It was too strange that he let her walk away on her own like this and she did not trust it. The pain in her core was so painful, nearly slicing her in two, but she pushed it aside as she focused on leaving the vicinity.

She had to make it to Inuyasha and keep her faith in him alive. Even he could see all of this was out of her control right? Kagome wanted to remain calm and keep her composure but once she came across a familiar sight, all hell broke loose.

Before she noticed it she was running in direction of their campsite, screaming for him. A few seconds later, a blur came beside her and Kagome's heart skipped a beat at the sight of Inuyasha. He was there for her; he would comfort her.

Immediately she threw herself in his arms, seeking his warmth. This was where she could feel safe and protected.  _God_ she never wanted to leave his arms. Tears were pouring out more than ever as the feeling of protectiveness finally took over. This was what she was longing for throughout her suffering.

Inuyasha noticed something was off and was prepared to comfort her when suddenly a scent hit him hard. Actually, more then one scent attacked his sensitive nose. Slowly, he pushed Kagome away from him, his chest beginning to feel heavy as if he was short of breath.

He tried to look in her eyes, searching for the truth. There was no way that after everything they went through, she would give herself to his brother. Why was such a feeling of rage stirring up inside of him? Feeling his whole body stiffen, Kagome turned her head and avoided glancing at him. Was he going to judge her like this? Inuyasha would make his decision before hearing for her explanation?

When she turned her head to the side, it allowed Inuyasha to see the mating mark on her neck and then it happened. It only took a second for his control to snap, and suddenly something was clawing its way out from within him. Kagome should be his. Why was she someone else's? He hurt her in the past but that was nothing compared to what she was doing to him right now.

Why  _him_? Why Sesshomaru?

The dam broke and he no longer felt like himself. Never in his life was he this hurt and damaged. The same out of control feeling that surged within when his demonic side was trying to take over was filling his heart.

"Did you really need it that bad?" he asked, not looking at her.

The tone in his voice was not one she recognized. It reminded her of the one Sesshomaru used when he ravaged her like a ragged doll and her whole body instantly froze. Inuyasha would not hurt her right?

"What?" she asked, hoping he would change his question.

He scoffed, before raising his head slowly. His amber eyes were starting to turn red while a devilish smirk appeared on his face.

"Were you so desperate for a  _fuck_  that you open your legs for the first  _youkai_  that came along?"

Kagome's whole world came shattering down like a mirror when Inuyasha spoke those words. This was not like him. What happened to the sweet, hotheaded Inuyasha she was familiar with? Granted he could get angry but his words were down right hurtful. Did he think she  _wanted_  to spread her legs for Sesshomaru as he so rudely put it?

She could taste her tears in her mouth as well as a bittersweet feeling. "In-Inuyasha. He r-raped me."

Inuyasha started to walk toward her, as if he did not hear a word she said. Kagome smelled like that bastard, she was the possession of that bastard. She was not a virgin anymore and she had let him do it to her. As if it was not enough, she was his  _fucking_ mate.

She betrayed him.

After he gave up on Kikyo for her, that little  _bitch_  betrayed him.

All he could see was a hue of red as his mind refused to let go of the events that occurred between  _his_  Kagome and his brother. Was it not enough that Sesshomaru had  _everything_? Did he even have to take Kagome, regardless of his hatred towards human?

Kagome, who wiped a few tears away, could finally see the magenta markings appearing on Inuyasha's cheeks and panic attack started to manifest itself within her heavy chest. Inuyasha could not tell friend from foe when he was in that state but he was always able to remember her.

Unfortunately, she had a feeling that this time would not be the same. Quickly enough Inuyasha's clawed hands were on her hips and she prayed to the Kamis once the pain hit her and throbbed through her body. There was no way she would survive two rapes in one day. Her body was already exhausted and falling apart: she did not possess the emotional strength to pull herself through it.

Especially if the one forcing himself on her was Inuyasha.

Inuyasha meant a lot more to her than Sesshomaru and if he did indeed abuse her, she was conscious that her heart would never recover. Despite her feelings, he violently pushed her against the nearest tree and proceeded to lick her neck, much like Sesshomaru did to her.  _Kami no._  His rough actions were opening up all the recent wounds Sesshomaru made on her body.

"Inuyasha, please. You don't want to do this," she said, trying to speak in a soothing voice.

Inuyasha was not paying attention since all he wanted was revenge. She had no right to betray him, no right to toy with him. Inuyasha always thought she would be there, waiting for him to be ready. How could she have done this? In his rage, he was about to start his assault on her breast when he was flung against a tree.

Kagome blinked a few times. Everything happened to fast for her to comprehend what happened. Then, she saw Sesshomaru standing in front of her, her yellow bag in his hands.

"Miko, this belongs to you?"

She softly nodded, before dropping to the ground, her whole world shattering to pieces. She was broken from the inside and from the outside. Her soul was pierced and all she was allowed to feel was pure torment. What was she going to do now? Inuyasha was obviously hurt by what took place but how could he take it out on her like this? It was not her fault; she was never a willing participant in her own rape!

Her sobbing increased as her bruised rear touched the cold ground.

Kagome did not even raise her head as Sesshomaru dropped her bag beside her.

Unfortunately, he had no time to take her and leave since he had to prepare himself for a foolish attack. He sensed the hanyou was coming to charge at him and he would let him, not because of the Miko, but because the hanyou was powerless and had no right to challenge his authority.

Sesshomaru did not push Inuyasha away because he cared about the little Miko. He simply did not want the hanyou soiling  _him_  by taking  _his_   _mate_. He had no intention of taking her again but he did not want the hanyou's scent on her. Sesshomaru however had to admit he was almost surprised by the hanyou actions towards the Miko. He did not expect him to react like such an alpha since he never had in his entire life.

Meanwhile, an unhurt Inuyasha was seeing his brother as a threat and he was aware that he had to be eliminated. His brain was obviously not working properly or he would have known that he could not defeat Sesshomaru. He launched at him, but before he could ever be anywhere near him he felt himself get extremely dizzy.

Inuyasha realized his own weakness when he concluded that the dizziness came from an attack. He did not even feel the hit from Sesshomaru! The Taiyoukai had decided to save himself a headache and voted to  _not_  kill the hanyou… for now. He simply hit the right spot which knocked him unconscious immediately.

He turned around a bit and gazed down at the Miko. She was sobbing, still sitting on the ground. He did not know how much more of this he could take. "Miko we are leaving."

When he obtained no reaction out of her, he decided he was done waiting. She wasted enough of his time and he would put up with it anymore. Sesshomaru forcefully grabbed the Miko and threw her over his shoulder as if she was nothing. Then, he grabbed her yellow bag and dragged it behind him.

If someone saw him in such a position that would be a real  _disgrace_  but it was the only way she would come. Sesshomaru could see in her eyes that threats would do much since she seemed gone, locked in her own mind.

Kagome let her body feel every bump of the road without a protest. It was not like she did not want to fight him but her body was exhausted and all it was craving was a deep slumber. Kagome wanted nothing more than to forget about everything that occurred that day, wake up and realized it did not happen. Was it really too much to ask? Her heart was clenching with pain and her brain was begging for a break.

She wanted to escape from his hold but after a few useless struggles her body betrayed her and gave up completely since it had no strength left. Slowly, against her wish, her eyes closed and Sesshomaru felt the Miko's breathing become even which warned him that she was  _finally_  asleep.

At least he would not have to deal with her for a little while which would soothe his throbbing headache away. Truth was, his own rage towards himself made it difficult to care about her. He promised himself he would not let his beast get control over him anymore and it turned out to be an utter failure.

However he could not ignore that this time it was a much harder battle to fight than the previous one. In the past two weeks he felt his beast urges and he was able to control them but tonight…

Out of the blue, his beast forced its way into control, as if something was calling out to it. Sesshomaru never stood a chance against it. It bothered the Lord that a human like her brought such feelings within his beast. Even though he never had any intention to mate any time soon, this situation would bother him less if the Miko was a youkai rather than a human.

It would be less  _shameful_.

Sesshomaru was never attracted to the useless fucks. He was powerful and he did not grace many females with his attentions. In addition, never did he engage in this sort of activity with a human. Maybe that part was getting to him more than anything else. He was seeing himself walking in his father's footstep and he did not like it one bit.

In spite of that, such useless thoughts were not his priority. Sesshomaru needed to figure out what to do with the Miko quickly. The first part he needed to take care of were her powers, which while she was not quite powerful, her little flares and arrows could prove to an annoyance. Since she would be traveling with him, he would take the necessary precautions to prevent any incident from transpiring.

Barely a moment went by before they quickly reached his camp. His speed greatly reduced the amount of time they had to travel in that  _uncomfortable_  position. Once they arrived, Sesshomaru noticed that Rin was already fast asleep against a tree trunk while Jaken was dozing off in front of the fire.

Nevertheless it seemed that Sesshomaru's presence was enough to twitch Jaken out of his sleep. The toad rushed to his feet and ran in front of his Lord. Immediately he bowed, showing his respect.

"Sesshomaru-sama!" he screamed, oblivious to the young Miko on his Lord's shoulders.

Sesshomaru ignored Jaken as he slowly put Kagome down on the ground. He would have carelessly dropped her but he did not wish for her to be awakened just yet. Jaken's eyes grew wide when he recognized her as the wench who traveled with the hanyou. Why would his Lord bring such a filthy creature back with him?

"Jaken, you will watch over her until this Sesshomaru returns." And without another word, he was gone.

It was easy to predict that she was extremely exhausted and would be asleep for a few hours. That gave him the required time to fly around the vicinity to seek a dark Miko. Sesshomaru was fairly certain that only  _they_  could find a spell to conceal Kagome's powers.

The green toad stood there his mouth slightly hanging open as he wondered what happened to his Lord. Hopefully, he did not go insane! Jaken was about to reassure himself when suddenly his yellow eyes traveled upon the sleeping Miko. It was impossible for him to not notice  _it_. The filthy human was bearing his Lord's mark!

Quickly his breathing quickened and his palms began to sweat. He was sure there was a very good explanation behind all of this but currently none came to mind. Except that his Lord did in fact lost his mind.

All he aware of was that trouble laid ahead.

-B-

He hated himself.

Inuyasha was sitting on the wet grass with his head resting against a tree trunk. His eyes were closed as he cursed himself over and over again. He did not mean to lose control like that and attack Kagome so violently but his instincts got the best out of him. His beast considered Kagome their mate and such a betrayal sent him in a frantic rage.

Her words were replaying in his mind and he punched the ground beside him for lack of better option. The bastard  _raped_  her and she sought comfort in Inuyasha, which he denied her. Instead of being there for her, he simply tried to do what Sesshomaru did.

He ran his clawed hands through his long tangled hair, his rage expanding. This time though, his anger was directed toward the right person: Sesshomaru.

Nonetheless there were still a few questions on his mind. The first question being why did his brother do such a horrible act? He never aw him be interested in any females before, let alone a human. Why Kagome?

Perhaps Sesshomaru was trying to get back at him for Tetsusaiga? However, even that explanation sounded far-fetched. Did his brother not give up on the sword a long time ago? Why would he do this after so much time passed? Sesshomaru was not one for such petty actions.

One thing was for sure; he knew he had to get Kagome back at any cost. It did not matter to him that she belonged to his brother. Sesshomaru would never love her like she deserved. Sure Inuyasha made a mistake but Kagome would forgive him and then things would go back to normal.

They had to.

She always forgave him. This time would be no different.

Inuyasha rose from the ground, determined. He would give Kagome some time to calm down and then he would go after Sesshomaru. He realized it was not wise to chase after her now, especially since her emotional state was so fragile. She appeared broken and exhausted and part of it was his fault.

Some time with Sesshomaru would remind her that he was the good guy, not the bad one. After that, she too would want to come back to him and they could be together like they planned. Then, he would find a way to make her his instead of Sesshomaru's.

Kagome would one day by  _his_  mate and he would not let that monster get in his way!

One silent tear rolled down his cheek as he headed for their campsite. He had no idea what he would tell the others but he might have to leave some details out or they would skin him alive.

-B-

It appeared that everyone was worthless.

Sesshomaru was not a patient youkai and this Miko he found was testing his patience. Being so powerful had its advantages since he located what he sought very quickly. Not far from where his pack was resting was a dark Miko by the name of Masuyo and apparently she could do what he needed.

He vaguely heard of her before but it was just enough to know she could do the job without failing. Of course, she started to annoy him when she began asking questions that he could not care less about. Fortunately for her, she quickly caught on and retreated inside her  _home_ , leaving him by himself.

Sesshomaru was not much for  _company_.

Unfortunately for Masuyo, his patience was currently wearing thin because she was taking a lot longer than expected. He wished to have  _it_  on the Miko before she woke up, or else, it might be difficult to force it upon her. The object would conceal her powers and just like the beads his half-brother wore only the one who put it on could remove it. In this case, that was him.

For the moment he did not intend on taking it off since he had witnessed her little outbursts. He was conscious that once she got angry, her temper would get the best out of her and nothing else would matter. Obviously, she couldn't kill him, but he didn't want to be annoyed by her, or injured.

Moreover, since she would  _sleep_  around him he did not wish for her to try sneaking up on him and pull an attack. No, the safest way to do things was to restrict her powers. Even though she would not very enthusiastic about that either, there was nothing she would be able to do. He did have to admit that her screams were quite irritating too, making him wish he something to either plug her mouth or his ears.

Sesshomaru was brought out of his deep thoughts when he heard a door open. Masuyo stood in the doorway, her black hair playing with the wind.

"Sesshomaru-sama, it is ready," she announced before safely walking in his direction.

He was a powerful youkai not to be messed with and she could already sense by his aura that she pushed the limits of his patience. When she reached his current location, she bowed down on one knee and held up a tiny metal object. The light of the moon was hitting the metal of the bracelet, making it shine through the night.

Sesshomaru picked up the small object and observed it for a few seconds before closing his hand on it. "Is everything set up?"

The dark Miko nodded. "All you need to do milord is to put it around the Miko's wrist and it will work as you desire it."

"Hn."

Without a thank you, Sesshomaru turned his back to the woman, ready to return to his pack. That would at least solve one of his problems. As the thoughts of the previous events went through his mind he glanced down at his body and a shiver almost went through him.

He would need a bath to remove her  _horrible_  scent off of his person. It was still hard for him to believe he had engage in such interaction with a human. Something was deeply wrong with his beast. There was no other explanation. The only thing Sesshomaru was certain of was that such a disgusting act would not happen again.

He never thought in the past that his beast could go so far. Also, he did not think his beast would come out again, at least not for a while. After all, he already mated the Miko, what was left?

Quickly enough, Jaken appeared in his line of sight. The toad seemed clearly uncomfortable in presence of the Miko. Unfortunately for Jaken, he already annoyed Sesshomaru and he was not near him yet. Sesshomaru did not need Jaken reminding him of the  _mistake_  in his life.

Immediately Jaken felt his Lord's presence and turned his head to face him. Maybe he would give him some answers as of why there were now two humans traveling with them! Rin he could somewhat stand but the Miko?

"Milord," Jaken started but Sesshomaru's foot on his head quickly shut him up.

A small bump began to form on his head and at that instant he decided it was better to remain quiet for the moment. Maybe the Miko would explain things herself in the morning? He could not help the small aggravation he felt but, by respect for his Lord, he hid it.

Sesshomaru bent down beside Kagome before opening his palm and revealing the bracelet. He delicately lifted her arm and slid in the bracelet, taking his time. The whole time Kagome remained completely unconscious, unaware of what was taking place.

Once the bracelet was in place, her whole body began to glow green and her aura was forming around her like a dark pink fume. After a few seconds, everything disappeared and the bracelet  _ting_ ed before everything returned to normal.

If this did not work Masuyo would lose her life. Sesshomaru did not tolerate failure. He stood up and walked away to be a little further from his pack. Unlike the hanyou, he would accept the Miko's tantrums and she would learn that very quickly. He did not care for her as his half-brother did and her pain meant nothing to him.

Suddenly, as he attempted to clear his mind from the previous events, a draft hit his sensitive nose; the Miko was in heat. A million thoughts ran through his mind until he finally settled on one. Was that the reason behind his beast attacking her?

It would explain a lot since if his beast had some sort of attraction for her, her heat could make him act drastically. This could prove to be extremely bothersome, especially if it happened too often. If he recalled correctly, human female went in heat once a month. If this truly attracted his beast, there was two ways to prevent this to happen again.

Have the Miko get pregnant, or prepare himself for a fight with his beast the day before her heat… each month.

While neither option sounded appealing, he chose the latter.

-B-


	5. Failure

Kagome's entire body was overtaken by a feeling of death. Her head was pounding as if she had just awoken with a hangover and a feeling of dizziness took over. Not that she knew what a hangover was supposed to feel like, but she deducted it was something like this. She felt extremely nauseous and her vision was blurry, bringing even more confusion upon her..

When Kagome finally opened her eyes, she realized that she had spend quite an amount of time sleeping since the sun was slowly rising, the color of orange and pink clashing together. However, it felt as if she hadn't slept at all, her body still drained.

For the first minutes of her awakening, the events of the previous day were in the back of her mind, as if they had never happened. It was only when she sat up and took a glance around that everything came back crashing down at her, making her heart sink in her chest.

 _Sesshomaru_. His gestures, his words, his  _roughness_.

As the tears stung her eyes, the last thing she could recall was being  _youkai_ -handled, and herself passing out from the exhaustion. Suddenly, a sharp pain went through her brain and she rubbed the side of her head, trying to ease the suffering the memories were causing.

Just the thought of how he abused her brought tears to her eyes.  _It shouldn't have happened that way._

It was as Kagome raised her arms to bury her face into them that she noticed an object she didn't use to possess.

A  _bracelet._

Intrigued she touched it, wondering where it came from. She did not have it the previous night, leading the only explanation to be that it came from  _Sesshomaru._  Her eyes immediately started to burn with tears at the thought that he would give her a gift. Did he think it would make it all better?

If he did, he was clearly mistaken since she did not want anything from that cold-hearted bastard! She took hold of the bracelet and pulled as hard as she could, trying to break it off her wrist. Unfortunately for her, she quickly met a resistance. Kagome's eyes opened wide when the bracelet wouldn't go past her wrist.

She couldn't remove it? It began to remind her of Inuyasha's subjugation beads and how she was the only one who could take it off. Was this the same thing? Did he have a word he could say that would make her obey him? Hadn't he ripped away her soul enough that he needed complete control over her?

Why would he do this? Why would he take away her will, which was the only thing she had left? For the first time in a while Kagome felt helpless and she did not enjoy the feeling. He had really taken  _everything_  he could from her. Did he enjoy breaking her down? Did he take pleasure in her suffering?

He was nothing but a sick bastard. He act almighty but he should be ashamed of himself.

Thinking about him reminded her that she had yet to see him, which made her guts twist. Slightly panicked, she raised her head and glanced around her. Quickly, it appeared that nobody was there, yet she  _knew_ Sesshomaru wasn't far since he wouldn't have gone through the trouble of carrying her just to  _dump_  her somewhere all by herself.

He must have left, while somehow keeping watch on her. There was only one problem; she could not feel his aura. In addition, now that she thought about it, she had the feeling something was  _missing_  inside of her. Her gaze moved to the bracelet and mentally she cursed Sesshomaru.

He had  _deprived_  her of her powers!

She didn't need to be told to know it was missing: it was  _obvious_. She didn't have the greatest control on her powers, but she knew they weren't there. There was a void inside of her heart, as if she wasn't whole anymore. Her breathing accelerated as her rage grew stronger.

He robbed her of her virginity, he took her away from her friends and he  _pushed_  everything away. Now he also had to take her power? She despised him: he was a power-hungry monster. Why did he need to be on top, why did he need to soil her even more?

One night of abuse and she could no longer return to the life she used to have. How could she ever be the same Kagome again? She hadn't expected a first time with songs and candles, but she had wanted love. Had it been too much to ask? He had been rough and he had acted like a beast, treating her like a worthless  _bitch_. Tears came to her eyes as she recalled the void of feelings in his eyes.

Kagome  _refused_  to stay with him. She knew the promise she made to fix the broken jewel, but now she needed to disappear for a while. Kagome had to run away from this era and hide in her own. She had never been a coward, but this situation was overpowering her.

She would come back, but…  _not now_. She needed to escape somewhere where nobody could reach her, or harm her. Although, Inuyasha could go in her time and he was one person she had no desire to see. He might have hurt her feelings a few occasions, but this time he had created deeper wounds in her heart.

Inuyasha had gone with Kikyo behind her back a few times, but she had always forgotten and moved on. This time, she knew it would be harder. Yes, she was a fighter, but how could she trust him? Not that she wanted to trust him. Also wouldn't she become suspicious of any man?

She was all alone, in every sense of the word.

However this time, it might be a good thing.

Kagome bit her bottom lip; she knew Sesshomaru and his pack were probably near, but she could not feel them. She had to take a chance and make a run for it. Kagome knew they weren't  _that_  far from the well and that if she hurried and if he  _didn't_  notice she was gone, she could make it.

 _Oh Kami, let me go home_.

She took a deep breath before slowly getting up, while her movements were slow because of her injured self. Her whole body felt a little weakened by what she mostly blamed on the bracelet. Once she felt herself getting her balance back, she ran as fast as she could. Kagome wouldn't dare look back because she knew if she  _saw_  him, she might get even more nervous. No the only solution was to keep running until she reached the well.

Desperate times called for desperate measures.

She could feel branches scratching the sides of her legs, while she tried to prevent herself from falling. She kept staring straight ahead of her,  _dying_  to experience the anxious feeling she would got once the well would come in view. From what Kagome had gathered, she wasn't very far, hopefully, she wasn't wrong. Also, at this point, Sesshomaru still hadn't caught her, which meant he didn't know. Or at least, she  _hoped_  he didn't know.

After all they both were aware that if she tried to outrun him, she never stood a chance. Kagome felt like her heart was up in her throat and stomach cramps started to appear as her level of stress grew. It wouldn't be much longer… She was biting her bottom lip so hard that she drew blood. She mentally cursed herself; the last thing she needed was to give herself away with the scent of blood.

She had to admit thought that deep inside, she was shocked that Sesshomaru hadn't yanked her arm off already. He was a powerful youkai and surely he could feel her aura. Maybe he was letting her run away? However, what reasons would he possess to do such a thing? Did he really intend on giving her back her freedom, or was he messing with her? A voice deep inside of her begged that he came to his senses.

All she needed was a few more seconds.

Kagome's steps were wider and faster, as she started to recognize the familiar forest surrounding her. Yes, only a few more instants and she would be out of this nightmare forever. Every part of her body ached in pain, but she pushed herself. The simple thought of the events that occurred sent shivers of disgust through her whole body.

She wanted to bury herself under her blanket at home and cry to her heart's content. She even wished to have her mother wrap her arms around her, caressing her hair to soothe her, to tell her everything would be fine. Kagome felt the tears rolling down her cheeks, but she decided to ignore them.

The pain in her heart was immense, but she couldn't let it over take her desire to run. Her priority was to make it to the well; the rest could wait. All of the regrets, and tears and pain would come out later. Her body was tired since her powers had been  _cut off_  and she never gotten a chance to  _recover_ from the previous events.

Her breathing was getting shallow as her adrenaline slowly ran out; her body didn't have any energy left to give her. She didn't have much stamina left in her and that  _damn_  well had better be close by.

And  _it_  was.

Through the trees, and branches, Kagome could see the familiar sigh of the wooden well. Instantly, she felt her heart get lighter with hope and for the first time since the previous night, a certain joy filled her. Sesshomaru hadn't come! She was  _free!_ She was going home!

This time, the tears came pouring through like a river, but they were tears of relief. Both her body and mind were shifted through a wave of happiness and a tiny smile appeared on Kagome's face. A last burst of energy went through her and her hope gave her what she needed to continue.

Kagome had put all of her faith into this, wishing to escape this darkness and for  _once_  she hadn't been disappointed. Feeling like her body weighted half its weight, she ran the little distance remaining between her and the well. When she reached it, she slid her fingers around the edge, before taking a hold.

 _I'm going home_.

She jumped over and into the well, waiting for the familiar feeling to take over her body, as she would travel five hundred years into the future. Her eyes were closed as the feeling of falling appeared. Soon it would smell like home and she would be safe. She was just waiting for…

 _Nothing_?

Panic took over her whole body as she felt her feet touch the ground. She immediately knew something wasn't right and she opened her eyes in a rush.  _Vines, bones…_ She quickly raised her head in fear.  _Blue sky_. Kagome couldn't help as she choked on her sobs.  _Oh Kami._  She tried jumping up and down but nothing occurred. WHY?

And her worst fear hit her like a whip.

She was stuck; she couldn't go through the other side anymore.

But why? She licked her bottom lip, tasting the dry blood, trying to make some sense of the events. She doubted the fact she was not a virgin anymore had anything to do with it. Maybe it was the mating mark? No. Those two things shouldn't have anything to do with whether or not she could use the well!

Then she understood.

She slowly raised her arm and glared at the metal bracelet around her wrist. Her  _powers_. She could no longer use her Miko powers! Could that be that the  _pureness_  of her powers running through her body was what connected her to the well? Now that they were blocked, she could no longer go through! The truth affected her a lot more than she thought, as she slowly let her body fall to the ground.

A storm began within her and since it had nowhere to escape, it unleashed itself inside of her.

Unless Sesshomaru removed the bracelet, she was  _stuck_  in the Feudal Era,  _forever_. For the first time in the past two days, no tears came to her eyes. It seems the shock was too much to even express it physically and the young Miko did not know how to take it. Her whole world was slowly crashing down and she was powerless to stop it.

Before she knew it, she snapped. Her mind had reached it limit and she needed some way to release all the steam build up inside. Kagome hit the ground with her fists, screaming to no one but herself. She had taken a lot of  _bullshit_  so far but  _this_ , was sending her over the edge. She rose to her feet, and started to hit her bracelet against a rock, which was embedded in the wall of the well.

"Stupid PIECE OF METAL!"

Why wouldn't it break? Why wouldn't it go away! Why wouldn't  _all_ of this go away?

"I HATE YOU!" she screamed to the top of the well. It was obviously addressed to Sesshomaru, but since he wasn't there at the moment, nothingness would do just fine.

 _Sesshomaru_.

The reminded that he still existed sent a cool chill down her spin. Now that she was stuck in this era, he would surely catch up with her! Kagome knew she couldn't run to Kaede's village; Inuyasha was there. At this point, she almost wondered whom she despised more between Inuyasha and Sesshomaru.

Sesshomaru had  _violated_ her and he did not care for her feelings, nor could he treat her like a human being. On the other hand, Inuyasha had only  _tried_  to rape her, but it hurt as much, if not more. Sesshomaru had never been her friend, nor did he ever have her love or her trust. Inuyasha stabbed her in the back with his actions.

He hadn't even given her a chance to explain herself. She had sought comfort from him and he had denied her everything.

Why hadn't he noticed how upset she was? Why hadn't he tried to protect her from Sesshomaru? She wouldn't have let him put his life in danger, but she would have liked to know he  _cared_. It had made her open her eyes though; she was  _alone_. She had depended on people for  _so_  long and now, she was punished for it.

She had made the decision to  _not_  call out for Inuyasha while she was being raped, just so she could protect him, yet he couldn't even care of her in her darkness moments. Had she really been such a fool? Had she believed all the lies again?

Kagome needed to realize that Inuyasha wouldn't be there for her just because she hoped so. He might have saved her in the past, but just as easily, he could try to hurt her. The realization left a bittersweet taste in her mouth and she cringed in horror.

Her abused, tired body was starting to shake, as she slowly closed her eyes. Despite the pain, she would not give up. Very carefully, she raised her hand and touched her mating mark, a main source of all of her trouble. She didn't know much about youkais but she was aware that such a mark was  _permanent._

There would be no breaking the bond between her and Sesshomaru…until her death.

She was upset, but through the rage, a thought made its way.  _Why_? Why would Sesshomaru mark her? Sure, he had a human ward, but this was an extremely different context. Sesshomaru had always despised his father for taking a human mate and having a hanyou son… Why would he want to do the same? There was simply no logic behind his actions.

It couldn't have been  _him_  who took her that night.

"Miko."

Kagome felt her heart skip a beat when she heard his voice. He seemed so cold and detached, as if he had just been waiting for her to get over her  _tantrum_. Could it be that he had been there the whole time? She raised her head, but all she could see was silver hair floating in the wind.

"Leave me alone."

Sesshomaru  _almost_  rolled his eyes at her insolence. This Miko was the most annoying creature he had ever encountered. In addition, what was she doing at the bottom of this pitiful well? She was such a  _strange_ creature and her actions left him somewhat perplexed. Didn't she know he had no time for her foolishness?

Early in the morning, before she even woke up, he had been bathing removing her disgusting scent and blood off his flawless skin. She had been left alone since that was the time Rin and Jaken went hunting for his ward's food. Sesshomaru had been aware of her attempt running away, but he had no bothered himself with it.

Even if she ran for half a day, it would still only take him minutes to catch up to her. Of course, as she started to head for the village where his half-brother lived, he had been quite curious. Surely, the Miko hadn't wanted to be with Inuyasha considering the events of the previous day.

It was then that he had decided to follow her and see where she was heading. If he could be surprised, he would have been when she had jumped into the well. Had she been trying to hide, or even kill herself? Even a foolish human like her had to know this wouldn't do anything in either case.

Seconds after she had done so, he had been able to smell a lot of emotions going through her, before she finally settled on being upset. He had decided to wait until she calmed down a bit before dealing with her. Once again, she had proven to be annoying, and an enigma. This was the exact reason why he remained away from most humans.

He wanted nothing more but to leave her alone, yet he could not. That didn't mean he wouldn't try to break the mating, but for the moment, she was  _under_  his protection –even if it irritated him to no end.

Sesshomaru glanced down the well and saw her staring at him. The last thing he wanted to do was to go down there and retrieve her. Nevertheless like usually she was being  _difficult_  leaving him with very little options _._ He had wasted enough time with this little chase and they had to get moving. He would not travel like this with the annoying Miko thus he had to  _put_  her somewhere.

"Miko, do not test This Sesshomaru's patience," he warned her. If he had to get her out of there himself, she would  _not_  like it.

Kagome pushed away his threat and decided to not give up her ground. If she was going to be stuck with him, he needed to learn that she wouldn't bend to his every desire. "I'm fine where I am."

Sesshomaru might overpower her with his strength, but it didn't mean she would obey him. He treated her like trash, which made her want to go against his wish as much as possible. After all, that she followed his rules or not, she would not remain unharmed, nor would she be happy. Kagome was well aware that her feelings meant nothing to him.

Sesshomaru's expression did not change as decided it was time for him to get the Miko. He had decided he would not disgrace himself by going down, especially since there was other ways. He would settle this foolish argument as quickly as possible to allow them to move on to more important matters.

Kagome gasped when she felt something  _fluffy_  warp around her waist. When she peered down, she saw a huge mass of fur around her waist.  _Hold on_. She recognized that thing; wasn't it the fur Sesshomaru always had over his shoulder? She didn't have the time to have another thought before she was pulled out of the well and thrown hard against the ground, brushing her already injured rear.

She held in a yelp of pain as her shoulder hit second.  _Bastard._

Kagome almost wondered if he  _had_  to be this rough, but he had proven that he liked to do  _hurtful_  thing for no reason. She managed to get her weight off her shoulder, while keeping in a cry of suffering the entire time. She would not give him the satisfaction of knowing he had hurt her. Once she had stabilized herself, Kagome pulled down at her shirt to look at her shoulder and already a black bruise could be seen.

Apparently, she wasn't marked enough by him yet and he felt the need to prove that he was stronger.

Kagome gazed up at him, hatred obvious in her eyes. She  _hated_  him. She despised this place, and she  _wanted_ to return home.  _Why_ , was she stuck here? She felt as if she was in a dark room by herself and every second, there was less and less light. After every breath she took, she felt herself suffocating as her life was slowly slipping away from her.

"What were you trying to prove by jumping down the well?"

He still didn't understand what was so special about this well. Often he had felt her or his half-brother around it and it simply didn't sit right with him. He wasn't interested in her, but her behavior left him puzzled.

Kagome stiffen slightly.  _As if_  she'd ever tell him where she was from; either he would think she was crazy,  _or_  he might try to use it to his advantage. "I wanted to see if a jump from that height could free me from you," she said, her tone filled with hatred.

Sesshomaru's response was quick. "Hn."

He could feel that she was lying, and it angered him a bit. The little Miko was bold enough to lie in his face. "It's a shame you cannot even do that right." He wouldn't have cared less if she had killed herself. At least she wouldn't have been his burden anymore.

Kagome didn't mind his hurtful words, since he had stopped asking questions about the well and that was the only thing that mattered. She was  _almost_  getting used to his upsetting ways. Meanwhile Sesshomaru, ignoring her attitude, turned his back to her, as if he was ready to leave.

Sesshomaru knew that the Miko wouldn't go anywhere freely with him and frankly, he had better things to do than argue with her. If he left without forcing her to come along, she would not move. Thus, he spun around again and grabbed her wrist, painfully pressing the bracelet against her skin, leaving a red mark.

"Hey!" she said, trying to yank her arm free. "Don't touch me! You're hurting me!"

No matter how much she tried to break away from him, his hold was of steel. Red marks were appearing on her wrist as less and less blood managed to reach her wrist and she winced in pain, trying to remain silent. She could try to fight him but she would only embarrassed herself.

Kagome decided to keep going, not wanting to give him any sort of satisfaction. It might seem like a waste of energy, but  _never_  would she want to give in to him. She would rather fight to the death, than to allow him to think he won. She  _needed_  to fight. Her spirit was the one thing that kept her going, and she held on to it.

Sesshomaru glanced back at the fighting Miko, a bit annoyed. The woman couldn't do anything the easy way could she? As he observed her more carefully, he really failed to notice  _what_  exactly had attracted his beast into this human. She wasn't  _beautiful_ , she was annoying and she didn't like to submit. He was ready to blame it on a sickness, because this was  _insane_.

This Sesshomaru was going to lose it  _very soon_.

-B-

_Silly her._

All those years she thought Inuyasha was pushing them to their limits when they never took any breaks. Compared to Sesshomaru, it was nothing. They had been traveling for half a day and it seemed they were nowhere near stopping. About three quarters of the way, she had to stop struggling because her body simply had no energy left and she had to conserve it.

It still felt as if she was fighting him because even thought she had ceased her protest, she wasn't willingly going with him.

Still at the moment there was only one thought in her mind; had Sesshomaru completely forgotten that humans needed rest… or food? If she wasn't careful, and exhausted herself too much, she might pass out.

Kagome sighed heavily for the fifth time in the past hour, while deep inside she couldn't help but wonder where he was taking her. Ever since she had known Sesshomaru he had always been traveling, which lead her to assume he had no fix  _home_  since he owned a part of the land anyway. He could stop and rest where he wanted.

Trying to be subtle, she stole a glance. His eyes were cold and he seemed to have little to no interest in her that made the whole situation even more difficult to understand. When he had  _raped_  her, his eyes had been red and he had acted completely differently. Now, he interacted with her as if the very sight of her disgusted him. Hadn't he taken her body yesterday? Why would he do such a turn around so quickly?

It appeared that he was two people in one body.

The question was burning her mind, but she wasn't certain if she wanted the answer. She pinched her perfect pink lips together, wondering if she should even dare to inquire about. Though there was no denying that it would definitely annoy him which meant it was worth it.

"Do I disgust you?" she asked, not peering at him, but pretending to glance at the landscape surrounding her.

Sesshomaru gave her very little of his attention. "This Sesshomaru was not aware you had the ability to figure that out on your own."

Kagome glared at the back of his head, irked to no end. He shouldn't be allowed to keep the rude witty attitude with her; she wanted some answers. After all, it was  _her_  body he took without her permission. "Then why did you rape me?"

He could not help but want to wince every time she used that word.  _Rape_. It was so  _disgraceful._  He was a Lord; he did not do such an act. He took a female the rightful way, claimed her and there was nothing else to it. Even she should know such thing. Every time she used that word, she was shaming him.

And of course, it had to be  _her_. And he had to  _mate_  her.

Now the idiot human wanted an explanation for his actions. Himself didn't really posses one, but one thing was without a doubt; he would not tell her about his beast. First of all, it was none of her business, but also nobody would ever know he, Sesshomaru, lost control to his  _beast_. It was almost as worst as the rape word she kept using.

Sesshomaru did not desire her and never again he would engage in such activity with her. Her weakness from being a human did nothing but repel him, especially when he thought about the tainted blood they could create. Technically, he could ignore her since he did not have any obligation to answer her, but if he did not, she would not shut that hole she called a mouth.

"You were the nearest person to satisfy this Sesshomaru's needs. The mating was not planned, do not consider yourself special or worthy."

It was not quite the answer, but she didn't need to know more than that.

Every one of his words was filled with venom and it sent a chill down her spine. Special? Never would she think of herself as such! She had a completely happy life planned out for herself, until he came along and ruined it all. Moreover, all she had been to him was a way to  _satisfy_  his needs? Oh yes, that did help ease the pain in her broken heart.

She could still feel the way he roughly broke through her barrier and pounded into her, like a beast, not caring that the pain of his abuse had made her bleed. Had he been concerned with the fact that she had felt no pleasure at all when he had released his seed inside of her, his delight overwhelming his body?

Oh Kami.

He had come inside of her! That detail had complicated escaped her mind. Fear quickly appeared in her eyes as she started counting. Suddenly her pain, her suffering disappeared as her anxiety took over. The date was the fourth and she was supposed to have her period the eleventh. Kagome felt her face dropped as her hands went on her stomach. She couldn't be … could she?

Not by him, not like this.

Already she had lost her virginity in the worst way possible, but there was no way she would be able to bear this. She couldn't bring a child into this world, not in such a manner. Tears were burning her eyes as she prayed she could keep her calm. A million more thoughts went through her mind, but before she let panic took her over she decided to ask him one question.

"Sesshomaru?" she asked, her voice very small, almost a whisper. At that instant, she didn't care how  _civil_  she sounded towards him. This matter was more important.

The Dayoukai couldn't help but be slightly curious by her new tone. "Hn?"

Kagome breathed out heavily. "Could- Could I be pregnant?"

She choked on a sob after the words left her mouth. She was strong, she could handle certain pain, but a child could not and did not have to suffer this. Kagome could handle her own pain, but how could she protect an innocent child from a monster like Sesshomaru?

A ghost of an expression appeared on his face for a second before disappearing. He remembered her scent being filled with the smell of her heat. For once, he was slightly worried, but then he remembered a specific detail. He didn't tied and knot inside of her. He knew inuyoukais did so with their mate but the Miko hadn't been his mate at the moment. Could it be his beast did not intend to pup her? He simply wanted her marked as his?

"No," he simply answered.

It wasn't as sure as he made it sound, but since most of it probably leaked out and she was a human, he assumed she wasn't pupped. He would still be on the look out in the next couple of weeks, but he did not worry about it. There was absolutely no way.

Kagome felt herself breathing easier at his answer. She did want children one day, but not only was she too young at the moment, but the situation wasn't right. She would love her child even if it was born because of a rape, or Sesshomaru was the father, but she would always wished her child had been born under other circumstances. Although, it wouldn't change her level of love. Her child was her child no matter what.

She found certain sadness in her heart, against her wish. She did want children in the future, but if she could never escape Sesshomaru, how would she ever become a mother? If he did stick to what he said and never touch her again, she wouldn't be pregnant and she would never have a family of her own.

Kagome couldn't help the tears that escaped her red burning eyes. This should be the last thing on her mind after everything, but she couldn't help it. Although, it might be a good thing, in a way. Nobody should have someone like Sesshomaru as a father. It would be a cruel fate.

She had seen the way he treated Inuyasha and if she were pregnant, it would be a hanyou. The poor child would have to suffer its whole life much like Inuyasha. The thought caused Kagome to stare at the bracelet on her wrist. She needed to trick him into removing it and freeing her. Once her power would be back, she'd be able to go home.

For the first time in a long time, her only definition of home was the future. The pain her heart reminded her of Inuyasha and she was afraid to go back to Edo. She understood how he felt betrayed, but he had no right to molest her like he had. She had now discovered that it ran into their bloodline.

Kagome glared at the back of Sesshomaru's head once more. He was cold, unemotional, cruel and he enjoyed causing pain. She thought that once he had been  _done_  with her, he would have released her. Surely, he didn't want her as his mate. She knew youkais had lot of laws and code of honor, but she doubted it included humans.

One thing she truly disliked was how he seemed to totally control her. Wherever he wanted her to go, she seemed to follow. The first time, she had been completely exhausted and the second time, there had been some unplanned errors in her plan. She hadn't thought about Sesshomaru locking her powers away.

Now that she could not even cause a distraction, the young Miko wasn't sure how she would ever escape his grasp.

It seemed he didn't care about her, but yet he wouldn't let her go off on her own either, so she would need to use her brain and try to outsmart him. Her attempt to escape to her time would be useless until the bracelet was removed, thus she could not act recklessly again.

Also, if she couldn't go back to the future, then she'd need a safe place in the feudal era. Maybe she would be able to contact Miroku and Sango in some way? For now though, his hold on her was unbreakable. No matter how much she defied him, he still dragged her along.

She would fight every time, because never would he see her give up. Another thing he wouldn't get from her was her body. He had used her once for his sexual pleasures, but she would be abuse again. Her body was hers and she would fight him to the death on it. Granted he would probably win, but she would not go down without a fight. Never would he have the satisfaction of  _truly_  owning her.

Plus, how long would it be until he got tired of her? She was nothing but a human female in his eyes and she wouldn't hold his interest for very long. Kagome closed her eyes, her tired eyelids enjoying the rest. If she focused and did her meditation like Kaede had taught her, it would ease the pain right?

Water gathered in her eyes, but she stopped it. Not now. She had shed enough tears for him. She needed to be strong; she would fight.

Maybe Sesshomaru would dump her somewhere and go back to traveling around. She wouldn't mind that. Kagome would be happy as long as she didn't have to see him. Kami, being near him caused her to be nauseous. He was a monster in her eyes and nothing he could say could fix that image.

Kagome's attention was suddenly drawn to the huge castle in front of her, which caught her eyes as she was glancing at Sesshomaru. It was at least three levels from what she could tell. The walls were light yellow and the roofs, in a gable shape, were a very dark grey, contrasting with the exterior walls. On the left side, there was a waterfall, which lead to an adorable pond-lake.

From where she stood, she could see the heat coming from the water and she heard the silent cry of her body.

After all the harshness it went through, her body was dying for a hot bath to ease the wounds. Suddenly, before she could keep wishing for her bath, Kagome was pulled in direction of the castle and she remained speechless. This was the castle of the West? This was where Sesshomaru lived? But more importantly, this was where he was taking her?

It could have seemed like a good idea, or privilege, but she was scared. Not only was she in his lands, but also now, she would be in  _his_  house. He had the advantage here, and everything he said was law. She could already picture in her mind a hard of guards, right in front of her door guarding her.

She was able to hear herself screaming while he took her body against her will again and she could feel the tears rolling down her cheeks, while the guards wouldn't bulge. Why would they? Sesshomaru was the one they obeyed. Kagome pinched her lips together, silently begging for a rest. She shook her head softly, chasing those pictures out of her mind.

She felt so little and insignificant, and all she wanted to do was disappear.

-B-


	6. Adjustments

Kagome was taking in the sight as Sesshomaru kept dragging her inside his castle. Over the years, he had always been traveling, for his father's heirlooms and more and now for Naraku, that he had barely made use of his castle. Since he had some guards, whom he could trust, he had decided it was the best place for him to keep the Miko until a better solution came along.

Sesshomaru turned his head slightly and saw her mouth slightly open as she observed the landscape around her. Although it was rare to see her so speechless, he appreciated the fact that for once she was quiet.

As soon as they reached the main doors, two guards bowed to Lord Sesshomaru, both being careful not to let any emotions show as they were both surprise by the  _guest_. Kagome's eyes grew wider as she observed the two inuyoukais standing by the doors, a bit impressed by their size. They were nowhere as imposing as Sesshomaru, yet they still didn't make her feel  _comfortable._

Kagome bit her lip nervously as they entered the castle, casting a few glances around. She probably would have peered at the priceless artifacts, and paintings around if he hadn't sped up, almost dragging her body against the cold floor. When she could finally open her eyes, she found herself standing in a gigantic dinning room.

Sesshomaru finally released her hand and walked ahead of her, allowing her some  _freedom_. Kagome rubbed her sore hand, which had a deep red mark on it, as she remained still in her spot. To be honest, she was simply glad  _not_  to be in the same room as Sesshomaru for a while. It almost lessened the suffering he had inflicted upon her.

The peace and quiet didn't last very long since a screeching scream came from the room next door. Kagome turned her head slightly only to see Rin running towards her, a huge smile on her face.

"KAGOME!" she screamed before hugging Kagome's waist.

Kagome gasped at the embrace before a small smile adorned her face, a bit forced, but present nonetheless. After everything that occurred, she had completely forgotten about Rin and that she was traveling with the  _monster_. She hugged back the little girl and tried to put up a strong façade for her. Rin was just a child and she did not need to know the event that transpired between her and Sesshomaru.

Rin most likely held Sesshomaru high in regards and Kagome didn't wish to shatter the dream. Sesshomaru was good to Rin and she could not ruin that. The little girl ultimately released Kagome and backed away slightly, her happiness dancing upon her face.

"Look at you," said Kagome, her voice as joyful as possible, "You've grown so much since the last time I saw you."

Rin blushed slightly before nodding her head. She couldn't believe that Kagome was here! She had already been very excited when Jaken told her they were going to the castle for a few days, since she had only been there a few times, and now  _this_. They hadn't seen Kagome in a long time and Rin always enjoyed her presence.

She loved Sesshomaru-sama and Jaken, but being around Kagome was a bit different and it made her feel happy.

"Are you traveling with us now Kagome?"

 _Well that's one way to put it,_ she thought as she recalled the previous suffering she had to go through to get the  _privilege_  of traveling with Sesshomaru.

Kagome wasn't sure how to answer Rin since she didn't want to stay with Sesshomaru any longer, yet he had left her short on options. The well no longer worked for her and unless her removed her bracelet, she was stuck in the Feudal Era. This was becoming a very touchy situation and Kagome cringed slightly.

She then proceeded to open her mouth, about to answer, but someone else did.

"Temporarily," said Sesshomaru as he walked into the room. He would not bother himself with the Miko any longer than it was required.

"Sesshomaru-sama!" said Rin, a huge smile on her lips, before slowly walking in his direction.

The Lord nodded at her, his expression never changing. Kagome thought it would put a halt to Rin's good mood, but it didn't seem to faze her. Apparently the little girl was used to Sesshomaru's lack of word, and could see emotions behind his  _mask_. Some part of her deep inside wished she could do the same. Maybe then he would be less of a monster.

Kagome couldn't help watch the two standing beside one and another and if it had been anybody  _but_  Sesshomaru, she would have thought of it as a  _cute sight_. NO matter what, she couldn't deny how _devoted_  and protective he was of Rin. It was obvious he considered her like a daughter. Kagome simply wished he could have this kind of  _respect_  for every human.

Unexpectedly, the silence of the room was broken by footsteps. Kagome was the first to turn her head to see who was coming and noticed two neko youkai enter the room. One of them ceased in her tracks and stood still while the other one kept going. Her purple eyes were focused on Sesshomaru as she walked toward him before bowing.

"Everything is ready my Lord," she said never once gazing up. Her Lord already appeared to be in a horrible mood and she did not want to cause his exasperation to expand.

He nodded before pointing at Kagome who suddenly felt her heartbeat increase.  _Great_! What did they want with her now? Both youkais walked in her direction, each of them grabbing one of her arms. Anger flared in Kagome's eyes as she tried to fight free. As her expression changed, she didn't think of Rin who was nearby and witnessing the situation.

"Kagome? Are you going to be okay?" asked Rin rather troubled. Sesshomaru-sama would never do anything to hurt Kagome would he?

"The Miko is being escorted to her chambers where she will be cleaned," said Sesshomaru, attempting to remove any concerns his ward might have.

His words also seemed to ease Kagome as well. She could have kept fighting but she had been dying for a bath since the  _second_ after their encounter. She could already feel the hot water against her skin and she sighed softly, wanting that relief. Deciding it was for the best, Kagome let the youkais  _drag_  her to the room without much of a struggle.

Sesshomaru watched her leave, his glare very intense. At least she wouldn't be in his way for a while,and afterwards, she would be dressed more properly. It was undignified for her to be in his presence in _such_  inappropriate clothing. In addition, in the back of his mind, he couldn't help but wonder where she had found such strange clothes; he had never seen anything of the sort before.

He stared down at Rin whose smile at still not re-appeared. Apparently his words had not helped her much. He would need to have a little talk with the Miko; he could not let her worry his ward like this with her tantrums.

-B-

_A warm bath._

A small smile adorned Kagome's lips as she stood beside the bath, still dressed in her ragged clothes. Never had water look so  _appealing_ to her before. Slowly, she lifted her shirt above her head, feeling the cool air on her bruised skin. As goose bumps appeared on her pale flesh, she hurried to remove the rest of her clothing. Slowly she dipped herself in the water, feet first, and a sigh of relief escaped her lips.

She could finally feel some of the pain from her abused womanhood ease away. Kagome was  _glad_  to finally be clean of the blood that stained her lower body as delight filled her she rested her head on the edge of the bath, not caring that the position was uncomfortable.

Never did Kagome think she could relax in his castle, but apparently the soothing feeling was too much for even her to ignore. There wasn't one part of her body that wasn't sore. Even though she was washing herself though, she didn't feel clean, but it wasn't something she wanted to worry about right away since the feeling of dirtiness would probably never disappear.

Before she realized it, her eyes were closed as she felt a drowsiness overwhelming her. She would have probably felt asleep if it hadn't been for the person who slammed the door closed. Kagome immediately jumped, breaking out of her trance, before turning her head and recognizing the two neko youkais from earlier.

Why were they here? Hadn't she followed their instructions like she had been asked?

Both of them were holding bathing supplies as they walked towards her. The one with purple eyes came right behind her, putting down what she was holding. Kagome was feeling quite uncomfortable and tried to move forward slightly but the youkai stopped her by putting her hand on her shoulders, securing her in place.

Quickly she dipped a cloth in the water and started to rub Kagome's back not caring that was being rough. The young Miko couldn't help but stiffen at the touch. She did not appreciate the stranger's actions especially after the event that had recently occurred and tried to wriggle free. Her private space was being invaded and she didn't enjoy it.

"I can do it myself," she said, her voice not as loud as she had hoped.

"Sesshomaru-sama's orders," were her only words, as she kept her harsh treatment going.

 _Of course_.

Kagome sighed heavily, as she tried to let herself de-stress, but it was nearly impossible. She had so foolishly believed that she could hope for a nice quiet bath by herself. Obviously Sesshomaru could not even give her that one little quiet moment. She closed her eyes again, trying to escape in her own little world.

All the depression and pain was heavy on her shoulders and Kagome was feeling sick of suffering so much all the time. She decided to try to see the positive side of things; at least they weren't hurting her. Although, it didn't stop her from feeling as if she had no control over herself and her life.

The neko youkai washed Kagome's whole body, never once being careful of her more sensitive human skin. She didn't  _dislike_  humans but she did not  _like_  them either. They could be alive or dead and it did not make a difference for her. Her only duty was to do what Sesshomaru-sama had ordered.

She turned Kagome around, and proceeded to clean her front area, which made Kagome blush against her will. When Kagome felt her going  _too_  down, she stopped her by putting her hand on her wrist, wincing in advance.

"I- I'll take care of that," she said, her voice unsure.

She was already hurt enough and she didn't need this youkai to make it worst with her rough care. The female stared at her for a few seconds before dropping the cloth. Kagome sighed before grabbing it and cleaning her lower area very softly. She couldn't prevent herself from flinching as she pressed against some sore spots. Every strike of pain only reminded her of her hatred for Sesshomaru.

Once she was done, she put the cloth away and moved to the middle of the bath. Slowly, she dunked her head under the water, wetting her hair. Although the water was warm, she enjoyed the feeling of it against her heated cheeks and found herself wishing she could remain under water forever. It was a peaceful feeling that she was desperately longing for.

She finally came back to the surface, a sad expression on her face. She could feel the tears threatening to fall and she was doing her best to contain them because she didn't want to cry in front of them.

Deciding she was done, one of the youkai grabbed the towel while the other one pulled her out of the water, as if she couldn't do it herself, like she was a helpless little child. Still, soon enough Kagome found herself wrapped in a blanket and being dragged towards the bedroom.

On the bed, there was a kimono spread out, ready for her to wear. It was a silk kimono with a geometric pattern composed of tiny petals and fluffy clouds. The cream color surface was decorated with smooth orange mist, which accompanied well with the camellias and plum blossoms of orange and silver color. The obi was a silver color with strike of golden orange, almost transparent.

Kagome grabbed the fabric delicately in between her fingers, enjoying the smoothness, but in a way, it only made her realize how different they were form her own clothes. She looked around, noticing her old clothes were gone.

She sighed heavily; she had never been one to go with the feudal era fashion. Although, she had to admit, the kimono looked  _divine_. It was probably due to the fact that she wasn't used to such  _piece of art_. Kagome bite her bottom lip completely swallowed in her own mind. Since she could not feel auras, she failed to notice the two youkais approaching her.

Kagome jumped slightly when she felt them removing her towel to which she tried to hold on. After being ripped away from her clothes so violently the previous night, she wanted to remain covered. Didn't these people have any kind of modesty?

She didn't quite enjoy being naked in front of them, yet they had no problem with dealing with her nude body. They obviously ignored her small struggles as they grabbed the kimono and started to dress her. Kagome let her anger show on her face, but she didn't stop them. After all, it wasn't doing much to struggle, and at least they weren't hurting her.

A few moments later she was dressed and one of them was already brushing her hair. She tied up her hair in a bun, almost on top of her head, with a golden ribbon. The hairstyle was finished with a small tiny white blossoms bouquet, right beside the bun. When they finally backed away from her, Kagome felt like she could breathe again. They had been literally  _suffocating_ her.

Kagome walked away from them and closer to the mirror. From afar she stared at her reflection, almost not recognizing her own self. She wasn't sure if she liked the change or not. This was not Kagome. This was someone whom Sesshomaru took against their will and he was now trying to transform. As if she wasn't good enough to be by his side even though he had forced her in that position.

She was from the future and she liked the clothes from her own time. This was too conventional, too  _feudal_  era and not enough  _Kagome_ -like. Kagome hoped they hadn't destroyed her clothes and she would be able to recover them. At the worst, she probably had a spare uniform in her yellow bag. The kimono was going to do for the moment since she did not intend to walk around  _naked_.

Kagome would have probably appreciated the kimono more if it hadn't came from Sesshomaru. It did look amazingly beautiful, but she didn't want to enjoy it because of its like to that monster. It was from  _him_  and thus, she disliked it. She stared at herself one more time before glancing away. She needed to find Sesshomaru and know what happened to her bag to allow her to retrieve her things.

She turned around to face the two youkais. "Where can I find Sesshomaru?" she inquired, her voice slightly unsure. What if Sesshomaru had told them to keep her lock in this room?

They both seemed slightly shocked at her disrespect towards the Lord, but they quickly recovered. "Sesshomaru-sama is in the dining area my Lady."

It took a few seconds for Kagome to understand that the  _lady_  they were referring to was herself. Why were they addressing her with such respect? Then she realized it was because Sesshomaru  _mated_ her. She stuttered for a few seconds, a bit confused before nodding.

"Thank you."

In all honesty, she had expected Sesshomaru to tell them she wasn't worth their respect and that they should treat her as if she was nothing. Especially after the way they acted when they were bathing her, she believed they really despised her. Perhaps it was just that most youkais were rude by nature. It wouldn't be  _that_  surprising.

Kagome slowly left the room, trying to remember how to get back to the dining area. They had been dragging her almost the whole way, causing her to not pay attention to where she had been going. Good thing for her that most of the castle, -so far- was one long hall. She assumed if she kept going down, she would eventually land somewhere near Sesshomaru. At least she hoped so.

She pinched her lips together as she increased her pace feeling a certain nervousness filled her heart. Nonetheless, for the first time in the last couple of days, she felt  _clean_. It was as if she had washed off all the bad and evil off her body. Of course, there were still some pains, but she could deal with them.

Once again, the tears threatened, though it was probably something that would take time to cease and Kagome held them back; if she could prevent it, she wouldn't cry in front of Sesshomaru again. The last thing that bastard deserved was her tears.

After a few minutes, Kagome reached the end of the hall, and she slowly poked her head through, looking around. A small smile came across her lips as she recognized the area. At least she had managed to not get lost. Quickly enough, she reached the dining area where she found Sesshomaru sitting down.

"Do you require food?" he asked, his voice as cold as usually.

Kagome slowly walked toward the table, sitting on the complete opposite side.

"Yes," she said her voice firm. She had shown enough of her weak side to him and from now on would stop. Unless her nervousness didn't allow her to be calm and collected.

Sesshomaru raised his head and peered at the Miko sitting in front of him. She could actually appear presentable when she was dressed in the proper clothing. "This Sesshomaru realizes you can look _acceptable_ when you are being provided with decent clothes."

Kagome bit her tongue, cursing him in his mind. She was not his little doll to dress up and change as he pleased. "This is only temporary. Once I retrieve my bag, I will change into my own clothes," said Kagome before crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"That will be impossible. The content of your bag has already been filter and such  _indecent_  clothing has been thrown out."

His words echoed through her mind as a rage began to stir up within.

"You went through my bag?" she asked, her anger growing stronger by the second.

Who did he think he was? He had no right to go through her stuff and decide what could be kept or not! She hated him for who he was, or rather whom he thought he was. She might be seen as his property because she bore his  _mark_ , but she wasn't about to allow him to rule her life.

Sesshomaru rubbed the side of his head; he could already feel a headache coming. They had found many unusual objects in her bag, which he would inquire about later. Now, she seemed too angry to think straight and he would not deal with her just yet. And did she really need to yell in that screeching voice every time?

"Some food will be brought for you and Rin," announced Sesshomaru, completely ignoring her question and dismissing her as a worthless being. He looked at her one more time before leaving her alone at the table.

Kagome was fuming as she watched him leave. Obviously, Sesshomaru thought too highly of himself if he believed he could just walk out on her like that! She asked him a question  _damn it_  and she wanted an answer! So far, he had only seen a weaker side of her because of the previous events, but she would show him she was different.

"Kagome! Are you eating with Rin?"

Kagome turned her head slightly, spotting the little girl coming in her direction. She put her best smile on before answering. "It seems I am."

The little girl's smile grew wider as she took a seat beside her. "Rin always hunts for her food, always eats alone! Rin hopes Kagome will stay with us forever!"

Kagome's smile appeared increasingly fake as the words sank in. For the little girl's sake, she wanted to seem happy, but as the reality of things wrapped around her, it was becoming a much harder task.

With the way things were going, she might very well be stuck there forever, with him, with that monster. It wasn't as if Inuyasha would come and rescue hers and after what he had done, she wasn't sure she wanted to see him. Kagome closed her eyes, and took a deep breath, trying to reassure herself. No words of encouragement came to her mind.

She ignored the increased heartbeat of her heart and she ignored the sharp pain going through her muscles of her body. She pushed aside the fact that she felt broken inside. Sometimes, she had to prevent her body from shaking when she recalled the previous  _interaction_  between her and Sesshomaru.

Would there always be a scar in her heart? Would she ever be free of the pain?

When would she be Kagome again?

-B-

Sango was walking behind both Miroku and Inuyasha, her mind wandering. Inuyasha had told them what transpired between Kagome and Sesshomaru, yet she couldn't help but feel as if some details had been left out. When Inuyasha had explained how Sesshomaru had raped and mated Kagome, she had been able to  _hear_  the guilt in his voice.

She knew the guilt she heard wasn't about what happened to Kagome, since it had been out of his control. What the  _normal_  Inuyasha would have felt was  _anger_  not guilt. She had pressed on the issue, asking if he was sure nothing else happened, but he had quickly dismissed her, saying nothing else had occurred. Sango had kept silent, as they set out on their journey to find Kagome, but now it was bothering her to no end.

Sango had felt some blame and pain when she had heard what happened. She should have gone with Kagome to the hot springs and then she could have protected her. She couldn't even imagine how Kagome had felt, lying there helplessly as a beast savaged her and took possession of her body. Tears came to her eyes as she wished she had been there for the woman she considered her own sister.

Even now, as they were traveling, Inuyasha wasn't his usual self. His ears were pressed against his head and he had this pitiful look on, like a dog that had done something wrong. Determined, Sango walked faster to catch up to him. Too bad she couldn't  _sit_  him like Kagome could since that would have gotten the answers out of him faster, but she had other ways.

"Inuyasha!"

The tone of her voice surprised Inuyasha, who quickly turned his head in her direction. He had been completely absorbed in his thoughts, that he hadn't noticed her coming up to him. In his mind, he had been thinking about ways to apologizing to Kagome and how to make it up to her. There was no doubt that a lot of sitting would be involved and he was ready to take it.

"What do you want?" he asked, his tone angry.

He didn't need Sango asking him if  _nothing_  else happened again. He had this bad feeling  _she knew_  but she wanted a confession out of him. He couldn't do that. The only way they would ever know the truth was if Kagome decided to share. Deep inside, he hoped she would keep that between them; he didn't need the others butting in their business.

"Did something happen between you and Kagome?" she asked, eyeing him from the corner of her eyes.

She was aware that Kagome was basically the only one who could get answers out of him, but it was worth a try. She needed to get to the bottom of this.

"I told you already,  _NO!"_  Why couldn't she just give it up already?

A flare of red ran across Sango's eyes before she walked ahead of Inuyasha, visibly pissed off. He was lying straight to her face and she could tell. One thing did agonized her though; if Inuyasha was lying about it, that meant he did something bad. Kagome had already been hurt enough when Inuyasha had found her and Sango wished deep inside he hadn't made things worst.

If she found out from Kagome that he hurt her, he would have hell to pay and she wouldn't go easy on him just because they were friends.

-B-

Kami she needed to get out of there.

The place, the scent, the sights, everything was driving her insane. Everything in this place belonged to him and she was sick of having his image burnt in her mind. Why was the victim always the one plague with the memories and the pain? Why was she the only one injured by the whole thing? It was unfair.

Sesshomaru said he didn't wish for it, but he provoked it and he forced her by his side. She would have gladly left, gone on her own far away from him. If she was still there, it meant he  _wanted_  her there, no matter what lies he provided her with. Although the bastard never answered  _why_  he couldn't tell her the truth.

Kagome sighed heavily as she pressed her head against a tree, trying to forget about her sorrow. Earlier, Rin and her had collected some flowers and when Rin had left for her bedtime, Kagome had remained outside in the little garden, trying to enjoy the chilly night by herself. She would have confronted Sesshomaru but apparently, he was avoiding her and since she didn't know the castle, it was hard for her to seek him.

Plus, she wasn't sure if she was ready to face him  _alone_. It was true that even if people were present they were under his orders, yet it still made her feel a tad bit safer than being completely alone with him. Thus, for lack of better option, Kagome had decided it was better for her to stay outside, enjoy the stars and the coolness of the night against her skin. The kimono was protecting her enough that she was not freezing yet not too warm either. She sighed heavily, the sadness heavily showing on her face.

Nothing in the past few days was something she had expected and planned for. She was mated to the youkai who raped her and on top of that, he had taken away her powers and everything else she held dear. Kagome had never felt so powerless of her whole life.

She had no pride, no will, no strength, no pureness and no powers. Had she hit the bottom so quickly?

While she was drowning herself within her sorrow, the realization that she couldn't go back home descended on her, fully this time. If Sesshomaru had his way and never removed the bracelet, she would never see her family again. She would be stuck in the feudal era for the rest of her life, attached to a youkai who would do nothing but abuse her.

Her mother wouldn't worry for her while since she had just came back from her time, but after a while… what if her family thought she died?

Kagome pinched her lips together, the distress taking hold of her heart; maybe Inuyasha would go see them? He was far from being her favorite person right now, but he was the only one who could go through the well. Maybe he would inform them of her current situation. They would probably be heart broken, but at least they would know she was alive.

Although was it better that they thought her dead, than stuck into a hell she could not escape?

She bit her bottom lips, the tears right on the edge of falling.

Her mother would never hug her again.

And one lonely tear fell down her cheek.

She wouldn't hear her grandfather's stories again, even though by now she knew them by heart. She wouldn't annoy and pick on her little brother anymore, nor would she see him grow up to be a man. Kagome brought her hand to her heart and clenched the silk fabric of her kimono. It felt as if her heart was engulfed into darkness and it was slowly being swallowed.

Kagome was helpless. She couldn't even stop herself from drowning into her own suffering.

She wasn't even conscious of the tears staining her cheeks as memories of her family flooded her mind. Kagome despised Sesshomaru for taking everything away from her. The bastard didn't even look like he cared that he completely destroyed her. On top of that, he had been disgusted with her ever since he had raped her. She was relieved that he didn't try to touch her again, but she couldn't help but wonder why.

To be so confused didn't make the situation any easier.

What kind of need pushed him to rape  _and_  mate her and then removed any desire he had towards her? She had to admit it did not make any sense, but it didn't lessen the hatred she had for him. How could she ever forgive such actions?

Kagome's eyes were extremely heavy, as they got puffier and redder. She knew sleep wanted to claim her, but she didn't want to, she was afraid of the darkness of the night, of the dream world. Her dreams were filled with his touch and darkness and it was world where she did not want to go. As more tears fell, Kagome struggled to remain awake; each tear took a bit of her energy away. She softly wiped her cheek, before drying her hand on her kimono.

For now, she would need to stay in the castle. Not because she wanted to, but because everywhere she went, there was at least two youkais following her. If she had her powers, then she would have been able to plan some sort of escape, but currently, there was nothing she could do. She would find a way to leave, but she would need to plan it carefully.

Kagome brought her knees against her chest, and softly rocked herself, a gesture that reminded her of what her mother used to do. Now that she was alone, for the first time in a while, it was easier to break down. Nobody would see her pain through the darkness of the night.

Everything that happened in the last few days was taking hold of her fragile body, and once again she needed to let the steam out before she exploded. She wouldn't do it in front of people, but now since she was as alone as she could be, she allowed herself this privilege.

Every sob broke her heart and every tear shattered the pieces.

It would be so until there was nothing left.

-B-

Never had anyone annoyed him that much.

Sesshomaru was in his own chambers, yet he could smell the tears and pain coming from her and he cursed her. He rubbed his head softly, hoping she would be done moping soon as it was ticking him off. Never had he seen someone in her situation be so  _broken_  for such a long length of time.

On top of that if she finally gave up on fighting, it would make it a bit easier on him and his headaches. The faster she cooperated, then perhaps the faster she would be out of his life permanently. Also, she was mostly to blame for the entire dilemma. She was the one who had entire his  _life_  and had complicated everything for him. To add to everything his ward liked her company. At least the Miko had the decency to act decently in front of Rin.

Another reason behind his annoyance was the mating. It seemed the only way to break their bond was to kill her, but he could not do that. It was not as if it would bother him to end the Miko's life, but he wasn't sure of the repercussion. He did share the trait of hot headed with his brother and he usually weighted his decision, and thought them through.

Sesshomaru held little interest in the jewel, but, Naraku could prove to be an annoying threat and she might be the key to getting rid of him. Although, perhaps once her duty was done, it would be easier to get rid of her without having any doubts. If he could put up with her for a few days, surely he could handle a few more weeks. He didn't even need to be by her side.

It was then decided. Until he knew if it was safe for the Miko to be gone from this world, he would not kill her, which led to the problem of making sure she didn't annoy him.

The only positive thing that  _sort of_  came out of it, was that she was a human and easy to control. If it had been an unwanted youkai mating, he would have still been able to control her, but it would have been more of a pain, since must females could be real bitches, especially when they obtained titles from a mating.

The young Miko did have a fighting spirit, but at the moment she had nothing but words to back it up. Maybe he could find a way to permanently shut her up before she destroyed his sensitive ears. Sesshomaru lay back in his seat, all his thoughts going through his mind. He had made sure his room was as far as possible from hers since he did not need to smell her disgusting scent during the night. He was already forced to tolerate it during the day and that was enough.

Everything about her irked all of his senses. She was extremely displeasing to his sensitive nose.

Sesshomaru made his decisions fairly quickly when it came to her. He had decided to stay a few weeks to make sure everything was under control. Afterwards, he would leave the Miko at his castle, while he left to travel once again. He had a feeling she would not be happy about that, but it wasn't her decision to make. Also, if he stayed in her company any longer, he would end her life.

As he thought about her little outbursts, he couldn't help but wonder why she thought females had such power and had a right to voice their opinion in such a manner. Obviously she hadn't been raised right, or perhaps she had no parents to teach her how to behave.

Maybe it was his half-brother's influence.

Inuyasha.

He would have to watch out for him and his temper. He knew his half-brother and he had a feeling he was hunting for Kagome now, which would only bring more trouble. He had probably realized how foolish his actions had been and he would be seeking the Miko's forgiveness. Sesshomaru did not intend to let him anywhere near Kagome. Plus, he was almost certain that at the moment, the Miko did not desire to see Inuyasha.

Sesshomaru stood up and walked toward his window and stared into his garden. He could see Kagome's sleeping form, pressed against a tree. Foolish woman. It was a good thing the nights weren't cold yet, or she would freeze to death out there. If she wanted to sleep uncomfortable, outside, he wouldn't be the one to bring her inside.

She might be his mate but it was against his choice, which meant he didn't care for her in any way.

She would never mean anything to him.

-B-


	7. Torture

_Soreness_ .

Kagome slowly raised her head, a vivid sensation of pain going down the nerves of her neck. It was then that she took conscience of her surroundings. Apparently, she had fell asleep outside, pressed against the tree and nobody had moved her. Anger rose inside of her, but she quickly pushed it aside; if Sesshomaru had been in her situation, she wouldn't have moved him either, so it was fair.

She blinked a few times, trying to bring herself back completely from her slumber. As she took a glanced around, she noticed the sun had just risen leaving the sky a pink color laced with blue. The small cool morning breeze was still lingering around, the air slightly humid and it gave her chills. Kagome wrapped her kimono tighter around her body before finally standing up, her toes extremely cold. She rubbed her eyes slightly, before her shiny grey eyes were finally  _wide_  open. Once again, she had woken up feeling drained, but this time it was from the tears she had shed the whole night.

Kagome slowly pushed open the door and entered the castle. As soon as she took a step her stomach growled, letting her know it was time for some food. Kagome remembered she hadn't eaten much the previous day and with a sigh she made her way to the kitchen. She had a feeling her stomach would not tolerate heavy food and she prayed nobody else was in the kitchen so she could cook herself something.

She had no desire to be surrounded by people, or to be glanced up and examined by his staff that all wonder  _why_  Sesshomaru had picked a human mate. In addition, they seemed  _fine_  with the fact that their union was not desired.

Fortunately for her it seemed that luck was on her side since when she entered the kitchen it was completely empty. A tiny smile appeared on her face as she walked over to a counter. She had no idea where anything was, thus she started to glance around, opening drawers. Finally after some digging around, she found some vegetables and a knife. Slowly, she began cutting the vegetables, her mind wandering.

Kagome glared at the bracelet hanging from her thin pale wrist. She cursed the damn thing as it reminded her of her current state of weakness. She wasn't a fighter like Sango, nor did she have a special attack like Miroku and the only power she ever had was her Miko powers and now, she was back to being a regular defenseless human.

It was true that for years, she had no idea she was a Miko, but in her time, she did not need to defend herself like here. Now things were different, especially since she was stuck with Sesshomaru for an undetermined amount of time. She bit her bottom lip, as she vowed to find a way to break the spell on her bracelet. The instant that would happen, she would make a run for the well, and never look back.

Kagome was well aware that she would only have one shot at this, and she could not mess it up.

"Kagome?"

She jumped slightly, not expecting the intrusion. Not thinking, she immediately sharply turned around and before she knew it, the razor edged blade of the knife scrapped against her arm, cutting through her flesh. She winced in pain, and dropped the knife to the ground, the agonizing pain stabbing through her. Instantly, Rin rushed to her side, her eyes open broad and extremely distraught for the Miko.

"You're bleeding!" she screamed as she observed the blood pour out of the cut.

The blade had dug fairly deeply in her skin and Kagome slowly became aware that she had to put pressure on it.

"Don't worry Rin, I'll be fine," said Kagome as she held on to her arm.

In one swift movement, she was standing straight up and she started to jog in direction of the room Sesshomaru had assigned her. It was the only room where she knew where  _some_  things where. As she ran, she left a trail of blood behind her, but she did not care for it as it happened, since her mind was focus on other things.

When Kagome finally reached the door, she released her hold on her injured arm, to be able to open the door with her bloody hand. Once inside, she rushed to the pile of towels and quickly picked one and began applying pressure on her open wound.

Kagome realized she should feel pain but she couldn't feel anything, the only emotion flowing through her body was nervousness. Soon enough it was as if she was going to break down from the rush of pain. Perhaps she couldn't feel anything because she was losing too much blood.

Death by blood loss?

Rapidly, the towel was soaked in blood and Kagome dropped it to the ground before taking another one. Her little accident made her realized just how out of it and drained she was. Rin had simply said her name and she had reacted as if she was being attacked. Kagome had been so careless and she had paid no attention at all the to knife in her hands. Maybe she did deserve this wound.

" **Blood?** "

Kagome felt her blood freeze throughout her whole body, panic taking over. She closed her eyes, tears threatening to fall; she knew that voice  _too_ well. Against her wish, her body started to tremble and she was afraid to turn around and face  _it_. This was the rough, husky voice Sesshomaru had when he  _raped_  her. It was still vividly present in her dreams and she would never forget it.

The simple word echoed through her mind as she shook like a leaf.

When she felt his claw hand on her shoulder, she found herself begging. " _No._ "

Kagome was almost terrified to make a movement, but still found the strength to face him. She was not even surprised when she saw his crimson eyes looking straight at her,  _need_  and  _want_  obvious in them. Kagome was too well aware what it meant and slowly, she backed away, not remembering there was a wall behind her. Every time he had this  _beast_  look in his eyes, she knew he wanted one thing only.

"Go away, leave me alone," she asked, trying to keep a firm voice.

However, she was quickly betrayed by the shakiness of her voice and her body. How could she look tough when she could barely glance at him? She couldn't bring herself to gaze his way because it would fill her mind with all the painful memories he had created within her mind.

Sesshomaru walked in direction of her, planning to have her back into the wall so she would be trapped. He licked his lips, as he could almost taste her blood and it was driving him mad with desire. He slowly picked up her arm, while Kagome tried to yank it away.

After the first pull, she winced in pain and bit her on bottom lip. Sesshomaru took advantage of her distracted state to approach her arm from his face and slowly lick the blood off the wound. Didn't she understand this would help her and ease her sorrow a bit? Since not only did he want to taste her blood again, but also his saliva would help heal her injury faster.

Kagome froze when she felt his tongue on her skin, unsure what to do since her body didn't know how to react in his presence. Of course, she wanted him as far away from her as possible, but it was hard to get away when he had such a hold on her injured arm. From experience, she knew how difficult he made it for her to escape and she didn't wish to inflict further pain to herself.

Hadn't she been wounded enough?

"Stop it," she demanded. "GET AWAY FROM ME! I don't want you to TOUCH me," she screamed, as tears rolled down her cheeks.

She would not have him put his hands on her again. She never wanted to live that nightmare again.  _Never. Never. Never_.

Sesshomaru raised his head and growled at her in frustration and pain. Why did she say such cruel things, even when he came to her aid? Why did she still feel such rage towards him?

Kagome could see her blood dripping down his chin and a chill of fear ran down her spine. He resembled a emotionless monster who was on a feeding frenzy. Slowly, he approached his face from her, trying to intimidate her, trying to bring her down. She was  _his_  mate now, why did she still challenge him? Why wouldn't she submit to him?

Right away, he went for her neck and nibbled the mating mark as an attempt to  _remind_  her she was HIS.

Kagome glued her lips together, holding back a sob. She put her hands on his chest, since her arm was now free and tried to push him away from her body and create some distance. Her little strength did nothing against him; he never bulged. Every attempt she made to push him away only made his anger grow.

Now that she belonged to him, she should have submitted, she should have been feeling more joy than pain. Why did she fear his touch? If she had behaved he wouldn't have hurt her: it was all her doing. Sesshomaru grabbed her wrists, and pinned her hands above her head.

Kagome felt her back being pressed against the wall and she could no longer hold the scream in her throat. "NO! DON'T! YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THIS, YOU DON'T WANT ME!"

Angry at her words, Sesshomaru pressed his lips against hers, shutting her up at the same time. His mate was seriously annoying him; he  _desired_  her every second she was around him and her blood was very  _appealing_  to him. Why would she scream such lies? Why was she trying to hurt his feelings when he only wanted to bring her happiness?

Why couldn't she understand what it did to him to hear her say such things? He  _needed_  her close to him, to leave, to breathe. Didn't she feel the same way? He could feel her still protest against his lips, so he pushed his tongue against her lips, separating them.

Kagome felt as if she was going to gag once she felt his tongue enter her mouth. When it was against her own tongue, she only had one solution crossing her mind. It would probably piss him off, but she wanted it out of her mouth. She moved her tongue away and quickly bit down on his. It did not do much damage, but it did manage to make him pull away, although, his rage had hit a new level.

 _Strike_.

She felt his hand come in contact with her cheek and then all she could experience was a burning sensation on her skin. Involuntarily, tears appeared in her eyes, caused by the pain and she was hopeless to cease them. Once again, she could hear Sesshomaru growling and before she could do anything, she was violently thrown on the bed.

Because of the way he flung her across the room, her head hit the wall, bringing her more suffering than she already had.

Sesshomaru was then walking in direction of her, like a bloodthirsty monster.

He was very  _displeased_  with her. Why did she  _challenge_  his authority all the time! He wanted her to crave his touch; he needed to show her just how much she needed it. He stared at her lying form before proceeding to undress himself. He didn't wish to put her through this, but she  _still_  couldn't understand she belonged to him.

Sesshomaru would love her more than that hanyou ever could have.

Kagome, who had just raised her head, gasped in panic. She immediately tried to make it to her feet so she could leave the room as fast as possible. Unfortunately, before she had a chance to even make it off the bed, Sesshomaru grabbed her leg, and threw her on the bed again.

He positioned himself on top of her, right in between her legs. Kagome started to hit his chest with her tiny fists, trying to get him off her. Of course, her attempts were useless as he picked up her hands and held them over her head. He then picked his gold and purple obi and tightly tied her wrists together. Then, he glanced down at her face and licked off the tears on her left cheek.

Immediately Kagome tried to break her hands free, disgusted, but after a few pulls all that she managed to accomplish was increasing the pain in her arm. Her bottom lip was quivering as she hoped he would not repeat the abuse on her body.  _Not again, not now._

Sesshomaru brought her closer to  _him_  by pressing his hard erection against her clothed core. He then proceeded to attack her neck with small nibbles, needing to breath in her divine scent. Kagome's mind was hit with flashback of what he had previously done to her and a heart-wrenching sob escaped her lips.

"Don't touch me, you MONSTER!" she yelled, before kicking him with her legs.

Sesshomaru slowly pulled away from her neck, his fangs showing. He took a hold of her kimono and with one yank he ripped it off her body. Kagome inhaled suddenly, as the cool air touched her heated skin, bringing her chills.  _This could not happen again_.

He licked his lips at the sight of her naked body and howled softly. It had only been a day and yet he had missed her body already. Her warm presence, her soft creamy skin. All of it was addictive; she was perfect. Most of all she was completely his and belonged to no one else.

" **Mine _._** "

He advanced his bloody clawed hand to her left breast and cupped it gently. Kagome started to wiggle under him, trying to stop his touch, but it was no use. Quickly, Sesshomaru pinned her in place with his free hand, trying to cease her useless struggles.

Slowly, he inclined his head forward and took her nipple in his mouth, gently sucking on it. At the same time, he started to massage the other breast, being careful not to hurt her. He wanted to make her feel good, just like her body brought him satisfaction. Tonight, he would show his bitch pleasure. He would teach her everything he could make her feel and she  _would enjoy_  it. Kagome pressed her lips together trying to hold in her sobs, as Sesshomaru licked and sucked her nipple.

She could feel warmth developing in her lower abdomen, which was only causing her more pain. She would not let her body appreciate his touch; she  _despised_  him. Her body might be bending to his will, but she wouldn't let her mind do the same.

How could she feel  _good_  when he was the one doing it? How could her body react to his touch? She despised him; she hated him with all the strength she had left inside of her. He terrified her, he injured her and he forced himself upon her. Why was her body warming up?

Sesshomaru lifted his head softly, but only to change breast. He used his other hand to caress her body; it went down her hip, clanging to her skin slightly, before cupping her round ass. He growled in satisfaction, as he felt his bitch's soft skin. His hard cock was pressed against her heated core and it was driving him wild with lust.

Never stopping the attention he was giving to her breasts, he moved away slightly, to give himself some room. His hands reached her womanhood and softly, he ran his claw across it without hurting her. He had missed the sensation of being buried deep inside her tight sheath. Today, he would actually enjoy her pussy while it was  _dripping_  wet.

"NO!" screamed Kagome, wriggling under him. "Why are you doing THIS?"

Kagome's eyes were red and puffy as she felt her heart sink deep inside her. Was he trying to make her  _desire_ him? Did he think  _she liked_  what he was doing to her? Not because her body reacted that she liked it. Didn't he hear her screams of despair?

Sesshomaru ignored her as his finger reached his goal. He rubbed the entrance to her humid pussy and slowly, he slid his finger inside of her. He was being very careful not to hurt her, as his digit went fully in. He could tell she was still a bit sore, which led him to make his movements slow.

Kagome's body buckled under the strange, unwanted touch before she breathed out heavily. Did he think she was seeking  _foreplay_? What she wanted was absolutely  _nothing_  at all. If she had to go through this again, she wanted it over as quickly as possible. Nonetheless, she'd keep trying to fight him off.

"DON'T."

Kagome closed her eyes, almost begging to escape to her own little world. She did not want to be there right now, pinned under the youkai who was about to abuse her once again. She wanted to be far away from here, even if it was just in her mind. She kept her eyes tightly closed, the tears still pouring, begging for some sort of relief.

" **Bitch you will stop your useless complains."**

Even now, when her body was responding to him, she kept crying. The scent of tears was beginning to greatly annoy him. He didn't wish for his mate to be sad, but it was as if she didn't know any other emotions. Couldn't she let him make her happy? Why did she refuse to give him a chance to provide her with joy?

Kagome gasped at his tone, surprised that he even spoke to her. Sesshomaru was staring straight at her, demanding submission just with his eyes. Kagome opened her eyes and glared at him, her breathing rather heavy.

"NO!" she screamed; she refused to give into him. Not now, not ever.

Sesshomaru went for her neck again and bit down on her mating mark. " **Mine, you belong to _me_.** "

Ignoring the plea look she was giving him, he proceeded to move his finger inside of her core, while avoiding harming her. He  _wanted_  her to feel pleasure from him, even if she seemed to dislike him. He grabbed one of her breast in his hand and massaged it gently, sometimes playing with her nipples with his claws, gently grazing them across it.

Against Kagome's will, her body reacted to his touch, slowly getting wetter, which did nothing but bring her humiliation. Kagome's eyes were closed shut, as she felt betrayed by herself. How could her body enjoy his treatment? He was nothing but a rapist monster! Why was he trying to treat her nicely?

And why did he despise her sometimes yet  _like_  her some other times?

Sesshomaru inclined forward and softly sucked on her earlobe, while increasing his rhythm. He could not stop himself from watching her face, as she tried to fight off the feelings. He ran his tongue behind her ear and watched her bit her bottom lip. Then it happened; his finger hit a more sensitive spot inside her wet core and he looked at her face while she moaned.

His chest filled with pride, he proceeded to hit the same spot again. Once again, Kagome moaned, but this time it was mixed with a sob. She wanted to hold it back, but failed miserably. Her body was still so new to this kind of experience and it felt so easily manipulated. It only knew his touch and perhaps that thought broke her heart the most. Only that monster would ever touch her?

She despised him, and the only thing Kagome wanted right now was to see him lying in his own blood, dead. Yet, she could not stop her body from reacting to the contact. It was too inexperienced and it was letting her down miserably.

"Don't, please don't," she begged, her voice extremely soft, as she shook her head violently.

She  _needed_  him to  _stop_.

" **Come for your alpha,"**  he ordered. She might not want to voice the words, but if she came for him, he would take it as her submission.

Kagome couldn't find her voice and simply shook her head, desperate to fight him. She did not want to open her mouth again afraid she was going to moan again. She didn't want to give him any more satisfaction.

Unfortunately, he  _wanted_  to hear her moans again. Sesshomaru increased the pace of his finger, hitting the spot every time. He could see her slightly arching her back as pleasure took over her body. She would eventually give in, although it would  _kill_  her to do so.

Her mind was fuzzy as she tried to struggle against his touch. It was hard to fight the pleasure she felt as he roamed his hand over her body, gently caressing it, while the other one was inside her dripping pussy. She could feel her hips moving to his rhythm and tears escaped her eyes. She didn't want this; she didn't want to feel the pleasure of his touch. Why didn't he stop? Why couldn't he leave her alone?

 _One more time._  Sesshomaru hit the spot once again and before she could stop herself, Kagome buckled under his touch.

"Noo-ahh!"

Sesshomaru had a prominent smirk on his face. " **That's it, come for your alpha. Submit to me."**

Once she would give in, she would stop with the rebellious attitude and she'd finally experience happiness.

Kagome shook her head, but she could not hold back her physical feelings any longer and as a sob escaped her mouth, her juices flowed down and drenched Sesshomaru's hand. Once her climax passed, he slowly removed his finger from her wet folds and put it in his mouth, licking it off, enjoying the taste.

She on the other hand was lying on her back, completely breathless,  _and ashamed_  of herself. Kagome hated herself for this, and the fact that she had given him exactly what he wanted. She was about to raise her head to show him just exactly what he was doing to her when she felt his hard cock pressed against her entrance.

Her eyes opened wide as she tried to stand up and cease him in his  _attack_ , but before she could do anything, he was already halfway in. Her eyes closed, as her face became a representation of desperation. Because of her wetness, it was not as painful as the first time, but it did not make it enjoyable in any way. In addition, Sesshomaru was being very careful as he pushed the rest of his length inside of her.

He could smell the shame on her and it did not bother him. Actually, it did irritate him a bit, but he knew it wouldn't last. Soon she would be craving for more, he just needed to give her more pleasure and show her just how amazing he could make her feel.

Kagome tried to lift her tied up hands to push him away, but she barely managed to lift them up.

"Please," she begged, her voice a soft whisper.

Sesshomaru as usual, ignored her. Instead of listening to her pleas, he lifted her legs, resting them on his shoulders, which allowed him to go even deeper inside her soaked cunt. He growled in pleasure, as he buried himself inside her. His bitch was tight and warm, squeezing his dick just enough to bring him more pleasure.

Kagome's struggles were only bringing him deeper inside of her, but she kept attempting to fight him off. She was still seeking to catch her breath, as he slowly moved his dick inside of her. Kagome wanted him to hurt her, not bring her pleasure.

It would be less painful if he could injure her. She did not want to come for him again; she didn't want him to have his way again. What he was doing at the moment was worst than  _simply_  raping her. It was if he was ripping away every part of her extremely painfully and slowly.

He smirked when he remembered where her soft spot was and he slightly moved himself so he could hit it.

"OH KAMI!" screamed Kagome when he hit it full force.

She hadn't been prepared for the sensation and the scream had left her lips before she had a chance to stop it, bringing more heat to her face.

Without giving her a chance to recover, Sesshomaru hit it again, causing her to moan quietly, while she mentally cursed him and herself. Sesshomaru was large and probably a little too big for her, which cause some pain to her still damaged womanhood, but the speed he was using was soothing the sensations. Also, his every stroke was made to give her pleasure, which did not help either, in her point of view.

Keeping her legs up in the air, Sesshomaru inclined forward to nuzzle his face against the crook of her neck, where the mating mark was, trying to bring his hurting mate some comfort.

" **So tight.** "

The juices dripping from her cunt every time he slightly pulled out were driving him mad with desire and he didn't know how long he would hold on. Sesshomaru wanted her to find her release first, thus he held it back, but not without great difficulty.

Kagome was shacking her head, whispering  _no_  as she felt the same warmth appear in her lower body. Why did he need to drag her through hell over and over again? Couldn't he just get his own satisfaction and leave her be?

Another wave hit her.

 _Not like this_.

She did not want him to give her an orgasm again. She didn't want him to feel accomplish, or pride from what he was doing. Sesshomaru probably didn't see anything wrong with it since they were  _mated_ , but to her this was still a violation of her body; he was still raping her. To her no matter the circumstances, as long as one of them didn't  _desire_  this it made it wrong.

Why couldn't he see her point of view?

Sesshomaru increased his pace slightly, enough to try to send her over the edge, but not enough to hurt her sensitive womanhood. He lifted one of his hands, and softly started to caress her hair, as if to soothe her pain away. He no longer wished to see tears on her cheeks. Kagome jerked her head away from his touch, but he only tightened his hold on her head, keeping her in place.

Kagome felt her release approaching, and she closed her eyes.  _Please, not again._  She shook her head violently hoping that someone would come out of nowhere and save her even though deep down, she knew no one would come for her.

 _Not again._  She felt herself crumbling down to pieces, and becoming irreparable. No more tears were coming out of her eyes, as if she had no more left in her body. She could no longer cry out her shame.

Sesshomaru knew she was close and picked up some speed again until it happened. Her face was buried in his shoulder, trying to muffle her sounds of pleasures as her orgasm hit her with full force. Male pride filling him, Sesshomaru threw his head back slightly, feeling her juices envelop his dick for the first time. His eyes grew wider as a new type of pleasure took over.

" **Yes, my bitch,** " he whispered in her ear.

Once she lay back down, completely out of breath, he felt his own release coming closer and he knew all he needed was one more stroke.

As soon as his seeds left his still erected cock, his eyes turned back to their regular amber color. Kagome was lying under him, her eyes closed as she felt his warm sperm inside of her, which was completely sickening,

For an instant panic flashed through Sesshomaru's eyes and he immediately wanted to jerk away from her body, only to find he was stuck. He closed his eyes, silently cursing his beast. He hadn't thought about him tying with her since they hadn't last time. Now he would have to remain inside her for a few more minutes and the thought of it repulsed him.

Once he pushed his thoughts aside, Sesshomaru could feel the Miko shacking under him, not knowing she was silently praying he would remove himself from her already. Sesshomaru's face was still buried in the crook of her neck, unsure what he should do next. The Miko was probably wondering why he hadn't pulled himself out of her body yet, but he did not feel for an explanation at the moment.

The only thought going through his mind was that this shouldn't have happened again. Sesshomaru could still painfully remember how his loss of control had occurred and he blamed her once again.

He remembered finding Rin in the kitchen clearly upset. Once she had told him what happened, he had followed the blood trail, which had leaded him to the injured Miko. The scent of blood had been overpowering any other scents around and it had been so powerful, it had made him dizzy.

He could recall his beast howling in lust and trying to break free. He knew that was the moment the beast had taken over. He could remember clearly both times the Miko had came, as if it had been him in control and not his beast. He did not like it.

Couldn't she have been more careful while handling a knife?

Sesshomaru's eyes still had a soft tint of red, but this time, it was caused by his anger. Plus, the scent of fear and shame coming from the Miko was bothering him to no end. It was her own fault she was in this mess. Moreover, how dare she feel shame when she was graced with a privilege?

Kagome was softly sobbing, although no tears were coming out. Why was he still laying on top of her? Why wouldn't he go away? Her arms hurt, and were feeling stiff from being stretched like that, and she wished he would just untie her already. The shame and disgust she felt towards herself was immense, and it broke her heart.

How could a monster like him get away with such treatment? How could he win her body like that? How could her body feel pleasure when he touched her? The very thought of him disgusted her, and she wanted him  _dead_. She finally opened her grey eyes, only to stare at the ceiling, clearly avoiding looking in direction of his face.

She tried to wriggle slightly, thinking it would give him the hint. Instead, a very pissed off amber eyes Sesshomaru raised his head, and glared at her.

"Miko, stop moving. This Sesshomaru cannot remove himself at the moment, you will only cause yourself useless pain."

Once again, Kagome found herself staring at a different Sesshomaru. Every time these  _things_  happened, he had a different voice and different eyes, only to be back to his regular self afterwards. Was this supposed to happen? Did their youkai take over when they were mating? It was as if he had a split personality and there were two of him.

Finally, a few more instants past and Sesshomaru felt himself slightly slid out of her letting him know he was free. He removed the rest of his length out of her still wet womanhood and as he did so, only a little amount of his seeds leaked out of her. Sesshomaru closed his eyes, cursing his beast; the Miko was still in heat and if he had doubts before, now they were almost certainty.

He wasn't sure if the fertility rate between human and youkais was normal, but if it was then, this was not looking good at all. He moved away from the Miko, and sat on the edge of the bed, before running his hand through his long silver locks.

As soon as he moved away from her body, Kagome wrapped her arms around her legs, bringing her knees against her chest. She wanted to  _kill_  him, she wanted to hurt him the way he had hurt her, but right now, the pain was immense and she felt as if it had taken over her whole mind.

She closed her eyes and tried to free herself from all this suffering by using her mind. For a moment, she pictured herself at home with her mother, her brother, and her grandfather. They were all sitting down at the kitchen table, enjoying a meal her mother had cooked.

Everyone had a smile on their face as they had to listen to another story from her grandfather. There was no pain there, it wasn't real happiness either since it wasn't real, but there, she did not suffer. And most importantly, in that world Sesshomaru did not exist.

The Taiyoukai stood up, still fully naked and bent down to grab his kimono. He noticed the miko's bloody and ripped clothing laying not too far from his and sighed before rubbing the side of his head with his thumb and index. Sesshomaru turned his head slightly and saw that blood was still dripping from her deep cut. He could not allow her to soil his whole castle with her filthy blood, nor take the chance to have his beast awaken again.

"Someone will come bandage your wound and clean you."

Kagome kept staring at the door in front of her and remained silent. She wanted to act as if he wasn't there, as if he didn't exist. Sesshomaru sighed in annoyance when she refused to speak, but kept his calm. As much as she infuriated him, he could  _comprehend_  her reaction to the recent event.

"They will bring you a new kimono so you can put some clothes on."

When she still did not utter a word, he decided to leave it be and to simply focus on dressing himself. He did  _sort of_  understand where the Miko was coming from with her  _emotions_ , but it was still not right for her to be this upset over it.

After all, they were mated, and although it disgusted him, it was part of a mate's duty to satisfy her mate. Only problem was, he did not desire the Miko and it sickened him that he had gotten control back when he had still been inside of her. He had been able to really feel her juice drip down his dick, and his balls. Once again, he was going to need a bath to remove her scent and her blood off him.

The thought made Sesshomaru only half dressed himself since he did not wish to stain his kimono with her filth and dirt.

Kagome felt a sigh of relief escape her dry, bloody lips as Sesshomaru closed the door of her bedroom, leaving her by herself in the darkness of the room. She let her body slid, so she was now lying in the bed in a fetus position, still no tears in her eyes. She was aware of what he had said and she knew the two neko youkais from the previous day would probably come.

She did not mind, nor care; after all, they had tried to do everything for her last time and she had tried to stop them. Not this time; she could barely find it in her to open her eyes. Kagome felt empty in the inside as if someone had taken her heart and ripped it to pieces.

Nothing was beating inside of her; the only thing that remained was the shadow of her spirit, still trying to hold on strong. Her spirit was the only thing keeping her alive, as if it refuses to give up, and let her give up.

Kagome closed her eyes and nodded to herself. She would not let Sesshomaru take her life, she would not let him be the cause of her insanity, but right now she could not fight. For now, she would sleep, and try to let her body rest a little.

Just for a little while…

-B-


	8. Emptiness

She heard the door open, yet her eyes remained closed, and her body refused to move. Kagome was aware of their presence near her, but she made no effort to indicate she was awake; she doubted it mattered anyway. They had come because  _he_  had ordered them, and they couldn't care less about her. After all, Kagome knew they had knowledge of what had transpired, yet nobody had done anything to stop it, not that they could have. Maybe she was simply drowning herself in self-pity; she wasn't sure yet. Everything around her seemed meaningless at the moment, as her arms were tightly wrapped around her legs. Kagome felt a hand pressed against her back, and she sighed when she realized they knew she was not sleeping. After one last deep breath, she raised her head, before dragging her heavy body to the edge of the bed. She did not even bother to look up at their faces, since she did not care for them, or their opinions.

No words were needed from them as she walked towards the bath herself, her feet dragging on the floor as she walked. It felt as if her whole body weighted a ton, and even she could not move it, but that wasn't as bad as her shattered heart. Fighting the tears, she softly shook her head, bringing herself back to the painful reality. There were no fairytale, or prince charming, only savage youkais, and their cold icy heart. When Kagome reached her destination, the fact that she was still naked fell upon her, yet she did not feel shame. Instead, she slowly immersed her body into the water, pushing aside the scorching heat of the liquid against her skin. Only the pain from her arm was hard to ignore. The dry blood quickly colored the water into a soft pink shade. At least the bleeding would stop.

Apart from that injury, which had been inflicted by herself, she had no other wounds. It seemed he had refused to leave any mark on her, which meant, this time, there was no blood on the outside to clean, nor any new wounds around her womanhood. The injuries were somewhere she could not reach; in her mind. Kagome was trying to figure out if this time was worst than the previous one. It shouldn't have been since this time she knew what to expect; yet it had been a complete shock. Sesshomaru had tried to be  _nice_  while  _raping_  her; as if that would have made the whole thing better. Then again, she could not comprehend him and his double personality; one moment he was  _clearly_  disgusted by her, while the other he was  _ravaging_  her body, permission or not.

Kagome felt a wet cloth on her shoulder, and she knew they had started to wash her. While being somewhat careful, they rubbed off invisible dirt off her body, not paying attention to her pain. She was  _extremely_  tired, yet rest would not come until these two youkais were gone. She figured the more she complied with them, the faster they would leave her alone. Without a warning, one of them dipped her head in the water, wetting her hair. Kagome's head was completely under water, and for a split second, she felt  _good_. There were no sound not even the sound of her breathing, everything was completely quiet. Nobody was with her down there; if she stopped breathing  _just_  a little longer, there would never been  _anyone else._  And then, a few seconds later, the neko youkai yanked her hair, bringing her back to the surface, where Kagome took a deep breath.

She turned her head in direction of the bedroom, where she could see a kimono. This one was much simpler than the previous one, which had been wrecked by Sesshomaru's bestiality. It was a bright peach color, and along the sleeves and bottom hem, there were white shibori tie-dye mists drift, and over the mists there were dark orange tulips. The obi, which was resting on top of it, was a white so pure, it was almost blinding. Without a second glance, Kagome looked away; she couldn't care less about his fancy clothes. If  _any_  of this was up to her, she'd be naked wrapped up in warm blankets, and she wouldn't come out for the next year. Of course, Sesshomaru proved her many times since their faithful encounter that he would not let her have her way.

Suddenly, hands grabbed her arms, and she was lifted from the water. A beige towel was wrapped around her body, before she stepped out of the bath. Her wet hair was dripping down her back, and the towel, but she kept walking forward. Kagome was very well aware they would remain in the room with her until she was dressed. Suffering written all over her face, she dropped the towel, even though she was not completely dry, and picked up the delicate kimono. The silk felt soft against her skin, but she did not enjoy it. It was  _his_  luxury. As quickly as her hands permitted her, she put it on, and tied it. Slowly, she turned around to face the two neko youkais, who satisfied that she was dressed, were already getting ready to leave. One of them nodded before picking up her wet towel. Without a word, they granted her wish, and left her alone in the spacious bedroom.

In relief, Kagome let her body drop on the soft bed, her eyes already closed. There wouldn't be much interruption for the next little while, and she would enjoy this moment of peace by sleeping. Her eyelids felt extremely heavy, but it was not because her body was tired. Her mind was drained, causing her body to slowly give up, and go into a slumber, which Kagome gladly welcomed. Unaware to her, as she fell asleep, was that Sesshomaru was only a few meters away from her, standing near her door.

"She did not struggle this time my Lord," said one of the youkai before bowing. Even she had been surprised by the lack of fighting that came from the miko. But, of course it wasn't her place to question what had taken place, plus she already had an idea of what had occurred.

The other female came forward, while being careful to not look at Sesshomaru in the eyes. "I do believe she is now sleeping Sesshomaru-sama."

Sesshomaru nodded, and gestured for them to leave him, which they immediately did. Something had seemed different in the miko when he had left her, yet he had been unable to determine what it was. It didn't really care,  _but_  he had no intention of finding her dead body inside his castle, thus, he had ask multiples of his servants to check up on her once in a while. She was truly proving to be a lot more trouble than she was worth, but, as much as it killed him, she was  _in a way_  his responsibility, and he would not have her kill herself, especially under his watch. Once again, he had failed to control his beast, but he blamed her; she should learn how to be more careful. It hadn't been a small cut, and the amount of blood she had lost had weakened his control.

It was probably hard for her to understand why he pushed her away one moment, but took her body the next, but it was bothering him more than it was her. Sesshomaru sensed that it was time to have a conversation with his beast. Obviously, he knew his beast's answers and arguments, but maybe he would be able to give himself some time. He could not let such events repeat themselves over and over again. They were mated, and there was nothing wrong with the act itself, but  _he_  found it disgusting. He could still feel himself within her warm, wet sheath, and it repulsed him. Unlike his father, he was in no way attracted to ningen, and their bodies, and the simply thought of  _fucking_  them was revolting. He needed to try and prevent this from happening again, but first, he needed to wash her filth off his body.

After one last glance to the door, he turned around, in direction of his own chambers. Abruptly, a voice coming from down the hall caused him to stop in his tracks. “Sesshomaru-sama!”

He did not need to see her to know the voice belonged to Rin. He slowly turned his body, only to find the little girl standing in front of him, a worried look painted over her face. “Sesshomaru-sama, is Kagome still hurt?” She asked, playing with her hands.

Sesshomaru sighed heavily; he did not wish to see Rin upset, especially over  _her_. “The miko is fine.” As he looked at Rin, he could already tell the next question. “She is resting, you may see her later once she is awake.”

Rin nodded, a radiant smile on her face. She had been extremely worried over Kagome’s injury, and she had been able to hear some muffle screams a few moments ago, which hadn’t helped either. She knew Sesshomaru-sama wouldn’t lie to her, and her concerns were put at rest. “Thank you Sesshomaru-sama,” she politely answered, before walking away.

Sesshomaru watched her leave slowly, before doing the same. His own chambers weren’t for from hers, at his request, yet it displeased him to have her so close. Although, compared to most humans, her scent was tolerable. He did not enjoy it, hence the desire to clean himself from it, but he could be around her without a sickening feeling taking over. The same went with Rin of course, he made sure that her scent was nothing short of perfect.

His two guards were quickly dismissed as he entered his own rooms. Nothing that had happened these last few days had been planned; yet he had been able to somewhat handle the situation. Although now, he had another kind of problem on his hands; pups. It was obvious that if the miko were a full youkai, he would know for a fact that she was pregnant, but now it wasn’t a certainty. If the fertility level between youkais and ningens were normal, than she was, if it was lower, than she might not be. Sesshomaru wouldn’t mention anything to her, although the thought had probably crossed her mind, but he would monitor her closely, and he would be looking out for any signs.

Slowly Sesshomaru removed his kimono, or at least what he had put on, and once he was fully naked, walked in direction of the bath. In one swift movement, he immersed his whole body into the warm water, immediately experiencing a feeling of cleanness. Sesshomaru decided that this would relax him, and perhaps now was time to have a discussion with his beast. He already knew nobody would dare interrupt him, thus the other people in the castle were of no worry to him.

He was well aware that it might not work, as he had not talk with his beast in years. The last time, he had been but a pup, still maturing. Considering the last actions of his beast, it would have been wiser to have tried it earlier on, but this would require all of his attention, and until now, he had not possess a safe environment for Rin. Sesshomaru set himself more comfortable in the water, before closing his amber eyes tightly shut.

A low growl came out of him, almost causing a vibration through his chest. His eyes remained closed, as he patiently waited. It was more than a probability that his beast was as angry with him, as Sesshomaru was with it. Obviously the reasons were extremely different, but nonetheless, he knew he might be waiting for a while. Although, the beast mood should have been improved from the latest interaction with the miko. Sesshomaru remained motionless, as he waited for an answer.

**_“Mate.”_ **

Sesshomaru sighed in annoyance, why did his beast only have the  _pitiful_  miko in mind?

_“She is resting, and clearly upset from your actions.”_

He could hear the growls, and soft cries of pain his beast was emitting, which disgust him. She did not deserve to be this important or valuable to any part of him. She would never be worthy to be his mate.  _Never._

**_“Mate was not pleased?”_ **

Anyone could tell that him and the miko were never meant to get along, which brought his mind back to the reason he had wanted to talk to his beast.

_“Obviously not. Why would you take an unwilling, ningen as our mate? Why would you pick her?”_

**_“Because she is ours. He was going to claim her soon. We couldn’t let that happen.”_ **

Sesshomaru easily assumed the  _he_  was his half-brother. Although, it didn’t really matter who it was since anyone could have taken the miko, and he wouldn’t have cared less.

_“She will do nothing but taint our blood. That worthless hanyou is already proof that enough damage has been done. There would have been no harm in him taking her, and diluting our blood further.”_

**_“She was not his to take. She belongs to us, and he does not deserve mate. Why aren’t we with mate?”_ **

It seemed his beast could not go long without wanting or desiring the miko. This was making the conversation a lot more difficult than it had to be.

_“Because the thought of being with her is nothing short of repulsive, and she feels the same. She despised everything you’ve done to her.”_

**_“Mate does not understand. I have no choice, you treat mate badly.”_ **

Sesshomaru was almost certain that the miko preferred his coldness to his touch. Of course, that proved she was slightly insane, but it was beside the point. He had other matters he wanted to get to.

_“You will not take over this Sesshomaru’s body again, without his permission.”_

**_“We need mate. Without me, you wouldn’t go near her. If I hadn’t done it, mate wouldn’t have been ours. She wouldn’t be carrying our pup either.”_ **

He hissed out loud at the mention of her carrying his pup, his eyes flashing red for a second. Everything that pleased his beast disgusted him to no end.

_“We do not know that for certain yet.”_

**_“Mate is still in her heat. If she is not, we will take her again, until she is.”_ **

The simple thought of being inside of her again, was enough to repulse him. If he could have his way, by the end of this conversation, he would never take the miko again.  _That_  would please him.

 _“We will_ not _take the miko again. This Sesshomaru refused to be involved with the onna again. And she is certainly not worthy to carry our heir.”_

**_“Mate is the_ ** **only _one worthy of our seeds. I will take her again. You cannot stop me.”_**

_“She despised you every time you do so.”_

**_“Mate will learn. Mate will submit, and learn to love our touch.”_ **

It felt as if his beast was a wild animal that could not be reasoned with. Although it bothered him when he said he could not stop him, it was the truth. He had tried every time, yet his control had failed him.

_“I could kill her, or get rid of her.”_

**_“I would not let you do it.”_ **

_“What would pupping her at such time bring us?”_

**_“Mate is a born to be a mother. Mate will stay if she has pups. Then, she will begin to understand.”_ **

That might be the only thing he couldn’t deny about her. He had seen the way she interacted with the kit, or even his ward. Motherhood came naturally to her, and there was no denying she would excel at it, but that didn’t mean he wanted her to have his pups. Now his problem was, he didn’t have any arguments to convince his beast that this would have be a mistake.

_“If you take her again, and go against my order, This Sesshomaru will find a way to seal you away. And then, there is nothing you will be able to do to prevent me from getting rid of the miko.”_

**_“There is no way for you to seal me away. I am you, I am not a power, or an aura you can seal away like you did with Mate’s powers.”_ **

_“Taking her against her will won’t bring you her love.”_

**_“Mate will learn to love us. She is ours to take over and over again. I will show her the pleasure of our touch.”_ **

Sesshomaru could feel his patience wearing thin. Rin who was nothing but a child did not argue against him like this. He did not desire to pup or take the miko again, but his beast refuse to  _not_  have his way.

**_“I would not need to take over if you didn’t stay away from Mate. I need to compensate for the lack of attention we get from her because of you.”_ **

_“If this Sesshomaru was around the miko more, you would stop coming?”_

**_“Not_ ** **around _her, you need to touch her, we need to feel her.”_**

_“This Sesshomaru refuse to_ touch _her.”_

**_“Then there is nothing left to be said. Mate will be pupped, if she is not.”_ **

Sesshomaru growled before hitting the edge of the bath beside him, breaking off some of the rocks. He knew he had lost his beast, and that it was now upset. There was no way for him to distance himself with the miko, since his beast would only come back for her. Sesshomaru stood up, water drops sliding down his naked body, somewhat annoyed. Nothing, _nothing_  was going according to what he desired. Maybe he needed to talk with the miko. It was obvious she wouldn’t want to see him, but he would tell her about his beast. Maybe it would make her be more careful next time.

He quickly dressed himself with a new kimono, which would soon be tainted with her scent anyway, and headed, outside of his chambers. He was quick to notice the looks of his guards, who had probably heard the growls from his conversation with his beast. Sesshomaru glared at them, and they were quick to look away, scared of his wrath. A small smirk on his lips, he walked down the hall to the miko’s room.

Sesshomaru was aware he could knock, and make his presence known, but this was his castle. He opened the door without a warning, only to find the miko sound asleep, lying diagonally across the bed. She was sleeping on her stomach, her face buried in one of the pillows. The scent of tears and agony was bothering his sensitive nose, and with a sigh, and walked over to the bed.

This was way too soon to tell if she was pregnant, and in a way, he wish he could find out she was. At least his beast might stay away from her if she was indeed carrying his pup. Sesshomaru sat up on the edge of the bed, and approach his nose from her sleeping form. Even though it was useless, he still tried to catch a different scent from her. He was nothing but surprise when he came to conclusion that it wasn’t different from before.

Kagome frowned slightly in her sleep, causing Sesshomaru to back away slightly. She could feel a dark presence, even without her powers, and she did not like it. At first, she thought it came from her nightmare, but once she opened her eyes, and saw  _him_  sitting beside her, she realized it was reality. Her heart stopped beating for a second, and she could not stop looking at him. Why was he there? Why had he come back so soon? Surely he did not want to take her again? Not so soon… Quickly she sat up, and backed away from him, by going to the other edge of the bed. She held her kimono tightly shut with one of her hand, while glaring at him the best she could.

“Miko, this Sesshomaru will not take you again,” he said, his tone clearly showing how  _he_  felt about her. Once again, he was bothered by thoughts of his previous actions.

Kagome scoffed. “You said that before,” she answered, her voice filled with venom. She would not make the mistake of believing that lie again.

“In reality, this Sesshomaru was never the one to mate, or take you.” He was staring straight into her gray eyes, no lies apparent in his.

She stared at him slightly confused, and intrigued. “I think I can recall the events. I was the one being raped,  _twice._ ” Kagome couldn’t help but wince at her own words. She was trying to put up a strong façade in front of him, while inside she was crumbling to pieces.

It was true that it could be slightly confusing since his exterior appearance  _almost_  looked the same whether he or his beast was in control. “Miko, this Sesshomaru stand by his words that he does not desire you.”

“Then why  _rape_  me?” The word hurt her every time, but she wanted to say it. Kagome knew Sesshomaru did not see anything wrong with his actions, but she wanted to try and remind him that she did; even if he didn’t care about her feelings.

“This Sesshomaru’s beast is the one who desires you.” He expected her to have a few questions, and probably be confused. He had desired to keep this from her, but if his beast refused to stop, there weren’t many ways around. He refused for her to think she was  _special_  and that he desired her over more worthy females. It would also make it easier for her to understand that when he said he did not  _want_  her, he meant it.

Kagome bit her bottom lip; his beast? She wasn’t very familiar with youkais, and everything surrounding them. She knew the basis she had picked up while traveling and fighting, but that was where it stopped. It didn’t make sense to her how he could despise her, but his beast could want her. “I don’t understand,” she bluntly answered.

“This Sesshomaru’s beast has a mind of its own, and it has apparently chosen you as our mate. Every  _intimate_  interactions that happened were will this Sesshomaru’s beast was in control.”

Kagome’s breathing had accelerated as she tried to think it through. It did explain his red eyes every time he  _raped_  her. She felt a small panic take her body over, as it all hit her. There was this beast that desire her, and even the  _powerful_  Taiyoukai could not stop it? He was repulsed by the thought of her, yet every time, his beast had come through and taken her anyway?

“Can you stop him?” she asked, her voice slightly broken. It almost felt like a waste of a question.

This tone, Sesshomaru sounded annoyed. “Miko, do you really believe that if this Sesshomaru could stop this he wouldn’t have? This Sesshomaru does not desire your body contrary to what you may believe.” He was already bothered by the situation enough with her being thrown in the mix.

Then came the obvious question. “Why me?”

She was supposed to represent everything he hated, and everything he wished he didn’t have in a mate. Why would his beast be so different from Sesshomaru? The only common thing she could find right now was that they were both monsters in their own way. For the first time in a few hours, her eyes tear up, and darkness filled her mind.

“This Sesshomaru does not know.”

Kagome softly nodded, the tears threatening to fall. She would have no pity for Sesshomaru, even if he did not wish for this situation. It might have been his beast in control of his body, but it didn’t change the fact that  _he_  had still been doing these actions. The beast was a part of him, which to her still made him responsible for all the actions. He might not desire them, but it was still his fault. Also, maybe he could have learned to have better control over his beast.

He might have explained things to her, but it did not make her hate him any less. Nor did it make her feel better, since it  _meant_  that these actions had little chances to be stopped. “Will he take me again?”

Sesshomaru frowned slightly as he remembered his beast’s words. “He desires to pup you.”

Kagome’s mouth opened slightly, trying to process his words. His beast wanted to  _pup_  her? She felt her eyes widen, as she looked down at her stomach. Her mind had been distracted with her previous mistreatment, and she had felt so  _empty_  this time, that thought of pregnancy hadn’t even crossed her mind. Slowly she put her hands on her stomach, and slightly rubbed it. Then, she raised her head and looked at the youkai in front of her, hatred in her eyes.

“Am I pregnant?” she asked, her voice shaking.

Sesshomaru stared at her straight in the eyes, his gaze cold. “It is impossible to say at the moment, which is why it will try until the end of your heat.”

She softly nodded her head, one tear rolling down her cheek. If she didn’t leave, he would do this again, and he might create a child in the process. “I could leave.”

“Even if you left, do you really believe you could outrun or hide from this Sesshomaru?” There was nowhere she could hide that he could not find her; after all, she was nothing but a ningen.

Kagome bit her bottom lip, wondering if she should tell Sesshomaru the truth. After all, it seemed as if he did not desire this either, and if Sesshomaru let her go to the future, he wouldn’t be able to track her there. Of course there was also the possibility that he would think she was crazy, and he wouldn’t believe her. In a desperate moment, Kagome believe being honest might save her. “You wouldn’t be able to follow me in the future,” she said, her voice extremely soft.

Sesshomaru remained silent, but stared at her. The future? Why this miko trying to say she came from the future? It sounded completely insane, although… it did explain some things, like her clothes, her attitude, or the weird objects he found in her bag. He had never seen such things before. “Explain,” he ordered.

She closed her eyes, and almost sighed in relief. His calm and interested tone was  _almost_  a good sign. Now the only problem was how to explain or where to start. “I’m from five hundred years in the future,” she stopped for a second to look at his face, but his expression never changed. “I-I travel through the well, by Kaede’s village.”

The well? Well that explained what she had been doing at the bottom of the well the last time she tried to run away from him. Although, it was strange since it appeared it hadn't worked, or he wouldn't have caught her. “It seems the well works anymore, or you wouldn’t be here right now.”

Kagome could remember very well the day she had tried to escape him, and failed; she had a mild breakdown. She raised her arm, almost shoving the bracelet in his face. “It’s because of that stupid bracelet. Without my powers, I can’t go through.”

He inspected her face for a few seconds, trying to see hints of lies. “How can this Sesshomaru know if you’re telling the truth, or trying to fool him into removing the bracelet?” Sesshomaru knew she was not a complete idiot, and she wanted the bracelet off ever since he put it on, hence why he had to be careful.

She felt anger rise through her body, as she bit down harder on her lip. “I do  _not_  lie. You think I jumped in the well to  _hide_  from you that day? I’m not that  _stupid!_  Don’t you think I know that even with my powers I don’t stand much of a chance, especially when I’m in  _your_  castle, surrounded by  _your_  guards!” It was true that she wanted to escape, but she wasn’t an idiot, she wouldn’t run for the first exit.

There was no trace of lie, or nervousness in her scent, which made him  _somewhat_  trust her. He took her hands in his, and inspected the bracelet. According to that dark miko all he had to do was slide it off. He put his hand on the bracelet, ready to remove it, and Kagome felt herself smiling inside.  _She was going home_. Suddenly, she felt his movements stop, and she looked at him, trying to understand why. Had he change his mind? Then, a cry of pain came out of his body, and Kagome’s hand went for her heart right away. It was as if her heart was being squeeze from the inside, and the hold on it wouldn't loosen. Suddenly even the simpler things became hard to do; breathing, or moving. It scared her because she knew this pain.

There it was the same heart wrenching pain from before. More tears fell down from her eyes, as the pain continued. Had he been the cause of her previous suffering? All those times she felt like her heart was being ripped apart it was because of him? Sesshomaru raised his head, and she could see his red eyes, as he threw his head back. His hold on her wrist tightened, and she tried to pull away. “Stop! You’re hurting me!” she screamed as the pressure he applied started to cut blood from going to her hand.

Slowly, he let go of her arm, and his cries died down. Before Kagome could move away, Sesshomaru buried his face in the crook of her neck, little cries of pain escaping his throat. Kagome couldn't help but freeze, unable to move; she knew what was Sesshomaru's beast goal, and as far as she was concerned, she desired to remain extremely far from  _it._ " **I won't let you leave. You belong to me, you're mine."**

Kagome's body slightly started to shake at the sound of his voice. Memories and flashbacks flooded her mind, as she tried to back away. Sesshomaru wrapped his arms around her waist, and held her tightly against his body; he wouldn't let her move. "Please," she begged. She didn't want him to take her again; she couldn't take it. She could feel his mouth on her skin, slowly kissing and licking it, and just the feel of it was enough to discuss her. She shut her eyes close tightly, wishing it all away. She didn't want this monster to impregnate her, if he hadn't done it already. She couldn't even understand why he would want to do it. Surely the beast and Sesshomaru could be on a same ground level right? Did Sesshomaru really completely lose control every time?

Sesshomaru moved down to her collarbone, which he lick, slowly. The pain he had felt when the bracelet had almost been removed was indescribable, and now, he was quite upset. The simple thought of her leaving him was enough to drive him mad. He would never allow her to get away from him, especially not to that  _future_  of hers. If she ever had a shot to go there, he knew she would take it. He would made sure she never got that opportunity. Sesshomaru knew that if she was pupped, it would trigger something inside of her; she wouldn't risk the baby, and she wouldn't try to leave him. Plus, he firmly believed she was born to be a mother, and it would make her extremely happy to be pregnant. He was willing do to anything to keep her by his side. Being far from her was too painful.

Then he felt it.

He pulled away from her, his hold remaining, and started to sniff around. Kagome's breathing was sharp, as she tried to look around, confused. Then, Sesshomaru growled, and instantly pressed her against his body, in a very possessive manner. Kagome gasped at the contact with his hard chest, almost scared, and her tears burning her skin on contact. Sesshomaru slightly opened his mouth, showing off his fangs. " **He's here."**

Kagome stared at his face, confound.  _He?_  For a split second, it was confusing, but then, she understood. There was only one person who could get the beast on its guard like that, and make him protective of her in such a manner. He was afraid someone that would take her away, and the only person who would come to do that was...  _Inuyasha._  Kagome sharply inhaled, her eyes completely empty, as one single tear fell down. She wasn’t sure she was ready to see him, but she couldn’t let Sesshomaru hurt him could she? She stared at the angry red-eyed beast in front of her, and took a deep breath. No, she had not forgiven Inuyasha for his actions, but she did not desire to see him dead.

Although she had no idea how to communicate with the beast currently holding her. She had never been able to stop him from doing anything in the past…

-B-


	9. Sacrifice

_Inuyasha._

How would she stop Sesshomaru's beast from going  _murderous_  on him? He had never appreciated his brother's company and since Inuyasha wasn't coming to make peace, Sesshomaru wouldn't give him a proper welcome. That was when another thought hit her; maybe Inuyasha was not alone! What if her friends were with him?

It wouldn't be unusual for them to accompany Inuyasha especially if he was coming to  _save_  her. Also, Kagome knew for a fact  _it_  wouldn't make a distinction between friends and foes and _it_  would get rid of whoever got in his way. As she thought about her companions suffering because of her, she began to feel nauseous.

"Is..Is he alone?" she asked, her voice trembling.

Sesshomaru inhaled deeply and shook his head. "The two humans and the kit are with him."

He did not know much about the humans traveling with his half-brother, but he knew the kit was very important to his mate and he made a mental check to keep him out of harm ways.

Kagome closed her eyes, tears threatening to fall; she could not let him hurt them. After all if they had all accompanied Inuyasha it meant he hadn't told them the full story and that they were only aware of what happened between her and Sesshomaru. That meant they would be prepared the fight the Taiyoukai if they had to. She bit her bottom lip as her mind revealed to be a complete blank; she couldn't come up with an answer.

If anyone attacked him, he would reciprocate and there was little she could do to stop him. It was also almost impossible to stop Inuyasha since he had inherited the same stubbornness as Sesshomaru. She felt helpless when Sesshomaru pulled away from her with what seemed like the intention of fighting the intruders.

"Don't," she asked, before sitting up on the bed and reaching out for his arm. She almost flinched when her fingers touched his skin and a chill ran down her spine.

"They're my friends, you can't hurt them." She knew Sesshomaru would have simply pushed her aside and left anyway, but she hoped his beast was slightly different.

" **He desires you. He wishes to take you away from me."**  The hanyou was trying to challenge his position as the alpha and Sesshomaru wouldn't back down.

He had nothing to fear; he could clean the lands from his worthless body in one hit. " **If they try to harm me, I will get rid of them."** He couldn't care less for the people who  _used_  to travel with her since she was his only priority.

Tears fell down her cheek as she removed her hand from his arm and hurried to stand away from the bed. It seemed he refused to listen to her or what she had to say, but she  _needed_  to make him understand her point of view, not that he had ever listen to her before... Problem was, to him their lives did not matter and it made the whole situation more dangerous.

"Let me talk to them first, maybe I can convince them to leave."

Kagome, even though her mind and body had gone through a lot of shock, was ready to sacrifice herself for her friends. Why should they pay with their lives when this wasn't their fault?

He turned his head and growled at her; he did not approve of her idea, since it was degrading. He was the alpha of the pack and all the decisions were to be made by him. She had no business talking in his place. When his authority was being challenged, he had to be the one to handle it, not her.

" **No.**   **You are the female, you do not speak for me.** "

Kagome sighed in frustration as she had forgotten how stubborn and proud youkais were. Kagome was desperately trying to find an argument to convince him, but her mind refused to provide her with anything. She closed her eyes tightly; she would have to somewhat lie and hope he would believe her.

"Please, just let me talk to them for a few minutes. They are here because of what Inuyasha told them. They are my friends and they simply want to help me. They want to get me out of here because they believe I'm here against my will and I wish to leave."

Sesshomaru slightly turned his body so he could stare into her deep grey eyes. " **Do you?"**  He was aware that she was unhappy, but it was her own fault. He was trying very hard to please her but she refused to accept his attentions.

Kagome bit her bottom lip, unsure what to do. It was so easy to lie, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She despised him and never did she want him to believe she liked what he had done to her. Saying she didn't want to leave would simply break her, since she refused to spend any more time with that monster. Although, now she was in a tight situation since her friends' lives were at stake too. She sighed heavily; that little two letters word would have to come out… but…

Her lips trembled as the truth escaped them. "Yes." Kagome instantly looked down at the ground, almost ashamed.

Sesshomaru titled his head slight before moving his hands and taking a grip on her hips. " **Why?** " he asked before tightening his hold. " **I have tried to please you, I have been gentle with you, but you refuse my touch. Tell me, why should I spare your friends?** " He was aware this whole situation was hurting her, but if he could he would use it to his advantage.

She could lie to him and say she would do as he asked, but in her heart she felt the power of those words; when the time would come, it would be impossible for her to keep her promise. The pain and suffering he would bring her would be too much to bear. She would never be able to pretend she  _enjoyed_  it when he raped her.

"It will hurt me if you kill them," she said, her voice a soft whisper.

He was a monster who seemed to not care about what she felt or wanted, but in some twisted way it appeared he had some sort of feelings towards her. After all, he mated her and he didn't wish for her to leave him. Any lead was worth investigating, which was what she was trying to do at the moment. Kagome couldn't help herself from chewing the inside of her cheek as she watched his face. Was pain inflicted from his hands acceptable but not other kind?

Sesshomaru did not desire for her to feel any pain; all the suffering she had experienced so far was her own fault. If she had behaved and accepted their mating, she would have enjoyed it. He was conscious that her companions' death would trigger torment in his mate, but he refused to have them snaffle her away from him. She was his possession. Also, since she hadn't proposed anything in exchange for her friends' lives, he decided to push the issue.

" **You have nothing to offer in exchange for their lives?"**  he asked as one of his hands moved up and rest on her back. As soon as he did so he could feel her stiffen under his touch, which he did not appreciate.

Kagome was repeatedly licking her lips, her mouth completely dry. She knew he had already used her body many times and one more shouldn't make a difference, but she refused to willingly give herself up to him. At least when she fought and refused him, a spirit remained alive inside of her, something locked far deep inside of her, almost out of his reach.

If she gave up the right to fight, she would lose her mind and her life. She would deny him what he desired because he denied her what she wanted. She looked down, clearly avoiding his gaze, as his question remained unanswered. She had always been the first one to throw herself at danger to save herself, but right now she found herself unable to form a response for him.

A sighed escaped his lips before he released his hold on her. " **Two minutes. And they will believe you are happy here and that you desire this.** "

His crimson eyes were staring at her, waiting for an answer. Sesshomaru was determined that in such a short amount of time, she wouldn't be able to stop them, but at least she should be grateful he did granted her request.

She couldn't help herself when her eyes widened in surprise; had he really dismissed his own question so easily? Kagome sensed this was a one-time offer and if she let it slip away, that would be it. She did not wish to agree, but she hoped to save her friends, so she lightly nodded her head while holding back a sob.

She didn't wish to pretend, but to her, it was much better than letting him have her body. Although, she was confused as of why he wished the others to believe she was happy; he had never cared about her happiness every time he raped her. But her answer appeared to satisfy the beast since a smirk manifested itself on his features. Quickly, he grasped her by the waist and pulled her close to his body.

 **"Two minutes** ," he reminded her, his tone extremely serious; he wouldn't give her one more second.

She could detect her stress level increasing before she nodded. She might have a chance to talk to Sango and Miroku in that amount of time, but Inuyasha would never calm down in two minutes. Kagome could sit him, but she doubted it would do much since last time she had seen him, it had taken for Sesshomaru to knock him out for him to stop.

 _Inuyasha_. Why did he have to be such an idiot? Why couldn't he have tried to protect her? She closed her eyes, trying to take deep breaths as Sesshomaru lead her out of the room, his arm still secured around her waist.

A few seconds after they stepped out of the room, they could hear footsteps coming their way, and soon enough, Rin appeared in front of them. For an instant, Kagome stopped breathing, worried for the little girl safety. Sesshomaru's beast was supposed to have feelings for her, yet he treated her badly, would he do the same with Rin? Kagome closely observed as Rin walked over to them, a smile on her face.

"Sesshomaru-sama," she said politely before turning her attention to Kagome.

She ran towards Kagome and hugged her around the waist. She had a good news to share with Kagome. Though, she did not think that Sesshomaru-sama would feel the same way, as his nearly closed eyes revealed that he was not quite happy at the moment.

"Kagome, your friends are here!" she said, her tone extremely joyful. She had heard Jaken yelled that the  _worthless_ hanyous and his pack were here. She had decided to hurry and tell Kagome; she guessed that she would probably very happy her friends were visiting her.

The young miko bit her bottom lip before softly nodding. She dared to look over at Sesshomaru, only to see him staring at the floor, his eyes still tainted red. He did not seem annoyed by Rin's presence, which was a reassurance, but she wouldn't push anyone's luck.

"Rin, honey, you remember those flowers you wanted to get, close to the castle?"

Rin nodded, a beaming smile overtaking her face. "And you said you would go with me!"

Kagome smiled slightly, trying to keep up her façade. "Well, how about you grab something to eat, get ready and we will go?" Not only would it occupy Rin for a while, but also she would have an excuse to be far from Sesshomaru for a little while once all of this would be over.

The little girl smiled brightly before frantically nodding her head. "I'll be ready when you are!" she said before  _almost_  running in direction of the dining area.

It brought her joy to have someone like Kagome around; she was so different from Jaken and Sesshomaru-sama and sometimes, for a split second, it felt as if she had a  _mother_.

The young miko was unable to stop the sigh of relief that escaped her lips as she watched Rin leave. She turned her head to peek at Sesshomaru and noticed his eyes were locked on her and she could see a flash of anger going through them.

" **I would not have hurt her.** "

For an instant, Kagome almost felt bad that she doubted his  _affections_  towards Rin, but she quickly chased the feeling away; after everything he had put her through, she now knew he was capable of anything. She faintly shrugged her shoulders, before he pulled her up and pushed her against his body again.

Kagome was about to start walking again when he buried his nose in her hair, taking in a deep breath. As he did so, she felt a cool chill travel down her spine, causing her to shiver.

He loved her scent; it was addicting, it was lustful and it made her so  _desirable_. Perhaps his mate could not understand how much he  _needed_ and  _wanted_  her. The faster they would deal with his half-brother, the quicker he would be able to taste her again.

If he did keep all of them alive, she would own him a little favor and he planned on using it. Before she could comprehend what he was doing, he lifted her up and used his super speed to help them reach their destination faster; enough time had been wasted already.

Kagome felt her heart compress in her chest as he put her down on the grass. From far, she could see her friends approaching and it was bringing her immense pain. They might not understand, nor believe her words, but she had to try. She felt Sesshomaru walk behind her and wrap his arms around her waist, before pushing her against his body. To say she felt uncomfortable in that position was an understatement; just the idea of him touching her was enough to give her nausea.

He rested his chin on her head, breathing in heavily and he growled softly, enjoying the feeling of her little body pressed against his. Everything would be going peacefully at the moment, if it weren't for the voice in his head trying to regain control. The beast had been battling with Sesshomaru ever since Rin had made her appearance; apparently Kagome wasn't the only one who was scared that he would hurt the little girl.

How foolish of them. He was also very protective of Rin and had immerged for a few instants at time she was in danger.

But then again, the beast and Sesshomaru hadn't agreed on much in the past, so it was understandable. For example, he couldn't grasp why Sesshomaru didn't enjoy their mate's body or her company. Her scent was hard to ignore and he couldn't prevent himself from taking her. She belonged to him, she would never leave his side and no matter who tried to get in his way, he would get rid of them.

_The Miko is not worth all this trouble._

**He wants to take our mate from us. We cannot let him.**

_The hanyou doesn't stand a chance. Now, this Sesshomaru demand you stop this non-sense and give him back control of his body._

**Not yet. Last time you almost let mate go to prevent me from taking over again and pupping her. I won't let you stop me.**

_You can't remain in control much longer. Eventually you will slip and this Sesshomaru will gain back control._

**We will see.**

"YOU BASTARD!"

Both Kagome and Sesshomaru turned their heads in direction of Inuyasha. His whole face was red in anger and he was holding Tetsusaiga, pointing it at his half brother. The sight of Sesshomaru holding  _his_  Kagome was enough to disgust him.

"Get away from Kagome."

Kagome's eyes filled with tears as soon as she caught a glimpse of him; the memories of the last time she had seen him came back flooding in her mind, breaking her heart. It was true that Sesshomaru had done worst things to her than Inuyasha had, but they were completely different cases. She trusted and loved Inuyasha and he had betrayed that trust. It hurt so much more that he had tried to rape her when she would have willingly giving it to him if only he had been there for her.

Kagome couldn't take her eyes off Inuyasha as if she was frozen in place, terrified to move.

Suddenly, she could feel Sesshomaru burning a hold in the back of her head, apparently waiting for her to get on with her  _talking_. Kagome took a deep breathe, trying to give herself some courage, before she pulled away from Sesshomaru's embrace and walked in direction of Inuyasha, her legs shaking so much that she was wobbling.

"Inuyasha, put your sword down," she said, her voice quiet but firm.

Simply saying his name was almost enough to shatter her poor broken heart into pieces and it left a bitter taste in her mouth. Why was it so hard to  _just look_  at him?

She breathed out heavily before catching a glimpse of her friends; Shippo was on the verge of crying, while both Sango and Miroku had concerned looks in their eyes. She gulped, trying to pull herself together; she just had this feeling nobody was going to believe her lies. Why would they? They had been her second family for the past three years, and they had gone through so much together.

But not anymore; she was all alone, prisoner of a  _beast_  and for her friends' safety, she had to  _push_  them away, she had to  _purposely_  isolate herself.

"What are you doing here Inuyasha?" she asked, her eyes filled with hatred. Why didn't he look guilty? Why didn't it seem as if he even felt bad for his actions?

"Wench, what is wrong with you?" he asked, putting his sword down.

He knew he screwed up but even she could realize it had been a mistake! There was no way she could compare him to that  _asshole_ , they weren't in the same category. He hadn't been in control, it had all happened so fast.

"I came to get you away from that bastard," he said, pointing at Sesshomaru. He would  _kill_  Sesshomaru, he wouldn't let him keep Kagome and his death was also the only way to free Kagome from the mating.

It didn't matter  _he_  was the one to take her body first because Inuyasha intended to be the first to  _love_  her body which was something Sesshomaru could never do. Inuyasha firmly believed he was the only one who could make Kagome truly happy, after everything that happened between the two of them, he  _knew_  Kagome couldn't give up on him.

It would take time, but she would eventually forgive him. Still, he had a hard time believing the words coming out of her mouth; they were cold and harsh.

It was true that he did deserve them, since he hadn't acted  _nicely_  towards her, but it was nowhere near what Sesshomaru had done! His lost of control would have only lasted a couple of minutes and he wouldn't have raped her like that monster.

Also, from the scent that overwhelmed his nose, it was quite obvious Sesshomaru had forced himself onto her more than once. Yet, Kagome was defending the asshole! She was supposed to belong to his and no one else! And what was up with Sesshomaru's interest in humans anyway?

Right now in Kagome's mind they were both bastards. " _Sit."_

As Inuyasha's face was smashed onto the ground, a mumbled curse could be heard, even though in the back of his mind he knew he deserved it.

She turned her head in direction of her friends and gave them a small smile, trying to reassure them. "I don't know what Inuyasha told you, but I'm fine."

Obviously, she was lying through her teeth, but she hoped they wouldn't notice that. Sango gave her a suspicious look and Kagome tried to come up with something else to tell them.

"It was  _hard_  at first, I didn't really understand what happened, but now, I'm fine. Really… I'm just… I'm fine. "

Sesshomaru growled at Kagome as her uneasiness filled the room. She bit her bottom lip, her nervousness growing with every second that passed. It was harder than she expected to lie; everything involving her current predicament with Sesshomaru brought her agony and torture, how was suppose to come up with  _anything_  nice to say about him? It was beyond her power and even though she could feel her eyes watering, she kept trying.

"I came her of my own will. He didn't force me, I agreed. We—I mean... After all, we're mated." Although her mouth was closed, she couldn't prevent it from shaking.

Sango's chocolate eyes saddened at her friend's lie and her heart constricted inside of her chest. At that moment, Kagome wanted nothing more than to run into Sango's arms and cry her heart out, but she couldn't. She had to be strong; even if they didn't believe her words, she couldn't show them that they were right to doubt her.

If Kagome had any reason to strongly believe that her friends could take out Sesshomaru, she would have ran away with them, but she knew Sesshomaru would have the time to kill them all before they made a move.

After what seemed like an eternity of silence, Sango was the first to speak. "Kagome, what happened?" she said before walking towards her and taking her cold hands in hers.

She could tell when her friend was lying or when she was in pain and now was one of those moments. It was evident that Kagome was seconds from breaking down and losing her sanity and Sango couldn't help the murderous thoughts that quickly ran through her mind.

Kagome held on tightly to Sango's hands, almost afraid to let go. It was obvious her friend knew she wasn't telling the truth, so Kagome decided to try and explain things to her in a way, only Sango could understand.

"Sango," she said almost in a whisper, "what would you give up for Kohaku?"

Sango was slightly taken back by the question; what did Kohaku have to do with any of this? "What do you mean?"

"Would you give up everything for your brother's life?" she asked, her voice cracking, covering a sob.

Sango nodded, a tingle of pain going through her heart. Of course she would give up her own life so Kohaku could live, she would go to the end of the world to try and save him. That was when she understood; Kagome was trying to save their lives. Sango's eyes traveled to Sesshomaru, where she noticed his red eyes for the first time.

She was knowledgeable when it came to youkai and she had an idea what it meant and the pain she felt for her friend, only increased. Still, Sango shook her head.

"Kagome, nothing will happen to us,  _please_." This time, Sango was the one lying; if she were right about Sesshomaru, it wouldn't even take him a second to get rid of them.

Kagome closed her eyes; why did they refuse to perceive him as the monster he was? Why did they insist on being so stubborn and believe in a victory that would never come?

"Sango, trust me  _he will kill_ you." She was done praying for a miracle that would never occur; she would continue to fight him but she had stopped hoping.

"I  _refuse_ to leave you here when he's treating you like this!" screamed Sango, before suddenly closing her mouth, regretting it. All heads were focused on her and Kagome, and both brothers shared a similar furious look, but for different reasons.

Inuyasha was about to speak, but Kagome turned around to face him, and did so before he could. "You have  _no_  say in this. You are not  _better_ than him, you tried to do the  _same_  thing to me."

Tears were spilling from her eyes as she pointed her finger at him. "You were supposed to be there for me but you're as much of a monster as  _him_." Her words were spoken quietly, but the emotions she conveyed into them were enough to slightly shake Inuyasha's mask of anger.

Feeling like Kagome was going to break down, Sango rushed to her side and wrapped her arms around her, trying to console her. Kagome hadn't meant for it to happen like this, or to worry Sango, but it felt as if she had reached her limits for today. She had grown to despised this era and almost everything in it; she desired nothing more but to leave. Before she knew it, Kagome buried her face in the crook of Sango's neck and slowly let her tears show.

Sango was trying to comfort her friend, but her anger was rising fast. She had known this whole time that Inuyasha had been hiding something from them and now she knew why. They would never have brought him with them if they had known. Sango, who had been victim of great suffering and loss, could imagine how horrible Kagome had felt that day, being raped and then betrayed. She cursed herself for her absent at her friend's side when Kagome had been there for her for many difficult task and events.

Shippo, who had remained quiet the whole time, slowly approached Kagome and wrapped his tiny arms around her leg. He had been able to understand what had occurred between Kagome and Sesshomaru and it had been too much for his child's mind to form a coherent reaction. All he knew was that his mother was hurt and he only wished to comfort her. His blue eyes were filled with tears as he felt the warmth of her skin against his cheek.

The beast felt his annoyance grow by his mate's current state and he blamed it on the hanyou; none of this would have happened if he hadn't show up. It also didn't help that he had desired to rip off the hanyou's head ever since he had tried to force himself on Kagome.

Sesshomaru had dealt with it, but the beast would have been more satisfied with Inuyasha's death. Now it was time for Inuyasha to pay for what he had done to his mate. He walked towards the hanyou, ignoring the sword he was pointing at him, or the threats he was mumbling.

_The hanyou is worthless; you do not need to waste your time on him._

**He is threatening to take her away.**

_She obviously doesn't desire to be with him. He is no threat to you._

**Do you wish for the hanyou to remain alive?**

_As if this Sesshomaru cares, you are welcome to get rid of him._

He smirked before speeding towards the hanyou and grabbing him by the throat. As he shook him violently, Tetsusaiga dropped from Inuyasha's hand, causing it to drop on the ground. The sound attracted both Kagome and Sango's attention and the miko felt her heart crack at the sight in front of her.

She had always been aware that the only reason why Inuyasha was alive was because Sesshomaru  _kept_  him alive and that the moment he would decide to get rid of him, that would be the end of Inuyasha.

Inuyasha cursed his brother before he tried to get a hold of his Tetsusaiga. He would be damn if he were going to lose Kagome to him. Also, he was getting this strange vibe from Sesshomaru, a  _deadly_  vibe. "She's not yours," he said between sharp breaths.

Sesshomaru  _almost_  chuckled at his brother.

" **She is _my_  mate. She isn't  _yours_.** "

At first Inuyasha remained silent for a few seconds, taken back by Sesshomaru's new voice; Inuyasha had never heard his voice so  _harsh_  and deep.

"What did you do to her?" he asked, completely dismissing his brother's comment as his patience reached its limit. Without Tetsusaiga, he knew there was the possibility his youkai blood would take over and he had to try and control it.

" **Nothing I cannot do to my mate.** " He was enjoying how much this annoyed Inuyasha and he would take advantage of the situation to rub it in as much as possible. " **Unlike you, I can take her body every night, I can fill her womb with my seeds and you never will.** "

His tone and his precise chose of words caused Inuyasha's control to snap and permitted his fury to take over. His eyes turned the same red as Sesshomaru and slowly, purple markings appeared on his face.

" **You are resulting to your youkai blood? What a disgrace!** "

He did not fear Inuyasha's youkai state since it was still nowhere as powerful as him, but he wouldn't give him a chance to get a lucky  _moment._  Sesshomaru pushed Inuyasha against a tree, still holding him by the throat with a tight hold.

" **I could snap your neck right now and it would all be over.** " For the first time ever since the beast had taken control of Sesshomaru's body, there was a glow of amber in the middle of his red eyes.

Kagome watched, silently sobbing as Inuyasha transformed into his youkai side, her body unable to move, or answer the screams coming from her mind. This wasn't even about her anymore; the fight was now a power struggle, a battle for the alpha title and Sesshomaru had the upper hand.

Though she was conscious that she didn't support either of them, deep inside she did not wish for Inuyasha to die. She hadn't forgotten what happened, but between the two, she had to pick Inuyasha; he was a total  _idiot_ , but she couldn't let him die. There was many times where he had rescued her when he had not wish to.

That time before she broke the jewel was a perfect example of it; he still  _despised_ her at the time yet he had come to her rescue. She decided that she  _had_  to keep Inuyasha alive and before another thought could reach her mind, Kagome carelessly ran in direction of the brothers.

Sango tried to reach out for her, but Kagome pushed her hand away. At the moment she realized how stupid her actions were but she was unable to stop herself. Both brothers were way too preoccupied to notice her approaching their way. As soon as she reached them, Kagome grabbed Sesshomaru's arm and tried to remove it from around Inuyasha's neck by pulling on it.

Her action was useless since she never stood a change against Sesshomaru, but it did not prevent her from trying. She felt tears rolling down her cheeks as she thought how much worst this would make things for her. Obviously, Sesshomaru wouldn't be happy with her if she tried to help Inuyasha but she refused to let him die.

"Sesshomaru, release him," she begged, her sobs causing her words to be barely understandable.

The moment she spoke those words, the tint of amber disappeared from his eyes and he growled at her. " **Why do you protect him?** "

He had been able to sense how much she hated the hanyou, so why would she pick  _Inuyasha_  over him? He was nothing but pathetic worthless scum; he was a disgraced to his heritage!

Kagome refused to answer as she kept on pulling on his arm, trying to free Inuyasha. Why did she protect him? She wasn't sure, maybe because she could not forget everything they went through, because she couldn't forget the happy moments or the love she had for him.

For years she had gone through hell to love him and her heart refused to withdraw from those feelings. It was also because she owed him more than one life. She closed her eyes, fearing his reaction if she answered him and decided to remain silent.

Her silence only helped increase his impatience and he smashed Inuyasha's head in the tree, trying to make a point. " **Why do you protect the hanyou?"**

As her bottom lip was trembling, she opened her mouth slightly. "Because I love him," she answered, her voice a quiet whisper.

For a second, it seemed as if everything stopped moving. Kagome couldn't believe the words that escaped her mouth; they were the truth, but it didn't mean it was what she desired. She couldn't stop herself from loving Inuyasha, but she couldn't go back to him.

He had crossed a line and it would be hard to build everything back up, but she would never wish him death. Kagome was aware of one thing though; her friends might be safe because now Sesshomaru's wrath was set on her. As the red color of his eyes deepened, she couldn't stop her whole body from shaking.

Slowly, the Taiyoukai freed Inuyasha's throat, carelessly dropping him to do ground and focused his attention on the Miko. Claws marks were clearly visible on Inuyasha's neck as he slightly rubbed it. His markings were slightly fading away as Kagome's words replayed in his mind. Not only did he believe she hated him, but he couldn't understand why she had done such a careless revelation, even though her words had created warmth in his heart.

It was obvious that Sesshomaru would be irritated by her confession.

" **Repeat yourself** ," he demanded.

The beast wasn't exactly sure if what it felt was anger, or pain. How could she love the hanyou; he had never done one good thing for her. Why was she still hung on Inuyasha when she had him? He would provide her with the love she desired and he would not love another like Inuyasha had done.

Kagome slowly backed away, her fear seizing over her body. She did not wish to say those words again, but she was well aware that if she remained silent, it would only make things worst for her.

" _I love him_ ," she said, in a normal voice this time.

She observed his face as his features changed slightly while his rage grew. Kagome could hear her heartbeat inside of her head and her distress overcame her. She listened to every beat, a lump stuck in her throat, as she awaited his reaction. She wasn't sure what she was expecting but the one thing she knew would come was the pain that was from the  _punishment_ she would receive.

Sesshomaru remained silent as her words played over in his head. He felt an ache affecting his heart and he dropped his head slightly as the pain flowed through his body. Unaware to him, Kagome had a similar pain constricting her chest, causing her to grab the area around her heart with her hand.

She recognized the pain: it was the regular one she would get and now she was  _certain_  it had something to do with Sesshomaru. Kagome felt Inuyasha move near her and before he could even touch her, she violently slapped his arm away. Inuyasha's ears flatten on his head as a psychological pain hit him.

"Leave,  _please,_ " she begged, her voice shattered, and enlaced with pain. "Just  _go_  Inuyasha,  _leave_  me alone." Kagome yearned for his leave and could only hope he would understand.

She had enough pain and trouble with Sesshomaru and she did not need her friends' suffering added to it. Kagome managed to lift her head and throw a glance in direction of Sango and Miroku. She couldn't find her voice, but her eyes would speak for her, as her companions could read into her expressions the sadness that filled her and her desperation.

Sango didn't want to leave, but she understood Kagome's stubbornness to sacrifice herself for someone she loved. She had done the same many times for Kohaku, even though he wished to remain far from her and tried to refuse her help every time she was around. Sango had put herself in harm ways for her brother, just like Kagome was willing to take the damage for everyone. But, inside her, it felt wrong to walk out on her friends when it was obvious she needed her help. Kagome mouthed the word  _please_  and Sango felt her heart break at the sight.

" _Leave, all of you_ ," she said, trying to make it on her own two feet.

Kagome's gaze traveled to Inuyasha, who avoided looking at her, then at her other two friends and Shippo. The one who broke her heart the most was her adopted son. If she knew it would be safe for him, she would keep him with her, safely tucked in her arms, but she couldn't bring herself to let him live this hell. She had to separate herself from him to be able to protect him.

"If I wish for you to remain here, and help me, I would say it, but I don't. Please, for  _me_ , leave."

Sango was the first to react as she softly nodded. For Kagome's sake, they would leave the area, but she would make sure to be on the look out for any signs from her. She planned on sending Kirara to scan the area at least once a day, to check up on her. It killed her inside to leave her in such a situation, but she was able to see what kind of pain their presence was causing in Kagome.

It obviously made it a lot harder and emotional for her; she had never seen Kagome look so  _broken_  down. Sango would made sure she'd always be ready to help her friend if she desired their help, but she refused to increase her suffering. If their presence created so much conflict in Kagome, she would respect her request.

She turned her head to meet Inuyasha, but his eyes were fixed on the ground. One sigh escaped Sango's lips, before she walked in direction of Kagome, her footsteps heavy. Taking Kagome by surprise she threw her arms around her, hugging her tightly.

"Any time you'll need me, I'll be there." Kagome softly nodded, a shadow of a smile on her lips.

Sesshomaru watched the two women interact, the pain in his heart never ceasing. Once she had repeated the fatal sentence, he had felt a fury like never before fill him, but the pain had prevented him from executing any actions. At the moment, none of her companions mattered to him; he was simply waiting for them to leave.

His eyes were focused on Kagome, rage filling them. He felt betrayed by her words and he knew the love she carried for the hanyou had to go and he would see to it personally. He would have already grabbed her and taken her away if it wasn't for her friends. If he acted in such a way in front of them, they would surely stay, and get in his way and Sesshomaru was in no mood to deal with them. He had to wait until they were alone for the suffering to end.

When Sango finally let go of Kagome, her eyes were filled with tears and her heart was heavy. She turned her head in direction of Inuyasha and glared at him. Sango was clearly upset with him for what he had done to Kagome, but she would yell at him once they were further from Sesshomaru's lands.

Miroku, getting the hint, walked towards Inuyasha and put his hand on his shoulder. Inuyasha didn't even lift his head as he seemed completely defeated. Without a protest, he started to wander away, his body weighting a tone. Sango painfully look away from Kagome before picking up Shippo in her arms.

The little kit was sobbing as he stared at his mother. " _Please_ , don't leave me," he begged, drowning in his tears.

Kagome felt herself die inside as she heard his words; she could not even bring herself to look at him. "I'm sorry," she whispered; she knew she was doing it for his sake, but Shippo couldn't understand it yet.

He meant the world to her and the last thing she desired was to hurt him like this. She could feel tears staining her cheeks as his pleas remained, even though Sango was walking away with him in her arms. Kagome stared into the emptiness until she could no longer hear him, even though his words and his voice remained engraved in her mind.

Then, she heard Sesshomaru's footsteps and she closed her eyes. Quietly, inside her mind, she prayed for her safety and prepared herself for the consequences of her sacrifice.

-B-


	10. Punishment

Kagome's eyes were tightly shut as she listened to every footstep until they ceased. She held her breath, waiting for him to make some sort of contact but when he didn't she bit her bottom lip; him not doing anything was much worst than him hurting her. Right now she was left waiting in doubt for her punishment. Also, now that the events that had occurred played back in her mind, she realized how much she had brought this upon herself  _just_  to save Inuyasha's life. Her heart  _knew_  it had been the right thing to do but her mind had hesitations.

" **He is worthless, he does not deserve your affections,** " he said, his tone much more calmed and controlled then she had expected, which was misleading her since he was furious.

She let her eyes gaze around, her heart beating like a drum inside of her chest. "But he didn't deserve to die."

She had a rage develop within her against Inuyasha for his actions, but the feeling wasn't awful enough for him to  _die_  because of it. Although, she didn't deserve what had happened to her so far and yet nobody could put an halt to it for her.

Her words did nothing to ease the beast as he closed the distance between them and put his hand on her shoulder, causing her to jump a bit. " **You will never pronounce his name again, you will forget about him and this _love_  you think you have.**"

How dare she? She belonged to him  _not_  that bastard! Why couldn't she understand that? Didn’t she have any idea what her words did to him? She made it painful for his heart to beat.

Kagome's tiny hands crisped into fists at his words, her anger somewhat emerging. He was always telling her what to do or think when she had never desired any of this in the first place! It wasn't her fault his  _sick_  beast was  _attached_  to her!

" _Inuyasha,_ " she whispered.

Sesshomaru really tried to teach her a lesson and avoid hurting her, but she was making it  _so_  difficult _._ Every single one of her words seemed to be meant to anger him and there were certain things he simply couldn't let her get away with. He grabbed her hair and violently yanked it so that her head was turned and she was facing him. Kagome tried to look away, refusing to look into his red eyes.

She didn't even have a chance to blink before his hand made contact with her cheek, causing a burning sensation. Her eyes watered from the pain as Kagome rubbed her bruised cheek softly. She dared to peer at Sesshomaru, only to see his fangs preeminently sticking out of his mouth, an animalistic look in his eyes. He regained his hold on her hair and brought her forward once again, painfully tugging at it.

A huge blue mixed with black bruise was already forming on her cheek, but Sesshomaru ignored it; she had deserved her punishment. It did bother him, but she could not speak the way she did.

" **On your knees** ," he ordered, paying no attention to her pain.

Maybe if she finally understood that her tears would not give her what she wanted, she would stop. Once she would make that step, things would be better.

Still staring away Kagome acted as if she hadn't heard him, but couldn't stop her heartbeat from increasing. They were outside in the middle of the garden were plenty of his guards and servants could get an excellent view of them and she had no desire to be humiliated in front of all these people. Everything that had occurred between them so far had been under close doors and she had no wish for anyone to see what he did to her.

After all, these were  _his_  people: they would only be proud of his actions and praise him for what he would do. They all seemed to think rape was some sort of glorifying action.

" **Do not make me repeat myself, mate**."

He didn't understand why she wished to be this stubborn; it was going to happen even if she fought him. She had no power against him and she would have to submit eventually. Then, her pain would cease. Didn’t she understand he was her Alpha? He had to be in charge, he had to be respected!

Kagome still tried to hang on, even though the pain he was causing her scalp was increasing and transforming into a headache.

" **Have it your way** ," he said, as she still refused to move. Why did she always have to take the difficult, painful path?

Sesshomaru released her hair and put his hand on top of her head, pushing her down. Kagome's attempts to resist were futile since her knees were about to break under the pressure he was applying. In only a few seconds he succeeded on getting her on knees, right in front of him, as if she was submitting. His hand was secure on her head, so that even when she did try to get away, it was locking her head in place, making it impossible.

Kagome's eyes were closed, tears  _almost_  falling as she kept trying with her useless struggles; she refused to stop even if it wouldn't lead her anywhere. She could feel him moving in front of her, but her fear prevented her from opening her eyes. She did not want to see the situation he had put her in as he was desperately trying to humiliate her.  _Why_  couldn’t he stop?

" **Open your eyes**."

She tried to shake her head but the hold he had on it prevented her from doing so. Whatever he wished for her to see, she already knew she would not like it. Kagome's breathing became shallow as she felt something pressed against her lips. This time, her strength was not enough to keep the tears from falling and a soft sob escaped her lips.

" _No_ ," she whispered.

What gain could be possibly obtain from humiliating her? It would not make her love him… how could he not see that?

Once again, he pressed it against her lips, more forcefully this time and Kagome could feel a nauseous feeling taking over her body.

" **Open your mouth**."

The feeling of her warm lips against the skin of his cock was enough to drive him mad and he couldn't wait until she took him in her mouth. However it would be a much more pleasing experience if she cooperated. Instead she made sure this was a punishment and nothing else.

Kagome glued her lips together, making sure he could not get in before she slowly opening her eyes and faced what was in front of her. A gasp almost escaped her lips, when the  _real_  full size of his length hit her and she knew there was no way she could perform what he expected of her.

Sesshomaru wasn't surprised at her stubbornness, but he was not  _pleased_  with it. He tightened the hold he had on her skull, trying to cause her to flinch and he watched as she struggled to keep her mouth closed. When he started to dig a claw gently inside her head, Kagome could not stop the yelp of pain that escaped her mouth and Sesshomaru took that opportunity to insert his length inside of her mouth.

She screamed against his erected member while her mouth was being extremely stretched while not even a third of his cock was in her mouth. Kagome blinked a few times, chasing the tears away, before thoughts of  _biting_  him made their way into her mind.

But, before she could even proceed to think it through, he spoke. " **Bite, and I will hunt down every single one of them**."

Confusion flashed through her eyes as she wondered how he knew; surely, he could not read her mind nor had she spoken out loud. Nonetheless, his words were enough to keep her from biting since she knew he meant it.

" **Good Bitch** ," he said, softly caressing her hair.

She was obeying somewhat and he didn’t want to let good behavior unrewarded. He did love her and care for her, but he could not bear the disrespect she showed him.

His words and actions disgusted her beyond imagination and every time he inflicted her a punishment, her hatred towards him grew. He was a ruthless monster who saw no meaning in other people's life.

Sesshomaru slid his hand to the back of her head, before he slightly pushed her forward, thrusting more of him inside her mouth. He groaned once he felt the warmth of her mouth surrounding his cock and he couldn't help but push it further. Kagome couldn't stop herself from gagging around his dick, her mouth and throat clearly too small for it.

Once Sesshomaru took conscience of her pain, he stopped forcing his length any deeper and ran his clawed fingers through her locks as if to soothe her. He had to punish her yes, but he didn’t want to  _kill_  her. This was to show her what submission was.

Kagome dared to look up, only to see him staring at her with deadly eyes, waiting for her to proceed. She couldn't help but look away in the forest where her friends had disappeared. She sobbed faintly before she started to slowly suck his length. She tried to ignore the people around them and their stares, she tried to forget where she was and who it was she was  _pleasing_  but her mind refused for her to push aside these circumstances.

She softly sucked on his cock while being mindful of her teeth, only to earn a groan from him.

He was extremely pleased with her mouth and even though she was inexperienced, it did not make it any less enjoyable. Sesshomaru loved watching her on her knees, in a submissive position, pleasing him like a good  _mate. However,_  he could not forget the way she felt about the hanyou and it was as if no matter what he did, she would not forget about him. She insisted on  _protecting_  him and loving him.

He hadn't missed the glance she had given towards the forest and his half-brother and it sickened him. No matter what he  _forced_ her to do, she wouldn't stop  _willingly_  loving  _Inuyasha._  He wasn't about to let this one slide: if she wanted to go against him, she would feel his full wrath. She had stained him with her words and he would return the humiliation. Sesshomaru was nowhere near done punishing her for her words earlier and once he was through with her, she wouldn't dare let another thought about his half-brother cross her mind.

He closed his eyes, trying to make his mind focus on the pleasure she was bringing him right now, not what he was going to inflict upon her later. After all, he wished to bring her satisfaction, but she stubbornly desired pain and suffering. One day, perhaps she would learn, but for now, he wouldn't punish himself from pleasure just because she wasn't cooperative.

Kagome felt disgusted by the feeling of his cock in her mouth, although the gagging had ceased. The taste, the warmth; everything about it was enough to make her sick. She refused to bring him pleasure, yet she found herself with no other option. It was so easy for him to threaten other people's life simply to get what he desired, but never could she do that same. He involved in their situation people who had no business in it since it was a way to get his way. Kagome confirmed what she had often believed, but refused to accept; Sesshomaru had no heart.

Feeling she was going too slow, Sesshomaru put his hands on the sides of her head and proceeded to slide his dick in and out of her mouth at his desired speed. Kagome's mouth was overly stretched as she tried to keep her teeth out of the way, since she was powerless to stop his motions. Drool was escaping from her mouth as he violently slid his dick in her mouth and she could feel eyes watching them from around, making her extremely uncomfortable, and disgusted.

Sesshomaru didn't seem to mind them watching, but then again, why would he? He wasn't the one being degraded.

He couldn't help but groaned as he finally reached the sensation he was seeking. The thought of her pleasing him with her mouth had never crossed his mind before, but now he knew he would need to make use of it again in the future. It would be even more enjoyable once she learned how to properly do it and he wouldn't have to guide her. Kagome gagged once she felt him hit the back of her throat and more tears poured from her eyes, as her humiliation increased. She felt used, as if she was there for nothing else but to provide pleasure for him. Her situation felt as if there was no way out and he could do with her what he pleased; Kagome felt  _trapped_.

Once again, his dick hit the back of her throat and the feeling of sickness took over again. As she looked up, she could see he did not care about her situation since it was all about his pleasure.

Sesshomaru growled once more at the pleasurable sensation and pushed almost all of his length inside her mouth, causing Kagome to gasp. She was about to try and pull away when he secured his hands on the back of her head, keeping her firmly in place. Still, Kagome kept struggling until she felt  _it._ His seed was spilling inside her mouth, leaving a bitter, disgusting taste behind. Her eyes grew wider as she put her hands on his legs, trying to push herself away from him. She could feel his semen escape her mouth, dripping down her chin as she wrestled to break free.

" **Swallow**."

Kagome shook her head the best she could, but that only caused Sesshomaru to push his cock further in her mouth. Her head was secured in his hands and there was no escaping until he decided so, which she had a feeling would be  _once_  she did what he ask for. Kagome felt like a big lump was stuck in her throat as she painfully swallowed his cum. Sesshomaru seemed  _content_  as a smirk appeared on his lips, but it was not as she thought. He didn’t smirk just because he got his way: he smirked because this meant she  _could_  obey.

Once again, he grabbed her black locks and dragged her near the closest wall. Kagome was yelping in pain as he threw her against it, her face slightly scrapping against the stone. She stiffened when she felt his cold hands on her legs, lifting up her kimono and at that moment there were no doubts in her mind as of what he was going to do.

"Oh God,  _No please._  Don't do this!" Not again, not so soon, she didn't want to go through this again. "Please, _Sesshomaru_ , stop!"

Sesshomaru pressed his body against hers and she could feel his erected length pressed against her ass. " **You won't ever think about him again.** "

She shook her head violently; she needed him to stop. "I'm sorry, I won't. I- I can't help my feelings. Please, I don't want to love Inuyasha anymore, I don't. I- I can't stop."

It was the truth: for years she had tried to prevent her feelings, but it was hard. He had been everything she wished and desired for so long, that her heart simply couldn't let go. She didn't want to grovel to Sesshomaru, but she didn't want to go through his abuse again. She had to take some and give some.

" **You disobeyed me, you went against me.** "

The hanyou had really neglected his role as an alpha with her and she had become too defiant. Did she really believe a simple apologize would get her out of being disciplined? " **I'm not him, I will show you who owns you.** "

If he let her get away with everything, she would not stop. Also, she would never learn. One harsh punishment was better than many.

"Please,  _don't_. Just, I.. won't… talk to him, I won't see him, I don't care."

She was running out of things to say as her mind refused to work; she was too terrified at the idea of her body being used again that it was difficult to think. It wasn't the first time he would rape her, but this wasn't something she could get used to.

Sesshomaru approached his mouth to her ear, somewhat nibbling on it. " **I will not bring you pleasure today. You must be punished for going against your alpha.** "

He had to take away something from her, he had to give her a lesson. Maybe this would be the final one, maybe this would break her stubbornness and she would finally realize that he could be good for her. His hands left her waist and sneaked its way to her womanhood, where he opened it slightly so he could enter his cock, which was still slightly wet from her saliva.

Kagome winced as he pressed her stomach against the wall, the roughest of the brick irritating her skin. "PLEASE," she begged, as she felt him press his length against her dry core, fearing what was to come.

She could feel him trying to push his way in, which was proving to be difficult especially considering their current positions. They were both standing, her pressed against the wall, while he was slightly bent, trying to enter inside of her. It wouldn't have been as awkward if the height difference between them wasn’t so immense. Then, she felt Sesshomaru put his hand on her ass and slightly lift her up, giving his cock more access.

" _Don't please, don't do this, don't touch me."_

Her words only seemed to increase his anger, as he rammed his cock brutally inside her core. She gasped in pain as he started his ruthless treatment of her cunt, her eyes burning with pain. He did not seem to care as he growled deeply once he completely pushed himself inside her folds. He could hear her screams of pain as he enjoyed the pleasure of her core, but he pushed them aside, knowing she deserved it.

Eventually, she would learn her place and there would be no more pain, simply pleasure. He moved one of his hands to her chest and forcefully grabbed on her breast, squeezing it hard enough to bring her pain. He groaned in pleasure as he felt her inside get wetter, probably to prevent the intense friction. Sesshomaru completely let go of her waist and also moved his other hands, so he was lifting her up by grasping both of her breasts forcefully.

Since Kagome was facing the wall, she was unable to notice the change in his eyes; the touch of amber had came through, and was shining right in the middle of his red pools, although, the best remained in complete control of Sesshomaru's body.

" _It hurts_ ," she almost screamed, her body in complete pain.

She could feel his claws digging through her kimono and marking the sensitive skin of her breasts. She had felt relief take over when her core had lubricated, removing some of the pain he had been causing her. However, since he had an easiest access now he increased his speed, painfully pounding into her cunt, burying his dick completely.

He threw his head back slightly, pulling on her breasts as he did so, causing another scream of pain from her. Not changing his speed, he nuzzled his face in the crook of her neck as if to appease her pain even though he was the cause of it. Sesshomaru knew she was unhappy at the moment, but soon, she would forget about this and she will obey.

" **Once you are pupped, everything will be better**." She would forget about the hanyou and focus on their pup; motherhood would bring her happiness.

_The pup would be a hanyou._

**It doesn't matter, she is our mate, she will be the only one to carry our pups, no matter what.**

Through the pain, and tears, she shook her head violently. "No,  _no_ , I don't want you to impregnate me. YOU'RE A MONSTER!" she would not allow an innocent life to be drag into this. It was enough that he put her through hell, but a pure, innocent child had no business in this situation.

Sesshomaru released his hand from her breast to go caress her hair and calm her. " **You will be pleased.** "

After one last stroke, he put both of his hands on her hips, as she felt relief when his hand stopped abusing her breast. He bent her body forward slightly, so she had to press her palms against the wall. " **I have gone easy on you, but now you must learn.**

_This Sesshomaru thought you had feelings for the miko._

**She disobeyed, she went against our word. Mate needs to learn that her place is beneath us.**

She couldn't believe he thought he was being lenient on her after everything he had put her through so far. She wanted to reply when he caused his dick to make sure she wouldn't find her voice. She fought for her breath as he savagely pummeled his cock inside her cunt, stretching it even more than it already was, causing her more suffering.

Screams of pain were escaping her mouth, as his pleasure only grew, as he felt satisfied, buried in her warm core. Although he was rough, his dick was rubbing against her sensitive spot, keeping her wet enough for him to perfectly slide in and out. Over the years, he had taken a few females, but none of them brought him as much pleasure and satisfaction as her.

The softness of her skin, the warmth of her insides and the delicateness of her body could send him over the edge. It could be so much better if only she agreed to behave and she forgot about her previous life and feelings. Hurting her was also affecting him and he wished to do it as little as possible. Her pain could bring him an insufferable heart wrenching pain as if his heart would stop beating.

"OH KAMI STOP!" she yelled, her throat hurting from the intensity of her scream, and the tears pouring out of her eyes, burning her skin.

It felt as if he was ripping her apart and she would split in the middle. His claws were digging into her hips and she knew the wounds were bleeding, since she could feel the thick blood going down her legs. Her screams were filled with pain and helplessness, and desperation, and it was heartbreaking, even for Sesshomaru.

"STOP IT!"

Slowly, his pounding slowed down and Kagome felt relief take over her body. Sesshomaru wrapped his arms around her waist and gently laid her on her back on the grass, which her irritated skin was grateful for. Kagome was finally started to breathe normally when he brought his face to her ear and whispered,

" **You'll feel better soon.** "

Sesshomaru dragged his finger across her skin, before stopping near her clit, lightly rubbing it. Kagome immediately shook her head, knowing what he was trying to do  _again_. He bent down so he could captured her dry lips with his, softly sucking on them and at the same time, he began moving inside of her once again, but this time, he was being careful, and mindful of her pains.

He slowly pushed his whole cock inside of her, trying to hit her very sensitive spot. Her screams had increased his pain and although she had deserved to be punished, he had found himself unable to carry it out any longer. Sesshomaru knew he had done the right decision, when her body shivered in a pleasing reaction under him as he hit her spot.

The pleasure he was trying to bring her did not stop the tears from escaping Kagome's eyes. Even though her body reacted to certain of his actions, her mind did not desire them nor enjoy them. As her body started to warm up to him, she felt disgusted and tried to fight off the feelings. Sesshomaru could feel her struggles and decided to blur her mind even more by taking her nipple in his mouth and Kagome sharply inhale at the feeling of his sultry mouth on her cool nipple. He smoothly graved his fangs over it, before running his tongue on the top, causing it to become hard.

He kept his rhythm constant as he pulled away, causing a soft suction. Blood was dripping down from the side of her breast and he groaned before running his tongue over it, tasting her divine, heavenly blood. Kagome stiffened slightly from the pain of her wounds and tried to yank away from his body.

" _Please_ ," she said, her voice extremely low, and almost inaudible. "No more,  _no more_."

_This Sesshomaru orders you to give him control._

He could not take it anymore. Between this savage rutting, her pleas and his beast lack of control, it was driving him insane.

**Not yet. I am not done with mate. You do not love her when I'm gone, you do not give us the attention we seek.**

_We seek? This Sesshomaru desires nothing from this miko. She is a human._

**She is our mate, we need to feel her, to touch her. You will suffer from this.**

For the past few days, he had abused her, exploited her body and taken advantages of her obvious weaknesses and slowly her body was given up. It was as if it couldn't get a chance to restore and regain strength; she hadn't eaten in over two days and she wasn't even hungry. Her body was slowly becoming numb and she wanted nothing more than to push this monster off of her. Hadn't he had enough? Why had the beast remained in control for so long?

Sesshomaru kept rubbing her sensitive nub, as he finally gained some speed, always being careful not to hurt her anymore. The tip of his cock was remaining lock in the same spot, trying to bring her to her release. She would soon understand that he was able to make her feel good, or bring her suffering, depending on her actions. As he felt her getting wetter around his dick, her juices dripping out of her cunt, he groaned in satisfaction.

" **Come for your alpha. Show your appreciation for his kindness.** "

If Kagome had found any strength left in her, she would have screamed at him, but her whole body was giving up on her. She couldn't help but wonder in what world he lived in, thinking he was showing her kindness. The only thing he had ever brought her was suffering and shame. The moans were getting harder to hold in and she knew soon, he would consider this a victory, but it was not. He would get his way, like always, but inside, her hatred would only grow.

He increased his speed, trying to hurry her release, since he knew it would be hard for him to hold on any longer. He growled when he felt her juices leak on his length and his balls, knowing he just needed to push her a little more. Kagome was biting down hard on her lip, but it wasn't preventing a small sound of pleasure to escape her lips. When he pounded right into her, she couldn't help but arch her back, a wave of delightful lust hitting her. Since she had no better way to support herself, her tiny hands were holding on to his powerful strong arms, her body shaking. As he kept ramming in the same spot, her control slipped and a flow of lust and desire traveled through her body, exploding onto his length.

Sesshomaru groaned in pleasure, before emptying his seed inside her awaiting womb, male pride filling him. He covered her small body with his, a smirk on his face, before burying his nose in the crook of her neck. Kagome could feel his semen inside of her and tears escaped her eyes. She was expecting the  _real_  Sesshomaru to be back, but to her surprise, it had yet to happen.

His cold hands traveled to her bruised stomach, where he softly caressed her skin. " **Soon, you will be swollen with our pup.** "

Kagome shook her head, refusing to believe his words; a part deep inside of her prayed that fertility between youkais and humans was low, and that by some miracle he had not impregnated her. " _Go away_ ," she asked, turning her head away from him.

For a few minutes, his nose remained pressed against the mating mark, breathing in her scent. Kagome's gray eyes were closed as her mind started to wander around, pretending she was not there, lying with him. It seemed slightly insane but it was the only way she wouldn't break down to pieces. She could still picture in her mind happier times in this era where she had been traveling with her friends, gathering the shards. They had gone through so much together that it pained her to leave them; if she remained with Sesshomaru, she probably would not see them again, and if she returned to her time, the fear that  _he_  would find her would probably prevent her from ever coming back.

Not matter what happened to her from now on, Sesshomaru had screwed her life. Even if she tried to not let him affect her, how would she ever be able to trust another man? She would never be able to erase the scars he had left in her heart and she would have to carry them until the day she died.

"Rin is coming."

Kagome almost jumped when she heard Sesshomaru's normal voice. As he slowly pulled away from her, she could see his amber eyes glowing from the sun. "Put yourself together miko. This Sesshomaru does not wish for his ward to see you in such a state."

If he hadn't sucked the life out of her already, she would have talked back to him, but Kagome choose to preserve her strength. Sesshomaru  _was_  the reason she was such a mess in the first place, yet he was ordering her to make herself presentable. Kagome dug her hands in the ground, lifting her upper body so that she was sitting up. The front of her kimono was completely ruined since he had clawed it open during this mistreatment. Sesshomaru knew Rin was close by and although it disgusted him, he picked up the miko and help her stood up. Kagome was about to push him away, when he covered her body with his, his eyes focus on the entrance.

"Kagome? Sesshomaru-sama?" screamed the little girl as she walked outside of the castle. Rin had waited for Kagome but when the woman didn't show up causing Rin to grow worried. Then, she had remembered her friends were here and that maybe Kagome was simply spending some time with them. Rin hadn't seen Shippo in a long time and thought Kagome wouldn't be upset if she went outside to play with him.

Kagome pulled her face away from Sesshomaru's chest, trying to gain her composure. After the recent events, Rin had totally escaped her mind and she had forgotten about the flowers. As soon as Rin caught a glimpse of her, she ran in her direction, only to stop when she took notice of the scene in front of her. Sesshomaru had his arms tightly wrapped around Kagome's waist, causing her whole body to be crushed against his torso. Rin could clearly see the tears in Kagome’s eyes.

"Rin is sorry Kagome, she was worried about you. Rin didn't mean to bother."

Kagome was sad, even Rin could guess as much. Could it be she had hurt herself? Rin could distinguish scratches and marks on her legs.

The miko felt her heart drop at the sight of the little girl. Kagome wished she had been spending the day with her instead of a beast like Sesshomaru.

She forced herself to smile the best she could, before answering her. "Don't worry you're not bothering me. I just had a little…  _accident_. Would you mind waiting for me to get change before we go?" Truth was, the only Kagome wanted to do was to bury herself under warm blankets, but she had promised the little girl and she wouldn't go back on her word.

A bright smile was back on Rin's face as she frantically nodded her head, glowing in happiness. Kagome was fine! Rin was also accustomed to  _accidents_  and had scratched herself more than once in the past.

"The patch of flower is over there! I'll be waiting for you!" she said, before running in direction of bright orange and blue flowers, excitement showing in her features.

For an instant, Kagome found herself to be jealous of Rin's joy; Sesshomaru clearly didn't show the same care and devotion to her as he did for Rin. Of course, that  _horrible_  feeling was of short length, as she knew it was impossible to feel envy towards the child. Kagome was in fact  _relieved_  that both part of Sesshomaru cared so deeply for her well being, in a way, Rin wouldn't have been able to land on a better father. He was truly horrible, and degrading with her, but she was able to push that aside and see how he acted with Rin. It almost disgusted her that two such different sides of him could exist.

"You can release me now," said Kagome, her voice void of any type of emotions. She was sick and tired of dealing with his personalities and she never wanted to look into his  _changing_  eyes ever again.

Without him saying a word, he loosened his hold on her and immediately Kagome  _ran_  from him and inside the castle. Once she made it past the guards, she pressed her back against the nearest wall, her eyes instantly watering. Her breathing became sharp and shallow as she brought her hand to her mouth, covering it. Holding her composure, especially in front of Rin was getting harder by the day.

Now, so soon after he mistreated her body, she had to go play with the little girl, pretending everything was right in her life. Of course, this was in no way Rin's fault, but Kagome would have to  _act_  nonetheless. She closed her eyes, and took a deep breath, convincing herself she could do this. 

If only her brain could believe her lies.

-B-

Sango was walking ahead of both men, her temper flaring with every passing moment. Not only did she despise Sesshomaru, but she also hated Inuyasha. Why had he lied about his own actions? Did he really think he would get away with it or he simply hadn't thought further then her and Miroku accompanying him? He was selfish, hot-headed, stubborn  _hanyou_. Her grip on Hiraikotsu grew stronger as her speed increased.

The situation in which Kagome found herself was difficult. She knew the world where her friend came, all of this was wrong, but in this period of time, what Sesshomaru had done and was doing was completely right. The way he had marked her was  _common_  and since she was his mate, it was normal for him to  _force_  her into pleasuring him.

Of course, Sango didn't think there was anything right with these sort of things, but her alone couldn't change how things were done. She hated herself for abandoning Kagome behind, but she had able to see the pain their presence was causing to her friend. Unless they had some foolproof way to get her back, whatever they would do could only get them kill, or hurt Kagome.

They would need to think this through and properly once they all calmed down.

Inuyasha was the one further behind, his ears pressed against his head, staring at the ground. He  _hated_  his brother and what he had done to his Kagome: acting like she mattered to him. At least Kagome still had some sense left in her, although he hadn't been really happy about leaving her with the bastard. One thing that had brought his happiness level up was those three little words she had said;  _I love him_.

After what he had done, Inuyasha had doubted her love for him, but now, he knew he still had a chance. All they needed to do was find a way to free her from Sesshomaru and then they would be able to work on their relationship. He was willing to put himself on the line for her to forgive him and whatever she would ask, he would do. Her love for him was the only thing keeping him sane at the moment. He could feel his hand crisp around his sword, his anger still lingering. Sesshomaru had taken his Kagome more than once. Inuyasha had been able to smell the scent on her and it disgusted him. Of course, he wasn't repulsed with Kagome, since it wasn't her doing, but by his brother.

Sesshomaru should have known better, and Inuyasha would make sure his brother was going to get what he deserved. Kagome was a precious flower and he had crushed her petals. Inuyasha had hurt her too, but not to the point of non-repair.

One thing was for sure; Sesshomaru would die by his hands. 

-B-

"KAGOME!"

Rin had a huge smile on her face as she watched Kagome approach in her direction. Kagome had been true to her words and had only taken a few minutes to change before joining her. Rin ran in her direction, and once she reached her, she immediately grabbed her hand. Kagome offered her a small smile, and held her hand tightly. Deep inside of her, she told herself this fake front was worth it, just for the smile on Rin's face.

Kagome had grabbed the first kimono she had found in the closest, hating the fact that she had wear the clothes  _he_ provided her with. She was once again wearing a silk shimmering peach kimono, lucky symbols were sew upon the entire surface, and atop of the sleeves and bottom hem, chrysanthemums of violet and orange color with golden couching as they flew on top of orange mist. She felt uncomfortable wearing such luxury knowing where it came from.

"These are the flowers Rin wanted to get," said Rin as she pointed towards a colorful patch of flowers.

Sesshomaru didn't like her going too far on her own, but now that Kagome was with her they could explore! She had been so excited to create new arrangement of flowers!

Kagome nodded, a tiny smile on her face. "Then we should get started!" she said, her tone sounding  _too_  excited.

Rin freed her hand, and ran towards the flower, throwing herself on the ground. Kagome watched her happiness, almost trying to catch a drop of it. Rin moved out of the way slightly making room for the miko. Kagome gladly got on her knees and started picking the prettiest flowers with the little girl. Rin watched her, a slight blush covering her cheeks as she thought back to what had occurred earlier. She wanted to ask Kagome a few questions, but she was afraid it would embarrass her.

The questions Rin had were not related to Kagome hurting herself, but more to the way Lord Sesshomaru had comforted her.

Kagome could feel Rin's eyes on her, but she was unsure why the little girl was so engrossed with her. She took a deep breath before turning her head, the same small smile plastered on her face. "Is something the matter Rin?"

Instantly, the little girl turned her head, looking away. Staring at someone was a very impolite thing to do and she had been caught red-handed. She also knew that lying was a very bad habit, which meant she had to be honest with Kagome.

"Kagome, are you and Sesshomaru-sama… like a mommy and a daddy?"

Kagome felt her heart stop beating for a split second, her façade falling. She found herself at complete lost of words, her body slightly shaking, just thinking about Sesshomaru. Rin was looking at her, her eyes so hopeful. The answer was very complicated since she had no desire to be with Sesshomaru, but technically, they were  _mated_ , so they were somewhat together.

"Something like that," answered Kagome, trying to remain vague.

Rin nodded at her answer. She had never seen Sesshomaru with any other woman, but the best one she could think of as a mother was definitely Kagome. Sesshomaru couldn't have picked a better person! Before he came along, she was alone, without parents and then, she had gained a father, but now with Kagome, she had a real family.

Kagome hadn’t sounded completely certain, but then again she might not want to talk about it with her. Rin enjoyed all the moments she spent with Sesshomaru and Jaken, but she had also seen other children her age playing around with their mother, father and even brothers and sisters! She couldn't help but take a look at Kagome's stomach; maybe hers would grow to and then she would have a little brother or sister!

"Kagome, do you think you'll have a baby one day?"

Once again, Rin had managed to create chaos into Kagome's mind. Her becoming pregnant appeared to be Sesshomaru's beast goal. She had no idea why that monster thought him impregnating her would bring her happiness. She sighed silently before letting her hand dare to her stomach, holding it slightly. 

Tears started to form in her eyes and she blinked them away. "Maybe."

-B-


	11. Apprehension

_Two days, or was it three?_

For the past couple of days, Sesshomaru had locked himself inside his personal library. It had now become obvious to him that his beast was out of control and he had decided to dedicate his time, trying to find a solution to his problem. He would not expose his current complication to anyone, which meant he had to find an answer on his own. Sesshomaru did not require any sleep, or barely, and had spent hours skimming through scrolls. His amber eyes should have been exhausted from the effort, but he still felt extremely refresh.

On his left side there was a mountain of scrolls, slowly falling apart, leaving his library almost empty. Not one of them contained information that was useful to him and his irritability was growing. It was  _impossible_  for him to be the only one affected by such troubles. All these worthless youkais did not possess 1/3 of this power, yet  _none_ of them struggled with their beast? It made absolutely no sense to him.

Aggravated, Sesshomaru threw his latest scroll against the wall, creating a loud thump, and causing the wall to shake.

The only positive thing he could reckon at the moment was the peace and quiet he had managed to obtain. Neither the miko, Rin nor Jaken had entered his library to bother him with useless matters. Even more surprising, was the silence coming from his beast. It felt as if Sesshomaru could not even recall the last time his beast hadn't taken over at  _least_  once a day. He would not complain; it had created distance between him and the Miko and he had not seen her in over two days. It was  _almost_  shocking that his beast wasn't trying to break out of its cage to see her.

The last time he had caught a glimpse of her was after their encounter with Rin and he didn't mind. She was  _extremely_  emotional, loud mouth, stubborn and impolite. He could not help but wonder if all females from the future were as badly raised as her. How did they lose all their manners? Until now, he hadn't given much thought to her time period, but now, he couldn't help the questions that came to his mind. He knew she had very little knowledge about youkais, which lead him to believe the youkais population wasn't high in her time.

What happened to his kind?

Sesshomaru had no desire to see her at the moment, especially since it might trigger his beast, hence why he decided to keep his questions to himself for the moment. He would get answers out of her eventually; she had to be of  _some_  use to him at some point. Knowing about her own time period might be the only thing she could do right.

He rubbed the side of his head, using his index, as he tried to get his focus back on his research.

The more he read, the more time he was wasting. Sesshomaru knew that one of the few solutions left was to seek for a dark miko's help and try to find a way to seal his beast away. He wasn't sure such thing was possible since his beast was apart of him in every way, but it was worth a try. He put the last scroll down, before getting up, which he hadn't done in days, and straightening himself. Sesshomaru did not even have the time to make it to the door that burst open.

"MILORD!" screamed Jaken before throwing himself at Sesshomaru's feet.

For days now, Jaken had been standing beside the door, not moving an inch, while waiting for his lord to immerge from the room. As usual, Sesshomaru had not share his business with him, leaving Jaken to worry. After the event that had occurred the day the  _hanyou_  came, he had an idea what was happening to his beloved lord.

Sesshomaru's expression remained unchanged as he walked  _over_  Jaken, exiting the room. He had been aware of the toad's presence by his door, which had been a nagging feeling the whole time and had assumed Rin had spent her time with the miko. He wasn't concerned with Rin, since he knew nothing would occur while they were inside his own castle. Plus, he was well aware that Rin was in trusted hands when she was in presence of the Miko.

Sesshomaru kept walking down the hall, until he reached the miko's room. He could sense that she was there, by herself. Without another thought about her, he walked off, somewhat  _satisfied_  with the fact that she was still alive.

"Sesshomaru-sama?"

Rin dared to poke her head in the hall to see if her father figure was there. She hadn't seen him in a while, and everything she asked Jaken about it, he told her that Sesshomaru could not be bothered. Her features were sad, her eyes missing their usual sparkle. Sesshomaru stopped, and looked at her, expecting her to explain what the matter was.

Rin approached him, fidgeting with her hands. "Rin thinks Kagome is sick."

For a split second, Sesshomaru was almost taken back by her words. The miko was sick? Nothing had occurred for her to catch a disease, she had been everywhere Rin had and the little girl seemed healthy. It had to be something else.

As he remained silent, Rin grew more worried. If Lord Sesshomaru himself could not confirm she was well, maybe Kagome was really sick. "She doesn't come out of her room, and she never eats her food. Rin sees them bring her trays still filled with food."

Sesshomaru stared at his worried ward,  _almost_  cursing the miko. She had brought nothing but trouble and now, Rin was worried over her health. He felt a headache coming, much like each time the Miko was involved and he sighed silently.

"Hn," was his only answer for Rin.

The little girl nodded, a tiny smile appearing on her face. Even though Sesshomaru hadn't said much, Rin knew he would check up on Kagome and it made her feel better. He had taken such good care of her and she knew he would do the same for Kagome.

"Thank you," she whispered before moving out of his way. Rin watched him walk away, happiness filling her child heart.

Sesshomaru was walking in direction of the kitchen where he found the servants who had been taking care of the Miko. He did believe Rin's words, but he did not think the Miko was sick, it had to be something other than a sickness. Surely the ones who were assigned to look after her needs would know what the situation with her was. He wanted to get this done quickly; he had wasted enough time on her.

Why did she have to be so troublesome?

-B-

The light was trying to enter the dark room, but Kagome had made sure the curtains were tightly closed, leaving the room in a completely darkness. After she had collected flowers with Rin, she had ran straight for her room, and hide herself inside of it ever since.

Rin hadn't stop talking the whole time, and had clearly been excited about her and Sesshomaru. Kagome hadn't been able to do anything but nod her head once in a while, her mind working over time. She hated the way her true relationship with Sesshomaru was hidden from her, but she would never taint the image Rin had of Sesshomaru. He had been a good father to her and that was the only thing Kagome wanted Rin to see him as.

Nobody should have to see what she saw.

Still for her, it was hard to see Sesshomaru as a good person, no matter which side she was facing. One of his personalities was cold, heartless and for the most part despised humans, while the other one claimed to love her, yet, abused her psychologically and physically. Plus, the same person did both actions, so it mattered very little who was talking to her. With every day that passed, he made it harder for her to continue, but she refused to give up.

Since she had been locked up in the same room for over two days, it could feel as if she was giving up, but she wasn't. She needed this because it was the first time she had been able to let everything out without being interrupted. For almost a whole day straight, she had shed tears, until her body had been out of water. The action hadn't done much, except relieve her of some of the stress she had been put through. She was currently buried under mountains of blankets and pillows, and she had absolutely no intention of coming out anytime soon.

Kagome had a feeling though that someone would come and break through her quietness. The Neko youkais were growing pushier and they had become somewhat forceful ever since she had started to refuse their food. Kagome knew it was not because they cared about her, but because they might suffer Sesshomaru's wrath if something happened to her.  _As if_. She would be happy if he just decided to leave her there to die. She didn't need his pity or his false caring.

Although, the absence of food had started to affect her slightly.

Kagome was feeling light headed sometimes and the lack of food had even made her nauseous, although that might have been caused by her stress. Sometimes during the night, since she couldn't sleep, Kagome had counted the days until her period, only to realize she should have had it about two to three days ago.

Obviously, the idea of pregnancy had jumped to her mind and it had been hard to keep her stress level down. At the moment she was trying hard to convince herself that her lateness was caused by the recent events. She had read in the past that high stress and nervousness cause delayed periods and the recent occurrences were more than reasons enough for that to happen.

Kagome wasn't sure if she believed her own lies or not but she hung on to it. It was not as if she disliked the idea of a baby or that she would hate the child, but she had no desire to have it in such circumstances. She dragged her hands over to her stomach, and caress it slightly.

If she was indeed pregnant, the lack of food was bad for the child, but she felt so weak at the moment, she didn't even have the energy to get out of the bed. Tears threatened to fall as the possibility that there was a child, _her_ child, growing inside of her, became more prominent.

Even if the child was going to have  _this_  monster as its father, she would love it with all her soul and her and protect it with everything she had. Rape wasn't the situation in which she had wished to create life, but if it were meant to happen like this, she would cherish the baby. A child did not have to be punished for Sesshomaru's actions and she would never take it out on the baby. This time, there was no stopping the tears that fell down her cheeks and once again, she welcomed them.

Kagome jumped slightly when she heard the door of her bedroom opened and she immediately tried to completely cover herself. She hated the fact that she couldn't tell who was coming, or when. She tried to remain as still as possible and she simply observed as someone walk over to her bed, and put down a tray of food beside her. She was barely breathing, trying not to make a sound when the blankets were lifted from her body. Her eyes widen as she found herself starting at Sesshomaru, his amber eyes reflecting his usual coldness.

Her mouth was slightly opened, as no sound escaped her throat. He was the last person she had expected to see and she was left a little shocked. Sesshomaru watched her, growing more annoyed by the second; he couldn't comprehend why she had to make everything so  _difficult_.

"Miko, you will not  _starve_  to death while you are under this Sesshomaru's care."

Immediately Kagome turned her head away from him, trying to push away her tears. Why did it matter to him if she ate or not, if she lived or die? He raped her, abused her and threw her around as if she was nothing but a doll void of any type of feelings. He clearly didn't care about her.

"I'm not hungry," she said, her voice extremely quiet. She hadn't spoken in so long, she felt as if the words were burning her throat.

"This Sesshomaru does not repeat himself." He was  _not_  going to feed her and he wasn't going to tend to her need, but she needed to eat something.

He had been prepared for her stubbornness and had come with servants. He signaled for them to come in, which they immediately did. One of them walked over to where Kagome was lying, lifting her up, while the other one took the tray. Panicked, Kagome started to struggle against one of them, but the neko youkai managed to keep her in place without any difficulties.

As one of the females held up something for Kagome to eat, the other one pinched the miko's nose, so that eventually Kagome would have to open her mouth. Kagome was trying to keep her mouth close as long as possible, but eventually, she needed air and it opened. Quickly, the youkai stuffed the food in her mouth, barely stopping, forcing Kagome to chew, or she would choke.

Her eyes became watery, as they continued their actions; they were feeding her as if she was a child. She didn't need to be force to eat or treated like this.

Kagome refused to be degraded any longer and slapped one of their hands away. "I can do it myself," she said, her tone extremely dangerous.

She quickly took the tray away from the neko youkai and slowly began to eat. Kagome refused to look at Sesshomaru, but she assumed he was  _proud_  of himself at the moment.

"Struggling is useless," he said before turning around, ready to leave her room.

The Miko had eaten something and he had no more reason to remain in her company. Without another though, he walked out, causing Kagome to breathe out in relief.

She kept chewing her food with extremely low speed, as if every movement was taking her whole energy. She wished he wouldn't even bother to  _fulfill_  his obligations towards her. Having to deal with him was the worst, especially when he was his  _real_  self. Somehow, it made it harder to know he did not care what his beast had done to her, but then again, to care, you needed a heart, something he did not possess.

-B-

**Mate is hurting.**

Sesshomaru almost felt like sighing; he knew that the Miko's presence around him would bring back his beast. He was seriously thinking about building an extra wing or a smaller house for her so he wouldn't cross her path again. His beast was stubborn and only had her in mind, which made it extremely difficult to deal with. How could it have taken a liking in the Miko, when he was supposed to be the most powerful youkai?

_It is none of this Sesshomaru's concern._

He was well aware that his answer would only bring more anger to his beast, but it was the plain truth. As long as she remained alive, he couldn't care less about the rest. Her feelings, and all those useless emotions weren't something important to him, so even if she was  _hurting_  it didn't affect him. Plus, she was most likely the reason of her own suffering.

**She is ours mate. We need to comfort her.**

_This Sesshomaru believes your comfort has only brought the Miko more pain._

He didn't comprehend how his beast could not understand her feelings. It was very obvious the Miko only had hatred towards him, her who was apparently so  _pure_. Yet, she couldn't even stop those dark feelings from taking a hold of her heart.

**Mate does not understand. She does not know how much we love her. It is because of the hanyou.**

_Perhaps you shouldn't have taken her as our mate if she cannot understand youkais ways._

A human had no business getting involved with a youkai in such a way. Sesshomaru wouldn't stray from that path; it only brought trouble. They weren't made to mate with each other and produce children. It was ruining and diluting strong, important blood and it was disgusting.

**She will learn and we will take what she gives us. If the pups are from mate, it does not matter if they are hanyou. There is little you can do, since she is probably already pupped.**

_This Sesshomaru refused to have a hanyou as an heir._

**It is not your decision. You cannot get rid of me; I am _you_. You are wasting your time, reading while she suffers.**

Sesshomaru refused to believe he could not control his own beast. After all, if this thing were truly  _him_ , it would not have picked  _her_  as a mate. They could not be this different while being the same. He still maintained his idea to find a way to seal him away; it was the only solution.

**We need to comfort mate. We need to hold her.**

_This Sesshomaru will do nothing of the sort. Your childish behavior has set us behind and we have things to do._

**Mate comes first.**

He was growing tired of his attitude and the way he always took over. Sesshomaru decided it was time to play it his way so he could obtain what he desired. The Miko had wasted enough of his time as it was.

_There are still evil forces running around, would you have them endanger her? Beings like Naraku are still free and they are a threat to her. We have things to deal with._

Sesshomaru waited for a few seconds, but the beast remained silent. Apparently, it had decided to agree with him. None of what Sesshomaru had said was really true; he had no intention of dealing of Naraku or any scum like him. He did not fear the hanyou and only when he would cross his path, would he deal with him. For the moment, he had to deal with his beast, and that was more important. Hopefully, he would keep him away long enough to seal him, if it was even possible.

Without another word, Sesshomaru exited the castle and left in direction of the dark Miko who had previously helped him. He had no time to waste on another one and the last time, she had done her work properly. Jaken would watch over Rin and he had made sure that if the Miko didn't want to eat, they would force her like they had done today, even if it displeased her.

He couldn't wait to be rid of her.

-B-

_Light_.

As Kagome pulled the curtains open, the light hurt her eyes, which had a hard time adjusting. Ever since  _he_ had came in her room, she knew her moments of peace and quiet were gone and now he would make sure someone bother her every time. She didn't have energy to waste on such silly fights and decided to go along with it, preserving her strength for more important matters.

She hadn't changed in two days and the last time she had taken a bath was the day before he  _punished_  her. Her eyes traveled to the  _bath_  and lingered there; how was she craving for it, wishing to be clean from his scent and touch. Kagome looked around the room; the females weren't there meaning that for the first time, she'd be able to bath by herself.

Kagome removed her kimono and delicately folded it before putting it on the bed. She tried not to look down at her body, so she wouldn't have to see the marks and bruises he had left on her, but it was hard. Every now and then she was dying to catch a glimpse but she refused to do that to herself.

Slowly, she slipped into the water, the warmth immediately regenerating her tired body. If she weren't careful, she would probably fall asleep in the bath since she had been awake for over two days now. Kagome rested her head against the edge, slowly closing her eyes, but promising herself to remain awake. Before she knew, thoughts of her friends filled her mind, and she found herself chocking on a sob.

She hated the way she told them to leave, but she had no other choice. She could still feel Sango's arms around her and she suddenly found herself very lonely. She prayed she wasn't holding them back in their mission; Miroku's wind tunnel was getting worst by the day and she didn't want him to waste any time waiting on her.

She  _wanted_  them to continue without her; after all, they had Kikyo who could help them. She couldn't lie and pretend it didn't hurt her to think about Inuyasha and Kikyo together, but this was not about her. It was about her friends, their lives and their own sacrifices; it could not go to waste.

Kagome was brought out of her thoughts by a nauseous feeling taking over her body. She only had the time to turn her head before she threw up right behind the bath. Her head hung over the edge, vomit in her hair, as she tried to take a deep breath. She had been feeling sick those past couple of days, but she hadn't thrown up. Then again, up until now, she hadn't eaten anything; maybe her body had a hard time dealing with food at the moment?

It was hard to ignore the little voice in her head that was screaming  _pregnancy_ , but she still pushed it aside. Until she had a confirmation of some sort, she refused to believe she was pregnant. Throwing up, and late periods weren't enough to convince her yet. Maybe she was insane, or trying to hold on to something, which didn't exist, but she didn't care. How could she raise her child in this castle with this monster? Sesshomaru despised  _hanyou_  so how would he treat their infant?

She feared for the youngster life and she did not even know if she was indeed pregnant yet. The way Sesshomaru treated Inuyasha could be a reflection of how he would treat the child and she wouldn't tolerate that. She would give her life to protect her infant, but once she was gone, who would protect him? She refused to leave it in the hands of someone like Sesshomaru.

Then, it came again.

Before she knew it she found herself on four naked, throwing up on the floor. This time, she had the time to get out of the bath before emptying the content of her stomach. Her arms and legs were extremely shaking as she threw up once more, her body drained of energy.

She dropped to the ground, her ass hitting it hard, as she began to feel dizzy and her vision blurred up. She tried to grab on to something around her, but found nothing, and slowly, her eyes closed. She could hear her own heartbeat in her head as she slowly felt like she was losing consciousness.

She could barely move her body and it felt as if she weighted a ton. Her sickness was starting to disappear, but her head was pounding like crazy. She tried to open her mouth, maybe to cry out for someone, but she couldn't. Her voice was gone and she couldn't even open her mouth.

Slowly, darkness claimed her and in her drowsiness, Kagome decided she needed some rest.

-B-

Masuyo smirked as she waited for him outside, on the edge of the cliff. She had sensed him coming for a few minutes now and she could feel he was not happy. She was slightly confused since she knew her bracelet was foolproof and there was no way the Miko had been able to remove it. Instead of panicking, she decided to calmly wait for his arrival.

After a few more minutes of waiting, Sesshomaru landed beside her, his expression cold and emotionless. It appeared the Miko had been expecting him. Masuyo turned around, and bowed to him.

"Sesshomaru-sama," she politely greeted. "What may I do for you?"

"I need to seal my beast."

His words surprised the Miko as she gasped. Seal his beast? She had never heard of anything like this before. "Milord, I'm afraid what you are asking is impossible. The only thing which could temporarily seal your beast would always take away everything youkai about you, leaving you no better than a human."

She knew what he asked couldn't be done, but her mind couldn't help but try to come up with an answer. The last thing she wanted to do was to anger him, especially if she wanted to remain alive.

For a split second, anger flashed through his eyes. Sealing everything that made him a youkai? His beast was not worth becoming powerless and transforming himself into something he was not.

"It is impossible, or you do not possess the knowledge to do so?" After all, he did not know if she was as powerful as she pretended to be.

"It is impossible." She fought the urge to wince as she awaited his reaction.

Sesshomaru was aware that she wouldn't lie since he would find out. When he would think about it thoroughly, it wasn't that surprising that it could not be done. After all, he was extremely powerful and he could not himself stop it from happening. How could something made by someone inferior cause it to cease? He walked towards Masuyo, his eyes not revealing any emotions.

"I'm terribly sorry Lord Sesshomaru," she said before bowing. She hoped that groveling to him would spare her life. Surely he could understand it was not her fault and that it was simply something no one could do.

Using his speed, Sesshomaru sped to her side grabbing her throat. The dark Miko immediately felt the pressure he applied to her neck, preventing air from escaping or entering. She tried to break free from his hold, but Sesshomaru refused to bulge.

"You are of no more use to this Sesshomaru," he said, before snapping her neck and taking her life at the same time.

He slowly dropped her lifeless body to the ground, before walking away from her cavern. She bothered him, she could not perform what he desired and frankly, she knew too much. It was not her place to know about his business and the trouble he was having with his beast.

Her death meant nothing and nobody would care, especially not him. Without even given her one last look, Sesshomaru flew off, ready to head back to the castle.

This whole trip had been a waste of his time and it irritated him. Everything he had done during the past few days had been useless and it brought him great rage. His time was precious and he had other things to deal with. It didn't help that his beast could come and mess up everything at any desired time.

Hopefully the little talk from earlier would keep him satisfied for a little longer. Maybe leaving the Miko in his castle while he went around with his travels was the best way to go about things. After all, why should she burden him?

It only took him a few more minutes to reach the castle and as soon as he landed, he noticed one of the servant assigned to the Miko was waiting outside of the castle. As soon as she saw him, her eyes widened and she seemed to fear  _him_. When she reached his side, she quickly bowed. "My apology Lord Sesshomaru."

Not understanding why she apologized, he made a gesture signaling for her to get back on her feet.

"The lady, she is sick milord."

There it was; they were talking about sickness again, just like Rin had. "Explain yourself," he asked, demanding more details.

He would have been able to sense something if she had a disease, yet he hadn't.

"We found her unconscious on the floor, she had thrown up numerous times, my lord."

They always remained around her bedroom and once the disgusting smell of her vomit had reached the noise, they had rushed to her side, only to find her in a deep slumber. At first, they thought she had died, but they had quickly noticed she was still alive.

"Where is she?" asked Sesshomaru, clearly annoyed.

Why did she always have to cause trouble for him? She simply couldn't keep to herself and act like a normal being. Heck, most humans weren't as troublesome as her.

"We put her in her bed Lord Sesshomaru." The females kept her head down obviously scared of his reaction. His words had been clear; they were to look after the Miko and make sure she remained alive. They had failed at their job and she was scared to face his wrath.

Sesshomaru did not care though; he blamed the Miko for letting herself get in such a state. If she had eaten properly, and gotten some sleep she wouldn't have found herself in such a situation, meaning she was the only one to blame for this.

He gestured his hand at the female, letting her know she was dismissed and suddenly, she found herself breathing a lot easier. Her eyes were closed as her stress level went down; she would live to see another day. Taking care of the Lord's human mate was proving to be a more difficult task to handle than she had originally expected.

He kept a composed speed as he walked through his castle, acting as usual. After all, he was not worried about the Miko but if she did have a disease, then it needed to be treated. Also, he would make sure Rin didn't come in contact with her more than she already had.

This was another reason why having a human mate was bothersome; they were so weak, they could easily get sick. Of course, being mated to a youkai should make them stronger but in the Miko's case it appeared it did not do a difference. Perhaps her stubbornness made her impermeable to any kind of changes.

Useless.

He calmly opened the door of her bedroom only to find her in a deep slumber, buried under blankets. The awful scent from her bathing misadventure hit is nose and he lifted his arms so he could cover it.  _Disgusting_. He walked towards her, and approached her bed, trying to look for any sign of sickness.

It was then that he removed his arm from his face, trying to catch a sniff of her scent, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. She smelled as awful as she always did, or at least just as human. Of course, there was another obvious explanation for her sickness and he could no longer deny it, no matter how much he wanted to.

Sesshomaru took hold of her blankets and pulled them away from her body, revealing her  _almost_  naked figure. The servants had only put on her kimono, not bothering to tie it up, making sure the bow at the back wouldn't bother her. It was barely covering her nipple and her stomach was almost fully exposed.

Sesshomaru resisted the urge to look away, not from embarrassment, but from disgust. Although, it wasn't as if he hadn't seen her naked body before.

Slowly he approached his face to her flat stomach, burying his nose in her warm skin. It would be hard to tell if she was pupped since it would be very  _recent_ , but he had an excellent nose. It also helped that she had just taken a bath and he hadn't touched her while she had wore that kimono.

His scent, if it was on her at all, shouldn't be that strong unless she was carrying his pup. Though, a pregnancy this recent might not emit any scent at all. Still, the simple thought of her carrying a hanyou, was enough to repulse him. It was one more hanyou to add to the shameful list of his blood lineage.

At first nothing caught his nose but he kept moving around, sniffing at her skin. After a few instants, he lifted his hand and put it on her lower stomach, while he smelled her. He was about to pull away, when something caught his attention. Sesshomaru needed to make sure he was not mistake, and tried again. The whole time, his eyes remained the same; emotionless.

After a few minutes he pulled away, and stood up straight, looking down at the Miko.

"Am I pregnant?"

If Sesshomaru could express emotions of surprise or shock, he would have at that instant. His eyes moved to meet hers, coldness obvious in them, as if he was trying to scare her. Kagome stared right back trying not to give in. She had woken up the instant he had made contact with her body.

It was almost a natural reaction that her body had developed at his touch. He might force her body to physically react to him sometimes, but her mind knew better and her senses went in alert as soon as he laid a hand on her.

Sesshomaru titled his head slightly, observing her whole body.  _Such a pity_. She wasn't even beautiful: nothing about her was appealing. He sighed heavily, his annoyance reaching a whole new level.

"Hn."

For a second, Kagome felt as if the whole world had stopped moving and she stopped breathing. Had he just confirmed what she had feared? Immediately, her eyes watered, and she could not help herself. He was a monster; he would never have any feelings towards a child that was a hanyou.

Before she knew it, Kagome was wrapping her arms around her legs, trying to comfort herself. She dared to look in direction of Sesshomaru, only to notice his back was facing her.

His head was somewhat twitching and she could seem him clenching his fingers into fists. His breathing was so shallow and sharp that she could hear it from where she was. A feeling of fear developed itself inside her heart as she watched him, unable to move and barely able to think. Kagome couldn't help but think that maybe his anger came from her pregnancy and it only helped to show that she was right about him.

But then, he proved her wrong.

Slowly, Sesshomaru turned around, his eyes closed and his fangs sticking out of his mouth. "Miko, leave this room."

Kagome rose to her knees, confused. He wanted her to leave her bedroom? She was almost afraid to ask why he wanted her gone and why he was so damn angry. His tone had been neutral a few seconds ago, what had happened? Kagome dared to make it out of the bed, her whole body shaking in fear. It's not the room she wanted to leave; it was him and this whole goddamn era.

Nonetheless, she managed to stand up on her own and started to walk in his direction, which she had to do to exit the room. It was only when she walked pass him did he open his eyes. Kagome wouldn't have noticed if he hadn't turned his head to look at her. Once again, she found herself froze in place, fear taking control of her whole body, her legs shaking more than ever.

There she was, standing beside Sesshomaru, looking in those  _too_  familiar red eyes.

-B-


	12. Sickness

For a second her whole body forgot how to work and everything ceased to function. His words echo in her mind as she watched him turn his head to face her. She hated those red eyes; she despised them. Ever since the moment he started having trouble with his beast, she had been forced to pay the price. Why did she have to be punished because he wasn't strong enough to control his own beast?

He had taken away every single mean of defense she had, leaving her helpless and alone. Kagome's breathing was sharp as the memories of his previous actions flooded her mind. Nothing she had ever done was enough to justify the pain he had inflicted on her. Why did he always have to come back? Why couldn't Sesshomaru be around her without giving in? Before him she had a life, before him she knew happiness and he had coldly ripped everything from her.

 _Every time_ things hit a new level of pain,  _it_  just had to show its face and it made her sick. He was staring right back at her almost as if he was expecting a reaction from her. He had taken everything away except her anger and her voice. Kagome took a deep breath, before walking closer to him, knowing she was about to make a big mistake yet she could not stop herself.

She raised her hand and smacked him across the cheek with all of her strength. "I  _hate_  you."

Everyone had a breaking point and she had hers a while ago, except, instead of blowing up, she had broken down to piece, but now he had pushed her to a new limit. He had abused her, humiliated her and increased her pain to a level she had not known before and  _now_  he had dragged an innocent being into the mess. She had hidden herself from the world for days now, wishing it all away, but the life inside of her proved that all of this was  _real_. Once again, she hit him on the cheek, the other one this time.

" _I_ despise _you,_ I wish you had never taken me. I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE! I'm not  _happy_  and I won't  _pretend_  to be." Tears were rolling down her cheeks as her anger came through for the first time in a while.

Kagome was aware of what he would do to her because of her actions, but right now it did not matter. The fact that Sesshomaru hadn't been able to keep his beast under control for even  _five_  minutes while he was around her proved the beast was there to stay and there was nothing either of them could do about it.

When he had left her alone for a few days, she had hoped that it was the start of something  _better_  and that she could hide away from him but he had showed her different. He had no control over the beast, and she couldn't endanger anybody to come and save her. She was alone, and she had to deal with him herself, because nobody  _could_  save her.

She couldn't deny that she was  _terrified_  and more scared than ever, but his reactions and the recent news had brought chaos inside of her head and she was unsure of what to do. Once again, suffering had taken over her whole heart and she was unable to stop anything from happening.

Kagome held her head high as she stared at Sesshomaru, her heart beating like crazy inside of her chest, almost breaking free. The whole time she had spoken and hit him, he had remained still as a statue, which was almost scarier than him angry. Kagome bit her bottom lip slightly as he remained in his position looking as if he was not breathing.

Then she suddenly jumped when he moved and she couldn't help but slightly back away from him.

Sesshomaru did not care about her fear and immediately he put his hands on her hips and bent down to go down on his knees. Kagome took in a deep breath as he pressed his nose against her exposed stomach, nuzzling against her skin. She couldn't help the confusion that took her over as he did not react to her words or actions, which was unusual. Of course, she decided to remain silent for the moment, waiting for some sort of reaction from him.

Sesshomaru ran one of his hands over her flat stomach, sighing.

" **You are pupped, yet you are unhappy. You wish for pups do you not?** "

Kagome opened her mouth before closing it immediately. It was obvious he had never listened to anything she had ever said or he wouldn't have said such non-sense. Who would want to get pregnant in such a way, by such a person?

"I want to be a mother one day, but not like this and not with  _you_  as the father."

He pulled away from her before standing up straight in front of her, worry flashing through his eyes. He had done this to please her, so that her sadness could go away and yet, she did not want the pup?

" **You will not love the pup?** "

She couldn't stop the shock look that appeared on her face, a lump forming in her throat. She despised his tone; why was he talking to her so normal as if nothing had ever occur between them, as if she loved him? Plus, she was still on her guard, expecting him to punish her for her previous words. His words did hurt her however; did she seem like such a horrible person?

"I'm not a monster,  _I'm not_  like you."

Tears came to her eyes, as her words became harder to say. No matter what  _he_ had done to her, it did not affect her infant in any way.

"I will love my child, no matter what."

Kagome quickly backed away and sat on the edge of the bed.  _Her child_. Those words hit her harder than she expected, and the realization came down harsh. She was still so young and unprepared and now she would have to raise a human being. She couldn't help the fear that took her over; would she be a good mother?

She had taken care of Shippo, but it wasn't quite the same, he had been able to somewhat take care of himself when she found him… but this baby would depend on her in every way. She was not sad over the fact that she was pregnant, but her fear was growing with the second as if she was scared she wouldn't be able to provide enough for the child.

" **You refuse happiness. I have given you pleasure, I have given you status and a pup."**

No females were ever this difficult. Some of them might have struggled at first when they were taken by force, but they eventually would realize their privilege. But, no matter what  _she_ refused to feel happiness and joy. Even now, she had dared to raise her hand on his person and attack him. Yet, he had not punished her. He was being more kind then she deserved, but she could not see it.

" **Why do you deny my attentions?** " His fangs were sticking out of his mouth as his rage increased. " **No other males will care for you like I do, none of them will be devoted and provide for you like I can.** "

Kagome resisted the urge to scoff at his words. "Your hurt me, you mistreat me and you call that devotion and care?"

Sometimes she found herself wondering if he lived in the same world as she did, because never had she seen him express any type of regrets for his actions. It was as if he didn't realize what he was doing or how hurtful his actions were.

Sesshomaru titled his head slightly as if he looked confused. " **I do not mistreat you. You choose to refuse my actions. If you accepted this, you would not be miserable. I do not try to hurt you, you bring it upon yourself.** "

He did not wish to punish her again or hurt her, especially considering her new conditions, but she was making it hard for him.

For a second, she was completely speechless. If she accepted his touch, she would be happy? "You took everything away from me without my permission and you think I will accept it?"

Her own eyes were bloodshot, but because of her lack of sleep and the fury he was creating in her, not tears. It seemed impossible to even argue with his beast as if he could not see things the way they really were.

Sesshomaru rushed towards her, and grabbed her wrists tightly, hurting her in the process. " **You belong to me, I will never let you go.** "

His heart was being destroyed again by her words, causing him pain. The beast knew the suffering was caused by her rejection of the mating. Their bond wasn't strong and its weakness was bringing him pain and probably hurting her too. As long as she kept fighting their union, the pain would not cease. Her stubbornness was annoying him even more since she was causing them both useless suffering.

Kagome's eyes were tearing up as his words echoed in her mind. She was well aware that the beast had no intention to give her up, but Sesshomaru was another story. As much as she despised him, he was her only chance out of this unfortunate situation. All they needed was for the beast to be locked away to give her enough time to run away.

Unfortunately such opportunity seemed impossible at the moment, which meant they had to find a solution. Of course, it was hard for her to  _talk_  with Sesshomaru since every time she was around him, the beast would take over.

"I will escape you one day."

Her words did not sound like a threat, but a promise. Kagome didn't care how long it would take, one day, she would be free from his hold and she would never look back.

Until then, she would fight him when she could, although it was useless, because every fiber of her body refused to give in his abuse. No matter how much he crushed her, she refused to let go of her spirit and her  _freedom_. As long as she refused to give him her mind, he didn't own her. Kagome stared into his angry red eyes, tears almost escaping her; it was impossible for her to look at him and  _not_  see the monster he truly was.

"I won't be yours."

The beast's eyes seemed to grow wider before he growled at her. He released his hold on her by violently throwing her against the nearest wall.

" **YOU WILL SUBMIT!"**

As Kagome's body limped to the ground, Sesshomaru punched through her door, leaving it in pieces.

" **You will learn your place.** "

He lingered his gaze on her as she refused to look him in the eyes. His breathing was shallow, as he turned his head and walked out of her, leaving Kagome almost shocked, as if to say  _that's all_? In the past, he had shown her much worst behavior.

Although, she could not help but feel relieved as he exited her room, leaving her alone. Her back slightly hurt from the hit, but it wasn't anything that would affect her. Her head was resting against the nearly destroyed wall as she moved her hands to her flat stomach.  _A life_.

She wrapped her arms around her waist and sighed heavily, tears rolling down her cheeks. It was now to late to completely erase these events, or act like he never existed; there would always be proof of his existence. But, that did not mean she wouldn't love the child; her feelings towards Sesshomaru would never interfere with the love she would feel for her baby.

Plus, the  _real_  Sesshomaru would never feel anything type of emotions towards her and he would despised the child, which meant she was the only one who could protect it.

Kagome closed her eyes as her head began to feel heavy. The tears were blurring her vision, or at least she blamed it on the tears, and her face was slowly heating up. She released her stomach and pressed her cold hands against her heated skin, trying to cool herself up. She couldn't help but blame her current predicaments on Sesshomaru, and she silently cursed him.

It had felt  _good_  to release some of the steam she had kept inside, but it had truly gotten her nowhere, the only positive side was that she had gotten away with it. It wasn't as if she couldn't take his punishment, but her body needed a break or her bruises would never go away. The marks he had left on her the first time still remained and she wondered if they would ever disappear.

As time passed, the  _fever_  that had come over refused to leave and only increased. Kagome had never been one to get sick; yet, she had multiple symptoms that would indicate she was indeed suffering from some sort of illness. At first she thought the nausea might have something to do with her pregnancy, but  _now_  she wasn't so sure.

Lately, she had been feeling extremely drained and her body had refused to cooperate in every way.

She wanted to blame it on the stress, but she had doubts.

Or maybe her mind was playing tricks on her.

 _Maybe_.

-B-

_Pregnant._

Sesshomaru had always despised his half-brother because he had ruined their bloodline and not because he had something against humans. As long as they did not produce offspring together it did not bother him that youkais and humans lived on the same lands.

Rin his own ward was a human, she was traveling with him and it was not a problem, but Inuyasha who represented strength mixed with weakness was repulsive. All those years, he had felt a rage towards his father for the sacrilege he had done to their family by taking a human mate and producing a child with her, but he was now in the same situation. The Miko would bear him a hanyou.

Nothing in the world disgusted him as much as a hanyou. Naraku and Inuyasha were both in that category and they were the filthiest things walking on these lands. Females had never been of great interest to him since they were all back stabbing whores and he had no need for them, but eventually, he would have picked one to bear him an heir.

 _At least_  one of those useless females would have given him a full-blooded son, not a  _hanyou_. It was not as if he hadn't expected the Miko to not eventually be pupped with the way things were going, but he had hoped to find a solution  _before_  it happened. Now there wasn't much he could do to change the situation, except kill the Miko which he still didn't know if it was the wisest decision, which meant in approximately 7 months, she would give birth to a hanyou.

He knew her feelings towards such creatures, as she had been so fond of his half-brother, so she would not have a problem with it. For obvious reasons, Sesshomaru would assure that the child would not  _die_ , but he would not care for it, which meant the Miko would be the one to do so.

Although it would be its first-born child, he refused to consider it his heir; he eventually would find a way to break this  _bond_  and he would have proper full-blooded sons. He could have a whore bore him one while he remained mated to the Miko, but they were often too conniving and he would not take any chances.

Sesshomaru was aware that his beast was pleased with the news since it thought it would make the Miko happy, but  _he_  knew better. She shared the same feelings towards him as he did for her. It was obvious neither of them wanted to be in such a situation, although, it  _almost_ surprised him that she did not consider herself blessed.

After all, never would she have been given the chance to obtain such luxury and status if it hadn't been for his beast. Many females would have lined up for the opportunity to become his mate. Once again, she showed how different she was, but he mostly assumed it came from the way she had been raised in the future.

Although, there was much he could gain from her knowledge, but she would probably refuse to speak at the moment. After all, she hadn't given in to his beast yet he had more than mistreated her, which meant she wouldn't easily submit to him and his power.

**Mate is hurting.**

Sesshomaru's features became annoyed as he rubbed the side of his head, his rage slightly rising. He could not even get a moment of peace in his own head anymore; it was getting very irritating.

 _This Sesshomaru does not care_.

She had been hurting the moment they encountered that fatal night and if he did not care then, he would not now. She was of very little importance to him and what happened to her meant very little.

**You ignore mate's feelings. Can you not feel her pain?**

Sesshomaru could recall his beast's pain, but he had never encounter them when he was in full control of his body and assumed it was because his beast was  _different_  from him and it was its feelings that were bringing the pain. Since Sesshomaru felt nothing towards the Miko, he was not troubled with the same suffering.

_You are concerned with the Miko, not this Sesshomaru._

**I let you be in control. If you do not take care of mate, I will take over.**

He couldn't stop himself from growling at his beast. It was very frustrating that the only person who could oppose him was  _himself_ , since he could not defeat it. Since his beast was what made him a youkai, it was hard to fight the very essence that made him. Sesshomaru growled one more time before getting up from his chair, clearly annoyed.

_This Sesshomaru will only check on the Miko._

The beast remained silent, which Sesshomaru had grown to understand that it meant the beast was satisfied with his decision. Sesshomaru sighed heavily before pushing the door opened, almost knocking Jaken out in the process. The toad almost refused to leave his side and the Lord knew it had something to do with the Miko.

It was obvious that Jaken did not understand his decision to take the Miko has his mate, but Sesshomaru refused to explain himself to anyone, so Jaken was left in the dark. Sesshomaru could hear Jaken screaming behind him, but he decided to ignore him. His beast was much more annoying and he would deal with it first.

Soon enough he reached her room, which now did not have a door since his beast destroyed it and quickly entered her bedroom. To his  _almost_  surprise, he found the Miko exactly where he had left her; against the wall. He had easily been able to sense she was sleeping, which left him to wonder why his beast was so worried about her.

Slowly, he approached her unconscious body until he noticed the sweat dripping from her forehead. Her face was extremely red and her breathing was shallow, which he recognized as  _fever_  symptoms, if he was not mistaken. He closed his amber eyes, his anger still on the rise; she only brought him troubles.

**Help mate.**

Sesshomaru growled at his beast before picking up the Miko off the ground, even though it repulsed him and transporting her near the bath. He carelessly dropped her into the cool water, knowing it would probably bring her fever down. But, even though she had been dipped into the water, Kagome's eyes were still closed as if she still in her slumber.

**You do not care for mate.**

Sesshomaru's actions were obviously upsetting the beast since he growled inside. Kagome refused to submit to him but he cared for her and her sickness worried him. Sesshomaru refused to take care of her properly and he would not stand for it. Quickly enough, Sesshomaru's amber eyes became filled with red and a deep growl could be heard through the castle as Sesshomaru's annoyance reached a new level.

He could not bring himself to care for the Miko, when her death would mean nothing to him, but it angered him that his beast took over simply to care for her. She was not worthy of his attention.

As all of this happened Kagome still did not awoken. Her face was still red from her fever as if the water was not doing anything to help her. The beast was worried since there was no reason for her to feel ill like this; she seemed to be free from any type of disease. He ran his clawed fingers through her bangs, pushing them away from her face.

If he did not hold her in place, her body would slowly sinking into the water meaning he had to make sure she would not drown. He decided that he would be able to help her better if he was inside the bath with her, so while always holding her with at least one hand, he undressed himself completely.

Sesshomaru quickly released her for an instant as he entered the water, not even flinching at the temperature of it. He moved Kagome so that he was behind her and her positioned her in between his legs, making sure to keep most of her body emerge in the water.

He protectively wrapped his arms around her, making sure her back was pressed against his tone chest. The fact that she remained asleep even when he was touching her worried him about her current state. He knew she was still alive and strong because he could hear her heartbeat. Yet, it did not prevent him from worrying about her.

He reached out for a yellow cloth, which was near the edge of the water, and dipped it before resting it against her heated forehead, trying to bring her temperature down. His red eyes seemed to be fill with sadness as he looked down at her unconscious form, tightly secured in his arms.

He nuzzled his face against the crook of her neck, before sounds of pain escaped his mouth as pain reached his heart. This time it wasn't caused by her rejection of their mating bond, but because he feared for her life and for the one growing inside of her. He had no real experience with hanyou, and was unsure of how strong they were meant to be.

He licked the mark he left on her, trying to soothe her pain by connecting with her, which he quickly found was impossible. Until she accepted him there was not much he could do for her, which only pained him even more.

Although he felt his cock stiffen by her round ass pressing against it, sexual thoughts were the last thing on his mind. His worry for her was more important and even though she kept disobeying meaning she deserved to feel some pain as a punishment, it was hard for him to watch her suffer.

Sesshomaru wouldn't care less if she was dying, outside, bleeding to death, but he could not assume the role of alpha as much as he did. Although he had punished her actions in the past, he had never been able to carry it through until the end. Perhaps it was because her suffering caused him pain too? Nonetheless, he cared for the little fragile human that was his mate and he wanted to protect her.

It brought him great despair that she would reject his affections every time he tried to get close to her. Also, he could not help but often let his mind wander about her and his half-brother and it only made him jealous. All these times were she had willingly let Inuyasha touch her while he had to fight her every time.

It was not fair; he was the one who was only devoted to her, while his half-brother had another love. He could recall her being hurt by Inuyasha's actions, but she had always forgiven him, so why could she not  _love_  him back?

He growled in frustration before resting his head on the edge, still holding the cloth to her forehead. Her body was slowly cooling down, but it wasn't enough. Sesshomaru pressed his lips against the side of her head and softly kissed her. It was nice to not have her struggle in his arms for once and it brought him happiness, making him wish she could always behave in such a way.

He ran his claws down her arm, being careful not to hurt her and noticed the goose bumps his action created. It pleased him that even though she despised him, or so she claimed, that her body could react to his touch and that he could bring her pleasure.

Sesshomaru rarely slept since he did not need much rest to be able to function, but right now with his mate's body not struggling, pressed against him he found himself very comfortable which did not occur very often and for once, and wished for some rest.

Although her body was still warm, her face was not as red anymore and he knew the fever had gone down slightly leading him to make the decision to take her out of the water. Carefully, and while making sure she still had the wet cloth pressed against her forehead, he picked her up and stood up while handling her as if she was a porcelain doll.

He was somewhat pleased with her unconscious state since it allowed him to touch her, but he couldn't help the feeling of worry, which ruined it all. He carried his mate in his arms while both of them were naked and exited her bedroom; her door was broken and he did not wish for her to rest in such a room while she  _might_ be sick.

As he walked down the hall, he could feel the servants trying to  _not_  stare at him, but he ignored them at the moment, making Kagome his number one priority. Her face and the cloth were pressed against his tone chest, as he hurried to get her to  _his_  own rooms. It didn't even make sense to him in the first place that she was not sharing his bed, since she was his mate; he would kill two birds with one stone.

When he was near his bedroom, he could spot Jaken sitting beside the door, waiting for him to come. Of course, the toad was unable to hide his shock to the scene presented to him. He had traveled with Sesshomaru-sama for years and never had his Lord expressed any type of interest towards humans, it was actually quite the opposite.

Any time he came close to asking questions, Sesshomaru ignored him, causing his curiosity to grow. Although this time, Jaken hadn't failed to notice Sesshomaru's red eyes as he carried the naked iko towards his bedroom. At loss for words, and questions, Jaken simply stood up, and watched his Lord come closer to him.

It was hard to miss the glare Sesshomaru was sending him, and in fear, Jaken squealed, before eying the door.  _Of course_. He hurried to grab the handle, and opened the door for his Lord and his mate.

Jaken's eyes were open wide as he closed the door behind them, confusion written all over his face. There was a different aura to Sesshomaru-sama, and the toad blamed it on the beast's presence.

Even he could tell its presence by his master's red eyes and he had a feeling there was something very  _wrong_  happening under his very eyes. He had only seen Sesshomaru with such an expression when he was about to transform, which was clearly not the case at the moment. Jaken pressed his back against the door, holding on tightly to his staff; had something happened to his beloved Lord?

On the door side of the door, Sesshomaru was lying Kagome down the silk sheets of his bed, being careful not to cover her and increase her fever which had slightly came down. He fixed the towel on her forehead before deciding to join her in the bed. Sesshomaru laid on his side, before wrapping his arms around her waist and bringing her body against his, so he could bury his nose in the crook of her neck.

He closed his red eyes, enjoying the warmth and softness from her body against his. Sesshomaru was aware that such an occasion would probably not happen again, since she did not enjoy his presence near her, meaning he was going to enjoy this moment as long as he could.

This was right;  _this_  was the way things were supposed to be.

-B-

_Headache_.

Kagome opened her eyes with extreme difficulty, her head pounding like crazy. She had to blink a few times before her vision completely cleared up, allowing her to observe unknown surroundings. As she tried to move slightly, she realized something was holding her and aggravated she looked down at her waist.

She gasped slightly when she saw an arm snaked around her waist, two magenta stripes decorating the skin. Without thinking, she started to fight and struggle against his hold, desperate to escape him; how had she found herself in such a situation? Suddenly, the arm left her body, and she  _almost_  felt like letting out a sigh of relief.

"Miko, will you cease your useless struggles. You are annoying this Sesshomaru."

Kagome dared to turn her body to take a look at him and almost immediately regretted it when she was  _graced_  with a full naked view of his body. There was nothing to cover his nakedness as he slowly left the bed so he could stand up, his back facing her. Quickly, Kagome looked away, a feeling of nausea taking over.

There were no good memories associated with his  _naked_  body and the thought of him  _taking_  her was enough to make her feel sick. It was also at that moment that Kagome took conscience of her own situation; she was  _also_ naked. Quickly, she grabbed a blanket, which was at the foot of the bed and tried her best to cover her body.

She found herself unable to recall the events that had occurred during the night and it troubled her. Surely if he had forced himself onto her, she would remember? The pain and torment he could cause her would be enough to wake her! Kagome bit her bottom lip, tears coming to her eyes as she tried her best to remember what happened between them.

Sesshomaru, who was still naked, turned around to look at her bare back and sighed in annoyance. Unlike her, he could remember everything that happened and found it quite disgusting. His beast had made them  _seek_  the miko's presence and it was degrading. Even if she had not  _sleep_  with him, her fever would have gone down. What had been the point to drag her in his room when all she did was soil his bed?

"Miko, dress yourself and leave this Sesshomaru's bedroom," he said as he walked toward his own closet so he could proceed to dress himself.

At the sound of his voice, Kagome raised her head as if she had been brought back from dreamland. She had been so focus in her own little world, trying to remember that for a few instants she had forgotten about him.

"What happened?" she asked, completely ignoring what he had told her. It could seem pointless, especially if he had  _raped_  her again, but she couldn't help but ask.

"You had a fever and it took care of you," said Sesshomaru, never once looking at her.

He had made sure to make a distinction between him and his beast. Never would he have done anything for her if it hadn't taken over his body. If he had been able to stop it, he would have left her against the wall to deal with her fever on her own.

When he had felt the Miko moved against his body, he had woken from his slumber, only to find himself repulsed by their position. He hadn't slept in a long time and this rest had gotten the best out of him, causing him to forget about what had occurred before they fell asleep.

It seemed his beast enjoyed doing things with the Miko that only brought disgust to him. As if he wished to provide comfort and care for the useless woman, she truly didn't bring him anything but headaches.

Kagome couldn't help but feel disgusted by the beast's attentions towards her. The way he cared about her while doing all those horrible things was not only confusing, but also repulsing. He  _thought_  he cared about her, but truly he was simply a sick monster. She turned her head slightly to catch a glimpse of him and found herself staring at a dress Sesshomaru, who couldn't care less about her.

If she had a choice, she would rather have the cold-hearted Sesshomaru instead of the beast. She sighed heavily before wrapping the blanket tightly around her body and getting up from the bed. All her clothes were in her bedroom meaning she would have to walk around like that for the moment being.

If it had been anyone else, she would have thanked them for taking care of her, but in  _his_  case it didn't even start to make up for everything he had done against her. With one last lingering look on his person, she proceeded to exit his bedroom, her body feeling a little weak.

She took small steps as she made her way towards her bedroom as it felt it was the only thing her body could handle at the moment. The more she walked, the more Kagome felt breathless, like she was out of energy, which was strange since she had just woken up.

For once, she pushed the  _Sesshomaru issue_  in the back of her mind to focus on her current state. She had never been one to be very sick and now for two days in a row she had been feeling extremely strange. The more time passed and the more things occurred, the least she put it on her pregnancy.

The furthest she could be along was near a  _week_ , which was not enough to be feeling this bad, although this wasn't a human pregnancy. Kagome had no knowledge about hanyou pregnancy and she was now starting to worry. What if her body wasn't able to sustain a half-youkai child? What if there was something wrong with her?

What if she was causing the child harm with her sickness, which resulted in her feeling more pain?

As her body was slightly shaking, she still managed to keep walking down, almost reaching her bedroom. While one of her hand was pressed against the wall, her other one was resting on her stomach. Now not only did she worry for herself, but she had to worry for someone else.

Kagome felt her eyes tear up as she finally reached her destroyed bedroom. She hurried to lay down on her own bed enjoying the fact that Sesshomaru was nowhere near her for once. She wanted to scream and cursed Sesshomaru to the top of her lungs, but it seemed too much effort at the moment. First there had been nauseas, then fever and now she had no energy? If only she was in her own time, she could see a doctor, but here, a simple disease could bring her death…

Thoughts of worries filled her mind as her eyelids became heavy, even though she had just woken up. For a few moments, she tried to fight against the urge to sleep, but eventually slumber claimed her and she fell into the darkness.

-B-


	13. Heat

Her body felt as if it was on fire as she finally managed to open her tired eyes. She could feel the sweat dripping down her neck as she tried to push herself up. Her whole body was glued against the sheets of the bed and it was as if she had no strength left in her.

On top of that, she felt extremely dizzy and the room refused to stop spinning, leaving her with a nauseous feeling. Carefully, she managed to lift her head from her pillow and rest it against the headboard, completely breathless.

"KAGOME! You're awake?"

Kagome slightly jumped, scared, before painfully turning her head to see the person sitting next to her. Rin had a worried look on her face as she looked down on Kagome. Two days ago, she had found Kagome sleeping and ever since then, she had not awoken, worrying the little girl.

Rin had made it her duty to look over her and never left her side. Even when Sesshomaru would try to tell her to leave her, she would always come back by the Miko's side, concerned about her health.

"R-rrin?" asked Kagome, her voice raspy, and her throat burning with every word.

At the moment it was hard for her to even form coherent thoughts and she could not even begin to understand what was happening.

The little girl immediately smiled and threw herself at Kagome, hugging her as tightly as she could. "Rin was so worried about Kagome! You were sleeping for 3 days!"

The revelation slightly disturbed Kagome; she had been asleep for three days straight? The last thing she could recall was coming back from Sesshomaru's room and lying down on the bed. Had she really been unconscious for such a long period? What was happening to her? Why did she feel so bad? Already feeling exhausted, Kagome laid her head on Rin's shoulder, trying to gain some support.

Her actions brought Rin's fear back; was Kagome going to sleep for a long time again? "Kagome? Are you okay now?" she asked, her little voice almost breaking. Kagome had to get better; she couldn't leave her now that she was part of the family!

Kagome managed to weakly nod, trying to reassure her. Truth be told, she wasn't sure what was going on, but it seemed that every day her state got worst and there was no improvements. The silence of the room was broken by Kagome's stomach growling.

Rin giggled softly before pulling away from her. "Would you like some food?" she asked before pointing at a tray behind her.

The simply sight of food made Kagome's stomach turn upside down and she quickly shook her head. She was aware that it had been a long time since the last time she had eaten something, but there was no way she could digest food at the moment since her body felt too weak.

She quickly repositioned herself against the headboard, her body tired from her current effort. It was as she moved around that Kagome realized all she was  _wearing_  was the sheet from Sesshomaru's bed. She gasped before trying to tie it up tightly around her body.

Rin pressed her face against Kagome's arm, trying to comfort her, only to feel the extreme heat emanating from her body. She rapidly pulled away and looked at the Miko, an idea crossing her mind.

"Kagome! Let's take a bath together!" said Rin, before jumping out of the bed.

Kagome was probably just hot from spending so many days covered in blankets; a cool bath would be  _exactly_  what she needed.

Kagome was about to protest, when the  _stickiness_  and the heat coming from her body came to her mind. Maybe a bath would wash away this horrible feeling she was having. She weakly nodded to the little girl, which Rin took as her cue to go and help her get out of bed.

She had noticed Kagome had some difficulty moving, which she also blamed on all the time she spend sleeping; you could get sore that way! Rin held on to Kagome's arm, helping her, as Kagome did her best to use her own strength instead of putting her weight on the child.

"Thank you," she whispered when she managed to make it on her two feet, the sheet still somewhat wrapped around her body.

She followed Rin to the bath by grabbing every object around which allowed her to keep her balance. It wasn't helping her that her vision was slightly blurry, causing her to run into a few obstacles. Being healthy and excited, Rin had reached the bathroom way before Kagome.

In her enthusiasm, she immediately undressed before jumping in the water, a huge smile on her face. Rin was used to being by herself while she bath, but now Kagome was going to be there too; it would be like having a big sister or a mother with her. Also, Rin was glad she could help Kagome feel better.

After a few more instants, Kagome reached her destination, exhausted. Not even caring, she dropped the sheet and entered the water, a feeling of cleanness flowing through her body. She couldn't help but close her eyes, experiencing relief.

"Kagome, do you need help?" asked Rin in a small voice, afraid that she had disturbed her.

Quickly, Kagome opened her eyes, and offered Rin her best smile, which was very weak. She shook her head as an answer, avoiding actually speaking since it caused her much pain. It was hard to miss Rin's excitement for the situation and as much as Kagome wished she could be happy with her, it was too much for her at the moment.

Rin did not let her answer bring down her spirit and she gave her a grin. She knew Kagome wasn't feeling well and she had no intention to push her, she was happy to simply spend some time with her.

Kagome had no real intention to take an actual bath, all she wanted was for the  _hot_  flashes she had to go away. Although the water was decently cool, it didn't seem to do much for her since she could still sense how high her temperature was. This would be the second time she had a fever, unless it was the same one from a few days ago and although it was believed to have disappeared, it had remained.

As Kagome was deep in her thoughts, Rin was in the process of washing her hair, happily humming a song; Kagome's consciousness had been a great relief for the little girl who had spend all those days concerned for her health.

There were a lot of reasons that could explain why she was so fond of Kagome, one of them probably being because she could not remember her own mother very well and Kagome was the only example she ever had of a _sister/mother_. Before she met her, Rin had never encounter anyone has caring, and nice as Kagome.

It had been a great surprise when she had learned that Kagome would be traveling with them, but Rin was not complaining, especially since she had found out that Sesshomaru-sama and Kagome were like a mommy and a daddy. It was a bit strange since she had never seen them act like it but…

Kagome had a question burning her mind, but she was almost afraid to ask it. She couldn't help but wonder about Sesshomaru. It wasn't as if she was concerned about him, but the first time she had been sick, his beast had emerge to  _take care_  of her and she wanted to know if there was any situations between her and Sesshomaru that she needed to be aware of.

She breathed out heavily, convincing herself that it needed to be asked. "Rin, did anyone else," Kagome took a small pause, trying to push away the pain coming from her throat, "come in my room?"

Rin's wet hair was clutched to her face as she went in deep thoughts, trying to answer her question.

"Only the servants to bring you food. Sesshomaru-sama called for Rin a few times, but he didn't come in."

Kagome hadn't been able to stop herself from sighing in relief.

Apparently he had learned from the previous time and had decided to remain away from her so that his beast wouldn't lock him away again. She gave Rin a small smile in appreciation and the little girl seemed extremely happy that she had been able to help Kagome.

Then, Rin became strangely silent, playing with her fingers as if she was nervous about something. Kagome had a feeling the little girl had something on her mind, but was afraid to voice it out.

"Rin?" she asked, trying to make eye contact.

Rin blushed slightly, looking away from Kagome. She wanted to ask Kagome something, but she felt very ashamed about it. She had done something wrong, so technically, she shouldn't know certain information that she was currently aware of. Avoiding looking at Kagome, she decided to not hide anything from Kagome.

"The other day Rin was walking past your room when she heard you talk to Sesshomaru-sama."

A million thoughts ran through Kagome's mind and none of them were good, actually they were terrifying. Her mind couldn't help but believed she had heard the worst words possible. Had she found out about everything Sesshomaru had done to her? No, that couldn't be it.

Surely Rin wouldn't be this happy if she had found out about it right? Her worry didn't help her dizziness, since her breathing rate had increased, making the situation much worst.

Seeing Kagome panicked only made Rin feel worst; she knew she was going to get punish for eavesdropping. "Rin knows she's not suppose to listen to other people's conversation, and Rin really didn't mean to! Rin swear she didn't!" said Rin, fear obvious in her eyes.

Kagome bit her bottom lip and swallow hard, finding the courage to ask the little girl her question. "Rin, what d-did yo-u hear?" she asked to the best of her ability.

Rin looked down, trying to look innocent, and regretful; to be honest the news she had heard had brought her great excitement. "Rin heard you ask Sesshomaru-sama if you were pre-g-pregnant."

Rin could recall Kagome's words very clearly, since she had been very excited by the question. Of course, she had quickly ran off, after realizing she was eavesdropping and ever since then she had meant to ask Kagome about it. Of course, she hadn't plan on the Miko being sick for such a long period.

A feeling of sadness took hold of Kagome's heart as she stared into the emptiness. Rin's joy and ignorance was something Kagome envied from her. Nonetheless, she brushed the feeling aside and nodded slowly. Before Rin could stop herself, she threw her arms around Kagome, hugging her as if her life depended on it.

Sesshomaru-sama and Kagome were going to be a mommy and daddy together! Rin never had any siblings and the idea to have a little brother and sister was driving her crazy with joy.

"Do you think he'll have puppy ears like Inuyasha?"

 _Inuyasha_. Kagome's heart suddenly felt extremely heavy as the memories of her  _lost_  love came back to her mind. A lump was formed in her throat, as she sighed heavily, trying to chase the memory away. She tried to focus on his dog ears, which she had always been fascinated with, and she couldn't help but smile  _for real_  this time.

"Maybe," she said, her voice extremely low.

Rin smiled, apparently pleased with the answer. She approached her little hand to Kagome's stomach, excitement filling her. She quickly pulled her hand away, grinning. Soon, Kagome's belly would be as big as those ladies that lived in her old village. Kagome watched the little girl's happiness, and found herself wishing the same kind of joy.

For the first time in a long while, she felt a speck of light fill her heart, as Rin's happiness reached her.

-B-

Almost four days of peace and silence coming from his beast had been soothing for his headaches. Sesshomaru had been able to avoid his beast taking over by simply remaining away from the Miko. At first, he had thought it would have been somewhat  _hard_  but after the first day and a half where she remained in her destroyed bedroom, he had realized it was proving to be easier than expected.

He probably wouldn't have been aware of her sickness if it hadn't been for Rin and Jaken.

Jaken had come complaining to him that Rin refused to leave the Miko's side, which Sesshomaru had found quite  _strange_. Concerned for Rin, he had gone into the miko's room only to find her asleep and extremely  _sweaty_. Rin had proceeded to explain to him that she had been asleep for a few days and that she wanted to remain by Kagome's side until she woke up.

In case the Miko had a sickness, he did not wish for his ward to be sick as well. Unfortunately for him, it was hard to keep Rin away from the Miko since he had to stay within a certain distant with her and only be in her presence for short amount of time.

A few servants had told him that the Miko did not have any sickness, although they could not explain her current state. Since there was no risk for Rin, he had no more concern and had no reason to be around Kagome. Ever since, he had remained away from her bedroom and he had been able to keep the control over his own body.

But, he could not ignore that Kagome  _might_  need a healer or something of the sort, so he had Jaken arranged for a Miko and a healer to come and take a look at her. Although the servants said it was not a sickness, he still thought a healer was needed and in case it was a problem of another department, he had a Miko join in.

They were expected to arrive very soon and Jaken was waiting for them near the main entrance. Sesshomaru was inside in one of the room that used to be his father's. Sesshomaru refused to be like his father and get involve with a human. It had only brought his father death, and shame.

His father had courted his mother and left a  _mark_  on her, but the one he had truly mated was Izayoi. He had chosen to mate a simple human over Sesshomaru's mother, which he could not understand. Why did that pathetic human possess that Inu-Taisho could not live without? He had everything a youkai could desire yet he had thrown it all away for the love of a human.

Humans were not special; they did not have any ability, they were weak and they did not live for long. Most of them were ugly and disgusting and could not do anything on their own. They felt  _too much_  and their emotions were their greatest weakness. He could tolerate them, but  _mating_  them? It was a complete different story, which he simply could not understand.

Sesshomaru had no intention to repeat his father's mistakes, but he also had no desire to bring their name and heritage shame. He had mated the Miko and unless there was a way to break the bond, he would remain mated to her. He was not his half brother.

Still, he would not  _care_  nor love her. She was another being who lived inside his house and who the servants would take care of, but that was where the line was drawn. The same applied for the child growing inside of her. No matter if it was a boy or a girl, it didn't change the fact that, it was not  _his_  heir, but simply a hanyou.

Once the miko was gone, and dead, he would take a proper mate and have his real heir. Plus, the way things were looking for her, it didn't seem as if she would last very long; she had been sick almost ever since he had brought her to the castle.

"Milord," said Jaken, breaking Sesshomaru's train of thoughts. "They have arrived."

Behind Jaken were two elderly women, both of them dressed in Miko clothes, although one of them only had knowledge in healing. Once they reached Sesshomaru, they bowed to him before waiting for their instructions.

"Take them to the Miko," said Sesshomaru, before gesturing for all of them to exit the room.

Jaken bowed before escorting the women to Kagome's room. If anyone asked him, his Lord was troubling himself way too much for the woman. After all, it had to be her own fault she was so sick and she shouldn't bother his Lord with useless tasks like providing her with healers.

To Jaken she remained the annoying woman who had been traveling with Lord Sesshomaru's half-brother, Inuyasha, which made her worthless. Anyone who familiarized themselves so closely with hanyous was not worth Sesshomaru's time. Especially not  _her._

Once they reached the room where the Miko was staying, Jaken pointed it to them before abandoning them in the hallway. Last time he had been there to check up on Rin, Kagome had been barely dress and he had no desire to be  _offended_ by that sight again. And in any ways, he had done his job by escorting them to the right place.

Both women watched him leave before proceeding to enter the room through a broken door. They were both slightly nervous since they had heard about Lord Sesshomaru reputation and how he dealt with people who weren't up to his standards. Still, this was a human being's life at stake.

When they entered the room they saw a woman sitting up on a bed, with a little girl helping her with her kimono. Immediately Rin and Kagome turned their heads, only to find two strange women staring at them. Rin, being as friendly as usually, smiled and waved at them.

"Hello!"

The Mikos nodded at her politely. "We are looking for Kagome-sama?"

Rin left the bed to go and stand beside the elder women, before pointing at Kagome. "This is Kagome! Are you here to make her better?"

Rin knew this people had been sent by Sesshomaru-sama and it filled her with joy. She had barely seen him around Kagome and she had been left wondering if he cared about her, but now he had shown his concern. The way he had avoided Kagome was probably because he didn't know how to show his emotions; Sesshomaru-sama wasn't very good with that.

Kagome flinched at their words before offering them a small smile. It was obvious they had been sent by Sesshomaru, but she couldn't help wonder why. If his beast had been in control then it would have come itself, not sent strangers. That meant Sesshomaru had requested these people while  _he_  was in control.

He had never shown any type of concern for her before and she did not wish for  _anything_  coming from him. Although, she would not refuse the helpers; not only had she been worried for herself, but also for her child.

One of the women, who had grey hair came and sat beside Kagome in the bed. "Kagome-sama, my name is Satomi. Would you please lay down?"

Kagome nodded softly before doing what the woman asked of her. Not without a struggle, she managed to move her body so she could lie down comfortably. Satomi proceeded to open the kimono Rin had just finish tying up, permitting her to examine Kagome. Kagome couldn't help but slightly flinch when Satomi's cold hands made contact with her heated skin. The elder woman roamed her hands over her stomach, her eyes closed.

The young Miko couldn't stop herself from chewing her lip, worried. Were they aware of her pregnancy? What if they didn't know and they did something, which could harm the baby? Once again, she forced herself to speak, ignoring the pain.

"I'm pregnant," she blurted out.

"Sesshomaru-sama has informed us of your condition," said Satomi, her eyes remaining closed the whole time. They had actually been shocked that someone like him had mated a human who was now carrying a hanyou.

Kagome was  _almost_  surprised that he had told them anything about her. After all, it was obvious the child was none of his concern, so why even bother to inform them? To her, he was nothing but a monster void of any type of feelings at all. But, the little girl standing near her was a constant reminder that somewhere deep inside Sesshomaru there were some types of feelings except they were reserved for Rin alone.

"When was the last time you ate?" ask Satomi as she felt Kagome's skinny body under her fingers.

A pregnant woman should not be that thin. This was the time to gain weight and make sure she was well feed. What was even stranger was that there as no reason for her  _not_  to eat since someone like Sesshomaru could afford any type of food she desired.

Kagome shrugged her shoulders; she had been sleeping for so long, that she had lost complete track of time. She could remember Sesshomaru forcing her to eat, but it was hard to tell when that happened, since before her sickness she had locked herself in the darkness without a possibility to distinct night from day.

"Four days."

All three women turned their head in direction of the small child who had answered. Rin walked closer to them, holding four fingers up.

"Kagome didn't have food for four days now." Rin knew because she had spent the last three days by Kagome's side and before that, she had seen the servants bring back trays filled with food.

Kagome couldn't help the small smile that escaped her lips at Rin's words. It seemed there was someone in this castle who actually truly cared for her, and it was that little child. Rin grabbed Kagome's hand before smiling as if she was trying to give her support.

Satomi smiled at the, but was slightly confused. There was a striking resemblance between Kagome and the child, but she looked too old to be Kagome's child. The young woman appeared as if she was around 18 years old, while the child look around 9.

Also, there was the fact that the little girl was completely human and not hanyou. "Is she your sister?" she dared to ask.

Rin shook her head violently. "Kagome is Rin's new… mommy."

Nobody was as shocked as Kagome to hear those words coming from Rin. She knew the little girl was very fond of her, but she never realized she considered her as her mother. Kagome had barely spent anytime with her and although she  _loved_  Rin, she couldn't believe she had developed such feeling over a small period of them. But then, she remembered the only parent Rin ever seem to have known was Sesshomaru…

Satomi smiled at the child, before removing her hands from Kagome's body. She looked through her bag and picked up some herbs and leaves. "Would you mind giving these to one of the servants and have them prepare this for Kagome-sama?"

The little girl smiled before taking the herbs, excited that she could do something to help Kagome feel better. "Rin will be right back Kagome!" exclaimed Rin before  _almost_  running out of the room.

The elderly woman was not sure her medicine could do much for the young woman since she was clueless about her situation. She hadn't encountered anyone with a disease like her before and she did not know what was best for her. The herbs and leaves would help prepare a tea, which would help Kagome keep her food down. Satomi had presumed that Kagome's sickness was the reason why she did not eat and hoped this would help her, even slightly.

Satomi left Kagome's side so that Kiyoko could come and examine her. After all, there was a possibility that Kagome's problems came from her Miko powers. Kiyoko sat beside Kagome before a look of confusion appeared on her face; she could barely sense powers coming from the young woman.

At first she had believed it was because her powers were very weak, but now she realized, she did not seem to possess any.

"Child, are you certain you are a Miko?"

Kagome closed her eyes, slightly nodding. "They are sealed away," she said, her throat burning before lifting her arm, allowing Kiyoko to see her bracelet.

Both elder women were quite surprised by the bracelet adorning her arm. "Sealed? Child, why you would seal your own powers away?"

Kagome almost felt like scoffing; as if she would have purposely locked away her own powers. Although, it wasn't as if coming out with the truth would make things any better, so she voted for a semi-lie.

"I can't control my powers very well," Kagome took a pause to try to ease the pain slightly, "this is so I avoid hurting him," she answered, carefully avoiding pronouncing his name.

Kiyoko softly nodded, understand the reasoning. In the heat of the passion, it could be easy to lose control over her powers, and great harm could occur. Although, the child should have been training her power since her birth, which meant it should be under control.

"Could you remove it for me?" asked Kiyoko, hoping to take a look at her spiritual strength.

The young woman's eyes widened at the request; Kami knew if she could she would have done it long ago. Kagome shook her head frantically.

"I'm afraid that's impossible."

The tone she used let the woman know there was no place for discussion or argument. Kagome had no other choice; she did not wish to have Sesshomaru come down to her room, simply to tell him he could not remove the bracelet. Kagome wouldn't take any chance to have the beast coming back.

Kiyoko was slightly taken back by the rude tone, nodded. "I'm afraid there isn't much I can do for you, since I cannot evaluate your powers. All I can say is, the fact that you are a miko and the child half-youkai has nothing to do with your current state. Although, I cannot determine what the cause of your sickness is."

Kagome nodded, her expression never changing. "Thank you," she whispered, glad that Kiyoko had not pushed the issue any further. She was in no way ready to deal with the beast just yet, especially not in her current state.

Both older women looked each other in the eyes, worry apparent in their eyes. It was obvious something was happening and Kagome did not wish for them to know what it was. Unfortunately that also meant they could not help her to the best of their abilities. Kiyoko stood up before standing beside Satomi and then both of them bowed to her to show their respect since she was Lord Sesshomaru's mate after all.

Kagome felt slightly uncomfortable with them bowing at her since she wanted  _nothing_  to do with Sesshomaru and his status.

After being respectful both women exited the room, leaving Kagome alone in the bedroom, which somehow she appreciated. Lately, she had been feeling awkward around everyone, except Rin; the little girl was too sweet not to appreciate her company. Kagome repositioned herself so her back was pressed against the headboard once more.

Although her body was still hot, there was a bit of improvement. Her temperature had gone down slightly, which meant she was not sweating as much anymore. Her vision had also cleared up but the scorching feeling in her throat refused to go away.

"Kagome! Rin has your tea!" the little girl was carefully holding the cup in her hands so she would not spill it. "It's very hot."

"Thank you," answered Kagome, giving Rin her best smile.

She gently took the cup from her, before slowly bringing it to her dry lips. Kagome could barely feel the liquid going down her throat, since it was hotter than the tea. She had no idea if this would do anything for her pain, but if it could at least help her feel a little better so she could eat something, it would be worth it.

Kagome couldn't help but feel extremely selfish for not eating, even though her sickness was not her fault. Her child needed nutrients to grow and she believed hanyou would probably need even more since they would be more powerful than a human. She dragged her hand to her stomach where she left it to rest, her worry growing.

 _I'm sorry_ , she mentally apologized to her unborn child.

-B-

"Since they could not examine her Miko powers, they were unable to find an answer," explained Jaken to Lord Sesshomaru as he observed the two women leave the castle.

Sesshomaru had been able to deduct the Miko had been clear enough about her bracelet because nobody came to  _bother_  him about the subject. Not that he would have agreed; last time he tried to remove her bracelet, his beast had emerged. Sesshomaru sighed in annoyance, before dismissing Jaken hoping for some peace.

Every day that passed, it seemed the worst thing developed. Since they told Jaken the tea should help her eat, he had made the servants prepare her some light food. If she did not eat, she would soon look like a walking skeleton. He could not technically have his mate looking as if she was starving.

The Lord could feel a growling coming from inside of him and he knew who was the cause for it. It clearly meant that his beast was upset about something, but as long as he did not take control it did not bother Sesshomaru. Although he would not wait for the problem to expand, and decided to deal with it now.

_You are annoying this Sesshomaru._

The beast growled again.  **Mate still sick?**

_Yes, the Miko is still sick. Why does it matter?_

**Mate was feeling better when we took care of her. The sickness went away when we were there.**

_This Sesshomaru will not take care of the Miko. She will eat soon, she will be better._

He knew if the beast got too upset he would get carried away, but Sesshomaru had no intention of looking over the Miko; it was no his problem. Once again, it almost came down to doing as his beast said, or letting the beast do as he pleased; neither of the options sounded very convenient to Sesshomaru.

**Mate might not eat. Help mate eat.**

_Rin is helping her._

Although, he still did not fully approve of his ward around the Miko, he allowed her to remain at her side. He did not wish for her to become some sort of servant to the Miko, but he preferred having Rin helping her than himself. The less contact with Kagome, the better; at least in  _his_  opinion.

**You are not good to mate. Mate needs us. She doesn't know yet, but we do.**

_This Sesshomaru refuses to take care of the miko, she will be fine on her own._

Sesshomaru was aware what his words would probably caused but he still spoke them, even if he would not appreciate the consequences. He rather have his beast posing the actions, then him since he did not want any of the feelings his beast had for the Miko associated with him.

**You refuse to help mate? I give you chances to take care of mate, but you do not even try.**

_This Sesshomaru will never care for such a useless being._

The obvious happened as Sesshomaru's eyes began to turn red and Sesshomaru went down on his knees, holding his head with his hands. A low growl escaped his throat as if he was uselessly fighting the transformation. Then came the silence, as the red filled the remaining of the white in his eyes, leaving only but a speck of amber in the middle of his eyes as if a part of Sesshomaru remained.

Slowly, he rose to his feet, a determined smirk on his face as if he had won a battle.

The beast walked towards Kagome's room, worried for his mate's safety. Plenty of humans had been impregnated with hanyous before and he hadn't heard of any situations where the female was in such a bad state. And if her sickness wasn't due to pregnancy, he was confused what was the cause since she did not have any disease. Had her body suffered a break down from the rush of events that happened in her life recently?

When he entered the room, he spotted Kagome and Rin sitting together on the bed. The first one to notice him was Rin. As soon as he came in view, a huge smile illuminated her face.

"Lord Sesshomaru!"

As soon as Rin mentioned his name, Kagome's whole body stiffened. She gradually turned her head to face him and couldn't help but gasp softly when she found these two red eyes staring at her. She probably would have remained sitting down if Rin hadn't gotten up, ready to walk in direction of Sesshomaru.

"Rin!" she almost screamed, which immediately got her attention. "Hm, Sesshomaru and I need to discuss… _adult_  things."  _Gosh_  even to her it sounded phony.

Rin looked confused for a second, but quickly, the worry was chased away and she smiled again. She waved at Kagome before leaving the two of them alone together. Rin couldn't help but wonder if Sesshomaru was angry; she had only seen him with red eyes when he was extremely infuriated.

Although, Kagome hadn't seemed very concerned, just surprised. Also, she did mention it was 'adult things' which could explain why she did not understand. Nonetheless, she knew it was better to leave them by themselves; parents wanted to be together sometimes.

Once Kagome was sure Rin was far enough not to hear, she glared at him.

"Go away," she said, as loud as her throat allowed her.

She did her best to try and control her breathing and her emotions in front of him, but her current state was making it extremely difficult. Slowly, and without a word, he walked in her direction, his eyes never looking away from her. He completely ignored her request, as he bent down, putting his arms on each side of her.

Kagome used her leftover strength to back away from him as much as possible, but he was a lot faster than her and he quickly wrapped his arms around her. Immediately Kagome struggled against his touch, hitting his chest violently since she was trying to save the little bit of voice she had left.

" **You are sick,** " he stated as he held her closer against his body.

Even when she was not feeling well, she chose to fight him instead of conserving her precious strength. Did she really want to fight against his word that badly? He gently picked her up from her bed, and tucked her against his chest carefully. Of course, Kagome did not want any of it, and she weakly tried to punch him, even though it was taking all her will to even lift her arms.

"Don't touch me! PUT ME DOWN!" she screamed, hurting her throat.

Once again, he completely ignored her as he proceeded to exit her bedroom. If only Sesshomaru could understand her place was in bed with them rather than in that destroyed room, the beast wouldn't have to carry her back and forth all the time. Kagome was kicking her legs around, trying to cause him to drop her, but he didn't release his hold.

"SESSHOMARU! Let me down! I DON'T WANT YOUR HANDS ON ME!"

As she was about to open her mouth again to say something, she felt him press his hands against her mouth to shut her up. " **You will cease your useless noises.** "

Immediately Kagome bit the skin of his hand but it did not seem to even affect him. Quickly, they reached his bedroom and Kagome was still trying to fight him off, even if it wasn't doing much to him and her teeth never letting go of his skin. He pushed the door open with his foot, his hold on her remaining of his steel.

Once they were inside, he gently tossed her fragile body upon the bed, making sure she wouldn't get hurt, before walking towards his closet. Meanwhile, Kagome was scrambling to make it on her feet, so she could get off the bed and be as far away from him as she could.

As she was about to put her foot down on the ground, his voice stopped her. " **Get undress.** "

For a few seconds, she replayed his words in her mind, trying to make sure she had heard him right. "You want me to do what?" she asked, in disbelief.

Sesshomaru walked towards her, his kimono half off, and a serious look in his eyes. " **Bitch, do not make me repeat myself. If you don't do it, I _will_  do it for you.**"

Kagome crossed her arms in front of her chest, trying to stand her ground. "I'm not undressing myself."

Did he really believe she would willingly obey him? After everything that occurred between them so far, he should know better than that.

Sesshomaru scoffed before crawling on the bed, right next to her.

" **Why do you refuse the easy way? I'm trying to help you. You are hot. Remove your clothes.** " Even when he was trying to do something good for her, she still refused his attentions.

Once again, Kagome remained in the same position, refusing to obey to his will. " **I have been nice to you. I haven't taken your body to help you. Why won't you obey? Why won't you submit to your alpha?** "

She scoffed before violently shaking her head. "You are not my alpha, I  _do not_  have to submit to you!" she said, her voice raspy.

He might have marked her against her will, but that did not make her his property contrary to what he strongly believed.

What appeared to be a smirk was visible on his face as he took hold of her shoulder, nearly digging his claws in her skin, causing Kagome to wince in pain. " **You desire to anger me? You wish to upset me?** "

Sesshomaru violently shook her with every word he pronounced.

It wasn't hard to foresee what was coming or what he had in mind, yet Kagome had managed to hold back the tears the whole time. Actually it might also have been due to how tired and exhausted her body was from the inexplicable sickness she had.

As if her body didn't even have the energy to produce tears for her to shed. No matter the reason, she was extremely grateful; he didn't deserve her tears in the first place. "I don't want to obey you," she whispered.

She watched him, as his face seemed to sadden as if she had hurt his feelings. He sighed heavily before removing his claws from her delicate skin. " **Have it your way.** "

-B-


	14. Normalcy

Sesshomaru took a hold of her kimono and quickly rip it off her body, carelessly throwing it on the ground, beside the bed. She  _created_  a fury inside of him and it was getting harder to hold back. He did not mean to hurt her, but she brought him pain, and he decided she had to suffer for that reason.

She was a lot more stubborn than he had expected, but even she would eventually learn. Sesshomaru had known she would struggle against his will at first, but it shouldn't have lasted so long and he attributed that to the fact she was from the future. Nonetheless, he would keep on teaching her a lesson until she understood.

"DON'T!" screamed Kagome before trying to roll away from him, since that was as much effort as she could do.

She knew how he was, but she couldn't believe he would  _take her_  when she was barely able to move. Even from him that was a very coward act.

He remained silent while he sat on the bed, pressing his back against the wall. Sometimes he pondered why she even bothered to fight him, when she was aware she could not win. He stretched his arms and grabbed her by the waist, placing her in between his legs, holding her tightly against his body, keeping her  _locked_  in place.

Obviously, she struggled against his touch the best she could but like usually Sesshomaru did not flinch. His tiny mate would never be able to manage to hurt him, but it pained him to see her try so hard every time. He ran his clawed fingers through her soft black locks, trying to make her feel safe, and at the same time, enjoying the touch. Last time he had been with her, it had been quite a tease, especially since he didn't take her body in a while.

"Why won't you just leave me alone?" she whispered, giving her throat a rest. "How can you enjoy this?"

Kagome had already realized the fact he was cold-hearted, but how could he keep going on with this? She always fought him and he never got anything willingly out of her.

Sesshomaru removed his hand from her hair before resting on her shoulder. He then buried his face in her hair, taking in her scent, before answering her. " **You are my mate, I will not leave you. You will learn to accept it.** "

Kagome opened her mouth, ready to protest against him when he pressed his hand against her mouth, preventing sounds to escape her lips. It was impossible to comprehend the muffled sounds coming from her, but she still tried to scream against the palm of his hand.

Sesshomaru kissed the top of her head, keeping his hand firmly in place. He was aware that she did not have much energy left in her body and soon enough, she would tire herself out; all he had to do was  _wait._  As time went by, Sesshomaru was quickly proven right: Kagome found herself becoming extremely exhausted with every movement she did.

While he remained still and unaffected, her struggles were the best she could come up with. Her whole body was screaming in pain, especially her throat from the extended strain she had put on it. He always had the upper advantage on her and she was getting sick of it; if only she could have her powers back. Granted they weren't developed, but it would be enough to plan an escape or something.

Slowly, her struggles became weaker and Sesshomaru smirked slightly. Even when Kagome felt herself tire out, her spirit refused to give up and she would fight him to the last second. Her eyelids began to feel heavier with ever passing second and she was starting to feel dizzy, which was caused by the insufficient oxygen she was getting since he had his hand nearly covering her whole face.

After a few more instants, her eyes closed of their own will and her muffled screams gently died out. Sesshomaru waited a few more seconds before removing his hand. Her body felt limped against his as he gently brushed her bangs away from her face; his mate was easier to deal with when she was unconscious.

Her naked back felt extremely warm against his chest, causing Sesshomaru to sigh in annoyance. Those worthless Mikos had not been able to find out what was wrong with his mate and he was growing irritated. There was no reason for her to be sick; the fact that she was mated to him should have immune her to  _many_  human diseases.

His hands moved to her stomach and he caressed her skin softly. There was no way it could be the pregnancy; even if the child was hanyou, it should go as smoothly as any pregnancy. Also, there was no doubt in his mind that his pup was healthy and strong, which meant it could not come from him.

He could not keep his hands away from her stomach and he could not wait to see her with her bulging stomach, carrying  _his_  pup. He wished her stomach was swollen already, making her look even more desirable than she already did. Sesshomaru knew for certain the child would be a male; most great bloodlines produced many sons first.

Another thing that pleased him about the pregnancy was the fact it would bring joy to his mate and it would keep her busy. Once the child would be born, she would probably start behaving better, if only for the pup's sake. Though he knew it would fulfill one of her desires. Maybe she would see he could provide her with happiness.

Sesshomaru sighed before lifting her and laying her in the bed, right beside him. As she lay there unconscious, he couldn't stop himself from staring at her perfect body. He could feel his erection growing as he took in the sight. Slowly, he approached his hand from her body, resting it on one of her breast, before cupping it gently, being careful not to wake her.

He was well aware of her condition, but that did not stop him from desiring her body. He softly pinched her nipple, before getting closer to her and using his other hand to caress her inner thighs. The smooth feeling of her creamy legs was enough to drive him wild, but he tried to keep himself under control; she was resting.

Slowly, he moved his claws over her womanhood before stopping at her clit. Sesshomaru watched her face carefully as he rubbed the sensitive nub slightly, trying to see if she would wake up. When her eyes remained closed, he seemed to be pleased, a smirk on his face as he removed both of his hands from her body.

Being careful not to shift the bed too much, he reached out of his sash and gently taking hold of her wrists. What he had in mind would probably cause her to wake up and when she did, he wanted to make sure she couldn't try to stop him. He rapidly tied both of her hands to the headboard, not to tight to hurt her, but tight enough so she could not free herself.

Also, the way she screamed and her words weren't always the best mood and decided it was best if he came up with something to shut her up. He reached out for a piece of her kimono, and slightly opened her mouth, and then tied it around her head. Then, he grabbed her legs and opened them wide before positioning himself in between them.

Without any hesitation he buried his nose in her dry folds, closing his eyes and enjoying the heavenly scent coming from her. Without another thought, he slowly shoved his tongue inside her core, going as deep as he could. At first, there was no reaction from Kagome, but when Sesshomaru started to make circular motions inside, her eyes slowly opened.

At first confusion filled her mind as she could only remember her struggle against Sesshomaru, but when a wave of pleasure hit her, her mind suddenly became extremely clear. Kagome raised her head, only to see Sesshomaru with his face buried in her crotch. Immediately, she panicked and tried to move away only to find out he had not only tied up her hands, but had also covered up her mouth.

Tears came to her eyes, but she stopped herself from crying by closing her eyes tightly shut. She could not even remember falling into unconscious or him  _taking_ advantages of her state like this. Although somewhere deep inside, she  _almost_  found it better to not be awake while he  _did_  this to her.

It was a waste to scream since all it did is shove the fabric deeper in her mouth, which would eventually cause her to choke. She was also doing her best to struggle against him but her hands were tied and he had a hold of steel on her legs. She threw her head back slightly, trying to focus on anything  _but_  what he was doing to her at the moment. It was true that it usually was a waste of time, but she rather go down with a fight than simply submit to his desires.

Sesshomaru was conscious that she was no longer in a slumber state, but he had no intentions of stopping his activity. Her juices were sweet and divine, and he had every attention of getting every single drop and he would not put an end to it until she succumbed to the pleasure. He removed his tongue from her womanhood before slowly covering her clit with it, licking at it.

The nub was very sensitive and before Sesshomaru could stop himself, he slightly nibbled on it causing Kagome to buckle her hips a little, against her will of course. He smirked in satisfaction before doing it again and getting a stronger reaction from her this time. This was a new experience for Kagome and it seemed as if her body didn't know how to react to the pleasurable actions.

She was panting against the fabric as his warm tongue found it's way back inside her now dripping folds, bringing her even more sexual satisfaction. When he started to move his tongue in and out of her pussy, Kagome moaned causing one tear to roll down her cheek.

Every new sexual experience she ever had, she had them with Sesshomaru and the thought was horrifying. It was true that her body did feel satisfaction and pleasure  _almost_  every time, but _she_  did not and it left a hole in her chest. Without the desire, the agreement, and the love, these experiences could not be the same, yet they had all been wasted on someone like him.

Her thoughts slowly drifted away as her body tried to conserve some energy; the pleasure and lust created in her body was using her last reserve. Her temperature was still very high and the pain was still very present, but Sesshomaru seemed to be ignoring all of those details.

Sweat drops were going down her forehead as she arched her back when he inserted a digit inside her cunt, increasing the sensations. Kagome shook her head violently when he increased his pace since she could feel her release growing closer. Noticing her reaction only caused Sesshomaru to increase both the rhythm of his tongue and finger, wanting to taste her divine juices.

This was supposed to be all about bringing her pleasure and relaxation, but the longer it went on the more his desire for her grew. He had planned on holding himself back since she was so weak at the moment, but it was proving to be harder than he had expected.

She  _tried_  her best to fight it off, but once again she felt shame as her body betrayed her and her juices flowed into his mouth and he happily drank it until the last drop. Kagome's grey eyes remained closed, as she prayed he was done with her and that he would have enough consideration to realize her body should not be pushed any further.

Of course  _this was_  Sesshomaru and it was hard to imagine he would even care that she was sick, but she couldn't help but have a little  _hope_. Sesshomaru pulled away from her wet core, her juices dripping down his chin before a low growl escaped his throat. The tiny speck of amber that had occupied the center of his eyes previously had been completely engulfed by the red, as if the beast had now  _complete_  control, chasing Sesshomaru deep down inside.

He approached his face to her stomach, buried it in her  _heated_  skin, growling, as if it brought him some sort of pleasure. Oh  _yes_  he desired his mate, even though she was weak, if he wasn't too rough with her, everything should go smoothly. She denied him so much attention that when he was graced with the chance of closeness, he took it.

Sesshomaru pressed his erected length against her wet core, growling in pleasure at the contact. He slightly entered her before covering her tiny body with this, nuzzling his nose in the crook of her neck, as if to calm her. Her body was fragile and he would need to be  _careful_  with her, or he would end up hurting her even more.

She would need to remain as still and relax as possible so her body temperature would not rise any higher than it was. He could smell the tears on her face, so he brought his face closer to her before licking away her tears. Kagome tried to yank her head away, but considering her position, it was hard.

She had no desire to have his disgusting tongue on her skin and she especially couldn't care less about his so call  _caring_. Kagome slowly opened her eyes now that tears weren't threatening to fall and glared at him since it was the best she could do. She had many things she wished to yell at him, but all she could do by trying to talk was damp the fabric with saliva.

Ignoring the way she stared at him, Sesshomaru grabbed her shoulders before pushing himself inside her moist cunt, groaning as if he could feel her tightness and warmth. He had taken her roughly almost every time, yet she remained just as narrow, which pleased him immensely.

Sesshomaru began to move gradually inside her drench core, still holding on to her shoulder to keep his pace. He wished to remove the  _gag_ from her mouth, so he could devour her pink lips, but he was no fool and knew she would be screaming if he did so. Nonetheless, he could not stop himself from desiring her lips and slowly, he pulled the fabric down, freeing Kagome's mouth.

Before she could even have a chance to talk, he shoved his tongue inside her mouth, tasting her. Every time he kissed her, she found herself extremely repulsed, and in anger, Kagome attempted to bite his tongue. Obviously, her tiny teeth and strength could not harm him, but Sesshomaru was aware of what she was trying to do. Deciding it was time to teach her a lesson, he captured her tongue between his teeth and bit down. Immediately a yelp of pain escaped her throat, and soon enough blood was filling her mouth.

Sesshomaru closed his eyes, breathing in the divine scent of her blood before, softly sucking on her tongue, tasting her blood. "YOU B-" Sesshomaru put the gag back, not giving her a chance to finish her sentence.

He smirked at her before releasing her shoulders, and moving his hand up so he could drag his claws along her tied hands. " **If only you could behave.** "

He was dying for the moment she would be  _begging_  him to mount her and screaming his name in pleasure. Nonetheless, he found satisfaction in her traitor hips, which would buckle under his strokes, almost following his rhythm. Although, he had to admit he did enjoy her fighting spirit, but he simply wished she wasn't  _opposing_  him all the time. There were so many other uses for her fierceness and it was wasted on him, when he would never bend to her will.

But, Sesshomaru knew she would eventually learn to focus her energy in better fashion and would eventually obey. After all, if she would only do as he said, life would be better for her; at first, he had every intentions of punishing her for being stubborn, but quickly that feeling had disappeared and replaced with lust.

He wanted her happy, and he wished to do much for her to bring her this joy. If only she could understand that, she would not be miserable and she would never feel pain.

Kagome was breathing heavily against the cloth, trying to ignore what he was doing to her. She wished he would just  _hurt_ her and only cared about his own desire, and pleasure. The way he tried, and  _succeeded_  in making her body reach climax every time was much worse, than hurting her.

It pained her more to have someone like him bring her such content than actually feeling pain and suffering. Suddenly, she closed her eyes shut again, when he push deeper inside of her, drenching her cunt even more. His actions were sucking the energy out of her and Kagome's mind was extremely dizzy. She knew he had increased his speed and it only made things worse for her.

Sesshomaru had assumed if she had enough energy to fight him and try to harm him, she had enough strength left in her for him to take things up a notch. Her wetness was causing his cock to perfectly slide in and out of her pussy with ease,  _almost_  forcing him to increase his speed.

He wanted nothing more than to bury himself inside of her and bring her to her release over and over again until she passed out. His hands found their way to her ass and he grabbed it, almost digging his claws in her skin. He was  _dying_  to take her from behind, but there was no way she would be able to keep herself up on four.

Sesshomaru pondered the problem for a few seconds before deciding he had enough strength to fuck her senseless and  _hold_  her up. He slowly pulled his dick out of her core, juices dripping out of her as he did so, before keeping her hands tied, but untying her from the headboard, and grabbing her by the waist and flipping her around.

Kagome gasped in surprise, as his actions brought her back to a semi fully conscious state. Her ass was pressed tightly against him as his arm kept a strong hold around her waist, keeping her in the position he desired. Quickly, he started to pound his cock inside her pussy and little muffled screams could be heard from Kagome.

This was the way his bitch was supposed to be mounted and he couldn't stop himself as he felt her juices drip down from her cunt as he kept hammering his dick inside of her. Kagome's consciousness was slowly drifting away the closer she came to reaching her climax. She kept repeating to herself she would not, but her mind felt too numb to even attempt to fight it.

Finally, it happened, Sesshomaru felt her drown his cock in her juices as her body felt even more limp under his touch. Ignoring it, he kept going, feeling his own release to be close. As he came closer and closer, he let go of her body, causing Kagome to be lying down on her stomach.

He put his arms on both side of her, his pace never decreasing, as his groans grew louder. After a few more instants, he emptied his seed inside her womb, coating her insides with it. He pressed his face against her back, feeling the heat coming from her against his cheek. Sesshomaru was conscious that he had to bring her temperature down slightly since their little actions had raised it slightly. He picked her up, keeping her body close to his chest, before walking in direction of the bath in his rooms. Her eyes remained closed the whole time, sweat dripping down her forehead, as she breathed heavily.

It was obvious she was  _out_ , since her body felt more limp and heavier than usually. Sesshomaru's face showed concern as he held her closer to his body, as if she was going to crumble in his arms.

He worried about her.

-B-

Soreness.

Kagome painfully opened her eyes, the light burning them. She blinked a few times before the room stopped being blurry and she could realize she was still in Sesshomaru's bed. Kagome immediately assumed the beast was still in control, or  _Sesshomaru_  would have kicked her out long ago.

She managed to pull herself up slightly so she was now sitting in the bed, only to realize she was  _dressed_. She was wearing a red silk kimono, covered with glowing  _speck_ of what seemed like jewels. The bottom was decorated with a pair of cranes with bright white feathers. White and gold blossoms of chrysanthemums were spread all over the fabric, while green leaves were decorating the flowing sleeves.

The last thing she could recall was Sesshomaru taking her from behind, so she deducted he or the servant had washed her and dressed her. A small panic hit Kagome as she rapidly looked around, remembering Sesshomaru might be in the room. She felt relieved when she noticed he was not there, and she was alone in the room.

Kagome brought her hand to her forehead to check her temperature, and was shocked to find out it was not high anymore. Just to be sure, she felt her skin elsewhere on her body, but once again, found the same result; her fever was gone. Kagome decided to try talking to see how her throat was doing.

"Hello?" she asked to nobody. A ghost of a smile appeared on her face when she realized the pain in her throat had also disappeared.

She found herself speechless; how could her situation have improved so much in only one day? She had been sick for a while and she doubted it would have left  _just like that_. Still, Kagome slowly moved to the edge of the bed, ready to see if she could stand up on her own.

As she managed to stand, Kagome felt a  _presence_  in the room and she couldn't help but look around again,  _just_  to make sure she was really alone in the room. Once she reassured herself, Kagome began to walk in direction of the door before carefully opening it. She found herself overwhelmed with relieve when she noticed the hall was empty as she began to walk down with no particular destination.

After all, it was not as if she had somewhere to go; her bedroom was a mess and half destroyed,  _and_  except for Rin, she didn't have any  _friends_  inside of the castle. Kagome  _would_  have tried to find Rin, but she knew Sesshomaru had a  _schedule_  for the little girl and from what she could see through the windows, it was still fairly early, which meant Rin was probably already awake going on with her tasks.

Before Kagome could realize it, she had reached the dining area, which was also empty. Kagome walked past the chairs, dragging her hands over the edge of them as she walked in direction of one of the windows. She rested her palms against the edge of the window, taking in the sight, and the sunlight.

As she looked outside, Kagome found herself missing her old life and the  _routine_  she had. Before she would get to fight and experience so many different things with her friends, but now her routine only involved pain. There wasn't much to do in the castle, although, she didn't the place very much since almost all she had done ever since she had arrived was  _sleep_  and drown herself into pain.

She had tried to shield herself from the world, opening it would prevent her pain, but all it did was increase her suffering. She was a lively person and all this darkness was slowly getting to her. She was missing the feeling of  _doing_  something, and  _feeling_  happiness. Today was the first time in a long time she  _wished_  to do something. Maybe it was because she felt as if she had some strength, as if she was less empty.

Obviously, she did not have her powers back but  _today_  the hole from  _not_  having them wasn't as big. Breathing didn't feel as such a hard task anymore and everyday actions did not seem as painful. It felt as if she had been in a deep slumber for months and her body have finally regenerated, and recovered from the previous events.

It was actually a strange state she found herself in. She was neither happy nor sad; her mood was completely neutral. It felt good to actually  _want_  to take a walk or to desire some normalcy in her life. She had been shut from the world for a while now and her body and mind were craving for it.

It was tired of being stuck in a routine that involved her burying herself under blankets and being violated by Sesshomaru. For once, it wanted  _out_  of the vicious circle. If she remained like this, it would surely drive her crazy in the end. Now that she had her energy back, she felt as if it was time for her to fight for a life or at least the  _shadow_  of one. The only thing she didn't understand was how that feeling overcame her in only one day.

"Kagome!"

Immediately, Kagome turned her head and saw Rin running towards her, a big smile on her face. The little girl launched herself at Kagome, wrapping her arms around her waist. Kagome nearly gasped as she wrapped her own arms around Rin, wondering why the little girl was so happy to see her.

"Hey Rin," she said, her voice sweet.

Rin smiled, holding her even tighter; she had missed her terribly. "Rin thought you would never wake up!" she said before finally pulling away.

She hadn't dare asking Sesshomaru any questions about Kagome's state, but she  _knew_  if Kagome was in danger, he wouldn't have let her die, so she had tried to not worry too much.

Kagome' s features changed as she became confused by Rin's words. "What do you mean?" she asked, a hint of worry filling her voice.

Kagome was sure she had only been out of a couple of hours.

"You were asleep for a long time!" Rin raised her hands, showing ten fingers before closing her hands, and opening them again, showing ten fingers again. "For that long! Rin thought Kagome would never wake up again!"

Slowly Kagome brought a hand to her mouth for lack of any other reaction. She had been sleeping for over two weeks? No, there was absolutely no way such thing was even possible! How could she have been out for so long and not even realize it! Immediately, she started to breath faster before reaching out for one of the chair, so she could sit down.

Rin's eyes reflected worry as she walked closer to Kagome, grabbing her hand in hers. Kagome offered her a small smile, before breathing out heavily.

"What happened?" she asked, hoping deep down Rin had a tiny idea of what occurred.

Rin shrugged her shoulders. "Lord Sesshomaru did not tell Rin, but Rin saw Mikos come in, glowing and humming over you, they say they were trying to heal you."

Sesshomaru had about three different women come in and check up on Kagome, but none of them had been able to wake her. Although, Rin wasn't sure if the goal was to wake her up, or simply heal her.

Kagome softly nodded, unsure what to make of Rin's words. Were these Mikos the reason why she felt better today? Maybe their powers had not only healed her body but also her spirit and her mind? Unconsciously Kagome ran her hand through her hair, slightly confused.

Did this mean there was still something wrong with her? Had she been only  _temporarily_  healed? Kagome raised her head slightly, looking into Rin's eyes. "Where is he?"

"Sesshomaru-sama?"

Kagome nodded.

"He left a few days ago," she said, her tone obviously sad.

Sesshomaru hadn't said where he was leaving, but he had insisted on going alone and had left both Rin and Jaken behind. Rin couldn't help but worry about him, even though she knew how strong he was, she was afraid to lose him.

"He left? Where is he going?"

She did not ask because his well being mattered to her, but because Sesshomaru never did anything without a reason or a plan. She had been asleep for so long that she had probably missed out on some things. Somehow, she was afraid whatever he had left to do involved her and if it did, it couldn't be anything good.

Rin bit her bottom lip as if she was sad that she did not have an answer for Kagome. "Rin doesn't know. Sesshomaru-sama didn't tell anyone."

Rin watched Kagome's features change and in a hope to bring her smile back, she changed the subject. "Are you hungry Kagome?"

Kagome tilted her head slightly, pondering the question. Apparently she hadn't eaten in almost three weeks so technically she should be starving, but strangely she was not that hungry. "I guess I should eat. I haven't had food in a long time."

Rin shook her head softly, a smile on her face. "Yes you did! Rin prepared that tea for you and they made you drink it!"

Kagome had liked it the first time Rin had prepared her tea, so the little girl had decided to be the one to make her tea while she was sleeping.

Once again, Kagome nodded absently. At least knowing that  _something_  had been fed to her lessened her worries. Her hands immediately moved to her stomach; there was no way not eating for so long could be good for the baby.

She looked down at Rin who was staring at her with hopeful eyes. "Thank you Rin for the tea!" she said, causing Rin's smile to grow.

Kagome stood up from the chair, and grabbed Rin's hand. She could focus on Sesshomaru and her problem or she could take advantage of her current  _good_  state, and actually  _eat_  and enjoy her day. Hopefully Sesshomaru would be gone for at least the whole day so that she would get some peace.

"Lead the way," said Kagome, since she didn't know where the kitchen was.

Rin was more than happy to help and immediately squeeze Kagome's hand tighter before leading her inside the kitchen. As soon as they entered the many servants in the kitchen stopped what they were doing those stare at the two human girls who came in. Some of them froze, unsure what to do; they were aware of both their positions in the household and Lord Sesshomaru's orders had been clear, but they hadn't expected them to walk in the kitchen.

After a few instants the chef walked towards them, before stopping and bowing. "Lady Kagome. Would you like me to prepare you a meal?" he asked, always looking down.

Kagome couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable by the treatment she was receiving. Her family wasn't poor but they were far from being rich and spoiled and this wasn't something she was used to. She shifted slightly, still holding on to Rin's hand. She didn't want someone to treat her differently or do her tasks for her; she was very capable of doing it. Also, the fact that she had been so  _unable_  for so long, she was dying to do something by herself.

She took a deep breath, before answering. "Actually, I was wondering if Rin and I could use the kitchen?"

None of the employees had been to hide their surprise and one of them even gasped. The chef stood up fully, looking at her with confusion written all over his face. "You wish to use the kitchen… yourself?"

"Is that a problem?" she asked with a quiet, confused tone.

She didn't understand why they were making such a big deal over it. But then again, when you served someone like Sesshomaru for centuries, it must be a normal reaction.

Fear flash through the youkai's eyes before he slightly backed away. "No! Of course not!" he bowed to Kagome, as if he was apologizing.

He then stood up straight again, before signaling to the employees to leave the room which they hurried to do. "If you need anything, I'm at your service Lady Kagome."

When Kagome smiled politely at him, he seemed to regain some of his calm. He had been afraid he had insulted her; Lord Sesshomaru would have probably cut his head if he had offended the Lady! Before he made anymore slip up, he hurried to exit the kitchen.

"I think they are scared of you, Kagome," said Rin before giggling. She had never seen so many youkais that nervous in front of a tiny human girl.

Kagome joined her into a smile before finally releasing Rin's hand. "How about we prepare ourselves a nice meal?" asked Kagome as she put both of her hands down on the counter.

She hadn't cooked in a while, and she didn't where everything was but it would be  _entertaining._

Rin nodded, a huge grin on her face. She was really excited about making a meal with Kagome, as if she was her real mother! She never had the chance before to really know her mother, but she remembered she was nice and sweet, just like Kagome! Sesshomaru-sama wasn't around a lot anymore and having Kagome around made all the difference.

Also, Rin couldn't wait until the baby was born; she would do everything she can do help Kagome! Maybe they would even let her help with the name!

Kagome watched Rin moved with excitement and it brought a tiny smile on her face. Whatever the Mikos had done to her, it had regenerated her energy and it helped her feel better. It also helped that Sesshomaru had been gone once she had woken up.

Kagome decided that for today she would push aside all the previous events and have a nice day cooking with Rin. After all, with a little imagination it wouldn't be hard to imagine this was her kitchen and she was  _babysitting_  Rin, just as if she was in her own time period.

As long as she created her little bubble and protected herself she might very well have her first  _nice_ , normal day in over a month. While she took out some of the vegetables, Kagome's hand went down to her stomach, slightly rubbing it. Now that Kagome was healthy, at least for next little while hopefully, she would focus on her child, and its safety.

 _Don't worry I'll protect you_.

-B-


	15. Yellow Friendship

Chaos.

Sesshomaru didn't enjoy chaos in his life; he had everything organized the way he wanted it. Of course when the Miko had came into his life, everything had been changed much to his discontentment. He now had a human mate, pregnant with a hanyou child; everything he had swore he would never have.

Somehow, it felt as if his father was  _laughing_  at him wherever he was. If Sesshomaru wasn't so  _displeased_  with the situation, he might have found it entertaining too. And now, after many weeks _imprisoned_  with her, he was enjoying so much deserved quietness and peace. When he had left about a week ago, Kagome had still been in a deep slumber, which had obviously worried his ward.

Sesshomaru had not been  _shaken_  by her state, but he had gathered some Mikos to look after her, since her state had worsened. Obviously the events occurring between her and his beast had not helped her improve, but he was not responsible for that. In Sesshomaru's mind it was clear the Miko wasn't doing much to prevent the beast's actions.

After all by now she should have known that provoking Sesshomaru or the beast's fury would only result in actions she would not appreciated. From what he had seen she was not one to give in, but then if she did not wish to obey, she should accept the consequences of her acts.

Contrary to what some might have believed he had not fled his castle because of her and his beast problems. Before she had come in his life, he had set goals and priorities to take care of and she had shifted everything around. He had decided that it was now time for him to set his life back on course and take care of what really mattered.

He did not need either Jaken or Rin to help him complete these tasks, but up until now, he did not trust anyone with Rin. Sesshomaru didn't  _like_  the Miko but he knew Rin would be safe with her and she would be cared for; she was a natural born mother. Jaken mostly got in his way and he preferred him with Rin, at least until Kagome would come back from her deep slumber.

As for Sesshomaru he would resume with his goals slowly once he would be done taking care of his main problem, one of his goals was to  _kill_  Naraku; he had not forgotten what the disgraceful hanyou had done and the only possible payback was to take his life. He was not doing this in any way for the  _power_ , or the  _jewel_ ; he was already powerful and did not need  _tricks_  and  _fake_  power to be stronger.

Also, he obviously was not doing this to  _save_  people or help his pathetic half-brother since this was all about revenge. Sesshomaru could not wait until he wrapped his fingers around Naraku's neck before ending his life but the hanyou was not a threat to him, which was why it wasn't his priority.

Also, maybe this was a way to push aside his beast problems concerning the Miko. Although he was not running from it, that did not mean it wasn't getting out of control a little more every day. At this point it had been proven Sesshomaru could not stop his beast from taking over whenever it wanted.

That was probably attributed to the fact that his beast represented his youki; it was almost impossible for Sesshomaru to fight his own youkai powers and win. Of course, that did not mean Sesshomaru wasn't trying every time and sometimes he would even manage to keep some sort of control, or at least remain present.

Obviously, it was not always pleasant since the beast only desired their  _mate_ , but Sesshomaru rather have some type of control than none at all. It wasn't hard to guess that the only way he could keep full control of himself was if he gave in to his beast demands, and  _took_  the Miko himself, but it was something he refused to do.

Although the resemblance was disgusting, it was a little similar to Kagome; he would lose, but he rather fight it and fail then give in willingly. It was evident that being far from her would probably keep his beast away for a while, but once again, this was not why he left his castle. P

lus, he would return very soon, since he had no intention of resuming his goal of killing Naraku  _right now_. Unlike his hotheaded brother, Sesshomaru planned carefully all of his actions and unless he was being directly provoked, he would take his time and assure his success.

When it came to Naraku, he had a plan to make him  _suffer_  and he would make sure he learned his place, which was under Sesshomaru. He had to start by tracking Naraku, which was harder now since the hanyou made sure to remain hidden and only send out incarnations, so that he would be safely protected. Obviously that showed how much of a coward he was and it was something Sesshomaru truly despised. But, even the tracking would have to wait until later.

The other goal, which he would start first with since the matter was more pressing; his beast. He had no intention of running away from his beast, and problems and he had to find a way to deal with it. From the information he had gathered, there was no way for him to seal his beast away since it involved sealing his youki away.

Although that did not mean there was no way to fix things with his beast; he had to deal with it. He intended on taking what could be seen as a spiritual walk and try in some way to converse with his beast and try to make  _peace_ , or at least, to come up with some sort of arrangement or agreement.

For the moment, there was no way for him to get rid of the Miko, but he had no intention of having his beast take over whenever it felt like it, interfering with Sesshomaru's life, especially if he wanted to go against Naraku. If in the middle of the battle his beast took over, things might not go according to plan and Sesshomaru could be the one to end up injured since all his beast cared about was the Miko.

He had decided it was better to be away from Kagome when he would do this since that way it would be impossible for her to interfere and distract his beast. To him, it didn't matter much how long it would take, since aging and time had no real meaning and he was determine to fix the problem.

As Sesshomaru kept his mind clear, some thoughts of the miko entered his mind and he found himself wondering if she awoke. He was in no way pondering this because he cared about her, but because it was clearly unusual for someone to sleep for such a large amount of time.

Maybe from her point of view she had gone through some stress, but it was in no way an excuse for such a long slumber. Also, it wasn't as if she was being physically abused; he might not be the one in control, but his beast made sure Sesshomaru could know everything that was going on and he knew his beast always tried to bring her pleasure.

Sesshomaru couldn't stop himself from growling as he remembered the last encounter between the Miko and the beast. His beast had gone down on the Miko, almost putting her into a dominant position while he  _pleased_  her and  _only_  her. Sesshomaru found the act absolutely degrading; it was one thing to  _please_  her while he was using her body, but  _this_ was out of line.

As if this Sesshomaru would have ever done something so degrading of his own free will; she was the female and it was  _her_  job to do everything she could to please him and not the other way around. This act only added to the list of  _why_  he despised his beast.

By the end of this either the Miko or the beast would drive him mad.

-B-

For the past two days Kagome and Rin had bonded with each other. The little girl was obviously fond of Kagome and was enjoying a motherly figure for nearly the very first time, while Kagome held on tightly to the only person in the castle who could take her mind off things.

Kagome hadn't felt sick, nor had a fever ever since she had woken up from her near coma and her energy had been going strong. Kagome and Rin had almost remained in bed or the garden the whole time, since the Mikos had ordered for Kagome to take it easy for the first few days, just to be safe.

She hadn't wanted to remain stuck in a bed, but the women had been very insistent and Kagome had no desire to fight with them. The fact that Sesshomaru had not come back yet had also helped Kagome recover,  _but_  he could not be chased away completely. Kagome could push him aside during the day, when Rin kept her busy but once the night came, it was a different story.

Every time she closed her eyes and tried to sleep it was hard to chase away the memories. Of course Kagome made sure it did not tarnish her progress, but it was a little hard to sleep and usually her nights would be very short. Another reason why she did not sleep for very long was because she shared a room with Rin.

The little girl had insisted she remains with her and since Kagome didn't feel like acting as if this was her house by picking another room, she agreed. Rin would go to bed fairly early, while Kagome would remain awake for a long time, lying in the bed staring at the ceiling. Rin would usually wake up early in the morning, cutting her sleep hours very short but Kagome did not mind.

But, today Kagome desired to actually do something again, just like the time Rin and her had cooked their own meal. It had been so easy to clear up her mind from the previous event and Kagome wished for the same thing once more. Without Sesshomaru in the vicinity she felt a lot more comfortable in walking around and she wanted to take advantage of his leave to do things.

It was now early morning, the sun barely rising, but Kagome was already awake, laying on her side, watching Rin sleep. As the young woman observed her sleep, she couldn't help but feel a tingle of happiness when she thought about her own child growing inside of her.

No matter the circumstances involving the creation of her unborn baby, Kagome would devote herself to the child. She was aware that she was still young and a child would be a big responsibility, but Kagome already felt her growing love for the baby. On top of that, if she had to remain in the castle, she would have nothing else to do  _but_  take care of the child.

It was obvious the infant would be provided with everything it needed and Kagome wouldn't need a job to buy whatever it needed. In her time it would be harder to care for a child at such a young age, but in the feudal era, it was different, heck she had seen girls nearly half her age with babies of their own.

The only worried Kagome had for the baby was Sesshomaru, since the child would be hanyou, but every time the thought crossed her mind she tried to remain herself that he would not kill his own child, hanyou or not. She also told herself that the beast probably would not let Sesshomaru commit such an act, just like it had stopped Sesshomaru from removing her bracelet.

The beast seemed to come around every time something it did not desire was about to happen or when he wished to be with her. It was almost ironic the way he tried to care for her when he was the reason for all the pain and suffering in her life. Kagome had thought Inuyasha brought her pain in the past with Kikyo and everything but she had been wrong.

That was also mostly due to the fact she never thought something like this would happen to her or that her life would turn out to be this way. After all who would have thought that  _her_  of all people would end up being Sesshomaru's mate against both of their will? It seemed very unlikely, especially to her who knew nothing about youkais and their beasts.

"Kagome?"

The sweet sound of Rin's voice brought Kagome back to reality as she softly smiled at the little girl. "Morning," she said, her voice almost a whisper.

Rin rubbed her eyes, trying to wake herself up fully. She had really been enjoying bunking with Kagome those past two days and had grown a lot closer to her. Rin  _loved_  Sesshomaru above anything else, but it was a nice experience to have another woman there with her, especially when sometimes there were things she could not tell/ask Sesshomaru about.

Also, she had noticed how much Kagome's mood had improved during these days and how her sickness had not come back. Of course, Rin made sure to prepare the special tea for her at least twice a day, just to be sure. Rin couldn't help but still be a little worried that Sesshomaru was not back from his travel, since he had gone along, but she was also aware of the extend of his power; she doubted anyone was as strong as him.

Plus, she had other things to focus on today; she intended on passing a full-occupied day with Kagome! Rin was aware that Kagome preferred to stay in bed lately, but the little girl decided it was time for her to get some fresh her; being locked inside all the time would do her no good.

First of all, they would cook their own breakfast, which they had started a habit of, even though it always left the servants perplexed and then, Rin would take Kagome with her for her daily lessons before heading outside. Without Sesshomaru around, Rin had been able to avoid learning, since Jaken didn't seem to have much of an authority on her, but Rin knew it was bad to not follow what Sesshomaru had ordered.

"Morning Kagome! Are you ready to make breakfast?" she said, before pushing her blankets away.

Every time, Kagome would teach her a new meal to cook, which left Rin excited for new day; if they kept going like this, she also would be a great cook one day, just like Kagome. Not only that but it was also something important to learn; it would be part of her tasks when she'd be a grown up.

Kagome slowly nodded, before getting out of the bed herself. She wasn't very hungry, but she knew Rin really liked it when they cooked together and she figured that even though she was not hungry, her child might be, and its desires and needs were above hers.

As long as she could keep the food down, she'd be happy.

"Absolutely!"

Quickly Rin ran to her side and grabbed her hand in hers, ready to let her to the kitchen even if Kagome knew the way. Deep down, Kagome had a feeling Rin was doing it as if she was afraid Kagome would disappear, or get sick again so she was holding to her, keeping her close.

But, the young woman didn't mind, because the little girl was her only source of comfort in this castle at the moment and she enjoyed her care and company. Rin was also probably the one who helped her escape her room and  _do_ things during the day. Without Rin, Kagome would probably be way too shy to explore the castle on her own and act as if she knew the place, but Rin wasn't since she knew the place like the back of her hand.

The thought of one day knowing this castle better than her own house made her quickly shiver. She could let her mind be filled with dark thoughts and she could allow herself to be reminded of the hell she was trapped in, but she wouldn't. She couldn't drown in a pool of darkness any longer.

Kagome had a tiny smile on her face, as they finally reached the kitchen and Rin, filled with enthusiasm, announced to everyone that Kagome and her were about to cook. Of course, the servants were used to it by now and they had already begun to exit before Rin even spoke.

Every now and then they would still throw glances of confusion in Kagome's direction, but she would simply brush them aside; she knew they weren't used to it, so they were so reason to make a big deal out of it.

"What would you like to make today Rin?" asked Kagome as she began to prepare the cooking area.

It was quite different from the kitchen she was used to in her own time, but it was much better than the little fire she had been using with her friends while traveling. Though she'd trade this moment now, for a moment then in a second. Anything to have _that_  back.

Rin touched her mouth with her little finger, slightly tapping it, as she began to wonder what she would like to eat. Ever since Kagome had arrived, Rin had discovered a bunch of new way of cooking food and she could not make up her mind. Suddenly, her eyes began filled with a twinkle, and she pointed to a bowl on the corner of the counter.

"EGGS!"

Kagome nodded, before grabbing them, wishing she had some bacon to go with that; gosh she missed the huge breakfast her mother would prepare sometimes. Though, that was before Kagome began to travel in the Feudal Era, because ever since that time, she never shared many meals with her family and with the way things were looking now, she wouldn't share one ever again.

Tears immediately appeared in Kagome's eyes and Rin didn't fail to notice it and thus she rushed by her side, rubbing her arm slightly. Her gesture caused Kagome to look down and at that instant, she tried to stop her tears to not cause any worry to the little girl and even to herself. Tears made her heart feel light and heavier at the same time.

It was useless to let such things gets to her at the moment, after all she was feeling better for the first time in a long time and she should enjoy it. Quickly, her tears went away and her eyes were slowly drying, before she forced a smile on her face, chasing away all of Rin's worry, even though the little girl's hand remained on Kagome's arm as if she didn't quite believe the smile.

"How about we get started?" asked Kagome, to bring her attention and focus on something else.

Rin nodded, before grabbing a spoon and lifting her hand up in the air, as if she was getting ready for war. A soft giggle escaped Kagome's mouth as she watched her carefully break the eggs, doing every single step Kagome had taught her. She then ran her hands over her stomach, where a slight, small bump could be felt, well,  _she_  could feel and see it, but that was probably because she was so used to her flat stomach and smiled.

Kagome couldn't wait until she could teach her own child and create happy memories, which would hopefully chase away all the bad that happened. It might be wishing for too much and maybe she was expecting more than she should, but for the first time in a long time, Kagome could see the light through the darkness and she wasn't about to give up.

If she could hold on then maybe the light would shine through.

-B-

For about three hours, Kagome had sat in the room with Rin and a teacher, listening as the little girl was being taught. More than once, she had the urge to either correct, or intervene in the lesson, but every time, she wasn't sure if it was her place or if it was the right thing to do.

It was one thing for Kagome to be well aware of the future, but could she really teach or explain everything to Rin? First of all, she wasn't positive that Rin would understand everything, after all Sango and Miroku had been confused sometimes, and second of all it might only interfere with her current study and finally, she wondered if it was wise.

History had already been written and should not be disrupted, which left Kagome unsure about teaching people about the future. Plus, the teacher would probably think she was only saying nonsense; he wouldn't say it out loud though since he would be afraid of Sesshomaru.

So for the whole length of the lesson, she had remained silent but kept in mind the whole time every mistakes and errors that had been told to Rin. Kagome wasn't convinced it was a good idea but she wouldn't push it aside yet. At the moment, Rin, who seemed more than happy to be done, was dragging her through the castle, refusing to tell her where she was leading them.

It couldn't be anywhere harmful meaning Kagome didn't push the issue any further and simply let Rin drag her around to her heart's desire. After spending so much time with herself, Kagome desperately needed the distraction. Technically she had been with Rin and the teacher, but since she couldn't disturb the lesson she had been left alone with her thoughts.

Kagome was indeed feeling better, but that did not mean the memories were gone; every actions were still very present in her mind. Suddenly, Kagome's thoughts where interrupted, when she noticed they were going in direction of the door, which would lead them outside.

"Where are we going Rin?" asked Kagome, obviously curious.

"Rin is not allowed to go outside the castle limits by herself, but Rin can if Kagome's with her."

She  _also_  wanted Kagome to get out a little but she didn't include that part. Rin was so used to being outside all the time, fetching for herself, collecting wild flowers and splashing around in the water, that it made the castle seem too normal. She wouldn't dare ask one of the guards to go with her and she wouldn't feel comfortable around them anyway.

A glimpse of worry crossed Kagome's eyes; if she was not allowed outside of the limits of the castle, it meant there could be danger and without her power, Kagome would not be able to protect her.

"Rin, I'm not sure this is such a good idea." The young woman found it terribly hard to go against a child's wish.

Rin ignored her words for a few instants before pushing the door open and only stopped once Kagome was outside with her.

"We won't go far, I promise," she said, offering Kagome her best grin.

Kagome looked around, spotting the guards that were guarding the entrance of the castle and slowly nodded. As long as they remained in the youkais' view they should be fine right? After all, unless Naraku came, the guards would be able to handle a few youkais and Kagome doubted Naraku would come, since in the past never had her group followed up his trail into the Land of the West.

She would still remain on her guard, though and make sure they wouldn't go too far. Kagome had to admit it felt good to feel the sunshine on her skin, making her feel warm and it was if it helped brighten up her spirit. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

Soon enough they were near where the forest began, but Rin stopped before they crossed it; she could tell Kagome wasn't quite comfortable with them going very far just yet. The little girl was the first one to sit down in the grass and at the same time encouraging Kagome to do the same, which she did.

Kagome enjoyed the feeling of the cool grass under her fingers, nearly digging her nails into the earth. A gently breeze was playing with her hair, tangling it slightly as she felt the heat hit her cheeks. Kagome's back was resting against a tree trunk while Rin rested her body against Kagome's side, a perfect mother/daughter scene.

Unconsciously, Kagome began to gently run her fingers in Rin's hair, causing the little girl to bury her face in her shoulder, trying to be closer to her.

"Kagome, can Rin ask you something?" she asked in a tiny voice, breaking the silence that had installed itself between them.

Right away, Kagome turned her head in her direction, giving the little girl her full attention. "What is it?" she asked staring down in Rin's chocolate eyes.

Rin chewed on her bottom lip slightly; the question had been burning her lips for weeks now, and only now did she have a chance to ask her. "Rin was wondering if you already had a name in mind for the baby?"

The question slightly took Kagome by surprised, but instantly a smile appeared on her face, before she shook her head gently. "Actually, no I don't."

But then again, she had apparently been sleeping for most of her pregnancy, making it impossible for her to be able to think but now Rin had created a pressing question in her mind.

As soon as Kagome's words escaped her lips, a twinkle of happiness seemed to appear in Rin's eyes, before she pulled away from Kagome.

"Do you think I could help you?" she asked, extremely excited.

Kagome knew that Rin would be the most enthusiastic person about the pregnancy in her entourage. She could hardly see the  _real_ Sesshomaru giving a damn about the baby or about picking a name. The beast might slightly have an interest in it, but he wasn't around much and he only impregnated her because he thought it would make her happy which hardly made him interested in the baby.

Kagome would be more than happy to have Rin involved, and helping her with the baby and the pregnancy.

Slowly Kagome reached out for Rin's hand, and put it on her slightly bulging stomach, and smiled. "I'd be honored if you'd help me pick a name."

Her answer obviously made the little girl happy, since Rin's face immediately light up with joy. "It will be a boy right?" she asked, just to make sure the names she already had in mind would be right.

Kagome shrugged her shoulders; she assumed it was way too early to tell even for a youkai what the sex of the child was, but just like Rin she had strong feelings that it was a boy. Honestly could Sesshomaru created anything but a male?

"I'm not sure," she answered truthfully.

Kagome really didn't mind the sex of the child, since she loved it as much that it was a girl or a boy. All she wanted was for the baby to be healthy and grow up with a life filled with love and happiness, just like her own mother had provided for her. Though at the moment it seemed like an impossible task.

"Well, if it's a boy, Rin has an idea." She looked into Kagome's eyes, making sure she had her attention, before revealing the name.

"Kiyoshi."

 _Pure_. Kagome smiled, showing her appreciation of the name. No matter the circumstances surroundings her child, it was not to blame and it would never affect her love for it. It would be a good name for a little boy and unconsciously, she began to ponder a name for a girl, and the first one that came to her mind was  _Yuki_.

But, there was still much time for her to figure out names since if the pregnancy followed a human pregnancy, she would be pregnant for another 8 months or so but she would remember Rin's suggestion. Her last thought left her wondering if she would indeed be pregnant for such a long amount of time or if youkais pregnancy were much shorter.

"Kagome? Do you like the name?" asked Rin, bringing her back to reality.

Right away an apologetic smile appeared on Kagome's face; she had been so lost in her own thoughts that she had completely forgotten about Rin.

"Sorry. Of course I love it," she said, slightly titling her head to the side.

It was at that moment that something caught her attention creating a panic within her; red eyes in the bushes. Kagome knew very well whom they belonged to and immediately, her heart began to race, but not out of fear; it was Kirara. The neko youkai was looking at her, in her untransformed state, and Kagome could swear she had seen a flash of pain going through her eyes.

As Kirara stared intensively at her, Kagome was stabbed by the painful memories of the life she used to lead. Tears burn her eyes as she was drowning in the memories. She missed Sango, Miroku and Shippo terribly. She could picture her little boy growing up, while she was away, missing all of it.

Every night he used to sleep with her and even though she knew one of her friends had probably taking her task over, a sadness filled her. For these past three years, she had taken care of Shippo has if he was her own son and there was a hole in her chest now that he was far.

She couldn't say she missed Inuyasha as well, not after what he had done to her. Quite some time had passed, but the pain she felt from his betrayal was not going away. Kagome could barely resist the urge to pick up Kirara, but she didn't want to do it in front of Rin.

She knew the little girl might tell the events to Sesshomaru when he would come back and Kagome didn't want to ask her to lie, so it was better if she didn't see it. She wasn't worried about Sesshomaru's reaction, but the beast's reaction; if he thought her friends were a treat he might try to get rid of them.

"Rin, honey?" she asked, in her sweetest voice, immediately catching Rin's attention. "Do you think you could pick some of these yellow flowers over there for me?"

In an instant, Rin was on her feet and running in direction of the patch of flowers. They weren't the prettiest or didn't have the sweetest scent, but Rin was glad she could do something for Kagome. The young woman had a certain kindness and warmth about her that Rin hadn't felt with anyone else before and every time she was around Kagome, she felt at ease, and extremely relaxed.

She was fairly used to always moving and traveling with Lord Sesshomaru that this was quite different for her. It's not that she did not enjoy being with Lord Sesshomaru, but this was a nice change, especially since he was not there at the moment. Without Kagome, she'd be alone.

Kagome felt her heart clench slightly as she watched Rin hop away; she felt bad about trying to do something behind her back. But, she quickly tried to chase it away as she turned around so her back was facing Rin, before watching Kirara, slowly come out of the bushes.

The neko rubbed her head against Kagome's hand, before slightly purring. Right away the first thought that crossed her mind was that Sango might be around.

"Kirara, is Sango here?" she asked, her heart skipping a beat. She would be more than thrilled to see her friends, but she didn't want her safety to be compromised.

Kirara purred, slightly shaking her head and Kagome assumed she was alone. Could it be that Sango sent her alone so that Kirara could check up on her? The thought brought even more tears to her eyes as one slid down her cheek. At the moment, the thought of using Kirara to run away crossed Kagome's mind.

She could hop on the neko and run away from this nightmare, making sure she would never have to see Sesshomaru again, but it wouldn't be forever. As long as that damn bracelet was around her wrist, there was no way she could ever escape Sesshomaru, since she would be unable to go back to her own time.

The only thing running away would do was put her friends' lives in danger. Unless she was freed, she would be unable to proceed with any type of escape plan, not that it didn't sound extremely appealing. Even the idea of  _not_  being on his grounds for a few hours seemed like a dream.

"Kagome, Rin has the flowers!"

Immediately a sense of panic took over and Kagome turned her head in direction of Rin, trying to  _not_  look nervous. "Thank you," she said as she picked up the flowers from her hand.

Then, she turned her head slightly only to find out Kirara was not behind her anymore. With a sad smile on her face, Kagome took one of the flowers and put it in the bush, under Rin's confused eyes. Deep inside Kagome hoped Kirara was still in there and that maybe she could get a message across to Sango.

She prayed her friends were healthy and safe and she found herself wondering if they were still chasing after the few remaining shards. Unless they had Kikyo on their side there was no way they could find the shards and Kagome would hold no grudge against them for using the help of the dead Miko. The completion of the jewel should be their priority, especially Miroku's since he was quickly running out of time.

Before Rin could ask her any questions, Kagome rose from the ground, flowers in her hands. "What's next?" she asked as she smiled through her tears.

Rin noticed the tears in Kagome's eyes, but from what the young woman was trying to portray, Rin decided it was better to leave it alone. After all, Kagome wasn't crying, but she seemed sad; maybe she was missing her friends? Rin decided she would do her best to make sure Kagome made new friends at the castle and maybe that way she wouldn't feel so alone anymore, especially with Sesshomaru-sama gone. Mommies were always sad when daddies would go away right? Kagome might be worried about Lord Sesshomaru's safety.

"Don't worry Kagome, Lord Sesshomaru is strong."

Kagome was shocked by Rin's words since they came extremely unexpected. Did the little girl think she was concerned about that monster? Although, it was natural, after all, Rin was probably extremely worried herself.

"I know," said Kagome, trying to close the issue. Sesshomaru was gone and she had no intention of talking about him while she had some peace.

If one person was aware of how strong, cruel and cold he wa, it would be Kagome. The beast might have been the one to rape her and humiliate her  _but_  it didn't mean Sesshomaru himself was a good person. It was obvious he did not care one bit about her well-being and to him she was nothing but a nuisance. But, it didn't bother her, since she did not wish to mean anything to him.

All she desired was to be away from him, and never had to look into those emotionless eyes ever again. Deep down, and against all odds, Kagome knew that one day she would be free from Sesshomaru.

-B-

"Sango?"

The taijiya immediately raised her head and looked up at the houshi, her dark brown eyes filled with worries. It had been a  _long_  time since they had any new information about Kagome; even Kirara hadn't seen her in weeks, yet she went over to the castle every day. Sango's concern for her friend grew each day, and it was slowly becoming unbearable.

She was not only carrying the loss of Kagome, but also of Kohaku and her whole family and village. Each day, her heart became heavier with pain and each time she tried to fight it away. Miroku had remained by her side the whole time, trying to lift her spirits while she knew his owns were probably engulfed in darkness.

"Sorry, I guess I was distracted," she said, offering him a small smile.

Miroku had even been behaving lately, keeping his hands to himself, which told a lot about his current mood. The only person she wasn't aware of was Inuyasha. He was still somewhat traveling with them, but they were not talking, nor walking near each other. Inuyasha would remain much ahead of them, keeping to himself and he would never sleep close to them.

To be honest, Sango didn't really care about how he was feeling because she blamed a lot of this on him. She knew he couldn't stop Sesshomaru from marking Kagome, but he was entirely at fault for betraying her  _again_ , except this time it was much worst. It was still hard for her to understand how he could try to rape Kagome when she had been crying for help, throwing herself in his arms.

All the sudden, Sango jumped slightly when she felt something on her shoulder. She turned her head slightly only to find herself face to face with Kirara. The first thing the taijiya noticed was the bright yellow flower in the neko's mouth. Sango stopped in her tracks, attracting Miroku's attention and picked the flower, twisting it between her fingers. Why did she have this with her?

"She smells like Kagome."

Immediately, both Miroku and Sango turned their heads in direction of Inuyasha, not expecting him to be so close to them. His ears were flat against his head and his eyes were filled with sadness as he eyed the little flower Sango was holding. It hadn't been hard for him to recognize Kagome's scent and he had come running, nearly hoping she was back. He had been extremely disappointed when all he had seen were his old friends looking confused.

A sad smile appeared on Sango's face as she observed the flower; did it come from Kagome? "Kirara, did you see Kagome?" she asked, her voice extremely hopeful.

Kirara rubbed her head against Sango's cheek, purring as an answer.

"Is she well?" she questioned, her voice nearly cracking.

The neko seemed to nod and Sango felt as if her heart was lighter.

She carefully tucked the flower behind her ear, the ghost of her smile still present on her lips. To know that Kagome seemed unharmed was enough to keep her going for now. But she didn't give up on freeing her friend and bring her back to her family. Now, she had something to help her; Kagome knew about Kirara.

Maybe they could use the neko to communicate notes between each other; Sango knew Kagome could be careful enough and that Sesshomaru would never find out. She closed her eyes, hoping this would help give her friend some of her freedom back.

Sango touched the flower, her eyes filled with tears.  _Kagome_.

-B-


	16. Regrets

His back was pressed against a tree his head hanging low as his thoughts began to run through his mind, while he spent another sleepless night. Ever since Kagome had been  _taken_  away he had not been able to catch a wink of sleep. The guilt was mostly what kept him up at night, the darkness slowly growing, as he began to hate himself more and more every day passing day.

He would like to think he would have been able to save Kagome, but he knew that was not true. Though  _the least_  he could have done was show her support. Why had he let his anger get the best out of him? The look in her eyes was still burning in his mind and it was impossible for him to chase it away; he was doomed to remember it for the rest of his life.

Also, some of the last words she had spoken in his presence were engraved in his mind,  _I love him_. Inuyasha felt blessed that after everything that occurred Kagome still had love for him in her heart when technically he didn't deserve it. Still, he held on to her words since it was the only thing that kept him going at the moment, the only memory he could reach out to if he needed some hope and faith.

Kagome had always been meant to belong to him; he had even tossed away Kikyo for them to finally be together. Once he had smelled his brother all over her and caught a glimpse of her mating mark, it was as if the rational side of his brain had shut up and the fury had taken over, deciding all of his actions.

He could still see himself hurting her, but it nearly felt like an out of body experience. She was a delicate flower and she was never meant to be crushed the way she had been and still was. Kagome might arbor rage towards him, but Inuyasha knew nothing he had done could come close to the way Sesshomaru was treating her. Inuyasha was aware of what his brother's red eyes meant but he still couldn't comprehend why his beast was so interested in Kagome; Sesshomaru and her had only a minimum amount of encounters which was not enough to drive his beast wild.

Sesshomaru had made one valid point when they last met; Kagome belonged to him since they were mated. Although that could easily be changed, and Inuyasha intended on being the one to free her. All he had to do was kill his brother and Kagome would gain her freedom back  _and_  Inuyasha would be able to mate her.

For once in his life though Inuyasha was not going into this head first without any plans. Although he had managed to hurt his brother before, he was well aware that killing him would be far from easy even with Tetsusaiga on his side. Truth was, he probably wouldn't be able to do it on his own, but Miroku and Sango weren't talking to him at the moment, which was making the whole situation extremely complicated.

Although they would listen if it involved helping Kagome, they just wouldn't trust him in the whole matter since he had previously hurt her.

Also, his feelings had been a real chaos ever since he had seen the flower Kagome had given Kirara nearly a week ago. Just to be able to smell her scent one more had driven him crazy and he _needed_  more. He had slightly overheard Sango talk to Miroku about sending message to Kagome through Kirara and deep inside, he wish he could write down his feelings for her.

But, even if he did so, Inuyasha doubted she would even take the time to read it; she would simply throw it out. For the first time, he knew it would take time for her to forgive him but he was not going to give up; eventually, he would get her back. They had gone through so much together, there was no way it had all been for nothing right?

If he was patient enough, Kagome would be his again and finally he would be whole.

-B-

Rin was sitting at the table watching Kagome carefully as she ate, trying to make sure she was seeing right. Never before had the young woman devoured so much food, at least not since she had been traveling and staying with them. Rin was glad that she was feeling better, but  _never_  had she seen anyone eat so much before in her whole life.

Kagome was so preoccupied with eating that she was not even paying attention to the looks the little girl was giving her. She had no idea what had gotten into her today, but never had she felt such a craving for food –any food. For the first time in nearly two weeks, the servants had been the one to prepare her food, since she was too hungry to work with food without eating it.

She had rushed through the kitchen, almost breathless, asking if anything was ready for breakfast. Once again, Kagome had managed to confuse the hell out of the poor servants. They had been stunned for a few seconds, but had quickly whipped up a breakfast for her.

Kagome didn't worry about it too much since she simply blamed it on her hunger catching up to her. After all, she had been asleep for so long, not getting any food or barely any. And at least this way, she was making sure her baby was getting all the nutrients it needed, easing away some of her worries.

Quickly she gulped down her last bite of rice, before putting down her chopsticks, a smile on her face. It was at that moment that she caught Rin's eyes on her and a tiny smile appeared on her lips, since to the outside world she might have look slightly weird. Rin returned the smile, before hurrying the finish her plate so Kagome and her could get on with their day.

Much to Kagome's relief, Sesshomaru had not been back yet, giving her much time to rest and erase all the stress from everything that happened in her life. Somewhere deep down, she found herself wishing that he would never return and the thought made her feel a small happiness.

After all, what had Sesshomaru ever done that had been  _right_  for her? He was a selfish cold-hearted bastard and all that matter to him was his own idea and will, everything else was useless distraction and that included her. But, it meant very little to Kagome because as far as she was concerned, Naraku could swallow him dead and it would bring no feeling at all in her heart; she was indifference to what happened to his life.

But there was also other things on Kagome's mind; her friends. Ever since she had seen Kirara, she had been afraid to approach the area, in case the neko would come back. She was not doing it because she didn't want anything to do with her friends, but because she feared for them.

What if next time, they came with Kirara and endangered their lives? Kagome  _knew_  she couldn't leave this place, at least not with Sesshomaru alive and the bracelet around her wrist,  _but_  it would break her heart to send her friends away again because she needed them. Every day, she felt the darkness of their missing presences and it hurt her.

Also, she knew how stubborn they could be, and they would probably refuse to leave her side again but if they died or were injured because of her, Kagome would never forgive herself. It was better for her to suffer alone.

"Rin is ready Kagome!" said Rin as she pushed her plate away before getting up from her chair.

Rin was even more excited than usually because she had a surprise ready for her. Rin had been the mind behind it, but she was not the one who organized it since it wasn't in her abilities. Although the little girl had loved sleeping with Kagome every nights, she knew adults like to have their own room, but Kagome didn't have one, well not anymore.

Rin thought Kagome might enjoy it if she could have her own places, with scrolls, ink and other things, just like Lord Sesshomaru. At least, it would give her something to do while Rin had her lessons or when she went to bed. She offered Kagome her best grin before reaching out for her hand like she usually did.

It became a very common habit of the little girl, but Kagome didn't mind one bit and was happy to bring her some time of comfort. After all, even though Sesshomaru  _obviously_  cared for the little girl, Kagome knew he must not be one to show physical or even verbal appreciation and comfort.

"Where are we going?" asked Kagome who was used to Rin dragging her around constantly.

"It's a surprise," said Rin before giggling and walking down the hall, trying to keep a slow pace but her excitement was getting the best out of her.

The smile and laugh of a child was the best remedy and Kagome was finding that out with Rin. She was her little shinning light in this darkness and she appreciated every passing moment with her. It could seen pretty sad that her grown woman like her only had a child as a friend, but to Kagome it matter very little; a friendship was precious, no matter who it was with.

On top of that, Rin was always going out of her way to make her happy and Kagome appreciated all her efforts. She couldn't help but wonder what she had in mind for this  _surprise._  After all, it was a nice gesture and Kagome couldn't help but feel slightly excited about it;  _gosh_  she sounded like a little kid.

"Here it is!" said Rin before releasing her hand to point at the door in front of them.

Curious, Kagome slid the door open only to reveal a nearly all white bedroom, which contained what seemed like a desk, with ink, and paper on it, and a couple of shelves with scrolls neatly arranged and placed. For a minute Kagome stared around, her mouth slightly opened while she began to understand.

Rin wanted her to have her own bedroom? She had been staying with the little girl this whole time since she didn't feel comfortable going around claiming her own room, but this was  _nice._  If Sesshomaru had thrown her into a room, she would have probably despised it, but knowing it came from Rin and her best intentions, she was extremely touched by her gesture.

She turned around, a hand on her chest. "Thank you Rin," she said with a true smile on her lips.

Kagome was conscious it all belonged to Sesshomaru, but she would still enjoy the room. Slowly, she walked over to the bed, before sitting down, a sigh escaping her lips. Then, she tapped the spot beside her, and Rin hurried the come and sit beside her, relieved that she enjoyed her surprise. Rin rested her head against Kagome's shoulder before closing her chocolate eyes. Then, Kagome felt a tiny hand reach out and touch her stomach, causing her to look down at Rin.

While her eyes were still shut, Rin giggled softly. "Kagome, you're starting to have a little tummy."

A tiny scoff escape Kagome's lips, as if she pretended to be offended, but soon enough she smiled. She slightly opened her kimono to get a better look at her stomach, which was indeed starting to develop a tiny bump. Kagome was pretty sure women didn't begin to show that early, but then again, she was carrying a hanyou meaning anything could be expected and everything she knew about human pregnancy would mean very little.

"Soon enough, I'll be bigger than this place," said Kagome, amusement in her tone.

She was actually being very serious; she had a feeling she would be the size of a house once she would be close to giving birth.

Rin joined her in the laugh, making them both feel at ease with each other. Obviously Kagome had taken a liking into the little girl, but for Rin it was much deeper since Kagome was her first mother figure and losing her would shatter her little heart into pieces. She had thought about referring to her as something else than  _Kagome_ , but she hadn't. The little girl had no doubt that the young Miko cared about her, but she didn't know how she saw her.

Asking her could solve everything, but Rin was too shy to do it after all, she had never done it with Sesshomaru, since she had always called him Lord Sesshomaru. It was moments like this that made Rin  _want_  to ask her, but she kept her lips tightly shut not voicing her question.

Then, Rin jumped slightly as she felt Kagome wrapped her fingers around hers, causing a smile to appear on her face. Rin held on tighter to Kagome's fingers, a joy filling her heart.

-B-

It had been a complete silence for about two weeks now and Sesshomaru's patience was wearing thin. It would seem his beast had grown upset with him because it refused to voice itself, leaving Sesshomaru to wait and grow angry. One of the purposes of this  _trip_  was to be far from the Miko, so she wouldn't be able to interfere, leaving him alone to discuss with his beast, but if he refused to talk, this was all a waste of his time.

Sesshomaru's time was precious and he had other things to do than this,  _but_  since this was his main problem. He could not move on to anything else until this was solved. At the moment, he was patiently waiting, sitting on a rock right by the edge of a river, complete silence surrounding him, which he wanted his beast to break.

Then, he smelled it. A tiny smirk appeared on his face as he remained in his position, quietly waiting for what he knew what was coming. Sesshomaru was actually surprised that this hadn't occurred until now, since knowing  _him_ , he tended to be extremely short fused and act on feelings.

Nonetheless, Sesshomaru was looking forward to a meeting where he was in complete control of himself. He did not enjoy his current situation with the Miko,  _but_  she was something his half-brother desired and could never have, and it was probably tormenting him. He could remember how he felt when Inuyasha was the one who inherited Tetsusaiga, not that he cared anymore, and he had a feeling his mating with the miko made the hanyou feel the same.

After a few more seconds, he knew Inuyasha was a few meters away from him, but apparently the hanyou was in no rush of closing the distance between them. Sesshomaru was not in the best mood at the moment since his beast was annoying him and the hanyou was not helping at all.

"You think this Sesshomaru cannot sense your presence?" he asked, still staring ahead in the emptiness.

Quickly enough, footsteps could be heard and Inuyasha came out of the bushes, a deep look of anger flashing through his eyes. Obviously, he was not quite happy with Sesshomaru's presence away from his own lands and he had something to say about it. Still, Sesshomaru ignored him, and never turned his head to look in direction of Inuyasha.

Visibly that was angering the hanyou and he hurried to move, until he was in front of Sesshomaru. For the first time in a while, his ears were straight on top if his head as if he was in a state of alert. As soon as Sesshomaru's scent had reached Inuyasha's nose, he had rushed to track him down, hoping deep down that Kagome was with him, even if he couldn't pick up her scent.

At first, he had felt a huge disappointed when he had saw Sesshomaru was alone, but then he had felt provoked.

"Where's Kagome?" he asked, his tone filled with hatred.

"The whereabouts of this Sesshomaru's mate are none of your concerned,  _hanyou_ ," he answered, still avoiding glancing at him, letting him known he wasn't even worth that respect.

Inuyasha's grip on his sword grew tighter, as his emotions flared up. "You left her by herself?" He scoffed.

"You don't even care about her, or her well-being." Inuyasha began to walk closer to Sesshomaru, until their feet were nearly touching. "I don't care if she is yours. I will kill you and take her. She doesn't love you, she  _loves_  me."

A smirk appeared on Sesshomaru's face before he turned his head to look at Inuyasha for the very first time. "Will you also raise this Sesshomaru's child?"

Immediately the change could be seen in Inuyasha's face and it started with confusion as he processed the words. Never had the thought of Kagome being pregnant crossed his mind and now, his whole world was slowly collapsing. Was Sesshomaru really telling the truth or just saying this to upset him?

"You're lying," he spitted out with rage, not wanting to accept this reality.

Sesshomaru peered away satisfied that he had obtained the reaction he desired from the hanyou. "This Sesshomaru does not lie."

He had better things to do than making up lies to make Inuyasha feel bad; the reality of things was so much better.

Inuyasha's breathing right increased as he began to picture Kagome rubbing her hands on a swollen belly and for a second, his eyes turned completely red. This could not be happening; she was supposed to carry  _his_  pups, not Sesshomaru's. It disgusted him to simply think about Sesshomaru's child growing inside someone as pure and innocent as Kagome.

Nonetheless, it didn't make him love Kagome any less; it was not her fault, she had not chosen this life style, it had been force upon her. At least the child would be related to him, but it didn't bother him, he would be with Kagome, even if it meant raising Sesshomaru's child.

"I will," he said, hoping his answer would cause some sort of reaction in Sesshomaru.

Unfortunately for Inuyasha, his words did not affect Sesshomaru at all since he had no desire to have this child in the first place. But, it mattered very little since in the first place since Inuyasha would never succeed in ending his life, which meant none of this would happen.

While Sesshomaru would remain alive, he would not have the hanyou take care of his  _mate_  and  _child_. He was the Lord of the West and he would be damn if words got around that  _he_  was letting a hanyou put his hands on what was  _supposed_  to be his only. Even if the mating was broken between him the Miko, either by some sort of spell which he was unaware of, or by her death, he would still hold a responsible towards the child, which meant it would always be under his care.

"It does not matter. You would never be able to kill this Sesshomaru."

It was true that Inuyasha had managed to hurt him  _once_  in the past, but it had been cause by Sesshomaru's carelessness, and such a mistake would never repeat itself.

Inuyasha had his hand ready to pull out his sword, but before he could make a mistake he reminded himself that he needed to keep his calm. If Sesshomaru killed him now, there would be no chance for him to rescue Kagome and make amends and she would have to live with this monster forever. He was her only chance.

He took a deep breath, trying to bring his anger down, slightly attracting Sesshomaru's attention. It seemed that after all, the hanyou had some sort of self-control, which was  _almost_  impressive. That or he knew he  _really_ didn't stand a chance. Although Inuyasha could not fight him physically, he had ever intention of aggravating him.

"You don't know why and it's upsetting you," said Inuyasha, finally releasing his hold on his sword.

Sesshomaru titled his head slightly, as if he was moderately intrigued. "This Sesshomaru has no idea what none sense you are speaking of."

It appeared the hanyou thought he was extremely smart and believed he had figure out something.

"Your beast. You don't know why he picked Kagome, a  _human_." A smirk appeared on Inuyasha's face before he took a more laid out attitude. "I guess you're more like the old man than you thought."

Inuyasha expected Sesshomaru to try to attack him but to his surprise the Dayoukai kept his complete composure and simply stared straight at him as if he was a nuisance. Sesshomaru  _knew_ what Inuyasha was trying to do and he was too intelligent to fall in such a foolish and obvious trap.

Of course the hanyou believed he was being extremely smart which only showed how stupid he was. It was true that his words created the beginning of a fury inside of him, but he had enough control to push it aside. Obviously he was wondering why his beast would be interested in a human mate, when it was the very thing Sesshomaru despised. It did not think a genius to figure this detail. Sesshomaru had been trying to get an explanation from his beast, but his meditation had been interrupted by the jealous hanyou.

The hanyou seemed quite disappointed that his little trick had not worked on Sesshomaru. Apparently his damn brother was too stubborn, and  _important_  to allow his emotions to get the best out of him. It didn't matter thought because Inuyasha knew that deep inside, it had indeed upset Sesshomaru and just to know he had created some feelings inside of him was enough, at least for now.

There was nothing Inuyasha wished for than to rip Sesshomaru's head off with his bare hands, but it would not get him anywhere. Since Kagome was not with him, Inuyasha had no reason to be there because he didn't care about Sesshomaru, at least not until he could get rid of him.

"You'll pay for this," said Inuyasha before turning around, and slowly walking away from his brother.

It was taking every inch of self-control he had to not fight him over Kagome, but he restrained himself and actually managed to leave without fighting him. This was for the best, including Kagome's best interest.

Sesshomaru did not move from his spot, nor go after his half-brother as he left. Apparently the hanyou had understood it was better for his personal safety to not challenge Sesshomaru; it seemed his brain was still growing, because he had never grasped the concept before.

As he  _allowed_  Inuyasha to walk away, an unusual anger, which didn't seem to belong to  _him,_  began to stir up inside of him. In an instant, Sesshomaru recognized what it was and was somewhat surprised; this whole time, all he needed to  _summon_  his beast was his half-brother?

_This Sesshomaru needs to discuss with you._

After a few seconds, his beast still remained silence, only causing Sesshomaru's annoyance to grow. He obviously knew by now that he was present which meant it was too late to hide it. Slowly, he rubbed the side of his head with his index and thumb as he felt a headache coming; he was beginning to feel  _very_  irritated with the whole situation.

**Why did you leave mate?**

It was obvious his beast was extremely upset by Sesshomaru's actions, but he could not care less. It was still his body and he should be the one to make the decision, not the other way around.

_Because you cannot control yourself in her presence._

**Mate was sick when you left, she needs us.**

She wasn't not exactly sick, simply unconscious for a long period of time and technically it was better to leave when she was not awake. Not that  _she_  would have had any problem with him leaving.

_Why does she matter so much? Why a human mate?_

**It doesn't matter what she is. Only she is worthy of us.**

Sesshomaru cocked his eyebrows, repeating the words in his mind;  _she_  was the only one worthy? To begin with nobody he had encountered was, but the Miko certainly would never make the list _if_  he made one of worthy mates.

 _She is a_ human _, she is not worthy of this Sesshomaru._

**Her strength does not come from her race, but her spirit and powers.**

Sesshomaru could feel himself slowly losing his patience; it was as if his beast refused to see her as she was. She might have Miko powers, but it did not make her powerful. Although, he had expected that he would not obtain a logical answer from his beast and he had a more important matter for focus on.

_This Sesshomaru wishes for you to stop taking control whenever you feel like it._

**You do not love mate if I do not come.**

Obviously, he had also been prepared for that and he knew his beast would not agree to simply  _stop_  coming, thus Sesshomaru was willing to make some sort of compromise. He wasn't one for compromise but it seemed it was all he would obtain at the moment.

 _You can still_ love _her, but you cannot take control whenever you wish._

It was almost as if he was renting his body and proposing some sort of schedule. It irritated him to no end that he had to do this, but it was better than his beast coming in whenever it felt like it. There was a long pause, as if the beast was pondering the issue. After all it had most of the control.

 **Every night**   **I will have mate.**

Sesshomaru knew the Miko would be more than displeased with that, but that was none of his concern. He didn't usually travel by night so it mattered very little to him. However he had to make sure the deal was clear before making it.

_You cannot take over during the day. You will remain locked away._

**If you hurt mate, or if you try to kill her, or free her, I will.**

This request had also been expected by Sesshomaru and he knew there was very little he could do about this, except agree to it. He could not forget that his beast did desire or need this agreement.

_You will remain hidden until nightfall._

He waited, expecting some sort of  _answer_  but nothing came. After a few minutes, Sesshomaru understood his beast had nothing else to share, which led him to sigh heavily. This was not what he desired, nor how things were meant to be, but it was progress. Although he had to admit the time he had spent away from the Miko was  _good_.

The feelings his beast had for her would sometimes surface in her presence and it sickened him. But, now he would need to head back and go through with what had been agreed. Sesshomaru intended to take his time before coming, since he was in no rush of seeing the Miko again. Hopefully, she was still asleep.

-B-

"Where did you go?"

Inuyasha turned his head slightly only to find himself face to face with Sango. A look of hatred filled her dark eyes, as she demanded an answer. She had watched him leave and he had taken hours to come back. Sango didn't trust him, not after what he had done. The look on his face also told her this had something to do with Kagome and she didn't like it.

He had no business being involved with her, not after the way he betrayed her and crushed her heart. When he did not answer, Sango tapped her foot  _showing_  her impatience.

"Nowhere," said Inuyasha, his tone extremely sad before he began to walk away from the angry taijiya.

After his little conversation with Sesshomaru, he had decided to take a  _long_  walk before heading back to camp where his  _old_  friends were. Inuyasha was actually surprised they remained at the camp instead of leaving him behind, which led him to believe that deep down, they didn't hate him completely.

Perhaps it would be better to make amends with them before getting Kagome back? After all, their help would be extremely important if he wanted to free Kagome. Problem was, Inuyasha knew they would not forgive him easily and he would need to work for it. He could not see Sango's face at the moment, but he could tell she was burning holes in the back of his head.

Sango didn't like his answer because she knew he was hiding something from them. Not only had he been gone for so long, but also, a little before he left, Kirara looked as if she had caught a familiar scent and it had caused her to hiss. Surely Inuyasha had followed up the same scent and it couldn't be many people.

She was very well aware that it wasn't Naraku, because she had caught the look in his eyes, which meant it could only be Sesshomaru. Although she wasn't sure if that deduction was right because what would Sesshomaru be doing this far away from his lands,  _alone_. If Kagome had been with him, surely Inuyasha would have dragged her back with him, even if she had been kicking or at least, he would have let them know.

A sigh escaped her pink lips, as she began to feel completely hopeless. Maybe she felt so much anger towards Inuyasha because she couldn't do anything for Kagome and was never really given the chance, unlike him. One thing was for sure; she would not give up on her. Sango pulled out a piece of paper, which was extremely crisped now since Kirara had been dragging it back and forth for days now.

Kagome had yet to show up again and it worried Sango; did anyone know? Well, if Sesshomaru was the one in the woods, than he had no idea what was happening in the castle, which would mean Kagome was free to go back to Kirara right? Nonetheless, she would not stop trying until Kagome got her message, so Sango lowered her hand, handing the paper to Kirara who took it in her mouth.

Soon enough, the neko took off, flying towards the lands of the west, carrying Sango's hope.

-B-

The night had fallen and Kagome was staring through the window, her eyes fixed on the little bush. She could swear she had seen it move, but then again she _knew_  Kirara came back since that day, but Kagome had been too afraid to go back. But tonight as she spent another night alone, it was tempting her and she  _wanted_  to go.

She pressed her warm palm against the cool window, before biting the inside of her cheek, pondering the issue. Finally, Kagome took a deep breath, before telling herself she had to go and there was no better time than when Sesshomaru was not around. After one last longing look, she pulled away and began to walk towards her door, exiting her room.

As soon as she set footstep outside, the wind began to blow hard, pushing her hair against her face and blocking her view. Kagome's hand was clutching to her kimono, as she slowly made her way there, her heart beating extremely fast. Obviously she would be excited if Sango responded with a message, or something,  _but_  it didn't chase away the fear.

She knew her friend and she was while aware that she would not give up on her that easily. Sango had lost so much already and Kagome had no wish to see her die, especially while trying to save her. Once Kagome reached the place where she had seen Kirara, she gently went down on her knees, waiting to see if the neko was there. When no movements happened for a few seconds, a sad smile appeared on Kagome's lips, as she realized she had been imagining things the whole time.

As Kagome rose up, some noises were heard and suddenly she felt a head pressed against her ankle. Immediately her mood improved as she saw Kirara purring against her leg and she bent down again so she could pet her head. As Kagome did so, Kirara slid the piece of paper in her hand and as soon as Kagome felt it, she pulled away.

She didn't need to unfold it to know it was note from Sango and right away, her heart felt lighter. She gave Kirara a smile before opening the note with shaky fingers, until it was completely unfolded. The ink had slightly leaked since it had been in Kirara's mouth, but Kagome could still comprehend it.

_I will come for you; don't give up._

Or at least, that's what  _she_  was reading. Kagome's fear had been confirmed by her friend's words; she would not stop, she would not give up on her. Why couldn't Sango understand that for Kagome losing her friends was worse than the life she was forced to live at the moment?

She would  _never_  be able to forgive herself, and she would blame herself for the rest of her life. Kagome knew she had to write a note back to Sango, but she couldn't do it on the spot,  _right now_ , so, she would need to meet up with Kirara again tomorrow.

"Kirara, can you come back here tomorrow?" she asked, her voice nearly a whisper, as if she was afraid someone would hear her.

The neko nodded her head, before slightly pulling away from Kagome, attracting the young Miko's attention. Kagome turned her head to look in direction of where Kirara was looking, and she felt her breath caught in her throat. There, a few feet away standing from her was a guard, wearing a huge thick armor, looking straight at her.

Kagome extended her arm, reaching out for Kirara, only to find out the little neko had already escaped, causing Kagome to sigh in relief. Quickly, she regained her composure, before getting up from the ground, ready to face the guard, strongly believing she had done something wrong.

When she reached the guard, he bowed in front of her, waiting a few seconds before rising up. "My lady," he said, his voice completely neutral.

Kagome tried to keep her calm as she dared to ask why he was there. "Is something wrong?" She highly doubted leaving the castle in the middle of the night to go in the garden was an offense, which meant  _something_  else was wrong.

"No my Lady. I just came to inform you Lord Sesshomaru is back."

As soon as the words escaped his mouth, Kagome felt her blood freeze in her veins and suddenly she found herself unable to execute any type of movement at all. Sesshomaru was  _back_? Already? For an instant, she completely forgot someone else was present and her mouth opened, as she began to breath faster.

Why  _now_? She had finally started to feel better and she had stopped drowning herself in darkness, so  _why_  was he back now? On top of that, she had no idea who she would be facing, but she had a feeling she wouldn't like it. After all, if it was  _normal_  Sesshomaru, nobody would be sent out to inform her of his presence right? Only the beast would be concerned with her whereabouts and would desire for her to come to him.

"My Lady, are you ill?"

His voice brought Kagome back to reality, as she softly shook her head. "I'm fine, thank you," she said before she pulled herself together.

It was obvious the guard would not leave until she went with him, so after a soft sigh escaped her lips, Kagome began to walk in direction of the castle, the guard walking behind her. Every step were very dreadful as she was trying to take as much time as possible to get there, not in any rush to see him again.

He had been gone for nearly a month and even though she had been sleeping half the time, it had been the best month of her life. Just knowing it he had been far away from her was enough.

Finally, they reached the castle and the guard rushed to open the door for her. Kagome nodded as a  _thank you_  before entering inside, her heart beating like a drum. Kagome wanted nothing more than to close her eyes, just so she wouldn't have to look into his amber  _or_  red eyes.

As she walked a little further, she finally caught a glimpse of him. His back was facing her, and all she could see was his long silver locks, perfectly still, cascading down his shoulders and back. She pushed herself to walk a little closer, until there was but a few meters between them and then she ceased all her movements. It only took a few more seconds for Sesshomaru to turn around, and look at her straight in the eyes.

She gasped as his crimson red eyes were staring at her, lust obvious in them. Kagome's first reaction was to grab her kimono, tightly holding it together as her she began to glare at him. Sesshomaru obviously ignored her the glance she was giving him, since he began to walk towards her.

The weeks were long without her, and he missed her terribly; tonight, he planned on enjoying her.

-B-


	17. Shadow of a Love & Complications

His red eyes immediately seemed to warm up as he saw her figure appear, his pain lessening. It felt as if it had been way too long since he had been graced by her presence and he had missed everything about her, including her scent. Right away, he walked in her direction before wrapping his arms around her waist, pushing her face against his muscular chest.

She was still fairly shocked meaning all she could do was nearly suffocate against his kimono as he ran his clawed fingers through her dark locks. His nose was buried deep through her hair, taking in her scent, making sure to memorize it in case he would have to be far from her once more. Against her will, tears came to Kagome's eyes while every touch he had laid on her body came back to her mind and she shook her head against his hold.

Kagome had obtained such freedom during his absence and had begun to feel better as well. She had no desire to have that taken away from her once again. Knowing him, it wouldn't be too long until he took her body once more and she refused to let it happen again. Just the thought of his hands on her body was enough to bring nausea within her while her guts twisted. Kagome pressed her tiny hands against his chest, desperately trying to push herself away from him and attempting to prevent tears from falling.

Sesshomaru could feel her attempting to struggle away, but he kept holding her tightly against him. He sighed heavily against her forehead, his heart filled with pain, as her rebellious behavior against him refused to cease. It pained the beast to think that maybe Sesshomaru was right; the more he pushed their mate, the less she seemed to appreciate his actions.

Although, it left him completely confused. Sesshomaru refused to have any type of feelings and kept saying it was useless. According to his other half you didn't need that to go through life with pride and respect. It left the beast thinking that physical love would eventually bring Kagome to love and respect him, but it didn't seem to work.

Problem was the beast had not really experienced any other emotions but lust. He was unaware of any other way to express his love towards her. On top of that, Sesshomaru was not much help into helping Kagome love them back since he didn't wish for her love and attentions, which left the beast all by himself to figure it out.

" **Why do you wish to be away from me?** " he asked extremely serious.

Kagome couldn't help but scoff. "Are you serious?"

He couldn't possibly be asking her this in all seriousness, not after everything he had put her through. Even now, he was holding her against her will. As if he had heard her unspoken thoughts, he finally pulled away from her, though he kept his arms still loosely wrapped around her waist.

His red eyes were staring deeply into her blue ones as he nodded, a slight look of confusion written all over his face. His mate was puzzling sometimes and he didn't understand some of her pointless questions; why would he ask if he was not serious? While pondering, he watched as a flash of pain went through her eyes while she began to bite down her bottom lip as if she was trying to come up with an answer.

Truthfully, Kagome didn't even know where to start. After everything he had done to her, which one applied to the  _main_  reason why she didn't want to be anywhere near him? She glanced away, tired of feeling his eyes on her, and she stared down at the floor, a sigh escaping her.

"Because you're a monster." This was the only answer.

Kagome backed away, trying to create some distance between them. "Because you raped me, you took me away from my friends, took my freedom without asking me. You forced me into a life I never wanted and all you ever thought of was yourself, and you own selfish desires."

The beast did care about her feeling and he desired her love, which meant he didn't wish to hurt her. However she sometimes made it so difficult to leave her without pain. Both Sesshomaru and the beast were used to being treated with respect. Along that, women in this time period knew their place and none of them raised their voice like this at their husband and mate.

Although her feistiness could be enjoyable sometimes, right now it was most disrespectful. Even though he explained it to her many times, she didn't seem to understand the situation. As long as he took her as his mate after taking her the first time, he was bestowing upon her a great honor. Every day many women were wed against their will by the parents or many youkais  _took_  and overpowered the female they desired to mate: it was just  _how_  things were done.

Nevertheless, it seemed it was extremely pointless to explain to her this side of life since no matter what, she kept direction her anger towards him, holding his actions against him. Sesshomaru closed his eyes, before extending his arms, reaching out for her hands. Quickly, and prior to the beginning of her protests, he took her hand in his before guiding her towards the bedroom.

Actually, he was  _dragging_  her with him because she refused to go willingly.

Now that Kagome had her second taste of freedom, she would fight to keep it. She grabbed his fingers, trying to break his hold around her wrist. Of course her strength was nothing compared to his and he ignored the tiny feeling he was getting from her struggles and kept dragging her, her feet squeaking against the floor as he did so.

"Let go of me," she said, still desperately trying to free herself. Kagome was attempting to keep her voice low since they were still out in the hall and Rin was often hanging on around there.

Never stopping in his tracks, he turned his head. " **Be quiet** ," he ordered, his tone extremely harsh which reminded her of Sesshomaru, the  _real_  Sesshomaru.

Nearly afraid it would provoke him into doing something she did not wish for, she remained quiet, but she still tried escape from him. Too rapidly, they reached Sesshomaru's bedroom and Kagome closed her eyes since she could tell what was about to happen in that room. Her own weakness was plaguing her; she apparently hadn't managed to break his hold. It was too late.

Unknown to her, Kagome was somewhat wrong. It was true that Sesshomaru desired some privacy with her, especially considering the fact he was angry with her, but mostly he did it so that whatever would happen between them would occur away from everyone and in the privacy of their bedroom. Also, before anything happened between them, he needed to make sure her health had improved.

Sesshomaru had been terribly excited to see her again that he had not bother to ask the servants if she had been feeling better. Although, she must be since he had found her up and walking around instead of in bed like he had expected. Unhurriedly, he opened the door of the bedroom, forcing her inside with him, guiding her towards the bed.

The simple sight of the bed was enough to make Kagome's stomach twist in horror. He had barely been back and already all he could do, after asking her senseless question, was  _take_  her again? Could he not do anything else? Even a harsh punishment that didn't involve anything sexual, sounded much better than whatever he was about to do.

Sesshomaru put his hands on her waist before sitting her down on the bed as she looked away from him. Then, he released her before grabbing her little hands with his, going down on his knees. Kagome held her breath in as she observed his actions and watched him as he laid his head on her thighs, her hands pressed firmly against his exposed cheek.

It felt like his markings were burning her skin and strangely it reminded her of the first time she had seen him. She had wanted to run her fingers through his silver locks and run her fingertips across his markings, in total admiration. The ironic thing was, now she was free to do it as much as her heart desired, but she had no wishes to do so since it was now such a repulsive action.

Although she had always feared Sesshomaru a little, considering the fact he had tried to kill her the first time he saw her, she had always thought he had a heart. She believed that somewhere deep inside he wasn't as cold and emotionless as he pretended to be. Kagome had indeed been somewhat right, since the beast had an overflow of feelings, but it wasn't quite what she had in mind back then.

 _Loving_  someone to the point of raping them and mating them against their will to make sure they are yours wasn't exactly what someone would expect. It seemed with Sesshomaru there was no middle ground, simply two extremes; too many feelings, or none at all. If they were back in her own time she would recommend him to see a psychiatrist.

After all he sort of suffered of a double personality problem and she meant it literally. Things wouldn't be so bad if only the beast didn't think his actions brought her satisfaction, and happiness. He kept saying he wanted her to be happy, but it came with the restrictions that she had to remain by his side and love him, but these conditions were the exact reasons why she was sad.

The beast's breathing was extremely slow as he enjoyed the contact, despite the fact that he  _knew_  she didn't  _want_  the contact. It helped that she was silent and not struggling against him. It almost made him believe she did enjoy this and it caused him to finally be able to relax. He was tired of battling her all the time to obtain her attentions and this was a nice rest from all of it.

He raised one of his hands and rested it on the side of her leg, slowly moving his hand up and down the length, warming up her skin at the same time. As soon as he began his actions, Kagome froze, her heart beating like a drum inside of her chest. She could deal with him resting his head on her lap, as long as he kept to himself since after all, that was much better than him raping her. But anything more than that…

Still, she didn't try to push him away.

Kagome was aware that if she had pushed him off, it might have made him angry and he would have forced her into something she didn't want. She instead decided to simply remain still as he rested upon her legs. Except now it was harder to do because he had pushed the limit and broken the barrier of her comfort. Kagome began to wriggle a just a bit.

It was then that he dug his claws inside of her tights, slashing her flesh, before rising up to his feet, never glancing away from her eyes. He walked closer towards her until his knees reached the edge of the bed before he set about to bent down over her. His larger body was covering her while he put his hands on each side of her head, keeping his weight off of her. Kagome's eyes were tightly shut, as she should have known this was coming, and it was all he had in mind from the start.

"Don't," she said, opening her eyes, staring straight at him. Her voice was quiet, but her tone was extremely demanding instead of suggesting.

The beast couldn't believe she asked  _him_  to submit to her wish and desires when it had to be the other way around. He growled loud enough to cause a gasp from her before he crashed his lips against hers forcefully. Kagome whimpered against the touch, putting her hands on his head as she attempted to push him away from her.

Sesshomaru ignored her as he slowly began to push his tongue against her tightly shut lips and easily gaining access inside her mouth. He had greatly missed the sweet taste of her lips and hungrily he intensified the kiss, even under her protests. Yes, from what he had understood she didn't enjoy being pushed into doing things,  _but_  she also refused to obey his authority.

If he couldn't have anything willingly from her, he would have to take at least one of them by force. He had no desire to bring this upon her but by arguing with him like this every time, she gave him no other choices, and contrary to what she believed it also hurt him when she was in pain. This was not all about her own pain and suffering.

" **Why won't you submit**?" he asked, after pulling away from her lips, which were slightly red and swollen from his attack.

"Because then you'd be willingly taking it from me." She would stick to the same thing she always had; if he was going to have it then it would be against her will and never any other way.

 **"Would that be so horrible**?" Surely those actions would feel much more pleasant for her if she tried to  _want_  this and her life wouldn't be as miserable.

Kagome wanted to answer but instead she remained silent because at the moment she was pondering many ways she could stop him from exercising the action he intended to do because she _had_ no desire to return to the darkness. Even though she felt stronger, he still managed to suck the life out of her every time he was around and she wanted to hold on to the little joy she was experiencing.

If he cared about her like he said he did, there had to be a way to convince him from not doing this right? That was when an idea came to her mind and even though he might not cared about it, especially since he had taken her once while she was sick, Kagome was willing to give it a shot. After all, even if it didn't work the result would be the same meaning she had nothing to lose.

"I'm not feeling well."

As soon as the words escaped her lips, Sesshomaru moved so he was no longer on top of her but beside her. He slowly sat on the edge of the bed, before helping her sit up, all of his movements extremely careful. She did not look sick at least nothing like what he had experienced before he had left and he doubted her words, but his concern for her was present and he was willing to listen to her.

He lifted his hand, before pressing it against her forehead. It wasn't too long til he decided that it was only slightly warm. Did that mean it would get worst and she would have fevers like previously? He searched for her eyes, waiting for her to give him an explanation. Kagome knew she was a horrible liar, but she hoped she would be able to pull it off. It made her insides twitch to think she was lying, but it was much better than having to suffer his actions once again.

She put her hand on her chest, acting as if she was slightly breathless. "I'm not sure, I feel weak."

This was the best she could come up with, and even that wasn't a great lie. Hopefully it would create enough doubt in the beast's mind, which would lead to him leaving her alone.

The beast nodded, before scooping her in his arms bridal style and taking her away from the bed. Kagome was slightly panicked since she had no idea what was going on, but at least he was moving her away from the bed, which she took as a good sign. Quickly enough they were closed in to the bathing area and Kagome become puzzled. Why was he taking her there? Carefully, he put her down on the ground, before backing away from her.

" **Take off your clothes** ," he said, his tone surprisingly gentle.

Kagome's tiny hand crisped into a fist while she backed away from him. "What?" she asked, even though she had heard his words very well. She thought he had taken her away so they wouldn't have to do this.

Sesshomaru sighed, obviously annoyed. " **I will not risk you having a fever**.  **Remove your clothes and go in the water**."

She stared into his red eyes, extremely reluctant but even she knew this was better than him raping her. It was with a heavy heart that she began to remove her kimono. She turned around making him face her back before she completely removed everything, leaving her naked, her ass exposed to him. Unknown to her, since she couldn't see him, Sesshomaru was doing the same and was now standing completely bare.

He quietly began to walk in her direction, making sure she wouldn't hear him and turned around. He only stopped inches before they bodies would touch. He didn't wish to startle her just yet. Then, he grabbed her by the waist, earning a gasp from her, before dipping her into the water, keeping her body firmly pressed against his.

What the hell was he doing in the bath with her? Kagome had expected him to stay in the same room, but not actually  _join_  her.

"What are you doing?" she asked, her tone very angry, which displeased him.

Sesshomaru was doing this to help her yet she dared to use that aggressive tone against him again. It was obvious that even when he tried to do the right thing, she still despised him.

" **I will wash you**.  **There is nothing to be ashamed of, I have done it before**."

Kagome scoffed, not believing his words. "Wash me? Is that all you will do?"

Without giving her a verbal answer, he nodded before grabbing a cloth and dipping it into the water. He would indeed wash her, throughout and he doubted she would have much of a complaint about it. He positioned himself properly, his back pressed against the edge before moving Kagome so that she was firmly secured in between his legs.

Then, he pressed the cloth against her shoulder and began to wash her body, very slowly, since he wanted to enjoy this moment even if she was tensed. Her whole body was extremely stiffed and she barely kept herself from bulging away in disgust every time she felt his fingertips against her skin. She simply closed her eyes and told herself this was better than what he could actually do to her. She could pull through this.

" **Why do you love him**?" he asked, breaking the silence.

Kagome didn't even have to ask to know he was referring to Inuyasha. Why did she love him? Actually the right question should have been why did she ever love him? Quite an amount of time had passed since that faithful day and Kagome had gone through a lot more things than she had ever imagined she would. Deep down, she found herself wondering if she actually still loved him.

She could still remember when she had proclaimed her love in front of her friends and Sesshomaru, but now she was not as certain anymore. Already before any of this occurred it was hard to believe she was willing to put up with all of his bullshit, but now  _how_ could she even ever consider going back to him? There was no turning back and maybe in the end, Inuyasha and her had never been meant to be.

Kagome did believe that things were pre-destined to happen, even though she had absolutely no idea why this was happening to her and one day she was bound to realize Inuyasha wasn't the right person for her.  _Not_  that Sesshomaru was the one for her. A part of her still thought it was better to have Inuyasha as the wrong person than Sesshomaru.

When his movements ceased, it brought her back to reality, and she opened her eyes. "I don't," she said, her voice void from any emotion.

Sesshomaru did not seem one bit surprised by her answer. "The hanyou always was worthless."

Kagome was immediately startled by the change of his voice and she backed away from his hold, and turned her head and peek at him. To her surprise, she found herself staring into the same red eyes she had been staring at ever since he had been back. She gently repositioned herself, thinking that maybe she had imagined the whole thing.

Perhaps she was lacking some sleep because apparently the real Sesshomaru hadn't come back; there wasn't even a hint of amber in his eyes. The beast did appear extremely infuriated, as he made sure she was comfortable again before resuming washing her. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself, while he moved her hair out of his way.

" **Why did you love him**?" he said, correcting his tense.

For a second, Kagome forgot whom she was with and where she was as her mind filled with her first memories of coming to the feudal era. She could still remember her uncontrollable urge to pet Inuyasha's ears the first time she had seen him and how peaceful and defenseless he had looked. No screaming, yelling or betrayal, simply a scared, lost little puppy.

In the beginning, she had felt how broken his soul was and it had simply called out to her, begging to be fixed. Inuyasha was trying so hard to put up a hard façade in front of everyone, but she had seen right through it from the beginning. Then, he had begun opening up to her and shared his feelings. Even though Kikyo had come into the picture, she had refused to give up because Inuyasha didn't give her any reason to.

After all, even when he picked  _her_ , he still acted the same towards Kagome and would get angry if anyone, per example Kouga, would dare to proclaim their love for her. A tiny smile appeared on her face as all the adventures they went through came flowing back at her and she found herself missing her old life and the old Inuyasha. Unfortunately for her, all of it was gone and after such drastic changes there was no going back. Especially for her. If she did free herself from Sesshomaru she would never be the same Kagome that went into the springs to take a bath that night.

"Because I fooled myself into believing he was everything I wanted." Then, her voice became like a whisper. "He was my first love."

Sesshomaru's hold on her skin grew tighter as her words replayed in his mind. He refused to have the hanyou hold any special importance for her and it upset him that he represented something very important to her, even if she said she did not love him anymore. He gradually calmed himself with small breaths before resuming his previous actions.

Sesshomaru was nearly done with her back, knowing that the front was coming and that she would probably have something to say against that. Though that hardly mattered to him. He dropped the cloth in the water before holding her by the shoulders as he began to turn her around. Slowly enough, her core rubbed against his erection while he spun her around and he enjoyed the sensation.

Meanwhile, Kagome had her hands pressed against his chest, trying to keep as much distance as possible between them. Sesshomaru slid down his hands until he reached her hips and pushed her closer to him, forcing her to wrap her legs around his waist as to not hurt herself. She frowned at his action, the distance she had formed between them completely broken. Why did she have a feeling he would not be faithful to his words?

"What are you doing?" she asked, making sure her face was fairly far from his.

He bent down his head slightly, aiming for the crook of her neck, before licking her mating mark, jolts of pleasure going through his body. Sesshomaru's actions caused his erection to grow even more, his lust increasing. Then, he nibbled the flesh of her throat, before laying soft kisses over the junction of her neck and shoulder.

" **Making mate feel better** ," he simply stated as if it was obvious.

Kagome began to shake her head while he put his hand on her lower back, before arching her back giving himself a much better access to her breasts. He had no intention of enjoying her body tonight, on the account that she was indeed still feeling sick, but he would taste her. Sesshomaru was aware that she was struggling now, but in a few minutes she would be enjoying herself.

He licked his lips before launching himself at her nipple, taking it in between his teeth, slightly biting before easing the pain away by sucking on it. Soon her breasts would engorge would milk and grow in size as they would get ready for the arrival of their pup. Sesshomaru couldn't stop himself from sliding one of his hands down to her stomach, pressing it against the slight tiny bump that was developing.

For now, he would not have her but he knew once her stomach was swollen with his pup, there would be no stopping him: the sight would be much too erotic.

He was gently scratching her stomach with his claws, not leaving any marks, as he kept on sucking on her breast. As he looked up, he could see that her eyes were close and her lips slightly parted, as her breathing rate increased. Kagome was cursing him under her breath while she tried to minimize the sensations going through her body.

Technically her body had no reason not to react to his every touch since he had always made sure to bring her pleasure every time he laid his hands on her. Although it did not mean  _she_ appreciated it, sure it didn't hurt physically, but the own betrayal of her body hurt more than anything, every single time.

"Don't," she whispered. Why had she believed that if she agreed to this  _bath_ , he would not do this? She was foolish.

With one of his hands Sesshomaru grabbed both of her wrists together, stopping her movement. " **I won't** ," he said, still maintaining his hold.

Kagome decided to believe his words for the moment being, hopeful that it would not go any further. What else could she do? She was already struggling as much as she could. Ignoring her feelings, Sesshomaru guided her hands until her arms were around his neck before releasing them. Something in his eyes told her that the safest way to play it was to keep her hands where he had placed them.

He moved his hand down her body until her reached her curls and he ran his claws through them, causing Kagome to hold her breath. Gently he inserted one finger inside of her, causing her to immediately clench around him, trying to keep him  _out_. Her body was  _tense_  as she began to struggle again, but he put one of his hands behind her head, stopping her.

" **This is for you** ," he said, his voice extremely soft.

How could this possibly be for her? Could it really be plausible that he was so stubborn that he believed the harder he tried, the more she would enjoy it? Ignoring her obvious displeased expression, he began to move his finger in and out of her core at quite a rapid speed, causing Kagome's body to warm up even more to his touch.

 _Gosh_  he desired her, he  _wanted_  her, but he was doing this for her. If she was indeed sick, all the stress she put on her body was not helping and he wish to help her relax. His mate allowed herself to get worked up over nothing, unlike Sesshomaru who didn't let anything or  _barely_  anything affect him. He observed carefully her face as she closed her eyes once the pleasure increased.

Sesshomaru was being mindful of his claws and by now he knew very well all of her little spots, and how to hit them just right. Of course he could do a much better job with his cock but that would have to wait a little.

He could feel the amount of juice inside of her growing as he rubbed against her inner walls in a hurry to bring her to her climax point. Against her will, her hips were buckling under his touch, trying to increase the sensation. He smirked in satisfaction; if only he could get her mind to react as well as her body this would be easy.

Being mindful, he slowly began to turn around, changing their positions so that she was now the one pressed against the edge, but he still kept a very close distance between them. It allowed him to nearly make her lay on the water, while he held her to surface, giving him better access to push his finger deeper inside of her. His eyes never left her face as he felt her clench around his finger and he knew it wouldn't be too long until she gave in. To help speed up the process, he added another finger inside of her causing a moan of pleasure to escape her lips.

"No," she said breathless.

This whole time Kagome had done her best to keep her sounds at a minimum, battling against his every action. Her body had no problem with what he was doing, but she did and once again half of herself was putting up a fight. It was working a little better this time but she assumed it was because it had been a while. This time though, there was no tears at all and none were coming, which was almost a surprise.

Maybe all of this had succeeded in making her much stronger. It didn't mean she appreciated her situation, but perhaps it was easier to deal with it? No longer was she hiding inside her mind, pretending to be somewhere else. The reality was not prettier and it was still filled with darkness, but she had enough to courage to face it instead of hiding.

Nonetheless, it made it hard to fight him off when he was doing this, especially considering he had the upper hand with his youkais abilities and he could basically hold her down into any position he wished to, along with using whatever speed he wanted.

"Please," she asked nearly begging. "Don't do this."

Sesshomaru covered her body with his while still keeping her head from being under the water. Wanting to feel closer, he quickly sank his teeth into her mark on her neck. Kagome whimpered in pain, as blood began to flow from the wound and leaked onto her breast, Sesshomaru lapping away the rest. Surprisingly his actions did not bring her more pain but instead more pleasure.

That newfound sensation mixed with his fingers inside of her was enough to break her little self-control and rapidly, her juices began to pour out of her causing Sesshomaru to growl in satisfaction. Once he was sure her climax was over, he removed his fingers from inside of her, but his mouth remained over the mating mark. He had been quite satisfied by her release, but something had been on his mind that he could no longer ignore.

In a blink, they were both out of the water, Kagome safely tucked into his arms.

She didn't even have a chance to open her mouth that they were already in the bedroom and he was carefully sitting her down at the edge of the bed. One second he could hardly keep his hands away from her and now he was acting very cold and indifferent as if she was facing the real Sesshomaru and not the beast, leaving Kagome confused.

He walked in direction of the closet where he kept all his clothes and picked up two of his own trademark kimonos before walking in her direction with both in his hands, while he remained completely naked. He then covered her naked body with the kimono, which was obviously too big, before managing to tie it up. Sesshomaru honestly would have preferred her naked, but he was making an effort to make her comfortable.

Kagome barely nodded, as she remained on the edge of the bed, while he began to dress himself loosely.

Then, he turned his head in her direction with his eyes still bright red. "  **You should get some sleep**."

Without another word Sesshomaru exited the bedroom leaving her completely by herself. Kagome sighed in relief to the fact that she had managed to escape  _him_  for at least a night and slowly let her back hit the bed. While she was grateful she couldn't help but wonder what had caused him to be in such a rush to leave her side, when it was usually so hard to keep his beast away from her.

But, she decided to not ask too many questions. Even though she was quite displeased with her current sleeping quarters, she wouldn't take a risk in angering him and decided that since he expected her to sleep, it was safe to rest in his bed. Ever since she had been sick, Kagome was being mindful of her health and she knew  _at least_  six hours of sleep were required.

She crawled higher in the bed, before sliding under the covers, although she didn't quite need them; she was  _literally_  swimming in his kimono. Once again, she would have preferred  _not_  to wear his clothes, but it was better than being naked.

While Kagome was trying to drift away into dreamland, the beast was trying to find a quiet room within an acceptable distant from his mate. He had accepted Sesshomaru's request to be in control during the day, but quite a few things were going wrong today. The beast was the only one who was supposed to take over  _whenever_  it wanted, yet, Sesshomaru had somehow broken through during the time him and Kagome were bathing.

From the way he sounded it was as if he cared or as if he had been paying attention to the conversation but problem was, he  _hadn't_. However that didn't concern the beat terribly because he had a slight idea of what was happening. After all him and Sesshomaru were in the end but one person and it was only normal that at some point they couldn't remain separated. A youkai should be at peace and one with his beast.

Unfortunately, Sesshomaru was in conflict with his and consequences were bound to happen.

They were always meant to be one and bad things could happen if they remained in disagreement with one and another for too long. The beast wasn't sure what would occur since it wasn't a common situation, but he had an idea; eventually they would merge or at least something that resembled that.  _Or_ maybe one side would win complete control and totally overpower the other one?

It was very risky territories, but one thing was for sure: neither side wished for it to reach that point since it would become out of their control. The beast had already made compromised by allowing Sesshomaru control during the days, but Sesshomaru seemed not as lenient to make a deal, perhaps because he didn't realize how serious the situation was.

Nonetheless, the beast would make sure to explain to him something had to be done or they would both be penalized. It desired nothing more but to have Sesshomaru come to a term with the mating to allow things to go back to the way they were.

Also, another thing on the beast's mind was how weak the bond between him and Kagome was. When he had bitten over the mark earlier, he had been unable to feel  _what_ he should have  _felt_. There was no connection between them and he wasn't sure what the main reason was. It could be because Kagome was not a willing participant in the mating  _or_  because Sesshomaru wasn't.

One way or the other, this was totally out of the beast's control and there was nothing he could do about it. He could try convincing them but so far it had proven  _not_  to work. But he didn't know how to explain that she was simply  _theirs_  and that her powers were beyond what anyone could imagine? Only she could be worthy of their blood and power. It was a shame their mating bond was so weak, since neither of them could obtain privileges and more from the mating. If only they were both able to see that things would not change and that no matter what they were mated to each other.

But first of all, he needed to talk with Sesshomaru.

**Why did you speak when you were not allowed?**

Actually the real question should have been  _how_  since Sesshomaru had never been able to break the beast's control before, but it was not his main focus at the moment.

 _This Sesshomaru does not know_.

Sesshomaru had wanted for a breach like this to happen for a while now and it was surprising that it happened when he wasn't expecting it. He hadn't been paying attention to the Miko's useless rambling about the hanyou so it had been a shock that all the sudden he had been the one reacting  _and_  talking to her, commenting on her words.

**You do know what will happen if nothing is done?**

_Yes, this Sesshomaru is vaguely aware of what will occur. Maybe you should give up on the Miko._

**Perhaps you should realize there is no way out. I will lose nothing in this, but you might.**

Sesshomaru knew his words were true because up until now, the beast had never been quite free and this new found freedom meant very little to him since in the end, he would mostly win and he would feel an attachment towards the Miko. Yet, he refused to willingly care for her: he would most definitely find a way to stop this.

_Do not concern yourself with this Sesshomaru. Your pity is not needed._

**So be it. But you will be penalized in the end.**

The beast slightly rubbed his forehead before exiting the room he had been in. It was his time with his mate and he had wasted more than enough time talking with Sesshomaru. He hurried to make it back to the room, nearly hoping she was still awake. But of course as he opened the door, he found her in a deep slumber, completely buried by the clothes and the blankets.

A smile appeared on his face as he walked in her direction before sitting on the edge of the bed, right beside her. Gently he brushed her bangs away from her face, his eyes completely fixed on her perfect angelic features. Gently, he bent down, pressing a soft kiss against her heated forehead and she never even bulged. Satisfied with her lack of reaction, Sesshomaru moved so he could join her in the bed and quickly spooned her, his arms wrapped around her tiny waist.

He nuzzled his face in the back of her neck, the heat of her skin very present and he found himself slightly worried that she would be sick once again. He closed his eyes, but remained awake; he would stay that way until the sun would rise with his mate safely tucked in his arms, protected from all harm.

He would protect her, no matter what.

Sesshomaru could only lose.

-B-


	18. Conspiracy

When she finally woke up, Kagome found herself alone in the bed much to her relief. She was still wearing Sesshomaru's clothes, which she tighten them around her body as she sat up in the bed. She pressed the palm of her hand against her head, feeling slightly dizzy. Kagome hadn't been quite pleased with the previous night, but she couldn't help but wonder what had caused the beast to  _leave_  her so fast.

Slowly, Kagome began to walk in direction of her kimono, picking it up from the ground. Then she gazed around carefully, making sure nobody was in the room before she dropped Sesshomaru's kimono to the ground, leaving her naked, standing in the middle of the room. She hurried to get dress, her hair a tangled mess, prior to quietly exiting the bedroom. Kagome had a goal in mind today; find Sesshomaru, the  _real_  one.

Unfortunately for her, the castle was very spacious and there were many rooms. It also didn't help that she never explore, making this place very unknown to her. She had no idea what Sesshomaru's habits were or where to find him at certain times since he was almost always the one to come to her. With a sigh, Kagome ventured deeper into the hall, hoping to cross path with someone, although she prayed it wouldn't be Rin.

Yes, the little girl would be extremely helpful but then, once she would need her to leave it would make the situation awkward. Plus, since Rin had heard some of their previous conversations Kagome didn't want to take any chances. Then, all of the sudden, a tiny woman appeared from one of the rooms and Kagome rushed in her direction.

"Excuse me," she said before stopping in front of the woman.

Immediately the woman stiffed before her eyes widened. When she took noticed of whom it was, she bowed right away, mumbling an apology under her breath. "May I help you Lady Kagome?"

Kagome felt slightly uncomfortable with the way she was being  _referred_ to but pushed it aside of the moment. "Have you seen Sesshomaru?" when she noticed her little slip up, Kagome corrected herself. "Lord. Lord Sesshomaru." She would never address him that way in person, but right now she didn't want to provoke questions from the maid.

The woman nodded softly before pointing in direction of one of the doors. "He would be down the hall milady."

Kagome put her hand on the woman's shoulder before smiling. "Thank you."

She kept a steady pace, heading in direction of the door, knowing very well Sesshomaru had already sniffed her, meaning he knew she was coming. There could be no element of surprise with a youkai. Quickly she opened the door, only to find Sesshomaru sitting down in what looked like a luxury comfy chair, not even glancing up at her.

Obviously that didn't help her current mood causing her to loudly close the door behind her and walked in his direction with every intention to get more than three words out of him. She was well aware that he wasn't much of a talker, but she was tired of only speaking with his beast and it was time he stopped avoiding her. It seemed quite silly that such a powerful youkai as him was avoiding a tiny human girl, but she believed he was doing it because she reminded him of his one and only weakness.

One and only weakness  _according_  to him.

"Sesshomaru," she said, when he still didn't look at her.

Annoyed, Sesshomaru sighed before faintly raising his eyes to take a look at the angry Miko standing in front of him. He had spent the last three minutes wondering if he had the time to leave this room before she arrived, but had decided to stay. It was not as if he wanted to  _run_  away from her, he simply had no current desire to deal with her; she was loud and annoying.

Sesshomaru put down the current scroll he was holding before repositioning himself in the chair. Since the sun had risen, he had been trying to figure out the consequences his beast had been talking about. Yes, he did have an idea but it worried him that his beast was not concern about what could occur and Sesshomaru did not like that one bit.

"Make this quick," he said, resting his chin on his palm.

Kagome scoffed at his arrogance before walking towards the nearest chair and sitting down. Considering her current state it was better if she didn't remain up.

"Why do you avoid me?" she asked her voice completely neutral. At the moment, she wanted answers and if she let her temper get the best of her she would obtain  _none_.

"This Sesshomaru does not avoid you Miko, he simply has more important matters to look after." She clearly thought too highly of herself.

"The only one I ever talk to his your beast and he doesn't quite  _think_  things thoroughly." Then she mumbled, "if he did, we wouldn't be in this situation."

She despised Sesshomaru because of the way he was, but  _he_  didn't want this either, although in her opinion he got the better end in all of this.

He wouldn't voice it, but on that point he agreed with her; his beast was too impulsive, which created a mess out of everything. "This Sesshomaru has nothing to converse about with you."

 _Of course you don't_.

Sometimes it was hard to believe Rin could see so much good in such a cold and heartless being. "Let's get things straight, you don't want this and neither do I." She waited for Sesshomaru to agree and when he nodded, she proceeded. "Instead of working  _against_  each other, why aren't we working with each other?"

To be honest, the idea of working with Sesshomaru was making her sick, but he was her only chance to ever escape this wretched situation. After all, only  _he_  could remove the bracelet and she doubt the beast would ever do that for her, which meant she had to rely on  _Sesshomaru_. No, it wasn't the best person for the job, but he was the only one she had.

Kagome was pretty sure she could get him to get involve in this since he despised her as much as she despised him and he had no desire to be mated with a human. She had thought about this for a while, but first of all, he was making extremely difficult for her to talk to  _and_  she had been out for quite a good amount of weeks. There was no better time then now. She wasn't sure how she wanted to do this, but she hoped Sesshomaru would have some kind of idea; he was supposed to be older and wiser right?

Sesshomaru stared into her grey eyes for a few minutes, replaying her words in his mind. She wanted them to work  _together_? "Explain yourself Miko."

She sighed heavily before lifting her arm, showing him the bracelet. "You're the only one who can remove this. If only it was off, I could go back to my own time and we would never have to see each other again."

"We would still be mated," he pointed out.

Kagome shrugged her shoulders, she had thought about that  _slightly_. "I'm human, I won't live very long compared to you. What's eighty years?"

"The mating has extended your life. You will live longer than regular humans."

She frowned; well she had never considered that part. "Well, then I will live longer. Plus who says the bond will be present once I travel through time?" Who knew if mating could  _travel_  through time? Maybe the bond would be broken once she would reach her own era.

Sesshomaru dropped his arm down, thinking her words through. He didn't want to associate himself with the Miko, but she did have a point that on their own, this situation would never be fixed, which didn't leave them with many options, although there was still one problem left, the same as before.

"The beast won't let this Sesshomaru remove the bracelet."

Kagome softly nodded; it was basically the only problem they had to overcome. "I was hoping maybe you had a way to  _prevent_ him from stopping you." She couldn't really do anything about that, meaning it was all up to Sesshomaru.

"If this Sesshomaru could do anything to stop him, the beast would be locked away already."

Did this Miko think he had no desire to stop the beast? If this were something in his reaching abilities, he would have done so already.

She slowly bit down on her bottom lip, desperately trying to come up with something,  _anything_.

"Could we trick him?"

Her words immediately caught his attention and he stared deeply at her, waiting for more explanation. "Is there a way we could make your beast believe you have no intention of taking the bracelet off? Making him _trust you_."

Surely Sesshomaru could outsmart his own beast, although once again, it would require some work from the Miko. "It would start with you, Miko. Before the beast trusts this Sesshomaru, he needs to believe you have no desire to leave."

Right away, Kagome's heart sank as she realized the meaning of his words. The beast would need to believe she was happy in her current situation and that she actually  _appreciated_  his affections. Her breathing rate accelerated slightly when she thought about what it would involve. Would she really be able to do this? It was the key to freedom, but it didn't make it easier on her in any way.

Sesshomaru observed her as both her facial expressions and scent shifted through different emotions. If she did decided to pretend, it did not affect him in at all since his beast would end up taking it no matter what, but for her, it meant much efforts, not that he cared. He didn't hate, nor like the Miko, his feelings upon her were neutral and this association was purely to free himself from the burden of  _touching_  her and being mated to her. Whatever else would happen to her was none of his concern.

"I'll do it," she said, her words nearly a whisper.

She doubted it would work because she wasn't sure how much of a good act she could put up. It would be fairly easy to pretend she didn't mind his company, but what would happen when he would want to take things up a notch? Would she have to pretend she enjoyed it when he abused her body and took her as much as he wanted to?

It repulsed her to think about his hands on her body, but she  _wanted_  to do it. Any chance she had to escape this era and this place she had to do take. Kagome breathed out heavily trying to tell herself she would pull through this. However, she would have to be careful; if she changed her attitude in one day, the beast might be suspicious of her, which meant it had to be a gradual change if she wanted to keep their chances high.

Before ending their conversation, she had one more question for Sesshomaru. "Does your beast know everything you think about?"

"Not everything, although This Sesshomaru is not aware of everything he knows."

He paused for a second, wondering if it would be wise to let her know. "The beast will only take over once the sun sets down."

She arched her eyebrow. "Why?"

"Because it is the deal which has been made."

Kagome nodded, feeling slightly frustrated. Somehow she wished she was consulted once in a while, but it was perhaps too much to ask for. "I guess we're done."

"Hn."

She closed her eyes for a brief second, lifting herself up and walking away from Sesshomaru. He gently picked up the scroll he had been holding earlier and resumed his reading. Unless the beast trusted the Miko, Sesshomaru could not do anything that involved his beast trusting him with her. Nonetheless, he doubted she would be able to make it through.

Yes she did express her desire to be out of this situation, but he knew how much she hated his beast and eventually whatever façade she would put up would fail and the beast would see the lies. Nonetheless, he supposed it was worth a try, after all, nothing else had worked so far and he did wish for the Miko to be gone. He rubbed the sides of his head with his index and thumb, hoping this whole headache would be done and over with soon.

Kagome's heart was beating like a drum as she began to walk down in direction of the kitchen. She hadn't eaten yet today and she didn't want to skip a meal, perhaps endanger her baby in any way possible. Her left hand was holding her stomach to whole time she was walking.  _We will get out of here, and away from him, I promise._

Her child would not be raised in this kind of environment and especially not with a double personality father. During the day he would despise him and love him during the night? It sounded slightly psychopath. After a few more minutes, Kagome made it to the kitchen, where Rin was waiting for her, a smile on her face.

"Kagome!" she screamed, pushing her plate away.

She hadn't spent much time with the young woman the previous day, since Lord Sesshomaru had come back. Rin was told they needed to spend some adult time together and she had accepted the situation, although she had missed Kagome dearly. Once she reached her, she encircled her waist with her tiny arms, hugging her.

Kagome smiled as she bent down slightly to wrap her own arms around Rin. A smile from her was enough to push her worries aside for a little while. Once Rin pulled away Kagome looked up at the table where there was a plate filled with food beside Rin's. The little girl had made sure that Kagome would have something to eat once she would wake up. She hadn't asked for anything for Lord Sesshomaru because she had never been given an answer as of  _what_  he eats.

"Thank you Rin. This is very sweet of you," she said before walking in direction of her chair and sitting down.

Rin was more than excited to join her at the table. "Rin told them what to make for you, to make sure you would like it," she said, proud of herself.

Kagome returned the smile. "You were right, I do like it."

As Kagome began to eat, her mind replayed her conversation with Sesshomaru. According to what he had said, she had the full day to pretend to be normal, than once night would come, she would need to start her plan. She hoped she would be able to talk him out of having sex with for tonight, because she knew it would be too soon to act like she _enjoyed_  it and she wasn't sure she was ready to pretend something so big.

However, she would eventually have to do it, but hopefully she would be ready once that would occur. She closed her eyes,and prayed that if she was actually willing to go this far for her freedom, that she would obtain it. Anywhere was better than here with him.

-B-

Kagome was outside, sitting on the grass as the wind played with her hair, her eyes tightly shut. The sun was slowly setting and she knew very well what it represented. Soon, she would have to face  _it_  and she better be a damn good actress, or all of it would fail. She was trying to calm herself and create some inner peace before she needed to do  _that_.

Kagome wasn't sure how to start, or how things should be done. From what she had seen so far, the beast wasn't much of a talker and he relied heavily on its actions, problem was Kagome was quite the opposite. Plus, she was not ready to touch him just yet. Also, she hoped the beast didn't know what was going through Sesshomaru's mind or she might just be in trouble.

She had made the decision to remain outside until the last minute and she stuck with it.

More minutes passed and she still remained on the cool grass, her eyes completely closed. She would know when there would be no more light: she still had time. Her heart was pounding painfully against her chest and she could not slow it down. It was also heavy and filled with darkness, but how could it be any other way? Each time she pondered about what happened, darkness surrounded her.

It was in silence that she remained as the last few moments of sunlight went by. Once there was nothing more than darkness, Kagome opened her eyes in a flash; it was time. She made sure her movements were slow while she pulled herself to her feet. A deep breath was taken prior to her spinning around to face the wretched castle. No positive thoughts came to her mind as she forced herself to set a foot in direction of the doors.

She was taking tiny steps at a steady pace, covering a small distance with every footstep. Time went by and yet soon enough, she found herself staring at the door of his room and all she could hear in her head was her own heartbeat. It took her a few instants before she found the courage to slide the door open, revealing an empty room.

She almost was disappointed that he was not there, because it made her feel uneasy to wait for this to happen; she wanted to get it over with. Carefully, she walked over to the bed and sat on the edge, where she would wait for him to arrive; with his nose, he would spot her location very quickly. Kagome was staring at her feet when she heard him coming, but she didn't look up, fear taking hold of her heart.

Although she couldn't feel auras because her powers were sealed away, she could simply  _sense_  that the beast was there. She remained quiet, thinking of what she could do or say as he joined her in the bed, sitting beside her. She tried not to stiffen when she felt his claw fingers touch her chin, moving her face so that she was now staring at him.

He felt as if there was something  _different_  about her, but he could not pinpoint it. Perhaps she was still sick? " **How is your sickness**?" he asked, trying to figure it out.

"I'm okay," said Kagome, her current state of body being the last thing on her mind at the moment.

He nodded. " **Did you eat today**?"

"Yes," she whispered, unsure what to do. She did answer all of his questions without a struggle; it had to be a start.

The beast had also notice her willingness to answer his questions, which was unusual coming from his mate. He reached out for her and wrapped his arms around her waist, turning her around slightly. The previous night, there had been some trouble for him to deal with and he hadn't been able to enjoy her as much as he would have liked.

Tonight, the same mistake would not be repeated.

Kagome closed her eyes shut as she felt his body being pressed against hers and she tried to come up with a way to stop him. Not this, not yet. She knew she said she would do it, but this was too much of a big step to start with. She pressed her hands against his chest, trying to push him away, which caught his attention. Immediately she felt his hold on her loosen and when she opened her eyes, she found him staring at her intensively.

She knew he was waiting for her to say something, but she could not come up with anything. "I- I wanted to talk," she blurted out;  _not the best lie._

" **Talk**?" he asked, slightly confused.

Kagome nodded frantically, trying to come up with a conversation topic. "We never talk, I just thought we could get to know each other, since," she paused, searching for her words, "you know we'll be together for a long time." She knew her nervousness was probably showing, but she prayed he wouldn't think it was because she was lying.

Sesshomaru tilted his head slightly as if he was pondering her words. He was surprised that she wanted to talk, but he decided to go along with it. All things considered, it was the very first time she requested to do something with him and he simply couldn't deny her this.

" **Very well, you may _talk_**."

Kagome's eyes slightly widened, as she pinched her lips together; what in the world could they possibly talk about? Since she didn't know, she decided to ask every day normal questions; at least it would buy her some time.

"How old are you?" It was an  _interesting_ question, she had always wondered how old Sesshomaru was, since he didn't look older than 20.

" **I've lived for many centuries**." His answer was vague, but enough to let her know he was much,  _much_  older than she thought.

She quickly nodded her head before proceeding with another question. "What exactly is involved in mating?" Humans didn't mate, because she assumed they couldn't, which left her to wonder what exactly it meant.

" **Our lives are linked together in a way. We should have a strong bond and connection, but in our case there are some interferences. You belong to me, and no other male can have you**."

Once again, his answer was not precise, but even he didn't know the full potential of a mating. All he knew was in their case it was very weak and  _Sesshomaru_  was much to blame for that.

Kagome assumed their lives being linked together was why she would live longer, although Sesshomaru had never told her  _how_  much longer. Did he mean ten years or hundreds of years? She didn't want to ask the beast though in case he didn't know about her little conversation with Sesshomaru; it was better to play it safe. The beast had stressed the fact that she was his only, but Kagome had already been aware of his possessiveness, so it wasn't news to her.

Since he was very kin to answer her questions, Kagome decided to ask something else that had been in the back of her mind for a while now. "How long will I be pregnant?"

The beast seemed to think for a few seconds before he answered her. " **I am unfamiliar with hanyou pregnancy, but it should be more than 4 months which is youkai pregnancy**."

For a split second, Kagome found herself jealous that they only had to go through half the time human female had too; a lot of women would also be extremely envious of that. She wanted to ask another question, but she felt his red eyes burning her skin, as he stared at her and it made her feel extremely uncomfortable.

It was as if either he knew what she was doing or he was suspicious as of why she wanted to ask him so many questions all of the sudden when usually she wanted nothing to do with him. But then again, maybe she was so paranoid that she was hallucinating all of this. She took a deep breath to calm herself slightly, before beginning with another question.

Unfortunately for her, before she could do so, he voiced a question of his own. " **Why do you wish to talk**?"

At least this informed her that he was smarter than she thought. "Because this is what humans do." He should believe that, after all, Kagome knew how much Rin loved to talk and surely even Sesshomaru's beast was aware of that.

Indeed he was, so he nodded. " **But there is something else**."

She closed her eyes, slightly frustrated. "I want to talk because our," she paused to find the right word, "relationship, didn't start the normal way."

" **The normal way**?" he asked, intrigued. He claimed her and mated her, what was not normal about that?

"I meant not normal for a human from my time," she said clarifying things.

" **And what is normal**?" Sesshomaru was aware that humans did not proceed exactly like them and was willing to be flexible if it meant making her more comfortable with him and her current situation.

Kagome leaned her head to the side slightly, before answering. "Humans talk and do activities together,  _before_  mating or getting married. We take things slowly, one step at a time, making sure both people are comfortable with the speed things are going."

Technically not all of it was accurate, but it mostly sounded believable. This was how Kagome wanted things to progress because if she was lucky, she wouldn't have to explore any more intimacy with him. That was if she could get him to trust her enough to respect her body and to get Sesshomaru to remove the stupid bracelet.

Sesshomaru seemed to actually be considering her idea for a few seconds as he ran it through his mind. This whole idea of  _taking_  it slow wasn't really what he preferred, especially considering the fact they had gone the whole way  _and_  she was pregnant, but she seemed very interested by it. Not only that but it also meant she wanted to spend time with him and she was finally accepting her situation.

He took no pleasure in bringing her pain and for once she willingly wanted to try and enjoy his company. Perhaps after she spent a little time around him, she would even forget about all these steps she mentioned. Sesshomaru came to the conclusion that if it made his mate happy, he could indeed give it a try. After all, she was human and it was expected to make some compromised. As long as she did not push him away, there was no reason not to do this.

" **It is acceptable**."

Kagome could not believe he actually agreed to do this. Relief washed over her as she couldn't believe it was this easy to do this and she almost felt like slapping herself for not thinking about this, although without Sesshomaru on it with her, it would have led to nowhere. She sighed in relief knowing that this might just work after all, as long as she did not screw it up when things would go further.

" **But, there is a condition.** "

Kagome sighed heavily; she should have known that everything with him came with some sort of consequence. "What is it?" she asked, just slightly annoyed.

" **You will sleep, _only sleep_ , with me every night**."

She nodded, finding the request acceptable. After all, he would make her do it anyway, so might as well have some advantages to it. On top of that, he did not ask for too much or anything sexual, which also made her agree.

He watched the light appear in her eyes and he knew he had made the right decision. " **What activities do you wish to do**?"

She tried to come up with the most pure, and innocent activity she could think of, and the first thing that came to her mind was Rin. "Flowers! Let's take a walk and find some flowers! It would be a good surprise for Rin tomorrow!"

He seemed a little surprise by her proposition. " **This late**?"

She had not really considered the time, but it hardly mattered since there was good lighting around the castle anyway. "Why not?" she asked with a forced smile on her face as she rose up from the bed.

The beast was more than obliged to follow her as he got up, grabbing her hand in his, like he had seen many humans do before. Kagome kept her control as he did such, making sure to not reveal with her expression how unpleasant it was. Sesshomaru decided to remain behind her, making Kagome lead the way to outside, even though he was much more familiar than her with the castle.

Soon enough they reached outside and Kagome quickly went ahead, removing her hand from his, which he did not seem to mind. She knew she was sweating because of how stress she was, but she still tried to hide it, even though he could smell it on her. Now that this was working, she still needed to find how to act around him or what to talk about; this wasn't Sango or Inuyasha or anyone else she felt comfortable around.

As she walked around, remaining in the light, she could feel him walking right behind her, probably waiting for her to say something. She began to chew the inside of her cheek while her nervousness grew with each passing second. How do you begin a conversation with someone who abused you and took your freedom away from you?

"How does it feel?" she asked, never glancing behind her.

" **How does what feel**?"

"Being lock inside someone," she said clarifying her question.

In her case, she was completely sane, which meant there was no way another personality would come over and take over, but she couldn't help but wonder how it was. She didn't ask because she felt pity for him or anything, she was just trying to understand him, maybe hoping to have a better grasp on what made him what he was.

He remained quiet for a few minutes before catching up to her and walking beside her. " **It would be hard to explain. I am part of him, I am him, we are just divided.** "

She nodded, not quite understanding, but it didn't really matter, since she had a much more important question. "Did it ever bother you?" she could recall asking that question to Sesshomaru, but never to the beast and he was the one who hurt her.

This time, he did not need more explanation to understand what she was asking, although her question left him confused like usual. " **You are my mate** ,  **I need you, why should it bother me**?"

She glued her lips together, her heart heavy, knowing she would never get regrets from him. "Because I was never willing to participate in it?"

He shook his head slightly. " **You enjoyed it**."

At that precise moment she felt like scoffing and yelling at him, but she kept her mouth tightly shut as she reminded herself that if she did that, it would ruin everything she had started. Although, the fury was quickly stirring up inside of her and it was getting harder to push it down. He based his answers simply on her body reaction, not on what her mind desired.

He was selfishly ignoring everything else just so it would make him feel better or at least that's how she saw things. She decided to remain silent for a few minutes, just to calm herself, so that nothing that could make him suspicious would escape her lips. Once, she felt like she was in better control, she decided it was time to change the topic, or answers might upset her again.

But, she did not have the time to do so, because he had a question of his own. " **How is the pregnancy**?" he asked, putting his arms around her waist.

His grip on her caused her to cease walking. He positioned his hands on her stomach where soon enough her stomach would be bulging. He couldn't wait to run his fingers and caress the soft skin of her round stomach. Sesshomaru wanted to see her glow in happiness, holding their son, pregnant with another.

She shrugged her shoulders slightly, giving a honest answer. For the most part of her pregnancy she had felt sick and it had worried her because she was so afraid there was something wrong with her baby. Plus, the whole time she had to concern herself with what would happen after. Although, she was extremely grateful that she hadn't been really sick in a while, even though it seemed her fever kept lurking around.

However, she could still remain awake, in a conscious state and it was all that matter for now.

"It could be better, but it could be worse," she said, giving a vague answer.

Sesshomaru tightened his hold around her and pressed his hand even more against her stomach, earning a gasp from her. He ignored it while he remained in that position for a few more minutes causing Kagome to arch an eyebrow. Then, finally he pulled away from her, causing Kagome to turn around to take a peek at his face. For some strange reason, he had a concern look on his face and it made her concerned. She opened her mouth to ask what had just happened, but he was quicker than her.

" **We are going back inside**."

Without another word, he grabbed her hand and began to roughly drag her in direction of the castle, her feet stumbling at every step. "What happened?" she asked, slightly nervous. He usually didn't look  _worried_  about anything and she wanted to know what had caused that.

" **You need to lay down** ," he ordered, before deciding she was walking far too slow. He turned around before picking her bridal style and carrying her inside of the castle.

When he had touched her stomach, he had tried to feel the child to see if perhaps, he could ease her current worries, but what he had found worried him. The weak and new aura of the child was quite confusing; he had never felt one like it before. Also, it had a different vibration to it and he didn't know why it happened; the child should be an hanyou and that did not feel as if it was an hanyou.

He didn't know if it was this way because of her previous weakness, but he would not take any chances. Sesshomaru knew if something happened to the baby, his mate would be heart broken and extremely depressed. Things were finally looking up for them and she was finally giving it a chance, He wouldn't let anything bring her such pain, even if he had to look after her all day long.

Although she didn't show any sign of disease, he could tell from the child that there was an illness happening because their pup seemed in a small distress. He could feel her slightly struggling against his touch, but he knew it was because he didn't give her an answer and not because he was touching her. At least he hoped.

"SESSHOMARU WHAT'S WRONG!" she yelled, when he didn't give her a good answer.

Right away, the thought that something was happening with her child crossed her mind, and her heart skipped a beat. Ultimately, his panic had only appeared after he had touched her stomach, which meant there was no other explanation behind all of this.

"TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY CHILD!"

It was almost surprising that she let her temper escape her when it came to her child, but not when it came to him raping her. She cared more about her infant's well being than her own, but then again, she had always sacrificed herself for other, so it was not a big shock. Sesshomaru still ignored her as they walked inside his bedroom and he dropped her on the bed, before walking in direction of the washroom.

Since he wasn't sure what was wrong with her, he did not know how to heal with. In case, he grabbed a towel and dipped it in the water before walking towards the door. He opened it, only to find a servant nearby.

" **Have them prepared my mate's tea**." Without another word, he closed the door again and the poor servant nearly ran to the kitchen to make sure this would be executed as fast as possible.

Sesshomaru put the towel on her forehead, pressing it very hard causing water was dripping down her face and into her mouth. "Sesshomaru, what's going on?" she asked, her tone a lot more calm now.

" **You will be sick**." It wasn't the full answer, but he didn't wish to torment her unnecessarily about the child seeing as how it would not help her condition.

"How do you know?" she asked, confused. Had her scent changed all the sudden? Was that what caused the change in his facial features and did that mean her child was in danger?

He didn't have the chance to answer her that someone knocked on the door, interrupting them. Sesshomaru lifted her hand and positioned it so that she was holding the towel against her forehead, before getting up. Quickly he grabbed the tea, rudely closing the door shut with a slam, allowing him to return to his mate quickly.

" **Drink this**."

Although she didn't like to take orders from him, she didn't wish to be sick once again and be in a coma for weeks. She slowly began to sip it, the hot liquid actually refreshing inside the of her throat. Once she drank nearly half of it, he put it down on the ground. Then, he forced her down on her back, which did not please Kagome.

"What are you doing?"

Since he was trying to help her, her never ending questions were annoying her, so he decided it would be better for her to sleep. Gently, he pressed a special spot near the crook of her neck and slowly, Kagome felt her vision blurry as her body became heavier. Before she could realize what he had done, she completely drowned into darkness and fell into a deep slumber.

-B-


	19. The Limits of Freedom

A bright light shone on her face, causing her eyes pain when she opened them. Her head felt slightly fuzzy and she had a hard time concentrating. It took her a few seconds to remember the events of the previous night, and immediately a feeling of fury came to life inside of her. He had knocked her out without even answering her questions! She wrapped her arms around her stomach, as if it would protect her child from whatever might come to harm it. Although, from what she had been able to understand when he forced her to gulp down the tea, her infant might not be the one in danger.

Gently, she released her waist, before using her hands to lift herself up in the bed. She took a look around and to her  _extreme_  surprise, a few feet from her was  _Sesshomaru._ He was sitting on a pile of what looked like pillows. She was so used to him acting like a ghost whenever his beast was not in control, that it made it  _strange_  to be able to find him so easily, not that she was looking for him.

He raised his head slightly, since he had noticed she was awake, and stared straight into her grey eyes, not speaking a word. She returned the glance unsure of what she should do or say, it's not like she could throw a casual good morning greeting in there. They weren't even close to being qualified as friends. She pinched her lips together as she pondered what the right words to say should be, but not much came to mind. She could hardly see herself making regular conversation with him, and alas they did not possess much in common. Matter of fact, they were quite the opposite. A tiny sigh escaped her lips, before she turned her head to the side, before deciding she wanted some answers.

"What is wrong with me?" she asked, her head still facing away from him.

Sesshomaru's eyes were void from any type of emotions as he answered her question.

"Nothing is wrong with you Miko."

This time she titled her head and looked into his amber eyes, which were still very strange for her to see.

"Well  _obviously_  something is or your  _beast_  wouldn't have knocked me out." There was a little bit of bitterness as she spoke to him as to the actions his beast had taken. Apparently he had revised the  _I'll raise the volume of the TV so I can't hear you_  solution, and transformed it into  _you and your damn questions, this will keep you quiet you insufferable human!_

"Hn."

Kagome's features changed immediately after his answer, and she closed her eyes, exasperated. Sometimes she found herself contemplating who could be more annoying; Sesshomaru, or his beast, and believe it or not, it was a very close race. With a heavy sigh, she asked her question again, her annoyance expanding.

"Why did he say I would get sick?"

Sesshomaru's eyes moved down slightly before dwelling on her stomach.

"There is something wrong with the child," he said. His voice was devoid of any type of feelings.

Her tiny hand crisped into a fist, as she processed his words. "W-wh-what do you mean?" she stammered. She thought her child was not in harms way. Or at least that was the conclusion she had drawn before he savagely put her to sleep.

"This Sesshomaru does not know. Its aura is off, it is impossible to say why, but it is a hanyou, problems are to be expected."

Even if his tone had been neutral, and he was merely voicing an answer to her question, she felt terribly offended by what he had said.

"Why is it fine to care for Rin who is a human, but not for a hanyou?"

Sesshomaru rose from his seat, barely glancing her way. "Because it is a stain on the blood lineage, it  _ruins_ its nobleness."

Kagome couldn't stop the chuckle from breaking free and it somewhat caught his attention.

"What comes around goes around." She said, somewhat amused.

Intrigued Sesshomaru walked back to his previous position, leaning against the mountain of pillows. "This Sesshomaru is unfamiliar with your saying."

She nodded. "Futuristic saying I guess." When she realized she still held his full attention captive, she explained her words further.

"You do what you want, you take what you want, and the  _one_  true thing you despise is a hanyou. You're all powerful, everyone is suppose to fear you,  _but_  there you are, stuck with a beast problem, which takes your control away, you have a human mate pregnant with a hanyou child." A very minuscule smile appeared on her lips. "You had it coming."

He stared right ahead of him, as if her words were slowly being hammered inside his head, before he seemed to snap back into reality. "If you speak the truth, what have you done Miko?"

Kagome inclined her head to the side, confusion obvious in her face. "What do you mean?"

"It's very simple. You say this Sesshomaru brought this upon himself because of his actions. What have you done to be in this situation? According to  _you_ , you are constantly raped, and are trapped into an unwanted mating, which you claim was also a raping."

She scoffed. "I refer to  _it_  by what it is.  _Rape_. No need to glorify the word, since the action remains the same."

The young woman had grown sick of him repeatedly telling her she had been honored by the gesture of his mating after he had taken her body. In her book, if you take someone's body against their will, and force them to be with you, there is nothing honorable about it. Yes, some part deep inside of her realized people in the feudal era didn't act with the same mentality then in her time, but it was still horrifying to think these people accepted those actions without a punishment. She couldn't help but feel relieved that this was  _not_  the world she belonged to.

"Perhaps where you come from Miko, but do not forget, this is not your world."

Her head was low, as the words rang in her mind; she did not need him reminding her.

"I know. Youkais are dead in my time." It could be she said these words out of revenge, but it felt great nonetheless.

It seemed to take a few seconds for her revelation to sink in, and when it did, Sesshomaru seemed quite displeased.

"Explain yourself Miko." Her nonsense had irritated him, no youkai in her time? How could that ever be, how would weak humans overthrow them?

She shrugged her shoulders since she had no answer for him. Even if she did, she probably would not tell him. "All I know is nobody believes you really existed and I've  _never_  felt a youkai before in my time."

Sesshomaru decided this was where her first mistake lay, unless she had gone and traveled far, she could not say they were dead. Who was to say youkais did not move away from humans, or in their own territories?

"This time of yours, it appears to be…"

"Sane?" she provided for him.

A flash of fury passed through his eyes before he pushed aside her little comment. "Unconventional."

When she did not seem to understand his point of view, he expanded.

"You claim there are no youkais or mikos, and nothing else that comes close to it. From your old attire, this Sesshomaru can deduce how exposed your women are.  _And_ , you do not rely on the rule of the strong. You pick up weaklings, you do not leave people behind. You also seem to say  _rape_  is condoned."

Yet if they were back in the future, or technically present time for her, he would not be able to treat her the way he was.

"It is. We have rules to protect each other from monsters like you. In my time, if a man rapes a woman, he  _will_  be punished. If on top of that he  _forces_ her into a marriage and mistreats her, it will be worst. Unlike here, it is considered  _wrong_." Kagome couldn't wait for the time this period would awaken, and realize some things they were doing had to be changed. Perhaps starting with burning a certain youkai alive would help.

He knew she was trying to win this little argument they were having, but he would not let her.

"You believe you are right only because you apply your times standards to here and now, which is where you make the mistake. The circumstances are completely different Miko, and so are people's values. Castle, titles, money, territories, and power it is all that will get you through. Any woman would  _try_  to catch a man outside of their class, which would allow them to start climbing the ladder, hoping their children will take it up when the time comes. Granted they might not desire this, many women would see the opportunity to a mating with someone as powerful as this Sesshomaru, whom has few rivals."

Perhaps women from the feudal era had no desire for free will, but it was only because it had never been offered to them in the past. Kagome was  _not_  like them, which meant he couldn't expect her to understand and accept this, when better had been shown to her. Yes, she could probably hide, and merge herself with the crowd, but her soul would always stand out.

"But you have no desire for such things," he finally added. "Not because of where you come from, simply because you are different." He did have a point. Women from her time still desired money and fame, but it never was something that had ever attracted her. She had always seen herself leading a normal life, not wanting any of this  _extra_  stuff.

It was at that moment that it dawned on both of them that this was their first  _actual_  natural conversation. Kagome felt a knot forming inside of her stomach. She hadn't done this to be  _friendly_  with him. She had done it only because she was trying to make him understand how things were for her. He seemed quite stubborn, which wasn't such a surprise.

Sesshomaru on the other hand, had only talked so much to prove he was right. Since she was now silent, he assumed he had shown his superiority. He stood up, not giving a glance her way, ready to exit the room he had spent more time than was necessary in her company. His back was facing her, as he walked in the direction of the door, ready to exit the room and leave Kagome by herself.

"I broke the spell on Inuyasha."

Her confusing words once again caught his attention, and he stopped in his track, but did not turn around. "You asked me what I did to deserve this. I'm saying I broke the spell on Inuyasha."

It wasn't the gesture itself, but everything that happened afterwards. Kagome had begun to feel  _bad_  emotions she shouldn't have been feeling. Throwing herself at protecting the hanyou. Every single decisions she had made after meeting him that were for him and never for herself. She had always spared his feelings while he had crushed hers. In the end her love for him might have blinded her decision regarding the jewel.

"This is my punishment for not being able to let go of Inuyasha. Forever linked to  _you_."

Sesshomaru blinked a few times before resuming his steps, and sliding the door open to abandon Kagome to her thoughts. It was insane, but up until now she had never thought about Inuyasha as the biggest mistake of her life. But now  _it_ dawned on her. She had put everything she had into him, only to be abused. Sacrificing every shred of hope she had hoping that one day he would look at her instead of the dead clay pot.

He had hurt her many times, obviously not caring about her feelings, and yet she had refused to turn her back on her love for him, destroying herself in the process. Not only had the relationship been destructive for her, it had been destructive for Inuyasha has well. Often he had been reduced to sneaking out, trying to spare her feelings. All because he couldn't completely let his feelings for her go.

Although, if her actions and Sesshomaru's actions were compared, she got hit a lot harder by the  _what goes comes around_ , in her point of view. Even if she actually knew little about how he felt about the whole hanyou thing. Obviously it wouldn't be as harsh of punishment since he didn't have any sort of feelings. Perhaps he remained so silent because it bothered him. Nonetheless, until he would prove her other wise, she strongly believed there was no heart beating inside of Sesshomaru, nor could there ever be one.

-B-

The sky was getting darker as Kagome laid in the bed, sipping her tea, a plate of food beside her, which had been left untouched. She was conscious that eating was very important at the moment, but her mind was extremely distracted from reality. Getting in that little argument with Sesshomaru had not given her any answers about her baby at all, and she couldn't help but worry.

The only chance she might have was  _if_ the beast didn't knock her out once he saw her. Her hand was caressing her stomach as she put down the tea, barely any liquid missing from the cup. Kagome glanced at the bowl of rice beside her before looking away, not liking the way her mood affected her appetite. There was also other things Sesshomaru,  _the beast_ , had said which troubled her.  _You will be sick._ Not only did that have nothing to do with the child, it also was a strange statement to make considering the fact she was  _fine_.

On top of that, now was no time to be getting ill. Her plan seemed to be working at the moment, and she was holding on it with all she had. She was simply praying nothing would go wrong, because if it ever backfired, trouble would lay ahead. Maybe if she kept her calm tonight the beast would give her the answers she desired; it was worth a try. Plus she already had to pretend so many things around him, so one more thing wouldn't make much of a difference at this point.

She sighed heavily before resting her head on the pillow and gently closing her eyes. Her eyelids did feel heavy but she didn't think it had anything to do with sickness, just emotional exhaustion. Nonetheless she fought to keep her eyes open, and found herself staring through the window. The sun was extremely low on the horizon as it began to color the sky with violet and blue colors. For a second, she felt trapped inside this castle, and  _outside_  looked like the real world.

Even though Kagome felt exhausted, she carefully wrapped her kimono around her body, before getting up from the bed determined to feel the wind caressing her face. It might sound silly, but for someone like her whose freedom had been taken away, this gesture had more than one meaning.

Slowly, she began to walk down the hall looking around, as if she were waiting for someone to come and stop her, when she knew very well they wouldn't. Either the servants were completely oblivious to what was happening between her and Sesshomaru,  _or_  once again, it was considered the norm. They overlooked it very easily as this was a normal relationship/mating. Some maids bowed at her as they walked past and she shyly nodded back at them. Even though she had been there for quite a while she simply couldn't get used to being treated differently.

Finally, she made it outside, and as she pushed the doors open, she felt a rush of  _life_  going through her body. It was somewhat chilly outside, especially considering the light kimono she was wearing, but she refused to go back inside. She began to walk further from the castle, seconds passed, the sky growing darker, but it hardly mattered. She kicked off her sandals, to be able to feel the grass in between her toes. She decided the more distance between her and this wretched place the better. Her footsteps were confident up until she reached a certain point, which was near where the forest started.

Sesshomaru hadn't said anything, but she knew if she was on her own to go no further than that, or he would come get her - well the beast would. Gently she stepped over the imaginary border, which only existed in her mind, a feeling of loneliness over taking her.

Kagome sighed before dropping to the ground, her ass taking in the damage for her. She wrapped her arms around her legs before resting her head on top of her knees. There was a whole world in front of her, and also a way to access her own world, but it was out of reach at least for now. This was why she needed the plan to work so badly, she  _needed_   _him_  to believe she would not run away, so she could  _leave_.

Then unexpectedly she felt something touch her shoulders and she gasped. Kagome slightly turned her head only to come face to face with Sesshomaru, their noses nearly touching. Her eyes widened in surprise but no words came out of her mouth, since she was speechless. His red eyes were staring at her with a tiny look of confusion on his facial features. Never breaking the gaze he sat down on the grass behind her and gently wrapped his arms around her waist before pressing her back against his chest. Clearly uncomfortable, Kagome willingly let him do so, because it was  _necessary_.

Then he closed his eyes and pressed his lips against her for a brief second, before pulling away, turning her head straight, and resting his own on top of hers. Sesshomaru could feel her shallow breathing and the movement of her stomach every time she breathed in.

" **Why are you here**?"

He had been looking for her in the bedroom, but had quickly spotted her through the window. Sesshomaru had watched her as she walked over to the forest, and he had nearly wondered if she was going to make a run for it. But, no, she had simply sat down staring ahead at the emptiness, and for a second, he believed she felt lonely, which had triggered his action to come and comfort her. He hadn't even been able to see her features, yet he just  _knew_.

Now, she was safely tucked inside his arms, protected from harm, or at least any outside harm. His worry for her could not lessen, not when she was in such a condition. The previous night, he had found himself unable to explain to her what was happening because he was afraid she would stress over it, and that was the last thing she needed at the moment.

"Enjoying the view," she answered. Her body was completely stiff as she tried to pretend this did not bother her. She was aware this was as much her idea as Sesshomaru's, but the feeling of nausea refused to leave. After all this was the same monster that had taken away her life, well the part that mattered anyway.

"What's wrong with me, and the baby?"

He sighed heavily before tightening his hold on her waist. " **I do not know. The pup's aura is off, as if it is in distress. Your aura is weak, meaning you will be sick once more**."

Kagome closed her eyes, fearing for the life of her unborn child. "In distress? What will happen? Will my baby be okay?"

Sesshomaru was extremely pleased by the way she cared about their unborn child, and he wanted to re-assure her a little. " **It should live**." And that was the best answer he could give her.

She swallowed with difficultly at his words, and closed her eyes. Tears threatening to fall, this was her child's life, and nobody could tell her what's wrong. Nobody could do anything to save it to make sure it would be born. For a second, Kagome felt hatred towards the Kamis, but it quickly dissipated. After all, how could she not? She was not perfect and had been through hell and back for the past month. It seemed every day something else was added to the mix. Could she not get a break for once?

Sesshomaru could smell the salty scent of tears and pushed her away slightly, before moving her hair away from her neck. Then, he pulled down on her kimono, revealing her perfect pale shoulder, and began to lay kisses down on her skin, trying to soothe her sorrow, the only way he knew how to.

Kagome jerked away slightly, having no desires whatsoever to feel his lips on her at the moment, but he did not let her pull away. She didn't want him to get too caught up only to want more, because she could not put up with it at the moment, and she didn't want to ruin her current progress.

"Please," she said, her voice very soft. "I don't want to rush things," she said, feeding him more lies.

" **I won't**."

It had been quite a long time since he had tasted her body, but for the first time since this all started, she was not fighting against him. She was slowly accepting what was happening and he wished to reward her for such good behavior. She had expressed her desire to do it a more  _human_  way, at least from her time, and he had decided to respect her wish. Obviously it wasn't easy, but he would do it because he wanted her to  _enjoy_  being his mate.

The reason behind his actions at the moment was to help her feel better, and perhaps help himself through this. Kagome was extremely appealing to him and he wanted to  _feel_  his mate, simply to help his thirst, and lessen it. He also wanted to make her forget about her sadness concerning their child, because he would make sure she would not suffer the loss of their pup.

" **Only touching**."

In her personal opinion even touching was too much, but she could not pull away forever, thus she remained stiff in his hold. The kisses would have probably made a normal wife or mate distracted, but in her case it only reminded her of the situation she was in. Right now though her heart was heavy with pain, she needed to sit there, and  _let_  him touch her because it was the only way out. It made her stomach knot and twist inside of her, because this wasn't right.

Then again, ever since this had started she had been shown that sometimes you needed to do everything to survive. Even if you would never in a million years believe it to be right. It was exactly what she was doing at the moment, trying to pull through. It also did not help, that tonight was quite a hot night, without the breeze, and it was heating her skin. Perhaps being outside had been a bad idea, because she could recall feeling a lot cooler inside then out here.

One of his hands moved up slightly caressing her breast roughly through the kimono and squeezing it, while the other hand was still on her stomach, which was slowly bulging. Although the kimono was made of silk, Sesshomaru was dying to feel her soft skin under his fingertips. He calmed himself down, even though his powerful erection was giving him away by digging into her ass violently. He ceased his kissing as he decided to lick at her collarbone, before gently sucking on her skin. At the same time he was pushing on her breasts so tightly that they were popping out from the top of the kimono, since the sleeve was loosely hanging off her shoulder.

Kagome's eyes were tightly shut as she bit the inside of her cheek, telling herself it would be over soon. She could not fight him off and somehow it painfully hurt something deep inside of her to let him willingly  _feel_  her body, knowing she should be struggling against his touch. It felt as if she had disappointed herself and she held back her tears, knowing he would recognize the scent, if a tear was to fall. Kagome thought her vision was blurry because of the tears she was preventing from falling, but it was something totally different.

Sesshomaru realized he was getting carried away when he noticed her whole kimono had loosened, slowly falling away from her body. He lifted up her kimono and covered up her shoulders before wrapping his arms once again around her waist. She had not said a word of protest the whole time, nor had she struggled against him, and it pleased Sesshomaru  _a lot_. This was all he ever wanted to do, and it was not hard, after all she seemed a lot happier now than she was before.

Unknown to him, Kagome was suffering on the inside, and in silence this time, for the sake of her freedom. She knew he was pleased with her actions, and perhaps it made her feel slightly better, since he would begin to trust her, and then that would be his downfall.

"Kagome! Sesshomaru-sama!" A slightly blushing Rin was running towards them from behind. She had spotted them from her room, and although it was getting late, she hadn't been able to resist coming out to be with them.

As soon as she heard the little girl Kagome froze, only slightly turning her head to see Rin with a big smile on her face just a few inches away from them.

"R-Rin," she said a little panicked. After all, Sesshomaru was not in his current state right now, and he had never really  _been_  around Rin before while the beast was in control. "What are you doing here?" she asked, sounding a little nervous.

Rin's smile lessened a little, as she realized maybe it hadn't been such a good idea to come. She had been so thrilled, that she hadn't thought about it twice, and had run in their direction. She had stopped by the door and had watched as Sesshomaru fixed Kagome's kimono, then she had come their way. Sesshomaru had been quite distracted by his mate in his arms that he hadn't paid much attention, and hadn't felt her presence. Rin shyly stood beside Kagome hoping she had not upset either of them.

"Rin saw you and Sesshomaru-sama outside, and Rin thought she could come too."

Kagome's features saddened as she remember the relationship the little girl had with Sesshomaru before Kagome had been thrown into the picture. Sesshomaru deeply cared for Rin, and perhaps Rin was missing her father figure? The real one was often hiding, perhaps because of Kagome, and the beast seemed to be  _only_  interested in Kagome. Maybe Rin felt lonely being by herself most of the time, except for the period Sesshomaru had left. Kagome felt sympathy towards Rin, so she offered her the best smile could.

"We're just… relaxing. But you're welcome to stay." She hadn't turn around to get Sesshomaru's reaction and only hoped he wouldn't get angry over this, although she doubted his beast would not share the same fatherly love Sesshomaru had for Rin.

Excited, Rin's smile came back and she came over to Kagome's side to sit next to her, touching Sesshomaru's leg. Immediately she began humming a song, and Kagome closed her eyes enjoying the tranquility it was bringing her. From afar the three of them perhaps looked like a very happy family enjoying the evening sunset. Twisted thou it was with a human girl adopted by a powerful Dayoukai, who was mated to an unwilling miko. But the two of them together gave Rin the family she never had, and if for just a short while, this horrible situation could prove a little bit of happiness to someone, it could heal some of the pain. Although, if Kagome did succeed in leaving, it would break Rin's heart the most.

-B-

They had remained a little while longer outside with Rin before the little girl had left heading off to her bed. Of course, Kagome had been the one doing the talking, nearly afraid that his different voices would provoke questions from Rin. Once he had been ready to leave, he did not give her a chance to get up, as he simply picked her up bridal style, as if she was too fragile to walk on her own.

"I can walk you know."

He did say she would get sick, but for the moment she felt absolutely fine. She would much rather move on her own than be stuck in his arms, since it was just too much contact for her. He ignored the words she had said and did not put her down until they reached their room. He gently put her on the bed making sure that she was alright, before releasing her. Because she was human she might not be able to notice the little things he could see, but he could feel the sickness. It may have been because he was on the look out for it or perhaps because of the change in her scent. But he could tell that for the past two to three days, her temperature had increased a little more each day, letting him know that the fever was coming back. Although, he was glad at the moment she felt fine and could not experience any symptoms, because he had no desire to see her in pain.

" **Lay down** ," he ordered before he disappeared to get a wet towel to press on her forehead.

Kagome did as he asked. Not without sighing as she rested her head on the soft silky pillows. Today out of all days, she didn't mind that much since her eyelids had felt extremely heavy the whole day. Resting looked like a great idea at the moment. Kagome prayed this had nothing to do with her sickness, but with the emotional rollercoaster she was going through at the moment and the pregnancy. Surely having a baby growing inside of you would suck your energy and it was making her a little more tired than usual, but nothing else to worry about, right?

Actually she feared more for the life of her child than she did for her own. Perhaps it was her own fault the infant's aura was  _off_. Her sickness might be interfering with his development and it was putting the child's life at risk. If that was the case Kagome knew she had to get better, because she didn't want her illness to take away her baby's life.

Stressing herself out and not giving into her body's needs, wasn't doing the right thing, so she decided to try and relax. As soon as she gave resting a try, it didn't take more than a few seconds for her body to give into the tiredness, and she fell into a deep slumber. It was proof that the beast was in a decent mood, because lately all she had done during his nights was to sleep, yet he did not seem to mind.

When he came back into the room it didn't take him long to notice she was sleeping, but he still came towards her, holding the wet cloth. Sesshomaru sat on the bed before moving her so that her head was resting on his lap. Then he brushed her bangs away before pressing the cloth against her heated skin, hoping to bring her some relief. As he looked down at her his red eyes were filled with worry and he hoped she would not be out for another two weeks.

Although if that was to happen again this time he would not let  _him_  leave. Their place was beside their sick mate, and if Sesshomaru desired to leave, the beast would surface to prevent him from doing so. Some of the water was dripping down her face, but he did not bother with it since it would do her no harm. After a few minutes when her breathing changed and became sharp and shallow, he found himself more worried about her. Sesshomaru opened her kimono slightly and beads of sweat could be seen dripping from her neck down into her cleavage. He decided that perhaps the kimono was too much clothing for her at the moment and it would be better to leave her skin exposed. He gently and slowly moved Kagome so he could properly lay her down before removing her clothes.

He was taking his time for two reasons, first one being he did not want to wake her up. Second reason was perhaps to admire her body. Once the kimono was undone he opened it and carefully removed her arms from inside the sleeves before lifting her up. Her naked body tightly pressed against him as he placed her on the other side of the bed. Then removing some layers of his own clothes he laid down right beside her. When the sun would rise it would be time for him to go, but he was seriously reconsidering it. The last time she had only slept because he had  _forced_  her to. This time however it had only taken her a few seconds before giving in to her own tiredness. He knew Sesshomaru wouldn't take care of her properly, which had been proven by him leaving her while she was in a semi-coma.

No doubt that it would upset Sesshomaru if he broke the deal, but technically why did he care? He was the one who could control this body whenever he felt like it, so things should be played by his rules and not the other way around. Whatever would come, chances were, Sesshomaru would be lost in the process, at least the  _real_  one would be. A beast and a youkai weren't made to be in disharmony, but Sesshomaru was quite the stubborn one.

He had always refused his beast's request, burying them down with all those long lost feelings. There was a time when hope had come, when he opened a part of his heart to a little girl, but she was the only one who ever got in and the reasons behind that were even unknown to the beast. Nonetheless if Sesshomaru kept refusing his current situation, things would go very badly for him. There were only two distinct possibilities.

Either both would merge with the outcome being totally unpredictable. Their personalities would clash into one entity. Traits would merge and it could create a very angry and uncontrollable youkai, or Sesshomaru would completely disappear leaving only the beast. The beast would over power him and there would be no going back. He would be locked inside forever.

In both cases the beast did not feel as if he would lose, because it hardly mattered to him what would happen. Sesshomaru would be the one to lose dearly in both cases. Kagome was also protected from this because she was their mate and no matter the outcome,  _his_  affection for her would prevail, it was in their blood. Only Sesshomaru kept denying she was theirs to have and protect.

The beast turned to his side and covered her naked stomach with his large hand. No matter what would happen he would be there to love and protect her, including their pup. His mate was now happier with him and the only thing still bothering him was her illness. He promised himself he would find out what was wrong. He didn't care if he needed to search over all his lands for someone to tell him they could fix her, because for her he would do it. Possessively he brought her hot, sweaty body against his and put a soft kiss on the side of her arm as he watched her peacefully sleeping.

**_Mine._ **

-B-


	20. Rainy Days

She felt the dryness of her throat as she gently opened her eyes bringing herself out her deep slumber. Kagome's body felt extremely heavy as she titled her head to the side slightly feeling constrained. It was at that moment she realized the feeling was real because his arms were tightly wrapped around her waist, her back firmly pressed against his sturdy chest. She turned her head to take a look at his face. She was shocked to find herself staring into a set of red eyes even though it was bright daylight outside.

He gently bent down capturing her parted lips with his, Kagome still too confused to react. The kiss was short and he pulled away quickly. His eyes still fixed on her, as they slowly began to change in front of her. Kagome observed intensively as the red turned back to white and gold. She stiffened in his embrace.

Once his eyes came back to normal he slowly blinked before releasing the hold he had around her. His façade back in place, gracefully Sesshomaru left the bed and Kagome could swear she could see a hint of anger on his face, but it disappeared as quickly as it had come. Silently she struggle to sit up in the bed, as soon as she managed to do so she pressed her head against the headboard. When Kagome turned her head to the side she found herself staring at Sesshomaru's naked ass, and her eyes widen at the realization he had been sleeping with her  _naked_.

"You are not dressed yourself, Miko."

She didn't even worry about the fact he knew what she had been thinking about, but panicked at her current nakedness. Kagome could clearly remember going to bed with all of her clothes on,  _what_  happened? "Did he…?" she asked, unable to finish her sentence. Surely if he had taken her body she would have woken up right?

Sesshomaru's back was still facing her as he was slowly getting dressed.

"No, Miko. He spent the last three days laying by your side."

It took a few seconds for the information to reach her brain. When it did she nearly gasped.

"Th-three days?" she stuttered.

"It appears your illness is back and he refused to leave until you awoke."

At least it explained Sesshomaru's bad mood. He had no control over his own body for nearly three days. Kagome had no recollection whatsoever of what happened during those days and contrary to last time, except for being dehydrated, she didn't feel as if she had been out for quite that long. She brought her hand to her forehead checking for a fever, but her temperature seemed completely normal. Since she was already naked she decided she might as well take a dip in some cold water, just _in case_. She observed Sesshomaru, making sure he was still not looking in her direction, and almost ran towards the  _bath_.

Sesshomaru heard her footsteps as he finished tying up his clothes, ready to exit the room. For three days now, he had been pushed and locked inside his own body. Doing nothing but laying around with his arms wrapped around the miko. The beast had refused to give him control in fear that Sesshomaru would leave her once again. This time compared to other times, Sesshomaru had been able to feel what his beast was feeling, and it was quite repulsing. All the worries he had for the miko's state, his feelings for her, all of it, had been very present. Perhaps he had not felt it before because the beast had never been in control for so long in the past.

He didn't even throw a glance her way as he made his way out of the room. He had been locked in there for way too long in his opinion. He had despised every second his beast had kept control and only one thing had come out of it, in his opinion. Since the beast had been in control for so long Sesshomaru had been able to hear more of his thoughts than usual.

He came to understand that the plan was slowly working. The beast seemed extremely happy with Kagome's reactions to their conversation they had and the next step would be for the beast to trust  _Sesshomaru_  around Kagome. That would be a lot more difficult, since Sesshomaru didn't feel as inclined to pretend as she was. He had no interest in any type of contact, but he was willing to  _make it look_  like he was  _preoccupied_  with her well-being. That alone should be enough.

As Sesshomaru was leaving, Kagome was entering into the cold water. Goose bumps appearing on her skin as the water touched it. At first it seemed like a good idea, but now she was reconsidering it even though it was necessary. She took a deep breath before immersing the rest of her body into the water, resting her head on the edge. It appeared the beast had been right in his words 'she  _would_  be sick again'. Although this time she hadn't felt as bad as last time, she had made the illness very unexpected. At the moment, she was feeling perfectly fine, except for a slight nauseous feeling, which she hoped would go away soon. Nausea was the worst of it and Kagome hated vomiting, she made a mental note to drink some tea as soon as she exited the bath.

 _Three days_. There was no way being unconscious for so long was good for her, or the baby. Kagome lowered her hands to her stomach, a look of worry showing in her sad eyes. Perhaps there was something she could do with her diet? In her time a lot of women would take vitamins and other supplements while they were pregnant. Maybe it would help her? Although, she didn't know everything she had to eat, it could be a start, as long as she would be able to keep the food down. She sighed heavily before dipping her whole body in the water, cleansing away the sweat and grease from her hair. Kagome couldn't help but feel slightly refreshed as she emerged from the water. Once she had rinsed off her whole body she stood up, grabbing a towel, which she securely wrapped around her body. She had no idea if Sesshomaru was still around and she had no desire to be naked  _again_  around him.

As she walked into the bedroom she noticed it was completely empty. With a sigh she sat down on the bed not noticing the kimono under her. When Kagome did take notice of it she gently moved it, assuming one of the servants had brought it. The silk kimono was a bright yellow color with a subtle white damask weave on the bottom hem, it shimmered in the light revealing pink and yellow peonies and plum blossoms that had been carefully stitched along the side of the kimono. There was also a light yellow shining sash was carefully resting on top of it.

It was ironic how many times she could have worn the proper miko attire, but every time she always remained in her school uniform. But  _now_ , all she ever wore was made to make her fit into this time era. Something she had tried to avoid. She didn't do that because she hated the time period, it was just because it wasn't hers. It was also because of where she truly belonged. She was Kagome, the miko from the future, why bother looking like the rest of them, when there would always be something strange about her?

Now though she had no choices, and she doubted her uniforms hadn't already been shredded by now. As long as she would live with him she would wear these clothes. Pretend she was not who she was. Her exasperation heavy, she dropped the towel before covering her body with the kimono. The one positive side Kagome could see to this was how soft and nice it felt against her skin. Obviously that was due to the horrific prices Sesshomaru probably paid for it.

Her fingers were slightly shaking as she tied up the sash, probably due to her current state so she did not pay to much attention to it. Her body did not feel as if it had much energy, yet she had been sleeping for a while. Nonetheless, she stood up, and began to walk in the direction of the kitchen where she would get some food, even if her stomach wasn't completely settled.

It only took her a few minutes to reach the kitchen and when she did, the cook bowed to her. He wondered if she would cook for herself once more or if he would be the one to prepare her meal. She shyly smiled before walking a little closer to him. "Do you have fish?" she asked, her voice slightly raspy, probably from not using it for a few days.

He nodded. "What type of fish My Lady?"

Kagome didn't think the type would make a different, so she simply shrugged her shoulders.

"Any would be fine."

"It'll be my pleasure, My Lady." He bowed to her once more as he spoke.

She whispered a  _thank you_  before walking in the direction of the imposingly long empty kitchen table. She took her usual seat in the middle of the left side. As she looked through one of the windows she could tell it was fairly early yet. She found herself wondering where Rin was. Perhaps she had earlier lessons today? Being by herself in this unfamiliar castle made her feel slightly uneasy and she hoped for the only  _friend_  she had here to be there with her. Her features sad, Kagome ran her fingertips along the edge of the table following every cut and chip that was made into the wood.

"Sesshomaru-sama."

The words pronounced by one of the servants immediately attracted Kagome's attention. She turned her head in the direction of the voice. Sesshomaru was conversing with one of the cooks before laying his cold eyes on her. To his surprise, she didn't turn away, but maintained her eyes on him, as if his presence meant nothing to her. After a few more seconds, neither of them had looked away. He began walking in her direction before taking his seat at the head of the table.

"Miko, you should not be out of bed," he said as if he was reprimanding a little child.

"I was hungry."

"Someone would have brought you food." Had she not realized by now that the castle was filled with servants who would bend themselves in two to please  _the lady of the house_.

Finally, Kagome was the one to look away from his amber eyes, a color she had not seen in a while.

"I feel fine," she said not looking at him.

It probably hardly mattered to her since she had been unconscious, but he had been the one prevented from gaining his freedom and control while she lay there sick. Sesshomaru would make sure that it would not occur again. By doing this, his beast might be fooled into thinking Sesshomaru had started to care about Kagome's well being. After all, the miko had been doing her part. It was time for him to start doing his, if he wanted her to finally leave.

She was not the most bothersome person. He could have thought about many more annoying females he could have been pinned with,  _but_  he had no desire to have her in his life, nor as his mate. It was true that there was no guarantee what would happen to the mating once she left, but there was a positive point on their side; the bond was extremely weak. Obviously with both parties,  _usually_  against it, no proper connection had been formed between them. That meant it could also explain why she was still so sick. In normal circumstances being mated to him should have made her stronger. Perhaps since their mating wasn't  _complete_ , it did not fully apply.

"When you are done eating, you will return to the chambers," he ordered. Sesshomaru had no desire to argue over such silliness, since he had better things to do. He didn't want her on her feet all day.

"I'll know when I'm tired" she said as she sighed, slightly annoyed.

"Miko, do not provoke this Sesshomaru," he warned, his tone ice cold.

Although he knew he could not harm the miko in any way, he would not stand for her to challenge his authority in  _his_  castle, in front of  _his_  servants. He had been more than kind and lenient with her and he expected some respect.

"You will lay down once you finish your meal, and you will not argue with this Sesshomaru."

Kagome bit her bottom lip before crisping her face and nodding acceptance. He would leave after this. Then she would be able to do what she pleased. No reason to anger him and provoke the beast to emerge. She had until tonight before she would have to face him again and she intended for it to remain that way.

As she had expected, Sesshomaru rose up to his feet before exiting the dining room, in his slow perfect manner, probably glad that he would be far from her once more. She watched him walk away. The further he was from her, the better she felt. Kagome was brought out of her thoughts when her plate was brought to her, and she nodded, thanking them.

The mere scent was enough to turn her stomach upside down, and for a second she was reconsidering her decision. Perhaps if she ate it slowly her stomach would accept it? She took a sip of the tea they had brought her with the food before trying a tiny bit of the fish. Kagome slowly chewed it before swallowing it, nearly expecting to throw up on the spot. But, everything seemed fine, so she kept on eating it, taking her time. In a few minutes the fish was gone, even though the nausea was still present, it did seem as if her food would settle, which pleased her. Two servants came her way nearly immediately. The first one took her plate away while the other one pulled her chair out ready to help her up. Apparently Sesshomaru had made sure she would get back to the room.

Kagome refused the hand offered to her and got up on her own. Walking in the direction of the room she could feel she was still being watched. They were making sure she didn't go anywhere else and it annoyed her. Granted she didn't have full freedom in this place, but  _at least_  she could usually go wherever she wanted inside the castle.

Apparently he enjoyed taking things away one at a time. Quickly enough she reached  _their_  bedroom and nearly slid the door closed in the poor youkai servant face that had been following her master's orders to make sure their lady had returned to the bedroom. She would have usually felt bad, but at the moment her mood was extremely sour. She did not feel any regrets about it.

There was not much to do in the room and Kagome knew she would go crazy if she had to spend the whole day lying in bed. Kagome walked towards the window and leaned on the edge, looking out at the garden. With the current events she hadn't been outside much. She was wondering if a message from Sango was waiting for her. Kirara might have come, perhaps every day since that time, but in a way, Kagome felt it was maybe not better if they began to exchange messages regularly.

Sango might grow her hopes and try to free her. Kagome had no desire for it at the moment. After all she had a plan now and if it worked, nobody would be harmed in the process. Thinking about it, if her plan did succeed, she would more than likely never see her friends again. It would never be safe for her to come back or the beast would try to come and get her. If Kagome's friends were around they would be endangered. Perhaps the best decision would be to avoid communicating with her friend from now on, but. There was always 'a but'. Kagome dearly cared for Sango. She missed her more than she would allow herself to know.

Before she could stop herself Kagome felt tears coming to her eyes. She didn't try to stop them as they rolled down her cheeks. It had been a while since she had allowed herself to cry, and since she was not crying in the beast's presence due to his actions, she let herself empty her heart out. Kagome was crying for the loss of her friends she would experience soon if she escaped. Never would she be able to tell them how much they meant to her and how much she appreciated them. They had become exactly like her second family and she loved them.

Then she was thinking about Shippo. She had taken him as her own son when they found him, and now not only had he lost her, but probably Inuyasha too. Kagome imagined her friends weren't pleased with the hanyou and Shippo was probably disappointed the most by his actions.

Kagome leaned forward pressing her forehead against the cool window, the tears slowly stopping. Suddenly a loud _boom_  could be heard. It caused her to slightly jump back away from the window. Then, not hearing it again she gently opened the window to give her a better  _look_ outside _._  She noticed the dark,  _nearly_  black clouds that were spreading across the blue sky that had been sunny a few  _minutes_  ago. She frowned at the clouds. How did the weather change so quickly? Not taking any chances, she closed the window in case it would start to rain.

Kagome backed away from the window, the back of her knees hitting the edge of the bed. Before letting herself fall, she glared at the door. She was expecting someone to be there,  _in case_  she tried to leave. It appeared Sesshomaru would do his best to keep her locked in the room. She wrapped her hands around her stomach and closed her eyes. Kagome didn't feel very tired but her eyelids were slightly heavy, perhaps she could try to nap.

-B-

Her mind was fuzzy.

Her head was throbbing.

Before Kagome could even get out of the bed she felt this nausea take over her body. She only had the time to turn her head and throw up on the ground beside the bed. As she was vomiting, she felt her throat burning. It brought tears to her eyes. Kagome desperately wanted to make it to a bucket, or anything, but it was impossible for her to move.

When the vomiting finally stopped, the only thing she could do was collapse back onto the bed with tears sliding down her cheek. Her chest was rising fast as she breathed in heavily, a bitter taste in her mouth. She wiped her mouth with her hand while praying it was over. Her head hung limply on the side of the bed as she tried to sit up on the edge.

When she finally did sit up she felt extremely dizzy. She held her head with both her hands. Kagome could hear a loud thumping, she felt as if it were her heart beating and resonating in her head. She suddenly realized it was coming from outside. Raising her head she could see the heavy rain hitting the window loudly. A tiny smile appeared on her face, she couldn't remember the last time it had rained in either of the worlds. She gathered her energy and walked towards the window having a strange desire to be out there standing in the rain. She glared at the door, knowing very well that if she crossed that doorway someone would be there to stop her.

Then an idea came to her mind, she opened the window as wide as she could before holding on to the edge. Kagome knew her balance wasn't great, but it was worth a try, so she slowly threw one leg over and then the other one. Holding on tightly when she felt she could reach with her feet, she let go and landed on the ground. Right away the rain was hitting the skin on her face, nearly hurting because of how heavy it was. Nonetheless, Kagome stood up fully before walking further from the window and looked around to see if there was anyone else there. Truthfully, she doubted the guards knew anything about her being  _punished_  to her room, since she knew Sesshomaru didn't expect her to leave through the window.

Kagome's kimono began to feel extremely heavy, as the rain saturated the fabric, but she pushed that sensation aside from her thoughts as she walked further into the garden, feeling the wet grass under her bare feet. She was most likely completely crazy for doing this and would blame it on the fever later, but right now she needed to do this. Perhaps it was because the rain held a special meaning for her and it almost always meant happiness.

Before this time traveling well came along, maybe even before her father died, Kagome remembered the rainy days with her family. Sota and her had always been the first ones to go outside, even roll in the mud, but when it was raining, her mother would keep them inside. There were always many protests, so to distract us she would invent little games, or simply play board games to keep them busy.

Not only did it work, but also they always had the best time and the most laughs. At the end of the evening before it was time to go to bed, they would all sit together and if the rain was still heavy enough, they would watch it fall. When thunderstorms arrived, they would observe, as one flash of lightening would light up the whole room.

Kagome had never been afraid of thunder for that very specific reason. Her family was always there, why should she fear? Today was very different though, today she was not with any family. There was no tender family moments that would happen. There was no  _mom_  to hold her tight when the lighting would surprise her. Perhaps it was why she  _needed_  to be out in the rain, because when they were with her, she couldn't. Now, she was alone and she wanted to feel the harshness of the water against her skin and dampening her hair.

Unknown to Kagome, Sesshomaru was outside in the rain, watching her. It hadn't been long before the beast had been able to smell the scent of her nausea and had rushed to the bedroom, only to find the room empty and the window wide open. Sesshomaru was supposed to be the one in control, even though the night had fallen, since Kagome was fine and the beast had been in control for so long. But when he had realized her sickness, he had once again taken over. Once he had seen the window opened he had caught a glimpse of her outside standing in the rain. His heart had nearly skipped a beat. Wondering if she was delirious because of a fever, Sesshomaru used his speed to rush outside, but stopped before she could notice he was there. He observed her as she stretched her arms out, her head raised to the clouds above, feeling the rain on her body and he couldn't move.

Her clothes were completely drenched. Making them fit to her form like a second skin, he couldn't help but follow every curve of her body with his eyes, nearly devouring her with one look. He growled deeply in his chest before walking in her direction, as if she were pulling him in. It was at that moment that Kagome heard footsteps coming toward her. She jumped slightly before turning around, and she found herself nearly face to face with the red eyes of Sesshomaru and backed away.

Her bangs were glued to her forehead, heavy from the rain and her plump lips were slightly parted, making her look ever so innocent. Kagome would have looked  _pure_  if it weren't for the sight of her cold nipples pressing against the wet fabric of her kimono. It took Sesshomaru a few seconds before he lifted his glance and looked straight into her eyes. The want and lust was obvious in his eyes and Kagome was at loss of words, simply staring back at him.

The past few minutes she had been in her own little world, his presence had been unexpected, although it was  _dark_  out, she should have known the beast was the one in control. It didn't take her long to notice the look in his eyes and fear started to stir inside of her, especially when he took a step closer to her. Her body stiffened, uncomfortable with the close distance between them, and then Sesshomaru wrapped his arms around her, pressing her wet body against his heavily drenched clothing. His hair was pressed flat against his face. He could not take his eyes away from her pink lips.

To Kagome's surprise, he bent down and captured her lips into an intense passionate kiss. Although she had expressed what she desired, Sesshomaru had not been able to stop himself. She looked so vulnerable in the rain, and so desirable. His lust towards his little mate had taken over and pushed aside everything else. Kagome was not responding to his kiss and he simply assumed she had been shocked by his actions. He brought her body closer to his, desperately needing to feel her close to him, especially after he had been so worried these past three days. His hands were high on her body,  _just_  under her breasts, as he gently licked her bottom lip,  _wanting_  a reaction from her.

Kagome's arms were still at her sides, not knowing what to do. He was kissing her, and she  _knew_  he would be expecting her to do something soon. Especially since he thought she enjoyed his company, but it killed her inside. Her tiny hands were shaking as she lifted her arms and rested them on his stomach, not knowing where else to put them. Sesshomaru gently growled against her lips, pleased that she was responding. Her heart heavy with suffering, Kagome slowly and carefully began to kiss him back, a bitter taste still very present in her mouth and it was not because of her previous sickness. Kagome's face was crisped as she shared her first  _willing_  kiss with Sesshomaru. For a second, the thought of her first kiss with Inuyasha came flowing back in her mind.

Although she harbored bad feelings towards Inuyasha, she did not towards her first kiss. It had been gentle and filled with love. She would never regret her actions since she had deeply loved him when it happened.  _This_  was different and for different reasons. All Kagome felt towards Sesshomaru and his beast was hatred, no matter how  _sweet_  his beast tried to be. Kagome was a very forgiving person, but the acts that were committed were hard to forgive  _and_  neither of them felt regret for what they had done, so how could she  _ever_  find it in her heart to forgive them? They thought their actions were righteous, and that she was wrong because things were done this way in this time period. She understood their thinking, but it didn't change the way she felt in her heart. Even if the beast had tried to do this  _relationship_  thing her way he still felt it had been right to take her without her consent.

Sesshomaru could feel that she was distracted, he intended on bringing her attention back on him. He roughly grasped her breast, the wet fabric irritating her erected nipple. He roamed his hands over her delicate body making sure his caresses were slow, yet somewhat rough. He slid his hand between her legs, feeling the heat coming from there. He smirked when he noticed her eyes were closed and her focus was back on him. He decreased his touch, mostly remaining around her chest, before gently nibbling on her bottom lip as he pulled away. The sight in front of him was nearly too much to take; her lips red and swollen, her whole face completely wet, hair glued to her face, and  _that_  look in her eyes.

He rested his hands on her hips, making sure there was no distance between them.

 **"We're going inside**."

Kagome nodded and he captured her hand in his before leading the way. Kagome's eyes seemed void of emotion as she turned her head, looking at the rain falling. A sigh escaped her lips as she realized, if you go in the rain,  _you'll_  get caught. Now, she only hoped he was taking her back to the room for her health, not because he had other things in mind. Obviously she hadn't wanted to kiss him, but she didn't really have much of a choice, and she prayed he did not get the wrong idea about all of this. She still intended on them  _taking it slow_ , keeping his hands away from her body. But, what would she do if he didn't try to keep his hands to himself?

Quickly enough they reached the bedroom, Kagome's worries were growing. Her heart was beating in her chest like crazy and she was pretty sure he could hear it. He guided her inside and only released her hand when she was sitting on the bed. Inside it was easier to tell how wet they had both gotten; they were drenched. It was actually surprising to see Sesshomaru in such a state, since he was always so clean cut, not a hair placed the wrong way. This actually gave him a wilder feel about him, but she wasn't sure that was a good thing.

Sesshomaru could feel her eyes on him, he walked closer to her before doing the unexpected. He went down onto his knees. While she sat there watching him in such a submissive position, he wrapped his arms around her waist and undid her obi. Her kimono became looser and gently, he helped her arms out of it. She was going to be naked in front of him, which shouldn't bother her because he had seen her body many times, but it did.

Sesshomaru was on the ground looking up at her, as he slowly revealed her naked skin, for a second all he wanted was to bury himself deep inside of her. It was hard to remind himself to take it slow. He wanted to taste her skin so badly. The position he was in could be considered submissive, but he was this way because she had looked afraid. He didn't want her to feel as if he was trying to over power her especially while he was undressing her.

As soon as her breasts were bare she covered them with her arm, looking away from him. Immediately, he grabbed hold of her arm and pushed it away.

" **You have nothing to be ashamed of**."

If only he knew. Shame wasn't the reason she was doing this, she simply didn't want him seeing her naked if she could help it. Sesshomaru had gotten way more than an eye full in the past, but this time, she could and would prevent it. Although he didn't need to know that, so Kagome kept her mouth shut, he tore his eyes away from her and proceeded to completely undress her. His arms were tightly wrapped around her waist, as he gently lifted her up, pulling away the clothing. He pushed every other little piece aside before he held a completely naked Kagome in his arms.

She did not have any more clothing in his room, which was clearly a bother, and he would need for the servants to transport everything she had into their room, to make things easier. Although in his mind she shouldn't be dressed, to help keep her fever down. Even if her temperature was normal for now, he knew better than to be fooled, and he wanted her to remain naked. He pressed his face against the top of her breasts, as his worry for her grew. Such a fragile, delicate, pregnant mate he had.

A little saddened, he pulled away from her, so he could undress himself as well. As soon as Kagome realized what he was doing, she looked away. He might want to see her naked, but she had no desire to look at his body. It wasn't because he was ugly, but because of all the bad memories associated with his nakedness. All she could see from her angle were the magenta stripes starting at his hips, and going down lower, but his clothes covered the ends, not that she didn't know where they stopped. While he was busy, she took a hold of the blanket slightly covering her body, at least the important parts.

" **Are you repulsed**?"

Kagome slightly jumped, since she had not expected him to talk, quickly her eyes searched for his. Was she repulsed? Did he mean by his body? From the look of hurt in his eyes, she assumed she had guessed right. The obvious answer was  _yes_ , but only because of everything you've done to me,  _but_  she couldn't exactly say that, so she shook her head no unable to let that word escape her lips. He looked at her thou not seeming to be convinced. Nonetheless, he finished undressing himself. Kagome bit her bottom lip, her nervousness growing. She could already tell what would happen now, especially if he felt insecure. For a second it sounded wrong to associate Sesshomaru and insecurity.

Once he was completely naked, he walked towards her once more, but this time, he sat on the bed beside her, looking somewhat confident. He stretched his hand, cupping her cheek so he could turn her face, causing her to face him. Apparently the  _rain episode_  had been very bad, because ever since then, he had been way too close for comfort. Sesshomaru leaned his face closer to hers, before laying down kisses along her jaw line. She was so tense all the time and he wanted her to fully relax in his company, hence why he was trying to put her at ease. He nuzzled his nose against her soft skin, before licking her neck, a low growl coming from deep inside.

" **Are you repelled by this Sesshomaru's body?** "

Kagome frowned slightly, this had to be the very first time the beast referred to himself in the third person, since that was usually Sesshomaru's way of speaking. She wondered for an instant, if it hadn't been the real Sesshomaru, but the voice had been the same. Kagome looked into his eyes, but he hadn't seemed to notice.

" **Are you**?" he asked, a little more demanding when she didn't answer.

Once again, she shook her head as an answer, but this time it didn't seem as if it would be good enough.

" **Say it**."

Perhaps it was for his pride and self-esteem only, but he needed her to say these words out loud. Although she seemed more comfortable and more willing around him, he didn't fail to notice how she was not aroused by any sexual contact, even though he had brought her to climax many times in the past. It nearly left him to wonder what the only possibility left was, that she did not enjoy his body.

"I'm not," she said, her voice almost a whisper.

Sesshomaru licked his lips before crashing them on hers once more. Kagome gasped under the contact, but fortunately for her, he pulled away before she was forced to respond. His whole body was on fire, and she was the only one who would be able to help him with his current problem. His erection was throbbing, as he was nearly in pain from the desire he felt for her, especially considering the fact that she was willing, vulnerable, and naked at the moment.

" **Lay down** ," he ordered.

Kagome glued her lips together before doing as he said, covering her whole body with a thin blanket. She had expected him to join her, but to her surprise, he wrapped something around his waist, before opening the door. She could hear him talk, but could not make out his words. Quickly enough, he came back, holding a bucket in his hands, and she knew what it was for. Sesshomaru put it beside her on the floor next to the bed, not risking her to be sick all over the floor again. To her surprise her previous accident was long gone, and the stench was probably gone to, or it would have been irritating his nose.

He didn't lie down beside her, but instead sat down, pondering. He had heard the slip up earlier and he  _knew_  she had too, since she had reacted too. It did not bother him, but this new development might be a problem for Sesshomaru. It was already slowly starting and the time was counting down from now on. Sesshomaru turned his head in the direction of his mate feeling her eyes on him. He had no intention of keeping anything from her, so he would answer her question.

" **Ask**."

Kagome slightly sat up in the bed, the blanket tightly wrapped around her body. "Why did you refer to yourself in the third person?"

He wasn't sure yet how she would take the news, but it was time to find out.

" **We are merging**." When he noticed the confusion in her eyes, he explained further. " **A beast and a youkai shouldn't be in conflict. Unless it is resolved, we will either merge, or he will disappear**."

Although Kagome didn't like Sesshomaru, at least he had absolutely no interest in her and he wanted her to leave just as much as she wanted to go. If he were to disappear, she'd be stuck with the beast with no way out.

"Which one is it?" she asked, her lip slightly trembling.

" **It appears we are merging**."

She wanted to be relieved, but she had no idea what merging would do, causing her to become very stressed. Sesshomaru seemed to notice it, and he made an attempt at re-assuring her.

" **No matter what happens, you are our mate, in both cases, we will want you**."

Kagome held in her breath, his words processing through. If she let this happen, there would be no way out for her and that would be it. Forever stuck with the beast or at least something akin to the beast, she would never taste freedom again. It was one thing to pretend so she could escape, but she would not spend the rest of her life pretending she enjoyed his actions. She felt him wrap his arms around her, moving her head so it was lying on his chest. He was trying to comfort her perhaps, but it was not what she needed. Apparently, she was running out of time, and soon enough, it would be too late.

Things needed to move forward faster, and right now, she didn't care how. She would not lose her only chance to run away.

-B-


	21. The Key to Freedom

Kagome had been awake for a while, but she wasn't sure Sesshomaru was aware of that fact. Morning had risen quite a while ago and she knew it was not the beast lying by her side, yet, she wondered why he stayed. Perhaps he had heard or felt what the beast had told her the previous night? It had been very hard for her to fall asleep when so many thoughts had been going through her mind. She had been left to wonder many things. There was no more time to waste and no matter what would come her way, now was the time to move forward. Feelings from both parties were extremely obvious, but that needed to be pushed aside for the moment. She would need to focus on more important things. Before taking a deep breath Kagome turned her head in the direction of Sesshomaru. He was still staring at the ceiling, as if she had not moved.

"Sesshomaru?" she asked, her voice nearly a whisper as if she was afraid to disturb him.

It took him a few seconds, but he eventually turned his head her way, staring into her eyes. "I need to talk to you," she said, before sitting up in the bed.

"Hn," was his only response as he repositioned himself properly in the bed.

It was more than obvious what the conversation would be about since he had been able to feel the changes happening. Deep inside he was cursing his beast and this situation; he had a feeling that for once his pride would need to be taken down a notch. His priority was not to be merged with the beast and that would have to come first.

Usually when he had an enemy he would simply fight it and kill it. But this time his enemy was himself. He could not do that. The only way to access some sort of freedom was through the little miko sitting beside him. What an odd pair they made, a perfect killer youkai and an innocent miko, having to cooperate together towards a common goal.

"Drastic times call for drastic measures." When Sesshomaru remained silent she titled her head to the side, her head hanging low. "Future stuff," she said, before proceeding. "At this point, I'd rather be friendly with you than have you merge with  _it_." It was bluntly put, but it was the truth.

Sesshomaru did not pronounce a word, nor did he look at her. He nodded in agreement. He shared the same feelings towards the situation no matter how much it was bothering him.

"We need to spend time together.  _All the time_ , if possible." After all, she was stuck with the beast most of the time. How bad could it be if it was Sesshomaru? In her opinion it was somewhat of an upgrade. His features didn't change as she voiced her idea.

"This Sesshomaru agrees." He desired to remain his own person and this he knew would be required to do so.

At first she was slightly surprised by his agreement, but she shook that feeling aside and instead was extremely pleased. Now came the next part where they actually had to do things together. For a moment her mind went blank. What did the great cold, Dayoukai do for fun? She had never seen him smile before, except while fighting or reading, he didn't seem to do much. Granted it was expected of him to be this way, he should still have a hobby.

"Any suggestions?" she tried asking.

Sesshomaru wasn't much of a talker and if he had to  _talk_  to the miko this whole time, surely it would drive him insane. He wasn't familiar with the concept of spending time with people. He was not sure how it was done and how exactly people wasted their time. When he remained silence, she decided to come up with something.

"How about we actually go  _past_  the limit of your castle" as the thought struck her.

"No," he said, this time extremely quick to answer.

Kagome seemed a little surprised by his answer; she would not run away  _right now_ , she wasn't an idiot. It would lead nowhere while she still had her bracelet.

"Why not?"

Perhaps the miko was more clueless than he previously thought.

"There is a barrier around this Sesshomaru's castle. It is the reason why Naraku does not know where you are miko."

Naraku flashed in her mind for just a moment. With all the past events she hadn't given him much thought, especially since she considered herself in trouble at the moment. The beast would never have let her go to find the remaining jewel shards. She brought her hand to her heart as a pain suddenly hit her as she thought about her friends.

"You have been known to be gone for a few weeks at the time in the past, correct?"

She nodded.

"Naraku may not be looking for you yet. If you go past the barrier, he will know your location."

Kagome remembered Naraku wanting to absorb Sesshomaru and wondered if that wish was still present. She wondered what he would do if he found her here, as Sesshomaru's mate. Surely the beast would come out if any harm was to come to her. It might endanger Sesshomaru, which was what he probably desired to avoid. The beast would probably throw itself in the way rather than let something happen to Kagome, something Sesshomaru would  _not_  do.

Then it was really true, until she had that damn wretched bracelet off her wrist this was her prison. She could not cross that line. She sighed, as these realizations came down on her, and she bit her bottom lip. At least this time he had warned her of  _something_. Kagome gave herself a few seconds to re-focus herself on their current discussion.

"Maybe just conversation will do for now." Unless he revealed a little bit more about himself, or suggested something that wouldn't annoy him. They were differently stuck with each other. Even this was somewhat awkward.

"What do you do all day?" She just had to ask.

Sesshomaru looked away, bothered by the situation, but he answered nonetheless.

"This Sesshomaru usually travels, but the current conditions prevent this. There is not much in the castle, perhaps a few scrolls to read over."

Kagome had never imagined him as the type who would like to sit around and do nothing, and she had been right.

"What about Rin?"

"What about her?"

There was this whole mystery surrounding the little girl and someone could not help but wonder.

"Why did you save her life, why does she travel with you?"

Perhaps it was the most wondered about question, but she was one of the few to actually voice it out.

"This Sesshomaru was merely testing the Tenseiga when she was brought back to life."

Kagome pinched her lips together, knowing there was a lot more to the story. That or Rin wouldn't be in the castle at the moment.

"That doesn't answer my second question."

Her tone came across somewhat arrogant, which he did not appreciate, but he let it slid.

"She travels with this Sesshomaru because she desires too. Rin is free to leave whenever she pleases and join a human village."

The young miko wanted to add that it would probably hurt him if she did so. He would miss the little girl dearly, but she knew better than to open her mouth. For the first time she had heard emotions laced in his voice as he spoke about Rin. It was strange to think such a little human girl had managed to wrap herself around his cold heart. Sometimes it gave Kagome hope that this might be easier to do than she thought. After all, if Rin could manage to get some feelings out of him why couldn't she? There was more under his façade that he was showing, which lead her to believe something happened in the past to make him this way. Nobody was born without feelings.

"Miko, do you have something you wish to say or do you intend on remaining in your own world?"

His voice brought her back, and she shook her head.

"I was just wondering something… about me." It didn't sound very convincing, but she knew Sesshomaru couldn't care less about what was going on in her human mind. She decided to change the subject away from Rin and decided to ask questions that had been running through her mind.

"How far along do I look?"

Kagome could remember the beast telling her youkai pregnancies were 4 months, and she knew a human pregnancy was 9 months, which left her in between, at least in her opinion. There was always the possibility that a hanyou developed as fast as a youkai, which would leave her at four months. But, her stomach wasn't very big, but she did show more than a normal pregnancy.

Sesshomaru turned his head in her direction, eying her stomach for a few seconds. Now, you could begin to see the bulge through her kimono, but it was minimal. He was mostly used to youkai pregnancies and perhaps a little bit for humans, but hanyou… the only one he had ever seen pregnant was Izayoi. At first, when his father had began to see Izayoi he had not told Sesshomaru. One day he had followed his father, only to catch a glimpse of Inutaisho with a very pregnant Izayoi. Not many good memories were associated with this human woman and the further she was from his mind, the better.

"Three months, perhaps four," he finally answered.

She breathed out heavily, before nodding her head. Kagome was crossing her fingers hoping that it would at least be over in 6-7 months, because she just was not ready at the moment. Especially considering the fact she was still stuck in the feudal era and trapped by the bracelet. Although if it was that much longer, she feared that before the birth occurred, Sesshomaru and his beast will have merged, leaving her stuck in the feudal era forever. Kagome wrapped her arms around her belly in a protective manner.

"Rin suggested a name the other day, for a boy." Kagome doubted he cared about the child or what it would be named, but they were supposed to be having a conversation. And subjects to talk about hardly came up when it came to Sesshomaru.

It came to no surprise that Rin wanted to be involved in the pregnancy. Sesshomaru hadn't expected her to come up with a name, at least perhaps not so soon.

"What is it?" he asked, his tone somewhat disinterested.

To be honest, Kagome didn't think he would want to know, because never so far had he shown any type of interest in the child, but she would answer him nonetheless.

"It's Kiyoshi."

 _Pure._  The name was the most ironic choice. A hanyou could not be pure, it was a mix, it was stained, and surely there was nothing pure about the way its life was created. Nothing surrounding it was happiness or purity.

"Interesting." There was no other word he could use or say, at least not that would be offensive, and at the moment, it was what they were trying to avoid.

Kagome raised her eyebrows before shaking her head softly. This reaction had been very unexpected, but at least she had gotten an answer out of him. Meaning he was  _at least_  trying. Even though, compared to what she had to do, it wasn't very complicated nor hard.

"You know, you're not giving me much to work with," she said, preventing an awkward silence to install itself between them.

It appeared, unless she would say something Sesshomaru would not talk, nor initiate the conversation. Granted she was usually the one who could talk on and on, especially when she was nervous but the circumstances were different this time. She wasn't at ease around Sesshomaru and considering everything that happened between them, she wasn't exactly looking forward to being  _friendly_  with him.

"This Sesshomaru has nothing to say."

Kagome pressed her head against the headboard before sighing.

"Any questions you want to ask me?" At least talking would make the day go by faster. On top of that it was a chance to talk to Sesshomaru instead of his beast.

There was only one question that only she could answer which had been in his mind for a while, but it was not about her.

"You believe Youkais are gone from your time only because you never felt one?"

Kagome nodded.

"I don't think there would be  _absolutely_  no youkais in all of Ja- the area where I live," she said, correcting herself.

He titled his head to the side slightly, thinking.

"This Sesshomaru finds it hard to believe humans would have outlived youkais."

She was not a big fan of all the youkais, but she had to agree with him on that point. They were more powerful and lived longer to begin with. What had occurred for every single one of them to disappear? Surely if a catastrophe had happened, humans would have been affected to.

"Perhaps youkais are concealing themselves," he said, coming up with a theory of his own.

"Concealing?"

"They are hiding their youki. Perhaps taking on more of a  _human_  form and merging with your people. They look like humans, they act like humans, but they are youkais." Unless all youkais were together, living in one community, nearly hiding from the world, there was no other explanation.

Kagome cringed her face slightly, confused.

"Why would they do that? They have no reason to fear humans."

"Perhaps they do. But by blending in, they might be more powerful than humans in other ways. Be on top, and actually control humans."

The first thought that came into Kagome's mind were the big shots in a company. She could hardly picture them being youkais. This was insane, it sounded as if there was a big conspiracy between youkais that the whole human world was not even aware of. The next question would be how would humans scare youkais? Granted there were talismans that they could protect themselves with, but would they really take it as far as making  _weapons_  to hunt down youkais?

"I think someone would have found out by now if it was the case."

Perhaps Sesshomaru was coming up with theories because he couldn't accept the fact that his whole race had died, she couldn't really blame him, but that didn't mean she was going to encourage his ideas.

"There is a positive side," she added before he could talk, "if there's no youkais in my time, that means the bond should break once I get there."

Technically, he would be dead in her time right? Meaning the mark on her neck would disappear since her  _mate_  was dead, right? She wasn't actually sure it worked like that in the first place, but it was hard to believe she could travel through time by the means of a well. She hoped that she was correct, if you followed her theory, many things should have been different with her from one side to another. She didn't think she had the patience or brains to try and understand the time traveling theories all by herself.

"Hn." Sesshomaru had a feeling it did not work this way, but just like Kagome, he could only hope it would sever the bond between them.

"How long do youkais live?" This talk about youkais in her time had her wondering if there was actually a Sesshomaru still living in her time. That thought scared her.

"Would you still be alive 500 hundred years from now?"

"Yes, Unless this Sesshomaru was killed."

Kagome's grey eyes widen slightly before she smiled a little.

"Then youkais don't exist in my time," she said, her tone slightly amused.

"Explain," he demanded not understanding her reasoning.

"It's simple really," she said, a small smile still present on her face, which was a rare sight, at least in Sesshomaru's company. "If you did exist in my time, don't you think you would have stopped me, or warned me about all of this? You don't want to be in this situation either. Meaning you would have tried to stop me from going, correct?"

For once the miko made some sort of sense to him and proved herself. There was no way he could deny her words or theory. He had no desire to be with the miko and he hardly believed that would change in 500 hundred years. Why wouldn't he stop her from coming or warn her about what his beast would do?

"Perhaps you are right, Miko."

It was weird to hear Sesshomaru agree with her, since it was so rare, but she appreciated it. Then they were interrupted by the sound of her stomach growling announcing her hunger. A blush appeared across her cheeks as she released her stomach. Kagome was about to get up thinking she could get some food, but Sesshomaru stopped her.

"We do not know if you are still ill. You will stay in bed this time. Food will be brought to you," he said, his clawed fingers tightly wrapped around her tiny wrist.

Kagome could see in his eyes that this time, he would not let her challenge him. His pride demanded obedience from her. Obviously her first natural instinct would be to fight that, but she had to agree with him on one thing; her health. Ever since the mating it had been poor, she could hardly afford to be sick once more.

Slowly, she sat back down in the bed. Once she was back in her previous position he released her wrist. Then, it was his turn to rise from the bed and walk in direction of the door so he could order one of the servants to bring her some food. Kagome watched him, a sigh escaping her lips. She had a feeling that before the day would be over she would go crazy. Not only was it planned for her to spend the whole day with Sesshomaru, but also then she had to spend her night with the beast. It seemed like way too much for one day, but it was as she had said earlier.

Drastic times call for drastic measures.

-B-

"Where's Inuyasha?"

Miroku raised his head, looking at Sango as she asked her question. Then he looked around the area trying to spy the hanyou's whereabouts, but realized he was not present. Although to be honest, he had not paid much attention to Inuyasha. After the events that had occurred with Kagome he hadn't been able to look at Inuyasha the same way and it was hard to forgive him for what he had done.

"I assume he's around here somewhere," he said before resuming his  _cooking_.

Sango didn't seem convinced as she walked a little deeper in the forest to get a look.

"I scanned the area, but I didn't see him."

Unlike Miroku, she had begun to keep tabs on Inuyasha. Unknown to him, she knew about his little meeting with Sesshomaru and she did not like that one bit. Especially the fact, that he had kept this bit of information hidden from them. Granted they were not exactly talking at the moment, but that was something concerning Kagome and he should have shared it with them. From then on, Sango made sure to know where he was going, not for his safety, but for Kagome's sake. She might not be able to help her friend at the moment, but if she could prevent her from more pain and suffering, than she would.

Also, it might be the only thing keeping her from going insane. Ever since Kagome had been taken, their search for the jewel shards had  _stopped_. This was probably due to the fact that without Kagome, it was extremely hard to locate any of them. Only one person could do it except from their friend and that was Kikyo, and none of them wanted her help. Not only did they not like the clay miko, but also it would be betraying Kagome.

"I think he's up to something," said Sango as she sat down on a log beside Miroku.

Miroku could see the growing pain in Sango's eyes, but he was unable to help her. He couldn't stop himself from looking down at his curse hand, his heart heavy. As much as Sango, he had no desire to use Kikyo to help them find the shards, but they would need to find either another way to locate the shards or kill Naraku because every passing day, his time was shortening.

He had promise Sango a life, a new one, perhaps a better one, but he doubted his abilities to fulfill these promises. He flexed his hand, trying to chase his thoughts away. He had always been aware of his condition, but now was not the time to allow himself any depressing thoughts.

Miroku stood up, his fish nearly falling into the fire. "Let's find Inuyasha."

Sango stood up unsure, before casting a glance in the direction of a sleeping Shippo. "We can't leave him by himself."

It was heart breaking to watch Shippo reach nearly a new low every day. Perhaps the loss of Kagome was the hardest on him, losing a third parent. Although this situation had brought a change in the little kit, he seemed more determined. Shippo was not smiling as much as he used to, but a fire was lighting his blue eyes every day. As if he desired to be stronger, better and that perhaps, that way he would be able to bring Kagome back. Obviously nobody had any intention of crushing his hopes, glad that he could find a goal in something.

"Kirara, would you watch over Shippo?" said Miroku, looking in the direction of the neko youkai.

She did not make a sound, but gently moved over to where Shippo was. Wrapping her tails around him, as if in a protective manner.

"I doubt anything will happen, we won't be far," said Miroku, trying to re-assure Sango.

She nodded before leading the way into the forest, where she hoped they would find Inuyasha. When the hanyou was upset he would make his most stupid decisions. She had a feeling it was exactly what would happen. Of course she had no proof that he was heading anywhere towards Kagome, but  _something_  inside of her was screaming, telling her to find him.

Sango always trusted her instincts.

-B-

Nearly half of the day had gone by and yet time was still moving too slowly for Kagome's taste. After she had eaten, Sesshomaru had  _suggested_  she take a nap. Even thou Kagome didn't feel very tired, she had agreed to it. First of all, it would give her a small break from Sesshomaru. Though he would remain in the same room, considering what they had planned, she intended on giving her body as much rest as she possibly could.

She had awakened nearly an hour ago, not much had been said. Sesshomaru was not in the bed by her side anymore, but instead, was in a chair  _near_  her, finishing some reading he had been doing. Kagome could only imagine the knowledge he had from reading so much. Perhaps  _he_  would find her math book interesting and easy to understand. Nonetheless, he might be busy, but she was not.

"Do you think Rin could come?"

The little girl hadn't been around both of them very often, especially lately, but Kagome could hardly believe it would be a problem. Actually Sesshomaru should appreciate the idea since it meant he wouldn't have to spend so much time with only her.

"As long as you stay in the room, the beast should feel my presence near you." She added in afterthought.

Sesshomaru didn't answer, but instead rose from his seat and walked in direction of the door. Kagome felt like rolling her eyes, did he really believe she could not do anything at all on her own? It took less than a few more seconds for Sesshomaru to take his seat again, still remaining completely silent. Still, Kagome imagined that he had sent someone to get Rin and that she would be arriving soon enough.

Kagome was indeed right and a few minutes later, a knock could be heard on the door.

"Sesshomaru-sama, Kagome, may Rin come in?"

"Of course!" said Kagome, her tone already much more cheerful.

Rin didn't need to be told twice, she gently slid the door open revealing the grin on her face as she entered the room. Kagome moved over a little so Rin would have plenty of room in the bed, the little girl joined her. Sesshomaru only raised his glance a few times to take a look at the two girls sitting together. From the way Rin was acting it was obvious she was fond of the miko and felt comfortable in her presence.

Watching Rin, reminded Kagome of Shippo, and the time she had spent with him. She could still see him laying on his stomach drawing their latest battle with colored pencils.  _Colored pencils_. She usually brought a new box for Shippo every week since he was going through them so fast, and she probably still had one in her bag.  _Her bag_.

Sesshomaru had taken hold of it the very first day she had arrived at the castle, she hadn't seen it since then. There hadn't been much reason to want it back, but now, once she remembered all the stuff she usually stuffed in that bag, there was probably something that could be use as entertainment.

"Sesshomaru?"

He closed his eyes before lifting them off his scrolls to look into hers. "What is it Miko?"

"Do you still have my yellow bag?"

To be honest, he had long forgotten about the miko's yellow bag. It had been stuffed into a room with the rest of her stuff. Apart from the few objects he had found strange before he knew she was from the future, he hadn't seen it in months. Although he doubted any of his servants had moved it, or taken things from it.

"Yes."

A glow of excitement appeared in her eyes.

"Could I retrieve it myself?" she said, not wanting him to ask someone to do it, like he had done all day long.

Sesshomaru didn't seem very pleased with her suggestion, but he nodded. "Ask Sayomi, she is standing by the door."

"Rin, do you want to come with me?"

The little girl glanced in the direction of Sesshomaru, but never did he show any sign that it would be a problem so she nodded. "Rin would love to go!"

Kagome grabbed her hand before getting off the bed in the direction of the door. She didn't look in the direction of the Dayoukai as she exited the room. Obviously as soon as they came out, they saw the youkai Sesshomaru had been referring to, and there would be no confusion since there was only one.

"Excuse me, Sesshomaru said you would know where my bag is?"

The youkai nodded. "Third room of the fourth hall."

Kagome blinked a few times. There was more than one hall in this castle? She had barely done any exploring and frankly by herself she would get lost.

"Rin, do you know where that is?"

The little girl nodded. "It's by the second door that leads to the garden."

The young miko smiled, relieved that she had Rin with her.

"Lead the way," she said, before backing away slightly, so she was now behind Rin, causing her to release the little girl's hand.

With a smile on her face Rin began to walk forward, excited to retrieve Kagome's bag. She had no idea what was in the bag, but from the tone of Kagome's voice, she could tell it would be something exciting. She was so happy to be able to spend some time with Kagome. She hadn't been able to seen the miko in a number of days.

As Rin lead the way, Kagome made sure she paid attention to where they were going, so she could know the castle a little more. Perhaps in the case she would need to leave, or maybe just to know her surroundings. Quickly enough they reached the door and Rin was the one to open it rushing inside. Kagome followed her actions finding herself in a nearly empty room. There was a table placed in the middle and on it there were a few objects, which belonged to her laying on the table. There was a deck of cards, one of her math books and chocolate, ironically two of these things would please Rin a lot.

Her glance moved to the corner of the room where her yellow bag was leaning against the wall. She smiled slightly before walking in the direction of it and picked it up. Kagome unconsciously hugged it to her. It reminded her of home and all her adventures she had with her friends in the past. Kagome didn't let it bring her down as she slid one of her arms through the bag strap, just like she had done so many times before.

"Kagome, are we bringing these too?" asked Rin, pointing at the objects on the table.

"Yes," she said smiling, "can you carry them?"

Rin nodded before taking the math book in one hand, the chocolate and deck of card in the other one. A few minutes later they had reached Sesshomaru's bedroom. Sliding the door open and finding Sesshomaru still sitting in the same chair. He watched as the two human girls dropped their  _treasures_  on the bed. Rin's eyes opened slightly wider than usual. The little girl had so many questions and was curious to find out what everything was.

The first thing Kagome picked up was the chocolate. She handed it to Rin.

"You can have some chocolate if you'd like."

That's when they felt Sesshomaru move. Both of them turned their gazes his way, watching him as he made his way towards the bed. He took the chocolate bar from her hand before sniffing it, inspecting it to see if it would be harmful to Rin. As if she would give Rin something to hurt her. Kagome had a slight panic as she wondered if chocolate was also harmful to  _inuyoukai_ s. She could see Sesshomaru was going to taste it. If it did affect him she didn't want anything to happen. After all, the only person who could remove her bracelet  _was him_.

"Maybe  _you_  shouldn't eat that."

Her words attracted his attention and he pulled it away from his mouth. "Explain yourself Miko."

Kagome sighed heavily.

"Chocolate is harmful to … well to  _dogs_ ," she blurted out. "It's completely harmless to humans, but it causes dogs' hearts to beat faster, and can cause their hearts to stop."

Technically she didn't know if it would do anything to him, but it would be better to be on the safe side.

"Rin can eat it though, it won't hurt her."

Sesshomaru dropped the chocolate bar onto the bed before sitting on the edge, which surprised the young miko. He didn't know what else she had in her bag, but he would make sure to find out what everything else was before letting Rin have it. He stared down at the chocolate bar as if he had been trying to destroy it with his mind. He doubted such a little thing could affect  _him_ , but he did not know these things from  _the future._ It would be better simply to be on the safe side.

Rin took the chocolate bar in her tiny hands and took a small bite. A taste she had never known filled her mouth.

"Kagome, Rin likes this!" exclaimed the little girl, after swallowing her first bit and giving Kagome a big happy smile.

Kagome, who was roaming through her bag looking for the  _art supplies_ , smiled at her. That's when she found the prize and pulled out the crayons and the paper out of her yellow bag.

"Here you go Rin," she said, before laying it out on the bed.

To show her how it worked, Kagome took the blue pencil and began to draw on the paper making small waves appear. Rin watched in amazement before raising her head.

"May Rin try?"

"Of course, it's all for you," said Kagome handing her the pencil.

As Rin lay on her stomach drawing on the paper, it reminded her of Shippo once more, but this time she didn't feel nearly as sad. Perhaps it was the thought of having someone that helped her feel better being beside her. Nonetheless, whatever it was, she was grateful for it and appreciated it. Kagome caste a glance towards Sesshomaru who she saw was carefully observing Rin as she drew. If only he could always be that caring.

-B-

They had spent the rest of the day with Rin, looking through her bag that had brought back many memories for Kagome. But now it was different, the sun was about to set and Rin had gone to her room. Sesshomaru would soon transform. Both of them were still on the bed, Kagome pressed against the headboard and Sesshomaru still sitting on the edge of the bed.

"I want to go to Kaede's village," announced Kagome, breaking the silence.

Sesshomaru turned his head in her direction. "Miko, it is not possible, he will not let you."

She shrugged her shoulders. "What if I said it was because I wanted Kaede's advice about my sickness?" Kaede's village… if only she could reach it she would be near the well.

"The beast does not trust this Sesshomaru enough, Miko." It was obvious to know what she was planning, but he had doubts it would work. She nodded.

"One week." They needed enough time to plan everything, but not too much for things to get out of control. Like Sesshomaru and his beast merging. "Let's leave in a week."

She had been more than decent towards the beast, and if she spent so much time with Sesshomaru, surely the beast could not refuse. Kagome knew she could work the part, but the only question was, could Sesshomaru do the same?

"In a week, I'll bring the idea up." If she hid it from the beast it would only make things worst. The best plan was to be completely honest from the start. Plus there was no point in going and trying to escape if he was only going to stop them in the middle of it.

Sesshomaru seemed to ponder her whole plan/idea. Perhaps it would be enough time to gain some type of trust, especially considering the fact that his time was running out. He had no intention of being merged only to lose himself in the process.

"In one week," he said, agreeing with her.

A sigh of relief escaped Kagome's lips as she heard his words. Now the only thing left to do was pray that the beast would let them go. Obviously that would require a lot more work from her and Sesshomaru. It also probably would involve a lot more contact. Although they couldn't push it too far or the beast would realize what Sesshomaru and her were trying to do. It just needed to look like Sesshomaru was beginning to feel something towards her. For Kagome, it wasn't as hard since the beast thought she had begun to care for him, so why not Sesshomaru too?

It was almost hard to believe that they might have a chance at this. Although, they would need to be extra careful once they reached the well. All they had was a few seconds to make this work before the beast figured out what was happening. One little slip up and things would be worse than they were before, for both Sesshomaru and Kagome.

They had one chance, and they could not afford to waste it.

-B-


	22. Painful Journey to the Well

Three days.

That was how many days had passed since Miroku and Sango had last seen Inuyasha. They had scanned the area on foot and even sent Kirara to fly overhead trying to catch his scent, but  _nothing_. The more time passed, the more Sango's worries increased, because there weren't many destinations he could be heading. If she followed her instincts she knew he was heading for Sesshomaru's lands.

They could follow him there, but there were a few problems. First of all, they were in the same situation as a couple of months ago; they could not defeat Sesshomaru. They also didn't know how far ahead of them Inuyasha was. He might actually be there already by now. Sango had a strong feeling that if Sesshomaru was to find Inuyasha, his life would not be spared this time. Not only had the hanyou been warned, but Sango also didn't think Kagome would throw herself into harms way to save Inuyasha again.

Obviously, every instinct of the taijiya was screaming at her to go, perhaps see Kagome at the same time, but she couldn't make up her mind. Sango was the first one up to rescue Kagome, but she didn't want any harm to happen to her friend. After all, it had been a long time since she had obtained any news from Kagome, meaning she was under a tight surveillance. Since Sesshomaru had a  _fine_  nose and many guards, it was obvious he would be warned of their presence before they ever reached the castle. Then, he would make sure they came nowhere near Kagome.

Sango had thought about using Miroku's wind tunnel as a defense to perhaps get Kagome, but there were too many variables. What if Sesshomaru used Kagome as a shield? If she was  _anywhere_  near him there was too many risks of her getting sucked in right along with him. They couldn't take that chance. The same went for Inuyasha, if he used his sword basically all of his attacks would harm Kagome too, leaving him helpless. Although there was the problem, would Inuyasha have been calm enough to have thought things through?

"Do you think we should go after him?" asked Miroku, breaking Sango away from her thoughts.

After a few seconds she nodded. "But we can't get  _too_  close."

If Sesshomaru could detect their presence they would be screwed. Sango sighed heavily, cursing Inuyasha in her mind. He was causing them more trouble than he was worth. To cover more ground faster Miroku, Sango, and Shippo all hopped on a transformed Kirara and began to head in the direction of the Western Lands. Shippo was on Sango's shoulder, his new traveling spot ever since Kagome had left and Miroku had his arms wrapped around the taijiya's waist.

All of them were carefully looking down, waiting for Kirara to let them know she had caught Inuyasha's scent.

Little did they know that Inuyasha was just hours away from reaching his goal. The hanyou was currently running as fast as he could towards Sesshomaru's castle. Ever since his last conversation with Sesshomaru, Inuyasha hadn't been able to get Kagome out of his mind, especially not the news about the pregnancy. He still stood by his words and promise, he would raise it as his own once he freed Kagome from Sesshomaru, but it made his stomach twist. Perhaps because it reminded him of Sesshomaru violating her body.

Inuyasha didn't really have a plan as of how he would defeat Sesshomaru, but he knew he had to make sure Kagome would be nowhere near his half brother. He intended to go all out on the Dayoukai, and he didn't want her to get hurt in the process. Yes, it sounded absolutely ridiculous that he came on his own, ready to defeat Sesshomaru on his own grounds, but he had to do it. It wasn't as if Sesshomaru was invincible since Inuyasha had managed to cut his arm in the past. All he had to do was not attack carelessly; he had to plan every blow.

He now had many more attacks and knowledge of his sword compared to before, which would work to his advantage. There was only one other thing to worry about; Kagome's forgiveness. But, Inuyasha was willing to work hard to obtain her trust once more. After all, he had tried to kill her or  _at least_  harm her during their first encounter and she had forgiven him and gotten over that.

Surely Kagome was able to stop being mad at him forever! He could understand if he had  _gone all the way_ , but it hadn't happened which meant there was less damage to repair. Plus even Kagome would be able to realize she was better off with him than she was with Sesshomaru.

Yes, Kagome would be his once more in due time.

-B-

A few days had passed since Kagome had announced to Sesshomaru her plan to leave for Kaede's village. At this point there was still uncertainty as to if it would work, but neither had given up. They had spent a few more awkward days together, spending nearly ever moment together. She  _tried_  to have some type of conversation with him. Sometimes Rin would join them, making them both a little more comfortable. At the moment Rin was not with them thou, since it would be night in less than half an hour and Kagome was simply waiting for the beast to take control.

Instead of lying down in the bed she was near the window, looking through at the forest. In a few days she would hopefully be free and back home with her family. For once, her hopes were so high she could nearly taste her freedom. Kagome could only hope everything would go smoothly and nothing would disrupt the calm that Sesshomaru and herself had managed to create.

Kagome couldn't stop herself from glancing in Sesshomaru's direction, even though she knew the change had not occur yet. If it had, the beast would have been by her side in a flash. Sesshomaru was lying on the bed staring straight ahead, and she couldn't help but wonder what was going through his mind. After all, he could only wait for the beast to take over, what else was he supposed to do? Maybe sometimes he conversed with his beast, or even argued?

Before he could catch her staring Kagome turned her head back to the window, the minutes ticking away. She was about to sit down on the chair nearby when Sesshomaru made a brusque movement, catching her attention. Once again her grey eyes were on him, as he was up on his feet and moving closer to her. Confused, Kagome slightly backed away not wanting to be in his way.

Then Sesshomaru stared through the window before his features seemed to harden. "Inuyasha."

As soon as he pronounced his name, Kagome felt as if her heart was caught in her throat, she found herself unable to react. Inuyasha was here? The first thought running through her mind was to wonder if her friends were with him. Hadn't they understood last time when she asked them to leave?

"He's alone," said Sesshomaru, as if he had guessed her thoughts.

Kagome seemed to be breathing a little easier, but it didn't stop the feeling of fury stirring up inside of her. What was Inuyasha doing on Sesshomaru's lands? Last time, he had left in one piece and only because of Kagome, this time… Kagome felt herself torn apart. Inuyasha brash actions could ruin everything she had done so far to obtain her freedom.

Obviously, if he was here he had every intention to challenging Sesshomaru. Which, very likely would lead to his death. That was where it got tricky. Kagome could no longer throw herself in front of him to protect him, since the cost would be too high. The beast finally trusted her and if she defended Inuyasha, everything would be for nothing. Would she fight for Inuyasha's life or fight for her freedom?

No longer could she claim she love him, because those feelings had died out for the most part. Some remains lingered, but it could no longer be called love. It was simply memories of a love that had once existed and nothing more. It was true that Inuyasha's actions hadn't gone as far as Sesshomaru's but it was only because he was stopped. Kagome knew very well in her heart that Inuyasha might just have gone all the way if it hadn't been from Sesshomaru's interruption.

Although she felt such a strong rage towards Inuyasha, could she really sit there and watch him die? Kagome knew she couldn't do that. At that moment, she felt like banging her head against the wall and screaming  _why me_ , over and over again. She was but a few days away from starting her journey to Edo and now  _he_  had shown up. She was beginning to believe someone high up there probably hated her very badly.

She closed her eyes for a second before looking at Sesshomaru who had been intensively staring at the window. Both of them knew Sesshomaru could control himself and saw absolutely no threat in Inuyasha. He was  _also_  aware this could sabotage the work they had done. Unfortunately for them the beast might not see things that way. Their only hope was to be able to deal with Inuyasha  _before_  the beast took over.

"Miko, you will remain here," ordered Sesshomaru as he prepared himself to face Inuyasha outside.

"No way," she said following him. "Inuyasha will not listen to you. The only chance we've got is  _me_." Inuyasha wouldn't care less about Sesshomaru's orders and only she might be able to influence him.

Sesshomaru didn't seem happy about it but he could not deny that she was right. "Very well."

Satisfied, Kagome followed behind him, knowing she would probably have to stay fairly close to him during the entire encounter. Inuyasha would try and take a shot at Sesshomaru if he had a chance, but if Kagome was near, he might not. In no way was she doing this to protect Sesshomaru's life, but because of the wretched bracelet.

"I hope you're good at pretending in front of an audience," she mumbled under her breath.

He turned his head in her direction and she knew he had heard her. He did not say a word and simply kept moving forward. Quickly enough they had reached the garden, but Inuyasha was nowhere in sight. Obviously, Sesshomaru knew where he was but Kagome could not detect his presence, so she simply stood behind Sesshomaru. Kagome was expecting Sesshomaru to say something that would cause Inuyasha to reveal himself, but he remained completely silent. Just standing there waiting.

They waited and  _waited_ , the minutes passing by, but no sign of Inuyasha. Kagome was growing impatient, especially since time wasn't a luxury they possessed. Deciding to take matters into her own hand she resulted to a little trick the hanyou was very familiar with.

"INUYASHA SIT!" she yelled, to make sure it would be heard since she had no idea how far from them he actually was.

It wasn't too long until the familiar  _thud_  was heard, revealing to Kagome his presence. She couldn't detach her eyes from the point of impact. She slowly watched him come out from the trees,  _obviously_  pissed off, though his anger wasn't directed toward her. Inuyasha's amber eyes were locked with Sesshomaru's eyes as he tried to challenge him.

It was very pointless since Sesshomaru could easily defeat him, and at the moment he had to be careful with all of his actions. From what he had gathered, the miko didn't wish for the hanyou's death, even though she harbored rage towards him, meaning Sesshomaru could not end his life. If he did attempt to, she might foolishly stop him causing their plans to be ruined.

"Kagome get away from him," said Inuyasha, his hand on his sword ready to pull it out.

The young miko closed her eyes knowing what was coming. There was absolutely no way she could let Inuyasha harm Sesshomaru, so instead she came forward and wrapped her tiny arms around Sesshomaru's, leaving both the hanyou and the Dayoukai surprised.

"No," she said, her voice nearly a whisper.

For a second a flash of pain could be seen in Inuyasha's eyes, but Kagome maintained her position. After all, he had shamelessly hurt her many times in the past. Sesshomaru had nearly been shocked for a moment as he quickly kept his composure. The miko was trying to make the hanyou flee by hurting his feelings? Intriguing.

At first Inuyasha didn't know what to make of her actions, or how to react. "Kagome… It's  _Sesshomaru!_ " he said, as if that it explained it all.

Kagome pinched together her perfect pink lips, bringing her body closer to Sesshomaru.  _Why couldn't he just leave_?

"I am very well aware of that fact  _Inuyasha,_ " she said, her tone nearly sending chills down his spine. "Why are you here?"

Inuyasha dropped his hands to his side, his ears flat against the top of his head. "I miss you," he murmured, his voice almost breaking. "I – I never meant to hurt you Kag."

Didn't she know he hated himself every day for what he had done to her? Didn't she know how he wished he could take it all back? If it was that simple he would have done it a long time ago, but it didn't work that way. Instead he was haunted by his actions every second and he had to make amends to her. Freeing her from that monster was the beginning of it.

"I won't leave you in the hands of that monster!" he screamed before pointing at Sesshomaru, his body nearly shaking because of his intense rage.

Kagome's heart was beating extremely fast as she licked her dry lips, thinking of her next move. At the moment, she was the only one doing anything since Sesshomaru was remaining as still as a statue. She certainly hoped that at one point he would move or say something, because she couldn't do this all on her own. Kagome  _would_  try to spare Inuyasha's life, but she couldn't endanger her own for his. It was true she had done it many on many occasions in the past, but as she could clearly see now it hadn't gotten her anywhere.

"He's not a monster," she said releasing her hold on Sesshomaru's arm. If she applied her statement to Sesshomaru rather than to his beast, it wasn't a complete lie. Heartless perhaps, but he was not as much of a  _monster_.

Inuyasha took a few steps closer to them. "Kagome do you hear yourself right now?"

Something had to have happened. She wouldn't willingly stand up for Sesshomaru! Last time she had tried to lie to them, but had quickly broken down! This time, there was no sign of tears in her eyes and the tone of her voice was firm. This could not be happening! He refused to believe she had fallen for Sesshomaru!

"Yes  _Inuyasha_ , I can hear myself very clearly. This is none of your business. It stopped being of your concern the moment you betrayed me." Inuyasha opened his mouth ready to say something, but she didn't let him.

"I'm tired of your excuses, they don't mean anything anymore. This is  _my_  life Inuyasha."

For years she had kept emotions bottled up inside, holding it all in for his sake but not anymore.

"You two-timed me, you  _picked_  Kikyo at first,  _yet_  you dared to get upset if someone showed interest in me. You were selfish and you preferred to have me suffer than make a  _choice_." Kagome could feel tears burning her eyes, but she would not let them fall. Not in front of  _them_.

"You and I, we were never meant to be."

Kagome could swear she had heard his heart broke as she said these words. It was true that no matter what they had shared, this was not how things were supposed to be. Perhaps it had been in front of her the whole time, but she had refused to see it.

"I don't love you anymore, Inuyasha," she said, this time her voice was soft. She hoped it would make him leave, make him understand he had to go.

Inuyasha looked clearly upset, it wasn't anger he felt, it was  _pain_. How could she say this? All these years she had been so devoted to him, and now she would turn her back on him?

"You don't mean that," he begged, his voice very quiet. "You love me Kagome."

No matter what had happened between them, Inuyasha knew he could count on her love, she couldn't take that away from him!

"DON'T tell me what I don't mean!"

Sesshomaru had been watching the whole interaction, completely silent. He could have gotten involved but from the look of things, he decided it was better not to do so. Not only did the miko look like she had things to express, but she was handling the situation well enough. The Dayoukai had to admit, it brought him quite a bit of satisfaction to watch the hanyou suffer, as he lost his most precious prize.

A fresh cool breeze picked up as the sun was nearly gone, the moon shining high in the dark blue sky, a darkness enveloping them all.

Kagome took a deep breath before backing away slightly, her back making contact with Sesshomaru's chest. "Inuyasha, I want you to leave, because I swear this time I won't stop him."

The hanyou stared at the pair in front of him, his heart breaking to pieces with every word she said. Would she really watch as Sesshomaru killed him? Had she really forgotten all the moments they had shared together? No, it could not be true. There was no way Kagome had erased her love for him, it was impossible.

Not caring what she had said, Inuyasha drew out his sword.

"I won't leave you here Kagome," he said, pointing his weapon towards Sesshomaru.

"She's mine," said Inuyasha, addressing himself to Sesshomaru. "I will fight for her."

Without fear, Inuyasha approached Sesshomaru, his hand tightly wrapped around the handle of his sword. No matter what, he wouldn't let Sesshomaru take her away from him. He had already made that mistake once and he would not be repeating it.

 _His Kagome_.

Kagome's grey eyes widen slightly as she watched the hanyou get ready for battle. She couldn't stop herself from turning around and looking into Sesshomaru's amber eyes.

"Will you?" she softly asked.

Sesshomaru looked down at her and nodded.

"The hanyou is playing with fire. This Sesshomaru will not back down from the challenge, nor will the beast. You are the prize after all."

The young miko glued her lips together, her eyes shinning from the tears. This whole situation was slipping away from her control and she felt so powerless to stop it. If she didn't stop him there would be a good chance he would kill Inuyasha. If she did attempt to stop him she would pay the price and he would most probably still kill Inuyasha. As Sesshomaru put it,  _she was the prize_.

Even if trying to prevent him from killing Inuyasha was pointless, it was hard for Kagome to simply stand there and watch.

"He's your brother," she whispered.

"Half," said Sesshomaru before pushing her out of the way, his hand on his own sword.

If it was a fight the hanyou wanted, he would give him just that. Often he had pushed away Inuyasha, ignoring him but not this time, he was challenging his honor and he desired Kagome. Granted Sesshomaru didn't want her, but the beast did. Also, fighting for her would only increase their chances to fool the beast. As far as Sesshomaru was concerned, Inuyasha was a  _necessary_  sacrifice. On top of that the hanyou had brought this upon himself by showing up on his lands.

Kagome watched as the two brothers closed the distance between each other. Her heart beating like a drum as she watched. She prayed Sesshomaru would find it in him to spare Inuyasha's life, but then the  _expected_  happened. Sesshomaru stopped in his tracks before closing his eyes, a growl escaping his throat. She held her breath in knowing what was coming, as predicted, once he opened his eyes they were bleeding red. His beast was now in control.

She knew Inuyasha would be shown no mercy.

The beast removed his hand from the handle of the sword; he did not even need that to defeat Inuyasha. He turned his head in the direction of his mate who was watching, her lips slightly parted, and she was clearly upset. He blamed it on the hanyou for upsetting her feelings and without thinking he charged.

Inuyasha had been slightly surprise by the unexpected change in his brother, that he had stopped his own movement for a second. Once he noticed his brother moving he realized he had to attack, he began to get ready for his wind scar attack. Unfortunately for Inuyasha, he was not fast enough and before he could even bring the sword down he felt something wrapping itself around his neck, squeezing tightly, nearly cutting all of his oxygen while it slowly burned his skin.

His eyes slowly moved to where Kagome was standing and he could see her running in his direction, a panicked look on her face. His sword was snatched away from his hands before he could recover from the strangling. His eyes were still locked on Kagome as she closed the distance. Before he could say anything, he felt something sharp go through his whole chest, and his eyes enlarged.

A cry of horror escaped Kagome's mouth, as tears poured down her cheeks. In his left hand, Sesshomaru was holding Inuyasha's still beating heart, blood pouring down his arm from Inuyasha's wound. Sesshomaru was baring his fangs at the dying hanyou, before he gently dropped the heart to the ground. Then, he released the hold he had around Inuyasha's neck, before backing away from him.

Kagome had a silent scream escape her, as she found herself frozen in place. She could feel warm blood on her face, probably due to the fact she had been so close when Sesshomaru had ripped the heart out. Slowly, Inuyasha dropped to the ground, his body limp as he looked lifeless. Without thinking, Kagome went down on her knees, extending her hands to grab on to his clothes.  _He was dead_. She couldn't even bring herself to look at Sesshomaru, she grabbed her chest as pain started coming from her heart.

She wanted to scream, she wanted to beat someone senseless, but instead, she remained on the ground. Slowly, Kagome began choking on her sobs, she felt a presence beside her. She did not need to turn to know it was Sesshomaru, who gently bent down before wrapping his powerful arms around her, burying her face in his chest.

He was the reason Inuyasha was dead, yet Kagome still clinched on to him with her tiny fist, she let the tears fall, her small body slightly shaking. Without saying a word Sesshomaru caressed her hair trying to soothe his mate's pain away. He pulled her body closer as if to shield her from the pain, but it did not work.

Inuyasha's blood was still dripping down his claws, his perfect white clothes stained from the murder. He did not feel guilt for what he had done, since it was meant to be this way. The hanyou should have known better than to provoke him into a fight. He had been the foolish one to believe he could have won against Sesshomaru.

He kissed the top of Kagome's head, as if he felt her pain through his own body.

-B-

Kagome had been silent for a very long time and had remained that way even when Sesshomaru had carried her back to the room. She watched him as he removed his blood stained clothes, dropping them to the ground carelessly. Sesshomaru turned around casting a glance in direction of his mate, who was sitting on the edge of the bed.

" **You need to wash the blood off** ," he said, walking towards her.

His words caused Kagome to raise her head, once she processed what he had said. She looked down at herself. Before she could inspect herself he brushed his thumb across her forehead, showing her the blood on his thumb. Kagome gasped slightly as she remembered being splashed as Inuyasha was killed.

" **If I had not killed him, he would have killed me** ," he said, as if he was trying to justify his actions to her.

Technically his words were true. Inuyasha had come by himself, had challenged Sesshomaru to fight, even after Kagome warned him he might die. He knew what he was getting into, but it didn't make the pain go away. She had known already that Inuyasha would most likely end up dead the moment he had shown up, yet until now, it hadn't felt real.

Sesshomaru tilted his head slightly.

" **Are you upset because you still had feelings for the hanyou**?"

 _"No_." She knew she had to make sure Sesshomaru did not think she did, or things would be even worst.

"I traveled with him for a very long time. I  _used_ to have feelings for him. I believe it is perfectly normal for me to be feeling this way." She tried not to be rude, but her tone did come out a little harsh.

The beast didn't seem upset by it since he simply nodded.

" **We have to wash you** ," he said, dropping the subject completely.

She didn't want Inuyasha's blood on her anymore. Slowly, Kagome got up from the bed and walked in the direction of the  _bath_. Without even looking if Sesshomaru was there she dropped her clothes from her body before entering the water. Even though the water was meant to wash her body, she did not feel clean.

Kagome raised her head when she heard Sesshomaru's footsteps coming her way and looked at his face, while he joined her in the water. Obviously she had been upset with his actions earlier, but he wished for her to understand that at the end of the fight, one of them would have died. Surely she preferred he was alive instead of the hanyou.

But, he was willing to understand why she felt the way she did. After all, she had not pushed him away or yelled, she was simply crying, meaning she held no grudge against him. He kept a certain distance from her not wanting to push her. It pained him to see her in such a state, and it was worse knowing he was responsible for her pain.

"I want to go to Edo," she blurted out, staring at the water.

Sesshomaru did not seem to understand and closed some distance between them.

 **"Why**?" He didn't want his mate to leave the castle, was she not happy here anymore?

Kagome bit her bottom lip, ironically she wouldn't have had a good reason to go until about an hour ago, but  _now_.

"Inuyasha should be buried there."

After all, all the important events of his life had been there. Kagome was pretty sure it was the only place he had ever been close to calling home. She also knew exactly where his body should be put to rest, right by the Goshinboku. There could be no better place.

He remained silent for a few seconds as he considered what she was asking. Clearly she was upset about all of this, and this would probably make her feel better, but it would be taking a risk to go there, outside of the protective barrier. Obviously it wouldn't be too long until enemies like Naraku realized where she was and with whom. Although, it would be possible for him to make the trip fairly quickly and could very likely prevent some unwanted encounters.

" **Very well. But it is dangerous to travel at night**."

Fortunately she had no intention of traveling with  _him_.

"He can take me during the day." This would only work if Sesshomaru was there once they reached their destination. To her surprise, the beast didn't seem displeased by her suggestion.

" **Can I trust him with you**?"

Kagome hurriedly nodded.

"He's different," she said, when what she truly meant was  _no_.

Sesshomaru seemed to agree with her, after all, he was now able to constantly feel her presence during the day. Meaning they were near her at all times. There should be no risk in  _not_  being the one to accompany her, especially since he could take back control at any time.

" **You will leave tomorrow at dawn**."

He wanted to get the whole deal with the hanyou over with and bring her back as soon as possible. At the moment her health was good enough to allow her to leave the castle, but later things might change.

 

Kagome nodded, finally feeling some light coming through the darkness. Yes, Inuyasha had been a good excuse for her to leave the castle, but it wasn't why she used him. She did believe he should have a proper burial, since he did not meet the proper death. She did feel hatred from his actions, but for him to be killed right in front of her eyes… Why did he have to go and be so foolish! She had warned him!

"Thank you," she murmured, before sinking lower in the water, covering half of her face, which washed away some of the blood.

The water also hid the tears, which were threatening to fall. A few hours ago she had been happy, filled with hope, but now it was hard to chase away the sadness that filled her heart. She was getting her wish and perhaps her freedom, yet her heart felt heavy.

-B-

It was a very quiet morning and neither of them had slept. Sesshomaru had remained awake during his transformation while the miko lay by his side, with his arm over her waist. The tears had stopped hours ago, but the pain didn't seem to have eased away. Once she felt him shifting around in the bed she turned around to face him.

"Are we leaving?" she asked, surprisingly looking up into his eyes.

Sesshomaru moved to the edge of the bed before answering her.

"You will get dress, eat and then we will leave," he said, his voice emotionless.

Just like his beast, Sesshomaru knew either Inuyasha or himself would have perished at the end of the fight and he couldn't help but think about the hanyou's foolishness. Obviously Sesshomaru didn't have second thoughts about what he did, but he could clearly remember the useless attempts to preserve the hanyou's life. Once he had learned that the sword was sealing his youkai blood away, he had given up on it.

It was not because Inuyasha's life had mattered to him, but because obviously this sword had been given to him to preserve his life. Sesshomaru did not need such a  _trick_  to keep his own powers under control. The hanyou was weak and required more support to maintain his meaningless life in one piece. Perhaps it had made Sesshomaru realize how even more superior to Inuyasha he was.

Nonetheless, the being he had just killed was his own blood, half-brother. It made his father's death seem insignificant. Inutaisho had died to help Izayoi and Inuyasha, yet both of them had not survived very long. Such a waste of power and stature. Because of them, Sesshomaru had been the one to not have a father and had been stuck with his mother with whom he did not share the best relationship with.

A knock on the door interrupted him from his thoughts. He walked in the direction of the door and opened it. One of the servants was holding a tray which had a cup of tea and a bowl of rice on it, Sesshomaru took it from her. Without a word he closed the door in her face before turning his attention to the miko. She looked miserable.

He put down the food on the bed before walking in the direction of the closet. There he picked out a silk kimono for her. It was a dark wiovlent with thin camellias cluster into bouquets along the swinging sleeves and bottom edge. The magnificent pink petals were intensified by a gentle white mist swirling under them. Sesshomaru laid it down on the bed before exiting the room, leaving her by herself.

Kagome sighed when he left and sat on the edge of the bed. The simple sight of the food was making her stomach turn but she knew she had to eat something. After all, she wasn't exactly sure how long the trip would take and she couldn't remain without food for too long. Not for herself but for the child. She forced herself to pick up the rice bowl and began to nibble at it, not taking any mouth full of it.

Not quickly enough for her, she finished it. After putting it down on the tray she picked up the tea, which she nearly drank in one gulp. She was surprised at how thirsty she had been. Once the whole meal was done she pushed it away before beginning to get dress. It took her only a few second to put the kimono on and wrap the obi around her waist.

In the corner of the room her yellow bag caught her attention. She wondered if she should bring it with. That's when Rin crossed her mind and she sadly looked away. She would be leaving it here with the little girl. Kagome knew she wouldn't be able to tell Rin she was leaving for good. Afraid it would break her heart and perhaps it would be better if she never knew.

Without casting another glance around Kagome exited the bedroom, hoping this would be the last time she would ever see it. She didn't look at anyone she passed as she walked down the hall on her way to the main entrance, where she assumed Sesshomaru was waiting for her. As she had expected he was there waiting in the hall, but someone else was with him,  _Rin._

"Kagome!" said Rin excitedly as she watched the miko approach.

Kagome offered her a smile. "Rin, what are you doing here?"

"Rin came to wish you a good trip!"

Sesshomaru had explained to her that Kagome and himself would be to traveling to Edo because of Inuyasha. He had not however mentioned the reason as to why. Rin had not asked since if he had wanted to share, he would have told her. She felt a little sad since she could not go with them but she knew Kagome and Sesshomaru would be back soon enough.

Kagome bent down slightly before wrapping her arms tightly around the little girl, knowing this was their last hug. Tears from Inuyasha's death were still fresh and this was only helping to bring them back. Rin felt something wet hit her shoulder and she slowly backed away from Kagome wondering why the young woman was crying.

"Kagome?"

The miko offered her a weak smile.

"I'm sorry Rin, I'll just- I'll miss you."

Yesterday had been an extremely emotional day for her and her emotions were a whirlpool. At first, she had wanted Inuyasha to leave because she was mad, but now he was gone forever. She had never wanted to see him again but she hadn't meant for that to happen. Because now he was dead.

Before Rin could ask any more questions Kagome stood up fully and moved towards Sesshomaru who was closed to the door. Rin watched them both leave, waving at them as she would remain in the castle with Jaken. Quickly enough they disappeared from her sight and the door closed behind them.

As soon as they stepped outside Kagome saw Ah-un and he had something –rather someone- wrapped in a white blanket strapped to his back, Kagome knew it was Inuyasha. She felt a pinch in her heart as she could not take her eyes away from his body.

"Miko, you will travel with me. We will cover more ground faster. If we do not stop we should make it before night fall."

Without giving her a chance to speak he wrapped his arm around her. Pressing her body against his side and began to lift up into the air. Kagome had no other choice but to wrap her arms around his waist so she would keep herself balanced. It was in that uncomfortable position that they began to travel with Ah-Un following closely behind them.

All Kagome could do was close her eyes and hope that  _for once_  everything would be alright.

-B-

Sesshomaru had been right, with the extra speed he was using they had managed to make it to the forest near Edo before nightfall. But they did not have much time left. The whole trip had been completely silent and uncomfortable for the both of them. Sesshomaru was not used to having someone travel directly with him like this. Even Rin had never traveled for extended periods like this. Since Ah-Un was already carrying Inuyasha's body there was no other way to travel. If they had done it on foot it would have been too long. Which had been clearly proven when he had brought her to the castle for the first time.

They were near landing and he could feel her heart beating faster and faster the closer they got. Her grey eyes were focused on the well as if she thought it would disappear. Finally they landed and he released his hold on her, it took Kagome a few seconds before she did the same. They were currently standing in front of the well, but she could see the tree from where she was.

"I want to bury Inuyasha over there," she said, pointing at the tree.

Sesshomaru nodded before he began to walk with Ah-un following him. It didn't take long to reach it, as Kagome looked around she noticed she did not have anything to dig a hole with.

"We need a hole," she said out loud to no one in particular.

She didn't exactly carry a shovel around with her, but apparently Sesshomaru didn't need one. She saw him pull out his sword and before she knew it a cloud of smoke surrounded him, a green aura still present. It took a few seconds before she could see the hole he had created and she nodded.

Gently she walked over to Ah-Un where she unstrapped Inuyasha's body, causing it to drop to the ground. Kagome wasn't strong enough to lift it, but she refused to ask Sesshomaru for help, so instead, she dragged his body along the distance between Ah-Un and the hole before carefully rolling him inside the hole.

Her heart heavy as she began to cover the hole using her hand to scoop. Sesshomaru watched her from afar as she took minutes to finish her task, he remained silent. He had nothing to share or to say to his brother and would simply wait until the miko was done.

Her white-blue kimono was dirty as Kagome rose up, casting glances around she was looking for something specific. That was when a patch of flowers caught her attention and she hurried towards them. She picked up a few before rushing back to his grave where she deposited them on the fresh earth.  _I'm sorry,_  she thought, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Miko it's time," said Sesshomaru, bringing her attention back to him.

Not without a sigh Kagome backed away from his grave, her sobs caught in her throat.  _He was gone_. She felt Sesshomaru grab her wrist as he began to drag her towards the well. Kagome looked back behind her at Inuyasha's resting place.

A few seconds later they were right beside the well. All Kagome could hear was her own heartbeat echoing in her head. She found herself staring at Sesshomaru as he took a hold of her arms. It was at that moment that she felt him slide something heavy around her wrist and in surprise, she tried to look down to see what it was. Unfortunately for her he didn't allow her to do so. He distracted her as he pressed his cold, emotionless lips against hers. Kagome gasped against his mouth not knowing how to react to this. Then, she felt it. Gently Sesshomaru removed her silver bracelet in one swift motion and before she knew it he had pushed her down the well.

A scream nearly escaped her throat as she felt herself falling. All she could see was Sesshomaru looking down at her. Her heart was beating like crazy as she could not believe this was finally happening. Sadly for her, all her hopes were broken when she hit the bottom of the well still in the feudal era. A panic took over Kagome as more tears appeared in her eyes.

She couldn't help but look up where she saw Sesshomaru holding his head, growls coming out of him.  _The beast_. Out of desperation Kagome began to hit the ground with her tiny fists as if that it would make it work.

"COME ON!" she screamed, her desperation rising. "WORK YOU STUPID PIECE OF CRAP!"

 _Not now,_ not when she was so close. She had always thought the bracelet was the reason why she could not travel. Now that it was off why did it still refuse to work? There was no other reason that could stop it from working! Then it hit her, the child, could it be her child? She looked down at her stomach, a panic overtaking her. Perhaps the child could not travel through time like she could?

Would she be stuck there until it was born? But then that would mean leaving her child behind when she would try to leave again and that was something she simply could not bring herself to do. Quiet sobs escaped her throat as she refused to give up.

Once again, she glanced towards Sesshomaru and noticed his eyes were now fully red, he had his sight set on her. More panic and stress took over her body as she kept hitting the ground. "PLEASE!" she begged, tears pouring down her face.

Suddenly, a pink light emanated from her body, causing her to glow brightly, her eyelids began to feel heavier by the second. Before she knew it Kagome closed her eyes and lost complete consciousness.

Only one word remained in her mind as she slipped into the darkness,  _please_.

-B-


	23. Amber Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Miso-Shiru; is a traditional Japanese soup consisting of a stock called "dashi" into which is mixed softened miso paste.  
> Dashi; is a class of soup and cooking stocks considered fundamental to Japanese cooking.

Darkness.

Kagome could feel a sharp pain racing through her entire body as she slowly opened her eyes, the dark gray black making it hard for her to see. Her cheeks were sticky from the previous tears that she had shed. She held her poor head with both of her hands, it was throbbing painfully while she managed to sit up. As she did that movement something slid from her arm to her shoulder, but she ignored it at the moment. She let go of her head and pressing her back against a wall, licking her dry lips. At that instant, her memory was nothing but a blur all she could recall was the pink glow that had surrounded her body as she had felt her powers return for the first time in a very long while.  _Sesshomaru._ He had pushed her down the well after  _kissing_ her. Unconsciously she brought her hand to her lips, lingering there and it felt as if her lips were burning. He had not been the beast when he had taken that action, so why had he done it? Before she could go deeper into the question, she remembered him beginning to transform.  _Yes,_ she couldn't go through the well! It didn't work!

In a panic she rose to her feet, holding onto what she could of the wall that was next to her and inspected her surroundings.  _She was still in the well._ Her heart began to beat extremely fast as she began to look up to answer the fateful question 'in which time period was she?' Had it all been for nothing?

Kagome's heart nearly burst from her chest when she saw the familiar  _wooden_ ceiling of the little shrine. She was powerless to stop the tears from falling.  _She was home._ Before she knew it Kagome dropped to her knees, digging her fingers into the dirt as the palms of her hands firmly pressed into the ground.  _She was home._ Kagome felt like she could repeat that to herself over and over and the feeling of joy invading her body would never cease. For the first time in too long, it was tears of happiness that rolled down her cheeks instead of ones of suffering.

She took a few more seconds to breath, letting out the overwhelming emotions she was experiencing before she sat back down onto the dirt floor of the well. Gently, Kagome wiped her tears away with her dirty hands, before looking back up once more. For a second, everything came rushing back to her; the scents, the sights, the memories. Usually Kagome would climb up without a problem, but with her current condition and inexplicable weakness, she wasn't sure she could manage. Nonetheless, she decided to give it a try, too excited to even begin to think about waiting. She grabbed on and managed to hold on, to her surprise she succeeded into pulling her body up, all the way to the top of the well. A little breathless, she pushed the top part of her body over the edge before resting her feet on the edge, her hands stopping her from slamming against the ground.

It was then as she did this that something around her wrist, hit the ground and Kagome's eyes grew wider.  _Inuyasha's beads._ For a second her heart was caught in her throat as she lay on the ground, her eyes never moving away from the necklace. That was what Sesshomaru slid on her arm before he had  _kissed_ her. He had kept Inuyasha's necklace. He had decided to give it to her? Why? Not only did it seem so out of character that he would take it, but also that he would actually think about her. She blinked a few times chasing the tears away before holding on to it tightly with her hand as if she were afraid it would disappear.

Kagome blew her bangs away from the face before getting up. She grunted as she made it onto her two feet before she began to walk in the direction of the door. She was slightly shaking from her nervousness. Although at this moment she was happy and relieved to be back home. She had no idea how she would react once she would see her mother. It had been months since she had seen her family. Kagome didn't even know how she would begin to explain everything that had happened during that time. Never would she be able to keep all of this a secret, especially considering her current condition. They were bond to notice she was pregnant  _and_ Kagome refused to lie to them. Even though she had a feeling her mother would be crushed, Kagome needed them to put this behind her.

As soon as she stepped outside a gentle breeze circled her, causing her to wrap her arms around her body. The night was dark and starless. For the first time in a long time she had no reason to fear it. Night and day didn't have to be differentiated anymore because they were the same. No need to await a change that would not happen, not need to expect someone else once the sun went down. He was gone and she was home. All that was left was her while he was on the other side of the well, unable to reach her. She breathed out a sigh of relief.

The young miko held her breath as she reached the door of her house. Her heart beating like crazily inside of her chest as her fingers touched the door knob. She tucked Inuyasha's necklace inside of her kimono keeping it close to her. Carefully she put pressure on the knob, before gently turning it and opening the door. The sight she found in front of her was enough to bring tears to her eyes once more. Her grandfather, brother and mother were all sitting together at the table, smiling and enjoying a meal together. But, quickly their attention was turned towards Kagome, and her mother couldn't help but gasp. Mrs. Higurashi stood up, her hand covering her mouth, as she stared at her daughter in shock. She was wearing a kimono, instead of her usual school uniform, her eyes were puffy and red, she was covered in dirt and looked like she could crumble at any second.

Before another thought could cross her mind, Miyu ran towards her daughter, tightly wrapping her arms around her. She didn't know what happened but all she knew was that her daughter needed someone to hold her right now. When Kagome had not come back in a couple of weeks she had not worried at first, since it had happened more than once. Of course, then the weeks had turned into months and she had begun to slightly worry. She had told herself that perhaps in the heat of the battle Kagome had been unable to come. But now, she knew something else had happened. The pain she could see in her daughter's face had nothing to do with a fight, it was something much deeper. As she tightened the embrace she could not miss the developing bulge of her daughter's stomach. Her eyes widen in surprise, but she resisted the urge to pull away.  _Not now;_ everything in due time. This she knew was not an obvious increase in weight, but from a pregnancy. A million thoughts ran through her mind, but she kept them all for herself.

As Kagome felt her mother's warm embrace she broke down. Slowly, her body became limper as she counted on her mother to hold up her body, as she shattered. Horrendous events that shook the life out of her were expressed through her tears that became sobs. Kagome could feel movement near her which she assumed were her brother and grandfather coming near her. There was so much to tell them, but no way to begin to tell the tale. Instead of talking she gladly took her mother's shoulder to let the recent events crash upon her, which included Inuyasha's death too, since she had barely any time to mourn. Then it wasn't too long until Kagome felt more people hugging her and her heart began to feel even heavier. None of them knew what occurred, but they didn't need to know to provide her with support.

It took Kagome another few minutes before she could manage to pull away from them, as she regained some form of composure. She was still sobbing quietly, but the shaking had stopped. Kagome felt her mother wrap her arm around her waist and guided her towards the living room. Miyu knew she'd be much more comfortable there than at the kitchen table. Kagome followed without a protest, Souta and her grandfather did not follow as they knew this needed to be a moment between Kagome and her mother. A few seconds later both women reached the couch and sat down beside each other. Miyu had her arm around Kagome's shoulder not saying a word. She would wait for her daughter to speak once she was ready.

The silence remained for a few minutes as Kagome was at loss for words. How could she start? What could she possibly say? Nothing that had happened to her could be something she would be able to just blurt out as if it was nothing. Not one detail could be mentioned before the other because it was more important and some parts were more difficult than others. Kagome sighed before pressing her head against her mother's shoulder, her eyes still watery. She opened her mouth ready to speak, but nothing came out of it. Then, Kagome felt her mother run her fingers through her hair to soothe her. She used to do that when Kagome was nothing but a little girl.

"I don't know how to explain, mama," said Kagome, her voice nearly a whisper, as it was broken from the stress of the crying she had just done.

 _"_ However it feels right for you. Only say what you want to say," she said, her voice extremely gentle.

Hearing her mother's voice was the last touch to make her feel at home and Kagome couldn't help but bring herself closer to her. Then, Kagome brought one of her hand to her stomach, resting it upon it. "I'm pregnant," she said, before closing her eyes tightly.

Miyu rested her head upon her daughter's, still remaining silent. Somehow, perhaps it was mother's instinct, but she had a feeling the father was not Inuyasha. So, she decided not to ask the question and let Kagome answer it when she wanted to. Mrs. Higurashi had no intention of pressuring her daughter into telling her something she was not ready to do. Whenever Kagome would feel at ease to tell her, she would always be there to listen to her and bring her comfort. At the moment, Miyu was containing herself and her emotions, trying to relieve some pain from Kagome. But sometimes, the tears were harder to hold back. This was her baby,  _her little girl._

For over two months she had worried, trying to tell herself Kagome was there because she was helping people, doing something she wanted to do with a fiery passion. But  _now_ she knew she had been day for the last three weeks she went pass the well, hoping to see her emerge, but nothing. Every time, every day, every night, there was no one. It was just a well. It made her fear.

Kagome's eyes were still closed as she tried to form the words, but it was hard to say  _that_ word, at least it was when she wasn't screaming it at Sesshomaru.

"I-- I was rape." She felt her mother's hold tighten and she managed to find the courage to open her eyes.

"He-- it- was Inuyasha's brother."

This time, Miyu could not hold back, and tears slid down her cheeks as she pressed a soft kiss on the top of Kagome's head. The word was still painfully ringing in her ears and it was impossible to stop herself from bringing Kagome into another embrace. She held her tightly, her hand against the back of her head her tears falling upon Kagome's stained kimono. It wasn't long before Kagome joined in with her and the tears pouring out once more. Both mother and daughter held on to each other. Kagome was slightly shaking. It took a few minutes before they pulled away from each other a little and Kagome laid her head on her mother's shoulder, feeling exhausted. Her eyelids were heavy and she closed her eyes, breathing out heavily.

Miyu's lips were glued together as she held in another sob. She couldn't help the feelings that stirred up inside of her. Although she could have never stopped Kagome from going through the well, and she herself could not go; Miyu couldn't stop the feeling of guilt from overtaking her. Deep inside, she blamed herself for not being there for her daughter while she suffered alone, by herself. The best she had been able to do was ask Inuyasha to watch over her. For a second, Inuyasha crossed her mind and she imagined the worst. Although Kagome came home crying more than once over the hanyou, her heart broken, Miyu could hardly imagine he would let someone do such a thing to Kagome and let them get away with it. Plus from what she had understood Inuyasha and his brother did not share a great relationship, which meant  _something_ had to have happened.

Kagome opened her eyes again, as if she had known what her mother was thinking. She pulled out the necklace from her kimono before laying it on her lap. Not a word needed to be said for her mother to understand what had occurred. She only held her tighter. Kagome tighten her hold on Inuyasha's necklace as she bit her bottom lip as sobs still escaped her. At that moment the world seemed strange, as if she didn't belong there. Perhaps it was because it felt so different from what she had been put through recently. Deep inside she knew that she was home at last. She wished it all had been a nightmare and that soon enough she'd wake up in her bed and realize none of it ever happened. Of course, it was all wishful thinking.

Once more Kagome's eyes were closed, as the exhaustion seemed to take a hold of her body. The warmth and comfort of her mother's body was only encouraging the feeling even more. She began to breath heavily before laying her head on her mother's lap. It didn't take too long for Kagome to fall into a deep slumber, as her breathing slowed down and the shaking stopped. Her mother realized Kagome's current state of sleep as she was gently running her through her daughter's hair. Miyu finally let her last soft sob escape. She took a few minutes and remained in that position with Kagome. Letting some of the pressure fall away at what her daughter had told her. Nothing of what she was feeling now could be compared to what Kagome had gone through, she knew that, but her heart felt empty at this moment. It was as if everything she could feel had been ripped out. It hurt, and the ache refused to leave.

It was at that moment that Souta peeked inside the room and met his mothers gaze. Once he made sure it was okay, he walked into the room. Stopping in front of his sister, Souta slightly bent down so he was eye level with Kagome. Kagome had always been the person he had looked up to and watched her with admiration every time she ran for another one of her adventure, fighting her way through no matter what. He had always listened in amazement as she told him her tales, wishing he could be in the same situation as her. Although Souta had seen his sister sad before, he had never seen her look so broken before. Even now as she slept, Kagome didn't look peaceful. He felt a pain inside of him that hadn't been there before.

Miyu carefully moved away from the couch, making sure she wouldn't wake Kagome. She grabbed the necklace which was on her daughter's lap and put it around her arm. Then, she gently slid her arms around her daughters body and proceeded to lift her up. Realizing Kagome was not as light as she used to be and that she herself didn't have the strength she once had before. Nonetheless, she slowly began to make her way to the stairs with her daughter in her arms. Souta followed close behind just in case. She took her time as she began ascending the stairs, making sure she wasn't moving too much since she didn't want to wake her daughter. She finally reached Kagome's bedroom. Gently she laid her down on the bed before casting a glance around. Kagome had been gone for so long and the room was neat and tidy, which felt like it wasn't her room.

Kagome was usually in such a rush that it would look like a tornado had gone through her room every time she came back. Miyu sighed before going towards the drawer where she took out Kagome's pink pajamas that had huge kitten faces on it. She didn't want to let her sleep in her current dirty clothes and she had a feeling Kagome had no desire whatsoever to still wear that kimono. Mrs. Higurashi could only begin to imagine what sort of memories would be associated with that. Although, she would not throw it out. She would let Kagome make that decision for herself as to what she wanted to do with it. There was one thing Miyu knew her daughter would keep, and it was Inuyasha's necklace. Which she placed down on Kagome's bedside table.

Carefully, she began to undress Kagome, once she was done she folded the kimono before putting it on the ground, right by the bed. It was now even easier to see Kagome's bulging stomach. Miyu found herself holding her breath. Kagome was only 17 years old and was still so young, she had much to look forward too. Although, ever since she fell down the well her life had been upside down. It had been truly a miracle that she had made it through high school with all the school she had missed. This year was supposed to be her last year, Miyu had a feeling Kagome would not be completing high school this year. Not only was there her pregnancy, but also she doubted Kagome had any desire to go back to school at the moment.

Nonetheless, whatever she decided to do Miyu would be behind her, backing up her every decision. Kagome had a good head on her shoulders and even though it was probably sooner than planned, Kagome would make an excellent mother. She had a very sweet and caring personality and Miyu knew it hadn't been lost through the recent events in her life. Also, Kagome would never be alone, she would make sure to be by her side and help her with any difficulty that would come her way.

Quickly, Miyu finished dressing her, before she covered her with the blanket and tucked her in. She couldn't help but sit on the edge of the bed as she brushed Kagome's bangs out of her eyes, staring at her face. Then, she bent down and pressed a kiss on her heated forehead before quietly getting up. She stared at her daughter as she walk away, her heart extremely heavy. It was hard to look away as she turned out the light, but she did it, the darkness engulfing the whole room. Usually she would close the door, but not tonight. Just in case something happened, perhaps even a nightmare, Miyu wanted to make sure she would hear Kagome.

Miyu's eyes were bloodshot red as she made her way downstairs. She would perhaps explain things to her father once he would ask, but Souta was another story. She didn't know how much Kagome wanted him to know and she would leave that up to her. She lifted her arm and held it to her shirt as she felt a pain in her chest, as if her heart were being squeezed. She would not be getting any sleep tonight.

-B-

A bright light woke Kagome from her deep slumber. As she blinked a few times, adjusting to the light. At first, a sense of panic took over her and she jumped slightly. Not only didn't she remember falling asleep, but she had also forgotten for a split second where she was. As soon as she took stock of her surroundings and realized it was her own bedroom, Kagome laid her head against her pillow, her heartbeat slowing down.  _She was home._ She could only be grateful, that at least that part had not been a dream. For a second she thought she had nearly imagined the whole thing, that she was still stuck in the feudal era. Kagome looked down at herself only to notice she was wearing her  _own_ clothes, she couldn't help the small smile that crept up on her face.

Kagome didn't want to exit the bed right now, so instead she remained under the blankets for a little while longer. Perhaps she needed to enjoy being in her own house to help the fact that she was  _safe,_  settle down. Though it was obvious for the first little while, she would probably be somewhat edgy. Kagome had every intention of burying herself in the darkness of her blankets when her bladder alerted her it needed to be emptied. She sighed heavily before slowly dragging her body out of the bed and headed to the bathroom.

Her eyes were burning slightly, she assumed it was from all the tears shed the previous night. Once she would go downstairs Kagome would have to see her family again and she didn't know what her reaction would be this time. There was still so much, which remained untold and once again, Kagome knew she wanted to empty her heart. She didn't know when, or how. Last night, only bits of information had come out, although most of it had remained unsaid, yet her mother had understood.

As Kagome entered her bathroom she couldn't help but take a look at herself in the mirror. She looked terrible. Her eyes were red and swollen, her hair looked like a bird had made a nest in it and there was a smudge of dirt on her face. As she observed herself closely, something else caught her attention. That left her breathless, the mark on her neck. Just to make sure she had seen right Kagome pulled down on her shirt, exposing her neck even more. There it was, staring at her,  _the mating mark._ She gulped, before backing away from the mirror, her hand still on the collar of her shirt.

Kagome tried to calm herself, but she couldn't help the small panic that took over. There could be a million reasons why the mark was still there. After all, time traveling was a very complex notion and anything could really be possible. Many times she had come back with scratches and marks, which remained on her no matter which side of the well she was on. Something that happened, just  _happened._ Maybe a mating mark didn't disappear once it was placed no matter what happened to the mates. Maybe it was just  _there,_ but it didn't represent anything anymore.

Before she knew it, Kagome had backed all the way to the cold wall and leaned on it for support. Her heart was beating extremely fast as fear took over. She refused to believe Sesshomaru was still alive in her time period, it was absolutely impossible. First of all, she stuck by her words that if he knew such a thing would happen, he would have tried to stop her from going, or at least made some sort of contact with her. Second of all, if youkais did still exist, such a detail would be known. There was no way they would hide from humans like this! And honestly, wouldn't she have felt at least  _one_?

She licked her dry lips before slightly nodding her head. Yes, the mating mark only remained probably because it couldn't go away. Desperate for another thought to fill her mind Kagome caste a glance in the direction of the bath tub, before moving away from the wall. A warm  _normal_ bath should be exactly what she needed. She ran the water before beginning to undress herself and it was not too long until she stood naked in the bathroom. She couldn't help but catch a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Her eyes were on the reflection of her stomach. The months were slowly ticking away and all she could do was guess when the baby would be born.

Once the water reached the right level Kagome turned it off before entering the warm water. She submerged herself as much as she could before resting her head against the cold edge sighing. Her stomach was somewhat beginning to stick out of the water, so she rested her hand on it. Now that she was in her own time it might be easier to find out what was wrong with her.  _If_ the sickness came back but there was one problem. Her baby was half youkai and Kagome didn't know if  _something_ different would show up if she went to a doctor. The young miko wasn't sure it was a risk she could take. What if a reading came out wrong and all of a sudden she found herself under close inspection?

If she was sick again perhaps the best thing to do was what she did in the feudal era, wait until it passed, since it always seemed to go away after a while. The thought of the feudal era only brought Sesshomaru to her mind. In the possibility, the  _crazy impossible_ possibility that she did run into him in her own era, what would she do? Not only would if feel like there was no way to escape him, but how different would it be to deal with him in her own time? Obviously things were very different in her world and she couldn't even imagine Sesshomaru acting civilized. It seemed to her that no matter where he would be he would do what he needed to, to get his way. She shivered before reminding herself that he was not  _here_.

She remained in the bath for a while longer before exiting it. She wrapped a warm fluffy blue towel around her body and it wasn't too long before she was sitting on the edge of her bed, looking through the window. Inuyasha never used a door he would always burst through her window whenever he arrived in her time. The thought brought a small smile to her face as she caught a glimpse of his necklace. How had he hated, and despised that thing so badly _,_ often asking her to remove it, which she had never done. Now this necklace was her only  _object_  from him to hold onto. A tear rolled down her cheek and Kagome wiped it away quickly.

Kagome was tired of crying she knew it was a necessary step in this recovery process. She also knew the next step coming was probably anger. Once there would be no more tears to shed an emotion of fury would be created inside of her and she would feel hatred. Kagome was already angry but right now, her heart was shattered and it was her main focus. As she would  _try_ to put this behind her she would also try to re-integrate herself into her old life. Obviously it would not be easy but here she had support and a family. She knew her first reflex might be to isolate herself sometimes, but Kagome would do her best to stop herself from doing it. Being alone was not the answer to heal herself.

The young miko closed her eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again. Today had to be a new day. Kagome got up and walked in the direction of her closet only to find herself staring at her old clothes. After spending so much time wearing kimonos these clothes almost looked weird to her. She picked her blue long-sleeve sweater and a pair of black sweatpants. At the moment she doubted her jeans would fit her and the same applied for her skirt - at least most of them. She would probably need new more ample clothes, but it would wait until later. Kagome was not ready to go  _outside._

Once she would leave the house she would need to face the outside world and that included her friends too. What would she do if she encountered them? How to explain? There was no way she could, but right now she didn't think she could handle coming up with a lie and acting as if nothing ever happened. She was not solid enough, nor ready for it. In a way, she was in no rush to exit the house. Kagome had no intention of going back to school for the moment, meaning she had no reason to leave. Also she knew nobody would force her to leave the house if she didn't want to, she could remain safely at home.

Kagome quickly got dressed before beginning to head downstairs where she would have to face her family. She took her time with every step going very slowly that she could hear the wood crack under her feet. Kagome bit her bottom lip as she reached the last step, her heart beating like a drum. She didn't know if they expected her to be downstairs, but she knew they were there since she could smell the aroma food. Except for that, they were being extremely quiet, more than usual and Kagome wondered if they were keeping it down because they were afraid to wake her up.

As soon as she stepped inside the kitchen they all turned to look at her. Everyone looked a little tense. The worst was her mother, her eyes were an exact mirror of Kagome's, letting her know her mother had spend a hard night. It was also obvious she had not slept but nonetheless, Miyu was smiling at her daughter. Mrs. Higurashi put down the pan she was holding before walking towards Kagome. Many times during the night she had checked up on her daughter, just to make sure she was still there, safe and asleep. Just as she had expected the night had been difficult and many tears had been shed.

After leaving Kagome's room she had cleaned the whole dining room quite excessively and had not sat down until Souta had left for his bedroom. It was then that she sat down with her father and had broken down much like Kagome had. He had sat down and listened to Miyu as she told him the story, or at least the bits she had obtained. His own expression had changed and even he had shed tears as he could only begin to imagine what his granddaughter had gone through because of a wretched youkai.

They had spent a major part of the night awake together as Miyu gained back her composure. At one point during the night her father had left and had gone to the shrine where she assumed he would deal with things in his own way. Miyu had remained in the kitchen and had spent the whole night there, holding a full cup of coffee the whole time, but never drinking it. She had sat there and watched the sun rise, her eyes in pain. The only time she left that spot was to check up on Kagome, just in case perhaps she had awoken and was alone in the dark.

Miyu had always remained strong and usually did not show her pain, at least not in front of her kids. Even when her husband died she had been strong, only by herself or perhaps with her husband's father had ever seen her cry. Last night holding her little girl it had been impossible to hold back the tears. The thought of Kagome being violated and mistreated in such a manner made her stomach twist in sickness. Today though, she wanted to be stronger for Kagome. Obviously she was not going anywhere and remaining in the house today. But, she would not invade her daughter's space. When Kagome would want to be with her and talk to her, she would be there, but until then she would wait.

Silently Kagome took a seat at the table and couldn't help but feel strange to be sitting down at such a small crowded table. She was so used to eating her meals either by herself or with Rin at the never-ending table. It wasn't too long until her mother was by her side and putting down a bowl of miso-shiru. She nodded her head in a sign of thank you, before she began to slowly eat. Sesshomaru might have professional cooks but nothing could be like her mother's cooking and she had missed it.

At that instant her eyes crossed with her brother's, but quickly he looked away. He couldn't bear to look into his sister's eyes because he couldn't find the right words to share. Unlike what his mother thought he had heard everything. After he went upstairs to his room he had waited a few moments before quietly going to the top of the stairs where he waited. Souta felt bad for eavesdropping on his mother, but he couldn't help his worry towards his sister.

He sat there listening to his mother cry, as she explained to his grandfather what she had understood from her short talk with Kagome and his heart broke. The thoughts and words had kept him up all night. He had tossed around, managing only to get an hour or two of sleep. Kagome was very important to Souta and looked up to her, to think that after everything she still seemed strong… he felt weak. Even now, he couldn't look her in the eyes.

Then the doorbell rang, attracting everyone's attention. Quickly Miyu walked towards the door and opened it, giving whoever was behind the door a decent view into the kitchen.

"I have a delivery for Miyu Higurashi," said the man, once Mrs. Higurashi had opened the door.

"That's me," she said before taking the pen and pad he was handing her.

Kagome, who had finished her breakfast got up, ready to put her bowl away and as she did so, her eyes locked with the stranger's eyes. Amber met Grey and before she knew it Kagome had dropped the bowl on the ground shattering it in pieces. The noise caught everyone's attention and they all turned their heads in Kagome's direction.

She mumbled an apology as in shock, she began to bend down to pick up the pieces. Kagome couldn't help herself from looking up at the stranger once more, but this time she found herself staring into brown eyes. She blinked a few times as if she thought  _this time_  she wasn't seeing right, but no matter what his eyes remained brown.

Perhaps she was still in shock. Surely Sesshomaru wouldn't show up at her door as a delivery boy and on top of that the man didn't look anything like Sesshomaru. Maybe she was expecting to come out of nowhere so much, that her brain hallucinated the sight of his eyes.

Kagome had most of the pieces in her hands so she threw them in the garbage, which was right near by. Then, she proceeded to exit the room and went upstairs to her room, her mind clouded with memories. Although she had to admit she preferred the sight of amber eyes to red eyes. As she entered her bedroom she sat on the edge of the bed, her door fully open.

Miyu took the package from the man before putting it down on the counter and hurrying up the stairs. Obviously something had scared Kagome and Miyu couldn't help but want to make sure Kagome was okay. When she reached her door she softly knocked, getting Kagome's attention. Kagome scooted aside slightly giving her mother some room on the bed. Miyu took it as her sign to come in and gently sat down beside her daughter. Miyu did not talk and simply remained beside her daughter, waiting to see if she would say something.

The young miko sighed before looking into her mother's brown eyes. Perhaps it would be easier if her mother knew the whole story from the start. It was then that Kagome began to explain everything that happened since the day Sesshomaru mated and raped her. She told her about the beast and how he was  _another part_  of Sesshomaru, the part which apparently was desperately in love with her. She mentioned Rin the time she spent with her and how Sesshomaru had saved the little girl's life years back. Also, she told her about her sickness and how she worried it might be affecting her child, of course she did not leave out the wretched bracelet. The last part of her story was perhaps the most difficult since it was the most recent events. Kagome shared with her mother the events that lead to Inuyasha's death, the voyage to Edo and how she thought the well didn't work, but then apparently she had made her way through.

The whole time Miyu stared at her daughter carefully listening and her lips forcefully pressed together. She refused to break down like the previous day, not wanting to interrupt her story. Kagome did shed tears while she told her story, sometimes stopping to regain her composure. The strangest thing was how freeing it felt to finally tell someone everything that occurred. It felt as if a weight had been lifted off her chest and she could breathe easier.

Once Kagome finally finished telling every event she could think of, she breathed in heavily. Then, she cast a glance in her mother's direction, her eyes watery. Gently Miyu wrapped her arms around her, her hand on the back of Kagome's head. Her eyes were closed since it was helping to hold the tears back. She caressed Kagome's hair, trying to soothe her.

Kagome's face was buried in her mother's shoulder as she quietly sobbed away her last tears. From then on she had to move forward. She had no intention of going back through that well. She had no idea what the beast reaction was and she would not take any chances. She was back in her own world putting five hundred years between her and  _him_.

The nightmare was over, she woke up.

-B-


	24. Check Up

Miyu had a huge pile of clothes in her arms as she walked in the direction of her daughter's room. She had spent hours digging them out and going through many boxes, even the ones out in the storage area. Miyu knew Kagome didn't feel like going outside and risk encountering people, but she wanted her daughter to be comfortable. Once she reached her bedroom, she knocked on the door softly waiting for an answer. After a few seconds the door opened revealing Kagome, who was still in her pajamas, since it was the most comfortable thing she owned.

"I found the clothes," she said, showing her the pile, a bright smile on her face.

Kagome smiled at her. "Thanks mom."

This was only her fourth day back home and she was still slowly adjusting. The third day had been a little easier perhaps, because a weight had been lifted off her chest since she had told her mother everything the previous day. Also, it hadn't taken her mother very long to realize Kagome spent most of her time in pajamas not because of depression but because it was more comfortable due to her current state. That was when she decided to look for the clothes she wore while she was pregnant with Souta, hoping it would help for the moment. They were not fashionable or anything, but they would do the job until Kagome got her own clothes. Miyu laid them down on the bed for Kagome to look through before going back in the direction of the door.

The more days that passed the more she could tell when Kagome wanted to be alone. Miyu just figured Kagome required some  _personal time_ once in a while, perhaps to deal with these things in her own way. Nonetheless, she always remained close by in case Kagome needed her. Most of the time Kagome wouldn't do much and she would stay in her bedroom. Going through her things or simply resting, perhaps trying to think things through. This morning, Kagome was acting very quiet and looked as if she was in her own little world. Not wanting to impose, Miyu decided to leave for now.

Kagome watched as her mother exited the room leaving her alone. As the door closed she moved in the direction of her bed, where she sat down on the edge. Not really caring how she would look she picked up the first shirt, which was a deep navy 3/4-sleeve baby doll maternity shirt. It had a black strip right under the breasts. She slipped it on quickly before moving on to the bottoms. Kagome put on a pair of black maternity leggings.

Today she had something to do and she refused to push it back any longer. Kagome knew it would probably be difficult and she could already feel tears coming to her eyes, but she pushed it aside. Slowly she walked in the direction of her bedside table and opened it. Grabbing Inuyasha's necklace she wrapped her tiny fingers around it tightly, before taking a deep breath. It was time to do this properly.

She made her way downstairs and felt the stare of her family, but she didn't turn around. She knew they wouldn't ask any questions and they would understand soon enough. Gently she opened the door feeling the ray of sunlight hitting her face, nearly blinding her. Her eyes were semi-closed as she walked outside with the tree locked in her sight.

Five hundred years ago she had buried Inuyasha's body there and it remained untouched and unmarked. She would change that. Although her gaze remained on the tree, she walked past it, to walk into the little shrine near it. Inside Kagome grabbed a large piece of wood and a big black marker before walking out, the necklace still around her wrist. It wasn't the most expensive  _gravestone_  there was, but she wanted to do it herself. Inuyasha had waited long enough in his unmarked grave.

All these times she had spent near the tree, never knowing Inuyasha was under her feet. Well, if his body still remained there since it could have been moved with time. Nonetheless, she considered this his burial ground and she would mark it.

Once she reached Goshinboku Kagome went down on her knees, dirtying her clothes before laying down her materials. She slowly and with difficulty, finally released the bracelet looking at it as it lay on the ground. There was so much she wished she could have told him and how she had hoped that once in his life he would have listened.

Kagome often thought her love for Inuyasha only brought her misfortune, but now the fog was lifted and she could see clearly. Inuyasha had  _truly_  loved her. He was hotheaded and often didn't listen to anyone. Going into things without thinking, but he did it because he cared. No matter what she had said the hanyou had refused to give up on her, going to his own death for her sake.

She could feel the tears burning her cheeks as she began to weep. Kagome would never be able to forget that this was her fault, at least part of it. Maybe if she hadn't screamed that she loved him he wouldn't have gotten his hopes up. She revitalized him and made him think he couldn't give in because they still had a chance at being together.

Kagome also believed that perhaps she could have stopped Sesshomaru. At the time, everything had been so confusing. Inuyasha showing up hadn't been part of the plan. Her desire to go home had been stronger than ever and he had shown up, causing Kagome to be hesitant. Trying to save him would have cost her everything, but not saving him provoked his death. Neither of them would have expected that Sesshomaru would be so  _quick_. All she had the time to do was helplessly run in the direction of Inuyasha, only to be too late. If only her powers had been present then, she might have been able to save him.

The young miko felt her palm digging through the ground as her heart began to feel heavy.  _Inuyasha._ There was a time when that boy meant the world to her and that memory would always remain. Inuyasha had been her first love, the first to catch her heart and it had been so hard to let him go.

He had made a few mistakes, but Inuyasha had done the best he could with what he had. After all, he had lost everything at such a young age and nobody had been around for him when he grew up. He had his flaws, but also his qualities and it seemed somewhere along the recent events they had been forgotten. There would not be any good enough explanations for what he had done on  _that_  day. But she couldn't help remembering the good times.

She took a deep breath before moving the necklace out of the way, so she could begin to dig. The necklace belonged to Inuyasha not to her. Slowly she dug, not too deep with her fingers, until she reached an appropriate depth. Once she did she dropped the necklace in the hole, her tears wetting it. Burying this object and re-living this moment was hard. Last time many things had been going on and she had been short on time, since night had been falling.

This time it was different, nobody would come and interrupt her and she could sit there as long as she wanted and needed. Gently, she covered the necklace with dirt until the hole was completely filled. Then, she placed the wood piece that she had made on top of it before slightly pressing on it, burying it a little.

So much remained unsaid between them. They never had the chance to get a last conversation. Yes, it was true that if she had left before he showed up and was killed, they would have probably never talked again,  _but_  there would have always been the possibility that  _one day_ , they would meet again. Now that would not happen, he was gone.

The whole time tears had been rolling down her cheeks and they did not stop as she picked up the large black marker. Her hand was shaking as she tried to steady herself before she could write down his name. As she bent down her stomach brushed against the ground and a tiny smile crept up through the tears. In some twisted way she would always have  _somewhat_  of a part of Inuyasha with her.

After all Inuyasha and Sesshomaru shared the same father and her child would have been Inuyasha's nephew or niece. That and the child would be a hanyou just like him. Often Kagome had seen the pain in Inuyasha's eyes as he had recalled his childhood and she would make sure her child would not feel the same. She would not let it be excluded or mistreated.

Inuyasha had never really been able to accept his hanyou status, yet she thought it was what made him… himself. She would teach her child to cherish the fact that he was part of both worlds, even if no youkais remained in this time. Although he was dead she would show Inuyasha that being hanyou was not so bad.

Another thing she remembered from him was how much Inuyasha loved his mother and she wanted to be the same kind of mother to her child. Be the one to shield her infant from the harm of the world and make it a safe place.

 _I'll make your nephew or niece, feel loved, don't worry_.

She sighed heavily as she began to write down his name as neatly as she could. Once she was done she backed away a little, staring down at it.  _I'm sorry_.  _I should have moved faster – I should have stopped him before he ever got to you._ _Instead, I just watched him as he walked towards you… I just never thought -._  She sighed again.  _I didn't think he had it in him to kill you._

Her tears were staining the wood as she brought her hands to her eyes, covering her face. Kagome cried for his death, for the lost of her first love, for her friend and her companion. Inuyasha was all these to her and she had watched him die by the hands of the man who would never be any of these things.

 _I claimed you betrayed me, but I feel like I did the same to you._.

The pain in her heart refused to leave as it was joined with guilt and she slowly broke down. As she began to lay down on the ground, her guts twisted. Her face was almost pressed against the wood as she was unable to stop the tears from falling.

It was at that moment that Kagome felt hands on her shoulders, but she didn't turn around. She knew who it was and she let her mother move her. Miyu sat down on the ground before moving Kagome and sitting her daughter on her lap. She pressed Kagome's head against her chest as she ran her fingers through her daughter's hair.

It broke her heart to see her daughter in such a condition, but once again she kept it inside. Miyu's lips were sealed as she remained by her daughter's side no matter what. Anytime Kagome felt broken Miyu would be there in a blink, as if she could sense her emotions.

Not a word was needed, just comfort and warmth.

-B-

Cartoons. Everybody needs cartoon time, no matter how old you are. Forget your world and join theirs for a brief moment of escape. And if your feeling bad at least it numbs the pain and stops the mind from thinking

Kagome was sitting on the couch watching television, her eyes slightly red and irritated. The tears had stopped hours ago but her eyes were over exhausted from the strain she had put on them these past few days. They were slightly burning her but she pushed the pain aside since it wasn't the worst she had ever felt.

Her mother had held her for nearly an hour, or what felt like an hour before they had come back inside, in silence. Ever since then Kagome had been zapping through the channels, not finding anything that could catch her attention. She had decided to stick to the cartoons since most of them were from her childhood, and it brought back good memories.

"Are you hungry?" asked Miyu as she came inside the room.

Kagome shook her head; she was actually feeling a little nauseous. Nothing like when she had these horrible sicknesses, but still enough to prevent her from eating. She hadn't eaten anything today and knew she would have to but not right now. It was better to eat when she would be able to keep it down.

Miyu had a worried look on her face as she walked over to the couch before sitting down beside Kagome.

"Do you know how far along you are?"

In her opinion Kagome was about 4 months along, but it didn't make any sense since she had only been gone for two months. The only possibility would be that her daughter wouldn't be pregnant for 9 whole months.

"About 2 months." Kagome knew her mother's other question, so she answered it.

"Anywhere from 4 months to 9 months."

Miyu nodded.

"Maybe I could drive you to the doctor, we would be able to at least come up with a due date?"

Immediately Kagome turned her head in the direction of her mother, slightly panicked. She had thought about that herself, but it seemed like such a huge risk to take.

"I'm not sure it's such a good idea. I mean, the baby is half-youkai, what if they find out?"

Miyu pondered the issue for a few moments, wondering if they could detect the child's origin. After all, a simple ultrasound wouldn't be able to tell them such details could it? It would tell them how far along in development, but it shouldn't be able to tell such precise details.

"What if we only do an ultrasound?"

An ultrasound, no tests, it should be safe right? Plus she would have the chance to see her baby for the very first time and perhaps even find out the sex of the baby. She softly nodded.

"Just an ultrasound," she said as she put her hand over her stomach.

Miyu smiled at her before getting up.

"I'll give my old doctor a call. Perhaps she could find a spot for you." Not only had she been her doctor for both her pregnancies, but they were also long time friends. Miyu had no doubt she would be able to see Kagome today.

Kagome watched her mother leave and at that moment a box on the ground caught her eye. It was the one that had been delivered a few days ago. She could remember that day very clearly. For a few seconds she had seen Sesshomaru's eyes in the delivery boy's eyes. Obviously it hadn't been him. Not only did he look nothing like Sesshomaru, but also he had been barely 18. She had simply hallucinated.

On top of that, never in a million years would Sesshomaru work as a delivery boy; surely his pride would prevent him from sinking to that level. She had no doubt that if he was in her time, he would most likely still have a title of some sort, or at the worst a lot of money.

But, as she had previously told herself, she was hallucinating. Perhaps she was slowly losing it. Though she expected this kind of thing to repeat themselves. Kagome was so afraid to encounter Sesshomaru in her time that she would constantly be edgy, since there would never be a way for her to confirm he was  _not_  there. She would probably spend the rest of her life looking over her shoulder.

Not even a minute later her mother came back, a smile on her face.

"She will fit you between two appointments if we leave now."

Kagome felt a tiny bit of stress stir inside of her at the idea of being in the outside world. It wouldn't be too bad since they would drive there and would not go to any other locations, but she couldn't help herself. Kagome felt like everyone's eyes were going to be on her and she didn't want to be observed by anyone.

Nonetheless, she softly nodded at her mother before slowly getting up. Obviously she needed to change since her clothes were dirty from her previous  _activity_. Taking her time she went up the stairs, her mother carefully watching her.

Miyu already knew what was going on and she would do her best to shield Kagome from what she feared. Once they would reach the clinic it would be more difficult. Although, it wouldn't be as bad since every women in there would also be pregnant.

She knew her daughter might fear the judgment of other people. After all, it was obvious Kagome was still very young and you could tell just by looking at her. Not only that, but she would show up there without a  _father_  and the first thought in people's mind would probably be that Kagome was a knocked up teenager.

Though, Kagome was a strong spirited girl and Miyu knew she wouldn't let such thoughts bring her down. After all, she knew the truth and she knew what she had endured just to be able to come back home. Miyu wouldn't let them make Kagome uncomfortable.

-B-

The whole ride to the clinic Kagome had been extremely nervous, always looking around observing every person that they walk past. What had she expected? That Sesshomaru would jump out of the crowd and make his presence known? Of course, the ride there had gone smoothly and now they were in the waiting room.

The next one to go would be Kagome and she could feel some excitement fill her. She hoped her child was fine and that she would finally be able to name the infant since she would most likely find out the gender. At that moment, the memory of the time Rin had chosen a name for a little boy came back to her mind and she softly nodded to herself.

If it was a boy, she'd name him Kiyoshi. Just for  _Rin_.

When the door opened Kagome jumped in surprise, considering how edgy she was. A woman doctor came out and smiled at her.

"You must be Kagome," she said, sounding somewhat excited. "I'm doctor Yuzuki." She could see Kagome was nervous, thus she was trying to put her at ease.

Kagome shook her hand before getting up. "Nice to meet you," she said, her voice nearly a whisper. Unexplainably she had suddenly lost her voice. Perhaps it was because of her current state of mind and body.

She followed her mother and the doctor into the white room, her heart beating like crazy inside of her chest. Kagome tried to take deep breaths to calm herself, but it was not really working. Soon enough the chair was revealed to her and Kagome took a seat in it, her body somewhat shaking.

"You don't have to be nervous, I'm sure everything is fine," said the doctor trying to re-assure her.

Kagome weakly nodded, not really believing the words of comfort. Something had to be wrong with either her or the child or she wouldn't have been sick all these times. Although she doubted the ultrasound would reveal anything about that.

The doctor slowly lifted Kagome's shirt and revealed her bulging stomach, before smiling at her.

"It might be a little cold," she said before applying the gel on her stomach.

Kagome slightly winced when she felt the coldness against her skin, but it quickly passed. Her anxiety had diminished and her excitement had grown. Once she saw Dr. Yuzuki turn on the machine her eyes were glued on the screen, simply waiting to see her child appear.

It didn't take too long for a picture to manifest onto the screen and Kagome's heart skipped a beat. Doctor Yuzuki's eyes were focused on the screen as she tried to locate the perfect position to give Kagome a good view of her child.

After a few seconds, she grinned. "There he is."

Kagome's lips slightly parted before she stuttered. "H-he?"

Dr. Yuzuki nodded.

"You're having a little boy." Then, she pointed at the screen. "That's his head, and here you can see the ears." Kagome's eyes widen slightly. "You're actually quite far along."

Kagome glued her lips together and all she could hear was her heart beating echoing inside of her head. Not only did she begin to tear up from the joy, but also she was at a loss of words. Seeing how Kagome remained silent her mother asked the question for her.

"How many weeks?"

"About 18 weeks."

Kagome closed her eyes as she registered the information in her mind. She was almost 5 months pregnant! But she wasn't very big at least not enough to be  _that_  far along. Then again if in 2 months her baby managed to be as developed that fast, there was no telling if her stomach would suddenly grow. Since she was shocked Kagome hadn't been able to hide her surprise which caught the doctor's attention.

"You must have already had an estimate," she said, offering her a smile.

Kagome nodded, nervously. "O—f course. I just, I guess – This makes it so much more realistic."

"Would you like a picture?" she offered, knowing how it was usual one of the first thing new mothers asked for.

"Yes, of course," said Kagome, a smile on her face.

"I will be right back."

As the doctor exited the room, Miyu walked closer to her daughter and grabbed her hand in hers, holding tightly. Kagome had mixed emotions stirring up inside of her at the moment causing tears to spill out of her eyes since it was the best way she knew how to deal with this kind of situation.

For the first time in a long time, Kagome gave herself some encouragement by telling herself she could do this. After all she wouldn't be alone, she would have her family by her side to help her if things got rough. If she could endure and make it through months with that monster, she could be a single mother. Not that she ever had any intention of giving her child away!

"And here we go," said the doctor as she walked back in.

She handed the picture to Kagome who nodded a thank you. She took the picture in her hands, a smile on her face, while she could hardly imagine such a precious being was growing inside of her at the moment. Miyu peeked and took a look, smiling as she put a kiss on her daughter's head. Then, Miyu helped her daughter get up from the chair as they were both escorted to the door.

"I'd like to see you in a couple of months, just to make sure everything is okay," said Doctor Yuzuki, before gesturing towards her secretary.

"Thank you Yuzuki," said Miyu, since she appreciated the fact that she had managed to squeeze Kagome in between appointments.

"My pleasure," she said, before walking in the direction of her next patient. Miyu was one of her oldest friend and she couldn't refuse her a favor. Though she had been surprised to learn that her 17 years old daughter was pregnant, but it was none of her business.

"Mom, do you think you could make the appointment while I go to the washroom?" asked Kagome, slightly swinging from one foot to the other.

"Of course," said Miyu, as she made her way to the desk.

Kagome began to look around trying to see any indication that there was a washroom nearby. When she found it, she made her way there quite rapidly, her bladder was killing her. As she walked her attention was on the ground, as she had done nearly since they had left the car. Since she wasn't paying attention she bumped into someone.

She raised her head only to find herself face to face with a very pregnant woman.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, before quickly walking off. She felt a little bad for walking into a pregnant woman and was glad she didn't cause her to fall or anything.

Kagome sighed in relief as she finally reached the washroom, hurrying to relieve her bladder. As she went to wash her hands, she couldn't help but get a look at herself in the mirror. She noticed how terrifying she still looked. She thought after a few days her appearance would have improved somewhat, but she had been wrong.

Not only did she look extremely tired, but it almost looked as if she was older. Stress would do that to someone. She shook her head softly at her reflection before exiting the washroom. As she began to make her way down the hall her pace fast as if she was scared, she was stopped by a voice.

"Miss?"

Kagome turned her head to see who was calling out to her, only to be staring at a man. He closed the distance between them before handing her a picture.

"Is this yours?" he asked as she caught a glance of the picture from her ultrasound.

She gasped. "Hm-er yes."

It was most probably that she had dropped it when she had bumped into the woman and she hadn't realized it. She took the picture from his hands looking somewhat relief.

"Thank you," she whispered, before offering him a weak smile.

As she looked straight as his face her lips slightly parted, a gasp nearly escaping her. She closed her eyes and opened them again as if she wasn't seeing right. Apparently she was having another one of her hallucination because this couldn't be real.

The man in front of her had short black hair and dark green eyes, which obviously looked nothing like Sesshomaru, yet for an instant it was as if she had been staring at him. She breathed out heavily before gently backing away from the man, as if in fear.

It was obvious at that moment her eyes couldn't be trusted since she thought every man was Sesshomaru, it was like an obsession.

"Thanks for returning the picture," she mumbled before turning around and hurried to catch up to her mother.

Kagome couldn't bear to turn around and look at the man again. Obviously she was not ready to be outside again, because every stranger she encountered she mistook for Sesshomaru. She was more than relieved when she caught up to her mother and offered her a weak smile, trying not to show any sign of panic.

As both women began to exit the clinic Kagome couldn't help herself, but looked back trying to see if the man was still there. As a matter of fact, he was. She observed him as he sat down in one of the chairs, nobody beside him. Perhaps his wife was inside. She closed her eyes once more trying to bring her heartbeat down. This man was not Sesshomaru. It was only a few resembling features that had stuck out, making her think it was him.

Now that she was getting a good look at him, she knew it couldn't be Sesshomaru.

-B-

The whole ride back home, there was only one thing that had been bothering Kagome. Sesshomaru. She knew she was hallucinating, seeing his presence everywhere.  _Perhaps_ ,  _somehow_ , he was there. Maybe he had lived throughout all this time and he was still alive in her time. Maybe the reason why he hadn't stopped her from going through the well was because he had no idea where to find her? It's not like he had clues or anything.

There was a way for her to perhaps find out, even though it was completely crazy and there were very few chances it would work. Nonetheless, every opportunity was worth looking into. As soon as they had gotten home Kagome had jumped unto the computer, much to her mother's surprise.

The Internet could be an amazing thing and many things could be found. Although she doubted the name "Sesshomaru" would get her anywhere, she would still try. The chances were that if Sesshomaru did live in modern Japan he would have changed his name. But, perhaps she would be lucky. After all the bad luck she had, it was time for her to indeed have some good luck on her side.

For the next half an hour Kagome did nothing but have her eyes glued on the screen, trying to find out anything she could about anyone named Sesshomaru. Perhaps if she could confirm he was  _indeed_  in this era it would make it easier to hide herself from him? It was far fetched, but it was worth trying.

After nearly an hour of researching Kagome managed to find only three Sesshomaru's, which was three more than she expected. Sesshomaru Okinawa. Sesshomaru Tottori and Sesshomaru Toyama. With the names there were addresses and she carefully wrote them down.

At the moment she didn't have many choices. Either she spent the rest of her life on edge, always wondering or she found out for herself. Although she was scared out of her mind to even think about seeing him again, she  _needed_  to find out. She closed her eyes for an instant before getting up from the chair and walking in the direction of the kitchen.

"Mom, can I borrow the car?" Somewhere in between all her travels back and forth from the feudal era, she had managed to get her driver's license. Granted she was not the best driver since she lacked experience, but she could manage.

Miyu had a worried look in her eyes as she nodded.

"Yes, of course. Do you want me to go with you?" She had no idea of Kagome's destination, but she had recognized the look of determination in her daughter's eyes.

"No, I." She paused. "I want to go on my own."

Her mother nodded before handing her the keys to the car. Kagome took them, a tiny smile on her face, which looked forced.

"Thank you."

With a determined pace she exited the house with the paper with the addresses in her hands. She couldn't prevent her shaking as she made it to the car and she wondered what her reaction would be if she found him. She would probably be terrified with fear. As she got into the car, she reminded herself she had to be careful when she investigated. After all, she didn't want to go knock at his door just to find herself face to face with him. No, she would have to park at a certain distance and simply observe and hope she would see a man walk into the house.

Kagome decided to start with Tottori since it was the closest address. She started the car and began driving as her heart pounded inside of her chest. The simple thought of Sesshomaru being alive in her era was enough to nearly make her faint. Considering the fact she didn't know what happened to Sesshomaru and his beast with the merging since she left, everything was to be expected. Did the merging stop? Would she face Sesshomaru alone, or his beast alone? What would he try to do to her if he found out she was there?

Although, it seemed insane that he wouldn't have found her. After all he had a 500 hundred years head start. He was bound to have been able to find some sort of information about her.  _Now_ that she thought about it, didn't she leave some of her books in her yellow bag? If she did, he had the name of her high school and most probably her address and full name! If Sesshomaru were alive in this time period he either didn't care about stopping her, or  _didn't_  want to. Why? She had absolutely no idea, but she had a feeling it would be nothing good.

After a few more minutes Kagome reached the first address and she parked a few houses down. It was actually an apartment and from the look of the neighborhood, it wasn't what you could call  _classy_. Somehow, she had a feeling this wouldn't be the Sesshomaru she knew. After all, he would never settle for anything so  _cheap_.

Nonetheless, Kagome decided to wait and see.

She indeed waited for over two hours until someone came out of the apartment. As soon as she noticed movement, she was on alert and sat straight in her seat. Her heart was beating like crazy as she watched a purple hair man come out of the house, wearing a black trench coat. He began walking down the street, and Kagome observed him carefully.

It wasn't too long until he passed her car and as Kagome got a good look at him, she confirmed what she already believed, this could not be Sesshomaru. She sighed heavily before turning on the car, ready to move on to the second one, Okinawa.

It was true that now that her powers were back she could try to feel his aura, but she knew it would be useless. She had deduced that if youkai's were indeed still alive they were hiding themselves, and she most probably wouldn't be able to feel Sesshomaru's aura.

It took her about an hour to reach the second place and this time it was in a much nicer neighborhood. Once again she parked a few houses down from her destination, before stopping her car and waiting. She hoped she would be luckier than last time and that he would not take as long. The wait was the worst part and it was enough to drive her crazy.

Unfortunately for Kagome the wait was much longer. It nearly took three hours, meaning it was near 5 o'clock, for some movements to come from the house. A little girl came busting through the door screaming in joy. She had big bright chocolate eyes and long black hair, which was up in a ponytail. Apparently she was running after a scared dog.

A few seconds later a woman and a man came out and it looked as if they were telling her to come back inside. The woman resembled the daughter a lot, as they shared the same eyes and facial features for the most part. Kagome focused her attention on  _Sesshomaru_ , who was a very short man, with scruffy black hair and very small almost charcoal eyes.

Once again, she sighed in defeat; this wasn't Sesshomaru. Even if his appearance was altered he wouldn't look anything like  _that_.

Although no results were obtained she rather somewhat had proved to herself he wasn't there. Obviously it would haunt her and scare the life out of her if he was present, but now that she had gone this far, she couldn't turn back until she had verify all the possibilities.

It was time to track down the last one,  _Tomoya_.

Kagome was slightly bummed out when she reached the area of the last Sesshomaru. It had taken her over three hours to reach her destination, making it extremely dark outside since the night had fallen. She clearly doubted that anyone would come out at such a late time, but since she was already there she figured it was worth trying.

This time she parked much closer to the house, just in case she could catch a glimpse from the window or something. Kagome was indeed in luck since not all the curtains were closed. Perhaps this issue would be resolved the same day as the others. Kagome tried to make herself as invisible as possible as she quietly waited. Her eyelids were extremely heavy and her  _mind_  was throbbing in pain from the recent events. Her body was also near exhaustion and all this time she had spent waiting that day didn't help. She was extremely sore from being in the same position for hours and her back was begging for a break. On top of that, she hadn't eaten yet that day and she could hear her stomach screaming for food.

Kagome rested her head but kept turning it from time to time, just in case. She blinked for way too long a few times, but she ignored it. Today had been quite a hard day and she decided that if nothing happened in the next half an hour she'd go home. It wasn't the best idea to over exert oneself at the moment. Nearly as expected, once the half an hour passed nothing had happened. Kagome sighed heavily as she repositioned herself, ready to start the car. Once she turned it on, she buckled her seatbelt before looking in the direction of the house one last time.

What she saw almost caused her to gasp. As she looked at the window, she found a man staring right back at her, but it wasn't any man.  _He was the one_. The man who had given her back her photography earlier at the clinic. Kagome felt her heart beating like crazy as she found herself without words and her mouth became dry. It was just a coincidence right? No way he would have known where she was going,  _it was impossible_. It was just a very unfortunate coincidence.

She began breathing faster, especially when he refused to break the eye contact. Kagome was so nervous that she was the one who looked away. Rapidly she put the car in  _drive_  and drove away as fast as she could, biting on her bottom lip.

No, this was not happening. It was a coincidence.

-B-


	25. Because she was her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nikujaga: beef and potato stew, flavored with sweet soy.

Kagome hadn't been able to fall sleep since she had gotten back home. Nor could she eat. Her heart had been beating hard against her rib cage as if it was trying to break through. Bad thoughts had been running through her mind as she tried to make sense of everything. Obviously she was attempting to tell herself that it was merely a coincidence and that he was  _not_  him.

But, it was hard to ignore the little voice in the back of her head.

What were the chances that ' _the man'_  she encountered at the clinic was named Sesshomaru? Looked a lot like him  _and_  didn't break away from staring when he found her  _stalking_  him? There were just to many coincidences for it to conveniently just be accidental happenings.

Although,  _if_  it was indeed  _him_ , it left one question, How did he know she would be at the clinic?

She wouldn't have been that surprised if he had shown up at her house, since she highly believed he could have found her quite easily. But how could he find out about the clinic, when she didn't even have an appointment until that day? The only possibility that came to her mind was that the phone was tapped. Which was highly ridiculous of course.

Sesshomaru  _hated_  her, why would he work so hard to encounter her or make his presence known?

The only possible reason would be if he wanted something from her, but what could she possibly have that he desired? Nothing. The more Kagome ran things through her mind, the more she believed she was missing a piece of the puzzle somewhere.

There was only one problem though. The person who had that  _piece_  was him.

It was one thing to  _stalk_  Sesshomaru and try to find out if he existed in her time. But quite another thing was to actually face him  _and_  talk to him. After all, she didn't know his current situation or what could explain his different appearance. On top of that she had no knowledge of what happened to the beast and frankly she feared  _it_  the most out of the two.

Once again Kagome tossed in her bed completely restless.

The sun had been up for quite some time,, but she could not bring herself to leave her bed. Right now she didn't know what was out there. It seemed safe. Of course it was all an illusion, but it hardly mattered at the moment.

Kagome was at a loss and she didn't know what to do about it. One option was to ignore it completely, and keep doing so, unless he manifested himself  _or_  confronted her. Considering the fact that she had just managed to escape him, she wasn't really leaning towards facing him. She knew deep down inside she wasn't ready for that, not this soon.

She buried her face in her pillow breathing heavily. Kagome didn't believe she could ignore him or pretend that none of this had happened. She had to  _try_? Going home meant escaping him, trying to get her life back, but this wasn't it. It felt like she could not escape him.

Sure she had no confirmation that it  _was_  Sesshomaru, but the possibility was extremely high.

Kagome groaned against her pillow before her stomach growled. Gently she pulled away from her pillow before sitting on her bed, a sigh escaping her lips. When she had come home the previous night, she hadn't said a word to anyone and even though her mother wouldn't ask, Kagome knew deep inside she would wonder.

Without another thought, she weakly punched her pillow before getting up.

A feeling of fury was stirring up inside of her and Kagome found herself unable to stop it. At first, she had felt sadness, then fear, but now she was angry. Not at him, but perhaps at life itself. At the moment she felt  _trapped_ , as if there was nowhere to hide. Even five hundred years weren't enough to run away from him.

It was as if she wasn't allowed to run away,  _she had_  to face him. It nearly brought a rebellious feeling inside of her that demanded she refuse to acknowledge that he might be in her era. It was not fair and she could feel the tears burning her eyes.

Before she knew it she reached the last step and found herself staring at a nearly empty kitchen. Only her mother was present. Miyu smiled at her daughter before untying her apron and going for the fridge.

"Would you like something to eat dear?"

Distracted, Kagome nodded before taking a place at the table. Quickly Miyu placed a bowl of Nikujaga in front of her and a spoon.

"Thanks," said Kagome before slowly eating.

Once again Kagome was not very hungry,  _but_  she knew she had to eat something, if not for her sake then for her child's sake. She swallowed the food with difficulty, nearly feeling it hit her empty stomach. A small feeling of nausea was present, but she knew she would not be sick.

Miyu took a seat beside her with a bowl of Nikujaga for herself and ate in silence. Last night her daughter had come home quite late and it had been easy to notice her state of panic. Miyu didn't know what had happened, but she had a bad feeling, not many things could provoke Kagome's fear.

The silence quickly filled the room and Kagome didn't like it because it made her think about  _him_  too much. To her relief, her mother was the one to break the annoying silence.

"I'll be making some pies later for the charity event, would you like to help?"

Even if they didn't share any information regarding her current predicament she didn't want her daughter to be alone. It would be enough to have her around and make sure she wasn't hurt  _more_  than she was now.

Kagome chewed on her bottom lip slightly before nodding.

"I'd like that," she answered, her voice almost a whisper. Truth was she was afraid to be alone with her thoughts. She didn't trust herself right now, especially considering the fact that she was still a mess.

"I think he's here."

Miyu's eyes move and locked onto Kagome's frame, she didn't utter a word. Yes  _he_  could refer to a lot of people, but she knew in this case it could only be one person. For a second, a flash of fear mixed with anger went through her, but it quickly faded away.

Kagome was staring down at the table avoiding looking into her mother's eyes.

"I-mm not sure. I mean it doesn't make sense that he would be here, but … what if? I mean, what does he want with me?"

Most of the questions could not be answered, but she asked them anyway. Her mother knew as much, or even less than she did, but perhaps another opinion or point of view would help to see things differently.

"I saw him, well not  _him_ , but someone who looked like him at the clinic. I thought it was nothing, especially since the delivery boy," she paused as she began to blink back tears.

"But, then last night… I found out he's named Sesshomaru too…" Kagome began sobbing, making her words slurry and hard to understand. "And I – he  _saw_  me  _stalking_  him."

Miyu stared at her daughter,  _trying_  to process what had been said, which was quite difficult considering her current state. But, she had managed to understand the gist of it. She felt her own heart pounding as she thought about that  _man_  being present  _and_ around her daughter.

Obviously her protective mother instincts were kicking in, and she  _knew_  she did not want that man anywhere near her little girl.  _Yes_ , there was not much she could  _actually_  do if he came, but that didn't mean she would stand there and watch.

"What if he's here?" asked Kagome her voice breaking.

The idea of facing him now was even more terrifying especially since she did not know what happened to him. Who would she face? She breathed out heavily before burying her head in her arms.

 _Can't escape_.

Kagome wanted to tell herself things would be different, that even if he was here he couldn't do what he wanted anymore, but it was hard. After all, he was  _Sesshomaru_. He would do what he wanted right?  _Although_ , if youkais still existed and were hiding, didn't it technically mean they hadn't been doing whatever they wish?

She groaned in frustration and pain.

Miyu put her hand on Kagome's shoulder gently rubbing it. What word could comfort her?  _None_. Her worry would be present until she confirmed his presence  _and then_ , if he were indeed here, her fears would only grow bigger.

Suddenly their silent conversation was disturbed by a noise coming from outside. Both of them turned their heads in the direction of the door. Kagome looked much more panicked than her mother. Slowly Miyu rose from her seat and walked towards the door opening it.

She reached out for something and came back in closing the door behind her. Kagome could see a few envelopes in her hands and breathed out a sigh of relief.

"The mailman," said Miyu, as if to re-assure her.

Now that Kagome had suspicions about his _presence_ , even a small sound coming from the outside world was enough to make her edgy and Miyu felt her heart growing heavier. She shouldn't suffer like this, especially now that she should have been safe at home.

Miyu put the mail down on the table, the few letters spilling on top of one and another. Kagome probably wouldn't have paid any attention to them if it hadn't been for  _one_  of them. It had her name written neatly in large letters on it causing her heart to skip a beat.

 _Yes_ , it was normal for her to receive letters in her own house, but this was not regular mail. Who would send her mail? All she had was school, no bills, no cards,  _nothing_  and this definitely didn't look like school mail.

Kagome's hands were shaking as she slowly reached out for the letter, her mother watching her. She picked it up, her eyes scanning the whole thing very quickly. She was barely touching it, as if it would burn her. Nonetheless, she gently opened it tearing up the envelope from one end to the other.

Once it was open she carefully took out the letter from inside, putting the envelope down. The paper was neatly folded and it looked as if she was scared to unfold it to reveal its contents. Even though everything inside of her was screaming she opened up the letter.

Miyu watched as Kagome's lips slightly parted while tears quickly appeared in her grey eyes. As Kagome remained motionless her hold on the sheet of paper loosened, causing it to fall flat on the table. Miyu looked over only to see an address written on it.

That was it. Nothing else was on the paper except an address neatly written in ink. Kagome closed her eyes knowing whom it was from. It took a few seconds for her to bring her arms down and as she did so, she pushed the letter away. She didn't want it.

Kagome breathed heavily, her chest rising in and out very fast. Her lips were now pinched together, slightly too hard as she began to get up. She shook her head slightly before heading outside under Miyu's worried glaze.

Once she made it outside Kagome hurried to the tree, to Inuyasha's burial place and when she reached the spot she sat down, her back pressed up against the large tree. Her head was low and she was staring at the ground, her eyes glancing over to Inuyasha's grave.

Did the letter mean it was Sesshomaru, or that whoever it was,  _wanted_  to meet her? Could he be relaying a message? But it wouldn't make any sense, unless Sesshomaru's beast was still present and he didn't trust it with her around?

She sighed heavily. No matter the reason, she didn't want to go.

Could he really do something? This wasn't the feudal era anymore. She unconsciously began to chew on her bottom lip before closing her eyes. She hadn't been able to feel safe in her own house yet and there he was ruining it  _again_.

Why now?

Why not,  _before_  she went down to the well for the last time, before that  _critical_  event occurred. Why did he let her go? If he was present in her era he should have come and stopped her from going down the  _damn_  well.

It was at that moment that she raised her head and looked in the direction of the well. Her heart was pounding as she found herself wondering if it still  _worked_. Kagome could clearly remember the flash of pink light, which had surrounded her body, leaving her to wonder if it was still functional.

Kagome knew she couldn't try it. Being stuck in  _that time_  period with him was much worst than being in her own. If she did try it, for the sake of it and she remained stuck again, she would probably break down completely. It was safer to not try.

She looked away from the well to stare at the emptiness in front of her. No, it was decided, she would not go. But that didn't stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks, just like it had happened many times by the tree.

 _She wouldn't face him_.

-B-

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

Kagome could hear every second ticking away and her heart was ready to burst. There was no time or date on the paper she had received. Did it mean it was a never-ending meeting time? She had wanted to push it away, to forget about it, but  _obviously_  it had been impossible.

Sesshomaru was everywhere she looked and the thought of him lurking around her house made her heart ache. Not only that, but sometimes she found herself worried about not only her safety but her family's as well. Would he hurt them?

Her lips were twitching as she stared at her mother, who was slowly working on her pies. Kagome said she would help, but she was so stressed out right now that the scent and view of the food would have been enough to make her vomit.

Her mother had kept the paper. Kagome could see it from where she was sitting. Miyu had decided that if Kagome wanted it in the garbage, she would it put it there herself. Not that she really wanted her daughter going, but it was her decision.

Kagome sighed before slowly getting up and making her way to the living room, her curiosity getting the best out of her. She  _had_  to find out about the address. She sat down in front of the computer and began her research. Kagome didn't require the piece of paper; the address was engraved in her mind.

Every key she hit on the keyboard, her heart pounded. She couldn't even bring herself to blink as the page loaded in front of her, a familiar sickness overcoming her. When it was fully loaded, she dared let her eyes scan over the results and was surprised when she saw the result.  _Satei Hato –Coffee Shop_.

Coffee? He wanted to meet her over a coffee?

For a second Kagome felt thrown off balance. She had expected perhaps a house, somewhere secluded, not in the middle of Tokyo, surrounded by people. Was he trying to make a friendly comfortable environment for her? Could he not realize that the only thing making her uneasy was  _him_?

A public place. Could it really make a difference? Could it really be safe to meet him there?

Kagome's eyes widened slightly as she realized she was actually considering this. How could she possibly want to go meet that monster after what he put her through! She had no idea what happened to him and who would be in control of the body. There was no way this could be a good idea.

But then again, was it safer to stay hidden in her house? After all, he had quickly found her. Only a few days after she had managed to break away from him, he had encountered her in the clinic, when there was  _no way_  he could have known about her appointment.

If he knew about her and her location, he could have easily walked in whenever he wanted to. Could that possibly mean the beast was not in control? But none of this explained the change in his appearance  _if_  that was Sesshomaru. Point was he could come into her house if he really wanted to.

If she refused his  _invitation_  and didn't come, after a while would he get upset? What if that caused him to come and perhaps harm her family? It's not like it sounded like a crazy idea, especially considering the fact he had killed his own brother without much of a second thought.

Kagome had previously sacrificed herself for her friends, whom she considered her second family and obviously, she was more than willing to do the same for her  _real family_. But to see him again? She could already feel her body's stress levels growing with fear just at the idea of facing him again. Could she really handle it?

She couldn't run.

If she did try to go back to the feudal era,  _there he was_ , if she remained in her own era,  _there he was_. One way or another she would need to see him again and there was nearly no way to escape it. If she remained where she was he would eventually be the one coming to her.

Kagome took a deep breath before mentally nodding. She  _had_  to go. She didn't want him anywhere near her house or her family. She couldn't wait and allow this  _meeting_  to be pushed until he would choose to manifest himself in front of her door. Not today though. She was not ready to leave and meet him right away.

Tomorrow perhaps, but not today.

She would need to be mentally ready to face him and she was not. Heck, she probably would never be, but at this instant, she felt at her worst, especially considering the fact that simply thinking about meeting him was causing her whole body to shake in fear. At least this time she would have her powers.

Kagome gently closed her eyes before getting up and going in the direction of the kitchen where her mother was still preparing the pies. Kagome grabbed the light yellow apron, which was hanging on the wall and put it on. Miyu smiled at her daughter when she reached her side and moved over to give her some room.

Kagome glanced her mother's way, before seizing away some cherry jam.

"I'll go."

It had been hard for Miyu to hide her surprise and she had been unable to stop herself from ceasing her movements. She gently turned to face Kagome, her smile nearly gone from her face, since her worry had taken over her whole body. Honestly, Miyu hadn't expected Kagome to go, or at least not to make up her mind so quickly.

"Would you like me to accompany you?" To be honest, it scared the life out of her to imagine her little girl meeting up with  _him_.

Kagome gently shook her head. "I need to be on my own, mom."

In all honesty, she feared his reaction if her mother was there and she didn't want any harm to come her way. Kagome almost felt bad since every time her mother proposed to help, she would turn her down. It wasn't because she didn't want her by her side, because Kami knew she needed her, but she wouldn't forgive herself if something happened to her.

Plus, this was her fight. The less people involved, the less damage would be done. Kagome had already been broken and abused by Sesshomaru – or his beast - more than once and she could survive as she had shown and proven. Granted, she did not enjoy his treatment, but she rather have his fury on her, than the people she loved.

It was for that exact reason that her mother could not come.

Miyu nodded her head in understanding. She could easily guess why Kagome didn't want her to come, but it still pained her to be unable to do anything for her daughter. She was her mother and she was the one whom was supposed to protect her from harm, not the other way around.

Silently, both women continued their cooking tasks, their minds focused on something else.

Only one thought was in Kagome's mind. The nightmare was about to begin once more.

-B-

"She will go."

He nodded. "When?"

"I do not know, sir. She did not say."

He dismissed him with a gesture and the man obliged quickly. Once he heard the door close, he rose from his seat and walked towards the window. This was the exact same window from which they had crossed glances. To be honest, he hadn't expected her to locate him so quickly. He thought she would either not go looking for him, or that perhaps, she would go the wrong way in her research.

Although their encounter at the clinic had probably sped up her desire to find him, which had been exactly what he had wanted. And now, once again to his surprise she would even go to the café and meet up with him. She had more inner strength than he believed her to have.

Technically it was a little soon to start this and he strongly believed she would deny his request. Nonetheless, time was quickly running out and the options were fading away. He had tried completing the task, but without her it had proven to be difficult. Even with her, this could take over months to finish.

He turned his head slightly, the light of the lamp hitting his green eyes. The only reason why she might agree to the whole thing would be because of her  _spirit_. If she refused, he knew she would carry guilt around and she would find it hard to bear. Of course, if he also told her some tales of the past he was aware she would not be able to refuse.

There was no way to stop the sigh that escaped his lips. Perhaps there was another reason why he went to the clinic. Ever sine he had found out, he had felt a strange feeling for the very first time,  _guilt._

He walked away from the window before sitting down once more, staring at the fire. The house was empty and calm, especially considering the fact that only ten people occupied it, eight of them being servants. There was a time when he had enjoyed the calm and quiet, but now, it made his ears ring.

This world was boring, it was all about hiding and gimmicks. Humans had corrupted it, transforming it into nothing but evil. He could hardly understand why she preferred this era, but then again, she hadn't witnessed all the changes like he had. The wars, the chase, the destruction, he had seen it all with his own eyes. Change had also come along, but he strongly doubted it was for the best.

Perhaps because things had changed once she had gone. She had brought a light into his life, he had not realized. Even when she had grown and married her presence remained, especially when she became a mother. But then, the faithful day in every human's life had come and she had passed away.

He had not shed any tears when she was buried. He had placed one single yellow flower on top of her grave. He had respected the wish she had expressed when she had been but a little girl.  _He would never forget her_. Time had passed, but her memory remained vivid in his thoughts.

To this day, her descendants still lived. He had watched them grow from afar and have their own children. He had made sure nothing wrong happened to them and that the line would keep on going. Of course, by now it was much smaller. Only three remained, a mother, a daughter and a son.

 _Her_.

Out of all the people, out of the whole world, she had to be the one. All this time these two had been sharing a bond closer than they could imagine. Only near her birth had he found out. At first, he had watched Miyu grow and when she had reached her twenties, he had seen a striking resemblance, but hadn't thought much of it.

It was when she married  _him_  and moved into the shrine, that it all descended upon him. Of course he had recognized the tree,  _of course_  he had known where this was all leading. But it hadn't seemed as real until the day they brought their little girl named Kagome home. Then, there was no denying it.

She was Rin's descendant.

And, just as she had assumed, he had gone there that day with the firm intention to stop her from going through the well. He had raised Rin as his own daughter and the thought of what had happened with  _her._  He couldn't let it happen. He had remained by her house for weeks, waiting for the time that approximated that faithful day. When it had arrived he had been ready to stop her, but  _he hadn't been able to_.

A force, a power, which had been dormant inside of him for hundreds of years, stopped him. He had been unable to move, or scream and all he had been able to do was watch her jump down that well.  _His beast_. There was no way it should have been able to stop him, yet it did.

Discreetly after she had jumped, he had gone to the well. He looked down into the emptiness. And he knew that the girl that went down that well would never come back. Someone different would come back up in a few months.

What happened 500 hundred years ago was the very reason why he had taken up the task. He had originally planned to finish it without her, but it had proven quite difficult, more than expected. Now, he was left with very little choice, but to have her do it.

Of course, he intended to offer his help. This task, doing this, it was his way of making up for what happened. He still had no feelings towards her. The fact that she was related to Rin hadn't changed his state of mind, but after the events that last occurred between them, he had to do  _something_.

He was the only one who could help her and perhaps even she would realize that. He would try to erase the pain she had gone through. Obviously now, seeing in what world she came from, it was easier to understand how she saw things, but from the way it happened back then nothing had been wrong with his actions.

But, she still suffered.

For Rin, because of Rin, he couldn't leave things like that.

Perhaps because of his honor and he knew he owed Rin for everything she had brought into his life.

He would help  _her_  complete the task and be done with it.

-B-

One whole day had passed since Kagome had made the decision to meet up with him, but the previous day she had found herself unable to go. Well, technically she would never be ready to see him again. Today though, she was getting up with the intention of getting this done and over with. She would see him  _once_  and then never again. Kagome would make sure to stress that point.

The only problem she was facing at the moment was that her body refused to cooperate.

He had brought into her life a fear she had not known before and it was hard to erase that from her memories, as a matter of fact it would always remain. The only thing she could do was learn to live with it and adapt, which she hoped to do once he was out of her life.

At the moment, she was staring at the pile of clothes her mother had given her, trying to find something to cover her neck. She didn't want her mark to be visible to him. She wasn't his, no matter what the stupid mark represented. She settled for a baby doll pink maternity turtleneck.

This was hard for two distinct reasons. First of all, she would have to face him, second of all she would be in the outside world. That was something she had feared and tried to push back as far as possible ever since she had returned. She couldn't even think about how she would react if she encountered one of her friends there.

To limit the risk of stumbling upon someone she knew Kagome would drive there. At least there would be no way for someone to see her, unlike the subway and walking. Miyu had agreed to lend her the car, which had come as no surprise. Kagome was able to see how worried and pained her mother was, but she was hopeless to do anything.

This had to be done to shield her life from him. If there was a better way around it, or if she knew he would leave her alone if she didn't go, then she'd remain home, but she knew he wouldn't. There was no way he'd go through the trouble of finding her, planning a surprise encounter and  _leaving letters_ , if he was going to give up the first time he would fail.

 _Yes_ , it had to be better to deal with it now then push it further and perhaps provoke his anger.

She nervously finished dressing herself, covering as much skin as she possibly could. Nervously she looked around the room as if she had forgotten something. After a few seconds she shrugged her shoulders slightly before grabbing her purse, her wallet safely tucked inside. This was it, there was no turning back anymore.

Kagome dragged her feet across the floor as she made her way to the stairs. For the first time she decided they needed more stairs. It took her almost three minutes to reach the last one and once she did she could see her mother waiting for her, leaning against the doorway.

Miyu walked in the direction of her daughter before handing over her cell phone.

"Just in case," she said, a worried look on her face. It appears this time it was hard to hide her emotions. After all, her daughter was about to go meet her  _rapist,_ the man who abused her.

"Thanks," said Kagome, taking it before putting it into her purse.

She then took the keys from the table, slightly playing with them. "I'll go now," she said, her voice sounding like a whisper.

Miyu somewhat frowned her brows before pulling Kagome into a tight embrace. She pressed her lips against the tip of her ear. "Be careful."

The words were more her way of trying to bring her some comfort than anything else. From what Kagome had told her, if he decided to harm her, being careful would not be enough. The thought caused her to tighten her hold.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Kagome had seemed pretty clear on the matter, but Miyu couldn't help herself.

Kagome pulled away gently, trying to smile at her mother. "I have to do this."

 _Why?_ Because he refused to get out of her life, he was like a nagging voice in the back of her head, and the only way to get rid of him was to face him. Hopefully she had more advantages on her side in this time period than she did in the feudal era. Although, she still knew she was taking a risk by agreeing to meet with him.

That also left her to wonder how would he know she was there?

She could hardly picture him spending day and night in front of a coffee shop, waiting for her to show up. There was something going on which she was unaware of. After all, it had been proven by his presence at the clinic. He seemed to be well aware of her movements and actions.

"I'll be back." She paused. "I promise."

Was it a real promise? She hoped so.

"Call me in an hour," asked Miyu.

Kagome nodded before gently backing away fully. She gave her mother one long last glance before fully turning around. An hour. Kagome could only hope she wouldn't have to be in his presence for such a long amount of time.

Miyu watched with concern as her daughter exited the house, her heart extremely heavy. She knew she was supposed to stay behind as Kagome went forward throwing herself in harms way, but  _she_  couldn't. So she walked toward the counter and grabbed the letter, reading the address.

An hour. If Kagome hadn't called her in an hour, she would go down to the coffee shop. Kagome had taken the car, so she would take the bus, but it wasn't very far. She glanced at the closed door praying for Kagome's safety.

She still strongly believed this was a bad idea.

Meanwhile, Kagome had started the car and was heading towards the coffee shop. As she began driving her mind was not focused on the road, since flashbacks from what had previously occurred between her and him were all that filled her head. She swallowed hard as she knew she'd be seeing him in a few minutes.

A normal person's reaction would probably be to scream and run away, but nothing about this was normal. Especially since the person who abused you usually didn't live five hundreds years through time, just to make your life even more of a nightmare. On top of that, they would be in a public place and she  _really_  didn't feel like making a scene and attracting people's attention.

Unless he tried something, she wanted it to look as casual as possible. No need to have anyone focusing on them. Obviously, it would be easy for him to act normal, but in her case it was a completely different story. Nonetheless, she could pull through this as long as it was quick and he did not attempt to harm her.

Finally, she reached her destination and Kagome breathed heavily before parking the car as close as she could to the coffee shop. Once the car was stopped and parked, she rested her head, before breathing in and out slowly. Her body had begun to shake slightly, caused by the stress of being near their meeting place and she was trying to relax herself.

 _Come on. One meeting. Find out what he wants from you and never see him again_.  _If he doesn't let you leave, for Kami's sake, use your powers._

She nodded mentally before opening the door of the car and merging into the busy streets of Tokyo. Kagome took small steps until she reached the coffee shop and with a trembling hand she opened the door. Her eyes were somewhat closed as she entered and when she opened them she was surprised to find a half-empty shop.

Kagome scanned the area, as if he was going to jump in her face, but didn't see him. Perhaps he was on his way? Since she still didn't know how he would know, she decided to wait a little. She took a seat at an empty table before putting down her purse on her legs.

"Welcome Miss. May I get you something?" asked the waiter, who had rushed to her side as soon as she had taken a seat.

Kagome knew she couldn't drink coffee since it wasn't good considering the fact that she was pregnant. "I'll have an orange juice."

The man nodded, before walking off.

She was nervous and edgy, it was hard for her not to move around in her seat. If he wasn't there in fifteen minutes she intended on leaving. It was already hard enough for her to be there and she didn't want to add the stress of waiting for him. He's the one who scheduled a meeting without a time, meaning he should know when to be there.

The waiter came back and put down the orange juice. "Thank you," she said, before taking a sip.

Afterwards she turned her head in the direction of the window,  _waiting_. She rested her chin in the palm of her hands before closing her eyes. Time seemed to pass slowly as she patiently waited for  _him_  to arrive.

 _Fourteen minutes to go_.

And indeed, these fourteen minutes went by and there was no sign of him – or anyone who looked like him. Kagome cast another glance around before grabbing her purse and getting up, ready to pay for her drink. Somehow she was relieved he had not been there. Yes, it meant she still didn't know what he wanted, but not seeing him lifted a weight off of her shoulders.

Kagome put her purse on her shoulder before raising her head and finding herself staring at a man's chest. She was about to apologize but when she looked up, her grey eyes met his green ones, and she froze. An overwhelming feeling of panic took control of her body and she remained in the same position.

He was the one to back away a bit.

"Miko."

-B-


	26. Dreadful Meeting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Butajiru; Usually made by stewing thinly sliced pieces of pork, alongside vegetables, in dashi stock, and flavored by dissolving miso.

All Kagome could hear was her own heart pounding within her chest. The sound echoed in her ears. She could not move, she could not think. All she could do was watch him as he took a seat at the table. He seemed to be patiently waiting for Kagome to come back to her senses and sit back down.

She could feel her blood rushing through her veins as she blinked away a tear. Slowly she cast a glance around them, before she sat back down at the table nervous as ever. She gulped, her mouth extremely dry. Kagome couldn't bring herself to form anything coherent in her mind.

It hadn't even been a week since the last time she had seen him face to face, for him it had been five hundred years. He would try to keep that in mind during their conversation. It was obvious she still hadn't recovered from everything that happened, which was understandable.

"Sir? Would you like anything?" asked the waiter who had rushed to their side when Sesshomaru had arrived.

"Black Coffee," he answered, his eyes still focused on Kagome.

The waiter nodded before turning his head in the direction of Kagome.

"Miss, would you like something else?"

Kagome gently raised her head, her eyes watery. "Hmm- I- Its- No," she finally managed to answer.

The waiter tilted his head forward before leaving them. Meanwhile Kagome had a million things running through her mind, but she didn't want to ask. She didn't want to talk to him.  _Gosh_ , if at that moment she could sink into the floor and disappear, she would have.

Quickly enough the waiter came back and gave Sesshomaru his coffee before bowing and going away from them. Sesshomaru placed his hand on the mug but did not drink it. His green eyes were still locked on her frame and she felt uneasy.

Was he waiting for her to speak first?

Kami knew she didn't want anything to do with this youkai! Nonetheless, she took a deep breathe, trying to calm her nerves so that she would be able to find her voice and speak. She licked her dry lips feeling her heart ache.

"What do you want?" she inquired, her voice cracking.

He seemed to sigh before finally breaking eye contact from her.

"There are a few matters we need to discuss."

Her eyebrow arched slightly as his answer only confused her more. What could they possibly have to talk about?

"I don't understand."

Sesshomaru was rather astonished that she would prefer getting to the point, than asking all the questions she had on her mind. Perhaps the first one being about his altered appearance, but she did not.

"Miko, this will be a long tale." Telling one thing would provoke another and so on. There was no way to cut corners here, because for every thing he would reveal, she would want to know more.

Kagome closed her eyes for a brief second. She  _wanted_  this meeting to be short.

"Just tell me what  _you_  want. I don't want to know anything else." A nauseous feeling had already taken over, she was edgy and there was no need to stretch this out more than was necessary.

Sesshomaru put his hand in his black jacket's pocket, reaching in for something. Kagome observed a small metal box as he pulled it out of his pocket. It was covered by what looked like a sutra. For a second, her heartbeat sped up. Sesshomaru slid the box across the table, until it touched her fingertips.

With a shaky hand she reached out for it. Gently, she peeled the sutra and proceeded to open the box. What she saw inside caused a small gasp to escape her lips as her eyes widen. She weakly shook her head.

"No," she breathed out.

Inside the box was the incomplete Shikon No Tama, shining its darkness upon her face, leading her to believe it was still filled with hatred. It had never been purified. She felt her hold on the box weaken as she squeezed her lips together. From what she could see, about three shards were missing and she sensed she couldn't be too far off.

The only question left was  _what happened_.

Why wasn't the jewel completed? Did that mean Naraku still existed in this time period? What happened to her friends? Gently she closed the box, but did not return it to him, instead she kept it close to her body.

"Naraku?" she asked, nearly breathless from the shock.

Sesshomaru shook his head. "He was killed a few months after you left."

She pointed to the box, still confused. "Then why isn't it complete?"

"Your presence was required to locate the shards. Your  _pack_  was unable to complete the task without you." It would be much easier and faster if he only started from the beginning, but she wanted to have it her own way.

Kagome couldn't help the feeling of guilt that overwhelmed her. The jewel had never been completed because she left? Did that mean she never tried going through the well?

"I never came back?"

"I strongly believe the well stopped working." He had seen the flash of light and he remembered the blinding pink color that overflowed out of the well when she had passed through. He could recall everything about that day quite vividly.

 _Stopped working_? Her eyes shifted from one side to the other, as she quickly thought. Could it be that the well had allowed her to pass that time at the cost of never being able to go through again? Technically if she tried now, it wouldn't work… if it did,  _he_  would know the well still worked,  _right_?

Kagome felt an ill feeling in the pit of her stomach at the thought that she was never to set foot in the feudal era again. She had no intention of returning any time soon, but it was not supposed to be forever. She wanted to see her friends again,  _Sango, Miroku,_  and  _Shippo_. Her little Shippo… The simple thought caused tears to roll down her cheeks.

"Why is it black?" she asked, a sob catching in her throat.

Sesshomaru leaned back slightly. "After Naraku's death, nobody could purify it."

Then came the obvious question, the one thing she truly believed shouldn't have happened. He was the wrong person to have this in his possession.

"Why do you have it?"

To him it seemed pretty obvious, but apparently it was not in her eyes.

"I eliminated Naraku. Also, I was the only one who possessed the strength to defend the jewel."

At that moment Kagome noticed the change in his speech. He did not refer to himself in the third person anymore and it almost sounded off. She had been so used to it. Even though she despised him, she had to agree, he would be the one to fight off the youkais, or anyone with an evil heart who would try to take hold of the jewel.

But, apparently he couldn't do everything by himself, which was probably why he was sitting in front of her at this very moment. Why was it now if he had spent the last 500 hundred years with an incomplete jewel, why couldn't he have waited a little longer? Give her some time to recover, or something. This felt so sudden  _and_  rushed.

"Why now?" she asked, her voice shaking. Somewhere deep inside, she had a feeling it wouldn't be good.

Sesshomaru lifted his cup and drank a sip of coffee before answering her.

"The jewel has been incomplete and  _filled_  with darkness for five hundred years. It has neither been absorbed nor wished upon. I do not have any desire for it; it holds no power over me. For that reason the black jewel has been feeding off of the darkness from your world. There is no light here, Miko. Every day for five hundred years, it has grown darker."

He paused letting her take in his words.

"Youkais are still looking for it, if it is stolen or taken, I do not wish to see what will occur."

Kagome felt her guts twist as her breathing slightly accelerated. She had been able to see over the years what the jewel did to people and she was aware of the kind of people who usually desired its power. It had always been a dangerous  _object_  and it would always be.

She had a feeling as to where this was leading. Her heart was skipping beats simply thinking about it. Before they even got to that part, she had another question.

"You've been protecting it fine for five hundred years. Why is it a problem now?"

He arched his eyebrow slightly. He thought his appearance would have gave that away, but apparently he had been wrong.

"Perhaps Miko, you have not noticed my appearance."

Kagome titled her head slightly.

"It's different." Obviously she had  _noticed_ , but she didn't understand why it had changed, or what it was supposed to mean.

As the world had changed, it had probably been the hardest thing to accommodate himself to. Out of all of it, cutting his hair had been the most frustrating. Of course, he could have kept the length of his hair, but it did not feel like the respectable environment humans had set up for the world.

Sesshomaru raised his left arm showing off his silver watch. Kagome looked at him, confused.

"This is not just a watch, Miko. It suppresses my youki, making me look nothing different than any other human."

Kagome's lips were tightly glued together, as she swallowed hard. A question was on the tip of her tongue and she needed to ask it, but it caused her heartbeat to speed up.

"What- -" She halted. "What about  _him_?"

The one who had done all these actions to her, the one who had abused her, made her life a nightmare and tortured her soul every day. She would feel safer around Sesshomaru if she could at least know that he wouldn't come around. Perhaps it would rest her mind and help her settle down slightly.

This time Sesshomaru broke the eye contact and looked away. He knew the subject would have eventually come around, but once again that strange feeling of guilt over came him.

"He is part of my youki. As long as it is suppressed, he cannot take control."

A strange wave of relief flowed through her, for the first time since he had arrived, she felt as if she could breath a tiny bit easier. Kagome closed her eyes tightly, preventing more tears from falling. She had already been so vulnerable, this meeting taking every bit of her energy and now this was shaking her emotionally. For no particular reason she slowly nodded, not being able to form words to express what she felt, not that she wanted to share it with  _him_.

She finally opened her eyes before slowly blinking. It felt as if she had been holding in all of her emotions and a feeling of weakness washed over her, sucking away all her strength. Kagome felt heavy and she tried to reposition herself on the chair. Trying very hard not to show him how very weak she felt.

Sesshomaru raised his hand, attracting the waiter's attention. It didn't take too long for the man to come near their table.

"She'll have a bowl of Butajiru."

The waiter nodded before walking away.

Kagome opened her eyes quickly before staring at him; he knew what she was about to say. He spoke quickly in answer to her gaze.

"You are pale and I assumed you haven't eaten yet today."

Actually she hadn't eaten really anything these past two days, not finding the strength to, and she had been way too nervous to eat anything. Although she  _should_  eat something, she didn't need him to make decisions for her, they were not in  _that_  situation anymore.

"I can order for myself, I don't need you doing it for me," she said, her tone slightly harsh.

To her surprise, he nodded in agreement and she found once again herself puzzled by his behavior. Why in the world would Sesshomaru agree with anything she says? The only other time that had happened was when they planned to  _trick_ the beast so she could escape. Kagome found herself without a reply and simply nodded back at him.

As they waited in silence for the waiter to come back, Sesshomaru's eyes traveled down to her stomach. When he promised to look over Rin's descendant he unknowingly made the promise to not only protect the Miko, but also the pup she was carrying, which was also  _his_. How things had became so intertwined he did not know.

Five hundred years ago, he had made it clear he did not want a hanyou for an heir, nor did he want the Miko to be the mother. He wouldn't have thrown the pup away, he had more honor than that, but  _now_  things were so  _different_. Not only did many hundreds of years pass, but also the amount of youkais had declined basically making anyone with youkai blood,  _somewhat_  important. The pup now represented a lot more.

He would take care of him.

The waiter interrupted his thoughts as he put the bowl in front of Kagome. She nodded in a sign of thank you, but did not touch the food. Perhaps she wanted to show him she had no intention of doing what  _he_ wanted, but what  _she_  pleased. He seemed to notice, but he did not say anything.

Kagome had a question stuck in her mind, even though she had a feeling she knew the answer, she dared to ask.

"What do you need me for?"

Obviously there was something he wanted her to do, or he wouldn't have met her. This wasn't about her, the mating, the beast, or the baby. This was about the jewel, nothing else, nothing more. She closed her eyes, as the scent of the food filled her nostrils.

A tiny smirk appeared on his face, he had been expecting that she would not want to be in his presence.

"Locate the shards."

The déjà-vu feeling was hard to ignore and she felt like she was back to being a shard detector for a second.

"Of course," she whispered. It appears there was one universal thing people needed her for, no matter what time period she was in. Although, the fact that  _no one_  could locate the shards, made her wonder.

"What, couldn't Kikyo do it?"

"She followed Inuyasha into the other world a few weeks after your departure."

The circumstances of Inuyasha's death had not been really discussed, at least not with her former pack. He had announced Inuyasha's death to them a few weeks after it had happened, once his  _main_  problem had been dealt with, although he hadn't mentioned how he died, Sesshomaru knew they had their own little ideas of how it happened.

They had seemed to be quite affected by his death, but it was obvious they also had other questions in mind. The taijiya had hurriedly to ask him about the whereabouts of Kagome and had not seemed convinced when he had told her she went through the well. Sesshomaru had let them come to his castle, where they had seen Kagome and they had also been confirmed by Rin, that Kagome was no longer in there.

He had not seen their reaction afterwards when they had left, but the sent of tears had been present. The worst had probably been Rin. She had forced a smile on her face when he had announced Kagome returned to her family because of some emergency. Inside though, he knew she was broken. Rin had remained silent for weeks before she had begun talking and laughing like she used to. He knew as she grew up, she never forgot the miko, her presence had been short, but her influence had been great upon the girl.

Kagome stared down at her bowl of soup, as she ran his words through her mind. To be honest, it didn't come as much of a surprise that Kikyo had died  _with_  Inuyasha. After all, her goal had been to drag him with her for so many years. Nonetheless, she felt a pinch in her heart and hoped Inuyasha had finally found peace.

Now though, something else was bothering her. Finding the shards. It had been five hundreds years since the jewel had been broken, the shards could be  _anywhere_? The location or people who had them could have traveled anywhere in the world! Was she supposed to do a global wide search? Kagome felt her eyes grow in size slightly as this thought occurred to her.

Without her even uttering a word, he answered.

"No. I have a general location for the three missing shards."

Kagome licked her lips, nervously.

"You want me to go on a trip to find the missing shards?" He nodded. "With you I presume?" she said, her tone extremely bitter.

This time he didn't answer right away, he sighed first.

"You cannot go by yourself, especially not in your condition."

"Since when do you care about my condition?" Her tone seemed angry, but her body was shaking slightly. This felt too much for her and she was getting the impression that she was pushing her body past its limits.

Something about this didn't feel right. Kagome could understand his reasons for keeping her alive in the past, but now it didn't make sense. He was being, decent, perhaps polite and seemed worried? Guilty? She couldn't quite figure it out, but whatever it was it was out of character for him.

"Why are you doing this?" A sob was caught in her throat, as she asked her question.

He knew she wasn't referring to the jewel, but herself. The only thing that perhaps would make sense to her was the truth. Nobody, except Jaken was aware of the way he watched over Rin's descendants, but since he was putting a lot of stress and demand on her, perhaps the least he could do was tell her the truth.

"You are Rin's descendant," he said, his voice unusually soft. "From your mother's line."

Kagome's lips slightly parted as shock took over. She stared at him as if she thought he was going to come out and say it was not true, but his face remained still. Kagome also knew Sesshomaru would not throw around such a statement lightly. Especially when it came to Rin.

She breathed out heavily, as a tiny smile crept up on her face. Kagome had felt so bad when she left Rin behind, she had grown quite attached to the little girl and yet all this time, they were a part of each other. Rin had preceded her, she was her ancestor.

And then everything made sense. The different way he was acting around her, the fact that he somewhat seemed to try and spare her feelings. Of course he saw her differently now. She was not simply an annoying human miko who had perhaps ruined his life for a little while.

Rin had been a daughter to him, not one of his blood, but one of choice, and now apparently Kagome was related to her. There was only one word that came to her mind.

"Ironic."

He remained silent, but she could see it in his eyes. Kagome imagined he had felt regrets and perhaps guilt for the very first time after learning this. Deep inside, she couldn't help but be glad. He had not really suffered while the beast had been in control, she was the one who had been put through the abuse and had to smile and pretend.

If he knew she was Rin's descendant, it meant he had known where she was for a very long time. That brought another question.

"Why didn't you stop me?" She spoke with some anger in her voice. The question caused her eyes to burn with pain, and her heart felt crushed.

The same question was in his mind, because he wished he had been able to stop as well.

"I couldn't." He knew what she would ask next, so he answered before she could inquire.

" _It_  wouldn't let me."

She bit on her top lip. "I thought you said that thing kept him locked away?" she said, pointing to the watch on his wrist.

"He stopped me from the inside."

It didn't make much sense, but it was the only explanation he had. After all, the beast had no control over him and it was proven during this meeting. If he could take over, it would have done so a long time ago. Therefore, Sesshomaru was not worried about that.

Kagome covered her mouth with her shaky hand, too many things going through her mind at once. At that moment she was overloaded with information and feelings, her body was not processing it very well. Tears started rolling down her cheeks, scorching her skin as they did so.

This had been meant to be a one time meeting, she wanted to find out what he wanted from her and then leave,  _never to see him_  again. Now he wanted her to complete the jewel  _with_  him? Technically it was indeed her responsibility, especially since she had broken the jewel  _and_  it had come from her body.

Kagome had unknowingly left the task with her friends who had been unable to complete it.  _Sango_. Kagome closed her eyes, before breathing in and out slowly.

"What happened to Sango… and Kohaku?"

Sango's life had also been broken to pieces, shattered until there was nothing left to break. All she could hope for was that things had gotten better for her over the time. She never had a chance to say goodbye and apparently, she would never get the chance to. The thought did not help to stop her tears from falling.

"After Naraku's death, it was safe for Kohaku to keep the shard. He married Rin and he was maintained in life until Rin's death, when he then removed it." The day Kohaku married Rin was the day she officially stopped traveling with him. It had been somewhat of a difficult task to let her go.

"The taijiya did as well get her wish. Both the monk and her were present when Naraku was killed, but the monk almost made one fatal mistake. He opened his wind tunnel to protect her and it cracked. It was then that the final blow was delivered to Naraku. His life was spared because everything happened seconds apart."

Kagome felt extremely thankful that both Miroku and Sango had at least been able be with each other. They had been through a lot, both of them and someone deserved happiness in all of this. Kagome looked down, before closing her eyes tightly, the last tears falling out onto the table. She took a few minutes to collect herself, before looking at him again.

"So this is it? I'm supposed to agree to go along with you, and collect the shards. Travel around, for  _three_ shards."

He shook his head. "The process can be sped up with your help. You are the jewel's original guardian, this is meant to be yours. In 500 hundred years of time, you are the only one able to see them. I have only been able to determine the general location of the last three."

Kagome took a deep breath, as she imagined herself for an instant spending days and days in his presence. Yes, he said the beast was not present, but what if he needed to remove the watch, what if something happened and he needed his youki? Then she was screwed.

This wasn't just anyone.

He was the one –or part of him- who raped her, took her body, her virginity and tried to crush her soul. He had tried to steal her spirit away, to force her into a love she never wanted. Every day she had fought for her survival, trying to pull through. Could she really take the risk of being caught in that spiral again?

She could recall his lips on her body, his hands roaming over, caressing what it pleased. The feeling of him violating her, pounding inside of her, not stopping until he humiliated her by bringing her release. Her heart was being squeezed and she felt her stomach turn upside down.

Before she knew it Kagome was on her feet, frantically look for the bathroom and when she found it, she was nearly running to it. It didn't take her too long to empty the acidic content of her stomach. It burned her throat, leaving a bitter taste in her mouth. She hadn't eaten in so long that there was nothing to throw up. Nonetheless, liquid came up as she emptied whatever her stomach had launched back up.

She tried to hold her hair out of the way, as her knees hurt from the hard ceramic floor. After a few more moments, she felt it was safe to back away from the toilet. Kagome couldn't help but sit down fully on the floor before running her fingers through her hair, exhausted.

The memories had been so real and the thought of being anywhere near  _it_  had been too much for her. Deep down she knew it was  _her_  task to do this. She had broken the jewel and it had been assigned to her, but  _how could she do it_  when it involved him?

Obviously he intended to be there in case she got attacked. She also presumed he wanted to help financially since traveling was expensive. She could say they didn't have to, or it wouldn't matter that it was incomplete, but it did.

By herself, she could not offer much in the form of protection for the jewel and apparently, he was often in this  _human_  appearance, meaning he could not do the job either, or at least, not enough. In matter only of the jewel, it did seem like the only way to go, but when it came to her making the decision…

Kagome sighed heavily before grabbing unto the handle and lifting herself up. She then walked toward the sink before splashing water onto her face and trying to wash the taste from her mouth. She had a feeling Sesshomaru would not give up on this, perhaps for the only reason being that she was a part of Rin.

Sesshomaru would not renounce on a promise he made to the little girl. Now, he was set on being her help in completing the jewel. She rested her palms against the cold sink before sighing heavily. Even though there was nothing left to throw up, her insides were still twisted.

Once again, she had to consider the possibility that she would have to be around him. The meeting had been a hard enough decision, but now, he was putting this on her. Somehow she felt like it was planned. Sesshomaru knew her somewhat, he was aware that eventually this would drive her insane with guilt. She knew she had to complete the jewel and now that she had the knowledge that it was not only incomplete, but also corrupted, it left her with very little choices.

She agreed with him on the fact that if it did fall in the wrong end, it would be terrible. Humans apparently had the upper hand at the moment, but how upside down would the world be turned if a youkai laid his hands on the jewel. With such a  _huge_  fragment, it would be an immense surge of power.

From what her grandfather had told her once, during his many tales, she was the one who made the right wish.

How? She didn't know.

She sighed heavily before carefully exiting the washroom, the horrible taste still present in her mouth. As soon as she came out, she easily spotted him looking at her. Kagome looked away as she made her way to her seat, the ambiance around them was extremely uncomfortable.

"I can't do this," she said, her voice a whisper. "I don't want to do this. Being around you… I can't."

Sesshomaru nodded, before reaching for something in his pockets. He then pulled out what looked like a business card and handed it to her. Kagome took it, but didn't look at it. She didn't need him to talk to know what that meant, a way to contact him.

"Do you require a ride back?"

She shook her head in answer.

"Will you keep it?"

Kagome quickly realized he was referring to the jewel, she found herself wondering, what was the best choice. He had kept it safe for a long time, nothing happened, although if she could prevent it she didn't want him in possession of the jewel.

She decided to keep it, so she nodded her head.

Sesshomaru didn't seem to have a problem with it, and he reached brought out his wallet, before dropping a few bills upon the table. He looked her way one last time, for perhaps too long before he exited the coffee shop. He had known this whole time that this was too soon. He had left some details out, perhaps not to overwhelm her, but he wasn't sure it was such a good idea now.

From the start, this was her task. He had taken it over, because he wished for the jewel to be completed, for if it fell in the wrong hands it could be problematic. For now, he would not tell her more. There was much more to the jewel except for the fact it was filled with darkness.

The jewel surcharged of darkness was not only causing vibrations and influencing anyone near by within a wide range, but it was also bringing an unbalance to the world. During all these years, Sesshomaru had done a lot of research on the jewel, and not only was this the first time that the jewel had been broken, but over the years, good and evil had battle inside of it.

Sometimes one side would win, sometimes it would lose. There had been a constant change, maintaining not only its power under control, but creating that balance. Now for 500 hundred years the jewel had been incomplete and filled with darkness. It had remained in a stale mode.

Unless Kagome was able to put the jewel back together, there was no chance of bringing the light back inside. He knew it would be hard to convince her, especially considering past events between them, but this was her task. He had tried to accomplish it for her, it had not been successful. The best he could do and perhaps to try to erase his beast's actions was to help.

Sesshomaru had changed over the past 500 hundred years, but he imagined that was not something she could see. Last time she had seen him, he had been a different person. He didn't expect her to forget anything, because he wouldn't. If someone had put Rin through what the miko had been put through, he would have broken his or her neck, bring him or her back to life and killed them again to prolong their agony to make it fit what she had been put through.

He could not do that in this case. The only thing left to do was try to get her forgiveness.

-B-

Kagome had remained at the coffee shop for an hour or so after Sesshomaru had left, unable to move. The information had taken a while for it all to sink in and she had shed many tears. She imagined a lot of people inside the café had given her strange looks, but she didn't care about them.

She had wrapped her arms around herself, trying to bring some comfort. She was torn apart from the inside and she wasn't sure what to do. The jewel had to be completed, but did she really require his help? It couldn't be that dangerous… Perhaps the locations weren't even that far!

She sighed heavily. Of course it would be dangerous. Things were worse now than they weren't in the feudal era. At least back then, they were out in the open, you could tell youkais from humans, but now… they blended in. She would never really be sure of whom she was facing.

Though Kagome wasn't sure she was any safer by Sesshomaru's side. Not as long as his beast existed. She felt like there was no one to turn to and that once again she was stuck in a lose-lose situation.

Kagome took a deep breath before she grabbed her purse and took out her wallet. She signaled to the waiter and he came to her with the bill. She took her own money to pay for the soup and drinks, then handed him Sesshomaru's money as the tip. She had no desire to take  _his_  money to pay for  _her_  things. She would rather pay for his things than use it.

She made her way to her car and as soon as she entered the car, dropped her head, resting it against the wheel, near the horn. Her heartbeat had not slowed down the whole time she had been around Sesshomaru and she felt as if her blood had been pumped through her body entirely too fast.

Not only that, but she still hadn't eaten and she had thrown up. Her body was working on reserves and she was grateful her house was nearby or she would not have made it back home. Slowly and carefully she began driving, though the trip back took longer, since she was not as alert, she still made it home safely.

As she parked and saw her home Kagome felt her eyes start to water again. Right now the only thing she wanted to do was have her mother by her side. She closed the door of the car, before making her way to the house. As soon as she opened the door, she spotted Miyu sitting at the kitchen table, looking worried. She had a mug in her hands and the phone right beside her.

As soon as she spotted her daughter standing in the doorway she rose from her chair, walking towards her. Kagome was the one to reach out for her and she wrapped her arms around her mother, burying her face in the crook of her neck.

Immediately, the tears began to fall and she didn't stop them. Kagome had done her best in the coffee shop, in front of him, but here she didn't have to hold back. Miyu pressed a soft kiss on top of Kagome's head, her heart heavy.

At that moment she felt relieved. Miyu had been worried sick over her daughter's safety and just to have her back home safe, lifted a weight off of her shoulders. Though she was not happy for her daughter's tears, but at least she was away from that man.

After a few minutes Kagome pulled away from her mother, wiping her cheeks. She reached out for the card in her purse and handed it to her mother. Miyu looked over the card.

_Sesshomaru Tomoya._

_Tomoya Corporation._

She had heard of Tomoya Corporation in the past, it was quite an important company, at least in the region to Tokyo.

Miyu also guessed the reason why Kagome had his business card. Many questions were burning her lips, but she remained silent as Kagome sat down at the table, her purse on her lap. Miyu could see something was bothering her.

She put down the card before taking a seat beside Kagome. She reached out for her daughter's hand and held it tightly. At the same time Kagome reached out for the box in her purse. As she took it out she released her hand from her mother's, before holding out the box to show her.

"I don't know what to do Ma." Kagome opened the box, showing the jewel to her mother.

Miyu had heard enough about the jewel and had seen the replica; she knew right away what was presented to her. She raised her head and look into Kagome's eyes, and worry crossed her own eyes. From the many tales Kagome had told her this could mean nothing good.

Quickly Kagome closed the box, carefully resealing the sutra over it again. She put down the box on the table. She would probably see later what her grandfather had in sutras to try and reinforce the strength of it.

Miyu wrapped her arms around Kagome again. Kagome leaned her head into her mother's shoulder, before closing her eyes. Now she was left with two choices.

Either she didn't call him back, never to see him again, keeping the jewel as it was, or she fulfilled what she had started, complete the jewel with his help, actually putting her safety into  _his_  hands.

Two choices; losing or losing.

-B-


	27. The Right Choice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank, LunaticNeko, and Eve for the art they did for the last chapter  
> dokuga.com/gallery?func=detail&id=2911 by Eve  
> dokuga.com/gallery?func=detail&id=2921 by Lunaticneko
> 
> Yakizakana; flame-grilled fish, often served with grated daikon.  
> Daikon: It's a mild-flavored, very large white East Asian radish.

Kagome was sitting in her bed, the Shikon Jewel staring back at her. The more time passed, the more her guilt grew. This was her task, it had been all along. The only thing holding her back from doing it was  _Sesshomaru_ . The thought of being alone with him was enough to make her stomach do flip.

He  _knew_  it.

He knew that if he showed her the jewel, she would have no choice but to accept. Of course she couldn't turn her back on this. If it remained the way it was people could be harmed or even worse. She couldn't allow such thing to happen. She would sacrifice her own comfort to help finish the jewel and rid the world of it.

It wasn't fair though.

She had learned a long time ago that life wasn't fair. She couldn't help the feeling of pain stirring up inside of her. Why him, why her? Although, she had been hoping that there would have been an alternative.

Sesshomaru was a youkai, he had made it through the whole 500 hundred years. Perhaps he was not the only one.  _Shippo_. He had been much younger than Sesshomaru when she had first taken him in, meaning there was a strong possibility he was still alive.

She didn't trust  _him_ , she had wanted to see if perhaps she could find Shippo on her own, rather than asking Sesshomaru where he was. After all, she had found Sesshomaru pretty quickly considering the odds, meaning it might also be the same with Shippo. If she couldn't, then she would ask.

Anything to try and avoid being with him.

Kagome turned her head slightly before glaring at his business card that was on her bedside table. She would take a few days to attempt finding Shippo, but if she did not succeed then she would call him. Not before. She sighed heavily, her heart aching as she looked down upon the jewel.

500 hundred years of darkness.

Could she really purify it? Well, to start she would probably need arrows, a bow, but nonetheless. Wasn't this  _over_  the power she possessed? Someone like  _Kikyo_  might have been able to but in her case… Yes, she had grown somewhat stronger over the years but she didn't know if it would be enough.

In the past she had been able to purify shards by simply touching them. This would require a lot more. For the first time since it came into her possession again Kagome gently glided her fingers across the jewel before grasping it. As soon as it rested in the palm of her hand she felt herself choking. Her breath was caught in her throat, it was as if someone was attempting to strangle her.

A dark feeling invaded her body, quickly enough, the tears began to roll down her cheeks. Her mind was filled with the memories of what occurred with Sesshomaru and she couldn't stop it. Slowly, her body began to shake and sobs escaped her. Kagome gently shook her head before struggling to open her hand. When she managed to, the jewel slid from her hand and unto the bed.

Her bottom lip was quivering as she brought her knees against her chest, trying to comfort herself. Her arms were gently wrapped around her legs, not letting go. Her heart was pounding faster than it ever had as she tried to control herself. It was as if her body refused to listen to her and it kept submerging her into flashbacks she had no desire to re-live.

As she buried her face into her knees she closed her eyes, she remained in that position for nearly ten minutes. It was once all that time had passed that she found herself able to breath again. Her movements were slow as she gently unfolded herself, stretching her legs. Her heartbeat was decreasing and gently the tears began to dry.

Kagome gulped at the thought that  _this_  experience had been caused by the jewel. Could it have really swallowed so much darkness that even herself couldn't bare the feeling of holding it? How could this even be possible? The thought alone made her shiver.

She had assumed that Sesshomaru had never held the jewel, well not in a couple of hundreds of years. No matter how strong he was, this would have affected him to and after everything he's done he would have been engulfed in the darkness as well. Unless up until recently he never felt any regrets, which was highly plausible.

Kagome's eyes were once again focused on the jewel, she knew she had to put it back in the box. But, she had to avoid touching it. The feelings it had brought inside of her were still echoing through her body and she had no desire to experience them again. Gently she reached out for the box, before doing her best to scoop the jewel back inside of it.

After a few attempts, she finally succeeded and quickly closed the lid. After putting the sutra back on, she once again reminded herself that it would be best to find other means of protection. If it was as somber as she thought it to be she would need all the protection she could find. This was bound to attract some undesirable guests which she wanted to avoid.

She would need to find Shippo quickly or even put her life on the line by handing it over to Sesshomaru because the longer she had the jewel in her protection, the longer she was putting her family in harm ways. Her fingers tightly wrapped around the box, she opened the drawer of her bedside table and slid it inside.

She wanted to find some way to carry it around with her. The closer it was to her the safer it would be. She would rather know where it was at any time, then to be worrying about it every second.

Kagome rose to her feet before making her way downstairs. She knew already that her grandfather was probably in the little shed, it would also conveniently be the place where he stored his sutras. Granted she  _highly_  doubted any of his stuff worked, but it was all she had at the moment.

As soon as she stepped into the kitchen she could feel her mother's eyes on her. Kagome gave her a quick glance. Miyu had spent nearly two hours holding her as Kagome had shed her tears of suffering. All the stress from the meeting had come down upon her and it had been hard to control. Once Kagome had been able to stop sobbing she had told her mother everything that had happened at the coffee shop.

As usual, Miyu had listened carefully, remaining silent until Kagome had been done telling the story. Just like Kagome she had no desire for her to be around Sesshomaru, but she understood just as well the responsibility that had been bestowed upon Kagome regarding the jewel. It was her task. Nonetheless, Miyu would support her no matter what she decided to do.

She had also refused to tell her  _what_  to do. The decision had to come from Kagome and Kagome alone. Miyu was there to provide support, but she couldn't make the decision for her. Even though the simple thought of Kagome being around him again was enough to squeeze her heart and bring tears to her chocolate eyes.

Miyu stared at Kagome's back as she watched her exit the house and she knew where she was heading. A tiny sigh escaped her lips as she proceeded to clean the same spot on the counter she had for hours now. Today has been a rollercoaster of emotions and her mind was extremely preoccupied.

Meanwhile, Kagome closed her eyes as she felt the gentle breeze brush against her face, before she resumed her walk towards the shed. Quickly enough, she spotted her grandfather inside and he turned his head in her direction once he heard her walk in.

"Kagome," he said, his voice low.

Miyu had been filling him in on a few things that happened, but he wasn't exactly up to date. A little edgy, he sat down on a chair offering his granddaughter a smile. After her return and her escape, they hadn't talked much, but he understood why. She barely even talked to her mother so he didn't expect her to share with him.

"Gramps, do you have any sutras?" His eyes widened a little. Kagome had never really believed in his  _power_. "I need them to…" she paused. "Help seal the Jewel."

It didn't take him more than a second to know what she was referring to. His mouth was slightly hanging as he thought about the Shikon No Tama being in his house. He had seen many replicas, and read many scrolls, but he had never been gifted with the chance of seeing it with his own eyes.

Kagome immediately knew what he was thinking.

"You shouldn't," she warned. "It's filled with darkness, I can't even hold it."

Her grandfather nodded slowly before getting up from his chair and making his way to a drawer in the shed. He began to look through some of his sutras, throwing out most of them as if they were useless. Finally, he found what he was looking for and walked toward her, two sutras in his hands.

"These are the most powerful sutras I own! Nothing will get pass these."

Kagome highly doubted it was true, but she took them anyway. "Thank you."

She knew how much he wanted to see the Shikon No Tama, especially considering how obsessed he was with it and how much more he knew about that said jewel. He had talked to her about it many times before she began traveling through time.

"I'll show you the Jewel when it's safe," she quietly whispered before walking out of the shed, the sutras in her hand.

Her grandfather watched her leave, his heart heavy. He wasn't sure what task his granddaughter now had to complete, but he had a feeling it would require a lot from her once again. He sighed heavily before pressing his palms against the surface of the desk. Sometimes he truly believed too many responsibilities were entrusted to her. She was still nothing but a child.

She was about to go towards the house when the tree caught her attention. Before she knew it, Kagome was walking in its direction. Her heart was beating fast as she pressed the palm of her hand against the tree.  _Inuyasha_. If he was there, he'd tell her something like  _wench, stop whining, and lets get these shards_.

A tiny smile appeared on her lips as she let herself drop to the ground on her knees. She gently pressed her forehead against the trunk, memories flooding her mind.  _Am I doing the right thing Inu?_   _What would you do_?

Of course he'd go for it. Did something ever stop Inuyasha? Even when he thought he was going towards his death he never stopped. He never let anything get in the way of what he wanted, no matter the sacrifice. And he sure as hell wouldn't let Sesshomaru stop him. He'd do whatever he could do prove he was stronger.

She could be stronger too.

Without thinking she kissed the tree before rising to her feet.

"Thanks 'Yasha," she murmured.

As she walked away her eyes were constantly fixed on the tree. She hoped somehow he could lend her the strength he always had in his heart. If her plan failed she would need it to survive Sesshomaru.  _Please_.

Kagome made her way back to her house and into her bedroom. She took the jewel out of the drawer and positioned the sutras on top of the one which was already present, hoping it would do  _something_. Kagome then headed towards her closet where she found her big large sweater, she then proceeded to insert the box containing the jewel inside the front pocket.

It wasn't the best option, but it would do for now.

Now it left her with one thing to try and do. Find Shippo.

-B-

Jaken was nervously standing by the door observing Sesshomaru-sama. Ever since he had come back from the meeting he had not said one word and had remained in his chair in complete silence. His eyes glued to the mute television.

Many different thoughts had ran through Jaken's mind; perhaps the Miko had not came after all or maybe things had not gone as smoothly as it had been expected. Although, considering the amount of time Sesshomaru-sama had been gone he was lead to believe that the two of them had met.

Jaken had been as shocked as Sesshomaru-sama when he learned about Rin and Kagome being related, especially considering how close Jaken had been to Rin as well. Often he had taken care of the little girl and though in the past he had often labeled her as annoying, he couldn't hide how worried he was every time she had gone missing or how things had been different when she left. Suddenly, it had felt very  _empty_.

Now, not only was the Miko a part of Rin, but there was the child.

Sesshomaru-sama had never mentioned to Jaken his intention towards the pup, but it could easily be guessed. Already 500 hundred years ago, Sesshomaru-sama would have taken care of the child, since it was his. He had more honor than to simply ignore that fact, but did his perspective now change knowing that Kagome was Rin's desendent?

The pup was a part of Rin, a part of the Miko and a part of Sesshomaru-sama. It would also be a constant reminder of Inuyasha, since the child would be a hanyou.

Inuyasha was another topic Sesshomaru-sama avoided. Well, perhaps not avoided but he never talked about it. Jaken did not know how he felt about the death of the hanyou. Sesshomaru-sama didn't have much feelings regarding his half-brother, but to the point of  _actually_  killing him? He did not know. Nonetheless, he wouldn't be the one to bring up the subject.

"Jaken."

The green toad slightly jumped at the mention of his name, but in an instance was by Sesshomaru-sama's side.

"Yes Milord?" he asked, slightly bowing.

Humans weren't respecting him anymore, but Jaken would never insult Sesshomaru-sama in any way. He knew his stature and importance, how these lands belonged to him. When nearly everyone had forgotten, he never would.

"Any information?"

Jaken shook his head. "Not yet Milord."

Sesshomaru dismissed him with a hand gesture and Jaken resumed his position by the door.

He thought that perhaps they would know if she had made her mind up yet, but apparently her hatred towards him was stronger than anything else. Sesshomaru knew he needed to wait. Going to her house or anything of the sort would not help the current situation.

Perhaps he was slightly restless because she was now was the one holding the jewel. He wasn't sure how much protection she could offer it or herself. Especially considering the fact that she had absolutely no weapons, or way to defend herself. It indeed belonged to her, which was why he had proposed her to keep it back at the coffee shop, but he was now reconsidering his offer.

The instant she made her mind up, he would surely know it. How could he not? He was aware of everything being said in her house. When Sesshomaru had learned about her being Rin's descendant, he had devices planted inside the house. Very subtlety of course, either when everyone was gone, or through objects that were meant to be delivered to their house.

Sesshomaru had money and in this world it meant power. He was aware of everything bought and ordered by the Higurashi household, and when necessary, he would stop the delivery and have a device planted secretly on the said object and then the delivery would resume. By now, most of the house was in his reach and there were only a few places he did not have as much  _reception_.

He had a team listening to everything that occurred, and they would report to him when important information would be said. From what he had noticed so far, she would always share with her mother her intentions and future actions, and apparently she had yet to talk to her about her decision regarding the jewel.

Sesshomaru had patiently waited for five hundred years. He could wait a little more. Though if nothing was said soon, he might have to try and  _push_  her again.

It was at that moment that his thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. Immediately he turned his head and Jaken opened the door, before a man that worked for Sesshomaru explained the situation to the little green toad. Jaken nodded his head, before closing the door. He then made his way towards Sesshomaru-sama.

"She is looking for Shippo, Milord."

Sesshomaru didn't seem surprise one bit by the information. She had learned about the taijiya and the houshi's fate, but she had not asked about the kitsune. It was for her to ask the questions and he did not provide information she didn't want to have, but now it made sense.

What exactly did she plan on doing when she found him? Have him help her with the quest? Because if it was the case, he had some unfortunate news for her; he could not help her. He was no longer in this world.

He sighed, before figuring what to do. This was obviously the reason why she had not pronounced herself regarding the jewel. Knowing how she was the guilt was already eating her away. She knew she could not turn this proposition down. Her hope of finding the kistune was the only reason why she hadn't accepted his offer yet.

Since it was a matter he could take care of, he decided he would. Sesshomaru knew it wasn't the best idea to be the one to show up at her front door, so he would send someone to take care of the matter. But he would not have someone else announce it to her, instead he would relay a letter to her. At least she would be able to learn the fact in the privacy of whichever place she wished.

He had a very strong feeling that after receiving this letter, she would have other questions.

-B-

Kagome sighed heavily as she marked off another name. Compared to Sesshomaru, there was a lot more Shippos. About 20, but some of them weren't even in Japan, yet it didn't mean they couldn't be  _him_. Who said he would remain in Japan after everything that happened? She did cross some of them off after reading their information. Even if he altered his appearance, she doubted Shippo was an 80 year old man with grey hair.

After printing off some of the results she had spoken with her mother, telling her what she was doing. She had no reason to keep Miyu in the dark and technically, she wanted some of her support. She wanted to know that it was all right to keep the jewel in its current state, while trying to find another traveling companion.

As she was reading through the sheets Kagome was eating Yakizakana, after her stomach had pleaded her to eat some food. She had refused to eat at the restaurant because she had been stressed and she didn't want to eat what  _he_  had wanted her to eat. Even now, her stomach was still doing flip-flops, but she knew it was high time she ate something.

Suddenly, a knock on the door caused her to jump, immediately her eyes were on the door. She knew it was normal to have visitors, but she couldn't help the stress that enveloped her every time. Miyu was the one to walk to the door and was surprised to find a man in a black jacket standing in front of her.

"This is for Miss Kagome Higurashi," said the man before handing her a letter.

Miyu's expression immediately changed as she extended a shaking hand towards the letter. She weakly grabbed it before the man bowed in front of her and left. She turned around to see that Kagome was not sitting down anymore. Due to the fact that she had heard her name, she was slowly making her way towards her mother.

This couldn't come from many people. It could only be from him.

Kagome took the letter and unfolded it, before staring at his handwriting. It was from him. Once again she felt her heart beat increase, she licked her dry lips before beginning to read. Quickly she read the short letter and half way through she bit her bottom lip.

According to Sesshomaru, her search of Shippo was useless. He had lived up to be about 350 years old, which was old for a kitsune. Not all youkais lived the same amount of time and Shippo had simply died of old age. Kagome first felt a sadness filling her heart, but at the same time was glad Shippo had been able to live a full life.

This brought one question to her mind. How did he know she was looking for him?

Kagome knew for a fact she didn't mention  _anything_  about Shippo during the meeting. The only person she had talked to about it was her mother  _a little while ago_. How had he known so quickly? She found herself scanning her surroundings, her stress increasing.

There weren't many answers or possibilities.

It sounded completely crazy, completely paranoid, but she didn't see another explanation. He could hear what was being said in the house. He had to have mic's or some device of the same sort in the house. It was the only thing that made sense. It also explained how he knew she would be to the coffee shop on that day. He guessed she would borrow the car, or tell her mother. He would have the time and date.

He had been  _spying_  on her.

For how long? She guessed before she had been back. She had been so restless lately, she would have known if someone came inside the house.

A rage stirred up inside of her as she inspected every object with a glare. Nothing could be private in her own house anymore? She couldn't say what she wanted without him knowing? After everything, the least he could have done was give her some  _fucking_  privacy.

Now anything, anywhere could be something he used to hear what was going on, and she prayed to Kami, he did not have cameras on top of that. Slowly, Kagome felt her knees becoming weak, perhaps from the over surge of emotions and she quickly sat down before she fell.

Was there really no way at all to escape him? It seemed that no matter what she did he was always a step ahead of her. Was this the Kami's way of telling her she  _had_  to work with Sesshomaru, that until then, she would not be granted any peace?

Kagome pressed her forehead against the table the letter falling onto the ground. Tears were burning her eyes, and at that precise moment she felt something snapped inside of her. She was so  _sick_  of this, of him, of false hope. This was the freaking way it was meant to be? She was supposed to be cursed with his presence until there was no energy left in her?

She gave up.

The jewel had to be completed. She could not leave it the way it was, or it would kill her from the inside. The alternative she had thought of apparently was not possible.

It only left her with one choice. She needed to accept his proposition and travel with him.

Kagome raised her head before running her fingers through her hair. If she did this, there was no turning back and she needed to understand the consequences of her choice. At any time she could be stuck into the same hell. If he  _ever_  needed to take off that watch, for whatever reason, there was nothing forcing him to put it back on.

If that happened… she didn't even want to think about it.

Kagome took a deep breath, trying to calm herself slightly. Her whole chest shook as she let out a deep sigh. Although she couldn't even begin to accept the reality of things, she didn't even know how to let him know.

Well, she knew if she spoke loud enough, he would hear, but she didn't know where to meet him. In her mind her house was completely out of the question, so it had to be somewhere else. Kagome closed her eyes for a few seconds pondering the issue. She did know where he lived and somehow she rather be in his house, than have him in hers.

Kagome could feel her own distress and weakness, so she turned to face her mother.

"Ma, could you drive me somewhere?" she asked, her voice barely audible.

Miyu slowly nodded, before grabbing her keys. Even though Kagome hadn't said where she wanted to go, Miyu had a feeling she already knew the answer. She couldn't help but feel somewhat relieved that for the first time, she would actually accompany her daughter.

Kagome didn't want Sesshomaru near her mother, but she didn't want to drive herself, not trusting her own strength. It would be much more safer to have her mother drive, especially considering it was quite a ways from where she lived.

Keeping her current clothes on and the jewel nearby, Kagome followed her mother outside, her heart breaking with every steps she took. She felt a sickness inside of her and Kagome took it as a sign of her body  _fighting_  what she intended to do.

There was no turning back now.

-B-

Kagome waited by the side of the road for her mother to drive away. She had insisted for her to be gone when she would enter the house. Both of her hands were in the front pocket of the sweater as she played with the box containing the jewel. Her lips were quivering, as she found the strength within herself to make her way to the door.

Small, gentle steps were all she managed to do.

After a few minutes, she reached the main entrance and gulped before pressing the doorbell. Her heart was pounding inside of her chest, her mouth was completely dried out. She was now meeting him on his own territories and perhaps, unknown to him. After all, she had never mentioned her destination prior to coming to his house.

Kagome waited a few more seconds, until someone opened the door. It was a somewhat old lady, who didn't look very happy.

"Yes, what is it?" she asked, her tone somewhat rude.

"I'm- heh- I'm here to see Sesshomaru." Thinking that perhaps the woman didn't know who she was simply by her appearance Kagome added more details. "My name is Kagome Higurashi."

The older woman's features seemed to change slightly, as she nodded. "Come in," she said, before moving out of the way, so Kagome could enter the house.

Kagome looked around one last time before going inside the house, holding in her breath. She cast a glance around, observing her surroundings. It had a  _Sesshomaru_  feel to it. Everything inside the house seemed to be a few centuries old, somehow it reminded her of his castle back in the feudal era.

The woman led her to a living room, which had three long couches, a large window and a fireplace. She guided Kagome to one of the couches, silently asking her to take a seat. Kagome nodded before sitting down, feeling very uncomfortable. The woman left her side and Kagome assumed she was going to get Sesshomaru.

For the first time since she had entered his house, Kagome allowed herself to breath normally. This had been her idea, but it didn't help ease the pain in any way. Her heart was aching as she felt like she was back in his castle and she didn't like it one bit. Meeting at her house was a bad idea, meeting at his didn't seem so great anymore.

It was true that they could have met in a public place again, but Kagome wanted to be able to talk freely and it wasn't something she could do in public, at least not without attracting attention. It hadn't left her with many options, except this one.

As soon as Kagome heard footsteps coming her way, her heart skipped a beat and without realizing it she stood up, as if she was waiting for the right moment to run away. When he appeared in view, she held in her breath, but remained up.

Though he did not possess his youkai's senses at the moment, he could tell from a glance how nervous she was. He had to admit, he hadn't expected her to come to his house. When she had asked her mother to drive her, it had crossed his mind for a second, but he chased the thought away telling himself she wouldn't come so quickly.

Apparently he had been wrong.

He kept walking in her direction and then took a seat on the couch in front of her. He didn't say a word and waited for her to sit down, which she did after a few moments. Sesshomaru quickly noticed her attire and the bulging box of the jewel in her sweater. He stared at her, waiting for her to explain why she was there, even though he already knew.

"I will do it," she finally said, an inexplicable pain in her chest.

Sesshomaru nodded, but remained silent. He knew there was more and he would wait for her to be done.

She chewed on her bottom lip trying to figure out what to say next. There were so many things running through her mind. She felt as if she did not know how to express everything. She decided to go along and asked him what pre-occupied her mind the most.

"Will you have to remove your watch?" she inquired, her voice a whisper.

He didn't answer immediately. Instead he looked into her eyes, the fear obvious in her grey orbs. Of course they both knew what it meant to remove the watch. It was exposing them both to the risk of his beast taking over once more.

"If the situation requires it." He saw her features change. "But there are precautions that can be taken to keep the beast dormant in the eventuality that I would need my youki."

"Precautions?" she asked, her heart was beating  _too_  fast.

Sesshomaru nodded. "A few tweaking with this device," he said, before lifting his arm. "Re-wiring it so that the effects are only lifted for a certain amount of time. Even if the beast does come into control, when the timer is up he will be forced in."

She swallowed.

"Only have to hope it will be long enough for no damage to be done," she said, her voice breaking. Then, she wondered. "What if he removes the watch?"

"I have another one prepared. It would resemble the bracelet you had."

She finished his sentence. "I would be the only one able to remove it."

He nodded.

Kagome could feel a small weight being lifted off of her shoulders. The beast  _might_  come, but at least with this there was perhaps a way to get rid of him before he could harm her again. Her heart was still beating like a drum, she could feel herself sweating, but there was relief inside of her. Kagome pinched her lips together before asking her next question.

"Will we need to take a plane?"

Once again, he gave her a silent answer by nodding.

"Is it safe?" She was pregnant after all, she could not risk for this to endanger the life of her child. The quest to complete the jewel was important, but not if the price was her son's life.

"You are not at risk for miscarriage, nor is the child weak, which means it is safe for you to travel up until 2-3 weeks until your due date."

This time it was her turn to nod, as she had began shaking her leg slightly, nervousness getting the best out of her.

"And then, that's it." When he seemed puzzled by her words, she furthered her explanation. "After this, I won't have to see you again."

The tiniest ghost of a smirk appeared on his face. "No, you won't."

He intended on taking care of the pup, but that did not have to involve her. The interaction could be extremely limited, or actually nonexistent. He could have someone pick up the pup and they never would have to see each other. But, Sesshomaru decided now was not the moment to bring it up, especially considering her current state. One look at her and you could tell all she wanted to do was disappear and be far away from him.

Kagome let out a loud sigh before allowing herself to relax slightly. All she had to do was get through this and then it would all be over. A few weeks around him perhaps and then she would regain her freedom. He had said it himself, she wouldn't have to see him again. Her task would be completed, and he would be out of her life.

She dared to ask the fatal question. "When do we begin?"

"It is up to you." He had been ready for over 500 hundred years, it hardly mattered to him.

At that moment, Kagome decided the sooner, the better.

"Now," she quickly answered, surprising them both.

He nodded. "Very well, I will make the arrangements." He stood up, his eyes still on her form. "You will need to pack, we will leave tomorrow."

She closed her eyes for a brief second, before imitating his actions. "Where are we going?"

"India," he quickly answered, before turning his back to her. "Someone will drive you home."

Kagome watched him leave, her own heartbeat echoing in her mind. This was real, this was happening _._ She nearly jumped in shock when she felt something touching her leg. Kagome immediately looked down, only to find herself staring at Jaken.

Her lips were slightly parted, as she was somewhat shocked to find out he was still alive after all these years.

"This way," he said, ignoring the way she was looking at him.

He guided her through the house, until they reached an immense garage. She easily spotted what looked like a limousine and she shyly made her way through. Jaken opened the door for her and once she was inside, he closed it. Kagome took a seat inside, clearly uncomfortable as she felt the car moving.

She replayed all the events in her mind, trying to calm herself. The only positive side she could see to this, was that he was trying to make this as painless as possible. She didn't really care for his efforts, or what he wanted, but she knew she would not be forced into anything very uncomfortable.

Kagome closed her eyes, trying to meditate and relieve herself of some stress and only opened them when she felt the car coming to a full stop. She opened her eyes, and as she was ready to open the door, someone else did it for her. Slowly she came out of the car and nodded at the man. He bowed to her, before going back inside of the limousine.

She made her way to her house and was somewhat surprised to find the kitchen empty. After looking around some more, she realized nobody was downstairs, she proceeded to make her way upstairs. She entered her room, a nauseous feeling still present, before heading towards her closet.

Kagome grabbed the first bag she saw, which seemed large enough, quickly stuffing it with the maternity clothes her mother had given her. As Kagome was on her knees, filling the bag her whole head was throbbing as if she had a headache, but she felt no pain at all. Her breathing was uneven, as she tried to ignore what she felt inside.

She rose to her feet, holding the bag tightly, as she walked around, trying to see what else she could bring. Kagome had never traveled before and she wasn't sure what she needed. The sound of the door creaking caught her attention.

Kagome watched as her mother walked inside the room, a smile hiding her sad features. No words needed to be said. Miyu already knew what her daughter was doing. Miyu felt tears threatening to fall and was unable to stop some of them.

Kagome felt her heart break as she watched her mother shed tears, she rushed to wrap her arms around her Mother's waist.

"I'm sorry Mama," she said, her eyes burning with tears.

Miyu shook her head. "You're doing what you feel is  _right_ ," she said, tightening her hold.

As Kagome enjoyed her mother's warmth, she knew it might be a little while before she saw her again. Ever since Kagome had come back to her era, her mother had been her crutch, but not anymore. Now she had to do it on her own and walk by herself.

She simply hoped her mother was correct and that she was doing the right thing.

Only time would tell.

-B-


	28. Tales from the Past

_***Five Hundred Years Ago***_

He could feel his blood boiling as he held his head with his hands. It hadn't worked. The Miko was still there, at the bottom of the well. Sesshomaru still had the bracelet in his grasp as he struggled against his beast. The kiss had been a distraction while he removed her bracelet, apparently his plan had worked, unfortunately,  _her_  plan hadn't.

Sesshomaru could feel his beast's raging within him; it demanded to be release. He could still see the Miko struggling down at the bottom of the well, as he attempted to give her some time by trying to fight for control. His whole body began to shake, both from his own desire to remain in control and his beast's fury.

Her life was not the only one on the line.

Not only that, but all he could smell was her scent, as if suddenly it had blasted through the forest overpowering his senses. For the first time in a long time, he could feel a power coming from within her and he could feel her helplessness. His own rage rose as he thought about her foolishness. According to her, this should have worked, obviously she was completely useless. The idea that he had willingly kissed her for the  _benefit_  of this, was causing his lips to burn.

Never would he have touched her of his own free will. It had always been the beast, Sesshomaru had been forced to endure the actions at all time. He knew the beast was not completely trustful of him, which was why he had pushed himself to kiss her. The beast had been distracted while he kissed her, and it had been the perfect opportunity to remove the bracelet. How could he have been foolish enough to sink so low?

Nonetheless, at the moment, he was preoccupied. Never had he struggled so hard for control, even though he knew he would eventually lose, he was trying to give her a chance at fixing the mess she had created. Obviously they both knew how much worse things would be if this did not work. He wasn't referring to her, but himself. His beast would not allow him control  _ever_ , since it would not trust him around the miko.

Her mistake could cost him more than it would cost her. The beast would never harm her or at least not badly, neither would he kill her. The security around her would be increased, but she'd be alive. He on the other hand would lose everything. Sesshomaru could lose himself in the whole process. This was not worth it.

A growl, which came from deep down within himself, escaped him, and he felt her aura change with her increasing fear. Sesshomaru tilted his head back slightly, slowly his eyes filled with crimson, he nearly screamed as his beast took over, more ferocious than ever. It was wild, out of control and it demanded its mate back. Sesshomaru felt his last thread of control slip away from him and he cursed. There was no way she could escape the beast now…

As the transformation ended, he could still feel her presence down at the bottom of the well. He approached the edge, before looking down.  _How could she have done this_? His eyes were not only burning because of his intense anger, but also from the pain of betrayal. She had lied, the whole time. All she had done was plan to escape him, leave him. He would not let this happen, he would not allow her to go anywhere. She belonged to  _him_.

He would not stand for this.

He had tried for her, he had been nice. She had played him.

Sesshomaru was about to jump down the well when a bright pink light shot skyward, pushing him backwards violently, until he hit a tree trunk. He did not feel any pain from the hit, but he was somewhat shocked. The pink light was engulfing his surrounding and instead of the usual tingle he felt from her power, it actually somewhat burned his skin. The beast was growling in response to the attack, but could not move. It was as if the pink light was immobilizing him.

After a few minutes the light ceased, slowly the burning sensation dissipated. Sesshomaru managed to rise to his feet a couple of seconds later and he then made his way to the well. As he had expected, there was no one at the bottom.  _She was gone_. As if to assure himself he jumped down, but unfortunately for him, his feet touched the ground. Without another thought crossing his mind, he punched the ground forming a hole.

This  _was not_  happening. She was his!

He tightly formed a fist with his hand, applying so much pressure that his own claws were nearly digging in his skin. Every word she had said had been a complete lie. Everything she had done had been a façade. He had thought she finally understood the situation, that she accepted it. He had prevented himself from doing a lot in fear he would hurt her, or her feelings and yet she had never taken his in consideration.

Why would his own mate do that?

Why did she refuse to be happy by his side?

He had done everything for her, even put a halt to his own desire, yet she had betrayed him. How could she leave him! It didn't fit who she was. He had seen the hanyou drag her through the dirt before, and she had remained by his side. The hanyou never gave her love or appreciation. She never betrayed Inuyasha. Sesshomaru had loved her with everything he had, he had done what he could do to make her happy.

She shouldn't have done that. Why couldn't she give him the same devotion she had with the hanyou? At least that worthless being was dead, and there was never any chance for her to run back to him. As if he would ever allow that to happen. He didn't regret one bit what he had done and if he could he'd do it again.

As his thoughts changed Sesshomaru could feel some of the anger fade away, it was quickly replaced by pain and suffering. Especially when he sniffed in a lingering remains of her intoxicating scent. She was  _his_. Now, she was many hundreds of years ahead of him. The wait would kill him. How could he go so long without her? How could Sesshomaru have allowed her to slip through their fingers?

He knew what the Dayoukai desired, freedom and control. He snickered. He would pay for allowing her to leave and helping her deceive him. He would take away from Sesshomaru what he had taken away from him. His eyes were a deeper red than usual as his pain and anger clashed together. She would not come back. If she had gone through all of this to leave him, she would not be back.

He stared down at the well, before bending down and grabbing a handful of the dirt, then slowly letting it leak through his fingers back to the ground. There was an ache in his heart, he knew it was from his loss. He had never felt this kind of pain before, especially not because he had lost someone. She had created this new feeling inside of him, this emptiness.

How could he get rid of it?

His heart was empty, and the pain was the only thing he could feel. He wanted someone to pay the price for what happened. She was gone, he could not teach her a lesson, but he had to hurt someone. It hardly mattered who it was, someone would suffer his fury because of her actions. She had been too reckless. She hadn't thought things through.

Sesshomaru remained in that position for a little longer before fully standing up and exiting the well. He wanted to destroy the wretched thing, but he couldn't. There was always the chance that during these five hundred years, she would attempt to come back. He could not reduce it to dust, just because of that little hope. If there was even a chance that he would see her again before five hundred years passed, he would believe in that hope.

But, it did not stop him from hating the wretched well. He glared at it before walking away very slowly. He had no intention of going back to the castle, at least not yet. He decided he would be the one in control and he would walk these lands until the constricting pain in his chest was gone. He had time, he had five hundred years in front of him to wait.

-B-

Four weeks. For four full weeks he had walked through the lands, his rage stirring up. He had felt Sesshomaru trying to come back in control, he had tried to communicate with him, but the beast had ignored him. He had nothing to say to him, nothing to share. He had allowed their mate to leave. Now their heart was filled with pain. Even if Sesshomaru came back into control, the pain would remain.

It felt as if the bond was being stretched, as if he were spilt in two. The feeling would always be there, like a nagging sensation. Sesshomaru would never be able to get rid of it, no matter what. The beast intended to share his suffering with him, perhaps make him understand. She was the one for them, and the fact that she was human didn't mean anything.

He knew the extent of her powers. He had felt the surge of power coming from her when the bracelet had been removed. Why it wasn't always there though, he did not know.  _The bracelet_. He still had it, carefully tucked into his kimono. He didn't necessarily keep it because he intended to put it back around her wrist but because it was one of the few things of her – that still had her scent on it.

For the first time ever Sesshomaru was experiencing pain. But it was not physical, it was psychological. It was hard to explain what he felt, but he knew it was related to the mating bond. She should not be  _years_  away from him. The feeling was nearly suffocating him, making it hard for him to breathe. Something inside of him was missing, he knew it was her. He needed her presence near him.

His steps were slower than normal for the first time ever. He had paid very little attention to where he had been going. Everything around him had ceased to exist. Most of what he was experiencing had been new, feelings that he had no idea how he was supposed to deal with them. The first time he had undergone such powerful feeling was when he had decided to make her his mate.

But now after four weeks of pointless walking, he felt appeased. The pain was still very vivid, but he had dealt with the anger. Many had paid with their lives for her mistake, he had killed many completely in cold blood. He still had their blood on his claws, but it did not bother him. He had killed before, he had even taken the life of someone who shared his own blood. These worthless people's lives had no meaning to him.

It would take a while, but he swore he would see her again. He could easily survive five hundred years. For a youkai like him, it was like a blink of an eye. He would regain his mate and pup in due time. He did not have to worry about Sesshomaru, because the Dayoukai would not let himself be killed. He was too strong and too proud for that. All he needed was to have some patience and he would regain what had been taken away from him.

Now, he was ready to head back to his castle. With that he ended his journey and began to head back. He did intend on returning control to Sesshomaru when arrived. He wanted him to experience the same pain he had. He would always be there dormant, ready to be awakened, but now that she was gone, he had no reason to remain around. Unless Sesshomaru attempted to do something that would prevent his reunion with his mate. He would focus his attention on making him suffer.

Every day for five hundred years, Sesshomaru would have to carry the pain of their separation.

The beast considered it his punishment for what he had done. After all, Kagome would never have been able to escape on her own, she could not remove the bracelet herself. He had ruined everything.

Another thing was going to change, the merging.

It was the conflict of feelings between the beast and Sesshomaru that would have created the merging, but now that was gone. Now, the overwhelming pain was a feeling they were going to share. Their mate being gone, their feelings would no longer conflict. Of course, it would all change when they would be with her again.

Until then, the beast would make sure Sesshomaru would suffer every day.

His control over Sesshomaru's body exceeded what Sesshomaru ever imagined. As he had previously told him, he could remain in control as long as he wished. Now he intended on using the stronger bond that had been formed by the beginning of the merge to control him even further. Not only would he make him feel things he didn't want to, but also he would  _remind_  him of things that happened with their mate.

A smirk appeared on his face as he began to see his castle. He remembered Kagome saying there were no youkai in her time, if she was right, he intended on being the exception. He would not let himself be killed, especially not by these humans. If someone could make it through so many centuries, it was going to be him.

As he got closer to the castle he decided it was now time to let go of the control. He would lay dormant, while Sesshomaru would deal with the pain of their loss.

One day at a time.

-B-

Sesshomaru was outside in the garden, his mind completely filled with thoughts. For the past few days he had felt emotions he never thought himself able to. The sadness of losing a loved one, the emptiness of losing your other half and the anger created by your mate being taken away from you. He shouldn't feel these emotions, especially considering the fact he did not think about the Miko as his mate.

These feelings were almost as frustrating as Rin's current situation. As soon as he had been back she had properly welcomed him, before asking about the miko. It had been quite hard to come up with the right explanation for his ward. He had decided to say the truth, but to leave out some details. He explained that the miko had to go back to her family, because there were current threats she needed to take care of.

A light in Rin's eyes had seemed to disappear at that moment, before she slowly nodded her head in acceptance. She never asked if the miko would come back, or why she had gone alone. Instead, she had resumed her daily activity, even though she acted the same way she always did, something was different.

Although he was not given much time to ponder on this issue, his beast was making sure he suffered. Every action, even the simplest ones like breathing, required much more effort than it should. It was as if the pain his beast had created drained his energy. It made him feel extremely weak, it was not something he enjoyed at all. Sesshomaru was a strong youkai and shouldn't experience such feelings.

In frustration he stared ahead, wondering if perhaps it would have been better to keep the miko by his side. Now he would not see her for five hundred years. He couldn't begin to imagine his beast's reaction when he would finally have her again. He had a feeling that things would be worse than they were now. If he thought his beast was out of control now, he knew that after remaining so long with his feelings buried inside, he would be wild by the time they would meet again.

Suddenly, Sesshomaru was brought out of his thoughts when he sensed Rin's presence near him. He turned his head to the side slightly and spotted her near the castle, collecting yellow flowers. She was biting her bottom lip and seemed very focused on her current task. She was carefully picking every single one of them before gently placing them into a bouquet she had laid on the ground.

Somewhat intrigued Sesshomaru made his way towards her, even when he was right behind Rin she didn't seem to notice his presence. He waited a few seconds to see if she would realize she was not alone anymore. And indeed, Rin eventually felt a presence behind her, she slowly turned around to see whom it was. When she spotted Sesshomaru a smile appeared on her face. Sesshomaru had been by himself a lot lately and Rin had barely seen him. Without Kagome, he seemed to feel very empty.

"Sesshomaru-sama," she said, greeting him.

He nodded. His eyes traveled down to the flowers on the ground and then, to the ones she was holding in her hands. He had seen Rin collect flowers in the past, but this time it was much different. It was as if she was putting her whole heart into that bouquet, it had roused his curiosity, especially since she looked more,  _peaceful_.

Rin seemed to have understood his silent question. "These are Kagome's favorite flowers."

She could remember when they had been sitting outside collecting flowers from new patches, which were further from the castle and Kagome had spotted this. She had even asked Rin to collect some for her, something she had happily done for the miko.

Sesshomaru slightly bent down and delicately picked up one of the flowers. He then slowly opened his hand, the flower resting in his open palm. He stared at it for a few seconds before forcefully closing his hands crushing the flower. Then he proceeded to walk away from Rin. The little girl watched him walking away while she held her own flowers.

When Sesshomaru was back to his previous seat, he opened his hand, letting the petals of the crushed flower fall onto the ground.

-B-

_**Feudal Era: 1603 – 1868**_

Many years had past, and he had been stuck in the same vicious circle. During those many years a lot had happened and it had reminded him how very short a human's life span was compared to a youkai's.

The most important event of all had been Naraku's death. Sesshomaru had found the houshi and the taijiya and informed them of his brother's death, since they were pack. Obviously, they hadn't been very welcoming towards him. The taijiya had been the worst, demanding to see her friend. He had explained to them that the miko had returned to her own time a few months ago.

It came as no surprise that they did not believe his words, although Sesshomaru did not lie. Nonetheless, he took them back to the castle, all three of them to let them confirm the news for themselves. Surprisingly, when they got there it was Rin that proved he was telling the truth. Neither the taijiya or the houshi had doubted Rin, after a few tears had been shed they asked their next question, what happened to Inuyasha?

Sesshomaru had long pondered how to answer that question. The answer he gave them was that the hanyou had foolishly lost his life trying to force the miko by his side. It was vague, but Sango and Miroku still had an idea of what might have actually happened.

It was also then that they wondered how to defeat Naraku and break the curse inflicted upon Miroku. When Kohaku had been mentioned, Rin's eyes had lighted up. It was perhaps the first time Sesshomaru had noticed it since Kagome's absence. He might not care about the future of the houshi, but he was concerned when it came to Rin's feelings.

It was then that Sesshomaru announced his intention to take care of Naraku. Sango had immediately been against the idea, but he hadn't been looking for her approval. That they came and helped or not mattered very little to him, but he told them what he planned on doing.

He was not surprised when they had shown up when he set his plan into action. They held a deeper grudge against Naraku then he did. It had taken nearly a whole day, mostly because the hanyou was too much of a coward to face them head on, but Naraku had fallen, leaving behind nothing but an incomplete, dark jewel.

It was then that another problem rose up with the taijiya, she hadn't trusted him with the jewel. She claimed he was not the appropriate person to take care of it. He had then reminded them about the jewel's current state and how the human heart could easily be corrupted. He on the other hand, never had any interest towards the jewel and could not be corrupted by it.

Miroku had despised Sesshomaru as much as Sango had, but unfortunately, he knew his words to be true. Not only that, but he was perhaps the only one who the jewel could be entrusted with whom had a chance to find someone that could purify it. Nonetheless, what he had done to Kagome hadn't made the decision easy, but after a few days, Miroku and Sango agreed.

They had come to the time to make a decision on how to find the missing shards. They knew Koga had two and Kohaku had one. After discussing it they had agreed that Kohaku should keep his shard and live out his life. After all, with no current threats ahead there was no risk in letting him live. Plus, Sesshomaru was aware of the childish crush Rin had developed towards Kohaku. He wanted her happiness.

It was then also that Sesshomaru had retrieved the shards from Koga. Of course the idiot had tried to fight him, wanting to keep them, but he did not stand a chance against Sesshomaru. Sesshomaru had not killed him, but damaged him enough to let him know he was superior to him. He had gotten the shards and added them to the jewel, which refused to let go of its darkness.

A few more years had passed and Rin had grown a little bit older, her interest towards Kohaku had not faded away. Often the boy would come by the castle and spend some time with Rin, under Sesshomaru's watchful eyes. And then, the moment he had been expecting had happened. Kohaku had come to see him, asking if he could marry Rin.

Sesshomaru had no need to even wonder if it was what Rin desired. He already knew. He also had no reason to oppose the match, knowing Rin would be well looked after by Kohaku. So a few weeks later the wedding had happened, Rin had moved in with Kohaku in Edo. It was then that Sesshomaru had experienced loneliness for the first time.

It was not the same thing as the feeling of loneliness his beast had been inflicting on him since the Miko's departure. This time, it was different because it was really him experiencing it. For the first time Sesshomaru missed the presence of someone. Rin had been the only one he allowed around besides Jaken, but contrary to the toad, she was human and her life events happened much faster.

Of course, like other humans, she had children,  _two_. Slowly she aged until that fateful day. During Rin's last days, Sesshomaru had brought her back to his castle, Kohaku had followed. And as he had watched her during her final moments, he could still clearly see the little girl who had tried to help him when she found him in the forest. She had been beaten up, hurt and yet, she had smiled to him through her own pain.

Before she had drawn her last breath she had covered his hand with her wrinkled one, offering him her best smile. It was then that he remembered her foolish request; she had asked him to never forget her, even after her death. How could he?

"This Sesshomaru will never forget you," he had promised, as she had closed her eyes.

That was when he made the promise to look after her descendants, making sure they would be helped, just as she had tried to help him during their first meeting. He would not forget what she had done.

A few days later, Kohaku had followed Rin into the other world, and another shard had been added to the jewel.

Perhaps a few hundred years later, things had begun to change. Humans began to change their rules and the way they lived. It seemed they did not fear youkais as much as they used to. In the beginning, most of the weak ones were eliminated by the human's new weapons. It was then that the hiding began. Most powerful youkais had left the area, finding places away from humans. Secluded away from humans they could survive.

Most of them probably had a chance at defeating most humans, but the humans were getting more organized. Some youkais weren't willing to risk their lives at the hands of foolish humans. Sesshomaru had remained in his castle as long as possible, until humans came too close. He could have probably destroyed most of them, but his beast inside of him was kicking his survival instinct into overdrive, he had to stay alive for  _her_.

He had taken the jewel with him, as he and Jaken had resumed their traveling ways. For many years they traveled, moving from one place to another, noticing the destruction and violence of men. They truly were a weak race, destroying each other for no apparent reason.

Then another change had arrived. Sesshomaru had seen different looking humans arrive, blending in with the people that had already existed on these lands. The differences weren't that obvious, nor strange to him, but he noticed them nonetheless. To him humans were humans.

It was also during these times that humans began traveling to other continents and he learned about the world surrounding them. Considering his current appearance it was harder to make full explorations, but he had flown over certain continents a few times.

Slowly, the world changed in front of his eyes, but for humans and youkais, the worst had not begun yet.

It was during these years that Sesshomaru, still in full control of his youki had begun searching for the shards. Now that youkais were traveling all around the world, there was a vast territory to cover. Unfortunately for him, it took him nearly 50 years to find the approximate location of one of the shards.

There weren't many youkais left now, and they were the only ones who knew about the jewel. Thus, it was making it harder to obtain information as their population slowly was disappearing. Without being able to locate the shards like the miko could, it was making the task much harder.

India was the first location he had obtained. And then, he had hoped the rest would follow.

_**Empire of Japan; 1868–1945**_

As the world remained in destruction, Sesshomaru managed to find the location of another shard, which was nearly 20 years after finding the location of the first one. Once again the only information he had been able to obtain was that it was in Australia.

Finally, after many years of waiting, youkais had managed to blend in with humans. Certain magical devices had been invented, which allowed youkais to trap their youki, leaving them to look exactly like common humans.

With that invention, Sesshomaru had seen much more opportunity than the other youkais did. Trapping his youki also meant freedom and he would finally be rid of these horrible feelings he had been forced to experience for all these years. He had sneaked one of the devices onto himself, his beast completely oblivious to what was happening. As soon as he had put it on, Sesshomaru had felt an immense pain filling him, and he knew it was his beast fighting the cage that was bestowed upon it.

It had taken a few minutes, but eventually, Sesshomaru had gained full control.

The relief he had felt afterwards was not something that could be explained. All the feelings he had been cursed with for so many years slowly had exited his body, for the very first time since his beast had emerged, and Sesshomaru felt as if finally everything about himself was all under his control, only his control. As long as he kept the device on, he would not have to obey his beasts will.

After many years blending in with the humans, Sesshomaru had taken up a residence once more. When he had left his castle with Jaken, he had hidden away some of his belongings, which according to humans were now worth a lot. He had then been able to make it to a decent rank in society considering his amount of money and fortune.

Then, the human world had been shattered by war.

Sesshomaru had seen war before, but this one was much different. Not only did it involve a lot more people, but it was much more deadly. Sesshomaru had seen the humans' weapons, but usually it was not much to fear, although he had learned to be more careful now that he did not have his youki.

Humans had surprised him with a new weapon; Atomic Bombs.

Sesshomaru had witnessed and fortunately for him, survived the attacks bestowed upon Japan. Surprisingly he found himself thinking of how cold humans had grown. He himself had often killed without regrets, but this was much different, much worse. Unless someone got in his way, Sesshomaru couldn't have cared less, but the human attacks were not like that.

They were doing it to show who was more powerful, to win over people. Not only that, but they obviously weren't fighting fairly and equally. It wasn't about strategy, or who was the most powerful, it was only destruction that mattered. The more deaths it caused, the better.

They had grown more foolish, and sadder. Was this really what the world had become?

Then, near 1940, while the world was crumbling, he found the location of the last shard,  _Brazil_. Although he now had the locations, they were all extremely far apart  _and_  he still had no means of finding them. Nonetheless, he wasted many years traveling in the hope of a miracle.

_**Occupied Japan: 1945–1952**_

It was somewhere around 1947 that Sesshomaru had been hit by what seemed like a life lesson. An incident that he had not planned for had occurred. A lot of women feared for their lives during these times and Sesshomaru had made the mistake of walking down a nearly empty street one day.

As he had been trying to make his way to town, a woman had appeared out of nowhere, screaming at the top of her lungs. In her confusion and feared she had bumped into Sesshomaru before he could even avoid her. She held on to his clothes and he managed to get a look at her face.

It was obvious she had been crying, her eyes red and puffy. She also had blood dripping down the side of her head and most of her clothes had been torn to pieces. She was breathing fast, as she finally let go of him, sobbing loudly.

"Please – " she managed to say, " he—again. He raped me."

Footsteps could be heard and in a moment of panic, the woman began to run again.

Unlike her, Sesshomaru was frozen in the same position unable to move. As soon as the words had escaped her lips the first image that had filled his mind was the Miko. An inexplicable feeling had taken over, while flashes of her face after every intercourse had appeared in his mind. For some reason he could not chase away the sound of her voice either. He could hear her begging for him to stop, telling him not to touch her.

Sesshomaru began to slightly back away, trying to figure out why he was thinking about this. Was it because he finally understood? All those times she had tried to explain to him that her time was different, that mating was never considered a privilege.

Did he finally understand why she fought against it so much? Why she cried, why she yelled, why she hated him so much for all of his actions?

Sesshomaru hadn't spent much time with humans even though he was now  _looking_  like one, he still avoided associating with them. But for a brief instant, the desperation in the women's eyes and what he knew of today's society…

He did find himself wondering if what he had done back then to the young miko had been wrong. He had denied her claim that it was a horrible act, but only now did he understand how different their worlds had been.

Perhaps, just that one time, Sesshomaru had been wrong.

_**Post Occupied Japan: 1952-1989**_

It was during the winter of 1960 that another one of Rin's descendant had been born. Her name was Miyu, and Sesshomaru watched over her like he had the others. It was also that year that his company Tomoya Corporation was created. He had rarely spent his money during all the past years and he knew business was the way to go. His company specialized in electronics and business with outside companies. It was also then, to fit the businessman model, that he cut his hair.

As Sesshomaru had watched Miyu grow up, he never could chase away the feeling that he knew her, that she resembled someone. He had quickly dismissed it telling himself she must look like Rin. It was not until she got married in 1980 to a young man named Haruki Higurashi that a nagging voice in the back of his head appeared.

Higurashi.

He knew that name; he knew it because it was hers.

A sense of panic had overcome him that day for the very first time. He had been unable to stop himself from finding out more, when he had found out the man was from a shrine and from a line of monks, he had felt something snap inside of him.

He had tried to ignore it, but when two years later, in 1982, during the blossoming spring, Miyu gave birth to a grey-eyed little girl named Kagome. Sesshomaru had been there, lurking around the house when they had brought her home, at that moment, there had been no denying the truth. The miko, the one he was still mated to, the one he had hurt… was a part of Rin.

The promise he had made to the little girl had been broken five hundred years ago, unknown to all of them.

For the first time in his life, Sesshomaru had felt guilt. For the very first time, he regretted his actions.

There had been only one thing clear in his mind at that moment; he had to make it up to her. For the very first time in his life, he had felt like a monster. Flashes of Rin had gone through his mind, for an instant, it had been as if he had done those  _things_  to her, instead of the Miko. A rage had appeared in his heart, and he felt angry with himself for what he had done.

The smile, the innocence, the laughter, he had been the one to take it all away.

He had lived in her world, he had seen the destruction that  _action_  brought upon women, especially young girls. And now that he thought about it, the Miko had pulled through, acting strong. Just like Rin would have done.

 _Rin_.

Her name was echoing in his mind, and he was hopeless to stop it.

_**Heisei Period: 1989 –Present Day**_

When Kagome had reached the age of seven, Sesshomaru felt the moment of her going to the past approaching. There were still many years to go, but to a youkai like him, it could go as fast as blinking. It was then that he had decided to install mics in her house. He wasn't sure exactly when she went back into the past and he wanted to keep track.

It was also because of these mics that he learned about another of Rin's descendant, Souta. He had heard Miyu share the news with her husband and how happy they were. Unfortunately for them, that happiness did not last for a long time. When Miyu was barely in the second month of her pregnancy, an unfortunate accident happened and Haruki had passed away. Sesshomaru had attended the funerals, remaining hidden, not that anyone would have recognized him.

For months, he had heard the devastation it had left in the family, he had almost been surprised by the way Miyu had pulled through and had even begun raising another child on her own. She so much reminded him of Rin at that moment.

Then, it happened. The fateful day the Miko had fell down the well. When that day arrived, he had waited patiently, knowing that in about two years, she would be going back down the well and not be coming back for months. Sesshomaru well intended on stopping her from going, which was why the mics were so helpful. Kagome shared a lot with her mother, making it easy for him to tell what was exactly going on.

For two years he had heard the interactions between her and his half-brother, had witnessed how well he fitted in her family, how they had no problem welcoming the hanyou as one of their own. Every little mushy moment, every sad heartbreak, he had heard it all. Sometimes, he had been more present in her life than he had wished for.

Then a few weeks before the fateful day, he had camped near her house, waiting. When the moment had been right he had every intention of stopping her, and he had even walked out of his car, ready to go up the stairs of the shrine, when suddenly, he had fell ill to the ground. An incredible searing pain had gone through his body, and he had been unable to move. He had tried to scream for her to stop, but had quickly realized he could not even speak.

It was in despair that he had been on his knees on the ground, while she had made the fateful mistake to go back in to the feudal era.

He had failed Rin for the second time on that day.

After the pain had disappeared, he had regained control of his body and had rushed up the stairs, hoping perhaps she had not gone yet, but he had been disappointed to find out she had.

The only thing that had been left to do for him was wait until she came back.

Those few months had been the longest months of his life, often he had found himself pacing in his house, hoping the time would go by faster. He had a feeling he knew what her reaction would be like once she saw him again, she would not be happy. The best thing would have probably been to leave her alone, but he could not do such a thing.

Not only was she the only one who could get rid of the jewel, but she was carrying his pup. It was part of her, a part of him, a part of Rin.

Then after what had seemed like forever, he had heard her come back, and had nearly hear Kagome's and Miyu's hearts break. He had listened when Kagome had shared with her what happened, telling nearly every detail.

When he had heard about her appointment, he knew he shouldn't have gone, but the guilt had overpowered him. Before he had known what he was doing, he had driven all the way up there, had waited for her to disappear inside the office before he had entered the building. There was no way for her to recognize him, but nonetheless, as soon as she had stepped out, he had walked away.

Then, he had seen her bump into a pregnant woman, dropping the picture she had been holding. He didn't take a careful look at it, but he had known what was on it. When she had stepped out of the washroom, he knew she had not realized what she had dropped. Knowing it probably would mean a lot to her to have it, he had stepped forward.

From the look she had gave him, he instantly knew she had recognized him, or at least, thought she did. He had not let any emotions show on his face, but inside he felt it. When she had looked at him with such fear in her eyes, the guilt had been too much to bear. For an instant, it had been as if he had been looking at Rin and not Kagome.

Then, immediately right after their meeting, he had been surprised to find her staring at him through his window. He had known that the meeting would have sparked her interest in finding him, but never had he believed she would have done it so soon. It was then that he had realized their fated meeting could no longer be pushed back, it was time for them to meet face to face.

The game of cat and mouse had to end.

Not only that, but ever since her return to the feudal era after their mating, the jewel had grown restless, and even darker. Perhaps because she, who was the guardian, had been tainted in darkness by him? If that was the case, their time was running out. It was also another reason why he had to earn her forgiveness.

She was meant to be pure, just like the child he had considered his daughter, he had to erase the pain he had created.

He had to atone for his sins towards her, towards them.

-B-


	29. She was she, and he was he

The sun was bright, and high in the sky as Kagome sat outside next to the door,  _waiting_ . She had everything she could think of carefully packed in one suitcase and the jewel carefully tucked into her purse.

The previous night someone had come by announcing that a car would come by to pick her up early the next morning. Kagome had chosen to wait outside, because she couldn't bear it inside. The moment she had shared with her mother what she was going to do, it had broken her heart, and she couldn't look into her eyes anymore, which was why she was by herself at the moment. Miyu had wanted to wait with her, but Kagome believed it was easier this way.

Although nothing about this situation was easy.

Her heart was pounding as her eyes lingered on every passing car, waiting to see which one was for her. Somehow, she was expecting the limousine like the other day, but she wasn't sure it was how Sesshomaru traveled every day. Then again, she didn't know anything about him, and she did not intend for that to change. Kagome was only doing this to complete the jewel and afterward she wanted nothing to do with him.

Hopefully, it would be that simple.

She began tapping her foot as her stress and impatience grew. Kagome felt the sweat dripping down her neck, she was uncomfortable. It wasn't until just now that it hit her how long she would be sitting in a plane beside him. Not only that, but she remembered that they had not yet put on his new watch… unless he planned to take care of it while they were in the car on the way to the airport? A sigh escaped her lips.

Finally a car stopped in front of the shrine, Kagome  _knew_  it was him. Slowly she stood up grabbing the handle of her suitcase, before casting one last glance towards the house. A fear had begun to grow inside of her as she wondered when she would be back home again. Although unlike her last trip, she prayed this one would not be as painful or destructive. Kagome took a deep breath before she made her way down all the steps as her body felt unusually heavy.

As soon as she was close to the car the driver got out, opening the door for her before taking her suitcase. Kagome nodded in a sign of thank you, before entering into the car. Her heart caught in her throat as she found herself face to face with Sesshomaru. Sure, she knew she was supposed to be traveling with him, but she thought perhaps he was still at his house. Apparently, they were going straight to the airport.

"Miko," he said, greeting her.

Kagome didn't say anything back to him, instead she sat down as far as she could from him and began to play with her hands. He decided not to push her and didn't speak another word. She would say something when she was ready. Although, he had a feeling when she would speak it would not be anything good. Nonetheless, he would take it.

"How long?" she finally asked, the silence killing her.

It was worse to be sitting near him in silence than it would be to ask him a few questions. Since he didn't answer yet, she assumed he didn't know what she was referring to, so she clarified it.

"How long have you had mics in my house?" she inquired, her tone bitter.

Sesshomaru looked somewhat surprised by her question. He had expected her to realize he was watching her somehow, but he hadn't thought she'd pick up on the mic's by herself. He had to give her credit for that.

"A little bit after your birth," he answered, his tone neutral.

She began chewing on her bottom lip, her nervousness was growing. After her birth?

"Why?"

There was a million ways to answer, but he chose the most obvious one.

"You are Rin's descendant. I made her a promise, I would watch over them."

Kagome couldn't help scoffing.

"You're doing a terrific job," she said, her voice laced with pain.

She had to say she enjoyed the irony of the situation. Sesshomaru had spent most of Rin's life protecting her, watching over her, before he even had made his promise, he had ruined it. Kagome could easily imagine that once he had found out, he had been filled with regrets, and she found it fair. No, it did not bring her happiness that he felt guilty, because she found no pleasure in other people's pain, no matter who they were.

His guilt meant nothing to her as he didn't feel it for the right reasons. Sesshomaru regretted what he had done because she was a part of Rin. But she also knew it would be as close as it would ever get for him to feel bad for what he had done. Never would he regret hurting her because she was Kagome.

And once again, it was the same situation all over again. Inuyasha saw her as Kikyo for the longest time. Now Sesshomaru saw her as Rin. Would she ever get the chance to only be Kagome? When would that be enough?

Kagome felt a whirlpool of emotions raging inside of her. Tears were threatening to fall if she didn't hold them back. At that moment, she felt like screaming, like destroying everything around her, and it wasn't a feeling she liked. She took a few deep breaths trying to calm herself , but it barely worked. She could feel his eyes on her, she ignored it as much as she could. Slowly, she let herself sink into the seat, closing her eyes, trying not to see him.

Perhaps remaining silent until the airport was the way to go, although she had one more matter on her mind that needed to be clarified. After all it was part of the deal.

"What about the watch?" she queried, before opening her eyes and staring at him.

Sesshomaru had not forgotten, so, he turned around slightly before opening his suitcase, and taking out a box. He then preceded to hand it to her. Kagome wrapped her fingers around the black box before gently opening it. Inside was a watch very similar to the one he was currently wearing.

"When I press the button on the side, my youki will be freed for fifteen minutes."

Fifteen minutes too much as far as she was concerned, but at least it was better than no time limit at all.

"I'm the only one who can take it off?" she whispered, looking down at the watch.

"Yes, as soon as you put it on my wrist I will be unable to remove it."

Frankly, it did not please him that much that it had to come down to this, since he already felt trap enough with the regular watch, but he knew this was necessary. Not only for her comfort and safety, but for his as well, if he was to remove the regular watch while she was around, he had a feeling his beast would never let him regain control again. It was for that reason that he deemed this as a necessity.

Kagome gently nodded, before taking the watch out of the box.

"Now," she said, nearly more as an order than a question.

Sesshomaru removed his black jacket before rolling up the left sleeve of his navy shirt. He had to put the watch on a different arm since he had to keep the other one on until she finished placing the new one on. Slightly shaking Kagome slid across the seat to him, before sliding it on his arm, making sure to make no contact at all with him. The simple thought of touching him sent shivers through her body.

When she was done placing it on his wrist, a green glow emanated from it before it settled down. Sesshomaru pulled down his sleeve before taking off the other one. Then, he reached out for the box, and put it in there before putting it away back into his suitcase. Once this would be over, he intended on putting the old one back on.

As Kagome sat back into the same spot as far away from him as she could get, she found herself wondering how he was acting so calm and collected. Even now with the new watch placed on him, it had to have affected him somewhat, but all you could see was his cold facade. She was so very different, every one of her emotions could easily be read on her face. She was like an open book. Sometimes it was good, but in this case, she didn't like it. Kagome didn't want him knowing how she felt.

"How long will we be gone?" she asked, a hint of sadness in her voice.

Sesshomaru seemed to think about it for a few seconds, but did not come up with an answer.

"It's hard to say." It all depended on how fast she could locate the shard and how quickly they could obtain it.

"Are we doing all the locations in one trip?"

"It depends on what you want."

Kagome breathed out heavily. Personally, she wished to get this over with as quickly as possible. There was no reason to drag it out longer than was needed.

"All at once," she answered, her bottom lip quivering.

Sesshomaru had already planned for it to be that way, knowing it would probably be what she desired. As she looked through the window, he observed her, she was edgy, some times tapping her foot, she could not stop playing with her hands and she avoided looking in his direction at all costs. She didn't know but, especially with the new watch, she had no reason at all to fear him.

He would not harm her, but he knew she might never accept that idea.

-B-

As they finally reached the airport, Kagome felt slightly relieved. She would rather be stuck with Sesshomaru in an environment where people surrounded her, than in a car, alone with him. She was the first one to get out, the bright rays of the sun nearly blinding her. As she was about to walk away the driver handed Kagome her suitcase, and she thanked him as she took it from him.

Sesshomaru followed closely behind her, as they made their way through the airport. As they walked through more and more crowds of people Kagome found herself hugging her purse tightly against her body, Sesshomaru assumed that was where she was keeping the jewel.

When they were about to join the line to have their personal belongings scanned, Kagome felt his hand on her shoulder. She froze. He was touching her clothes, but her heart still nearly stopped beating at the contact. Too many flashbacks ran through her mind and tears began to burn her eyes.

Since Sesshomaru did not have his youkai senses, and he couldn't see her face, he missed her reaction.

"This way," he said pointing to a door. Knowing she wouldn't understand, he explained. "They would scan your purse and find the jewel."

Kagome had totally forgotten about that detail, it still didn't explain how they would be able to get on the plane without going through security.

Sesshomaru quickly made that detail clear to her.

"I know the youkai who owns the airport."

With those words said, he led her through the crowd, before he stopped to talk to someone who worked at the desk. Kagome couldn't understand what he was saying because she was too far, but the man seemed scared of Sesshomaru. After a few seconds, he gestured for her to come closer which she did. Then, he handed her a ticket and someone took her suitcase while she held on to her purse.

Without one word being uttered, they made their way towards their gate. Kagome felt her nervousness growing as she wondered if it was because of Sesshomaru or because she had never been on a plane before. Whichever one it was neither were good for her health. She felt her body tremble as they walked closer, she did her best to keep up appearances, although she was pretty sure everyone around them could tell.

They made their way in silence as they walked onto the plane. Kagome felt her mouth become dry. Sesshomaru hadn't once turned around to look at her, not that she minded. Nonetheless, it was strange because ever since she had met him in her own time period, he always seemed obsessed with the idea of looking at her. She had disliked it from the start. It was as if he constantly needed to look in her eyes.

They took their seats, Kagome sitting next to the window making sure her arm wasn't touching the arm rest between them. She had no intention of making any type of contact with him, even accidentally. Her purse was on her lap, as she carefully touched it, re-assuring herself that the box was still in there. The idea that youkais could be surrounding her didn't make her feel safe carrying the jewel.

Kagome couldn't stop herself from looking through the window, observing her surroundings. She reminded herself not to look once they would take off, since it would only increase her fear. She had flown before, but she had trusted Kirara, and Inuyasha a lot more than she trusted this giant plane, which was man made. She took a tighter grip onto her purse, desperately holding onto something.

"It is a long way to Mumbai," commented Sesshomaru as he noticed her nervousness. "15 hours."

Kagome couldn't help the slight panic that took her over. 15 hours was a long time, a lot could happen during that large amount of time. For a brief second, she wished she could have taken those pills that knocked you out for the length of a flight. But as she ran her hands over her stomach, she knew it wouldn't have been a good idea. Her baby might be hanyou, but it did not mean it could not be harmed.

Sesshomaru was observing her hands as she softly caressed her growing bulge. For her it had barely been a few weeks since she had last seen him, yet, he could see already the change in her size. Her stomach was much bigger now. As time had pass, he had seen the amount of hanyou births increase and unlike last time, he had a general idea of how long her pregnancy would last.

"How far along are you?" he asked, breaking the silence.

Kagome looked down at her stomach.

"Almost three months," she barely whispered.

There was something about being around him that drained her. She could never look at him, sometimes she couldn't even find her own voice. The chaos he created in her mind was enough to make her not act like herself. Although, after everything he had done, she assumed it was a natural reaction, but she didn't like it. Kagome was tired of being so weak around him all the time. She wanted so badly to overcome her fear of his presence. Every time her mind would be flooded with flashbacks of what had happened. How could she ever forget what had taken place in the past?

"You're at the halfway point. Hanyou pregnancies usually take 6 months."

If everything went well, they would be able to complete the jewel before she was ready to give birth. If they were not done close to her due date, he would take her back to Tokyo so she could deliver the pup in a safe environment instead of in unknown territories. Although, once she would have the pup, it would make it much harder to travel and finish the task.

 _6 months_. Kagome could hardly adjust to the idea that less than 3 months from now, she would be holding her child in her arms. With the current task at hand though, it wouldn't give her much time to prepare for the baby's arrival. But, Kagome knew her mother still had Souta's things from when he was a baby stored away in one of the rooms. At least she would have something for the immediate moment.

"The plane took off," he stated, before finally looking away from her.

Kagome frowned slightly before turning her head and looked through the window. How had she not felt the plane leave the ground? She had been so caught up in her own thoughts and fears, her little world of darkness sucking her in, that she had not paid much attention to what was happening around her. His words rang in her mind as she found herself wondering why he had stated that the plane had taken off. Had he noticed her nervousness? Had he made an attempt at distracting her from the take off?

The simplest thought that he might have done so was enough to stir the anger she harbored toward him. Any  _nice_  gesture he was trying to pull on her was sickening. He couldn't do that, not after what he had done to her.

"You're wasting your time," she said, before tilting her head to side slightly. Her words seemed to catch his attention, since his eyes were back on her. "I won't forgive you." For the first time, her tone was loud and clear. She wanted him to firmly understand that she could not forget.

A while ago, Kagome had made a distinction between Sesshomaru and his beast. They were different, but they shared a body. She despised both of them, but for different reasons. Kagome hated the beast for forcing her into this mating, for raping her, and although she loved the child growing inside of her, it should have still been her decision to be a mother or not.

She felt hatred towards Sesshomaru, because he didn't care. She could have been killed, beaten to death, and it wouldn't have made a difference to him. He never cared that she suffered, and he even made her go through worst with his indifference. The only reason he had helped her escape was because he didn't want to lose himself through the merging. It had nothing to do with her. It had always been about himself.

Sesshomaru didn't comment on her latest statement, because he had expected such a thing from her. He already knew he probably would never obtain her forgiveness, which was why he was helping her complete her task. It was partly a way to make up for what happened. The other part would perhaps be to grant her wish; never seeing him again.

-B-

She blinked a few times, feeling nauseous and confused. Kagome tried to open her eyes wider as she took a look at her surroundings. Then, she realized she was still in the plane, except she had no memory of falling asleep. It took her a few seconds to remember Sesshomaru was sitting beside her and she slightly jumped.

When he felt her move he had put his book down, before bringing his attention to her.

"Are you thirsty?" he asked, handing her a bottle of water.

Kagome's mouth was completely dry and she had a bitter taste in her mouth. She grabbed the bottle, not touching him, before drinking nearly half of the bottle all at once. Her feeling of confusion refused to leave, she was somewhat dizzy. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't seem to remember what had happened prior to her falling asleep.

The idea of her being comfortable enough to sleep beside him was insane. Kagome was certain that there was an explanation behind the whole thing. Something did not feel right.

"What happened?" she finally asked, after her own memory failed her.

Sesshomaru arched an eyebrow before his green eyes locked with her grey orbs. He was surprised that she did not remember.

"You were  _sick_ , then I assumed your body was exhausted and you passed out."

She threw up? Kagome felt a panic take over as she wondered if it was the same type of sickness she had back in the feudal era. It wouldn't be such a far-fetched thought, because ever since she had been back she had been fine. It was bound to happen again right? Although nothing of what she felt now could be compared to what she had felt then.

Kagome felt a little dizzy, but she knew it was because she had passed out, not because more sickness was coming.

Perhaps it was all this flying causing her stomach to do flip-flops?

"How long did I sleep," she inquired, her vice cracking as she spoke.

"12 hours."

Her eyes widened slightly at his words. Kagome hadn't slept that long in months, actually the only time she would manage to get that much sleep was when she would come home for a little while after she had been traveling with her friends in the feudal era, they were always rushing back then, nearly leaving as soon as the sun rose.

Although, there was one thing she was grateful for. Since she had been asleep for so long, she figured most of the trip was over. It had at least been 3 hours when she assumed was the time she fell asleep, meaning that they should be reaching their destination very shortly. Kagome would be relieved to be out of the plane and not stuck in such a small area with Sesshomaru. Also, she felt hungry even though apparently she had thrown up earlier, she wanted to wait until they landed to eat anything though.

Sesshomaru had easily noticed by now that Kagome seemed to often get lost in her own thoughts or world. Perhaps she did the same thing back in the feudal era, but he hadn't been around her enough to notice. Conversations could end as abruptly as they had started. Not that he minded, since he did not enjoy unnecessary talk himself.

Then a voice came through the intercom, announcing that they would be landing in five minutes.

He had already reserved a hotel for them, planning to start their search the next day. In her current state she was already under enough stress, he wanted her to relax. All her stress was not good for her pregnancy, and they would need to take it easy. He had made sure the room arrangement would be convenient, but somewhat comfortable for her at the same time. He had noticed her panic when she had realized she had fall asleep beside him, and he hoped she would sleep at night.

This was not easy for him either. Being around her brought back feelings he had thought he had buried after Rin's death. Many of the Miko's expressions reminded him of Rin, and it had been a while since such things had happened. Not only that, but he found himself haunted with memories, feelings, which were similar to what he felt before he had locked his beast away.

Sesshomaru knew it didn't make any sense since his beast was locked away, but he couldn't chase the feeling away. Not only that, but he was now getting a headache from all of this. It was moments like this that he missed his youkai senses. It was much easier to scent out feelings and push away his own.

He let his glaze travel to her, he watched her watery eyes as she observed the scenery in front of her. She had never been outside of Japan before and she couldn't help but take in the sight that was offer to her. For a few moments, she was distracted from her current situation, as if she was in another world and it was a nice feeling.

Of course, when the plane landed,  _he_  got up, the trance broken, and she was back to being stuck with him. He watched her as if he were waiting to know if she needed help getting up, but Kagome held on to the seat in front of her and got up on her own.

She would apparently need him for protection while hunting for the remaining shards, but she would do as much on her own as she could. No reason why she couldn't do the simplest things. She followed behind him as they exited the plane, her purse tightly pressed against her body. It was now a certainty that there were youkais around here, she wouldn't take any chances, although the sutras were supposed to prevent them from sensing its darkness.

Quickly enough they were outside, and a black car pulled out in front of them. Sesshomaru had apparently planned everything, in so little time. She could only begin to imagine what kind of money and power he had. Somehow, it created a small fear inside of her, it seemed that no matter what era he was in, Sesshomaru would always manage to gain some sort of superiority.

They only drove for 10 minutes before they stopped at their destination, which was a hotel. Kagome immediately assumed it would be where they would stay. It was as they made their way inside that she realized something. She would be sharing a bedroom with Sesshomaru? Her heart began to pound, her fear was engulfing her. Kagome's lips parted slightly as she began to breath out heavily.

Sesshomaru who was checking in didn't notice her reactions until he turned around with the key in his hand.

"There is more than one bed, miko," he said, as if it would ease her worries. "I cannot remove the watch." Did she fear the beast would take over? He thought he had made it very clear that it was not something that would happen, unless she was the one to remove the watch.

"Couldn't you get more than one room?" If he wanted to remain somewhat close to her, he could have just gotten two rooms beside each other.

He shook his head. "You carry something, " he lowered his voice, "important," his voice returned to normal, "with you. I do not have my youkai senses available to me at the moment. It is easier to make sure nothing happens if we are in the same room." His voice then softened.

"Nothing will happen, miko."

"Because I'm  _her_ ," said Kagome, her voice laced with pain.

She wasn't bitter because she was related to Rin. She was bitter because he now refused to hurt her because she was related to Rin. Of course, she didn't expect him to understand.

"I will have my own bed?" she asked, just to confirm.

He nodded.

Though it hardly mattered if she had her own bed or not, because she knew she would not be able to sleep. With him so close to her, she would not be able to close her eyes. No matter what he said or what protection they had taken against the beast, she didn't trust it. After all, if it had been able to stop Sesshomaru from preventing her going through the well on that fateful day, it meant that it wasn't as docile and caged as Sesshomaru believed.

He might be willing to ignore the signs, but she wasn't.

The beast could not be trusted.

-B-

Kagome was slowly going insane.

She did not feel tired, partly because she had slept in the plane, and she was dying to get started on the quest. As soon as they had walked into the room, he had dropped her suitcase and left. Since he had insisted so much on her protection, she found herself wondering why he had left so quickly, but he never gave her the chance to ask, he had left too soon.

Although she didn't feel comfortable in his presence, she didn't like being alone in a new country, where she did not know anyone. Almost an hour after she had arrived, food had been delivered to her room, and she had assumed it was all Sesshomaru's doing.

Nonetheless she had been hungry, especially since she had thrown up early what little she had in her stomach.

But now, time was ticking away slowly, and she wished to do what they came there for. She was willing to admit that 10pm was quite late and that searching in the dark was perhaps not the best idea, but at the moment anything sounded better than spending the night in the same room with him.

The door opened just then and she slightly jumped. Sesshomaru walked in and as he did, she observed him, wondering if his human appearance also meant he had the same needs. Did he need to sleep or eat just like any other regular human? Of course, she would keep the question to herself. No reason to make small talk with him. The only time she would speak to him was if it were necessary.

Sesshomaru had spent the last few hours planning their day for tomorrow. The city in which the shard was supposed to be located was quite a while from Mumbai and he intended on leaving early in the morning. He glanced her way, hoping she would get some rest later because she would need it during the next few days.

He laid down on his own bed, his eyes traveling to the television. The TV volume was very low, he couldn't hear what was being said, but it hardly mattered.

"Kiyoshi," he said, not looking her way.

She looked down at her stomach.

"It was the name Rin picked," he added. Neither of them knew that Rin was picking the name of her own descendant back then.

Rin was not someone Sesshomaru discussed with a lot of people. Even with Jaken, it was very brief and not very often. Her death had reminded him of how fragile and  _mortal_  humans were, it was a thought he could not forget.

"For the first few years, she made bouquets of your favorite flowers."

Kagome didn't glance his way, but she was listening to him. She had immediately known whom he was referring too, but she could not remember sharing her favorite flower with Rin. Nonetheless, she listened.

"Yellow flowers."

That's when Kagome remembered the time she saw Kirara, and had distracted the little girl with a patch of flowers, before sending one to Sango. Kagome felt bad that Rin had been left alone, not even getting a proper goodbye. Just like she hadn't had the chance to say goodbye to anyone in the feudal era.

"Her first daughter was named Kagome."

Sesshomaru remembered his surprise when she had shown him her newest child, after telling him she named her after the miko. At the time, his beast had still been in control of his feelings, and Sesshomaru had experienced intense guilt. The miko had been the only thing filling his mind at that point, it had destroyed him from the inside. He had been so conflicted that even Rin had noticed, she had been worried.

But, it was behind him now, just like the miko he had no desire for his beast to take over. He would not hurt her again. Not only would it deepen her pain, but also it would increase his own suffering.

Kagome felt touched by Rin's choice of name for her daughter, for the first time in his company, a ghost of a smile appeared on her lips. And suddenly, Kagome found herself wondering what it was like to see Sesshomaru through Rin's eyes. The little girl had nearly worshiped the ground he walked on. He had been the father she never had, Sesshomaru had cared for her a lot and from the looks of things, he still did.

It was insane that they met, experienced a totally different Sesshomaru  _at the same time_. Though at times with his new  _appearance_  Kagome could see what Rin saw. But, it was too late to be a different person. No matter what he did, he would always need that watch around his wrist, meaning he would always be the old Sesshomaru.

"What can he do in fifteen minutes?"

The question had been on her mind for quite a while. If a youkai was weak, heck, even if he was strong and tried to attack them, the beast would get rid of it very easily, meaning there would be something around 10 minutes left before the watch would start working again. She had experienced the beast, she knew he could do a lot of damage during that long of a time lapse.

Sesshomaru knew there was no point in lying to her. "A lot."

He would have wished for a better situation, but this was the best provided to him at the moment. The one thing he was counting on was the beast's reaction to seeing her again. Obviously its anger would still be present, but he had been longing for her for so long, that it might delay whatever he had in mind.

The next best thing was of course hoping that he wouldn't need to use his youki. But, he knew the last shards had to have fallen into the hands of someone.

Kagome's eyes were burning with tears, as she scoffed. The truth was so painful, it hurt, and it brought an ache in her heart. Although she never found comfort in other's pain, she wanted him to know what it was like for her. Even now, after everything, she still had to be in his presence.

Slowly, she got up, making her way toward his bed, surprising him. From the start, she had kept as much distance as possible between him and her. Not this time. She was doing a horrible job at holding back her tears, but this time she didn't care. Kagome had felt so much anger building up inside of her, and until now, she had held it back.

"I  _hate_  you," she said, pointing her finger at him.

"How dare you act as if this is a casual travel trip!" His neutrality and the way he pretended to care frustrated her. "You think I don't know what this is about? This isn't about you making up for hurting me." She had not believed it from the start.

"This about you making yourself feel better."

Her bottom lip quivered as the tears began to roll down her cheeks. "Everything you've done, you've done it for yourself. You helped me escape because you didn't want the beast to be in control. You're helping me now because you CAN'T TAKE THE GUILT!" She was breathless only from screaming those words.

"500 years ago, I tried to explain to you what you did to me. You wouldn't listen. NOW you understand, and it's tearing you apart. But not because you put me through hell,  _NO,_ " Kagome put her arm down.

"No, it's because I'm a part of Rin, and that's killing you."

Her tone was becoming bitter. "You and Inuyasha are more alike than you think. You both lack the ability to see people for who they really are. I am not Kikyo, I'm Kagome. I'm not Rin, I'm Kagome." She wiped away some of her tears. "And I couldn't care less about making you feel better. THE ONLY reason I'm doing this is because it's my job. I broke the jewel and it's my responsibility to put it back together."

She had kept so much bottled inside, only shedding tears all the time. Something inside of her had snapped.

"As soon as this is done, I'm not helping you take care of your guilt. It's your burden to live with." She pointed at herself. "It's only fair since I have to live with what it did to me every day." She chewed on her bottom lip, as she slowly began to shake. "I can't forget it. So neither should you."

Her poor body was barely supporting her as she let herself fall on the bed. Kagome tightly closed her eyes, as she tried to stop the tears. But, she was unable to. Everything she had kept locked inside was trying to come out at once, it was overwhelming her. She didn't know how to deal with her emotions when it came to him.

After a few seconds, she heard him move around, she opened her eyes and sat on the edge of the bed, holding her breath. He came close to her and stopped when he was right in front of her. Then, he bent down, so they were eye level and he stared at her. He didn't look angry, actually, no emotions could be seen on his face at all.

It took him a few seconds before he looked away, but he remained in the same position.

"You are neither Rin nor Kikyo," he stated.

Kagome waited for more, never looking away from his face, as she felt her tears drip on her hands.

"I am not  _it_."

After he spoke these words, he stood up, and walked out of the room, leaving her in tears on the bed.

-B-


	30. The Hunt Begins

Kagome had spent the whole night wide awake, not being able to sleep. It was not because Sesshomaru was present because after he left, he did not come back. Perhaps he was still around, but since his youkai was hidden, she could not sense his presence. All she could do was hope that the sleep she had gotten on the plane would get her through the day.

There was something else that had prevented her from sleeping.

 _Pain_.

Kagome had been having it for hours now. A sharp pain  _inside_  of her stomach, no matter what she did or how she positioned herself, it refused to go away. Kagome felt slightly nervous considering her pregnancy, and she had tried to re-assure herself that worst things had happened before and the baby had been okay.

She was currently leaning against the window observing the panoramic view from the hotel. Since she was in another country stuck with  _him,_  she might as well take in the sights while she could.

Although something had been bothering her; what Sesshomaru had said before leaving yesterday.

She didn't like how it had drawn a resemblance. He was his beast, since the beast was a part of him. She wasn't Kikyo or Rin. Well they did share a blood relationship  _and_  she was Kikyo's reincarnation but… There it was. She didn't like that their situation could be similar.

And they weren't.

 _Technically_  she was a part of both Kikyo and Rin. In his case his other  _personality_  had taken her life away from her. You couldn't even begin to compare them to Sesshomaru. Kagome bit the inside of her cheeks as she kept watching the sunrise. She figured he would be back soon, wanting to use as much of the sunlight as possible while they traveled. Though she wished he would inform her of the plans he had made. After all he had no reason to leave her in the dark this way. Then again, she rarely gave him a chance to talk to her.

Nonetheless, she felt the growing feeling of rage steadily increasing inside of her. It demanded that she yell more, but she suppressed it. Last time her body had nearly given up on her just because of that one outburst, so she was now deciding to conserve her energy. Although she had to admit, screaming at him for the first time in all that time felt quite liberating.

Quickly, she was brought out of her thoughts when the door to their room opened revealing Sesshomaru. He made his way towards her as if he had never gone missing, before handing her a paper bag. Kagome took it and opened it only to find out there was a bagel inside of it.

"You need to eat something," he stated, before rummaging through his own luggage looking for something.

She didn't say anything, but he knew she wondered where he spent the night. Sesshomaru had done something he often did during these past five hundred years. He walked. A youkai like him required solitude or perhaps, he had gotten use to being mostly alone, nonetheless walks were his way to carefully clearing his mind.

Sesshomaru had grown use to being alone during the last few centuries. He had not changed  _much_ , he still had his sense of honor. He had promised Rin and he would keep that promise. The feelings of guilt would not disappear until he did so. He did not say anything against the miko's harsh words because they were the result of the pain he caused her.

He had actually been quite surprised that she had not screamed until now. He had seen her more furious in the feudal era. Then again, by now she was probably at the end of her rope.

In the past, he would have been angry and would have made her regret the way she talked to him. Not now. He also understood the miko's struggle to be herself and only herself. Unfortunately, just as he could not be simply Sesshomaru, she could not be simply Kagome. Rin had meant a great deal to him, he had raised her as his own daughter and he saw her first before Kagome had come into his life.

The same could be said about Kagome. The beast had ruined her life, destroyed her so much, that it was what she saw first. She could not push the beast aside and he could not forget about Rin.

This hardly mattered though.

Sesshomaru intended on completing the jewel with her, then disappearing from her life. It was what she wished and it would be how he made it up to her. There would be no them, there was no reason for each other to see the other one.

He had done nothing wrong, never betrayed the mating, he intended on letting her live the rest of her life as she saw fit. Once she passed away, then perhaps he would find someone else, although youkais were decreasing in numbers every day and it would become harder. Nonetheless, he would have an heir.

_Kiyoshi._

Nothing was more appropriate than the name Rin had picked.

He hadn't talked about the pup with Kagome yet, and it could wait. It was already hard enough for her to travel with him, he didn't want to add fuel to the fire just yet. The subject would come up once they would be done. Perhaps it would be better since she would be close to her due date when they finished.

Technically, she couldn't prevent him from having custody of the child. After all, he was the father, financially he was much more prepared to take care of a baby than she was. He could fight for custody if he wished, even if her rebellion against the conception of the child came up. She didn't have enough money to defend herself, but he did.

He wouldn't put her through that though. After all, he had dragged her through enough in the past, he would not make her life another nightmare. Still, he wanted to take care of his pup. He knew about the shrine's finances and he was aware, that by themselves they might not make it financially. Plus, he doubted there was enough room in the small house for an additional room just for the baby.

He was ready to provide them with money, as long as she did not refuse him contact with his pup. But, they would cross that bridge in due time. For now, they had to focus all of their attentions on gathering the last few jewel shards.

Sesshomaru sat on the edge of the bed as she finished eating. Unlike her, he barely required any food at all to maintain his energy, even though his appearance was human. Usually, he would just grab a bite here and there. It would last him for weeks. He made sure to remember that she was human and she was pregnant, so he had planned for her to eat throughout their journey.

Hopefully they would reach the city where the shard had last been seen before it was too dark, giving them enough time in which they would be able to begin their research in locating it. Plus the area was not very big, meaning if it was indeed there the miko should be able to sense it immediately, shortening their trip there.

Sesshomaru was not bothered by the silence in the room, but he could see her growing edgy. Perhaps there was more she wished to say? He turned his body in her direction, his eyes fixed on her as if he simply was waiting for her to express herself. There was nothing she could add that he did not already know. If it helped her to get it out from inside of her, he saw no problem with allowing her to be able to do it.

Kagome could feel his eyes on her again and she did not like it. Did he want something from her? Because honestly all she wanted to do was leave. This trip felt as if it had been long enough already, she could already feel how tired she was from the lack of sleep during the night. If she kept this up for too long it would eventually catch up with her.

Quickly, Kagome finished her food before rising to her feet.

"Can we leave now?" she asked, his eyes were still on her.

The tension of his presence, everything was enough to make her tense. Her heart was pounding in her chest even though nothing was happening yet. She could barely tolerate being in his presence, this was obviously going to make this trip difficult, but it had to be done.

Sesshomaru nodded before getting up and making his way to the door.

"You will not require any luggage." In the eventuality that they would need to remain there for the night, he had already prepared everything for them. Not that he expected her to sleep.

Kagome threw the paper bag in the garbage before grabbing her purse. She followed him out of the room. She cast a glance back in the direction of the door, praying they would be back soon. She couldn't help that her eyes kept focusing on the watch he wore on his wrist. Hoping with all her heart, they would not require the use of  _that_  thing.

-B-

Kagome had begun feeling slightly dizzy after two hours into their traveling. She blamed it on the road for being so bumpy, but she knew it was because of her growing pain. She did her best to hide her current state from  _him_ , she didn't need his fake attentions towards her. Nonetheless, it was becoming more and more difficult to act normally.

Her head was slightly spinning now, she could feel sweat drops leaking down her back. The pain confused Kagome, it was not like the ones she was used to, nor was it like the ones she had back in the feudal era. Unconsciously, she brought a hand to her stomach and began to slowly caress it, hoping to soothe the pain away.

Perhaps this was a disadvantage to not having youkais around. The only one she could see at the moment had his suppressed. Back in the feudal era Sesshomaru had been able to ease her worries as he could feel the baby and discern its scent, something that she could not. This time, there was no one able to tell her what was happening, she didn't know if her child was okay.

Though, she much preferred Sesshomaru in his current form, without his beast running free.

As Kagome stared outside through the car's window, she found herself wondering what kind of trick the fates had played on her. After everything Sesshomaru had put her through, it sounded insane that  _she_  was asked to complete the jewel with him. She felt bitter, as it looked like their fates were so deeply intertwined.

Death seemed a lot better than remaining stuck with him forever.

"You are ill," he finally stated.

Sesshomaru had been watching her struggle, seeing her wince in pain for the last three hours. At first he waited for her to make her predicament more obvious, but she never did. Although, it came as no surprise, since she probably did not want his help. Now he asked, even though, he probably wouldn't get any words out of her.

Kagome glanced his way, feeling uncomfortable. Apparently, she had been very obvious.

"I'm fine," she answered, before looking away.

She knew what he was trying to do, or for whose sake he was doing what he did, but she didn't want his caring. Nothing he could do could erase what had been done. The only way she could heal was for him to be out of her life,  _for good_. But it seemed every time she managed to slip farther away, the more she was dragged back in.

He didn't believe her. "We can stop if this ride is too much."

She closed her eyes. "No."

Kagome had no intention of letting anything make this ride longer or lengthen their trip. It was long enough already.

Sesshomaru glanced at the hand she had on her stomach. He found himself wondering if it was the source of her pain. Perhaps if he had his youki, it would have been easier to tell.

"Your stomach, is it bothering you?" He knew she didn't want to talk to him, but he had to know.

During all these years, Sesshomaru had never come across another woman who had the same pregnancy pains she had had back in the feudal era. It was not only very strange, but it brought up many questions. How did hers develop and for what reason? It was never because the pup wasn't healthy, the same could be said about her. It was something else.

And now, he wondered if it was happening again.

It seemed she understood where this was heading.

"It's not like that," she said, her voice barely a whisper as she winced.

The pain had suddenly increased and it was making her tolerance towards him go down. The more suffering she experienced the less she wanted to hear his voice. She brought another hand on her stomach, holding it with both hands. Her face felt as if it was burning because of how she overworked herself, trying to push the pain away.

Sesshomaru remembered she said she was three months along. That meant, there was no way the pain she was experiencing was due to labor. Even for a youkai this was way too early. Unless there was something wrong with the pup of course. The problem was, in this case, she could not be taken to a normal hospital.

He pressed a red button which was located under his seat, a few seconds later, the car pulled over and stopped. Sesshomaru stepped out of the car closing the door behind him, which left Kagome by herself inside of it.

She couldn't help but wonder what exactly he was up to. Kagome had made it clear that she didn't want to stop. She wouldn't let this pain drag this trip out longer. Would he really stop the trip because of her pain? She knew very well her own pain and suffering had never stopped him from doing anything considerate in the past. Why did he decide to be different  _now_?

Kagome felt like the wait was never-ending, as she watched him talk to the driver through the window. What could they possibly be talking about for so long? Her pain had stopped growing, but it was still present. Kagome kept rubbing her stomach, even though it didn't seem to be doing anything. Perhaps in some way, she was trying to bring comfort to her little Kiyoshi.

A tiny smile appeared on her lips, as she realized she referred to him by his name for the first time. It was only natural, especially in less than 3 months, she would be holding him in her arms. Finally, Sesshomaru came back in to the car, not saying a word and they began driving again. Kagome stared at him for a few minutes, waiting for him to explain, but he never did. A tiny sigh escaped her lips before she dared to ask.

"What's going on?"

Nearly the whole time they had been driving they had been going straight ahead, but now, they turned and somehow, Kagome was getting the feeling that they were no longer going to their prior destination. Where were they heading, back to the hotel?

Sesshomaru titled his head to the side and looked at her.

"We're making a required stop."

If he told her where they were going, she would probably fight it. He couldn't take her to a hospital, he was taking her somewhere else. There were still a few mikos or youkais that possessed knowledge which could be compared to doctor's. Usually, there were a few scattered around the world, now they were heading for one.

The driver was a youkai, specifically requested by Sesshomaru, and he had discussed the possibilities with him. The youkai knew about the locations where youkais could be found and he was the one leading them there. He just hoped she was not in premature labor, this would not be good. Not right now.

Kagome didn't believe him. If it were a required and planned stop, he wouldn't have gotten out of the car to speak with the driver without her hearing him, by using the intercom. This had to be related to her.

"You're lying," she said, her tone firm.

She was stubborn. Something, he knew Rin wasn't, perhaps it was what shown the most difference between the two of them.

"Miko, you could be in labor. We will stop, you will be examined." Then he added, "It's not a hospital."

Kagome wanted to protest, but his words echoed in her mind. Labor? Now? It was way too soon! Last time she had gone to the doctor, she was told she was about 5 months along. This was way too soon. Could there be something wrong with the child? Her breathing rate increased slightly as she worried for the safety of Kiyoshi.

It was the only reason why she silently agreed to go with his new plan. Not because of Sesshomaru, but because she worried about Kiyoshi. His life came first, the jewel shards would wait for now. All she could do was hope that Sesshomaru was wrong. Kagome prayed that it had been caused by all of her recent stress.

She gently closed her eyes, before resting her head against the back of the seat. Sesshomaru knew she would not protest. It was obvious she had the pup's best interest in mind. A tiny sigh escaped him, as he finally looked away from her and stared right ahead.

At this rate, if things kept happening, they would never complete the jewel.

-B-

It took them nearly three hours to reach their destination. When they finally did, Kagome couldn't have been more relieved. Though the worst had passed since the pain had not increased during the time they had turned off from their main objective, it had remained the same.

Quickly enough, the driver had opened the door, Kagome had been the first one to get out. Sesshomaru closely following her out, like usual he took up and led the way. As Kagome took a look around, she realized they were nearly in the middle of a forest. There was only one explanation for this, it meant they were going to see someone who didn't want to be easily found. A youkai.

Thinking about this now, also made Kagome realized that she would need to get ready to give birth  _at home_. If Kiyoshi resembled Inuyasha, he would be born with ears on top his head that were not human and it would be somewhat difficult to explain that. Heck, she could not even get a midwife to help her, the only people who could be present would be her family.

That was if she wasn't in labor right now. Kagome was trying to keep up with Sesshomaru's pace, it was difficult for her to walk. It seemed he eventually noticed her struggle as he turned around and saw she was far behind him. Instead of waiting for her, he walked back, until he reached her side.

"Do you require help?"

"Not from you," she said, her voice laced with venom. "And don't do this," she added.

He looked at her slightly confused. He had not done anything yet.

"Don't give me this caring crap." She knew him better than that. She didn't know who he was trying to be, but it wasn't who she knew him to be.

"If you want to do something for me, like you claim to want, then stop doing this. I'm not Rin. You didn't hurt her, you hurt  _me_  – it hurt me." She was trying to differentiate him from his beast, but clearly they were almost the same. They both hurt her.

"There was little I could do stop it." Which was true, he had absolutely no control over what his beast had done to her. He could not even stop it from taking control.

She bit her bottom lip, as she remembered.

"Maybe you couldn't stop it, but you didn't have to be so emotionless about it. Not once did you care what it did to me. If it hadn't been for the sake of your own freedom, you would have never helped me escape."

The fake conversations they shared. The façade they put on for the beast. All of it had been nothing but an illusion, a means to get their way. Never had they been uniting during it. It had all been for show and nothing else.

Somehow, she wasn't done. But this time, it was different from when she had been yelling. It was as if she wanted him to know, because for the first time in his life, he was listening.

"I cried. I was broken, shattered to pieces, and all you could say to me was that I should realize what a great honor had been bestowed upon me." As she spoke, her voice was cracking.

The memories of the pain was all still so fresh in her mind. Perhaps because it was still so recent, at least to her it was.

"I never cared about someone's title. It doesn't matter." She tried to explain it in a way he would relate to so he would understand her better.

"Like Rin. She never cared about you being strong, or being a Lord. She never saw you as your title, she saw you for who you were."

Though she had wanted to stress the fact that she wasn't Rin, it was the best way to explain things to him.

"It wasn't an honor, because to me, you were a horrible person." She breathed out heavily. "You couldn't stop your beast, you didn't make things easier for me either. You rudely forced me to do things I didn't want to, you nearly refused to acknowledge me even as being a person."

Kagome never thought she'd be able to express herself normally to him. After everything that had happened, she always thought she would need to cry it out, or yell it, but no. She was speaking as if she was in control, as if it was freeing her. Being in control was something she had never felt in his presence. It was a new feeling for her. Her tears had been flooding her eyes the whole time, but they had not fallen. This time, her words were stronger than her emotions.

"I refuse to believe that five hundred years was enough to change someone like you."

In her mind, Sesshomaru would never truly change. He might alter his thinking, but he would still be the same person deep inside. The same feelings, the same reactions and the same selfishness he had back in the Feudal Era.

For the first time since she began speaking, a tear rolled down her cheek. Gently, Kagome closed her eyes, letting her body enjoy the relief. Her heart was nearly ready to burst open from the emotions swirling inside of her, for a second, she felt breathless. Her body was slightly shaking, but it hardly mattered. This whole time, while she was experiencing this, she had kept walking.

She titled her head to the side slightly, her eyes half-opened.

"You don't feel sorry for what you did to me. You feel sorry because you think you betrayed the only person you ever let in." Although she despised him, there were a few things she was willing to admit.

"Rin had the perfect father figure, because you would have protected her with your life. She saw a person, nobody else ever saw." She opened her eyes fully. "Someone that can only be seen through the eyes of a child."

There it was. The Sesshomaru Rin knew was like a child's imaginary friend. You can't share it with anyone, because you're the only one who can see it. Kagome gently wiped away some of her tears before decreasing her pace slightly so that she wasn't beside him anymore. She didn't want to feel his presence beside her at the moment. She almost waited for him to say something, but he did not utter a word.

Sesshomaru was staring straight ahead as he kept leading the way. As he replayed her words in his mind, he found himself pondering upon a question. If the miko had not been related to Rin, would he still be trying to make it up to her right now?

He remembered the woman many, many years ago, before he even knew about the link between Rin and Kagome. He had often looked back, re-lived that moment. Perhaps she wouldn't listen, but he would share it.

"A long time ago, there was this woman." Kagome raised her head up slightly, nearly surprised that he had spoken. "I was walking down a dark street and she launched herself at me." Somehow, he remembered that scene too well.

The expression in her eyes… it had been the same as the miko.

"She was hurt and bloody. There was panic in her voice, fear in her eyes. A man was trying to rape her, but before I could even speak, he appeared and she ran again."

At his words, Kagome felt as if her heart was caught in her throat. Mostly because she could relate to the woman, her fear and her desire to run, to escape.

"It was the first time I felt guilty." Sesshomaru was not one to admit his faults. Long had he strongly believed he had no flaws, but things had changed.

"I did not feel guilty because you were Rin's descendant. I was not aware of that fact at the time." He wanted to stress that point, to make sure she knew.

"I understood for the first time what your words meant. You said many times that what I did – what had happened – was considered different in your time. And for the first time, I saw it through your eyes."

At that moment Kagome stopped walking. At that instant she felt overwhelmed with feelings. She wasn't touched by his words or moved by the epiphany he had that day. It was the realization that it took him nearly five hundred years to realize he had made a mistake. Perhaps it was a big step for someone like him to admit he had done something wrong, but that meant nothing to her.

Although, it was  _nice_  to know he finally understood what he had done wrong. He finally saw the act for what it was. Perhaps he hadn't been the one to do it, literally, but it didn't matter. For the first time, he could admit that something had been wrong.

Kagome swallowed hard, not knowing what to say. She knew she didn't have to answer, but she wanted to.

"This proves you can feel. A little late, but you finally realized you had a heart."

She did not mean this in a good way. It was a pure statement, that like everyone else he had a beating heart inside of him. It didn't make him special, it made him normal.

Sesshomaru nodded slightly, she barely even saw it.

The rest of the time they walked in complete silence, Kagome slightly behind Sesshomaru. The conversation had ended as quickly as it had started. She had nothing else to share with him at the moment.

It took about ten minutes for them to finally reach a cave. Sesshomaru was the first one to stop and Kagome imitated his action. They slowly made their way inside of the cave then. Kagome had expected it to be dark, but instead, it was lighted by many lights. Deep inside, she could see the figure of someone, sitting down on the ground.

"Sesshomaru-sama," said the person, before emerging from its corner of darkness.

Kagome observed the woman carefully. She had different pink markings on her face, her red eyes were glowing in the light as she approached them. She also looked extremely old, which was something she was not used to with youkais.

She bowed to Sesshomaru before focusing her attention on Kagome. She looked at her up and down, her eyes lingering on her stomach. Then, she backed away, going back and sitting down where she had previously been.

"Sit in front of me, human."

Although she despised the nickname, Kagome walked over to where the youkai was and sat down. Not a word was spoken, as the youkai closed her eyes and extended her arms in front of Kagome, her bracelets clinking together. She began to slightly hum, as if she was waiting to pick up a sound wave or something. She reminded Kagome of the fake fortunetellers that could be found everywhere.

A few seconds passed, while they remained in full silence. Then, the youkai approached her, placing her hands on Kagome's stomach, causing Kagome's aura to flair up in response. A tiny smirk appeared on the youkai's face.

"A miko. Interesting." Youkais were rare, but mikos even more. A lot of people these days could be mikos, or monks, but because of the decreasing population of youkais, their powers never developed. They were supposed to protect humans, but if there were no youkais to get rid of, there was no threat.

Kagome knew the youkai was trying to figure out what was wrong with her, but she didn't like her aggressiveness. She let herself calm down, but she remained on guard just in case she would try something.

Sesshomaru watched as Kagome's anger was apparent on her face. She was indeed very protective of the pup, not that he was surprised. He watched, as Kagome grew more uncomfortable as the youkai's hands roamed over her stomach. He knew she would not harm the miko or the pup, hence that was why he did not worry.

The youkai sensed something was off with the pup's aura, but easily attributed it to being a hanyou. It always took a while for their auras to stabilize. She also determined that Kagome was not in labor, it was still too soon. But there was something else. The pain did come from the pup. It was because of its aura, it was flaring it outwards, bringing pain to the mother. Though, she wasn't sure why it had such a reaction.

From what she could sense, the child was missing something. As if it had been deprived for  _too long_ , hundreds of years to long, which barely made any sense to the youkai.

"Sesshomaru-sama, you are the father of this pup, correct?" she asked, her tone as respectable as possible.

He nodded, wondering how this was related to the current situation.

"The pup has no bonding with its father." She pressed her hands down slightly on Kagome's stomach. "As if it never did, or it has been too long."

That was barely possible. Granted he had not made physical contact with the miko ever since they met in the future, but for her, the feudal era had only been a few weeks ago. How could it have created such a need in the pup?

Kagome felt frozen in position for a little while. The baby needed to have a bond with its father  _while_  it was inside of her? She felt shivers of fear go down her spine, for a second, her heart stopped beating. She could hear what was being said, but it felt as if she was not there.

From Sesshomaru's reaction she could tell it shouldn't have happened. After all it was true that the last time the beast had laid hands on her had been only a few weeks back. Then she thought it through and a gasp escaped her.

"The well," she said, her voice a whisper.

Both the youkai and Sesshomaru turned their attention towards her, waiting for her to explain further. The youkai did not understand what she was referring to, but Sesshomaru did.

Kagome seemed to break out of her trance. "T-the well," she stammered. "I couldn't go through… because of Kiyoshi." She remembered how she had struggled and prayed to make her way through. She had believed that without the bracelet, nothing could have stopped her.

"He wasn't meant to go through time. Only I was," she said, her voice filled with pain.

She had wanted to escape him so bad, but never did she think it would affect her child. She had traveled through time so often, never had it affected her, but then again, she was different. Kagome began to breathe shallow, as she hoped this was the only side effect. But then, she wondered.

"Why now? Why do I only have these pains now?" she asked, turning her attention on the youkai, who was slightly confused.

She was quick to answer. "Have you and the father been separated?" Kagome nodded. "Were you recently reunited?"

Kagome bit on her bottom lip. It was because the child could feel its father's presence again? As tears began to appear in her eyes, she found herself having another reason to arbor hatred towards Sesshomaru. Though, she found herself partly to blame. She had wanted to escape so badly, she had never thought about any type of consequences it would have on her child.

And now, the only way to get rid of the pain was to have some form of contact with Sesshomaru? Kagome did not blame Kiyoshi, the child was innocent in this, and simply required bonding with its father, but inside, it killed  _her_. She could barely tolerate the fact of being in the same room with him and knew she wouldn't be able to handle more.

Then, Sesshomaru asked the question she should have asked. "Is there any way to lessen her pain, without  _bonding_?"

Sesshomaru was not very excited about the idea either, much like her, but for different reasons. After everything that had happened and was done, he could not simply  _lay_  his hands on her. The idea made his guilt grow stronger and he knew it was not what she wanted. Him touching her would only deepened the wounds she had not been able close yet.

The youkai thought about it for a few seconds before nodding.

"I have these," she said before showing them a container, which had something that looked like pills inside. "They would force a sleeping state upon the pup, stopping the pains. But it would be temporary. An hour at the most."

Immediately Kagome shook her head. "No," she stated firmly, her hands on her stomach. "I will not take these, and affect my child. He is innocent in this."

The youkai seemed surprised. "Then you will keep on suffering?"

"I would rather suffer than to take these." Her aura had slightly flared up with her words, as if to state her point.

Since it was none of her business, the youkai put the pills away. After all, they were the ones who came to her for help.

"Very well then. I'm afraid there is nothing else I can do for you."

Kagome nodded, before taking a grip on the walls of the cavern to help herself up. She refused to take the only means that would relieve her from her pain. She strongly believed it would not always be constant. After all, she had been in the plane beside Sesshomaru for a long time and nothing had happened.

Perhaps it was because of her current state. She was all over the place, her aura was probably disturbed. Kiyoshi was seeking comfort with his father's presence. If she could just manage to calm down, perhaps the pain would cease. Until then, she would bear with it.

Kagome exited the cavern before Sesshomaru even began to move.

It came to him as no surprised that she refused the pills. She would rather suffer than make the pup suffer. Though, he doubted that included letting him touch her to ease the pain. But, he had seen her go through immense lengths for the people she loved. There was one thing that bothered him though, which was, he didn't think he could do it.

He remembered well everything that had happened, what the beast had done to her. He had experienced the guilt after learning about her connection to Rin, he had felt the shame. These feelings would most likely prevent him from even touching her. He knew it might be for the sake of the pup, but it would destroy her and deepen his own feelings.

Perhaps, they could find a way around it. With that, he began to walk, making sure to remain somewhat behind her. It seemed Kagome knew where she was going.

Sesshomaru strongly doubted that they could search for the shards in her current state, but she did not seem to see a problem with her pain. He hardly saw anything ever stop her. Perhaps she had forgotten that it might penalized them somewhere along the line.

If she was in pain she might not be able to defend herself, even against weak youkais. What if it required him to release his youki? If she thought this situation was bad, she would most likely find it worse when she would be face to face with the beast. Sesshomaru knew all the feelings it had built up inside of her.

Hopefully, it would not come down to that.

-B-


	31. First Appearance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, to clear confusion, Kagome's recent sickness, well pain, and "answer" is not related to the sicknesses she had in the feudal era. Just thought I'd mention it.

_Pain_ .

It was the only thought filling her mind, even when she tried to chase it away. It felt as if her brain was throbbing. She could feel the headache coming. It would be such a nice addition to her current suffering she thought to herself. As she held her stomach Kagome couldn't help but wonder why  _now_. After their first meeting everything had been fine, she hadn't experienced any pain at all. So Why now?

So what was so different about what was occurring now? They hadn't spent much time together yet, so something had to have triggered it. She just didn't know what it could be. There was one thing she was sure of, it was that she would rather suffer than have him touch her. Anything to avoid being dragged back down into that hell again.

Sesshomaru's eyes were locked on her form. He was worried about her. He knew their only current option wasn't the best, but leaving things as they were was not excellent either. It was her pain, her decision, but it bothered him. Ever since they had resumed traveling Sesshomaru had not been able to look away from her. He wasn't sure if she had even noticed though. For nearly the entire time, her eyes had been closed or she had been staring at her stomach. Perhaps she was talking to the pup. It would be a way to calm the pup down, so as not to cause as much pain.

"Have you talked to the pup?"

Kagome, who had been lost in her own thoughts, immediately looked up.

"Talk to him?" she inquired, somewhat confused.

He nodded.

"You can talk to him, he will understand you. It doesn't have to be out loud. Even if the pup is a hanyou, I'm sure you share a link with him. Perhaps you could find a way to lessen your pain."

She stared at him for a few more seconds, before bringing her attention back to her child. She had never really thought about talking to Kiyoshi, especially since she didn't consider him responsible for what happened in the first place. After all, she had dragged him down the well through time, which probably had not been a good idea. How could he know that his father had been a monster to her? The necessity to create a bond with his father was natural thing.

Of course, it was unusual from a human point of view, since in human pregnancies, the baby didn't form bonds with its parents while inside the womb. There was never that extreme of a link.

Kagome took a deep breath before rubbing her bulging stomach.  _I guess it's normal for you to want to know your father_.  _I've seen him be a father to Rin, but I just never thought about him being a father to you._

If Sesshomaru was going to be a father to Kiyoshi, that would mean keeping him in her life. That was what she was trying to avoid. But then another thought came to her mind. Would she keep Kiyoshi from his father? That was when her heart skipped a beat. She had seen Sesshomaru with Rin, she knew he could be a good father, but a good person? That was another story.

Nonetheless, would she let her experience with him prevent her son from growing up with a father figure in his life? She knew that male bonding was important, especially for males. She herself had basically grown up without her father and she could still feel that void in her life. Would it be fair to let Kiyoshi live with that void? Though there was the other question, would Sesshomaru even want to be a father?

Technically she imagined he would. Not because he loved the child she carried, but from what she had seen between Rin and him. Kiyoshi would be his only heir after all and was a descendant of his beloved Rin. Sesshomaru would at least want to take care of him. She didn't want to ask though, but personally she didn't know what she wanted to do about that situation just yet. It would be selfish to not allow her son to have a father, but some part of her deep inside, wanted to be selfish. She sighed heavily. She would deal with it when the time would come.

 _I'm sorry._ She needed to apologize, even if she hadn't done anything yet. The thought of being selfish was enough to fill her with guilt.  _You already want to be with him. And here I'm thinking about keeping him away from you_.  _Maybe I do deserve the pain._

Sesshomaru was also the only one who could teach him about his youkai heritage. She didn't even know where she could obtain the same kind of device Sesshomaru used to mask his youkai. After all, Kiyoshi obviously could not go to school with puppy ears on the top of his head instead of regular ears.

Kagome couldn't help the feeling that her heart was being squeezed. She was split in two with no idea what to do. On top of that, her pain was starting to make it harder for her to focus. Nearly giving up, she rested her head against the seat, closing her eyes. She couldn't allow herself to focus on that right now. When the time came, she would deal with it then. If she over thought about it now, it would only make herself sick. She was already stressed enough as it was.

 _I'm sorry_. She apologized again.

Before she could allow herself to drift into her own thoughts again, the car came to a stop. Kagome opened her eyes looking around, they were near a forest. She couldn't help but wonder why most youkais decided to hide in the forest? Perhaps they had no desire to conceal their youkai like Sesshomaru. That was the only way for them to live in peace in this human dominated world.

She waited inside since Sesshomaru wasn't moving. But then, the door was opened and Sesshomaru's eyes were on her, probably waiting for her to go first. Though, she wondered why since he was usually the first one to get out. Nonetheless, she didn't want to drag this out, so, slowly due to the pain she was in, she made her way out of the car. The driver held out his hand and helped her out of the vehicle. She thanked him for his assistance.

A few seconds later Sesshomaru emerged, and he was holding a bag. He nodded at the driver who went back in the car, but did not leave. Kagome assumed he was going to wait for them to come back.

"Is it in the forest?" she asked, her voice unsure. It seemed that the wilder the environment was, the more dangerous it would be, she had a feeling she was not too far off.

"We have a little bit of walking to do, will you be fine on your own?"

Kagome bit her bottom lip, only somewhat containing her anger.

"I can walk. I'm pregnant, not handicapped."

Usually, it would be the moment where she would walk away, but since she didn't know where they were going, she remained in her standing there. She looked everywhere but at him. This could be a dangerous place. Sesshomaru didn't seem one bit insulted and he softly nodded at her. He needed to know, it had been a long time since anyone had confirmed the presence of the shard, he wanted to confirm something before they went any further.

"Can you sense a shard?"

Kagome seemed slightly taken back by the question. It was something that hadn't been asked of her in a long time. It reminded her of Inuyasha and an ache revealed itself in her heart.

She closed her eyes, trying to focus herself. She waited a few seconds, waiting for that familiar feeling of a shard, even a tainted one, but nothing came. Did it mean it wasn't here? Had they traveled all this way for nothing? Kagome couldn't help her heartbeat from increasing.

"No," she answered, whispering.

He nodded. From the look on her face, he could already tell what she was thinking.

"We have this whole region to explore. Perhaps it is simply out of your reach." With that said, he turned around and began to walk, expecting her to follow behind him.

After a few seconds, she indeed did.

Kagome made sure to stay on alert, not only for a shard, but also for youkais. Which reminded her, she had nothing to defend herself with.

"I don't have any weapons," she stated calmly, even though inside, she was panicking.

Sesshomaru stopped in his tracks and dropped his bag on the ground. He slowly opened it, before taking out a bow and quiver of arrows. He hadn't really intended on giving these to her, since he didn't want her fighting, especially in her condition, but… perhaps it was better than him having to use his youki. Nonetheless, he didn't like the idea. Still, he handed her the bow and arrows and she took them.

It felt weird as she slipped on the weapons over her shoulders. She hadn't used a bow in a long time, but it felt nice to hold it in her hands again. Perhaps, because she felt as if she was given some power back. Though all he had to do was tweak his watch and he would be in control once again, yet she preferred not to think about that.

Without a word, Sesshomaru resumed his walking with the bag slung over his shoulder. Kagome held on to her bow tightly as she walked behind him. In a very selfish way she hoped that by remaining behind him, he would be the one in the way if anything came up at them. It sounded cold-heart from her to not mind if he got hurt, but he never did care either.

She wasn't like him, but that thought had crept into her mind.

Then, she sighed heavily, remaining on guard, waiting for any sign of a shard.

-B-

_30 long minutes later_.

That was how long Kagome and Sesshomaru had been walking, not even detecting a shard. They had passed a few secluded cities, always remaining near the forest, perhaps to not attract attention upon themselves. The one thing she was relieved about was the fact that they had yet to encounter any problems.

Though, that didn't mean anything. She learned from previous experiences that problems could come out of nowhere and cowardly attacks would wait and come at you from the back.

The whole time they had been walking, she had been behind him. The more time passed, the more distance was created between them. Kagome's pain had not diminished and it was hard for her to maintain a constant pace like he did. But, she refused to say anything, and when he would turn around to check on her, she would usually pick her speed up.

Then, she felt it.

In an instant, she dropped her bow to the ground as the familiar feeling overcame her. The sound of her weapon falling to the ground attracted Sesshomaru's attention, and he turned around to see if perhaps she had fallen. He could see her eyes searching the area and he knew she felt it.

"Where?" he asked, his tone more demanding than usual.

Kagome closed her eyes, feeling the location. She could tell that the shard was not moving, so perhaps, she had finally gotten close enough that she could sense it. After a few more seconds she pointed in the direction and he began heading that way.

Meanwhile, she bent down to grab her weapon when she felt something thick go down her leg. Kagome looked down and saw a rip in her black leggings as well as blood dripping down her leg. For a moment, everything froze and she could not move. Then, she took a deep breath before looking around her. She had probably just scrapped herself against a rock, or a branch without realizing it.

She was being way too paranoid.

Once she convinced herself properly that this was nothing, she stood up and began to follow the trail to the shard. Her heart was beating like a drum the closer they got to the shard. Sesshomaru was somewhat ahead of her, and she found herself glad that in his current state he could not smell her blood. Quickly enough, through the pain, she managed to catch up to him.

That was when things began to get complicated.

Kagome could still feel the presence of the shard, but her head felt  _funny_. As if she were dizzy. But that did not make any sense. She tried shaking her head slightly, but the feeling refused to go away. It was as if all of a sudden, she could not tell  _where_  the shard was. As if she were inches from it, ready to grab it, but could not reach far enough to get it.

Little did she know that she was not the only one having that feeling. Sesshomaru was feeling intoxicated with a foggy feeling as well. It was the reason why he had stopped in his tracks. His brain was pounding inside of his head and his vision was slightly blurry. At first, he found it very strange, even though his body looked human, he was not  _that_  fragile.

It was not until he noticed  _Kagome_ , that he realized something was wrong. Her hands, instead of being on her stomach, were on her head and he could see her walking had become a little wobblier. That meant they were both being affected by the same thing and he knew this wasn't a coincidence. Wherever the shard was, someone thought it belonged to them and was trying to protect it.

This was obviously a plan to drive them away. Unfortunately, they could not do that.

The miko might be dizzy, but perhaps she could fight. The only problem was, they didn't know where or who their opponent was.

Then, as if to make their situation worse, a soft yellow mist began to surround them. Immediately, Sesshomaru walked over as fast as he possibly could, towards Kagome. He didn't like where things were heading. If he had his youki, he would be able to tell right away where they were.

Kagome felt his presence behind her and stiffened. In a panic, she reached out for one of her arrows and grabbed her bow. If she could at least get rid of the fog… …

In an attempt to do so, she shot an arrow aiming for a tree. As it went through the mist, it created a pink light, but quickly enough it died out, never dissipating the mist.

Through the haze, she saw his green eyes and without him saying a word, she knew what he was itching to do. He wanted his youki. Kagome gulped hard, as she scanned the area once more. Obviously this was no regular fog, but did she feel safer with whatever was out there or with his beast? The question could easily be answered.

And her heart was hammering in her chest.

He didn't even need her permission. Whenever he wanted to he could press that little button and the monster would be freed. Perhaps it could defend them, but she was afraid of what may occur after wards. And who said he would go for the enemy? Perhaps it would go to her, since she believed that she was the enemy at the moment. She had run away from him, she had left him. It would not be a happy reunion.

Once again, Kagome crossed glances with him, but her eyes were filled with confusion. His stare was intense and she could not hold it any longer, so she looked away. She would not be making that decision. She would not be the one to tell him to bring that thing back. She would rather die then have those words pass her lips.

Then it happened again. The same feeling she had earlier, but this time, it was coming from her other leg. Kagome bent down as far as she could, to get a closer look. There indeed was the same cut with blood dripping down her leg. Unlike the last time, Sesshomaru did notice that something was wrong. Perhaps it was only because he was much closer to her than earlier.

He imitated her actions, bending down to take a look at her leg. His head still felt fuzzy, but he managed to clear his vision long enough to see the blood running down her leg. At that moment, it didn't take him too long to make his decision.  _It's only fifteen minutes_ , he told himself. It could seem like quite a long span of time, but he would waste most of it tracking down their enemy. After all, it was quite obvious that the enemy had mastered the art of hiding. Sesshomaru didn't look at her, knowing what he would see in her eyes, and pressed the button before tightly shutting his eyes.

She could not see him clearly through the haze, but she didn't need to. Kagome knew what he had done. She felt like her heart was ready to burst out of her chest. At that precise moment she wanted to run, just run as far away as she could. Her heartbeat was echoing in her mind, her legs becoming limp. She didn't  _want_  to run anymore, she  _had_  to run. It was as if her instincts were screaming at her, panic was beginning to set in.

Without allowing another thought to cross her mind, her brain finally connected with her legs and they began to run in the opposite direction. Her eyes were semi-closed as she went as fast as her current state allowed her to.

 _Don't look back_.

Actually, she didn't have to. With her powers back, she could feel his aura, feel it overwhelming the area. Her fear increased, as did her running.

Sesshomaru was on the ground, on his knees. For the first time in many years, his youki filled his blood. Slowly, his green eyes became amber, a fire flickering within them, his dark ebony hair transformed into shining silken silver. He could feel his claws growing back, his fangs sticking out of his mouth. For the first time in too long, Sesshomaru  _felt_  like himself. He was complete, and he was who he had always been in the past. A rush went through his body as he rose to his feet. For the moment he was still in control. That moment of control he knew would not last very long. Sesshomaru could feel his beast awakening and starting to rage inside of him.

The first thing he felt wasn't the hidden enemy. NO. It was the miko running away. How foolish was she being! It would have been safer for her to remain where she was! This wasn't about whatever was hiding in the forest, this was about his beast. She was offering it  _a chase_. This would make things even worse.

Then, Sesshomaru felt the youkai that had been hiding. Before Sesshomaru could walk towards it, it revealed itself. A tiny orange skinned dwarf came out of the bushes, his hands in the air. He looked afraid and was staring at the ground.

" _Lord Sesshomaru_ ," he said, his voice cracking. "Forgive this one's outrage. I did not know it was you, my Lord."

He knew better than to mess with Lord Sesshomaru. It had been a long time since he had seen him roaming the lands, but he knew he was probably still as deadly. He had no doubt left in his mind why the great lord was here, he was here for the shard. The little youkai dropped to the ground, bowing to Lord Sesshomaru.

"Where's the shard?" he said, before growling at the dwarf.

Though this growl did not come from him, it was from deep within him, it was his beast gaining back its awareness. Time was slowly running out, yet there was still so much left before his youki would be resealed once again. Sesshomaru would remain in control as long as he could. Perhaps a few extra minutes…

The little youkai jumped when Sesshomaru growled, he began to tremble in fear.

"Please my lord, we need it." He was nearly sobbing. "It's the only way we have to protect our people. We use it to defend ourselves."

He knew his plea would mean nothing to Sesshomaru, but he had to try. Youkais were fewer in numbers, yes, but they still existed and some of them fed themselves by eating other, weaker youkais. It was especially dangerous for those hiding in the forests since they were unable to mingle with the humans.

Sesshomaru snarled, before walking closer to him, only stopping when his feet nearly reached the little youkai's face.

" _Where_  is the shard," he demanded.

His temper and patience were wearing thin, especially since he was focused on his own inner battle at the moment with his beast. His anger rising inside of him was not helping to remain in control. It was actually feeding his beast. He had no choice, he needed to find that wretched shard, then the miko. He needed the miko. He wanted the miko.

 _No_. He needed her for the shards. He did not want her.

His mind was still clouded, but not by the fog this time. It was by his beast's own desires, his inner thoughts. Deciding that he had waited long enough, Sesshomaru grabbed the dwarf youkai by the neck and lifted him up. When the little one finally managed to open his eyes, he found himself staring at a very angry Dayoukai. He didn't even notice the pink hue of Sesshomaru's eyes, he was too afraid.

" _Please_ ," he pleaded again.

"You will tell me where the shard is now." He knew the miko could locate the shards, but if there were more of these parasites around, they might need a more specific area if they wanted to find it without further difficulties.

Tears rolling down its cheeks, the dwarf youkai nodded.

"Inside that mountain," he said, his whole body trembling, as he pointed to the location.

His control slipping away, Sesshomaru inserted his claws through the skin of the poor youkai. His beast wanted vengeance. The scent of Kagome's blood was still lingering in the air and the beast demanded to eliminate the one who had spilled her blood. In one last attempt at control, Sesshomaru threw the youkai as far as he could, probably hurting it in the process.

Once again, Sesshomaru dropped to the ground, holding his head. He could feel it, it was as if he was burning from the inside out. But not enough time had pass by. There was at least another ten minutes left, and he knew the beast could catch up to the miko in less than two minutes. Eight minutes never seemed so long, but he knew it could prove to be deadly.

Not now.

Not like this.

He was breathing sharp and shallow, as a loud, deep growl escaped his throat. His eyes were filling with red as he fought on and on. But too quickly, he could no longer keep that control. His semi-bangs were covering his eyes, his head was low and he snarled.

It could feel her. She was running. Mate was running away from him.

Slowly, the beast rose to its feet, freedom enveloping his body. It had been way too long since he had last been able to feel this way. He opened his eyes, looking around him. He could feel her, she was not far off. Her scent, which he had missed dearly was intoxicating him, making his head spin. She was his, but she had left him. Oh, never had he forgotten about her betrayal. How could he ever forget the way she left him, when all he had tried to do was love her?

Quickly he went after her, starting the chase. Oh yes, he wanted her to run, run as fast and as far as she could. He would catch her. Last time she had slipped through his fingers, but not anymore. He felt the rush, the need, running through his veins and he wanted more. In less than a minute, he could feel her presence near, and he knew he had almost caught up to her.

Meanwhile, Kagome was so exhausted from running, she felt like she was going to be sick. She wanted to rest, she wanted to stop, but couldn't. She knew he was near, right behind her just waiting to catch her. Now that she thought about it carefully, perhaps running hadn't been such a great idea. It was probably making him even angrier than he already was.

As she tried to outrun him, flash backs were filling her mind. His hands on her body, the pain he inflicted upon her, her blood spilling, her flesh tearing. It was all so vivid in her mind, tears were rolling down her cheeks. Perhaps it was because her memories were distracting her that she never saw the rock in her path.

And she tripped.

Kagome, awaiting the fall, immediately wrapped her arms around her stomach, attempting to protect Kiyoshi. But then, the contact with the ground never came.

Instead, she felt his arms wrap around her.

As Kagome slowly opened her eyes, she saw his clawed hands around her waist, right under her breasts. She dared to look up, her body trembling with her increasing fear as she found herself looking into two red eyes and she yelped.

She freed herself from his grip as best she could and immediately backed away. No matter what she did, his eyes never left her. He followed her every movement, not even blinking. She could not see a trace of emotions on his face. She was breathing hard as she tried to hold back the tears. It didn't work.

Her heart was caught in her throat, she begged silently to herself. Kagome tried to focus enough to figure out how long it had been, but her mind refused to cooperate with her. All she could see was him, all she could think about was him. Right now, he was everywhere and she felt overwhelmed.

" **Why?** "

One word, one question.

And then he let his emotions show on his face. The pain crisped his face, while the thought of her betrayal nearly made his eyes watery. The anger was also present, as he bared his fangs at her, as if to dominate her. Kagome was looking right at him, but she could not move, or speak.

" **Why did you leave me**?" He took a step closer to her.

" **I gave you what you wanted**." Another step.

" **I tried to give you happiness. I loved you.** " Two steps.

" **You betrayed me,** " he said, before growling at her.

Feeling he was too close, she took a step back. First mistake.

Immediately, he reached out for her arms, holding both of her wrists with his hands. The chase was over, after five hundred years, he had finally caught her. He wasn't about to allow her to slip away again. He felt her struggle, trying to break free, but his hold was too tight for her to succeed.

She would never be allowed to leave him. No matter what, she was his. He wanted to know why, why she wanted to run away so badly.

" **Answer me** ," he ordered, his voice echoing through the forest.

Through the tears, she groaned, as she never ceased her struggles.

"Why?" she asked, her voice breaking.

"Because  _I hate you_ ," she answered.

Sesshomaru knew and understood, but she didn't know why the beast refused to accept that simple fact. How could he not see that he never had her heart? How could he be so oblivious to the hatred she harbored towards him? Could he not feel it? After what he had done, how could he expect her to love him?

At least Sesshomaru  _finally_  understood what rape was and admitted it as it was. Kagome wasn't sure the same could be said about the beast, and it only made her fear grow stronger.

His eyes seemed to widen at her words, but his hold grew tighter. The beast knew it would probably leave a mark, but this was not the worst he could do to her right now. When a mate disobeyed, she deserved a punishment, if she hadn't been pupped, he would have done it. But now he couldn't. Her situation was too delicate. Nonetheless, it didn't mean she would not pay for her betrayal.

He loved her. He would sacrifice anything for her.

If only she could see that.

Then he felt it, for a brief second, he was distracted by the aura coming from the child. It was disturbed, it was craving. He titled his head slightly, trying to pin point what it was.

" **Our pup is in distress** ," he stated, his voice somewhat softer.

Kagome's watery eyes flickered down to her stomach. Was he referring to what they already knew, or was this something else? She could ponder the question even more, but she felt his hands on her stomach. She stiffened at the touch, but before she could back away, he wrapped an arm around her waist keeping her next to him. Their bodies were pressed together, and he let his hand roam over her stomach, a feeling of pleasure over taking him. She felt so warm, soft and welcoming. After a few seconds, it was easy for him to determine what the problem with the pup was and Sesshomaru was to blame.

Though he had found the miko and kept her by their side, he apparently did not have enough contact with her. Before Kagome knew what he was doing, he nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck near the mating mark. Softly, he nibbled at her skin, tasting her. It distracted her from the light coming from his hand, so she could not see what he was doing.

Kagome was so intent on fighting him, she didn't realize the pain she had been suffering from had begun to lessen. Instead, she kept struggling against his touch, refusing to live the same nightmare over again. Yes, she knew this was a risk when she had decided to complete the jewel, but now her fear was stronger than anything else.

And hadn't it been fifteen goddamn minutes yet?

Sesshomaru licked her skin, while he breathed in her scent. He wanted more, he needed more. His own emotions were too much for him to bear. He wanted to punish her for what she had done, but he needed control to not harm the pup, while she was being punished. Also, he had missed her, her body and he needed her. His emotions were too conflicting, perhaps it made him weak.

Maybe it was why, Sesshomaru managed to breach in, just slightly.

The beast's red eyes widen, as he backed away from Kagome, releasing her from his hold. He then, held his head, before growling, not understanding what was happening to him.

Over the years, Sesshomaru had looked into his beast problem, even when it was locked away. He had figured that if his beast could sometimes control his emotions or thoughts, shouldn't he be able to do the same? Never had he found anything concrete, but apparently he could do it. He was not in control right now, but he could share.

The beast had lain dormant nearly the whole time and had only seemed awake when Sesshomaru had tried to stop the miko from going through the well on that fateful day. Or at least, he assumed it was the beast that had stopped him, why would he have stopped himself? Sesshomaru intended on using this new  _break through_ , to share his own memories with the beast. After all, it had missed a couple of centuries, including some facts about the miko he thought it should know.

Kagome watched, her lips slightly parted, as the beast seemed to suffer. She took that time to slightly back away, not making the mistake to run away again. She wanted to look away from him, but didn't understand what was happening, so her eyes remained glued on his form.

Slowly, the beast's mind was filled with everything that happened to Sesshomaru, every time, he screamed to chase it away. He was not supposed to be able to be in control. He shouldn't be able to manage reaching out to him. The beast should have been the only one able to do so. He had been locked away for so long, that he didn't know how to control his anger, so he punched an immense hole into the ground, causing such a violent shock wave that it felt like an earthquake, that caused Kagome to reach out for a tree, to help stabilize herself.

For a few seconds, Sesshomaru and the beast's minds became one, as it looked through what Sesshomaru had experienced. Most of it didn't matter, he didn't even flinch at the rape memory like Sesshomaru had. He didn't associate the two events what so ever. But then came Rin.

The beast might be different from Sesshomaru, but he had cared for the little girl nonetheless. Often he had emerged side by side with Sesshomaru in order to protect her life. He had often felt the need to eliminate those who had previously offended her and he had also seen her as a daughter. If there was one thing they shared in common, it was Rin.

For a second, the beast stopped breathing hard. Even though he was still on the ground, he had raised his head to look at his mate. Kagome looked completely terrified, as she released the hold she had on the tree. She didn't like the way it was looking at her, she didn't trust it.

Slowly, the beast finally made it to his feet, his eyes locked on her form. She was a part of Rin, and for a split second, he felt the same guilt Sesshomaru had felt. But not for the same reasons. Sesshomaru had felt guilty because he had realized what he had done and that he had broken his promise to Rin.

The beast did not feel guilty for the rapes or the mating. He had not accepted his actions for what they were, so he could not regret those events. He did feel guilty for the tears she had shed, for the horrible way she had felt and for the suffering he had inflicted in her life.

Unlike Sesshomaru though, he saw them differently. Rin was Rin. Kagome was Kagome. He did not love her less or more because of that link they shared. He saw two people, he loved two people. Nonetheless, his heart squeezed in pain, but he did not know if that was from him, or from Sesshomaru. His own thoughts and emotions could not be trusted at the moment.

Slowly, he walked toward a very frightened Kagome, as she tried to avoid his touch, he ran his claws through her soft dark locks. He didn't want to see fear over her features anymore. He had tried not to scare her again like in the past. He had done as she had wanted. But, it had not worked. She had not been pleased.

Forcing her was the only way he had ever obtained anything from her. She fought against his every desire. Perhaps it was why he felt such a fury inside of him sometimes. Kagome was constantly fighting his right for dominance. But then again, it was part of why she was the one. Even now, when she was scared, she was standing tall. She hated him, yet she was right by his side.

His little mate frustrated him like no other. His heart ached from what she had done to him. He wanted to run his claw down her arm, have some blood pour from it, just to inflict upon her a string of pain. But, he didn't. Instead, he raised his hand to her face and cupped her chin. Kagome tried to pull away to avoid the kiss she knew he was trying to force upon her, but all of a sudden, he released the hold he had on her. Sesshomaru slightly backed away before he bared his fangs and snarled.

Suddenly, Kagome felt his aura diminishing and she knew what was happening. The fifteen minutes had gone by. The beast looked surprised and angry at the same time. He did not know what was happening. Why was his control slipping away? Why did he feel himself being trap again? He growled loudly, as Kagome watched his hair slowly darken once more. Then, his markings faded from his face before the red from his eyes diluted.

A few seconds later, all that was left was the human looking Sesshomaru.

For the first time, Kagome found herself breathing easier. Nearly as if she was relieved to see Sesshomaru again. Well, he was better than the monster she had been with a few moments ago. Nonetheless, her tears were still there and her fear was overwhelming her body.

Perhaps because her mind was still pre-occupied with the beast, that she still did not notice that the pain had lessened. Sesshomaru took a few seconds to collect himself before taking in a deep breath. To be honest, the whole thing had gone down more smoothly than he had expected. No harm had come to Kagome and he had managed to do somewhat of a break through to the beast. But, he was still able to see the effect the beast had had her; she looked like a mess.

He couldn't bear to look at her, he turned around.

"We're heading for the mountain," he said, his tone low.

Deep inside, they both hoped it would be the beast's first and last appearance into the modern world.

-B-


	32. The First Discovery

Kagome was walking slowly behind Sesshomaru, her heart still pounding. She had tried to prepare herself for the beast, but never had she thought she'd see him so soon. Heck, they hadn't been in that much danger, so why had he immediately resorted to using his youki? Couldn't he have waited? He might not mind taking a risk, but she did.

She had been so afraid of the beast's reaction and with good reason. Though she had expected him to be violent, he hadn't been. Still, if the transformation hadn't happened, she didn't even want to think about where things would have headed.

With a deep breath, she forced herself to focus on something else. It was then that she realized that she felt no pain. Not at least as strongly as before. Walking had become much easier, but with her anger she had not noticed the change. Kagome slightly looked down at her stomach and found herself pondering if it was because of the beast.

The old youkai had told them contact would lessen the pain…

She couldn't bring herself to feel relieved though. Kagome would have rather bared with the pain than have the beast touching her.

This whole thing had taught her a lesson though, she would not be as careless when the next time came around. They had ventured into the forest without thinking someone might spot them and this whole thing had caused him to resort to his youki.

Kagome would make sure that next time such a mistake could be prevented.

His red eyes were still vivid in her mind, not that she had ever forgotten about them. It was as if it would forever haunt her.

Sesshomaru hadn't said anything about the whole thing. The entire time they had been walking he had been completely silent, walking ahead of her. And as usual, he would turn around once in a while to look at her, but not now. Not ever once since he had transformed did he look back at her.

Kagome was not worried about him, but she wondered if perhaps something she was not aware of had happened. Because of the latest event, she did not really wish to speak to him at the moment, the change of behavior was nagging at her though.

Obviously what happened probably mattered a little to him, which meant, it wasn't what was bothering him at the moment. Did he know something, perhaps about the shard, that she was not aware of? Although it didn't make much sense, since so far, he had kept very little from her.

Meanwhile, Sesshomaru was focused on the road ahead of him, barely paying attention to the miko walking behind him. The transformation had seemed to drain nearly all his energy, and he blamed it on his humanoid appearance. It wasn't actually gaining his youki back that stole his energy, it was the beast.

Sesshomaru had felt a rush of emotions he had not experienced before and showing the beast his memories had drained him of any reserve he had. Although he was glad he had been able to manage to do it, he never thought it would be this demanding. Hopefully, he would not have to use his youki anytime soon. Looking back, it hadn't been really required. If he had known whom he was facing, he wouldn't have used it.

But, nothing bad had happened, at least in his point of view. The miko had been terrorized indeed by the sight of the beast, but no harm had come to her and she hadn't been forced into anything. That was his main concern when it came to the beast. He could not allow it to take the miko's body again.

His reasons this time were different from five hundred years ago. Before, it was because he was disgusted with the idea of rutting with a human. Now, however it was because he couldn't let harm or pain come to her again. He could not let her suffer by his hands once more, because this time, he intended on protecting her.

Of course, it was insane to think that he was actually protecting her from himself.

For the first time since they had resumed their travels, he slightly turned his head and caught a quick glimpse of her. Her hair was wild, probably since she had ran away, her eyes were focused on her surroundings, as she looked completely distracted, her lips slightly parted as she breathed heavily. She also still had a protective hand on her stomach, as if she remained on her guard in case harm would come to her pup.

He had never doubted her skills as a mother. Not then and not now.

If he followed the world she was currently in, 17 years old was young to be a mother. Especially when you were not married and had not finished your schooling yet. He also remembered she was from a shrine, and that all these details added together would probably bring some shame upon her name and her family.

Wouldn't she simply be considered another knocked up teenager without a husband? Her family knew differently, but the world did not.

Somehow, that thought did not sit well with him. He could not bring himself to let anyone try to tarnish this line. Rin's line.  _Her_  line.

Though, little could be done about it now. After all, he could not marry the miko.  _Actually_  he could indeed marry the miko, but she would never go along with that plan. Obviously, it would only be for appearances, but nonetheless it was a possibility. On top of that, if they were to get married, it would ruin her chances at ever finding happiness and perhaps love.

But, the question was, could she ever lead a normal life anyway? Could she ever have a husband, a  _human_  husband, after watching her first love be murdered, after what the beast had done to her and raising a hanyou? Her chance at a normal life had been taken away from her the moment she went through the well on that day. Never could she truly be a part of the world she lived in.

Suddenly, Sesshomaru was brought out of his thoughts, when the caves of the mountains came into view. He came to a stop, before slightly turning around to look at the miko. Slowly, Kagome decreased her speed, before finally making eye contact with him. For a split second he saw a whirlwind of emotions playing across her grey orbs, but it was quickly replaced with fury.

They had to climb a little, but he did not want her doing anything of the sort in her current condition. He didn't trust their surrounding enough to leave her behind by herself, while he attempted to retrieve the shard. That would mean she would need to come with him and that idea did not please him at all.

"We have to climb," he stated, waiting for her reaction.

Kagome looked up, feeling a little shred of fear begin to form inside of her. She was used to climbing, but not when she was half way through a pregnancy, and in pain. Not only that, but her legs had been slightly damage by the youkai attack earlier. She feared they might give out on her if she put too much more strain on them.

She also knew this was the only way to get there, because Sesshomaru wouldn't have said it if there was an alternative route. Meaning, either he went alone and try to locate the shard while she remained down there by herself, or she went with him. Once again, Kagome looked at the wall she would need to climb and reminded herself that the jewel was her responsibility.

Kagome took a deep breath before rolling up her sleeves and getting ready to climb. She took a tight grip on the wall, as Sesshomaru watched her attempt to climb. Carefully, he got closer to her, making sure to remain under her, just in case she would slip. The best way would have been for him to grab a hold of her, and pull both of them up, but she would fight him to the death if he attempted to do that.

Slowly, and carefully Kagome, made her way up, as Sesshomaru still waited at the bottom. After all, if he was climbing himself, he would not be able to help at all if something were to happen. Kagome avoided looking down as that would have made her fear grow stronger. She instead decided to really be careful not to slip, always gently putting her feet down, making sure she was touching something.

The more she climbed, the stronger the aura of the shaes was becoming. She could sense it very clearly and knew she was but a few feet away from it. Her heart was beating faster and faster. She knew what the completion of the jewel meant, Sesshomaru would be out of her life, for good this time.

As her thoughts about Sesshomaru distracted her from the climb, her left foot missed the edge and before she could even gasp, she felt herself falling. She tried to grab on to something – anything. Quickly she expected the shock of hitting the ground to come, but instead, she felt  _him_.

Sesshomaru was laying on the ground, his arms tightly wrapped around her waist, as she laid on top of him, her head in the crook of his neck. For a few seconds they remained like that. Sesshomaru thought she was hurt, which would explain why she was not reacting, but she was fine.

Kagome was breathing hard, her lips against his heated skin, as she opened her eyes slowly. It took her brain a few seconds to realize what her current situation was, but when she did process it, her whole body stiffened under his touch.

Knowing she was fine, Sesshomaru loosened his hold around her. He had never meant to hold her so tightly against his body, but his human reflexes were slow and he had barely managed to break her fall. Sesshomaru made sure to remain as still as possible as he waited for her to move. Obviously, she would not be pleased with the way things had turned out.

He knew this was going to happen. It was the exact reason why he had remained behind, waiting for her to reach the top.

Slowly, Kagome pushed herself up with her arms, feeling her body tremble. She couldn't stop herself from looking down at him, his green eyes drawing her in. He was beneath her completely motionless, a façade on his features, as she tried to pull herself up. She already struggled to get up from a chair, so this wasn't any easier.

She managed to get on her knees, one of them in between his legs and with one big push, she lifted herself up, slightly losing her balance. Once she was on her feet, her face was red, both from anger and embarrassment.

This had been an unwanted contact and she had never wished to have their bodies so close. It created a fury inside of her that his hands had been on her, but she also knew he was not to blame. After all, he had not caused her to fall and he had taken the hit for her. Nonetheless, she couldn't help the rage that ran inside of her, she didn't desire any type of physical contact with him.

Sesshomaru slowly rose to his feet, before looking at her. They were going to have to do this some other way. She was not going to like it, but there was not many options they could use. He sighed heavily before walking towards her. His own face was slightly red, probably due to the lack of oxygen he had experienced for a few seconds when her body had collided with his chest.

"I will help you up."

At his words, she felt her body tense up, she slightly turned around to face him.

"I don't need him," she stated, "I just slipped. I'll be fine."

So far since they had met in her era, Sesshomaru had not talked back to her once, even when she lost her temper and refused help, but this time, he wouldn't let it go. After everything he had done, he had often let many things slide, but this he couldn't. Not only was her stubbornness dangerous to both her and the baby, but also, he wanted to attempt and make it out of the forest before nightfall. They couldn't waste all day.

"Miko, this is final. I will help you up." She was about to reply, so he spoke before she could.

"Obviously this is too dangerous for both you and the pup. I will simply help you up, nothing more."

"I don't want your hands on me."

Sesshomaru let a sigh escape his lips, not realizing that it was one of the few times he actually showed any type of emotions around her.

Perhaps if he explained this differently.

"Miko, I know that by now, you, out of all the people should have made a distinction between me and  _that_." He waited a few seconds, and she gently nodded. "You do not like me for what I have done, or rather  _not_  done, but I was never the one willingly laying an inappropriate hand on you."

He might not have tried to spare her, but he did not use her either.

"This will not change. You understand I am not fully it, and I do not wish for  _this_."

For an inexplicable reason, the whole thing that filled her mind at that moment was that  _kiss_. She knew he had probably done it to distract the beast, but right now, she couldn't forget about it either. She didn't mention it though, instead she just nodded again.

As much as she disliked his company, it was true. But, the reason why she didn't want him touching her was mostly because in appearance he and the beast were the same person. Those were still the same hands, which had held her down and quiet while he had raped her.

She looked into his deep green eyes before sighing in defeat. This  _adventure_  already required her to be completely outside of her comfort zone. Could a few minutes of touching really make it any worse? It would not be full contact since he would simply help her up. It was touching with a purpose, a need that had to be done. Kagome took a deep breath, before walking closer to him.

Sesshomaru seemed satisfied with her decision, as he slowly put an arm around her, causing a tiny gasp to escape her lips since she hadn't expected that kind of contact. To be honest, Sesshomaru felt  _uncomfortable_  holding her. There were not many things, which could bring that kind of a feeling in his heart, but she did.

He did not know how to act around her. Not after the history they shared. He held her, not too tightly and began to lift her up, while holding himself up with his feet. Although he did not have his youkai, he was not completely defenseless. He still had a little above average strength, as if he were a regular human that worked out regularly, except he did not need to do the workout.

Fairly easily, he began to give her a push, his arm around her waist, as she helped herself up with her hands. It was easy to notice how tense she was, her whole body completely stiff, but he tried to push that thought aside as they climbed up.

Her heart was beating so fast and hard, he could feel it with his hand, which was a little past her hip. The whole pounding was echoing through her body, and he couldn't help but observe her face. Her eyes were fixed on the top of the little mountain, as if it were her goal for her freedom. It was like she was repeating to herself that if she could hold on until then, he would move away from her.

It barely took them two minutes to reach the top and when they did, both of them were on their knees, collecting themselves. Sesshomaru's arm still hung around her waist, barely touching her stomach and as he was about to pull away from her, it happened.

Both remained still as they were stunned, his hand staying on her stomach, as they felt the kick.

For a second, Kagome seemed to glow as she waited to make sure. She slightly raised her head and saw Sesshomaru's eyes glued on her stomach. He had felt it too, meaning she had not hallucinated it. Then, before they knew it, Kiyoshi kicked again, this time, he kicked where his father's hand was resting.

Nearly forgetting it was Sesshomaru that was by her side, a smile appeared on Kagome's face, as she brought a hand to her stomach, while still on her knees. For the first time in a very long time, she felt  _alive_  – she even felt joy. It was as if fireworks of happiness had just been lit up inside of her.

Sesshomaru watched as an expression he had nearly never seen on her face manifested itself. She looked content. He had thought about removing his hand, but he thought it might bring her out of the trance she was in. The fact that he could still feel the pup kicking under his finger tips brought amazement to him.

Usually, this would have been the moment where he could have assessed the child's aura, but it was not something he could do in his current state, not without his youki. A father would feel if their pup was healthy and perhaps even see a glimpse of their strength.

Not right now.

The whole  _pregnancy_  had been quite strange on him, he didn't know how to feel about it, or the pup. From the start, he knew he would provide for it, but in the beginning, it was because of his honor, because it was his responsibility. Then came the fact that he  _had_  to, because he had promised Rin, who he had considered to be his own daughter.

But now,

Chances were, this pup would be his one and only heir.

He would respect the mating he had with the miko, since he could not break it without killing her. Which he had no intention of doing. They were mated, her life would be extended, perhaps when she would die he would be about to mate again. But he would be over 800 years old by then.

Not only would he need an heir by then, but also who knew how much longer he would survive in this world? Plus the fact that youkais were fewer every day, chances were, he would never have a full blooded heir. Not that it mattered anymore. Perhaps in the past, it had meant something, but bloodlines were diluted now, it was all a matter of surviving.

Pure blood held no meaning anymore.

The miko was carrying the only heir the line of the west would ever have.

Did that add another responsibility onto her shoulder?

Sesshomaru was brought out of his trance when he felt her move. It was then that he realized the pup had probably stopped moving, Kagome had realized his hand was still there. Slowly, without looking at her, he pulled away before rising to his own feet. He would have probably helped her up, but she would have denied his help, so he did not attempt an offer.

Carefully, Kagome stood up, before wrapping her arms around her stomach. Never in a million years would she have believed that the person she would share  _this_  moment with would be Sesshomaru. It made it awkward, at least when she had realized he had been feeling the kicks too. But it did not ruin the moment when it happened. The happiness it had brought her was not something even the bad memories she carried around couldn't ruin.

This was the pureness of the life growing inside of her.

One thing had surprised her though about Sesshomaru. She knew he did a lot of things either because of his guilt. Or because of Rin and she imagined his concern for the child was because of that. Yet, for a second, he had seemed as amazed by the kicks as she had been.

Kagome did not like it, it did not fit him, it did not fit the Sesshomaru she had been forced to be with. Sometimes, glimpses of  _another_  being would emerge out of him and she did not know how to deal with it. It was as if he could not be defined as one person, or rather  _refused_  to be defined as one person.

But wasn't he who he had always been?

"Can you sense it?"

His neutral voice brought her out of her reverie, it took her a few seconds to process his words. Quickly, she nodded, before pointing into a direction.

"Over there."

He nodded, before making his way where she had pointed, with Kagome following him. For the first time the ambiance surrounding them was different than usual. Instead of the lingering pain and fury, there was a hint of awkwardness.

Perhaps it was because they shared a moment, they were not meant to. Their lives were never meant to be intertwined. They had absolutely no good memories with each other, only pain and anger. How were they supposed to react when they were thrown into a new type of situation? It was strange, and different.

Good? Maybe.

Bad? Perhaps.

The silence was ringing in their ears as they got closer and closer. Finally, they reached the entrance of a cave and Kagome moved ahead of him. She could feel it, she could almost touch it. The shard was near but the entrance was engulfed in darkness, frankly she did not feel like running in blindly.

Sesshomaru understood her hesitation, but they could not afford it, time was running out on them.

Though he wondered why nobody was there. The little youkai had told him that they valued the shard highly, so why leave it unprotected? Had he reached his pack before they had arrived and had left? Though the youkai he had met had been scared of Sesshomaru, would he have really given up that easily?

Technically, there was only one way to find out and that was by going inside. Of course, he would have preferred to go in on his own, but she was the only one who could sense the shards exact location, so she had to go in first.

"We'll have to go in." He saw the flash of doubt in her eyes, but he knew they had no other choice. "I'll be right behind you."

That did not make her feel any safer.

Nonetheless, Kagome made her way into the dark cave, chills ran up her spine. Something about this place did not inspire her confidence. Something was not right. If she was indeed correct, that only she could feel it, since he did not have his youki, then there was no way to prove if she was right about a danger or just being paranoid.

Carefully, they made their way inside and although he was not touching her, she could feel him right there, right behind her. She hurried as best she could to make her way through the darkness, her purse still carefully slung around her shoulder. To the risk of dropping everything, she had safely held on to that.

Then, she felt the shard tickle her aura, but in a bad way. It came to no surprise that this shard was tainted, instead of pure. Look how long had it been surrounded by darkness? Slowly, Kagome reached out for it, trying to  _feel_  where it was, since she could not see it. Finally, she felt it under her fingertips and immediately she pulled.

To her surprise, it refused to bulge. It was if it was glued there. Kagome tried to feel around, but there didn't seem to be anything to keep it from her taking it.

Once again, she tried to pull and surprisingly this time, it followed. But, Kagome had been pulling hard, she had not expected it to come off that easily, which caused her to back up into Sesshomaru's chest. Since he could not see, the contact came as a surprise, but he still managed to quickly stabilize both of them.

Kagome didn't have a chance to stiffen at the contact since it had been brief. Nonetheless, she was relieved not to be in the same tangled mess they had been in earlier.

"I have the shard," she whispered, although she didn't know why she was whispering.

Sesshomaru quickly took it as the cue to leave, he turned around, exiting the cave. He didn't like this. It felt  _too_  easy. He knew they feared him, the youkai had been begging which was a cowardly thing to do, yet he couldn't chase the bad feeling away. Something hadn't been right.

They emerged from the cave quickly enough, as Kagome held the shard in the palm of her hand. When the sunlight hit her face, she opened her hand, revealing the dark shard. It was perhaps then that she realized just how corrupted it was. How many times in the past had she picked up tainted shard, only for it to be purified on the spot? Why not this time?

She held it between her fingers under the watchful eye of Sesshomaru, trying to focus her energy to purify it. Kagome stared at it for many seconds, focusing, but nothing happened. She sighed in frustration. She knew she was not the most powerful miko there was, but there had to be a reason she could not purify it.

In the past, she had succeeded in at least purifying temporarily very tainted shards she had come across. But now, she could not even hold the jewel…

"I can't," she said, as if she was admitting defeat.

Sesshomaru's eyes traveled to the still dark shard. The miko could not purify it? But she was its guardian, the one whom could sense the shard, so why could she not bring the light back into it? He could clearly see the frustration on her features, meaning she had just as many answers as he did.

"It can be figure out later. Our main goal for the moment is to gather the shards."

He saw Kagome reaching for her purse, and immediately he stopped her.

"No."

Kagome stopped her movements.

"It would not be wise to do so in unknown territories. We do not know who could be lurking around these caves and woods."

Immediately she nodded her head. She had to admit he was right, so she closed her hand on the shard. The problem was, she could hardly travel with the shard hidden in her hand. But, Sesshomaru seemed to have a solution to her problem as he reached for something in his pocket.

He pulled out a sutra and handed it to her.

"Wrap it around the shard."

Kagome did as he suggested, wrapping it before putting it securely in her purse. It was as she did that gesture that Sesshomaru noticed something on the back of her hand. Gently he trailed his fingertips across her skin and Kagome's eyes widened. She looked down at his hand, only to see him wiping blood off a cut she had on her hand.

When had she gotten that?

Kagome observed as Sesshomaru pulled his finger away, observing the blood that ran down his digit.

"When did you cut yourself?" he asked, concern almost present in his voice.

She tried to think, but could not recall feeling any pain.

"I don't know," she said surprised that she didn't feel it.

It was nothing big, but still, she would usually feel any little thing. Perhaps she had been too preoccupied? Or maybe she had cut herself during her fall and the close contact with Sesshomaru had blocked away the pain?

Sesshomaru had something else in mind. Somehow it reminded him of the attack the little youkai had been using earlier in the day. Could it be that they had tried to stop Kagome from retrieving the shard? He glanced towards the cave, before looking away.

"We should get going. We can reach a small village to spend the night."

Kagome looked slightly confused.

"Can't we just make it to the car and drive back to the hotel?" It would take a little extra time, but once they made it to the car it would hardly matter, right?

He shook his head.

"We do not travel at night."

She had to ask.

"Why not?"

After all they had traveled once in a while at night in the Feudal Era, so what could honestly be more dangerous in her own era? It was not as if she were alone, lost in the woods. Sesshomaru knew the way back to the car.

He  _almost_  scoffed.

"Miko, you know nothing of this world you live in. You might believe the past was more dangerous, but appearances can be deceiving." He paused. "You should know that. You never let someone's appearance stop you from finding what truly lies beneath."

She remained silent, so he continued. "If we hurry, we'll be there before the darkness falls."

Immediately he began to walk, since usually when he did so, she would follow. But this time, she did not. At least not right away. Kagome stood there, one hand on her stomach the other one holding her purse. For a split second, she had felt a tingle go through her body, but she could not explain what it was. Slowly, she breathed in and out, trying to chase the feeling away.

It was after a few moments that Sesshomaru realized Kagome was not behind him. He looked back, only to see her standing there, a look of panic in her features. Immediately he walked in her direction. Something was not right. Kagome did not even react to his presence, as it seemed something else was bothering her.

As he got closer to her, he felt suffocated. He went to reach out for her arm, but before he could even touch her skin, he felt his skin tingle, as if he were being burned by her miko powers. Of course, as he pulled away, he was completely puzzled. He shouldn't feel this way, as long as his youkai was sealed away, her miko powers would not be able to affect him.

"Miko?" he asked, since she was still staring ahead.

Even then, Kagome did not turn around to look at him. Instead she closed her eyes, feeling a panic rise up inside of her. What was this feeling? It felt as if it was flooding through her blood stream, as well as it was coming from within her, but none of it made any sense.

Without even realizing what she was doing, she reached out for support and held onto his arm. It surprised Sesshomaru, but he remained steady for her. Kagome's vision became blurred and her head was spinning as she started to feel dizzy. Her body was  _fighting_ something. Or was it her body? She felt so confused and her body felt weak and tired.

Before she knew it, she grabbed his arm with her other hand and had somewhat spun around, her face nearly hitting his chest. In an attempt to give her more support Sesshomaru had put his arms around her waist. Usually he would have hesitated, but considering her current state… it was him or the ground.

All of a sudden, her body became extremely limp in his arms, he moved one of his hands so he could lift her face. He gently grabbed her chin and tilted her head up only to confirm that she was unconscious.

As far as unlikely situations went, this was one.

The miko, unconscious in his arms, in the middle of the forest, while they were somewhat vulnerable and carrying the damn tainted jewel.

Frustration was obvious in his features, as he pondered on what to do. Obviously they could not remain where they were and spending the night there, especially if she was not conscious, left him with only one choice. He had to get her to the village. That meant he would have to carry her in his arms. It would be the fastest way to make it in time.

If she were awake, she would fight this to tooth and nail. But, for the first time, she would be very cooperative.

Gently, Sesshomaru scooped her in his arms, one of his arms under her neck, and the other under her knees. To make sure her head would not hang over his arm, he rested it against his chest, before beginning to walk.

The illness had been so sudden. A few minutes ago she had been fine. Sesshomaru wasn't sure if it was exhaustion, but it was a possibility.

Although, it didn't explain the dangerous flair of her powers, the wound she had on her hand crossed his mind, but he didn't even know how long it had been there and it didn't look out of the ordinary.

Kagome was completely motionless, which was why he immediately noticed when he felt movement. He looked down at her only to see where it was coming from.  _Kiyoshi_.

From the look he had seen on her face earlier, the pup had not kicked before. Now it seemed, this was the second time and strangely enough, during both times, he and the miko had some type of contact. Could it be that the pup was reacting to his presence? He knew a certain bond was required for the child's development, but he didn't think that it was  _extremely_ necessary.

Could the child have problems if he was not close enough? He recalled the beast saying the pup was in distress. That was worse than simply needing a bond. And it was harder now to create a bond than if he had his youki. In his human form the only way to create that bond was to touch the miko. If he had his youki, all he would have required was his aura.

Unfortunately, releasing his youki wasn't safe.

Would it really come down to him and the miko having some sort of physical contact, even small just a small amount?

Sesshomaru truly hope it wouldn't, at least for her sake. It would perhaps make him uncomfortable. But, it would not be for the same reason than in the past. He had been disgusted by the idea of a human mate back then. Now, he had to admit, it did not sound as insane anymore.

After all, he had watched his kind disappear. The reality that humans would have their era just appeared and he had come to accept it. Often he had thought that his only companion, when the miko would finally pass away and would no longer be mated, would be a human.

He had never rutted with anyone else. Except the miko. At least not since their mating. But, the idea was not  _as disgusting_  as it used to be. Perhaps he had learned to blend in better in this world than he had thought. He still admitted that he despised most humans, their wretched darkness and corrupted minds.

With a sigh, he re-focused his attention on his surroundings for a brief second, making sure he was going in the right direction. He adjusted his path slightly before beginning to walk again.

If he picked up his pace, they would arrive at the small town in about 15 minutes. He had researched the area and he knew they would find a hotel there, where they could rest for the night. Apparently, she clearly needed some rest.

Sesshomaru looked down at her face, trying to see if she had symptoms of a fever, but she did not show any. At least, she didn't appear to. But then again, her fever could only have begun to rise, which could explain why she didn't look flushed.

He could try  _it_.

He had seen mothers do it to their children. In many situations, he would not have done this, but currently, he worried for her health. If she was at risk for a fever, he would not wait for them to reach the hotel, instead, he would perhaps find water and wet her body down to cool it.

Slowly, he stopped, before carefully bringing his lips to her forehead, then, gently, he pressed them against her skin. He could have tried to feel her temperature with his hands, but they could be hot or cold, which would throw off the whole thing.

Quickly, he pulled away.

She did not feel like she was burning with a fever, but not cold either. Actually, it felt a tiny bit too warm for his taste, but for the moment, it was nothing to worry about. Sesshomaru decided that it was safe to wait until they made it to the hotel.

He resumed his actions, making sure she was carefully tucked into his arms. The closeness was strange and he wasn't sure what to make of it. Obviously if she had been awake, she would be fighting her way out of his hold. He felt uncomfortable…

Right now, she was peacefully in his arms, not struggling, she was not tensed. As if she trusted him. As if nothing had happened and they were in a normal situation, where he was carrying his mate in his arms.

It was rather  _strange_.

-B-


	33. The Bond of Love

A feeling of warmth.

Darkness surrounded her.

In a flash Kagome opened her eyes, slightly panting as she felt like she was emerging from a nightmare. Not even realizing where she was, she pushed herself up until she was sitting on the bed.

–Wait a bed?

Another panic took over her as she took a glance around. She was in a small wooden room, the windows covered by dirty yellow curtains. The bed she was in was covered by deep blue sheets and a green blanket.

It wasn't until she looked at the opposite side of the room that she saw him.

Sesshomaru was sitting in a chair, his elbow against the armrest while he rested his head in the palm of his hand. That's when she realized that he was actually sleeping. The idea seemed completely insane, since she had never seen him rest - _ever_. Kagome never thought he actually needed rest.

At first, she wondered why he was sleeping in the chair, but then she quickly realized that there was only one bed in the room and she was currently using it. But then, something else filled her mind. What was she doing in this room?

The last thing Kagome remembered was collecting the shard. After that, they were supposed to be heading for the nearby village, but she had absolutely no memory of ever getting there. She could only assume that was where she currently was.

Kagome looked in his direction before carefully exiting the bed, not making a sound. It wasn't as if she was worried for his sleep, it was mostly because she didn't want him awake yet. Slowly, she made her way to the window and gently pushed the curtains open, not too much, just enough to let a little bit a light in.

From where she was, she could see a glimpse of the forest they had been in and Kagome knew they were now in the village Sesshomaru had told her about. A tiny sigh escaped her lips before she let her eyes roam the rest of the room. The first thing that caught her attention was that she couldn't find her purse. A slight distress overcame her as she looked around one more time searching with her eyes as her heart pounded within her chest.

Then, she spotted it, her eyes widening just a little in surprise.

There, carefully hidden and snuggled up against Sesshomaru's side was her purse. He had kept it beside him, perhaps worried that he may indeed fall into a slumber. Kagome felt relief wash over her as she quietly made her way over towards him. She didn't trust the jewel with anyone but her.

Yet, for a second she stopped and really looked at Sesshomaru. At this precise moment he looked so different, that she had to watch him sleep. In all the times she had been around him, he had seemed so put together and always had a façade on. Sesshomaru had always been in control, yet right now… In a way, he did not only look peaceful, but relaxed as well. For once, he seemed to be completely free of who he was.

Her heart was beating slower, as she licked her bottom lip. He looked vulnerable.

That was never a word she would have thought she could use to describe him with. It made no sense that he had such a side in himself. Kagome had seen the cruel things he was able to do, and she was not referring to the beast, she was referring to  _Sesshomaru_. He had killed people, innocent – he had tried to kill her the first time they met.

He had made her nightmare even worst, with never a speck of a feeling.

Yet, he could feel, he could use his heart.

Rin had been the proof of that.

And maybe, that was what struck her so much at that precise moment, it was as if she could see a glimpse of what Rin had seen in him. It was fake, it was an illusion, since he was not conscious, but she was able to see it. That did not make him a better person, neither did it lessen her pain. But she saw him through a different pair of eyes.

To be honest, it scared her. Kagome had no intention of seeing Sesshomaru any differently – she didn't want to. He was who he was and that was fine with her. Kagome had no wish for their current relationship to differ from what it was. Her vision of him didn't need to be altered. She refused to admit there was someone else deep inside of him, a personality that he hid in the darkness.

She could feel the tears stinging her eyes.

He was  _not_  different. She didn't want him to be. He couldn't change, people didn't change.

You can't teach an old dog, new tricks. That statement applied to him.

Deciding she couldn't bear her own thoughts any longer, Kagome closed her eyes before wiping the tears away. She needed to focus her attention on the jewel. She had to get it back. Trying to be careful, she reached out for the purse and gently glided her fingers across it. Then, she took a hold of it and slowly started pulling it out of his hold.

She gasped.

His fingers were tightly wrapped around her wrist, nearly causing her pain because of how tightly they held onto her. Kagome looked up, their eyes meeting. His green eyes bored into her watery grey orbs and she felt as if he was examining her. His eyes were searching hers, as if he had been too quickly awakened and he thought she was a threat.

Kagome's lips were slightly parted, as she remained silent, her words caught in her throat. It was then that Sesshomaru seemed to notice who was in front of him. Slowly he released her wrist, his fingertips sliding all the way to her fingers as he retracted his hand. He blinked a few times, before pulling away the purse, and handing it to her.

That seemed to break Kagome out of her trance.

She slowly took it, before backing away from him, the purse pressed against her chest.

It seemed he wasn't back to looking so prideful, not just yet. She watched as he started transformed in front of her very eyes, his guard was still down and his face still off.

Sesshomaru meanwhile, blinked a few times, trying to completely wake himself up. He couldn't remember the last time he had slept. Even though his appearance was human, he didn't need to sleep as much as them, meaning he could go weeks without a wink of sleep. He was somewhat upset that his body had actually required it  _right now,_  of all times.

He took a good look at Kagome who seemed neither confused nor panicked. Did she not remember what happened to her? To confirm his suspicions, he asked her.

"Can you recall how you made your way here?"

She shook her head and he sighed.

"You passed out," he explained, as he got up from the chair.

"I had to carry you here."

He tried to search her eyes, to see how she would react, but she was not looking at him, instead Kagome's eyes were focused on the floor. She seemed so preoccupied. Technically her not remembered passing out was not a surprise. Most of the time she had been sick, she actually couldn't remember. She could have found it strange, but it had happened so often that she did not worry about it.

There was one thing she was grateful for and it was the fact that she had been unconscious when he had carried her. Feeling his arms around her once was enough for one day. What worried her though, was why she had fell into unconsciousness. What could have provoked that? The last thing she remembered was feeling dizzy.

Sesshomaru observed her face, but quickly noticed that she didn't seem to concerned. Instead, she seemed to be lost in her own thoughts. He considered that to be a good reaction.

"The car is waiting in front of the hotel. We should go," he said, before grabbing his jacket and putting it on.

Kagome slowly nodded while remaining silent, she headed towards the door, before he had even finished putting on his jacket. Her silence was out of character for her as was her obedience. But Kagome couldn't help it. Too many things were running through her mind at the moment. She couldn't even worry about herself. All that happened, reminded her too much of the sickness that she had experienced in the feudal era. What if there really was something wrong with Kiyoshi? The thought of it brought tears to her eyes.

She was so preoccupied that she didn't even look back to see if Sesshomaru was behind her or not. Her thoughts had been on him before, but now her new worry was perfect at chasing him out of her head. This news was also much harder on her, because technically, a normal doctor wouldn't be able to say what was wrong. What if it was related to the child's youkai blood and not its human blood? Who was supposed to help her then?

Deep in her thoughts Kagome made her way through the hotel, until she reached the outside. As soon as she stepped out of the hotel she immediately spotted the car that they had been riding in from the previous day. The driver made his way to open the door for her and as he was about to bow, he stopped. A strange look appeared on his face, but Kagome seemed to not notice it as she was to deeply in her own thoughts.

Instead, she entered the car, her heart beating fast. Traveling, finding the shards, it was important, but now every passing day, she grew more worried about her health and that of her child's. It seemed like a new problem was constantly popping up. Was it normal, was it because this was a hanyou pregnancy? The only hanyou she had ever known, -known well- was Inuyasha and he certainly didn't know what happened to his mother while she was pregnant.

It was when she heard voices from outside that her attention was directed through the window of the car. She couldn't understand what was being said. But Kagome could see Sesshomaru talking to the driver. He was frowning while the driver looked concern. Had she missed something? Had something happened which she was not aware of?

A few minutes later, Sesshomaru entered the car and he looked somewhat  _pissed_  off. Which was not an emotion she was used to seeing on him, he looked angry with himself, as he sat down. He wasn't even looking at her. She waited for a few seconds, thinking he would share, but he did not.

"What is it?" she finally asked.

Sesshomaru flicked his eyes in her direction, but remained silent. His mood was not great at the moment. He couldn't believe he had been so careless. He was mostly to blame for this, he should have paid more attention. Nobody could be trusted and he should have known better. But without his youki, how could he have known?

This could set them back quite a bit. They couldn't leave India, not just yet. Not until every speck of that  _poison_ was out of her blood stream. It was quite simple. The little youkais hadn't given up on their shard as easily as it had appeared they had. Just like he had expected, one of the three times when she had gotten hurt, a sort of poison had been injected into her blood. It not only disturbed her aura, but it also made it different, recognizable. Obviously, it would make her easy to follow, since they could pin point her location with it.

That was why her aura had flared up before she had passed out. Thinking back on it now that he thought more about it, her aura was not the only one that reacted to the poison. The pup had to have tried to protect both himself and her. It was the only way to explain why Sesshomaru had felt pain when he had touched her. His human body was not protected against a demonic aura.

Now this set them back. He refused to take her back to Japan where her location would be known and he didn't wish to travel giving away the location of the other shards. The best and only thing to do was to remain where they were for the moment, guard the jewel to the best of their abilities as they could. Since it was not safe for him to release his youki, the only way they would know if the poison left her body, was to keep the driver close by.

Now his only problem and concern would be how to explain this to the miko.

Her eyes were still on him, he could see the worry in her eyes. She feared for the pup, yet at the moment, she should fear for her own life. Sesshomaru rubbed his forehead with his index and thumb, his impatience growing. He knew this would be troublesome. He didn't like this, not one bit. Perhaps what frustrated him the most was his own weakness.

The reason why he was there with her was so he could protect her. But honestly, what had he done so far? The only time he had attempted to protect her, he had to require his youki. Now, she was poisoned and if it hadn't been for a lower class youkai who posed as their driver, he wouldn't have known about it. He would have carelessly dragged her around the world and exposed the rest of the shards as well as the jewel.

He was weak.

The thought left a bitter taste in his mouth.

Sesshomaru had accepted a lot of things over the years, but  _weakness_  was never one he was willing to show. It destroyed him from the inside. He looked back at her and he could see her lips moving. He could not hear what she was saying though, he was so lost in his own mind. Slowly, he brought himself back to reality and opened himself to her words and questions.

"-telling me?"

He tried to understand what she had asked, but decided to drop it.

"We'll have to stay here longer."

Her eyes widened, either in surprise or in anger, he did not know.

"But- we have the shard," she offered weakly. "Why would we stay any longer?"

Sesshomaru sighed, resigning himself to what he must tell her now.

"Miko, it appears you have been poisoned."

The first instinct she had was placing her hands on her stomach.

"Po-poisoned?" she stuttered. Did that mean she would die?

He wanted to ease her worries, so he explained.

"Your aura is different than normal. It's been made easier to be tracked – so they can follow you. It should not bring any harm to your body, or that of the pup. It only seems to be affecting both of your auras."

She bit her bottom lip.

"It would be safer to remain here, not revealing any locations."

Although she understood his words, she felt slightly panicked. She understood exactly what those words meant. They would have to remain at the hotel for a little while, which didn't seem so bad, but you had to look at the whole picture. Basically, sight seeing was out of the question. If it wasn't safe to travel, it wasn't safe to venture away from the hotel.

She'd be stuck in the room with him. Nowhere to go, no one she could seek comfort from.

Just her and Sesshomaru, alone.

Kagome slowly nodded, her heart caught in her throat. Her voice would not work.

For a second she almost wondered whom she would be facing during those days. She would rather stay in familiar territories. She didn't like the Sesshomaru she saw while he slept. His vulnerability scared her, because it almost transformed him into someone likeable.

He informed the driver by tapping on the glass to return to the hotel. The ride back to the hotel had been done in complete silence. Kagome could not argue with what he had said, for the same reason why she had agreed to travel with him. The jewel. Her goal was to protect it, complete it, so she could rid the world of it. If someone intended to follow her, to snatch the shards away, the best thing to do was to remain as safe as possible.

Though she had a feeling that remaining in one room with Sesshomaru, for a few days, could not be good for her. Yes, it was true that so far, he had done nothing to harm her, but nonetheless. Perhaps she feared it because it was in those moments that he would talk to her and some of his words would stick with her, she just knew it.

 _I am not it_.

Those words still echoed in her mind. She had tried so hard to fight against them. On many occasions, he had seemed eager to prove that statement, yet a part of her heart refused to believe it.

Kagome had once told Sesshomaru how ironic it was that he had hurt her, yet he had vowed to protect Rin and her descendants. Even after everything that had happened, her situation was still ironic as well.

Hadn't she spent most of her time in the Feudal Era, striving to prove she was not Kikyo? That she was herself? Wasn't Sesshomaru trying to do the same thing? Kagome hardly thought that made up for the way  _he_  hurt her, but nonetheless, wasn't he a  _different_  person than it? If he had been any other person, she probably would have related to him, but not in this case. Perhaps she could give him this chance to be himself. She could see him as Sesshomaru.

Her heart stopped beating for a second. Could she possibly do that? A few times she had been able to do that, but, all the time? Could she see two different people and hate them for different reasons? Could she forgive one half, while never wanting to see the other?

Couldn't he understand that in his case, it was so much harder to set him apart from his beast? He  _looked_  the same, they  _shared_  the same body. It was hard and it was asking a lot from her. Though it didn't require her to like either half, just having to admit they were different entities.

Maybe, one day.

Then, they arrived back at the hotel, it seemed both of them were extremely relieved, of course not for the same reasons. Kagome was the first one to exit the car and shyly, she made her way into the hotel. Sesshomaru followed closely behind, glancing around as if he was expecting to see someone that shouldn't be there. Once he seemed satisfied, he exchanged a look with the driver and walked into the hotel.

Since he couldn't watch over the area by himself, he had to rely on someone else. He didn't like it though. Of course, a background check had already been done on the driver so he could be trusted, but only so far. Over the years, Sesshomaru had learned to trust very few people. At the moment, his situation was difficult, and he had no other choices.

When Sesshomaru focused his attention back on Kagome, he noticed she was gone already and he rapidly made his way up to their room.

She had yet to express her thoughts or have a reaction to their current situation, somehow it didn't feel right. Usually, he could at least see a glimpse of some emotion in her eyes, but not this time. Heck, she hadn't even been panicky. Something was wrong.

He reached their room and opened the door, only to find Kagome sitting at the edge of the bed, she looked completely engulfed in her own world. He was somewhat confused and wanted to ask her, but she most likely would not answer him in her current state of mind.

Instead he made his way to his bag and opening it, he grabbed a book from inside of it. The same one he had been reading on the plane. Then, he lay down on his own bed and began to read. From the looks of things, they would be here for a while, their options of activities were limited. He had brought some work and a few books, but he wasn't sure Kagome had brought anything with her for entertainment. After all, this delay was unexpected.

But she didn't seem to mind at the moment, since she was on the bed, not moving. Seemingly lost in her own thoughts.

He pushed away the urge to ask once again.

Meanwhile Kagome couldn't bear to turn around. Her mind was so confused and frankly right now, her emotions were such a mess she didn't know what to think. It felt as if too many things were happening all at once, although she had apparently slept, her body felt completely exhausted, as if she had obtained no sleep at all.

Perhaps because other things preoccupied her, the thought that she had to spend a few days with Sesshomaru, alone in the room, hadn't completely sunk in just yet. In a way, it was a good thing.

Sometimes, Kagome wondered if all the stress she put herself under was the reason why she felt so sick so often. Stress was not good when you were pregnant and she doubted the fact that the child was a hanyou mattered. A child needed a calm environment to grow and develop and so far that wasn't something she had been able to provide.

It wasn't as if she didn't want to, but her feelings were too much for her own self to bear.

Kagome had never had such fear and darkness growing in her heart before. It was an overwhelming feeling she couldn't learn how to deal with. She knew humans were meant to experience darkness, Kagome had lived through a few hard moments herself, including the death of her father, but this was different. A part of her had been destroyed, stolen and there was now a void within her. Kagome didn't know how to forget, or how to fill it.

Darkness had a hold on her heart.

 _Darkness_.

For the first time in the last few minutes, Kagome actually reacted. She snapped her head up in the direction of her purse, and rushed to grab it. Her actions immediately attracted Sesshomaru's attention, he carefully observed her. Kagome pulled out the box containing the jewel from her purse, her bottom lip quivered.

"I can't," she finally whispered.

She had succumbed like so many had before her.

"I can't purify the jewel."

Kagome feared life, feared  _him_ , she feared… _fear_.

She had become weak. She had allowed herself to be corrupted.

In the past, she had gone against danger head first, she had never let anything stop her. That someone could kill her in a blink of an eye, had never stopped her from standing up to them. Even when she never stood a chance, she had fought. No matter what people had said, she had believed in herself, she had known that whatever happened, she would pull through.

Then, he had happened.

Where had her fighting spirit gone? Why had her desire to live disappeared? A lot of bad things had happened, but Kagome had learned to shield herself from them before. He had broken right through, and she had let him take what was most valuable to her. She had allowed the beast to crush her very soul.

Everything that mattered, he had taken it away. But the worse part was, she had let him. She wasn't even fighting away the feeling, she wasn't gaining back control of her own life.

Perhaps she never had much control on her innocence  _but_  this he shouldn't be allowed to have.

Because of him, her very duty had become impossible for her to do. Kagome was supposed to be the guardian of the jewel. Yet she could not bear to hold it. It should not have matter how much darkness filled it, she should always be able to  _at least_  have it in her possession. But not now, she had allowed the pain to take a hold of her heart, and the jewel used it against her.

Its greatest weapon was herself.

Usually, she had never been able to be control because she didn't let darkness take over. This time, she had failed. The jewel could control her. It was using that to its advantage. Her eyes were burning from the pain as her grip on the box grew tighter.

Kagome's eyes traveled slightly upwards and she saw Sesshomaru looking straight at her.

She had to let go.

It was the only way to chase away the darkness, to be whole once again.

Unconsciously, she glued her lips together.

One little problem, she didn't know how.

Kagome had so often forgiven people in the past, but this was different, it was new. It was a concept that was unknown, strange and unfamiliar to her. But until she did, it made this whole shard hunt completely useless. Because in the end, all she would have would be a completed dark jewel, which could have power over her.

How to forgive? How to erase such a painful past?

Kami knew she had let many things slide with Inuyasha, but….  _But_. She couldn't push her thoughts any further. In her mind, he did not deserve any forgiveness. That was the thing. By not moving on, all she did was punish herself even further. He wasn't paying the price because she wasn't forgiving him, he obviously couldn't care less.

The only one who was truly losing in this situation was her.

Kagome needed to move on, for her own sake.

She needed to move on so she could live again.

It would take time, it would require for her to learn how.

She didn't want to be his friend, she didn't want to respect him, but she had to move on. He had to have no effect on her. Kagome needed to learn how to be completely neutral in his presence. But, she would need to chase her fear away first. It would probably be the most difficult thing for her to do. He wouldn't need to do anything, but she had to work to do this.

At this point, all Sesshomaru had been able to do was stare at her. He had a feeling whatever was on her mind he was involved in her thoughts, as she kept glancing his way. He didn't know if it was bad or good though, he could see the suffering in her eyes. Slowly, he put his book down, before focusing his attention on her.

Was she now ready to share whatever had been on her mind?

Their eyes met, a tear rolled down Kagome's cheek.

Before she knew it, the box fell out of her grip. Just before she dropped to the ground, her knees had become weak and had given out on her. The first reflex Sesshomaru had was to get up from the bed and try to prevent her fall. Of course with his human speed, he never stood a chance.

The first thing that crossed his mind was that she must feel sick again. Perhaps it was the poison? Could it be that it was not properly diluted in her blood? Though, it had been hours, it should have been by now. Although he made sure to keep a certain distance, he didn't want to invade her personal space, he was still on his knees right beside her, his arms awkwardly by his side.

And he waited.

Kagome pressed her palms against the ground, trying to gain some support. She had to slowly let go of the pain or she would never be able to get better. She had to allow herself to forget so she could grow and finally break free of the darkness.

Until she did, he would always have some type of hold on her life. If she truly wanted him out, she had to forgive him. Her heart was hammering inside of her chest, Kagome thought it would burst open at the pressure. All of this meant facing everything that had happened once again. She had to come to terms with it, so she could get rid of it all.

That would require spending some time with him.

Why? Because she couldn't deal with simple memories, she had to face the person. There was only one problem though, she had to face more than Sesshomaru, she had to see the beast too. But wasn't that nearly impossible, since he wouldn't understand what she needed to do, he wouldn't let her move on would it? Perhaps as long as she forgave the beast, she wouldn't need to see it?

"Miko?"

His voice echoed through her mind and she wondered if she should answer.

Could she answer, could she find her own voice?

Slowly, Kagome titled her head and looked up at him. His green eyes were fixed on her face, as if he were trying to see what caused her to fall. She knew he couldn't even begin to understand what was going through her mind, so she nodded.

Her answer only made him more confused. What was she nodding at? What was she agreeing to?

Then, she seemed to recover her voice.

"I have to forgive you," she breathed out, her voice cracking. As if it were the hardest thing to admit.

"I have to," she repeated, her words causing her to shiver slightly.

Sesshomaru frowned slightly. Forgive him? Never did he think he would hear such words from her, which led him to believe, he had heard wrong. She couldn't possibly understand or mean what she had just said.

But he had to ask, just in case. "Why?"

Many times, he had pictured Rin in Kagome's situation, all the scenarios ended with him killing whoever had hurt her that way. How could there be forgiveness for such actions? How could there be redemption?

Tears flowed out of her eyes.

"Because I want to be me again," she said, choking on a sob.

This person she had become was not Kagome, it was a stranger, who did not enjoy life. She bore her eyes into his, trying to make him understand.

"I don't want to suffer anymore."

The one who caused her pain, was the one who could relieve her from it. Wasn't this life simply filled with ironies?

Then Kagome looked away, her eyes landing on the jewel.

"I can't touch it because of you," she said, blaming him with her words.

"I'm  _tainted_  with darkness," she added, nearly scoffing.

The one person who was supposed to be shielded from pain, was no longer protected.

And then, it all made sense to Sesshomaru.

The reason she couldn't hold a shard, how her soul seemed to grow darker when she had it in her hand. She couldn't even purify it. But then, once again, it meant he had caused her pain and the problem. Could she really ever be free of him? It was as if the memory of him would haunt her forever.

And he remembered as well the person she used to be. Granted he hadn't known her very well back then, but he had still noticed her behavior. The miko had never feared him, she had always stood up to him, especially if harm was to come to Inuyasha.

Foolishly, just like a child, she had always believed no harm would come to her.

She had been proven wrong.

Yet she had courage back then, it was one thing he could not deny. Even with everything she had been put through, she was still alive and well. Against all odds, her goal had kept her going, she had succeeded into getting home. The Miko had even convinced the old him to play along with her plan and she had managed to force him into being near her.

She had more strength than she gave herself credit for.

Even now, forgiveness was never something he thought he'd obtain. But now, though she claimed she would, all it did was leave a bitter feeling inside of him. Kagome was not going to forgive him because he had earned it, but because she had to do it for herself.

Somehow, it made this much worse and it only helped into increasing his guilt. He didn't like it, as if he didn't want it. Of course, he could not refuse it either, since she needed to, for her own sake. But then, he would be the one carrying that weight with him, because never could he forget.

Then again, as she had said, she couldn't erase the memory either. Even if she forgave him and moved on, so it was only fair that he kept it with him as well.

But right now, all he could do was watch her as she was on all fours on the floor, crying. This was the last time she would shed tears for him, but she needed to let them out. She couldn't let the event break her heart again, but she needed to empty her heart one last time.

At the moment, she felt as if it would never cease. Kagome's heart was completely destroyed by the pain and it refused to stop. Then something unexpected happened that took both of them by surprise.

All of a sudden Kagome found herself surrounded by a purple aura. Her first instinct was to panic, thinking there was danger, but she quickly found out she was wrong. The aura was not hurting her, instead, it soothed her. It felt warm and silky against her skin, it lifted some of the pain away. Confused, she looked up at Sesshomaru.

His eyes were glued on her stomach and she seemed to quickly understand. Slowly, she roamed her hands over her bulging stomach, caressing it. It was Kiyoshi? Could he even do that?  _How_? Wasn't he too young? How could he possibly control his aura when she couldn't even do that to her own?

Kagome began to breathe faster and it was Sesshomaru's words that brought her out of her trance.

"He worries for you."

Her eyes saddened.

"He can feel your emotions," explained Sesshomaru, before slowly changing his position so that he was now sitting on the ground.

"There is a bond between a pup and its mother. He  _feels_  what you feel."

Did her son feel her heart break?

Kagome never meant for him to suffer the way she had. She was the mother, she was supposed to shield him from the harsh world, not introduce it to him. But it seemed her guilt did not affect Kiyoshi, because the aura remained around her.

The length of the aura surrounding her meant nothing to her, because she didn't know anything about youkai and their powers. But to Sesshomaru, it represented something.  _Strength_. Obviously, the pup didn't know what he was doing. It was instinct. He wished to protect his mother, to ease her pain.

Nonetheless, he had done it.

This not only told Sesshomaru about his son's strength, but also his determination. From the glow around Kagome's body, he could tell these were no weak powers, but one question remained. The only time Sesshomaru had seen such an aura around a hanyou was when they resorted to their youkai blood. There was no way it was what the child was doing at the moment. The miko's state was not  _that_  bad.

But, the child couldn't be full blooded. It was impossible, he knew it. Perhaps he had a better control of his power during his development. It was the only logical explanation to all of this.

Still, he couldn't convince himself fully and his eyes were still locked on her stomach. With his youki he would have been able to see much easier. There he was again, thinking about how he needed it. But he couldn't really help himself, he was a youkai and that he wanted it or not his youki was a part of him. Without it he would never be complete. It was as if a part of his soul were missing.

One thing for sure, this pup was hanyou.

It couldn't be any different.

A human and a youkai only produced hanyou, it was well known. Never had anything else happened before and things wouldn't change now just because this was his pup. His own father, who was powerful, had a hanyou.

Meanwhile, Kagome was completely oblivious to his predicament. Her eyes were completely closed as she tried to feel her child. She had never done this before and she wasn't sure she was doing it right. Although she was touched by the gesture, this was her fight. Never would she want this to affect her child. She would raise Kiyoshi like any other child.

What happened between her and Sesshomaru was her pain.

Kiyoshi was the best thing that happened to her and she wouldn't let anything happen to him. Even if that meant being more careful of her own feelings if only to spare him. From this nightmare, from this pain, he was the only light.

The thought of her child, of the life growing inside of her,  _it was enough_.

Maybe it was the hope she needed to bring herself back from the darkness. Kagome needed something pure, something untouched.

And nothing was as innocent as a child.

-B-


	34. Books of the Miko

Apparently they had a new routine, but he wasn't sure how he felt about it. The miko had cried herself to sleep, half on the bed and half off and he couldn't have possibly left her there like that. So, he had picked her up and laid her properly on the bed, so she would not be sore when she would awake.

Her words from earlier were still ringing in his mind. He wasn't sure how she planned to do what she wanted to accomplish, but he would of course offer his assistance if she required it. It came with the quest. This was his way of making up and even though she technically wouldn't forgive him for the reasons he would have wished for, he still intended on carrying out both his plan, and that of his promise to Rin.

But something was strange. If she indeed intended to take the path of forgiveness, had she made a distinction? She couldn't forgive  _him_  for the things that had been done – well most of them – she had to forgive  _it_. Could she succeed in doing so? He had his doubts because when she had seen the beast, she had been filled with fear and a complete mess.

Nonetheless, this was none of his concern. If she wished to do so, then it was all up to her. He had no say in it.

But.

 _But_.

A tiny sigh escaped his perfect lips as he lay on his own bed. He had been doing so for two hours now, completely awake. He had a book in his hands, but it provided him with no real interest. He was usually one who was fond of lecture, and literature. But not tonight. Too many thoughts disturbed him. It was as he was about to put his book away that he remembered.

Sesshomaru had brought a variety of books. Slowly, he made his way to his suitcase and opened it. He peeled off a layer of clothes to reveal a wooden box at the bottom of the suitcase. Since he had lived for many centuries, he had collected many valuable books over the years and he always handled them carefully, especially since some of them were the last copies that would ever exist.

Sesshomaru gently opened the box and pulled out two scrolls and an old book, which had its cover nearly falling off its spine. Neatly he placed them down before putting his suitcase back the way it was. He left the book on the ground as he sat on the edge of the bed.

Silence.

It was a  _noise_  he had somewhat despised after Rin's death. It was a constant ringing in his head, one he could never get rid of it. It was something that would haunt him forever, like many other things. Of course, none of those could be shared. He kept it for himself. Who could he possibly express himself with?

His life was a lonely one, it had always been that way. He had never required anything else. Although, the few times he did have some sort of company, he hadn't minded it. It was different, but in a somewhat pleasing way.

Perhaps all his traveling years wouldn't have been the same without Rin. He had Jaken, but it was not the same. And now, there he was traveling again, covering a bigger distance, with a human once more.

Had his whole life become such a routine, so predictable?

Had he been sucked into the same trap as his father had?

Youkai's mating with humans were more and more common with the decrease of their population, but some of them still refused to mate with humans. Sesshomaru used to have disdain for it to, since it brought tainted blood and it was not a proper match. Or perhaps it was because he had lost his father because of a human.

But now…

His eyes traveled to the miko as she lay there sleeping. Her face still stained with her tears.

At this point, it hardly mattered anymore. Plus, it wasn't as if he'd ever have a mate, so he didn't have to worry himself about that. The miko would never be  _really_  his mate. They would never share a bond and technically they would be apart. Once she would die in many  _many_  years, he didn't think he'd take another mate.

The idea had never appealed to him in the first place anyway.

He would soon have an heir, so it wouldn't make any difference if he took a mate or not.

Then he felt her stir, it brought him out of his thoughts. Slowly he brought his attention back on her, carefully observing as she began to move, running her fingers through her bangs. Gently, she sat on the edge of the bed and although he could only see the back of her head, he could tell she was somewhat confused.

Kagome blinked a few times, her eyelashes seemed like they were  _glued_  together, probably because of all the tears she had shed. For some strange reason, she felt a  _tiny_  bit better. Her heart had been completely emptied out, she felt a void inside now, but not the same type that had been there before. Still, her strength had not returned fully.

She took a deep breath before rising to her feet. As she turned around, she saw Sesshomaru looking at her, causing Kagome to pinch her lips together. She  _knew_. She had fallen asleep on the floor and there was only one reason why she had woken up on the bed. He had moved her again. At least, she was never awake when it happened.

"Are you hungry?" he inquired breaking the silence.

She shook her head.

Ever since her  _confession_  about her intentions, it felt as if things were even more awkward than before. Especially since right now, even though she knew she had to do, she found it hard to  _want_  to forgive him.

Kagome was a very emotional person and she never thought before she acted, at least most of the time. She always went with her heart and what it guided her to do. Perhaps it was why she never used to fear, she used to feel strength in her heart. But now, she didn't know if she should trust her heart or her head.

Once again the silence between them filled the room, he remained in his position on the edge of the bed, while she was standing by hers. It was also at that moment that a pile of scrolls and books on the floor had caught her attention. Her eyes traveled over the pile as she tried to understand what they were and where they had come from.

It didn't take Sesshomaru too long to understand what had caught her eye.

"I believe you could find these books  _useful_ ," he said, looking at her.

"Would I assume correctly if I said you never had any proper miko training?"

She bit her bottom lip, before breaking eye contact from the books and focusing on him. She nodded.

"I never really had the time."

They had always been so busy running after the shards, tracking down Naraku, that everything she had learned, she learned it on the spot, by trial and error. It had worked fine when she was surrounded by her friends and allies, but by herself… though it never stopped her from trying.

"These books pertain to miko training. Perhaps you could find some information which could help you within these pages."

He had brought them, mostly for her to inform herself in case there would be moments like these where their hunt was at a halt, but perhaps they would prove to be more useful then he originally thought. He had read them many years ago, actually skimmed them over, but since he did not have her powers, not all of it made perfect sense to him. Maybe she would understand it better than he had.

Without a word, Kagome made her way towards the stack, before dropping to her knees gently, to make sure she would not ruin them. She picked them up and her eyes traveled along the pages as she read.

As she lifted her hand, she noticed a spot on the page, she wondered where it came from. When she inspected it closer, she noticed it was a fingerprint. Immediately, she found herself looking at her own hands and noticed the dirt and cuts on her flesh. It was only natural after all the climbing and falling she had done. Nonetheless, it caused her to inspect herself further, as she did, she realized that her arms were in the same condition as her hands. It dawned on her that it had been about 3 days since she had last taken a bath.

At the moment, she had everything available to her to do so, but it felt  _awkward_. Granted she had taken many -too many- baths with Sesshomaru, but the situation was different. Kagome took a deep breath, trying to tell herself that there was nothing wrong with her taking a bath while he was in the room next door. Slowly she closed the book, but kept it in her hands before heading towards her suitcase. She quickly opened it retrieving the items she thought she would need, before heading to the washroom where she assumed she would find towels, and soap already there.

When Kagome walked past Sesshomaru, she didn't look at him. Quickly he noticed what she was doing and where she was heading to, he didn't say a word. He did not fail to notice how tense and stiff she looked. He glanced at her hands, where he saw the book. Apparently, it had caught her attention if she intended on reading it while she bathed. Sesshomaru thought it would be a good idea for her to relax. He hoped she'd allowed herself to rest at some point. Already her condition was fragile and her stress was not helping. Maybe she could even manage to lessen her pains he thought to himself.

Sesshomaru had not forgotten about what the youkai had told them. Even though, he did notice her pain seemed to not be as bad, he knew it was still present. Every once in a while he could see her wince in pain. He knew she was still experiencing it. Although it was a relief to know her suffering was not as bad as it once was, his guilt would not go away though. After all, the key to ease her pain was for them to spend time with each other, but, himself -including his beast- was the reason they could not do that. He doubted the miko would ever come to ask him to  _form_  a bond with his son, no matter how great her pain would become. But he still found himself wondering  _what_  would he do if she asked him.

Refusing her would be insane, but the idea of putting his hands on her didn't settle well with him either. Would he let himself overcome his feelings of guilt to decrease her suffering? He would have to, it came with the luggage he had forced himself to carry. But how could the two of them ever interact in such a situation? There were too many memories, too many pains. The past was perhaps what would always prevent any type of progress between them. Maybe some things were too much to ever overcome. Maybe  _that_  was one of those things.

Meanwhile, Kagome was turning off the water in the bathtub. The book was carefully resting on the edge of the bath as she walked over to the full length mirror. Slowly, she observed her naked body, noticing the changes that had happened over time. Every day her stomach grew, but it was only now that she could really see how much it had expanded in the matter of the last two weeks.

Also, her breasts had grown in size, every day they became more sensitive. Though she could have been depressed, she wasn't. Perhaps it was the thought of the life growing inside of her, of her son growing, but Kagome wasn't saddened by the sight in front of her.

Gently, she emerged herself into the warm water of the bath. Quickly, a feeling of cleanness, washed over her and she let herself relax in the warm water. The only thing that was not wet, was her head. Her dark locks were floating around her as she rested her head against the hard cold edge of the bathtub. Kagome closed her eyes for a few seconds, trying to forget about everything. Unfortunately for her, it was during moments like these that some of her pains became more obvious.

The pain caused by Kiyoshi's suffering was not as stable as it had been the previous day. Although it was not as intense as it had been in the beginning, she could still feel it increasing once again. Obviously the small interactions she had with Sesshomaru were very temporary. Of course, Kagome was more than willing to put up with the pain, since she was responsible for her child's suffering in the first place, but sometimes, for very brief moments, she found herself wondering what kind of interactions were needed with Sesshomaru to lessen Kiyoshi's pain.

Because after all, perhaps she could bear the pain, but could she let her innocent son, do the same? It didn't seem fair to let him suffer because she refused to  _be_  around Sesshomaru. It did kill her inside to think about that, but it hurt her more to think that her child was suffering because of her selfishness. She couldn't let this go on much longer. A tiny sigh escaped her lips as she opened her eyes, before roaming her hands on the edge of the bath to grab the book. Her hands were somewhat wet, so she carefully only held the edge of the book.

She sat herself up properly, before skimming over what was written. The book was fairly thick and if she were too carefully read it, it would take too long. Kagome only had a small amount of knowledge of the powers she possessed and she wasn't sure what she should expect to find during her readings. Then, a particular chapter caught her attention.

Meditation.

She had seen Miroku do it a few times, especially during stressful times. Perhaps it was something she could use herself, to keep her stress level down. Kagome was about to read further into it when something appeared to pop out at her.

Power of Darkness.

That was something she needed help with. The feeling of darkness in her heart needed to disappear, she had to let it go. Carefully, she began to read the pages. Apparently, she was not the only miko to ever feel such darkness growing inside of her and somehow, that put her a little more at ease. Especially, when she began, reading other miko's tales. As she continued to read on, some  _solutions_  became available. At first, it seemed very simple, she needed to know if events or someone caused the feeling of darkness and right away, she had an answer for that one.

Through the darkness, she had to figure out if there was something good, pure, that came out of it. Did she grow in strength, obtain an epiphany, or did she just gain something? The answer to this was an easy one as well and a tiny smile appeared on her face. Kiyoshi. Her greatest gain. The one thing she would never regret out of all this. Her fingers traveled across the page as she read further. Once she had her positive thing, she needed to focus on it and hold on to it. It would be the light to chase away the darkness.

That she could do and she had often done. She had talked to her child and found comfort in thinking her son was growing inside of her.

Then came the rest. There were a few ways to choose how you would banish the darkness from inside of your heart, from the look of it, none of them were easy and they were all a lengthy process. But something was better than nothing at this point. If the miko was strong enough, there was the possibility of an out of body trance. Kagome skipped it, knowing her power was not to that level. She could only sometimes, control the surge of her powers, she knew on her own, without anyone teaching her, she could not learn that.

Another possibility was to  _connect,_  if the darkness originated from a person, which in her case it did. Her heart began to beat slightly faster as she read. Apparently, even a miko with not very much power, could succeed in doing this, although she hardly could see how. She had to create a connection between her and that person. One way to do it was by distance, which was much harder and more difficult, especially if the person was a mere human. The second choice, that was available and not dangerous was to make contact before creating the connection.

The book carefully explained how to do that and once Kagome's eyes traveled to the bottom of the page, she closed it and put it away. She was doing her best to keep her breathing under control. Once she began feeling panic overtake her, she completely submerged herself into the water, wetting her head and hair. Her eyes were tightly closed as she remained under water, holding her breath. This was the solution. This could be the way to free herself from some of the pain and suffering that had been inflicted upon her.

But she was scared. Who knew what she would feel, or how things could turn out if she was to form a connection with Sesshomaru.

Finally, she came out, breathing in heavily, filling her lungs with air. She pinched her lips together, her heart beat echoing in her mind. She didn't have many choices, she told herself she would do this, even if she was doing it only for the sake of her son. Kagome knew, until she did do something about the growing darkness inside of her, the world would never be rid of the jewel. Once again, like many other times in her life, responsibilities, the good of others and her duty meant a lot more than her own feelings or her situation. It had to come first, then she would take care of her own wounds as she would see fit.

Kagome's eyes traveled to her stomach, where she rested her hands. She needed courage, she needed hope. She swallowed hard before grabbing the soap and began to wash herself. After reading this, after making her decision, her bath didn't seem like much of a relaxation anymore. She was too stressed to allow herself any peace of mind. In less than ten minutes, Kagome was done washing her body and her hair. She knew she should get out.

Slowly, she sat in the bath, before moving the book so she wouldn't knock it over. She tightly grabbed the edge of the bath to give her some strength to lift herself up. Every day, it was becoming harder and harder to move herself around. Her unbalanced weight distribution was bad for someone as tiny and short as she was.

Once she had a fluffy white towel wrapped around her body, she proceeded to dry her long locks.

As she did so, she found herself wondering if Sesshomaru would even agree to help her. He was providing his services for the jewel, but her own personal pain didn't affect him in any way. If he did refuse, she had no way to force him, not that she would. A part of her wanted him to refuse, but deep inside she knew it would be better if he agreed to help. Kagome was against the idea of expecting anything from him. Every time, every day, he seemed like a different person and his reactions could differ. So could his tone.

Slowly, Kagome dressed herself. She put on a pair of dark maternity jeans and a yellow t-shirt. For the very first time, she was actually wearing something tight, which showed very curve of her expanding belly. She put away her stuff before quietly exiting the washroom. Once she opened the door, she found Sesshomaru laying on the bed, a book in his hands. As soon as he had heard her come out, his eyes had been on her form. Quickly, Kagome looked away, making her way to the pile of books, where she put down the one she had read.

This was quite a weird way to start a conversation and Kagome wasn't sure how to ask. She never felt comfortable in his company and that wasn't about to change. She stood up fully, looking kind of on edge, as she avoided looking at him, so instead, she stared at his bed.

Sesshomaru, who had been looking at her the whole time, could tell she had something on her mind. Asking her probably wouldn't help since she would probably end up not asking, but the way she just remained there... he didn't like it.

Kagome took a deep breath, before telling herself that, standing there would do nothing. But those words... would kill her.

"I need your help."

It seemed Sesshomaru was as shocked to hear her say those words as the fact that she was saying them. He never pictured the miko as asking for help, especially not from him. But, if she was finding it in her to ask, he knew it had to be important. Sesshomaru put his book down, giving her his full attention. It was the proper thing to do.

"To for-" she stopped. Forgive wasn't the word she wanted to say. "-get, I need to form a connection with you." She paused, and their eyes met.

"It's from the book. At the same time, it could be good for Kiyoshi."

After all, it would be a form of contact between her and Sesshomaru right? It could not harm the pup, at worst, it would simply do nothing. Sesshomaru wasn't sure how she wanted to form a connection, but he nodded. He assumed she knew what she intended to do and she had thought this through.

Kagome experienced a small feeling of relief as she made her way towards his bed. Once she was at the edge, she sat down, before crossing her legs, like she read in the explanation. Now every other step from then on, would be hard for her, she could already feel a small sickness inside of her just thinking about it. Quickly she tried to gain a hold of herself, as she raised her head to look at Sesshomaru who was waiting for the next instructions. Whatever it was she had planned, he knew it wouldn't involve much actual contact and to be honest he much preferred that to the other situations he had pictured in his mind.

"Sit like this in front of me," she said, before putting her hands on her knees, out of nervousness.

Sesshomaru did as she said and quickly enough he closed the distance between them. Kagome didn't feel so well with the closeness, but she reminded herself this was necessary. He could see just how uncomfortable she was with this and he wondered what the next step was. He tried to remain as neutral as possible and as far away as possible while remaining somewhat close, for her sake. He watched as she slowly raised her hands, took a deep breath, as if she was trying to give herself some confidence for the next step.

"P-p," she stopped. "Press your palms against mine."

He raised his own hands, he could see her hands tremble the closer he got to them. Then it happened, their palms made contact, for a split second, Kagome stopped breathing. His hand felt warm against hers, it was so much larger. As she observed his hands, she expected to see the claws, but she remembered he didn't have them in his current state. Her palms were sweaty because she was so nervous, but Sesshomaru didn't seem to mind. Well, if he did, he didn't show it, or voice it.

She closed her eyes and began to focus, Sesshomaru quickly assumed, she didn't need him to do anything else. Kagome wasn't sure she could succeed in doing what she was trying to do, but she put in all she had. There were a couple of times when she wasn't in danger and she had managed to control her powers. Surely she could do it now. She had learned about her powers a few years ago and by now her control of them should have been better. Yet, every time she had tried something, she had always been blocked. As if she wasn't allowed to further her powers. Although it was a silly thought. As if someone was putting a constriction on her powers.

Realizing she was getting side-tracked, she focused her attention on the current problem. She needed to figure out and gather the emotions she felt towards Sesshomaru. Not the good one -not that she felt any good ones towards him- just the bad ones. But what exactly did she feel? Hatred, frustration, abused, terrified, worthless, betrayed, scared, uncomfortable, alone, forced, invaded... the list could go on, and on. Nonetheless, she focused on as much as she could at once. Then, she needed to  _want_  to connect with him. She needed to feel his emotions, to almost know what he was thinking.

This was a little harder with his youki sealed away, since it made it difficult for their aura to connect. Humans had weak auras, which never really developed, but they still had one. Although she expected Sesshomaru's to be different than a human one, since he was only one in appearance changed. She tried to feel him through his hands, trying to form some type of contact. But she couldn't. Kagome was trying to focus her powers and her feelings, trying to express them out of her body, but it was not working.

Then, she realized she had a feeling that she was stopping herself from doing it. Her fear of Sesshomaru, her fear of ever connecting with him, it was stopping her.

Sesshomaru could feel her tremble, he opened his eyes to look at her. She was biting her bottom lip, frowning. He could tell she was trying, but nothing was happening. Then, he decided to see if perhaps he could help.

"Miko, do you require further help?"

Her eyes snapped open at his words. Her eyes traveled over his person and she licked her lips. Was there something he could do? Perhaps he could focus on his emotions too, but Sesshomaru was never known for having feelings and she doubted it was any different now. Nonetheless, it could be worth a try, since she didn't seem to be doing much progress on her own.

"Could you," how could she phrase this?

"focus on the feelings that come to your mind when you think about me, and what happened?"

Was that what she had been trying to do? It almost came as no surprise that she had been frowning and struggling. Quickly he nodded, before trying. This wouldn't be easy, but he had experienced such feelings before. Plus, if she was going to deal with that, perhaps it was only fair that he would too.

Guilt

Was the first thing that came to his mind, and the rest took its time to follow. What else did he feel except guilt?

Respect.

Over the five hundred years he had spent traveling around, he had decided she deserved respect.

Sesshomaru didn't feel that way towards a lot of people, but she had earned it after everything she had pulled through. But then, he didn't know what else.

Perhaps a bit of hatred.

Although she was hardly to blame for it, but it was a feeling he felt.

Resentment.

If she hadn't fallen through the well and brought the jewel back with her, none of this would have ever happened. But what was written in the fates could hardly be changed, and it was out of everyone's control. Just like he hadn't been able to stop her from going back that on that fateful day, there were some things that were never meant to be changed. Sesshomaru would never understand why their mating was one of them.

They, together, could hardly change anything or have any type of impact.

Some things could never be explained.

Out of all the feelings, Sesshomaru decided to focus on his guilt. It was the strongest one, and perhaps the only feeling he had ever truly experienced to the fullest. He closed his eyes before making sure their palms were still touching and he focused as best he could. In his human form, he had no control over his aura and he didn't know how much actual help he could provide. But he preferred to be doing something instead of just sitting there.

He couldn't see Kagome anymore, but she was still biting down hard on her lip. She didn't expect it to fully work after the first try, but she wanted a sign that she was doing something right. Even a tiny spark of some sort,  _anything,_  right now, she had no idea if she was managing to focus her powers and aura. Perhaps it was because her mind was not clear enough. She kept thinking rather than focusing on her own emotions. They should be guiding her, not her head.

Kagome had to do what she did best; follow her heart.

She shut down her brain completely and allowed her heart to guide her. Her mind remained completely blank for a few minutes, until she felt something. But it wasn't coming from Sesshomaru, it was coming from inside of her.

She could feel a clash, a disturbance. She frowned slightly, as she let the aura from inside of her clash with her own. She felt it rise inside of her and she couldn't help the small feeling of panic that overtook her. Kagome was feeling suffocated from the inside and her heart was beating like a drum.

It was hurting and burning her from the inside.

Nonetheless, Kagome decided not to stop it. She let the aura move inside of her and she pinched her lips together, trying not to moan in pain. Her eyes were tightly shut as she tried to contain the pain, as she breathed out heavily as she did so. She tilted her head back, as she felt it clash with her own. Meanwhile, Sesshomaru had opened his eyes slightly, since he could feel her moving around. He could read the pain on her face and he could see how hard she was breathing. Thinking this was too much to take, he was about to take away his hands, when he stopped.

He felt his hands burn against hers, and instead of pulling away, he remained.

Before Kagome could realize what was happening, her mind was filled with a memory that wasn't hers. It was blurry, she couldn't quite make it out, but suddenly, tears began to flood from her eyes, rolling down her cheeks. She sobbed loudly, as a constricting pain filled her heart. All she could see was a bed and a small room. There were people in the room, but she couldn't see who they were. A feeling of loneliness filled her, she couldn't chase it away. Panicked, she unconsciously pulled away from Sesshomaru.

As she did so, he felt as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders and the pain disappeared.

Confused, Kagome opened her eyes, while still crying. She didn't understand what just happened, or what she had seen. Slowly, she sat back, licking her lips repeatedly, before looking at Sesshomaru. He also seemed slightly fazed and she wondered if he felt anything. Did the connection only happen one way? Since she was a miko, was she the only one who could experience something? Kagome ran her hand through her hair, trying to remember what she had seen, but everything had been so blurry.

"Did you see anything?" she finally asked, when the tears stopped. Kagome had rarely experienced such intense emotions before, and she was trying to make sense of them.

"No," he answered truthfully. He had felt a little something, but nothing more.

She nodded. Then it dawned on her, what she saw, was it something that happened to Sesshomaru? Had he lived it? The best way to clear things up would be to ask him.

"I saw a bed, with a red blanket. There were many people in the room. I saw a window, with white curtains, a breeze coming into the room."

And then, Kagome saw his features change and for a second, he looked vulnerable. It was obvious he knew what she was talking about, but would he share with her? After all, he had tried to talk to her a few times, but he had barely shared anything about himself. Sesshomaru had never been one to interact with people, so it didn't surprise her, nonetheless. This could be important and it could help understand if she had done something right. Although Kagome was still wondering what was that strange aura she had felt. It couldn't be Kiyoshi... she had felt pain, he wouldn't hurt her with his actual aura like that.

"It was Rin's death," he finally said, looking into her grey eyes.

As soon as she had described it, he had known. How could he forget that moment, it was engraved in his mind forever. The only question was, how had she seen it and why. If she was trying to form a connection with him related to what happened between them, why had she seen Rin's death? Granted she was Rin's descendant, but that memory wouldn't help her free herself from her feelings. Perhaps something had gone wrong. After all, from the way things had looked, she hadn't looked sure of what she was doing.

Kagome understood why she had felt such strong emotions now. Of course when it came to Rin, Sesshomaru could feel something. Somehow, she was grateful that her view had been blurred, because she had already felt sad enough just from the emotions. Rin had died painfully, seeing her pass away would have probably gotten her own feelings involved. Kagome brought her hand to her heart, as she could still feel Sesshomaru's feelings lingering inside of her and it was quite a shaking experience. But, she couldn't help but wonder if she had done this right. How was this helping her chase away the darkness?

Sesshomaru shared her thoughts.

"Perhaps you should further your readings," he said referring to the pile on the floor.

She slowly nodded. Kagome had known from the start this wouldn't have worked as expected. Although at least now she had the confirmation that she could form some sort of connection with him. Kagome sighed heavily, before getting ready to get off the bed. Then, all of a sudden, before she could move, a sharp pain went through her stomach, Kagome brought her hands to it, before nearly falling on her back on the bed. Immediately Sesshomaru was beside her while she winced again.

Kagome recognized the pain easily and she knew it was the same pain as before. It came from Kiyoshi, but she wondered why his cry for the bond was so intense this time. The pain had lessened and though she felt it coming back, she couldn't understand why it was so much more painful. Kagome closed her eyes shut, trying to do like Sesshomaru had told her and tried talking to her son. She repeated her words over and over again, finally, she felt a small relief. Her eyes were flooded with tears, as she managed to sit up once more.

The pain was still as intense, but it was not growing. Could she really be hurting her child so much? The thought brought even more tears to her eyes. She had tried to form a connection with Sesshomaru, but apparently it had only worsened the situation... or perhaps it was not that which increased the pain. All of this was new to her, she didn't understand how it worked and why it was like this. Sesshomaru was the youkai, he was the one who was supposed to know how to deal with this. She was hopeless.

"What kind of contact do we need?" she finally dared to ask.

It took him a few seconds to understand what she was referring to and when he did, he was somewhat surprised. She wanted him to touch her? And for a second, he nearly forgot how to breath. He didn't even know how to answer her question. Sesshomaru himself wasn't sure what would provide the child with more comfort. If he had his youkai, he could simply soothe him with his aura, but right now, that was not an available option. He didn't want to push it too much, because he didn't know how to touch her.

"The basics, I assume," he said, unsure how to approach this.

Kagome slowly nodded, since she was just as uncomfortable as he was. Sesshomaru sat beside her and she felt her heart hammering inside of her chest, she wondered if the situation could be any worse.

"I cannot use my youki to form the bond," he explained, he would have to touch her.

Then, carefully Kagome turned around a little, so that she was facing him. Her vision blurry because of her tears and the pain, Kagome gently wrapped her fingers around his wrist and he remained still. She placed his hand on her stomach and almost flinched at the expected contact. He could feel how tense she was, the ambiance grew extremely awkward. Kagome released his wrist and put her hand under her stomach, knowing she had to do something with her hands. She tried to ignore that it was his hand on her stomach.

Once he felt her calm down a little, Sesshomaru began to gently caress her stomach, waiting for any type of reaction. Kagome closed her eyes and breathed out heavily. The more he moved his hand on her stomach, the more her heart beat increased. Then, Sesshomaru added his other hand and she flinched again. He stopped moving for a second, waited a few instants before he resumed his actions. A strange feeling stirred up inside of him as he felt her stomach. It was a feeling he had not experienced many times, at least not in this manner.

Perhaps only when Rin had been involved.

It felt like a father's pride. He had never really been involved with the pregnancy five hundred years ago. Mostly because the child would be a hanyou, all he could think of was Inuyasha. But now, things were very different. For a second, it felt as if their situation was different. And at that moment, Sesshomaru knew he would need to take care of his pup as well. The pup was calling out to him, the instinct in him was unconsciously reaching out to him. His youki was sealed inside but the instincts were hard to shut down.

It was Kagome's voice that brought him out of his thoughts.

"The pain lessened."

It still hurt, but it was not nearly as bad. Kagome wasn't sure how long it would last, but she was happy with the way it was for the moment.

Sesshomaru raised his head, and looked into her eyes and nodded. Slowly, he pulled away from her, the feeling he had experienced slowly leaving him. Could it be that he had felt that way because the pup had responded to his actions? He glanced at Kagome and noticed she didn't look as miserable as she had when he had first placed his hands on her. As if, it hadn't been as horrible as she had expected it to be. In his case, he had been so caught up, that the guilt had not reached him.

Kagome's lips were pinched together, as she breathed normally. Although it hadn't been as bad as she expected, the experience hadn't been pleasant. Kagome thought her mind would have been filled with flashbacks, but it hadn't. She assumed it was because nothing about the gesture was sexual.

All her mind had been filled with was Kiyoshi. Her worries had been lessened by the fact that her son had benefited from this. At least it had not been worthless. She turned her head in the direction of the book she had been reading and she decided she would rather distract herself with reading more.

She moved away from Sesshomaru and made her way to the floor. Once she got there she picked up a book, intended on reading it. But, she couldn't help herself and she looked up at Sesshomaru.

Kagome nodded, and he nodded back.

And a new feeling filled him.

-B-


	35. Strange New Connection

From all the things she imagined happening between her and Sesshomaru and this connection, this was the last thing Kagome had expected. When she thought of this as a way to free herself from the darkness, she didn't think this would be the way it would go. Every time they tried, the harder it became. It seemed that the only way for her to forget and forgive, to chase away the darkness, was to experience what he had lived.

Every time it was different, more intense, but also very confusing. Probably because she hadn't mastered the technique yet, which meant the memories were a blur most of the time. The only thing that was as clear as crystal was the emotions he had felt. They rushed through her body every time and it was the part she despised the most.

Kagome was still struggling to admit Sesshomaru could feel a range of emotions. Until now, she had never really known that side of him and it was hard to shut the little voice inside of her that wished he had been less cold hearted back in the feudal era. It probably wouldn't have stopped her misery, but it would have made it better. There was also something else bothering her about this. It wasn't fully working. This was meant to be a connection, meaning Sesshomaru should feel the things she experienced, but every time, she was the only one who was attacked by flashbacks and feelings.

There had to be something missing and sometimes she wondered if it was because he wasn't whole. Yes the connection could be made with someone who was human, or youkai, but what about a disguised youkai? Technically she could deal with the fact that it wasn't completely working, but a part of her, deep down, wanted him to know her feelings as well. Was it selfish to want him to really know what it had been like for her? He said he felt guilt, he said he felt remorse, but he still couldn't understand what she had been put through, nor what she still, willingly put herself through.

This was the third day they had been trying this, the fourth day of their rest week. In about three days, they would probably resume their traveling and Kagome wanted to progress with this connection, if possible. But of course, not all their time was dedicated to that. She might not do much all day, but he was often gone. Kagome never knew where, not that she ever bothered to ask. She didn't sleep much and spent a lot of her time awake at night. That was when he left. A few hours before the sunrise, he would disappear into the night. Usually, he would be back before noon.

Sometimes, he looked upset as he came back, but he would quickly hide away any emotions. Not that she wanted to know what caused him distress in the first place. Also, she somewhat enjoyed his routine walks, as she liked to call it, because it was the only time she could actually bring herself to sleep a little. Of course, that could only happen when Kiyoshi would allow her some rest. Even though Sesshomaru and her had been spending a little time together when she was trying to form a connection, it had quickly became  _not_  enough for Kiyoshi.

At first, the contact was enough to lessen the pain, but as the days went by, it was as if her son required more than a simple touching. Kagome had thought about allowing Sesshomaru in her personal space again, as much as she had last time, but her heart ached at the thought. Instead, she promised herself that if the pain ever got past her endurance limit, she would, because at the moment the pain was not bad, it was just there. Still, the guilt ate her away, but she tried to push it away every time.

Right now, Kagome was lying in the bed, completely awake, almost as if she awaited his return. Every time, as if her body knew, she would wake up a few moments before he would come back. Perhaps her body could sense his aura? Nonetheless, she was always grateful that she was awake when he would arrive.

Kagome was beginning to feel claustrophobic in such a small room, every day, all day long. She hadn't had a proper interaction with a human being in a long time and she craved for it. She was a social person. She needed some comfort of some sort. While traveling with Sesshomaru, it was not something she was getting. Perhaps the desire was more intense because her son was craving it as well. No matter what the reason was, slowly she felt an uneasiness start to stir up inside of her. But, with a deep breath, she chased the feeling away.

Not being able to stop herself, she stared at the door, waiting for him to come back. It was almost terrifying to think his presence was the only  _human_  presence she could get. The one person she didn't want to be with, she needed in a way. And that made Kagome realize just how twisted life was. You can never escape everything will always catch up to you. Although, she had done her fair share of  _facing_  her fears. She traveled with him, she lived with him. Heck, now she even had daily  _contact_  with him. The only thing they didn't really do was talk.

But she was probably the one who never felt like talking. At least to him. All of his emotions that she felt every time they tried to connect... it formed a ball in her throat and she could never feel comfortable enough.

Sesshomaru wasn't a being she knew to have emotions. To experience what he had felt was draining for Kagome. Also, as time went on, she found herself wondering how this was helpful. Was she supposed to let go and chase the darkness in her heart because he had feelings? It was hardly reason enough.

Still, Kagome did not give up. At least the lessened pains were a small advantages to all of this. Something was better than nothing at all.

She was about to close her eyes to chase away her thoughts, but her stomach growled, letting her know she was hungry. The only problem she found herself facing was, she couldn't order room service. She would like to, but she couldn't talk to them. Usually by the time she got hungry, Sesshomaru was back and he ordered food without even asking her if she was hungry. She couldn't even go down to the restaurant, because she still couldn't order. Kagome frowned, trying to think of a solution to her problem.

The  _driver_.

Kagome had often seen him around, she knew he remained in the hotel's surroundings. Maybe she could ask him? After all, she wasn't sure when Sesshomaru would be back and he trusted that youkai. There was no harm in her trying to provide for herself right? Kagome quickly grabbed a jacket, put it on and made her way downstairs. She reminded herself to be careful, after all, there was a reason why they had to delay their travels. Kagome quickly glanced around before making her way downstairs, the key to the room in her hand.

The rays of the sun harshly hit her face as she arrived outside. She immediately began to look around, trying to find any sign of the car or the driver. There were a lot of people around, so it  _would_  be safe to explore a little further. Youkais wouldn't attack when people surrounded her. On her guard, she began to walk around the hotel, looking for the driver. The more time passed, the less she thought this was a good idea. Surprisingly, she felt a bit safer with Sesshomaru around then she did on her own. She wasn't sure that was a good thing.

Ignoring her thoughts, she walked until she reached the back of the hotel. It was darker, there were bushes and at that moment, she decided she had gone far enough. She ignored the growling of her stomach as she decided it was time for her to head back inside. Kagome turned around, ready to leave, but she felt  _something,_ a bad feeling, a nagging in the back of her head. She couldn't help herself and she slightly turned around. Of course, there was nothing or no one behind her, yet she still didn't feel safe.

Her lips were tightly pressed together, as she examined the area carefully. The bushes weren't moving and there wasn't a sound. But, her instincts were screaming at her, and she trusted them more than she trusted her eyes.

Kagome spun around and took a step forward, her heart hammering in her chest. Nothing changed, nothing moved. Feeling somewhat brave, although it was stupid, she took another step forward. Once again, nothing. She was thinking about giving up, but it didn't sit well with her.  _Leave_  her head was screaming.

She was so engulfed in her thoughts, she didn't see it coming.

Before she knew it, she heard footsteps, and ll of a sudden her face was pressed into something hard. Arms were wrapped around her tightly, her eyes were completely shut. Kagome's heart was pounding like a drum, and her first thought was to use her powers. She almost did. But then, she felt the aura, or the lack of any. She forced herself to open her eyes, quickly realizing who was holding her. It was Sesshomaru. Her lips slightly parted as she began to breath hard and fast.

Where had he come from? Why was he here?

That was when she felt a demonic aura. She wanted to look and turn her head, but she was firmly held in place. After a few more moments, she felt a few more auras, but they were weak. More time passed and the less she felt. All of a sudden, she felt something thick on her cheek. She couldn't reach it because of his hold around her, but she felt it drip down. Once it reached her mouth, she licked her lips.  _Blood_. Her grey eyes widened as she couldn't help but imagine what was going on. One thing she knew was that Sesshomaru wasn't the one fighting. He was too busy holding her.

Although, she still stiffened every time they made contact, ever since they had started that  _connection_  spell she had gotten used to his presence. But it didn't mean she liked it.

Sesshomaru could feel her rage as he held her, but he couldn't let go. Also, he was dealing with his own rage. How could she have been so reckless? Hadn't he told her not to venture out by herself, especially right now? She went out with absolutely no protection, what was she thinking? It was a good thing he had arrived when he had. His driver had told him he had seen Kagome exit the hotel and at the moment, both of them went looking for her. The driver had easily spotted her since he could sense her aura.

But, Kagome's aura hadn't been the only one he detected.

Though he was not fast with human speed, Sesshomaru had rushed to her. She hadn't even seen him coming. The first thing he had thought of was to cover her, so he had wrapped his arms around her and shielded her body from any impact or attack that may come. His back had been the target then instead of her. While Sesshomaru had focused on her safety, the driver began to take care of the little dwarf youkais that were hiding. He knew they would show up eventually. Although this situation would not have been nearly as stressful if the Miko hadn't been alone.

Sesshomaru finally looked away from her to look at the driver. The youkai nodded at him, letting him know it was now safe. Slowly, Sesshomaru released the hold he had on Kagome. It took her a few seconds before she pulled away from him, but when she did, she never gazed his way. Instead, she raised her hand and wiped the blood off her cheek and mouth. Her heart was still pounding as she dared to look in the direction of the massacre. To her surprise and relief, all that could be seen was blood, there were no bodies.

At first, she thought perhaps she imagined it, but when she glanced at the driver, she saw he was covered in blood, and she knew it was real. He had fought. Quickly the youkai turned around, escaping her gaze. It was then that she finally dared to look at Sesshomaru. For the first time since they had been seeing each other in her era, he looked angry. His eyes were narrowed and his lips were tightly pressed together, as if he was containing himself. His green eyes never left her form as he got closer to her.

"Miko, you should go back. It's not safe." His words were harsh, but his expression wasn't as angry anymore.

Kagome glanced around, before putting a hand on her stomach. She absently nodded, before turning around and making her way back inside the hotel. She wasn't doing it to listen to him, but because of the risks. She had put her life and her son's life in danger enough for now. Her pace quickly increased as she rapidly disappeared from Sesshomaru's sight. A small sigh escaped him, before he focused his attention on the matter at hand. His frustration was still present, but he had other things to take care of first.

"How many were there?"

"Five."

Not nearly enough. There had to be a bunch of them still running wild around. Sesshomaru had been extremely kind by allowing that dwarf to live, but it would not be mistake he intended on repeating. Since the miko liked to endanger her life, there wouldn't be a lot of options left for him. The best solution he could think of was to eliminate all of them. Of course, with the decreasing amount of youkais, it was perhaps not the best idea, but he couldn't allow the miko to be harmed or killed. If only she could stop being so reckless.

He rubbed his temples, his eyes tightly shut.

"Remain on standby, I might need to leave."

The driver looked somewhat surprised.

"But Sir, the night will be falling soon."

Sesshomaru sighed as he gazed around. He had forgotten about that small detail. This was perhaps not the best idea, since it involved too many risks, even if he was to release his youki. Maybe it would be best to wait until the sun would rise. Though, if both him and the driver were gone, who would look over the miko and make sure she doesn't do anything? His aggravation was growing and Sesshomaru decided he would deal with problems one at a time. First decision was that he would wait to travel.

"Tomorrow, at dawn, we leave."

It was the only order Sesshomaru gave before he headed into the hotel. He did his best to keep his temper in check, because he knew that was the worst way to deal with her. Nonetheless, it was hard because she was good at infuriating him. After he had carefully explained the dangers to her, she had still walked out, as if it were nothing, with no one by her side. A lot of things could have happened to her if he had been seconds later. Somehow the fates had made sure that he arrived before a tragedy happened.

Didn't she understand that now, since she was so  _down_  and  _pregnant_ , she was vulnerable?

Sesshomaru was aware that it was a difficult concept for her to understand. He had seen her pride and the strength of her spirit, but sometimes, she had to learn to let go. If something happened to her, especially under his watch, he wouldn't be able to forgive himself. His main concern was to help her as he could and to keep her alive. But, she was making both tasks extremely difficult.

He had always expected things to be that way.

Finally, a few moments later, he reached the room. He slowly unlocked the door with his key before opening it. As soon as he gazed inside, he saw the Miko sitting on her bed, looking out the window. He could immediately tell by the look on her face that she was upset. She didn't even look his way when he entered the room and closed the door behind him. Not that he had thought she would have. He closed his eyes, reminding himself that he couldn't really let his anger show. After all, with everything he had put her through, he had little rights to raise his voice at her.

"Miko, we need to talk."

Kagome slowly tilted her head his way. Apparently, she could no longer ignore his presence. She could still feel his arms around her, as if she had been burnt, she didn't like it. Why had he reacted in such a manner and what had the emergency been? Nobody had explained anything to her, she had been chased from the scene. Why did he rush so rapidly to her help? Did he not think she could handle the danger if it came to her? The only thing she had never been able to handle was his beast.

"Then, talk," she finally replied.

Sesshomaru remained calm as he walked over to her, before sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"What were you doing outside?" he inquired, as if he was a parent reprimanding his child. Although, he hadn't intended to sound like that, he was just worried about her well-being.

Her grey eyes met his amber orbs and he could tell her mood was foul.

"I'm allowed outside of this room, you know. I didn't go venturing off in the middle of the  _freaking_  forest. I was  _just outside_  the hotel."

"Yet it was enough for them to try to attack you," he quickly added.

"Them?" she asked, slightly confused. Then it dawned on her, the little youkais. "They were here?"

He nodded.

Alright, maybe now she sounded a little foolish but nonetheless, this whole deal could be blamed on him in the first place.

"Sorry that I was  _hungry_  and that you brought me to a country where nobody understands Japanese!" The urge to cross her arms in front of her chest manifested itself, but she thought it would appear childish, so she stopped herself.

It was also then that she realized something. When had she grown almost  _comfortable_  in his company? She didn't like it, nor enjoy it, but she did not fear him as much. Was it because, for the past few days while trying to get a proper  _connection_  she had to be near him? Or was it because of Kiyoshi? She had came to the conclusion by now that sometimes, her son's feelings could affect her own. Did he feel better with his father around, hence why she was not as edgy when he was close to her?

Kagome wasn't sure it was something she liked, but it was perhaps  _better_.

Sesshomaru slightly nodded his head, agreeing with her. Perhaps his morning  _walks_  had not been the best idea, or at least maybe they were too long. But it was something he required for his mental sanity. Sometimes, especially since she started to try to form a bond, he felt himself suffocating around her. If he was by her side for too long, it was as if he was choking. There was no logical explanation for the feeling, it was just there. He had tried to ignore it, but it never went away. The  _walks_  were the only thing he had been able to come up with.

To be honest the fact that she could not order her own food had completely slipped his mind. He had become so used to using many different languages, that he had been oblivious to others' predicaments. He would rectify that mistake and make sure that breakfast was brought to her every morning.

"Why were you outside? Because you were hungry?" he asked, it was the only part that didn't make much sense to him.

She sighed.

"I was looking for the driver. I thought maybe he could order something for me."

A feeling of guilt rose inside of him, it did not sit well with him. He should have paid more attention to her needs and he hadn't.

"It will not happen again. Someone will bring you breakfast in the morning. But do not make the mistake of going out there again on your own."

As soon as he finished talking, Kagome felt something snap inside of her.

"I'm so sick of this," she said as calmly as she could, before making her way to the edge of the bed.

Silently, she rose to her feet.

"I told you already and I'll tell you again. Why does this matter to you? You let Rin fetch for herself back then. If you see me as her, why can't you let me do the same?"

She didn't want to harm her baby, now that she knew those youkais were following her closely, she'd be more careful, but it didn't erase the fact that she didn't need him to go out. In his human form, he could barely do anything to protect her and in his youkai form, there was a chance that he would harm her. In both situations, she would lose.

He followed her actions and rose to his feet.

"This is different." Sesshomaru had never been aggressive or mean in her presence so far, but it seemed she was a little thick headed. She voluntarily refused to see certain things.

"You are not Rin, Miko." He could see the expression on her face, and it meant she didn't believe him. There were some explanations he would rather not get into, but she often left him no choice.

"When I began the jewel quest, I never knew you were related to Rin. I did it because it had to be completed and in the end, it would be returned to you. I did it because you were you, not her. And now I'm doing it because of what I did to you. This is the apology you won't get from the beast." The guilt was burning him inside.

"The regrets I feel, I admit are mostly because of Rin, I will not lie to you." He had no reason to hide anything from her.

At that moment, Kagome felt her eyes burning, she knew it was because of tears, but she refused to shed them. Why did she feel so torn up inside, why did it hurt so much? He didn't say anything he hadn't said before. It wasn't the part about Rin, it was the part about her. It was always easy to hide his changes behind the fact that he thought she was Rin. But when he did his best to show the distinction, it always left her shaken. Why could she never protect herself from him, from his words?

Sesshomaru slightly frowned at her reaction. Her watery eyes were the last thing he had expected from her. She hardly allowed herself to be weak in front of him and for the first time, he was not sure how to react. So, he remained there still, waiting for her to either move, or talk. He probably wouldn't have moved if he hadn't seen her wince in pain. Immediately, his eyes went on her stomach since it had often been the cause of her suffering.

Meanwhile, Kagome was biting her bottom lip, trying to not let any emotions show on her face. An instant pain had spread through her body. She didn't know where it came from. Slowly, she felt as if her legs were giving up on her and she knew she was losing her strength. The first thing she thought of doing was to sit down on the bed. After she did so, a rush of heat could be felt in her body, she felt flustered. Absently, she brought her hand to her forehead as if to check her body temperature.

It didn't take too long for her vision to become blurred. Kagome reached out for what, for who, she did not know. But then, before she could do anything else, she completely blacked out.

Once Sesshomaru saw her close her eyes and fall on her back, he rushed to the bed. He sat by her side before wrapping an arm around her shoulders so he could lift her up a little. She felt limp in his arms, but he knew she was still alive. Though, he couldn't understand what had caused her to suddenly pass out. It couldn't possibly the pup. He wouldn't harm her life that much, even in distress. Then it hit him. It had worn off. Whatever  _poison_  had been put in her blood, her body was getting rid of it.

But this was one of the worst things possible. It was only the beginning and her body couldn't take it? He knew then that he would have to closely monitor her. Good thing she was not conscious or she would probably not like the way he was about to touch her. Moving around, he positioned her better on the bed so she could fully lay down. It didn't take much contact for him to realize that she was burning up and that she probably had a fever.

Once he made sure she was comfortable, he quickly left for the bathroom.

He soaked a towel and without even squeezing the excess water, he came back by her side. He laid it on her forehead, hoping to cool her down slightly. Sesshomaru didn't have much experience looking after someone since Rin had never really been sick, and the only other person he had ever traveled with was Jaken. But he assumed that most of it was just common sense. Her temperature was high, he had to bring it down, it was that simple. The one thing that worried him was the fact that since she hadn't eaten, she didn't have much energy to  _fight_.

But, right now, he doubted she would wake up. Unless her state got worse, he wouldn't focus on feeding her.

Sesshomaru didn't think it would be right to lay beside her, so, he jeopardized his own comfort by sitting down on the floor. It was a good thing he did not require much sleep, because he would get none today. The sun had been up for only a few hours now and he had a feeling she would not wake up until it was dark once again. Or maybe even the next day. He said she would need a protector for this task, and it was what he would be. He never thought it would be this much of a struggle. She really did seem to attract problems.

Her hand was loosely hanging from the edge of the bed, he found himself staring at it. Perhaps it was because his current position, which made it look exactly like when Rin had died. Quickly, Sesshomaru chased the memory away. It wasn't like it was a bad one, since her death had not been painful, it had been expected. Humans did not live very long. He would have gone deeper into his thoughts, but Kagome's fingers twitched and he seemed to be in an alert state. He looked up, but he saw that her eyes were still closed.

Perhaps the reaction had been caused by her fighting the poison out. He had no doubt she would make it out alive. But he could only wish she would not suffer too much during the struggle. Once again, his eyes were focus on her hands. Many times those tiny hands had been in his, as she tried to make the connection work. She had never really shared with him the whole purpose of it, but he knew if she was willing to go that far, it was important. But he never forced her to tell him why. Actually, he had been extra careful when it came to her. It was that wretched guilt, and maybe his honor too. Whatever it was, he knew he could no longer cause her pain.

With her, he was a different person than he was with the others. He wasn't afraid to be cold with most people, since when they feared or respected him, they did what he asked without asking any questions. But her, well things had always been different and complicated where she was involved.

Her reactions were unpredictable.

Unconsciously, he found himself raising his hand slightly and approaching it to her own.

He knew their recent contacts had helped her with her pain. Although, she had never allowed him to touch her stomach again, not that he minded. He felt a lot more comfortable with his hands  _off_  her. Still, he knew that had helped a lot more than anything else. For many hours, she had not expressed the suffering she had experienced. But for now, she had at least those brief contacts to keep her going. Sesshomaru wished he could check on the child's progress, but he could not. Like always, without his youki, he was restricted.

He had no wish to think about his beast right now. He could focus on it tomorrow when he intended to free it to rid the world of those dwarfs. Maybe the Miko could not be tracked anymore, but he did not trust them. Nobody attacked what was technically his after they had been spared by him. It was as if they refused to acknowledge his power and status. Perhaps him being a Dayoukai meant nothing to humans, but it meant something to youkais. They couldn't ignore it.

He would focus on them tomorrow. He would teach them a lesson then.

As he allowed his thoughts to focus on something else, he found himself pondering about the Miko.

Why couldn't she properly form the bond? Was it because of her lack of control of her powers or was it because of him? If he could he would have done it, but even with his youki, he doubted he could form a connection. It was most likely reserved for monks and mikos. Yet right now, in his human state, he had the uncontrollable urge to try it. It would be a futile attempt, he already was aware of that. But, his own hands were twitching. But why would he want to do it? What would that bring to him?

He did not even know the purpose of the connection.

And Sesshomaru wasn't even aware that Kagome was never the one controlling the bond.

He pondered over the issue for a few seconds. Would it be right to touch her, even if it was just her hand, while she was asleep? She would probably despise the thought of it if she was awake. Perhaps that was where the key lay. While she was conscious, her hatred for him blocked him from accessing any of her thoughts. Maybe while asleep, she would have no control of it and a break through could be made. It would be quick and if it did not work, she never needed to know about it.

But sneaking like that was undignified.

It wasn't like him.

Yet, he went through with it. He extended his arm, and pushed the palm of his hand against hers. Right away he could feel the warmth coming from her and he did not like it. Nonetheless, he pushed the thought aside. His mind needed to be empty at the moment. Without his youki, he wasn't sure how to do this. His eyes were tightly shut as he tried to get a feeling, but all he could feel was her hot skin. He could have given up right away, he didn't though. He tried to find a way to concentrate his human energy.

Then suddenly he felt a tingle in his fingers, it was as if it was burning him. Sesshomaru opened his eyes right away and was surprised to find a glow surrounding her hand. But it was not her usually pinkish purple color. Instead, it was  _green_? He frowned slightly before getting closer to her hand, while not breaking the contact they had. This was not her aura. Yet, it felt as if it was the same she always had when they tried to form a connection. If this wasn't her aura, there was only one possibility. It was the pup's.

But how…..  _why….._.

He was not developed enough. There was no way the pup could channel his energy and aura. Even  _if_ , which was ridiculous, was a full youkai, he shouldn't be able to do that.

So, was this the reason why it never worked, because it was never the miko's own energy? Was that why he was refused access to her mind? He tightened the grip he had on her hand, before focusing all his attention on trying to reach out to the pup. He doubted this would work since without his youki they could not  _share_. If only he could get the pup to stop transferring his aura, then perhaps the Miko's would emerge, this would work. He kept repeating his words in his mind, hoping that the fact that he was the father would be enough to reach out to him.

And then it happened.

Slowly, the color around her hand changed. It was not purple, but it was not green either. It looked like a shade of orange and Sesshomaru wondered if it was because the two auras merged. Though, it shouldn't have happened. The pup had youkai blood and she was human. Their auras should have been clashing not merging. But before Sesshomaru could deepen his thoughts, something else occurred. The surge of their auras was transferred to him, before he knew it, his mind became filled with a blur of memories.

It had all happened so fast.

He couldn't tell what the memories where because first of all, they weren't his and second, it was going too fast. All he was getting were blurred flashes, as if he was getting a glimpse of her entire life. His mind felt dizzy as if it was too much of a rush of information, but he was hopeless to stop it. He tried to pull away from her hand, in an attempt to break the contact, but it was as if their hands were glued together. As if someone refused to let him  _not_  see this. Feelings were stirring up inside of him, which he was not familiar with. He had never experienced them before.

Suddenly, the pain he felt in his hand had increased. It was as if someone was burning the skin of his hand, he had never felt anything like that before. For the first time in a long time, he felt a real panic inside of him as he almost thought that he could never be free from that suffering. He was suffocating, he was stuck. Once again, he tried to pull away from her hand, but this time, he was graced with the chance of being able to escape. Because of the strength he had used to pull away, he found himself harshly falling back against the bed side table.

His head received most of the shock, but his attention was focused on something else. As soon as he recovered from the hit, he lifted his hand and stared at it. It was completely red, but that was not the most shocking thing. It was burnt. It hadn't been an illusion of a feeling. He had actually been burnt by her powers. But it didn't make any sense, he was in his human form, he had no youki. Miko powers weren't meant to hurt humans. Perhaps it was because Kiyoshi's aura was mixed in there. But why would the pup hurt him?

Sesshomaru would have probably focused more on his injured head if he hadn't felt something fall down on his sleeve. He looked down and he saw a wet spot forming. Somewhat confused, he looked up at the ceiling, almost expecting a leak. But there was nothing. Never could it have occurred to him that it was coming from himself. But when he felt something roll down his cheek, he could no longer ignore it. He brought his hand, the one which was not injured, to his cheek and wiped it off. The wetness transferred to his hand.

His eyes widened, as if he refused to admit it. This was not happening. It couldn't be happening. It wasn't something he could do. His hand was slightly shaking as he felt more  _water_  dripping down his sleeve.

He was crying.

He never cried.

Never.

-B-


	36. The Other You

_Warmth._

_Love._

_She found herself overwhelmed by those feelings. It was strange because they were new. It was not the same as if her mother was showering her with them. It was new and different in its own way. She didn't know how to deal with it, so instead of fighting those good emotions, she allowed them to envelope her._

_Kagome felt a serenity and peace inside of her that she had not experienced in a long time. It was as if there was no longer a storm inside of her heart. She could stop and take the time to breathe. As she glanced at her surroundings, she noticed she was in a field._

_The smell of freshly cut grass was floating in the air, the wind was blowing a gentle breeze, causing her dress to slightly elevate past her knees. Kagome looked down at her stomach, only to see her bulge. Her baby, her son._

_Gently, she allowed herself to sit down near a patch of yellow flowers, which resemble the ones she had given to Sango. She lifted her hand and softly played with the petals. A smile adorned her face as she slowly closed her eyes._

_It was as if a mist was circling her, offering her the comfort she needed. Before she knew it, Kagome was laying on her back in the grass. She stretched out her whole body, before a sigh of contentment escaped her lips._

_This was freedom._

_No fear, no pain, no memories._

_Memories of what? She wasn't sure. But in the back of her mind, a nagging voice was telling her that something bad had happened in her past. Although she tried, she could not remember it. At that point she decided it was perhaps best to not know. Why else would her brain block that memory from her?_

_Deciding she had wasted enough time on something that no longer existed, she cleared her mind once more._

_Her world would have probably been perfect if it hadn't been for that one little feeling that manifested itself. It was full of darkness and sorrow, but somehow it wasn't hers. Quickly, she opened her eyes and sat up in the field. Her eyes searched for the location of the feeling, even though it was insane to look for something that did not exist._

_Then all of a sudden, it hit her._

_The feeling, it was guilt._

_But why would she feel guilt? There was nothing she had done, that she could remember, that she should feel guilty for. Had she done wrong to someone? Had she made a mistake she wished to erase? No. The more time passed, the more she knew this wasn't her feelings._

_But whose feelings were they?_

_From the looks of things, she was alone. Nobody else was with her, it was her field, her peaceful moment. A feeling of panic manifested itself inside of her and it broke the moment of serenity she had been experiencing. Now dark emotions were forming inside of her once more._

_Kagome rose to her feet with difficulty because of her stomach. There was not a tree in sight. Whoever was there could not hide…so could it be that they weren't there? Was this all a product of her imagination? Her heart was hammering inside of her chest, as her thoughts ran wild._

_As she took a pause to analyze the situation, it was then that it came crashing upon her. The strength of the feeling, it was something more than guilt coming with it. It was so horrible that she felt her heart squeeze in pain. Kagome reached out for her chest and held on tightly._

_She had clearly been upset a few moments ago, but right now, she felt pain. But not for herself. No, it was for whoever was experiencing such a sorrow. Nobody should have to put up with such a burden. Tears were stinging her eyes as she felt her own pain grow._

_This person had to be good, otherwise, they would not feel such regret. Kagome believed a lot could be forgiven. Whoever was suffering deserved to be free from their pain. With a firm attitude, she decided to find that person and help them. Nobody should have to suffer on their own. Perhaps she could help._

_Before she knew it, Kagome began to run. She had no destination and she didn't know where she was heading, but she was running. It was as if her heart were guiding her in the right direction. She wouldn't ask any questions, she would simply follow it._

_Her legs were quickly getting tired, but she didn't give up._

_Then it happened._

_The whole sky changed color. Instead of the bright blue it had been, it was now filling into black. The white clouds were disappearing and being engulfed. Panicked, she stopped running and glanced around. What was going on? But, before she could ask herself more questions, a sharp pain went through her heart._

_She gasped._

_She knew this pain._

_Kagome had experienced it a_ long time _ago. She didn't know when though. She remembered Sango was there, and Miroku. But who else? She wasn't sure. All she knew was that something strange had happened the previous day and then she had found herself on her knees on the ground. A sharp pain had taken hold of her heart, and everyone had been so worried about her._

_This was the same pain._

_Quickly, she dropped to the ground and she was unable to stop the tears rolling down her cheeks. Kagome had never been so confused. What was happening? Why was she hurt? Her mind was a complete blank, she knew she was missing some of the pieces of her puzzle._

_"WHAT IS IT!" she screamed to no one in particular._

_Then, out of the blue, feet appeared in her line of sight. Kagome slowly raised her head before looking up. All she could see was bright silver hair, shining amber eyes. She knew this face. But form where?_

_The stranger bent down slightly before offering her his hand to help her up. She hesitated for a few seconds before grabbing hold of it. With one swift motion, he helped her on her feet. No matter how hard Kagome tried, she couldn't look away from him. Something about him was hypnotizing her._

_It was then that she noticed the magenta stripes on the side of his face. Was he not human? Why did it not scare her? Shyly, yet bold at the same time, she closed some of the distance between them. Slowly she raised her hand and bit down on her bottom lip. Would she dare?_

_His eyes were set on her and he refused to look away. His eyes were so gentle, so loving. Did he know her? He was staring at her as if he had been waiting forever. Could it be? Was he the missing part of her memory? He seemed so protective, and strong. Why would she have forgotten about him?_

_With a sigh, she managed to provide herself with the required courage, to touch his face. Her fingertips were on the first stripe of his left cheek, before she knew it, she traced it. It felt incredibly smooth. A tiny smile appeared on her face as she completely forgot she was touching him._

_One by one, she traced the marks._

_Every time, unknown to her, the pain in her heart lessened._

_Then, too fast for her to see, he grabbed hold of her hand. A gasp escaped her, as she watched him carefully. He was not hurting her, or squeezing, he was just holding her hand. Then he approached his mouth to her fingers and before she knew it, he kissed every finger one by one._

_"You're happy," he finally said._

_She frowned._

_"I wasn't happy?" Why was she referring to the past as if she knew he knew her?_

_He shook his head softly, before releasing her hand. Her arm fell to her side, but she paid no attention to anything else except his eyes. Shouldn't they be another color?_

_"You haven't smiled in a while." He finally looked away from her. "Are you not afraid?" he inquired his back facing her._

_"Why would I be scared of you?" she asked, confused. Had he harmed her?_

_He didn't move._

_"You shouldn't. At least, not of me."_

_At that moment, she heard his voice break and she realized he was the one feeling the sorrow and regret. The emotions she had felt earlier, they were his. Tears appeared in her eyes again, before she walked closer to him. She surprised both him and herself, by putting her hand on his back._

_"I'm not afraid of you," she whispered so softly._

_He turned around, almost looking shocked. Kagome had so many questions for him, but he didn't let her ask any. Instead he rapidly wrapped his arms around her, pressing their bodies together. Her heart was pounding as she watched his expression. Was he going to kiss her?_

_Why didn't it bother her?_

_She wanted to ease his suffering, she wanted to comfort him._

_And he did it. He bent down slowly, before capturing her lips with his. It was soft, it was sweet, it was tender. Kagome loosely wrapped her arms around his neck and he deepened the kiss. She wanted this, she needed this. For a second, she felt whole. It was as if this was where she belonged. Here, in his arms._

_Her rightful place._

_She felt his fangs graze along her bottom lip and she shivered. At first, it felt good, but then, his hands went lower on her back. All of a sudden, her eyes snapped open. Her mind began to fill with flashbacks. Was this her, was this her life? She could see herself screaming, begging someone to stop. Her eyes were red, she was screaming, out of breath. She looked broken._

_As she relived the moment, Kagome began to cry._

_Then she saw him._

_There he was, except his eyes were a bright red. He looked determined as he covered her body with his, ignoring her pleas. Who was he?_

_The emotions too strong, she pulled away from the kiss. The stranger looked at her, confused. Kagome searched his eyes, searched his soul. Slowly, she raised her hand and covered her mouth. It couldn't be him. The other one was evil. He wasn't. He loved her. He had been so gentle, he was hurt._

_He was suffering as well._

_"You can't be him."_

_His expression didn't change._

_"You're afraid now?" His tone was bittersweet._

_"I'm not scared." She was terrified, but not of him. Why not?_

_He carefully walked in her direction, as if he waited for her to run away at any moment. But she didn't. When he was finally in front of her, he put his hands on her shoulders. Then, he pressed his forehead against hers. His eyes were intensively looking into hers and she found herself forgetting to breathe._

_"Who am I?"_

_The question should have surprised her. She shouldn't have an answer for it, but she did._

_"Sesshomaru."_

_As soon as she said his name, her heart shattered into pieces. Why did it hurt so much to say his name? Why did she feel so many different things towards him. Every single one of her emotions were conflicting when it came to him. Who was he? What did they share?_

_"Why can't I remember?"_

_He glanced away._

_"If you do, you will not be at peace." He gazed back in her direction, and could tell she was confused._

_"You are seeking serenity. If you remember, you will suffer again. You're protecting yourself."_

_"I don't want to remember." It wasn't her speaking. The words escaped before she could even think._

_Their eyes met._

_"You have to."_

_Tears began to flow out of her eyes. It hurt too much to want to remember. She didn't want to. What had he done to her? Why did she feel so alone? She dropped to the ground, panic filling her. This was not right. Things weren't the way they were supposed to be._

_"I don't want to remember!"_

_"I DON'T WANT TO REMEMBER!"_

"I DON'T WANT TO REMEMBER!"

Her eyes were wide open. She didn't want to remember? Kagome looked around at her surroundings, before realizing she was in the bed at the hotel. Suddenly, she felt a lot less stressed. She gently closed her eyes, telling herself it was a bad nightmare. She would have probably believed it if it hadn't been for the hand touching hers.

Kagome's eyes traveled to her hand only to see Sesshomaru and her were holding hands. And at that precise moment she felt as if her heart had ceased to beat. When had this happened? Why had it happened?

Movement brought her out of her thoughts.

Kagome watched as Sesshomaru opened his eyes, looking confused.

What in the world had just happened? Sesshomaru brought one of his hands to his head and rubbed it slightly. Did he dream? He didn't even remember falling asleep. At that point, he realized something was  _attached_  to his hands. He raised his eyes and was graced with the sight of their hands joined together.

His first reaction was to look up at Kagome. He could see the panic in her eyes, but she was not uttering a word. He also noticed she looked confused. Slowly, he released her hand from his, knowing it would make her feel more comfortable. Sesshomaru decided to ask the question he shouldn't.

"What happened?"

Her grey eyes seemed to twinkle as she shook her head.

"I had a nightmare."

Sesshomaru frowned. A nightmare? He almost felt like closing his eyes, thinking how this was not happening.

"Were we in a field?"

At his question, her lips slightly parted. How did he know? She nodded, panicked.

"How do you know?"

He knew it, this was not a dream.

"Miko, you didn't dream nor have a nightmare. I believed it worked."

It took Kagome a few seconds to understand what he was referring to, but when she did, her eyes widened.

"The connection?" No, it didn't make any sense. They had one before, it wasn't like this, That wasn't right, she didn't even know who he was in the nightmare. And they had… "kissed."

A tiny blush appeared across her cheeks once she realized she said that out loud. But of course, a small frustration quickly appeared inside of her. There was no way this could be the connection. Never in a million years would she have kissed him of her own free will. She could still remember that moment very well. It was almost as if she could still feel his lips on hers.

This had been a nightmare.

Sesshomaru remembered the kiss as well. But he knew this was no nightmare. It had been very well. If it was a dream, why would they have both experienced it. No, it was the connection. It had never worked before. It had always been one way, but for the very first time, they had both experienced it.

He had unlocked his own self.

He had shed tears.

It had to be that, because it was after wards that he had fallen unconscious and had felt this  _dream_. It was real.

"Miko, this is the connection. The purpose of it is for you to free yourself of the… _darkness_  correct?"

She nodded.

"In the dream, did you remember what it did to you?"

"No," she whispered. No matter how hard she had tried to re-call her past, she hadn't been able to.

"You didn't want to remember. Your goal is to be serene, you had that inside that fake world. If you remembered, you would have shattered the world. The connection is showing you your feelings. You want peace, but you are not willing to face darkness. You  _didn't_  want to remember."

As she processed his words, she realized he was right. It killed her to admit such a thing, but it was the truth. She didn't want to know, she had felt so good for the first time in so many years. She didn't want to ruin her happiness. Although, it didn't explain most of her actions.

"The connection creates a dream world _?"_

He didn't have all of the answers unfortunately.

"I do not know." He sighed. "Perhaps it's a world controlled by our emotions. We can only access it when we are in an unconscious state."

She nodded absently, as she chewed on her bottom lip. Kagome did not like the way things were progressing.

"So until the  _me_  in that  _world_  wants to remember, I can't move on? It will constantly happen?"

"I do not know yet Miko. But I do know that there is no other you. It is yourself. Except there is no lie. You do not wish to remember, so she doesn't. Until you want to, she will not."

It was the only choice. She had accepted the reality of things when she had decided to attempt to make a connection. If she said yes then, her choice remained the same now. Thou apparently it would be harder than expected because she had to do all the work. She had to want to forgive him.

All those feelings he had made her experience in the dreamworld… it was a side of him she had never seen and it terrified her. Kagome had always been afraid of another Sesshomaru. As if she didn't want to forget the monster she had once known.

But she had to.

She was sick of this vicious circle. Kagome had to accept that Sesshomaru had changed. Apparently there was a lot about him she didn't know. The point of the connection was to allow her to see and experience enough to forget and forgive.

It would take a lot of her strength, but for her own sake, she had to do it.

She slightly nodded, making up her mind. She could do this. Next time it happened, she would force herself to remember. She wouldn't run away from it anymore. Nobody asked her to love him, just to forgive, and move on. She should be able to do that.

"I will."

The determination in her eyes was something he hadn't seen in a long time. Slowly, he rose from the ground and sat down on his own bed. The experience had been quite emotional, even for him. He still couldn't believe that he had kissed the Miko. Granted it hadn't actually happened, but nonetheless.

Her happiness had been his priority. His heart had melted when she had smiled at him. Could it be that his own emotions were mixed with his beast as well? Although it was locked away, the connection might affect it. It had felt as if certain emotions hadn't belonged to him.

But he wouldn't back away from this.

Sesshomaru had promised Kagome he would help her with this and he would. He was becoming more involved than he thought, but it didn't matter. If it helped her, he would do it. He just hoped he was ready to face whatever would happen in that  _other world_.

As a sigh escaped his lips, he found himself staring at the window. The sunlight was coming through as the sunrise finished. At that moment, he was reminded of a task he had imposed himself last night. He had to take care of those youkai's.

All of them. Dead.

Although Sesshomaru was pretty sure the poison had left her body and it was now safe, he knew they couldn't be trusted, that the best way to avoid any incident was to kill them all. But he knew the Miko. She valued life. If he told her what he intended to do, she would be against the idea.

But he was his own person.

Slowly, he rose to his feet, and without glancing her way, he walked in direction of the door. Sesshomaru could feel Kagome's eyes on him, but she did not say a word.

Confused, Kagome watched him walk away from her. Why was he leaving? Had something occurred that she was not aware of? Of perhaps they had plans for the day? Although that would be surprising since she was technically not allowed outside. And frankly, she didn't want to endanger her baby again.

"I have some business to attend to."

It wasn't a lie. He was simply not giving away any information. His eyes met her for a brief instant, before he opened the door, and disappeared.

Kagome wasn't sure where he had gone to, but she had a bad feeling about it. His tone had been too different. The urge to follow was pressing, but she reminded herself of Kiyoshi. If she went outside in the wild by herself, it would not be safe.

She put both of her hands on her stomach, before rubbing it slightly. He was her one source of comfort. The one good thing Sesshomaru and his beast had brought in her life. She would always be grateful for this gift of life and she would cherish her son every day.

"Do you think your father can be trusted?" she asked, her voice barely audible.

If one person knew, it was Kiyoshi. After all, wasn't he partial in this? Kagome found herself wishing he could answer her. But the only answer she would have needed to come from her.

She needed to make up her mind.

She allowed him to touch her before, well her stomach. She had not died from it. Also, so far, he had done nothing to harm her and he had protected her a few times. As long as Sesshomaru was the only one involve, she could trust him.

Maybe she could give him a chance.

One. Only one.

-B-

Vengeance.

For his mate, for her pain, for her suffering.

His eyes were bleeding red, as his claws made contact with the last neck. As soon as the head rolled down onto the floor, a feeling of satisfaction filled him. They would not harm her again. They would not endanger her again. He glanced around at his work, satisfied. All of them had paid.

He had warned them, given them a chance to make it out alive. They had refused.

But enough time had been wasted on them. He didn't know how much time he had left and he wanted to make it back to her. He was dying to be by her side. He didn't want to be pulled away from her again. Too long they had been separated. He wanted, he  _needed_  her warmth.

It didn't take him long to take off and hurried as much as he could. He hated this, the fact that he was being locked away. He would break free, he would find a way. Sesshomaru had too much control and it displeased him. This was supposed to be by his rules.

Their mate suffered, he could feel it deep inside. And so did the pup.

Sesshomaru didn't know how to take care of them properly, but he did.

It was he who was supposed to be by her side during those difficult times. He was supposed to provide her with comfort and love. At the moment, she was not getting any of those.

Sesshomaru increased his speed. He was still way too far. He cursed himself, wishing there was something he could do to speed up the process. He couldn't let her slip through his fingers, not again. His desire to see her and hold her was making his heart ache.

When was the last time he kissed her?

Felt her skin?

Too long.

Her scent, he missed it. All of his thoughts seemed to boost his energy and his speed increased again. He would make it. He would get to see her before he would be selfishly pulled away from her.

A few minutes later he did. He could see the hotel, his heart was hammering. He could feel her, he could smell her. He was aware that he could smash the window to get to her faster, but it would not be right. Plus, it would scare her.

He was still heartbroken and betrayed, but he did not wish bad emotions upon her. She was his mate and he loved her. He would make things right. Of course, she would need to be forgiven for her actions, but still. He would make her love him.

One thing for sure was that he wouldn't allow her to fool him again. This time, he would make sure that he had all of her, not just a lie, not just a façade. His whole body was craving for her, he had to answer the demand. His heart was beating for her. Only her.

Sesshomaru landed near the hotel rushing inside. He knew which room was his and immediately ran for it. He allowed her scent to guide him, he felt overwhelmed with every breath he took. She was inches away from him.

After being awaken from his hundred years slumber, he now felt impatient. He knew what he wanted, he wanted it now. He might have been calmer the last time, but not anymore. He was more aware of the situation and he wouldn't waste any moments.

Once he finally reached the door he almost smirked. He put his hand on the handle and swung the door open. Apparently it shocked Kagome because she gasped. She turned around, ready to see Sesshomaru, but saw someone else.

His red eyes looking at her, his attention focused on her.

Kagome's lips slightly parted, as she tried to find something to say. What business could he have to do that involved him using his youkai? Or had he been out by himself and he had happened to be attacked, which required him to use his beast?

Her heart was pounding like crazy inside of her chest. He had been gone for a while, there couldn't possibly be much time left on the timer, right? He had to transform soon. A familiar fear took hold of her and she would have succumbed to the darkness if it hadn't been for a little voice in the back of her mind.

She couldn't.

She had to overcome this. It was true that it was harder with the beast than with Sesshomaru, but she couldn't let this destroy the little progress she had made. Maybe she could try talking to it? After all, it had worked in the past.

 _But_ , it was hard to form the words, hard to breathe. Did she really have that kind of strength hidden inside of her? She had to  _try_ , she had to  _push_.

"Se-Sesshomaru?" she asked, stuttering.

He seemed pleased that she spoke to him. Slowly, Sesshomaru walked to her, his eyes this time on her stomach. It had grown since the last time, but that wasn't right. The pup shouldn't be developing that fast. He frowned as he kept walking, as he wondered how that was possible.

Kagome felt nervous as she watched his expression. Was something wrong with the pup? She swallowed her fear and decided she had to work up the courage to ask.

"Is something wrong with Kiyoshi?" she inquired, her voice nearly breaking.

She knew he could hear the fear in her voice, but her son's well being was more important.

Sesshomaru surprised her by putting his hand on her bulging stomach. She flinched slightly under the touch, but did not move, mostly because she was completely  _frozen_  in place. She did her best to keep her composure as he pressed his hand harder. At the moment, she remembered when Sesshomaru had touched her stomach to soothe her pain away.

It had been different.  _He_  had been different.

Suddenly she was pulled out of her thoughts when a white glow appeared around his hand. It reminded her of the last time he had done that. That time, she had been too much in shock to ask any questions, but this time she would, because she  _could_.

Her emotions were a whirlpool inside of her, but she was pushing those thoughts aside.

"What are you doing?"

His eyes flickered to her, he offered her what seemed like a smile. His mate was so concerned for the well being of their pup. He knew being a mother would make her happy. She was born to be one and he was the one that satisfied that wish for her.

" **I'm soothing the pup's aura with my own. No harm is coming to him _._** "

The pup was strong, there was no doubt about that, but something was off about its development. He seemed to far ahead for a hanyou. It was as if he had weeks, a month to go. Not months like he was supposed to. He frowned again, before removing his hand away from her stomach.

" **You shouldn't keep him from me _._** "

He didn't need to explain further. She knew he meant they needed a stronger bond. But how could she?

Sesshomaru wrapped his arms around her waist and brought their bodies together. The feeling of her in his arms, he had missed it. He had craved it. She was his, no one else's. He then proceeded to nuzzle his face in the crook of her neck and he groaned.

Her flesh felt so soft and tender. It was warm.

Kagome was frozen in his embrace, her heart wanting to explode, to escape her chest. She knew she couldn't pull away from him, but she couldn't allow him to do anything to her. The tears, were stinging her eyes and no matter how hard it was, she made up her mind. She refused to go down that path again. She gathered her courage and lifted her hands, pressing them on his chest. Before he knew it, she was trying to push him away.

This time he growled against her skin. He had missed the contact, why didn't  _she_  need it?

" **You're _mine_.** "

She shook her head.

"My body bears your mark, but you'll never have my heart."

The calm tone she had used actually surprised her. For a second, it had almost seemed as if she was in control around him. Truth was, she was completely terrified. Her legs wanted to give up, she wanted to run away. But for once, she had spoken the truth to him. If only he could understand.

This time, he pulled away from her so he could look her in the eyes.

" **You always refuse to submit to me _._** " All females eventually came to an understanding, but she never did.

" **You can't remove the mark, or get rid of the child you carry**."

"I would  _never_  want to get rid of my child!" she nearly screamed. The thought brought tears to her eyes, immediately her hands made their way to her stomach, she held it in a protective manner. How could anyone even think something like that?

" **But I gave you that child. I am the father _._** " He couldn't understand why it was fine to carry his heir, but not to be his mate.

"The child is innocent, he is mine."

He seemed to glare at her, but before he could do anything else, a familiar feeling took over. He was going to be trapped again. Sesshomaru's anger rose inside of him, before he growled. Not again. Why was this happening? He looked at his mate and found her staring at him. Actually not at him, at something  _on_  him. He followed her line of sight, and saw the watch.

He was being trapped by this?

Quickly he took hold of it, ready to rip it off, but it wouldn't bulge. He couldn't, yet he tried again. His frustration grew, but before he knew it, his power was leaving him. His hold on the watch weakened and before he knew it, he couldn't stand on his own two legs.

He quickly dropped to his knees, held his head like he had done the previous time. Kagome watched, almost afraid to move. She couldn't help but feel relieved that nothing else had happened. Once again, fifteen minutes seemed way too long.

A few moments later his hair changed color, she watched as he slowly rose to his feet. From the look of things, he didn't look very happy that the beast had had a chance to make it to the hotel. He hadn't thought that slaughtering them all would have been that quick.

But, at least no harm had come to the Miko. Also, unlike last time, it seemed she had held her ground better, which he felt relieved. Although, the beast could be very unpredictable, if she provoked him, he couldn't guarantee her safety.

Once he was completely back in control of himself, he looked at her. He could see the worry and confusion in her grey orbs, he knew she wanted an explanation. He sighed heavily, before walking past her. He would not lie, he had no need to. He could do as he pleased, as long as she was not harmed in the process.

"I got rid of the threat. It was necessary."

It took her a few seconds to realize what he was talking about.

"You killed them?"

"Most of them." He knew she wouldn't understand. "Miko, they were hiding around, following you, and everything you did. There are still some of them out there. We still need to be careful." He paused. "The shard corrupted them. I spared their life, yet they tried to kill you."

She shook her head. "They could have snapped out of it. It wasn't their fault."

He could easily hear the anger in her voice. Sesshomaru feared the small progress they had done was ruined.

"Miko, it might not be their fault, but they could not be brought back. For hundreds of years they have cherish the darkness. Your life meant nothing to them. Kiyoshi's life meant nothing to them. If I had not come yesterday, both you and the pup would be dead."

It seemed that the mention of Kiyoshi seemed to make her see things from a different perspective. Kagome liked to preserve life, even though she had been reckless with hers a few times… Kiyoshi's life was not something she wanted to sacrifice.

But she couldn't help but feel as if Sesshomaru had no heart. He had killed all these people, with no remorse. But he says he did it to protect her and Kiyoshi. She found herself conflicted, wondering if that made him lean towards the good side, or the bad side.

Although she had said she would give him a chance, she found herself torn.

She felt a tingle in her heart as she thought about all those who lost their lives today. But if his words were true, somehow she did believe they were, Kiyoshi and her would have been the ones dead if nothing had been done. Although she was glad to be alive, she would never consider killing as a solution.

Very few people deserved to die.

She didn't even put Sesshomaru in that category.

With an ache in her heart, she slowly nodded, before walking back to the bed, where she sat down. She had to forget about this, or she wouldn't be able to move on with her plans. She wouldn't be able to forgive and forget. All she had to do was focus on the fact that he did it for her and the baby's sake.

Of course, the thought left a bittersweet taste in her mouth, but she ignored it.

Sesshomaru found himself somewhat relieved by her reaction. He had almost expected yelling, to be honest, he didn't know how much of it he could take. He knew he was the one who hurt her and he was willing to suffer most of her wrath but… he never was a submissive person.

The more time passed, the more his senses irked him.

He wouldn't lash out at her, but maybe his control would slip. He would do his best to keep himself in check. At least they would be finally leaving this country and this hotel room. Perhaps the change of air and surroundings were what they needed.

"You can pack your bags," he said, as he began to collect his stuff for a shower. He wanted to wash the blood off of himself.

She arched an eyebrow. "My bags?"

He nodded.

"The poison wore off last night. We are safe to travel again." He paused. " _Safer_ ," he said, correcting himself. With some of the dwarf youkai's still alive they had to be careful. But they wouldn't be as easily traceable.

Kagome couldn't help the relief that washed over her. No more sickness, no more poison to affect her child. At least she was happy to know it hadn't done anything to Kiyoshi. If it had, she knew the beast would have said something earlier.

Although she despised it, he always mentioned if the pup was in distress. This time, he hadn't said anything at all. Though, she could recall him looking a little surprised… But it could be anything. Maybe her son was a little stronger than he should be? Or maybe weaker?

Which ever one it was, she would love him no matter what.

She raised her head, a storm of feelings inside of her. She carefully watched as Sesshomaru picked up new clothes and a towel. She couldn't really remember ever seeing him take a shower. Then again, he had most nights to do it, since he didn't require much sleep.

Kagome easily spotted the blood on his hands, but she forced herself to look away. She would not do this. She would not focus on the bad. She forced a neutral expression on her face before announcing the news to him. Maybe he would show some emotion?

"I will."

Her voice caught him off guard, slowly he turned around. He searched her face for an answer, but he found none.

"I'll give you a chance to show me the new you." She breathed out heavily. "One chance is all you get," she warned. "If you ruin it, you'll never get another one." She wouldn't let herself be dragged through  _shit_  again.

One try was all he would get from her. She had already given enough.

The tiniest smirk appeared on Sesshomaru.

"One it shall be then, Miko." With those words said, he closed the door of the bathroom, cutting himself from her line of sight.

Well that was an unexpected development.

He only had one word for it.  _Hn_.

-B-


	37. Second Chances

Planes were taking off, people were rushing out, employees made announcements and the world was moving at a rushing pace as Kagome and Sesshomaru finally resumed their traveling ways.

After many delays and unplanned events, they were finally able to make their way to their second location, which was Australia. Now that nobody could locate her, that  _problem_  had harshly been taken care of by Sesshomaru, there was no harm in traveling the world once again. Although Kagome could still not purify the jewel yet, it was still safer  _complete_  with her, than broken, with shards hidden in the world.

Currently, they were heading for their plane in complete silence. It was how things had mostly been since Sesshomaru had come back in his  _youkai form_. After the small talk they shared where she told him he would have  _one_  chance to prove he was different, they had not spoken. Kagome had assumed that after what she had said, he didn't know how to break the ice. It did not bother her much, though. Even thou she was a social person, right now his silence was much welcomed. Kagome knew what she had agreed to, but it was still difficult.

For the next little while, she would have to forget everything she knew about him. She needed to allow him to show his new self.

Deep inside, there was still a part of her which refused to believe he had changed, nonetheless, she would make the effort. She had said something, and she would stick to it, no matter how difficult it would be. Plus,  _something_  else would be keeping her busy.  _If_  they succeeded in doing it right again.

The other day Sesshomaru and her had apparently managed to form a perfect connection, but she had no idea how it had happened since she had been unconscious. They needed to do it again,  _explore_  that world, until she was ready to remember what the  _other_  her had forgotten. Of course, they would not be able to do so until they reached their next destination, which was supposed to be Melbourne. She knew it because Sesshomaru had told her during the brief two seconds he had spoken to her.

At least he had told her their plans. But Melbourne was as far as she knew. He didn't inform her of the location of the shard, nor how to obtain it. But at this point, Kagome was pretty much ready for anything.

As they got on board the plane, Kagome felt some people stare at her, unaware of what was going through their minds. Why was such a heavily pregnant woman doing traveling? They had remained in India for over a week and during that time period, her body had kept on changing. She realized that every day, her belly grew bigger. In a way it worried her, because from what Sesshomaru had said, she was months away from her due date, yet, she looked a month away at the most. None of it made sense.

As per usual, Kagome ignored the stares, as she followed Sesshomaru to their seats. Just like last time, he gave her the window seat, so, she slid in the aisle before him. A tiny sigh escaped her lips as she sat down, before resting her head against the headrest. Sesshomaru took the seat next to her, but she didn't look at him. Instead, she was glancing at the window, watching the sight in front of her for the last time. She doubted she'd travel this far again after this shard hunt was over with.

Quickly, she found herself drifting away in her own thoughts. She could still remember clearly the beast and their little confrontation from the previous night. For the first time in a while, Kagome had felt a strength inside of her when she had talked to him. Although she hadn't been as provocative with him, she hadn't coward in fear as much. She had actually remained there and talked to him. Never did she believe herself able to do this, not after everything that had happened. It felt good to have a little bit of her old self back. She wanted more.

Though she hadn't been a mess after seeing the beast, it did not mean she was immune to him. He could still hurt her and they both knew it. It would be easy for him to overpower her at any given time. But maybe, if she didn't let him see her fear, he wouldn't think about it. What if what he had been exploiting this whole time was her weaknesses? The more she thought about it, the more sense it made. He abused her more when she was weak. After all, when she had put her foot down some five hundred years ago, she had asked him to stop  _using_  her body and instead to  _court_  her in normal human ways, he had accepted.

When she had shown initiative and authority, he had listened.

He only ignored her pleas when she was weak, crying and miserable. Of course, he still tried to protect her, stop her pain, but he had always been the one to create them in the first place. He had only listened when she was firm and demanding. Maybe if she remained that way around him, he wouldn't think about putting her through hell again. It would be a possibility to consider next time she would come face to face with the beast. Although, she hoped it wouldn't be too soon. Perhaps next time, they would be able to fight and retrieve the shard without  _it_.

As Kagome went deeper into her thoughts, she didn't realize that Sesshomaru was glancing at her from the corner of his eye.

Her words from the previous night were still ringing in his mind, he couldn't stop them from echoing through. His first question was,  _did she mean it_? It could have been on the spure of the moment, after seeing the beast and now, she regretted it. But maybe it was true, maybe it was part of her healing process. To be perfectly honest, Sesshomaru understood that it was hard for her to let go, but it was slightly annoying that she could not see him as anything else but a monster. Not only had he never been one, but over the centuries, he had matured.

After all, he had made progress. He had even seen her differently. In the past, all she had been was an annoying human. Now, he didn't define her with the word  _human_  anymore. What happened to her in the end, actually mattered to him, he could stand her presence, something he could not do five hundred years ago. Now,  _maybe_  she was finally deciding to open up. She was giving him one chance, one shot at  _finally_  showing her that he was different, that he was who he claimed to be.

The one problem was, Sesshomaru didn't know how to do it.

Obviously little things wouldn't be enough for her. He had acted differently every day, it hadn't changed her view of him. Something had to occur in which she would be forced to see the truth, no matter how much it would hurt her, because he knew it would. Letting go of the vision she had of him would be heart breaking. It would also mean she would need to heal and stop just relinquishing blame. Kagome had to face the problems heads on and he knew how terrified of that she was.

Hopefully, an opportunity would come during their next challenge. The location of their next shard was a little more complicated because it had been known to move around quite a lot. It remained in the same three cities, but you could never know which one. Obviously someone had it and was carrying it, but the question was why? It was almost more dangerous to keep traveling around with it, then to keep it and watch it in one spot all the time. But of course, it was as if the situation was made to make their task even more difficult.

His eyes gazed back her way and he allowed himself to relax slightly. Perhaps the best thing to do was to not disturb her train of thought. Maybe she did require herself to do the thinking, especially if she wanted to figure out what she wanted. Or if what she said was truly what she desired.

Only time would tell.

-B-

Kagome felt as if her whole body was cramped up, as they reached their hotel. For too long now had she been stuck sitting down and her poor legs were begging for some exercise. Unfortunately, she wouldn't be getting any of that right now. They wouldn't travel today, it would be wiser to rest and eat so they would be in full strength for tomorrow. That meant that they would remain in the hotel of the rest of the day and the night. Her mood had been somewhat affected by the trip, the only useful thing she had done was further her reading.

Traveling from India to Australia allowed her  _a lot_  of reading time.

What had been especially useful was that she had confirmed, or  _somewhat_  confirmed what Sesshomaru had told her. They were experiencing a full connection, but of what type, she wasn't sure yet. Many existed, but when she had begun trying to form one with him, she hadn't been aware of that. You couldn't control which one happened, it all depended on the people's feelings, auras and needs. Everything could influence it. In their case, she doubted it was his aura, so it had to be their feelings.

Since they would be staying in the hotel room tonight, she had planned to try to re-form that connection. She doubted Sesshomaru would refuse the idea, and they had many hours ahead of them.

Like usual, Sesshomaru took care of the keys and registration, before heading upstairs. This time, they had to go in an elevator to reach their floor, unlike last time. As soon as the doors of the elevator opened, it revealed to be quite pack, but there was still space nonetheless. Once they both entered, their luggage taking a lot of room, she found herself extremely close to him. Kagome took a deep breath, not quite as uncomfortable as she could be, before watching the numbers change on the panel.

After all this time, she had become somewhat  _used_  to his presence near her.

At least his wasn't as bad as having the beast's presence around.

Sesshomaru remained completely still as he felt her back pressed against his chest. He could feel her breathing rate increase, although she did not seem nervous. He brushed it off and patiently waited for them to reach their destination. Once the elevator arrived on the 4th floor, he gently put his hand on her shoulder, to signal for her to exit the elevator. Kagome immediately understood and took hold of her suitcase before getting out, Sesshomaru closely following her. Once again, he took the lead and made his way to their room.

This time around, the trip didn't feel as suffocating, or as hard. It was a relief.

When they reached the door, he opened it and entered the room. Kagome followed right behind him. It wasn't much different than the last one. Lots of space, of course, and most important, two beds. Kagome unconsciously picked one of the beds when she put her bags on it and sat down on the edge. Although her legs were begging for some exercise, her feet weren't. The extra weight from her pregnancy was showing and her feet were swollen. Not that she could see them. She hadn't been able to see her feet in a while. They just felt swollen.

A sigh escaped her before she turned her head to look at Sesshomaru. Could she just  _ask_  him to do the connection? Right now, like this, when they had just arrived? Although there was no great time for it. Any time was fine. Maybe she was a little stressed about what would happen in that  _world_. She didn't know anything, nor how to control herself. Taking a deep breath, Kagome managed to convince herself to ask him. She gave herself a big push so she could get off the bed and she made her way in his direction.

Sesshomaru sensed her coming, so he stopped his actions. Her grey orbs were shining and he recognized the look in her eyes. She wanted to ask him something.

"Can we try again?"

Her words didn't need to be any clearer, he knew what she was talking about. The  _connection_ didn't scare him, but he didn't know how to deal with it well. It was strange to be yourself and knowing you should know something and do it, but not being able to. Almost as if it were an out of body experience, he had amnesia. His actions weren't even controlled by him. If they were, he would have never kissed her, nor laid a hand upon her. Yet he had and on top of that, she had kissed him back.

More proof that it was all a mere illusion.

He finally answered her by nodding. Sesshomaru moved over to the bed, where he sat down and waited for her to join him. With some difficulty, Kagome managed to make her way onto the bed, her belly something inconveniencing for her. She took a deep breath before making the first move. Kagome reached out for his hands, something she rarely ever did and this time instead of pressing their palms together, she held his hands in hers. Not because she  _wanted_  to, but because she remembered that it was how their hands were when it had worked.

Since she couldn't look into his green eyes, she closed hers. She inhaled deeply, before focusing herself. Since she was unconscious when it happened, she had no idea of what she was supposed to do. Hopefully, Sesshomaru did. His emotions had triggered it and Sesshomaru tried to be in the same state of mind as the previous time. But it wasn't hard on feelings. Nonetheless, he did his best because this wasn't for him, it was for her.

Sesshomaru couldn't, not on his own. He hadn't been alone when he had succeeded in doing it. There was this aura, this presence. There was his son. Something had washed over him and made him feel the way she did, and that was how the link had been created. If only he could feel that familiar tingle again. As Sesshomaru silently prayed for it, it seemed someone had heard him. Slowly a rush of emotions went through Kagome, causing her to buckle under the familiar pain. It exited her through her fingers, before reaching out to Sesshomaru.

Next thing they knew, everything was pitch black.

_A gentle breeze blew, playing with her long locks. Kagome sat on the fresh grass, a sad smile on her face. He was coming, she knew he was. Unlike last time, she could feel him. Once again, her whole body was at peace and joy filled her. Even as she thought back about a sad memory, her heart was not heavy, it was filled with love. Kagome gently closed her eyes, as she waited for him to sit beside her. After a few minutes, he did exactly that. Never did he look in her direction, instead he stared right ahead at the sunset._

_She was the first one to break the silence between them._

_"You grew up without a father."_

_Still not glancing her way he nodded._

_"I grew up without a father."_

_Were they making a list of similarities?_

_"Will my child grow up without a father?" Kagome couldn't explain why, but she felt as if she was going to raise this child on her own. He did not love Kiyoshi. He was disgusted by him and what he represented. He couldn't be a good father figure for him, he would only hurt him. But, being without a father... would it be worse?_

_"He won't," stated Sesshomaru before turning around to look at her. Their eyes met and it was impossible for her to gaze to move away from his._

_She was avoiding the most important thing and he knew it._

_"Do you want to talk about it?"_

_For a second, her eyes narrowed and she finally broke the eye contact._

_"No."_

_Her answer was firm and strict. But what didn't she want to know? What was he referring to? For a moment, she felt her head feeling fuzzy, as if the answer was right there but she couldn't access it. But thinking about it made her heart ache. She didn't want the pain._

_"This won't end if you don't, you know."_

_She shook her head._

_"I don't care if it doesn't. I don't need the pain. I'm happy now."_

_This time, he was the one who changed._

_"I could break your neck so easily, I'd be free of you." His tone was cold, and it almost gave her shivers. Didn't he love her? Hadn't he kissed her?_

_"You ruined it all. You are good for nothing. You weren't for me, you weren't for him."_

_She frowned. "Who's him?"_

_As soon as the question left her lips, she felt a pulse going through her. "Inuyasha," she whispered, not knowing that she was answering her own question. The happiness inside of her was quickly threatened._

_"What happened to him?"_

_"I thought you didn't want to talk about it." His own feelings were so confusing. He felt torn apart by two sides and he didn't know how to control either. One of them wanted to rip that pretty little head off her body while the other wished to trap her in his arms and never let her go. She was his captive, his to keep, but she drove him insane._

_For a brief second, she transformed in his eyes. He saw tears staining her face, and silent screams dying on her lips. But as quickly as the flash had come, it had disappeared. There she was again, completely happy, her face dried and her eyes shining. A feeling of guilt filled him, but he shook his head to chase it off. Bit by bit, he found himself attacked by memories that did not seem to be his. Yet the more time passed, the more he found himself forced to face the reality of things. He had damaged her._

_She had been like his daughter._

_Untainted like an angel. It took her and it stained her, dragging her through the blood. Her spirit had been broken and tears had been shed every day._

_She had fought until there had been no more energy left in her. Of course, it had led her to the unthinkable, she had betrayed him. But why did he feel relief instead of anger? Why did he want her to escape? I wanted to scream at her to leave, to never go to the hot springs. Hadn't both their lives been ruined that day? And why couldn't she remember any of it, while he could?_

_She seemed so happy, so different sitting there without a worry in the world. It didn't feel as if it was Kagome by his side. She always worried for everyone else's problem. How could she just sit there and pretend that absolutely nothing was wrong? Something just didn't feel right. He tilted his head to the side slightly and that is when he noticed the lack of life in her eyes. That was always where all of her emotions could be read, but now, there was nothing._

_As if she was nothing but an empty useless shell._

_Why did he suddenly feel the urge to hurt her? He felt a pain that could only be eased by her tears._

_"He never loved you," he said, before he could realize what he was saying._

_She didn't look at him._

_"He loved me. He left her behind for me."_

_He scoffed._

_"He only left her behind because there was no hope for them. You were the replacement, what he got since he couldn't have the original." He observed carefully, waiting for those tears to satisfy his thirst. Her eyes were shiny with liquid, but she had yet to shed a tear. Why was she being so persistent?_

_"That's not true," she said, her voice finally breaking. What was this deep sadness inside of her?_

_"He loved me for me. He gave up on her."_

_"He saw her in you every day, it made it easier to pretend." Finally, he watched the first tear roll down her cheek. He had finally done it. He had destroyed the fake happiness she had made up for herself. Then why did it hurt so much to watch her suffer? His own heart began to beat faster as he watched her expression change. It was as if his heart were being squeezed and he felt an ache he hadn't felt before._

_"Will it hurt like this if I talk about it?"_

_Her body was shaking and trembling, as she wrapped her arms around her bulging stomach. She was so tired of the pain. Her body was not strong enough to handle it anymore. But there was so much she wanted to do, to say. She had the urge to slap him, but she didn't know where it came from._

_He nodded, but before he could open his mouth, he felt her hand make contact with his cheek. It shouldn't have hurt because he was stronger than her, but he felt it sting. A fury was created inside of him and it felt as if his eyes were bleeding. Before he realized what he was doing, he had her pinned under his body. She was completely trapped, restricted of any type of movements. He could finally see the panic in her eyes, but it no longer pleased him. He wanted her to recognize that she was his... or he wanted to free her._

_He was conflicted._

_Kagome was breathing heavily as she tried to break free, even though it seemed useless._

_"How does it feel to remember?" he asked softly._

_She would have been confused by his question, if she hadn't been attacked by a flash back. She was bleeding heavily, because she had cut herself and she could see him coming her way. His hands had been on her body, he had forced himself upon her, despite her cries for help, he had not stopped._

_Kagome felt her eyes burning, as she violently shook her head. This wasn't what she wanted. She was happy before, why did he have to take her smile away from her? Why did he need to shatter her heart to pieces?_

_Why couldn't he learn to stay away from her?_

_"Please, don't hurt me again," she almost begged._

_All he could hear echoing in his mind was her voice, as he watched the tears flow out of her eyes. All she ever wanted was to be protected. Rin wanted to be protect, but Rin did most of her things on her own, just like the Miko only had herself to rely on. But not anymore... she could no longer even trust herself._

She felt herself being slowly pulled away. As Kagome opened her eyes, she noticed that her hands were no longer joined with Sesshomaru's. He had broken the contact.

"Why?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper.

"There is no sense in hurting yourself for no reason," he said, before looking away from her.

The tears, the pain, the  _rapes_. He had seen them all go through his mind so quickly. After watching the pain in her eyes, he knew it had been enough. He had done the only thing he had been able to, pull away from her. Apparently he had a lot more control than he thought possible. But if he was right in his thinking, she didn't. From the looks of things, she absolutely had no control. Once she was stuck in that world, he was the only way of bringing her out of it?

It seemed he wasn't the only one thinking he had  _too_  much control in that world. Kagome believed the same thing. Why had he been able to pull away, when in the moment of her great panic, she hadn't been able to do anything? What could she possibly be doing wrong that he was doing right? She was the one who currently had powers and an aura, she should be the one who knew how to control her own actions, not the other way around.

"How did you do it?" she asked, her tone surprisingly not bittersweet.

While she had been lost in her own thoughts, Sesshomaru had begun to come up with a theory. Emotionally, he was not as involved in this as she was. The Miko had never been able to let go of anything while, he remained attached, he had moved on. He had accepted things, he had faced his actions a long time ago. Kagome on the other hand, seemed to have never been able to accept anything that occurred. Granted she had tried and she still was, but it was much harder for her than it was for him.

Perhaps his own acceptance of what happened helped him have more control and memories during the connection? Although it did not explain his desire to see her tears. Why did he want her to cry, why did he want to hurt her? It was not a reflection of his feelings...

When Sesshomaru looked up, he noticed she was still looking at him, waiting for an answer he did not really have.

"Perhaps I am more detached with the  _events_. I have learned to accept them, no matter what pain or guilt it brings me to do so."

She blinked a few times, extremely slowly.  _No matter what guilt or pain it brought him_? Kagome's heart was pounding, as she was dying to ask a few questions, but was it okay? Was it okay to allow herself to relax in his presence, to act like civilized people. Could she have a decent conversation with him? She did say she wanted to give him another chance, but it was still so hard to get used to. After a few mores seconds, she decided she  _had_  to.

"Aren't you scared?" Her voice was barely a whisper, as she let her own fears out. While asking her questions she would have to push aside the fact that she did not truly believe in all of his guilt. Just for the sake of the answers she wanted for herself.

"How do you learn to live with it?"

He was drawn in by her words and by the look in her eyes. She  _needed_  comfort. It was maybe then that Sesshomaru realized not everyone was like him. He could deal with loneliness very well, he actually preferred it, but the Miko, like a lot of humans needed contact and re-assurances. She lacked it so much, the only person she could get it from was him. Yet he was the worst when it came to any type of relationship. He never interacted much with anyone. As sad as it was, she was one of the few people he had interacted the most with during his life so far.

Now, he didn't have an answer to give her. Had he never been scared in his life? Perhaps a few ... well once. He had been scared when Rin had been kidnapped, scared that he would be too late. If he was honest with himself, he had been scared one other time. When the Miko had been back in his life, he had been afraid to make a mistake again. He had vowed she would not be hurt again, especially not by his hand and he feared sometimes that it was not a promise he could keep, not when he could not control his beast.

So how did he learn to live with that feeling?

"You don't," he finally answered. "You can't keep the same life and learn to live with it. You need to change yourself to adapt."

He could tell from the look in her eyes that it wasn't the answer she was expecting, but he didn't have another one for her. Reality was never pretty, but then again, she knew that first hand. You can't change anything, nor can you run away from it, it will always come back to you.

A sigh escaped Kagome at the thought of the work ahead of her. She had re-built herself from scratch. But right now, away from her family, all she had here was  _him_. She couldn't possibly lean on him for support. Not only might it be false, but wouldn't that create a sort of  _relationship_  between them? At the thought of that, Kagome seemed to remember something  _she_  had asked  _him_  during the connection. She needed to know if what he said  _there_  was truly how he felt. Because, that wouldn't really have been his answer, some five hundred years ago it wasn't.

Kagome took a deep breath. "Do you want to be in his life?"

The subject had clearly been avoided, perhaps because there was no real way to deal with it. Being in his son's life meant somehow being in hers, it was true that they didn't have to talk, but there were so many things involved when it came to a child. There would always be a few details they would need to look over. But, Sesshomaru would insist on being a father to his pup. He hadn't imposed much on the Miko, at least ever since they had been together in this era, but this he would have to.

"Yes," he said, wondering how she would take it.

Last time they had been on such a subject, he had no interest in the pup, because it would be hanyou. How he despised humans back then. He still did, but he was willing to admit there were exceptions. Like her.

Kagome slowly nodded, without saying anything. To be honest it didn't surprise her that much, since it had been expected. She had also done a lot of thinking on the matter, she knew she couldn't be selfish. If she were to be, she would refuse, she'd tell him it was too bad for him. But the person who would pay that price if Sesshomaru wasn't there was her son. He needed his father, someone to go to, when he couldn't go to her, someone that knew about his youkai blood. He needed  _his_  father.

Though it might be difficult, she couldn't take that away from her son.

"He'll need you."

In her words, he understood fully what she meant. And at that moment, Sesshomaru decided that even if it was to come from her, she needed some  _encouragement_.

"You have more strength than you think."

His words took a while to sink in, but when they did, she nearly looked at him in disbelief. Was Sesshomaru trying to be nice to her? He didn't have to, because he knew she wouldn't demand it from him. He should be the last person she would seek comfort from and he knew it. Yet he did say it and she knew he usually meant his words. But sometimes, like now, Kagome felt weak. She could remember what it was like to have this rush of energy through her that pulled her through everything and that was what she wanted back.

Maybe she was just good at holding back because she didn't want anyone to get hurt. Maybe he thought she was doing better than she was. Then, the tiniest smirk appeared on his face.

"You are quite stubborn."

It was as if he knew what she had been thinking. That he knew mentally she was arguing over what he had said.

"I could say the same to you."

And there it was that strange moment they never had. For a split second, it was as if nothing bad had ever happened between them. For a quick instant, there had been a  _moment_  between them. As if they were friends, as if they liked each other. They had joked around with each other, as if nothing mattered. She had quickly realized it, but it was too late now, it had happened. It hadn't been horrible. If only the memories weren't there, maybe it would have been possible. Maybe complicity could have been created.

Knowing the moment was gone, Sesshomaru re-directed the conversation.

"Have you been in pain lately?"

He knew they had been quite close, especially with the beast's appearance, so perhaps for the last little while, her pain had been gone. He wondered if they would ever stop though. Would Kiyoshi constantly need a bond with his father, or it was just for a while, just to have a little something? For her sake, he hoped it would go away soon, after all, she was only 3 and a half months pregnant or so. She had at least 2 months to go before she would be close to her due date. If she were to be in pain every day for that long...

Plus by then they would be back to Japan and he doubted they would see each other much, which meant the pain would increase even more.

Kagome looked down at her stomach, before resting her hands on it. Yes, the pain had still been present, but they were not bad. They didn't prevent her from doing anything, they were just there. Maybe it was because over the time, she had gotten used to them, but they barely bothered her, which she was grateful for. Still they were there and it meant her child was suffering. She could only hope there would finally be a moment when they would completely cease, when Kiyoshi would stop  _needing_  to have a bond with his father.

But for that to happen, she most probably had to take the plunge. Kagome closed her eyes tightly for a moment, collecting herself. This was the moment. She had to separate Sesshomaru from his beast in her mind,  _right now_. It would make things much easier for both her and Kiyoshi. Her heart was hammering, but she pushed the thought aside. She had to do this. After all, she was trying to move on wasn't she? She wanted to be the Kagome she had always been. Some things were hard to face and accept, but she could no longer run from them.

Her life hadn't turned out the way she had expected it, but life was often that way. All she could do was manage to do the best with what was given to her. If she let every little thing stop her from enjoying life, she would never live again and her life had no purpose. Sometimes facing things head on was the only way to break through them. Kagome had so many grey walls around herself, she had built them all. Perhaps it was time to shatter them, one brick at a time. When she'd do it, she'd be free again.

But she couldn't rush or she would fail. She had to take things slow and to her own rhythm. Every day, she would try the bond they had formed, perhaps in hope to relieve herself from the darkness. But she also had to do these steps on her own. One of them started with trusting him. It was hard to do that for her after everything that had happened between them, but she had no choice. If she didn't trust him, none of this could go right. Just like his second chance, her trust only came once. If he ruined it, she would take it away.

Kagome thought she was being more than fair after their history together.

She was giving him a chance to prove himself, to show he could be a different and better person.

She was doing it for herself, and for her son. Because if he was going to be his father, then she would have to see him once in a while, she couldn't allow herself to fear him, or be a mess when that would happen. She wanted to go back in the real world, not be scared and jumpy every time someone popped out of nowhere.

All of it... it started now.

Kagome inhaled deeply before grabbing the hem of her shirt and slightly lifting it until all of her bulging stomach was revealed. Her heartbeat was echoing in her mind as she reached out for Sesshomaru's hand. He did not even dare to move, almost afraid to scare her. Slowly, she grabbed his wrist, before directing his own onto her stomach. Once she put it down, she flinched at how cold it was, before releasing her hold on him.

Because of her actions, he thought she was doing this because she was in pain. He had no idea her reasons were very different. Gently, he rubbed the smooth stretched skin of her stomach, watching her observing his hand. Every time he did this, it brought a new feeling inside of him that he could not explain.

And then, he felt something under his palm, curious, he moved his hand down slightly. Both him and Kagome were quickly graced with the sight of a foot being hard pressed against her stomach. Kagome glued her lips together and unconsciously both her and Sesshomaru reached out for the foot. Almost at the same time, they made contact with the skin where the foot was. Their fingers touched briefly, before all of a sudden, the foot left as quickly as it had come. Both their fingers lingered there, as Sesshomaru raised his head to look at her.

She had a smile beaming on her face.

Kagome felt his eyes on her and she gazed down at him, the smile still over filling her face. After a few instants, she focused her attention on her stomach again, not realizing what she had done. But Sesshomaru had. No matter how happy he had seen her, every time she'd glance at him, it would disappear.

Not this time. She had looked at him, her eyes shining, she had smiled.

A true smile.

-B-


	38. His Woman

Kagome was awake as soon as the sun rose. Despise her best attempt, she could not sleep. She wasn't sure if it was because she couldn't wait to start the chase for the second shard, or because of her good state, but her body would not rest.

For the first time in a while, she felt no pain. Kagome had a feeling it would not last the whole day, but she would enjoy it for as long as she could. Currently, she was sitting on the couch, looking through the window.

She had no idea where they were heading for yet, but she hoped it would not be another secluded area. It didn't feel as safe. At least, the youkais wouldn't harm them in the middle of a city, and Sesshomaru wouldn't have to use his youki.

Kagome couldn't stop herself from glancing in his direction. He was lying on the bed, sleeping. He had slept a little more lately, and she wondered if it was a normal thing since she re-called him saying he didn't need much rest.

Maybe she could ask him later; after all, they were supposed to be talking right now. Well, since she was giving him a second chance that  _meant_  they were supposed to be able to speak each other outside of  _jewel_  related talk.

Technically.

They were still working on that part.

Nonetheless, she didn't want him to have a sickness, and either push himself, and pass out on her when they would be in a secluded area, or slow down their traveling because he didn't take care of himself.

Her hands were resting on her stomach, a smile on her face. She was glad that her son felt well for a little while. It hadn't been as bad as she thought, and at least it had benefit someone.

A sudden movement in the room caused her to snap her head in direction of the bed. She observed as Sesshomaru stirred up from his sleep, never looking in her direction.

It took him a few seconds before he was completely awake, and once he was, the first thing he did was to look in direction of her bed. He frowned when he noticed she was there, but then he gazed around, and easily spotted her.

"Miko," he said, greeting her.

Kagome softly nodded her head in response.

Sesshomaru dragged his feet to the side of the bed, before sitting down. He ran his fingers through his short black hair, before sighing. He had fallen asleep again. He had gotten rest a little while ago, it was too soon for him to require again.

Perhaps all the transformations had exhausted his body? He didn't see anything else that could be the cause.

He glanced her way, and he could tell right away that she had been up for a while. Had she not slept the whole night? He cursed himself slightly for resting while she remained awake.

With a sigh, he made his way to the bathroom, and disappeared behind the door.

Kagome had not been able to resist the urge to look at him as he awoke. Sesshomaru was always different when he was sleeping, or when his mask wasn't on. Perhaps she couldn't get over the fact of him looking vulnerable.

A few moments later, Sesshomaru came out of the washroom, and he looked like himself again. Not like himself from the feudal era, but the one she had been seeing for the past weeks in the modern era.

"Are you well?" he asked, before picking up his bag.

She nodded. "I slept for a while."

At least it was not her weaknesses or anything, so he figured there was nothing to worry about. Her attitude wasn't as  _cold_  towards him, and he expected that if there were something wrong with her, she would share it with him.

He opened his little notepad that was hidden in his bag, and read through. He had two main locations he wanted to check for the shard. Hopefully they would be able to find it. He had a feeling though, they would need to search it. Good thing she could sense them.

"Are you ready?" he inquired, stuffing the book back in his bag.

Kagome hadn't changed, but she had slept in her normal clothes, so she hardly needed to change. Plus, it didn't really matter since they would probably get dirty by climbing or running.

No need to put on fresh clean clothes.

"Where are we going?"

"Melbourne."

She frowned. "Right in the heart of the city? Wouldn't they be hiding?"

It was the smartest way to go wasn't it? Obviously whoever had the shard was not being very intelligent about it and how to protect it. Hopefully that would make the task easier for them.

"Apparently," said Sesshomaru before putting his bag over his shoulder. "Are you fine with walking?" When she looked up at him confused, he explained further. "The location keep moving throughout the city from both extremities. I thought we could walk and perhaps wait until you sensed it. Would that be acceptable?"

She nodded. "I don't see a problem with it."

"If you need to rest we will, or we will call a car to pick us up."

Kagome reached out for her purse, and slid it on her shoulder.

"Would you like something to eat?"

Kagome shook her head. "I'll grab something along the way if I get hungry."

"Very well," he said, before beginning to lead the way.

He knew Melbourne quite well since he had traveled there a few times. He actually owned a house but he hadn't thought that taking her there was the right move. A hotel was a neutral place, not more hers, not more his.

He was doing this to make sure she was comfortable. She might be nervous in his house, and they were making some sort of progress, since she was talking to him as if he was anyone else. He intended on keeping things that way.

Not because he thought he deserved it, or because it made him feel better. But because it made  _her_  feel better, and it meant she was taking steps in the right directions.

She deserved to feel whole again. And it was also a requirement if they intended on completing the jewel. But, he now knew that the jewel would require more time than expected, and more protection.

What if she still couldn't purify it when it was completed? She couldn't wish upon a dark jewel, when she herself had darkness. They would have to wait, and make sure nobody got hold of it, or it would be terrible.

Sesshomaru turned his head slightly to look back at her. Like usual, she was somewhat behind him, just going where he was going. He sighed before focusing his attention to the sight in front of him.

It was as if they were complete strangers who didn't know each other.

And in all honesty, they somewhat were.

What did he really know about her? True, he had somewhat spied on her during the past 17 years, but he knew nothing of her taste. What was her favorite color? Her best memory? What music did she like?

Not that it mattered, not that it would change anything.

Sesshomaru kept walking ahead for a minute, until he decided to turn around to check up on her. That was when he noticed she was not behind him anymore. He quickly spotted her, and ran back in the other direction.

"Did you sense it?" he asked when he reached her.

Kagome nodded. "But it's moving, and it's getting weaker. Whoever has it is getting out of range."

"What direction?"

She pointed to her left, and immediately, Sesshomaru headed that way. Kagome followed behind him as quickly as she could.

"Tell me if he changes direction," he almost yelled out.

She nodded even though he couldn't see her. She made sure to keep all of attention focused on the shard, not wanting to let it escape her grasp.

It was getting weaker, and weaker. There weren't much explanation for that. There was no way someone was using youkai speed in the middle of the city. That meant the person was traveling in car, and chances were, they wouldn't be able to catch up to them.

And a few minutes later, she was proven right. Kagome stopped running; she couldn't sense the shard anymore. When Sesshomaru didn't hear her heavy footsteps behind him, he came to an alt as well.

He spurned around, to look at her, and he knew it right away. Their only thing they could hope for right now was that the person would come around again. There was no point in using the car, and following them, they could be going anywhere, and the city was big.

This might require more than one day, but he was prepared for that.

"Would you like to keep walking around?" he asked when he reached her side.

Kagome pondered on the issue for a few seconds. Well perhaps it was the best way to go, since their person might come back. They couldn't just go back to the hotel already, and give up.

The best thing to do was to continue.

"We should." She put a hand on her stomach. "I think I should eat."

He agreed by nodding his head. "I know a place," he said, before doing like usually, and showing her the way.

Sesshomaru was a little upset with his lack of speed. Never would he have lost an enemy in the past, he would have caught them before they even knew what hit them. The more the hunt for the shards progressed, the more useless he felt.

He lacked power, he lacked  _his_  power.

A few minutes later, they reached a small restaurant, the one he had been looking for, and he held the door open for her. Kagome walked in quickly, and soon enough they were sat at a table.

Kagome ordered a bowl of soup, but she rapidly noticed that he didn't order anything. She found herself wondering if she had ever seen him eat or drink anything in the past?

She could always ask… "Why don't you eat?"

"Because I don't need to. I never did with my youki, and I still do not with a human appearance."

" _Can_ you eat?" He needed to eat something, his body needed some type of nutrients didn't it?"

He nodded. "I can if I wish."

"I saw Kouga and his pack eat humans." Although, now that she thought back about it, they had been able to give it up pretty easily. Also they had eaten chips, and other things she had brought.

So youkais did need food.

But why didn't he?

"They are wolf youkais. They are different. I simply do not require anything."

Kagome knew she could have pushed the issue, and ask for more, but she didn't. It was hard for her to back down, but she bit her tongue. She had no intention to get herself into an argument, especially with him, for something so foolish.

So, she dropped the issue, and put her hands on her purse, which was on her legs.

She had a feeling this would be a long day,

-B-

After three more hours outside, Kagome's feet had begun to  _hurt_ , and there was still no sign of the shard. It killed her to be the first one to stop, but after all, she was in a special condition Sesshomaru wasn't; she was pregnant.

A sigh escaped her lips before she decided that it was far enough. "I'm done," she said, as she ceased all movements.

Sesshomaru turned around to look at her. She was slightly hunched back, a hue of red covering her cheeks, most probably due to the heat. He had completely forgotten about that. Quickly he nodded at her, before taking out his cellphone. He wouldn't make her walk any further.

Close to them, he spotted a bench, and he went to sit down, with Kagome imitating him. Once he ordered for the driver to pick them up, he closed his cellphone shut. Perhaps next time it would be wise to bring maybe a hat, and some water bottles.

He would forget sometimes that humans were fragile.

They waited on the bench for a few moments, before the driver arrived. And then, it only took ten minutes to get to the hotel. During the drive there, Kagome had her eyes closed, allowing herself to rest.

She had intended to try to form the connection, but she wasn't sure if she was up for it. Kagome felt drained, and it was as if every little action took all of her energy. Maybe they could do it after she napped?

When she felt the car come to a stop, she opened her eyes slowly, only to see Sesshomaru already making his way out. She followed closely behind, and he held the door open for her.

They made their way to the hotel in silence, and as soon as they reached their room, she plopped down on the bed. Her hair was sprawled across the soft blue blanket, as she finally gave her poor back a rest.

Deep inside, she found herself wishing this hotel had a massage place. Kami knew she could use one.

Kagome could hear Sesshomaru moving around, but she didn't give it a second though. Instead she was trying to figure out if waiting to form the connection was better. Or maybe they skip it for today? No, they had to make progress.

With a sigh, she lifted herself up, her hair cascading down her back. "We should try it again," she said, tilting her head to the side.

Sesshomaru focused his attention on her before agreeing. He made his way towards her bed, and sat down. Usually she came to his, but from the exhausted look she had on her features, he assumed it was best for her to do as little as possible.

He wasn't sure it was the best idea to do it right now when she seemed tired, but apparently she had no problem with the idea.

They intertwined their hands together like they had done way too many times, and both of them closed their eyes. It wasn't as hard as it used to be, but it was still taking them a few seconds to find the right  _mode_.

_Cold._

_Kagome was sitting on the sidewalk, rain pouring on her. She was freezing to the bone, but she refused to move. She had to stay there; it was how she would deal with the pain._

_Her mother said he was happier now. He was in a better place._

_But shouldn't a better place be with his family?_

_He wanted to be her mother said, but the truck came down the road too fast. Neither could avoid each other. Her mother said, she'd never see her father again. And Kagome felt the tears pouring out of her eyes._

_Why did he have to go?_

_Didn't he love them anymore?_

_Then she heard a voice._

_"He shouldn't have gone."_

_Kagome snapped her head up, and turned it in direction of the sound. Somewhere beside her, there was a boy. He looked like a teenager, and he was standing there, no rain surrounding him. His eyes were cold, but she could see pain upon his features._

_"He was weak. He let her destroy him."_

_Unknown to Kagome, Sesshomaru had just watched his father die. He had foolishly tried to save that human whore, and her filthy son. The great Inutaisho had died to save humans. He died for their sakes, yet his sacrifice was worth nothing._

_Did his bastard's child life mean more to him than Sesshomaru's?_

_Sesshomaru wouldn't let himself make the same mistake. Never._

_All of the sudden, a bright white light surrounded them both, and it blinded them._

_Kagome's fingernails were digging into the ground, as she desperately tried to escape. A scream almost escaped her, as pain throbbed throughout her abused body. Not like this. She couldn't lose her virginity like this._

_Blood was dripping down her legs, and tears were rolling down her cheeks. Her heart was ready to burst into pieces. She tried to escape him, tried to use her power to fight him off, but she failed._

_She was shaking from the shock, and she kept repeating to herself that it was not real, that it was all a bad dream. But she couldn't wake up from it. And she couldn't scream for help either, or perhaps it would cost her friends their lives._

_She was all alone with_ it _._

 _Sesshomaru's eyes were bleeding red, as he dug his claws in her skin. She was_ his _. He had craved for her, for her skin in a way he had never wanted anyone else before. Her scent was intoxicating him, and he always required more._

_The pain in his heart was finally diminishing. For years now, he had been dying to steal her from the worthless half-breed. She was always meant to be his, and for too long he had been pushed back in his cage. His desire to mark her was out of control._

_She was the only one who could free him from the pain in his heart. The only one who could save him from this suffering. For too long he had been in pain, for too long he had missed her presence by his side._

_It was time for him to claim her, and to forever get rid of his misery._

_With every thrust he took inside of her, he felt his despair disappear. And he found himself craving more of that delightful sensation. No longer would he be force to endure this hardship._

_She'd be his, and she would love him the same way she loved the hanyou._

_Once again, a bright light enveloped them, until nothing could be seen anymore._

_Kagome was lifelessly laying on the bed, her body begging her to eat some food. It was getting harder and harder to keep her eyes open, but she managed. At least, she had until he had showed up._

_His cold emotionless eyes were set on her, and she knew it.. When Kagome found the strength in her to look up at him, she saw those amber orbs she despised. Although she wondered why he was here._

_Why did he bother showing up? Why should it matter to him if she ate or not? He had already express how little he cared for her._

_He had taken her life from her, and turned it around. Nothing was left but the shell, and she didn't know how to rebuild herself. She hated what he had done to her, she was better than this, but she couldn't bring herself to be more._

_And now here he was, to bring more shame upon her, but_ forcing _her to eat._

_Sesshomaru was clearly annoyed. He had better things to do with his time then to deal with her tantrums. Why was she being so foolish? She knew she required food. And why could none of his servants do their job right?_

_It was obvious she had no energy… why couldn't they force her to eat._

_It shouldn't even be any of his concern. But it wouldn't be right to allow his,_ mate _to die while under his care. Once again, she was proving to be a burden, once he didn't wish for, nor wanted._

_The worst of it all was he would have to fight or threaten her, or she wouldn't do as she was told. Every time, she had to be difficult. Didn't she realize this would be much easier for her if she went along?_

_Then again, she had never learned to submit to an alpha._

_For one last time, the white light engulfed them, and this time, a normal dressed Kagome, with a very pregnant belly was sitting on a swing, looking out at the sky. Sesshomaru was sitting besides her, imitating his actions._

_"You remembered," he stated._

_She shrugged. "A little." Tears were still flowing out of her eyes as she re-saw everything._

_No wonder her memory was a blank. Who wouldn't wish to forget about all of this? Wasn't it better to erase it all than to face it?_

_"You didn't like me very much," she said referring to the latest memory._

_A tiny smirk adorned his lips. "I didn't like humans much then."_

_"What about Rin?"_

_His smile seemed to sadden. "She showed me not everyone can be included in the same basket. You are different as well. You do not wish for power and destruction."_

_"I don't believe in his redemption," she bluntly admitted._

_He turned his head, and observed her face._

_"I believe in yours." She scoffed. "Although, I'm sure you've done more than what I've seen."_

_Her heart was breaking from the way he hadn't cared. The saying too little too late was coming to her mind when she thought about him, and what he was trying to do. Could someone really change, and earn forgiveness?_

_She didn't know enough to make up her mind, but one thing was for sure. If he was there, and he stuck around even when he didn't have to, it said something about him._

Sesshomaru felt Kagome collapse on his chest, and his first reflex was to wrap his arms around her. Her face was firmly pressed against him, and he moved his hands up, to hold on to her shoulders.

He pushed her away from him, holding her up. He knew she had been too tired for this. It had sucked out all the energy she had left. Ignoring his own feelings, he moved out of the way so he could lay her down on the right side of the bed.

She was peacefully sleeping while he felt turmoil of emotions inside of him. He already remembered very well all of those moments, all of those memories. It hadn't been necessary to see them again, But this time, it had been much worst.

He had seen her face, he had felt her feelings, while everything had happened. All the thoughts that had gone through her mind,  _everything_. If he thought he felt guilt before, he had been wrong.

What he felt now was guilt. Heart-breaking guilt.

Sesshomaru could barely bare to look at her face. This whole connection thing made her feel better every time, but it made him feel worst each time. Perhaps it was only fair. It was going in a circle.

She might escape it one day, but he wasn't sure he would.

Sesshomaru looked down at Kagome's belly, and before he knew it, he was sitting on the edge of the bed. The feelings of needs and guilt were eating him alive, and he didn't know how to deal with them.

He had this urge he could not explain. He didn't like it.

He had to lay beside her.

Sesshomaru pondered the issue for a few seconds, knowing it was a horrible idea. No good could come from him doing this. He would be invading her personal space, and if she found out, she would freak out.

But why did he  _have_  to?

Before he could stop himself, he was positioning himself on her bed. Maybe if he just lay there, without moving, without going too close to her? Sesshomaru disliked his current state of confusion, his lost of control _._

Yet, completely hopeless, he laid there beside her, a few inches separating them. One thing he would need to make sure of was that he needed to be gone before she woke up. He didn't wish to scare her.

Sesshomaru closed his eyes, trying to chase away his emotions.

He was weak.

Weak for her, because of her.

-B-

Kagome felt a familiar warmth feel her, and then a pulsing went through her body. Her eyes snapped opened, and before she knew it, she was sitting up in the bed. There it was. The shard. She could feel it nearby.

Without even looking beside her, Kagome rose to her feet, and headed towards the window. She could feel it coming from around the hotel. She tried to spot a person, or a car, but there were too many of both of her to pinpoint it.

She finally turned around to look if Sesshomaru was there, but she found herself staring at an empty room. When had he left? Or better, why had he left? Then she realized in her panic for the shard, she had forgotten about the previous events.

They had shared a few memories this time. She could still very well recall them. It had been different to see things from his eyes. Once again, she wasn't sure if she liked it.

All of his feelings had been twirling inside of her. And she had been surprised by the beast's need. She didn't like him more or anything, but she wasn't aware of the pain it brought it to be far from her. But then again, it brought her great suffering to be around it.

And then she remembered Sesshomaru's cold thoughts when he had forced her to eat, when she had thought about giving up. She was glad she did not, she was grateful that she ate.

But she wasn't grateful for him.

That Sesshomaru was the Sesshomaru she was trying to forget about. Or the one she was trying to replace with the  _new_  one.

The feeling of the shard getting closer to her brought her out of her thoughts.

There was no way they were lucky. Whoever was carrying the shard didn't just happen to come to the same hotel as them as the same time. It was too convenient. It could only mean one thing.

The person knew they were after the shard.

But were they coming in peace? She doubted.

Her stress grew slightly as she found herself wondering where Sesshomaru had gone. Kagome asked her self if the best thing to do was to wait in the room safely, or to go down and met them where they were a lot of people.

She decided to stay in the room. Although it might be safer to be surrounded by people, in case something happened, she didn't want anyone to be harm. There was less risk of that if she didn't go down there.

But now, she was by herself, at their mercy.

As she felt the shard slowly getting closer and closer, her heart began to hammer inside of her chest. Kagome tried to sense an aura, but she couldn't. From the look of things, either it was a human whom had the shard, or a youkai who disguised his youki much like Sesshomaru did.

But why would the person come to them?

They knew they couldn't fight in a hotel! Maybe she had been wrong this whole time, maybe this was just a coincidence. Although that idea didn't sit well with her, it was the one that made the most sense.

Suddenly, she felt the shard stopped, and she assumed they were at the information desk. Something clicked inside her head as she realized they would be coming in her room.

She had to hide the jewel. Although it had sutras to cover it, it wasn't safe to leave her purse in view like that, in case they would look through it. Never could see allow that person to lay their hand on the jewel.

They would only be missing one shard.

Her heartbeat echoing in her mind, Kagome rushed to her purse, and took out the jewel box, and the shard. Where could she hide them? Where wouldn't they think of looking?

Nowhere.

If they really wanted it, they would turn the room upside down to find it.

Her eyes widened slightly as she headed for the washroom. Suddenly she felt the shard moving closer, and she knew they were aware of which room she was in. Kagome knew she was to hurry; time was running out.

She lifted the top of the toilet, and dropped the jewel box and the shard there, before putting the top back on. Maybe, just maybe, they would think she wasn't stupid enough to look there. It wasn't a common place to think of after all.

Whoever was there had almost reached the right floor, and Kagome rushed out of the washroom, not wanting to give away any hints. She glanced around the room again, wondering where Sesshomaru was.

Why did he leave now out of all time? What had been so important that he had rushed out of the room without a word?

Kagome licked her dry lips as she felt the shard being a few footsteps away from the door.

Then it happened. The person knocked on her door, and for an instant, Kagome stopped breathing.

She waited a few seconds before speaking. "Who's there?" she asked, her voice breaking.

Did Sesshomaru still have her bows and arrows? If so, where were they? Her eyes traveled around the room, trying to locate his bag. That was where they had been the last time she had seen them.

The person behind the door never answered her, instead, they banged on the door once more.

Kagome hurried to Sesshomaru's bag, and unzipped it. A sigh of relief almost escaped her once she saw her weapon tucked in the bag. At least she would have some form of protection.

She took the bow out of the bag, and grabbed a few arrows. She armed her bow, before walking in direction of the door. She had small plan, which she could probably pull off. Kagome had a feeling she might be able to open the door quickly enough to then back away, and aim at her opponent.

It wasn't perfect, but she didn't have much other choices right now.

The person was still banging, and she knew it was time.

Kagome prayed, before unlocked the door, and she swung it opened. Time to face it.

Meanwhile, Sesshomaru was just outside of the hotel, heading back inside. He had only been able to feeling of being beside her for a few minutes until he had felt himself suffocating. The flashback of her when the beast had first taken her had been stuck in his mind.

He had never seen her face then until now.

The suffering, the misery, it almost made his gut twist.

He tried to remind himself that it was a custom that used to happen a lot back in the feudal era, but not matter what he told himself, it never made it right. A wrong couldn't be right.

Living in this era had erased the only defense he had back then.

Sesshomaru found himself hoping she was still asleep. He didn't wish to explain to her why he left. Not that he had to, but now that they were somewhat talking a little more, even when not necessary, she might ask.

If she did, he wouldn't know what to answer. The truth was the best solution, but not always the best to handle.

He tried to chase the feelings and thoughts away from his mind as he pushed the hotel door open.

Judging from how exhausted she had been earlier, maybe they needed a day break from all this  _connection_ , and bond stuff. Maybe it was also why he was so tired even when he required very little sleep.

Forming a bond with her was sucking the little energy he had. He could only assume that it was worst for her since she was not only pregnant, but also using her miko powers during the connection.

No wonder it had broke off when her energy had run out.

A few minutes later, Sesshomaru was coming out of the elevator, ready to head towards the room. And then he noticed something out of the ordinary, something that worried him.

Something that made him regret leaving her alone.

The door of their room was open. Not a lot, it was just a crack, but he knew she wouldn't have left it open. She probably wouldn't even have left the room. It meant someone came in.

He tried to run a list of suspect in his mind, but nobody came up. Nobody knew about them, except for her family. Surely they weren't the one who came all the way down here to check up on her.

Almost ready to activate his youki if her life was in danger, Sesshomaru closed the distance between himself and the door. He tried to be on his guard as he approached the door. He attempted to peak him, but it wasn't open enough for him to be able to see.

It only left him with the option of walking.

Sesshomaru pushed the door open, and was shocked to see that it was empty. He tried to calm himself by remembering that there was another room to their room. A tiny living room like room. Maybe she was in there.

He fully entered inside their room, and that was when he saw them. Two men, leaning against the doorway, their backs facing him. If his youki was free, he would have growled.

Why were they there? Who were they?

He took one more step, and it seemed to give his presence away. Both men turned around, and he could finally take a good look at them. They both had short black hair, and brown eyes. They weren't very tall or muscular, and he had a feeling that even with his human body, they weren't much of a threat to him.

"Who is he?" asked one of them to the other, as if he couldn't hear them talk.

They both narrowed their eyes, as if Sesshomaru was the threat. Sesshomaru bared his human teeth at them, before getting closer.

"Where is she?"

Neither of the men talked, but they were clearly blocking him from accessing to the room where he now assumed Kagome was. Ignoring the way they were trying to obtain his submission, he walked towards them.

He might not like any different than a human, but Sesshomaru still didn't let anyone tell him what to do. He held more status and power than any of these useless being. Plus, his main concern right now was the miko's safety.

When Sesshomaru was right in front of them, he stopped. He was ready to confront them, when she came through.

"Stop!"

All three men turned their head in direction of the heavily pregnant miko, who was trying to make her way through. Sesshomaru watched as she came in view, completely unharmed.

Did she know these people? Why would she know anyone in Australia?

Both men moved to let her pass, and she offered them a tiny smile before turning her attention to Sesshomaru.

"Don't harm them."

"You mean that's Sesshomaru?" They both looked so surprised by his appearance. Immediately their attitude changed, and they seemed to show him a little more respect.

"Who are they?" he asked, looking down at Kagome.

She bit her bottom lip. "They have the shard."

So she was being friendly to them, hoping they would give up the shard? There were safer, and quicker way to get the shard from them.

Sesshomaru put his hand on her arm, and slightly moved her behind him as if to protect her. "Miko, just stay back."

The first thought that ran through her mind was that he was going to use his youki, and that could only mean bad news, and not only for her. But for them too. His beast would have no pity, and she couldn't allow it to happen.

Immediately, Kagome went for his hand to stop him, although he made no attempt to reach for his wrist, but she had been to caught up to notice. "I know these people."

Sesshomaru dropped his guard at her words. How could she possibly know them? The surge of feelings he had been experiencing for the past hours had gotten the best out of him, although he did consider almost everyone a threat.

Kagome closed her eyes tightly. She knew this was going to happen. She told them not to do this, not to wait like this. She even warned them that he would be coming back, but they didn't listen. What was it with man and their ego?

Was it really impossible for them to listen to a woman once in a while? Although, they had only arrived a few minutes ago, she barely even had a chance to explain the situation to them.

"You're standing a little close to my woman there."

Sesshomaru's head turned in direction of the voice, only to see another man coming in view. He had long black hair, and bright blue eyes. An annoying smirk was adorning his face as he came in full view.

From the second he looked at him, he didn't like him. Although, there was something familiar.

Kagome sighed heavily. As if she needed this in her current state. "Do you remember Kouga?"

Kouga. The Wolf Prince.

Oh yes, he remembered him.

-B-


	39. The Wolf Prince

Kagome's stress level was dangerously increasing with every passing second. Neither males were saying anything to each other. Instead, it had turned into a staring contest and nothing good could transpire from it. She didn't want to be the one to break the silence, but someone would have to say something soon.

Kagome herself had been shocked out of her mind when she had opened the door and found two men standing there. She had not recognized them because they appeared so different, but when he had walked in,  _he_  had looked just the same.

He was missing his pointy ears, but he had the same piercing blue eyes, long black locks, pulled into a ponytail. He was still the same wild, stubborn Wolf Prince that had kidnapped her and  _claimed_  her as his woman many years back.

At first, she had felt tears but not of pain, but of joy. He was after all the first familiar face she had seen since Sesshomaru and it was a relief. Kouga had been very  _surprised_  by her current state and she couldn't blame him.

Quickly, she had felt the shard on him and at that point, she realized that they had a lot to catch up on. But somehow, him having a shard just made things feel  _right_. Then, they had moved to the little living room where they would be more comfortable.

She had quickly warned them that Sesshomaru might be back soon and they had been  _extremely_  confused, but since it was a long story, she had said they would get to it in due time. They had seemed impatient, but had listened. How was she supposed to explain everything that happened between her and Sesshomaru to Kouga?

They had begun exchanging a few words, but quickly enough, they had heard commotions and voices coming from outside, which was Sesshomaru interrupting their little reunion.

And now here they were with those two arrogant, proud males.

Her fingers were twitching as she finally decided to end this. But, apparently she was too slow for them. Kouga had moved things along. He broke the eye contact with Sesshomaru and headed towards Kagome.

The Wolf Prince, who didn't know the nature of the relationship between Sesshomaru and Kagome, was daring enough to put a hand on her shoulder. Never in a million year would he have expected Kagome to carry Sesshomaru's child, so the thought never crossed his mind.

Surprisingly even Sesshomaru felt a growl ready to rumble through his chest. An eyebrow arched, he held it back. He would  _not_  do this.

The Miko might be bearing his mark and his pup, but she was not his.

Well,  _technically_  she was, but only in a superficial way, because his beast had wanted her as its mate.

He had to remind himself. He kept repeating it in his mind.

Their mating clearly did not make her happy. As that thought crossed his mind, he found himself gazing at the pair in front of him. Kouga was  _very_  close to her, even touching her and she did not look stiff. Stressed perhaps, because of the situation, but not nervous. From the look of things, she had no problem with Kouga being so close to her.

But then again why should she? He had sniffed and spotted him around her and his half brother many times in the past. He guessed that they could be considered as friends, especially knowing the Miko's good nature.

Sesshomaru wasn't any of that to her. She was,  _stuck_  to put it at best.

But there was a youkai male, that she was comfortable around, who seemed to have strength to protect her. Unlike, any other humans in this era were capable of.

He remembered the words he said to himself. He wished for her happiness, but he never thought she would find someone because of everything that happened to her, but because she was different. She could not ignore all the tales of the past and what she went through. A human would never understand.

But this wolf, he might be the one she needed.

Sesshomaru had felt a tingle of fury the first time the wolf had come into view, but now his feelings were different, or were they? There was a whirlpool of emotions inside of him and he didn't know how to deal with them. Once again, he glanced at the Miko and at the other youkai.

Her grey eyes were shining, as if she was about to cry and it happened.

Sesshomaru felt out of place. For the first time in a long time, even though he had lived through different eras, he felt out of place.

This was obviously a friendly reunion, it wasn't his place to be there. He didn't know nor particularly like the wolf. The Miko might also be more comfortable if he was not there.

"I'll leave you with them, Miko."

He knew nothing would happen. She was protected, if  _they_  revealed their youki, she would not be harmed. Could he be feeling jealousy, tinted with guilt? He nearly shook his head, what a silly thought.

Kagome opened her mouth, as if she was ready to speak, but she didn't, she couldn't. What was she supposed to say? To, not leave her? Why not? There was nothing to say, nothing to add.

Sesshomaru quickly glanced away from her, before turning around and exiting their room, wanting to be somewhere else. He desperately needed to go for a drive to clear his mind. The shard was found, their search didn't need to go further. This extra time was for her. Perhaps she'd like to stay a little longer now than she had found someone from her past and he would allow it.

Why not? Maybe it would make her happy.

As he began walking down the stairs, he found himself wondering what exactly she would be telling them about their history together.

Kagome exhaled deeply as she let some of the stress leave her body. This situation was tearing her up inside and she wasn't sure why. It felt like it was a lot to deal with all at once. She couldn't help the feeling of  _strangeness_ , as if her heart was ready to burst. But then, she wondered if it was her own pain, or Kiyoshi's pain? As time had gone along, it had become harder for her to distinguish between them.

She gently pulled away from Kouga, his hand dropping into the emptiness, before she ran her fingers through her hair. Then, she sat down on the sofa, her bottom lip slightly quivering. Why was she feeling this way?

Kouga, concerned, sat down beside her, his heart hammering in his chest. He had a  _small_  idea of what was going on, but he didn't want to face it. The pieces were so easy to put together, yet he wouldn't do it. Kagome had always been his woman. Over the many years, he had looked for her, but he hadn't found a trace, although he had stopped searching, he had always hoped. It was a silly dream since humans didn't have a long lifespan, but he had always  _felt_  her light.

Now there she was, as beautiful as ever, but heavily pregnant. With someone's else child.

Sesshomaru's presence was quite unexpected, but Kouga refused to believe the Lord would have taken a human as his mate. It just wasn't who he was. You did not need to know him well to know he despised humans. Though his opinion could have change over the years…

And what were they doing in Australia?

Kouga had been driving through the city, without his youkai concealed, when he had gotten a familiar scent. Her scent. He had told himself he was crazy, he had chased it away. After all, how does a human live for five hundred years? But, often throughout the town, he smelled her and then, he admitted to himself he hadn't been insane. He had followed her scent to her hotel, had hidden his youkai identity before leaving the car.

He never thought it would have been real, but she had opened the door and there she had been. At first, she had been aiming at them with her arrow and bow, but when he had come into view, she had dropped everything.

She had actually seemed happy to see him and his heart had melted. Millions of questions had gone through his mind when he had caught sight of her, but he hadn't been able to have an answer. She had wanted to start from the beginning, which they never got a chance to do because of Sesshomaru's entrance.

But now, he had left and although Kouga didn't understand why everything was happening, it didn't matter because he was now alone with Kagome.

Nothing else mattered.

He turned his head in the direction of Ginta and Hakkaku, his blue eyes narrowing. "You two should stay outside," he semi-ordered.

Although Kouga didn't hold the status he used to, they had always followed him and they obeyed him. He considered them his friends, but he never really let go of his status of leader. Ginta and Hakkaku glanced at Kagome and Kouga before nodding. Although they were more than thrilled to have their little sister back, they knew this moment was important for Kouga, his infatuation with Kagome had never died.

They smiled at their little sister, before leaving the room, wishing Kouga the best.

Kagome's heart was pounding as she felt him come closer. She was not nervous, no, now she was overwhelmed. Although Kouga had been arrogant, stubborn, and sure as hell he could not take a hint, he was a  _friend_. He might not know she was from the future yet, or that she  _had been_  from the future, but he knew the past she had seen, if someone could understand, it was him. Nobody else in this era, except Sesshomaru had known her back then and still lived.

It was a nice feeling.

He had annoyed her many times, but not only was it the past, but he had always done everything out of a good heart. Kouga had never meant any harm, and he had often protected her.

"Kagome?"

His voice brought her out of her thoughts and she turned her head to look at him. His blue eyes were locked on her face, she offered him a small smile.

"I'm sorry," she almost mumbled.

He flashed his fang free smile at her, but this time, he kept his hands to himself.

She knew he was waiting for her to explain everything that happened, including her pregnancy and why in the world Sesshomaru and her were sharing a hotel room. Kagome decided to get the easy part out of the way first.

Kagome explained how she was from this era the whole time, how the jewel had come from her body and the bone eater's well had been the portal. He listened carefully the whole time, not asking any questions, since he was probably waiting for her to be done. Suddenly, she skipped a big chunk and came right to what they were doing now. Kagome told him about the growing darkness in the jewel and how only two shards were left to find,  _well_  one, now that they knew he had one.

Half an hour later, she had clarified everything, except anything that concerned her pregnancy and Sesshomaru.

To be honest, she didn't know what to say. It was clear that her and Sesshomaru were not together, even Kouga would be able to tell that, yet she was carrying his child and bore his mark.

What  _lie_  could she say that would explain all that? There was none, which left her to tell the truth.

Could Kouga handle the truth? She didn't want a fight to happen, she wouldn't be able to bear it if someone else lost their life for her. He could be so reckless, that even if she made him promise not to go hunt down Sesshomaru, he might just still do it.

But she couldn't remain silent. He was waiting on her answers.

She might as well get one of the big parts out of the way.

"Sesshomaru and I are  _mated_."

Kagome watched as his eyes lost their twinkle and for a brief moment they seemed to narrow.

"What?" was all he could say.

"It was –"

Kouga should know about beasts right? He was a youkai after all, meaning he had one as well.

"His  _beast_ ,"

Immediately Kouga's expression changed and it hardened.

"He took you by force," he finished, disgust in his voice.

Kagome expected him to get up and  _fly_  out of the room, like the old Kouga would have done, but he didn't. Instead, she watched his eyes flicker as he probably pictured the scene in his mind.

In an attempt to control the situation and for her sake, she put her hand on his arm.

"It wasn't his decision. The beast made it and forced it upon both of us."

She would leave out the way Sesshomaru had treated her back then. It was a personal detail that Kouga didn't need to know about. And it would only cause more trouble.

He was not glancing in her direction, but she hoped he was listening.

"I escaped his beast through the well," she swallowed hard, "Sesshomaru helped me. And now, he wants to atone for what happened and he's helping me complete the jewel."

Kagome waited for a change in his face and she saw none. In all honestly, she wasn't trying to spare his feelings. After all, she had tried to make him understand many times that they were just friends in the past, but now she was trying to avoid conflict.

She didn't need another load of stress added to her life.

Kouga finally tilted his head to the side, to look at her. "Is it his?"

She nodded.

He imitated the gesture before letting out a sigh. What happened to her was extremely common back then. Of course, it was not something he found acceptable, because it had happened to  _her_. Kouga had often desired her and he had kept his own desires in check.

No matter how hard it had been to not steal her away again.

His feelings of fury were swirling inside of him, he was trying to keep it under control for her. Kouga could see she was not doing well, emotionally. She looked as if she was ready to break down. He didn't want to do this to her. But, his own feelings were threatening to pour out.

His heart ached at the thought of what she had been put thru, that she was tied down to a man she did not love, while carrying his pup. If one person should have had happiness, at any cost, it was her. He had been willing to let  _someone else_  have her, as long as it was what she wanted.

"Does he want to keep you?" he managed to ask.

Keep her?  _Oh_.

"No."

The answer was obvious and easy. They were only doing this to complete the jewel. Afterwards, they would have as little contact with each other as possible. And it would most likely only involve Kiyoshi, nothing else.

That answer seemed to lift up Kouga's spirits. If Sesshomaru didn't want her, then, this situation might not be as bad as it looked. Kouga loved Kagome and he didn't mind if she had the inu's pup. He'd take care of both of them.

As long as Sesshomaru didn't wish for the mating, Kouga could break it. It would be tricky and it would require some research, but there was a way. He  _knew_  there had to be one. He had seen it perhaps once or twice in his lifetime. Although she couldn't remain unmarked, meaning that, Sesshomaru's mark had to immediately be replaced with his own.

But considering everything that happened to her and what that involved, Kouga wasn't sure she'd be open to such a proposition. It was then that he made the decision to wait a little before sharing his idea with her. Maybe until she became familiar with him again.

He did not want to chase her away.

The best way to have her trusting him was to change the image she had of him. He was no longer a wild cub and she had to see this. He couldn't let his emotions, no matter how intense and raw they were, show. He had to prove to her that he could support her.

Kouga swallowed his desire to kill and turned to gaze into her grey eyes. Before Kagome could utter a word, he had wrapped his arms around her, hugging her softly. Immediately, he felt a feeling of comfort and a of  _rightness_  by having her in his arms. It didn't take her too long to return the gesture. She lay her head on his shoulder and allowed herself to somewhat relax in his embrace, yet she remained on her guard a little.

Kouga could feel that she was slightly tense, but he chose to ignore it.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you Kagome," he said, his words holding more meaning than she'd know.

She offered him a weak smile. "Don't worry about it."

He was the last person she'd expected to see, he had even slipped her mind. But he was there.

And in him, she found a friend.

-B-

Sesshomaru had been driving around the city and outside of it for over an hour, though he was heading nowhere, he couldn't go back to the hotel, for mostly two reasons. The first one being she deserved privacy while meeting with her  _friend_  and the second one being, he didn't want to be in there while  _he_  was.

 _My woman_.

It was the way in which he had referred to Kagome.

Although he knew she had been a virgin until their mating, perhaps she had shared an emotional relationship with the wolf? Though, he had thought her to be in love with his half-brother. Then again, he had never known her pack enough to be aware of what was happening with them.

Though he couldn't chase the feeling of annoyance away, it did not bother him that she might find someone else. After all, it was what he had wished for her. So many things had happened in her life, that were wrong and it was only right for her to get some happiness. It did not bother him. It was right for her. It really was.

He had absolutely no say in this or in her life. Even if they were mated, she was completely free to do as she wished and he would never stop her.

Sesshomaru was usually a calm, collected person, who no matter how bad his feelings were, he could control them. He always did it on his own and rarely had any weakness.

But this time, for a reason beyond him, it was different.

For the first time in a long time, Sesshomaru  _wanted_  to release his youkai. Not because there was danger and he needed to protect himself, but because he felt a rage stirring up inside of him and that seemed to be the only way to relieve it. It was reckless and dangerous. It was most probably a very bad idea. Sesshomaru tried to chase away the idea. There was no way it was his beast affecting him. He was locked away and his feelings could not reach him.

He would not do this. The Miko could be harmed and so could the Wolf, although his well-being didn't concern him as much.

This could only go wrong. And why should he not be able to control himself? There was no reason for him to be feeling angry.

Though perhaps if he secluded himself enough, no harm would be done to anyone? He was already far from the limits of the town. It might relieve his emotions.

 _No_.

Sesshomaru quickly decided against it. It would not be safe, he refused to be endangering her like when he had  _taken care_  of the little youkai's. He had to keep himself in check. But, Sesshomaru knew he might be able to relieve some of his feelings  _without_  resorting to his youki.

Sesshomaru, who knew the area, quickly indicated a destination to his driver, who changed course.

He tapped his fingers against his leg, waiting to arrive. He didn't like the feeling of uneasiness. His whole body was twitching, he ran his fingers in his short black hair. At that moment, he despised his short hair. Sesshomaru had cut them to blend in easier. He hadn't wished to stand out as a businessman. Until that day, he had never cut his hair. That wolf still had his long hair, but from how  _smart_  he remembered him to be, he probably wasn't doing anything really important.

Why was he thinking about the wolf? It was perhaps a good thing that Kouga was the one who had the shard. This time, there would be no unwanted incidents and obtaining the shard should be easy.

The Miko's safety would not be compromised.

Their traveling plans would be sped up, they would be able to move on to their third destination very quickly.

Sesshomaru sighed, it almost sounded like a growl.

He then decided that, his feelings could be explained in a lot of ways. Perhaps the beast's feelings still lingered inside of him and also, the mating mark. Even though they didn't consider each other as mates, they were mated. The fact that a male was threatening to take away what was his was causing the bond to react. There was nothing else to it. In a few hours, it would be gone and everything would be back to normal.

A few instants later they reached their destination, once the car came to a stop Sesshomaru got out. Immediately the breeze danced upon his skin and the scent of the fresh grass filled his human nostrils.

It was peaceful.

He indicated for the driver to leave the place, because he didn't want anyone around. He wanted to be by himself, he needed to be alone to retrieve himself.

His watch was shining as the rays of the sun were hitting it. But, he quickly chased the thoughts of using it away. It was clear in his mind that she would not be harmed. He would deal with his unknown feelings in his own way.

Sesshomaru walked deeper into the forest, until he could no longer see the exit. He didn't fear for his life, nor did he mind being alone. It was better than with people. As he kept walking he closed his eyes and though his senses couldn't guide him as well, he trusted himself.

Being surrounded by silence, he allowed his mind to come up with a theory of what was happening to him. What were those strange feelings he did not know? Why had they started when the wolf had arrived?

Their mating.

Could it be that it was in their bond? Granted it was extremely weak since they shared no feelings and didn't have a relationship in any way, but it was still present. Was it his bond reacting to the presence of anther male?

Was it threatening to the mating?

Personally, Sesshomaru did not mind if the Wolf took over, but those  _feelings_ , would they ever go away? Sesshomaru remembered feeling an ache in his heart in the past, but he never knew what it was.

Now that he was feeling it again, he knew it had to be the link to her.

But the Miko had not done anything with the Wolf, so why was the bond reacting? Was it her feelings that were influencing it? She didn't feel anything good towards him, but she did for the Wolf. In a normal situation, she wouldn't experience more towards another male than her mate.

He was quite to blame for it, but there was nothing he could do about it. They were mated and he wouldn't kill himself, or her to break it.

Then, Sesshomaru found himself wondering if the Miko was experiencing pain as well. The bond works both ways and if he felt this way, she should be as well. Although she was always in constant pain, so perhaps an added one, especially during a stressful situation went by unnoticed.

If they had been  _true_  mates, he would have been able to tell her emotions, but they weren't, all they had was a weak bond, which was only making their lives difficult.

He blamed the Wolf as well.

Sesshomaru didn't mind what the Miko did with her life, since it was her choice, but he wasn't sure how he felt about the Wolf being around his pup. Especially considering that the pup already needed a bond. If Kouga stuck around, it would make it difficult for Kagome and him to create a link to lessen her pain. What if it caused trouble when they would want to form a connection for the sake of her moving on.

Though, the Wolf might be what she needed to move on and forget all the horrible things that happen. Maybe it would be the way for her to retrieve the light from within her.

He was coming up with many reasons why this was a good thing, while not being in a perfect situation, but he was ignoring his own feelings. Since the bond was affecting them, he didn't think they could be trusted.

Yet, he was completely unable to chase the unsettling feeling deep inside of him. Why did an emotion similar to jealousy rise inside of him at the thought of her being taken away by the Wolf?

She wasn't his.

She didn't belong to him.

He was just helping her, trying to repair his mistakes.

-B-

"Thank you," said Kouga as she handed him a coffee cup.

Once again, it showed her how different he and Sesshomaru were. Kouga was now in his youkai form, which was fully harmless and he still ate and drank. Why was Sesshomaru so different?

She took a seat beside him, before playing with her fingers. She had yet to ask him about the shard. Even in the past, she had let him keep them, never asking. It was  _him_  who obtained them. Actually, if she re-called properly,  _Sesshomaru_  was the one to retrieve them. No wonder they didn't seem to have a good relationship.

As Kagome glanced at the clock, she realized Sesshomaru had been gone for a long time. For a brief moment, she pondered on where he had gone. Kouga cleared his throat causing her to focus her attention on him.

Kouga had noticed how distracted she had been, he didn't know if she was thinking about Sesshomaru or the jewel. He hoped it was the latter.

"Where is the shard?" she asked intrigued.

Kagome could only imagine how tainted it was. She hoped Kouga didn't insert it on his body like he had done with the last two. It could easily corrupt him if he wasn't being careful.

Kouga reached out for his wallet in his back pocket and pulled it out. The once pink shard was not shining, instead it was giving off a black glow. Kouga put it down on the table, right in between them.

"I figured it wouldn't be wise to put it on."

He remembered what the shards could do if they were tainted and how you could be controlled. But, since it was still a Shikon shard, he had decided to keep it. Not for the power, but perhaps because it reminded him of Kagome.

But he didn't need it anymore, he had the real her now. Well, and alive.

To his surprise, Kagome didn't take the shard, she didn't even touch it. Why didn't she purify it? Wouldn't it be much safer that way? He raised his head to look in her eyes, but quickly found that he couldn't.

Her own eyes were locked on the shard. Looking at it only made Kagome feel like a failure. She could not touch it, could nor purify it. This was supposed to be her duty, she could not do it. Sesshomaru and her had tried for a few days to form a connection, but so far, not much progress had been made. How long would it take? She knew they couldn't complete the jewel until it was over with, but she feared it would take too much time.

They couldn't put the three missing shards in the jewel to finish it, because it was safer to have an incomplete dark jewel, than a full one.

It was then that Kagome realized she had been lost in her own thoughts and she raised her head to look at Sesshomaru.

"I'm sorry," she said, offering him a weak smile.

Kouga softly shook his head.

"I know a lot of things are pre-occupying you right now." He wanted to ask about the shard but he didn't.

Then he asked himself if it was better if he kept the shard, or if she did. She might be insulted if he kept the shard from her, but what if he didn't see her again because she didn't need him anymore?

He trailed his fingers along the table, unsure.

"About the shard…" Kouga looked into her shiny grey eyes and he knew what he had to do. "You should keep it."

She shook her head.

"Are you sure?" She knew they  _had_  to have the shard, but it didn't feel right to just take it away from him. She hadn't been able to back then and it was the same now.

He nodded. "You need it more than I do, Kagome."

"Thank you."

For hours they had talked, Kouga finally sharing his story about how he came upon the shard. It had been over 70 years ago. Back then, Kouga still had a little pack consisting of ten wolfs and cubs, - much larger than his current five wolf pack – and one of the cubs had fallen into the water. Too young and panicking, he had begun to drown, Kouga had been the one to launch himself into the water to retrieve him. As he had dove into the deepness of the ocean  _something_  glowing with a strange power had attracted him.

First he had taken the cub to shore, but after wards, he had returned under the water to inspect what could have given him that  _familiar_  feeling. After searching the bottom of the ocean for a while, he had found it. A black as night shard staring at him, tucked carefully between a shell and a rock, nearly all buried under sand. It was then that he had took it and ever since then, he had been carrying it with him, never  _putting_  it on.

After the story about the shard, he had told her about his current life and they had chatted a few hours away, but Kagome couldn't chase the unsettling feeling she had inside of her. She knew Sesshomaru wouldn't come back until Kouga had left. But why would she prefer Sesshomaru there over Kouga?

Perhaps she had grown accustomed to his presence. He had not yet done any terrible mistake yet. Or maybe it was because she didn't know how to act around Kouga. It wasn't easy around Sesshomaru, but she could still  _be_  there.

With Kouga it was different. She noticed the little glances he was giving her sometimes and she found herself wondering if he wanted more than a friendship. After so many years, could he really still feel that way about her? Maybe she was mistaken as well. After all, she wasn't used to having someone being friendly and  _close_  to her, except her family, Sesshomaru had been the only one around her for the past number of months.

She was afraid too.

She didn't need more complication, but she didn't want to lose Kouga. Not only could he help them, but he was a friend too. She was still allowed to have friends wasn't she?

It could be steps going back to a normal life.

And he knew her past, her history. She could be completely honest with him.

"Have I overstayed my welcome?" he asked, a hint of amusement in his voice.

Kagome had a small blush decorating her cheeks. Was she really so out of it, that she didn't notice she kept being lost in her thoughts. She couldn't let him know everything that was on her mind.

"I'm just a little tired," she said, making it up on the spot.

Kouga had been waiting for that moment and although he had no desire to leave her, especially alone with Sesshomaru, he still had to show her he wasn't wild anymore.

A sigh escaped his lips before he rose to his feet.

"You should rest, especially in your condition" Smiling gently to her.

He reached for his wallet again and took out a card, before handing it to her.

"I'll be close by at any time. Just call me, and I'll come."

Kouga closed the distance between them, ready to hug her.

"You should stay a couple extra days."

Even if she left Melbourne, it wouldn't matter. Kouga was considering going with her. He was a youkai as well and he could offer her a certain degree of protection and he was not as dangerous as Sesshomaru for her. Perhaps his job would be to protect her from Sesshomaru's beast.

"I will," she answered truthfully.

Why not? After all, they had barely been in Melbourne for one whole day. They had expected this to take longer than it had and since she could not purify the jewel just yet, a few days wouldn't make any difference.

Although she wondered what kind of uncomfortable situations this would bring. Would Sesshomaru and Kouga talk or interact? After all, Sesshomaru needed to be around for Kiyoshi and for the connection they were trying to form.

She wouldn't chase him out of her life.

Kouga bent down slightly and hugged her.

"Be careful," he whispered into her hair, before pulling away from her.

He flashed her a smile before walking out of the room and leaving her all by herself, closing the door behind him.

Kagome let a sigh escape her lips before she walked in the direction of her bed. She felt completely exhausted, her pains were bothering her. Was it perhaps because Sesshomaru had been away for a while, or because Kouga had been around?

Did the presence of another male bother her son?

Kouga and her would never be anything past friends. Not only was she nowhere ready for this kind of a relationship, but even though Kouga was a good guy, he wasn't right for her. She knew it back then and she knew it now.

They could stay for another day. Maybe she could allow herself a day where she would relax. It sounded so selfish, but she wanted to pretend everything was simple and normal for just a day. She allowed herself to rest on the bed and closed her eyes. Her thoughts went to Sesshomaru for a second and before she could ask herself when he would be back, she heard someone open the door.

Without looking up, she knew it was him.

Slowly, she sat up and even though she gazed in his direction, their eyes never met.

Sesshomaru knew she probably wondered why he arrived so quickly after the Wolf. Truth was, when he came back Kouga had still been there and he had waited for him to leave.

"I did not wish to interrupt," he said, before making his way to his own bed.

Kagome nodded, before noticing something strange about his expression. Sesshomaru looked like he was in pain. Actually, it was worse than pain, it was something else, but she couldn't figure it out. He was also avoiding her eyes, so it was hard to tell. The little pain she felt inside of her increased slightly. It forced her to look away. Why did she feel so twisted inside and all upside down?

Her lips parted slightly, as her breathing rate increased.

It was when her breathing pace changed that caught Sesshomaru's attention.

"Are you well?" he asked, as he watched her transform under his eyes.

Kagome softly nodded, before re-focusing her self. Why was she such a mess?

Once she felt a little better, she thought about sharing what she had somewhat decided with Sesshomaru.

"I thought we could stay an extra day or two."

Sesshomaru immediately knew why.

"It is acceptable." His voice was cold and different from usual. She was used to it being neutral, but not this void of emotions.

Was it because of Kouga? Did it really bother him? Kagome couldn't understand why though, Sesshomaru didn't want her in his life, just like she had no desire to keep him in hers.

Perhaps he was just worried that Kouga would slow down the progress they were doing? It shouldn't do anything. They would be gone in a day and it would all be well. Plus she had no intention of being anything with Kouga.

She had so many more important things to focus on. Like her son and the connection she was forming with Sesshomaru. Kagome wanted to move on, be free and until she could purify the jewel, she couldn't focus on her life, or love.

Her duty always came first and they always would.

Everything else and everyone else came before her.

Sesshomaru watched as she became engrossed in her own thoughts. He knew his attitude probably appeared different, but he was still working on pushing aside the feelings brought on by the bond. He was just glad that the Wolf was gone for today and that if he came around to check up on the Miko, he could not sense or smell him. He didn't need that added  _stress_  right now.

He had thought the Miko would have been somewhat happy that Kouga had been there, but she looked more in pain than when he had left. Perhaps things had not gone as she had planned. Not that it was any of his business. He ran his fingers through his hair, before laying down on the bed and reaching out for his book. Reading usually calmed him down.

He didn't glance her way, so he didn't feel her eyes on him.

Kagome had a desire to say something, but she couldn't explain why. The pain and emotions were messing her up, perhaps it was why she felt this way. Maybe if she just came out and said it, it would all be well.

She grabbed a book as well, but not for leisure reading. She took one of the Miko books he brought and laid almost in the same position as him. She opened the first page, but before reading, she tilted her head in his direction.

"He's a friend."

Sesshomaru raised his eyes from his book and slightly glanced her way. But, Kagome was no longer looking at him, she was focused on her book.

And all of the sudden, he didn't feel as heavy within.

-B-


	40. Transition

The gentle ray of the sunlight hit Kagome's face, bringing her out of her slumber. She blinked a few times, trying to bring herself out of her unconscious state, but every time, her heavy eyelids kept closing. Her eyes still closed, she ran her fingers through her hair, pushing her bangs out of the way. Finally, she opened her grey eyes widely, only to be graced with an unexpected sight.

Right in front of her was a tray filled with food. Pancakes drowning in syrup, bacon almost still sizzling and a glass of orange juice lay on the tray. Kagome raised her head, expecting not to see Sesshomaru, but there he was. He was lying on the bed, reading one of his books, completely engulfed. Usually he left in the mornings, or at least he'd only come back when she was awake.

She noticed his attire, which was a black suit with a deep red shirt and his shoes caught her eyes. Shoes? Had he gone out already? Not that it was really any of her business.

As if he had felt her eyes on him, he turned his head to the side and their eyes met. He slowly nodded at her, before resuming his readings. It was when she looked into his eyes that she noticed something was off. She saw an unfamiliar rage inside of him. Even if the situation from yesterday should have made him experience a fury, he remained quite collected. It was strange to see him so  _infuriated_ though. His expression didn't give away what his eyes were saying.

Perhaps she was reading too much into this.

"Thank you," she said barely audible, before sitting up in the bed and moving the tray upon her lap.

Sesshomaru did not move, as he held  _tightly_  –way too tightly to his book. He didn't want to look at her right now. Sesshomaru was still greatly annoyed, for an inexplicable reason, by his meeting with the Wolf.

While she had still been asleep  _he_  had shown up. But he hadn't wanted to speak with the Miko, no  _he had wished_  to talk to him. Since Sesshomaru didn't want to disturb her, they had left the hotel rooms and gone to the restaurant on the first floor.

It had been an  _interesting_  meeting.

 _"I would have thought that_ you _out of all people would be able to control yourself," said Kouga, a hint of rage in his voice._

 _Although he understood, more than Inuyasha and Kagome, what it was like to have your beast rage up inside of you, it still didn't change the fact that it was_ his _Kagome who was hurt during this._

 _"Is this the reason of your_  visit _?" asked Sesshomaru, his tone cold._

_He had no intention of justifying, nor explaining himself to the Wolf. What happened between him and the Miko was not his to know, or to judge. If he wished to know certain things, he could ask the Miko and she would choose what she wanted to say or not say._

_Kouga scoffed. He didn't particularly like Sesshomaru, but he did not despise him either. The only thing he had against him right now was that Kagome was his mate. She was not with the right person._

_"I want her."_

_If it hadn't been so undignified, Sesshomaru would have rolled his eyes. As if there was anything more obvious than that statement. But, he wondered why Kouga was telling him._

_It was none of his concern._

_"The Miko is not mine."_

_Although they were_ mated _Kouga understood what Sesshomaru's statement meant. Kagome was free for the taking. Kouga couldn't help but chuckle, which caused Sesshomaru to arch his eyebrow._

_"You really are Inuyasha's brother."_

_"Half," immediately corrected Sesshomaru, perhaps out of habit._

_Sesshomaru didn't understand how what he said made him like Inuyasha, but instead of asking, he waited for the Wolf to provide him with an explanation._

_"I watched that mutt hurt her so many times, if she hadn't been so devoted, he would have let her slip through his fingers. He never wanted her. Well not only her."_

_Kouga could still remember how hard he had tried to take her away from Inuyasha, but every time, she remained by the mutt's side._

_"You're doing the exact same thing." He took his drink in his hands. "Guess you only want what you can't have." He took a gulp. "But I'm about to change that."_

_He had it all worked out last night. He knew Kagome would say yes, how could she not? After having to be with Sesshomaru for so long, she was probably dying for a friendlier presence._

_"I'll talk to Kagome about joining you guys."_

_For a brief instant, Sesshomaru felt his whole body tense. The thought of_ him _being there all the time didn't sit well with him. As a swirl of fury began to immerge from within him, he reminded himself that this was not about him._

_It was about her._

_If it made it easier on her, if she wanted this, he could only allow it._

_"Can you afford traveling?"_

_Kouga smirked. "For her I can afford anything."_

_How_ cheesy _. Sesshomaru had been in his presence for five minutes, and already he could not stand him. He was arrogant, and annoying. He also didn't fail to notice the possessiveness Kouga held for the Miko._

 _Kouga carefully watched Sesshomaru's expression, waiting to see a crack in his mask. How was he so ok with all of this? Not that it didn't please him of course, but if Sesshomaru's beast had picked Kagome, it had to be for a very good reason. So why was he letting her go so easily? Perhaps he still had yet to understand why the beast thought she was perfect for him. Not that Kouga would point him in the right direction_ or _give him enough time to find out._

_Kagome would never be happy with him anyway._

_Dogs were so foolish._

_Sesshomaru didn't fail to notice the smirk upon Kouga's lips, as if he had a wicked plan and that he was snatching something right from under his nose. His irritation and lack of patience towards him simply increased. He despised him and found him extremely annoying._

_He had no manners as well._

_Though the Miko's personal life was none of his concern, Sesshomaru decided she could do better. Of course what he thought the previous day was still present. Kouga did know the whole story and perhaps could offer her the support she required but…_

_He was a complete idiot and reckless as well._

_It was obvious that he made decisions on the spot. That he never thought them through. Such behavior could reveal to be harmful, especially during delicate situations._

_Kouga finished his drink, before putting it down on the table._

_"I'll come back in a few hours when she'll be awake."_

_Especially in her state, his Kagome needed all the rest she could get. He was dying to let her know his proposition. Kouga had no doubt that she would accept it. Why wouldn't she? She had said yes to Sesshomaru after all._

_Kouga rose from his seat and glanced in Sesshomaru's direction for a brief second before leaving._

_Sesshomaru never looked in his direction, instead he had his eyes fixed on the empty glass in front of him. He wasn't one to drink, even when idiots annoyed him to no end. A subtle sigh escaped his lips, before he stood up._

_As he was about to exit the area of the restaurant, he changed his mind. He backtracked and decided to order a breakfast for the Miko. She would most probably be starving once she woke up._

Ever since that meeting, Sesshomaru felt as if his patience had run short. He had been waiting for the Wolf to come back and knock on that door, but he hadn't yet. Which was a good thing considering that the Miko had just awoken and was now eating.

As she began eating, he found himself glancing in her direction. He couldn't get Kouga's words out of his mind.  _He was letting her slip through his fingers_. What did that even mean?

He didn't have her to begin with, how could he lose her?

And why did it even matter if he did?

Sesshomaru could also remember what Kagome had said the previous night.  _He's just a friend_. Why had she said that? Obviously the last thing she would ever try to do was to spare his feelings. Not that she needed to in this case.

Once again, he gazed in her direction.

She had one hand on her stomach, while using the other to eat. Her attention was focused on her current task and she seemed  _relaxed_. He couldn't feel nervousness coming from her like in the beginning.

Had she grown somewhat accustomed to his presence? Had she really allow herself to drop her guard while being around him?

And then he was caught. Kagome raised her head, had glanced in his direction, their eyes meeting once again. Sesshomaru knew he'd looked guilty if he looked away. So he kept staring.

"The W- Kouga, will be coming later."

Kagome frowned. Already? She glanced at the clock, which indicated 8am. Why was he up so early and why did Sesshomaru know about it. Then she began putting some pieces together.

Well, it explained why he was wearing his shoes.

"Why?" she asked, finishing up her pancake.

Sesshomaru gazed away. It was his business to tell her what it was for, but he could still answer her.

"He has a proposition for you," he said before flipping a page in his book.

 _He wanted to go with them_. Kagome didn't need to hear what he had to say, because she knew. You didn't need to be a genius to figure it out. She had thought about it during the previous night, thinking it over.

Although it would be nice to have a friend around, she wasn't sure it was the best idea. It wasn't that she didn't like Kouga, but she could see various scenarios happening. None of them ended in a good way.

First, there would be a point where they would end up fighting. Second, she didn't want to think about what would happen if at any moment, Sesshomaru needed to use his beast. One thing for sure, Kouga would not be spared.

Obviously, she couldn't travel on her own with Kouga. She knew he'd protect her, but somehow he wouldn't be the best traveling companion. Especially since she was afraid he would be expecting too much of her.

Sesshomaru didn't want  _that_  kind of relationship with her, but Kouga most probably did. Kagome was not ready to cross that bridge and she knew it. The fact of it being it would be a long time before she would want to be crossing it.

Or, would she ever?

Right now, she didn't want to deal with having to reject Kouga. It might have been easier in the past, but her life was much more complicated now. Even if Sesshomaru was with them, he might still attempt.

He did it with Inuyasha.

She exhaled deeply. "It wouldn't be a good idea."

A little surprised, Sesshomaru pulled his attention away from his book. She knew what the Wolf was going to ask? Then again, he was quite predictable.

"It would be too complicated."

He didn't want to share what he had on his mind, but perhaps, it would be better for her. He didn't like Kouga, but he felt he had to offer her another opinion on the matter. A neutral one. After all, he was the only one she could seek advice from at the moment. She wouldn't ask him for obvious reasons, but he still wanted to say something.

Sesshomaru put his book down and shifted his body position slightly.

"He could be acceptable for you." Kagome's eyes flickered in his direction. "Considering everything."

A tiny ghost of a smile appeared on her face.

"Kouga is sweet and I know he  _claims_ I'm his woman, but… He never really knew me when he said he loved me." It was, although quite nice to hear a declaration for the first time.

"He's in love with the thought of loving me. Not with me." She bit on her bottom lip. "If he wasn't right for me five hundred years ago, he still isn't."

Kagome put down her fork and pushed the plate away from her, before moving herself so that she was on the edge of the bed. She struggled to get herself on two feet and when she did, she walked in the direction of the bathroom, ending their conversation.

As Kagome walked past him, he found himself staring at her changing form. Her stomach was expanding with each passing day and he noticed she struggled more and more with every day tasks.

Was he pushing her too much too far along in her pregnancy?

Perhaps they could take a break between now and the next shard. Although she had at least 3 months go before it was time for her to give birth, something inside of him was screaming that it would be sooner than that.

She was almost at four months.

They would have to wait and see.

-B-

Kagome had been drying her hair with a towel in the bathroom when she heard the knock on the door of their room. She knew who it was and to prevent Sesshomaru from opening the door, she rushed out and went to open it.

As soon as she opened the door, Kouga graced her with a smile.

"You look great, Kagome," he said, before pulling her in a hug.

She smiled at him and returned the gesture. It made her feel a little bad that she would need to turn down his offer, but it had to be done.

Before Kouga could say anything, she spoke.

"I'll get my purse," she said, knowing she wouldn't go anywhere without it. Not that she didn't trust leaving it because Sesshomaru was there, but she only trusted herself to be with it.

And even that was far-fetched.

Kouga allowed himself to glance around the room and spotted Sesshomaru. He never once looked at him. Instead he kept on reading his book. Kouga decided to stop wasting his time on him and re-focused his attention on Kagome.

She looked glowing in her pink maternity dress, which ended right under knees. He could feel her light shining through as if no matter what had happened, she held on to it tightly.

"Ready?" he asked when she appeared near him again.

Kagome nodded and Kouga began leading the way.

Before she closed the door behind her, she found herself looking at Sesshomaru. His eyes were still on his book and he was not looking at her. She lingered a few more seconds, but he never did, so she closed the door.

Sesshomaru raised his eyes slightly and with a sigh, put his book down.

He was bothered.

Meanwhile, Kouga had a huge grin on his face, while her and Kouga emerged from the hotel. The sun was high and bright, it was a beautiful day. Today he felt as if he was lucky, he knew things would go well.

He hadn't planned to stay in her hotel room, but he wasn't sure what he wanted to do either. Before they got to business, he knew he wanted to spend some time with her and do some activities.

"Would you like to go see a movie?"

Kagome was  _almost_  nervous. She couldn't remember the last time she had done something normal and there he was proposing a friendly outing. She could hardly refuse it.

"Sure," she said, offering him a smile. "But, I mean, my English isn't great."

Especially considering the fact she had neglected it during the many years she had traveled back and forth.

He shook his head. "Don't worry. They have a few theatres where they play foreign movies."

She nodded. "Alright then."

Delighted by her answer, he unconsciously grabbed her hand like he had done many times in the past and walked beside her. Against her will, Kagome found herself slightly stiff under the new touch.

Why was she like this?

They had hugged before and it hadn't caused her to give this reaction. Usually the only time she stiffened was when Sesshomaru touched her. Even now, basic contacts were fine.

Was it because for her the hug was a friendly gesture, but the way he held her hand was more  _romantic_  because she knew what he  _wanted_  in the end?

She found herself slightly troubled and it was a good thing Kouga was oblivious to it.

For the longest time, Kagome found herself thinking that the reaction she had to the  _now_  Sesshomaru touching her was reserved for him because of what he had done. Apparently, she had been wrong.

Kouga had never harmed her, nor done anything wrong and there she was uncomfortable at the first sign of real closeness. Her fear wasn't reserved to Sesshomaru, it was equal for everyone it would seem.

Did it mean that no matter whom she would get into a relationship with, she would have trouble? She would need to work on herself so she could be with someone, even if that person wasn't Sesshomaru?

As she found herself in a small panic, she didn't notice that they had stopped walking. It was only when Kouga pulled his hand away from hers that she snapped back to reality.

"I'll go see what they have," he said, his hand already missing the warmth from hers.

It was strange to think that Sesshomaru could be equal to any other men. She would fear him as much as any other. She  _almost_  felt like laughing because of the situation. Was she really that damaged?

Her desire to overcome the events was now stronger than ever. She couldn't let one horrible chunk of her life ruin her forever. It was horrifying and it had been hell, but if she wanted to escape that darkness, she  _really_  needed to wake up.

As if it was a nightmare.

Plus, they were making small progress right now. She had a normal conversation with him this morning, as if he was anyone else. She hadn't even noticed that she had done it.

She had agreed to give him a second chance and so far, things were not bad. Granted they were not, nor would be best friends, but she did notice that she was not nearly as tense or stressed all the time.

"Comedy," said Kouga, bringing her out of her thoughts.

She offered him a weak smile, before apologizing.

"I'm just a little out of it today," she said, before following him inside.

Why was it that even when Sesshomaru was far from her, he occupied her mind? Was he just that engrained in her memory? A tiny sigh escaped her lips before, she followed Kouga inside.

This time, she had to clear her mind. This was about being normal for a while.

Then she'd have to break the illusion and she wasn't only referring to hers.

-B-

She was avoiding him.

At least, it was the impression Kouga was getting. Ever since they had begun walking again, she was keeping her hands away from him and out of reach. Had he perhaps gone too far too fast?

Kagome could feel him glancing her way every few seconds and she knew it was time for her to explain things to him, before he started his own speech. She didn't want to hurt him, but she wanted to be clear enough.

"Kouga, I'm really glad to see you again," she started, before gazing his way. "And I appreciate your help and the way you're my friend." She licked her dry lips. "I really needed that. I needed someone."

Kouga felt his chest swell with happiness.

"But, I don't think it's a good idea for you to come collect the last shard with us."

He couldn't help but stop walking.

"How do you know? Did Sesshomaru tell you?"

She shook her head. Well he did tell her he had a proposition for her, but he didn't say what. Plus, she had already figured that he would like to join them.

"I kinda figured it out."

He nodded.

"You're a very good friend Kouga and I have no doubt that you want to do this for the right reasons, but," she paused to move in front of him.

"I need to do this with him. I need to move on, forget what happened in the past, Kouga. If you're there, it'll just make it harder for me to do that."

Trying to bring him comfort, because she had no intention to hurt him, she reached out for his hands. She didn't flinch as she took them in hers and squeezed.

Kouga looked down at their joined hands, trying to process what she was saying. She didn't want him to be there because she wanted to  _forget_  what happened with Sesshomaru?

Although it made him rage from the inside, he somewhat understood. But he wanted to be there with her, for her. He didn't want another male taking the job of protecting her.

But at least she never said they couldn't be together, or that she didn't want to see him again. She just wanted to finish the jewel hunt first. Though it was killing him inside, Kouga knew it was the best thing to do. He had to let her go for now.

He didn't want to, he wanted to hold on, but he couldn't. He waited 500 years, thinking she was no longer of this world. Now that he knew she was alive, he could wait a little more.

Kouga sighed before nodding. He released his hands from her hold and pulled her into a tight hold.

"I'll always be there when you need me, Kagome."

He wanted her to know that as long as she breathed, he wouldn't give up. He would always be present, he could be the man she wanted, the one she needed. She just had to give him the opportunity.

"I know," she said, her voice barely audible.

Kouga kept her in an embrace for a little while longer, before pulling away.

"Keep my number. Anytime, anywhere, you can call me and I'll pick up."

It was so hard to watch her go  _again_. He was willing to give up so much for her, but she wasn't ready to see it. After everything that had happened to her, he couldn't blame her.

"When you're done, give me a call." He smiled slightly. "Who knows, I might just come to Japan to see you."

She knew he would.

"I will." He deserved at least that. They might never be destined to be together, but they could be great friends. And once Kouga would let go of the illusion of love he had for her, he would see it as well.

As if they both knew, they began heading back towards Kagome's hotel, Kouga's heart a little heavy. He thought he had gotten over her when he had assumed she was dead, but to see her alive again… all of his feelings had rushed back to the surface.

He had been so addicted to her. Many times she had gently rejected him, but never had he given up. He had always thought that one day she would realize that she was the one for him.

That day never came, or so he thought. But perhaps he had been foolish to give up. If he gave her time now, she might just become his. So Kouga would give her all the time, all the space she needed. Because it was worth it, she was worth it.

Nearly half an hour later, they arrived in front of the hotel and Kouga felt a pain in his heart when he thought about leaving her there with  _him_. It wasn't fair, but life wasn't fair to begin with.

Once again, he hugged her, as tightly as he could without hurting her. He prayed with his soul, that one day she would finally be his.

"Goodbye Kouga," said Kagome as she pulled away from the embrace.

He might not be getting what he wanted, but he did her a world of good. To get out of the jewel routine, to see a familiar friendly face had lifted her spirits. She might not return his romantic feelings, but he was her friend.

It was nice to know that after being missing from this era for so long she could still find people she could call as such and mean it. Today, Kagome had felt alive.

"I'll see you later," he said, not wanting to say those other, to final of words.

She smiled, he nodded, before he began walking away from her. The whole time, she watched him. When he was out of sight, she made her way inside. She still had a hard time believing she had done such an every day activity like going to the movies.

Had it really been that long since she had been normal?

Even when she had been traveling between this era and the other, she hadn't done things like this. Maybe she was in dire need of a vacation and only now did she realize it.

But it would have to wait until her task was completed. Just like everything else.

Slowly, she made her way up the stairs. Considering her current state it might have been a better idea to take the elevator, but she trusted the stairs more. It might feel like a silly fear, but she couldn't help herself.

Plus a little hard work never killed anyone.

A few minutes later, she reached her floor. Kagome was semi-dragging her feet as she arrived in front of her bedroom's door. She slowly opened it, only to reveal an empty room.

She quickly assumed he had left to do his own thing, after all, it was what she had just done. She closed the door behind herself, as she walked further inside the bedroom, before sitting on a chair near the TV.

It was official, her feet were killing her. Before her pregnancy, she used to be able to walk for miles, but now, she couldn't walk past the door before she was in pain. Good thing they mostly traveled in cars and planes.

All of the sudden, she heard a door open and she raised her head, staring at the bathroom door. To her surprise, Sesshomaru came in sight, wearing nothing but a white towel around his waist.

His short hair was damp and clinging to his neck, as he ran his fingers through his bangs, moving them out of the way.  _Then_  he felt eyes upon his person. Sesshomaru quickly looked, only to notice Kagome sitting a few feet from him.

Awkwardness was a word that could describe the situation.

Kagome was the first one to break the eye contact by looking away. She already knew what his body looked like since she had been in more than one situation where all she could see was that, but it didn't mean she was comfortable with it.

Out of her discomfort, a slight blush appeared on her cheeks and she felt out of place. The situation did not put her at ease. And if she had been able to look at Sesshomaru, she would have been able to tell the same thoughts ran thru his mind about it.

The Miko had come back way sooner than he had expected. He thought she'd be gone for most of the day, yet there she was barely two, nearly three hours later. If he had known…

"I apologize. I did not expect you back so soon." he said breaking the silence.

Next time, he would be more careful, even though he might be alone again, he'd make sure he had the proper attire to dress himself  _inside_  the washroom.

She shook her head. "It's okay." Nothing she hadn't seen before.

Kagome was about to let the little  _incident_  take away her mood, but she stopped herself. All she had been trying to do lately was progress. She wouldn't let this set her back.

They had done a normal conversation this morning, why shouldn't they be able to do it again? They might have a few restrictions when it came to topics, since they didn't want to end up on an uncomfortable subject, but there were plenty of things they could talk about. Like the weather…

She glanced his way, only to see him disappear back into the washroom. Perhaps no conversation at all was better for the moment.

Kagome took a deep breath in before turning her attention to the TV, which was on but on mute. Immediately she recognized the movie that was playing on the TV.  _Dare mo shiranai._ _With her current state of mind and how emotional she could be, she wasn't sure if it was the right movie for her to watch._

Nonetheless, she couldn't stop herself from taking the remote and raising the volume. To be more comfortable and where she could lay down, Kagome moved to her bed, her eyes still on the screen.

This would be emotionally difficult.

As she began to get engross in the movie, Sesshomaru came out of the bathroom, completely dress. He was wearing a pair of clean black pants and a simple white shirt.

The sound coming from the television immediately attracted his attention. He observed for a few minutes, but did not recognize the movie. It was when he moved to his bed, that Kagome seemed to notice his presence.

"Dare mo shiranai.  _Nobody knows_."

He had never seen nor heard of the movie, but then again, he wasn't one to go out much, or spend his days in front of the television. Outside of this, he was quite a busy man with his business. Even now, he had hired at least three more people to overlook his work while he was gone on this trip with her.

Of course she wouldn't know that. Nor should she have had knowledge of it. They barely discussed when they did, such things were trivial. They had more important things to focus on.

Sesshomaru quickly noticed that she was engrossed in the movie and he decided that he might as well take a look at it, since she seemed to deem it worthy of interest.

Of course the angle at which he was sitting at, was not the best. The television was more centered for her bed than it was for his. Since he didn't watch TV, it had never really mattered but now, it was causing him to put his neck in somewhat of an uncomfortable position.

As he shifted around, Kagome glanced in his direction. It didn't take her too long to figure out what was going on. A solution crossed her mind, but she felt a small fear at the idea of voicing it out.

They would be extremely close.

She reminded herself that  _Sesshomaru_  hadn't done anything improper since this  _situation_  had begun. He wouldn't start now, especially not during a movie. Plus, they were trying.

"You can sit here if you want," she proposed, her voice slightly trembling.

Sesshomaru's eyes  _slightly_  widened as he gazed in her direction to make sure she was referring to what he thought she was. Was she really proposing for him to share her bed with him? During the movie that was.

Since she wasn't usually one for this kind of situation, Sesshomaru felt as if no would not be a correct answer to give her at the moment. Plus, he had no problems with this.

Slowly, he rose to his feet, before heading in her direction. Her eyes were half watching him, half watching the movie, as he spotted a certain, nervousness in them, which was understandable.

The times they had been together in a bed didn't hold happy memories for her. Though he was pleasantly surprised, she  _trusted_  him and knew he wouldn't make any inappropriate behavior.

He took his time as he lay beside her, remaining somewhat on the edge, just like she was, meaning there was room for a third person between them.

At first  _both_  of them were a little tense as they began to watch the movie, but as more and more time passed, they relaxed. There were certain moments were Kagome was so into the movie, especially emotionally, that his presence was forgotten.

Sesshomaru didn't watch the movie as much as he should have. Quite often, he found himself staring at her instead of the TV. And, it was not  _her_  he was looking at but her swelling stomach.

Perhaps he did have some urges. The urges to trail his fingers upon her belly, feeling as his son kicked and grew inside of her.

But as quickly as they came, he chased them away. Not only would he never do that, but also, he couldn't explain why he was having these thoughts. This whole time, he had been fine, so why now? Could it be blamed on their weakened mating bond, trying to  _survive_?

Whatever it was, it was making him somewhat uncomfortable in her presence. He knew he wouldn't  _jump_  her, he didn't wish to have these thoughts, especially when she seemed to trust him a little more.

To distract himself, he often attempted to focus himself on the movie, but it was hard. Nonetheless, he would stay there until the end. After all, she had invited him to join her.

The hours passed and he had observed as she shed tears during the movie. He understood it to be very emotional, but it didn't have that impact on him, most probably because he hadn't paid much attention to the movie to begin with.

As the time had passed, the distance between them had not been as large. They were not touching or close, but it was as if they had grown more accustomed to the other's presence nearby.

When the movie ended Kagome reached out for a few tissues and she dried her damp eyes, feeling like an idiot. She knew she was going to cry and feel like this, so why did she watch it?

And with  _Sesshomaru_ of all people.

Of course he did not comment on her current state, instead, he stood up and made his way to his own bed, not wanting to take any more advantage of her moment of trust.

Sesshomaru laid on top of his blankets, knowing that since he had recently slept – a lot more than required – he would spend the night awake. So, he silently watched the Miko get under the blankets, while he held his book.

She was still sniffling from her tears, but he was glad to know that for once, it wasn't because of something that happened between them. And now that he thought about it, this was the only time they ever really spent time together.

All the previous times were façades, were faked, or forced. But not this time around. She had offered because she had  _wanted_  it and he had accepted, because he had found it completely impossible to say no.

And deep inside, it brought a new feeling.

Kagome was shocked that it was  _that_  easy. Granted it was a little step, but every single one of them counted. She had just spent hours lying beside Sesshomaru and except for the first half an hour, she had been quite relaxed.

Never had she thought this would be possible.

It gave her hope that she could do this, as if it were a little push in the right direction. It was the moment she had been waiting for.

If someone had told her five hundred years ago that it would be  _easy_  to be around Sesshomaru she wouldn't have believed them. But, when the memories were pushed aside and she was pre-occupied enough, she would actually drop her guard.

Although, she had quickly realized that it was only fair. Since when had he touched her when she had said no? The beast might have, but Sesshomaru never did. It was only fair that she trust him in that department.

Kagome finally turned her head and glanced at him. His eyes were on his book, like they had been many times for the past few days. It almost made her want to read the book that had hypnotized him so much.

She wanted to say it, but she feared it at the same time. Would it be acting too casual? There was technically nothing wrong with that. Wasn't it what they were trying for?

Which reminded her that they did not try to form a connection yet today, they hadn't keep up with their routine. She did find herself wondering if spending time together had some sort of effect.

She exhaled deeply, before re-focusing herself. It was only two words. Three at the most.

"Sesshomaru" she inquired, breaking the silence.

He didn't lift his eyes from his book.

"Good night."

Sesshomaru tilted his head to the side, but it was too late. She had already turned around, and all he could see was her back. Nonetheless, he felt lighter inside.

"Good night Miko."

-B-


	41. Final Destination

"We do not have to leave."

Kagome raised her head and looked in direction of Sesshomaru. They had already been packing their bags for the last 15 minutes. They only had one location left, one last shard to find. She was a little surprise by his suggestion. Why would he want to stay in Australia, especially considering the fact that Kouga was here and from what she had seen so far, they did not get along well.

"Why?" she inquired, before resuming her packing.

Sesshomaru glanced her way. "We have not stayed here very long, compared to India. Since we can not rid the world of the jewel even if we find the last shard, I thought perhaps you'd like to do some sight seeing."

She shook her head. "Not in this condition."

The best way to do sight seeing, in her opinion was to walk, but she had no desire to stand hours on her feet, especially since she was trying to conserve her energy the best she could. They still had much to face and she would need every bit of energy. Plus, meeting Kouga again might be awkward. She knew they had left each other on good term, but right now, she didn't want to stir up any problems there might be with staying. The best thing to do was to resume their travels right away.

Sesshomaru nodded, before zipping his bag closed. He was aware that their relationship was still a little tense and strange, but he also knew that traveling  _across the world_  was something she had never done before. He thought perhaps she had wanted to take up the opportunity now, since she did not seem as tense in his presence lately.

To him, it mattered very little since he had already seen the world many times.

"What is the next destination?" she asked, before sitting down on the bed.

"Brazil," he quickly answered before picking up his bag and heading towards her.

Sesshomaru took her bag and carried it as he made his way outside of the room. Kagome glanced around the room one last time, before forcing herself on her feet. As if her feet killing her wasn't enough, her back was also adding up to the mix lately. At that point, she had pretty much decided that being pregnant and doing a lot of moving around was not the best idea. There was nothing she desired more than to lay down for a few days, in her own room.

She followed behind Sesshomaru as they headed out of the hotel. They got into a limousine, which she had been so familiar with since they had been traveling. But, the choice of car surprised her. There were many luxury cars he could have demanded that wouldn't attract attention as much as this one did. Since she had known him in her era, Sesshomaru had seemed like someone who was just  _trying to blend_  in with the humans.

Why the attention grabbing limousine?

She was brought out of her thoughts when Sesshomaru handed her a bottle of water. She nodded her head and took it from him, before drinking a few sips. Kagome allowed herself to relax and she rested her head against the seat.

"Are you well?" he asked when he watched her close her eyes.

Kagome softly nodded.

It wasn't anything out of the ordinary. She felt a little tired and a little bit of pain. It was nothing out of the ordinary, especially for a pregnant woman. She simply needed a little more rest. Though, she was sometimes getting over 10 hours a day. But, she blamed it on all of the emotional trouble she was having these past few weeks.

Sesshomaru watched her and though he did believe she thought she was well, he thought something was off. She had less patience. As if, she allowed herself to give up, or not put up with certain situations. She looked exhausted. But most nights, he did not sleep and he knew for a fact she was getting all the sleep she could. She mostly always awoke by herself, not because she had to. He was probably looking too much into this, but nothing that happened to her while she was pregnant was re-assuring.

Another problem coming along wouldn't surprise him at this point.

At least, they only had two more trips left, one if they took out this one. Then she'd be back home with her family and she'd probably be safer. However, she still had to figure out where she wanted to give birth, since she could not do it in a hospital. It would be easy for him to provide her with the proper people to help her with the hanyou birthing. He'd propose the idea to her when the time would be right. He had little doubts that she would have any opposition to it.

The only question was, where would he be when the pup would be born?  _Maybe_  she'd allow him to be in the same house as her, but he didn't know if her family would. Frankly, he could not blame them. After what she had been put through, the last thing her family probably wanted was to have him around to further harm her.

Although he wanted to see the pup, he would allow Kagome to go at her own pace. This would not be a difficult situation in any way. But, at least he knew she was okay with the idea of him being in the pup's life. He was aware that the decision must have been difficult for her to make, but once again, she had put the pup's well being before her own.

She would be a good mother.

Now the only question left was, what kind of father would he be?

He had raised Rin, but in his own way. He had taught her how to survive even on her own. Yes, he would have always been there to watch over, but he had wanted her to be independent, not like so many humans who waited for others.

But this would be different.

To raise his pup, from the moment he was born, in a completely different world. Sesshomaru had adapted, but it didn't mean he enjoyed this new world. Now, he would have to learn to be a father. To her, it seemed to come naturally. She had it in her to be a great mother, even to those who weren't hers. He lacked the same ability. Mostly because it was not something commonly done in his family.

In youkai packs, some of them were, but not in his clan. His father might have been a little more, but his mother was not. She was the one who had raised him when he was still young and she always had the same façade on. He had barely ever seen an expression upon her face. He had grown up to be the same. Thriving to be stronger, to prove his own worth. Especially after his father had given up his own life. In order to save the hanyou, instead of remaining by the side of his one true heir.

Sesshomaru should have been able to prove that he was stronger than his father. But that possibility had been taken away from him. For a long time he had felt rage, but now, it was gone. Perhaps it was because so many years had past. He had been able to mature. Or maybe it was because he had been able to prove his strength. He had also managed to survive when many hadn't. And even in his human form, people still feared and respected him. At least those who knew him did.

And he had managed to make himself a successful life as a human.

Everything should have been fine, he should be feeling satisfied.

But of course, his past was present and could not be ignored, nor could he ever forget what he had done. He might learn to live with the guilt one day, but it would always be there.

A sigh almost escaped him, but he stopped himself.

He didn't show many emotions in front of her and he intended on keeping it that way. Though, he barely showed emotions  _at all_. But, he wanted to keep his mask especially around her, because she needed a certain stability. Granted she did not enjoy his company the best, but he had to be reliable just in case.

Everything in her life was upside down, he knew the best thing in those situations was to have an element of consistency. Out of all the roles he could play, he chose to take that one up as well.

Bringing himself out of his thoughts, he glanced her way.

Her eyes were still closed, she looked like she was either resting or deep in her thoughts. He made a mental note not to disturb her. His eyes trailed down to her stomach and his eyes narrowed.

He still worried.

-B-

Dizziness.

Kagome was trying to focus but it was hard.

They were currently in the plane, on their way to Brazil and unlike the previous times traveling, she did not feel comfortable. Her head was bothering her, she felt sweaty and nervous. Also, it didn't help that she was having intense nausea. She did not understand why this was happening. Nothing unusual had happened during the day so far. She had breakfast like usual, she had drank enough water, had plenty of sleep.

So why didn't she feel well?

Kagome couldn't help the panic that was rising inside of her, but she was trying to hide it. No reason to make a big deal over this. It was probably nothing. Maybe it was the height they were traveling at, or maybe she had not digested her food well.

To help keep her mask on, her eyes were tightly shut, but it was hard to keep her fingers from twitching.

Sesshomaru though had yet to notice. Or perhaps he had but he wasn't saying anything yet, which was strange because he always did.

Then, all of a sudden, she felt a presence near her, her eyes flashed open. She found herself staring at a bag of chips. She then tilted her head to the side and saw a flight attendant smiling at her.

"Are you hungry?"

Kagome couldn't understand what she was saying, but she could assume what it was. Since she couldn't speak English, she shook her head to answer. The woman nodded before focusing her attention on Sesshomaru. Immediately, she bent a little more before flashing him a smile, asking if there was anything she could do for him. Sesshomaru felt his annoyance grow, as he put down his book.

Humans could be so shameless.

Granted the Miko and him were not together, but to the outside eyes, he was pretty sure they looked like a couple, who was expecting a child. Yet, this flight attendant was foolishly attempting to flirt with him.

Had they no respect for bonds and relationships?

"I wish for you to leave."

While the flight attendant was somewhat surprised, Kagome couldn't help but sense that it was weird to hear him speak English. She had never really heard him speak any other language before. The woman backed away slightly before offering a weak nod, as she walked away from him.

Sesshomaru picked up his book, before turning his head to look at the Miko. Her eyes were on him, but it was not the detail he noticed first. Was she sweating? He could see the sweat drops on her forehead. The temperature in the plane was not high, it was actually quite cool. He frowned slightly before looking away. Kagome did the same when she realized she had been staring.

"You are not feeling well." This time, it was not a question, but rather a statement.

He would not let her tell him it was nothing, or that she was fine. There was no reason for her to hide her illness from him.

Kagome's eyes flickered to the floor, before she took a deep breath. "I just feel a little hot."

"You were not feeling well when we left."

Unconsciously, his eyes traveled to her bulging stomach. There was no way this was because of the pup. It was too early,  _even_  for a youkai pup to be born. She was  _not_  in labor. But what if she was? This could not be good. They were on the plane, with nowhere to land. She couldn't possibly give birth to a youkai or a hanyou in a plane full of people. He didn't even want to think about what would happen!

Sesshomaru decided that the best thing to do was to not tell her for now. Since she was already feeling ill, there was not reason to add to her current state of mind. If he saw more signs, then he would inform her, until then, he'd keep that information to himself.

Kagome licked her dry lips before closing her eyes; it was much easier that way. When she couldn't see, she didn't have to focus and it hurt her head a lot less. The best thing to do was to perhaps try to catch some sleep while they traveled. Most likely, she would feel a lot better when she'd wake up. A sigh escaped her lips, before she rested her head and closed her eyes.

Sesshomaru watched her concerned, his book hanging in his hand. If only they were still in the feudal era, it would have been much easier to get access to some information and some youkais. In this modern world, the only way  _almost_  to reach the knowledgeable one, was to go to them. They hide in caves and whatnot, shielding themselves away from the changing human world.

Perhaps once they reached their next destination, he would be able to do some research. He couldn't constantly leave her in that state. He  _himself_ could probably find out a lot about the pup by forming a bond, but for that he needed his youki.

The problem was, he wouldn't be in control once that happened, meaning he might just never get the information he was looking for. It was too risky for her. True the beast had not tried to harm her the past two times… but still he could not be trusted.

So, the only thing he hoped for was that everything was well.

-B-

Kagome couldn't help but frown when she felt someone shaking her. It took her a few seconds to open her eyes, but when she finally did she found herself staring at Sesshomaru. She was confused for a moment, but quickly realized that the plane wasn't moving anymore. Had they arrived already? Had she really slept through the whole flight? It didn't take her too long to figure out that she was not feeling any better.

Actually it felt worse.

She swallowed hard, before trying to get up, which was what she assumed Sesshomaru wanted from her. He backed away slightly, waiting for her in the aisle. As Kagome tried to get up and make it to her feet, something unexpected happened. Before she could stop herself, she fell forward, all she could do was try to hold on to him to prevent herself from crashing forward. As soon as it happened, his arms were semi around her waist, the employees still on board of the plane, rushed to her side.

Sesshomaru quickly explained to them that she had been having some nausea, that she was fine. He didn't want to many people around her, suffocating her. One of the men proposed to help him carry her to the car, but he refused.

As Kagome managed to regain her balance with his help, he put an arm around her waist, to offer her some stability. Her face was flustered, as she held on to him, trying not to make a scene. She had already attracted more attention than she wanted.

Understanding why she was being  _fine_  with the whole thing, he began to move and helped her outside of the plane. He could feel her fingers holding on tightly to the fabric of his shirt, pulling on it. Her breathing was shallow and fast, as they finally arrived outside of the plane. He spotted the car, gestured for the driver to get closer. He waited with the Miko near the plane and once the car pulled over, he helped her inside.

Kagome found relief in the thought of sitting down again.

It was not until she was fully awake that she realized that what she was experiencing right now was familiar. She had felt like this before, back in the Feudal Era. That was when she began to feel extremely worried. She still didn't know what had caused the pain from back then and now it was back? Right away, Kagome knew Kiyoshi might be in pain.

She wrapped protective arms around her stomach as if she was attempting to shield him. Kagome struggled to keep her eyes open, as she bared the pain going through her body. She was trying to ignore the way the bumps on the road were making her nausea worse. Kagome took deep breaths trying to keep herself under control. She was completely oblivious to Sesshomaru who was watching her intensely.

His instincts inside of him were screaming at him to do something, but he knew there was nothing he could do to help her. The one thing that might was not safe.

All he could do was watch, as she suffered and struggled.

Then, Sesshomaru had an idea. Though he did not have his aura, he was pretty sure that the pup was familiar with his presence. Perhaps he could try to re-assure the pup?

He knew that this pain had to be coming from the pup, but he also knew it wasn't because of the bond. It was something else. He hoped dearly it wasn't because she was in labor. Sesshomaru moved over to where she was sitting, causing Kagome to open her eyes. He lifted his arms and looked into her eyes, silently making a request. She weakly nodded and he inhaled deeply.

Slowly, Sesshomaru put his hands on her stomach and began to slowly caress it. Kagome did not even flinch under his touch. Instead, she tilted her head to the side, hoping for some kind of relief of her current state. To put it simply, this pregnancy had been extremely difficult. There was always pain, always trouble. Not that she didn't think her son was worth it, it was simply that Kagome was very exhausted. They had to find a way to stop some of the problems or she wouldn't make it through two more months.

She took deep breaths as Sesshomaru kept moving his hands around her stomach. Kagome crisped her fingers as she felt another wave of pain hit her. It had been somewhat sudden. Although, she had felt weird this morning, it hadn't been so bad. It was true that she had felt the situation worsen in the plane, but she never thought it would have turned out to be so bad in the end.

Why now? If she had known things would have turned out like this, she would have remained in Australia a little longer. At least, she wouldn't have gone through all the traveling which might have made the situation worse. Sesshomaru frowned slightly as he noticed there was no change in her pain. Which meant, he was powerless to really do anything much to be able to help her. Not like this. He couldn't communicate to his pup without his youki.

It would be too dangerous, it was a reckless idea. He sighed heavily before looking up at her face. As if on queue, she opened her grey eyes and stared at him intensively.

She could tell he wanted to say something, but he was holding back. "What is it?" she asked, trying to focus properly.

"It would not be safe."

Kagome understood immediately. "You – you want to release him."

He nodded.

Of course, she felt herself slightly tense up at his suggestion, but she still allowed herself to think it through. The beast was  _horrible_ , but he did  _care_  in his own twisted way. He should be able to tell what was wrong. Maybe her son was in distress again. If it was the case, maybe there was something that could be done about it.

But what if he decided not to?

What if he didn't pay any attention to the pup and instead, he focused himself on her. It had been a long time since she had to really worry about that and she wasn't sure she wanted to.

But could she bear the pain for so long?

Being with the beast represented so many dangers, it was such a difficult decision to make, especially considering the fact that most of her bad memories were associated with the beast himself. Yes, she was working on moving on, but that was a big chunk. How could she forget what he did, when he refused to let go? Sesshomaru wasn't pressuring her into anything, since he didn't want to be with her, but it was different with the beast.

He wanted her to be his.

He wanted her body, her mind and her heart. He wanted everything she could not give him. Could she really be able to face him, watch as he tried to regain her again? What if he used force like the previous times? After all, when he raped her, he watched her scream in out in pain, he still claimed he loved her. That meant there was no end to what he could do just to obtain some sort of contact with her.

In her current state, she was even more vulnerable. She  _really_  couldn't defend herself while pregnant and weak. He would be able to do anything to her.

So the question was, could she put her life into the hands of the beast?

Kagome felt as if she was being pulled in two different directions. She had done so many things for the sake of her son, she'd do it over and over again if she had to. So shouldn't that include the beast as well?

What if he could fix everything, what if Kiyoshi could stop suffering because of her?

Kagome felt tears threatening to fall, before she slowly nodded. "I – I thh-think we should."

No one was more surprised than Sesshomaru to hear her say that. For a second he wondered if the fever had gotten to her. Though all the previous times had not been bad, the beast never had a full fifteen minutes.

And this time, the Miko would be at his mercy. She could do nothing to defend herself and Sesshomaru doubted Kiyoshi would protect her against him. He was seeking a bond with his father so he would not harm him.

"Are you sure Miko? Do you understand what this means?"

Kagome softly nodded. "If he can stop this, stop the pain for Kiyoshi as well…" She had to pause. "Then, I think it's worth it."

He wished he could have the same kind of faith as her, but he didn't. Sesshomaru sighed heavily before deciding if he should do it. Yes, she was asking for it, but did he want to? He had done enough to her, if something happened, he wouldn't forgive himself.

But what if something happened now? Wouldn't it be the same? Watching, not doing anything, was it worse?

Unsure, he still agreed. "We will wait until we arrive at the hotel."

Kagome found herself slightly shaking as she bit on her bottom lip, praying she hadn't made the wrong decision.

The ten minutes that separated them from the hotel seemed to last forever, but finally the hotel came in sight and Kagome found herself holding her breath. She still had the time to change her mind. But she didn't want to.

Actually she  _did_ , but she knew she had to try.

If he attempted to try anything, she could perhaps try to distract him. Fifteen minutes was not forever. Maybe there was a way around it. At least, she hoped there was.

Sesshomaru helped her out of the car, but when he came to slide his arm around her waist to help her walk, she rejected the gesture.

"I'll be okay. Yo- You can go ahead."

Sesshomaru gave her a long stare, before nodding. He grabbed both of their luggage before heading inside. He couldn't help but look back at her, but Kagome didn't gaze his way.

She took a grip on the car, before slowly moving. Perhaps she wanted to prove to herself that she could at least get upstairs on her own. In the plane, she had been very disoriented, mostly because she had just woken up.

Although her current state was not the best, it was better.

Once Sesshomaru had the key for their room, he waited for her to take the elevator. Obviously, he wouldn't leave her downstairs all by herself. He waited for a few minutes, until she finally reached the door.

It took her a few more seconds before she was beside him. Once she reached his side, he pressed the button for the elevator and the doors opened a few seconds later. He guided her inside, before pressing the button number  _2_.

To his relief, the elevator was empty, so they didn't have to deal with other people.

Against his will, he found himself staring down at his _watch_ , the dreadful button looking back at him. Could he find it in him to press it? It would be like putting her right on the path of danger.

Moments later, they reached their floor, he helped her out.

Every step they took in the direction of the room, Kagome felt her heart beat increase. It was pounding in her chest, almost causing an ache, but she tried to push it aside. This had to be the right thing to do.

This would have been so much easier if she could have made the beast understand.

She didn't want his care, or his love, but she wished he could see the wrong of his ways. She would probably always feel a fear towards him in her heart, but if  _at least_  he felt regrets.

Sesshomaru slid the key into the door and opened it. He found himself feeling quite annoyed, as he dropped their bags in the room, while Kagome walked in. He needed to make sure she knew what she was asking for.

"Miko, are you sure? It will be fifteen minutes."

She nodded. "I know. I'm ww-willing to take the risk."

She needed to focus on her inner strength and shield herself from what happened in the past. If she could not focus herself on what he did to her, then maybe she could pull through this in one piece.

Sesshomaru ran his fingers through his short hair, before nodding. "Very well."

He would do his best to perhaps try to gain control if things were getting out of hand, but he could not promise anything. He still didn't understand very well how it worked.

The watch was  _staring_  at him, as he raised his hand and pressed the button.

Kagome held in her breath.

She glanced at him as the familiar sight took place in front of her. Slowly, he transformed himself in front of her very eyes and she couldn't help the feeling inside of her. It was as if someone was twisting her guts.

Her face felt hotter than before and she imagined it was because she was nervous. Sweat drops were sliding down her back, while she licked her lips.

Only a few more moments and she would be looking into his red eyes.

And it happened.

He looked up at her, Kagome realized she couldn't make out his expression. His eyes were slightly narrowed, but he had a mask on. The kind of façade she had only ever seen Sesshomaru have.

The beast slowly walked in her direction, her breathing became sharp and shallow. He closed the distance between them more and more, only stopping when he was right in front of her.

Then, he suddenly dropped to his knees, making them almost eye level. He was intensely watching her face, before finally moving his hands. He put them on her hips, before approaching his face to her neck.

She felt him nuzzle her neck and she stiffened.

His mouth was extremely close to her ear, she could feel his breath on her skin. " **You are in pain** ," he stated, feeling her warm skin.

As soon as his aura had radiated through, he had felt her suffering. He also didn't fail to notice how she had not feared nor been scared that he was there. Had she wished for him?

At the thought, he found himself growling. Did his mate need him? Did she realize it now? The thought pleased him immensely and he found himself running his clawed fingers through her hair.

Kagome swallowed hard. She was doing this for a good reason and she had to remind herself of that. "Is Kiyoshi alright?"

He pressed a gentle kiss against her ear, taking in her scent, which he had dearly missed. He trailed his lips along the skin of her neck, before softly shaking his head.

" **The pup is not well**."

Kagome felt as if her heart was caught in her throat when he said that. So all this pain she was having, it was coming from her son? She couldn't help but think that it was only fair that she shared his suffering.

"What's wrong with him?" she asked, her voice shaking.

Tears were burning her eyes, but she was holding them back.

Sesshomaru moved his hand to her stomach and once again, a familiar white glow began to surround it. After a few seconds, he found himself frowning. This was a little difficult, especially since the pup wasn't familiar with him, he only had Sesshomaru to blame for that.

He narrowed his eyes, before pulling away from her so he could concentrate himself better on the matter at hand. He moved his other hand away from her hair, so he could rest it on her stomach as well.

There was a weird aura about the pup. It was not normal, neither was it one he could recognize. It could easily be blamed on the fact that the pup was developing and that since he was half human and half youkai, the aura had not completely formed yet.

But that in no way explained the pain the pup was experiencing? His pain was so great that his mate was feeling it as well, in a very intense manner. This was not right.

He was torn apart at the moment. He wanted his mate, he wanted to hold her and touch her, especially since she was not complaining when he was so close to her, but his pup was in pain. She was in pain.

He couldn't allow that.

There might be something he could do to ease some of the pain. Sesshomaru raised his head and pressed his cheek against her heated one.

" **Lay down, Mate _._** "

Kagome felt her heart hammering in her chest, but she slowly nodded. She was going to trust him, no matter how much it hurt to do that and believed that what he was doing right now was for the pup.

Shaking slightly, she laid down on her back on the bed. She tried to keep her body under control, but it was difficult. Then she felt it. He grabbed the hem of her red shirt and lifted it up. But he didn't lift it up the whole way, he stopped mid-way to her bra.

She couldn't help but gulp slightly.

His cold hands touched her warm stomach, he roamed them over her gently. She found herself shaking a little more, but with much strength, she managed to keep it to a minimum.

Her skin felt soft, and he could remember what it was like to have her naked body against his. She was so small, sweet, and soft. She was perfect from him and he didn't want to let her go.

So many things had been neglected. Her, the pup and the mating bond. He could feel it nagging at him, as it weakened with every passing second. She was suffering, the pup was suffering.

This situation was not good. If only she could allow him to love her, he would be able to take all that pain away. Why wouldn't she let him?

As he felt the stickiness of her skin under his fingers, he was reminded of what he was trying to do. He would attempt to control the pup's aura. Perhaps if he could over power it with his own, he'd be able to take away most of the pain.

His large hands covered her bulging stomach, this time the glow around his hands was green.

Suddenly, Kagome found herself gasping. Her whole body was being enveloped in a rough and harsh aura, she quickly found herself reacting to it. Her own aura, out of her control, emerged from her body and the green and pink were slowly clashing.

The beast knew that for a little while her pain would increase, but that was because she had no control over her powers. Until he vanquished her aura, he would not be able to move onward.

Afterwards, she would feel better.

Burning. Her whole body was on fire, she found herself squirming under his touch to try to escape him. Of course, he was pressing quite hard down on her and the power of his aura was keeping her down.

Quickly enough, it was as if a dark purple fume was filling in the room.

A few minutes later, Kagome's aura was dying out, since it was being pushed back inside by Sesshomaru's more powerful aura. It burnt her skin, it created a tingle inside of her and she could not stop it.

She began breathing out heavily, as she felt herself giving in. She was getting weaker by the second and her eyes were slowly closing. Sesshomaru gave it one last final push and he broke in.

The light surrounding her changed color. All of a sudden, it was back to being white and this time, it brought her no pain. Instead, it brought her a soothing feeling. It also shielded her from the battle happening within her stomach.

Sesshomaru was roughly struggling against the pup. It wasn't that he couldn't over power his aura, but unlike with his mate, he had to be careful. The pup was not fully developed yet and this could be harmful.

Kagome was fighting to keep her eyes open, the warmth surrounding her making it extremely difficult. She wanted to give in, to rest, especially considering how exhausted she was, but she fought.

She wouldn't fall asleep with him so close to her.

Sesshomaru added a little more power, then he felt it. He could feel his own aura around the pup, he could feel all of his power. It was also then that he noticed a detail that was out of the ordinary.

The pup was very advanced in its development, perhaps too much for a hanyou. But as he controlled the pup's aura he could feel the mix of both human and youkai energy, meaning that the pup could only be hanyou could he? It should be normal for the pup to have human blood, because of his mother.

Nonetheless, he kept trying to calm the pup and the clash in his aura. After a few minutes, he felt a difference and slowly, he retracted himself. As he backed away from her, he checked up on Kagome's aura, only to notice that it was better.

It didn't feel as if she was in a bad struggle anymore.

Although, once he glanced her way, he noticed her eyes were closed, but he knew, by her breathing rate, that she was not sleeping. It was most likely that using so much of her powers, which was unusual for her, drained her energy and she was most likely fighting to stay awake.

Sesshomaru gazed upon her face, he knew she looked as beautiful as she ever did. Actually, with her stomach swollen with his son, she looked even more breath taking.

Ever since he had last taken her, she had remained completely untouched. Her hormone filled body had been neglected completely. Sesshomaru had apparently been refusing to lay a hand on her, even if she allowed him close to her.

That did not please the beast.

His mate should receive more attention.

That was when he decided to change his position. He placed himself on top of her, but with his arms, he made sure their bodies were not touching. He didn't want to put his weight on her stomach.

His hands were on each side of her head. He found himself lowering his head down and then he pressed his forehead against her. He could still feel the sweat on her skin and how warm it was.

His eyes flickered down to her lips. They were almost pouting, they were extremely dry, caused by the intense heat wave she had felt. He wanted to moisten them, he wanted to lick her lips.

Once again, Sesshomaru lowered his lips and pressed them against her. He felt their roughness and slowly he took his tongue out of his mouth and lapped her bottom lip with his tongue.

Tasting her caused him to growl deeply. He had missed this, he had missed her. Once again, he attacked her lips and of course she was non responsive, he found himself wondering if she was indeed asleep after all.

Then it happened. His control slipped away from him. He knew too well what was happening, since it was the third time already. But he was not ready to leave her. He pressed his lips harder against hers.

He was growling against them, as it felt like he was being pulled away from the inside. His clawed fingers were retracting, he was losing control bit by bit. His grip on the sheets grew and they became tangled.

Before he could do anything, his red eyes became green, his silver locks turned to ebony. But his lips were still tightly pressed against hers, her bottom lip stuck in between his lips.

His lips moved against her a few more seconds, before he gently pulled away. His forehead was pressed against hers once more, before he began panting.

Her lips were swollen and red, as he licked his own.

He had kissed her. He had been in control and yet he had finished the kiss.

He made it to his knees, and backed away from her, before running his fingers through his hair. He needed to get away from her.

Sesshomaru left the bed and headed for the chair near him. He plopped down into it, his eyes still widely open. As he past his hand over his lips, he found that he could still taste her lips on his.

What had he just done?

-B-


	42. Seeking Answers

A feeling of awkwardness roamed through her body as she felt his eyes on her. Kagome had awoken ten minutes ago and ever since then, though she had not glanced in his direction she had been able to feel his piercing gaze through her body with one long lasting look. Something about him was off. He wasn't acting like his usual self. After a few minutes, she decided to dismiss it. She knew nothing of his life, so perhaps something had gone wrong and it wasn't her business to know.

Gathering her courage, she tilted her head to the side and their eyes met. His usual cold, stoic mask was gone. For the first time his green eyes were clouded with emotions and a bit surprised by that unexpected turn of events, Kagome found herself looking away from him. Sesshomaru wasn't one to display emotions and she had been caught off guard.

Meanwhile, Sesshomaru ran his fingers through his short black locks, a bit irritated. Not at her though, at himself. How could he have allowed this to happen? This time, there was no blaming the beast, it was all himself. He  _could_  say he was caught up in the moment, but he wasn't sure if that was completely true. But that brought him to need to answer one difficult question; what did he feel towards the Miko?

If he was more than on the spur of the moment, than what was it?

It was true that he found himself  _wanting_  some interactions, but most of them involved the pup, not her. Or did they? He usually had a good grip on his emotions, but this had felt out of character for him. Not only that, but he didn't even want to think about what might have happened if she had woken up while he was kissing her. Considering their history, it would have been devastating.

This was the first time since he had been in her company that they had regular conversations and did  _regular_  things. Could it be that he got caught up in everything? During all those years since she had escaped his beast, Sesshomaru had remained alone, not that it bothered him, she was the first real amity he really had. This whole  _interaction_  situation was still fairly new to him.

In addition, she technically was his mate and they had a bond.

After taking a deep breath, Sesshomaru decided that the best plan of action was to not let this get to him. It was one little slip up, it would never happen again. Luckily, no damage had been done and she never needed to know. On top of that, if he did not pull himself together soon, she'd notice. Although from the look she had just given him, she was already aware that something was not right. The good thing was, he knew she wouldn't ask.

Now his other problem was deciding what to do. After judging her health for the past two days, he knew she was in no state to travel and search for the last shard. He wanted her to stay in bed, but he knew she might be a bit stubborn about it. If she over exhausted herself and past out in the streets, it would not be wise. In addition, it would compromise both her health and that of the child's.

Collecting his emotions and composing himself, he turned his head in her direction.

"It would be most wise for you to remain in bed today," he announced, his tone completely neutral.

Kagome jumped a bit at the sound of his voice. Before gazing in his direction, she looked down at her bulging stomach. Yesterday she had felt so many pains coming from her son and she herself had been in such a state. Although she knew neither her nor Kiyoshi were in any grave danger of death, she had to agree with Sesshomaru. If something happened while they were out, it would only cause more problems.

It was true that she was a bit frustrated that she would have to delay the shard hunt, but it wasn't as if there was anything she could do once the jewel was completed. In that case, it was much wiser to allow her health to rise back up, before throwing herself in the way of danger.

"I agree," she said, her voice nearly a whisper.

Kagome allowed herself to glance at him. Sesshomaru was peering at her, she could see he appeared very different than a few minutes ago. It was as if whatever had been bothering him was long gone from his mind. A part of her was a bit curious but she kept it inside.

Sesshomaru felt a strange awkwardness between them, but it was mostly coming from him. After what he had done, it was a bit difficult to act as if nothing had happened. It was then that an idea that would both re-assure them and create some distance between them formed in his mind. However, it did involve leaving her alone for a bit, which he wasn't sure he was comfortable with.

"Would you be fine on your own for an hour?"

She looked a bit surprised by his question, but slowly nodded. Sesshomaru rose from the bed, and reached out for something in his pocket. He pulled out a cellphone, before heading in her direction and giving it to her.

"If anything happens, contact me," he said, his voice almost bearing a bit of concern.

Kagome took the phone from him. "Thank you."

After the strange display of emotions earlier, she couldn't help but wonder where he was heading. He glanced her way only once before exiting the room and leaving her completely alone. A sigh nearly escaped her lips as she rested her head on the pillow once more. She wrapped her arms around her stomach and almost groaned. She still felt a bit nauseous, her appetite was not present, though she'd probably force herself to eat a little something later.

Nearly grunting, she managed to sit on the edge of the bed, her body feeling quite a bit heavy. Against her will, she could not stop replaying in her mind the conversation that had just occurred between her and Sesshomaru. Granted they had never been best friends, but this had felt strange. He wasn't one to share or express himself, but she had felt him trying to put a distance between them. The thought was almost  _funny,_  shouldn't that be  _her_  job?

As Kagome found herself wondering what could have caused his reaction, she concluded that she knew nothing about him. He obviously knew a lot both from knowing her from the past and having five hundred years to search and find about her, but her case was much different. Up until a couple weeks ago, she didn't even want to talk to him. Of course, that was before she had decided to give him a second chance.

Her experience with his beast was something that had greatly affected her and often she had put the both of them together. Although it was a bit painful to admit at first, Kagome had to say, Sesshomaru was different. No he wasn't the most caring, and sharing person, but he was not a cold heart monster. Sometimes he did offer her some gestures that were beyond what he should do if he kept his actions to a minimum.

Kagome liked to hold on to these thoughts because it made this situation much easier. Not only easier to bear with, but easier for herself. If she saw him as his own person, than she wasn't as stressed out or nervous around him. No, she was not fully comfortable, but when was she? It didn't really applied strictly to him, but to almost every aspect to daily life. It also helped her with her recovery.

Yes, the one she had to forgive was his beast, but she had still held grudges against him, those were slowly fading away. But, Kagome couldn't help but think it would be awkward to get along with Sesshomaru while still despising and fearing his beast. They were two people, but they shared the same body nonetheless.

As Kagome gathered the strength to make it on her feet, his suitcase pressed against the wall attracted her attention. He carried it around with him the whole time, but she had barely ever seen him open it or use it. It was truly none of her business and she should leave it be. More often then enough, she was too curious for her own good and it had often gotten her in trouble. It was his stuff, not hers, she shouldn't look through it.

But could she chase the urge to find out who he was?

Perhaps he was someone different with her, mostly because of his guilt. Kagome had no idea of who he was in the outside world. Maybe she just wanted to know he wasn't unnecessarily mean or, that he didn't treat humans like they were worthless. Truly, it shouldn't matter how he was, or who he was, but she wanted to know. Ever since he had been back in her life, he had only interacted with either her, or employees and what not.

Well there had been Kouga, but since it had mostly appeared to be an alpha male internal clash, she decided not to count it.

Who was Sesshomaru?

It was truly a simple question, but she could not answer it.

-B-

Sesshomaru was in the car, tapping his foot against the flooring. This little trip hadn't gone as expected, but at least, he had obtained some sort of results. Instead of being gone for an hour, Sesshomaru had been absent for almost five hours, It wasn't what he had in mind, but at least since Kagome had not called, he assumed all was well. Sesshomaru had left because he knew there were a few youkais, which mingled with humans and had every day jobs. He also knew that some of them because of the knowledge they had acquired over the centuries had jobs such as doctors.

He knew a few youkais a bit everywhere and he had began looking through a list. They had been forced to make many stops and a lot of them had not been successful. Fortunately, they had finally landed on one who was a doctor. Sesshomaru had hoped that with his medical knowledge and youkais and hanyous experience, perhaps he could help the Miko.

After all, working in a hospital provided more resources to medicine and treatment than living in a cave did. Unfortunately, the youkai was on duty until three in the morning and could only travel to their hotel afterwards, meaning he would arrive earlier in the morning. It bothered Sesshomaru a bit to disrupt the Miko's sleep, but he needed her to get a check up. The idea that the birth might be earlier than expected had not left his mind.

Sesshomaru felt a bit relieved when the hotel finally came in view. He was sick of traveling, to be honest the past day had been too eventful for his liking. The driver opened the door for him, Sesshomaru thanked him with a nod, before getting out. Sesshomaru thought about going up right away, but then he remembered that Kagome had not eaten yet. He could recall her not feeling so well the previous day, so he wasn't sure if eating was the best idea. Nonetheless, he decided to stop and order her a soup and if she felt well enough, she could choose to eat it.

He went to the front desk to order it, before heading upstairs. Even though she had not called, meaning she was fine, he was still a bit concerned. If something happened to her along the lines of passing out, then she wouldn't have been able to reach him. Without realizing it, he began to walk a bit faster, closing the distance between himself and the room rapidly.

Sesshomaru slid his key in and the door opened. Once he walked in, she immediately appeared in his line of sight. She was laying on the top of the bed, above the blankets. He walked in her direction, just wanting to make sure she was asleep and not unconscious from the pain or a fever. Once he reached her side, he went on his knees and lowered his face to hers. From what he could tell, her breathing rate was normal and she didn't appear to be any more flustered than usual.

Without realizing his action, he brushed away her bangs and once he took conscious thought of what he was doing, he retracted his hand immediately, as if he had been burned. Why was he acting this way in her presence? It was  _too_  casual, as if he was allowed to do this, as if it were normal for him to initiate such contact. He couldn't help but run his fingers through his hair, a bit in a panic. Earlier, he had told himself this would not happen again. Why did the gestures keep slipping past his control?

He felt sweat drops damped his neck and he decided to take a shower. Not only had he been all around the city but it would probably help him clam down a bit. He quickly grabbed a few of his clothes from his suitcase before disappearing behind the bathroom door, making sure to silently close it so as to not wake her up.

As soon as the door closed, her eyes flung opened. The tiniest blush began decorating her cheeks. Had Sesshomaru just done what she thought he did? It had taken every bit of control within her to not open her eyes when he had been inches from her face. She had somewhat woken up when he had walked into the room, but she had still been too exhausted to completely wake up. Kagome had felt him come close, but she had assumed he was just checking up on her.

But then, he had done  _that_.

It was as she slowly sat up in the bed that she realized her heart had been pounding the whole time. There was one thing though. She couldn't figure out if it was because of the proximity and the gesture, or if it was out of fear. His new appearance didn't really remind her of the best, but it was still Sesshomaru. She found herself biting on her bottom lip, as she felt somewhat alarmed.

Had he known what he was doing when he did such a thing, or had it been involuntary? Her eyes traveled to the door of the washroom, where she could hear the shower running. Kagome tangled her messy hair even more with her fingers, as she tried to keep herself under control. He hadn't abused her or taken advantage of her. There was nothing wrong with brushing her hair away, it certainly didn't have anything to do with a sexual gesture. Perhaps she only felt this way because she had really been caught off guard.

Kagome took a few deep breaths and began feeling a bit better, but one question remained on her mind. Did she fear intimacy? She had felt a tiny bit uncomfortable around Kouga… Though he had hugged her and she had even allowed Sesshomaru to rub her belly and lay beside her when they had watched a movie. However, none of these gestures represented sexual intimacy.

Would she ever be able to be with someone that way again? After all, she had no good memories of her previous scaring experiences. Yet, wasn't that included in the process? If she wanted to heal, put the beast behind, it was something she had to consider. There was no way she could let it ruin her life forever. If there was one thing Kagome had understood, ever since she had decided to forgive him, was her fear of the beast, that she couldn't let it destroy her.

Something had already been taken away from her against her will, but she couldn't allow it to control her forever. Sometimes it was hard to be strong, to forget, but slowly as the weeks were passing, Kagome was regaining a strength she used to have. No matter how harsh an experience could be, she would always have her spirit. She hadn't allowed the beast to take it away from her when he was mistreating her and she wouldn't.

Of course, that didn't mean she'd jump into a relationship, to just be with anyone, but she wanted to be comfortable in that aspect. Kagome had no desire to fear being close to someone. Even though in her current situation being with someone sounded insane. Nonetheless, if the opportunity came, she wanted to be able to open up. There was one thing though, how was she supposed to overcome such a thing on her own?

It was one thing to say I won't be scared, but it was another to actually not be terrified. It was also a bit of a problem considering the only person in her vicinity that she could  _trust_  was Sesshomaru. Not only was it completely insane considering what happened between them, but how exactly was she supposed to remain away from him in that department while over coming her fear?

Suddenly, Kagome felt like smacking herself for having such thoughts. Although she was talking to him, giving him another chance, this was completely different. Was she really stupid enough to think about asking him to help her?  _How_? By doing  _what_? She brought her hand to her forehead and felt her temperature, wondering if she had a fever.

Never could she let such a thought cross her.

It was almost as if for a moment, she had forgotten everything that had happened. Even if it had felt good for a second to not think about the bad things, she couldn't do that again.

Before she could collect herself, the door opened, revealing Sesshomaru. Unlike the previous times, he was already dressed. As he dried off his hair with the towel, he raised his head, their eyes met. He seemed quite a bit surprised to see her awake, his eyes widening a little. Quickly, he recovered from his shock and nodded at her, before dropping his towel in the laundry basket.

"Are you feeling well?" he inquired, breaking the silence.

Kagome nodded. This time it was her turn to act somewhat strange in his presence. She still felt weirded out about the thoughts she previously had. She quickly looked away before feeling a strange emotion bubbling within her. What was going on? She felt like she was a complete mess all of the sudden. She couldn't even remember the last time she had felt like this around Sesshomaru. It nearly felt like those weren't her emotions.

Suddenly a knock on the door could be heard and she jumped. Sesshomaru looked up before heading for the door. He had completely forgotten about her soup. He opened the door, grabbed it and handed a tip before turning around to face her.

"I thought you might be hungry," he said before handing her the soup.

She took it from him, their fingers almost touching. "Thank you." She was indeed feeling a bit hungry, but she also felt a bit nauseous, so she knew that the safest thing to do was to wait.

As he headed back towards his bed, she decided she needed a distraction because her thoughts were bad for her. She knew something which would occupy her mind and drain her energy; the connection. That and it had been a while since they had last done it. Maybe it would also help her clear out al those strange feelings she was having.

"Hmm," she started, a bit unsure. "Do you mind if we do it now?"

It took him a second or two to understand what she meant by  _it_ , but once he did, he shook his head.

"It's no problem." He stood from his bed, headed for hers, before sitting on the edge.

Kagome had a small panic forming within her as she observed him while he waited for her hands. Slowly and carefully she slipped her tiny digits across the palms of his hands, before their fingers intertwined. At that moment, they both somewhat avoided looking into each other's eyes. She knew that if she remained nervous this wouldn't work, so she took a deep breath, trying to chase away all thoughts.

_"I think you're scared."_

_She turned around, her hair being caught in the wind as she recognized his voice. Their eyes met, but quickly enough she glanced away. Their surroundings were very familiar to her but she couldn't put her finger on it. There was a thick forest enveloping them, the scent of dirt filling the air, and a well in the middle of it all. Yes, she was sure of it; she knew this place._

_"Where are we?" she asked, ignoring what he had just said._

_He chuckled. "This is where freedom and imprisonment meet."_

_She knitted her eyebrows together in confusion. Freedom and imprisonment? What in the world was he talking about._

_"I take it you don't remember," he said before taking a step forward in her direction._

_She shook her head, before her eyes were drawn to the well once more. It was so familiar. Ignoring the fact that he was coming closer to her, she headed for the wooden wall. Gently, she allowed her fingers to glide across the surface and immediately felt a tingle go through her body. A feeling filled her and all of a sudden her eyes became teary. As if he knew this was going to happen, he rushed to her side._

_Before she could tilt her head to the side to look at him, she felt his hands on her hips and all of a sudden, her breath was caught in her throat. Her whole body stiffened, it was as if she had forgotten how to move. Sesshomaru lifted her up, put her down on the edge of the wall. As he approached his face to hers, a feeling of déjà vu took over. Why did this scene feel familiar? Had she experienced it before?_

_"What is the price of freedom? What will set you free?"_

_"A kiss," she blurted out without even thinking about it._

_Why had she known the answer so quickly?_

_He smirked, satisfied with her answer. "But I think you're too scared." He lifted his hand, cupping her cheek with it. "Are you afraid of me?"_

_Her bottom lip was quivering as many thoughts ran through her mind. A part of her was terrified at their proximity, while another part felt as if he could be trusted. Why was she so torn?_

_"I don't want to be?"_

_"Do you wonder what freedom tastes like?"_

_As if her body knew what was supposed to happen, she gently closed the distance between them, before pressing her lips to his. It was brief, quick and there was barely any contact at all. As she pulled away, her eyes were wide open, as she wondered why she had done this. But, before she could open her mouth and ask him, since he seemed to have all the answers, the background around them quickly faded away. Before they could do anything, it was complete darkness._

_When she managed to open her eyes again, she immediately glanced at their vicinity. They were in the middle of a busy city, there was traffic jams, many people walking back and forth on the side walks. She knew this place as well. Then through the crowd she spotted a face she knew. A man – or at least she thought he was one – with silver hair, much like Sesshomaru's, except he had dog ears on top of his head._

_Without thinking about it twice, she began to walk in his direction but all of a sudden, she was stopped when someone grabbed her wrist. She gasped slightly before spinning around, only to come face to face with him yet again._

_"Do you recognize the look on his face?"_

_A bit confused, she looked at the man, saw the he looked somewhat shocked and surprised at the same time. She followed his line of sight only to find a woman surrounded by five men who were extremely closed to her, a bit_ touchy _. It was not an unusual sight though. She wasn't sure why, but she knew she had seen this plenty of times before._

_"Why is he acting this way?" she finally asked._

_"Because that is not what he is used to. Women are not supposed to be acting like this with men, or at least not in public."_

_They were not supposed to? "I don't understand," she said, more confused than ever._

_"You will."_

_As soon as the words left his mouth, the scenery around them changed rapidly. Although this time it wasn't engulfed by darkness, it simply transformed in front of their eyes. This time the décor looked a lot like back at the well, except they were in a village. Then suddenly, a cry and a scream could be heard echoing through the town. Kagome's eyes immediately flickered in the direction of the sound, only to find a woman kneeling on the ground._

_She was holding on to a man's leg as if her life depended on it._

_"Father please," begged the woman. "I do not wish to go with him!"_

_Then, out of the blue another man appeared, and he quickly wrapped his arms around her waist, dragging her up from the ground. Once she was back on her feet, the man slapped her across the face, before roughly grabbing her wrist. The older man – the woman's father apparently – didn't seem fazed by the situation._

_"You're his wife now Mizuki, you have to go with him."_

_"But I do not want to," pleaded the woman, as her husband kept carrying her away._

_It didn't take Kagome too long to put the elements together. The woman was going to be forced upon. She couldn't help the tingle of pain that went through her heart at the thought of what would happen to that poor woman. Then, suddenly the same silver haired man from earlier appeared and walked near the village, never once looking in the direction of the crying woman._

_She couldn't help but feel a rage develop within her. "Why is no one helping her? He's going to take her!"_

_Beside her, Sesshomaru was calm and collected._

_"This is different. Women rarely have a choice. Her husband was picked for her and that she wishes for it or not, she has to go with it." He knew she was going to open her mouth to protest, so he continued. "You were not disgusted by the sight of that woman earlier, were you?"_

_She shook her head, not understand what it had to do with the current situation._

_"Because it is normal for you. Well this is normal for them. It is what they were raised to believe, it's the same thing. Granted the situations are not the same, but it is still about how people think. For them this is okay. They do not see nor understand the harm."_

_For once, she was silent, unsure of what to say._

_"So, if you do not know, is it just as wrong as if you do?" He paused. "Knowing and turning your back on it, is it at the same level than being in the dark and doing it? Is it possible for one to redeem itself, while the other is lost?"_

_His words echoed through her mind. It was as if they were burning themselves into her head. Was it actually right? When you do not know any better, is it okay to do what you think is right? Doest it make it any easier to forget and forgive? What about the one who was mistreated, can they see the light through the darkness, or will they be lost?_

_But she didn't want to be lost, she just wanted to find her way back._

The connection was broken as she pulled away, a bit disturbed by what had just occurred. She hadn't meant to, it had just happened. Sesshomaru hadn't been holding her fingers very tightly which had allowed her to slip away. He remained somewhat stunned as he searched her face with concerned eyes. He quickly noticed the tears forming in her eyes and for once, he found himself unable to do anything. He was never good at dealing with people who were crying. He himself had barely ever cried, making it a bit difficult to understand the emotion.

Kagome felt as if her heart was ready to burst and she was overwhelmed. It was the words still echoing in her mind. She knew it applied to her, the question was directed to her, but after everything that happened, she didn't know how to answer it. Her heart was heavy, before she could stop herself, the tears were streaming down her face. Why did it make her feel this way? All this time, she had always refused to look at the beast's actions from another angle because he had hurt her so much. Now though, there had been no way out for her, at least not in time. She had to hear it, she had to see it.

Her heart beat increased, without thinking, she stretched out her hands, looking for something to grab because she felt as if she was falling. Of course, the first thing that came in her reach was Sesshomaru's shirt. He was a bit shocked by her action and as soon as he felt her pull on his clothes, he ceased any movements, as if he was afraid to scare her.

Did it make it okay? If the beast thought it was right, did it erase the pain? Did it make her forget everything that happened? Kagome felt bad when it had been pointed out that her reaction to the woman surrounded by men wasn't shocking her. Were the two situations really the same? Although she had been doing progress lately, that part scared her. It was the biggest chunk of the problem and what she feared the most.

Before now, everything involved being more comfortable in Sesshomaru's presence but this was different, it was about forgiving the beast. Was she supposed to forget because back then it was right?

For the first time, she was confused. If someone else had done it, would it have been any different? Inuyasha had attempted the same thing, she had been angry at him for it. She was pretty sure if Miroku had forced himself on Sango, she would have been mad. It wasn't just in her situation, in any situation, she couldn't understand it. The women in her era weren't suffering, but the women in the Feudal Era were in pain. Didn't it make the situation completely opposite? Nobody's freedom was taken away in modern time Tokyo.

This whole time, she had not stopped crying. Kagome wasn't sure if it was because of how conflicted she felt within, or because her current unbalanced hormones were contributing. She was so caught up in her own thoughts, she had even forgotten he was there.

She remembered her last thought. She didn't want to be lost. She wanted to find her way back home.

Did it mean,  _she_  needed to go out of her way to understand the beast? If she didn't, then she would forever be the one stuck with the pain of that memory. Kagome was so tired of suffering, she was sick of that evil feeling she carried around in her heart. If the beast was allowed to feel freely, then she should be given the same thing.

Nobody would do it for her, she had to do it on her own.

Her whole body began trembling a bit, mostly because she had no energy at all and she was over exhausting herself with all of her emotions. Sesshomaru felt it and without thinking, he began reaching out a bit in case she fell. Her eyes tightly shut, she leaned in, surprising him. He felt her head connect with his chest, and suddenly she began to slip away. To prevent such a thing, he wrapped his arms around her waist, keeping her in place. His whole body was tensed, as he had never comforted anyone before.

Kagome was drowning his shirt with her tears. Admitting those things to herself, trying to make the right decision, it had drained her. For the first time, she was seeking for comfort. She wasn't  _fully_  realizing whom it was that was holding her, but right now it felt good to let the pain out. His grip on her tightened a bit, so she held on to his shirt a bit more, nearly causing the buttons to open before of the force she was applying.

The reality of things, the importance of her duty, they were a heavy burden for her.

Problem was, if she didn't do it, nobody would.

That really meant that she had to move forward, not run away the next time the beast was subtly involved. She wouldn't throw herself at the problem in the hope it would be solved, but if it came around, she had to face it and deal with it. Her own thoughts were making her heart pound. If she didn't chase the beast out of her mind, if she didn't break the chains he had put on her heart, then she would never be free. The road would be long and painful, but one day, she would make it to the end. She wasn't doing this for the sake of forgiveness, she was doing this for herself.

Her trembling ceased a bit and Sesshomaru couldn't help but look down at her. Her eyes were still closed, he could see the stickiness of her tears upon her cheeks. Her bangs and hair were glued to her face because of that, but in her current state she didn't seem to realize. His fingers were twitching, he remembered her face earlier when he had pushed her bangs away.

The proper thing to do would be to respect her private space. Yet, hadn't they crossed that barrier when she had sought comfort? Then the most insane question came to his mind; why would she seek comfort from him out of all people? He was aware that she was more comfortable then before in his presence, but that didn't mean she considered him a friend, or anything. He knew she hadn't truly forgotten.

Nevertheless, there she was in his arms, as if he had never harmed her.

How could she be so trusting? No, he wouldn't hurt her, never again, but still. How did she allow herself to forget and forgive like this? It wasn't a something that he had ever been able to do. Sesshomaru usually carried every grudge with him, never allowing them to leave his mind. However, she was doing the exact opposite. She was giving herself a chance to live. Perhaps her way was much better than his.

It made him see a truth. She was much stronger than most people. Maybe she had no physical strength whatsoever, but she didn't need it. Her mind and spirit were strong enough to pull her through life. It was quite an admirable quality. Sesshomaru almost found himself wondering why she couldn't hold the jewel yet. Her heart might be a bit tainted, but the rest of her was so pure it should have over come it.

Suddenly, he noticed she was not shaking anymore. He observed her face and perceived that she was asleep. It wouldn't surprise him since all that happened must have drained her whole reserve of energy.

"Kagome?" he tried, just to make sure.

He waited a few moments, but she never replied. He loosened his hold on her a bit, which caused her to let go of his shirt. Nearly immediately, her head slipped to his lap and he froze for a second. Quickly to change their position, he grabbed her and laid her down properly in her bed. He checked her forehead to make sure she was not hot, before covering her with a blanket.

Since the urge was still present, he gave in just a bit. He brushed away the hair glued to her face, ever so gently so she would not wake up. Once it was done, he sat on the edge of his own bed, he could not tear his eyes away from her. He had almost heard her heart break after the connection had been interrupted. Rarely had he ever seen her in such pain. He was well aware of what caused it, but there was very little he could do.

She was about to do something difficult and he couldn't really help. He almost felt angry with himself because of this. There she was laying, looking so fragile and he had this desire to help her carry her burden because he didn't want to see her crumble under its weight. He felt like protecting her. He ran his fingers through his hair, deciding he had gone insane. When had the miko crept up on him like this?

When had he begun feeling this way?

Sesshomaru wanted to look away, to focus on his own thing, but he couldn't. He couldn't glance away from her.

He just wanted to watch her sleep peacefully and a part of him, couldn't forget how it felt to have her in his arms.

Such a fragile little thing.

-B-


	43. Inspection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Miss Teak for this magnificient piece of art of chapter 41: http://dokuga.com/gallery?func=detail&id=3704  
> & Thank you LunaticNeko for this beautiful artwork for chapter 41 as well: http://dokuga.com/gallery?func=detail&id=3817

The night had fallen a long time ago, but she could no longer sleep. Kagome was sitting on a chair, looking out the window. Sesshomaru was currently in his own bed sleeping, a sight she had rarely seen. Considering he didn't rest very often, she had done her best to be quiet as she had escaped the warmth of her bed. The previous events that had occurred between them were still very vivid in her mind. She had sought safety and comfort from Sesshomaru.

Kagome wasn't sure how she felt about that. After all, the new him wasn't a bad person, he was not the beast, yet they didn't have this kind of relationship. To be honest she didn't know where they stood. They weren't lovers, but were they friends? It was only recently that she had given him a chance to show her he was different. Was it okay to be friends?

Her hands dropped to her stomach as she softly rubbed it. They were going to have a child together, even if it was just for Kiyoshi's sake, it would be appropriate wouldn't it? Kagome didn't feel as stressed, or hurt when he was around. She had almost thrown herself in his arms, meaning to a certain point she allowed him in her vicinity. But what was involved in a friendship? Whom do you consider a friend?

Ever since he had been back in her life, he had not harmed her. He barely did anything without her consent. Kagome truly believed he did not intend to bring her any pain. The mistakes  _Sesshomaru_  had done towards her were nearly erased and forgotten. Wouldn't it be fair to give him the title of friend? Friends didn't have to be the closest things in the world.

A deep sigh escaped her as she pressed her head against the cold glass of the window. Why couldn't she have a moment where her mind wasn't filled with thoughts and questions? For once, she just wanted to be at peace.

The thick silence of the room was broken by the sound of her stomach growling. She hadn't eaten in nearly two days and with everything that happened, it had completely slipped her mind. Technically, there was still the soup, but by now it had to be ice cold. Once again, she couldn't order on her own, so she decided she'd wait until Sesshomaru woke up. It wasn't as if she was on the verge of dying.

Suddenly, she heard the sound of an alarm beeping through the room, she couldn't help but jump in surprise. She tilted her head to the side, her eyes searching the dark room. Through the somberness, she noticed Sesshomaru moving in his bed, before shutting off the alarm. Slowly he sat up, before trailing his hand down his face. As he looked in the direction of her bed, he noticed she was not there, causing him to turn on the lamp. Immediately he found her sitting on the other end of the room, looking right at him.

All Sesshomaru could remember was feeling extremely tired. He knew even if he struggled, he would eventually give in, which was why he had turned on the alarm. He had not forgotten about the doctor coming and he wanted to explain it to her, be awake a bit before the youkai's arrival. He pulled the blankets away from his body before making it to his feet, still feeling somewhat tired.

Since he had slept in his clothes, they were all wrinkled, but it hardly mattered, since he had no plan of leaving the hotel for today. He marched in the direction of Kagome, who offered him a small smile. He could tell something was bothering her, because her expression didn't look natural. Of course, if she didn't feel like sharing, he wouldn't force her.

Before he could tell her about the youkai coming, her stomach growled again and she looked down at the floor.

"Are you feeling well enough to eat?"

She felt a bit weak, but she had no nausea when she woke up, so Kagome assumed it was safe for her to eat.

"I think so."

Deciding to go with a soup again since it wouldn't be too heavy for her, he grabbed the phone and ordered it for her. Once he was done, he came back by her side. To be on the same eye level as her, he sat down at the edge of her bed. This time she wasn't looking at him, but glancing at the scenery outside of their room. Her face was resting in the palm of her hand, she looked somewhat happy. It appeared she enjoyed the little things.

"Someone is coming," he said, breaking her away from her reverie.

Since his tone was neutral, she wasn't sure if it was a good or bad thing. Did he mean someone's coming to get us, or, I arranged for someone to come?

"Who?" She inquired, tearing her eyes away from the window.

"He is a youkai, but also a doctor. He is quite knowledgeable and I believe he could be of some help."

The thought that youkais might be in her everyday world hadn't really crossed her mind that much. Kagome had simply assumed they were in their own little world. She hadn't counted Sesshomaru since he could have remained mingled with the humans because he had been trying to find her. The thought that they could have such jobs as doctors, was a surprise, but it didn't really bother her though. Kagome knew they were good youkais in this world, if they could help, if they wanted to heal, and be a part of the human world, she thought it was great.

Back in the feudal era, she had never understood why both worlds couldn't get along. After all, they were not very different.

"When will he be here?"

"An hour."

Kagome slowly nodded. It would give her a chance to eat and take a bath. She had been feverish for two days straight and she wanted nothing more than to chase that feeling away from her body. She grabbed onto the edge of the window to help herself get up from the chair. Every time her belly grew, it was getting more and more difficult to maneuver around.

Sesshomaru watched her get up, remaining on alert as if she was going to fall. He had noticed that it was getting harder for her to walk, which was worrying him a bit. If she had a hard time walking, how could he take her out there to search for the shard? Not only would it be extremely difficult, but he would be putting her and the pup's life in danger.

Hopefully, the youkai would give them some answers.

"I'll take a bath," announced Kagome, as she reached out for her things in her suitcase.

Sesshomaru nodded, never looking away from her. Once again, he found himself in the same situation as the previous night. It was hard to not glance at her, he didn't know why. What could have possibly changed in one day? There had to be something affecting him. Or perhaps he had just been caught off guard by the sudden proximity. They were mated after all, meaning it was natural to seek contact right?

But that was not something permitted for him. He couldn't go and do as he pleased. The only thing he could do was allow her to come when she needed it.

He observed her disappear behind the door and he sighed. If only that was his only problem at the moment. His energy was beginning to be troublesome. Lately he had been sleeping a lot more than he should, most of the time, when he awoke, he still felt tired. Though it was true that the past few days had been stressful, he shouldn't be lacking energy like this. He wondered if perhaps the connection was not only draining the miko, but him as well.

It was true that he didn't possess powers in his current state, but it still had to take away some of his energy. He would be given a chance to test his theory today since he didn't want to do a connection. Kagome was tired enough as it was and she needed the rest. If he didn't feel as drained at the end of the day, he would know he was right. Though what if he was wrong? Perhaps it would be worth asking the doctor once he arrived.

A few minutes passed and the soup had arrived. Sesshomaru had put the tray on her bed. To keep himself from thinking, he had resorted to his usual method, a book. Not too long after the food had arrived, Kagome emerged from the bathroom. Her long black locks were damp, glued to her back as she headed for her bed where she could see the food. Usually her nose wasn't good, but as soon as she had opened the door, the scent of food had overwhelmed her.

Without glancing his way she headed for the bed, before plopping down on it, nearly making a mess. Slowly, just in case her stomach wouldn't accept it, she began eating. Sesshomaru gazed her way for a few seconds, before resuming his ready. He wouldn't be weird enough to actually look at her while she was eating. Sesshomaru hated to not have himself under control like that. Why couldn't he resist simple feelings?

He had been around her for so long now and nothing like this had ever happened. There were these feelings constantly inside of him, which was unusual for him. He almost had felt the same way when the wolf had been around, he didn't like it. Could it be the same thing was to blame? Was it their mating bond? Though if it were, shouldn't she be feeling that way as well?

Perhaps she was. It would explain why she had let him hold her the precious day. Although, maybe she didn't feel urges as intense as he did. It was not really a question he could ask her without appearing strange or scaring her. They were making good process and he had no desire to ruin it. For the first time, she didn't fear being in his presence and he wished to keep it that way. He would not ruin her progress and he didn't want her on her guard.

Minutes passed as Kagome ate her soup, a silence filling the room the whole time. Kagome was getting the feeling that something wasn't right, but she couldn't put her finger on it. She had this strange feeling going through her, it refused to leave her alone. She decided to ignore it, just focusing on the fact that she was finally feeling well enough to eat.

She was a bit excited that a doctor was coming, since he might be able to help them. Kagome couldn't help but think that something was wrong with her son and herself. The only thing in her mind was that, she was weak. She couldn't chase that feeling aside. What if she was too weak to properly provide what her son required? After all, the pains could no longer be explained by the lack of a bond. She was often around Sesshomaru and they were touching during the connection. All those hints left her to think that she had to be the problem.

The thought of not being enough for her baby brought tears to her eyes. Kagome loved her son dearly and wanted to give him as much as she could. She would feel as a failure if she could not help him grow. Noticing she was about to cry, Kagome stopped herself. There was no use crying over it just yet, since she didn't know what the problem was. Maybe she was being a drama queen over nothing.

As time passed, the silence grew thicker, until finally it was broken by the phone ringing. Sesshomaru answered it after the second ring. The doctor had finally arrived. After giving the hotel permission to send the youkai upstairs, Sesshomaru put his book away before standing up.

"He is here," he said to Kagome before heading for the door.

It wasn't too long until a  _man_  entered. He had semi long brown hair pulled into a Miroku like ponytail and dark onyx eyes. He exchanged a few words with Sesshomaru, but Kagome was too far away to hear what they were saying. On top of that, it didn't sound like Japanese. After a few more minutes, they both headed in her direction, so she put the tray away.

The doctor was carrying a medical pouch, she found herself a bit nervous. Then again, she always was when a doctor was involved. He sat on the edge of the bed, almost as far from her as possible. When Sesshomaru had discussed the situation with him, he had roughly explained the history between him and the miko. To make sure he wouldn't break the boundaries, he remained at a comfortable distance.

"My name is Izumi."

"Nice to meet you, I'm Kagome," she said, feeling a bit less nervous.

Usually almost all the people he brought since they started on this trip only talked or dealt with him, it was almost strange being the one involved. Kagome let out a deep breath of relief as Izumi opened his bag and rummaged through it. Perhaps this would not be as bad as she had anticipated. She allowed her back to rest against the headboard as Izumi looked back up.

"What exactly is happening?"

Kagome glued her lips together, thinking carefully. After everything that had happened, it was almost hard to pin point it to only one big thing.

"I've been having pain, nausea and fever," she said, quickly remembering the main things.

Izumi slowly nodded. "Do you feel more tired than usual?"

"Yes."

Surprisingly, the doctor turned his attention to Sesshomaru.

"What about you? Have you been feeling exhausted?"

Sesshomaru was a bit surprised, almost wondering how he knew. But, quickly he gathered himself and stopped any emotions from showing.

"A bit, yes."

Looking satisfied with Sesshomaru's answer, he refocused himself on Kagome again. "Where do you feel the pain?"

Saying  _in my heart_  sounded kind of silly. After all, she didn't mean her heart physically, she meant emotionally.

"Chest area," she said, thinking it sounded a bit better.

Izumi looked down at his notepad where he had been scribbling. He had a feeling he already knew what was happening with them, but before he began explaining, he wanted to know what was occurring with the pup. He put down his pencil and notepad, before getting a bit closer to Kagome. He raised his hands a bit and was eying her stomach.

"May I?" he asked looking at her in the eyes.

Kagome felt a certain nervousness fill her, but she still nodded. This man was a stranger, she didn't feel completely relaxed in his presence, but she knew he was trying to help them, so she had to sacrifice her comfort. She dragged herself a bit closer to him and then, he put his hands down on her covered belly. At the sight, Sesshomaru's eyes immediately narrowed.

He hadn't meant for his expression to change, but he hadn't been able to stop himself. He already hadn't liked it when someone she knew had touched her, but now, this complete stranger was doing it as well. Sesshomaru reminded himself he was doing it to give them answer, but the sight still didn't sit well with him. At the moment he was barely holding back a growl.

Izumi frowned.

"You're a Miko," he stated, a bit surprised.

A panic formed inside of her. "Is that a problem?"

At first Izumi didn't say anything, nor react, but after a few seconds, he shook his head. "No," he answered, never looking at her.

Somehow Kagome didn't feel convinced by his response. It hadn't sounded as if he truly meant it, but more as if he was trying to not make her panic. For now, she decided to let it slide, but later, she would ask about it.

Izumi's frown deepened as a yellow glow emerged from his hands. Kagome almost expected it to sting a bit, as if he was going to hurt her, but pain never came, so she relaxed a little. Suddenly, a purple glow began to form around her and Kagome knew it wasn't her aura. It could only mean that it was coming from Kiyoshi, which caused her stress level to increase a bit.

The color of the aura did nothing to not worry Izumi. Sesshomaru was an inuyoukai, with very poisonous attacks. The aura shouldn't be purple, it should be more of a warm color instead of a cold one. He remained with his hands on Kagome a bit longer, before pulling away. Concern was obvious on his face as he wrote down a few things. His expression did nothing to help calm Kagome down. Questions were burning her lips, she was doing her best not to ask yet.

Izumi ran his fingers through his bangs trying to figure out everything. Something was definitely not right.

"Was the aura always purple?"

Kagome pinched her lips together. Hadn't she seen it yellow before?

"I don't think so," she quickly answered, unsure if she should trust her memory.

Her answer while making this whole thing more confusing actually narrowed down the problem. Izumi nodded to himself before turning his attention to them. Back when the youkais were powerful and ruling, he had been living in a temple. He could easily sense auras and not only could he determine someone's power through them and learn about them, but he could usually control them. He could increase them, or force them down. Although it had been a while since he had last done such a thing, he should have been able to still do it, especially since it involved an unborn pup. Yet it had been harder than expected.

"You have less than a month, maybe weeks before you give birth." That shouldn't have happened. Clearly, the pup should be hanyou, meaning it should take at least three more months for her to be ready to give birth. However, something was not natural.

"He is developing far too fast." Since he knew the question that would come, he answered it right away. "It has nothing to do with what he is. Hanyou, human, youkai, it doesn't matter. Something is making him develop faster than he should."

Kagome felt a distress fill her heart and she began to shake a bit. No matter how hard she tried to think, she couldn't figure out what was causing this. What unusual thing had they been doing? What was harming her son?

Izumi had a theory, but he wasn't sure if it was right. It was the very first time he met a miko mated to a youkai. Back then, it was not quite a common sight. And these days, no miko had awoken their powers, so even if they unknowingly got with a youkai, it wouldn't do anything.

"I believe it is because you're a miko."

The words hit her hard, as if someone had thrown a bucket of ice cold water in her face. The whole time she had been so worried that it was her fault and now he had just confirmed her worst fears. Though she didn't really understand how her being a miko could harm Kiyoshi. Miko's protected, they didn't harm.

"How?" she managed to ask.

Izumi sighed heavily. "Youkai energy and Miko energy are very different. At one point during your pregnancy you must have experienced intense pains, weaknesses, hot flashes and more. Your miko powers were clashing with the child's youkai energy."

The horrified look that appeared on her face was heart breaking. All those times she thought she had been the one suffering, but it was only because she had been hurting her own son. Suddenly, Kagome began to feel extremely weak and she reached out for the bedside table, trying to keep herself stable.

Izumi wasn't sure if he should be telling them all this, since he wasn't absolutely sure himself. He was going with the information he had gotten from the child's aura and previous experience and knowledge.

"It seems your miko powers have forced him to develop faster in an attempt to protect himself. Although, your powers do not seem  _that_  strong that he should have turned to this option. Is it possible there was a strong concentration of your power? Did you do something unusual with your powers?"

As Kagome carefully thought about it, reminiscing her time in Sesshomaru's castle, she realized something.

"I didn't have my powers," she blurted out without thinking. During her final moments in the feudal era, she had no powers at all, so how could it have been so intense that Kiyoshi had to protect himself.

"It doesn't make any sense," he stated confused. "Unless too much power was forced down on him, it shouldn't have affected him." So she had only recently learned of her miko lineage? "How long have you been able to use your miko energy?"

"Years," she answered truthfully.

Izumi grew more confused. "I thought you didn't have your powers?"

She shook her head. "They were locked away by a bracelet," she quickly explained not thinking how bizarre it would sound to someone who was a stranger to their situation. Who would willingly lock away their own powers?

Her latest statement seemed to shed the light on Izumi's confusion. "That is what happened. Your powers were forced on the inside, which is why Kiyoshi felt attacked by your powers. Your energy had nowhere to go but in and your son was trapped within."

This time, Kagome was not the only one who felt bad and guilty. Sesshomaru was the one hit with a wave of guilt. He was the one who put the bracelet on her. Not his beast,  _him_. All this time, all the suffering his son and her had been put through. It was because of him. Hadn't he put her through enough? Hadn't he taken away enough from her?

Without being able to stop himself, he dropped upon the bed attracting Izumi and Kagome's attention. Sesshomaru had his face in his hands, lacking any better expression. Kagome immediately knew what he was thinking, but Izumi was confused.

Kagome felt a pain go through her heart, although it was obvious Sesshomaru was taking responsibility for what happened, she felt as if she had a part in it. After all, it was still her powers that hurt her son, not the bracelet itself.

"But he is not harmed," added Izumi, noticing the despair that both parents were in. "He had to develop faster, but nothing is wrong with him."

Although his words didn't ease away all the pain, Kagome felt a bit lighter knowing her son was going to be okay. He was her main concern, she couldn't help the tears that escaped her. The pains she had been feeling were her own fault, she was willing to put up with them as long as it meant her son would be okay.

"I'm just not sure what he is." When both Kagome and Sesshomaru looked at him confused, he explained further. "His aura is not stable. Sometimes it is completely absorbed and he has the same powers as you do, Kagome, while other times it appears to be fully youkai. All I can tell you is, he is not an hanyou. Though he is neither full youkai or human."

Kagome couldn't help the frown of confusion that appeared on her face. He was not hanyou, human or youkai? Then what was it, because as far as she knew, those were the only choices available.

"You will have to wait until he is born to known for sure." Izumi actually wanted to be there to see the child. He had never seen anything like this before, he was intrigued.

Both Kagome and Sesshomaru were completely silent. Kagome's mind was filled with guilt, but she was also trying to process everything that had been told to her. Sesshomaru on the other hand had barely heard the last things that had been said. Although he knew he would also feel guilty, he had been relieved to know she had looked past the horrible way he had treated her in the past. But this, he could not forget, he knew she wouldn't either. He had caused her horrible suffering, he had put his son in a state of distress. He hadn't know this would have happened. Although if he had, back then, would he have done it any differently? He was another person back in the feudal era, he wasn't sure if it would have mattered to him back then.

Izumi felt a bit uncomfortable and out of place. Obviously a lot more than what he had been told was going on. He had more information to tell them, this time about their situation and not the pup, but he almost wondered if the time was right. He glanced at both their faces, they appeared completely lost in their own thoughts.

"Your recent pains however are not because of the pup," he said to Kagome, catching her attention. "Her reason is the same one behind your exhaustion," he added before looking at Sesshomaru.

He couldn't really read Sesshomaru's aura since it was blocked away, but Kagome's aura spoke enough by itself.

"It is your mating bond. It's weakening and to remain strong and alive, it's using both your energies. Kagome is the one with a constant powerful aura, she is more affected because she is giving away more energy."

So he had been right this whole time, it was their mating bond affecting them. Sesshomaru immediately blamed it for the way he had been feeling. Perhaps she was on his mind so much because the bond, in an attempt to survive was trying to bring them together. Problem was this made their whole situation a bit more complicated.

"Will it get worst?"

Izumi nodded. "If the bond is not strengthen, then yes."

If the Miko became even more weak, how was she going to pull through the final weeks and how would she handle the labor? She was going to need her strength for what was coming. Sesshomaru didn't need to ask what was required for the bond to become stronger, he already knew. Though it involved nothing that either one really wanted, this was not good.

"Is there more?"

"I'm afraid this is all I can help you with."

He had used quite a bit of his energy trying to figure out the mystery behind their pup. It had been a while since he had to overwork himself like this. As Izumi got up from the bed, he reached out in his pocket and handed Sesshomaru his card.

"If anything happens, you can always contact me. And if it's no trouble, I would be interested in meeting your child once it is be born."

Even though she felt a bit weak, Kagome scrambled to make it to her feet. She closed the distance between her and Izumi, before shaking his hand.

"Thank you for your help. I'd like to have you take a look at Kiyoshi when is born."

He had provided them with so many answers, perhaps he would be the only one able to tell them exactly what their son was. Although all of his revelation had shaken her, she was grateful for the help. At least they were no longer left in the dark. Kagome was putting on a strong front at the moment, not allowing him to see how broken down she was inside. Kagome thought she had been done crying, but she knew tears were waiting to escape.

"It was my pleasure."

Once Kagome released his hand, Sesshomaru appeared by her side and thanked Izumi with a nod. The doctor grabbed his things before Sesshomaru escorted him downstairs, leaving Kagome completely alone in the room. As soon as the door closed, she collapsed on the floor, her tears rolling down her cheeks. Nothing could explain the relief she felt that Kiyoshi was well, but she hated herself for hurting him with her powers.

The thought of hating Sesshomaru because of the bracelet had never crossed her mind. He had been a jerk in the past, he had kept her alive. He had rudely forced her to eat when she didn't want to, so she wouldn't die. He hadn't cared about her, but he hadn't wanted her dead. She believed that if he had known what it would do, he wouldn't have kept the bracelet. She had felt more strongly for the things he had done  _knowing_  it would hurt her, than the ones he did not knowingly.

If she had looked past the horrible way he had treated her on purpose, she could look past this. She had promised him a second chance, it wasn't fair to hold against him something that happened in the past. Plus, she was far madder at herself, than she was at him. She protectively wrapped her arms around her stomach, tears still flowing from her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she said, apologizing to her son.

She kept repeating to herself that he was okay, he was not harmed, but it didn't ease the guilt. Then suddenly, she felt an aura envelop her, she felt warmth and softness. It didn't take Kagome too long to realize this aura was the same one as earlier, it was Kiyoshi's. This time, more tears appeared, but they were not from her pain. Did her son understand the way she felt? Was he trying to comfort her, because she was crying?

The moment was broken when Sesshomaru walked into the room. His eyes grew a little bigger when he noticed the aura surrounding her. Kagome looked up, their eyes met, but the aura never ceased to glow. His guilt grew even bigger when he noticed the look on her face, he knew he was the one responsible for it. Slowly, Sesshomaru closed the distance between them. When he reached her side, he bent down slightly offering her his hand to help her get up, knowing she wouldn't be able to on her own. She reached out for it, her own hand shaking as he lifted her up. Then, Kagome sat down on the edge of the bed, looking down at the floor. It felt as if their situation was worse than before. Or, at least more awkward now.

She was so lost in her thoughts, she didn't notice him moving. But then, when he dropped to his knees on the ground, causing a loud  _thump_  to echo through the room, she had no other choice but to look at him. His bangs were covering his eyes, as he glanced at her legs. For nearly the first time, he broke through the barrier of privacy by initiating contact without her permission. Slowly, Sesshomaru dropped his head in her lap, his forehead pressed against her knees. His action earned a gasp from her.

Feeling a bit awkward and unsure of what to do, Kagome remained frozen in place.

Sesshomaru was trying to find the right words, but none came to mind. He wasn't use to doing this. He didn't know how to do it properly. There were so many things he wanted to say, but none of them felt right. There he was, kneeling in front of her, unable to talk. This was never a situation he found himself in before. Never did Sesshomaru bow to anyone. But if there was anyone he ever should, it was her. After everything he had put her through, it was the least he could do.

Finally, he decided on three little words. They were the simplest, yet he couldn't think of anything else.

"I am sorry."

Kagome could not move. All these months, no matter what happened, Sesshomaru was a proud person. Not only did he rarely apologized, but he never allowed anyone but him to be in a position of power, at the worst it was equal, but he never went lower than anyone. She wasn't sure how to deal with such a situation, the words escaped her. She had hoped that after a few seconds, he would have moved, or broken the awkward silence, but he didn't.

Slowly her breathing rate increased. Already she had been too blinded by her rage, that she hadn't been mad at him. Perhaps if Kiyoshi was hurt, or something was wrong with him, then it would be a whole other story, But, at this point, though there was a small frustration inside of her, she was okay. Or was she only convincing herself of this?

All of the sudden, Kagome wasn't sure of her emotions. The mix of guilt and fear was clouding her whole mind. Did she feel angry at Sesshomaru through her own rage? Unsure of how to tell with her emotions, tears streamed down her cheeks. Sesshomaru who had been waiting for her response was broken away from his daze when he felt something fall on top of his head. At first he didn't do anything, but once it happened again, he couldn't help but look up.

When he did, the sight he found was unexpected. He had expected her to be angry perhaps broken, but he didn't think his actions would make her cry. He already felt bad about what he did, he truly wanted to make it up to her, but his apology had done the exact opposite than what he had wished for. Not only was she crying, but she looked as if her whole world had come crashing down. Once again, he found himself lacking the qualities and skills to make her feel better.

What was he supposed to do, what was he supposed to say?

Slowly he approached his hand to her face and gently cupped her cheek. He expected her to flinch under his touch, but she didn't. Instead, her grey orbs locked with his green eyes. He had promised himself he would bring her no more pain, while it was true he had done this in the past, the repercussion was affecting her and the pup  _now_. The words were stuck in his throat. Sesshomaru rarely had nothing to say, nobody could leave him speechless, but  _her_. One look at her face and he felt the guilt fill him again.

Yes there it was again, the bitter feeling of guilt.

"I did not wish for any harm to come to you and the pup."

Even in the past, it was true wasn't it? He could have killed her to get rid of her, he hadn't. His honor wouldn't have allowed him to kill either one. If he had known, he would have found a way around it, he would have found something else to prevent her from using her powers against him.

"I wouldn't have done it."

Still after everything he said, all she did was stare down at him, the tears still rolling down her cheeks. She wanted to say something, to respond but she couldn't. Since her voice failed her, there wasn't much she could do. Perhaps she could make him understand with the help of gestures. Slowly, she lifted her hand and reached out for his head. Without another thought, she rested it on top of his head, her digits disappearing into his thick mane of ebony locks.

She opened her mouth, but the words didn't come out. Out of better ideals, she closed her eyes, the final tears falling. One tear landed on his nose, but he didn't wipe it off. Was she trying to comfort him? To tell him it was okay? Sesshomaru reached out for her free hand and gently pressed a kiss against the back of her hand.

Suddenly he felt a warmth surround him. After a few moments he realized that it was Kiyoshi's aura that had began to envelop him as well. He couldn't help but look down at his hand, seeing the aura. It felt warm and soothing, but it did nothing to make him feel better. Instead, he felt worst. His son was forgiving him? So easily, after everything he had done, the pain he had put him through? It simply didn't feel right, it couldn't be forgotten so easily could it?

Then, he looked into her eyes one last time before finally making it to his feet. Her hand gently fell into the emptiness, as she observed his every movement. Sesshomaru offered her a small bow before heading in towards the door. He needed a walk, he needed to empty his mind. He didn't like the way he was currently feeling, he was out of control and it reminded him of when the beast could take control whenever it wished.

He wasn't supposed to feel like this, but he was powerless to stop. Before he knew it, he had walked out of the room.

Kagome watched the door close before she brought her hand to her mouth, unable to stop it from shaking. She wasn't even sure what she had just witnessed. Why wasn't she mad at him? It was a strange feeling, to not feel anger towards someone else. Somehow, it felt good, but it did not ease her pain. She still had to forgive herself.

She brought her hand to her stomach, the one he had kissed and she rubbed it gently.

 _We're_  sorry.

-B-


	44. Definition of Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to say thank you to Silvermane-Eclipse for drawing the scene of the previous chapter: http://dokuga.com/gallery?func=detail&id=3848

He had been gone for too many hours, but he couldn't bring himself to come back just yet. It was wrong to leave her by herself for so long in the room, he knew she was broken, but it couldn't be helped. The answers which were given to them were unexpected. The guilt bubbling inside of him was a bit too much for him to handle. He was the one who had genuinely harmed her and the pup, not his beast. Perhaps because Sesshomaru realized more than the beast did of what Kagome had been put through, was why what he did bothered him so much.

The fact that she hadn't been upset at all, both surprised him and displeased him. In the past, Sesshomaru had pointed out people's mistakes, rarely making some himself. As time went on, he obtained more knowledge and was given the chance to look back at his actions, he realized that many things he had done could be considered  _mistakes_. As time went on, he grew older, he learned to accept them. The biggest and hardest one had been what happened with the Miko.

When he had first seen her after so long, he had seen the fire in her eyes and after truly taking a conscience accounting of everything he had taken from her, a  _heavy_  guilt had formed. He had always thought it would be there, that he would need to live with it. Truly he never expected the Miko to forgive him, but then to move on, it appeared she had to. He often assumed that perhaps it was why she had given him a chance.

But this was different. She had been caught in a whirlpool of emotions, she could have yelled at him, yet through it all, she never even though about being mad at him. Thinking about her acting that way reminded him of the days she used to travel with Inuyasha. He had seen her be dragged through dirt and worst, yet she had always gotten back on her feet. Through her current reaction, he could see a glimpse of the girl she had once been.

But that was his main problem.

No matter how she healed, there was no going back. Even if she forgave and forgot, she couldn't be the same Kagome she used to be. She needed to build herself back up once more, be someone else. Weather she wanted to or not, she had changed. It didn't mean she couldn't be happy, it just meant, she had grown through the hardships. She would be a stronger, more prepared person in the future.

And once again, he felt it was unfair to leave her alone.

A deep sigh escaped him before he signaled to the driver to head back to the hotel.

If only this current guilt was the only problem they had. Their mating bond was trying to survive. This could cause many awkward situations and bring forth moments that she would feel uncomfortable in. It made him wonder if everything that happened between them lately was because of that bond. A selfish part of him refused to believe it. He  _wanted_  to think that their latest casual interactions were their own doing.

They were still masters of their own bodies, the bond didn't dictate everything they did.

He hoped she was no longer crying, because he didn't want to see her hurt over something he did again. It was not only a promise he had given to Rin, but to her as well. He wished to stick to his word. She had suffered enough, it seemed every time she was getting better something more was thrown in her face. Until now, he had rarely ever experienced such intense feelings, kneeling had seemed like the only proper thing to do.

Although he had not always felt inclined, he respected her. She showed a strength not many had.

Never, no matter what happened, did she allow darkness to completely engulf her spirit. Most humans would have broken down, but she held through. He knew she felt like a failure since she could no longer purify the jewel, but truly, if she was indeed a failure, the darkness within would have swallowed her.

The one who felt like a failure was him.

Perhaps it was why he felt such a rage and so much pain within himself.

First he had marked her, since he had  _failed_  to control his beast. Then, he had  _failed_  to tame his emotions and had killed Inuyasha. Afterwards, he had  _failed_  to keep his promise. He had also  _failed_  at taking care of his mate and now, even before his pup was born, he had  _failed_  at protecting him. Sesshomaru had always been a figure of authority. Many people feared him because he was nearly undefeatable. When his own father had failed, Sesshomaru had promised himself he would not let himself be flawed.

But he had.

For so many years he had thought himself to be different, here he was just like the rest of them. His greatest downfall had been her, it was something he could never fix. It was as if she were a flower that he had crushed and he was now struggling to put the petals back on.

She was different, though. She had flaws, but it was as if she transformed every single one of them into a new strength. Rarely had he ever seen anything bring her down. Usually when something did, it involved him. He was  _horrible_  for her and her life was much better without him around. Yet, he felt angry with himself because he  _wanted_  to be there. When had he begun to feel that way? More importantly,  _why_  did he want to be around her?

Was it the bond telling him to feel this way, or did it came from him?

Sesshomaru crisped his hand into a fist for lack of a better reaction. The bond was messing with him, it was making him feel more than usual and making his emotions out of control. This situation was already hard enough by itself, he didn't need this. Maybe facing her in such a state would only make the situation worse, maybe he should wait until he was calmed and collected?

Unfortunately for him, at the same moment the thought crossed his mind, the car stopped in front of the hotel. He couldn't turn back now. He would just have to hide his emotions. He had often said he wanted to be the stable constant in her life that she could hold on to. If he was weak in front of her again, he would be of no help.

The driver slowly opened the door and Sesshomaru exited. Every step he took into the hotel seemed painful heavy.

He wanted to find a way to apologize to his son for what he had done. Perhaps he hadn't known, but it didn't make it any better. Kagome and Kiyoshi were the only thing filling his mind as he made his way to their room. Once he opened the door, he found a completely empty room, which surprised him for a moment. Had she left? Sesshomaru couldn't help but feel a bit worried since her current condition, she would be in danger.

But before he could panic, or leave, she appeared from the bathroom.

Her eyes were red and puffy, her cheeks were still sticky from the tears she had previously shed. Sesshomaru was usually collected and knew the right words to speak, but once again, he didn't. He nodded in her direction before fully entering the room, closing the door behind him.

Kagome felt like her throat was dried out. She had cried until she could no longer do it, instead of making her feel worse, it had made her feel better. To be able to be alone and cry her heart out had helped her sort out her feelings. It hadn't been easy, the guilt was still present, but her heart didn't feel as heavy anymore. She could still see that Sesshomaru didn't feel the same.

The thought that after the way he had made her feel in the past, he should suffer as well, never crossed her mind. Instead, she slowly closed the distance between them, before sitting on the edge of his bed. Sesshomaru took it as a cue to join her, so he sat down beside her. He quickly noticed the way she was playing with her fingers, signaling that she was nervous.

"Unfortunately," she began, her voice trembling a bit, "Kiyoshi was victim of bad circumstances that happened in the past. You made a mistake, I didn't know any better, I didn't know how to control my powers."

Tears were flooding her eyes, but she held them back.

"He shouldn't have suffered, but no matter how hard I beat myself over it, it won't erase what happened." Through her son's warmth, she knew he didn't hate her for the incident that occurred and it broke her heart to see the love he already had for her.

"All I know is that I won't let this happen again, I will be a better mother to my son." She was still young, she didn't know everything about life, or how to be a parent, but she would give it everything she had. Kagome already knew she was willing to give her life for her son, she would always try to protect him from harm.

Finally, she gathered the courage to look up at Sesshomaru. His eyes were clouded with emotions, which was extremely rare. No he perhaps wasn't the best person in the world, but lately he had been trying hard to make amends. A little while ago, she had shed tears of anger because of him. A part of her had been mad about what he had done, but once that moment had been over, she had regrouped herself. She still firmly believed she couldn't hate him for it, because he was trying to be different.

Even back then, he hadn't been trying to kill her or their son. It was something that had occurred which had been out of their control. If they let this stop them, it would ruin all the progress they had made and  _damn_  it, Kagome was tired of hurting, tired of the pain. No she would not forget, but she wanted to grow from this. Her son was giving them a chance, so she wanted to do the same. If Kiyoshi could forgive both of them, they should be able to forgive themselves eventually.

"I think that instead of killing yourself over this, you should think about how you could make it better." They had already decided he would be a part of Kiyoshi's life. Instead of dwelling over something that could not be changed and that left their son unharmed, he should be thinking about how he would be a good father to him.

"I won't be angry," she said, her voice shaking once more. "I'm tired of being mad, I don't have the energy for it anymore."

So much time had been wasted on being angry. Kagome wasn't sure if it was because of the way Kiyoshi's aura had soothed her through her pain, but she was having a different perspective for the first time. If she considered Sesshomaru the enemy, it would lead them nowhere. He had treated her a bit badly in the past, but he had been treating her right ever since. He was a bit awkward at times, but considering the past they shared, it was to be expected, more a norm.

They had made their first mistake of parenthood, they had to move on and grow from it.

Sesshomaru stared into her grey orbs, unsure of what to say. Because of what he had done to her, he had spent most of his life trying to figure out a way to make amends. It didn't sit well with him to have an offense so quickly forgiven. He had apologized to her for what he had done, but he hadn't apologized to Kiyoshi. But to do so, he needed her permission. His eyes fell down to her bulging stomach where his son was growing and he almost sighed.

"May I?"

Once Kagome understood what he was referring to, she nodded.

Putting his hands on her stomach wasn't something that scared her like it used to. Perhaps it was because it had happened many times now. But, it pleased her to know that not everything would scare her forever.

Sesshomaru gently approached her stomach, and put his hands on it. He couldn't mingle his aura with his son's, but he knew that even in his human form, he could reach out to him. Wishing to be closer, Sesshomaru went down on his knees and pressed his nose against her stomach, his gesture surprising Kagome a bit. He softly murmured something, but she couldn't understand it, as if it wasn't Japanese.

Then suddenly, she felt Kiyoshi kick, the tiniest smile appeared on Sesshomaru's face. As quickly as it came, it disappeared, but he still remained pressed against her stomach, his eyes closed. The relationship she had with Sesshomaru was a complicated one. There was no real word to describe it and sometimes, it was confusing. For so long when she had been in the feudal era, she had thought about running away and never seeing him again. She had thought it to be that simple.

But now she knew. Somehow they had been linked.

No matter how or through what, they would  _have_  to be in contact.

-B-

The awkwardness that had installed itself between them after they had obtained answers had not completely disappeared. Though Sesshomaru wasn't staying far from her for the reasons she thought. Kagome was not familiar with bonds and mating since she was human, but he knew a bit about the subject. He was afraid that the desperation of the bond would compromise the balance they had found in their relationship.

Considering all the bad memories she had from the physical intimacy, he doubted it would ever be easy for her to be in such a relationship ever again. But, the need of the bond could create a desire for such contact. Perhaps, not full  _intercourse_ , but simple things such as holding hands and a physical presence. Though, if his knowledge was right, this shouldn't happen.

For even a bond to want to remain, it had to mean there was a connection. That this was meant to be in some way. But the Miko and him were not meant to be together. It had been a slip up, a mistake, yet the bond refused to disappear. It was true that Sesshomaru didn't know why his beast wanted Kagome out of all people. She had plenty of qualities, but why had she been picked as  _the_  one? Especially considering the way he felt about hanyous, and most humans back then. Nothing could have been a more awful match.

He stopped his thoughts when he heard movements in the bathroom. Kagome had gone and taken another bath. He could only assume it was because she felt  _dirty_  because of the feelings she had experienced. So far they had only focused their attention on Kiyoshi, but he wondered if she would have any question about the mating. After all, it had been occupying his mind a lot, it would only be natural for her to be thinking about it as well.

Sesshomaru put his book down, not that he had been paying attention to it anyway and waited for her to come out of the washroom. He usually kept to himself, didn't talk much, but he wanted to discuss this. He knew she liked to appear tough, but anyone could break down. Granted he might not be the one she wished to confide in, but he was currently the only person around.

It took a few minutes for her to come out of the washroom. Her hair was dry and tied up on top of her head. She was wearing leggings and an overlarge, long t-shirt. A sigh escaped her, before she looked his way, their eyes meeting. She could tell from one glance that he had something in his mind. For a second, she found herself wondering if it was okay to ask.

Lately they had been a bit closer, to be honest it was somewhat confusing.

There was a time where she had been scared to be in his presence, but that had gone away after a while. No she hadn't always trust him, but since being in the modern era, he hadn't given her a reason not to. Though difficult, she had then gone and given him a chance. She had completely cleaned his slate, wanting to make herself a new opinion of this Sesshomaru. So far, he hadn't done anything wrong, yet sometimes, she would get a little thug in her heart. But, she wasn't sure if it was of pain or something else.

It was strange after everything that she could allow him so close and be comfortable in his presence. Though it was painful to admit, she had to say that the fact that his appearance was different was helping her separate him fully from the beast. It was wrong, because the beast was a part of him. She could perhaps get along fully with Sesshomaru one day, but she would have to realize, that the beast was a part of him. Until everything was under control, Sesshomaru would never be complete and allowing him to remain that way forever was not fair.

It was true that for the most part the beast could not be trusted, but perhaps one day there would be hope. It had put her through so much, it was hard to forget the pain, but deep down she wanted to wish there was hope for everyone. There was a time she thought there was none for her. Back in the feudal era, when she had experienced her darkest moment, she thought herself lost. Yet, through it all, she had emerged back.

Maybe some people could be saved.

She wouldn't throw herself in its way right now, but maybe one day, she'd be able to fully face him. His beast hadn't gone through time like Sesshomaru had, he was stuck with the same way of thinking which was the most terrifying thing. If he only could have grown a bit over the years, perhaps if he felt guilt, it would be easier to at least talk and try to forget. But until he accepted to let go, the situation would be difficult.

Until then, all that was left to do was hope that time did heal old wounds.

It was also then that Kagome made the decision to not let the recent events put a stop to the decent relationship she was developing with Sesshomaru. It was much easier to feel at ease around him, then to fear him. Plus, technically all that happened belonged to the old Sesshomaru, the one she had erased from her mind. They had to move on.

"Did you want to talk about it," she asked, her voice almost a whisper, as if she was unsure about asking. She didn't know what exactly was on his mind, but she knew it had something to do with what happened.

Sesshomaru wasn't certain about how to broach the subject without perhaps scaring her away.

"The weakened mating bond might be a problem," he said, almost too casually.

For an instant, her eyes widened a bit, showing that she had forgotten all about it. She had been so caught up about what had happened to Kiyoshi that she hadn't focused on that part of it at all. Though, her views on it weren't exactly the same as Sesshomaru's. Although their bond might be trying to survive, it wouldn't  _force_  them either. It would perhaps influence them, but she still believed they had enough control to do as they wished.

Though Kagome couldn't help but wonder if that was why she felt more comfortable around him. Lately they had been having a few casual interactions, they had been a lot closer than they ever had in the past. No, it couldn't be. As he said, it should only be influencing them, nothing more. She was actually making progress in the right direction, especially with the help of the connection. There was nothing more to it.

"Why is it a problem?" she finally asked, surprising him a bit.

Sesshomaru had truly believed it would scare her. Perhaps he had been the one to over worry about the whole thing. He found himself wondering if he should share the next part with her. Technically he had no reason to keep anything from her, but he didn't wish to distress her either. After a few seconds, he decided that honesty was the best policy.

"The bond is trying to survive because it believes this is right."

"This?" she quickly asked.

"Us."

Suddenly a thick silence filled the room, the words died on her lips. Out of all the answers, this was the last one she expected. Her and Sesshomaru were  _right_  for each other? Granted  _he_  wasn't a bad person, but he also came with the beast. Their history wasn't quite the best and frankly she wasn't sure if she'd ever be with someone else. Hadn't she been scarred enough? Though if she wished to move on, didn't that mean that eventually she would be with someone?

The thought of her relationship – with anyone – hadn't crossed her mind much. Even when Kouga had come along, she hadn't thought about it twice. But to be with Sesshomaru out of all people? Was that something she could even do? Soon enough the tears were burning her eyes, before they could fall, she wiped them away. Feeling a bit sad, she immediately looked away from him.

Sesshomaru completely understood her reaction, yet there was this strange thug in his heart as if his feelings had been hurt. The way he felt towards her was something he had pushed aside for a long time. He had also told himself that the Miko didn't belong to him, that he had technically stolen her away. He had never seen her for who she was, too blinded by his anger and disgust in the past.

Truth was, if he had been able to see properly, he wouldn't have messed her up so bad. She might be human, but she was different. He knew his half brother used to see her as the dead miko, but frankly, Kagome could not be compared to anyone. She was strikingly her own person. Perhaps he had been a fool to not have paid attention to her in the past.

Suddenly, his own thoughts surprised him. He could not be feeling such a way for the Miko. He respected her, he was trying to make amends for what he had done. The thought of ever being more, or doing more was just completely insane. Without thinking, he ran his fingers through his hair and almost sighed. He was never so prone to emotions, currently he had no control over his heart and it upset him greatly. Why was he feeling this way  _now_ , after everything and considering their present situation.

It had to be the bond. These weren't feelings he had ever allowed himself to have. Thinking and feeling in such a way would do nothing but hurt her further. Perhaps it was also because he was used to being alone and for the first time, he was constantly with someone. It was simply adding to everything else he was feeling at the moment, nothing more.

Maybe it was why it was better for him to be alone. It was something he had learned back then when his father had  _left_. It was useless to have attachments or links, because most of the time, people could not be trusted, they went back on their words. The best thing to do was to be by yourself. He didn't need anyone to survive and the current settings were messing with his mind.

Need, caring and love weren't emotions he had ever really experienced. Perhaps a few times, but only when the beast had  _forced_  it upon him. Other than that, Sesshomaru had never expressed desire for those feelings. Physical closeness wasn't something that ever truly appealed to him either. Perhaps because of the time it involved bothering yourself with someone. Sesshomaru had a short fuse when it came to patience with people. Jaken had been by his side for many years, yet the little toad could annoy him to no end after speaking just one sentence.

Well, perhaps Rin had been an exception. Rin and Kagome.

Kagome's presence, even when she was silent wasn't something that irritated him. Usually, he couldn't do regular every day things with someone else present, but in her case, it didn't bother him. Perhaps because she was a Miko, her aura was generally soothing. Whatever the reason, her presence was calming. It made him understand why so many people enjoyed being by her side. It was almost a comforting feeling.

"Why?"

Her voice brought him out of his thoughts and he directed his attention to her.

"Why does the bond think we are right?" It was almost a painful question to ask. She didn't mean to insult him, but she simply couldn't understand.

"I'm afraid it's a question I cannot answer," he responded truthfully. Even the answer to that slipped through his grasp.

It was but a sick twist of fate that had brought them together, linking their lives forever, mostly through a child. Sesshomaru had thought that certain things happened for a reason, but he never understood the reason for this.

Thinking about the bond made Kagome think about another bond, one that had caused her great pain in the past, the one that had nearly always united Inuyasha and Kikyo together. After such a long time, it still brought her pain to think about him. He was her friend and she hoped that wherever he was, he had found a happiness he hadn't while alive.

In the end, he had followed the first promise he had made; be with Kikyo in the other world.

"Do you think they found each other?" she asked, changing the subject. When he didn't answer, she clarified. "Kikyo and Inuyasha."

The mention of his half brother by her was a bit painful. Because, except him, she had been the only one to witness the events that had taken place that day. He hadn't often thought about him, at least not in the last couple centuries. He had never fully made peace with the event, so perhaps it was why he had buried it deep inside. Just like Kagome, Inuyasha had been a victim of the events involving his beast.

Granted they never had a great relationship, but he never had any intention to terminate his life. If he had wished to, he could have done it way before that. It had been an unfortunate incident, nearly out of his control. And in the end, only one of them would have survived. After all, Inuyasha had come with the intention of killing him and taking Kagome back.

"If they were meant to, then they did."

An almost bitter chuckle escaped her. " _You_  believe that if two people are meant to be they will find their way?"

She hadn't pictured Sesshomaru to ever think that way. It was almost a romantic thought and it wasn't something that fit who he was. Though she didn't voice it, she did feel the same. Most things did happen for a reason, you couldn't force something that wouldn't be… to  _be_.

Sesshomaru tilted his head to the side, glancing away from her. "Fate works in the most twisted way."

Slowly, Kagome allowed herself to lay on his bed, her back completely  _killing_  her. She stared down at her bulging stomach and rested a hand on it.

"I agree with that," she said, clearly referring to their situation. "But maybe sometimes things just happen. What if there's no reason behind them?"

He had asked himself the same thing. He could give her a bittersweet response, or a hopeful one. "Then it would be a waste wouldn't it?"

His words slowly echoed in her mind, she couldn't help but feel like they had much more meaning than he let on. Sometimes, Sesshomaru could be a hard person to understand. She had to admit having a normal conversation like this felt nice. There was nothing normal about his and her situation, but sometimes, to act as if nothing had happened brought her some joy.

After all, who knew when she'd ever be actually normal.

The thought made her wonder about Sesshomaru. He had often told her that it was her right to do what she wished with her life, to ignore the mating. That even if she carried his mark, he didn't force her, he wanted her to just live her life and try to be normal. It made her think about what he wanted. Did Sesshomaru wish to have a normal life as well?

He knew a lot about her, but she knew nothing about him. During all those years, had he ever fallen in love, but given up because of the situation? If she was given the option of a normal life, he should be given the same as well. If he wanted to perhaps get married, or even have other children of his own, it was his right. Even if he perhaps felt the same way she did, awkwardness, that he didn't need her permission to see someone, she felt like voicing it out loud.

"You are allowed a normal life as well."

He knitted his eyebrows together, as if her statement confused him. "If you ever want to start over and be with someone, I think you should."

Sesshomaru waited for a few seconds, her words nearly hammering themselves in his brain, before he softly shook his head. "I have no need for such thing."

His answer seemed to take her by surprise because she sat up on the bed.

"What do you mean?" But, before allowing him to respond, she continued. "Everyone needs love. It doesn't matter who you are, what you've been through, or where you are from." The first two people she thought of when thinking about love were Kiyoshi, and her mother.

"Love is what makes you live through the hardships, it's the joy in your life. It's that feeling that someone will be there to catch you if you fall. Who wouldn't need that in their life?"

Sesshomaru had rarely ever heard her give such a passionate speech before. Though most of what she said to him wasn't things he was familiar with. His father had passed away when he was still young, his mother wasn't a very emotional person, she had raised him to be the same. Love had always been seen as a weakness. But now that he thought about it, perhaps his mother felt that way because she had been left behind by his father. Bitterness could be a very complex emotion.

"I have never been in such a situation. I do believe I would not require it in the future."

Her features saddened a bit at his words. Who had never felt love? It was impossible, even Sesshomaru knew what it was like. Then, it hit her like a flash. He did have someone he loved once and someone who loved him back. A daughter. Rin.

"What about Rin?" she quickly asked.

It appeared that the sudden mention of her caused him to be a bit surprised.  _Rin_. The first time he had experienced unknown emotions, it was when she came into his life. But was it love? He did care for her, he saw her as his own child, but  _love_? Sesshomaru wasn't sure he could call it love, because he wasn't sure what the feeling was.

"What is love?"

Kagome was a bit taken back. How do you explain love? It was not something you could describe using one word, especially since it was a state of mind, thou it usually affected the body greatly. Love could make your life amazing, or painfully hard. It was a complex emotion. When you felt it, you  _had_  to know what it was. Kagome knew he was just confused, but he had loved Rin, she knew that for sure, she had seen it in his eyes.

To try to help him, she tried to explain. "Love is when that person is near and you just feel just a bit happier. It's when you're willing to put your life in danger to protect that one person. When you don't know where they are, you worry for them. It's when they're always be in your mind, you won't forget about them. Love is when someone else's well being matters more than your own. It's when there is someone you are willing to sacrifice your own happiness for, just so they can be happy."

Kagome had many people like that in her life, though most of them from the feudal era were gone now. They would always be with her in her heart, because they had been like her second family. They had changed her life for the better in the few years she had known them and she would carry them around in her heart.

Perhaps Sesshomaru had loved before. He had loved Rin like a father loves his daughter. But had he ever been in love with someone? No. The two things were much different and they brought on different happiness and hardships.

"I have loved, but not been in love."

The notion was insane. At least, when it came to it was harder for them to leave, but to love someone who could leave you at anytime? Why did humans seek it so much? Weren't they much better off alone? The risk of getting hurt decreased immensely and he knew how sensitive humans were, yet they threw themselves at pain.

"Being alone is easier."

Feeling a bit sad that someone preferred to be alone, she reached out for his hand. Without thinking much, she covered it with her tiny hand and squeezed a bit.

"Alone is easier, but not necessarily better. Sometimes we need people. They make us feel better, it's nice to know there is someone out there you can't live without. Someone's presence you enjoy and that leaves you calm and peaceful."

Once she finished speaking, she realized what she had just done. Kagome had always naturally gone forward, tried to comfort others and this had just been a natural reaction. Slowly she pulled her hand away, slightly nodded, as if to apologize. She looked at him, while sort of avoiding looking at him in the eyes and waited for the awkwardness to leave.

She had just been devastated that someone didn't know love, since it was the most beautiful feeling. How many times had she been hurt loving and it never stopped her. When you loved, you had to be willing to be burnt a bit. In the end, it was usually worth it. Either you grew from the experience or you found joy and happiness in the arms of someone.

Once a few more seconds passed, she decided it wouldn't be weird for her to get up off the bed. This time she looked him straight in the eyes before struggling to make it to her feet. Once she did, she dragged herself onto her bed and plopped down on it. She buried herself under the blanket, as if she were trying to shield herself from being embarrassed. Though, she hadn't done anything wrong, all she did was touch his hand… so why was it getting to her so much?

A quiet sigh escaped her before she closed her eyes.

Sesshomaru couldn't help but tilt his head to the side and look at her. Her words were still very present in his mind and he couldn't empty his head of them.

_Putting your own desires second_

_Someone who's presence makes you feel calm._

_Someone you're willing to protect at the cost of your own life._

He wanted to ignore it, because it felt too similar. It was just a coincidence, nothing more. What he felt wasn't love, it was duty. He was doing this because it was what he owed her, nothing more. Being in love would just be the strangest thing, it wasn't an emotion he would ever have. Sesshomaru would never be  _in_  love.

And if he  _ever_  was, for some crazy insane reason, the  _last_  person he  _should_  ever feel that way towards was  _her_. It would only bring more trouble. No matter what the bond said, they couldn't be made for each other.

They couldn't help each other, they could only bring more pain.

Although, when was the last time he had felt so peaceful?

-B-


	45. Disappearing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Lunatic Neko for the beautiful art for Chapter 43: http://dokuga.com/gallery?func=detail&id=3897

Sesshomaru had been the first to wake up that morning, actually, he hadn't slept at all and it was a good feeling. For the first time in a while, he was not tired. It didn't feel as if  _all_  of his energy was present, but he did not feel completely drained either. Kagome had woken up a few hours after the sunrise and was currently in the bathroom.

This was their third day in Brazil and they had yet to start searching for the shard. According to Izumi, they might only have  _weeks_  before she gave birth. The ideal would be to find the shard prior to Kiyoshi's birth, since afterwards it would be extremely difficult to do so. The problem was, he wasn't so sure if Kagome's current state was enough to sustain her throughout all the efforts required to do the  _exploring_.

He had barely seen her face this morning as she had rushed to the bathroom. He didn't think she was sick, since he hadn't heard anything, but it was a strange occurrence nonetheless.

The small feelings of awkwardness between them had not fully disappeared just yet. Mostly, Sesshomaru found himself keeping a certain distance with her. He knew it was the best way to go, especially with how things could evolve. He was aware that her opinion on the matter was different, but he still stuck to his own ideas. Sesshomaru refused to let any harm come to her.

A few minutes later, Kagome emerged from the washroom. She had spent the weirdest night; not only had she tossed around the whole time, but her bladder had been killing her. It felt as if she grew more uncomfortable in her own body with each passing day. That made her worry a bit more since they had to go look for the shard eventually. It felt as if the longer they waited, the worse it would become.

So far, today, she was not feeling to bad and she strongly believed that they should take this opportunity to start looking. Who knew when they might get another chance to do so? Deciding to share her idea with Sesshomaru, she turned around and headed for his bed. As soon as he noticed her coming, he politely put his book down.

Most of the time, she had seen him with a book, she couldn't help but feel a little curious. What did someone like Sesshomaru enjoy reading? She didn't know much about him and his personality, so she didn't have any clues. Perhaps one day she would ask him. However, it was not technically a personal question so it would be something to ask at another time.

"I was thinking we could go, and try to find the shard today."

He frowned a bit, but slightly nodded. "You are feeling well enough?"

Kagome was not very hungry, but at least this time, it didn't have anything to do with being nauseous. On top of that, she didn't have a fever or even feel the slightest bit warm. No, she was not in the best of states, but compared to what she had been feeling like lately, she was in great shape.

"I'm fine, so far." She knew very well her current health could change at any given moment. A little break couldn't be trusted.

He observed her for a few seconds, as if just to make sure she was not lying. She didn't appear to be flustered or weak. He didn't want to exhaust her though, so he would make sure the walking was kept to a minimum and that they weren't out for too long. Sesshomaru put his book down on the bedside table, before rising to his feet.

"Very well, but if you begin feeling ill, we will return," he said before grabbing his phone, obviously to contact the driver.

Kagome hurried and grabbed some clothes and went into the bathroom to get changed. She slipped on a yellow t-shirt and white knee length pants. Quickly, she pulled her hair in a ponytail, before exiting the bathroom. Like usual, she grabbed her purse and held on to it tightly. She couldn't leave it in the room because it was too dangerous, but sometimes, it felt like a big risk to carry it around too.

She waited for him by the door, once he realized that she was ready, he seemed a bit surprised. Usually she'd remain behind him, waiting for him to go first and then follow from somewhat of a distance. Her attitude was a bit different, but not in a bad way. To not make her wait, he grabbed his wallet and headed for the door. He opened it for her and she went thru first. Sesshomaru made sure to lock it behind him and they headed downstairs.

When they reached the small stairs, she had to hold on carefully to the railing, her unbalanced weight making it risky for her to fall forward. Taking it slow, she finally made it down the last four steps. When they arrived outside, she saw a normal car, instead of a limousine, waiting for them, she felt a bit relieved at that site. The last thing they needed was any extra attention placed on them. Especially with what they were carrying, they didn't want it.

Once they came in sight, the driver exited the car and opened the door for them. Kagome was the first to go in, Sesshomaru following behind her.

The atmosphere around them was different, even Kagome could tell. She couldn't tell how it had happened or what caused it. Was it their reaction to the bond, or because of the latest events? Kagome had often felt she had to be the one suffer through their past, but now, they both played a role in  _hurting_  their son. Could it be that through the pain, they had connected a bit? It was nearly tragic, but she couldn't see many explanations.

Although perhaps it had been her desperation of the past few days, her weaknesses that had allowed her to see Sesshomaru could be someone you could relay on. It wasn't something she thought possible considering what had happened, but then, she reminded herself he was different. Slowly as time went on, she forgot about the older Sesshomaru. She had to admit it was a nice feeling to relieve her self of such memories.

As the days passed and her mind became more occupied, she had also realized that she had grown stronger. Even though she had cried, been broken recently, it didn't make her any weaker. She wasn't back to who she was, but she was starting to become her own person again. She still couldn't face her worse nightmare properly, but she had no desire to push herself. If she went too fast too quickly, she would lose the progress she had made.

Something that had been preoccupying her lately was what they would do once Kiyoshi was born. Truthfully, Kagome couldn't bear the idea of being separated from her son once he was born, but she knew it was only fair for Sesshomaru to be in his son's life. What made the situation a bit worse also was that Sesshomaru didn't exactly live close by, meaning if Kiyoshi was with him, she couldn't just quickly go over to his place.

This problem couldn't be easily ignored, especially considering the fact that their son might be born very soon. As she began trying to figure out the solution by herself, she realized that Sesshomaru was  _right_  there. Most of the time their exchanges seemed to be minimal and only ideas or confirmed thoughts were thrown around. If they were going to raise a child together, they obviously needed better communication skills.

Kagome couldn't help but feel a bit nervous since Sesshomaru and her never truly had a real conversation. At least nothing  _too_  casual. Was it okay to simply jump in and start a subject? She did it with her other friends, so why couldn't she do it with him? Kagome forced the thought of Sesshomaru being her friend in her mind. She had often been wary of him, he had proven himself thou.

Sometimes, she'd get a little sting, sometimes she would remember the past. She often reminded herself not to think about that. He was a new person, he had been working hard to make up for what had been done. The way he had treated her in the feudal era wasn't  _so_  horrible that after weeks of him being nice to her couldn't erase the wrong doing.

She knew he felt genuinely sorry and that he carried some guilt around with him. She carried something heavy as well and she knew how uncomfortable it was. On top of that, Sesshomaru also had to live with what the beast had done. They were two different people – in a way – and their actions and thoughts appeared not to be similar.

"I was wondering," she started, a bit nervously. "What will happen when Kiyoshi is born?"

He had to admit he was a bit taken back by her question since it as unexpected. At first, he hadn't thought he would be given the chance to see his son, but then as things had progressed along, he had been pleased to find out that she was willing to share custody with him. His train of thoughts had stopped after that, especially considering how busy they had been. Though, Sesshomaru failed to see how this was complicated, many couples had shared custody these days.

"I'm afraid I am not sure what you are referring to."

Kagome slowly nodded to herself before trying to form coherent sentences in her head.

"You live pretty far, and hmmm." The right words wouldn't come to mind. The ones she wanted to say were going to make her sound extremely selfish and she was trying to find a better way to express herself. "If I miss him – it'll be a long drive…"

A bit embarrassed, she looked down at the ground. It wasn't about not trusting him, it was just, she had grown so attached to him already, for so long he had always been her only ray of hope. To not be able to see him at all for days was going to be a very difficult task for Kagome, she wasn't sure how to deal with it. Sure, they still had a bit of time since that happened but nonetheless. Kagome assumed that during the first few months, Sesshomaru would perhaps visit, since Kiyoshi would still be young and small and when he would be a couple months old, then they would start shared custody.

Though, she feared what would happened if he came to the shrine. Although Kagome had made the distinction and had given Sesshomaru a second chance, her family's experience with him wasn't the same. Not only would it be extremely awkward, but also very uncomfortable  _for everyone_.

What Kagome mentioned wasn't something that had crossed his mind. From the way she had been interacting with Shippo and Rin, it had always been obvious that she was born to be a mother. Taking her child away from her, even though he was the father, almost appeared cruel at the moment. She did have a point though; even if they both owned cars, it was quite a drive.

But it wasn't something that couldn't be fixed.

"Then I shall move."

She appeared stunned for an instant. "Move as in buying a new house?"

He nodded. "I will find accommodations that are much closer to the shrine."

"That's not what I meant," she said slightly panic. He had his life, his job and everything. She who had been used to having to leave everything behind all the time didn't want to ask someone to drop everything just for her convenience.

"It is no trouble," he said carelessly. "It is just a house. I can live anywhere."

Truth was the only reason why he had his current mansion was that it was in a tranquil neighborhood where he had privacy and didn't need to worry about being bothered. He had no  _friends_  to speak of and the one thing he only did was work. He could take care of his company from anywhere in the world, so it really didn't mattered where his main residence was.

Kagome glued her lips together, feeling a bit uncomfortable. Though he said it was fine, she couldn't help the feeling.

"Thank you."

She still felt selfish about her request, but it wasn't a feeling she could control. Though she could only assume it was natural for a parent to feel such a way when it came to their child. Sesshomaru surely would wish to see Kiyoshi as well when he would be with her. She felt a bit guilty to already plan on traveling her son from one house to another before he was even born. It wasn't the kind of life she had hoped for her child. Kagome had always assumed she would get married, then have a family and  _stay_  with her children's father.

Nevertheless, life could never be predictable.

She would still make sure her son would be happy and it was all that mattered.

All the thoughts she was having reminding her how much  _older_  she sounded. It made her think about her friends who were still enjoying high school, thinking about what university to apply to, while she struggled to make it  _alive_. Of course, one day, once everything settled down, she would like to finish high school and pursue further education. A lot of mothers and older adults went back to school, why couldn't she?

"Did you attend university?"

It was a strange question since he probably didn't need to. He had lived the changes and learned everything by experiencing it. If he had managed to keep a fake identity in the world for over 500 years, he could have a fake diploma…

Sesshomaru had barely shared anything about himself with her, thinking it was of very little interest, especially since his presence made her sick in the beginning. He never thought she would wish to know anything about him.

"I did for a few months, until I came to the conclusion it was mostly useless."

There was nothing these schools could teach him that he didn't already know or hadn't taught himself. Humans enjoyed being told and showed what to do, it seemed some of them lacked the ability of thinking on their own. All it required was a bit of effort.

Once he had realized he would not be wasting some years of his life in a university, he had begun doing what many youkais did, getting false documents. He was already doing it with his main identity, so it made very little difference. Obviously, it had worked, once he had built his own company, he no longer needed to worry about such foolish things.

Sesshomaru wanted to return the question, to ask her what she desired to do with her school life, but he realized his mistake in time. Not only had she probably missed tons of school days with her constant traveling to the Feudal Era, but she was also about to be a mother, making it very difficult for her to return to school. He quickly made the connection that she had probably been thinking about it hence her question.

"There is always schooling by correspondence or on internet."

Kagome appeared a bit startled, especially by the fact that he had seem to see right through her. It was true that there were other options, but sometimes it could be a bit expensive. You had to pay for all your books, all the help aids and what not. The shrine was already not in the best financial situation and she refused to add additional stress to it.

She waved off. "It's a bit expensive. Plus I have my whole life to go back to school."

She was trying, he would give her that, but the deception was not completely hidden. Frankly, he had more than enough money to afford for her to take such classes, but he had a feeling that if he presented the idea to her, she would immediately refuse. Perhaps the best way, although a bit mean, was to corner her. If he paid – and such fees were usually non refundable - she would have no other choice but to accept and go along with it.

In this world, education was very important. Even if she would inherit the shrine, having to look after it. Obviously it didn't provide with enough money and she would need another income. Sesshomaru wouldn't let her pay the fees for their child either. He had enough money to cover every expense. But knowing her, she would probably refuse any money he would try to give her.

The silence slowly installed itself between them, but this time it didn't feel as awkward. It was also allowing Kagome to realize that when she allowed herself to act normally in his presence, this situation wasn't bad at all. Having a normal conversation with him wasn't hard at all. Perhaps she had been so afraid of the past that she had never fully allowed herself to let go.

But, now that her heart was lighter, she could enjoy such feelings.

Maybe they wouldn't be  _best friends_ , but they could have a normal relationship. After everything that occurred, it was nice to think it. It didn't matter that in the past he was the last person she would have sought a friendship from, they were not in the past anymore. They were in the present, it was a fact she was slowly accepting. Sesshomaru stunned her out of her thoughts by speaking.

"Would you mind doing a bit of walking? I believe it would be necessary to mingle through downtown a bit."

Kagome shook her head. "I don't mind." She was still feeling decently well and she believed they should take advantage of her good state before it slipped away.

He nodded, before signaling to the driver to pull over. Once the car was stopped, Sesshomaru didn't wait for the driver to open the door for him. He exited by himself, before helping Kagome out by handing her his hand. Without so much of a hesitation, she reached out for it and set foot on the sidewalk.

Since this was the third time out of Japan in their travels, she had lost the feeling of surprise when stepping into a new country. The streets were extremely busy, so Kagome made sure to stay somewhat closer to Sesshomaru. In her current situation, she had no desire to get lost. She let him lead the way, while she followed closely behind.

She reminded herself of why they were there and made sure to stay on alert, keeping her guard up in case she either felt a shard or something out of the ordinary.

It was hard to believe that this was the last shard. After this one, the jewel would finally be complete. No long would she need to be a jewel detector, no longer would she need to put her life second. Once it was complete, she would be able to be Kagome. Until she succeeded in doing that, the jewel would remain dark. At least, if it was complete, it was easier to watch over.

Kagome raised her head a bit to stop looking at the ground and instead glanced at her surroundings. As she gazed around a strange pair of onyx eyes suddenly caught her attention. The person was looking right at her, as if they had been waiting for her to show up. She felt a chill go down her spine, without thinking, she ventured closer to the person.

She was closing the distance between them, when all of the sudden, she found herself being pulled away and before she could react, she was pressed against a hard chest, an arm protectively wrapped around her. She inhaled deeply, before raising her head slightly, seeing Sesshomaru. His eyes were narrowed and he looked anything  _but_  happy. However, he wasn't glaring at her.

Still in the tight embrace, she turned her head to the side and saw a car had stopped  _a centimeter_  away from her body. Had she almost been hit? She watched the car slowly leave, while Sesshomaru never looked away fom it. It took him a few seconds before he glanced her way. When he did though, his expression never even fazed.

"Are you hurt?" he quickly asked, urgency in his voice.

At loss for words, she shook her head.

Had she really been so carelessly walking around, putting both her own life and Kiyoshi's life in danger? She had been so caught up with the weird stranger that she hadn't thought at all about where she was going. Her heart was hammering within her chest as the gravity of the events fell upon her. If Sesshomaru hadn't been there. If he hadn't made it in time… she wouldn't be standing here now.

"Thank you," she said, as if she was out of breath.

Being reassured that she still knew how to speak, he loosened his hold around her.

"You have to be extremely careful around here." He could have lectured her, but she was no child, plus it wouldn't have felt right. Though it did irk him that she had not paid more attention.

"You could have been killed." His speed in this form was so slow… he could have been too late. "You have to look out for yourself." He was trying to keep his tone as neutral as possible, but it was proving to be a bit more difficult than expected.

Kagome tightly pressed her lips together. She  _knew_  she had done wrong, but  _usually_  she was more careful. Feeling as if she was taking too much blame when the situation was not  _entirely_  her fault, she explained. "I saw someone."

He arched an eyebrow. "You sensed a shard?"

She shook her head. "No, I just…  _I saw_  someone. They were just  _looking_  at me. Not just  _I happen to be staring_  kind of thing. I – he gave me a bad feeling."

It sounded completely insane, especially since it was only an intuition, she had no proof at all, but Kagome had learned to often trust her instincts. Right now they were telling her there was something wrong with the man that had crossed her path. She wasn't sure Sesshomaru would believe her, but what reason would she have to lie?

Sesshomaru glanced around at the crowd, but he didn't see anyone out of place. He did believe her, she even looked a bit panicked at the moment. The problem was, she was prone to doing careless behavior when she was caught up with something.  _If_  for some strange reason there was someone out there who knew who she was, then she had to be on her guard and he couldn't allow her out of his sight. He was not the best protection, but if things came down to it, he could still use his youki.

There was a way to make sure she was right beside him, but he wasn't sure he wanted to go there. Not only would it  _clearly_  be stepping over a boundary, but, it would also be uncomfortable. But they had to walk and explore if they wanted the shard, so it left him in a hard situation, with a difficult decision to make.

He  _could_  ask and it  _could_  scare her. "Kagome?"

She almost looked around, as if to see who he was talking to until she realized he had spoken to her. He had barely ever used her name, actually, she didn't know if he ever did and the way it sounded when he pronounced it, was  _different_ , almost out of place. She looked at him right in the eyes, as if to let him know he had her complete attention.

"We have to be careful, in case someone is indeed looking for you." He paused, as if he was searching for the right way to present his proposition. "I request permission to hold hands, to ensure your safe keeping."

At first, she was a bit stunned by what he was asking. He  _clearly_  looked uncomfortable by it, to be honest, she wasn't sure what she should say. He wasn't doing it just for the sake of it and she understood the reasoning behind it, but nonetheless. Kagome waited a few seconds, before gazing at his face. It was for her safety, he wouldn't harm her… there was nothing wrong with his request.

Slowly, her hand shaking a bit, she reached out for his, but stopped just before touching it, as if she was waiting for him to do the final step. He gently grasped her hand, before intertwining their fingers together. They remained still, glancing at their joined hands for a few moments, before they snapped out of it. Sesshomaru was the first one to move and he began leading the way.

For a while, she couldn't focus on staying alert, because all that filled her head was the sound of her heart beating, there was the tiniest blush on her cheeks, as if she was embarrassed. Sesshomaru on the other hand looked completely calm and collected. Though he was trying to keep up a façade, his thoughts were a bit harder to control.

It felt strange to hold her small hand, to feel the heat of her body. He was truly trying to not think about it, but it was  _right_  there, making it a bit difficult not to. Suddenly, breaking him out of his reverie, he felt someone pressed against his back. He rapidly turned around, only to feel Kagome's free hand, as she used it to push herself away.

She paid no attention to him though, since she was looking back apparently trying to find someone. A sigh escaped her before she focused on him. She gently offered him a small smile before looking down at the ground. People could be a bit infuriating sometimes and she was grateful Sesshomaru had been in front of her. If he hadn't, she would have fallen onto the sidewalk, belly first.

Soon enough they reached an area filled with different fast food places and the scent of food tickled her nose, causing her stomach to growl. It seemed that through the noises, Sesshomaru heard it, which caused him to cease walking.

"Would you like to eat?" he inquired, looking down at her.

Kagome shifted her weight from one foot to the other, pondering the issue. She had no desire to be sick in the middle of the city, but she  _was_  hungry. Perhaps just a little bit of food wouldn't be bad.

"Why not," she said, a tiny smile on her lips. If she felt sick, she would stop.

He guided her through the crowd, making sure not to pull on her arm too much. As the minutes had past, it had become less and less awkward to be holding hands with her. He had been so preoccupied watching out for her as well, that sometimes he would forget their hands were joined. He shook his head a bit, reminding himself of  _why_  he was doing this.

Soon enough they were surrounded by a bunch of restaurants, some fast food and some higher class ones. Kagome's eyes inspected her surroundings as she attempted to make up her mind. Her lips were glued together as she thought carefully, when suddenly she felt this vibe going through her body. It was extremely strange. It felt as if darkness had gone through her, her senses were screaming at her.

Kagome's eyes narrowed a bit as she glanced around. Something wasn't right. It was more than an intuition she was  _sure_  of it. Before she knew it, panic took hold of her and without her realizing it, she squeezed his hand just a bit tighter.

Sesshomaru had been very sensitive to the change of pressure in their hold and immediately his eyes traveled down to her. Her face was turned away, so all he could see was the back of her head, preventing him from seeing the panic in her eyes.

"Are you well?" he inquired, his eyebrows knitted together.

Kagome jumped ever so slightly at the sound of his voice. She didn't know what to tell him or if she should say something. There was technically nothing wrong, it was just a bad feeling that she was having. However, it was twisting her insides and it made her feel sick. It was as if something was trying to take hold of her heart, it was almost terrifying. Could it be more side effects to all the pains she had been having lately?

Then suddenly, she brought a hand to her mouth and covered it as she felt nausea take over her, even though she had been fine a few moments ago. The worry in Sesshomaru's eyes grew. He knew she was not well, he shouldn't have taken her out, it was his responsibility to look after her and he had failed.

He still held on to her hand as he closed the distance between them.

"We will head back."

Kagome slowly nodded, before moving her hand away. "I just need to use the restroom." In case she was going to be sick, she would much rather throw up in a bathroom, than in the car.

Sesshomaru agreed with a nod, before their hands slowly split as she let go. For an instant, it felt empty, as if something was missing.

She took a few steps forward before stopping. She glanced down at her purse, before realizing she had the urge to give it to Sesshomaru. She didn't know why, but she didn't want to keep it with her. She had used the bathroom plenty of times, why didn't she want it with her now? Well what if she was sick and dropped it to the ground and someone stole it? By now, Kagome knew Sesshomaru could be trusted with it and it was perhaps much safer for him to keep it.

After a few more seconds, she decided to follow her instincts. She turned her around before handing him her purse.

"You should hold on to it." Once the words left her mouth, she turned around and slowly headed for the washroom.

As Sesshomaru held the purse in his hands, his frown only grew. Why was she leaving the jewel with him? Wasn't she only going to the restroom? Her current attitude was leaving him perplexed and a bit confused. He didn't know everything about her, but he was aware that until now, she had never acted like this in his presence. Could it be that something was wrong or was she simply a little off because of the sickness?

A strange feeling in his heart grew. He took a seat and waited for her. He made sure the purse was on his lap, before resting his hands on the table. Perhaps it would be wise to allow her another couple of days to rest before they resumed their search. Next time, he wouldn't make her walk so much, since it might have contributed to her sickness. Sometimes, she was difficult to handle, as if she was porcelain. Sesshomaru was always afraid he was going to break her.

He remained in his seat for minutes, waiting for her to come back, but she never did. Immediately, a million thoughts ran through his mind. What if she was really sick or weak? Maybe she had even collapsed. Deciding he couldn't wait there, he stood up and headed in the direction of the washroom. Obviously, he couldn't go inside, so he waited near by, waiting for someone to go in.

A few minutes later, a woman was making her way to the restroom, so he approached her.

"I'm sorry to bother you but my," He paused. "wife, went in the restroom a little while ago and hasn't come back out yet. She is pregnant and was feeling ill, I was wondering if you could let me know if she is well."

The woman smiled brightly at him. "Of course."

Sesshomaru felt a bit better as he watched the woman disappear inside. He might be overreacting a bit, but with all the times she had fallen ill, it was almost a natural precaution to take. He was getting a bit impatient as the seconds passed, but he assumed that Kagome was well. If she had passed out, the woman would have come to warn him right away.

Finally after what had seemed like an eternity, the woman emerged, but the look on her face warned him something wasn't right. Her eyes were a bid widened and she appeared confused.

"I'm sorry sir, but there is no one in the restroom."

At that precise moment, a million different emotions appeared on his face, before they were all drained away.

"Are you certain?" he asked, his voice surprisingly calm.

She nodded. "I looked everywhere." Her eyes saddened a bit and you could see the pity on her face. "Maybe she rushed to get something in the car, or maybe she went to get some fresh air."

He offered her somewhat of a smile, before nodding. "Probably. Thank you for your help."

Right away, Sesshomaru turned around and inspected his vicinity. Kagome wouldn't have gone somewhere else without telling him. No, she didn't need to report her every movement to him, but she knew how dangerous it could be, she wouldn't make him worry about her safety. Suddenly, her previous words and actions came back to him.

_"I saw someone."_

_"He gave me a bad feeling."_

Her body had been so tensed and stiff before she had left for the washroom. Could it be that she had seen the person again? No, she wouldn't have headed straight for danger by herself. Though perhaps she had gotten the bad feeling again and what if it made her ill? Not only that but hadn't she given him the jewel? Had she  _known_?

Could it be that someone was after her?

Without allowing his thoughts to go any further, he hurried his steps, before frantically looking around, hoping to catch a glimpse of her. She had only been in that washroom for two minutes before he had gone near. She couldn't be that far by now could she? He increased his speed until he made it to the middle of the street.

He wasn't one for shouting,  _but_. "Kagome?"

Sesshomaru wasn't expecting a response, he never got one either. He was breathing a lot faster than usual, as he still kept going down every street, calling out her name once in a while.

Then he heard it. It was so faint, he could have imagined it. " _Sesshomaru_!"

He glanced in every direction, but all he saw were seas of people, he never even caught a glimpse of her. He knew if she were near, he would have spotted her, so it meant she wasn't close. Had she really called out his name? If he didn't find her soon, it might be too late. But he couldn't track her as he was now, it was useless without his youki. But using his beast, when there were so many people, that could be dangerous. Although, its main priority would be Kagome. At least, he would have a chance to catch her scent.

Sesshomaru decided to risk it all.

He ran in the direction of the closest alley and once he made sure it was completely empty, he pressed the button. Fifteen minutes; would that even be enough? The beast wouldn't harm anyone. Though he had hurt Kagome in the past, he knew it wouldn't allow anyone to take her away from them.

Slowly, he dropped to his knees as the too familiar feeling took over. Perhaps it was because of his own concern and rage for his lack of power, which allowed her to be taken away, but his eyes never turned golden, instead, they immediately went to red, as if a deep anger was running through his veins instead of blood. A deep growl escaped him as he made it to his feet.

He began breathing in heavily, trying to catch her scent, but all he could get was the human filth around him. There was no way he couldn't smell her. Her scent should overpower everything else around him. Was someone blocking it? Immediately, he decided that standing there was useless and he began to use his speed to roam through the city, barely visible to the human eye.

He had no lead, no where to go. She could be anywhere in the city, he could lose her forever. Why had she been allowed so far from their sight? Why had she been put into such a situation? Harm might very well come to the pup and her.

The beast kept inhaling deeply, trying desperately to find her. He didn't even realize he was still clutching onto her purse. The desperation within him only grew bigger with each passing second. He would  _not_  lose his mate. She was his. He finally stopped in his tracks, not paying attention to the glances that were given his way and he closed his eyes.

They were mated, they had a bond, she could not slip away from him so easily. He tried to concentrate and try to locate the ever so faint, weak bond they had. He wanted to smell her, he wanted to hold her, he almost whimpered at the thought of the danger she was in. If anyone did so much as laying a finger on her, he would kill them.

His heart was racing, his blood pulsing.

He had to find her.

Her voice was echoing in his mind as his nose could still remember her scent. Frustration could be senses in the air, his desire for revenge and destruction grew. What a useless fool Sesshomaru was.

And then, his thoughts were broken away when he felt it. The beast felt the weak surge, so faint, he barely even noticed it.

Though it was far,  _very_  far away. How could they have taken her away at such speed? He  _had_  to make it before he lost control.

He would save his mate.

-B-


	46. Desperate Search

He forcefully smashed the nearest wall with his fist, before hissing in anger. Nobody could disappear into thin air like that. Whoever had taken his mate  _knew_  what they were doing. They were aware that he was a youkai. They had to have taken precautions against him. If that was the case, what could he do to find her? His fury was still well present, but it wouldn't be wise to roam the streets, causing destruction, it would not help him find her and waste his energy.

He had to remain calm and try to figure out a way to track his beloved mate. Time was not on his side since he didn't know when he would disappear and if Sesshomaru would bring him back. Though without him, he was useless.

The beast leaned against a brick wall in an alley and closed his eyes. There was no one he could think of that would capture her. The only possibility was a stranger – mostly a youkai - who had heard she had the jewel, or had seen her with it. Unfortunately, the whole thing was nearly complete. The possibility that person even had the last shard was present in his mind. Once they obtained the jewel, they would either toss her away, or kill her.

He wouldn't allow any harm to come to her.

 _The bond_  was perhaps the only way he had to find her. Unfortunately, it was weak and she wouldn't know how to strengthen it. In his case, it was different; perhaps if he focused enough, he would be able to feel her pulse through him. He tried to call out to her from within, as his eyes remained closed. It wasn't too long until a familiar pain took hold of his chest and he slightly winced.

He knew this pain. He had experienced it when he was far from her, when she wasn't his. Was it her pain he was experiencing at the moment? Was it her calling out to him? After all, she only had him, at least, in this part of the world. His mate had to want him near, to save her. The thought caused his anger to flare, why wasn't he able to protect her? She was  _his_ , he was a  _youkai_  surrounded by  _humans_.

The pain in his chest became constricting. It made him feel uneasy. But then, he wondered, could the pain lead him to her? If it was his own soul reaching out for her, then he should be able to follow her. In the past, when he had felt the pain, he had let his instincts guide him to her, why couldn't he do the same now? He slowly opened his eyes, before glancing around at his vicinity. All he had to do was let his body show him the way.

Without having any idea of where he was heading to, he allowed his feet to guide him through this strange town. He had no clue when he would be forced away, or if he would find the right path, but it hardly matter. The only thing on his mind was that he needed to find his mate, he wouldn't allow anyone to bring her or the pup harm. He would protect her with his life if he had to.

She was  _his_.

The beast paid no attention to the looks people were giving him, as if he was not even part of that world. His rage was boiling inside of him. He shut out everything else. All he wanted was for her to be in his arms, safe from the outside world. He would kill, exterminate and hurt anyone just for that to happen. He didn't know  _who_  did this, but obviously they hadn't done their research well enough. Anyone with common sense would know  _not_  to take his mate away from him.

He could easily ignore the pain in his chest, as he felt his heart get heavier with each step he took. However, he felt closer to her every time he moved. Suddenly, he made a sharp left turn and kept going on his search. Every second was precious, he could not waste any time. He could use his speed, but he wasn't sure if he would  _feel_  as much. However, it would save him a lot of time. The kidnappers weren't on foot, so they had to be way ahead of him by now.

Personally, he couldn't care if humans could see him, so he began going as fast as he could, but this time, his eyes were tightly shut. He hoped it would help him find her, or connect with her. The pain within was still pulsing through, somehow, he took it as a good sign. It meant she needed him and it filled him with pride. Though, he still had to find her, he would not fail his mate.

He would bring her back safely. After killing the bastards that took her away from him of course.

He felt himself  _cruising_  through the town, following the suffering throbbing through his body to locate her. In his mind he could hear her voice echoing, he could hear her screaming his name, it only made his fury grow. She had  _called out_  for him and he hadn't been able to help her! She had never done that before. He couldn't remember her wanting him to come to her rescue.

Had he really miss out on so much?

Why had she started to rely on them? Every time he had seen her recently, she had been different. Why hadn't he been there to provoke that change? Sesshomaru had never wanted anything with her, he was the one who loved her and tried to protect her. Without him, she would have never been theirs, so why wasn't he enjoying her company? Why didn't she  _want_  to be with him?

Suddenly, he was stopped in his movements. In the middle of a field he dropped to his knees, his speed leaving. He nearly hissed, as he felt himself being pulled away, he immediately punched the ground, leaving a huge crater. He couldn't leave, not yet, he would lose her if such a thing was to happen. He was so close, he could feel her, the pain was increasing, he had to be close.

He growled, but it didn't stop the process from continuing. The beast threw his head back, as his hair slowly changed to an ebony color, the markings on his face disappeared. Once he opened his eyes, they were now a soft green color, instead of the intense red they were previously. Although Sesshomaru's youki was sealed away completely, he didn't move.

Within, he felt the same desperation the beast had experienced. He had lost her. The main reason of his presence by her side was so that he could protect her, but he had clearly failed her. One simple task; watch her. He wasn't even able to do the simplest thing. How had he not noticed someone following them? Why hadn't he taken what she had said more seriously?  _He_  out of all people should know that everything is a threat.

Had he really fallen so badly?

He was so helpless, almost like a child.

Sesshomaru pressed his palms against the ground, as hate filled him. For the first time in a long time, he realized he  _needed_  his beast. He needed to be whole. Perhaps if he had been, she wouldn't have been taken away. Maybe he would have located her much faster. His eyes traveled to his watch and he pondered. Never had he summoned his youki twice in a row,  _but_  the situation required it. He might feel the pain in his chest, but he didn't have the speed, or the instincts to find her.

Slowly he lifted one hand, before pressing the button, feeling himself disappear.

He couldn't be the one to save her.

-B-

Kagome was breathing extremely fast as panic was the only thing filling her body and mind. There was something covering her eyes, she had something in her mouth, gagging her, preventing her from even screaming. She couldn't even properly remember what happened since it had occurred so fast.

The last thing she remembered was being at the sink, washing her hands, when a woman had walked in. Of course, Kagome had paid little attention since, it was a restroom after all, people walked in and out all the time. She had been in the process of leaving when she had felt herself being grabbed, a hand had been put in front of her mouth, preventing her from screaming for help.

She had panicked and tried to free herself, but with her huge belly and the way the woman had been holding her, it had been impossible. She recalled more people coming and  _rapidly_  dragging her outside of the restaurant. Now that she thought back about it, there had been nothing  _human_  about their strength and their speed. Also, someone had mentioned something about putting down the  _barrier_  as if they had been trying to mask something. Clearly no human could be behind this.

She knew they had shoved her in a car, it was then that she had screamed out for Sesshomaru, in a hopeless attempt that he would have heard her. Obviously, she had quickly realized, that he couldn't. It had made her eyes water to realize just how hopeless she was. Couldn't she have been more careful? She carried such an  _important_  object with her, yet she hadn't been on her guard.

Now, not only was her life in danger, but Kiyoshi's as well. On top of that, she might fail to protect the jewel, which was her duty to protect.

She had no idea who was after her, but she assumed they wanted the jewel, it wasn't too far fetched to think they had the last shard. What would they do with her, or to her? Could Sesshomaru even find her? He was the only person she had, the only one who could save her. Nobody else knew where she was, what she was doing. She had to rely solely on him and in all the panic, the thought did not even sound strange.

Kagome couldn't help the whimper that escaped her throat, as she felt them pull on her arm. Suddenly, the car came to a stop, she could only assumed they had arrived. It wasn't until someone tighten the rope around her wrists that she remembered. This was not the same situation as the one she had been in the Feudal Era. This time around, she was not completely weak. She had her powers. Granted they were not very strong, but they were still present.

Problem was, they were avoiding her hands, which would technically mean they knew about her.

She couldn't give herself away right away though. Since her powers were weak, she had to wait until she had a really good opportunity. At the moment, her eyes were covered, meaning if she did succeed in  _burning_  someone, she wouldn't see the other people surrounding her and she wouldn't know how to escape. She had to wait until she could see again.

They would probably want to know about the jewel.

Suddenly, her eyes widened a bit. Why hadn't she remembered this before? She was  _not_  the one who had the jewel! She had given it to Sesshomaru before she left the washroom! This was good and bad in a way. Good if they believed her, because it would give her more time to try and escape, or for Sesshomaru to find her, but bad if they thought she was lying. Then, they would try to torture her until she gave it to them.

The way she was looking at it right now, it was a lose-lose situation.

She wished to keep her panic under control, especially since her son was so sensitive to all her emotions, but it was hard. The only thing she kept thinking about was that she would be dead by the end of the day. Usually she knew how to keep her calm, but she knew her world, her knowledge of it made it absolutely terrifying. People these days were capable of everything and anything.

Finally, they stopped carrying her around and sat her on a chair. Her eyes were still covered, her heart was hammering within her chest. She was trying to hear some voices, but all she could distinguish were some whispers. Suddenly she felt a cold hand touch her shoulder, and she couldn't help but shudder. Whoever it was, they were giving her a bad feeling.

Her instincts were screaming at her to pull away, unfortunately, she couldn't. She tried to shrug away, but the hand firmly held her in place.

"Poor helpless little miko."

The tone of his voice froze her whole body and she stopped breathing for a moment.

She felt him move his hands, slowly he was undoing the knot behind her head. It didn't take long for Kagome to feel the fabric that had covered her eyes fall unto her lap. It took her a few seconds to open her eyes and she wasn't sure if she delayed opening them was caused by her fear, or the bright light. Once her eyes were finally opened, all she could see were two people standing in front of her.

Kagome knew she couldn't allow them to see her fear, though if they were youkais like she suspected, they could already smell it on her. Nonetheless, she decided to try and put a strong façade in place. She wanted to talk but for a moment, she couldn't find her voice. Back in the days, it had been easy to be careless, considering the only person she had to watch out for was herself. Now, she had her son.

But there was a bit more to the situation. Being captured, being a prisoner, it reminded her too well of a bad time she had in the feudal era, one she had wished to forget for so long. Her body was shaking a bit, but she refused to allow it to stop her. If she had been able to be around Sesshomaru after what happened, she could be a strong woman against these strangers.

'Who are you?" she asked, controlling the shaking of her voice.

She heard the man behind her chuckle, but she didn't turn her head to look at him. "Who we are matters very little. On the other hand what you carry is very important."

Too bad for him the only thing she was  _carrying_  at the moment was Kiyoshi. Although, even if she had the jewel, she wouldn't give it to him, granted she couldn't protect it very much, but she would give it all she had nonetheless. For an instant, she wished he would approach her a bit more so she could use her powers. Then again, what if her powers harmed her son? She remembered that Izumi said it was because of the bracelet, but still. What if the surge of power brought him harm?

But, if she didn't do anything, they might both die.

"We know you have the jewel," he said, before coming from behind her.

For a long time now he had his eyes on the uncompleted jewel. Back then, Sesshomaru had it in his possession, he barely ever left it out of his sight. For years under his service, he had tried to obtain it, but the right occasion had never appeared.

When he had first begun working for Sesshomaru, he hadn't known about the jewel. At first, all he had wished for was to work for the Dayoukai. Considering that their kind was low nowadays, it was an extreme honor to be able to serve such an important man. For years, perhaps decades, he had been somewhat of a servant in his house, he had not complained once.

Then that day had happened.

Sesshomaru had not been as sharp since he had his youki sealed away most of the time, which he had personally found very strange, but he had never asked why. It was easier to slip by and perhaps eavesdrop on his conversations. He had been walking down the hall when he had heard Jaken mention something about a  _jewel_. At first he hadn't paid much attention but when the words miko and Shikon had been said, he had been curious.

Subtly, he had begun listening to other conversations. For many years, like most youkais he had believed that the jewel had been gone from this world. But then again, it made much sense to think that it was still present and Lord Sesshomaru out of all people was the one protecting it. Though, he had found it nearly an insult that he had never used it.

So many wishes could be made with it! Including bringing back the reign of the youkais.

Those filthy humans had taken everything from them. They had chased them, hunted them, killed them and forced the few survivors into hiding. Now they had to pretend they were a part of them, that they enjoyed living this way. It was such a disgrace to their powerful blood! And Sesshomaru had done nothing about it!

Back then, he had felt his blood boil, he had wanted to launch himself at the Lord to demand an explanation. Luckily, he had been able to stop himself in time. If he had done so, he would have been killed on the spot. No, this way was much better, at least in the end, he would have his prize.

He had decided to wait, but from that day on, he had made sure to listen to every conversation the Lord had, especially with Jaken. The topic of the jewel didn't come up very often. He didn't hear about it for over sixty years. Then one day, out of the blue, a miko had been mentioned. Mikos, at least aware of their powers, weren't very frequent these days, so it caught his attention.

From the way Sesshomaru had described her, he knew her very well. Then, it had slipped that she was the guardian of the jewel. The Shikon No Tama Miko! He had heard of her over 500 years ago, which made it completely insane that she would still be alive in this day and age. Yet, the Lord was talking as if she were alive. It was also then that he learned the jewel was not yet complete.

That had explained at least why Sesshomaru had not used it. His rage had lessened a bit. His Lord had been unable to make a wish, because he didn't possess all the shards.

Over the next few years, Sesshomaru began talking about a plan, which apparently involved using the Miko to complete the jewel, though from his words it seemed she would inherit the jewel in the end. Deep inside, he wished to believe it was not true, that the Lord would only use her to get the completed jewel but as the time passed, he realized that he could no longer lie to himself.

For the second time, Sesshomaru disappointed him.

From that day on, his loyalty disappeared. Of course, he kept working for the Dayoukai, but only because he needed more information. By himself he would never be able to find all the shards. So the jewel by itself would be of no use to him, he needed the other pieces. It was quite hard though to obtain information because he was not close to Sesshomaru, he was a mere servant and his name was probably unknown to the Lord.

Although, that same problem was also allowing him to slip through the cracks unknown, nobody paid much attention to him.

Years went by and all it did was cause his anger to grow. For years, he harvested it and kept it secretly locked within. He was preparing a plan, he would require a team, but not yet. Since he didn't know when the hunting would begin, he couldn't risk letting too many people know, or someone might tell Sesshomaru about it. No, only when the time would be right.

Then finally one day, he has seen her. Since he didn't have his youki concealed inside the house, he had been able to feel her aura. He had hid himself, and he had listened to their whole conversation. He had felt victory within himself, it had been hard to withhold a smirk. But, since he had kept his whole plan secret for so long, it wasn't worth being discovered.

Since he had helped in the packing, he had been able to find out about their destination. He had bought a flight for India the very next day. He didn't have as much money as Sesshomaru, but at least he had his youki and his speed, so, it was easy for him to follow them. Of course, he had kept his distance to make sure he wouldn't be discovered.

He had been near by when the little dwarf had attacked them. It was then that he had followed and tried to find his people and he had. The shard hadn't been extremely hidden, since most of the little youkais had tried to protect the area. He had no desire to fight with them, because it would attract too much attention. It was then that he came up with a plan. He had promised to help them protect it and in exchange, he'd make a favorable wish for them.

It had been too hard to not be discovered, the best thing he had come up with was to prick her finger with a special substance. At least, it had helped him locate them and follow their every movement.

That day had been extremely productive, especially since he had not only found out the relationship between his Lord and the Miko, but the first shard had been retrieved.

That little filthy human was mated to his Lord!  _Mated!_ It was such a disgusting arrangement! In addition, from the display he had seen, Sesshomaru seemed to care for her! Oh how low had he fallen!

All those little things added together had only pushed him further toward his goal.

A few days after he had inserted the substance into her blood flow, he had begun inspecting around their hotel. Every day he had waited faithful for the day she would come out. He wasn't sure if he'd only search for the shard, or kidnap her and use her. However, he was never given the chance to pick an option. That day, he had almost been killed. The little dwarves had come with him, ready to attack since Sesshomaru had left her alone, but unfortunately, they had been discovered. He had barely escaped and only his super speed had saved him.

It was at that moment that he had decided to bring a team in. Obviously by himself it was too dangerous. He had gathered a few _friends_  that he had known over the years and had shared his plan with three of them. One had refused to go against Sesshomaru, explaining that they had no chance against him. The other two had agreed, after he had promised them that once the wish would be made, they would receive a lot.

It was with those two people that he had gone to Australia. Of course, his plans had been completely ruined then. The presence of a wolf youkai, one that had seemed very fond of the miko had ruined everything. He had seen him with a pack and he knew they couldn't fight that many. The worst of it all had been that they were on their way there, all three of them when the damn wolf had shown up. Sesshomaru had made the mistake of leaving her alone and they had thought it to be their perfect opportunity. They had even  _been_  in the hotel when they had noticed the pack.

What a wasted chance it had been.

But then, he had been given a chance when only her and Sesshomaru had gone to Brazil. Working for Sesshomaru had a few advantages in his quest, it had helped him locate his movements. Spying alone wouldn't have provided all the locations. They had rented a room in the same hotel as them, knowing it was their last chance, they made sure to follow their every movement.

When the Miko had begun straying away, he had locked his sight on her and their eyes had met. For a second, he had briefly panicked, thinking he had been found out, but once Sesshomaru had pulled her away from a near accident, he had realized she had quickly dismissed him. It had been a relief, but he had made sure to be more careful. As they went into the restaurant, he had strongly believed this to be another wasted day, but then the perfect opportunity had arose when she had strayed from Sesshomaru.

They hadn't wasted any time and fortunately, they had caught her.

Now there she was, right in the palm of his hands. Soon, he would have the nearly completed jewel and all he would require from her was the last shard. Obviously, he could use her current state to force her under his control. He had seen the way she was, she would want to protect her child. Although to him, it was only another worthless hanyou.

He had never been so close to his goal, he couldn't wait to watch that pathetic human squirm in fear. Sesshomaru wouldn't be able to find them. They had made sure to leave no scent trail and their auras were kept to a minimum. Even if he released his youki, he had absolutely no chance. Even then, the three of them could take care of one little youkai.

Soon the world would be his and the youkais would prosper once again.

Also, he was a reasonable man. If Sesshomaru wished to turn his back on humans once more, then he would welcome him, if not, he would destroy him.

Slowly, he ran his claws down her arm, he felt her flinch under his touch. The poor little thing, didn't she knew he could already tell she was afraid, meaning there was no point in keeping the harsh tone? The desire to crush her skull rose within him, but he knew he couldn't. For the time being, she was still useful, he still required her special ability.

"Where is it?" he inquired before fully appearing in front of her.

Kagome cringed a little at the sight of the youkai in front of her. He had three scars covering one of his eyes, it seemed a near impossibility for him to open that eye. His other eye was a deep purple while he had dark green locks covering his forehead. Two fangs were sticking out of his mouth, while he ran his claws down his neck.

The sight of him alone was enough to bring nausea to her stomach. Now was not the time to observe his appearance because he had asked her a question, she wasn't sure how to answer. Which one would allow her to remind unharmed for the longest period of time? After everything that happened and that it came down to his beast  _or_  Sesshomaru she refused to believe that either of them would not come to her rescue.

It was already hard since she hadn't been able to give him a hint to her location. So the least she could do was buy him for some time so that he  _might_  have a chance to find her. The only other option was to make a run for it, but for the moment, it was quite impossible.

She swallowed hard before making up her mind. "I don't have it."

Immediately he hissed. "Do not lie to me little girl. I know  _you_  have it."

"I don't deny that it  _was_  with me, but when you  _kidnapped_  me, I didn't have it on me!" she nearly screamed.

Once again, it didn't matter if he could smell her fear. It was normal to be scared in such a situation, but it didn't mean she had to be afraid of him. She refused to let him bully her around like this. If she let him do it, he would kill her with no hesitation. Just like she had done some times against Sesshomaru, or rather his beast, she would be strong.

Apparently, the strange man had no intention of settling for her tone. It wasn't too long before she felt the stung of his slap on her cheek. Being a youkai, there was a lot of force behind his slap, causing her skin to be burning and a red mark to appear on her flesh. Her eyes immediately became watery but she held the tears back. She would much rather him hurting her face than her body, particularly her stomach.

Nevertheless, this meant she had to be careful. Obviously, he was not afraid to strike her and she couldn't endanger Kiyoshi. No mater what kind of rage was stirring up inside, she had to keep it bottled up.

The slap had slipped up. He didn't mind hitting her, but he hadn't planned to do it so early. Her words had shaken a rage through him, he hadn't been able to stop himself. He narrowed his eyes as he ran his fingers through his hair. Could she be lying to him? She  _had_  to be. Why would she go anywhere without the jewel? She wouldn't trust anyone with it! He had seen how much she despised Sesshomaru, for reasons that escaped him though and he knew she wouldn't let him guard it.

She had to be lying.

How could she even think that she could fool someone like him?

Before he knew it, he hit her again. This time though, it wasn't a slap, it was a punch. He hated all humans. They had ruined everything the youkais had and they had treated them like animals! For  _centuries_  he had suffered, he had watched them walk all over him!  _She_  represented the worst kind. Mikos wanted to destroy youkais, they exterminated them.

The tiny human girl represented everything he hated, she was currently between him and his goal of restoring youkais past glory.

He forcefully grabbed her face between his fingers.

"You listen to me, and you listen well you human filth," he said, hissing the last word.

"You will give me the jewel." He slowly moved his free hand to her stomach, resting it on it. "Or  _this_  disgusting mistake and abomination _will pay_."

Before Kagome could even blink, the man was suddenly very far from her, holding his hand in pain. He growled before staring at her stomach, she did the same. An orange aura was surrounding it and was brightly shining.  _Kiyoshi_. Apparently, he didn't like to be threatened. She couldn't help the certain pride that filled her as she looked up to stare at her kidnapper.

"I  _don't_  have the jewel and even if I did, I wouldn't give it to you."

Her heart was still pounding, as she remembered to be careful. But her mind was filled with one precise thought at the moment. Sesshomaru. It was strange to think that not so long ago she had found herself in a somewhat similar situation, yet he was the last one she would have ever thought of as her savior. Actually, he had been the kidnapper the last time around.

Now, she was nearly praying for him to appear.

The only one she had to protect her right now was her son and although she was amazed at what had just happened, she felt uneasy. He was still growing inside of her, he shouldn't be the one using his powers to protect her, especially considering his state was so fragile. She should be the one defending him, yet she was failing terribly.

One question was stuck in her mind. If Kiyoshi could use his powers from her womb, why couldn't she control hers better? After so many years, she shouldn't be so weak! Especially since the strength of her powers had harmed her own son when they were trapped within her. Why couldn't she even protect the one she loved in such a desperate situation?

The man locked his eyes on her stomach. That  _thing_  shouldn't have done it. He couldn't care less that it had Sesshomaru's blood running through him, because the human blood was tainting it. It was a disgrace. It was completely useless. It probably wouldn't have been as painful, if he had expected it. Now though, he wouldn't make the same mistake again, he would watch out for both of them.

If only he could wound her, watch her die slowly and painfully as all the blood would leave her body. That would perhaps make up for the hanyou she carried in her belly. Since her life was important for the moment, he settled on something else. In a flash, he slashed her arm with his claws, his poison melting the skin that had been touched.

Kagome forced her eyes closed as she endured the pain going through her body.

This reminded her of when she had been helpless, when she had been tied and her powers locked away. However, there was a difference. Back then, she had not feared for her life, or the safety of her child. She had feared what the beast wanted to do  _with_  her, but she never thought she'd be killed. At the moment, it was exactly what she was scared of.

Here, one mistake and her life could slip away.

Of course, it didn't stop the tears in her eyes, or the burning sensation going through her flesh. She needed to find a way out, because she refused to be killed, she refused to be a prisoner. She had done so much lately to free herself of the nightmares she had previously experienced and she had no desire to be stuck within another one.

Enough  _was_  enough.

The youkai was smirking proudly as he watched the blood drip down her arm. She was a miko and like all others she probably wanted to preserve lives, which included the one of her son. Now that she knew he was serious, perhaps she would stop lying and tell him where the jewel was. He did not intend to allow her to leave alive, but it was a detail she didn't need to know.

Today, at least one human would pay for what millions had done to the youkais.

"Tell me where the jewel is," he ordered.

The tears were stinging her eyes as she did her best to hold them back.

"I _don't_  have it! Does it look like I have my purse?"

His eyes narrowed. Her purse? Would she really keep such an important artifact in such a common place? Was the jewel really so within his reach the whole time? Curse her! It was impossible! There was no way such a detail had slipped by him! She had to be lying! Despicable!

"Why wouldn't you keep it with you?"

"I do, just not for that moment."

He would play along with her for now. "Then where is it?"

Kagome began to slowly chew on her bottom lip. Should she tell them it was Sesshomaru who had it? He was a very powerful youkai and he could handle himself, but what if they used her as bait? Then perhaps he would have no choice but to hand in the jewel. Although it would buy her some time and perhaps give him a chance to arrive.

She opened her mouth, ready to answer, but suddenly a big crash could be heard. Every youkai and Kagome turned their heads in the direction of the closed door. The one who seemed to be in charge, growled.

"Go check it out," he ordered to a man behind him.

The man nodded, before quickly exiting the room. Kagome couldn't help the hammering of her heart as she prayed it was Sesshomaru. It almost sounded impossible, since he couldn't have found her so fast, but she kept hoping anyway.

"What if it's him?" asked the female behind the leader.

He could only hope it was not Sesshomaru, since he hadn't planned on being found out. If the Dayoukai used his youki, they could be in serious trouble. After all, they were holding his disgusting mate and atrocious hanyou as hostages. But he couldn't let her escape so quickly.

He made his way toward Kagome, grabbed her by her arm, before lifting her up.

"Take her somewhere," he said, tossing Kagome onto the female.

She quickly nodded her head before grabbing Kagome and pulling her close to her. The leader, clearly annoyed left the room, leaving the door open while barking orders, but Kagome could not hear him. The only thing filling her mind was her own heartbeat. She had a chance to escape! The female was clearly being careless and Kagome's hands were pressed against her stomach. She had one chance at this.

The room was almost empty, the other two were busy; this was perhaps the only shot she would have. Without thinking, she gathered as much of her power as she could, hoping she would not harm her son and dug her hands into the stomach of the female behind her.

In shock and pain, the female yelped and backed up before falling unto the ground, holding her stomach in pain.

With her hands still tied behind her back, Kagome did her best to run away, though it was quite difficult with the lack of balance. She did not give up and kept running through the hall. She heard the female call for her leader, but she didn't stop. Because of the stress, and perhaps the lack of energy, she felt her vision become blurry. She could hear voices closing in and panic took hold of her.

Suddenly, she completely lost her balance, she found herself crashing upon the floor. Because of her situation, it was hard to get up, so she tried to crawl further down. She feared that if she stopped, she would be lost. Her heart was beating so much, it was hurting her, she felt a pulse of pain going through her body. By now, she was hopeless to stop the tears running down her cheeks.

She only needed to make it a bit further.

Unfortunately for her, she didn't make it. She felt herself being grabbed by her shirt and then, she was violently thrown against the nearest wall. All she could do was brace the shock by putting her hips and legs forward, trying to protect her stomach. Tears came to her eyes as an unknown sharp pain traveled through her body. She waited for something else to come, except herself falling onto the floor, nothing else happened.

She whimpered in pain as a strange silence surrounded her. Unfortunately for her she couldn't pay attention to her vicinity. All her attention was directed to the thick substance coming from her core and dripping down her leg.

And her heart nearly stopped beating.

-B-


	47. Rescue

With each step he had taken, he had felt himself getting closer to her. The closer he felt to her, the more his rage increased. Once he would have her back in his grasp again, he would kill the idiots that stole her away. His eyes were a deeper red than ever as fury boiled in his veins.

Suddenly, the wind began to blow and he caught a drift of her scent. All of his senses went on alert and before he realized it, his speed increased as he rushed in her direction. He never believed in their bond, he always thought it was too weak, but it had guided him to her. Perhaps Sesshomaru had not messed up as bad as he had originally thought.

There was also the possibility that she wanted to be found. The last few times he had been able to be with her, to touch her, she hadn't feared him as much. Truth be told, he was still very extremely frustrated by his current situation, but he was quite pleased to have her so close all the time. They needed to do something about the wretched watch because he was  _sick_  and  _tired_  of being locked away all the time, but except for that, he knew she would be his.

If she didn't intend to stay by his side, why was she constantly around him of her own free will? He didn't know everything that had happened since Sesshomaru was blocking him, but he didn't need to be present to feel her aura. It always came reaching out for him from within. She  _needed_  him, all the times, every day. How could her soul not crave him when he was the one for her?

When she had escaped him through the well, his heart had been ripped from his chest and replaced by rage, but now, it was slowly coming back to him. Her touch was so soothing, her scent was divine and her voice was like a melody. He had done so much for her, she had betrayed him, yet no matter what kind of anger it created inside of him, he would not forget her. He had chosen her for a reason and would not cast her aside.

Some sort of punishment and rules had to be installed, but he loved her.

Right now, his main priority was to rescue her. There was no doubt that once she got rid of her foolish fear, she would come running to him. If she could tolerate Sesshomaru's presence, she should enjoy his as well. He loved her and being torn away from her every time was a very difficult and painful experience. He had to convince Sesshomaru to remove the watch, because he himself couldn't do it.

Suddenly, all of his thoughts were drained away when he found himself in front of what appeared to be a small house. Her scent was coming from within it, there was no mistake about it. He tilted his head to the side before slowly approaching it. He wanted to feel her, hear her voice, just to know that she was alright. Unfortunately, even when he got closer, he got none of those answers.

It didn't take him very long to conclude there were at least three people with her in the house, all of them youkais. The beast didn't recognize any of the auras, so he could only assume they were all strangers. From what he could feel, they were not very strong. Stronger than most youkais, but not enough to cause him any type of problem.

With one kick he caused the door to collapse on the floor. If that didn't attract at least one of them out, nothing would. He safely made his way inside, glancing in every direction, just waiting for someone to attack him. The beast grew quite impatient with every passing second, especially with no one coming to see what the noise had been. Surely, they had to be expecting him. Did they think they could steal his mate and he would do nothing about it?

A deep growl escaped his throat as he ventured further into the house. It was completely engulfed in darkness, but he could see perfectly well. From the outside, it looked like a regular house, but from the inside, it was completely different. There weren't many rooms, the only thing he had basically encountered so far were halls.

It was making it a bit challenging to find her since there were so many different paths he could take. Her scent was all over the place, meaning he could be tricked into going down the wrong hall. The beast took a deep breath, trying to concentrate. His time was slowly running out and he  _had_  to find her. If he had been able to locate her all the way to this location, he could retrieve her now.

Once again, he trusted his body and followed the path he believed to be right. There was still no light, only darkness, but suddenly the somber quietness was broken away by the sound of footsteps. Immediately he ceased moving and waited for whomever to show up. He  _knew_  for a fact that it was not his mate, so it could only be one of the people who had kidnapped her.

He clenched his hand, forming a fist, his claws almost digging into his palm. It took everything for him to not launch himself forward. His red eyes narrowed as he finally saw someone coming in view. He was an average size youkai, with two green stripes on his forehead. He was wearing a regular suit with a smirk on his face, as he didn't seem to have noticed Sesshomaru yet.

The beast took advantage of the youkais inattentiveness as he quickly reached out for the youkai's throat, before wrapping his fingers tightly around it. He shoved him against the nearest wall, keeping the sound to a minimum. He bared his fangs at the weaker, shocked youkai, before growling.

" **Where is she**?" he demanded, his voice and tone  _demanding_  vengeance.

The youkai shook his head. How could he have been caught off guard? How had he allowed this sorry excuse for a youkai to capture him and trap him? He had always heard that Sesshomaru was strong, but this was different. He felt as if Sesshomaru could break his neck if he simply squeezed a little tighter. There was no way he could allow himself to be exterminated so easily.

Sesshomaru felt a new rage and desire to kill filling him and all he wanted to do was give in to it, but couldn't. If he killed him now, then discovered they had taken the life of his mate, then this youkai would not have suffered enough.

He decided to be  _kind_  and allow him to answer his question. " **Where is she**?"

The youkai's answer was to spit in his mouth, which sent the beast into a raging fit that he had never experienced before. This was giving a whole new meaning to the word  _disrespect_. He constricted his fingers so tightly around the youkai's neck that the sound of crushing bones echoed through the hall. The youkai forcefully tried to free himself, when he couldn't he slashed Sesshomaru across the chest with his claw, the poison melting his clothes.

Although the attack did not injure him, it did break his flesh, causing him to back away, loosening his grip on the youkai's neck. The little bastard took it as an opportunity to slip through his grasp and free himself. A proud smirk appeared on his lips when he realized he had managed to outsmart the oh so powerful youkai.

He would have still had respect for Sesshomaru if he had remained like before. Sesshomaru used to despise hanyous above everything else, hating the mix of humans and youkais. Yet, now he had turned his back to everything, including his pride and honor by getting that worthless human knocked up. Perhaps the little bitch being killed was the best thing that could happen to Sesshomaru.

"Have you no pride?" he inquired to Sesshomaru. "She's human, your child will be hanyou. Do you really desire her so much?"

Before the youkai could realize what hit him, Sesshomaru and grabbed him by the arm, slamming him against the nearest wall. The blow had been so powerful that the youkai fell upon the ground, completely knocked out. Sesshomaru was standing above him, nearly panting because of how powerful his fury was. It didn't matter what she was, or what his son would be. All that was important was that she was  _his_  and nobody should lay a hand on what belonged to him.

Satisfied that the youkai was not dead yet but at least out of his way, the beast resumed his search for his mate. He kept heading down the hall, desperately following her scent. It was now growing stronger and he knew he was heading in the right direction. But his joy that he was going to be reunited with Kagome was caught short when he caught the drift of a stranger's scent. Someone was heading in his direction and fast.

Quickly, he pressed himself against the nearest wall, almost trying to blend in with the background. Though he was strong, he didn't know whom he was facing, he had to be careful and not put himself at risk. The beast waited carefully, until the sounds grew closer and closer. As soon as he saw its eye flashing through the darkness, he launched himself at the stranger.

Obviously, once again he had not been seen, since the leader seemed shocked and surprised by the attack. Sesshomaru didn't waste time before scaring the kidnapper's face with his claws, his powerful poison melting the skin and causing intense bleeding. Unlike in the past, he didn't have his swords, which limited him a bit. Though he had other attacks, he couldn't use anything that had a long range. It was still unknown to him where his mate was and he did not intend to harm her in the process.

" **Where is my mate**?"

The leader chuckled. The poor pathetic Sesshomaru. He was so blinded by his rage and all he cared about was the little human.

"That whore doesn't matter."

His eyes turned an even deeper red as the desire for blood grew stronger. Who were these people and didn't they know who he was? Nobody would have ever disrespected him like that in the past! He raised his head, ready to rip the guys head off his body, when suddenly the sound of someone falling unto the ground was heard.

Both males turned their heads in the direction of the sound, but only Sesshomaru recognized such a scent.  _Kagome_. His first instinct was to go to her but he remembered the youkai beneath him. The beast rapidly grabbed his head between his hands before smashing the leader's head unto the ground, attempting to knock him out. Quickly he released the leader and rose to his feet before rushing to his mate's side. At least he now knew she was alive, it was all that mattered.

Unfortunately, the scent of blood quickly reached his nose, his eyes widened a bit. It was  _her_  blood, she was harmed.

That alone made him rush his steps even more, until he finally saw her. He could distinguish her form on the ground. From what he could see, she was barely moving. He kneeled to the ground next to her, rapidly cutting the bindings from her hand, his heart aching. Once he was close to her, he realized he could hear her heart beating fast. Gently he moved his arms around her, before softly scooping her up in his arms. One of his arms was around her neck, while the other was around her waist. He shook her gently, just a little so that her face was turned in his direction.

He carefully observed as she opened her eyes a little. At first, he felt her body stiffen a bit, as if she were afraid, but slowly the feeling dissipated. Could it be that she had recognized him? He brought her body a bit closer to his, holding on as if she was going to die if he didn't. She seemed so fragile and breakable in his arms that the pain in his chest only grew. It was almost difficult to breathe.

"Sesshomaru," she whispered her voice barely audible.

Pleased with the way she was calling out for him, he lowered his face to hers.

She parted her lips, her breathing harsh. Kagome could barely see who it was in front of her, but she knew it was him. Her vision was too blurry, she felt so dizzy, but she could recognize his presence. She had never thought he would have been able to find her, but he had. The fact that she was no longer alone was such a relief. Sesshomaru wouldn't harm her and she trusted him.

She wanted to scream at him to be careful, that in his human appearance, it would be dangerous since there were three youkais, but she couldn't find the strength. It was also that more blood leaked down her leg and the panic came back to her.  _Kiyoshi_. Kagome opened her eyes wider as she felt a new type of fear form in her heart.

"Kiyoshi," she said breathless.

Sesshomaru watched her face carefully, trying to understand what she was trying to tell him. He then followed her eyes to her lower body, where he could see all the blood. Surprisingly keeping his calm, he released her waist and gently lifted her shirt, exposing her belly. Then, he preceded to gently tug her pants down, revealing the blood covering the crotch of her pants.

Kagome couldn't help but wince in pain as she tried to move a bit. Tears came to her eyes as she whimpered. She didn't care for the suffering she was going through, all that mattered was her son. With a weak and shaky hand, she reached out for his shirt. She clung to it desperately.

"I can't," she paused and caught her breath, "lose him." By then, tears were rolling down her cheeks and she was unable to stop them.

Sesshomaru pulled his hand away from her legs and moved it up to cup her cheek. He was going to tell his mate everything would be fine, that she would not lose their pup, when the too familiar pain went through his body. All he could do was glance down at his watch, cursing Sesshomaru. It was too soon, there were still to many threats close by!

If their mate was hurt like this, would Sesshomaru let him back? When it came to  _being_  with her, Sesshomaru barely allowed him around. The pain becoming too much, he had to release her. He tried to lay her on the ground as carefully as possible, but the task was harder than expected. He was doing his best to be silent, in an attempt to not frighten her, but one groan did escape him.

He heard her say something, but he couldn't make it out as he was slowly began being dragged back in. His rage was more intense than ever before, as Sesshomaru was taking away his chance at protecting their mate. Seconds passed, slowly the changes happened. Once Sesshomaru was the one back in control, it took a few seconds before he could even look up.

A rush of emotions was going through him, especially once he could finally glance up and he saw her. Looking at her through his own eyes made his heart hurt even more. There was only one thought going through his mind. He had to get her out of there. He wasn't even sure if a hospital could help, although he did know the youkai doctor. But he had to get her back to the hotel fast and not only that but there were still the youkais that had kidnapped her.

He was one who had often sought revenge, he had always reestablished his honor, but this situation was different. If he did take the time to harm them, if he did get rid of them, he was putting her and the pup in danger. It was bad to have them running around, but it was worst to let her and Kiyoshi die. For once, it would have to wait.

Sesshomaru was aware that with his human speed, he wouldn't get her to safety fast enough, meaning he would need to release the beast for a  _third_  time. Unfortunately, he wasn't sure if the beast would listen and do what was right. Sesshomaru had been able to get through to him a few times, technically in his twisted way, the beast didn't want harm to come to Kagome.

It was a risk he had to take.

He sighed deeply before pressing the button on his watch, waiting for it to happen.

Kagome was only half conscious. The poison that had entered her body because of the attack from the leader was slowly weakening her. Her fall and the blood loss were not helping her current state either. She was fighting as hard as she could to remain awake, but she was losing the fight more and more with every passing second.

She was trying to reach out to Sesshomaru, but she couldn't seem to find him. Although it was currently very difficult for her to move and raise her hands.

She had heard a groan, which was almost a scream, come from near her and she hoped it was him. She could already barely open her eyes, the darkness wasn't helping her see any better. Kagome was trying to rely on her senses, but she was still human meaning they weren't very sharp.

Suddenly, she felt him wrap his arms around her, this time, instead of remaining on the ground, he picked her up and lifted her. All she could do was wrap her arms around his neck very loosely, while he tightened his hold around her. Unknown to her as she rested her head on his chest, he was having a mental argument.

_You have to get her out._

**They are still here. They will harm her again.**

_If she is not taken care of, both her and the pup will die._

Trying to resonate with the beast could be compared to talking to a child. All he seemed to rely on was his instincts and he never thought things through.

**But they cannot get away. They harmed her. They harmed the pup. They will not stop.**

_You can seek revenge later. You need to take care of her first. Do you want her to die?_

The beast tilted his head to the side;  _later_?

**You will allow me to kill them later if I take care of mate now?**

Sesshomaru knew this would most likely be something he would regret, especially since the beast could be so out of control during certain situations, but if he didn't agree with him, then he might not get Kagome out of danger fast enough. He could indeed make the promise and not keep it, but it didn't sit so well with him.

 _Yes_.

The beast bent down his head, buried his face in her hair, before inhaling her scent. It was taking every ounce of control for him to  _not_  go after the bastards that had taken her away from him, but he chose to believe Sesshomaru. He could not often be trusted but, he had to agree with him that their mate had to be saved. This whole time, she had not stopped losing blood.

He made sure she was carefully tucked in his arms before he began to walk outside of the house. All of his senses were on high alert to make sure nobody was coming after them. He was also left to wonder if it was safe to use his speed while she was in such a condition. He pondered upon the issue for a few seconds before deciding that it was no safer to leaving her bleeding.

He made sure she was carefully tucked in his arms, that no wind would be blasted in her face before he used all of his speed to reach where he had previously been as fast as possible. He didn't know the exact path, but he knew Sesshomaru did. For once, he would have to rely on him to bring their mate to safety.

-B-

His whole body was shaking because of how fast he had gone. The beast had wanted to make sure his time wouldn't run out while he was trying to get her to safety. He could see the hotel coming in sight and from the memories he was allowed to see form Sesshomaru's mind he knew this was the place. He didn't know what he was supposed to do next, but by that time, Sesshomaru would be back in control.

He could already feel his time running out, that only caused him to hold onto her tighter. Kagome had closed her eyes somewhere along the way and she had yet to re open them. He wasn't very worried though since he could still feel her heartbeat, so he only assumed that all of the previous events had tired her out. Nonetheless, he made sure he didn't lag taking to long.

A few minutes later, he reached the side of the hotel. He was thinking about going inside, since with his speed, people would barely see him go in. As he was going to take a step forward, he felt his whole body stop. Though it wasn't caused by the watch, it was Sesshomaru himself that was stopping him from going inside.

**You said mate had to go inside.**

_You cannot go inside like this, you will reveal your identity._

**Human speed is nothing compared to youkai speed. They will not catch me.**

_There are certain devices that will catch you. You have to wait until your time is over._

**This is about mate. She needs to go inside.**

_And she will. But she cannot go now. It will only delay everything if people stop you. We cannot attract unwanted attention._

He growled, but stopped trying to resist. Sometimes he struggled against Sesshomaru, but it was always harder when it came to his mate. Her wellbeing was important to him, but sometimes it was hard to trust the two of them together. After all, it was together that they had betrayed him in the past. What if something like that happened again?

The beast softly shook his head. He could not allow himself to be distracted at the moment. If he let bad thoughts get to him, his anger would rise and he would probably lose control. Every time he thought about his feelings of fury, it made him think about breaking the necks of the youkais who stole his mate.

Fortunately, he wasn't given the chance to dwell on the matter for too long. Soon enough the familiar feeling took over and he felt himself leaving, It was strange because for the very first time, he didn't fight it. Usually when it happened, he was struggling against it, wanting it not to occur. But this time, he seemed rather for it. He knew that he wasn't knowledgeable enough to help her, but that Sesshomaru was.

If it was for her, if it was for her sake, then he was willing to be taken away without a fight.

He cared for her, he always had. He loved her more than she knew, but he never received her affection in return. Only  _he_  ever got to see the happy side of her and it was killing him inside. The only thing he seemed to be able to do was wait until she opened her heart to him as well.

The beast took care of her, loved her and cherish her. Sometimes, she sent him in a rage that could never be tamed, but despite his actions, he would never  _harm_  her. All he wanted was her. If Sesshomaru hadn't kept him at bay, or made a deal with him, they would have merged a long time ago, she would have always been all his then.

A feeling of longing filled his heart, he slowly disappeared. The dark locks came back and his eyes turned their usual shiny green. Suddenly, Kagome felt a lot heavier in his arms, but he didn't let that faze him. He knew people would ask many questions as soon as he would walk in, so he had to be ready. No he hadn't done anything wrong, but he didn't want to have a situation where the authorities would be involved.

It was his problem to deal with.

With Kagome carefully tucked in his arms, he made his way inside. He had failed to notice that her blood had dripped all the way down his arms, making it much more obvious to people that she was harmed. He had only taken three steps inside when a man had rushed to his side?

"Is there a problem Sir?" he inquired in English.

Sesshomaru reached out, with difficulty, from his pocket and took out Dr. Izumi's card. He then handed it to the man.

"Call our doctor. Tell him it's an emergency."

The man quickly nodded before rushing to the phone. Sesshomaru knew they wouldn't give him much of a problem because they knew him and his stature, he wasn't likely to be a  _criminal_.

Now the only problem they had was how long it would take Dr. Izumi to get to them. After all he had his own emergencies at the hospital too. He had seemed very interested in their situation, so it might make him rush to their side faster. For now, the best Sesshomaru could do was lay her in a bed and move her as little of possible, trying to keep her stress down.

The more she would be panicked, the more the bleeding would increase. He was no doctor, but he still had years of knowledge. Sesshomaru made the decision to take the elevator to get to their room faster and to avoid moving her as much. Unfortunately for him, there were people in it already. He still got in, but in his current state, their stares were annoying him.

He couldn't have been more relieved than when the elevator dinged, announcing their floor. He rushed out and moved as fast as he could, his arms getting extremely tired. It wasn't that she was really heavy,  _but_  he had to keep his arms extremely steady, he didn't have much strength in this condition. Once he reached the door, it was quite a struggle to get the key card and open the door, but he managed to do it under two minutes.

Sesshomaru carefully laid her down on her bed, the full pressure of the events hitting him. His beast had mostly been the one in control, he hadn't been given a chance to panic. He was usually a collected person, but this was  _terrifying_. One mistake, one second longer and there she was, fighting for both her life and their son's life.

It didn't help the amount of guilt he carried on his shoulders.

As he stared at her body, he finally noticed the scratch she had on her arm. His eyes narrowed a bit in confusion as he gently picked up her arm to inspect it further. Since he himself had poisonous claws, he immediately recognized the injury. Had she been fighting poison this whole time? It would certainly explain why she was barely conscious.

He traced the wound with his finger, trying to think if it would be deadly. It was then that he remembered that she was a Miko. Shouldn't her body be purifying this youkai poison? Or perhaps it was indeed deadly and it was her powers that kept her alive. Sesshomaru sighed heavily before putting down her arm. He ran his fingers through his thick mane of hair, annoyed.

If she died, if she didn't make it through this…

He wouldn't forgive himself.

Even if he had to give up his own life, both her and their son would live.

Sesshomaru rushed to the washroom and grabbed a cloth which he wet. Then he headed in her direction again, before sitting down on the edge of the bed. Still paying no notice to all the blood on his arm, he began to clean her legs of the blood. He didn't want to undress her or do anything that would break her barrier of privacy, so he just cleaned the general area.

Then, he gently lifted her shirt, exposing her belly. Sesshomaru put his hand on her stomach, trying to connect with his son. He wasn't sure what caused the bleeding, but the only thing he could hope for was that she wasn't going through a miscarriage. His son was strong, he knew that. Hadn't he developed too fast for him to lose his life? No, the worst that could happen was a premature birth.

She wasn't going to lose Kiyoshi.

 _He_  wasn't going to lose him.

And where in the world was Dr. Izumi?

Suddenly, he felt something touch his hand, he had been so caught up in his own thoughts, that he nearly jumped. Right away, he glanced in Kagome's direction, only to see that her eyes were half opened. He moved over a bit so he was closer to her, in case she would try to speak. He bent down just a bit, their faces much closer together than before.

"Sesshomaru?" she asked a bit confused.

She glanced around a bit, not moving her head too much, as she tried to understand where she was. Hadn't she been kidnapped? She looked up to glance at him again, and she tried to focus on his eyes. Had his eyes always been green?  _Wait_. Of course they were, at least ever since she had known him in this era. A bit dizzy, mostly because of all the work her body was doing, she raised her hand.

Sesshomaru didn't move, almost as if he was afraid to scare her. He held his breath when he felt her hand make contact with his face. She gently cupped his cheek and offered him a dazzling smile, although he could clearly tell that she was not  _all there_. He offered her what appeared to be a smile before lifting his hand and covering hers with his.

He went to remove it, but somehow he ended up holding her hand. Nonetheless, he brought them down onto the bed and he didn't let go, or rather she didn't… he wasn't sure anymore. Sometimes she was blinking for longer than necessary, but he was just glad she had regained some sort of consciousness.

"I don't want to lose him," she said her eyes teary.

With much difficulty, she dragged one of her hands to her stomach. "I- it's – my-m y fault," she said with great difficulty. "I f- fell." Since she was shedding so many tears, it was becoming harder to talk.

"If I had- hadn't – r- r un away…"

He could see the breakdown coming and he felt like he was hopeless to stop it. What were the right words to say?

"Do not blame yourself. You were trying to escape." She looked away, obviously finding no comfort in his words.

Sesshomaru released her hand and closed most of the distance between them. Their faces were so close together that their noses were touching.

"You were trying to save the both of you. You cannot blame yourself for trying to do the right thing. Things could have ended up much worse, you do not know what they would have done to you."

Recalling how disrespectful and goal oriented the men had been, he could only guessed how the situation would have turned out and none of the scenarios were positive.

"Kiyoshi will be fine."

Finally, he obtained a reaction out of her. Kagome slowly nodded, before turning her head to look at him. Her eyes were all red and puffy as guilt was eating her up. Once again, she had hurt her son, even while trying to protect him. Sometimes, she felt like a failure as a mother and she hadn't even begun being one yet.

She was panting because of how difficult it was to breath, when suddenly, she felt his hand in her hair. Kagome stopped breathing altogether and their eyes met.

Sesshomaru wasn't sure why he was caressing her hair, but it was the only thing that came up in his mind when he thought about soothing her. Kagome was often being too harsh on herself. She had higher standards for herself than she did for everyone else. She was always doing everything for everyone first and he knew that her attempt to escape was to protect Kiyoshi.

"You will be a great mother, you already are."

The kind words coming out of his mind were only making her eyes more watery. Her heart was being constricted, she wasn't sure if it was because of the pain, the tiredness, him, or the fear. She swallowed before inhaling deeply. Her body was shaking a bit, while Sesshomaru took his hand away.

"Dr. Izumi is on his way." Technically, he didn't know that for sure, but it was better than saying he didn't know when he was coming.

The situation was a bit awkward because Sesshomaru had never been great with words, but he knew it was impossible for him to leave her alone, so he stayed. The few next minutes passed in complete silence. Sesshomaru remained by her side, sitting on the edge of the bed, while she kept crying in silence, falling in and out of consciousness. The whole time, Sesshomaru's eyes had been locked on the door, waiting for the doctor to show up.

He was about ready to blow up the whole hotel.

He felt Kagome's hand creep up on his and he gently tore his eyes away from the door. Sesshomaru glanced at her, waiting to know if something was wrong, or if there was anything he could do for her. There was the tiniest blush on her cheeks and he knew she had something embarrassing, according to her standards, to ask.

Kagome wasn't sure why she had such a request to make and frankly at the moment with the dizziness, she didn't want to know.

"C-Could yy- you hold my –hh-hand unt-until he get-s here?"

He couldn't really hide the surprise he got from her request, but he quickly recovered. It didn't bother him and rarely had such a demand been made by her, he could do nothing but comply. Sesshomaru slowly nodded before reaching out for her hand. He grabbed it gently and squeezed just a bit. He heard the gentle sigh of relief that came from her and a small smile appeared on his lips.

Sesshomaru knew she would be fine. Already she seemed a bit better and since she was carrying Kiyoshi in her womb, she would know if something was wrong. This was probably just a big scare and there was nothing to fear about. Although it was better to be safe than sorry, but still, he finally felt himself relaxing a bit.

Deep inside though, he couldn't wait for things to calm down. Once he would know she was officially safe, he would go after those bastards. He knew their scents and their auras now, there was no way they would escape him now. Once he let his beast out, hell would be unleashed upon those bastards.

He suddenly felt her hand squeeze his extremely roughly, his heartbeat sped up a bit.

"Kagome?" he asked, tilting his head to look at her.

Her eyes were nearly rolled in the back of her head as she bit down hard on her bottom lip.

"It HURTS," she nearly screamed, before exhaling heavily.

If she thought she was feeling bad earlier, it was nothing compared to what was happening right now. It was as if her whole body was on fire, a sharp pain was destroying her from the inside. During her last panic time, she had been completely alone, but now he was there. All she could do, in fear that he would leave, was to hold on to his hand.

"Do-Don't go," she said her voice almost desperate.

He frowned his eyebrows together. Leave her?

"I do not plan on going anywhere," he said his voice firm.

Another wave of pain hit her and once again, she found herself squeezing his hand. Nearly unable to stand the pain, Kagome attempted to stand up, or at least sit up, but she quickly realized it was impossible for her to so. Tears were rolling down her cheeks as blood started to drip down her bottom lip.

Noticing what she was trying to do, Sesshomaru decided to help. He could only hope that she would not mind what he was doing. He released her hand and he felt a bit of resistance, which made him feel bad. But, he would be holding her hand again soon enough. Sesshomaru grabbed her shoulders, moved her away from the bed. Then, he moved behind her and placed her in between his legs. Sesshomaru proceeded to lay her head on his chest.

The whole time, he didn't feel her stiffen, he wondered if it was because she was comfortable around him, or too dizzy and in pain to realize what was going on. He brushed her bangs away, his hand pressed on her forehead, allowing him to notice how hot it was. Could it be a reaction to fighting off the poison?

A small scream escaped her mouth, immediately he reached out and grabbed her hand. Afterwards, he wrapped an arm around her waist and kept her close to him.

"Sesshomaru?" she asked her voice weak.

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

And his heart tightened.

-B-


	48. Together in Guilt

_Eight_ minutes was too long.

Didn't Izumi understand what an emergency was? Sesshomaru had been pacing in front of the door for what seemed like an eternity, desperately waiting for the youkai to arrive. Three minutes ago Kagome had fallen into unconsciousness, though he had promised to hold her hand, if he had remained still he would have gone crazy.

His fingers were twitching as he ran his fingers through his hair. Sesshomaru couldn't help but glance in her direction, observing her frowned features. Though she was no longer awake, her worry was obvious upon her face. She was in  _pain_ , there was no denying it. Also, he was sure that she was not the only one suffering. To say that the blood loss she experienced didn't concern him would be lying.

All he could do was hope it wasn't a miscarriage.

After everything she went through, after everything he put her through… he wasn't sure this would be a hurdle she would get over.

Everything had been taken away from her, he couldn't allow this to be as well. If he had been more careful, if he had protected her better, none of it would have happened! If this went wrong, he would never forgive himself.

Suddenly a knock on the door broke him out of his thoughts, he snapped his head in the direction of it. A heavy sigh passed his lips as he opened the door, revealing the doctor. Sesshomaru couldn't stop himself from glaring at the other man, his feelings were just too strong.

Izumi nodded slightly before pushing his way in. He still had a duty at the hospital, it had been extremely hard for him to leave in such a manner without any explanation. Though now that he had seen the look on Sesshomaru's face, he knew it had to be serious.

Once Kagome came into view, he stopped dead in his tracks.

Immediately he noticed the blood soaking through the blanket, he almost cringed. Izumi took a deep breath before closing the distance between himself and the Miko. Gently, he sat on the edge of the bed, putting his bag down on the floor. He was almost afraid to feel her aura, to find out just how badly she was wounded.

Slowly, he raised his hand and put it on her covered stomach. Izumi closed his eyes, allowing the aura to swirl against his own so he could know whether the pain came from Kagome, or the pup.

Sesshomaru observed him carefully as he frowned a few times, which only caused the Dayoukai's distress to become worse. All he could do was stand there and watch, it made him feel absolutely worthless and useless. Usually, he would be in charge, taking actions, but in this case, he couldn't do anything. His one chance to help would have been to save her before anything happened, but he had even failed to do that.

Why was it that no matter how hard he tried to be better for her, to make her life better, he only made it worse?

Had anything so bad ever happened to her before he ever came into her life? It was as if his presence was cursing her. Could it be that in the end, she would be so much better off without him around?

A whimper of pain came from Kagome and it seemed to break his trance.

"Ses-sh-omaru?" Her voice came like a soft whisper of desperation.

His voice was caught in his throat as he took a step in her direction. Kagome's eyes were completely closed, she was moving her head from one side to the other. Droplets of sweat were dripping down the side of her face, her eyebrows were knitted together. From the look of her face, he could tell she was perhaps a bit confused.

"You should come beside her," suggested Izumi never taking his eyes off her.

His presence might not do much, but if it could provide her some comfort, she could use it. Although from what Izumi understood, Kagome was not the  _only_  one suffering. Both her and the pup were in pain but for very different reasons. There was one problem. He was afraid to share the reasons of their son's pain with them.

Izumi still remembered the look of guilt in Kagome's eyes when he had previously explained their son's situation to them, he knew that this new information would only increase it. He didn't know what happened, but judging by the wound on her wrists and arm, he could come up with an explanation. He took a deep breath before turning his head in the direction of Sesshomaru, hoping that Kagome was to  _out_  of it and wouldn't remember what was being said.

"She was captured?"

Sesshomaru nodded, nearly looking away.

"I think he tried to protect her. He mingled his own powers with hers to defend her, but it was too much, it left him weak. How did you find her?"

"On the ground."

He softly nodded. "So it was a fall." Izumi sighed heavily. "He was too weak and powerless against the shock, which probably happened face on, causing her stomach to be hurt more than anything else."

At that moment, Sesshomaru could only hear half of what Izumi was saying, since his mind was too preoccupied. He failed to protect her, which caused their son to do it. Now, he might lose them both, all because of his own foolishness.

Sesshomaru had one question burning his lips, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer to it. "Will he live?"

Izumi looked away, staring at Kagome. Honestly, there wasn't an answer to that question. If it was anyone else, he'd answer that the chances were slim, but that pup was strong. He had resisted and lived through many things without even being born yet. Perhaps there was hope.

"Anyone else? No. Your son?" He paused. "Maybe. But I wouldn't get my hopes too high."

Sesshomaru released a breath he didn't know he had been holding. It wasn't much, it wasn't anything, but it was… _hope_. If there was a chance his son was going to make it, then he would do anything he could to make sure that that chance prevailed.

"She will be fine though," added Izumi, referring to Kagome. "Her body is a bit weak from her wound and from the shock, but she will be okay."

"Is there anything she can do?" He knew it would be the first thing Kagome would ask once she would regain consciousness. She would do anything for Kiyoshi, even giving up her own life.

"You need to make sure  _nothing_  happens to her. The less risk she is in, the better. To be honest, the best thing would be for her to  _not_  leave this bed until the birth. It's the only way to keep your chance alive."

He hated to be so blunt, to bring bad news, but in this case, he didn't have any other choice. He glanced at Sesshomaru, but he was no longer looking at him. Instead the Daiyoukai's eyes were locked on Kagome's hand, as if he was dying to take it in his.

Izumi wished he could do more, but he couldn't. Although if they followed his advice they would be staying, which meant he would be close by.

"If you do remain here, take this." He looked through his bag, and took out a pen and paper. Quickly he scribbled on it, before handing it to Sesshomaru. "You have my cellphone and home number. Also, I included my pager for when I'm at the hospital. It will be quicker to reach me that way."

Sesshomaru took it from him, before offering him a nod. "Thank you."

Izumi took his bag from the ground and stood up. "Make sure she drinks plenty of liquids when she wakes up."

Without waiting for a farewell, he headed for the door, knowing the Daiyoukai needed to be alone with her. He had seen many couples go through such things as miscarriages through the years, it never got easier. He did this to help people and losing a being was always hard. Human, Youkai or Hanyou.

He could only pray for them.

Sesshomaru heard the door close, it was then that he sat where Izumi had previously been. Gently, he reached out for her hand, holding it tightly. It felt so fragile in his, he knew he had to help her. She would not leave this bed, he would not let her risk it.

He lifted his free hand, gently brushing her bangs away. Once her forehead was bare, he slowly bent down and pressed a kiss against it. The heat of her body was transmitted to his lips, but he lingered there a bit longer. It took him a few minutes before he pulled away. Then, he resumed his sitting position. This time, he wouldn't let go, he would hold her hand until she woke up.

-B-

A sharp pain tingled through her body while she lacked the strength to open her eyes. Her breathing felt sharp and harsh, nearly bringing the desire to stop such necessary action if only to cease her suffering. The cracks splitting her dry lips were throbbing, she knew her lips were tainted with blood. Her entire body felt enveloped by an out of this world coldness except one part. There was a strange, warmth hailing from her hand. There was no desire stronger than the one to look, but her eyelids refused to obey.

Why was she experiencing such agony? She was doing her best to remember, but it was just beyond her reach. There was  _one_  thing she could do, one person she could call out for. Through her torment, she managed to part her lips.

"Se-se-ss-h-ho-sesshomaru?"

Kagome felt the warmth from her hand grow stronger.

"Kagome?"

He had been nearly falling asleep by her side, but the sound of her voice had immediately brought him back from his near slumber. His heart was nearly thumping within his chest, while he waited for her to answer. She had been in a state of unconsciousness for nearly four hours, he had to admit he was getting worried.

When she did not reply, he attempted again. "Kagome?"

Once again, he was graced with complete silence. A frustrated sigh passed his lips before he raised his hand, pressed it against her heated forehead. Her body temperature was still extremely high and he was aware that she needed to cool off. Gently, he released her hand, surprisingly she offered no resistance at all.

Quickly Sesshomaru rushed to the nearby fridge and pulled out an ice cold bottle of water. The only trouble he had was that he was not certain that she would drink it. He hesitated for a brief moment before deciding to also get a damp towel as well. He hurried into the bathroom and wet the first towel he found.

It didn't take him too long to be by her side once more. He lightly pressed the wet cloth against her forehead, before putting the bottle down on the bedside table. He observed her squirming a bit when the coldness reached her burning skin making her frown. The speed of her breathing increased rapidly, making his heart skip a beat.

One last time. "Kagome?"

This time, he saw movements. It was obvious that she was struggling to open her eyes, so he patiently waited.

Kagome required a few minutes to actually lift her eyelids. Everything surrounding her was blurry, it was as if she were gazing upon a melting painting. As she tried to open her eyes as wide as possible, things slowly began to make sense, shapes into forms. It didn't take too long for her to finally recognize Sesshomaru, who was by her side, his head above hers.

It was hard to ignore the torture and agony spreading through her body, but the worried look on his face forced her to focus. She tried to remember what happened. Why she was feeling this way, but unlike a few minutes ago this time her mind was cooperating with her.  _The youkai, the fall, the_  blood! The panic that rose through her body caused her to violently sit up without even taking conscience of the pain.

"Ki-kiyoshi!" she nearly screamed out, hurting her pained throat.

Sesshomaru let out a breath of relief to see that her memory had not been affected and that she could still speak. The only problem now was that he needed to explain everything to her, that part would be more difficult. He still held on to her hand, which she had seemed to fail to notice, as he tried to find out the best way to calm her. Getting nervous and stressed was definitely a bad thing at the moment.

"Kagome, please, you will need to calm down."

Her panicked eyes met his and though the storm remained in them, he could see a certain calm, as if she was waiting for his words.

"Kiyoshi is…" Could he tell her right away? Could he break the news to her? "weak."

Kagome let the short three words sentence settle down in her mind, but through the panic and confusion, it was rather difficult to keep herself collected. What exactly did weak mean? She couldn't help but break the eye contact and observe her stomach. It was then that she took notice of the blood staining the blankets. At first she desired nothing more but to be sucked into a world of worry, but then she realized the blood was dry. Didn't that mean the bleeding had stopped?

A gentle tug on her hand brought reality crashing upon her. She gently tilted her head up and stared into his green eyes once more.

He wouldn't lie to her, it wouldn't be fair. "He is hurt."

Tears slowly began to form in her eyes. "Will he…." She couldn't bring herself to finish her question, she couldn't.

Kiyoshi was her light, he was her son, her everything. It was true that he was still growing within her, but it didn't change the way she felt about him. He was already everything in her heart, she loved him dearly. No, she couldn't lose him. Not after all that occurred.

She would never give up on her son, she wouldn't lose him.

"The chances are slim, but, if you are willing to remain in bed until you're ready to give birth, then there is hope."

 _Hope_.

The word echoed through her mind like a fall of rain upon scorching skin while trapped within the desert.

His life, his light, it all depended on her? Was that even a question? Obviously she would do anything, even give up her own life just for her son!

"Is there anything else I can do?" she inquired, holding back the tears.

This was all her fault. Perhaps if she hadn't run, if she had been more careful, been able to defend herself, then her son wouldn't be in this situation. It was all her fault for her selfish actions! If she hadn't done this, if she hadn't thought about herself only, then this mess wouldn't have happened. Why did she have to be so useless?

Back then, she required Inuyasha's help to defend her. Then, she had been hopeless against the beast, even now, she couldn't protect her own son?

Failure was the only word that came up to her mind.

"Your emotions need to be kept under control. Stress will not help him."

Kagome nodded, as a few tears slipped past her control and glided down her cheeks. Of course, she wanted to be calm, but at the moment it was near impossible. Not only was she experiencing a pain worse than she ever felt before, but also she felt a deep burden upon her shoulders. The tears were too much to hold and she decided to not hold them in.

Next time, she would be able to stop it, but at that instant, she required to be weak.

Sesshomaru felt her hand slip away as the tears burst out of her eyes. Gently, he released it as he watched her bring her hands to cover her eyes, hiding her shame. He didn't know everything that had happened while she was alone with her kidnappers, but he had already expected such a reaction. He could tell her to not blame herself, but he knew it wasn't something she could do.

Her wellbeing always came last, she cared so much more about others than herself.

There was still a small barrier between them, but watching her break down by herself, he simply couldn't. After all, deep down, he held himself responsible for the whole thing. He had vowed to protect her, he was the one who had broken his promise. If he could control his beast better, than he would have been able to be in his youkai form and he would have stopped those assholes before they got anywhere near her.

The kidnappers.

Sesshomaru had been so caught up with the pain and the blood that he had completely forgotten they were still on the louse. He had been so worried about her that he hadn't finished them off. Most of them were harmed, damaged, but they were not dead. Surely if they had gone through kidnapping her, they would be coming for her again.

That meant that anytime, any second, they could strike.

The problem was, he couldn't constantly leave his beast out, which only meant one thing; he couldn't rest. Unless someone he  _completely_  trusted was awake with her, he didn't have such a person, without that he couldn't allow himself to sleep. It was a bit difficult considering he was requiring more rest than usual, but it didn't matter. If he had to be awake for three weeks, he would be.

A whimper of pain came from Kagome as her cringing intensified, his heart constricted.

Technically he would require her permission to break the barrier, but at this moment, she looked fragile and he  _needed_  to protect her. Slowly, he approached her, he gently wrapped his arms around her shaking body. Both of his hands were gently rubbing her back unsure if he was doing the right thing, as she dipped into his chest, as if she was seeking protection.

Never had she purposefully wanted such contact with him and he tried not to be surprised. Sesshomaru remained as cold as stone, trying to be her support. She was trembling like a leaf, as she began wetting his shirt. Slowly, she allowed her hands to slip away from her face and she started to clutch to his shirt as if her life depended upon it.

The guilt was raging through her and her worries for her son were breaking her heart. She felt angry, she wanted to know why it all happened to her at once. Didn't she deserve a break as well?

She was softly shaking her head, while she felt his arms tightened around her. She wanted to be buried in his hold, she wanted to be protected and shielded from the world. Especially when the beast had come along, they hadn't been going to each other for comfort, but this time, she needed it. There was not many things she knew about Sesshomaru, but she knew he cared about his son.

He was probably just as worried as she was.

Without thinking in her desperation, she lifted her arms and tightly wrapped them around his neck, burying herself against him even more if possible. Sesshomaru's hands trailed down just a bit more, as he felt a strange feeling. This wasn't a closeness  _he_  was used to experiencing with her. Her nose was touching the bare skin of his neck, as her tears were wetting the collar of his shirt.

He tilted his head up a bit, as if he felt a certain suffocation, although it wasn't a bad feeling. Sesshomaru simply didn't know how to act. When it came to him, she rarely did anything of her own and it made the situation a bit awkward. However, he was glad she did not fear his presence as much as she used to. It was a progress he was grateful for. Not because of selfish desires, but because it meant  _she_  was feeling better.

He had never been so close to her before while being  _himself_ , yet it almost felt natural. Neither one was thinking of the past, just of the current pain and to provide comfort.

Kagome was drowning herself in tears, he was her lifesaver, the only thing keeping her afloat. All the pain, all the concern, it was just washing over, going through her veins. It was as if there was a hole in her heart, one that wouldn't be filled again. Her son, her Kiyoshi. She couldn't lose him, she couldn't bear such a thought.

"I can't," she said through the tears. "We can't le- let h-him die."

Sesshomaru gently buried his face in her hair, taking in a deep breath. Then, he shook his head. "We will not lose him."

It was foolish, it wasn't even something in his control, but she  _needed_  it.

"Prom-mise?"

It would be unfair to say yes, it would be unfair to give her a hope that he could not back up, but the sound of her voice, the way it was breaking… he didn't even know if he could  _not_  promise. Sesshomaru took a few seconds where he remained completely still before gently backing away from her a bit. He removed his arms from around her waist, which caused her to pull away from him, before looking up. Gently, he cupped her cheeks with his hands and looked right into her eyes.

"I promise."

At that exact moment, she felt her heart catch in her throat, no words would come to her. The intensity of his eyes, the softness of his hands, the comfort of his words, it was nearly overwhelming. Except him, she was all alone in this strange country. He was also the one who might lose a child. On top of that, he  _came_  for her. Although she had been far away, he had no clue of her location, he had  _found_  her.

Through the city, through the people, he could come to her.

The tears were pouring out, her heart was throbbing in her chest so hard it hurt, her mind was fuzzy from the pain and the poison, her whole insides were ready to burst out because of her whirlpool of feelings. Slowly, Kagome closed her eyes, the warmth of his hands traveling to her face.

Only one thought was going through Sesshomaru's mind, was she okay?

Taking her time, she closed the space separating her from him. The whole time Sesshomaru, who was unaware of what she was  _attempting_  to do, remained completely still, as a statue. Then it happened. He felt her dry lips against his moist ones.

It wasn't passionate, it was closed mouth.

She wasn't moving, but she remained there and he was at loss for words or actions. Kagome on the other hand, could only hear her own heart raging through her chest. The action had happened out of itself. She hadn't thought of doing it, the idea had never crossed her mind. Before she had known what happened, her feelings had dragged her closer to his face.

She felt out of her mind.

The situation was highly awkward, especially since tears were still rolling down her cheeks, yet neither pulled away, both for very different reasons.

A feeling of warmth was slowly building up inside Sesshomaru and for once, he was confused beyond belief. Would the right thing to do be to push her away, or to bring her in? He  _had_  kissed her previously, out of his own control, but this was quite different. It was  _her_  who had initiated it. After everything that had happened  _physically_  between her and the beast, he wouldn't be surprised if she was frozen in place.

Fall, or pull away.

The first question in Kagome's mind was why couldn't she move and why hadn't he pulled away yet? She had long ago established that although Sesshomaru respected her now, he would  _never_  share such feelings towards her. Not that she did, the kiss had really just  _happened_. Yet, there he was, his lips still against hers and he did not seem bothered.

She closed her eyes, causing the final tears to fall, with every intention to pull away, yet she was shocked to find out that he did it first. Gently she felt his lips leaving hers and before she knew it, his hands moved to around her shoulders, he brought her close to his body, her face buried in his chest. She felt him rest his chin on top of her head, while one hand moved up to caress her hair.

He didn't say a word.

Sesshomaru felt that her actions had been done out of an unconscious impulse. The reason she hadn't pulled away had mostly been because she had probably been ashamed and he was trying to chase away that feeling. He wouldn't mention it and it would be as if it never occurred. At the moment, the thing she required the most was comfort and he would bring it to her.

Kagome let his embrace sink in and somehow, she felt more sad than before, yet she wasn't sure why.

-B-

Kagome felt enveloped in blissfulness as she slowly came into consciousness. Her eyes were not yet opened and she had the strangest feeling that she had no desire to do so. Most of the pain from the previous day had gone away and all she was left with were a few sharp pains in her stomach.

Her memory from the previous day was a bit blurry but she clearly remembered the important information, which included Kiyoshi's current state. The feeling of guilt and bitterness took over, which caused her to slowly open her eyes. The first thing she saw was complete… _black_.? A bit surprised she pulled away only to realize it was Sesshomaru's shirt.

It was then that she took conscience thought of her surroundings. His arms were tightly wrapped around her waist, his head resting near hers. Had he been holding her the whole night?

Kagome could still remember what it was to  _cuddle_  with his beast and this was… _different_. Kagome had stopped fearing Sesshomaru a while back especially when she had decided to make a clear distinction between him and his beast. The closeness didn't bring fear within her, but it did make her feel strange. It was an unknown emotion she couldn't explain.

She found herself ceasing her movements as if she were afraid he would wake up and move.

Did she enjoy his arms wrapped around her tiny body?

A heat came from inside of her, surged out to tickle her skin. How could she have such thoughts? Lately, everything in her life had been a complete mess and though it was strange to admit it, he was her rock. The only thing that had not changed and provided her support was him.

The beast might still be hard to understand for her, but Sesshomaru,  _the real one_ , was a good person.

He had made his mistakes in the past, but it was clear now that through the years he had done much to try to change, making up for his mistakes. When it came to any type of relationship between them, even a friendship needed work. However, she had to admit they had grown a bit closer over the last few days.

But a  _real_  relationship?

Kagome was slowly healing, but, she didn't think she'd be able to be in a relationship. Wasn't there too many wounds? She had wished to get over her fear of intimacy and the thought of doing such with Sesshomaru, without doing anything that involved going  _all the way_ , had crossed her mind before.

Could it be so wrong to allow herself to be a tad bit closer to him?

Somehow, it made her feel completely insane.

As she slowly believed herself to be losing it, she remembered an important detail of the previous night. She had kissed him. It had been a chaste kiss, but she had pressed her lips against his nonetheless. To be honest, she wasn't sure how she felt about it. Did she regret it? Did it make her feel  _twisted_?

"You're sweating. Are you well?"

The sound of his voice made her slightly jump. So, had he been awake the whole time? Her heart was hammering within as she tried to come up with something to say. All her thoughts were getting her so worked up that she was probably overworking herself. She was quite weak at the moment and so was her son. Perhaps stressing herself over such foolish thoughts was not the right thing to do at that instant.

"I'm fine," she answered, her voice a bit weak.

He had to keep himself talking. Why? He wasn't sure.

"We will not be able to try the connection, it would take too much energy out of both of you."

She nodded into his chest. Although the  _connection_  had greatly helped, it wasn't as necessary anymore. Obviously, she wanted to go through with it because in the end, it would help her completely free herself from the pain, but it was no longer an urgent issue.

The safety of her son would be her priority until he was born. According to Izumi, she should be ready to give birth very soon, so if she could pull through perhaps the next couple of weeks, then he would be fine. If only there was a way to make him stronger, to make him heal…

And then it was as if a light lit up in her brain.

"I could help him," she stated, lifting her head up slightly.

Their eyes met and he tilted his head ever so slightly, waiting for her to explain.

"I'm a Miko," she said, her tone insisting it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Couldn't I use my powers to heal him?"

The idea was not completely insane. She had been known to heal both humans and youkais, so there had to be a way she could heal Kiyoshi. The only problem was, it could be risky and they really couldn't allow themselves even one mistake. If they were to try this, they had to be sure it would work or it might end up doing more damage than anything else.

"There is always the chance he will be harmed."

Sesshomaru didn't want to insult her, but they both knew she didn't have perfect control over her powers. That also wouldn't help the situation. If it took more out of her, pressing her to her limit, then more than just Kiyoshi would be harmed.

A tiny sigh escaped Kagome. She was aware that Sesshomaru was correct, but it still hurt. She was a Miko, she should have been able to help her son.

Once more, she felt useless.

She  _wanted_  to be alone because of her sadness, but she was conscious that it was the last thing she needed. If she drowned herself into her loneliness and pain, it would do nothing good for either her or her son. Still, as she attempted to turn on her side, she felt a small resistance coming from Sesshomaru. Kagome didn't think much of it. After all, hadn't he vowed to protect her and Kiyoshi? He was most probably preventing her from moving too much.

The tension in the room grew a bit and she decided to ask the faithful question.

"What happened to the youkais that kidnapped me?"

He wished he could tell her they were dead, that they wouldn't come after her again but it would be a lie. He hated himself for not taking care of them better, but then again, her life had been in danger. He chose to save her and their child instead.

"They were hurt and unconscious when I found you."

Kagome held in her breath before weakly shaking her head. They were still alive. That meant they would try to come after her and the jewel. Maybe not  _right away_ , since they would need time to collect and re-think a plan, but it wouldn't be too long until they would strike once more. For a second, Kagome let the pain of the previous events wash over her. The monsters that had nearly ripped her son's life away were free and well. They had almost taken her and Kiyoshi away from this world and they could still harm her.

Her heart constricted in her chest. How could she escape it?

Although this time she was aware of their presence, it didn't make any of it easier. After all, she didn't know when it would happen and she was still fairly weak on her own.

Even Sesshomaru couldn't do much as long as he was human. Either he needed to remain in his beast form or they needed extra protection.

But could he really be locked away while his beast prevailed every hour until the youkais were taken care of? It was insane.

On the other hand there weren't many people who they could trust for protection. There was perhaps  _one_  person. They hadn't gotten along very well in Australia, but perhaps considering the situation they were in, they could cooperate.

"I have an idea," she said almost timidly. It would probably bring out a small argument, but it was worth it. "Since they could come back, I thought that maybe, Kouga could come here."

She hated the idea of bothering someone, putting their life at risk, but right now, if she was to be assaulted again, it would mean losing Kiyoshi and it was a thought she could not bear. Having Kouga along might bring a bit of tension, but at least it would be more protection. She knew Kouga would come in a heartbeat and in a way, she would feel as if she was abusing his feelings towards her but, she needed him as a friend, she hoped he would answer her call.

Though Sesshomaru might not feel so supportive of the idea.

She lifted up her head and looked into his eyes. Kagome could see a whole different range of emotions going through them, she wasn't sure it was a good thing. Perhaps it was somewhat attacking his pride since she was saying he couldn't protect her on his own. It was not that she thought he was doing a bad job, but this would be a complicated situation, especially since she  _couldn't_  move and she was not willing to risk it.

Kiyoshi's life couldn't be gambled with.

Sesshomaru allowed her words to echo in his mind, but they never became easier to hear. He couldn't stop his feelings of failure. If he had been in his full form, he would have probably growled. Kouga. He didn't require the wolf's help. Actually, he didn't  _wish_  for his help. If he allowed himself to clear his mind, he knew she was right. The only way  _he_  could offer her proper protection would be to use his beast constantly, but in the end, it might provide more bad than good.

Kouga could be around her, use his powers without any bad situations happening.

It bothered him and he completely despised the idea, but it wasn't the worst one he had heard. He had to say words he didn't want to say, but it was for her. Sesshomaru couldn't allow himself to be selfish. In the past he would have, but now it wouldn't be fair to her. She came first as did their son. If the presence of the wolf could help protect them, then so be it.

"It would be a wise decision."

For a strange reason, her heart skipped a beat when she heard his answer. Somehow, she hadn't expected him to say yes so easily. Although she was a bit relieved, even if the situation would become more stressful which was something she needed to avoid.

"But."

When he added the short word, she lifted her head again to look at him.

"I will be the one to make the call."

Sesshomaru took a deep breath before releasing her, somehow it left an empty feeling both within him and Kagome. She observed the lack of comfort in the bed, her heart heavy. It took her a while to tear her eyes away, glance in his direction. Sesshomaru was slowly walking over to his suitcase, where she assumed he had Kouga's number. The famous suitcase.

He could feel her eyes on him, but he didn't turn around.

Once Sesshomaru found the number, he took out his cellphone from his pocket and without glancing her way, he headed towards the bathroom. He needed a one on one talk with the Wolf and he didn't need Kagome to hear everything.

As soon as he disappeared behind the door and closed it, she pulled her eyes away from him.

In her position, Kagome allowed her eyes to travel to her bulging stomach. Currently, she felt extremely dirty, especially since she could feel the dry blood on her legs, which made her sick to her stomach. She desperately wanted a bath to wash off the feeling, but she was afraid it would be too much movement. She just couldn't bear to remain like this.

The tears began to fall down her cheeks and she made no attempts to stop them. This was the only way she could relieve some of her pain. She had promised herself she would stop crying, but keeping it in only made her more stressed. At least, crying brought some calmness within.

Between the burning sensation in her shoulder and the sharp pain from between her legs, all of it, she tried to wash away with tears. It barely worked, but it did help.

She rested a hand on her stomach, gently rubbing it.

"We'll be okay. I promise we will. All of us."

-B-


	49. Company

Sesshomaru paced the room, while Kagome had fallen back asleep from her exhaustion. She was still struggling to remain awake for longer periods of time and he knew it was because her body was still trying to get rid of all the toxins from the poison. Of course, he still checked up on her every ten minutes, just to make sure she was doing well.

He was also trying to patiently wait currently for Kouga to arrive. Sesshomaru had sent for a chauffeur to pick him up over an hour ago. He would have preferred to go himself, but he couldn't leave her alone. For all he knew, her kidnappers were watching them, observing their every movement.

To no ones surprise, Kouga had quickly accepted. However, Sesshomaru couldn't say it was a bad thing. He didn't particularly want him around, but this wasn't about what  _he_  wanted, but about what was good for Kagome and Kiyoshi. Obviously though, that meant for the next little while, he would not be alone with the Miko.

Sesshomaru still hadn't been able to forget the fact that she had kissed him. It had happened many hours ago, almost a day, yet it was fresh in his mind. When it came to Kagome, it was already hard to understand what he was experiencing, she had not helped solve the problem he was going through.

However, he was certain she had done it while being all caught up in the situation. It hadn't been a passionate kiss. She had been seeking comfort. He wouldn't even dare to bring the subject up himself, just in case she didn't feel comfortable with it and was experiencing regrets for doing it now.

The best thing to do was to keep himself focus on Kouga.

Sesshomaru had arranged for Kouga and his men to have the rooms next theirs. There was a connecting doorway. It had cost a hefty sum of money to have both clients leave, but he would rather have their room surrounded by people he could trust. The wolf was annoying to no end, but Kagome's safety was one of his top priorities, meaning he was a good ally.

The only trouble Sesshomaru had was what would happen if Kouga and his beast were to have a little confrontation. Sesshomaru himself could deal with Kouga, but his beast might not enjoy the feelings the wolf had for Kagome. That was why, if possible, he would avoid using his youki.

Kouga had been quite surprised to have Sesshomaru contact him, especially when it had been the middle of the night when he called. Of course as soon as Sesshomaru had explained the situation, Kouga had been more than ready to join, after he had cursed everyone and everything. The question of  _why_  he hadn't killed those bastards had come up and Sesshomaru had been unable to answer.

It had been in the midst of everything and although even his beast had felt rage towards them, they hadn't been his priority. His main objective had been to find her, once he had finally done so, his next mission had been to get her to safety as quickly as possible since her life had been in danger.

Plus, if he had killed all of them right away, they may have done something to her prior to his arrival or perhaps even moved her, it might have jeopardized her life. If she hadn't been bleeding, he would have taken their lives after finding her. Unfortunately, the situation had made it impossible for him to do so and now he was paying the price.

All he could hope was that they would find them quickly enough, or she would never be safe again.

Suddenly a knock at the door caused him to cease all movements. He had only authorized one person to be allowed to come up to his room without warning and it was the wolf. Sesshomaru peered at Kagome one last time before aiming for the door. He quickly opened it and exited the room, closing the door behind him.

His actions seemed to surprise Kouga a bit, who backed away slightly. Ginta and Hakkaku were leaning against the nearest wall, their arms crossed in front of their chest.

Sesshomaru reached out for the keys in his pocket and handed them to Kouga.

"These are the keys to both of these rooms," he said, pointing at the doors.

Kouga took the keys and then tossed one of them at Ginta.

"And, are you going to fill me in on everything that happened? You weren't very talkative on the phone."

All Kouga had been able to find out so far was that Kagome had been kidnapped and attacked and that she was in a pretty bad shape. Except for that, no other information had been shared, making his flight pretty stressful. He knew he should have accompanied them from the start.

Sesshomaru sighed before moving away from the door.

"We shall discuss this somewhere else. Kagome is sleeping right now and I do not wish for us to wake her."

 _Kagome_? It sounded strange to hear Sesshomaru say her name, since he couldn't really recall him ever doing so before. Nonetheless, he agreed with Sesshomaru about not disturbing Kagome's sleep, so he followed him into the next room with Ginta and Hakkaku trailing behind them.

All three of them had their youki revealed, meaning there shouldn't be any danger that something would happen to Kagome while she was alone in the room.

Being in his full form permitted Kouga not only to smell, but sense Kagome and the feeling of uneasiness in his heart grew. He did not like it, especially not the scent of such fresh blood that hit his nose.

"She's in a pretty bad shape," he stated as he sat down on the bed.

Every time Sesshomaru thought about what had happened to her, he blamed himself. Now if only he had been more sufficient, then it wouldn't have happened.

"I'm well aware of that," he said, his tone snapping a bit rudely. After all, he didn't need the wolf reminding him of his own failures.

Sesshomaru sat down on a chair, before running his fingers through his short hair.

"There are three of them, two males and a female according to Kagome."

"Why? How many did you see?"

"Two. The female was watching her in another room when she made her escape."

It bothered him a bit that one of them had escaped without a scratch, but soon enough, he would get the satisfaction of harming them all. He wasn't such a killer, but these people couldn't be left alive or they would keep coming after her until they would obtain what they desired. Keeping them alive wasn't an option they could afford.

"If you are to find them, you are to kill them on the spot. I don't want anything from them, I don't want them living any longer than they already have."

Kouga scoffed. "You think you're the only one who cares for her?"

Sesshomaru didn't appreciate his tone and there were a few things he wanted to clear up before they started anything.

"You are her friend and for this reason, I trust you with her life. But do not cross the line wolf."

He wouldn't kill him, but he wouldn't  _appreciate_  his company any longer than he had to.

Kouga, who felt challenged, rose to his feet standing directly in front of Sesshomaru.

"You know, Kagome turned me down and I'm fine with that, but if we were to do a little competition, I would get her."

Sesshomaru's fingers were twitching for him to put Kouga in his place, but he held himself back. They required his help, for  _her_ , so he had to not provoke unnecessary fights, especially in Kagome's dangerous condition. However, Sesshomaru still rose to his feet, before taking a step closer to Kouga.

"Her state is extremely fragile, she is not even allowed out of bed for the sake of the pup. It would also be wise to keep her stress levels down and avoid any type of situation that might make her over emotional."

In a  _polite_  way, he was warning Kouga to not push his limit or create a fight. Sesshomaru was willing to not comment back and take the blow to his pride, only to make him understand Kagome came first.

"I wouldn't do anything to hurt her," said Kouga, nearly feeling insulted.

He already knew he had to be careful around Kagome and he didn't need him to remind him as if he was some kind of idiot. Kouga knew how to behave if the situation required it. He was well aware of how important her child was to her and he wouldn't do anything to endanger that life.

"Then this conversation is over," said Sesshomaru, requiring every ounce of self-control to walk away.

From now on, he'd do his best to avoid the wolf, but he wouldn't leave her side like he had done before. If Kouga wished to be around her, if Kagome wanted the company, he would put up with it, but he would not leave the room. He was not doing it because he didn't trust the wolf, but rather because he wouldn't allow anything else to happen to her.

Kagome's safety was his priority. Everything else came last.

-B-

The room was slightly blurry as Kagome opened her eyes, feeling beads of sweat gliding down her back. Her lips were parted as she panted slightly, having woken up from a nightmare. At first she was a bit panicked, but then, she quickly remembered where she was, causing her heartbeat to slow down a bit.

Kagome tried to remember the nightmare she had been having, but couldn't. All she knew was that an intense feeling of fear had been created inside of her and to be honest, she felt a bit uneasy at the thought of being alone. On top of that, she was still experiencing sharp pains in her stomach.

As her vision adjusted, she found herself glancing around, trying to find Sesshomaru. When she didn't seem him, the feeling in the pit of her stomach increased. Had he left?

"Sesshomaru?" she tried, her voice betraying her by cracking.

It didn't take long before she heard footsteps and Sesshomaru emerged from the bathroom. His eyebrows were knitted together as he gazed around the room, trying to see if there was something wrong.

"Are you well?" he inquired, while walking towards her.

Kagome found herself feeling a bit foolish to have panicked so easily.

"I thought you were gone," she blurred out. The fear evident in her voice.

"My apologies," said Sesshomaru before sitting on his own bed. "I took a shower."

She slowly nodded, feeling a little more stupid. He was a grown man who shouldn't need to report his every action to her. Yet her worries had created such a situation. Kagome needed to learn to be calmer, especially since wild emotions could endanger Kiyoshi's life. Perhaps she could take up meditation again since it was not an activity that required her to move.

"Kouga and his pack have arrived." He didn't like the nervous look on her face and he figured that some good news would probably make her forget about some of the stress she had been experiencing.

Sesshomaru wasn't quite sure what happened when she woke up, or why she called out for him, but he had a strong feeling that the memories of the kidnapping were haunting her dreams. If only he could have prevented such a traumatizing event from happening to her again…

A tiny smile adorned Kagome's face as she heard his words. "Now? They're here?"

Sesshomaru nodded, ignoring the pinch in his heart. He could not possibly be feeling jealous, yet the previous words of the wolf echoed in his mind. So what if Kouga could be the one to win her heart if they were to battle for it, which he would never do, it shouldn't affect him.

He wasn't doing this to win her love. He was doing this to amend the wrong he had done to her. In the end, all he would do was help her to the best of his abilities and if she refused such help and wanted him out of her life, it was also a wish he would grant for her.

"Would you like me to ask them to come over?"

Kagome bit on her bottom lip, uncertain. She did want to see them, but she was currently looking like a mess, still stained from the blood of her assault. She felt dirty and uncomfortable and knew that although they were friends, she wouldn't feel at ease around them until she had bathed.

It wasn't about looking good in front of people, but about the way she felt. Perhaps there was a bit of shame hidden in her and she wanted to  _feel_  refreshed instead of damaged and filthy. It was then that she realized she had been looking this way in front of Sesshomaru the whole time, yet it hadn't bothered her.

Could it be she felt comfortable around him, no matter what she looked like, or how her inner emotions where? It was true that he had already seen it all, even her worst moments and emotions. There was not much he hadn't experienced with her, all the way to hell and back.

"Not yet," she finally answered, her smile toning down.

When she began chewing on her bottom lip, Sesshomaru could tell she had something bothering her, or there was a question burning her lips, so he silently remained sitting near her, waiting for it.

She knew she wasn't supposed to move and that the less she did the better. However, she did have to get up sometimes. Per example, if she required using the bathroom, a bit like now. Also, she wondered if perhaps, she could take a bath. There was nothing too stressful about that was there?

"Do you think I could take a bath?" It almost sounded like she was asking for permission but really, she wanted his opinion on the matter.

It had been something to expect, after all, there was still blood on her from the injury and trauma caused to her body and it was normal for her to want it washed away. It also made Sesshomaru understand why she didn't want to see their guests just yet.

Kagome always appeared strong, even in front of others.

She was told to avoid as much movements as possible, she could not be kept in the bed 24/7 every day until the birth and it would be normal for her to do such a thing as requiring the bathroom. As long as she didn't exhaust herself doing it, he didn't think there should be any trouble or danger.

"It should be fine," he said, before getting up. "However, I do believe we should limit the amount of action you do by yourself, to lessen the risk."

Kagome nodded. It meant she was going to need his help, not only because it meant she would do less, but also because her body was still weak. Her face a bit red, which she could not explain, Kagome gently removed the blankets off her body. As he approached her, it only reminded Kagome of what she had done the previous day.

She didn't know why she had kissed him, it had just happened. Granted it wasn't a love kiss, but it couldn't be ignored. Her mind had been hazed, her heart shattered and she had required some sort of comfort. Her brain had decided for its self and yet, it didn't anger her or anything.

To her surprise, it hadn't even brought back any bad memories. Most probably because she had never kissed him of her own free will back in the feudal era. The only thing it reminded her of was that kiss  _he_  gave her before releasing her.

Sesshomaru wasn't sure how to help her out of bed. The best way to make sure she remained as still as possible was to scoop her in his arms, but he wasn't sure if she'd be comfortable with such an action. He lifted his head slightly, their eyes meeting.

"It's okay," she said, re-assuring him.

Sesshomaru nodded before gently sliding a hand under her knees and the other behind her back. She put her arms around him and he then lifted her slowly, before heading towards the bathroom. He took his time, meaning it took them nearly a minute to reach the desired room, but he didn't want to move her too much, hence why he preferred doing it slowly.

"I need to use the bathroom first," said Kagome, as he gently put her down on her feet on the bathroom floor.

It was then that Kagome realized her own weakness. As soon as most of her weight was supported by her own two feet, she felt her legs giving out and she did the only thing she could, which was hold on to Sesshomaru. Immediately, he wrapped his arms around her waist, keeping her upright.

"Sorry," she whispered, before taking hold of the counter.

"Will you be alright?" he asked, concerned.

It was true that she hadn't been on her feet for almost two whole days and since she had been injured pretty badly, her body was still trying to recover. He would be lying if he was to say it didn't concern him that she would be alone in the bathroom, but it was not his decision to make.

She nodded. "I'll be fine, it was just a temporary thing. It's okay now."

Truth be told, Kagome could only hope she would be okay. Sesshomaru did linger a few more seconds, before exiting the bathroom, leaving her completely alone. She took her time, as she sat down on the toilet, already feeling exhausted. She knew it wasn't a good thing, so she took a few seconds to collect herself.

Sesshomaru was just on the other side of the door, waiting for her to need him again. His youki might be locked away, but being this close to her, he would be able to hear if something happened or if she fell.

A few moments passed before Kagome called for him again. Sesshomaru slowly opened the door, only to find her standing up, leaning against the counter.

"I, hm, I forgot about my bag, with my clothes."

Sesshomaru nodded, before leaving the door open, as he walked towards her bed to retrieve it. He pulled it from under and then, as he was on his way back to the bathroom, he grabbed a fresh towel for her. He handed Kagome both items and she offered him a smile.

"Thank you."

Without her asking him, he turned to the bathtub and turned on the water for her so she could avoid bending down, perhaps preventing her from losing her balance in the process.

"If you require anything, I'll be right outside," he said, his eyes lingering on her a bit longer than they should.

Kagome watched him close the door and disappear from her line of sight, before she put down the lid of the toilet and sat down. There was no way she would be able to undress herself while standing up. Not thinking about her injured arm, she reached out for the hem of her shirt and began attempting to pull it over her head.

It was when she reached her shoulders that the pain stung and began traveling through her arm. It had been badly slashed by her kidnapper and at the moment, she even had difficulty stretching it. A small panic took hold of her as she tried again, without success.

She could hardly take a bath with her clothes on!

Kagome wanted a bath, she wanted to wash it all off her body, she no longer wanted that blood on her and this was getting to be frustrating. She felt the tears stinging her eyes, but she prevented herself from crying. Being an emotional mess was not going to help her son.

However she did need to remove her clothes, but every part of her body was aching and it was going to make the task rather difficult.

She decided to try and only move her good arm. Kagome put down the injured one, before trying to remove her arm without the use of her hand. A few groans of frustration escaped her before she quickly gave up. That wasn't going to work and it was only making her waste precious energy.

There was a solution, nagging in the back of her head, but she felt nervous about it.

She could always ask Sesshomaru for his help. The situation was extremely awkward, but it wasn't as if she had anything to hide. Still, the thought of asking him was making her heart pound in her chest. However, Kagome truly needed that bath.

She closed her eyes, a sigh escaping her.

"Sesshomaru?" she tried, her voice barely audible over the running water.

Surprisingly, he heard her call and she heard his footsteps getting closer.

"Is there a problem?" he inquired, a bit concerned.

Kagome took a deep breath before daring to ask. "Could you come in?"

He immediately recognized her nervous tone and he hurried to open the door. Sesshomaru was a bit surprised to find her sitting on the toilet, her eyes nearly closed, as if she was about to cry.

Sesshomaru dared to take a few steps in and then he waited for her. He watched her chest rise up and down as she took a deep breath before raising her head to look up at him.

"I can't do it." She paused, lowering her head just a tad bit so her bangs were covering her eyes. "I can't take off my shirt."

His brain took a second to process her words as he realized what she was asking of him. She wanted him to help her take her clothes off. Of course there was nothing sexual about the gesture, but he couldn't help the uneasiness it made him feel. Nonetheless, he knew it was difficult for her as well, meaning if she was asking, it was because she had no other choice.

Slowly, he approached her, before bending down a bit, so they were at eye level.

"Can you lift this arm at all?" he inquired, referring to her injured arm.

She shook her head. "I can't move it pass my shoulder."

Sesshomaru decided to start with her normal arm first. Gently, he held the sleeve of her shirt, before pulling back while she retracted her arm. They took their time, and after a few seconds, her first arm was free. Now her second arm was the tricky part. However, he knew there was a way to remove her shirt without moving her arm at all.

He grabbed the hem of her shirt before looking her straight in the eyes.

"May I?"

Kagome nodded, giving him permission.

Gently, he passed the shirt over her head, before carefully slipping it down past her arm, never moving it. Kagome offered him a smile as she felt some sort of relief. Neither paid attention to the fact that she was only wearing a bra, as Sesshomaru handed her shirt back.

"Will you be alright?" he inquired, glancing up at her face.

Kagome nodded while biting on her bottom lip.

"Sure. Probably." Her tone wasn't fooling anyone, including herself. "Can't take off my shirt, but I should be able to make it into the bath by myself or even get out. Oh and getting dressed again should be a breeze."

She hadn't meant to vent out or to sound so angry, but a little cable inside of her had snapped. Lately she had been feeling so guilty and useless, that the current situation was not helping her feel any better about herself.

Sesshomaru reached over and turned off the water to the bath tub. Feeling her tears threatening to fall, Sesshomaru put his hand on her shoulder.

"You don't have to do everything at once." He knew she was putting a whole world on her shoulders and that his words wouldn't do much, but he said them anyway.

Kagome reached out for him, grabbing his shirt with her tiny fists. Sesshomaru. He was always there. That she was dirty, bloody, or a real emotional mess, he was always right beside her. Why?

"Why are you doing this?" She swallowed, her throat burning. "You're doing this because you feel guilty, I get it. But why do you involve yourself so much? I'm crying right now, why are you here?"

Kagome appreciated the company, the comfort, but she didn't understand. Perhaps it was the way she was feeling, the weakness of her body while she fought the infection, but something inside of her was screaming in confusion.

Often, Kagome had kept to herself her emotions, especially when it came to him. She had shed tears many times in front of him, but rarely had he known the real reason. She never asked such blunt questions in the past. Doing the only thing he could do, he nearly dropped to his knees, so he could be on the same level as she was.

Gently, Sesshomaru cupped Kagome's face with both his hands, locking her eyes with his. He wanted to have a clear answer for her but he didn't. It was true this was a way to fix his mistake, but he did involve himself too much. He did care for her. Hadn't he admitted that already or was it a fact he had been trying to deny?

His breathing was heavy, as he could feel was the softness of her skin, her bulging stomach pressed against his chest and the longing glance in her eyes. Why did he no longer wish to see her cry her heart out?

"I care."

A million things could be said, including the fact that back then he didn't care. But at the moment, then was then, now was now. Her heart skipped a beat as he was nearly burning her with his green eyes as they stared intensely into hers. They stared at each other for a little while before Sesshomaru pulled away from her and rose to his feet.

Kagome observed him, not comprehending his actions, as he quickly exited the bathroom, only to come back with a hand cloth in his hands. He headed for the sink and soaked it with warm water.

Sesshomaru didn't like her helplessness, because he had seen her strong. These times were difficult for her and as per usual it seemed, he couldn't do much for her. However, he would try to provide her with a certain level of comfort if he possibly could. He knew the thing Kagome wanted the most was to wash away all the blood, so he would help.

"Here," he said handing her the cloth. "You should be able to get rid of most of it with this."

Kagome slowly extended her hand, before grabbing it and nodding. How had he known?

"I could help you wash your hair afterwards if you wish."

He had never done such a thing before, but, he still would be able to. When Kagome looked up at him, he felt something strange in his heart. It was as if the glance she was giving him was making his heart beat faster. A strange feeling of dizziness took over him, but fortunately it left as quickly as it came.

 **Ours**.

The word echoed in his mind and for a second, he wondered if he was the one to think it.

"I will be right outside the door if you need me."

Sesshomaru hurried out of the washroom so fast, Kagome was never even given the chance to say anything. He had recognized the voice, hence the reason why he had left in a hurry. He didn't know how it was possible since his beast was locked away, but he had heard him.

What could possibly unleash his beast?

Sesshomaru could remember once when he had broken through his beast' control and had spoken while being locked away, but this situation was different. The watch was supposed to keep his youki sealed. What logical explanation could there be? Having the beast free himself could be an important matter, hence why he wanted to know why.

**Love Mate.**

The voice sounded strange, as if it was echoing through a tunnel, coming from very far away. Sesshomaru sat down on the nearest chair before running his fingers through his hair. The best thing to do would be to perhaps have an actual conversation with his beast, but he couldn't leave, not yet. He had promised he'd help her and he would stay until she was done.

Meanwhile, Kagome was using her good hand to scrub the blood off her skin. It was not a bath, but it was better than nothing. Her mind was still preoccupied by the look she had seen in his eyes. He had seemed so passionate, so intense. It had sent a chill down her spine.

This whole time, she had been quite uncovered, yet it was as if she hadn't noticed because of her out burst of emotions. Not once had anything happened that could have seemed out of line. Of course, she didn't expect Sesshomaru to do anything like that, but her body and mind still remembered previous events.

Her eyes were still a bit teary, but she had managed to calm herself, if only for Kiyoshi's sake.

Kagome was torn away from her thoughts when a knock on the main door of the room could be heard. She raised her head, waiting to hear who it was, but all she heard was Sesshomaru's footsteps.

Sesshomaru already knew who it was, the wolf could be quite impatient. He had told him to wait until she was ready, but apparently the word  _wait_  was too complicated for him to understand. As if to prove his point, as soon as Sesshomaru opened the door Kouga walked in, glancing around.

"Where's Kagome?" he inquired, still venturing further into the room.

Carefully, Sesshomaru closed the door, before catching up with Kouga. "She's in the bathroom."

Acting as if the wolf wasn't there, Sesshomaru resumed his position beside the door. The last thing he wanted to deal with at the moment, especially with the strange things happened, was Kouga. He could be so stubborn and Sesshomaru had no patience left.

"What are you, a guard dog?" asked Kouga before plopping down on the bed.

Sesshomaru didn't answer him, but instead, he glared at him.

Kouga rolled his eyes. "You need to loosen up," he said seriously.

When a silence installed itself between them, Kouga decided to break it. Either because he was bored or because he enjoyed torturing Sesshomaru. It was obvious that the Daiyoukai didn't enjoy his presence.

"If I had been with Kagome, none of this would have happened."

Sesshomaru wanted to reply but there was nothing he could say. It was true that if Kagome had been with Kouga, he would have sensed the other youkais and protected her, meaning none of it would have happened. Of course, he would never tell the wolf that. His ego was big enough as it was.

"Simply consider yourself lucky you are here right now."

Kouga chuckled. "You don't seem to happy that she wants me here." When Sesshomaru tilted his head to the side, a bit confused, Kouga's grin grew.

"We both know I'm not here because you want it."

At least he was able to realize  _that_.

"Kagome just needed someone to protect her, hence why she thought of me."

A hue of red crossed Sesshomaru's eyes before he charged for Kouga, not thinking his actions through. Before he knew it, he had his hand wrapped around his neck, and it was as if he was doing a human version of a growl. His grip wasn't doing anything to Kouga who didn't have his youki sealed, yet he still didn't fight Sesshomaru off him.

Kouga had desired a reaction out of Sesshomaru. Last time he had seen him, Sesshomaru had been so easy to give Kagome up, while having a rage within. This time around, he hadn't been able to control it, which was exactly what Kouga had wanted.

He still hadn't forgotten about Kagome, but unlike five hundred years ago, he had understood her rejection last time they had been together. He knew she had been hurt and he cared enough about her for not wanting it to repeat. Obviously, Sesshomaru was her mate, meaning he should be the one to end up with her, but Kouga wasn't too sure about it.

Kagome deserved to be happy and Kouga wasn't sure Sesshomaru was the one who could do that for her.

It was technically none of his business to meddle with Kagome's life, but he wanted to make sure she would not be hurt again. He would find out how Sesshomaru felt about Kagome, the easy way or the hard way and from the look of things, it would be the hard way.

"Does it bother you that she needs me over you?" he asked, taunting him.

Sesshomaru wouldn't give in easily but it could make the whole thing much more interesting.

"Kagome can do as she pleases, she isn't mine."

Sesshomaru tightened his grip on Kouga's neck, wondering why the idiot hadn't moved him out of the way yet. All he had to do was fling him against the wall, Sesshomaru knew he didn't stand a chance with his youki sealed. Did the idiot find the whole thing entertaining?

"But that's the thing. She  _is_  yours." Kouga lifted his arm, before grabbing Sesshomaru's wrist with his fingers. "And first name basis now?"

Sesshomaru couldn't remember when he had gone from  _Miko_  to  _Kagome_. It had happened by itself and she hadn't seemed to mind. And yes perhaps they were mated, but she didn't belong to him. His beast had taken her a long time ago. He had given her, her freedom back. She might bear his mark, but it held no meaning.

He shook his head. "She is free to make her own choices."

Kouga yanked Sesshomaru's arm away.

"Then why is this getting you so worked up? If you don't want her, why does it bother you that someone else does?"

When Sesshomaru remained silent, Kouga pushed it further.

"I mean, I'll go, I'll make her mine. I'll walk into that bathroom and take her. Does it anger you?"

He knew what game the wolf was playing, yet he couldn't stop his own anger from rising. Kouga didn't seem to be aware of what he was causing. Sesshomaru didn't want to be taken for a fool.

Kouga took a few steps towards the bathroom, waiting for Sesshomaru to react. These two had been by themselves for so long, yet no one had pushed them around yet. He didn't want to force them to be together, but he wanted them to come clean. It felt like the room as filled with a thick tension. Either they would eventually take a path that would lead them together or Sesshomaru would have to release her.

Or rather, his beast had to give her up.

Before Kouga could reach the washroom, he felt Sesshomaru tugging on his shirt, stopping his movements. He was breathing so hard, you could hear it fill the room, as he dragged Kouga back.

"You're here for her protection. Don't make me get rid of you."

They needed him perhaps, but he was testing his patience and Sesshomaru wouldn't stand for that.

"I'm just trying to help."

Sesshomaru released him, before fixing his own clothes.

"What happens between me and her is none of your concern. Now, leave. If she wishes to see you, she'll call for you."

Kouga shook his head softly as he did as he was told. Maybe enraging Sesshomaru was his way of dealing with the fact that Kagome would never be his. He didn't know everything that had happened between those two, but Sesshomaru was much closer to her Kagome than Kouga could ever dream of being.

Didn't he realize what he had?

Sesshomaru took a deep breath before leaning against the bathroom door. It wasn't like him to lose control like that, or to feel such fury. He didn't feel like himself and he didn't enjoy it. Sesshomaru felt different than usual, but he couldn't explain why. It had started today, for the most part, yet nothing unusual had happened.

"Sesshomaru?"

When her quiet voice came from the other side of the door, a chill throbbed through his body. Kouga's words were still echoing in his mind, but, he didn't want to think about them. Kagome wasn't his to have.

He opened the door, only to find her sitting on the floor, her back against the edge of the bath. She had heard the whole conversation, which hadn't been difficult since they had been talking so loud and she was a bit surprised that Sesshomaru looked so affected by it.

Sesshomaru understood that she wanted him to wash her hair, so he took the bottle of shampoo, before heading her way. Her shirt was still on the ground beside her, she couldn't put it back herself. She didn't seem to mind, but he wanted to make sure.

"Would you like another shirt?"

There was the tiniest blush covering her cheeks, but she shook her head.

"It'll get wet anyway."

She was a bit nervous, but Kagome wasn't letting her emotions get to her, for the sake of keeping her feelings under control. Too much stress was bad. Plus, she kept reminding herself that she was not fully bare and Sesshomaru had seen her bulging stomach more than once during the last few weeks.

He was trying to help her and she would let him.

Sesshomaru nodded before getting on his knees and turning the water back on. Gently, he tilted her head back, wetting her hair, before pouring a bit of shampoo in his hands. Then, he proceeded to lather throughout, being mindful and careful.

As he kept massaging her scalp at the same time, Kagome closed her eyes, holding back tears. She couldn't explain why she felt such sadness fill her heart, but it did. Her heart sinking as a pulsing pain went through it, she did the first thing she could. Kagome leaned into him, pressing her face into his shoulder.

" _Thank you_."

-B-


	50. Sneaky

Kouga was lying down on Sesshomaru's bed while watching the TV. Kagome was in her own bed, doing the same, minus the fact that she often fell in and out of consciousness. He was more than joyful to be back by her side, but he was extremely worried. It had been one thing to hear Sesshomaru describe her current state of mind, but it was another to see it with his own eyes.

He had seen Kagome sad before, but that word was not powerful enough to explain the sight in front of him. The scent of tears staining her cheeks was hard to ignore. Their  _reunion_  had been fairly normal, she had appeared happy to see him, but something had been missing.

Also, Kagome was naturally a fairly talkative person, yet at the moment, she was completely silent. Granted it was because she had a hard time remaining awake, but still. He could tell she was in a lot of pain and he didn't like it. Unfortunately, there wasn't much he could do about it.

On top of that, Sesshomaru didn't share with him all that much information. About two hours ago, he had left, without saying where he was going and he had yet to return. He wasn't sure if Kagome was aware that Sesshomaru was gone, since she hadn't asked him about it. She had barely said hi to him when he walked in. So she probably did not know just yet.

Even though Sesshomaru hadn't told him of his whereabouts, he had given clear instructions about how to take care of Kagome. His tone had been rude, but Kouga hadn't expected anything less. Apparently the Daiyoukai was still sore about the little conversation they had the previous day.

Kouga knew how to look after Kagome, but he had not pushed his luck and had listened. Obviously, he wouldn't let anything happen to her. That included those maniacs that kidnapped her.

Since all he had to do was remain in the hotel room, he didn't bother to hide his youki. After all, he needed to remain alert, meaning he required it. Kouga was not often home, meaning he usually hid his true nature, he had to admit, he was going to enjoy being himself for the next little while.

Unlike Sesshomaru.

For him to ever be himself would signify trauma for Kagome. At least in Kouga's opinion it was.

"Sesshomaru?"

As soon as Kagome spoke, Kouga tilted his head in her direction. Unfortunately for him, she had spoken the wrong name. To avoid her making any unnecessary effort, he moved from Sesshomaru's bed, to sit on the edge of hers.

"He's gone," he said, his voice soft.

Kagome struggled to open her eyes, seeing was a bit blurry. She blinked a few times until her vision became clear and she could see who was in front of her. "Kouga?"

It took her a few seconds to remember that he had arrived in the room a few hours ago. Today she was feeling worse than yesterday and her mind was not cooperating very well. She was inflicted with heat waves and nausea, making it hard for her to focus or even stay awake.

She offered him a weak smile. "Sorry, I forgot."

Kouga took no offence to her words, as he grinned back at her. "Don't worry about it. Want some water?"

Kagome weakly nodded, before slowing pulling herself up so that she was sitting in the bed, instead of laying down. As Kouga got up to fetch her water, she couldn't stop her eyes from traveling to the door. She could recall Sesshomaru saying he was leaving, but if she was correct, that had happened quite a while ago.

His whereabouts were really none of her business, but considering what had happened to her recently, the more people around, the safer she felt. Of course it wasn't fair to prevent him from going somewhere because of that, but nonetheless. Perhaps it was because he had been doing everything for her and she had begun to depend on him.

It was a habit she shouldn't allow to develop.

Maybe it was better that he wasn't there. Even though she had to keep herself calm and in bed most of the time, it didn't mean she had to be hopeless.

Kagome was quickly brought out of her reverie when Kouga dangled the water bottle in front of her. She smiled before taking it. "Thank you."

Instead of returning to Sesshomaru's bed, he resumed his sitting position on the edge of her bed. He could tell with one look at her that something was not right, but he wouldn't ask. Instead, he would wait and see if she would share with him.

As Kagome began to sip her water, his eyes traveled down to her bulging stomach, the sight never ceased to attract his attention. It almost didn't feel right to see her pregnant and perhaps never would, though his thoughts should not be focused on that at the moment. For now, she was worried about losing the life growing within her and he had to reassure her.

"You hungry?"

She nodded her head as she pulled the bottle away from her mouth. Slowly, she put the cap back on the bottle.

"Actually yes. But I'm not sure I can hold it down."

He sighed. Of course he had forgotten all about her upset stomach. She had to get down some sort of food, didn't she?

"Is there anything you can eat? I mean you'll both need strength to…"

Kouga put a halt to his sentence, unable to find the right words.

"Survive," provided Kagome, her tone a bit bittersweet.

 _Idiot_. "Kagome, that's not what I meant." He ran his fingers through his long ebony locks, feeling like he had screwed up. "It's just, you both need energy to keep you strong."

Sesshomaru had shared the odds of survival with him, but he had decided to ignore that detail. As long as Kagome believed deep down that there was hope, then so did he. If it was her child, he would be as strong as her and he would make it through this.

Although it might be a bit out of line, he wanted to bring her some comfort. She appeared to be so sad and desperately lonely. However, she had a mate, even though they weren't really honoring that commitment. The comfort he wanted to provide her was friendly. He had made his peace with the fact that Kagome wouldn't be his.

A gentle sigh rolled off her lips before she put her water bottle on the nightstand table.

"I guess I could eat a little something."

Truth was, she was really afraid she would not succeed in keeping it down. Then again, she hadn't eaten any real food in over two days and Kouga was right. If she wanted energy to help both herself and her son, then she required nutrients. She would do her best not to let her nausea get the best of her.

"I'll get Ginta to fetch you some soup, It'll be easier on your stomach," said Kouga before nearly jumping off the bed and aiming for the door.

He knew Kagome had no problem with his companions, but since her health was not the best, he preferred if the environment around her was calm and as serene as possible. Too many people might make her feel crowded and he wanted her to be at ease.

Kagome observed him with a smile, as he seemed all excited to be doing something for her. Kouga truly hadn't changed in the last five hundred years, yet that was a good thing.

Feeling the hotness of the air get to her, she grabbed her hair, before twisting it into a louse messy bun. It was then that she heard the door close and saw Kouga facing her once more. No words were exchanged as he decided to give her some space and return to Sesshomaru's bed. As he was doing so, Kouga did not look where he was going, causing him to accidentally kick Sesshomaru's suitcase, which was near the bed.

His foot kicked the suitcase hard enough for it to fall onto the ground, slightly opening as it did, causing a bit of its contents to pour onto the floor. Kagome would have probably ignored it and Kouga would have  _just_  put it back in its place, if the content had been anything ordinary. The first to notice what was inside was Kagome.

She bent down slowly, from the side of the bed, before reaching out for a photograph that had landed near the bed. As soon as she flipped it around, she found herself looking at a picture of her younger self. If her memory served her exactly, she was about six years old.

As Kouga collected the rest that escaped the suitcase, he couldn't help but notice as well that they were pictures of Kagome. It was none of his business, but it did intrigue him to know why Sesshomaru's suitcase made him look like an obsessive stalker.

He gathered them all in his hand and then, took a step in Kagome's direction, ready to hand them to her. Her grey orbs were still locked onto the one she had in her hands, as if she was unable to tear herself away from it. Many questions ran wild through her mind, the first one being,  _why_?

Why did Sesshomaru have pictures of her? Was that all there was in the suitcase? And  _why_  had he been carrying it this whole time?

The curious part of her wanted nothing more than to roam through his personal suitcase, but she knew better. It wouldn't be fair to invade his privacy without his permission. Granted it was a picture of  _her_ , but his personal belongings were his and no one else's.

If she wanted an answer, she'd have to ask him personally.

Her heart felt a bit heavy as she handed her picture back to Kouga who seemed a bit confused. He took it from her, adding it to the pile he was already holding.

"Don't you wanna know?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I'd be lying if I said no, but… I would rather ask him than to go through his stuff without him knowing."

Kouga slowly nodded as he accepted her answer. Perhaps he was more edgy to find out the reasons than she was. No, Sesshomaru wasn't doing anything wrong by having pictures of her, but it left him to wonder. After all, he already had a hard time causing Sesshomaru to admit he cared out loud, that he wanted to know why he had always been so interested in Kagome.

Sesshomaru was a confusing man, there was no doubt about that. Kagome wasn't sure how to approach him or how to process the words he said at times. The conversation he had with Kouga the previous day didn't help her confusion any either, except she shouldn't have heard it, she didn't know if she should take it into consideration or try to forget it.

Her relationship with Sesshomaru was different from what it used to be. Kagome could still remember when she didn't know if she could give him a chance or even trust him. Yet, it felt like that happened a lifetime ago. Slowly, she had allowed herself to trust him and she hadn't even realized it had happened.

Heck she had given him a quick kiss on the lips.

Somehow it made her feel twisted and she felt her insides rage against her.

Her relationship with Sesshomaru would always be complicated, especially if you considered their past, the fact that they were going to have a child together and the new people they were.

She didn't know if she could be his friend, but she knew he couldn't be absent from her life considering everything.

But she couldn't be  _with_  him. She couldn't be with anyone.

-B-

He hated to leave her alone, although she had the Wolf with her, but it was a necessity. After the sudden unexpected  _emergence_  of his beast the previous day, he hadn't been able to clear his mind. Because of the bracelet, the beast shouldn't have been able to do what he did.

Yet it had happened.

Sesshomaru had an unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach, because it strangely reminded him of a situation that occurred in the past. Back in the Feudal era, when his beast had been in control, Sesshomaru had been able to speak when he was supposedly locked away.

At first, he had thought it was because he was gaining control, but it was because they were merging. The reason behind their merging was his fighting against the mating, which didn't fit the current situation. He didn't perceive the Miko the same way he used to, so why would they be merging?

The only way he might be able to have an answer was to speak with his beast. It was true that he might have been able to do it with her around, considering the fact that the beast hadn't done anything harmful to Kagome in a long time, but she would have been a distraction  _and_  she didn't need any type of stress right now.

So once again, he had gone and found a rather isolated place where nobody could see or hear him.

As Sesshomaru reached a spot that was secluded enough, he pressed the button on his watch and waited for his youki to fill him. Recently he had allowed himself to be transformed more frequently and he had to admit it created an ache inside of him. He had missed the feeling of being whole and now he was granted it too often.

After this, he would have to slow down a bit.

It didn't take too long for his green eyes to slowly change to shining amber, as his black locks slowly lightened. Sesshomaru closed his eyes as his claws grew back and he felt his power return to him. Once the transformation was complete, he expected the beast to take over like it regularly did, but nothing happened.

A bit confused, he opened his eyes and glanced around.

He was indeed himself.

It had been a long time since he had been allowed to truly be himself, without being locked away. Usually the beast was quick to push him down, but not today. He couldn't say he wasn't grateful for the break.

A gentle breeze came through, blowing through his short locks, as he enjoyed the feeling.

It took him a few seconds of peacefulness to remind himself of the reason  _why_  he was doing this.

_Why did you speak out of place?_

Sesshomaru waited, expecting his beast to answer, but the moment never came. He frowned a bit, before giving it another shot.

 _How were you able to speak_?

**Mate is important to you. You care for her.**

Sesshomaru could still clearly remember back in the days when his beast  _wanted_  him to admit he'd look after her, that he'd make sure nothing would happen to her. Now, he was doing it of his own free will without a complaint.

How had things changed…

_I will take care of her._

**You will do anything for her to be happy _._ You love Mate.**

Love. It was still a word he wasn't sure he understood. Did he – could he – love Kagome? After the painful past they shared, the unforgettable memories? Even if he ever was to truly be  _her_  mate, there was no chance she'd ever allow it. Not that anyone could blame her.

It wasn't a relationship that could work. Perhaps for the sake of the child, no painful words would ever be exchanged, they would see each other fairly regularly, but would it ever be more? Would she ever be able to  _handle_  more?

It was true, she seemed much better than she was back when he had first seen her in this modern era, but it didn't mean she was healed. She probably still couldn't purify the jewel and he could see the scars were still present. He had a feeling that if she ever was to be with someone it wouldn't be him.

However, he was satisfied with the fact that she allowed him in her life.

Did he need more?

_She will always be looked after. Whatever she requires, I will provide._

**Mate desires love.**   **Mate touched us.**

It was true. The feeling of her lips on his was still lingering in his mind. However, he was fairly convinced that she hadn't done it out of feelings. At that moment she had been confused and desired comfort. It had simply been a gesture to make her feel better.

For her sake, he hadn't talked about it and he wouldn't.

Had he felt something then? Perhaps. But then again, it had been so long since he had been involved with someone.

She was the last person he had touched, it hadn't even been out of his own free will or with her cooperation. For five hundred years he had honored a mating that wasn't, because it was the right thing to do. Plus, with the debt he owed her, he wouldn't have been able to care for someone else, especially with the guilt he had been carrying around with him.

It would remain that way. Until she passed away, even probably afterwards since he would have an heir, he would respect the mating. On the other hand, he wanted to make sure she knew that she didn't have to do the same. She actually deserved to find someone who would bring her happiness.

 _She is still hurting_.

**But you care for her. You didn't before.**

Sesshomaru was beginning to feel a tad bit annoyed by the repetitive speech of his beast. He had come to speak with it for an important reason and he wanted to get straight to the point before it dragged on any longer.

 _How were you able to speak to me? You should have been locked away_.

**We are one _._ Being two is not right.**

He couldn't help but sigh, knowing he had been right.

 _We are merging_?

The beast didn't answer, as his question fell silent.

Could it be that they were returning to what they originally were because Sesshomaru cared for Kagome? The beast didn't need to force his feelings anymore, since their opinions were no longer torn apart? It could be a good thing, just as much as it could be a terrible thing.

Actually, it was terrifying.

While being without his beast, Sesshomaru was a different person. If his beast and him returned to forming one being, it would be as if he was the one who did all those horrible things. While being different, it was easier for her to distinguish them, but if he was  _it_ , then wasn't he the one who hurt her?

They were making a bit of progress, they were finally around each other without sour feelings rising. Wouldn't it sabotage everything he had done so far? No, Kagome probably wouldn't know if he didn't tell her, but he would. He wouldn't harm her if he had full control, but it didn't change that his appearance would remind her of horrible times.

He would be that monster, he would be her nightmare.

-B-

Kouga felt his heart throb in his chest, as he walked down the hall one last time. His youki was not sealed which could technically be dangerous, but at the moment, he did not care. While he had been watching television inside Kagome's room, he had caught a scent that sent chills down his spine.

The first thing that had come to his mind was that it was the kidnappers. Since he wanted to be the one to take care of them, he had sent Ginta and Hakkaku to watch over Kagome, while he roamed over the hotel, to find the origin of the scent. So far, he had been going at it for over ten minutes, but it was proving to be more difficult than expected.

It was as if it spurted in certain places, before completely disappearing, leaving no trail. That alone made him sure of his instincts. It was them. His only problem was that even though Sesshomaru had described them, he didn't have a clear picture of what they looked like and they could be altering their appearances.

He couldn't trust anyone and he had to follow any suspicions.

If only there was  _someone_  in the area, but it looked completely deserted.

It was impossible for them to be renting a room in the hotel, Sesshomaru had taken care of that. He was paying the hotel a swift amount of money to know about  _every_  new person to try to rent a room. They wouldn't be able to get one without Sesshomaru knowing their identity.

Unless, they already had someone here in inside the hotel prior to the kidnapping.

Suddenly, footsteps were heard and Kouga jumped on his guard. Unfortunately, quickly enough a too familiar scent reached his nose and he groaned. Kouga leaned against the nearest wall, waiting for Sesshomaru to come into view.

Before Sesshomaru could even see the wolf youkai, he spoke.

"Where were you?"

Sesshomaru, who had been quite lost in his thoughts, snapped his head in the direction of the voice. Without answering him, he glanced around, only to notice he was alone.

"Where is Kagome?" he inquired, before resuming his walking.

"Ginta and Hakkaku are with her. I smelled something."

Suddenly it was as if a hue of red shown through Sesshomaru's eyes. "They are here?"

The thought alone made his guts twist and cause a rage to flare inside of him. Although he wanted them to come around so he could finish them off, they should know better then to try to kidnap Kagome again. They were already lucky that he hadn't killed them during their first encounter.

Kouga shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. I'm picking up a scent, but every time it's leading me nowhere."

Sesshomaru took a deep breath, calming himself, before nodding.

"I will retrieve your friends and all three of you will look through this entire hotel."

Kouga frowned. "What about Kagome? She needs protection."

"I'll look after her."

Kouga almost scoffed. "I doubt it. We need someone who can really protect her."

The Daiyoukai turned around, glaring at Kouga. He was nearly growling at him, even though he was nothing but a mere human at the moment.

"I said, I would do it."

For a second Kouga was almost scared. He wasn't sure Sesshomaru could do it, but then again, he had been traveling with Kagome for an awful long time already.

"Fine, fine. Don't get your panties in a bunch."

Ignoring his rude comment, Sesshomaru kept on heading towards their room. His heart was beating a tad bit faster than usual. He couldn't believe that they were back so quickly. Didn't they require time to regroup themselves and come up with a new plan?

It was true that he wanted to deal with them as quickly as possible, but he just hoped nothing bad would happen, that they would be able to deal with the kidnappers without Kagome getting hurt again. The worse part was that she was probably already stressed and she had to have an idea of what was happening.

Once he reached the door, he stopped in front of it for a few seconds, so he could hide away his emotions. If he appeared to be panicked it wouldn't help her. Once he felt in control, he unlocked the door and walked in, causing all three occupants of the room to glance his way.

Without bothering to greet the guests, he began giving his orders.

"You will inspect the halls with Kouga. I will remain here."

Ginta and Hakkaku both looked as confused as Kagome, but judging by the look on Sesshomaru's face, they decided it might be best not to argue with him. They gave him a quick nod, before exiting the room as fast as possible, not because they were scared of Sesshomaru, but because they wanted to catch who ever had done harm to their sister.

Sesshomaru focused all his attention on Kagome, she was looking at him in a strange manner.

He was there, she could ask him the questions she was dying to know, but she felt a bit bad. After all, it had been an accident to discover the pictures, but it still would appear as if she had been snooping around.

"Is something the matter?" asked Sesshomaru when she remained silent while her eyes were filled with questions.

Kagome bit on her bottom lip, unsure. Would it really be so bad? He had never been angry about anything, at least not since she had known him in this modern era.

"Kouga, he –well." Kagome pointed at his suitcase by the bed. "He knocked it over."

Sesshomaru didn't need for her to finish the rest of her questions to know what it was she wanted to find out about. To be honest, he was surprised it hadn't happened before now. Having nothing to hide from her, he reached out for the suitcase, before heading towards her bed.

"May I?" He motioned to the side of her bed.

Kagome nodded before moving over to give him a bit of space. Sesshomaru sat down beside her before putting the suitcase down on his lap. Pictures of her weren't the only things inside, but it was one of the main artifacts held inside. Slowly he opened it, revealing an almost perfectly ordered suitcase, except for the things that had fallen because of Kouga's feet.

Sesshomaru collected most of the pictures before handing them to her. Then, he moved aside some of his work papers, before taking out a folder. Since her hands were busy, he put it down in front of her, then closed the suitcase waiting for whatever questions she might have for him.

Kagome slowly looked through the pictures, it was as if she was peering at herself growing up. There was one for every year, most of them being school pictures.

"How did you get these?" she inquired, a bit confused.

"I had been watching over your family before you were born, since I was looking after Rin's descendants."

Oh right. She had almost forgotten about that. Still it didn't quite explain why he had so many pictures of her. "But, why, only pictures of me?"

"I did not know anything about you, despite everything that occurred."

"So you did some research," she finished for him.

He nodded, waiting for a change in her emotions, but nothing happened. Instead, she calmly finished looking through all the remaining pictures. Once she was done, she put them on her lap before retrieving the folder. She quickly flipped through, only to notice it was trivial information about her, including things like her grades and medical records.

"Why do you keep all of these with you?" she looked up at him waiting for his answer.

"Apparently not many people can be trusted." Which was right if you based it on what happened to her. "It is safer to have all that information with me, then somewhere where anyone can stumble upon it."

Kagome slowly nodded, agreeing with him. These days, she trusted very few people, because anyone could betray you. She glanced over at the files one more time, before returning it to him, along with the pictures. It could have almost seemed creepy, but it didn't.

"Thank you for showing me," she said, a small smile adoring her face.

Yes it was about her, but he technically didn't have to.

Sesshomaru gave her a quick nod, before putting everything back into the suitcase. It was then that he heard Kagome sharply intake a breath. Immediately his attention was focused on her. He watched, feeling a bit hopeless, as she wrapped her arms around her stomach.

A bit panicked, he put a hand on your shoulder. "Are you well?" he asked hiding the concern in his voice.

He was expecting tears to appear in her eyes, but instead, her smile grew in size. Suddenly a feeling of excitement bubbled out of her as she reached out for his hand. He felt her fingers wrap around his, squeezing them a bit.

"He's moving," she said, joy filling her voice. "It's been so long since he last moved."

This was more than a kick, because it meant he was still well and alive. And apparently he had a bit of extra energy. Kagome felt a strange feeling of relief wash over her, as she squeezed Sesshomaru's hand tighter.

It was then that she glanced at him, only to notice his eyes were fixed on her stomach, which was hidden by a blanket.

"You wanna feel?" she asked, her eyes sparkling.

Her excitement was overpowering and she wanted to share this moment. She knew Sesshomaru was just as worried over Kiyoshi as she was. But at the moment, this was such reassuring news that all she could feel was pure joy. Not the pain, not the sickness, it was all pushed far away.

Sesshomaru found himself at a loss for words, so he nodded.

Kagome kicked away the blanket with her free hand before guiding his hand that she had been holding to her bulging stomach. Her shirt had already ridden up a bit, so his palm was making direct contact with her bare skin. She put his hand where she had last felt the movement and they waited.

Tears of joy formed in her eyes as another small kick came through, which Sesshomaru felt. He joined her in her happiness, by smiling. He had only felt his son kick once in the past and this time felt much different, which was perhaps because his relationship with Kagome had evolved.

Another kick came and both their smiles grew.

He hadn't been moving much, at least not since the  _incident_  and Kagome had never felt so great. It was as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Without thinking, she rested her hand on top of Sesshomaru's as the tears began to pour out. Slowly, Kagome leaned into him, until her head rested on his shoulder.

Her gesture caused Sesshomaru to tilt his own head a bit, almost touching the top of hers. Her tears were dripping on his shirt, but neither cared.

The moment went on for a few more seconds, with Kagome's breathing being a little fast, which he assumed was because of her tears, until Sesshomaru felt something strange under his free hand. A bit perplexed, he lifted it, only to look at the bed under him.

He pressed his palm against it once more, only to realize it felt  _wet_. Searching for an answer, he pulled himself away from her a bit, to glance into her eyes. It was then that he noticed her pupils were widened and she seemed a bit frightened. The hand that had been covering his moved, until she grabbed unto his arm and squeezed.

Sesshomaru didn't understand immediately, either because he wasn't familiar with the situation, or because his anxiety was getting the best of him. His eyes traveled to her stomach and for an instant it was as if he could no longer breathe.

When he kept on going with a lack of reaction, Kagome's mind went wild.

"S-sess-homaru?"

She might have never given birth before, but she had a feeling she knew what was happening. At first, it had been a certain sharp pain, which she had thought to be residual from the trauma, but when she had felt a wetness surround herself, she had, froze in place, unsure of what to do.

Sesshomaru's brain had also ceased to function, as he also refused to accept what was happening. It felt so rushed, yet it meant the pup was well, if he was about to born…

"Are you?"

She was shaking her head, even though she wanted to nod. "I-I think so."

Her heart was throbbing in her chest, even though she was terrified, she was happy.

"He's going to be okay," she said through the tears.

She slowly wrapped her arms around him, before burying her face in the crook of his neck, wetting his skin with her tears. Sesshomaru returned the gesture by encircling his arms around her waist, bringing her closer.

Kagome had been so terrified that she would lose her son and now he would be born! It was not the conditions she had imagined, but it didn't matter. As long as Kiyoshi would be alive and healthy, she wouldn't ask for anything else.

In Sesshomaru's embrace, she felt her neck pulse where the mating mark was, but in her joy, she barely paid any attention to it. As Sesshomaru was holding her, he had a million thoughts going through his mind and he didn't know what to do first.

She had to stay in the hotel room, since they had no idea how the child would come out. However, with everything that happened he  _wanted_  a doctor nearby. That meant the first thing he should do was call Izumi. But, he didn't wish to leave Kagome alone, meaning he had to find those idiots so they could stay with her.

Unfortunately, he found that he had no desire whatsoever to pull away from her. A certain feeling of possessiveness was growing within him, especially since she was ready to give birth to  _his_  pup.

Having the birth of her child so close, caused Kagome to be nervous, but she held it in. She was about to be a mother, she had to be strong, not only for herself, but for Kiyoshi.

Suddenly, the door nearly slammed opened, a panicked Kouga appeared in the doorway. His nose had quickly betrayed the situation that was happening inside the room and he had left Ginta and Hakkaku to search while he went up to see if they needed his help.

"Are you okay? Can I do something?" he said, his tone betraying his anxiety.

Once he fully walked in the room, he took notice of their position and quickly glanced away. Though Kagome's face was hidden, a slight blush appeared on her cheeks. Nonetheless, she slowly revealed her visage and winced a bit.

"I'm o-ookay."

"In the pocket of my jacket," started Sesshomaru, pointing in the jacket's direction, without letting go of Kagome, "there's a number. Call the doctor on the card, tell him what's going on."

He could have let go of Kagome and done it himself, but she didn't seem to want to let go, so he would not be the one to push her away. Kouga quickly recovered by nodding and quickly grabbing the jacket. He rapidly dug through the pockets until he got the piece of paper and then he dashed to the phone.

"What do I say?" asked Kouga as he dialed the phone number.

"Say it's about Kagome, that she is in labor."

Sesshomaru finally unwrapped his arms from around her, only to help her lay down. He was usually a calm person, but he couldn't prevent his hands from trembling, making his actions a little messy. Then a thought hit him hard. He was about to become a father.

It almost gave him a nauseas feeling in the pit of his stomach. Could he even be one? Did he even have what it took to be a good father? He didn't doubt Kagome's abilities to be a great mother, but he couldn't say the same about himself.

Suddenly, he felt her slender fingers brush against his and he looked down at her. Even though her face was crisped in pain, she was smiling. Her biggest prayer had been answered and everything would be fine.

She felt Sesshomaru grab hold of her fingers, as she close her eyes while another wave of pain hit her. It should have hurt more than it did, but after everything, that was actually a relief instead of any added suffering.

There she was laying in the bed, ready to finally give birth to Kiyoshi, her beautiful son, with Sesshomaru by her side, holding her hands. Yes there were still risks and those kidnappers were apparently still on the loose, but it didn't matter at the moment.

Kagome was going to have a family. She never thought it would happen that way, but it hardly made a difference now.

From now on, no matter what, they were linked together.

By a child.

-B-


	51. Complications

She could not move, she could not breath.

All she could feel were the throbbing pains surging through her stomach, as she tried to not let screams of suffering pass her lips. She had always known labor would be painful, but she had always thought  _she_  would at least be in good health when the moment would arrive. How wrong had she been?

How was she supposed to deliver a child when she barely had any energy to stand up on her own two feet? And of course, a caesarian was completely out of the question meaning she had to push him out herself.  _Technically_ , remaining calm was the thing to do in such a situation, but she simply couldn't bring herself to be relaxed.

She could hear Sesshomaru and Kouga talking near her, probably discussing what to do, but their voices were very faint, at least to her ears, making it impossible for her to decipher what they were saying. The only loud and clear sound she could hear was her own heart pulsing through within her chest.

Kagome's lips parted, as her breathing became shallower, hoping it would ease some of her pain away. She felt stuck in her own world, as it became slightly blurry and she felt a feeling of drowsiness taking over. It wasn't until Sesshomaru put his hand on hers that she was brought back to reality.

She snapped her head in his direction, appearing to be confused. Sesshomaru observed as her grey orbs moved from one side to another rapidly and he sighed. This wasn't the conditions he had hoped for, this was certainly not the state of mind he had wanted for her either. However, considering how weak she was, all they could do was pray for the best.

He held her hand in his, knowing she needed someone's presence, before glancing at Kouga. Her bed was already wet and ruined, so he intended on moving her to his, where Kouga was installing a few blankets, bringing towels and fresh water. They would  _both_  need to lift her up, so that she wouldn't be moved too much. Though, considering the way she was at the moment, he doubted she would even notice.

Sweat beads were rolling down her cheek, Sesshomaru found himself brushing her bangs away, even though it wasn't going to relieve her of the heat wave she was experiencing. She barely reacted to his touch, since her eyes were tightly shut while holding her stomach.

Once again, he peered in the direction of Kouga, hoping the wolf would hurry up. Moving her wouldn't cease the pain, but at least he would feel as if he was doing something for her. He felt her tiny fingers squeeze his, his heart became heavier. At this moment, she was relaying on him and this was his chance not to fail.

Frankly, he had never been good when they had mated and when he had pupped her. Now, he finally had his chance to redeem himself, prove he could do  _something_  right. Such pressure was actually causing him to be a bit nervous, which was a new feeling for him. Could he actually pull it off?

"It's ready," said Kouga, his fingers twitching, as he came beside Sesshomaru.

He had never really assisted in a birth before, at least not in the last couple hundred years and the fact that Kagome was the one in labor didn't help his stress levels. On top of that, he  _feared_  that something might happen considering how risqué her pregnancy had become.

Sesshomaru quickly nodded, before gesturing for him to come closer. The easiest way would be for him to lift her off on his own, then have Kouga help him shift her to the next bed. Slowly, Sesshomaru slid his arm under her legs and the other around her upper waist, trying to carefully grasp her.

His movements attracted her attention, snapping her out of her pain induced world. It was with confused eyes that she searched his face, hoping for an answer.

"We are simply moving you," he said, his voice as calm and serene as he could make it.

Kagome's bottom lip began to tremble but she nodded nonetheless. Despite the fact that she could not understand why they required her to be moved, she tried to remain as  _unmovable_  as possible for both hers and Kiyoshi's sake. Any brusque movements might not be the best idea at the moment.

She closed her eyes as she felt herself being lifted, resisting the urge to wrap her arms around Sesshomaru's neck for safety, she  _knew_  he wouldn't drop her _._ It was then, once she was completely above the bed, that she felt someone else touch her. It took her a few seconds since her eyes were tightly shut, refusing to open, to remember that Kouga was present in the room as well.

Both youkais took their time, prior to gently putting her down on the  _dry_  bed, positioning her in a semi-sitting position. She exhaled heavily once she felt herself touching the bed, which allowed her to fully open her eyes. Sesshomaru was looking down at her, his green eyes showing concern that she had never seen from him before. Anticipating he would be pulling away, Kagome raised one of her hands, reaching out for his face. Her actions cause Sesshomaru to cease moving, strangely, he found himself holding his breath as he pondered on  _what_  exactly she was trying to do.

Kagome herself was unaware of where her actions were leading, but after gazing in his eyes and seeing a new expression, she had been unable to stop herself. It took a few seconds before her fingertips made contact with his skin but when they did, his nose was the first thing she touched.

While being careful, she allowed her fingers to trail upon his features, enjoying the softness of his skin. Meanwhile, Sesshomaru was a bit frozen in place. She nearly looked in a trance and he wasn't sure if he should pull away or remain in that position. He couldn't comprehend her desire to touch him.  _Why_  would she want to do that?

A bit uncomfortable, Kouga shifted from one foot to the other, waiting for the moment to be over with. If he had to pick, he much preferred Kagome having her hands on her stomach, while feeling a bit of pain, then touching Sesshomaru's face.

Once Kagome was done tracing the shape of his eyes gently, she retracted her fingers. Yet, it was still hard to look away from the unfamiliar expression in his eyes. It wasn't until there was a knock on the door that she could tear herself away.

Kouga was the first to react, as he rushed towards the door. Considering what was going on and that Ginta and Hakkaku were chasing after a seemingly  _invisible_  person, they had to be careful. Kouga, opened the door only a bit, before glancing at who was standing on the other side.

"What's your name?" he asked, almost baring his fangs.

"I'm Dr. Izumi," he replied, his eyebrows knitted in confusion.

Kouga glanced at him up and down for a few seconds before opening the door a bit more, which permitted Izumi to walk in to the room. He slid past Kouga, feeling just a tad bit nervous, since Kouga was acting so defensive. When his eyes landed on Kagome, he hurried to the side of the bed.

Now that Kagome was no longer focused on Sesshomaru, she was slowly once again taking consciousness of the pain pulsing through her body.

Izumi put his bag down and came closer to Sesshomaru. "Did it start as soon as you called me?"

Sesshomaru nodded, before moving away from Kagome, allowing Izumi to inspect her. No, he didn't usually partake into birthing during his regular job, but he had done it more than once. Many youkais and hanyous had to rely on doctors like him to help during special situations and over the years, he had acquired lots experience.

Izumi grabbed unto the hem of Kagome's maternity dress, about to proceed when he remembered that someone else other than Sesshomaru was in the room. He raised his head, glancing in the direction of the youkai wolf.

"Will he stay?"

It took both males a few seconds to understand the question being asked, once it hit Kouga, he blushed a bit. Of course, Sesshomaru had a completely different reaction.

"No," he said, his tone sounding almost as scary as when he was in his powerful youkai form. "He'll wait outside."

Kouga didn't appreciate the way it sounded like an order,  _but_  he knew staying would be stepping on a few boundaries, so, he exited the room, but not without sending a small glare towards Sesshomaru.

Though, the no peeking rule didn't only apply to Kouga, even Sesshomaru felt out of place, thus he decided to move aside and he sat on the edge of Kagome's bed, his back facing both Kagome and Izumi. Although he was doing such things, he still had an uneasy feeling developing within him when he thought about another man touching her.

Of course, the gesture had nothing sexual to it, it really was none of his concern, but he couldn't help his own feelings. His growing emotions when it came to her had nothing reassuring, but for now, he would push that aside. The one thing he would focus on was her safety and the deliver of their child. The rest would wait until the proper time.

As if to pull himself away from the situation, Sesshomaru closed his eyes and waited until Izumi spoke again. He could hear Kagome's whimpers of pain and it was making him twitch. There was nothing he could do to help relieve her suffering and perhaps it was the most annoying part.

Then finally, the silence was broken. "She's not close yet."

Sesshomaru turned around, unintentionally staring at Izumi's gloved hands. "She's not close?"

Dr. Izumi rubbed his forehead, feeling the pressure already getting to him. He could see the look in Sesshomaru's eyes, it was one of slight anger. He would have to handle the whole situation very carefully. However this was not the first time he would have to deal with a possessive mate.

"She's not dilated enough. We have to wait."

" _Wait_?"

Both men were a bit startled, since they hadn't expected Kagome to talk.

She had hoped that the doctor being there would mean this pain would be over soon, but apparently she had been wrong. A frustrated sigh rolled off her lips as she threw her head back. She clenched her fingers around the sheets, crisping them, as she felt more pain coming from her stomach. She was truly doing her best to not scream, but it was getting harder by the second.

Kagome always believed that women screaming profanity and death threats were perhaps naturally a bit  _angrier_ , but now that she found herself in their situation, she wouldn't mind yelling a few curses herself,  _Particularly_ towards Sesshomaru, for no  _particular_  reason.

"Is there anything we can do to help in the mean time?"

Izumi wasn't sure how to answer. He wasn't fully familiar with the relationship between Sesshomaru and Kagome, but he could tell it was a bit  _awkward_  to say the least. It left him to ponder if the one thing that could lessen the pain was something he should even suggest in the first place.

"Well," he began, before rapidly glancing between the two.

"Is there?" repeated Sesshomaru.

His patience was wearing thin. He had no time for guessing games. It was after all, a fairly simple question. Could he or could he not help her?

"If you released your youki, you could probably provide her with some relief."

As soon as the words were spoken, both Kagome and Sesshomaru shifted into a rather uncomfortable position. For different reasons. Kagome didn't want the beast to provide her with comfort. Actually, it was not even a matter of it being the beast, she simply wanted to do this alone, she didn't need someone to take the load off her.

Regular women, who weren't mated to a hanyou or youkai went through it by themselves, so why couldn't she?

For Sesshomaru the matter was painful because he might release his youki, yet still be himself. He was not convinced that  _right now_  was the perfect moment to share that detail with Kagome. Mostly it was because he himself didn't want to merge with his beast. He still didn't want to be that monster in her eyes.

"I'll be fine," offered Kagome with a small smile. Though, she quickly was finding herself a bit concerned for Sesshomaru's feelings.

"I can do this. By myself," she added, attempting to explain.

He had felt her eyes on him while she had spoken the last part, so he peered her way before offering her a quick glance.

Izumi found himself feeling a bit uneasy between the two, but he rapidly nodded. "Then I guess we'll wait."

"How long can it take?" inquired Sesshomaru, sitting on a chair near the bed.

"Hours. Minutes. It all depends."

He pressed his lips together, the stress was getting to him once again. Sesshomaru wasn't sure he could keep his sanity while waiting for so long. On top of that, he could not fully forget  _who_  Kouga and his pack were currently looking for. Now was really a bad time for such a thing to be happening.

Why was everything coming down on them at the  _same_  time?

-B-

A very long hour had passed, yet Kagome was not ready to give birth yet. Her body was still extremely weak and even though she was still experiencing pain, the tiredness had gotten the best out of her, she had given into her urge to sleep. Once in a while Izumi would check up on her to make sure she was doing well, while Sesshomaru remained glued in his seat, taping his foot.

A while back, he had checked the hallway for the wolf, but he had been nowhere to be found. Sesshomaru had only assumed that instead of standing in front of the door, Kouga had decided to make himself useful, he was helping his pack hunt down whatever  _scent_  had been caught earlier on.

There was a desire deep down inside of him that was developing, it was causing him to  _craving_ for the blood of the kidnappers. He  _hated_  himself for having spared them, though it hadn't been his intentions. If only her life hadn't been in such a critical state, then, he would have finished them off back then.

Now, because he hadn't been able to finish the job, he had to be concern and wait until  _someone_  else would take care of it. Yet she was his mate, the mother of his son. Shouldn't he be the one avenging the wrong that had been done to both Kagome and Kiyoshi? It simply didn't sit right with him to let someone else do it.

Then again, it wouldn't feel right to abandon her when she was so close to giving birth to their son.

If only Kouga could let him know just what was going on. Chasing  _a scent_  for two hours was an awful long time. Hadn't they really found anything at all yet?  _He_  hadn't known where Kagome had been back when she had been kidnapped and it hadn't even taken him that long to find her!

And once again, he began tapping his foot against the floor, just a bit louder.

But then, as if his thoughts of desperation had been heard, the door nearly flung open. Immediately, Sesshomaru glanced at the doorway, only to find Kouga standing there. The wolf quickly gazed over at Kagome, before refocusing himself on Sesshomaru.

"Can I talk to you?" he asked, before gesturing towards the hall.

A little too fast for human speed, Sesshomaru headed for Kouga, once he reached him, he grabbed his arm, dragging him into the wall. Kouga was a bit shocked by Sesshomaru's anger, causing him to bare his fangs at him. He could understand that the Daiyoukai was nervous, but it was no reason to be an asshole about it. He was helping  _him_  after all.

"What is it?" asked Sesshomaru,  _pretending_  he hadn't seen Kouga  _challenge_  him.

"We found two people. Two youkais."

Right away, Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed. He was well aware that they were looking for  _three_  people, but if those two were part of the group, then it would already be a start.

"Male or female?"

"One of each."

Sesshomaru didn't know why, but he had a feeling the missing person was the leader, who had probably not minded given up his  _accomplices_  to save himself.

"Any hints were the other one is?"

Kouga shrugged his shoulders. "Ginta is on it, but I can't promise anything." Kouga backed away slightly, creating a bit of distance between himself and Sesshomaru. "What do you want to do with those two we have?"

The right thing to do would be to allow Kouga to take care of them, but every time he came close to speaking those words, his mind was haunted by memories, a feeling of guilt was surging through him. Quickly Sesshomaru peered inside the room, where Kagome was still sleeping, it was then that he made up his mind.

He'd be the one to take care of them.

"I'll do it," he said before turning his back to Kouga. "Where are they?"

Kouga would have wanted to protest, but he could understand very well the desire of revenge Sesshomaru was experiencing. "I'll lead you."

Sesshomaru arched an eyebrow, since he didn't remember inviting the wolf to come along. Apparently, Kouga noticed his expression, since he smirked.

"Someone has to make sure you come back. What am I supposed to tell her if you get killed while she's in labor?"

Not giving Sesshomaru the time to respond, Kouga started to speed down the stairs, giving Sesshomaru no other choice but to follow. He didn't like the idea of someone helping him, but for now he'd take it. Soon enough, he'd release his youki, but just to be careful, he'd wait until he was further from Kagome and closer to the bastards.

The idea that one was still missing didn't sit well with him, but Ginta was after him, Kagome wasn't alone, or with a human, meaning she should be fine. He didn't intend on the  _execution_  to last very long anyway. He should be back by her side before she woke up, well prior to the birth of his son.

He couldn't miss that, he wouldn't.

Kouga was well ahead of him, as he guided him to the under level of the hotel. He was convinced it wasn't a place they were allowed to be, but with the money he was giving the hotel, he doubted they would even question him. It wasn't until they reached the stairs, in a darker corner of the place that Sesshomaru stopped.

Now, he could unleash himself.

He was only in his human form, he was already craving the blood of those who had harmed her, leading him to believe he and his beast might get a bit out of hand. Perhaps it was a good thing idea that the wolf had tagged along. Meanwhile, Kouga leaned against the wall, waiting for the transformation. He had always heard Sesshomaru was powerful, but he had never actually seen him make use of his powers.

Kouga was expecting a bloodbath.

He would have loved to be the one to take care of them, but he could recognize that the right to do so belonged to Sesshomaru. He would enjoy watching nonetheless.

It took a few seconds, but finally, Sesshomaru was in control of his power, his appearance clearly altered. He nodded for Kouga to keep going, which the Wolf gladly did. Being able to use a faster speed, it only took them seconds, before they reached their captives.

Hakkaku smiled when he saw both youkais arrive, relieved that he wouldn't have to  _look_  at these bastards  _breathing_  again. For what they had done to Kagome, they deserved nothing short of death and he usually wasn't one for that drastic solution. Seeing as how both Kouga and Sesshomaru were there, he knew he was no longer needed.

"I'll try to help Ginta," he quickly said, before speeding away.

And then, it left all four of them in the room.

Sesshomaru felt his eyes narrow as his blood boiled in his veins. They had damaged her, tainted her,  _harmed_  her. All because they wished to have a  _tainted_  jewel, because they sought power and destruction, only weaklings needed the jewel, only they required a power they couldn't achieve themselves.

He found himself closing the distance between him and the  _bastards_ , faster than he had anticipated. But thinking about her bloody body laying on the floor was all it required for his control to snap. He wanted them dead, laying in pools of their own blood. Part of him wanted nothing more than to make their deaths long and sufferable, but he knew, he might not have that much time in front of him.

Perhaps only  _he_  who was still running would pay the full price. The two in front of him, would however still meet a fate of death.

He'd make them wish they had never laid hands on what was his. Slowly, he trailed his clawed fingers along the neck of the female, before wrapping his digits around her throat. He could see the panic in her eyes, only proving further that she was a coward. She only allied when she thought she would prevail, but in defeat, she had no honor.

Disgusting.

And to think such beings had nearly taking her away from him.

His thoughts were becoming less and less important as all he wished for was blood, revenge and death. Slowly, he dug his fingers into her skin, allowing his poison to infiltrate her. He watched, as her blood vessels became green, which showed from under the skin. She was squirming under him, trying to break free from his hold, but it was no use.

He maintained a hold of steel, as he dug deeper and deeper, until the skin began to melt. The putrid scent of burning flesh filled his sensitive nose, rather than being offended by it, he was pleased. Death would not come to her until the poison made its way all throughout her body and until then, he would make her suffer.

Her skin was melting off, causing the muscles and bones to slowly show. Her neck was becoming weaker, nearly ready to snap, but it didn't stop him. He  _wanted_  more.

Kouga was watching from a distance, his head slightly tilted to the side. Sesshomaru was glowing off rage, his eyes tainted with the desire for blood. To be honest, even he feared the wrath of Sesshomaru now that he was carefully observing it. Most youkais had lost their desire for  _revenge_  throughout the centuries, but Sesshomaru's seemed to remain.

Then it happened. The female's neck gave up under the pressure, the weakness of the muscles and bones holding it into place, caused it to fall and roll onto floor.

A scent of fear filled the room, as the youkai who had been sitting beside her could not tear his eyes away from the head, it shouldn't have happened that way!

But it was too late.

Before the youkai could breath, he felt Sesshomaru pierce through his skin and chest, he could feel his hand inside of him, grabbing at most of his organs. The blood still dripping from his claws was still melting whatever it touched within him, causing him to scream in pain, something Sesshomaru did not appreciate.

With his free hands, he grabbed his throat, tightly enough to not allow any sound to come through.  _Bothersome_.

Slowly, he ripped out part by part of anything he could touch, allowing it to hang  _outside_  of the hole he had created. He felt the youkai under him convulse with pain, as he finally grasped his heart and then pulled.

But the one thing Sesshomaru didn't expect as he held the still beating heart in his hands was that, it reminded him of Inuyasha. As the youkai slid a bit off the chair, lifelessly, as his open eyes showed no soul, Sesshomaru could do nothing but drop the heart. He had killed Inuyasha in a similar fashion, but for that death, he did feel regret.

No, at the time, it wasn't really something that could have been avoided. Inuyasha and him never had strong bonds, it had been easy for the hanyou to choose Kagome's life over Sesshomaru's. When Inuyasha had come to challenge him, he was proposing a fight to the death. Most likely one of them had to die at the end of the fight and one of them had.

Nonetheless, he had killed him.

"Sesshomaru?"

It was a blood-splattered face that turned to face Kouga. The wolf had noticed Sesshomaru was retracting into his own world, yet now was not the time. Now that these two had been taking care of, they still had to find the last one. With him on the loose and Kagome ready to give birth any time, they couldn't waste precious minutes.

"We have to find the other one."

Sesshomaru pulled his eyes away from Kouga to stare at his blood stained empty hand, before nodding. If he didn't hurry, he'd have another death on his conscience and that was the last thing he wanted.

Now that Sesshomaru was in his youki form, at least for the next little while, it would be easier to track down the final  _member_  of the group, especially since he was more familiar with his scent. He allowed himself to clear his mind, so he could take a deep breath, trying to catch a breeze of his scent.

Sesshomaru closed his eyes, as he focused, while Kouga patiently waited by his side.

He took another breath.

And another.

And there it was. Hidden carefully, barely even noticeable in the still air that surrounded him. He could not forget it, he would never forget it, it was engraved in his mind forever.

"Outside," was the only word he spoke, before using his youki speed to catch up.

Since he didn't exactly look human at the moment and he was covered in blood, the faster he went, the less he would attract attention, not that it was important to him at the moment. His only goal was to capture that bastard.

Kouga was technically faster than Sesshomaru, but he had to remain behind since he didn't know where they were heading. As more time passed though, he replayed the previous  _deaths_  he was really beginning to wonder if Sesshomaru really needed him to be present. He'd stayed nonetheless, but he had a feeling he would remain a spectator.

Sesshomaru had never used such speed before in his life. He could feel his heart pressing against his chest, his time was running out. It had almost been five minutes, and he  _wanted_  to destroy him before he had to transform again, since that would make him extremely vulnerable in front of his enemy. He could not allow him to have a chance to strike.

Then, suddenly, the scent hit him more clearly. His attention was directed to a small park-like area, near a water source. Sesshomaru decided to do like he had done the previous time, he charged for the fool, with his eyes closed, following his instincts. As all of his senses began to tickle, he went along with whatever he felt, leaving a confused Kouga behind.

He could smell it, smell the bastard who had taken her away, who was still trying to take her away from him. She was his and he wouldn't let anyone harm her ever again. He had failed her once and the mistake would not be repeated. He charged in the direction of the scent with all he had, his eyes still closed, as he extended a hand in front of himself.

Then he felt it in his grasp.

His eyes snapped open and he saw  _him_ , his neck in his hand. A smirk appeared on his lips as he watched the  _worm_  squirm. It was only when he was this close that he realized  _why_  he had been easier than expected to find. On his fingers, Sesshomaru could still faintly distinguish the scent of Kagome's blood.

It was not a scent, which could be removed simply by  _washing_  one's hands. It remained imprinted in the skin.

The thought of Kagome's blood being spilled because of that bastard was enough to send him into an increasing raging fit.

His control almost slipped, he nearly spilled his poison along the youkais skin, but he ceased the attack before he made that mistake. This one would not die easily. He would make him suffer just as much as she had suffered.  _This_  was his revenge, this would satisfy his thirst for blood.

Sesshomaru had expected him to fear this moment, but instead, the monster began to laugh.

"You poor fool," he said, his voice giving out sometimes because of how harshly Sesshomaru was squeezing his throat.

Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed; he had the audacity to  _speak_. "I didn't tell you, you were allowed to talk."

But his words fell on deaf ears. "You'd kill one of your own over that whore?"

 _Whore_.

Sesshomaru's whole body was trembling hard as he did his best to not finish the horrible being in front of him. The only thing stopping Sesshomaru was that he  _knew_  the kidnapper wanted to be killed quickly and avoid pain. He already knew he was a coward, hence why he had kidnapped a  _pregnant_  woman.

 _Whore_. The word echoed in his head once again. He had called his mate a whore?

He slammed the worthless being's body roughly against the nearest wall, causing its head to smack violently against the bricks.

"She is  _no_  whore."

Another chuckle escaped the leader, before he put one of his hands on Sesshomaru's chest.

"We could have done wonders with the jewel. Why are you throwing it all away?"

Sesshomaru had disgusted him with his life choices, but he would still be a valuable asset to the new world he wanted. The others were too weak, easy to capture, but the Daiyoukai was different, much smarter. If only he could come to his senses, then everything would be right again.

"Join me."

"You idiotic fool," said Sesshomaru as he tightened his grip, but not too much so he didn't kill him.

It appeared he could not be reasoned with, but he had no intention of being killed, not after all the efforts he had put into this. If Sesshomaru had to go down for him to keep on living, then so be it. Slowly, without decreasing his squirming so Sesshomaru wouldn't be suspicious, he reached out for a knife he had in his pocket.

He wrapped his fingers around it and he paced himself, waiting for the perfect opportunity. One hit, one good cut, was all it required, but he needed to be patient. A second would be all that he required.

Unfortunately, Sesshomaru was too caught up in his infuriation to realize he was walking right into his trap. His mind was running wild, as he attempted to figure out how to kill him and make sure he suffered as much as possible.

Meanwhile, it was Kouga who was beginning to notice the changes. Sesshomaru's time was running out  _and_  quickly. He was usually so sharp, on top of business, why hadn't he made an attempt to pull away yet? His feet were edgy, as he was pondering whether or not to get involved.

All Sesshomaru could see was blood, the one about to be spilled. It was only then that he slowly felt his grip on the bastard's throat slip a bit, as it weakened. At that moment, he glanced at his hand, only to notice his claws retracting.  _Already_? Ten minutes had passed?

He was  _way_  too close to allow himself a chance to re-transform.

And then he saw it. As his youki completely left him, a smirk appeared on the leader's face.

Sesshomaru braced himself for an attack, waiting to be wounded. Yet, it never came.

He glanced around, only to notice the sharp blade of the knife, shining as the rays of the sun hit it. But he also saw a hand grasping the handle of the knife. Kouga's hand. The Wolf had a big smirk on his face, as he pulled the knife away from the leader's grasp.

"Guess it's a good thing I tagged along," he said taunting him.

Sesshomaru  _would_  be grateful, once that problem would be taken care of. He snatched the knife from Kouga's grip and in one swift motion he made a long cut under his neck, causing his blood to start spilling, yet not killing him too quickly.

Caught by surprise, the leader dropped to his knees, before holding his throat in a futile attempt to prevent more blood from flowing out of the cut. However, he could do nothing and soon enough, he fell, face first on the pavement, a bloodbath surrounding him.

He could have left him there, walked away, but he  _couldn't_. Sesshomaru had been proven too many times in the past that a dead person was not always  _dead_.

Considering the kind of threat he was, he couldn't take such a risk. He took a few steps in his direction before raising his foot and then, in one harsh motion, he completely crushed his head,  _almost_  causing Kouga to wince, since he hadn't been expecting it.

It was a side he hadn't thought Sesshomaru would show.

But now it was over. Sesshomaru could feel the blood drying on his skin, but he didn't care. He had gotten his revenge and it was all that was important. Now, he could return to Kagome's side and perhaps not feel like such a failure. He hadn't been able to protect her, but he had made amends.

Quickly, he snapped his head up, peering at Kouga. "All that you know, is that we finished them."

Without allowing Kouga to ask more questions, he turned around and began heading back. Kouga scoffed before softly shaking his head. Was Sesshomaru trying to hide his blood thirst? Frankly, he wasn't shocked by the Daiyoukais actions, since he would have done the same thing. But then again, violence was probably not a side of himself he wanted to show to Kagome.

As Kouga caught up to Sesshomaru he had a smirk on his face. "You know what I noticed?"

Sesshomaru didn't answer, but Kouga could tell he had his attention. "Not  _once_  did your eyes turn red." A thick atmosphere settled in, before he continued. "Interesting, huh?"

This time, it was Kouga's turn to leave Sesshomaru behind as he used his youkai speed to reach Kagome's side as fast as possible, causing Sesshomaru to be left alone with his words.

He had been so preoccupied by getting his revenge, he hadn't even realized. Now that he was reflecting upon it, his own possessive thoughts were coming back to him. The beast was right, they were merging. They were becoming one again. Did that mean it would occur faster every time he released his youki? If that was the case, then he couldn't let it happen again.

His mind replayed all the events that had just taken place, as he finally reached the hotel. It was then that he realized he should hurry a bit. Kiyoshi might be the only son he would ever have and he refused to miss the birth of his own son. He went up the stairs, two at a time, ignoring the glances people were giving him because of his appearance.

When he reached the room, his heart was pounding, he was almost out of breath. The door was already open and he could only assume Kouga had forgotten to close it, allowing him to hear the whimpers coming from inside.  _Not yet!_ Was all he could think. As he rushed in, he saw Kagome laying on the bed, moans of pain coming from her parted lips, as Kouga and Izumi stood near her.

Kouga was the first to notice Sesshomaru's presence and he smirked. "Almost missed it," he teased.

" _Now_?" was the only intelligent word he could formulate.

Izumi shook his head. "Almost. It shouldn't be more than a minute before she's ready to push."

Upon hearing his words, Kagome experienced a violent reaction.

" _No._ Not a minute. NOW!"

They had remained a bit surprise at the unexpected aggression, but quickly, Izumi recovered and positioned himself on the bed. If she said  _now_  he'd go along with what she was feeling.

Sesshomaru glanced at Kouga. "Why are you still here?"

"Well, I recall s-"

Before Kouga could finish his sentence, Sesshomaru clamped his hand on his mouth. Had he not listened to what had previously been said? What happened out there was not to be told or talked about.  _Stupid wolf_.

"And you'll be ready to push."

Izumi's voice brought him back as he re focused himself on Kagome. Unsure of what to do, he simply went to the edge of the bed, so he'd be near her. Kagome was crisping the sheets with her fingers, her eyes tightly shut, as a wave of pain hit her one after the other.

"You should get behind her," suggested Izumi. Sesshomaru peered at him, confused by his words. "Get behind her, sit her between your legs. You're her mate aren't you? It will help her."

Sesshomaru was unsure of what to do. He said it would help, but he wasn't convinced that Kagome would be comfortable with it, he didn't wish to overstep any boundaries. Because of his uncertainty, he remained standing by the bed.

"If he said to do it,  _do_  it."

Once again, Kagome startled Sesshomaru, as Kouga was laughing in the background. The only other times he had seen Kagome that busy was back then when she was ordering Inuyasha, boy had he missed the puppy look those inuyoukai had every time their masters bossed them around.

Slowly and awkwardly, Sesshomaru moved to position himself behind Kagome. At first he hadn't though about it, but he was covered in blood stains, though must of them had dried. He didn't know how much he could do for her with his youki sealed, but currently, he didn't feel like challenging her.

Kagome pressed her head in his chest as she could vaguely hear Izumi telling her to push. She had been able to get some rest through the pain earlier, but she still felt exhausted. The best she could do was remaining awake, but closed her eyes, as she gave the first push. Unconsciously, as she pushed, she grabbed onto Sesshomaru's hand.

As he felt her throw her head back a bit as she groaned in pain, he wrapped his free arm around her waist, bringing her a tad closer to himself. Her breathing was shallow, as she attempted to push again. He couldn't hear, or see anything, except her. He was glancing down at her face, her soft features crisped as she suffered through.

The rage that he couldn't do anything was getting to him and out of instincts, he went for her neck. He nuzzled his face in the crook of her neck, near the mating mark, while she kept pushing. It might had no effect, but he had to try.

Kagome was not really conscious of his actions at first, at least not until she felt a warm feeling in her neck. Without realizing, she tilted her head to the side, giving him better access. She was still whimpering in pain with every push she gave, but her breathing rate had decreased a bit.

Sesshomaru wrapped both of his arms around now, since she had freed his hand, holding her closer.

" _Just a few more pushes_."

Kagome was digging her fingers into his arms, feeling the sweet drip down the side of her face, as she tried to bring her son into the world. She allowed Izumi's words to echo through her mind, as exhaustion took over her body. She could do it. It was just a few more. The pain didn't lessen because of Sesshomaru's actions, but she felt warmth fill her as it became not as unbearable.

He could feel her small body trembling in his hold, it made him remember how fragile she felt. He had forgotten. Her body felt so small and she reminded him of a porcelain doll.

_"That's it Kagome, one more."_

The presence of the mate was supposed to not only help the mother, but the child as well, hence why Izumi had suggested it. Even without his youki free, their son still could recognize his father's presence, thus it would help at least a bit.

Kagome felt tears rolling down her cheeks, as she executed the final push. She felt Sesshomaru's lips on her skin, his nose tickling her neck, as she ended it. As soon as it was over, she felt herself collapse in his arms, her energy quickly leaving her.

The one thing that brought her back was the first loud scream, coming from her son. Kagome snapped her head up, opening her eyes, as she tried to catch her first glance of him. Her vision was a bit blurry, but she could see Izumi holding him. He cut the umbilical cord, before wrapping Kiyoshi in a blanket, examining his aura at the same time, before handing him to Kagome.

As soon as she held her son for the first time, tears came pouring out of her eyes, making it even harder for her to see. Sesshomaru's view however was clear. The first thing he noticed that surprised him were the markings on his son's face. He had a blue moon on his forehead, along with one vivid pink stripe on each cheek.

He would have thought him to be fully youkai, if it hadn't been for his  _human_  ears.

Kagome's tears stopped falling, allowing her to carefully look at her son. His cries had ceased the moment he had been put in her arms, the only thing he had been doing was staring right at her. The sweetest smile adorned Kagome's face as she couldn't tear herself away from Kiyoshi.

The thought of figuring out what he was didn't cross her mind. Instead she was taken back by the fact that he was  _her_  son. He was the little being that had been growing inside of her, all this time. He was the one good thing that had come out of a horrible experience. The one she had loved, cherished and done her best to protect. She had almost lost him, but now there she was, graced with the chance of holding him in her arms.

After everything that happened, after the involuntarily pain that had been inflicted upon him,  _there he was_. Alive and  _beautiful_.

Kagome brought him to her face, before pressing the gentlest kiss on the moon on his forehead, causing Kiyoshi's amber eyes to open even wider.

It was as she took a look back that she really saw his appearance. He had Sesshomaru's marking, his eyes, but he had her ebony locks, along with her… _ears_?

"He's not a youkai?"

Sesshomaru had been pondering the same thing while he had been staring at his son.  _His_  son. The same one he probably wouldn't have been so kind with if this had happened five hundred years ago. But today, he felt his heart being constricted at the sight of Kiyoshi and the fear of not being  _good enough_  developed within him.

"He doesn't appear to be," said Izumi as he sat on the bed, to be a bit closer.

To be honest, he as well, had been fooled at first, especially since the child had such a strong aura, but there was no denying it. However, there was a fairly easy to explain what he was.

"His markings show he is intended to be extremely powerful and that would usually be applied to a powerful  _youkai_ , however in this case, it is the opposite. I believe he has  _holy_  powers."

"Youkai markings, but holy powers?"

Izumi nodded. "I don't believe he would have anything resembling an actual attack as a youkai or hanyou would." He agreed with them, it was strange. "I do not know if this is because of what happened during the pregnancy, or the result of a mating between a youkai and a miko."

But it didn't matter what he was, since he was their son nonetheless. Kagome lifted her head slightly to look at Sesshomaru "Do you want to hold him?"

He felt his heart cease beating, as he wondered if he  _could_. He didn't trust himself, as if he was going to drop him. Or perhaps it was the guilt filling his heart. Still, he wrapped his arms over Kagome's, causing them to both be holding him. Sesshomaru moved one of his hands up a bit, before gently brushing his thumb against Kiyoshi's stripe.

Sesshomaru's head was resting against Kagome's, as they both held their son, he realized he had never been so  _fulfilled_.

This was the life he wanted, but couldn't have.

-B-


	52. Family

A piercing scream echoed through the room, splitting the night. He was the first to snap his eyes open, while she struggled to pull her tired body away from dreamland. He tried to rush on his feet, so the noise could be ceased before she was awoken, unfortunately for him, her mother's instincts were screaming within her, causing her to jump into a sitting position.

Amazingly, before he had a chance to even see her move, she sped through the room, until she reached the crib. Sesshomaru had sent Kouga to buy one five hours ago when Kiyoshi had been born, along with basic supplies. He would have gone himself, but he hadn't been able to bear the thought of leaving his mate and pup alone without him.

It was a strange feeling, one he had never experienced before. Inuyoukais were supposed to be pack oriented, yet, he had always despised traveling with people. Now though, he finally understood, the desire of being with someone, the desire to protect what you cherish. They both had been the only things in his mind, making him forget about the rest.

As he looked down at himself, he noticed all the blood still covering his body. They had both fallen asleep a bit after the birth, for different reasons. The labor had been hard on her and he had been drained by his transformation, the energy he had spent on  _taking_  his revenge. It had been a very emotional moment and both of them had been caught up. Now though, he could feel an awkward moment coming.

He quietly aimed for her direction, observing as she carefully tucked Kiyoshi in her arms. His son was screaming at the top of his lungs, as she gently began rocking him in her arms. The sight in front of him was enough to take his breath away.

Kagome's tired eyes were barely cracked open, as she carefully brushed her thumb against the soft skin of his cheek. Her eyes were teary as she held her son, her heart pulsing through. Even if it was not her first time holding him, she felt the nervousness and joy fill her. This was the child she had tried so hard to protect, yet he had been the one to save her so many times.

Her tears were hard to stop, she did her best to prevent them from spilling on her son's face. And then, just as if Kiyoshi had sensed his mother's sadness, his screams died on his lips. His amber eyes widened a bit, as they met her grey orbs. He was staring at her intensely and she returned the gaze.

This little being came  _from_  her.

How could she even begin to thank him for rescuing her so many times and what was the proper way to apologize for all she put him through? But he was looking at her with such loving eyes… as if, he'd always loved her, as if he never stopped and never would. Could he be so forgiving?

And why was she so useless?

He had been crying and she felt as if it had taken too much time for her to respond to his pleas. Not only that, but even if his screams had ceased, she wasn't sure what had caused them, what did he require? She had always wanted to be a mother, but now, she wasn't sure she was fit enough to be one.

Kagome was brought out of her reverie, when Kiyoshi grabbed her finger, which had been resting on his cheek. She pinched her lips together, as he gently squeezed it, never letting go.

As she held her child, who was only wrapped in a light blue blanket, her heart sunk. He was healthy, beautiful and very much alive, but they were so unprepared. The crib was all they had. There were no clothes for him, no toys, no basic necessities.  _Nothing_. They hadn't even registered his birth. Heck they were still in a foreign country!

So now, not only did they need to finish the jewel, but also, they needed to wait before they could travel. She was more than happy to have her son, but she simply wished she could provide him better living conditions.

Gently, after making sure he was tucked in her arms properly, Kagome went to sit down in the nearest chair. It was then, as she raised her head to stare ahead that she noticed Sesshomaru. She silently gasped, before bringing one hand to her chest.

Seeing as how he had been seen, Sesshomaru walked closer to her. He hadn't meant to look like a stalker, but he hadn't been able to break watching the scene in front of him. This whole family concept was still new to him and as much as he hated to admit it, he felt awkward and unsure of what to do.

From his own parents, he had not learned the meaning of family, at least not the way they perceived it now and despite the fact that he had seen Rin as his own daughter, this situation was not similar. Of course, his complicated relationship with Kagome only added to the whole thing.

For now, things would be fairly normal, since they were sharing a room, but once they would go back to Japan, they would live separately, things would be a bit harder to manage. From his first days, his son would be thrown around, going from one house to another. Yes, he planned on moving closer to the shrine, but it wouldn't make much difference in the end.

Their eyes slowly met, as she began chewing on her bottom lip. If things had  _seemed_  real when she was pregnant, they really were now. Despite the common past they shared, they had a child together, who required both their love. No matter what differences might come along in the future, even if only for the sake of Kiyoshi, they had to get along. Together, they were a family and it wasn't a bond that could be broken.

The silence becoming tiring, Kagome was the first to break it.

"We don't have anything for him," she said, her voice a bit sad.

Sesshomaru slowly nodded. "We can go in a few hours."

At his words, her expression altered a bit and he frowned. It was then that he realized she never inquired about the blood that covered him, almost as if it was normal. It meant she didn't know about what took place. Although, he was getting the feeling that by now, she was starting to have a clue.

"They were taken care of. All of them," he spoke, his words heavier than usual.

Kagome knew very well what his words meant and surprisingly, it did not even faze her. She was not one for violence, especially death since she believed there were other choices, but it had almost felt necessary in this case. She hated herself for thinking in such a manner, but it could hardly be helped. After what they had done to her and her son, her mother's instincts had been screaming for revenge.

Because of them, she had almost missed out on the chance of holding her son, as she was at the moment. If Kiyoshi hadn't made it, then her heart would have  _demanded_  blood for the loss of her child. In this case, perhaps she had not been as aggravated, but it didn't change the fact that she felt a strong dislike towards them. No, she wouldn't have ended their lives herself, but did it bother her that someone else did?

Not as much as it should have.

It bothered her a bit, but her love for her child was greater.

He waited for her to ask perhaps a few questions, but she remained completely silent, as if he had not confessed to murdering three people. Why did he want it to cause a reaction within her? Why was he  _waiting_  for her approval to know if what he had done was acceptable? He took a few more steps in her direction, until he was but inches away from her.

It was then that Kiyoshi's gaze shifted from his mother, to his father. Sesshomaru had yet to hold his son by himself. The first time he had held him with Kagome, perhaps afraid of his own skills at handling a child. But now, with the way he was glancing at him, it was hard not to want to hold him. Something was almost calling out to him.

He shut his eyes tightly, taking in a deep breath.

"Are you sick?"

Her voice echoed through his mind, as he opened his eyes. Sick? He felt well, did he not? It was then that he felt the sweat drops drip down his back, and following his jaw line. What happened to him? With his hand, he weakly reached out for the bed, before sitting down. There was no way  _his son_  looking at him had provoked such a reaction out of him. Sesshomaru licked his dry lips, before his focus came back.

He peered up at her, the sight took hold of his heart. Her eyebrows were knitted, her lips slightly parted, her grey orbs shining with worry. Why did he feel a pinch in his heart at the thought that  _she_  was concerned with his well being? Perhaps it was why he was surprised by her lack of reaction towards the death of her kidnappers. Hadn't he done something similar to her in the past? Where there they were, as if nothing bad had occurred.

How and  _why_  had she found it in her to forgive him?

He had been ready to spend the rest of his life making it up to her, wait, in her pure heart, she had decided to give him a second chance to prove himself.

And then, he felt unworthy to be in both their presences.

Even his son, he had hurt, unintentionally, yet the pup did not seem to hold any type of grudges.

It mattered very little to Sesshomaru  _what_  his son was. All he had wished for was a healthy heir and he had one. His son bore his markings, which was surprising considering the fact that his son was supposed to have no youki at all. Sesshomaru was aware that they represented his heritage, hence why Inuyasha used to have them in his youkai form, but for a non-youkai to have them?

Was it really possible?

He didn't  _fully_  doubt Izumi, but the thought lingered. Perhaps he was just still too young. Although many things had affected his development, meaning his youki could have been purified somewhere along the way. But, it  _didn't_  matter.

He ran his fingers through his hair, as he noticed her eyes were still on him. His gaze lowered to his son, whom was also glancing at him. As a matter of fact, he was doing more than that, since he was stretching his arms in  _his_  direction. Nervousness filled him, as he raised his head to look at Kagome once more. She had a tiny smile on her lips, as she gently rose to her feet. She came to sit down beside him on the bed, before gently handing him their son. Sesshomaru's arms were a bit shaky as he felt her put their son down in his arms. Since he was nearly unable to move, she made sure he held his head right, before completely letting go.

She had to admit that the scene in front of her was enough to bring tears to her eyes. Perhaps it was because she had lost her father when she was so young and she was glad her son would have one. Granted it was not the typical married family she had imagined so long ago, but it was a family composed of a mother and a father nonetheless.

Kagome would do her best to make sure her son wouldn't be affected by their situation.

Though, she wasn't sure what their situation was. Their relationship wasn't the same as when they had started  _hanging_  around each other a while back. Sometimes it was awkward, yet other times, he was the only one she could feel safe around, even though it was twisted. Who else could understand her fully, her past and her fears?

She could still remember the way they had been close while she had been giving birth. She remembered clearly the intense pain she had been feeling and how he had taken most of it away. She was able to vividly recall the relief and warmth he had brought her. In the past there had been some coldness, but at that  _moment_ …

Her neck had been pulsing as well, it had sent good vibes through her body. She swallowed hard when she found herself wishing to be embraced again, simply to re live the moment. The thought brought out a small fear inside of her, she found herself wanting to fill her mind with other thoughts… anything.

Her mind was her own enemy.

"The shard," she blurred out. "We have to find the final shard."

To be honest, Sesshomaru had forgotten all about the jewel. Too many things had happened lately for him to focus on completing the Shikon, but she was right. It was the reason why they had begun traveling together in the first place. And, the growing darkness of it had been quite a pressing issue.

But then, he pondered. What wish would she make with the jewel?

It would be selfless, because it was Kagome… but what if in a desperate moment, she made the wrong wish? He had complete faith in her, but he knew she had been damaged. Everyone could make a mistake, especially in a stressful moment.

A small noise came from his son, which attracted his attention.

"I think he's hungry," said Kagome, her heart caught in her throat.

Sesshomaru slowly nodded, before handing her over the child. He felt a certain pain after doing so, but he held it back. Could it be that he enjoyed holding his son? He had almost been afraid that it would be complicated, that he wouldn't be able to do it, yet it had proven to be simpler than anticipated. It was rare for him to believe there was something beyond his limits, but parenthood was.

There were many things he had learned across the centuries, this wasn't one of them.

Kagome felt her heart hammering in her chest as she pressed Kiyoshi against her chest. Because she was unable to control her own thoughts, she found herself a bit uncomfortable around Sesshomaru. She wanted to jump and embrace the family life, but there was something holding her back; she couldn't fully let go. Was it okay to play house, when not everything was solved?

A small tug on her hand, reminded her of the child in her arms and fear filled her once more. Although Izumi had verbally covered the basic of breastfeeding to her, she still had never done it, nobody was there to guide her. Kagome glanced at Sesshomaru one last time before sighing and heading for the bathroom.

Maybe sometimes, the best thing to do, was to let go and allow yourself to fall head first.

The cliff could sometimes look tempting.

-B-

The sun was breaking into their room, as her tired eyes remained awake. Kiyoshi had a lot of energy, more than she expected for a new born to have and apparently, three hours of sleep was more than enough for him. She hadn't been able to put him down back in his crib, since each time she made an attempt, thinking tiredness was taking over, he snapped his eyes open. She had no problem having her son near her, she still didn't trust herself to remain awake, especially with the recent events where her body had given up on her.

Yes, Sesshomaru was present, he could help… but perhaps the maternal side of her was kicking in and she wanted to be the only one protecting him.

There had been quite a silence in the room, she could only assume it could be blamed on exhaustion. As a matter of fact, Sesshomaru still had yet to change out of his dirty clothes, which lead her to believe, he had spent a lot of his energy. A part of her was wondering if that happened when he fought, or when he helped her while she was in pain. She had tried so hard not to think about that moment, but it was the only thing enveloping her mind.

Kagome had already been able to see different sides of Sesshomaru over the last little while, but lately he had provided her with different facades, especially when he had helped her bath, as well as with the labor.

Her energy had increased since Kiyoshi's birth, which lead her to believe that most of her weakness came from the fact that she was probably giving some to Kiyoshi, unconsciously, to help him heal and survive. It wouldn't be the first time her powers acted of their own accord. She still felt some pain in her arm, but since she had more strength, it made it easier to hold her son. She had felt a little weakness earlier, but she knew it was to be expected.

Suddenly, she felt movement in the room, she tilted her head to the side, only to find herself looking at Sesshomaru. He appeared to have woken up from falling asleep, as he slowly went and sat on the edge of the bed.

His whole mind felt fuzzy and blurry. Sesshomaru hadn't planned on falling asleep, but from the looks of things, he had. He tried to stretch his arms, only to realize just how  _glued_ to his skin his clothes felt. It was then that he was remembered the blood that had soaked his clothes. He really required a shower, before they could go anywhere.

Even though it felt as if all his energy had been sucked out of him, he remembered that he had promised to go shopping for supplies for Kiyoshi. They would be most likely spending the next few weeks in their current location, hence why they would need supplies. He took a deep breath before rising to his feet. Once he was standing up, he turned his head to the side and glanced at Kagome.

She kept blinking, as if she was fighting to remain awake, while protectively holding their son against her chest, as if she was afraid someone would come to harm him. He couldn't help the small smile that reached his lips. He always had complete faith in her motherly skills. Even if Kiyoshi  _only_  had her, he would be just fine. Sesshomaru was aware that she was the kind of person to give her life for her child.

"Would you like a coffee?"

Although she knew he was awake, the sound of his voice surprised her and she found herself jumping slightly. "Coffee?"

"You can have some again."

Frankly, she hadn't really ever drunk coffee before, but there were many times during her pregnancy that she had been craving for one because of how exhausted she was. Now that there was no chance of her harming her son with caffeine, there was indeed no reason for her not to have some. Plus, she would require some energy, if they were going to be outside all day.

"Sure," she said, before re-positioning herself in the bed.

Sesshomaru nodded slowly. He could order it from room service, but that would involve Kagome getting up when it would arrive. The best solution was the  _wolf_  next door. Sesshomaru quickly exited the room, intending on making him Kagome's slave for the next few days. Honestly, once the threat had been taken care of, he found himself wondering what would be Kouga's use, but he quickly found one.

A child was tiring and he wished for Kagome to do as little as possible when it came to exhausting tasks. He wanted her to relax, just focus herself on the child, if she so wished to. Sesshomaru himself already found that he was still tired, meaning any extra help was welcomed, especially with the last shard still to be found.

Granted neither him or the wolf could locate them, but it didn't mean they couldn't go on a little chase. Plus, Kouga could be in charged of finding youkais, they could interview them and perhaps with a little luck, they would find the people who had the shard. He refused to believe that after all these years, nobody had laid their hands on it.

Now, hopefully the wolf wouldn't be stubborn about the whole thing.

He loudly knocked on the door, waiting for an answer.

Surprisingly, the door opened immediately. Kouga greeted him at the door, as soon as he took notice of Sesshomaru's clothes, he frowned.

"Still bloody huh? I guess you're more sadistic than I thought," he said, taunting him as he stepped out of the way to allow him to come in.

"Kagome requires a coffee."

Kouga arched an eyebrow. "So go get it."

"I have other things to take care of before we leave for a few hours."

Ignoring what he said, Kouga leaned against the wall, before crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"Why do you still need us?" He tilted his head. "I mean, I'll help Kagome, no doubt, but why do you still want us here?"

"There is still a shard to be found and I do not wish for her to exhaust herself."

Kouga nodded. "Fair enough." He pulled away from the wall and approached Sesshomaru a bit. " _But_ , I do things for  _her_  not  _you_."

"Deal."

Kouga gave him a small nod, before turning his back on him.

"What kind of coffee?"

Sesshomaru actually found himself a bit taken back by the question. He had no idea about all of her tastes. He knew she didn't like anything too bitter and she would probably be one who wouldn't enjoy  _too_  much of a caffeine taste.

"Triple-triple."

Kouga chuckled. "That sounds about right."

Without a goodbye greeting, Sesshomaru turned around and headed back to their room, where he desperately sought a warm shower. He silently entered the room, just in case Kiyoshi was sleeping, before suddenly finding himself face to face with Kagome. She was standing up, gently rocking Kiyoshi in her arms.

She ceased her movements when they looked at each other, but no words were exchanged. Lately, he had been more comfortable around her, but it seemed that since yesterday, he could not utter a word in her presence. After all the time and effort it was almost insane to think that he could not even talk to her. But to see her holding his child… it was brewing emotions within him.

"I'll be taking a shower and then we will take a car to go downtown and buy the necessary supplies. Is that acceptable?"

Sesshomaru had always been well spoken, but somehow his speech sounded much more formal than usual, taking her back a little.

"Hm, yes."

He nodded, prior to walking past her, where he grabbed his main suitcase and headed into the washroom. His nervousness was making him uneasy and he didn't enjoy it. He was a grown man, she was a grown woman, who had just happened to give birth to his child. Nothing had changed. It was the same thing then when she had been pregnant.

So why was he acting differently?

Sesshomaru took a deep breath, before he removed his stained clothes, dropping them on the ground, before heading for the shower. He felt tensed like never before and he wanted nothing more than burning water scorching his skin to bring him some sort of relaxation. A deep breath went past his lips, as he entered the shower, the water running at high pressure.

For some reason the thought that they were next door entered his mind. Usually he had taken his showers when she was sleeping, or not there and he realized how different it was when she actually was awake. It wasn't as if she was going to barge in or anything, but she filled his mind. It was at that point that he understood that it would be impossible for him to relax.

It would be much easier if everything could be cleared.

It had always been a certainty for him that he would never have her. She was off limits after everything that had happened, yet, he felt so comfortable in her presence. He had never needed for someone to be around, yet with her… he found himself missing her. Even if she didn't speak, the simple fact that she was there was enough for him.

She had intruded herself into his routine without knowing and now, he didn't know how he would go back to how it was before. It was like getting a taste of something he would never have. He had to admit it was a bothering feeling, it was nearly bringing a small frustration within him. It also brought forward a question, why not?

Technically, he had never been given a chance to show her himself. He was different from whom he had been back then, he was in no way his beast, even though it was a part of him. Wouldn't it be too greedy, too selfish to require a try?

Perhaps.

After all, with everything he had put her through, it wouldn't be fair to request such a thing from her. If it came from her it would be completely different, but it was currently not the case. Instead, he would have to keep to himself.

It wasn't as if he could tempt, seduce or flirt with her. She was off limits, it should be the way it remained. His tiredness was simply causing his mind to act up and he was thinking about things that weren't and wouldn't be. Kagome wasn't his.

Well she was, oh in a ever so taunting way, she was.

But she'd never be  _his_.

Feeling as if his shower was ruined, he rushed to clean the blood off himself, before exiting. He dried himself rapidly, almost as if he was in a hurry to leave the bathroom. His heart was making jumps in his chest as he dressed himself in a causal white shirt and a pair of black pants. He made sure to put away everything, before exiting the washroom.

Instead of finding Kagome pacing back and forth in the room, he found her sitting near the window, pointing outside. Also, there was the wolf leaning against the window, looking at where she was pointing, while standing very  _very_  close to her. A rumble happened in his chest, as he held himself back.

Why was he doing this? Why did he have less control over his emotions?

He knew Kouga was aware of his presence, yet he did nothing to signal it. So, Sesshomaru decided to do it himself.

"Are you ready?"

Slowly Kagome turned her head to look at him, and smiled a bit. "Yeah."

Kouga and her exchanged a small glance before she rose to her feet and came by his side. His hair was still a bit wet, causing it to be dripping onto his shoulders, leaving wet stains on his shirt, while he reached out for his wallet, which he had left on the night stand table. He had an irritated feeling growing inside of him, as he found himself pondering why the complicity between the two.

She even had a small blush across her cheeks.

He closed his eyes for a brief moment, reminding himself she was free to do as she wished, before he signaled for her to walk ahead of him. She was holding Kiyoshi, who was carefully wrapped in a blanket, wearing a pajama-like piece of clothing, as she walked past him. Sesshomaru knew he had to follow, but he couldn't stop himself from glancing in Kouga's direction.

Sesshomaru slightly turned his head to the side, his eyes locking with Kouga's. But Kouga showed no fear, as he smirked brightly at Sesshomaru. The jealousy in Sesshomaru's face was evident and it was raising a chuckle in Kouga. He knew this would happen, but he wouldn't say a word. He'd wait and see if Kagome was going to share with him.

It had been an innocent conversation between friends and he had found the old Kagome somewhere deep in there.

Kouga never once glared back at Sesshomaru as the couple exited the room. He was too busy enjoying the sight. He loved Kagome dearly and he only wished for her to be happy. She looked radiant as a mother, to see Sesshomaru so  _emotional_ , was really wondering if it wasn't a match ready to happen. He had seen their hidden closeness, how she had depended on him in a desperate moment…

Maybe Kagome felt more than she knew.

He wasn't fully aware of their past together, but if they could behave around each other in such a manner, then it shouldn't be impossible for them to get together.

Then again, Kagome was  _very_  stubborn.

Meanwhile, Sesshomaru, Kagome and Kiyoshi were near the doors of the hotel, which would lead them outside. It was then that Kagome's footsteps slowed down, as if she didn't want to go out there. Her lips were pinched together, as her fingers twitched while she held her son.

Once she disappeared out of Sesshomaru's sight, he stopped and turned around to look at her. One glance was all it took for him to understand.

"We'll be in the car. I won't let you leave my sight."

The smallest chuckle escaped her as she shook her head. "I know, it's silly."

Seeing her distressed face as making his heart hurt and before he knew it, he was closing the distance between their bodies. Gently, he rested his hands on her shoulders, squeezing in comfort.

"It's not. You were hurt that day and we almost lost our son."

Her eyes became a bit teary, as she unconsciously leaned in a bit. When had she begun seeking his comfort? Her heart began to beat faster, as the seconds ticked away. It was Sesshomaru who was the first to pull away, after nodding at her. His reaction caused Kagome to take a deep breath before she followed him outside.

As soon as the rays of the sun hit her face, her uneasiness grew, but she didn't let it get out of control. She was right behind him the whole time, until they reached the car. He opened the door for her and helped her inside, since she was struggling to keep her balance while holding Kiyoshi.

As she sat down in the car, it was hard to hide the bit of excitement she felt. This would be their first outing all together. At first, she had been a bit afraid to bring Kiyoshi out so earlier, but both Sesshomaru and Kouga and re-assured her that he was no normal human and he would be just fine. Since they seemed so convinced, she had decided to not press the issue.

Yet, she re-arranged his blanket, making sure he was covered enough and that he wouldn't get sick from anything. She shifted a bit, to make Sesshomaru some room as he entered the car. Slowly they began heading on their way, while a silence grew in the vehicle.

It would have probably remained that way, if a sizzling sound hadn't been heard echoing through the car. Both Kagome and Sesshomaru frowned, as they found themselves trying to find the origin of the sound. It wasn't until Kagome felt a burning feeling against the flesh of her fingers that she glanced down, which caused her to gasp.

Her noise attracted Sesshomaru's attention who also found himself looking down at Kiyoshi. Both of them didn't utter a word, as they watched the blanket being melted away. Slowly, half of it had been dissolved, with what strangely looked like poison, which resembled the one Sesshomaru had.

Kagome's lips parted, as she tried to find the right words to say, but nothing came out. Izumi's words replayed in her mind, yet none could explain what she was seeing. Kiyoshi was  _supposed_  to have holy powers and that was  _not_  holy. Her heart gently skipped a beat, before she licked her dry lips, a bit nervous.

She peered up at Sesshomaru hoping that he would have an explanation to provide her.

"I had a feeling."

She knitted her eyebrows together, her confusion increasing by the second. "W-what do you mean?"

He sighed heavily before leaning in the seat even more. "He has markings, he could not be fully  _pure_."

"But… wouldn't Izumi have known?"

Sesshomaru shrugged his shoulders. "What if the holy powers mask it?"

Kagome opened her mouth, ready to come up with another question, but realized she had none. Was that even possible? Could Kiyoshi have  _both_? While having a human appearance? Would he even know how to mask his own youki? That could mean a lot of trouble for him and them as he would grow up, especially if his powers went out of control.

But it was why she had Sesshomaru, right?

But then, a worrying thought hit her. "Isn't there a risk that he would purify himself?"

"Perhaps."

He didn't wish to worry her, but he couldn't lie to her either. It was a particular situation and they would have to handle it with care. However, he didn't think his own son would hurt himself, he appeared to smart to do such a thing. But, maybe they would have to watch him, just in case.

Kagome swallowed hard, before nodding. She then refocused her attention on her son, looking into his amber eyes.

"Don't go hurting yourself okay?" she spoke, her voice as soft as an angel's.

Kiyoshi tilted his head to the side ever so slightly, something close to a giggle coming from his mouth. His reaction caused a smile to adorned Kagome's face, her chest feeling much lighter. She  _knew_  he could understand her. He had put his life at risk enough and she wouldn't let him harm himself.

Sesshomaru watched the scene in front of him, unable to tear himself away. He didn't know if it was his own feelings or his beast merging back with him, but his feelings for her seemed to increase. He knew he cared, but now, he found that he couldn't be away, that he couldn't bear to see her in pain. Were his feelings spinning out of control, with him unable to do anything?

He wanted to remind himself that she was out of reach, but his brain refused… or was it his heart?

He was infatuated with her. Whatever was happening, he felt helpless to stop it. But he couldn't hurt her. Did that mean he would stand on the side, in complete silence? It would be the right thing to do if he didn't want to make her suffer further but…

There it was.

 _But_.

What if he could make her happy?

What if he could erase all the pain and cause her to smile every day?

What if the best way to make it up, was to make sure she was loved and cared for every day?

Yet…

What if he wasn't what she wanted?

Sesshomaru softly shook his head. His own thoughts were out of control. This was silly talk. That was probably caused by his own beast and the mating mark. Izumi had warned them it would try to bring them together so that they wouldn't remain weak. As if such thoughts would come out of his own mind.

He did care, but he wouldn't get involved with her.

And once again, he found himself sweating heavily, which caused him to glance away from her, as if it was burning his eyes.

Then as he was busy trying to act normal, Kagome was inflicted by a problem of her own. Her hold of Kiyoshi became a bit looser, as she felt her neck pulse heavily. She clasped a hand over it, as if it was going to stop it, but it didn't. The pulsing happened again and she breathed out heavily.

It had happened again and again.

But then it ceased.

And just then, Sesshomaru felt his own body temperature decrease, which washed over like relief. Being too preoccupied with what was happening to himself, he never noticed the change in her.

Or the way Kiyoshi had suddenly fallen asleep, after fighting to remain awake for so long. His face was peaceful, as he went into dreamland, secured in his mother's arms.

-B-


	53. Romantic Moment

"He's not gonna bite you know,  _though_  he should."

"This Sesshomaru is aware of that."

" _This Sesshomaru?_ Just what the hell time period did you regress to?"

Shopping had been quite exhausting for Kagome, she had fallen asleep an hour after they had returned. Currently, Kouga, not by invitation, was in their room, sitting at the table with Sesshomaru. It had not gone unnoticed by the wolf that Sesshomaru hadn't really held his son and although he found it very entertaining, he didn't understand why.

If Kagome had just given birth to his son, he would be all over his new family. Sesshomaru on the other hand seemed to be attempting to keep his distance. Since he refused to share, Kouga decided the best way to obtain information from him was to tease him. So far, Sesshomaru was proving to have great control, which bothered Kouga to no end.

Last time, he had been easier to deceive.

"What, you're afraid of your own son?"

Sesshomaru grabbed his blue mug, filled with black coffee and brought it to his lips. There were a million reasons why he was not  _executing_ the perfect family picture, but none of them he would share with Kouga. The wolf seemed to be under the impression that they were friends, which was absolutely  _wrong_. Sesshomaru didn't have friends, he didn't need them.

"Then, you're scared of Kagome?" He chuckled. "Can't blame ya. She's scared the hell outta me more than once. She's a feisty little thing."

The way Kouga began talking about Kagome was making Sesshomaru's toes twitch. He hadn't really said anything wrong, but, his tone, his words, it irritated him. He began tapping his fingers against the mug, his annoyance growing with each second, as he tried his best to remain silent and pretend the wolf was not present.

"You love her, how long do you think you'll be able to stay away?" asked Kouga, his tone was much more serious this time.

 _Love_. Sesshomaru had still not established the meaning of the word, leading him to believe it was not something he could feel. If he did not know what it represented, how could he experience it?

He cared for her though, maybe too much.

"I do not require to stay away from her."

"So you'll go for it?"

Kouga knew almost first hand how complicated their relationship was, but it didn't stop him. In the end, what had happened five hundred years ago, had  _happened five hundred years ago_. The world had been different back then, so was the mentality. Kagome might have grown up in  _this_  world, but he knew that one day, she would see it from a different view.

He had hurt her, there was no changing that, but there were reasons behind it. It hadn't been a selfish motivated _moment_  of pleasure where someone had taken what he wanted, before killing her or dropping her to the curb. He had loved her the only way he knew how to back then.

It didn't erase all the sorrow, but it did provide an explanation for it. It was impossible to put Sesshomaru –and his beast- in the same basket as all the rapists they could find nowadays.

However, nobody could tell that to Kagome. It was her own life, her choice if she wanted to make the decision to be involved with Sesshomaru. He had succeeded in teasing her a bit about it, but he hadn't wanted to push it too far. Seeing her with a baby, it had been a beautiful sight and he hadn't been able to stop himself.

_"You know, I'd be a good dad."_

_She glared at him, but he knew she was amused. "Then all you're missing is a good wife."_

_"Are you saying you're not available?"_

_She chuckled. "What do you think?"_

_He shrugged his shoulders. "All I know is that you have a baby. Unless he's going to be the only man in your life, I'd say you're completely free."_

_A ghost of nervousness appeared on her features, before she sighed heavily. Was she really_  free _? Her relationship with Sesshomaru had gone from horrible, to damaging, to complicated. She didn't hate him, perhaps she felt feelings of anger towards his beast, but she had nothing against Sesshomaru._

_Though now, the beast and person would be one, once again and she wasn't sure how she felt about that. Unless she could fully let go of the past, she would not move forward and neither would they. The question though was, would there be a future for such a relationship?_

_Could they even be close, could they even_ be _together? Or was it all for the sake of the little buddle of joy that she was holding? Because, it had to be for the right reasons. Right now, it felt more like an escape, like it was the only chance she had. Sesshomaru was the father of her child, he was the only one who could make the situation appear well._

_After all, what kind of disgrace would she bring to the shrine and her family? An unmarried, single teenaged mother?_

_But, it couldn't be for the others. She wouldn't force herself in a marriage, in a relationship, for the sake of others. After everything that happened, it had to be for her. It might be selfish, but it was so rare that she was, that she would allow herself_ one _time to be that way._

_"I'm not sure it could work," she said her voice like a whisper._

_"He cares for you, you know."_

_It wasn't really any of his business to mingle, but he couldn't help himself. Kouga wanted to see Kagome happy above all else, on her own, she wouldn't be. The same person who had put a load on her shoulders was the only one who could remove it._

_"Of course he does. He has to."_

_Kouga shook his head. "He cares about you, he wants to care."_

_She sighed. Some things she had noticed, yet pushed aside as if they had never happened. This was one of them. She could clearly remember the conversation Sesshomaru and Kouga had while she had been in the bathroom, it was now echoing in her mind. Sesshomaru genially cared for her, which she appreciated. But he didn't love her._

_Not that she wanted him to, she was simply pointing out the obvious._

_"Because I'm_ technically _his. It was bound to happen, especially with the mating mark."_

_He held in a chuckle; she was as stubborn as ever. "What if you gave it a try?"_

_She knitted her eyebrows together. "What do you mean?"_

_"One evening, the two of you together. No past, no future, no present, no mission." He watched her expression change, as if she was ready to turn his proposal down. "Just one evening. After all the time you guys have spent together, it should be nothin'!"_

_The thought of spending normal time with Sesshomaru was enough to bring a blush to her cheeks. She quickly shook her head, dismissing the idea. "I don't think so. Plus there's Kiyoshi, I don't have time for things like that."_

_Kouga smirked. "You're avoiding it, you think you might like it."_

_Her blush only grew, as she playfully hit him on the shoulder. "Some of us need to be responsible."_

_"Hence why people like me, loosen you up."_

_It was at that moment, that Sesshomaru had made his entrance into the room, Kouga and_ adore _d_   _the glance he had been given. Jealousy was a step in the right direction in his opinion._

He was sure that Kagome would be convinced if someone else provided the idea. It was why he intended on sharing his thoughts with Sesshomaru and perhaps try to have  _him_  ask Kagome. Surely she wouldn't turn him down, even if it wasn't because she wanted to spend time with him, but because of guilt and the current situation.

"I was talking with Kagome earlier."

"I am aware of that." His tone came out a bit harsher than he had intended, causing him to glance away. He didn't need to entertain the wolf even more than he already was with his reactions.

Kouga raised an eyebrow. "You don't want to know what we talked about?"

"It is none of my business."

He scoffed. "You sure made it looked like it was your business when you were glaring at me."

Sesshomaru's hand clenched into a fist, as his infuriation rose. Earlier, it had been a slight slip up, which would not happen again. His emotions were still a whirlpool and his feelings had gotten the best of him.

Seeing how Sesshomaru was remaining silent, Kouga decided to drop the bomb. "We were talking about you."

To say his curiosity had not been peeked would have been a lie. The first question that came to his mind was why? Then, what? His foot was twitching, as he was so close to asking, but he would feel like he was breaking Kagome's privacy. Kouga might have no problem sharing, but it might not be the same in Kagome's case. If she had wanted him to know she was talking about him, she would have told him.

"It might have involved a dinner between the two of you."

Perhaps he was getting more and more curious.

Kouga rolled his eyes. "Just ask."

It was a tempting offer, he would not deny it, but it didn't change the fact that he would be getting involved in something that  _technically_  did not concern him. Though the thought of a dinner with Kagome was… surprising?

Did he really have to do  _all_  the work? Sesshomaru really wasn't making it easy on him. "You ask her for dinner. Just the two of you. She would  _like_  that."

Sesshomaru ignored most of the words that were said, while keeping a stoic mask in place. "Unless you are not aware,  _Wolf_ , Kagome has just given birth. She will not leave our son behind."

"I'll babysit him." When Sesshomaru arched an eyebrow, Kouga slouched. "Fine.  _Fine_. How about you do it  _here_ , in the dining room, with food ordered from room service, which should be excellent with the price you're paying for this place. I'll be in this room with your son. If anything happens, Kagome will be close by and she can take care of him."

He wanted to argue and claim how ridiculous the idea was, but he couldn't. Frankly, it was a perfect solution. The only problem he could detect was the fact that he could never ask Kagome out for dinner, even if they were to remain in the hotel room. It would not be right. They did not have much in common, did they? What could they possible converse about?

"I'm afraid it is not that simple."

"It is," argued Kouga before rising to his feet. "If you don't ask, I'll do it and say it's from you. Now you, couldn't possibly  _not_  do it if she's expecting it."

The Wolf was stubborn, he would give him that. Sesshomaru put his mug down as he breathed out heavily. "What possible gain can you have in all of this?"

Kouga turned his head to the side, glancing at Kagome's sleeping form. "I just want her to be happy. I'm tired of seeing her sadness buried inside." He tore his eyes away from Kagome, refocusing himself on Sesshomaru. "If I could be the one to bring a smile back on her face, I'd do it, but we both know I'm not." He took a few steps, closing the distance between him and Sesshomaru. "Only you can do it. After everything, you're the only one who has a chance."

Sesshomaru scoffed. "After everything, I hardly believe I have a chance."

Kouga smirked at Sesshomaru's stupidity. "Don't you understand that it's because of the past you guys shared that you have a chance?" He pressed his palm down on the table, trying to stress his point. "You made her yours. You showed her you could change, that you could care. You've been doing everything for her, she has seen the differences between you then and you now. You've become everything she has and the only one whom she'll ever appear  _sane_  in front of."

"There is nothing wrong with her. She could be with anyone."

"No she couldn't. Who else would know what she's been through? And let's face it, she's your mate, which means she will live for a long time, perhaps a few centuries if you're lucky. That's about the length of time you'll require to make it up to her."

Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed as he brought his face closer to Kouga's. "I should make her mine to  _make it up_  for what I've done?"

"Nobody showers a woman with love, attention and caring better than a guilty, regretful man. You'll spend all the years you'll have together trying to make sure she is never sad again. Tell me it's not true."

But Sesshomaru couldn't. Even before the situation became what it was, he had sworn she would not shed another tear, she would not fear, nor be harm again. If he could promise such things before caring for her, he could certainly do it if she was to be his to protect.

"I do not believe Kagome would wish to spend the rest of her days with me."

Kouga shrugged his shoulders. "Unless you ask her, you'll never know. Would it really kill you to try? If someone is worth laying down your pride and stepping on it, it's her. Don't say otherwise, or I might just have to beat some sense into ya."

It was the last wise words Kouga said, before turning his back to Sesshomaru and headed towards his own room. Sometimes, he wondered why he bothered so much with those two. Then again, if he didn't do it, nobody would and nothing would get done.

Kouga's words echoed in Sesshomaru's mind, as he stared over at Kagome.

She was indeed worth it.

-B-

Kagome was gently rocking Kiyoshi in her arms, softly whispering a lullaby, as she could feel Sesshomaru's eyes on her. For the last fifteen minutes, she had truly done her best to ignore the stares he was giving her, but it was only growing harder by the second. Ever since she had woken up over an hour ago, he had not stopped acting differently.

At first, she had believed him to still be fazed about the fatherhood fear he was having, but she had quickly understood it was something else, something to do with her. As of now, she was still not bold enough to ask, but if he kept it up, she might just be.

As she glanced down at her smiling son, she wondered why Sesshomaru was so afraid. Even in the past, when he had been different, he had been a good father figure for Rin. She didn't understand why he didn't think he could do the same for Kiyoshi.

She couldn't explain how she knew, but Kagome was aware that her son was craving for a connection with his father. After all, he had wished for such things back when he had been in her stomach, so why would he not want the same thing now? Every now and then, she would try to get Sesshomaru to hold him, but she could always see the fear in his eyes.

Perhaps he required a little push. Deciding she would help him, she vowed to talk to him about it later on. For now, she'd help her little boy sleep. He had just been fed and Kagome had learned it was the best moment to attempt to make him sleep. He was quite the stubborn little one and if she did not hold him, he would not rest.

She fixed the blanket around his tiny body and it reminded her of what occurred earlier. At first, she had wished to call Izumi, to perhaps obtain an explanation, but Sesshomaru had been against the idea. If Izumi hadn't been able to see that there was youki flowing in his veins, it was obvious that Kiyoshi's powers were not yet stable. So, rather then putting him under observation, he believed it was better to give him a bit of time to settle them in.

Kagome had agreed with him, since she didn't think her son would be a danger, neither for them or himself. He was smart, she could tell, even if he was young. After all, he had not endangered himself when he had melted his whole blanket away. All they had to do was help him, if something happened.

Meanwhile, Sesshomaru found himself being fidgety. It was not something he experienced often, but currently he was. Before Kagome, there had been nobody since he had believed it was a waste of time. Then after her, there had still been nobody for different reasons. He had never done any of this non sense humans called  _dating_  and frankly, he didn't know how to tell with the situation.

Granted he should be asking himself in the first place  _why_  he was going along with what the Wolf had suggested, but then he realized he might be intrigued. It was true that his feelings for the Miko, for whatever reasons, were growing each day. If things were cleared and settled, there would be no lingering hopes, no awkwardness and he preferred it that way.

The only problem was, he couldn't bring himself to ask her the simple little question. But he was man, he could not cower in front of such a silly thing.

"Would you like to have dinner with me?"

Kagome's movements stopped, but she didn't glance his way.

"Here of course," he added to re-assure her. He wouldn't have wanted to leave their son behind either. Especially not if Kouga ,was supposed to be the one watching over him.

She could not bring herself to look at him, because she was aware of what was going on. Apparently someone had a big mouth and they enjoyed sharing bits and pieces of conversations. She had thought Kouga was teasing her, that nothing would be done and said, but… now Sesshomaru had asked her.

Kagome felt nervousness fill her, as butterflies appeared in the pit of her stomach. Once she finally gathered the courage to look up at him, she noticed, in his eyes since his face was a mask as per usual, that he looked a bit stressed as well. Could it be that this was not easy for him? She glanced right into his eyes, at that precise moment, she knew she couldn't say no.

It was dinner, they had done far worse. They had been through worse.

"Sure," she said, offering him a small smile.

For an instant it was as if the world had ceased to turn. Had she really agreed so easily? He was a little taken back, which slowed down his response. "7?" was all he could utter.

She nodded. "Will we be alone?"

"I thought the Wolv– Kouga and his pack, could be in this room, just in case."

"Of course."

The fact that it would take place so close to Kiyoshi pleased her. If it had occurred anywhere else, she wasn't sure she would have been able to say yes. Though now, she was extra nervous, knowing there would be so many people nearby. And on top of that it wasn't like she had ever been on a date before, or anything of the sort.

Because that  _one_  date with Hojo clearly did  _not_  count.

If it could even be called a date.

Immediately, the silence came back between Sesshomaru and Kagome, as they both returned to what they had been doing, as if they felt uncomfortable. Kagome resumed attempting to get Kiyoshi to sleep, while Sesshomaru stood on his feet, heading for the door. Perhaps he required to talk with the wolf after all.

Once Sesshomaru was out of her sight, Kagome found herself glancing at the door. What kind of supper was it going to be? Did she need to be dressed properly? Was make up appropriate? Her lips became dry before running her tongue over, trying to wet them.

She felt something pull on her hair, it was then that her attention was re-directed on Kiyoshi. He held some strands of her hair in his tiny fist, gently pulling, but not enough to harm her, just enough to get her attention. She smiled brightly at her son, before lifting him up in the air, holding him by his side.

"Do you know what mommy should do?"

It was almost weird to call herself a mother, but she rather enjoyed the feeling and warmth it provided her with.

Of course Kiyoshi could not provide her with a verbal answer, he gave her what appeared to be like a smile. "I thought so," she said, before bringing him against her chest.

When she had first seen his markings, a small fear had erupted inside of her, the thought that they might remind her of bad memories had quickly crossed her mind, but soon enough she had realized they didn't. How could they? Not even the thought of  _how_  her son was conceived was enough to bring flashbacks to her mind when she looked at him.

He was her son and she loved him with all she had.

"So, what do you think of your daddy?"

Kiyoshi snuggled deeper in her chest and she gently began rubbing his back. "That's what I think too."

A sigh rolled off her lips, as she tilted her head and glanced at the clock. She had a little bit over two hours to get ready, which was _way_  too much time.

Right?

-B-

The talk between Sesshomaru and Kouga had been extremely short, most likely due to the fact that Kouga had begun blabbering about his tricks with women and Sesshomaru had no desired to be disgusted. He had been there for a very short amount of time, when he had returned, Kagome had been locked in the bathroom.

All of it, had happened over an hour ago.

And she was still in there.

With Kiyoshi he assumed, since he was missing as well and she wouldn't allow anything to happen to him.

He had already dressed himself, which had been a bit uncomfortable, since he had been worried the whole time that she would come out of the washroom while he was changing. He hadn't wanted to overdress, since he didn't want to make a big deal out of the whole thing, but he still dressed properly. He had a dark blue shirt one, with a casual pair of black pants and his hair was a bit messy since out of nervousness he kept running his fingers through it.

As Sesshomaru waited, sitting on the edge of the bed, he found himself realizing that he didn't know what he should order for her. Was it silly that after all this time, he didn't know what she liked? No. It was normal, since they didn't have many conversations or anything of the sort before. He began tapping his fingers on his lap as he did the only thing he could do witch was wait.

He didn't want to converse about the jewel, or the quest or anything for today. It was meant to be a more relax moment, the first they probably would both have in a very long time. He actually couldn't remember the last time he allowed himself to not worry about something? Could it really have been this simple the whole time?

A simple dinner, with meaningful conversations?

But he didn't know conversation. Talking had always seemed so bothersome, especially since nobody ever truly listened. Though, Kagome was different. Perhaps she did listen more than the others, it was worth sharing ideas with her. He knew she had struggled with school for many years because of her constant traveling back and forth, but he believed she was a very smart young woman. Instead of book knowledge, she had life knowledge.

Suddenly, he was brought out of his reverie, when the door of the bathroom opened. He found himself turning his head to the side and caught a glimpse of her. She was wearing a pink sweater over a white shirt, and a pair of black pants, which were a bit loose on her since they were her pregnancy pants. She had only such clothes with her and she hadn't really gone shopping, or at least not for clothes since the birth of Kiyoshi. The actual thought that she would require new clothes hadn't even crossed her mind.

"Sorry," she said, apologizing for the length of time she had been locked in the bathroom.

The truth was, she had been ready for quite a while, but she couldn't find the courage to open the door and walk out. Kiyoshi had actually been the reason why she had come out. She had begun to feel a bit irritated in her arms and she assumed he wanted to be in his crib, where he could most likely sleep comfortably.

She glanced around, as if she was looking for someone. "Is Kouga here yet?"

"No, but I can go retrieve him."

She shook her head. "It's okay, no rush right?"

"Of course."

She appeared to be much more calm than he was and it made him feel foolish. After all, she was correct. There was no reason to transform this into a big deal. He had dinner with many people in the past. This would be no different, it was just a way to make everything clear, make sure there would be no more misunderstandings.

Kagome was bold enough to sit down beside Sesshomaru even if her heart was hammering inside of her chest. She felt foolish to be doing what she was doing, but it came naturally. Why shouldn't she sit beside him? He wouldn't harm her. As a matter of fact, he had saved her life more than once lately. If she couldn't trust him now after everything, she would never be able to. So far, he had never given her any reason to not trust him.

It was as she was sitting down that she noticed Kiyoshi wasn't struggling as much. She began thinking that it was perhaps because Sesshomaru was near. Their son most likely still needed contact with his father and Sesshomaru wasn't providing enough. After all, he had only held Kiyoshi once and he had seemed so afraid he would drop him.

"Turn around," she said before rising to her feet.

Confused, Sesshomaru still obeyed. She held Kiyoshi with only one hand before moving his arms and placing them in the position she wanted. Then, gently she began lowering down Kiyoshi. She could feel him tense, but it didn't stop her. Sesshomaru's eyes were locked on Kiyoshi as he held him for the second time. His son felt warm in his arms, it brought a certain calmness, which was helping in his current state.

Such a fragile being and he was  _his_  son. To be honest, he never thought this time would come. He even strongly believed Kagome would not allow him to see his son. Of course, he should have known she wasn't the type of person to do such a thing, but nonetheless. Her and Kiyoshi… they were his chance to do things right this time around. No more messing up, no more messing around.

To both of them, he wanted to be perfect, so he could offer them as much as he could.

He never had anything; his titles had faded as soon as humans had taken over and money could as easily disappear. Never had he had actual possessions, people, he could hold on to. There was Jaken who had always been there, but it wasn't the same. For the first time, he had people he  _had_  to protect. If anything was to happen to them, he wouldn't take it.

Two people mattered more than himself to him.

And strangely, it was a very nice feeling.

Selfishness could sometimes be a very destructive feeling and once you finally released it… it felt great. The tiniest smile appeared on his face, as he glanced down at his son. He might look like him, but, his presence resembled Kagome's. It was serene and it put you at peace. Perhaps it was because of his holy powers, he wasn't sure. All he knew was that this little being would depend on him to be a better person for the next number of years, so that he could properly look after himself.

"You guys have cable in here right?"

Both Sesshomaru and Kagome snapped their heads up at the sound of Kouga's voice. They had been so preoccupied and engulfed in their own little word that they had not heard him come in. Quickly enough, Ginta and Hakkaku appeared from behind him and glanced inside the room. Once Kagome recovered, she smiled brightly at them.

"We do," she said before sitting down beside Sesshomaru.

Sesshomaru handed her back Kiyoshi and rose to his feet. He approached the three males, a deadly gaze in his eyes. "You'll be staying here," he warned, the tone of his voice implying it was an order.

Kouga nodded. "Don't worry about us, Doggie."

All Sesshomaru did was close his eyes, containing his anger in regard of the disrespect Kouga was showing him. Then again, it was perhaps payback for all the times he had called him wolf. On top of that, now was not the time to create a small fight, or tension. It would ruin the whole evening he had planned with Kagome. Instead, he kept his mouth shut and he headed for the dining room, where he was ready to take out the menu, which displayed what the hotel was offering.

"Don't worry, nothing will happen to him," stated Kouga when he noticed how close to her body Kagome was holding Kiyoshi.

She knew there was no reason to be afraid, especially since they would be  _right_  there, but she couldn't help it, it was the mother in her. She didn't want to have her son  _so far_  from her so quickly. "I know," she said a bit nervous.

Knowing her son would be tired, since he had stubbornly refused to sleep earlier, she went and put him down in his crib. Carefully she tucked him in his red blanket, which she hoped wouldn't be melted away, before bending down and pressing a soft kiss against his forehead. "Try to be good for Uncle Kouga, okay?"

Her son's face barely changed and she could sense a taint of evilness filling the air. There was no way he could be such a young trouble maker right? She softly shook her head before chuckling. "Mommy will be right next door."

The good thing about her son apparently having both youki and holy powers, was that she knew he would be able to sense her presence. That meant he would know she wasn't abandoning him.

"If he cries or is upset, just come get me okay?" she said, as she refocused herself on Kouga.

"Everything will be fine. Now go enjoy yourself."

Kouga put his hands on her shoulders, before pushing her out of the room.

"Don't think I have forgotten about you having a big mouth!" she said, as he completely pushed her in the next room.

He didn't answer, instead he smiled before shutting the door, leaving her standing there without an answer to her threat. She sighed heavily as she turned around, only to find herself staring at Sesshomaru who was sitting at the table, flipping through a menu. Timidly, she joined him at the table, by sitting right across from him. Her heart was throbbing as she hid her hands under the table, playing with her fingers.

Slowly, Sesshomaru raised his head and glanced at her. "You can order anything you wish."

Her eyes fell down to the menu as she nodded. It took her a few seconds to reveal her hands, but she did and grasped the menu before looking through. To be completely honest, she was not very hungry, but it would be silly to have dinner and not eat it. Also, the main reason why she had no appetite was because of nervousness that would probably dissipate in the next little while.

Silence filled the room, as they both looked through the menu for a strangely long amount of time, almost as if they were both avoiding talking. Kagome felt her feet twitch and it was then that she decided that it was time to break the silence.

"I'll have the chicken," she said before putting the menu down.

Sesshomaru raised his head up, before quickly nodding. He rose from his seat and grabbed her menu, before heading toward the phone, where he ordered both their dinners, including a dessert. For a second he was tempted to order a bottle of wine, but he wasn't sure if it was appropriate. So just in case, he decided to order other options of beverages.

Kagome sat in her chair, feeling a bit stiff as she could do nothing but stare at his back. The only subject of conversation she could think of that wouldn't bring them any awkwardness was their son, but it would almost feel a bit lame. Is that the only thing they could think of? After everything they had been through?

Usually she was good around people, she could manage herself and she was rarely shy. Even when she had first begun traveling with Sesshomaru she had been somewhat bold quite often, but now the situation felt completely different, she didn't know how to act. On top of that she was aware that there was a purpose to this dinner, but she hadn't figured out what it was.

What did Sesshomaru want form her?

What did she want from him?

When he came back and sat in his chair, she smiled at him. "This is nice," she said, her tone sounding a bit forced. She hadn't meant to sound fake, it had simply come out that way.

Sesshomaru nodded in agreement with her, before putting his hands down on his lap. He couldn't help but glance at her, since it was strange to actually look at her, seeing her without a prominent belly. In a strange way he missed it. Ever since he had met her in the modern era, it was the only way he had seen her. He found himself gazing away before she could catch him staring.

Suddenly, he was surprised when he heard her chuckle. "This is silly," she said smiling brightly. "We don't have to be uncomfortable. This is actually the most comfortable situation we've ever been in."

He had to agree. After awful situations, kidnapping, running away, sharing closeness and labor were not exactly the best situations, yet they had gone through all of them. Sesshomaru stood on his feet, before walking in the direction of the chair that was beside her.

"May I?" he said, gesturing to the chair.

She nodded and he took a seat beside her. Surprisingly, the closeness didn't make their nervousness worse. Perhaps it was because they both knew each other were feeling uneasy and awkward. Though Kagome wondered why Sesshomaru was uncomfortable with the whole idea, since he was the one who had suggested it.

"Did you really want to have dinner with me, or did Kouga just influenced you with his silliness?"

It was true that Kouga had implanted the thought in his mind, but it wasn't why he had done it. He would never let someone else tell him what to do. He turned his body slightly, so that he was fully looking at her. "Because I wished to have dinner with you."

The sincerity of his words and the twinkle in his eyes took her by surprise, she found herself holding a breath. A blush decorated her cheeks as his words rung through her mind. Sesshomaru had always kept a certain distance from her, not over stepping any boundaries, so the fact that he  _wanted_  to be around her and expressed such desire was actually quite a bold statement coming from him.

Since they were deciding to be honest and blunt, she decided she might as well join along. "What are we doing?"

To an outsider, her question might be confusing, but he understood it very clearly. However, he hadn't expected her to ask. What would be the right answer to give her? Why was he doing? He was trying to know what would happen with them. He was aware of the past they shared and that it could never be erased, but… he couldn't help his own feelings, although he could control them if the case required it.

"I care for you Kagome."

The words didn't come as any surprise since she had heard him say it before. Yet, to hear him say it directly to her… it made her heart skip a beat.

A deep sigh rolled off his lips. "I am aware of what happened in the past." Though, he hadn't fully been the one to harm her, but he still took full responsibility.

"Kagome? Do you regret giving me a chance?"

The answer to his question was extremely easy. A long time ago, she thought she would get hurt, that she would regret it, but none of that had happened. Surprisingly, she had found herself acquiring a friend instead. "No, I don't."

He took a deep breath, before taking a leap. "Would you regret it, if you were to give me another sort of second chance?"

-B-


	54. Serendipity

His words rung through her mind, as her eyes remained fixed on his lips. It was as if everything around her had ceased to move, she felt almost as if she was in another dimension. She tried to process his words because she could  _not_  have heard him right, she saw his lips move. Was he speaking? She could not hear anything?

Once his words left her mind, the only thing that was left echoing inside her brain was her own heartbeat. Someone, she was not that surprised that he said it, but perhaps a part deep within her thought he would never actually find the courage to do it.

And now, all she could do was breathe heavily while staring at him.

Meanwhile, Sesshomaru also had a million thoughts running through his mind. He had expected to perhaps blurt out  _no_ , or even get up and leave. However, the reaction she had chosen to display was perhaps the worst one. Not only did he now regret his words, but an awkward silence was now filling the room. He would have to be the one to speak first, since from the look of it, she was seconds away from having a heart attack.

"A-another kind of chance?"

Since his mouth had been opened, ready to retract his statement, he was surprised to hear her voice.

Kagome on the other hand felt like smacking herself on the forehead.  _Another kind of chance_? What kind of question was that! Of course she knew what he was referring too, hence why she was being an emotional mess.

He sighed silently in relief, glad that she could still find it in her to speak. Though her question, just made the whole situation even worse than it already was. Nonetheless, he cleared his throat as he tried to find the right words to express himself.

"I am aware of how I have wronged you in the past." Out of nervousness, he ran his fingers through his hair, disliking his current state of mind. On top of that, he knew there was no way to sugar coat what had occurred in the past, meaning he really had to be honest to her with his words.

"This almost feels like a highly inappropriate request," he added, glancing her way. "I should have no right to ask such a thing of you, but I will be bold and do so."

He got up from his chair, causing Kagome's eyes to widen a bit, he closed the distance between them. She found herself holding her breath as he kneeled down in front of her, almost as if he was going to ask for her hand. Her mind was too busy, her heart racing too fast for her to notice that he was once again putting himself in a vulnerable and submissive position in front of her.

"Will you allow me to court you?"

It sounded wrong, perhaps it had sounded better in his mind, or maybe it was the fact that the whole situation was a tad bit awkward and uncomfortable to begin with. Whatever it was, he found himself wishing that she would soon answer his request. For the first time in a long time, he felt the heat coming to his cheeks, as he felt  _embarrassed_. He was almost ashamed to be asking her that.

Kagome thought that his request would bring back many bad memories, but surprisingly, it did not. She did think of his beast, but mostly, she thought of him. The  _real_  him, the only one she was given the chance to know. Back in the feudal era, she didn't know him, neither did she know his beast.  _This_  Sesshomaru however, she knew him fairly well.

At least better than she would have expected.

She had spent the last weeks with him, discovering a new person and going through more things than she could have ever imagined. For the longest time, she believed that being in his presence all the time would make her sick, that she would be re-living her nightmare constantly. However, it was not the case. No, it hadn't always been easy, but through time she had been able to see him differently.

She had been able to see him as a  _human being_. He had emotions and fears, just like she did. Most of all, he carried a lot of guilt around.

Kagome could never tell him to erase his guilt, nor to forget about the past. Nothing could be forgotten, you could only let go and move on. She had often imagined herself doing so, but to move on _with_  him? It had never been an option that had crossed her mind. No he was not a bad person, but could she really be with him?

At this point, she wasn't even sure if was a matter of  _being_  with him, it was more could she be with  _anyone_? Was she even ready to invest her heart in a relationship, when she wasn't sure she could have a  _physical_  relationship with someone without going into an emotional breakdown?

Furthermore, could she ever have a physical relationship with the person who caused her fear of it in the first place? She found that very unlikely. Intimacy would be something very hard for her and though much like everything else it was a step she would have to take one day… did she want to take it with him?

Sesshomaru stared at her, feeling as if a million years were passing by. He wanted desperately to hear an answer from her, even if it was no. At least, he would be able to push the idea aside and never again would he bother her with it. After all, his main goal was her happiness, nothing else. If giving him a chance would make her unhappy, then he didn't want her to do it.

More seconds ticked by as Kagome remained completely silent.

It was then that Sesshomaru made the decision that it was time to end the awkward silence instilling between them. He rose to his feet, which seemed to break Kagome out of her trance and stood tall in front of her.

"I did not mean to bother you with my request." He bowed to her. "I apologize."

It was better to shame himself by ending her suffering than to drag the whole thing any further.

Kagome found herself stretching out her arm as if she was reaching out for him. He was ending it and knowing him, he would never bring it up again. It  _should_  be fine, but there was a part of her that couldn't allow her to do that.

"Wait," she finally said.

Sesshomaru found that his heart skipped a beat, as he raised his upper body to look at her. Her bottom lip was quivering, he could tell that she was very confused. Yet, he was almost pleased that she wanted to stop him.

"Just…" she paused, looking for her words. "Just give me a bit more time."

Truthfully, it was a better answer than he could have hoped for. He nodded, before resuming his seat and avoiding peering at her. His heart was still beating faster than it should, but he felt a certain happiness fill him. Now the only thing he could do was wait and hope that their dinner wouldn't be ruined because of him.

Kagome swallowed hard before softly shaking her head. The question had been unexpected, but she could not allow it to make the rest of the evening uncomfortable. She didn't want to ignore it, but for now, she needed to push it aside, so they could act normal.

"How about we don't think about that for now?" she offered, her voice a bit weak.

He quickly nodded, before repositioning himself in his chair again. Although he could understand her desire to require time and that perhaps he had proposed the issue too soon, he had a bad feeling about the whole thing. Maybe, he had already ruined it for them. A long time ago.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the door, two ears were pressed against the wall, trying to listen to what was being said.

" _Hey_."

Both Ginta and Hakkaku jumped, before turning their heads and glancing at Kouga.

"What are you two idiots doing?"

"Listening?"

Kouga sighed before walking over to them and grabbing them both by their collars before dragging them away. Truth was, he was keen on the idea of listening to their conversation and butting in to their privacy if need be, but not that way. He wanted to make sure all was going well, without giving away their positions. Kagome would be  _mad_  if she knew.

"How about using your youki instead of spying like humans?"

It seemed that the realization dawned on both and they smiled, before pressing the buttons on their watches. Kouga shook his head softly before returning to sit on the bed. His eyes glanced towards the crib and he felt a strange feeling go through him. He had been around Kiyoshi when Kagome was holding him, but strangely, when he was alone with the pup, he didn't feel comfortable.

He was nothing but a baby and could not harm him  _but_ …

Kouga blamed it on Sesshomaru being a bad influence. Clearly he was sending vibes to his son that indicated he did not like  _wolves_.

Because of that, not once had Kouga gotten up to look at Kiyoshi. He could tell from his position that he was fine, but unless there was trouble, he would keep his distance.

Granted the pup could do nothing to him, but it might cause a commotion and he didn't want to ruin the  _already_  ruined moment between Kagome and Sesshomaru. He was glad that Sesshomaru had finally decided to make a move on his own, however, he wasn't sure at the  _beginning_  of the supper was the best plan. Though at least Kagome hadn't turned him down.

Suddenly the quietness of the room was broken by a small like noise, which sounded like a cry. Kouga's eyes widened, before he rose to his feet, peering down into the crib. He was hovering over, without actually getting close, but it only seemed to upset Kiyoshi further.

He say his face frown, as if he was going to burst into a fit of tears, but before it could happen, Kouga decided to intervene.

"DONT!"

His words seemed to stop Kiyoshi in his tracks, but he still didn't appear to be happy. Kouga let out a sigh of relief as he glanced down at Kiyoshi, his features serious.

"If you cry, your mom is going to hear you, and then, the whole thing is going to be ruined!"

He wasn't sure at all that Kiyoshi could even understand what he was saying, but he tried it anyway. Kouga had made a promise that he would help, if he could not keep with the kid, he knew that at the first tear, Kagome would come running because it was in her to be a mother, she wouldn't let her child suffer in any small way.

"Do you want your mom and dad to get together?" asked Kouga when the expression of Kiyoshi did not change.

This time, Kiyoshi's features relaxed a bit, just as if he understood what Kouga was telling him. A bit proud, Kouga went back to sit on the bed, thinking the problem had been taken care of. Unfortunately, Kiyoshi had another plan in mind and very quickly he screamed.

Kouga winced before rushing to the crib and in one swift motion, he took him out of the crib and into his arms. He began attempting to rock him to calm him down, but it didn't work.

"What's wrong with him?" asked Hakkaku, and he pulled away from the door.

Kouga shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe he's hungry."  _Or maybe he didn't like him_.

"Doesn't Kagome breastfeed him?"

For a second, Kouga's face fell. Kagome breast-feeding was perhaps not the appropriate image he wanted to be thinking of at the moment. As if on cue, he felt a burning feeling on his fingers. Kouga glanced down only to see a purple glow around Kiyoshi's fingers and as soon as he understand, he hurried to put him back in his crib.

Kouga then took a look at his hand, only to see it was burnt.  _He had tried to purify him!_  An aggravated sigh rolled off Kouga's lips, as he could imagine in his mind, Sesshomaru snickering if he could have seen the scene.

It was then that Ginta and Hakkaku jumped in surprise when the door opened. They turned around only to see Kagome peek her head in, confusion and worry all over her face.

"Is everything okay?"

Before they could answer, her eyes traveled around the room, where she saw Kouga holding his hand and the obvious burn. By then, even prior to her appearance, Kiyoshi had ceased his cries as if he was completely innocent. Kagome rushed into the room, only to grab Kouga's hand in hers, examining it.

"What happened?" she asked, looking up in his eyes.

He did his best to try to come up with an answer, but unfortunately for him, Kagome knew that kind of injury too well. She gently dropped his hand before focusing her attention on her son, a serious look upon her face.

"Did he do this?" she inquired, never glancing at Kouga.

He couldn't  _lie_ , after all, who else could try to purify him? "Yeah, but listen Kag, it was an accident. We scared him a bit when Ginta was being an idiot, and -"

Kouga was suddenly cut by Ginta, who came forward, as if to defend himself. However, before he could speak, Kouga smack his hand over his mouth. "And Kiyoshi was just trying to defend himself."

Kagome bit on her bottom lip, clearly concerned. That Kiyoshi had meant it or not, it could be dangerous. Granted his powers shouldn't be strong enough to  _kill_  Kouga, but he could seriously harm him. She tapped her fingers along the wooden edge, thinking it through.

The atmosphere between her and Sesshomaru had remained awkward since his proposal, even if they had decided to ignore it. Frankly, she had been extremely relieved when the food had arrived since it had acted as a distraction. Now this was another. But did she want to get away from him that badly?

"He's probably just hungry!" offered Hakkaku, noticing how twitchy Kouga was. They  _had_  to get her back in there. "Why don't you feed him, he'll sleep, and you'll be able to go eat before it gets cold!"

Kagome exhaled deeply before looking at the three men. "Are you sure?"

"Absolutely!" said Ginta with a smile.

She nodded weakly before turning herself to the crib and glancing down at her son. He looked so peaceful, almost like a little angel. Surely what happened could be nothing but an accident! He was still so young, not used to certain sounds and his powers reacted to his fear.

Kagome's smile only grew bigger as she grabbed Kiyoshi, taking him out of his crib. Then, she glanced down at the boys, who for an instant were confused. Kouga was the first one to catch on.

"Right,  _privacy_ ," he said before turning around and grabbing the other two by the collar and dragging them into the living room so Kagome could be alone in the bedroom.

She couldn't help but giggle slightly at the sight of Kouga's red face as they disappeared behind the door. A sigh of contentment slipped past her lips as she sat down on the bed, getting ready to breast-feed Kiyoshi.

Meanwhile, Sesshomaru was sitting in his seat, feeling clearly uneasy. He had heard the same commotion as Kagome, including Kiyoshi's cries and he hoped everything was well. Especially for the wolf's sake. Though Kouga was supposed to be babysitting Kiyoshi, Sesshomaru had expected that such an interruption would happen.

In fact though, it could not have come at a better time.

He could feel that she was somewhere else, deep in her mind thinking, probably about what he had asked her. Their conversation was a bit limited, which was mostly to blame on the fact that he didn't know what to say when he  _had_  to have a conversation. When it was just  _in the moment_ , it was much easier. Now, he was just afraid, an emotion he did not like, he could not find the words to speak.

Sesshomaru tried to relax himself, adapting a  _sloppier_  position in his chair, but it failed. He had never felt completely at ease with her, especially because of their past, but it was now worse. If she ended up saying yes, for some crazy reason, how could he make it up to her? He could never  _physically_  be with her, it would kill him and probably her as well.

How could he take her body now after the way the beast had used her so many times?

Though, physical relationships were not everything. After all, he had spent the last five hundred years without it, before her, he had spent most of his life without it as well.

He just wanted to be able to bring her happiness.

The day he would see a true smile on her face, not darkened by the past, he would finally be able to breath easier.

Perhaps he was not the one who could provide her with everything she required, especially since she would always be confronted with her past, but he would give her everything he could, everything she wished for.

Suddenly, he heard more noises coming from the room next door, which brought him out of his thoughts. His eyes were fixed on the door, as he waited. He noticed the handle being turned and quickly enough she came into view. She had a shy little smile upon her lips, as she slid herself in. Their eyes only met for a brief instant before she tilted her head, to close the door.

"Hey," she said, for lack of better option.

She resumed her seat and took her fork in her hand, looking a bit tense.

"Is everything well?" he asked, her body language making him worry just a bit. He just knew the Wolf could not be trusted with a child.

Kagome was about to open her mouth, when a small laugh escaped her. She was going to tell the story as if it was nothing, but considering the feelings Sesshomaru shared towards Kouga, she could tell he would be rather pleased with what happened.

Her laugh arose his curiosity, and he raised an eyebrow. "What is it?" he asked intrigued.

Kagome pinched her lips together as she put her fork down. She then put her elbow on the table before resting her chin in the palm of her hand. "It is possible that Kiyoshi tried to purify Kouga."

Sesshomaru did his best to look composed, but frankly, he was amused. Before he knew it, his mask cracked, allowing Kagome to see the smirk forming on his lips. Perhaps Kiyoshi understood more of what was happening around then he thought. He for one was very proud of his son.

"Oh," was all he managed to say while remaining polite.

"I'm sure you're worried," she said, almost as if she was taunting him.

It was not often that she saw Sesshomaru looking as if he was having fun. Actually, she could not even remember the last time it had happened. Everything with them was always tears and drama. When did they ever just have a moment that was peaceful and happy? Well, of course there was their son's birth, which had been the best moment in both their lives, but something that only involved the two of them?

Never. Or almost never.

"Is he going to live?" asked Sesshomaru, clearly putting an over dramatic effect to the whole thing.

"I don't know, he might lose his hand."

The tone of her voice was so serious, that his smirk dropped and for a brief instant, he appeared to be very concerned. How could Kiyoshi already do such damage to a fully grown youkai? He was much more powerful than Sesshomaru could have imagined.

When his face looked so serious again, she couldn't help but laugh. She could not believe he had trusted into her words so easily.

"He'll be fine," she said, her laugh still lingering.

Sesshomaru however did not pay much attention to her words, as if he was captivated by her. Her cheeks were a little bit flustered from her laugh, her hair was tousled around as if she had been wrestling under the blanket. She looked so natural and raw, that he couldn't tear his eyes away from her.

Fortunately for him, Kagome was so caught up in her own amusement and thoughts, that she didn't seem to notice his reaction to her.

The good thing was, the awkward atmosphere between them had finally dissipated. Perhaps he truly needed to thank the wolf.

-B-

Night had fallen, engulfing the sky into an almost darkness. Both Kagome and Kiyoshi were upstairs sleeping, while he was outside, sitting at the outside deck of the hotel's restaurant, thinking about everything that had happened that day.

The dinner with Kagome had gone much better than expected especially towards the end. The weight on their shoulders had been lifted, they had been able to make small talk without feeling uneasy. Of course, a lot of what they had talked about involved Kiyoshi, but that was fine.

Now though, he would have to wait.

Wait for an answer that he was fearing.

If she said no, he would not take it well, perhaps because it would feel like a blow to his pride, but if she said yes, he would often be worried about hurting her again.

But it had to be done, there was no other way around.

"Smoking cigars?"

Sesshomaru snapped his head at the voice, only to find Kouga leaning against the immense doorway, his arms crossed in front of his chest. A chuckle escaped Kouga as he closed the distance before taking seat right in front of Sesshomaru.

Kouga hadn't really dared to ask Kagome how things had gone, especially since her main concern about the dinner had been Kiyoshi. Plus, he knew girls talked about that stuff with other girls, so to get his information, he had decided to ask Sesshomaru. Unfortunately, he had nearly disappeared after the meal.

He was aware that Sesshomaru wasn't strong on sharing, but it hadn't stopped Kouga before. If it had, Kagome and Sesshomaru would have never spent the evening together.

"How did it go?"

Sesshomaru exhaled the smoke that had been in his mouth, before turning his body slightly, his cigar still in his hand. He didn't smoke very often, never cigarettes, but after such a night, he felt as if he had needed it.

"We had dinner," he simply stated, glancing at Kouga.

Sesshomaru couldn't help but remember what happened, which caused him to look down at Kouga's hand. It was then that he saw the small red mark on the back of Kouga's hand and he almost chuckled.

Kouga's eyes narrowed a bit, before he smirked. "You're a bad influence on your son."

"It is one way to see it," replied Sesshomaru, amused.

Kouga scoffed, before shaking his head. He would  _love_  to dwell on the incident, but he had a better question for Sesshomaru. "Did she reply?"

After the little encounter with Kiyoshi, they hadn't listened to much of the conversation between Kagome and Sesshomaru, especially since Kouga had no desire to hear the tale of what had just occurred being told. Kagome had looked fairly relaxed and happy after the meal, which had lead Kouga to believe that something had happened.

Sesshomaru was not surprised that the Wolf had been spying. He wanted nothing more than to tell him it was none of his business, but he found himself wishing for another opinion on the matter. Granted, he would have liked for someone else to have an input, but since Kouga was all he had…

"She hasn't."

"She will. Even if it's only to tell you no."

How reassuring.

Sesshomaru sighed heavily, before taking the jump. "What if she says yes?"

Kouga tilted his head to the side, before laughing. "You're scared!"

"I am not afraid of her answer. It was merely a question."

Kouga shook his head. "You're scared that she'll say yes." He shrugged his shoulders. "Can't blame ya. You won't be allowed any mistakes."

"What if I cannot bring her happiness?"

Kouga slouched a bit to one side, before running his fingers through his bangs. "You see, Kagome's not complicated. I'm sure you've noticed by now, she doesn't need much. She's not one of those women who want money, fame and  _brand name_  stuff."

Sesshomaru nodded in agreement.

"She'll be happy with the simple things. And I know even that seems like a difficult task for you after what happened but… If you're sincere enough, I think you'll be able to make her happy in the long run."

It might appear to be a lot to forgive, but when you looked at the big picture, the situation, and everything else… if someone in the end could let it all go, it was Kagome. It could however take a very long time, but Kouga could see it happening one day.

"Perhaps," was the only answer Sesshomaru could give him.

He really hoped he could bring her joy, but he wasn't sure. He would do his best if she gave him the chance, if not, then he would still do what he could to make her happy. Whatever she would request from him, he would do.

They both sat in silence for a few minutes, as Sesshomaru's cigar ran out. When it did, Sesshomaru put it in the ashtray, before looking at his watch, which indicated almost one o'clock. He had been sitting there for so long, that he had barely seen the time pass.

For now, everything was uncertain, since they could not leave because they had one more shard, but they couldn't hunt for it because of Kiyoshi. They would probably remain at their current location for a while, not that it was much of a bother. After all, he could afford such  _vacations_.

Without saying a word, Sesshomaru got up from his seat, showing his intention of leaving. Kouga remained in his seat nonetheless, as Sesshomaru began heading for the doorway. It was when he reached it that he came to a stop. Sesshomaru turned his body to look back at Kouga, before giving him a small nod, in a sign of thanks.

Kouga returned the gesture, before watching Sesshomaru disappeared. He was hopeless.

Sesshomaru took his time heading back, even though there was no reason since everyone in his suite would be sleeping. It would be easy to face Kagome the next morning, even though all that would be on his mind would be  _when_  she would answer.

But he would not show her that concern, since he wanted her to feel comfortable and at ease. If she wanted to take a few months to answer, then so be it. He would have to deal with it.

The seconds passed as he finally reached the door. He made sure to be extremely quiet when he opened it and once inside, his steps were slow and careful. Kagome could only hear the noises, but perhaps Kiyoshi could also sense his aura, so Sesshomaru made sure to do no brusque movements.

When he reached the bedroom area, he was going to head for his suitcase immediately, but he found himself walking over to the crib. Before he knew it, he was peering inside. As expected Kiyoshi was peacefully sleeping, which made the features on Sesshomaru's face soften.

Gently, he reached out for the blanket, before fully covering his son with it. When Sesshomaru was satisfied with the way Kiyoshi was tucked in, he turned around and grabbed his suitcase on the way. He never once glanced at Kagome, as he headed into the bathroom.

Why was he so nervous, he could not explain it.

Sesshomaru could not remember the last time he had slept in comfortable clothes ever since he had begun traveling with Kagome. Perhaps it was because he did not find it appropriate in her presence. However, since he was always in a human form, the fact of sleeping in clothes all the time was beginning to wear him down. Since he was always up before her, he didn't see the harm in getting a bit more comfortable.

He proceeded to change, putting on a simple white t-shirt and long  _pajama_  like dark blue pants. Quietly, he exited the bathroom, glancing around in the darkness, making sure he hadn't awoken anyone. He quietly put his suitcase against the wall, prior to heading for his own bed.

Sesshomaru pulled away the sheets before sliding in, feeling the coldness of the blankets. A sigh escaped him before he closed his eyes, ready to attempt to sleep. Lately, it was not something that came to him easily. He was about to turn to his side when her voice came through.

"Sesshomaru?"

It was so quiet, that for an instant, he thought he imagined it.

"Sesshomaru?"

No, she had really spoken.

"Is everything well?" he asked, his voice serious.

Kagome had tried to fall asleep, but she hadn't been able to. She had remained in bed, but she had found herself waiting for him to return. At first, she had intended to speak when he had first entered the room, but since he had gone for Kiyoshi's crib, she had remained silent.

She had waited, thinking it was silly, but now it was too late. Kagome slowly sat up in the bed, pressing her back against the headboard. Ever since they had gone their separate ways after their dinner, his question had been burning her mind.

"I'm scared."

He knitted his eyebrows together in confusion. "Scared of what?"

"Saying yes."

She turned her head to look at him, but all she could see was the blackness of the room. He was completely silent and she had a feeling he would remain that way, after all, how was he supposed to answer such a statement?

"I'm scared that I'm not ready for that. And, frankly, I just –"

How could she tell him that maybe she wanted to try because she was tired of fearing, but that, she was even more scared of throwing herself into such a situation? She no longer knew what the best thing to do was. Kagome took a deep breath, before pulling the blankets away from her body and doing a bold move by moving towards his bed.

She sat on the edge, giving him no choice but to sit up. He was a bit surprised by her actions, but he didn't allow it to show. He took notice of her pajamas, which were the ones she had been wearing when she was pregnant, causing him to make a mental note to buy her some  _fitting_  clothes.

"What if it's too fast? What if I get scared?"

Sesshomaru bent forward a bit so he was closer to her. Her grey orbs were shining, almost as if she was about to shed tears, which caused a weird pain in his heart. He didn't mean to bring her more suffering than she already had. Gently, he raised one of his hands, before cupping her left cheek.

"I will never go past what you are comfortable with. You are in control Kagome."

If he had to take years, then he would. Perhaps he was that desperate for her to say yes, which almost made him feel selfish. When had he begun feeling that way?

"If you feel it's too fast, we will cease, there is nothing wrong with that. I only wish for your happiness."

And then, at his words, the tears began to fall. "Which makes this whole thing so difficult!" She had voice had risen her tone past the whisper stage, which caused her to glance over towards the crib to make sure she had not woken Kiyoshi up.

When she confirmed he was still sleeping, she focused her attention back on Sesshomaru.

"I knew you differently. You didn't care. But now you're someone else and you're just being… I'm confused, I'm so confused."

She felt herself break down, but before she could allow her head to rest on her knees, she felt him wrap his arms around her waist, bringing her face into his chest. He wanted to find the right words to comfort her, but he couldn't. What could he say that would make it all better?

He had been heartless in the past, but he could not change that. If he could, he would.

Kagome felt like she knew at least three different Sesshomaru's, which made the situation so complicated. He had changed, there was no doubt about it, but was it enough? Was the new person he had become enough for her to forget the pain in her heart, to forget the past?

It was one thing to let go, another to move on with someone else. But now, it was asked of her to move on and stay with him.

The idea was not the most repulsive that she had ever heard in her life, but it was the most difficult. She herself was still lost, trying to be  _Kagome_  again. Was this supposed to be a part of it?

She remembered when she had decided to be friends with him. She had been so scared of getting hurt, of regretting it, but it never happened. Though, he hadn't asked her to be his, he had asked for a chance and the permission to court her. She knew he wouldn't try to do anything to make her feel bad, or scared.

Could she do it?

Could she allow herself to fall again, with no promise of being caught?

If she said yes, she could be hurt in the end.

But when was the last time she did something that wouldn't  _maybe_  cause her to be hurt in the end? For the last year, it was all she had done. Kagome took a deep breath, which caused her to lean into his chest even more. She felt his embrace tighten a bit, her whole body was either shaking or pulsing.

She found the strength to raise her head and look up at his face. She could see the constricted look on his face and she made a decision. The ball was in her court, she was the one deciding if it would happen or not.

Truth was, she was still completely terrified, confused beyond belief. She wasn't sure which Sesshomaru she was giving her answer to and if she could pull through this. But since the previous times she had said yes to give him a chance hadn't turned out horribly, she decided to take the jump.

Perhaps, she would learn how to fly before she fell.

"I can't promise anything," she finally said, which caused him to loosen his embrace so she could pull away a bit. "I might not be able to do it." There was no reason to lie to him, or sugarcoat everything to make it into a fairytale.

"But, I'll try."

His heart nearly skipped a beat, but before he was willing to accept it, he had one question.

"Are you trying because I requested, or because it is your choice?"

Her lips were tightly pressed together, as she pondered. Chaos was currently ruling in her heart, which made it so difficult to come up with a clear answer. Her mind was cloudy, but she thought carefully about what she wanted.

"I'm doing this because that's what I want. I want to try and be happy."

Sesshomaru slowly, nodded before his arms fell to her side. He brought his hand back to her cheek, where he could still feel the wetness of her tears. He didn't want to see her cry anymore, never again.

He found himself bringing his face closer to hers until their noses touched. She didn't flinch or move away, but it was almost as if he could hear the loud sound of her heartbeat. There was a tiny smile on his lips before he lifted his chin, and pressed a kiss against her forehead.

 _One chance_.

-B-


	55. Progress

Sleep.

In certain situations, it could become a real luxury.

In her case it was.

After speaking with Sesshomaru she had wanted to find slumber, unfortunately it had been an unobtainable task. She had  _almost_  hoped it was the same for him, however, she had never found it in her to turn her head in the direction of his bed to spy on him. Instead, she had spent most of the night with her eyes lock on her clock, waiting for the minutes to tick away.

She was currently tossing in the bed, hoping to successful obtain at least an hour of sleep. It was true she didn't have to wake up for anything but she  _knew_  Kiyoshi would be waking soon, as a matter of fact, she was surprised he was still asleep. She would need to tend to him. Involuntarily, a sigh escaped her, as she resumed her previous position on her back.

There was so much she wished to do for the next day, yet nothing at all.

As shallow as it might sound, she wanted clothes that actually were somewhat of a fit. It was true she had no one to show for, but it was for her own self-esteem. Kagome loved Kiyoshi to death, he was her son, her everything,  _but_  pregnancy did change her body. Unfortunately wearing maternity clothes all the time did not make her feel any better about her appearance.

No, it was not her priority to get back in shape, but, was it so wrong to appear decent looking? After everything, she didn't think it was too much. She didn't wish for fancy expensive clothes, just simply something she didn't float in. Big clothes only reminded her that she was, well a bit bigger than she used to be.

Of course, Kagome had heard all about it, the depression and low self-esteem women experienced after giving birth. Now she was in no way in the worst shape, but she could feel some of its effects.

Although she would feel completely selfish, to not take her son out in the world again, he had been fine, but there were so many people and things he was exposed to. And it simply didn't feel right to her. But there was no way she could abandon her son. Even though it was not  _technically_  abandoning, it felt that way to her.

She had to admit though that with her gone… there would only be Sesshomaru and Kiyoshi.

Sesshomaru had experience with kids, she was sure of it, and with more than Rin. Yet, he was completely terrified of his own son. She knew there was guilt involved in there, but nonetheless. She felt guilty as well, yet it never prevented her from interacting with Kiyoshi. She had attempted to push him towards his son, but he had always seemed awkward around him.

If he was to be left alone with Kiyoshi… would he be left with no other choice  _but_  to get closer to him?

Even back when Kagome despised Sesshomaru more than anything, she still wanted Kiyoshi to have a father in his life. Now that she could get along with him, she wanted him in their son's life even more. It wasn't right to force anyone in to uncomfortable situations; she would know about that, but sometimes certain people needed a small push.

Somehow, the idea of leaving her son with Sesshomaru wasn't as stressful as she pictured it to be. Perhaps because, she had practiced when Kouga had taken care of him.

Lacking many hours of sleep and very determined, Kagome made the decision to spend a few hours out of the room while Sesshomaru and Kiyoshi would bond. Hopefully though, Sesshomaru wouldn't end up burnt like Kouga had. However, she had a feeling that Sesshomaru could be quite imposing,  _youki_  or  _not_.

Once again, she found herself looking at the clock, but this time, she was not dreading the time displayed as much.  _6:04am_. Almost feeling a bit bold, she dared to turn around to glance at Sesshomaru. Unfortunately for her, she was only graced with the sight of his back, since he was sleeping on his side.

T-shirt.

She had never seen Sesshomaru in a t-shirt before, neither had she ever pictured him in one. It was strange to think of him as  _casual_ , yet she could see him do it. After all, everyone needed to relax, or they would eventually blow up. Though, Sesshomaru didn't strike her as the type of person that knew the meaning of the word  _vacation_.

Kagome found herself peering at him perhaps a bit longer than she should, before remedying the situation by nearly jumping out of the bed. Granted it was probably too early to even think about shopping since most of the shop would be closed, but she had much to do before she could even think about leaving.

She expected to go along with her task in the quietness when suddenly she heard him shift in his bed. Immediately her gaze went in his direction and she found herself staring at a very wide-open eyed Sesshomaru. From the look on his face there was  _no_  way he had just woken up. Could it be that he had spent the night awake much like she had?

"Did I wake you up?" she inquired, her voice more of a whisper than she had intended.

She watched as he shook his head, before slowly sitting up in the bed and throwing the blankets off his body. It allowed Kagome to glance at his full set of pajamas, she couldn't help the tiny smile that appeared upon her lips. It was definitely a once in a life time sight. Of course Sesshomaru wore pajamas like the rest of the world, but it was still strange to see him not as  _uptight_.

Kagome offered him a weak nod, prior to grabbing her bag and disappearing into the bathroom. She desperately needed a bath and was making an attempt at squeezing one in before Kiyoshi would wake up.

His eyes followed her until she was nowhere to be seen as he pressed his palms against the mattress while trying to lift himself up. To put it simply, he was drained. Already, he had been lacking sleep lately, apparently because of the mating bond and was constantly tired. Spending the whole night wide awake had not been of any help.

Sesshomaru was not sure exactly what had preventing him from sleeping. The fact that Kagome had agreed to his proposition was a good thing, hence why he should have been able to find a peaceful nights rest. Instead, too many thoughts had been running through his mind. He was aware that he still had a few doubts and worries, but he deemed it normal to have those.

Not being able to find sleep however, was a completely different story.

On top of that, he knew he was not the only one who had a sleepless night. When he was in such frustrating situation, he would simply lay as he always would, she on the other hand would not. By now, he was accustomed to her sleeping habits and none of them involved her tossing around every minute and a half.

Perhaps her not being able to sleep had increased his worry. Maybe the reason why she had been unable to sleep was because she regretted the decision she had made. Though, she wouldn't have come to him, saying she would try, only to change her mind in the next few minutes. Perhaps, she was just as nervous as he was, hence the lack of sleep.

Or at least, it would be what he would keep telling himself, unless she would tell him otherwise.

Because he didn't sleep, he found himself with a massive headache, which was not something he appreciated. A sigh of frustration passed his lips as he fully rose to his feet and headed straight for the window. The sky was still a bit dark, as the day was just coming in, the sun barely poking out.

Suddenly the sound of the shower running could be heard, which caused him to glance over at the bathroom door. Right behind that door, there she was. He had been able to notice the hint of deception, or so he thought, on her face this morning, he knew something had been trotting through her mind. He could only hope it wasn't him she was thinking of.

Once he tore his eyes away, he focused his attention on the crib beside him. Peacefully, Kiyoshi was still sleeping. He  _knew_  babies should wake up a lot more than he did, which left Sesshomaru to wonder. Was Kiyoshi simply  _not_  requiring anything, or could he feel the distress in his mother's aura and was trying to behave?

Almost as if to give him an answer, Kiyoshi slowly opened his amber eyes, glancing right into his father's eyes.

 _It couldn't be_. Granted he could be very well developed, there was no way Kiyoshi knew Kagome was currently feeling stressed out. It had to be a coincidence; he simply was a quiet baby that was all.

Sesshomaru had his hand holding onto the side of the crib, but at the same time, he was somewhat keeping his distance. He wasn't like Kagome, it didn't come naturally to him to be a father. If he was to hold Kiyoshi and try to provide for him, in the end he would probably mess up. He had no idea what was the right thing to do, he didn't even know how to hold him properly!

He was kind of hoping Kiyoshi understood him as well as he understood Kagome, hence why he was not seeking for his warmth and what not. Or perhaps it was, Sesshomaru told himself to not experience guilt.

The minutes went by, while all Sesshomaru and Kiyoshi did were to stare at each other, almost as if they were trying to come to an understanding. Unfortunately, they didn't seem to comprehend one and other.

Then, the moment was broken when the door of the bathroom opened. Sesshomaru didn't turn around, giving Kagome the privacy of doing her own things. He probably would have kept doing so if he hadn't heard her sniffle. His toes were twitching as the urge to turn around and make sure everything was well. Perhaps she was simply getting a cold?

Another sniffle.

Since he heard her getting closer to him, he could not help but turn around ever so slightly. She was wearing an obviously too big shirt that almost reached to her knees and what appeared to be black leggings. Her hair was wet, sticking to her back and that was when he focused his attention on her face. Her eyes were slightly red, so was the tip of her nose, as she sniffled one more time.

Had she been crying?

Once again, though he didn't wish to be thinking that way, he found himself pondering if it had anything to do with the previous night. Truly it was none of his business, maybe she wanted to be left alone, but he wanted to ask. Though, he was horrible at conversation and wasn't sure he'd make a difference. But, it would be the right thing to do, even if in the end, she ended up retracting her words from last night.

"Are you well?" he asked as he turned his body around.

Kagome was on the ground, shoving back her things in her bag as she vigorously nodded. She hadn't meant to cry but it seemed like the tears had come on their own, she had been unable to stop them. It was for a very silly reason that she was shedding tears, she hadn't wish to still be crying in front of him, but apparently she was.

A sigh rolled off her lips as she stood back up on her feet. It was that wretched mirror that had begun all the trouble in the first place. She had no problem with the way she looked when she had been pregnant, as a matter of fact, she had loved her belly. But  _now_. Perhaps it was insecurity, or the thought that she might or might not give it a try with Sesshomaru.

Frankly, under all those clothes, she didn't find herself very attractive.

Of course, she had no time for such foolish worries, but it had gotten to her. Also, the tears might have come so easily because she was so tired. Whatever the reason, she had to get a hold of herself. Such little details were no reason to be an emotional mess.

"I'm fine," she finally replied after a minute of silence. "I- just.. I'm fine," she added before putting on a small smile.

Sesshomaru wasn't fully convinced, but he nodded. He glanced one last time into his son's crib, before pulling away to sit on the edge of her bed, waiting for her course of action. It was true that she had agree to his proposition and that he  _could_  start courting her, but he didn't know how and was almost afraid to push her away.

He observed as she reached out for something on the dresser, only to see it was a hairbrush. It gave him an idea, so he rose to his feet and approached her, which seemed to surprise her slightly.

"May I?" he inquired, his voice neutral.

Kagome looked up at him, her lips ever so parted. "I –hm you." Her heart beat became faster. "To hm, for me?" And faster.

"Sure," she finally replied in an understandable answer.

Not sure how he intended to do this, she aimed for the bed, where she sat down, her legs crossed. Since her back was facing him, she could not see him, only face away from him as he sat down behind her. The only person she had ever had brush her hair before was her mother. And she only did that when she was younger.

Kagome couldn't deny she felt a tad bit uncomfortable, but she kept herself under control. Of course, there was no way she was able to know that Sesshomaru was about just as nervous, if not more so.

It was truly a silly action, nothing to make a big fuss about, but it was a beginning. And he had no intention of screwing it up. If he could do well during the little moments, perhaps it would give them both the strength they needed to move up to bigger things. Gently he raised his hand, before running the brush in her nearly untangled hair. Since he was holding the ends of her hair in his hand, he could tell how soft they felt. Even though he didn't have his youki, he was overpowered by the divine scent of her strawberry shampoo.

Quietness filled the room as he kept going, making sure he was being gentle, not pulling on her hair. As time went by, Kagome's heartbeat began to decrease to a normal level, putting her more at ease. As to be expected, there was nothing stressful about him brushing her hair. It was as she told herself such things that she found it within herself to relax a bit, causing her back not to be so  _straight_.

Sesshomaru wouldn't harm her, there was no reason to be on her guard so much. Though it was almost a natural reflex, one she could not help. She could only hope that with time, it would decrease, or cease all together.

A couple more minutes went by before Kagome felt him completely pull away, indicating he was done. She turned to the side and offered him a smile.

"Thank you."

He nodded, before handing her back the brush. It was as she was taking it, that a cry echoed through the room. Kagome's head immediately snapped towards the crib, she left the brush on the bed, before almost jumping to her feet. She quickly made her way to the crib and grabbed her crying son from there, before holding him close to her chest.

She rocked him gently, as if to soothe him, before smiling down at him. "Are you hungry?"

Kiyoshi's eyes remained closed as his fit of cries continued, giving her no indication, but she had a feeling she was right. A bit awkwardly she turned to look at Sesshomaru who was taking in the sight in front of him. Her eyes were searching his, trying to make him understand without actually speaking.

It took a few seconds, but when he carefully looked at her, he understood. He rose to his feet and grabbed his bag, much like she had done earlier, before disappearing into the bathroom, since he was also ready for a warm shower. The last sight of her he was given, was as she sat down on the bed, ready to feed Kiyoshi.

As soon as he found himself alone in the bathroom, he exhaled deeply. Why was he so nervous, he had no idea. He had never been fully comfortable in her presence considering everything, but now it was worse than ever. Though now, he was supposed to be making sure everything was well and perfect, not freaking out.

He had to get a hold of himself, it wasn't like him to be such an emotional mess. Perhaps a shower was exactly what he required to calm his jangled nerves down.

-B-

As the hours went by, everyone had gathered in their room, almost as if it was a habit to do so. To Sesshomaru's displeasure, Kouga and his pack had come in completely uninvited and hadn't even bothered to knock. Though they couldn't really have fell upon any kind of situation, it annoyed him. Or perhaps it was the presence of the wolf that annoyed him.

Sesshomaru was in the kitchen, making himself yet another cup of coffee, as he tilted his head to the side ever so slightly, only to catch a glimpse of Kagome and Kouga sitting next to each other, talking. He was not jealous, since it wasn't his place to be, but he couldn't help wondering what their conversation was about. He had found out yesterday that they talked about him and he wondered about everything  _she_  said.

Deciding it was better to mind his own business, he turned his head to the side, focusing himself on his cup of coffee.

Meanwhile Kagome was pondering how to put her little plan into action. Although it really shouldn't be too difficult, of course, she had no intention of going shopping alone. That was where Kouga came in. Granted she didn't really need protection, unless another crazy youkai came after her, which kind of sounded like a pattern with her, but it would be nice to have someone just in case.

Kouga had always offered his help, she doubted he would turn her down.

"I need your help."

Kouga smirked. "I'll get rid of him for ya."

She almost rolled her eyes. "I need to go shopping."

For an instant, the look on Kouga's face changed, before he chuckled a bit. "I'm sure Sesshomaru wouldn't mind going." Shopping with a woman was about the most insane thing any man could agree to do. He loved Kagome, as a friend, but he wasn't sure he would go through that for her.

"I know, but I kind of need him to stay here." Kouga arched an eyebrow, slightly confused. "I want him to have no choice but get close to Kiyoshi."

Kouga nodded. "So I'm not the only one who noticed he seems completely terrified of his own child huh?"

Terrified was one word for it. Perhaps she wouldn't go that far, but he certainly didn't feel at ease. "I just want him to know it's okay and that whatever is holding him back doesn't have to."

Since she was trying to do something to bring father and son together, he couldn't really say no could he? He had a strong feeling he would regret it once they would be in the mall, but, especially with the way she was looking at him, he couldn't refuse her.

"Fine," he said before falling on his back unto the bed. "But I ain't telling grumpy over there about it. I won't have him breaking my balls over this, because  _I_ 'm the one taking you."

"I'll tell him," said Kagome before rising to her feet. "Thank you Kouga."

"Anytime beautiful."

It was a small word, with no meaning behind it because it was being used as a silly nickname, but it made her feel just a tad bit better. Considering her self esteem had been on the down low side for the day, it was nice to receive a little compliment.

Now though she had to face another problem, which involved not wanting to freak out Sesshomaru. She didn't want him thinking she was trying to avoid him, especially with their conversation from the previous night. But, she couldn't tell him she wanted him to bond with his son. Perhaps she could leave the situation a bit unexplained for now and would talk to him about it following her return from shopping.

Kagome took a deep breath, before heading for the kitchen, where she would announce it to Sesshomaru. He didn't glance her way, she wondered if it was because he didn't want her thinking he was  _waiting_  for her to come his way. After all, they had barely talked since their little chat of the previous night.

"Hey," she said softly when she reached the kitchen.

He nodded. "Good morning. Coffee?"

 _Coffee_. It had been a forbidden beverage for the last little while because of her pregnancy, but now, it was allowed. Deep inside, she was craving for one, especially with her lack of sleep.

" _Yes_ ," she said, sounding a bit more desperate than she had intended to.

A small smirk appeared on his lips, as he handed her the mug that had been intended for himself, since he had not poured anything in it yet except for the coffee.

"Oh no, that's yours," she said, shacking her head.

"Nonsense," he replied before putting the cup on the table.

To not give her a chance to deny it again, he turned his back on her, as he prepared himself another cup. He was glad that they could have a semi-normal conversation without any uncomfortable situations. He actually felt himself slightly relax, as he finished preparing his cup. When Sesshomaru turned around, he found her sitting at the table, drinking a  _black_  coffee.

Sesshomaru took a seat in front of her and waited in silence for her to speak. If she had come into the kitchen, he knew it was for something more than just coffee. He could see on her features that she had something to say, so he was patiently waiting until she was ready to do so.

Kagome drank nearly half of her coffee in one shot before, putting it down, feeling a rush going through her body. This was exactly what she had been needing to get a little pumped up.

"I'm going out today," she said, dropping the bomb.

The way she had spoken did not really give him a chance to offer a reply, so he simply nodded.

"Shopping. I need clothes."

He could not agree more. The thought had crossed his own mind a bit earlier and he had planned on taking her himself. "What time would be convenient for you?"

She almost cringed. "Kouga is going to take me."

Kagome felt a bit edgy as she waited for Sesshomaru to react or answer. Unfortunately, his face remained neutral, as he sat still, not showing any movement, leaving her to wonder if it was a good or bad thing.

It took a few minutes to pass by for him to move. When he did, he reached out for his back pocket where he took out his wallet. Quickly, he grabbed his credit card before handing it out to her. "Here, buy all you need."

She shook her head. "It's okay, I mean I have my debit card, I can probably squeeze in what I really need."

"Nonsense. This credit card will work here, I doubt your debit will."

She had no thought about that, but she couldn't take his money like that for her own shopping pleasures. Kagome pressed her lips together, before reaching out for the card, feeling bad.

"I'll repay you."

"You will not," he said as he took his coffee mug and rose to his feet before disappearing into the next room without saying a word.

Kagome could almost feel a certain tension filling the room as he exited, she couldn't help but think she had caused that. Though, he had waited, he hadn't asked for any more information, which was also part of what led to the misunderstanding.

She closed her eyes briefly as she inhaled deeply. Everything felt like a big mess today; she was trying to help, but afraid to do damage, she wanted to progress, but was afraid to go forward. It was just one of those days where she wished for nothing more than to bury herself under her blankets.

Meanwhile, Sesshomaru had Kouga locked in his sights and felt a certain rage stirring up within him. No, Kagome was not involved with the Wolf in any way, they were friends. The fact that she would rather go shopping with Kouga than him should not bother him either, since she was probably more comfortable around the wolf than with him.

But the fact was, it did bother him a bit.

It didn't take too long for Kouga to feel the daggers being sent his way, one gaze towards Sesshomaru was all it took for him to understand that Kagome had spoken to him. Kouga rolled his eyes before marching in his direction; he didn't feel like getting into a dog fight.

"You know, she's only doing this so you will spend more time with your kid. She thinks you're terrified of holding him. Something about you feeling guilty."

Kouga crossed his arms in front of his chest, before plopping down on the bed. He was  _only_  taking Kagome out to do her shopping to help her out, but he didn't intend to get between Sesshomaru and her.

"Maybe you should get your fear out of the way so you can start spending some time with her. I kinda wish you were the one suffering through a shopping session."

Not wanting the conversation to go any further, Kouga gently patted Sesshomaru on the back before he exited the bedroom to go find Kagome so they could get the hell out as quickly as possible.

Sesshomaru found himself glancing at his son. Was he feeling so guilty that he could not bear to hold his son, or be around him?

-B-

"So, any progress?"

Kagome somewhat frowned at Kouga before shrugging her shoulders. To be honest with her and Sesshomaru, it was always difficult to figure out where they stood, especially now.

"I guess I'm scared."

He nodded. "I could see why."

Sesshomaru had five hundred years to think everything over, Kagome on the other hand had only been given a few weeks, or even days? Since she had been thrown into the whole mess, she probably never healed from what had happened. Kouga knew it would be difficult, but she had to. Granted it hadn't been  _right_  but so many things were different back then…

"I don't want to be. I mean, I know he's not the same person, he's not  _it_ , but sometimes it's hard. What if, I'll always be scared?"

"Well, that's up to you," said Kouga before putting his hands into his pockets. "Do you want to spend the rest of your life afraid?"

Easy answer.

"No."

"Then one day, you'll have to let it go. I'm not saying it didn't hurt you, but it was never done out of a bad heart. And I think he really wants to make it up to you. Think about all the stuff you can guilt him into doing." Kouga said with a smirk on his face.

Kagome's eyes widened for a second, as she slapped Kouga in the stomach. "I don't want to force him to do anything." She sighed. "I just, I don't even know if he asked because that's how he feels or because of the mating bond, or the fact that he is still burdened by this guilt. What if it's not  _me_  he has an interest in?"

"Well, knowing Sesshomaru, he wouldn't put himself in such a vulnerable position unless he was sure. After all, if he wanted to make it up to you, the way to do so in his mind probably didn't involve hooking up."

"I guess you're right."

It felt good to be able to discuss it, but perhaps the person she should have been having this conversation with was Sesshomaru. Getting involved with him would be quite an emotional ride, she only wanted to get into it for the right reasons. She would probably pull away a few times, because she was still unsure if this was what she wanted.

Nonetheless, she'd give a try.

Why? Perhaps because she, like Kouga had mention, didn't wish to be scared for the rest of her life. In the worse case scenario, if it didn't work out, perhaps she would grow out of the experience and maybe would gain her freedom.

Unfortunately, there was no way for her to find out, unless she jumped off a cliff and hoped she would land on something soft. All she could do was take one day at time, Sesshomaru had agreed to taking it slow which would be perfect.

But if everything would work out so perfectly, why was her heart beating so fast?

Could she be that afraid of a relationship?  _With anyone_?

Only time would tell.

-B-

Sesshomaru was feeling a bit edgy as he sat on the chair near the crib. He could tell that Kiyoshi was awake, but since he had not cried yet, Sesshomaru could only assume that he was fine and didn't require anything. The words Kouga had told him earlier were still ringing in his mind and frankly, he didn't know what to think anymore.

It was true that he held himself solely responsible for all the pain Kiyoshi had been put through, from the bracelet, to the kidnapping. But could it be enough for him to be afraid to develop a bond with his own son? Having a son had been something on his mind for many years, he had even been willing to fight to have custody of him.

So why in the world did he feel so awkward in his presence now?

Sesshomaru was a powerful being and though he had made mistakes, he was trying to fix them, was he not? There was no reason he had to be ashamed of himself. At the worst, he should probably be asking for forgiveness from Kiyoshi.

Deciding it was now or never, Sesshomaru stood up and closed the distance between himself and the crib. It was then that he did something he had not done before; he reached out for his son, picking him out his crib, before gently positing him in his arms, carefully holding him.

Kiyoshi opened his eyes wide, before staring at his father, his hands bawled into tiny fists, resting above his chest. Sesshomaru dared to raise a hand and gently brushed his thumb against Kiyoshi's hand. He seemed so fragile and tiny in his hold, that he was afraid to break him. As his eyes glanced over his markings, he could not help the pride swelling in his chest.

This was his son.

He had not come out of the best situation and everything surrounding his growth had been hardship, but he was a treasure, one he did not deserve. Sesshomaru had felt a rage for a long time when his own father had been gone. For many reasons. He on the other hand did not want to give his son a reason to despise him.

Sesshomaru wanted to be someone Kiyoshi could look up to. It would probably take a million years for him to be that person, but he would try, because both Kiyoshi and Kagome deserved it.

His own father had been harsh on him, teaching him, training him. His mother had also taught him to feel nothing, that it would be his best defense in his life. For the longest time, he thought it was true, but when he looked at Kagome, he realized it was wrong. It was the fact that she felt so many emotions that made her so strong. Because she could be hurt and learn how to look past it.

When he was angry in the past, he sought retribution, he usually kept going, until he obtained it. He could not let go, but she could.

He wanted their son to be like her.

But he wanted to be in his life, if things worked out with Kagome or not.

Though first he had two little words he had to say. "Forgive me."

For everything.

It was once those words were spoken that he felt Kiyoshi reach out for his thumb. He opened his tiny fist, freeing his fingers. Once they were louse, he grabbed Sesshomaru's thumb, holding on tightly, almost as if he was afraid to let go.

It could have been a normal hold, if a surge of power hadn't came through it. A purple glow surrounded Kiyoshi's hand, the first thought that came to Sesshomaru's mind was that his son was using his purification powers. He could have removed his hand in fear, but he did not. Not only did he trust him, but perhaps in the end, he did deserve a bit of pain.

However, pain never came.

Instead, he found himself enveloped in a soothing feeling. It was as if Kiyoshi was using his holy powers to make him feel better. Did he sense his worry? How could he? Although, it was probably very overpowering in his aura, Sesshomaru was touched by the gesture.

All this time, he had remained sort of away from his son, yet that whole time, Kiyoshi had been fine to be in his presence. Had he been the one, he was creating a distance between him and his son? No, he didn't know how to be a father, but it didn't mean he had to remain away.

Just like Kagome, who was so young, and just as inexperienced, he had to learn. Sesshomaru had also been somewhat afraid to inquire for help when he needed it and perhaps it was something he needed to change.

He thought he had become a new person during the last five hundred years, but perhaps he had been wrong. Now that he was looking at it, it was possible that he had become even more of a different person ever since she re-entered his life.

Sesshomaru could still remember how Inuyasha had been  _before_  Kagome and though they barely talked, he had been able to see a transformation.

Perhaps it was her gift. She could change people, bring out different sides of them. Although, she probably didn't even realize she could do such things.

He could only consider himself lucky that he had her in his life in some way after he had almost taken the light out of her soul. It was her most precious thing, he could see it in Kiyoshi. To that end, he would fight to help it remain alive.

And then, just more than ever, he felt the desire to be with her, which tugged at his heart.

Was it he who desired her or the mating bond, or perhaps was it Kiyoshi's influencing over him?

 _No_. It was coming from himself.

He had spent time with her,  _he_  who had long ago despised the very thought of a human mate, was currently fighting to keep his.

He smirked, almost chuckling.

When had he lost his mind?

-B-


	56. Life Intertwined

He had endured different kinds of shopping fury in the past, but this was one he always wished to avoid. Frankly, he would have much preferred to be carrying big heavy bags all day than  _this_ . He loved Kagome dearly. And while he knew how to deal with certain situations, this was not one of them. Especially since he knew for a fact that no matter what he said, she would not be convinced.

Four hours they had been shopping, not one piece of clothing had been bought.

She had tried on many different clothes, yet either she came out in silence or with tears threatening to fall. At first he had thought she was tired, maybe she was missing her son, but as time went on, he had realized it was something else. It was the clothes that brought her the unhappiness.

But it was not style, nor the color, it was…

" _I won't take these either_."

Kouga turned his head towards the voice, before a frown appeared on his face. He watched as Kagome returned the clothes to the saleslady. There was a frown on her face as she headed back in his direction, he could feel what was coming.

"We can go," she said, obviously trying to hide her sadness.

At first she had thought that this would be a good idea, but as more time passed, the less she enjoyed it. Clothes were evil. Apparently the previous depression she had felt concerning her body had not dissipated. It was getting worse when it came to finding something that fit. Out of  _everything_  she had been unable to even find one thing that fitted her somewhat.

She should have just  _picked_  something and ignore the fact that it was not as baggy on her as her maternity clothes, which made it more revealing, but she couldn't. Maybe not shopping for new clothes and just waiting was not the worst idea. Plus, where was she going did she need good garments?  _Well_ , it was true she and Sesshomaru were probably trying to  _be_  something, but he should want to regardless of what she was wearing.

As she kept walking out of the store, she could feel his eyes on her, so she turned her head to the side slightly. "Sorry we're wasting so much time."

Kouga shrugged his shoulders. "I don't mind, but I'm thinking you should want a few clothes…"

She shook her head. "What for?"

Kouga arched an eyebrow, before picking up his pace a bit so he'd be beside her.

"Because, that's usually what's involved in  _clothes shopping_." She seemed to nod, but he could tell she wouldn't buy anything. "Are you gonna tell me what's wrong or we'll keep doing every store until you get tired?"

 _Touche_.

"I can't. Nothing fits, nothing is good."

Kouga could not possibly be the right person to talk to about this could he? Not because he was a bad person, but because… he was a guy? Not that she really had friends pouring out of everywhere. Kouga, his pack and Sesshomaru were all she had lately. Plus, Kouga had proven to be really useful during the recent events, so maybe he could provide her with some enlightenment.

She stopped in her steps and turned around. "I just, ever since the birth… I mean, I look different and then…I don't know."

Involuntarily, Kouga found himself glancing down at her stomach. Frankly, he saw nothing wrong with it, to him it looked like it always did, even back when he first met her. Though from the glossy glance in her eyes, he could tell, she did not feel the same. Kouga was not that familiar with post pregnant women of the  _modern_  era and the right words to say were not coming easily.

He took a step in her direction, before grabbing her hands in his and smiled.

"Kagome, you look beautiful. Ask anyone."

She knew he meant it, but it still didn't echo within her. Nonetheless, she offered him a weak smile, before nodding.

"You know what, let's just go into another store, I'll pick the first thing I see."

Kagome freed her hands from his hold before turning around and heading towards their next destination. Meanwhile Kouga knew that once they were back at the hotel, he needed to have a talk with Sesshomaru. Kouga could say many things to Kagome, but it didn't change the fact that he was not the  _main_  presence in her life. Sesshomaru was, perhaps he was the only one who could help her.

Silently he followed her, watched her grab the first things she found. It saddened him a bit to see her in such a state. It felt as if she had been in a depressed state for a very long time and he couldn't wait to see a smile back on her face. If anyone deserved to feel pure joy, it was her. Hopefully, Sesshomaru would be able to help her on that path.

If he could he would, but he could not.

All he could say was that Kagome sure was a strange girl. There was no limit to the size of her heart, how much she could forget and forgive. People like her didn't come around too often. Sesshomaru might be much older than she was, but boy did she have a thing or two to teach him. The old Daiyoukai might have changed over the years, but Kouga felt as if he knew nothing just yet.

Only she could teach him.

-B-

Silence had been engulfing the room, especially due to the fact that Kiyoshi was sleeping and Sesshomaru was reading a book, when the door opened. Sesshomaru slowly raised his head, only to be graced with the sight of Kouga holding nothing but  _one_  lonely bag. To be honest, he had expected the Wolf to return drowning in shopping bags.

Behind Kouga was Kagome, whose smile was not as bright as he was used to seeing. Her steps were slow as she came into view and once she was near him, she nodded. He greeted her back the same way, before they both found themselves glancing over at Kiyoshi. Once her eyes caught sight of her son, her smile grew all the way up to her eyes, she walked over to the crib.

Kouga was glad that Kagome was going to be a bit distracted since it would be his chance to slip away with Sesshomaru. "We'll give you some privacy," said Kouga, glaring down at Sesshomaru.

Kagome knitted her eyebrows together. "Privacy?"

"Yeah, you hm, probably want to change and all."

She was in no rush to be in more  _fitting_  clothes, but she could not keep these clothes she currently had on, especially since it might lead to Sesshomaru asking a few questions.

"Of course."

Kagome walked back over to the bag Kouga had left on the floor and picked it up as she headed for the bathroom to get changed. As soon as she closed the door behind her, Kouga picked up Sesshomaru by the arm, raising him to his feet, which displeased the inuyoukai greatly.

"We need to talk," said Kouga, as he led the way.

Sesshomaru frowned as he allowed the Wolf to carry him out of the room. Usually, he wouldn't have stood for being so impolitely handled, but by the tone of Kouga's voice, he could tell it was rather important, that it most likely involved Kagome in some way. In silence Sesshomaru followed, though he allowed himself to glare at the Wolf. After all, he was still a tad bit bitter about him taking Kagome out shopping. Even if it had been  _her_  decision.

Kouga didn't want to go too far so it wouldn't look suspicious or anything, so he simply took Sesshomaru to his room. Once they entered, he closed the door behind them, before crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"You know what's wrong with her?"

Sesshomaru could not help but be slightly confused. He was almost certain that  _her_  meant Kagome, but he was not aware something was wrong with her. Granted, she had seemed a little off when she arrived, but plenty could have happened. Especially since she had spent half the day with  _Kouga_.

"I'm not aware, no."

Kouga sighed. "She's depressed. And it's your fault." Technically it was, since he was the one who got her pregnant. "She's having self esteem problems."

Self-esteem problems? Kagome? He didn't think he had often seen her doubt herself, even in her darkest moments. Surely, it had to be wrong, especially since he couldn't think of what it was about herself that would make her feel that way. There was nothing wrong with her.

"I think it's the pregnancy. You know, it changed her body."

Geeze, did he really have to spell out everything for Sesshomaru? He thought he was supposed to be the smart one, or something. Though, from what Kouga could tell, Sesshomaru might have been lacking female interaction for the last five hundred years or so. It was a good thing in itself, but it also made him inexperienced and unprepared.

Sesshomaru was aware of the damage pregnancy could leave on a body, though he hardly doubted it had done anything to Kagome's. It was true that he had not seen her body bare  _since_ , but he could see the gist of it, she appeared fine. Though of course, some insecurity could be normal, since nobody had been there to tell her she looked beautiful and breathe taking.

Also, Sesshomaru concluded that if Kouga was sharing such information with him it was because, obviously, it had been very obvious to him during the day. That perhaps,  _he_  was the one who had to help her. Though then came the next question;  _how_. There were certain boundaries that they were not yet ready to cross when it came to Kagome and boosting herself confidence without breaking them could be challenging.

"Any suggestions?" he finally inquired.

Kouga shrugged his shoulders before sitting down on the nearest chair. "It's a difficult one."

He hadn't become attached to anyone really in the past number of years and though he had seen his count of relationships, nothing had been  _serious_ , at least not to the point where he had revealed his  _real_  self to anyone. Still, he had encountered a few difficult cases, where he had to deal with emotional women. However, Sesshomaru couldn't exactly comfort Kagome in a physical way, there in came the problem.

"Try spending time with her." It almost sounded cheesy. "Show her you enjoy her company. Don't stay silent, don't go around. Focus on her. I think she needs to be the full centre of attention."

Sesshomaru wasn't sure it would do a whole lot, but he was willing to give it a try. Maybe he'd try to subtly find out a bit more about her moods when they would be alone together. He nodded in agreement, before realizing that, Kouga might have helped a quite a bit lately. It wasn't a notion he enjoyed admitting, but it couldn't be ignored.

Kagome had been right when she labeled him as a good friend… a good friend of  _hers_.

"I appreciate," was all Sesshomaru said before turning around so he could return to their room.

Kouga watched him leave, a smirk on his face. Honestly those two would be unable to do anything without him. If he hadn't come, they would probably be avoiding each other and no steps in the right direction would have been made.

Meanwhile Kagome was still in the washroom, her new clothes on, but she could not come out. At least, it was what she had planned on doing until she heard the door of the room open, which meant Sesshomaru was back. Clearly she could not remain in there forever or he would inquire why and it would lead an explanation she didn't want to give.

As she heard him walk around, she found herself looking at her reflection in the mirror. She pulled down on the light blue top, almost hoping it would make it larger. The pants were regular black ones, which she didn't have  _much_  of a problem with, but it was mostly her upper body that bothered her. She closed her eyes, not wanting to look anymore, before taking a deep breath, getting ready to exit the bathroom.

She did her best to appear normal as she came out, her eyes immediately searching for him. Kagome found him glancing down in one of his suitcase, his eyes trying to locate something. She closed the distance between them, but he barely seemed to notice.

"Is everything okay?"

The sound of her voice surprised him a bit, but he caught himself before he could appear surprise. "Yes. Why is something the matter?"

She shook her head. "I just thought Kouga seemed in a rush to leave."

 _Sigh_. "I do not think he enjoys shopping."

His attempt at humor did bring a smile to her face, since it was not something he did often. "It could have been worse," she said before pulling away slightly. "It could have been you."

Of course, it was meant to be a joke, but deep inside he had wished he had been the one who had gone with her. Still, he chased that thought away from his mind, as he resumed his attempt at finding a movie. Meanwhile, Kagome had her hands pressed into the edge of the crib, looking down at her son. She couldn't help but wonder what happened between Sesshomaru and Kiyoshi while she was gone.

She quickly glanced at both men, but knew that neither would talk.

Perhaps it was their own little secret.

"Would you like to watch a movie?"

Kagome turned her head to look at Sesshomaru and processed his request. The only time she had watched a movie with him, their situation had been much different. She glanced at him, then at the movie he was holding in his hand before nodding.

"Why not."

At least, she'd be able to hide herself under the blankets.

"Would you like something to eat?"

" _No!_ "

Even to herself, she was surprised by her quick answer. "I mean, I'm fine."

She shook her head at herself, as she headed for her bed. She couldn't help but feel stupid for her reaction. No it wasn't like she was starving herself, nothing close to that. But perhaps she was cutting out unnecessary snacks. Unfortunately, it wasn't an attitude she liked. If only she could have a few days of work outs, perhaps she'd feel better quicker.

Sesshomaru put the movie in, before following her actions and laying down on his bed. He saw no problem with that, but it got Kagome's mind working. She had somewhat shared a bed with him in the past, when they were not even  _trying_. So if they both remained in their own bed now, wasn't that some kind of regress instead of progress?

Though now having him lay beside her would have a much bigger significance than it did back then. Confusion took hold of her heart, as she pressed her lips together. She could see him putting the settings as he had accessed the menu, but her mind was wandering. If she didn't propose it, he wouldn't come on his own, since he would feel like he was either pushing her or intruding.

But was this too much for her?

No, of course it wasn't. No steps back, just forward right? He wasn't going to sleep in her bed. He was going to lay  _on top of the blankets_  right beside her. Kagome was aware that Sesshomaru wouldn't harm her, so there was no reason for her to fear this interaction… right?

"You can come here if you want." Heat came to her face, she wondered if she turned a bright red color. "I mean, my bed is closer to the TV."  _Stupid, stupid, stupid_.

Frankly, considering how lost in her own mind she had appeared, Sesshomaru hadn't expected her to propose such a thing, but he wasn't about to turn her down. He nodded as an answer, before grabbing his own pillow and joining her in her bed. As he laid down, he made sure to keep a reasonable distance between her and himself. When she seemed comfortable, he felt relieved.

He didn't need her to be jumpy around him, especially since he was going to attempt to make her feel better about herself.

Kagome allowed a sigh of contentment to roll off her lips, as she placed herself properly in the bed, buried under the blankets. Ignoring her previous stress, she realized that it was truly not uncomfortable to be in his presence, even after she had agreed to allow him to court her. She knew he would keep his promise to take things slow.

Gently she tilted her head to the side a bit, not revealing it was bringing her much closer to him. She might be oblivious to it, but he was not. Although he was fully  _human_ , or supposed to be at the moment, he could still get a strong scent filling his nose. The scent of her strawberry shampoo was still vividly present, almost intoxicating. Why could he smell it?

His watch was obviously working, meaning his youkai senses could not be the reason why. Whatever it was, it did make it a bit harder than usual for him to concentrate, especially each time she moved around, giving him a fresher sniff. Nonetheless, he tried to concentrate his attention on the movie much like she was doing.

He could see the actors moving, but his brain was not following the story. Usually people did not talk during a movie, yet he wanted to have a conversation with her. Wouldn't that be the only way he'd figure out the full extent of her problem? She looked almost comfortable around him, and he could not sense her having any type of problems.

Then again, would she really show him her uneasiness?

He pressed his lips tightly together, before convincing himself to not glance at her for too long, or he might get caught. Surely there could be plenty of reasons as to  _why_  he was looking at her, but he didn't want her thinking the wrong idea. Though he was interested in her, he didn't wish to appear obsessed.

Sesshomaru said he would help her be happy and that was part of it. Whatever he could do to make her feel better he would do.

However, since she seemed to be so into the movie, he never found it in him to actually disturb her, so he remained silent as the time went by. Most of the time, his eyes remained locked on the TV, that was until he felt a weight on his shoulders. Sesshomaru glanced down, only to see it was Kagome resting on him. Her eyes were shut, her breathing was even as she leaned into him.

He knew she had been over exhausting herself lately, especially with the way she was faithfully taking care of their son, but he hadn't expected her to be that tired. He found himself slowly taking another position so she would be more comfortable. Sesshomaru moved her so she was half on his shoulder, half on his chest, and it didn't seem to wake her.

Then, he made sure she was carefully covered by the blanket, before wrapping his arm around her. Her rested his own head against hers, his lips gently pressed against her hair. From his position it was as if he could feel her heartbeat vibrating through her, reaching out to him. Everything about her was so  _present_ , he really could not explain it.

As the movie kept going, he found himself nodding off into slumber as well. The draining emotions he felt because of the mating mark had never disappeared and he would not be against a little extra sleep. Most of the time, he didn't allow her to see how tired he was but now that she was sleeping…

With her carefully tucked in his arms, it was hard not to find the peacefulness to sleep.

And as they both dozed off, a gently purple aura surrounded them bringing them not only extra comfort, but also peace of mind, putting all their current worries at ease.

-B-

Kagome opened her eyes, confusion dawning upon her. She ran her fingers through her bangs, which were covering her eyes. It wasn't until she moved around a little that she felt something that was neither a bed nor a pillow beneath her. As the events that occurred before her falling asleep rushed back to her mind, her eyes widened. She cringed as she turned around slightly, only to confirm the fact that she had fallen asleep on Sesshomaru.

A blush appeared across her cheeks, before slightly pulling away. Unfortunately doing so woke up Sesshomaru who seemed to always sleep lightly. He seemed as dazed as her as he took in a deep breath and glanced around.

"Sorry," said Kagome, the blush still present on her face as she moved to her own side of the bed.

"It's nothing," he said, prior to turning his body so his legs were dangling from the side of the bed.

He had hoped that he would have woken up before her, but apparently he hadn't been fast enough. Sesshomaru observed that she looked very embarrassed while scrambling onto her feet. He rubbed the side of his head with his index and thumb, before rising to his feet.

Deciding that the quiet approach was not working, he decided to take it up a notch. This time, Sesshomaru headed straight for her and made the bold decision to grab her wrist gently. It got her attention and a bit confused she looked up at him.

"Are you well?" he inquired, since he refused to go right away and  _discuss_  directly what the problem was. Perhaps she didn't wish for him to be aware of it.

Kagome frowned. "I- hm, I think so, why?"

He shrugged ever so slightly. "You seemed a little  _upset_  earlier."

She rapidly shook her head. "I'm fine."

Had even Sesshomaru noticed her change of mood? Was she really being that obvious? A deep sigh almost came out, but she held it back before smiling.

"Just fine," she added, before refocusing herself on her son.

Kiyoshi was laying in his crib, his amber eyes wide open as he stared at his mother with what looked like a smile on his face. Kagome copied his expression as she reached out for him, before carefully tucking him in her arms. Since he had been sleeping upon her return, she hadn't been able to hold him in  _hours_  and she had missed him.

In a few days, she had grown  _very_ attached. He was her everything.

"How did it go while I was gone?" she asked, her eyes never leaving her son's face.

Sesshomaru had noticed that Kagome had attempted to help him be closer to his son and he didn't wish for her to worry further upon the subject. Instead of giving her a verbal answer, he moved so he could be in front of her, he extended his arms in front of her. Kagome seemed a bit surprised but she gently handed over Kiyoshi.

She had hoped that leaving the two of them together for a few hours would work, but a part of her hadn't expected it to. Apparently she had been wrong. She observed carefully as Sesshomaru held Kiyoshi and though his movements were a bit unsure, he was still holding him of his own will. Especially since her emotions were all over the place, her eyes immediately became tearing at the scene.

Her relationship with Sesshomaru had its ups and downs, but she wanted Sesshomaru to be a strong presence in Kiyoshi's life. The fact that Sesshomaru didn't seem as uncomfortable around his son was truly a wonderful sight. Before she knew it, the first tear rolled down her cheek, and it seemed to attract Sesshomaru's attention. As soon as he looked at her with concerned eyes, she shook her hands in front of her body.

"No, I'm fine, really. It's just- I'm happy."

 _Happy_. Not a feeling she had experienced a whole lot during the last few months. But at that exact moment, she truly meant it. They were perhaps a very dysfunctional family, but they were one anyway.

It was still hard to believe Kiyoshi could be so calm and relaxed, even at such a young age. She had expected to get up many times every night to tend to his needs, but he barely ever woke up, or cried. Kagome did find herself worried a few times, but there were no signs that anything was wrong with Kiyoshi. She could only assume it was because of his youkai blood.

Unfortunately, her words were proven wrong fairly quickly when Kiyoshi's cry echoed through the room. However, Kagome and Sesshomaru didn't have to search very long for the source of his changed mood.

"Hey."

Kouga popped into the room, his eyes locked on Kiyoshi who was now crying. "Is he okay?" he inquired before taking a step closer.

"He was prior to your arrival."

Kagome couldn't help but crack a smile. "Hey Kouga," she said as she stepped closer to her son, running her fingers gently through his short little ebony hair, in an attempt to soothe him.

Kouga was glad Sesshomaru and Kagome could have some sort of interaction without being forced into it, but he still wished to speak to Kagome, just for a minute or two. He tore his eyes away from Kiyoshi, whom he assumed was trained by Sesshomaru to hate him and glanced at Kagome.

"Can I talk to you?"

Her eyebrows lifted. "Hm, sure."

Sesshomaru sent a quick glare over at Kouga, as Kagome headed for the door. The only response Kouga gave him was when he shrugged his shoulders, a smirk on his face. Maybe he was also doing this because he enjoyed the jealous angry look on Sesshomaru's face each time he was alone with Kagome.

Though, what he was about to do was for Sesshomaru's sake. Kouga hadn't conversed with him very often, but they had a few conversations in which he had learned a few things. Since he had tried to explain Kagome's point of view to Sesshomaru he thought he might try to do the same with Kagome. She didn't know exactly where Sesshomaru came from, he thought that if she did, it might help her.

Frankly, sometimes it was to wonder why he was getting so involved. In the past he had never been close to Sesshomaru, he had been in love with Kagome. Clearly he was much more of a good guy then he thought.

He could have taken her to his room, but he wanted to be alone with her. After all, he might end up discussing some personal details and it was nobody else's business. No matter how much he'd love to spread around the details of Sesshomaru's life. Instead he took Kagome outside of the hotel, near the pool where there were many sitting areas.

Of course, if he had thought that part through, he would have realized that taking her where women would be walking around in bikinis was perhaps not the best idea. Though, once they were sitting down he realized it was too late. Fortunately, Kagome didn't seem to glance around, instead she was looking at him, quite concerned.

"Is everything okay?"

In the past, she might have been grateful that she was taken  _away_  from a situation with Sesshomaru, but not anymore. Although she was a little embarrassed about falling asleep on him, it was not bad to be in his company, she was rather comfortable. Granted, they didn't always have the biggest conversation, but she believed that so far, everything was going well.

Or at least, nothing she had feared would happen had. Then again, it wasn't as if Sesshomaru would repeat any of the actions his beast had done, so there was truly nothing to worry about.

"I just wanted to talk about Sesshomaru," he said beginning the conversation right at the root of the subject.

She bit on her bottom lip. "What about him?"

Frankly, Kouga wasn't sure how Sesshomaru would be able to pull any move on Kagome; it wasn't like he had any experience. Whatever he might end up doing could be the wrong thing and he didn't want it screwing up anything.

"See, Sesshomaru is not very… knowledgeable when it comes to women."

She arched an eyebrow. "Knowledgeable?"

To be honest, Kagome didn't wish to know about Sesshomaru and his past with other women. Not only was it his privacy, but his  _personal_  choices had nothing to do with her. Right now, they were giving  _a relationship_  a try and knowing more than she needed to would probably not help. Why would she want to find out about all the women when she had a hard time thinking about  _their_  own past?

"Let's just say he has none."

Her toes were curling as she was itching to ask another question, but she held herself back. Sesshomaru had been roaming the world for over five hundred years and Kouga was trying to tell her he had  _no_  women tales to talk about?

"I- don't think. I mean it's none of my business."

Kouga frowned, a bit upset. Kagome might not know much about the rules of mating, but he did. Sesshomaru might not have done the right thing each time, but that was something sacred he had respected. That he was around Kagome or not, as her mate it was his duty to respect her and be loyal. Granted because of the circumstances he could have strayed, but he did not.

"Sesshomaru hasn't been with anyone else since you."

It could be something romantic, but it really wasn't. It wasn't as if Sesshomaru and her had made a promise of love, she had expected him to be only hers. As a matter of fact, back then she wanted him to be anything except hers. Though she had to admit, considering how he was in the past, she was almost surprised. Had Sesshomaru been focused on her all these years?

The statement made her feel uneasy, because she was becoming confused as to how to feel about it. It was true that Sesshomaru always prided himself on his honor and whatnot, so being with another woman would technically break that code he had imposed for himself. Who would have thought that he deemed her worthy to respect the mating?

Kouga smirked as he watched her expression change. "He's not always a bad guy."

"I know that," she said, her hands resting upon her lap, as she played with the hem of her shirt. "I just, - it's hard sometimes."

He nodded. He didn't know what she went through, but for someone coming from the modern era, he could imagine how much harder it was to accept all the events that had occurred. However, she was doing a wonderful job trying to deal with everything. Kagome was going much further than most women would.

The past could not be expected to disappear in the matter of a few instants. It required work and effort, while she wanted to be free from it, it was impossible to do so in a few weeks. But, apparently, Sesshomaru knew how to be very patient, which was a good thing, considering the amount of  _time_  she'd need.

"Why are you telling me this?" she inquired, curious.

Kouga shrugged his shoulders. "You're both in your own shell, if someone doesn't push you out of it, nothing will be done."

He rose to his feet before extending a hand her way. "Come on, I'll bring you back before he has a fit."

Instead of taking his hand, Kagome stretched her arms and brought him into an embrace. "Thank you Kouga."

After spending years in the Feudal Era, she had lost touch with her friends from the Modern Era. She had often thought that once it would all be over, she'd find herself alone. Kagome was more than glad to see she had been wrong. Her life might not have gone the way she had expected it to, but it was not all darkness. She could see the light shining through.

Kouga returned the hug and they remained like that for a few seconds before they pulled away from each other and headed back to their rooms. As Kagome processed Kouga's words while they were walking, she realized that Sesshomaru was still a complete mystery to her. She knew the one from the past and the beast, but the more time passed, the less she knew about the new him and how he came to be.

Once they reached Kagome's door, Kouga winked at her. "If he gets too boring, remember; I'm right next door."

A small laugh escaped her lips. "I'll remember."

If someone could make any tense ambiance comfortable, it was Kouga. The smile was still vivid on her lips as she opened the door, only to find emptiness. She closed it behind her, before venturing further. It wasn't until she made her way into the kitchen that she found him. Though it was quite late during the day, Sesshomaru was making coffee.

"Hey," she said softly, warning him of her presence.

Sesshomaru slightly tilted his head to the side, before offering her a smile. "Is everything well?"

She nodded. "He just wanted to talk."

Kagome began heading in Sesshomaru's direction, her hand dragging, touching everything. Once she reached the chair closest to him, she sat down on it, causing their backs to be facing. By telling her about Sesshomaru, Kouga had brought along a good point. If this was going to work, she needed to know everything about him. It might seem a bit intrusive, but she felt it was necessary.

"You know, I was thinking..."

Sesshomaru, who had been pouring coffee into his cup, stopped his movements.

Kagome tilted her head to the side, pondering on the right words to say. "You have this suitcase that has everything there is to know about me…"

As the words left her, he almost expected her to be upset. She had seemed fine upon the discovery of the inside of his suitcase, but perhaps after sometime of brewing it over, she had decided it was an invasion of her privacy. Nonetheless, he remained silent, waiting for her to finish.

Kagome slouched a bit in her seat. "I just, I don't know anything about you. What happened to you during the last five hundred years and whatnot. Nothing."

His expression transformed into one of surprise. "You wish to know about me?"

Kagome turned her body around a bit so that she could look at him. "I'd like that. I want to know who you are."

Sesshomaru still seemed a bit surprised, as a tiny frown appeared. "It's a long story." Some of it involving things he wasn't sure he was ready to talk about. Though he couldn't keep much from her.

"Well, apparently," she said bringing a hand to her neck, "I'm going to live quite a while, so I guess we're okay."

He couldn't help the small smile that broke through his expression. It was rare that she was comfortable enough to crack a joke around him and he enjoyed it. "Very well," he said, taking his mug. "Would you like a cup of coffee?"

Kagome nodded, knowing she might need it in the long run. She watched as Sesshomaru turned around to prepare it, she couldn't help the smile on her face. If five hundred years ago someone told her that  _her monster_  would be one of the good guys, she would have called them insane.

Now, she could see that out of every bad thing, came a good thing. She had long believed he had the biggest impact in  _her_  life, but now, she was beginning to see that perhaps she had affected his life as well.

Through it all, they were intertwined.

-B-


	57. Step by Step

Although the night had fallen, Kagome was still awake in her bed, tossing around a bit. When she had asked Sesshomaru if he could tell her about his past, she hadn't expected him to actually share. She had to admit it had been a surprise, but a good one nonetheless. In a way, it had perhaps helped her understand him a bit better.

The first topic he had begun with had been his childhood.

She had been a bit surprised to find out that his parents had still been mated when Inutaisho had sought out Inuyasha's mother, which had made Kagome understand a bit where his hatred had came from. The relationship Inutaisho had with Izayoi had taken away his father and his family. Though from the tale he had told, Sesshomaru hadn't been very much attached to the whole idea of family.

It was when his father had passed away that he had begun living with his mother full time. From what Sesshomaru had told her, she was a very cruel emotionless woman, to whom love was not a concept she could comprehend. Perhaps it was because of the betrayal of her mate, but never had she accepted the fact that her son could feel.

If he did, he would be weak, just like his father.

Of course having lost his father, Sesshomaru had thrived to be strong.

He had been bluntly honest with her, telling her everything. What he had experienced and she hadn't expected that. Perhaps it was because she still had in mind  _how_  Sesshomaru should act and think, but often, he would show her differently. She couldn't say that she was  _not_  pleased with that.

Once he had skimmed over his growing up years with his mother, the story in the tomb had been told. Of course, that was their first meeting. She had been surprised that he remembered her. Very surprised.

_"You remember that?"_

_"How could I not?" he inquired, almost surprised she thought he could forget her. "You were the annoying human who succeeded in pulling out the sword while I could not. Also, you did not die by my hand of my poison."_

_She chuckled. "I guess I made quite the impression."_

_"However bad it was, yes."_

_Kagome arched an eyebrow. "Bad?"_

_Perhaps he had spoken too much. Though now it was too late to take his words back._

_"You were siding with my half-brother, taking my sword from me and remaining alive despite my attempts to kill you. I would qualify that as bad. Oh I also lost an arm."_

_Kagome couldn't help but cringe at that memory. She had sort of completely forgotten about that. It was true that back then she really couldn't have cared less about Sesshomaru._

_"By the way, how did you get it back?"_

_"You are not the only Miko."_

_"You mean, you went to a dark Miko to regenerate it?"_

_He nodded. "I had no other choice. Although I could operate perfectly with one arm, it was a sign of weakness."_

_Sometimes she could forget just how power had used to mean everything to him. To her it seemed like yesterday, but to him so much time had passed. It was true that he had become perhaps more_ mature _during the last few centuries, she had to give him that._

_"What happened to your thirst for power?"_

_"I came to understand that certain things were more important."_

_The look he gave her as he pronounced those words made her feel as if he was referring to her, but she couldn't be sure. It was true he was working to make it up to her, but there was no way she was the one event in his life that caused him to change so much. She didn't matter that much, nor did she have that much influence on someone._

The rest of the conversation had mostly covered everything before their fateful,  _dreadful_  meeting that had lead everything to go into a spiral of doom. Clearly they had both thought that part would be better left for another time. Nonetheless, she would have liked to hear about his tale of the past five hundred years.

Since he had shared with her, she would not push him, just like he didn't push her.

One day, she would understand the mystery of Sesshomaru.

-B-

_The sun was just rising as he felt the warmth of the rays raise the temperature of his skin. Through the sleepiness and his closed eyes, a smirk appeared on his lips. Never in his life had he ever felt so relaxed before. He was going to press himself into his bed even more, until he felt hands on his bare stomach. The smirk on his face grew larger as her warm little hands felt great against his flesh._

_As her hands rose higher on his chest, it was then that he realized something was wrong. It was_ her _hands_.  _His eyes snapped open, he glanced down at her. Her hair was wet, he could only assume it was from a shower. The other thing he noticed was her bare chest, her breasts pressed against his own stomach, her hard nipples brushing against him._

_His breathing accelerated, before he pressed his palms against the bed, as he tried to move against the headboard in an attempt to pull away from her. His heart was throbbing against his chest, his mouth completely dry. How could he, how would he?_

_Ignoring the way he was trying to move away from her, she only began to get closer to him. A playful smirk was upon her face as she bit on her bottom lip, looking so teasingly up at him. Like a cat making its way to its prey, she hunted him. How could she act as if nothing happened, how could she come on to him like this, why in the world was she naked?_

_Completely…Completely Naked?_

_It wasn't until the thought of nakedness hit his mind that he realized that he himself was bare. Why wasn't he wearing any clothes? Why did his head feel so fussy and why couldn't he remember anything? Surely if something had happened between them, he could be able to recall it. He searched through his mind as best he could, but it didn't help._

_Meanwhile, it seemed Kagome had taken the opportunity to sneak up on him. She laced her arms around his neck before pressing her plump lips against his, savoring his mouth. His eyes widened in surprise, but it did not stop him, from somehow returning the kiss. He could remember when she had kissed him not too long ago in the hotel room, he wanted that feeling again._

_As she voluntarily pressed her body against his, he found himself wrapping his arms around her waist, feeling her smooth skin, before he returned the kiss with as much passion as he could. She was his, only his. He still didn't know what was going on and if he should even be enjoying this moment, but she was making it very difficult._

_The kiss went on for a little while longer before she pulled away, pressed her nose against his. She laughed softly, which was the sweetest sound he had ever heard, before kissing the tip of his nose. "Morning sunshine."_

_He could say something or return the greeting that was proper in this occasion. But he didn't. Instead, he asked the question that had been burning his mind._

_"K-Kagome what's going on?"_

_She tilted her head to the side, pouting slightly. "What are you talking about?"_

_The right words wouldn't come to his mind so he glanced at her body then his. "What is this?"_

_The smile on her face grew bigger before she shook her head softly. "What's wrong with you this morning, did you get hit on the head? You're acting weird."_

_He was acting weird? She was the one who was acting as if she was out of her mind! Why did she think this was right, or that there was nothing wrong with what she was doing? They weren't that close! No he wasn't about to complain, but he wouldn't take advantage of her either._

_"Come on, stop acting silly. My mother will be bringing the kids back soon and I want to spend some more time with you."_

_There was no way he had heard her right._

_"Kid_ s _? With an s?"_

_Kagome had thought he was playing around at first, but the more time passed, the more she became worried._

_"Yes, kids. Our daughter, our son. Remember?"_

_No, no he didn't remember! The only thing he knew was that they had a son, he didn't know where that daughter came from. Not that he wouldn't be pleased with having a daughter too but he knew for a fact that they didn't have one. It didn't make any sense to him. Dreaming, it had to be a dream right? It made no sense at all._

_Kagome crashed her lips against his again and this time he found himself savoring it. If this was a dream, the least he could do was enjoy it right? She bit on his bottom lip, causing him to feel a sting of pain, but he didn't stop. However, it made him think; if he could feel pain, didn't this mean this was real? His whole head was spinning with confusion, as she pressed more and more of her naked body against his._

_His will felt so thin, she felt so willing._

_His hands roamed over her body as she moaned into his mouth, sending him into a spiral of lust. Her hair was tangled through his finger and he could not help thrusting against her. His tongue slipped into her mouth as he tasted her sweetness. This was the warmth, the feeling of wholeness he had been looking for all this time._

_In the past, he didn't know about it, in the present, he didn't think he could learn it. It was true that he didn't deserve it, but if she offered it to him, he would make sure that every day, he would let her know how grateful he was for having it. He would cherish her, he would never hurt her again. Never would he be the cause of her tears rolling down her cheeks._

_"I need you," she breathed, her heart pulsing in her chest. "Please."_

_Oh, all he wanted was to answer her, give her what she need. Was it right? He wasn't sure anymore, his mind was filled with lust. All he needed was her, he had to feel her, touch her, make her feel good, better than she ever wished for._

Sweat dripped down his back as he breathed heavily, a gasp coming out of his mouth. He couldn't help but glance around as his confusion took over. It was only too quickly that he realized that he had indeed been dreaming, that such a world had been taken from him. He still could feel his heart hammering in his chest and the warmth of his body.

He was in the hotel room, in his own bed, while Kagome was in hers.

It burnt within and he didn't know what to do. It was then that he noticed something particular rising through the blankets. Oh no, this was  _not_  happening, not right now, not like this. Immediately he kicked the blankets off his body, intending to rush to the bathroom. Unfortunately, it appeared that the commotion he was creating was enough to wake her up.

"Sesshomaru?"

He froze dead in his tracks, afraid to turn around. There was no way he could let Kagome see him in such a state. Not only was it very embarrassing, but it would also make him appear as if he was some kind of animal. She couldn't know about what his head was filled with, because even he himself was embarrassed by it. It made him feel so shameful.

"Yes?" he finally answered.

"Everything okay?"

She sat in the bed, rubbing her eyes slightly as she came out of her slumber. She remembered feeling a disturbance and it had woken her up. It was then that she had seen Sesshomaru leave the bed in a panic. She knew there was nothing wrong with Kiyoshi, hence why she couldn't help wondering what was going on.

Sesshomaru's mind was hard to come up with something to say, anything to say, but he couldn't. He cursed himself in his mind, before making sure he was not tilted to the side in any way.

"It was a bad dream." God, he had just made himself sound like a five year old.

At first Kagome was a bit surprised, unsure what to say, but then she found herself thinking. It was possible that Sesshomaru held many regrets about the past and it was perhaps what was haunting him. Had it often kept him up at night? It was obvious from the tone of his voice that he had no desire to share, but she couldn't help the thoughts running thru her mind.

Nonetheless, she wouldn't bother him. "Oh, alright," she softly said, before laying her head back on her pillow.

For now, there was not much she could say or do, so she remained quiet. It was bothering her deep within, especially when he literally ran for the bathroom. Never before had she seen him so preoccupied and nervous about something he was so quick to dismiss. It was more than obvious he was keeping something to himself. Or it was a really bad dream.

But it was technically none of her business. He kept things to himself, she kept things to herself, there was nothing more to it. Throwing her head back into the pillow slightly, she closed her eyes, attempting to go back to sleep, but it was soon made obvious to her that it was not a privilege she would be granted. Compared to before, now once she was awake, it was for good.

Meanwhile Sesshomaru had his back pressed against the door, while he exhaled deeply. His damp hair was glued to his neck, he raised a hand to run his fingers through it. He couldn't remember the last time he had such a vivid type of dream. As a matter of fact, he didn't think he ever did. He was not a teenager overloaded with hormones. There was no reason for him to have such sexual dreams.

And it had felt so real.

The proof of that was currently very awake in his pants. There was only one known cure he had heard for such predicament and he was about to put it to the test.

He rushed to the shower before turning it on, only allowing the cold water to come through. Hopefully it would work, because he would already have a hard time facing her right now without this, and god,  _hard_  was the wrong word to use. His lips felt extremely dry under his tongue as he licked them, before quickly undressing himself.

The coldness of the water was harsh against his flesh, but he ignored it. He needed this.

He could feel the heat still present in his cheeks, as he tried to find many reasons why he shouldn't be embarrassed. Although it was not something that happened to him before, he had known it happened to many others in the past. It was not as if he had control over his own dreams. Kagome was an attractive woman in whom he was interested and five hundred years of celibate life had its effects on him. Yes, it was a one time thing, a sign of his body feeling the years. There was nothing more to it.

Of course, it would never happen again. One could not control dreams, but he would be trying his best.

-B-

"What's up with doggie over there?"

Kagome raised her head from her book, before glancing over at Kouga to see what he was looking at. Of course, there she found Sesshomaru sitting at the kitchen table, a cup of coffee in his hand, an open book in front of him, while he stared at the emptiness ahead. She sighed heavily before closing the book in her hand, so she would not lose her current page.

"Beets me, he's been like that since this morning."

Which was a rather nice way to put it, ever since he had emerged from his shower, he had not said a word to her. He had been lost in his own world avoiding any kind of eye contact. She had tried to think about what could have caused such a reaction, but nothing had come to mind. Perhaps it was just part of the mystery that was Sesshomaru.

Kagome seemed to dismiss it quite quickly, but Kouga was quite interested. Perhaps it was because he had the feeling that a rather interesting story linked to the whole thing.

"Did he say anything?"

She shook her head. "He said he had a bad dream and ran into the bathroom."

That little sentence meant nothing to her, but it made perfect sense to Kouga. He found himself unable to hold back a chuckle, letting it out in front of Kagome. It caused her to raise an eyebrow in confusion and when she glanced at Kouga for more information, he dismissed it with a hand gesture.

"Men stuff."

Before Kagome could reply, a sound could be heard from Kiyoshi's crib, which caused Kagome to put her book down. She had been re-reading the Miko books Sesshomaru had given her, hoping to continue the research she had begun. Though for now, it would have to wait. Gently, she grabbed Kiyoshi from his crib, before pulling him into an embrace.

"I think somebody's hungry." Kiyoshi made a sound that resembled a giggle and she smiled. "At least you don't have secret men stuff you keep from me."

She glanced at Kouga, making him understand that her words were for him and he almost rolled his eyes.

"I know when I'm not wanted," he said, leaving not because of her words, but because he knew she was about to feed Kiyoshi.

He closed the door behind him and took a step into the kitchen, which seemed to break Sesshomaru out of his trance. He looked rather confused for a second, as if he had been caught doing something he shouldn't, but then, he quickly glanced down at his book.

"Do you not have somewhere else to be? Your presence is not required every second of every day."

Kouga turned a chair around, before sitting down, resting his arms on the back of the chair. "No, but if I wasn't around, you'd still be looking at her from afar, whining about how much you love her, but don't have a chance."

 _Touche_ , was all he could think, but he wouldn't admit it.

"Do you have something you want to say?" asked Sesshomaru, his tone reflecting his irritability.

Kouga shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. Are you going to tell me about your  _bad_  dream? In which I assume  _bad_  refers to  _bad girls_  you had to punish?"

It took a lot of Sesshomaru's self control to not allow his embarrassment to appear upon his cheeks. Obviously he had not taken into consideration the fact that Kagome might have paid any sort of attention to the incident that had occurred during the morning. Obviously she had noticed that his behavior had not been like usual.

"I don't know what you are referring to."

The man was stubborn, he would give him that. "I think we both know you wouldn't have a bad dream. Now I understand you wouldn't tell her, but there is no point lying to me."

"What difference does it make if I had a  _bad dream_  or not?" inquired Sesshomaru, his tone harsh as he put his book down loudly.

"Nothing. I just like seeing you squirm."

Even Sesshomaru had a limit to his patience and clearly Kouga was pushing it. It was none of his business what he dreamt about, obviously, he didn't wish to discuss the matter with anyone. Especially not with Kouga. Or Kagome. Nobody. Sesshomaru attempted to glance away, hoping that if he paid no attention to the Wolf he would go away. However, he knew Kouga better than that.

"So, how was it?"

A small growl escaped Sesshomaru before he could stop it.

"Nothing… that.. concerns… you,  _wolf boy_."

A whistle nearly escaped Kouga before he chuckled. Obviously Kagome was a very sensitive subject, although he already knew that. He had to admit though, it was natural, he was surprised that someone who carried as much guilt as him would actually have a sex dream about Kagome. Nonetheless, it was a good sign, since it meant progress for the two of them.

His mind was curious though. What did, the oh so great Lord of the West fantasize about?

"Fine, don't share. But remember, these kinds of dreams never come in singles. I hope you keep a bucket of cold water by your bed."

And with those comforting words, Kouga left the hotel room, hoping his words would remain with Sesshomaru, perhaps make him a bit uncomfortable. No, this was not helping Kagome and Sesshomaru, but it would be very enjoyable to see Sesshomaru be so uncomfortable. Kouga intended on savoring every second of it.

Sesshomaru was nearly dumbstruck by the words, as he remained in the same position for what appeared to be an eternity. Eventually however, someone entered the kitchen, which forced him to quit his reverie. It did not help though that said person was Kagome, who was holding Kiyoshi. There was a bright smile on her face as she headed in his direction.

In her eyes he looked as messed up as he did when he had woken up, but she tried to ignore it. If he wished to share, he would.

"Could you watch over Kiyoshi? He's quite awake, but I need a shower."

Hn. Shower. Wet hair. Naked body.  _No thinking was bad_.

Not being able to form a coherent answer, all he could do was nod, before reaching out for his son. Kagome carefully transferred him, before her smile grew.

"Thank you."

As she left to return to the bedroom he found himself staring at her. She was wearing a bit more fitting clothes lately since she had gone shopping and it was easier to see her form. Not that he was looking of course. As his eyes wouldn't tear away from her, he found  _something_  burning his face, as if he was being intensively stared at.

Sesshomaru glanced down at his son, as Kagome disappeared out of the view. As expected, Kiyoshi was looking up at him with his big amber eyes. Immediately Sesshomaru cleared his throat.

"I was not looking."

As if he understood, Kiyoshi's features seemed to transform into an expression of non-believing. Sesshomaru almost sighed; would there be no one to believe him?

He meant no harm by his thoughts, but now that Kouga's words were echoed through his mind, he feared even more that he might have those kinds of dreams again. Something would have to be done, because he could not avoid her forever.

Even if he tried.

-B-

Kagome was sitting on the bed, her toes twitching. Perhaps she had gotten the whole situation wrong. In her mind, Sesshomaru and her were supposed to be giving this a try. However, this was not happening, at least not today. Instead of talking to her, Sesshomaru had been avoiding her like she had the plague.

As a matter of fact, after her shower, he had kept spending time with Kiyoshi, though she knew he might like spending time with his son, she felt like somehow it was a way to avoid her.

Maybe she was turning this into something crazy.

Nonetheless, she was hoping for some sort of conversation. Granted he said he wouldn't rush her or push her, but this was less than progress, this was a stalemate. How was she supposed to get better if he refused to say even one word to her?

He was currently out, getting some Thai food, at her request. Well, actually he had mentioned the idea of take out food and frankly, she hadn't been able to resist. Of course, it was nothing more than another plan to avoid her, but she didn't mind that one as much.

As the seconds ticked away, she waited for him to come back, she found herself glancing down at her body. The change of attitude couldn't have anything to do with her new clothes could it? Could it be that he noticed the difference in her body as well? No, he wouldn't have noticed that first thing in the morning. She was simply being too paranoid.

Nonetheless, she wasn't able to stop herself from rising to her feet and rushing to the closest mirror. She quickly gave herself an inspection, only to be dissatisfied with the results. She ran her fingers through her hair, almost as if she was expecting it to transform her look, but of course, it didn't. Pinching her lips together, she bent forward, trying to inspect her baggy tired eyes, when the door of the hotel room opened.

Quickly she pulled away, as if she had been caught stealing and turned around, remaining in the bathroom, waiting for him to appear. When he did, she watched him put the bags on the bed, before his eyes began searching for her. Of course, it wasn't too long until he located her.

And there was no good explaining for her just standing in the bathroom.

"Are you well?" he inquired, speaking to her for the first time that day.

She quickly nodded before exiting the washroom. "Yeah, I'm fine," she said, her tone nearly letting him know that not everything was well.

Sesshomaru might not be the greatest expert when it came to women, but he knew enough to be aware that nothing good came with that tone. Now that it was night, and they were alone in the same room,  _and_  that he had asked the question, he couldn't avoid her. Plus, it had gotten somewhat ridiculous. He had nearly begged for a chance, now he was almost throwing it away.

"What is bothering you?" he inquired as he sat on the bed, taking out the food from the bag.

Kagome glanced left, then right before settling on the bed much like he had, except on her own. Technically they should be talking so that no trouble happened right? There was no reason why she couldn't speak about the way she was feeling. What kind of relationship was built on silence?

She played with her fingers, a bit nervously. "I just. I know you've been avoiding me."

Well, it wasn't like he could be surprised, since it was to be expected that she would catch on. All he could do was nod silently.

"Why?" she inquired before pinching her lips together.

There was no way he could tell her the truth. The first reason for that was that  _sex_  was not a subject he wanted to bring in, not now, not this soon. He also didn't wish for her to be thinking that it was the only thing on his mind. It could ruin all chance he had for a normal relationship with her. However, lying to her would not make him feel any better.

No matter what he did, what he said, it would be a lose-lose situation. The only thing he could do was attempt  _something_.

"I had dreams of the past."

The lie had slipped out and it could not be retracted.

Meanwhile, Kagome fell completely silent, she nodded. Of course. Perhaps this was not even his first time having such dreams, it was simply the first time she had noticed it, she had probably made the whole thing very awkward. She had thought at the beginning that it might be the problem, but she had been so busy looking for other options, she had never considering that perhaps that was the only one.

No the past could not be erased or changed.

It could not be forgotten or misplaced.

The only thing she could do was to move on, leave it behind. She had to take all the experience and take it to grow on. She was tired of struggling, of being pushed back, or left behind. She had to take the grown up steps and go on with her life. Perhaps if she did that, each day would get much easier.

Without being  _intimate_  she could be closer to Sesshomaru. She could provide comfort. Though, it would all be a lie. The one who needed comfort, the one who was sick of being alone in the darkness was her. She had just never thought he'd be the one to pull her away from that. Then again, until now, she had never given him a chance.

Her heart was pulsing, she could feel it in her veins as she rose to her feet and took a few steps in his direction. It was then that he glanced up, their eyes met, her heart skipping a beat. Slowly, she sat down beside him, unable to hear anything except the sound of her heart echoing through her mind. Without any second thoughts so she couldn't doubt herself, she leaned into him.

To her surprise, it was as if he knew what she was going to do. He opened his arms wide for her, as she leaned her face into his chest, while he wrapped his arms around her. In his hold she felt fragile, breakable, like a china doll that he had to protect. He had put her in that state and now he had to rebuild her.

Her fingers were gripping his shirt as she held on the best that she could. The tears were being held back, as she listened to his heart pounding through. He was just as nervous as she was and somehow, that re assured her a bit.

"I don't want to hurt anymore."

He lifted his hand slightly, his fingers running through her soft, silky ebony locks. He didn't want her suffering anymore either. If he could take it away, he would.

"It's easier to go on now then it was, but, I'm afraid to get hurt again."

It was then that she felt his slender fingers grab a hold of her chin and lifted her head gently.

"I will never let you be hurt again."

His green eyes were locked on her grey orbs, for a split second the world had ceased to move. He had spoken with such passion that she wished to believe him. She wanted to believe that the kind words he said were true, that it would never happen again. However, it was a promise that could never be kept, not by anyone.

Though she knew, he'd do everything he could not to be the one to harm her again.

She tightened her hold on him, bringing her face just a bit closer.

There she was, vulnerable and tempting, he wanted to chase the pain away. He could see how exhausted she looked, just how much of a front she put on every day, because no matter what, he had noticed that she always had to be the strong one. Not for herself, never for herself. It was always for others.

She needed to let someone else be strong for her.

Her lips were parted ever so slightly, they looked so luscious. This was nothing like his dream, because this was Kagome, this was how their relationship was. It was very tempting to close the little distance that separated them, he didn't know if he could. It was one thing to let her do the first step, but doing it himself… he would feel as if he was pressuring her.

However, it dawned upon him that she was not moving away. Could she have been waiting for this?

Nervousness was taken hold of his heart as he managed to summon the courage to close the distance and softly press his lips against hers. He expected her to not respond, or even pull away, but she did neither. Instead she returned the kiss just as gently, it made him feel alive. He had only kissed her once of his own will since they had met in the Modern Era and it was after transforming back to himself.

This was different. This was a very willing kiss.

He never dared to move his hands which were wrapped around her, as she leaned in even closer. Her chest was against his, as he continued the kiss. It was not the most passionate, or lust filled, but it… he could not even explain it in words. None that fitted the situation came to his mind.

Her lips remained against his for a few more seconds, until they both pulled away.

It was impossible for Kagome to look at him, so she found herself staring down, the smallest blush upon her cheeks. Meanwhile, Sesshomaru was somewhat misinterpreting her reaction, causing him to release her from his hold immediately, feeling quite apologetic.

"I'm sorry – I shouldn't have – I cr-"

"You didn't do anything wrong," she said, raising her head, but not quite looking at it.

Nothing bad had happened. It was simply that she still had a hard time knowing what to do or how to feel in such a situation. It hadn't been horrible, that was for certain, but it hadn't dragged her into a vortex of lust, which was probably because of the previous sexual encounters they had. Still, it hadn't  _hurt_  her to kiss him and somehow that was a relief.

It was true that she had kissed him of her own a while back, but it had been different.

This time, it hadn't been out of depression, feelings of remorse, or anything like that. It had simply been a kiss they had decided to share.

Not knowing what else to say, Kagome found herself biting on her bottom lip. Considering everything, her total lack of experience in dating, this had quickly become very awkward. Though this was silly, they were attempting to have a relationship, yet almost every time there was progress, they felt like they couldn't talk.

"You know this won't be easy right?" she asked, a tiny smile on her lips. "My mother will definitely kick you out of the house when we come back."

He couldn't help but share her smiling laugh. He had once thought about Mrs. Higurashi's reaction and no matter how he pictured it in his mind, it never ended in a good way. But then how could it? After what he had done to Kagome, no mother would ever forgive him. Perhaps he would rather not think about it, because perhaps Mrs. Higurashi would bring Kagome back to her sense and he'd lose her.

"She wouldn't be wrong," he said, his smile disappearing.

The meeting would be difficult, there was no doubt about that, she had always known so. After all, her mother had picked up the pieces of the broken version of herself she had became. She had seen her devastated beyond belief. Kagome knew it wasn't a sight her mother was close to forgetting. Even Kagome herself was aware that all of it was insane.

But, when had something been sane in her life?

She didn't want to inflict her mother with any pain, she could not stop her from expressing her opinions. All they would be able to do would be to talk to her, see where things would go. One day at a time was the best thing they could do for now.

"Who knows. Apparently I take after my mother."

She didn't know if she was trying to re assure him by saying that like she was much forgiving, like her mother, or that she had a bad temper. Though Miyu didn't have such a furious temper as her daughter did.

Since an awkward moment had appeared between them, she decided to lighten it by changing the subject.

"I've been reading the books again and I thought that since you know, there is no risk for me or Kiyoshi, maybe we  _could_  try the connection again."

Not only would it help them connect a bit, but it would also improve their understanding of each other. She knew a bit more about him since their little talk, but nonetheless, there were hidden secrets he was keeping to himself and even though it was his own business, if his mind was ready to share, she was ready to accept.

He nodded in agreement, before stretching his hands in front of him. Gently, she slid hers in and he squeezed ever so softly.

And a heartbeat was skipped.

-B-


	58. Unleashing the Past

_A cold breeze was blowing through the darkness of the forest as the moon shone brightly in the black sky. The stars were missing and the moonlight wasn't enough to light up the path of dirt she was currently following. Her feet were dragging across the ground as she rubbed her hands against the skin of her arms, trying to warm herself up._

_The coldness of the night was enough to cause her to shiver, as she glanced around, desperately trying to find something familiar. Somehow, the scene seemed familiar, but she couldn't remember why. All she knew was that it was giving her a bad feeling and it was freaking her out._

_The only thing that could be heard in the quietness of the night was her footsteps, as she couldn't stop herself from becoming more and more paranoid. Her memory was failing her, she could not recall why she was in the middle of the forest. Her heart was pulsing through her chest so harshly, it almost brought her pain._

_"It's too late."_

_She was helpless in preventing herself from jumping in fear as she heard the angry voice echo through the emptiness of the forest. Immediately, she snapped her head in the direction of the voice, only to see a silhouette standing near a big tree._

_"It's too late for him."_

_She frowned in confusion, trying to understand what he was referring to. She was about to ask, when she followed his line of sight. Her gaze went lower until she met what appeared to be a grave. Without knowing why, her feet guided her closer to the stranger in the tomb, never making an attempt to stop herself._

_As soon as she reached the grave, she dropped to her knees, her heart ready to explode into a million pieces within her chest. She gently licked her dry lips, her vision becoming blurry as tears began to form in her eyes. She didn't know this person since there was nothing on the grave, yet she felt a pain that was strong enough to destroy her._

_As her bottom lip began to quiver, she heard the stranger coming closer to her, but she made no attempt to move._

_"I could have avoided this."_

_She found herself shaking her head, as if she knew what he was talking about. "Not at that point. One of you would have died."_

_"Not if I hadn't laid a hand on you."_

_"He kissed me. He was mine."_

_Her words didn't follow his, but she had blurted them out anyway. "I had wished for him for so long. He was mine, I was happy."_

_"I wanted you to be mine. Not his. Never his."_

_She closed her eyes, causing more tears to slide down her cheeks before taking a deep breath. "I hated you, but you freed me. That day, I lost him and I gained my freedom. His death was my way out."_

_The memories were blurry, she wasn't even sure she knew what she was talking about. Who was he? Why was she so grateful yet so sad?_

_He had saved her. His stubbornness, the way he never gave up on her, it was the only reason why she was free. She had never meant for him to die, especially not for her; she was not worth it. Her life didn't mean that much._

_Though, it did mean he loved her. Maybe if she could have looked past the incident, then maybe she could have saved him. She didn't care if the stranger blamed himself, because in her mind, she was the one who had wronged._

_"I'll never forget him."_

_She had been so mad at him before his death, yet losing him had made her regret all the fights. It was so pointless to waste time being angry. All it did was take away the time you could have spent on happy moments. If she had been happy with him instead of full of rage, then perhaps, his death wouldn't have been as sad._

_Now forever, she would live with the fact that she could never apologize._

_Anger only made people bittersweet. Anger only ruined life. Anger only took away the pureness of people's hearts._

_Anger never solved anything. You could spend yourself wishing revenge, wishing death, but it would never make you happy. Holding on to unhappy feelings only corrupted the soul._

_"I won't forget. I can't forgive myself. But I cannot forgive him either."_

_His brother should have known that it was a life decision. Kill or be killed. It would have been impossible to stop the situation from happening. Yet, perhaps if he had been able to control himself, he would have never had to kill his brother. His pride was telling him that he had made the right choice, but his brain was not as convinced._

_There were many things that would bring him guilt for the rest of his life, things he would never forgive himself for, and that was one of them. She was the other._

_He knew her. He loved her smile. She was pure blinding light._

_How did he know? It was a mystery. The only thing he was sure of was that he had hurt that angel, when she was the best thing anyone could hope for. A smile on her face was the only thing he wanted, even if it was to cost him his own life. He was damaged, and so was his past, though he wished to erase it all, he couldn't._

_Out of all the pain and misery, one good thing had happened._

_He had met her._

_A stubborn girl, who transformed everyone she crossed paths with. He thought he was different from the rest of the world, that no one could influence him. If Rin hadn't been proof enough,_ she _was, His heart wasn't as hard as he thought, and perhaps, the layer of stone could be melted after all._

_He could not help but drop to his knees as well, joining her by the grave. His fingers quickly found their way to her, before they both knew it, their fingers were intertwined. His heart nearly skipped a beat as the coldness of her skin reacted against his warm flesh._

_He wanted to bring her warmth, and joy. He wanted to be the place she called home._

_But she wasn't his, or at least, she didn't feel as if she was. Everything he did should cause her to slip through his fingers. Yet through it all, he wanted nothing more than to hold on._

_And he would. For as long, as she would let him._

His grasp on her was weakening, causing him to almost go into a state of panic. It was at that moment that his eyes snapped open, he almost gasped for air. Quickly his arms dropped to his side, while hers limpidly fell upon her legs.

Sesshomaru thought she was just slowly coming out of the trance, but he then noticed the blood trailing down from her nose and once again, anxiety washed over him. Quickly he wrapped his arms around her body and shook her softly as if to bring her back.

When her body remained lifeless, his began to shake a bit. Could it be that he broke the connection and that she was stuck?  _No_. He refused to believe he had done  _yet_  another thing to bring her harm. His tongue ran over his dry lips as he once again attempted to shake her.

The amount of blood leaking from her nose had decreased, it did nothing to calm him down. Gently, he ran his fingers through her hair, as if to soothe her, even though she was unconscious and did not require comfort. Perhaps he was mostly doing it for himself and for his own state of mind.

As he was about to lose his mind, her eyes slowly opened, bringing him relief. He rested her head on his lap, waiting for her to completely come to consciousness. The peachy color of her skin slowly came back as her grey eyes were completely opened. Sesshomaru watched as she glanced around the room in confusion, as he still ran his fingers through her soft locks.

He had strongly believed that he had lost her.

His heart was still trying to slow down as he watched her sit up in the bed, blinking more than usual. Her lips were glued together, as if she was trying to find the right question to ask, but just couldn't find the words. It was as he watched her face carefully that it dawned upon him; she couldn't remember what had just occurred.

Sesshomaru felt his heart sink, but he wasn't sure if it was because of regret, or relief. Did he not want her to remember the death of his brother? Or rather, his murder?

No, he didn't.

Perhaps it was out of his own selfishness, but he didn't want her to be reminded of that. After all, he had done so many wrong things to her, she was already struggling to forget. He didn't want to give her more reasons to hate him.

He felt disgusted for thinking that way, but he could not help himself.

-B-

The rays of the sun were burning his eyes as he stared ahead into the distance. Once again, he had found himself deprived of any kind of sleep. However, this time it was for two different reasons. The first one had been the events of the previous night. In a way he felt relieved that she didn't remember the connection, but somehow he also felt plagued by being the only one who could recall it.

The other thing that kept him awake was that the passionate dream he had, as predicted by Kouga, didn't come as a single dream. He had once again been haunted by it, and he hadn't been able to find rest again afterwards. The only positive side was that he hadn't woken Kagome up like the previous time. After the exhausting connection from the previous night, he was glad she was still asleep.

His eyes were burning, his body was exhausted. Yet, all he could do was look out the window, completely hopeless.

He had been strong, he had been different. Now, a mere dream of her was enough to bring out all of his weaknesses. There was something about her, but he knew that since the day he met her. Of course, back then, he believed that the  _something_  only made her more of a nuisance, more annoying, but he now knew differently.

There was nobody else like her.

He ran his hand over his face, covering up a sigh. How could he become so infatuated? It was not in his nature, it was not like him. By this point, there was no denying the way he felt, but the fact was, this was completely new for him. Already he was not familiar with the whole  _dating_  scene, but on top of that, they shared a horrible history.

If Kagome had been anyone else, she wouldn't have followed him around the world.

Anyone else wouldn't have cared for the fate of the world, or their duty. Their own desires would have been first, but Kagome was not selfish. Even though it made her sick to accompany him, she did it. Somewhere along the way, she had even found it in her heart to forgive him, allowing them some type of relationship.

It worried him though.

What if they became closer, but somewhere along the way, she became scared? He would never stop her from running away. He would allow her to leave if she wanted to. The problem was, he knew that would hurt more than anything else. Of course, he would deserve the pain, but nonetheless.

She was becoming too addictive.

And now, there was also their son.

Sesshomaru remembered that Kiyoshi had desired a bond between them, before his birth, but now he wasn't sure his son wanted such a thing. Kiyoshi was extremely protective of Kagome, not that it could be blamed. After all, Kiyoshi had put himself into danger before being born, just to save his mother.

After all the sacrifices she had made for him, it was normal that his love for his mother was without limit. Sesshomaru felt no jealousy, but only regrets. It was his fault that Kagome found herself in such a situation, and it was his fault that his son had to risk his life. If he hadn't done the mistakes he had in the past, none of it would have happened.

Of course, dwelling upon the past would not erase it, hence why they had to be moving forward. For everyone's sake, he would remain in the past tormented by his mistakes, but he knew it would not help her. Everything he had done, though. He would never forget, he would never forgive himself.

He pulled himself away from the window and sat down on the nearest chair, before running his fingers through his hair. His eyes lingered on her still form in the bed, as a sigh escaped his lips. He was overwhelmed by rare feelings, his stomach felt twisted in knots.

Time was running out.

Soon enough, they would probably be able to resume their search for the last shard, which would mean they would return to Japan. After all they didn't need to remain in Brazil just for her to purify the jewel, with Kiyoshi now present, it would be better to provide him the safest environment of being home.

However, when such things would happen, it would also mean that Kagome would return to the shrine, he would return to his own house. He did intend on moving closer to her, but it wouldn't change that their situation would be very different. Plus, it wouldn't feel appropriate to see her mother. He had no right to stand in front of her and claim he would take care of Kagome.

She would have every reason to doubt his words.

He was afraid.

 _Him_. He was  _afraid_.

Afraid that once they would return, she would completely slip from his fingers. She would return to her sense and he would lose her. He didn't even have her right now, but, she was  _in_  his life, trying to be with him.

He'd lose that too.

In the past, he never knew how lucky he was to have her, but now he knew his chance, he wasn't sure he could lose her for a second time. He would never stop her from leaving of course, but this time around, it would probably do much more damage than the first time she left.

After so many years, he knew what all these people saw in her.

Suddenly, his thoughts were broken by the sound of a small cry, causing him to snap his head in that direction. Kiyoshi. It seemed he was upset by something, yet strangely enough he wasn't making that much noise, as if not to disturb Kagome. Sesshomaru agreed with that logic, knowing she needed as much rest as she could get.

He rose to his feet and rushed to the crib. Sesshomaru still didn't have much experience holding his son, but he knew he could do this. Slowly, he picked up Kiyoshi bringing him close to his chest. Sesshomaru could only assume that his son was hungry, since Kiyoshi would usually remain still until his mother would wake up.

Unfortunately, he could not breastfeed his son like Kagome could. He did know however that she kept milk bottles that he could heat up. A tingle of stress traveled through his body as he headed for the kitchen. Not too long ago, he held his son for the first time and now he was tending to his needs for the first time.

He would never say it aloud, though he was sure his son could tell, but he was nervous. He was not made to be a family man, he had no experience in that area. It didn't come to him as naturally as it did to Kagome. She was a natural at almost everything she did. His son was lucky to have such a mother to protect him.

While holding Kiyoshi securely with one arm, he opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle. He was so busy preparing everything, while making sure he didn't drop his son that he failed to notice Kiyoshi had quieted down. Kiyoshi's amber eyes were locked on his father, observing his every movement.

Meanwhile, in the other room Kagome was slowly sitting up in the bed, as she was waking up. Something inside her had made her feel uneasy, she couldn't figure out what it was, hence why she had woken up. She glanced around, looking from the crib to the other bed, only to find she was completely alone in the room, both men gone.

She kicked the blankets off her with her feet, before running a hand through her locks. She blinked a few times, her confusion washing away, as she pressed her feet against the cold floor, before heading to the bathroom. Kagome felt no worry, assuming that if Kiyoshi and Sesshomaru were both missing, it meant they were both together.

She pushed the door of the bathroom opened with her palm, prior to stumbling inside the room. The face she could see in the mirror wasn't one she liked and she sighed. Things had been going decently well lately, yet, she looked like a complete train wreck. The dark circles under her eyes had not gone away, her eyes still appeared to be bloodshot.

Before now, she hadn't really paid much attention, but since she was now apparently in some sort of  _dating_  loop, her appearance came to her mind a few times. Of course, Sesshomaru had seen her in much worse of a state, meaning that it shouldn't matter how she looked.

Every day, she grew more nervous and more relax at the same time. She enjoyed being more comfortable around Sesshomaru since it made the whole ambiance easier, it lightened a weight off her shoulders. However, she still felt stress since the whole idea of a relationship, of  _being_  with someone was completely terrifying.

She turned on the water, before splashing her face, hoping it would wake her up a bit. She had begun feeling extremely drained again, which was strange considering that she was closer to Sesshomaru now then ever. A long sigh escaped her lips as she bit on her bottom lip, glancing one last time at her reflection in the mirror.

It was then that she noticed a little bit of blood on her nose.

Slowly, she attempted to remember what had happened, but her memory was fuzzy. Kagome frowned at the fact she could not recall the end of the previous night. Had something happen? Quickly she ran her fingers over her nose, removing the blood, before heading for the kitchen, where she hoped to find Sesshomaru, along with some answers.

Her footsteps were loud, mostly because she was dragging her body since she felt so tired, but then, before she could reach the doorway, she stopped in her tracks. It was the only reaction she could have to the scene displayed in front of her. Her chest heaved as she breathed heavily, her eyes locked on Sesshomaru and Kiyoshi.

A part of her had always assumed that Sesshomaru would be too scared to ever actually be  _close_  to Kiyoshi out of his own efforts, but apparently he wished to prove her wrong. Her stomach had butterflies as she watched him hold their son carefully in his arms, holding the bottle to Kiyoshi's mouth. Sesshomaru's green eyes were shining with a light she did not know, as he could not tear them away from the little bundle of joy he was holding.

Those were the things he did that completely threw her off balance. There were so many different Sesshomaru' _s_  hiding inside of him, and once in a while, a new one appeared, and melted her from within. She still remembered everything, she knew who he used to be. But she also was beginning to understand who he was. But most of it all, he wasn't as scary as he used to be.

Kagome decided on leaving them to have their moment, was about to turn around and leave, when it seemed that Sesshomaru noticed her presence. He lifted his head and their eyes met. A blush suddenly appeared across her cheeks, and it took everything for her to not look away. After all, she hadn't been spying on him or anything, meaning there was no reason for her to be ashamed, or look away.

"Hey," she said, taking a step closer to him, her hands behind her back.

He offered her a nod, before uncomfortably looking back at his son again. He didn't expect her to wake up so soon, or to find him like this, not that he was ashamed of his situation. Perhaps he just didn't want to see her yet because of what had occurred during the connection.

Kagome didn't want to disrupt the moment with questions, thus she sat down on a chair, deciding it would be better to wait. Her heart was pounding in her chest, she felt nervousness take over. Why wouldn't she be comfortable in his presence? After everything there was no reason why she shouldn't be calm.

The minutes ticked away and once Sesshomaru was done feeding Kiyoshi, he brought him back to his crib, knowing that once he put his son to sleep, he would have to return to Kagome's side and talk. It was obvious from the look in her eyes that she had something bothering her.

Once he tucked in Kiyoshi, he headed for the kitchen, running his fingers through his hair. It was getting long since he hadn't kept it up ever since meeting up with her in the modern time. Truth was, he believed it was better if he kept his hair short, since it was making a bigger distinction between the him now and the him of the past. He liked to believe that this made it easier for her to be around him.

"Are you hungry?" he inquired as soon as he stepped into the kitchen.

She shook her head softly and he nodded back before joining her at the table. There was an unnecessary awkwardness between them and she didn't like it, hence why she decided to break it.

"What happened last night?"

Sesshomaru watched her tilt her head to the side, waiting for his answer.

"The connection?"

She knitted her eyebrows together, as if trying to remember what he was referring to, when it dawned upon her. How could she have forgotten that they had tried to do the connection the previous night? Actually, from his words, they had not just tried, they had done it. Then why was it impossible for her to remember?

"You blacked out." He wasn't sure it was what happened, but it was the closest description. "You didn't come out of it right away."

Kagome pinched her lips together, trying her best to recall the events that had happened, but it was to no avail.

"Do you remember it? The connection?"

It was the part he had wanted to avoid, it was the words he didn't want to say, but she left him no choice. He would stick by the same rules he always had, meaning he wouldn't lie to her. It was bothering him because they could not make progress without facing the past, but the past could be the very reason why they would never get anywhere.

But he could not be selfish.

"It was about Inuyasha's death."

His words shook her whole body, for a second she found herself petrified. Her heart began to hammer in her chest so intensely it hurt. She ran her tongue over her lips, as if there was nothing else she could do, her mind was a complete blank.

Inuyasha.

She had never forgotten about him. Granted she hadn't thought about him as much lately, but with everything that had happened, it had been difficult to even allow herself time to think. His  _death_ however, was still a vivid image that she could easily recall. Death, or murder, which was the proper word?

It almost made sense that she couldn't remember. Had it been too much to handle, especially right now when everything was so stressful? Kagome pulled herself out of her thoughts and glanced into Sesshomaru's eyes. She could tell that he was desperately waiting for her to say something, but she couldn't.

To be honest, Inuyasha's death could only be added to the pile of problems they had. Though, hadn't she decided to not let anything else get in the way? If they kept bringing things up, they would never move forward. But could some things ever be forgotten? It was the one question always in her mind.

However, now she could not think about that. She had inquired about the connection, Sesshomaru had truthfully answered; she could not leave him hanging.

"I miss him."

If they were going to be honest, then she couldn't hide her feelings. Sesshomaru nodded to her revelation. He could not say he missed his brother, after all, they were never close, but he did regret the way things ended.

"Trying to think about it and remembering it. It feels like it was a life time ago."

Since the rush of everything, how her life had been spun around, it felt like what had happened in the Feudal Era was nothing more than a bad dream now. Yet it pulsed through her like reality. She knew it had happened, but perhaps she wished so hard that it didn't, that sometimes her mind was playing tricks on her.

"Another life," he added, trying to glance into her eyes.

Kagome bit into her top lip, peering down at her hands that were resting on her laps. "You know, I think that what he really wanted was a family. Before… _everything_ , I don't think he hated you. He just wanted you to accept him."

"Things were different back then." His answer came quicker than he wanted or expected.

Sesshomaru had been well aware that Inuyasha had spent most of his life alone after his mother died. But then again, so had Sesshomaru. After their father had died for the hanyou's sake, Sesshomaru had been on his own since his mother had never been a big part of his life. If he had made it fine on his own, so should have Inuyasha.

In the past, he never understood why the hanyou thought he deserved special treatment. Kill, or be killed. There was no kind hearts in the world, nobody ready to sacrifice themselves for you.

Well, except  _her_.

"I suppose they were," she said, finally looking up. "We can't run from it though. The past is the past and unless you accept that, nothing will ever change."

She almost felt like a liar since she should be taking her own advice, but it was hard to do so. Nonetheless, she was giving this a try, which should mean that she was attempting to move on.

"Do you ever think about him?"

Kagome was aware that perhaps she shouldn't have asked, that it wasn't any of her business, but sometimes she was too curious for her own good. That, or she needed to know he felt regret. She already knew Sesshomaru was always feeling guilty, but it was as if she wanted to make sure. No it wasn't fair to him, no he shouldn't have to prove himself but…

She couldn't be  _good_  all the time. She had her pain and sufferings like the rest of the world and sometimes, she needed to be reassured.

"There are many things I regret from the past." He paused, taking a deep breath. "It is one of them. It was hard to avoid it when it happened. Someone would have lost their life."

"Things would be very different right now if it had been you instead of him."

Better? She didn't know. She was so broken back then, beyond repair. If Sesshomaru had died, she would have lived her whole life with all the pain and anger, carrying it within her. She wasn't glad that Inuyasha was dead, never would she be, but having met Sesshomaru in the modern era, seeing him differently had helped her greatly.

"If such things had not occurred, I would never have found out why my beast found you so captivating."

He spoke his words loudly and so full of honesty, that a blush crept up her cheeks. She knew from the shining twinkle in his eyes that he made to say it, yet, the heat in her face still increased. He could be so blunt sometimes, and it left her wordless. What could she add now?

Sesshomaru blinked a little longer than usual before rising to his feet. Her hair was tangled, she looked absolutely drained of energy and her eyes were bloodshot. Yet she appeared completely stunning. Kagome didn't need make up, or fancy dress up. She was so pure, she shone through and blinded him.

He shouldn't do what he was about to attempt, but he could not stop himself either. The last thing Sesshomaru wanted to do was to push her away, but he would ask nonetheless.

"May I?"

Kagome stared at him in confusion as he came closer. It wasn't until he cupped her cheek with his hand that she finally understood. Once again, he caused her heart to go insane within her chest as its beat pulsed through faster than usual. Tears were burning her eyes because of the topic of conversation and memories of her and Inuyasha were flooding thru her mind.

It almost felt wrong, but it seemed right.

She felt like she was an emotional mess as she softly nodded her head. It was as if she was about to board a train, which had no final destination. She was about to throw herself into the emptiness and nobody might be there to catch her. This was wrong on so many levels, yet nothing else would be more right.

Had she lost her mind? After all this time, even after saying she would give him a chance, why was she still confused? This wasn't sex, it was closeness. Shouldn't she want to throw herself into it, head first? But she was scared, terrified to remember the moments of the past. Especially now when she was remembering Inuyasha's death.

Her bottom lip quivered as he took another step closer, she waited for it to happen. Kagome didn't know what she wanted anymore and doubt was the only thing in her mind when she felt their lips connect. His touch was warm, as his hand remained on her cheek, while he bent down even more, so they could be at the same level.

Her own hands were still on her lap, completely still while their mouths moved together. The blush on her cheeks had only increased as their closed mouthed kiss continued. The only thing filling her mind was the sound of her heart echoing through. She had kissed him many times in the past, some of those times she had initiated, but she couldn't help the nervousness she was feeling now.

Sesshomaru was aware that now was perhaps not the best time to do such a thing, but he had this intense urge to kiss her. Maybe it was all those dreams he had been having, where they were so close and she was so happy. He wanted to see her happy as she had been in his dream. All he wished for was her happiness. Nothing else.

The kiss went on for a few more seconds, before he decided to pull away. He cupped her other cheek with his other hand prior to pressing a kiss on the tip of her nose. The action brought a ghost of a smile upon her lips, she glanced down, almost embarrassed.

He moved one of his hands so it was on the back of her head and softly caressed her hair. He had become really accustomed to doing that and it was slowly becoming a habit. There were so many things he wished to tell her, but he didn't feel as if he was adequate in such a situation. The great Sesshomaru sometimes didn't know what to say.

"You should be happy," he finally said. "I've yet to see you truly happy."

He knew she had been in the past. He had even heard Rin talk about her, but he had never been able to experience it. Not that he deserved it.

Feeling bold, she finally raised her shaky hands and grabbed on to his wrists.

"I want to be."

Kagome no longer wanted to feel the weight of the past on her shoulders. She wanted to love life, throw herself in front of danger like she used to do. Now, she almost felt too cautious, as if she wasn't herself anymore. Before, she wouldn't think, she would just act and go. Where had that drive gone to?

"I fear I could not bring you happiness." It was in his mind all the time, he could not hide it.

She wanted to reassure him, but she wasn't sure if she could. He wasn't a bad person, at least not anymore, he was different. The problem was she didn't know if anyone could bring her happiness but herself. If she kept herself lost, never finding her way, could she truly find joy again?

"I think we were doomed from the beginning." A small chuckle past her lips as she finally glanced up, looking right into his green eyes. "Maybe we have to break the curse."

Nothing about them was right, or had begun right. There were never good intentions in the beginning, now all they kept trying to do was fix the troubles of the past. They were filled with pain and regrets, their guilt eating them away. How could they build anything on that foundation?

"I think we need to turn the page on the past. But that starts with the jewel."

It was also a main thing of the past that refused to go away. She wanted to take care of it, she wanted to finally rid the world of it. The jewel itself was not evil, but in the wrong hands could destroy everything. It had been her duty to look after it and she had to complete it.

Perhaps once that was over, it would be easier to focus on their lives.

"You wish to do it now?"

It was true that with Kiyoshi around it was a bit more complicated, but at least they had Kouga. She despised the idea of being away from her son, especially when he had just been born, but… they had to do this. What if it fell into the wrong hands?

She nodded slowly, as her fingers trailed down until her hands were near his elbows.

"I don't want to be filled with darkness anymore."

She wanted to be free of it all.

Sesshomaru offered her a nod, before releasing her face and gently wrapping his arms around her body. Immediately, Kagome leaned into his embrace, burying her face in his chest.  _This_  was the kind of situation she would have despised and avoided in the past.

Now, as strange as it sounded, it was giving her a feeling of safety. She couldn't trust herself, she was dark. She needed someone, she needed support and Sesshomaru was the one who was there.

All she could do was close her eyes, feeling a warmth fill her as he pressed a kiss against her forehead.

Sesshomaru had become her safety net… and she didn't mind.

-B-


	59. Fun Day

She glanced at herself in the mirror as she finished pulling her hair up into a ponytail. Kagome then pulled down on her blue t-shirt, nervousness filling her. Resuming the jewel shard hunt was quite nerve wracking. She was aware that the whole thing was her idea, but now she was almost re-considering it.

It was true that they had to finish it, there was nothing more that she wanted then to take her son back home,  _but_ …

She also had to leave Kiyoshi behind to search for the shard. There was no way she would bring him out in to the dangerous world where she had learned she could not even protect herself. If something happened to her she would not forgive herself, hence why she would have to leave him with Kouga.

It wasn't that she didn't trust him, but he was her son and he was still so  _young_.

Problem was, she couldn't wait for him to grow up to find the last shard. They would eventually need to return to Japan.

And returning to Japan meant going back to living at the shrine with her mother while Sesshomaru lived somewhere else. Of course that was not the reason for her uneasiness and uncertainty. True she had gotten used to living with him by now, but it would be fine to  _not_  live with him as well.

A sigh rolled off her lips as she pulled her eyes away from the mirror and turned around to head back into the room.

They had set a whole schedule for their hunt since she didn't want to be away from her son for too long. Minimal hours of search would probably drag it out longer than it had to be, but it was necessary. Plus it wasn't like she felt safe  _flying_  back to Japan with her son right away. He was still a bit young.

As soon as Kagome stepped into the bedroom, both males looked up at her and appeared as if she had disturbed some secret plan of theirs.

"Everything okay?" she inquired before raising an eyebrow.

Kouga smiled brightly at her, showing off his fangs before nodding. "Just giving doggie here some tips," he said before digging his elbow into Sesshomaru's side.

Clearly the gesture was not appreciated by Sesshomaru as he quickly frowned, but Kouga ignored the glare he was receiving and instead focused all of his attention on Kagome.

"You look stunning."

He knew that compliments were probably not the best thing to do with Sesshomaru around, but he was also aware that someone had to make Kagome feel good about herself, Sesshomaru wouldn't have the balls to do it.

"Thank you," she replied, taking a step in their direction.

Involuntarily, she found herself looking up at Sesshomaru, as if she was waiting for him to say something. He returned her stare nearly making her blush because of the boldness in his eyes, but he remained silent. It dragged on for a little while with Kouga nearly rolling his eyes.

Kagome held back another sigh, before glancing away.

"I'll go check on Kiyoshi before we go."

Kouga resisted the urge of smacking Sesshomaru as he saw Kagome walk away. He had truly been an idiot to believe that Sesshomaru was the  _smart_  one. He knew he had no experience with women, but lately he had been pushing it. Unless he was being shy, which Kouga doubted was an option for someone like the Lord of the West.

"Could ya be any dumber?" asked Kouga as he shook his head.

Without giving Sesshomaru a chance to answer, he walked away to meet up with Ginta and Hakkaku in the kitchen. He wouldn't even bother to explain to Sesshomaru what he had done wrong. If he couldn't figure it out, it wasn't his problem anymore. The guy really needed to do  _some_  of that work on his own.

It was clear to Sesshomaru that Kouga didn't understand the situation. Unlike Kouga, he could not compliment Kagome as if it was nothing. Not only did he not have such a right, but also he was afraid to put her in an uncomfortable position. He was sure that she had not been waiting for him to say she looked stunning. Though she did look so to him, no matter what she wore.

He tilted his head to the side and stole a glance at her as she was bent down over the crib, talking to their son. She could not look more beautiful than she did at that moment. Sesshomaru could not deny he did feel a small amount of stress when it came to searching for the last shard with her once again.

The last time they had gone hunting for the shard he had been almost unable to protect her, it could have cost the life of their son and hers as well. Obviously it would be hard for him to forgive himself for allowing it to ever happen again, he knew such a thing could not occur.

But what if he failed her again?

"Ready?"

Her voice pulled him out of his thoughts as he raised his head to look at her. Once he processed her question, he nodded.

Her fingers were twitching as her nervousness increased, she could only hope it was not showing. Going out there again was quite a scary thing, but for the sake of her duty and herself it was something she had to do.

"We are leaving," Sesshomaru announced towards the kitchen, only to see Kouga pop his head out.

"Have fun," he said as he waved.

Kagome bit her bottom lip as a rush of thoughts went through her mind.

"I put five extra milk bottles in the fridge. And all of his diapers are under the nursing table and-"

"Don't worry beautiful. I'll take care of him. As long as he doesn't purify me."

Both Sesshomaru and Kagome couldn't hide the little smirk that appeared on their lips as they recalled the memory.

"I would not count on that," said Sesshomaru as he grabbed his jacket.

Kouga glared at him for a second before moving his glance to Kagome, almost looking for some sort of confirmation nothing would happen. Kagome gave him a small smile knowing that though Kiyoshi might attempt what he did last time he would not  _harm_  Kouga. At least not  _too_  bad.

She then glanced at her son, her heart heavy at the thought that she was about to leave for the first time. It was tearing her heart apart hence why she knew they could not be gone for very long. As she was about to look away, Kiyoshi peered at her and offered her what appeared to be a smile. Her face softened, as she smiled back.

Kagome knew that if they didn't go now, she would end up staying. It was already hard and his face was making it harder on her. Kagome took a deep breath before turning around, ready to head outside.

Sesshomaru found himself looking at his son as well, but not as long as Kagome had. He knew Kiyoshi would be fine, but he could understand how difficult it was for a mother to leave their child behind. He hated that he had to do this, but since they had been unable to complete the jewel prior to the birth of their son, they were left with very little choice.

He could only hope their little search would be very uneventful.

-B-

After an hour of driving through the main city without any sign of the last shard, it had become clear to the both of them that perhaps that they would have more luck in secluded areas much like it had happened for the first one. Whoever had the shard probably didn't leave it in the open, or if by some miracle nobody had found it, chances were that it was very well hidden in the wilderness.

It was why they had been dropped off near a forest and both of them had been forced to walk. They were obviously hoping that the trip would be their only one, but their hopes were not high. After all, they had been graced with very little luck since the beginning of their adventure.

Kagome tilted her head to the left side, before doing the same thing on the right side. Frankly she felt out of shape and all the walking was starting to get to her. She almost found herself wondering how she did it when she was pregnant. Then again, she had spent a lot of time passed out or resting back when she had been in that condition.

Now, she had to rely on her own self get around. Of course, Sesshomaru was still very protective of her, walking by her side instead of in front of her. She thought he might walk behind her, but then she reminded herself that she lacked total sense of direction and that if she were leading them, they would get lost.

Not that Sesshomaru knew his way around either.

For the long fifteen minutes that they had been walking, it had been nothing but silent. Kagome wasn't sure if it was because they were focused or they had nothing to say or were just feeling awkward. Some days she felt more comfortable around him then others, she couldn't explain just why that was. She could remember kissing him, yet thinking about the same thing at that moment brought her anxiety. She could not do it.

However the lack of conversation was getting to her.

"So you must be used to this huh?"

Sesshomaru raised his head and glanced her way, a bit confused. "I mean you – well you  _then_ , always use to do this. I mean I use to think you didn't even have anywhere to live."

"Being in a castle all by yourself can get lonely."

Kagome couldn't help but be a bit surprised by his words. "You got lonely?  _Back then_?"

The Sesshomaru she remembered didn't seem to enjoy company, thus she found it a bit hard to believe that he would actually despise being alone. She thought others annoyed him to no end, why would he seek company?

"I was always alone. I was perhaps unaware that it was loneliness I felt." He paused for a moment, his words stuck. "Until Rin, that is."

Kagome knew it was perhaps none of her business, but she couldn't help but ask the questions that floated in her mind. "I always wondered how Rin ended up with you."

He often wondered himself, not that he ever regretted it. "I always pay my debt."

She frowned. "You owed Rin?"

Sesshomaru nodded, though she could not see it since she was looking straight ahead. "After Inuyasha cut my arm in our father's tomb, I found myself badly injured. I required time to heal and did so in a fairly quiet area."

The memory was so vivid in his mind he almost felt once again as if it had just happened. It was true that Rin had made quite an impact on his life.

"Rin found me. Every day she brought me food. I told her I didn't require any, but she came back every day. She was not scared."

Now that he was thinking about it, there were a lot of similarities between Rin and Kagome. Perhaps it was why now that he could see her for who she was, he found her captivating. She had the same strength within her that Rin had.

Kagome couldn't hold back the smile that crept up on her face. She could hear the change in the tone of Sesshomaru's voice when he had begun talking about Rin. She knew just how important she had been to him, how she had perhaps begun the transformation.

She also knew that when Rin died, he was probably devastated.

"I'm sure that she never wished her life could have been different. You were everything to her and I know she was proud of you."

Her speech was short, made of few words, but it meant a lot. After everything that had happened, and the fact that both of them were related, he had often felt like he had failed Rin somehow. As a father, as a guardian, he would never know Rin's perspective on the whole thing would have been, but to hear those words come from Kagome, did lift a small weight off his shoulders.

It still wasn't right, but he hoped that one day, in time, it would be.

"Thank you."

After their short conversation they returned to silence, but Sesshomaru couldn't tear his eyes away from Kagome. Everything was uncertainty when it came to her, it brought within him a feeling of uneasiness. He just knew he was going to lose her, contemplating if she'd be better off without him, or if he'd ever be with her truly.

He didn't feel very often, or towards many people, usually he could detach himself fairly easily but he could not with her. Perhaps it was the stubbornness and possessiveness that came with being an inuyoukai, but he could not help it.

It was as he was observing her carefully that he also noticed that she was getting exhausted. He knew it had been a while since she had done anything very physical. He had forgotten to take into consideration that she may not be up for this. Also, she had her healing injuries from her previous attack. Granted they didn't seem to hurt as much as they used to, but it didn't mean she couldn't experience pain from time to time.

"Would you like to stop and rest?"

Frankly, she wanted to keep going because she didn't want to lose time since they didn't have much. However, her body was telling her differently. Plus, it wouldn't be right to over exhaust herself and afterwards not be able to do anything right? She ceased to walk, pondering for a few seconds, before she nodded.

Quickly she scanned over the area, until she found a fairly large rock and she headed for it. As soon as she sat down on it, relief washed over her. Her legs were absolutely  _killing_  her. Sesshomaru watched her expressions slightly amused as he joined her. Immediately before sitting down, he took his backpack off, knowing she would probably desire some food or water.

He took the water bottle out and handed it to her.

"Thank you," she said, grabbing hastily, prior to gulping down a few sips. Perhaps she was a bit thirstier then she thought as it felt good going down her throat.

Sesshomaru imitated her actions by drinking some water as well, as a peaceful silence surrounded them. Honestly he didn't miss the life he used to have. Maybe he had been walking as much as he did because he had been seeking something. Whatever the reason, he had to admit he enjoyed what he had now. Perhaps it was because he had a purpose.

Meanwhile Kagome was glancing up at the sky, a small smile on her face. It was still early and the sky was a bright blue, but she couldn't help thinking about the night. Memories flooded her mind quickly as her smile expanded.

"You know what I miss?" she asked out of the blue.

Sesshomaru shook his head, she didn't see it since she was looking up at the sky, but it didn't stop her from continuing. "Fireworks."

 _Strange_.

"Every year since I was three years old, I would go to at least one festival with my mother, we would stay until the fireworks. Sometimes I'd fall asleep before and my mom would wake me up before they started."

It was their special thing that they did together. Of course a little later on, Souta was added to the mix, but it only made it better. It was their family moment; something they held on to, especially after her father died.

"Something about the sounds, the colors as they filled the sky with pretty lights, it always mesmerized me."

Kagome was a bit unsure as of why she was sharing such a memory, but she had blurted it out without thinking and was now unable to cease. Sometimes, it was easy to share with Sesshomaru, perhaps because he was quite silent, she could talk as much as she wanted.

He didn't have many good childhood memories to share, but he was glad she felt comfortable enough to share hers around him. Sometimes he felt as if perhaps she was slipping away, but then with things like these, he was reassured. He almost felt pathetic for needing reassuring, but then again, nothing seemed like himself when he was around her.

"French Fries."

He raised an eyebrow, not understanding why she was talking about fast food.

She smiled. "It's my favorite food."

Somehow, he was not surprised, though pleased to know. He might have a file on her, but it didn't say everything about her. Some things he had to learn through talking.

"What about you?"

Though she had been around him for a long time now, Sesshomaru was hard to get to know. She didn't think it was really because he was secretive and didn't wish to share, but because he had painful memories. Obviously, she wouldn't make him share those if he didn't wish to.

Her question left Sesshomaru pondering. He didn't really require food, hence why it was hard for him to have something he preferred. Over the years he had barely gone through anything, though he did enjoy quick foods. He decided he would amuse her a bit.

"Wacdonald's burgers."

Kagome's eyes widened, she couldn't hold back the laugh from escaping. "You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me."

She knew he probably didn't mean it as his favorite food, but the fact that he knew of it was hilarious. "You,  _you_ ,  **you**  have tasted a Wacdonald's burger?"

"Why is it so unbelievable?"

She scoffed. "Have you taken a look at yourself? You're not exactly the typical Japanese man. You're all suits and business….. _y_. Alright maybe you are the typical Japanese man, but you're not like  _that_. You're supposed to be all fancy!"

"Not to insult you or anything," she added before he thought she was being offensive. "I just picture you in expensive restaurants and not at Wacdonald's."

He tilted his head to the side, highly amused. "Well, it was  _once_."

"And what brought you there?"

"Curiosity?"

She shook her head. "You wanted greasy fingers. Admit it."

He chuckled a bit. "Perhaps."

"I guess you're just like the rest of us little people after all."

It was nice to be able to put him at the same level as the rest of the world. She could still vividly remember how much more superior and powerful he had seemed in the Feudal Era. He was still currently the same person, but  _he_  was different. It didn't make sense but at the same time it did. He was as deadly as ever, yet sweeter than ever.

Hence why it made everything so complicated and why she was so confused.

It could be so easy to be normal around him, to start out fresh without any memories of the past, but she knew that if she did that, the past would come back anyway. You can't run from it, only face it; she had quickly realized that. The best she could do for now was to try to create nice memories that could eventually replace the bad ones.

Of course there was a very important step she would have to do eventually that involved his beast, but they weren't at that step just yet. Obviously if she wanted to be with Sesshomaru, it meant he wouldn't wear the watch forever, that one day his beast would have to be free. However, she found herself delaying that moment since she was recently learning to enjoy the company of Sesshomaru himself.

It was hard for him to glance away from her bright smiling face. Perhaps he had felt a little something within him when she had been able to laugh so freely around him and tease. Though seeing her so happy only added to his guilt. It was so easy to bring her joy, yet he had crushed her for so long in the past. Not only his beast but him as well.

This was why he had to make it up to her.

He extended his hand in front of her and before Kagome knew it, she felt him running his fingers through her lock of hair on her shoulder. Her movement ceased, her smile dropped a bit as her heartbeat increased. Silently, with his eyes, Sesshomaru asked for permission and it was for her to decide if she would allow his request.

She felt her lips become dry as they parted, her throat felt constricted. Gently, she found herself nodding, ignoring the small fear within. They had done this before, no reason for her to be so nervous, but she could hardly help it. Kagome felt his hand move to her cheek, cupping it as he slowly approached her face.

While he closed the distance between their mouths, she found herself playing with her hands on her lap. Soon enough his lips touched hers, as he gifted her with a sweet kiss. It was fairly short, but enough to make her heart flutter. When he pulled away, his hand still on her cheek, looking down in her eyes, she held her breath.

"Are you ready to begin searching again?" he inquired almost as if nothing had happened.

Kagome weakly nodded, before quickly scrambling to her feet. She had done more than kissing, yet the little things were enough to make her blush. Perhaps it was because this was how a real relationship progressed, not that she would know.

She threw her back pack over her shoulder prior to hastily heading back to the path. Sesshomaru could not help but watch her, as he heavily exhaled. He almost found himself in trouble. He couldn't believe just how innocent she still was. Something he greatly appreciated. He hadn't failed to notice the blush on her cheeks and he almost felt unworthy.

She was like a precious wild flower.

-B-

"You mean I gotta babysit again tomorrow?"

Kagome bit on her bottom lip. "I thought everything went well?"

Kouga's eyes widened a bit. "Well yeah, but … I don't trust him," he said before pointing to Sesshomaru. "I'm pretty sure he's training your son to hate me."

"I promise it was a one time accident." Granted she could actually promise that, but Kagome was pretty sure Kiyoshi hadn't meant any harm.

Their search for the shard had not led to anything, meaning they would have to go away. Granted they had been fairly lucky with the first two shards, and they couldn't expect the last one to be as easy to locate. Still, now it was much harder to leave since Kiyoshi was left behind.

All she could hope for was that she could at least feel the familiar  _tingle_  soon.

"Considering the amount of food and movies you are ordering, I can hardly see why you're complaining," added Sesshomaru as he held in his hand the bill of everything Kouga had bought during the night.

Kouga only offered him a smirk in reply before taunting him by waving. He wasn't paid for his babysitting services, thus he had to take what he could. Or perhaps he was only doing it to piss off Sesshomaru; it was a win-win situation in both cases.

While Kouga closed the door Kagome plopped herself down on the bed feeling an ache in her legs.

"I'm so tired," she said, prior to sighing heavily.

Maybe she was getting too old for all that walking. Oh wait. No that was what lazy teenagers said when they were out of shape. Oh god, had she regressed that badly? Perhaps a shower would get her back into it… although that meant she had to get up and walk all the way to the bathroom.

She extended her arms in front of her, attempting to lift herself, but she quickly realized she was failing. She was about to try again when she suddenly felt someone grab her hands and pull her into a sitting position. Quickly enough, she found herself staring into Sesshomaru's eyes, his warm hands enveloping hers.

"Thank you," she whispered softly.

He offered her a nod, while she got on her feet. "I'll go take a shower," she said a tiny tint of red decorating her cheeks.

Quickly she headed for the drawer and grabbed the first clothes she found. She was about to walk towards the washroom without a word, when she felt the urge to say something. Timidly she turned around and offered Sesshomaru a smile.

"It was fun today," she said, her tone filled with joy.

Sesshomaru couldn't do anything but return her smile. "It was."

They didn't often have many days where they could relax, even today hadn't been one, yet it ended up being enjoyable. Sesshomaru was very glad that she could have fun with him, especially since he believed that she would be awkward in his company. When was the last time that they had been fully alone? A part of him had truly thought that she would panic just a bit.

He watched Kagome leave and close the door behind her. As soon as she disappeared, he rested his back against the nearest wall, tilting his head back. He felt a feeling of satisfaction going thru him and for once, he was not as worried as usual. Of course that feeling quickly dissipated.

His happiness faded a bit once he began feeling a pain in his wrist. Curious he found himself glancing down at his watch and he immediately made a link he hoped was wrong. The pain couldn't have anything to do with the watch could it? His watch was related to his beast… whom was locked away.

The watch was safe; his beast could not be freed unless he pressed the button. But then why would he feel pain? Sesshomaru grabbed his wrist, moving the watch around, deciding it would be best to ignore it. The beast would remain locked away and he would put up with the pain until it was gone.

A sigh rolled off his lips as he moved away from the wall, deciding to sit down on the bed instead. His beast was a thing often on his mind. Kagome seemed fine around him, but he knew it wouldn't be the same when his beast was free. Granted he could keep it locked up forever… but he didn't know what that would do.

Could he be half of a person for the rest of his life?

He had been like that for a long time, but maybe long term it would have some effects.

He ran his fingers through his hair as he heard the shower start. Thinking about her in the shower reminded him of the many dreams he had. Of course, he had been lucky enough to  _not_  have one for two days straight. It made it a bit difficult to be around her when all he could see were flashes of his dreams.

She was not only different, innocent, and beautiful, but she also was his mate and mother of his son. How could he  _not_  be attracted to her?

Surely him being a  _slave_  to his feelings was not something he was used to, or enjoyed. Sesshomaru was always in control, but not now. Of course he wouldn't act on his feelings like a hormonal puppy. His beast had done that in the past and had pretty much  _ruined_  her life.

He would never go past what she was comfortable with. To be honest, Sesshomaru was surprised he had the guts to kiss her earlier while they had been out. He could not explain why he had wanted to do it. Perhaps because they had been able to ignore the past for a while and converse with each other, or maybe just because.

He was most likely screwed.

-B-

Her hair still damp because she hadn't bothered to dry it, Kagome fixed the blanket wrapped around Kiyoshi for the fifth times. She had missed him all day and when they had returned, he had been already asleep. Perhaps she just felt bad that she had left him alone and was trying to take care of him.

As she pulled away from the crib she couldn't help but notice the nice popcorn aroma that filled the room. She perked up a bit as she decided to head for the kitchen, her wet hair gluing itself to her shirt as she walked. As soon as she walked into the kitchen, she found Sesshomaru holding a popcorn bag, with cans of pop on the counter.

She raised an eyebrow, clearly intrigued. "Planning something?"

Sesshomaru pointed to one of the bags on the table. Kagome couldn't help but satisfy her curiosity by taking a look inside. As soon as she reached in, she felt something, and immediately pulled it out. In her hands she was holding five movies.

"You brought this?"

"I thought perhaps you would enjoy the distraction. We also had a long day."

Kagome couldn't help but smile at the gesture. She always knew Sesshomaru had a hidden side that sometimes would pop out, but each time, she was surprised by it. She bit on her bottom lip excitedly and began to flip through the movies. It took her a few seconds to realize they were all romantic comedies. Not the kind of movies she would expect  _him_  to have.

"Do you have a hidden love for girly movies?"

Sesshomaru couldn't help but chuckle. "I've been discovered."

 _Taunting? Playing around?_  This was new. She wasn't sure if this was the new Sesshomaru, or regular Sesshomaru trying for her sake to be nice. She had to admit though, she was not displeased. After everything that had happened, she almost felt weird to have someone else do something nice for her.

It was clearly  _different_. Things had not turned out as badly as she expected them to.

"How about Koizora?"

He offered her a nod as he poured the popcorn into a bowl, not able to tear his eyes off of her. He didn't think a simple movie would bring her such joy, but then again, Kagome didn't need a lot to be happy. Perhaps it was one of her great quality; finding joy in the little things. Another thing she had in common with Rin.

Kagome disappeared into the bedroom with the movie in her hands. There was nothing stressful about watching a movie was there? After all, they had done it before, back when their situation was much worse. As Kagome thought about her feelings carefully she found herself experiencing a bit of guilt.

Was it okay for her to feel this way in his company? Granted she was tired of the feeling of pain and depression, but was it also appropriate for her to be happy with the person who had brought her great suffering in the first place? Nobody would judge her, not that she would care since it was her life, but it still made her feel a little uneasy.

It also felt like she was ignoring the real problem.

They could play house all they wanted, but unless they actually went to the root of the problem, nothing would get fixed.

Her sudden joy was drained as she put the movie down on the TV set. Could she hold those bitter feelings for one night? After all the day had gone great; should she really ruin it at this point? Her heart sunk a bit, especially when she heard the footsteps coming her way. Immediately she lifted her head only to make eye contact with Sesshomaru.

"Are you well?" he inquired as he brought the food and drinks into the room, setting the tray onto the bed.

Kagome quickly nodded, before turning around. She grabbed the movie, popping it inside the DVD player. She would wait. Maybe tonight she just wanted to be a normal girl enjoying a nice evening. Was it so wrong for her to wish for that? It was selfish, but she felt like she deserved it.

Tomorrow however, she would face it.

Yes, tomorrow, she would ask Sesshomaru to press the little button on his watch… and she would face the beast. At that thought alone her heart was racing through her chest. She held back the nervousness, reminding herself that tonight wasn't about that.

Tonight she was Kagome and he was Sesshomaru and there was nothing else to it.

She took a deep breath to relax herself before spinning around. She found Sesshomaru sitting on his own bed with a tray, while another tray was on her bed. She knew he wasn't trying to push her, or create situations she wouldn't be comfortable with.

Though she had a nice time with him, there were still fears within her, she wasn't sure if it was the best idea, but she was willing to give it a shot. However, she still believed it was good for them to take their time. She was fine with hanging out with him, but she knew that intimacy would be a difficult issue for her.

So far all they had done was kiss, she was no longer as nervous as she once was, but she knew that anything further would be a different story. But for now, she was okay with their pace, and with being around him.

It was a start.

Plus, perhaps the more steps they took while being away from Japan, the better. The return to normal life might be to disturbing.

Kagome took a deep breath before sitting down on her own bed. It felt almost awkward to watch a movie in different beds since they hadn't done that before. She almost found herself wondering if it was rude not to ask him to join her.

But with the recent closeness they had developed, she found herself feeling nervous. Nonetheless, she turned her head to the side and glanced at him. Sesshomaru didn't seem to notice as he was using the remote to get the movie running. Her heart began beating a bit faster and quickly looked away from him.

"You can sit here if you want."

Maybe he wondered if she would ask. She already had once, he hadn't expected her to do it every time. He had no desire to overcome the boundaries of her personal space. Once he finished setting up the movie and pressed play, he grabbed his own tray and moved to her bed. He sat on the right side, leaving a decent amount of space between them before glancing at the screen.

Silence came upon them, their eyes glued on the screen.

Tomorrow, she'd take a step she didn't want to take, something that completely terrified her. But today, she would not speak of it. No because today she allowed herself to be a normal girl, who hadn't gone through what she had gone through, who wasn't mated and who wasn't a mom.

She was just Kagome.

Slowly she stretched out her hand, leaving it in the empty space between. She wasn't suggesting anything, she was simply…  _doing_. She didn't expect it to mean anything, or for him to even do anything. Although those thoughts didn't stop her heart from hammering away inside of her chest, the feelings she was experiencing in his presence were so mixed and confusing that most of the time she preferred to ignore it all together.

Sesshomaru peered at her hand from the corner of his eye, pondering.

Should he?

It was almost a clear hint, but when it came to her, he was uncertain.

Nonetheless, he slowly moved his hand over to hers and before they both knew it, their fingers were intertwined.

And it didn't feel all that wrong.

Two heavy hearts beating slightly faster, with guilt weighing heavily on their minds.

But it still wasn't wrong, or right.

It just was.

-B-


	60. The Meeting

The sun was barely rising as her chest heaved while she exhaled. Desperately she had tried to sleep, but it had been in vain. The thought alone that she would be speaking with his beast was enough to send her into a state of shock. She was unable to cease her heart from pounding like a hammer, her lips were dry, her whole mind was clouded.

She was nervous.

She was terrified.

Kagome swallowed hard as she allowed her head to tip forward a bit, her state of tiredness slowly getting to her. Her eyelids were heavy, but her brain would not allow her any rest. Perhaps she should have taken care of the matter the night before. Though she had to admit a night of rest was something she required.

Now however all she could do was wait for Sesshomaru to wake up. It was hard for her to recall a moment where she ever had to do so. Usually he was awake much earlier than her. Perhaps it was because of the constant weight in his heart. She was glad he could finally feel remorse, but should someone feel like that every day? She didn't think so.

Everything about them was so uncertain, yet they kept moving forward. If nothing went wrong today perhaps this could be a big step for them. However it would be a bigger one for her. How long had she kept that darkness repressed? How long had she suffered, but hid it for the most part? Today was supposed to be about her and she would keep it that way.

It was selfish, but necessary.

On top of that, she didn't have to be scared. The beast didn't have enough time to do anything. Granted he could bring a few tears out of her, but nothing too damageable. Kagome took a deep breath again, her heart racing as she swung her legs to the side of the bed, her feet touching the cold ground.

The wood of the floor creaked under her feet, immediately she turned her head to the side checking to see if she had woken up Sesshomaru. Her eyes lingered on him for a few seconds before she confirmed that he was still asleep. Slowly she fully stood up before walking towards the bathroom. She made sure her every step was silent as she closed the door behind her, resting her back against the door once she had it closed.

Since her heart was still hammering, she decided that perhaps the best choice for her was to take a shower. Kagome quickly undressed herself before walking towards the tub. She turned on the water, setting it as warm as possible. She needed to relax her nerves as much as she could before the  _meeting_.

Meanwhile Sesshomaru's eyes snapped open as soon as he heard the water being turned on. He had been quite aware of her consciousness for a while, but he had decided to remain in bed. She had seemed fine the previous night, but it appeared that something was on her mind. Kagome had spent many minutes fidgeting, breathing heavily and he could not help but wonder what happened.

Had he done something which had bothered her? Sesshomaru couldn't see what had gone wrong during their evening together. Then again, he was not an expert when it came to women, he may have missed a signal. He didn't wish to bother Kagome and make her speak what was on her mind, but he also knew that she would most likely keep things to herself.

He moved his gaze up a bit until his eyes met the clock.  _9am_. It was already surprising that he was not awake, meaning it was useless to attempt to fake sleep any longer. Smoothly he sat on the edge of the bed, his hands pressing on the mattress, as he raised his head up. Sesshomaru ran his fingers through his bangs, moving them away from his vision.

His hair was getting long. Usually he would keep it neat and tidy, but lately, time had been a luxury. At least having time for such foolish things, his hair was almost past his shoulders, which was the longest it had been since he had cut it. It made him regret his long hair, which was not necessarily good. At least to  _her_. After all, he was plenty sure of the bad memories that were tied to his long hair.

Sesshomaru rose to his feet and pulled down slightly on his white shirt, which had risen up. He could no longer hear the water running and could only assume that Kagome was now relaxing in the bathtub.

He turned his head to the side, looking at the crib, making sure his son was okay. Kiyoshi's eyes were still closed, leading Sesshomaru to believe he was still asleep.

As tiredness took over, even though he had just woken up from a long sleep, he found himself thinking it was time for him to make some coffee. In his current  _human_  state it did provide him with some energy and it was something he required at the moment. He almost dragged himself towards the kitchen, while small sounds came from the bathroom.

He knew she was fine yet he found himself paying attention, just in case.

Unfortunately for him, his train of actions was stopped when the main door of the room opened. Sesshomaru couldn't help but close his eyes, and hold back a sigh, as he knew very well who had walked inside the room. Clearly the Wolf didn't know how to keep to himself.

"She's in the bathroom."

"Who says I didn't come to see you?"

_Of course._

"Then your presence is undesired."

Kouga rolled his eyes prior to sitting down backward on a chair, his arms resting on top of the back of it. "You'd be lost without me."

Or at least he wouldn't be as far along with Kagome as he currently was. It was almost strange to think that he was helping Sesshomaru, who should be considered somewhat of a rival, when he had refused to do the same for Inuyasha back then. Time changed. Back then he was foolish and young, thinking he could take what he pleased. Now he knew that not everything was his, that someone else's happiness could be more important than his.

Of course that didn't mean that if Kagome came to him, he would turn her down.  _But_ , he could keep his paws to himself.

"So, how are things with her?" he inquired, seeing as how Sesshomaru was ignoring his presence.

"I'm unsure."

He didn't really want to discuss things with Kouga, who however knew a bit more about women then he did. Sesshomaru  _perhaps_  appreciated the pointers he had been given by Kouga but it did not mean that he required his help on everything. It was true that his situation with Kagome was complicated, but he should be able to handle it  _eventually_.

Kouga sighed. "Really? You can't make any progress on your own?"

"You would not understand. Unlike you, her wellbeing and comfort is my priority."

"You think I don't care how she feels?" asked Kouga, a little irritated.

Sesshomaru put his mug down on the counter prior to turning around so he would be facing Kouga.

"You do." He didn't always like Kouga, but he was  _a good friend_  to Kagome. "However, your emotions run you. Sometimes you forget details. I harmed her, meaning I cannot easily make progress with her."

Kouga couldn't deny that Sesshomaru had a point there, but he used it to often to hide behind. Yes, he had to take his time with Kagome  _physically_ , but mentally she was much better than she used to be. Sesshomaru was simply afraid.

Before either of them could speak again, the door of the bathroom opened and both of them found themselves turning their heads, glancing at the doorway. It took a few seconds before Kagome appeared in their field of vision. Her hair was damp, clinging to her light blue t-shirt, while she held a towel in her hands.

Kagome couldn't help but be slightly startled by their stare, she immediately stopped in her steps. She glanced at Sesshomaru, then Kouga confusion written all over her face.

"Is everything okay?" she asked, before turning her head to look at her son.

He was still peacefully sleeping, which didn't help explain what was wrong with the two  _canines_  in the room. Then it hit her.

"You were talking about me," she stated, a small smile on her face.

At her words, Kouga chuckled and Sesshomaru looked away, which made both of them look guilty. "I don't care," she said as she sat down beside Kouga.

Having him there was altering her plans a bit,  _but_  she could work around it. Right now would be a good time since Kiyoshi was still asleep, it would ease her worries, but that would mean perhaps sharing with Kouga what she intended to do. She already had a feeling that Sesshomaru would be against her idea and Kouga most likely would be as well if he found out. Did she need two people telling her it was  _best to wait_?

"There's something I want to do," stated Kagome, dropping the bomb.

Kouga lifted his head slightly his eyes meeting hers. He could already tell he wouldn't like it, but he kept silent. Kagome broke the state by turning her head and glancing over at Sesshomaru. He was finally looking at her, but his eyes felt empty.

She couldn't help but take a deep breath before proceeding.

"I want to talk to your beast."

Sesshomaru's grip on his cup grew tighter as his face remained the same. He knew he had to expect such a request from her, yet it didn't make it any easier. Lately they had been able to make some sort of progress and he knew that her  _discussing_  with his beast would only bring trouble. It would also ruin everything they had done so far.

The reason she wanted to talk to his beast was to help her move on and perhaps consider a real relationship with him. She wouldn't like what she would find. The only problem was he couldn't deny her that request. Kagome had every right to talk to his beast, but it wouldn't lessen the guilt or fear he was currently experiencing. Once again, she would slip through his fingers.

Almost reluctantly, he nodded.

He couldn't say no, he couldn't protect her from pain and he could not bring her happiness.

Kouga's eyes widened a bit, but he pressed his lips together. It wasn't his place to intervene. In many things he would speak his mind, but doing it in that case would be crossing the line. Even he knew when it was better to stay  _out of it_.

"I'll be right next door, if there's anything."

To be honest, even if it hurt his ego, he wasn't sure if he could actually have the upper hand against Sesshomaru when he was in his full demonic form. Nonetheless, he'd be there to protect her, or at least keep the beast off her until Sesshomaru would return to his  _human_  self. Though he doubted that at this point the beast would hurt Kagome.

It might be wild and running off its own emotions, but it  _cared_.

Kagome couldn't help her surprise, as everyone seemed to agree with her without much of an argument. It did bring her relief, but stress at the same time. After all, it had been a while since she had to face Sesshomaru's beast and to be honest she did not miss it. But, it could not be avoided forever.

"Thank you," she gestured towards Kouga as he was getting up.

He offered her a nod, before looking up at Sesshomaru. Kouga didn't say one word, but he knew his eyes were speaking for him. Of course Sesshomaru had very little control over his beast, but it didn't stop Kouga from warning him. Sesshomaru inclined his head slightly, knowing that though Kouga was being slightly offending, it was because he cared for Kagome.

Both Kagome and Sesshomaru remained still as Kouga exited the room, closing the door slightly loudly behind him as he left. As soon as it was confirmed that he had left, Kagome found herself biting down on her bottom lip. Her body was trembling a bit, but she was keeping herself under control.

After experiencing some form of happiness for the past little while, it was scary to face the pain.

"Whenever, you are ready."

Sesshomaru's voice echoed through her mind and though she was not looking at him, she nodded. Her unsure actions caused Sesshomaru to wait a few extra seconds before pressing the button. That or he was a bit reluctant himself. Nonetheless, his fingers quickly found the button on the watch and he counted down to one in his head before pressing it.

Kagome's heart was pounding as she slowly turned around, waiting to see the changes happen. A part of her was hoping that like the previous view times, Sesshomaru would have some control. But if such things were to happen, then she would be unable to face his beast.

As per usual, Sesshomaru's hair slowly began to change color, as his eyes did the same. He held back a groan, as he felt an overwhelming pain take over, laced with sorrow; his beast's emotions. He found himself almost dropping to the ground, as his claws appeared, while the markings grew back on his face.

Meanwhile Kagome was rising to her feet, before slightly backing away. There was no telling how the beast would be feeling once he was in control and she was somewhat attempting to protect herself. Though if he really wished to harm her, he could probably do it, no matter what she did.

Slowly she watched as he rose to his feet, all she could do was allow the nervousness to fill her until the color of his eyes would be revealed. It took him a few seconds to stand on his two feet, but once he raised his head there was no mistaken it; his eyes were bleeding red.

Her lips slightly parted as she watched him take a step in her direction, but she didn't back away. Not that it would help since she would eventually find herself with her back against the wall.

The beast's eyes were locked on hers, however, his mind was somewhere else. Her  _scent_. He was covered in it. Before, he had smelled her on himself but it was because of the space they shared. This was different; it was  _upon_  his skin, as if touching had been involved. The last time he had seen his mate, she had not liked his presence.

Had she finally realized that she was his?

At that thought, he raised his head, his eyes landed on her. Yes, there was no denying it; his scent was also all over her. Including her lips. A groan escaped him, rumbling through his chest, she almost jumped at the unexpected sound. She brought her hand to her chest, never looking away from him.

" **Mine?** "

Her bottom lip began to tremble, as she attempted to speak. How could she form into sentences all the words and thoughts invading her mind?

Kagome wouldn't even call herself Sesshomaru's, which meant she  _couldn't_  be his either. She never wanted to be  _his_. Though, she could not forget that he  _was_  a part of Sesshomaru.

"No," she said, her voice a bit weaker than she intended.

The beast's eyes hardened a bit as he marched in her direction. She didn't flinch, not even as he stopped right in front of her. Slowly he raised his hand, she almost closed her eyes as she felt him cup her cheek. Contact was not something she had expected or desired.

Plus, every second, time was running out.

" **Mate scent is mixed with mine. You are mine.** "

Kagome thought his voice would bring tears to her eyes, but it did not. It did disturb and twist her stomach, but so far she was handling herself better than she had expected. Despite his closeness, she took a deep breath to allow her to release some of the stress building up within her.

"I belong to myself. You can't just  _take_  me."

He had done so too many times. Kagome prevented the memories from flooding her mind so she could keep her composure.

" **But mate is mine. You care for me. My scent is covering you.** "

Could she split them apart? Could she consider them two different people? "It's not you I care for."

The beast tilted his head to the side, not understanding the point she was trying to make. Didn't she understand yet? " **We are one. I am him, he is me. If you care for him, you have to care for me.** "

 _No_ , she didn't!

Truth was, he was right. However, she didn't want him to be. Sesshomaru couldn't be half of himself forever. Soon enough he would have to be whole, or it would probably end up destroying him. However, the problem she had was that only Sesshomaru himself had changed. His beast was the same.

She had to make him understand what she had been thinking for months, but it was so hard to reason with it.

"You never cared for me." She didn't care if it was a twisted way of caring, or that he did it because it was the way it was done back then. It hurt her. Maybe it was right for the beast, that he didn't believe he did anything wrong. However, she needed it to understand the fact that it brought her pain nonetheless. Maybe she needed him to feel regret for what he did.

If he cared for her the way he said he did, then he would understand that all that he had inflicted upon her hadn't been fully right. Sesshomaru felt regret and guilt because he finally understood. She wished the beast would feel  _something_.

"How could you care for me when you never knew me?"

He took her saying she was his, but he knew nothing about her. How could you love someone when you didn't know the first thing about them.

" **I knew you were mine**."

He saw her and he knew. He could feel her from afar; her breathing, her heartbeat. From that instant he knew she could not be anyone else's. He had to protect her from his brother and from the others. If he didn't she would be harmed. She was different and feisty. She had always been his, he did not require a reason for it.

"That's not how it works," she explained moving her head away from his face a bit. "You never took my own feelings into consideration. You can't claim you love me, but hurt me." She could feel some tears coming, but she held them back. "All you thought about was how  _you_  felt, never how I felt. You took my freedom and my right to choose from me."

Her bottom lip was quivering even more as her face hardened. "Did you ever think about asking me?" Clearly back then she wouldn't have thought about  _hooking up_  with Sesshomaru, especially since she had Inuyasha, but nonetheless. She was never offered an option. "It was my decision to make not yours alone. Maybe I had no desire to spend the rest of my life tied to you."

The Sesshomaru now was different and yes, maybe under different circumstances, she could have seen herself maybe  _feeling_  something for him in the past if he had been the way he was now.

" **If I didn't make you mine, he would have**."

It was time to speak the words that had been held back long ago. "Maybe I would have wanted that."

Now her life was a mess, there was no way to compare it, but back then she would have liked to be mated to Inuyasha. After all, she had put herself through so much, putting up with Kikyo, being in constant competition with her… and in the end it had all been for nothing.

The beast's eyes turned a bit redder, as if his anger had risen. " **He's not meant for you. Did mate not feel my pain?** "

Her left eyebrow rose in confusion. "Your pain?"

He offered her a nod. " **You were always mine. The first time your blood… I already claimed you. Did you not feel the pain of separation?** "

Pain? She could not remember feeling any kind of pain. Why would she suffer from being away from him? All he did was lick at her wounds. Her brain was overworking trying to figure out what he was referring to since he seemed so convinced.

"No."

Never was she hurt by the fact that they weren't together.

Her answer seemed to sadden the beast, she noticed the pain appear in his eyes. Slowly he raised his hand and pressed it gently against her chest. " **The pain in your heart.** "

His words echoed back a memory. She remembered walking with all of her friends, after the first incident, when she had been plagued with an intense pain in her chest. She had never been able to explain it… There was no way it had anything to do with the beast did it?

Panic appeared over her features, her heart was hammering at the thought.  _No_ , she hadn't been the one to miss him, he had missed her. Somehow, she had been affected. There was no other explanation.

"No."

She should have said yes, but she couldn't. It had taken her a long time to accept everything that had happened. Sometimes, she had even blamed herself, but she assumed it was a natural reaction. The pain, the tears; they were things she had tried to forget for a long time. Truth was, she probably never would. However, she could learn to live with it.

This was what she was trying to do, but she felt as if she was getting no progress. The beast was stubborn and being in his presence made her heart ache. She needed to do this, she needed to empty everything that was on her mind, but it was more difficult than she had expected. Kagome took another deep breath, thinking about the next words she needed to say.

"You took my life and made it yours. You stripped me of everything without any consideration. You never asked me if I wanted to share myself, instead you just took. And you don't regret any of it."

The beast was extremely confused by her words. She seemed happy to him; how could she not be? He had given her a son, he would always take care of her. Why did she resent him for that? All he did, he did it for her. All that time she lived with him in his castle he did everything to bring her happiness and joy, even followed her strange customs. Why was she still displeased with him?

" **Mate was not happy? We learned about each other… slow. Like Mate wanted.** "

She could still remember that plan she thought wouldn't work. She thought if she could convince him that it would make her happy, he would follow through with it. As a matter of fact he had… Granted a few times his hands had escaped him, but it had not been nowhere near as bad as in the beginning.

 _But_  that didn't mean he felt regrets. It meant he was  _trying._  No wait. It meant he wanted her willing during their little activities and he felt it was the only way he could get her to  _participate_. It had been for his own desire.

"You knew I wasn't happy, but it didn't matter. You won't feel guilt for what you did, because you think it was right. Maybe it was for you, but it wasn't for me."

He lifted his hand from her chest and rested it on her shoulder, his clawed thumb touching her bare skin. " **I should regret trying to make Mate happy?** "

The way he said it, the frustration and sadness laced with his voice was enough to cause her to hold her breath back for a few seconds. The way he put things almost made her sound like she was the bad guy. Her heart sunk a bit, but she shook her head to bring herself out of the blackness within her.

"You didn't make me happy. I told you that you were not."

It was almost baffling the way he felt he did nothing wrong. Did he really not understand what he did, or how different her beliefs were from his?

" **But Mate should have accepted the mating. Then Mate wouldn't have suffered anymore.** "

It was true that it seemed that back then, women would just go along with most of what happened to them. However, she could not be like that. Maybe the situation would have been easier if she had accepted what he had done to her, but it would have gone against everything she was.

She could see where he was coming from, even if it hurt, but now she needed him to understand where she was coming from.

"But for me, it wouldn't have been right. It never was."

This time, it was too hard to bear. Before Kagome knew it, the first tear rolled down her cheek. She didn't like remembering what happened; yet it was with her every day. She enjoyed being with Sesshomaru, but sometimes, she would remember the past. Could she be with him if she could not live with the thought that his beast felt no regrets?

"I need you to understand, because if you don't I will never heal."

The beast pinched his lips together, almost out of frustration and lack of other options. His thumb rubbed against her skin and she sighed heavily as more tears cascaded down her face. Her pain always brought him pain as well. He wanted nothing more but for her to understand how much he cared for her. She was stubborn, she pushed him away and it hurt him.

Why did she keep saying he hurt her. He was always trying to help her. She would have been with the hanyou if he hadn't taken her away. If such a thing had happened  _that_  would have brought her unhappiness.

He frowned as he watched her lips part, knowing she had more hurtful things to say..

"You wronged me. It might have been right for you, but not for me. I said it and I'll keep saying it." She paused, holding back the weight of her pain. "I just need you to understand you hurt me."

Maybe she couldn't change his beast, but acceptance was a step. She couldn't do it on her own, she couldn't go on knowing  _it_  thought she was wrong. Her whole body was shaking, but she was keeping most of it under control. She closed her eyes, causing the last tears to fall, as she attempted to gather her thoughts.

She had more to say, but it appeared her time was running out.

Kagome felt his claw graze against her skin, as the warm feeling of blood quickly took over. She opened her eyes rapidly before glancing down at herself, seeing the cut he had done. Once her panic left her, she raised her head and saw him holding his head.  _Sesshomaru was coming back_. Kagome wasn't sure if she felt relief, or anxiety at the thought of  _him_  returning.

She watched helplessly as the beast dropped to his knees, obviously frustrated that he was being locked away once more. Still, he managed to look up at her and their eyes met. Kagome was unable to even understand the emotions in his eyes as they were clouded with many different feelings.

It was with his eyes locked with hers that he slowly transformed. His hair darkened, his claws disappeared, everything that made him youkai was taken away. The last thing to change and become human was his eyes. Kagome was unable to tear herself away as the redness became a bright green.

As Sesshomaru regained control of himself, she saw his face drop, as he was probably filled with guilt. His first instinct was to pull away from her, remaining far from her since she most likely had no desire to be around him. He rose to his feet slowly, feeling a bit weak, ready to go in the other room so she could collect herself.

Surprisingly however, Kagome seemed to have something else in mind. He watched her as she got down on her knees and tears began to pour down her face once again. Her eyes were still looking into his and he found himself wondering if it was because she sought comfort… from him. He was the reason behind her tears. There was no reason why she would  _need_  him… right?

Still, his heart was squeezing at the sight in front of him, since she didn't seem to chase him away, he decided to take a chance. He quickly approached her, before bending down so he was at her level and he wrapped his arms around her. Almost immediately he felt her response by circling him with her tiny arms. She buried her face in his chest, drowning his shirt with her tears.

He wasn't good at this.

Nonetheless, he could not let her be alone when she obviously needed someone. He didn't always do the right thing, but if he could be there for her during certain hard times, even if he was responsible for them, then he would. He swallowed hard before running his fingers through her hair, trying to soothe her sorrow even more.

Kagome didn't know why, but she  _needed_  Sesshomaru. She wanted to feel his warmth, his arms around her. Nobody would know why she was broken, why she was crying, but he did. She also knew that he wouldn't ask her unnecessary questions, or tell her to talk about it. He would hold her until she would tell him to stop, he would remain silent until she would tell him to speak.

Strangely he would be the strength she currently required.

Sesshomaru had shown her she could depend on him. He was different from his beast, and though she could not accept his beast for now, she couldn't deny him. She would make the distinction because it was the fair thing to do. However she couldn't allow herself to fully  _try_  with him until she could accept his beast.

She had many steps to take, many of them difficult and she would do it all. However, as time went along she was realizing that she didn't have to be alone. Sesshomaru was willing to help her bear the pain, he didn't seem like he was going anywhere. She was perhaps afraid that one day, he would.

But then again, were they not tied together in fate?

"Sesshomaru?" she inquired, her voice a bit weak.

He glanced down at her, his fingers still tangled within her hair. "Yes?"

"Could you speak with it?"

She knew it wasn't fair to have someone else fight her battles, it was not what she was trying to do. Sesshomaru and his beast were somewhere connected and if Sesshomaru had understood, she knew so could his beast. Perhaps if some thoughts and memories could be shared, then it would be easier to speak to  _it_.

Her request came unexpectedly, but he couldn't say it was crazy. Though he could hardly stand his beast; he had never been able to. He was irrational and acted only on his emotions. It was very hard to reason with it. But there was no way he could deny Kagome her one demand.

"I will try."

He would do it very far from her. She might be strong and she might show the façade, but he could feel her very weak in his arms. She wouldn't say she needed someone because she could do just fine on her own… but everyone required help sometimes. It had taken him a long time to accept such thing, but he was glad he did.

If he hadn't he wouldn't currently be holding her.

He was the one who had wronged her, he would do anything in his power to make it right again. She was important, she was the reason he felt. Never before her had he been irrational, or did things without thinking. In a strange way, she almost made him feel human. He wasn't sure if it was a good or bad thing, but for now, he was okay with that.

For years he had despised humans and hanyous because of their weaknesses. Never had he realized that weaknesses could actually make you stronger. Yes it was true that someone could use them against you, but when you have something you're fighting for you are stronger.

She made him human, stronger, and weaker.

Clearly she was a strange little one.

He couldn't help but bend down slowly and press a kiss to the top of her head. His action caused her to be brought closer to him, her head to be pressed tightly against his chest. All Kagome could hear and feel was his heartbeat. It was pounding through, almost as if he was worried and nervous.

Every day, it felt as if he discovered new emotions.

She couldn't help but pull away as she felt overwhelmed. Kagome stared right into his eyes before approaching his face. Sesshomaru's eyes were wide open as he felt her press her dry lips against his. It didn't take him too long to respond to the kiss however. He quickly cupped her cheek and though he showed no haste, he enjoyed her mouth.

It felt as if she was seeking for something, perhaps emotions and he allowed her to do so.

Her hands were trembling as they rested upon his chest, he enjoyed the softness of her touch. He didn't always get to have her close to him and he cherished every moment. When she was in his arms, she felt like she was his. He knew he couldn't make decisions for her and she could walk away at any moment, but…

Maybe his beast had been a bit right; she had always been his.

He couldn't keep her locked away from the world, but he could wish she was his.

Sesshomaru thought for a long time that he could not bring her happiness, that because of what he did to her, he could only increase her sorrow. However, after spending more and more time in her company, he found himself thinking that perhaps he could. Maybe he was not the best person for her, he had made mistakes, but he did care.

If he could, he would make her happy.

He wanted to make her happy.

He  _needed_  to make her happy.

How she had managed to create that desire in him, he didn't know. But her tears, brought guilt within him. If he had to fight with himself, tear his beast out of himself, merge him, have him disappear he would.

He was almost willing to give up everything that made him youkai, just to cease the pain in her heart.

-B-


	61. Dark Times

Relaxation didn't come easily.

Today she was supposed to enjoy a day out, away from the confinement of the hotel, away from the hunt, away from everything. Yet, the outside world didn't seem great. There should be no danger, especially since she knew Kouga wouldn't leave her side, not even for a second, but still.

Sesshomaru had left alone at the crack of dawn and she knew why; he would be talking to his beast. He wanted to do it alone and far away, perhaps wanting to shield her from pain. Still, some part of her wished she was around, even though it was hard. Maybe it was because she wanted to know what would be said.

Sesshomaru leaving by himself was the reason why she was out with Kouga and Kiyoshi.

Kouga hadn't wanted her to remain in the room, closed up in her mind all day. Apparently he though she would go insane. She would have refused to go out but she felt that maybe she and Kiyoshi could use the fresh air. There was no denying it was nice to be outside  _just_  because, but she felt uneasy nonetheless.

"Earth to Kagome."

She slowly lifted her head, her eyes meeting Kouga's and she smiled softly. "Sorry, I guess I have a lot on my mind."

"Let me guess, Doggie?"

Kagome couldn't help but pinch her lips together, holding in a laugh. Five hundred years ago Sesshomaru would not have taken lightly to the  _name_  calling. Now, he only glared and dismissed it. Kouga however, was  _just_  the same.

"I just hope everything goes okay."

Kouga sighed before sitting beside her on the bench. "I think Sesshomaru can handle… himself."

He was trying to help her change her mind but it was difficult. He did know though that she was worried over nothing. Sesshomaru was most likely more in control of his beast now more than ever since he was honest with his feelings. What used to divide him and his beast were the conflicts of emotions, but now they felt the same about Kagome.

However, they had yet to merge again which was a bit strange. By now, they should have become one again, or at least be on their way to becoming one, yet it didn't seem to be that way.

Could it be that there was more to it than sharing their feelings for Kagome? Maybe they needed to  _be_  the same? Perhaps until his beast understood his mistakes, or felt guilty, they would remain two. Problem was the longer that took; the longer Kagome and Sesshomaru would stay at the same stage of their relationship.

And Kagome wouldn't heal.

Sesshomaru was stubborn, but hopefully he wouldn't let his pride stand in the way of talking some sense into his beast. It would be a battle of power, and Sesshomaru needed to learn how to win without his youki, his heritage, and everything that  _he_  thought made him powerful.

"I suppose you're right."

Sesshomaru was a big boy now, and he didn't need her worrying over him. Plus, he was the only one who could talk some sense into his beast. The best she could do was enjoy her day out with her friend and her son, and hope that everything would work out.

Kagome truly wanted to move forward with Sesshomaru, but she could only do that with  _all_  of him.

'Do you think we're right? For each other I mean."

"Well, I'm better, but I guess he's not that bad."

Kagome couldn't help the laugh that escaped her. "We really need to find you a girl."

"I don't know. Are you available?"

She inclined her head to the side slightly, as if she was reprimanding him. She knew he was harmlessly flirting, and she didn't mind.

"Just asking," said Kouga as he threw his arms in the air, acting innocent.

He didn't feel for her what he used to feel, but he did care. He couldn't have her as his mate, but she would always be important, and like family; she was like a sister.

"Ow!"

Kagome frowned at the sound coming from Kouga only to notice a soft orange glow. Immediately she glanced down at her son realizing it was coming from him. She almost gasped as she dropped to her knees, almost trying to cover him. Kagome hadn't expected him to display his powers in public. Then again, Kiyoshi didn't know where he was.

"Sorry," she said to Kouga as she grabbed Kiyoshi from his stroller.

Carefully she tucked him in her arms, making sure he was wrapped comfortably in his blanket. The glow didn't cease immediately which agitated her slightly but after a few seconds of rocking him in her arms it dimed greatly.

The fact that his aura kept being a different color was far in the back of her mind since her priority was to make sure nobody had noticed. Apparently they would have to be very careful with Kiyoshi.  _So much for a quiet relaxing day out_.

"Maybe we should head back," said Kagome peering from right to left.

"I guess," responded Kouga glancing around at himself, making sure he hadn't been burnt.

He was beginning to wonder if he had done it on purpose, and that Kiyoshi had something against him. Like father like son. Maybe Kiyoshi just didn't like Kouga hitting on his mom.

Now they would have to head back. Hopefully Kagome wouldn't spend her time thinking about Sesshomaru. Maybe he could get her to relax, heck even read a book. Had she even had time to herself? Hunting, kidnapping, childbirth, child caring, Sesshomaru… When did Kagome have time to be alone?

Maybe it would be something he would run by Sesshomaru.

Even Kagome had a limit.

-B-

The weather was cold as he ventured further into the emptiness. His beast was not as reckless as it used to be, but Sesshomaru would rather take precautions nonetheless. As long as nobody was around, he should be fine. Although he still wasn't sure of how the meeting would go down.

Sesshomaru had spent the night trying to figure out  _how_  to make his beast understand. He had read through many books hoping to find an answer. Frankly, all of them ended up saying that only he could control his beast, only he could show him, and only he could share.

But how?

Sesshomaru had much knowledge, but never until Kagome had come along did he think he would require knowing so much about his beast. He always thought it was a part of him who would not disobey. Apparently he had been wrong.

There was nothing he wished for more than to make things right with Kagome. Unfortunately it felt out of his control, and it drove him insane. There was also no denying the growing pain in his heart and the new suffering coming from his wrist where the watch was.

Was it simply the beast rebelling, or was it the merging he had been warned of? Would it be okay if he merged back with his beast without Kagome being able to make peace with it? No if that happened, she wouldn't heal and he would never have a chance to have her as his.

His heart began to beat faster as he came to a full halt, knowing he had found the right spot. He lifted his head high to glance up at the grey sky before closing his eyes, his green orbs disappearing beneath his eyelids. Some part of him was experiencing fear; if it didn't work he would lose her, he knew it.

She might be willing to try, but it would haunt her if his beast never  _understood_.

Slowly he raised his arm, his eyes still shut, before getting ready to press the red button. As soon as his finger pushed it, he felt the familiar feeling and he fought to remain on his feet. His beast's desire to be free felt stronger than before and he wondered if it was because it had been released recently.

Heavy breathing was imminent as he felt the youki fill his blood and running through his veins. The only moment he was looking forward to was the one where he would be whole, where he would fully be himself. It wouldn't last long since his beast would over take, but it would be long enough for him to  _feel_  like he was himself.

He could not see the transformation but he could feel it and it wasn't until his claws appeared that he  _knew_. He was  _Sesshomaru_. It was, of course, then that the pain took over and his hands clenched into fists as infuriation filled him. It was his own body he was losing control of, it was  _himself_  that he was locking away constantly.

When would freedom come?

Perhaps there was more to talking to his beast then freeing Kagome from her past. Maybe he had to free himself as well.

But he felt it; imprisonment. His eyes were bleeding red and all of the sudden he was pushed away very far within himself. His body wasn't obeying him any longer, and he could feel his beast's rage fill him inside.

" **Why is mate so far**?"

He could smell her, but she was not there. Had she not gotten over her tears from the last time he had seen her? Did she not wish his presence right by her side just like he craved hers?

" _She is being protected."_

" **From what**?"

" _You._ "

It still didn't feel right to the beast that, after all this time, she didn't want him. She had given birth to their son; why didn't that bring her happiness? Didn't she want more pups? If she remained the way she was, it wouldn't happen. He knew she craved a family, hence why he didn't understand why she was denying herself that right.

He would give her all she wished for.

" **Mate doesn't need protecting from me. I love her.** "

" _Yet you keep hurting her. You wronged her."_

The beast shook his head. " **I love her. I gave her everything and mate still refuses me.** "

" _You never gave her the things she wanted. Freedom, choices, and apologies._ "

" **Apology**?"

He didn't understand why his mate felt as if he gave her no freedom or choices. After all, he had gone along with what she wished for in the past, following her pace, and her ways. Even now, she had much more freedom than any other mate. Why wasn't it enough?

And why did he have to apologize?

_"It was not right to trap her."_

" **We would have lost her**!"

" _She wasn't ours, thus she was not ours to lose. **"**_

In a fist of rage the beast turned around before raising his fist and hitting the nearest tree, causing it to shake so much it nearly fell to the ground by breaking in two. She was always theirs! How could he speak such words!

" **Do you not love mate**?  **Do you not wish for mate to stay with us**?"

That was one thing he could not deny. If he had to let her go, he would but it would be difficult to bear. Somehow she had managed to make his life different and without her it wouldn't be the same. He would go on, let her live her own life, but he would feel empty.

" _I do care for her, and I wish for her to remain by our side. However, I only wish for this as long as it is also what she wants. **"**_

 **"But she is ours**!"

" _Only if she wants to be!_ "

The frustration of the beast rose again and it made Sesshomaru understand that it was as if he was dealing with a four years old. The words Sesshomaru was speaking didn't get to him; if the beast wasn't getting his way, he was not listening. It was getting more and more obvious he could not speak to him. Perhaps the only way to make him understand was to  _show_  him.

Problem was he didn't know  _how_.

He could ask his beast, but he feared it would lead him nowhere. Though, he might be willing to help since it was nothing bad. He knew his beast was aware of the way to do it since he had done it before. The beast had knowledge of Sesshomaru's past and feelings meaning Sesshomaru should be able to share as he pleased.

" _Can you access my memories_?"

" **Why**?"

" _How can I make you see them_?"

The beast wasn't pleased with the way Sesshomaru was changing the subject. He wanted to know why his mate was not happy with him but Sesshomaru wasn't giving him the answers he required. Sesshomaru was of no help, so why should he help him with what he was trying to do?

" **Think of them**."

Think? Sesshomaru felt perplexed, but decided to give it a try anyway. He was doing this for himself, and Kagome; it had to work. He filled his mind with memories of the past first, memories of Kagome and the things they had inflicted upon her. Maybe if the beast could see her pain through his eyes it would help him understand why she felt the way she did.

_Her back hit the wall, and her whole body was trembling. "NO! YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THIS! YOU DONT WANT ME!"_

_Her eyes were filled with tears as the blood kept dripping down her arm. She was trapped with no way to escape; she was his prey and he was about to catch her._

_"Don't touch me, you MONSTER!" she yelled, before kicking him with her legs._

_"NO!" screamed Kagome, wriggling under him. "Why are you doing THIS?"_

All her screams, all her fights filled his mind and it was almost enough to drive Sesshomaru himself crazy. He couldn't help the nausea he was experiencing as he pushed more memories forward.

_" **You disobeyed me, you went against me.** "_

_" **I'm not him, I will show you who owns you.** "_

Sesshomaru couldn't stay silent. He had to explain to the beast the errors of his ways. " _You treated her like an object. How can she think you cared when you forced her to give you her body, while you punished her, while you used her?"_

It wasn't his fault. She had made things difficult by not respecting him. When a female disrespected her mate in public he had to teach her a lesson. In her case, it seemed that taking her body was the only thing that hurt her. Her mind was strong, and hard to break… he had punished her the only way he knew.

If she had obeyed, he wouldn't have done that.

She brought it upon herself.

" **If she had done what I requested of her, it wouldn't have happened. Why was she stubborn**?"

" _Because for her it wasn't right. If you love her, why won't you understand?"_

The beast shook his head. " **She needs to understand her place**."

This time, it was Sesshomaru's turn to lose his temper. He tried to remind his beast of what he had done to Kagome but it was hopeless. Why couldn't he see what he saw? Why couldn't he experience what he experienced? Why was Sesshomaru the only one bearing the guilt of the past?

A surge filled him, and before he knew it, he was dropping to his knees as an overwhelming pain took over his heart. What was it? He began screaming, unable to stop and he almost fell forward on the ground. The ground tainted his clothes, but he did not care.

Pain.

Immense pain.

He grabbed his head with both hands before throwing it back, his screams increasing in loudness. His mind was forced with feelings and memories he didn't want, that weren't his. Why couldn't he stop it?

" **STOP**!"

But the pain kept on going.

-B-

"Kagome?"

"Kagome?"

Her eyes widened as she finally came back to the real world, turning her head to the side to look at Kouga. She put down the empty plate she had been holding and offered him a weak smile.

"Off in your own world again?" he asked, taunting her a bit.

She shrugged her shoulders. "It's been a while since he left. I just hope it went okay."

Granted his beast could not be free permanently without her, but something bad could have happened. Maybe an accident, an injury or even worse. There was also the possibility that she was concerned over nothing.

"I told you; Doggie can handle himself."

"I know," she said, putting the plate in the sink. "I'm just saying that five hours is a long time."

He had to agree with her on that. It was almost beginning to get dark outside and. not that Sesshomaru couldn't fight whatever would come his way, but they didn't know what lurked around at night. Also, Sesshomaru should know that Kagome would be worried; why didn't he hurry?

"Want more food?"

Kagome immediately glared at him. "What are you saying?"

Right away Kouga backed up a bit. "I just wanted to know if you were still hungry?"

She shook her head prior to turning around and sitting down on the nearest chair. "I think I've had enough food."

"Still feeling insecure?"

He knew it wasn't something he should blur out like that, especially considering Kagome's temper, but he despised the fact that she put herself down when she was a beautiful young woman. She had nothing to be ashamed of.

"It's complicated."

It wasn't so much that she wasn't okay with the way she looked; it had more to do with the fact that she felt different and looked different. Maybe it was related to healing and knowing she had to be someone else. Whatever the reason, she would eventually have to get over her self-consciousness.

But for now, she'd still be a bit anxious over it.

As Kouga was about to ask her to explain the  _complicated_  situation in detail, the door of the room came smashing open, and heavy footsteps were heard. Kagome's first reaction was to jump in surprise and fear, while Kouga immediately became very alert.

It was Sesshomaru, except everything made it appear as if he was in a very bad mood.

Their suspicions were confirmed when he came into the kitchen. As soon as he stepped in, he raised his head before making contact with the two people in front of him. His expression was one of surprise, as if he was not expecting anyone to be in the room.

He ceased walking, glancing from left to right rapidly. "I'll be in the shower," he quickly said prior to disappearing from the field of view as fast as he had appeared.

As soon as they heard another door slam, the bathroom door, Kouga sat beside Kagome. "Just what the hell was all that about?"

Kagome's lips were slightly parted and worry was dancing in her grey orbs. She weakly shook her head in answer. "I don't know."

Whatever had happened between Sesshomaru and his beast she could already tell it wasn't good. A deep sigh rolled past her lips as her head hung low. A familiar twisting knot was created within her stomach and she closed her eyes shut tightly. Why did she  _not_  want to know?

For the first time in a while, Kouga found himself feeling awkward. Comforting Kagome should be the first thing to do, but he almost felt as if he would be crossing a boundary; it appeared as if she wanted her space.

"Anything you want me to help with?" he asked in a desperate attempt.

Once again, Kagome shook her head. "Maybe you should go."

It wasn't like she didn't want Kouga around, but she had a feeling there would be a long talk between Sesshomaru and her when he would come out of the shower and it was probably better if Kouga wasn't around.

Kouga nodded in agreement before getting up on his feet. "Okay, well, I'll be right next door if ya need me."

"Thank you," she said weakly.

Her heart was pounding like a hammer as she shyly stood up, her hands fidgeting as a desperate attempt to find something to do while waiting became apparent. It was then that a cry came echoing through the room; Kiyoshi. Could it be that he sensed the disturbance in the room and it woke him from his sleep?

Kagome rushed in the next room and as soon as she was in Kiyoshi's view, his cries seemed to die down. She bent down slightly to pick him up with his blanket, and tucked him against her chest. He balled his little hands into fists before resting them against her breasts, almost seeking her warmth.

She gently brushed away his bangs, smiling down at her son. "It'll be okay," she promised before pressing a kiss against his forehead.

There was actually nothing wrong. Maybe Sesshomaru was just worked up or tired from the encounter; after all it took a lot out of him. Also, she did tend to over agonize when it came to his beast. Everything was probably just fine.

Though having Kiyoshi in her arms to distract her was a good thing.

The minutes ticked away as she gently rocked her son in her arms, trying to bring him the secure feeling he was seeking while she waited for Sesshomaru to come out. It wasn't until several minutes later that he did.

The bathroom door opened, though not as violently as it had been closed; perhaps the shower had helped him feel better? She couldn't help but turn around to verify it with her own eyes. Sesshomaru was standing in the doorway in a white t-shirt and black pants, drying his hair with a towel.

It took a few seconds for him to raise his head and make eye contact with her.

He didn't know what to say. Where would he even begin?

Sesshomaru wasn't even sure he wanted to speak for the time being. Usually he had good control over his emotions but since  _then_  he felt like an emotional wreck. There was this rage building up inside of him and he couldn't explain its presence. Why did he feel so infuriated?  _He_  had no reason to be angry.

He felt trapped, he felt betrayed, and he felt furious.

None of it was her fault; she caused none of it.

Problem was he had to be in her presence and he didn't want his control to slip away.

Instead of speaking, and explaining things to her, he broke the eye contact, and focused his gaze on the floor. As he did that, Kagome found herself unable to explain the small pinch of pain that happened in her chest.

She could confront him, and ask, but she decided it was none of her business and remained silent. Kagome turned her head away from Sesshomaru and refocused her attention on Kiyoshi. If Sesshomaru wanted to keep things to himself that was his problem.

It  _did_  concern her, but he didn't feel the need to share.

Sesshomaru didn't need his youki to know that there was a change in Kagome's aura. Her eyes had not changed her posture either but he could just tell. Obviously she was disappointed by his lack of  _talking_. But what if he became upset, what if he shared just how difficult his beast was?

"Kagome?"

"Hm?" she inquired never turning around.

Oh yes, she was upset.

"Would you mind sitting down?"

He still didn't know exactly what he would tell her yet, but he couldn't stand her being angry or hurt by him. He had pained her enough in the past, and he didn't want to keep doing it. Though, he wasn't sure that sharing would her would make her feel any better.

Sesshomaru's eyes were locked on her back as he watched her sigh heavily. He observed her every movement as she put Kiyoshi back in his crib. His son's arms were stretched as if he didn't wish to let go of his mother but he eventually gave up when his back touched his little blue mattress.

It took a few more seconds for Kagome to turn around and walk over to the bed. Slowly she sat down, her eyes locked on his face as if she was desperate for him to say something. Sesshomaru bent down so he would be eye level with her rather than being higher and he took a deep breath.

"I tried sharing my memories, and it did work."

Kagome felt a little jolt of joy spread through her body. Surely that couldn't be a bad thing right? She never thought that the beast having Sesshomaru's memories would transform him, but it would  _do_  something, it had to. She patiently waited for him to add more, not wanting to pressure him.

He would disappoint her, he knew it. "I don't know what happened. I felt pain, and it only disappeared when the ten minutes was over. I tried pressing the button again but…"

This time she couldn't resist. "But?"

Sesshomaru shrugged slightly. "My youki appeared, but he never came, no matter how many times I tried."

Kagome couldn't help but be left perplexed; what did it mean? It couldn't be that his beast had disappeared or merged could it? There was no way it was that easy; there had to be another explanation. Perhaps the beast was still trying to process the memories, or maybe he didn't wish to come out anymore.

Maybe all of it had an impact on it?

 _No_ , it was all hopeful thinking.

All she could do was nod. "Well, it was worth a try."

She didn't mean to but he heard a slight disappointment in her voice. "I'm sorry."

Truly he tried, he wanted to make this better for her, but at the moment it was out of his control. The guilt he felt from failing didn't help the rage settling inside of him and for a split second he found himself holding back a curse.

Kagome was able to see the change in his expression and frowned. The heavy footsteps, the anger, the door slamming. What exactly had happened to Sesshomaru out there?

"Are you okay?" she asked with genuine concern.

"I'm fine," he answered, a bit dry. "Just a bit frustrated."

Since she knew Sesshomaru in the modern era, it hadn't been like him to experience emotions like that. Maybe him sharing his emotions with his beast had done something and perhaps it wasn't something good. Her heart was hammering in her chest as she raised her hands and cupped Sesshomaru's face.

A slight expression of surprise appeared on his face as he glanced into her grey orbs, wondering what she was doing.

"Thank you for trying," she said prior to bending forward, and pressing her lips to his forehead.

She appreciated the efforts he did for her, and she wanted him to know that. Kagome expected him to remain still, but was surprised when he wrapped his arms around her and brought her into a tight, warm embrace. She couldn't stop the gasp that went past her lips as he buried his face in the crook of her neck.

Kagome was used to certain closeness with Sesshomaru and it wasn't really that she was uncomfortable with it, but more that he was so brusque with it. Once again, it didn't feel like the Sesshomaru she was used to. Kagome was a bit tense for a few seconds but allowed herself to relax; nothing would happen.

He loved her smell, and he couldn't help but bury his nose deeper into her skin. He wanted to keep a certain distance; especially after she had almost flinched a few seconds back but he couldn't help himself. His emotions were rawer than before, and it seemed harder to control them.

Sesshomaru didn't feel quite like himself, and somehow it scared him. He knew he couldn't lose control, it was the only thing he had, but some part of him feared he would anyway. His heart was pounding so hard he knew she could probably feel it against her own chest.

He had to pull away, this was bad.

As he made his attempt to pull away from her, he felt Kagome still hold on to his neck, as if she was preventing him from pulling away. Truth was she was worried about his jump in emotions, and wanted to ask him if he was okay. She thought he was about to run away from her, and she had attempted to stop him so they could talk.

But before any words could be said, his actions spoke for him.

Before he knew what was going to happen he pressed his lips against her, bringing Kagome into a passionate kiss. At first she was a bit unresponsive, but then he felt her lips move and a surge of passion went through him. It wasn't until he held the back of her head with his hand that he realized he was losing himself.

All he could do once more was pull away from her, earning himself a look of surprise from Kagome.

She wasn't sure how she felt about the kiss since it was so spontaneous, but she could immediately tell something was wrong with Sesshomaru; he was not acting like his usual self. It almost scared her; was she losing him? After all the efforts, all the work they had put into this  _relationship_ , was he slipping away?

How had it happen?

"I'm sorry. I'm not sure what came over me," he said before rising to his feet.

His lips were still glistening from the moisture of her mouth, and unconsciously he wiped them. The only emotions he could feel was regret; had he done something very bad today? He could help but think that sharing his memories with the beast had been a very bad idea. Sesshomaru thought it had no effects on him, but perhaps he had been wrong.

As he ran his fingers through his hair, he couldn't help but back away from her. "I think I should just…not be here tonight." His sentence didn't make much sense, but he couldn't find the right words.

Something didn't feel right.

"I, hm I'll be next door."

Before Kagome even had a chance to open her mouth, Sesshomaru disappear from her view. All she could do was stretch out her arm, almost reaching out for him.

And then, she heard the door close.

Her heart clenched, and it became difficult to breathe. She was losing the Sesshomaru she had learned to know, the one she had learned to care for and she found it terrifying. It had been so hard to learn to be around him, and now out of the blue he was being taken away from her. Kagome had spent so much time trying to put her past behind them; she had even considered being with him even though he was the one to create a painful past for her.

Now, she would lose him?

Granted nothing was telling her she was losing him, but it was the look in his eyes and the way he acted; it was too different. If she lost him, she would be lost as well; he has become her guide, her way to pull through.

Immediately she inclined her head to the side, glancing at her son. He was also her everything and he was a part of Sesshomaru.

During all that time, she had been unsure if it was a good idea to start a relationship with Sesshomaru and now that it could all be gone. She thought that perhaps it was the only relationship she could ever have. Had she gone insane?

Kagome had kept some emotions and information from Sesshomaru in the past, but he had always been blunt about his thoughts and feelings. For the first time. he was actually keeping something from her and she wasn't sure how she felt about it.

Slowly she brought a hand to her chest, and pressed her palm against it.

Yes, she felt the pain.

It did hurt.

Before she could dwell upon her new feeling, she heard loud yelling coming from the room next door. At least Sesshomaru didn't lie about that; he would truly be next door. A part of her was rushing her to go there, but she knew she couldn't. If he left, it was for a reason.

Another sigh escaped her before she rose to her feet and headed towards her own bed. It wasn't until she was in front of it that she realized the emptiness that surrounded her. For a while now there had always been someone around her; either Kouga or Sesshomaru. Now she would be left completely alone with Kiyoshi.

Some alone time was something she had been thinking about, but now that it was actually happening she wasn't sure how she felt about it. When she was alone, it was silent and it led her to think. It was terrifying; perhaps there were some things she would rather not think about.

Meanwhile on the other side, Kouga could do nothing but lean against the wall, a small frustration filling him as Sesshomaru sat on the couch, his head between his legs like a sad puppy. They had barely exchanged two words before the insults had begun flying and tempers had gotten out control – mostly on Sesshomaru's part.

Really it wasn't Kouga's fault. He had taunted Sesshomaru more than once, and it had never aggravated him, but apparently tonight he had no patience.

"So, are you gonna drown in self-pity, or are you gonna tell me what the hell you're doing here?"

Kouga really wasn't the person he wanted to be talking to, but he had very little choice. Who else was a youkai and was available? Now his only problem was that he didn't know how to explain the situation to the Wolf, not that he would necessarily understand.

"I shared my memories with my beast."

"And?" asked Kouga, obviously not intending on wasting any time.

Sesshomaru might be in his human form, and unable to sense Kagome's distress, but the same could not be said about Kouga. He wanted to get the puppy out of his room, and back with his mate.

"Something happened, something snapped." He raised his head before running his hand down his face. "I don't have control over myself."

Kouga raised an eyebrow. "Don't you have the watch?"

"Yes, and it's still working."

"So it can't be your beast right?"

To that Sesshomaru had no answer. "What if it is?"

"I thought the watch was preventing him from reaching you?"

"It does. It's supposed to…" He paused for a second, almost catching his breath. "But what if his emotions are too much? What if it can't control them and I can't either?"

"Why do you suppose it feels that way?"

"Because it was too much to bear?"

His beast was stubborn, but going through all the steps and changes Sesshomaru went through in a few minutes… perhaps it drove his beast insane. Maybe it was an over flow of emotions Sesshomaru was experiencing, hence why he had no control over it.

"Well maybe you should control it."

"I can't."

"So you'll just leave her there by herself?"

"It's better this way."

If he couldn't protect her, he might harm her feelings. The further he was the better for now. "I'll stay here until it dies down."

Kouga wanted to say more, but he held it back. It wasn't his business to mingle in. All he knew was that Sesshomaru better get a hold of himself soon. He glanced at him one last time before exiting the room, not wanting to be around the unstable youkai any longer.

Sesshomaru watched him leave, and once he was out of view he glanced down at his wrist. He had been feeling it the whole time; the unbearable pain coming from his left wrist where the watch was. If he had been unsure before of what it meant, he now was sure.

The watch wouldn't hold on forever.

It wasn't a perfect contraption, at least not anymore. His beast was becoming too out of control and it was overflowing; hence the pain.

Now the question was how much longer would it be able to hold it in? And what would happen once the dam broke?

-B-


	62. Tik Tik Tik

"You can't stay here forever. Not that your company isn't appr- actually it isn't, so you should go," said Kouga as he pulled his hair into a ponytail.

He had respected the fact that Sesshomaru needed a place for the night, but now, it was mid day, and he was still there. Not only had Kagome's upset state increased, but frankly, he didn't want Sesshomaru abusing his stay. He had to return to his mate eventually and the sooner the better.

Sesshomaru glared slightly at Kouga before glancing away. He didn't need the wolf to point out the obvious. Yes, he could not avoid Kagome forever, but it wasn't exactly what he was attempting to do. Until he knew what was going on with his beast and his watch, it didn't feel safe to be around her. What if he ended up harming her?

He wouldn't forgive himself.

But he didn't want to explain all of it to the Wolf. If the watch failed, it would feel like his own failure and he didn't want to share that with anyone else.

Kami, he didn't even want to think about what would happen if the watch no longer worked. It would be obvious that he would not be able to be around her. She, his son and the relationship they had worked to build… it would all be gone, all taken away from him.

A deep sigh escaped him as he ran his fingers through his bangs. What would he do, what could he do? It had been more difficult for him than others to conceal his youki because of his raging beast and he wasn't sure he'd be able to find something else to contain it.

His first instinct was to leave, but he knew he couldn't do that. However if he didn't have control over himself anymore… then he would be of no help to Kagome. The whole reason why he had taken her so far from the safety of her home was so she could help him complete the jewel, and keep her safe. In his presence, she might not be anymore.

It was so frustrating, they were so close. The right destination and only one shard left…and they would return back to Japan?

Although… maybe he was the only one who needed to go back. Granted he took it as his duty to help her complete the jewel, but he was not the only one who could look after her. Sesshomaru knew for a fact Kouga and his pack wouldn't mind staying to protect Kagome until she found the last shard. Though it almost pained him to admit it, she would be just as safe.

No, the reason why he wouldn't leave her here without him was out of his own selfishness. He  _wanted_  to be the one to help; he  _wanted_  to be by her side. Problem was, her safety was in danger and he couldn't allow himself to be selfish. If his watch was truly failing him, he would leave. For her sake.

Now his only trouble left was to wonder if he would go back to her yet. He could tell from Kouga's irritated tone that Kagome was probably upset. Was she upset that he was gone, or simply that he hadn't said anything? It probably wasn't very important, but it made a difference to him.

Sesshomaru sighed heavily before rising to his feet and walking towards the nearest window. It would only be fair to her that he returned; no matter what was the cause of her upset state. He could also use a shower and he  _refused_  to take one in the Wolf's.

He glanced out the window for a few seconds, the familiar burning feeling on his wrist remaining before he tore his eyes away. Sesshomaru proceeded to head outside the room, feeling Kouga's eyes on him, almost as if he was giving him a warning. Sometimes he was bothered by the way the Wolf involved himself in things that did not involve him, but he knew he was doing it out of concern for Kagome.

What he would say to her had not come to him yet. That fact made him slightly nervous. If she was going to be upset, it would make the whole thing much more difficult.

Once he was standing in front of the door, he pressed his ear to it trying to listen. If she was asleep, he didn't wish to disturb her. When he heard the TV playing in the background, he took a chance and swiped his card unlocking the door. Silently he walked in, trying to peer in to see if he could see her.

Unfortunately it was her who walked into him.

She was holding Kiyoshi in her arms, not looking where she was heading when she almost ran into him. It was him who stopped the  _accident_  from happening by extending his arms and grabbing her shoulders, stopping her in her steps. A tiny gasp escaped her before she glanced up, and reassured herself by confirming who it was.

"You're back," she bluntly stated, remaining still while he still held on to her shoulders.

All he could do was nod slightly before dropping his arms to his side. His eyes fell upon his son, who seemed to still be asleep.

Kagome caught his staring and tilted her head to the side. "He just fell asleep. He was up all night."

Kagome blamed herself  _and_  Sesshomaru for their son not sleeping. The way Sesshomaru had rudely left without an explanation had hurt her, leaving her upset for the whole night. She assumed that was why Kiyoshi had remained awake. He could feel her emotions and since they had been out of whack the whole night, it had prevented him from finding sleep.

"I apologize," said Sesshomaru as he took one step back, his tone lower.

He didn't wish to wake his son, or to enrage Kagome whose eyes were bloodshot; she had either cried, or not slept. He voted for both.

Kagome glared at him, but instead, she focused her attention on her son. "Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

"If you wish to know."

Kagome nodded at him, prior to turning around and heading back into the bedroom area. Kiyoshi had finally found sleep and she didn't want him to be woken up by their discussion. Hopefully their feelings wouldn't be out of control; something she was sure would bring him out of his sleep as well.

Her heart was beating a bit faster than usual as she correctly covered her son, thinking over and over what Sesshomaru could be so terrified of. He was not one to be scared but he had run away from her, meaning it had to be bad. Usually he shared everything… which meant what he was hiding would… hurt her?

Her hands were shaking a bit as she finished tucking in her son before pulling away and glancing in direction of the kitchen where Sesshomaru was waiting for her. Kagome took a deep breathe before heading there trying to hide her trembling. Slowly she reached her destination and peeked in. She found Sesshomaru sitting at the table, looking at his hands.

 _He was nervous as well_.

Kagome could have gone and sat at the table with him but instead, she leaned against the wall, somewhat far from him. "What is it?"

Sesshomaru glanced up at her, apologetic. "I think the watch has begun malfunctioning."

Kagome's heart stopped beating for a second as she was filled with fear. Her breathing was hitched as she pressed her dry lips together trying to find the words.

"He'll come out whenever he wants?" he could hear the shaking in her voice and he felt guilt overtaking his heart.

"I'm not sure. I'm experiencing pain in my wrist… and I'm afraid it will stop working."

Kagome knew she could no longer stand up, thus she walked the small distance between her and the nearest chair and plopped down. He only said  _it might stop working_ , it didn't mean anything. Maybe his beast's emotions were too great and it was disturbing the watch and causing the pain. She wanted so hard to believe that it was anything  _but_  that.

Her heart sank as she held her chest tightly. "Are you sure?" she inquired; her eyes slightly shining from the tears threatening to fall.

He wanted to give her hope, but then, what if he did and had to take it away? "I do not have an answer yet."

"Can you get one?"

"Not here."

Her eyelids dropped slightly, giving her an expression of surprise, and confusion. "Not here? What does that mean?"

It was time to drop the bomb, and see what she would do, or how she would react. "I thought I might leave."

Kagome nodded. "Kiyoshi is still young, but, he's ... he has youkai blood. We could come back for the last shard when we know more about your watch."

It was Sesshomaru's turn to be a bit confused. "I meant, I would leave alone. I'd leave the both of you under Kouga's care."

Her mouth dropped open slightly while she blinked a few times. Sesshomaru was considering leaving on his own? Technically it made sense, but it hadn't even crossed her mind. She had immediately thought that if he left, she left. When had she stopped thinking about them as two different beings that had nothing to do with each other?

For so long she believed her life would be better without him and now she couldn't consider him leaving? Life was ironic.

"If you want to leave on your own…" Kagome didn't know how to finish that sentence. She wanted him to stay, but she wouldn't force him.

The new Sesshomaru had been kind to her, different from the old one and she wouldn't make him do anything he didn't wish to. Surely it wouldn't be the same without him present but if he needed to leave…

Though, if she was so fine with it, why did it feel as if she was suffocating?

Unknown to her, a tear had been sliding down her cheek. Sesshomaru had immediately noticed and his guilt had been growing. Kagome wanted him to stay? He knew she didn't see him like the monster he once was, but to desire his company to the point where she didn't want him to leave? An overwhelming warmth he had never experienced before filled his heart and his breathing became a bit faster.

"Perhaps, there is a way, I'll… I'll have to be gone for a day or two."

Sesshomaru knew it was perhaps a bad decision since he was wasting some time, and he didn't know how much he had, but he didn't wish to see any more worries in her eyes. He wanted to see her happy, not crying. Maybe it was a risk, but apparently he was going to take it.

Kagome's eyes remained glistening, but the pain in her face lessened. "Are you sure?"  _Kami_ , she needed to stop asking that question.

 _No_. "Yes." He paused for a second. "But I might be running out of time... I'd have to leave tomorrow,  _early_."

She glued her lips together, nodding slowly. Sesshomaru might stay… and somehow it made her feel better. Also, Kagome wasn't the only one who needed him; Kiyoshi needed his father by his side. It wasn't like she didn't trust Kouga, or mind having him around, but it wouldn't be the same.

Sesshomaru had grown to be an important part of her life. She wasn't always sure of what part he would play in it, but there was something screaming inside of her that told her he would always be there, even if it was in the background. The thought that she might lose him to his beast…  _again_ … she didn't know what to do, or think.

"I desperately require a shower," he said, almost in a way to lighten up the mood.

Kagome nodded, and watched as he rose to his feet, ready to exit the kitchen. He was about to leave, when she decided to stop him for an instant. "It'll be okay."

She didn't know if it would, but for once, she wanted to be the one to reassure him as well.

A ghost of a smile appeared on his face before he disappeared from her view.

All he could hope was that her words were right. He would have faith in her, but the pain in his wrist was a distracting thought.

-B-

The night had fallen and silence surrounded them; both of them should have been asleep.

Yet, they both lay awake. . Kagome was tired beyond belief from taking care of Kiyoshi all night, not obtaining a wink of sleep, and Sesshomaru's energy had been drained for two days by his watch, or so it felt like. Yet, slumber didn't come.

Kagome knew Sesshomaru had said he'd only be a gone a couple days, and it was more than obvious that he could handle himself and his safety, but  _she_  worried. It had been proven that many  _strange deranged_ youkais were still out there and what if… he encountered one?

He could fight… but what if… just what if.

To think she'd worry about whether or not he'd live was almost a foreign thought but one thing was for sure; he could not die. To only think of him not existing anymore made her feel uneasy. Once again, Kagome tossed in her bed, sleep escaping her.

Since she was on her right side she could see Sesshomaru lying in his own bed. However, all she could peer at was his back, which almost caused her to sigh; she wondered if he had trouble sleeping as well.

She tapped her fingers against the pillow unconsciously, the seconds ticking away. It was already late into the night, and she knew when Sesshomaru said early he meant  _early_. Perhaps he would be leaving in less than a few hours… Knowing him, he would slip away at the break of dawn, trying to not wake her up. He believed it made things easier, but it always left her with a bittersweet feeling.

There was a storm inside her heart as conflicting emotions collapsed. She felt the fear his beast had created, but she also felt the worry for his safety. He would leave, and they would not speak. She knew that in his mind he probably thought she was upset, and scared of him, but she wasn't.

Having his beast back would be terrifying… but would she be able to let go?

She knew what Sesshomaru could be like when he had more knowledge of her world, and more living experience. He was someone different, someone who understood. How could she let that be ruined by his beast? _Even_  if in the end, they would live their separate lives, she couldn't let him be eaten away by his beast.

On an impulse Kagome tossed her blankets away before putting her feet against the cold ground. Silently she moved to the other side of the room where Sesshomaru was laying and only came to stop when her knees hit the edge of his bed. Her eyes were locked on his back as she dared to bend down a bit.

"Sesshomaru?" she tried, her voice barely a whisper.

Almost too rapidly he turned around, his eyes wide open, which caused her to almost gasp. She had truly believed him to be asleep.

"Is something the matter?" he inquired, glancing up at her face, as if expecting to find a sign of distress.

She shook her head. "I just, I couldn't sleep."

Could she sound more foolish?

It wasn't really his fault, and there wasn't much he could do about it, but she shared anyway. Without asking him if she could, she sat down on the edge of his bed, before running her hand through her semi wet bangs. Why in the world was she so nervous?

Sesshomaru and she had share a close space before, out of their own will, yet at this desperate moment of confusion, she wasn't sure if she could ask. She swallowed hard, prior to closing her eyes. "May I lie down?"

He couldn't help but be surprised as he fully turned upon his back, and stared at her a little longer than he anticipated. She had been willing to do some activities with him and had even initiated some  _closeness_ , but now more than ever he felt as if she needed him. Her voice, her actions, he couldn't think of anything else.

Before he knew it, he was nodding.

Tomorrow he'd be leaving… in a search of a way to stay by his family's side. If he couldn't find one, well he'd rather not even think about that just yet. So much had happened to them and so much was still to come. For one night it would be nice not to have to worry about any of it.

Shyly, Kagome slipped in beside him and lay still, keeping a certain distance between them. She wasn't sure why she had made such a request, or why her heart squeezed at the thought of him being unable to be in her life. Mostly all they did always brought back bittersweet memories, and she was still unsure if she could have that kind of relationship with him…

But for the first time in a long while, she had hope.

Hope that the darkness would dissipate; hope that she could be whole again.

And frankly, if she was going to put the past behind her, she didn't think, as twisted as it sounded, that she could be with someone else. Either her path would lead her to Sesshomaru, or it would lead her to loneliness. Sometimes neither sounded like a good option, but tonight, she didn't want to end up lonely.

All she could do was speak the words in her heart. "We'll get past it."

Sesshomaru hadn't missed the way she had said  _we_  instead of  _you_ or  _I_. For a brief second everything froze and his heart had dropped. When it came to Kagome, he didn't give himself any hope. Sometimes his desires got ahead of him, but he knew he didn't  _have_  her. At any time, she could leave, and walk out on him.

So far, she hadn't. He hoped it was a good sign.

But it was for that reason that she could still surprise him when she did things like such. It made him dare to think that one day perhaps, she'd truly be his mate. For now, all she did was bear an empty mark, one that meant nothing to her.

It hadn't meant anything to him at first, but now, it was one of the rare things linking him to her, and one of the reasons why she might be his one day.

Sesshomaru tilted his head back slightly, while still lying on his back. What was he supposed to answer back? "It might be too dangerous."

"I couldn't move on knowing you're out there by yourself, being a slave to your beast."

Maybe her words were almost a bit harsh, but it was the way she felt. She had experienced what it was like to lack control over her own body, thanks to his beast and she didn't want to think of him stuck like that forever. Not only that but, his beast would hunt her down.

She knew it wouldn't give up on her, and it was why she couldn't give up on Sesshomaru.

If she wasn't mistaken, she was the only one who could help him. Even though it would be hard on her.

Sesshomaru found the strength to turn to his side and he glanced at her face while she looked up at the ceiling. "But I couldn't live with myself if it was to put you through the same thing again."

He didn't think his beast would go that far again, especially since it realized how upset Kagome was and he knew her pain, but he wasn't' sure exactly sure of his beast's thinking; he couldn't take any chances.

Kagome's heart had skipped a beat when she had heard the brokenness in his voice. Sesshomaru didn't let those emotions get to him that often, and it only increased the feeling she had that he truly cared for her.

She didn't turn her body, but she tilted her head to the side. Her eyes were shining as her expression softened. "I'm scared too."

He didn't say he felt fear, and maybe she was wrong to assume it, but she felt as though they were experiencing similar emotions.

"But I trust you, more than you trust yourself."

It felt as if Sesshomaru's mind, as soon as his beast was free, was losing all control. Maybe he could fight it more than he thought. Why should his beast be the only one that could overpower and win? Perhaps the only problem was that Sesshomaru didn't know why, and in the past he hadn't bothered that much.

"I'm sure you can do it."

She was right; she had more hopeless hope in him than he did in himself. But after all the failures that occurred when it came to his beast, who could blame it? He could be all powerful, unless he had to fight himself.

Sesshomaru couldn't help but sigh. "I'm not sure you're right, Kagome."

It was so rare for him to pronounce her name; it almost felt strange, though she rather liked it.

"You know, too often, I was scared. Some days, I don't even know if I'll be able to put my past behind…"

Her words constricted his heart a bit, but he tried to not let it show on his face so that she would keep talking. Not often did she share her feelings, or everything that went on in her mind, and he was interested in knowing.

She turned her head away from him, glancing up at the ceiling once more. "But you know there are times when I forget everything that happened."

She hadn't shared that with him just yet, but she felt as if now was the right time. Her heart was a whirlwind of emotions, and there was no more perfect timing.

"Sometimes when you're with me I forget."

Sure, some of their moments together brought back bad times, but when they truly did enjoy themselves, the pain would go away. Sometimes for a few minutes, sometimes for a few seconds. Still, being free from the pain was exhilarating even for a short amount of time.

Sesshomaru always thought that when they were together, all Kagome experienced was pain. Did he really help her in some way?

A tiny smile appeared on her lips though she could still not see his reaction. "I think you're too harsh on yourself. I know you need to leave, but at least don't give up just yet."

Sesshomaru nodded slowly. "You are correct. I will not."

Deciding to do a bold move, he slowly extended his hand and grasped hers, wrapping his fingers with hers. For a second he expected her to flinch, but she never did. Instead, she held on tighter, almost as if she was trying to give him some strength, though she barely had any herself.

Together they were quite broken.

Perhaps it was a bad thing, but he wouldn't give up hope, just like she wanted.

Maybe one day, together, they would be able to put the pieces back together. They were far from free, far from happy, but he would hold on to her as long as he could. Even if his beast tore him apart from the inside, he would always  _be_  there, fighting.

-B-

The rays of the sun were coming through the curtains, as they were gently being pushed by the wind. The brightness rudely awakened her from slumber, and she immediately raised her arm, protecting her eyes from the light. Confusion appeared in her mind as she tried to remember what happened the previous night; she couldn't recall falling asleep.

It was when she felt coldness and emptiness surrounding her hand that it came back to her; Sesshomaru! Right away, she sat up in the bed, noticing she was still in his rather than hers. She looked left, and then right, but she was alone. Could Sesshomaru already be gone?

She had hoped that she wouldn't fall asleep or that perhaps she'd wake up when he would leave… Having hope that perhaps he was still present, she rushed to her feet and began to explore her surroundings. She started with the kitchen, only to go in the living area, and finish in the bathroom; all of the rooms were empty.

Kagome's heart sank and she pressed her lips together. She tilted her head back so far it touched the wall and she allowed herself to drop to the ground. She already knew he was going to leave, so she couldn't be surprised… still she wished she had been able to see him off.

Then again, perhaps it was better that way.

She probably would have stayed lost in her thoughts a bit longer if a piercing scream hadn't echoed through the room. She raised her head right away, peering in direction of her son's crib. The cries were coming from him. It was almost strange because he often awoke peacefully; perhaps the fact that he couldn't sense his father's presence was disturbing him.

Quickly Kagome scrambled to her feet before rushing to the crib. She grabbed her son, and brought him close to her chest trying to console him. Her fingers were brushing his little tuff of hair gently hoping it would calm him down, but his screams never ceased.

Usually, he wasn't one to remain upset very long.

She gently rocked him in her arms, humming a soft lullaby before closing her eyes. Her own upset state was probably affecting him a bit hence why she was trying to keep herself under control.

The seconds ticked away and soon became minutes, but nothing changed; Kiyoshi was still crying and screaming. Kagome was about to wonder if perhaps it was hunger that was putting him in such a state, when the door of the room flung open.

Quickly enough Kouga appeared in the doorway, looking concerned. "Is everything okay?" he inquired glancing from left to right.

Kagome nodded as she peered up at him.

Kouga sniffed once, then twice, before frowning slightly. "Where's Doggie?"

As soon as the words left his mouth, Kiyoshi's cries increased in intensity. Kagome cringed a bit before rocking him faster hoping it would do something.

"He left," was all she could say to Kouga.

He raised an eyebrow. "Where?"

She pinched her lips together, trying to find the right words to put it. "He left by himself for a few days, he's… he's having trouble with his watch."

Kouga's perplexed expression transformed into one of shock, and a bit of fright. If it was bad to the point that Sesshomaru was leaving… it couldn't be good. Of course, it wasn't like Sesshomaru was going to ask him for advice or anything… Damn stubborn dog; they were all the same.

Unsure what to do, he closed the distance between Kagome and himself and gently patted her shoulder. Usually it would frustrate Kiyoshi, but this time it seemed to have the opposite effect. His screams died down, and all that seemed to be left was the tears in his amber eyes.

Both Kagome and Kouga were surprised by the reactions, but Kagome wasn't about to complain. To see her son in pain was something that brought her deep suffering. The world and situation he had been born in wasn't exactly what she had hoped for and all she could do was shelter him from as much of it as she could for as long as possible.

Kouga's heart felt heavy because of the look he could see in Kagome's eyes. He knew Sesshomaru wasn't doing it on purpose, but god damn it, he was hurting Kagome again. "He'll come back right?"

"He promised," she said, looking at him straight in the eyes.

He said he'd give this a try before doing anything drastic, and she would believe his words. He wouldn't lie to her about it now would he? No, she promised she would trust his words, just like he promised he wouldn't give up hope just yet.

"You know I'm here for you right?" said Kouga, his tone more serious than usual.

He didn't mean he was there for her  _as a replacement_  for Sesshomaru, but he was there as a friend. It was obvious that Sesshomaru trusted him a bit, since he had left Kagome under his care, though it would have been nice if he had warned him first.

Kagome nodded, as she gently cuddled her son, whose eyes were closed once more, tears still staining his cheeks. She was not the only one who was going to experience the pain from the missing presence of Sesshomaru.

Sometimes, she wished Kiyoshi wasn't so tuned to all their emotions; it would help him avoid some pain.

She slightly turned her head to the side, looking out the window. Sesshomaru could be anywhere by now. All she could wish for was that he could find the answers he was seeking and that he would return where he belonged.

With his family.

-B-

Sesshomaru pressed the back of his hand against his forehead, somewhat annoyed. He didn't know many youkais in the area and thus, he had to rely on someone who he hadn't talked to in a while; Dr. Izumi. He had been able to obtain a few names, though he wasn't sure if any of them would be able to help him.

He had tried two out of five, and so far nothing had provided results.

It didn't help that the whole day he had felt guilty. Sesshomaru hadn't meant to leave Kagome while she had been asleep, but he had felt as if it would be easier. Letting go of her hand had been the hardest part. He had not found sleep, but she had; yet it hadn't prevented her from keeping her fingers intertwined with his. When he had removed his hand, he had felt her resistance.

Sesshomaru felt the car coming to a stop, and he glanced out the window; apparently they had reached their next destination. As he opened the door and exited the car, he couldn't help but find he was out of place. In front of him was some sort of clairvoyance store.

A youkai was hiding there?

Despite the fact that he was a bit suspicious, he decided to walk in nonetheless. He slowly opened the door, a bunch of loud clinking echoed through causing him to wince.

"We're no-"

A fairly young woman stopped right in her tracks when she laid eyes upon him. Quickly she bowed before scrambling to make it to her table. "Please have a seat," she said her head still low as a sign of respect.

Sesshomaru nodded before sitting down in front of her. Apparently she already knew who he was, even though his new appearance didn't really give it away. Then again, she was a youkai and perhaps  _she had seen it coming_.

"This is a bit of scam is it not?" he inquired glancing around.

She smiled at bit. "I'm not like those humans, I actually tell the truth Milord."

It was when humans had noticed how much money youkais could do predicting the future that they had taken it to a whole new level of scamming. Now, most of them were believed to be liars but her customers came back because her predictions were true each time.

"So what is wrong with your watch Lord Sesshomaru?"

He raised an eyebrow intrigued; perhaps she was half-decent. "I'm afraid it will cease working very shortly."

Maybe this one would be able to help him. "Is it something you can fix?"

The woman tilted her head to the side; her fiery blue locks cascading upon her shoulders. "Give me your hand."

She extended her arm, her hand open, waiting for him to slide his on top of hers. He appeared to be a bit hesitant at first but then decide to trust her; after all, he was the one who came to her for help. Unless she did something foolish, he would trust her.

As soon as his hand touched her, she closed her fingers on his palm, before shutting her eyes. Suddenly, a feeling of uncertainty filled Sesshomaru; was she trying to see his future? If there was one thing he didn't wish to know, it was what would happen.

Surely it would reassure him about Kagome, but if it was a bad news, then he didn't wish to know now. Instead, he'd rather remain in ignorance, and enjoy the few moments left that he had. It was such a strange thought for him to have, especially since he usually preferred to know everything…

But when it came to Kagome, everything was always different.

The woman frowned a few times, and he hoped it wasn't because she was disturbed by what she was seeing. The seconds passed, but she still didn't move or say anything. Becoming slightly impatient, Sesshomaru pulled his hand away from hers.

"I came to know if you could do something about my watch," he pointed out a bit rudely.

Her eyes flashed red for a brief instant before she nodded. "Of course." She pulled her hand away, resting it on her lap. "There is perhaps something I could do. I cannot promise anything, but I will try."

It wasn't quite the answer he was looking for but it was a start.

"I'll need your watch," she said as she got up, and walked over to him.

"That's impossible, only Kagome can take it off," he said, not realizing he was referring to Kagome as if the woman knew her… though if she had seen his future then she might.

The woman smiled brightly at him, before coming closer anyway. She grabbed the wrist, flipped it around, ignoring the way Sesshomaru had tensed up, and proceeded to remove the watch. Once it fell upon the table, Sesshomaru was unable to stop the surprise from showing on his face.

How...was that possible? His beast himself had tried to take it off more than once, and it had never worked! He had made sure that only Kagome could take it off, for safety reasons! This made no sense! Did the woman have a few tricks that broke the watch?

Noticing his perplexed expression the youkai female picked up the watch. "I'm sorry to tell you my Lord, but your watch had already stopped working."

Without saying another word, she disappeared into the background while holding his watch carefully in her hands. She wasn't sure what his reaction would be, but she didn't want to be around for it.

Sesshomaru's eyes were wide open, as a quick transformation took over faster than usual. Over the span of a few seconds, his youkai features were present, though his beast was not there, which he had almost expected.

To say that he was confused was not enough. If the watch had stopped working… why had it been holding back his youkai? There was no way it worked only for his youki did it? No, it couldn't only half work… it didn't make any sense!

And where in the  _world_ was his beast?

The… watch wasn't working… his beast had disappeared…

And he might lose Kagome…

When had his life turned so upside down?

He held his head with his hands almost desperately. He was back to himself, in his full powerful youkai form, yet he was still only half of himself. Kagome was not with him, and his beast had left him.

When would he stop being incomplete?

When would he be able to be near her?

Only she could make him whole.

-B-


	63. One Step Backwards, Two Steps Forward

A few hours had passed, and all he could do was sit as the woman was supposed to be fixing his watch. Though now he found himself wondering; what was the point? The watch had already stopped functioning, yet his beast had not come out. He wasn't sure why such thing had occurred, thus rending the watch useless.

His beast.

It did feel like he was gone. There was a part inside of him Sesshomaru could not feel. He was not complete; he was almost empty. He raised his hand, grabbed his shirt near where his heart was located, and clenched his fist around the fabric. His beast had brought him so much misfortune already: did he truly require more?

It was the sound of footsteps that brought Sesshomaru out of his thoughts. He tilted his head to the side just in time to see the woman walk back inside the room, the watch firmly secured in her hand. Her eyes were filled with secrets, but he was unable to read any of them. His eyes never left her as she sat down in front of him. Slowly, she set the watch down on the table before him..

"I believe it will work now."

Sesshomaru's temper quickly flared. "You  _believe_?"

There was some information she wasn't certain if he would want to hear. It wasn't as if she wanted to withhold information from him, but she knew it wasn't something he would like to find out.

"The watch wasn't completely broken."

"Is that why my human appearance remained?"

She nodded. "You see covering your appearance, and locking your youki away are two different things. Normal watches  _usually_  only hide the youkai appearance. Some hide the youki as well, and then there was your watch which was also designed with a timer and a spell so only one person could remove the watch."

Sesshomaru was a bit surprise that she had been able to figure it all out just by  _fixing_  it. Though, it did make him trust her skills a bit more.

"The part of your watch that failed was the one restraining your youki."

"How is that possible?"

She offered a quick shrug. "I am not as familiar with those watches. Though I believe that intense power and emotions coming from your beast could eventually wear out the watch. Perhaps your inner self had been enraged, and had been trying to break free for a while. Something could have pushed it over the edge."

He could already figure out what had caused that. It was the day he had shared his memories with his beast. If he had known things would have turned out so complicated, then perhaps he wouldn't have done it.

"There is something else."

The tone of her voice was serious and he glared just a bit; she didn't bear good news. "What is it?"

"Can you use your youki?"

With a bit of confusion in his mind, he glanced down at his hand. He raised it a bit, glancing at it, as he slowly clenched it forming a fist. Sesshomaru was trying to summon his power yet he felt nothing surging through him, and certainly nothing was flowing from him. His eyes moved to her face immediately and his expression hardened.

"What's going on?"

All she could do was sigh before bringing her blue hair into a ponytail. "Your youki is gone. All that remains of your youkai is your appearance."

Sesshomaru blinked once, then twice. "Gone?"

A youkai was what he was. How could everything he was simply be gone? There was no way he could be a human in a youkai costume. It wasn't the way it worked. He clenched his fist so hard his claws dug into his skin and blood began spilling down his wrist. Sesshomaru couldn't care less who this woman was. She was  _wrong_.

"It seems insane, but that is the case. You have no youki. No inner self."

If his  _beast_  could be gone, he would know. He had been trying to get rid of this plague for many centuries. His beast was a part of himself, it could not leave him and it could not be on its own. Clearly the woman had no idea what she was speaking about.

"It is my  _inner self_ ," he said, using her own words to somewhat mock her. "It cannot leave."

"Then perhaps it retracted itself from you. It is completely locked away, maybe destroyed. I have been doing this for a long time,  _My Lord_."

His glare only increased as he bent a bit forward. "How do I retrieve it?"

"I do not know. Only you do. If it is possible for you to even have it once more, only you know how you wronged yourself," she said, her red eyes almost glistening with mischief.

There was a reason why she preferred dealing with humans rather than youkais. Youkais were so full of themselves and arrogant; they refused to listen to anyone. At least humans accepted her words like they were the only truth in the world. If Lord Sesshomaru decided that all she said was lies, then it was his problem. She wouldn't waste her breath trying to convince him otherwise.

It was not possible! This was not happening! Granted he had spent the last few years being  _human_  with his beast locked away… but this was different. He knew that he was whole, the part of him that was  _missing_ was still somewhere inside. There was hope to be whole and it kept him at peace. Now she was telling him he wouldn't be himself for the rest of his life.

He would live centuries as a human, with a youkai appearance?

As his rage intensified, he found himself punching the table nearly hard enough to dent the wood. Instead, he simply smudged it in blood.

His beast was frustrating, wild, and most of all; he had hurt Kagome more than once. It was still a big part of what made him who he was though. He didn't know anything else but to be himself. He had lived with every decision, every regret and every guilty feeling.

How could someone not be themselves?

His head hung low a bit, as his brain was attempting to process all the information she had shared with him. He wanted her to be wrong, she  _had_  to be wrong. He couldn't even understand how all of it made sense. How did his beast have so much control over him?

"He does not. You have control over yourself."

Surprised that she knew his thoughts, he raised his head. "Pardon me?"

"Your beast does not have all the control you seem to think he has. Maybe he only has it because you gave it. You tried to ignore situations, and you gave him the power to deal with them when you couldn't. You ignored yourself, and he fought for you when you couldn't. You control him, not the other way around."

Sesshomaru rose to his feet and smacked his hands against the table. "If I controlled him, things would have been much different."

Even though he had disliked her back then, he wouldn't have taken her body over and over. He wouldn't have dragged her through hell as much as he had. Also, his brother would still be alive.  _If_  he had that much control over his beast, his life would not be the mess it currently was.

"I cannot make you believe in what you refuse to see."

She imitated his actions by getting up, and walking closer to him; the little metal jewels hanging from her long silky skirt clanged together. "What will you believe in, Lord Sesshomaru?"

His eyes met hers, but he had no answer for her. He was experience a rage and furry like he never had before. There was a storm forming within him and he felt his own control slipping. What did he believe in? _Nothing_. He hadn't believed in anyone before, and he hadn't trusted anyone. Believing was useless; you had to work for things to happen.

"I don't believe."

He grabbed the watch from the table before reaching out for his wallet with his other hand. He was about to pull some money from it, when he felt her hand on his wrist.

"I don't require your money," she said, her eyes softening.

She couldn't see his whole soul, but he hurt, she could tell that much. What had happened to the great Lord Sesshomaru that he would be in so much pain and experience such an enormous amount of regret?

Sesshomaru pushed her hand away, before dropping the money on the table. He didn't take pity or anything else from anyone. He came for her services, she fixed his watch, and now he was going to pay her. End of the story. The more time he spent in her company, the more he disliked her.

He was about to put the watch on, when once again, his actions were stopped by her. "I believe that if  _you_  are the one to put on the watch, it defeats the whole purpose of only  _one_  person being able to take it off."

For once, she was right. Kagome was the only one that could put the watch on. Granted, it wasn't protecting anything at the moment but he refused to believe the woman's word. His youki was not gone. In time, it would return would it not? It was almost difficult to trust his own words…

…because he felt the emptiness inside of himself.

He closed his hand on the watch, holding it tightly. "Thank you for your services," he said before turning his back to her and exiting her little shop.

The female watched him leave, her arms crossed in front of his chest.  _He would be back_.

-B-

The night had fallen a few hours ago and Kiyoshi was half asleep in his crib. Kagome was standing in front of the window holding the curtains with her hand. The other one was pressed against the window as she stared away; the moonlight lightening up the right side of her face.

He had said a few days, and it had barely been one yet. Though, it didn't stop her from waiting for him. She had tried not to worry, but it was difficult. She had no idea where he was and what was happening. Sesshomaru didn't share much of what was going on in his mind and she couldn't always guess.

She pushed her bangs behind her ear as she finally tore her eyes away from the window and the night scenery. She was about to take a step in direction of the bed, so she could lay down, when she suddenly heard someone turning the knob of the room. For a split second, her heart skipped a beat.

Could it be Kouga? But why would he come over so late at night? No, it couldn't be him; he would have knocked so she wouldn't worry. Then was it Sesshomaru? But why would he be back so fast when he said he'd be gone for a couple of days?

Her heart was hammering in her chest while she took a step forward heading towards the door. Her steps were small and quiet, almost as if she was trying to give herself enough room to back away in case it was a stranger. She reminded herself to not be scared, that Kouga was right next door, but it only half worked.

Though the person she was the most concerned for was Kiyoshi.

Kagome held on to the doorframe, her eyes locked on the main entrance. She glued her lips together as it slowly opened. Then, illuminated by the feeble light coming from outside, she distinguished the features. Silver hair, vivid markings… this was  _not_  Sesshomaru. It was him… but his beast?

In a moment of panic, forgetting that his beast was refusing to come out, Kagome turned around gasping and headed for the crib. She closed her eyes and grabbed onto the wood while she waited for him to come in. It wasn't until she felt hands on her hips that a small whispered scream escaped her.

He quickly turned her around, and as she was about to create some distance between them, she took notice of his face. It  _was_  Sesshomaru. Two shiny golden eyes were staring at her so intensively she almost shivered. All she could do was hold her breath as her eyes traveled all over his face. Her orbs lingered on his cheeks where she noticed his skin didn't seem as smooth.

Intrigued, she raised a hand while his remained on her waist. Gently, she rubbed it against his cheek. Immediately she felt an odd stickiness there and she frowned. Tears? There was no way, Sesshomaru did not cry. Perhaps it was sweat from exhaustion, though why would Sesshomaru be sweating? He was in his youkai form.

"What's wrong?" she finally managed to ask.

Sesshomaru refused to look anywhere but into her eyes. His whole body was on fire and he had never felt it reach such a temperature before. His heart was ready to explode and he didn't know what to think anymore. He had driven for a few hours trying to find an answer to what was happening, and he couldn't.

"It's gone."

She tilted her head to the side, her hair cascading down her shoulder "What's gone?"

"My youki, my beast… I'm not a youkai anymore."

Kagome put both of her hands on his face, moving herself closer to him. "Sesshomaru, what are you talking about, of course you're a youkai. Look at you."

"Feel my aura."

Though she was perplexed, she did it anyway only to realize he was  _right_. Usually when she focused, his aura could be overwhelming because of its power, but in this case, there was absolutely nothing. Thinking perhaps something was wrong with her she flared her own aura causing it to gently caress his. Instead of a sizzling feeling of pain, he felt nothing, which she could tell when his expression didn't change.

"How- how is that possible?"

His beast, it was gone? She didn't know much about youkais, but she was pretty sure that it didn't make much sense for him to lose a part of himself. Her heart was pounding so hard she could barely hear anything else in her head then the sound of it echoing.

Sesshomaru's grip on her tightened a bit. "I am not sure."

Apparently it was his fault, but Sesshomaru had upset his beast before and it had not caused him to disappear. It had to be something else. At first he had even considered that perhaps they had merged, but it seemed that it was not the case.

"I am not myself," he explained still glancing down at her.

 _That_  was the feeling she could read in his eyes. Sesshomaru was lost. He always lived up to himself, learned from mistakes, and grew stronger and wiser. But now, he was in unknown territories. Unfortunately she knew too well what he felt.

"I'm not either."

Ever since that faithful encounter between her and his beast, she hadn't been able to be herself. A part of her had been ripped away and it was as if she would never be able to retrieve it. "I'm broken, I'm empty."

Those were the words he wanted to say.

Was this what Kagome felt inside of her all the time? Was this the misery he had brought up upon her? Yet after everything, she managed to smile and enjoy life? He had been right this whole time; he did not deserve her. She was much stronger than even he thought her to be.

Most of his life, he relied on his strong powers and his blood heritage. It was what made him strong and distinguished him from others, and it was probably the reason why he was still alive to this day though many youkais had perished.

Now that whole part had been taken away from him.

Her whole life had been ripped apart, and she had been thrown into a world she knew nothing of. He had taken every bit of  _home_  she had, and had given her a new life. He could smell her tears again and feel her heavy heart. For years he had carried the burden of guilt, but now it had reached a new level.

Sesshomaru didn't take pity on himself. He did what he did, and he had to live with it; he was fine with that. But this was life changing. How can one not be youkai anymore? How can one not be who they are?

"I'm sorry," he said, his eyes almost shining.

It was strange for Kagome to look at him and be so close to him when he was  _Sesshomaru_. Usually when he had this appearance she had to face his beast. There was a small amount of fear inside of her, but she held it back. He looked broken and she didn't wish for him to think she was scared of him.

No matter what had happened in the past,  _that_  Sesshomaru, the one free of his beast, had been there for her. Even if it was difficult, she was there as well.

It was strange to think that the part that had harmed her most was gone. His beast, her worst nightmare, the one she never got to face… it had been wiped from Sesshomaru. Hadn't that always been the worst part of him?

Slowly she felt him press his forehead against hers.

She felt warm, she felt comforting, and he wanted to be closer to her. Just a little bit, he closed the distance between them. Kagome didn't move away or flinch and he took it as a good sign. He wasn't sure what he was trying to do but for once he was  _afraid_  of things to come.

He could no longer protect her.

Though his beast had harmed her, he wouldn't let anyone hurt her.

Now, what could he do for her?  _Nothing_. Yet it seemed she could do so much for him.

Would he lose her?

Without thinking, he bent down and slowly captured her lips with his. Sesshomaru allowed himself to taste her and savor the feeling of her being so close. Kagome didn't pull away, but her hands dropped from his face to his chest where they rested flat.

Her heart was still beating fast from everything that had happened and the closeness wasn't helping. For the very first time, she was feeling  _need_  in his actions. But not the  _physical need_ , more like simply the need to feel, the need to be. To say she was not a bit scared was lying, especially considering his current appearance.

Still, she closed her eyes and kissed him back.

Sesshomaru's hands rose a little higher, almost right under her breasts, while remaining on her sides. He increased the intensity of the kiss just a bit, as he brought her body closer to his.

For a moment everything around them was spinning.

It was then that Sesshomaru pulled his mouth away from hers and attacked her neck. He lapped and he kissed all the way from her jaw to the crook of her neck where her mating mark was resting. She could feel it pulse the closer he got to it. Involuntarily, the tears began to spill from her eyes, but he didn't notice just yet. Kagome didn't feel pain, or fear, but the tears still rolled down her cheeks.

Sesshomaru only realized when he felt something wet hit his shoulder. When he looked up he noticed her closed eyes and the tears staining her face. Immediately he pulled away, almost surprising Kagome.

"Did I hurt you?" he inquired, his tone indicating he was a bit panicked.

Kagome slowly opened her eyes as she shook her head. She, herself, could not really explain the tears. "I'm fine, you didn't do anything, I promise."

Maybe it was the overwhelming situation, or the way he looked. She was unsure, but she knew he hadn't forced her to do anything, nor had he hurt her and she didn't want him thinking otherwise. She took a step in his direction, pressing her hand against his chest.

"I'm fine."

Sesshomaru lifted his hand and with his thumb he pressed away some of the tears; he didn't like to see sorrow in her eyes. Gently he approached her face, and pressed a kiss on her cheek, kissing the tears away. His cold lips made a striking contrast with her warm tears and she felt her skin jolting.

Instead of pulling away, Sesshomaru kissed more of her tears away, bringing her closer to him once again. During their interactions they had pulled away from the crib more and more, and they had gotten closer to the bed. They took a few other steps back, while his hand was carefully cupping her left cheek.

Somehow him pressing his lips against her cheek made her feel better and him at the same time. Her heart was pounding so much she thought it would explode, and she licked her dry lips unconsciously. Intimacy hadn't been the easiest thing between them  _ever_ , and each step they took felt like a cliff.

Would she fall?

Would he drop her?

At the moment, both of them were broken and missing part of each other. Was there a way for either of them to be themselves, to retrieve what they lost, or to live without it? He had barely begun, and she had been trying for months. Could broken people be mended, could stories be erased and re-written?

Sesshomaru was slowly working his way back to her neck where her mark was. It was calling to him, he wanted to devour her neck, and he wanted her closer. He gently held on to one of her wrists and positioned her arm around his neck. Then, he did the same with the other one. She didn't resist him; she didn't seem to  _not_  want it.

If she told him to stop, if she pushed him away, he would.

Kami he didn't want to, he needed her, but he would.

He could feel her tiny hands on his neck, and it was enough to send jolts down his spine. She was shy, blushing, and her eyes were still threatening to spill tears, he could tell. He wasn't using her to make himself feel better, he truly wasn't. He did need this, but did she as well?

Wasn't that why she had kissed him back?

She wanted her life back.

He wanted him self back.

One more step and Kagome fell on her back on the bed. The intensity, the heat, it felt as if everything had been cranked up a notch. Her eyes were still closed, her arms still wrapped around his neck, as he kept kissing her neck, gently nibbling at her mark. Every time his fangs landed on it, a spark would go through her making her uncomfortable.

This was heading  _somewhere_  fast.

She did feel a bit panicked and afraid that she wouldn't be able to stop him. Flashbacks of what had happened and what the beast had done to her were still present in her mind, especially now. She could see herself fighting him, trying to push him off while she screamed helplessly. She had to remind herself that now if she screamed it would all be over.

Touching was associated with so many bad memories… was it sick of her to somewhat enjoy it? Did it make her a twisted person?

Wasn't she allowed to be as normal as anyone else? Did she  _have_  to be stuck in the past forever?

Sesshomaru's hands went a bit lower, just to the edge of her shirt, and he carefully slid a finger underneath.. He wanted Kagome to feel good, but not because  _he_  wanted it. His wish was for her to  _want_  to feel good. After everything that had been force upon her, he wanted it to come from  _her_  from now on.

She could hear the beast's voice in her mind, and she did her best to chase it away. This was Sesshomaru, a better one, one that understood her, that cared for her. He wouldn't hurt her.

Slowly she grabbed his face, pulling a bit, indicating she wanted him to kiss her. Sesshomaru didn't waste any time as he captured her lips once more. Never had he been nervous before, but now he was terrified. He didn't want to do the wrong thing; he didn't want to hurt her.

She was shaking under him just a bit, and he didn't know if it was out of fear or out of sensations.

"Do you wish for me to stop?" he whispered against her lips.

He could feel the hesitation in her eyes, and he decided to pull away. He could see that his actions were confusing her, but she would soon understand. He had been more than blessed by her already, and  _she_ needed to know a different side to a physical relationship.

All she had associated with them were bad things, and he wanted her to know it could also be pleasant.

Gently he sat on the bed and when he noticed she was about to imitate his actions, he stopped her by softly pressing his hand against her stomach keeping her down. He moved up in the bed a bit, before grabbing her arm. Slowly he pressed his lips against her wrist, before darting his tongue out.

She could feel him tracing circles with his tongue and the jolts going through her body resumed. She had experience  _a twisted_  pleasure in the past from his attentions. Her body had reacted to certain things, though her mind had been against it. However this time, she was  _allowing_  him to do it. It should be different; it was different.

Sesshomaru slowly worked his way up, his tongue trailing upon her burning skin. Her whole body was heated as if someone had lit her on fire, and her face was scorching with a heavy blush. Yes he had touched her before, and done much more but this was a different situation. She was actually participating in this one.

He couldn't be who he used to be. Maybe he'd never find himself again, but even if he couldn't protect her, he could still be there.  _What do you believe in Lord Sesshomaru_. The words of the woman were still echoing through his mind and he had an answer for her this time. He believed in Kagome.

When all else failed, when all had succumbed to the darkness, she still shone through. Even after she had been swallowed whole, she still fought.

If she could find it in her to give him a chance, he could find it in himself to be someone new and launch himself into new territories. He knew nothing but how to be a youkai, and he had never wished to be  _human_. However he was not. He was neither youkai, nor human.

Perhaps he was only himself.

Kagome felt his mouth reach high upon her shoulder, and she squirmed. The beast had tried many times to  _please_  her, and make her feel what he wanted her to feel, but each time he had brought her nothing but pain. This time, it was different. Her heart was filled with fear, and memories, but Sesshomaru didn't make her experience pain.

His touch felt soft against her skin, and she reminded herself to relax a bit. She could tell there was a thin layer of sweat on the back of her neck, but it was hard to stop herself from panicking a bit. This situation was not the most comfortable for her.

The seconds ticked away, until he made his way to her neck again and when he did, she carefully wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in his chest. Thinking she meant for him to stop, Sesshomaru pulled away slightly and embraced her, enveloping her with his arms. He gently kissed the top of her head, rubbing her back to soothe her.

He didn't want to push her over her limits and he had made sure to not take it too far for too long.

If this was how she wanted it, he would respect her wishes.

"Sesshomaru, are you scared?"

Her question surprised him. Not many things did scare him, but perhaps a few, yes. "Of what?"

She shrugged in his embrace. "Of not being yourself anymore? Of not knowing who you are, and who you are supposed to be?"

"Are you?"

It was silent for a few seconds, almost as if she was thinking about it and then she finally nodded softly. Yes even now that she had her son, and even Sesshomaru, she feared that she'd never find herself, that she would be lost forever. Would she be swimming forever in the uncertainty?

But now, wasn't Sesshomaru the same as her? Weren't they both broken?

At first, she thought she was the only one who needed fixing, but the more she discovered about Sesshomaru and the more time passed, the more she realized that perhaps, he required some adjusting himself.

"I am," he finally admitted.

It was Kagome, he wouldn't lie to her, and he wouldn't keep anything from her.

He did fear what would come. After all, he didn't know what would become of him, if he would lose his family, or if he'd even be able to complete his task and help her complete the jewel.

Could he do anything?

-B-

The light of the sun came into the room through the curtains Kagome had left open the previous night. It was shining very brightly right upon Kagome's face, almost blinding her as she fought to keep her eyes closed. Her eyes became very irritated and she finally gave up on resisting. Her eyes slowly opened and she blinked a few times trying to adjust to the light.

In an attempt the shield herself, she tried to turn around but unfortunately she quickly realized that was impossible since something was holding in her place. She glanced down at her stomach, only to see an arm decorated with two magenta stripes.  _Sesshomaru's_.

Instead of panicking however, she slowly turned her neck and glanced at him. His eyes were still closed, and he appeared peacefully asleep. Suddenly his eyes flashed open, and she couldn't help but gasp in surprise. She almost backed away, but his hold on her kept her in place.

"Sor-ry I thought you were asleep."

Surprisingly, even though he apparently had no youki, he didn't feel tired or the need to rest. Perhaps his level of adrenaline was still very high and it was what was keeping him up.

"I do not require rest."

She wasn't sure why but she simply nodded as she turned back into her side. "He's sleeping." Knowing he wouldn't know what she was talking about she explained further. "Kiyoshi was upset when you left. It took everything to calm him down, and he wouldn't sleep or eat."

Once again, Sesshomaru was attacked by a bit of guilt. When he had left he had done it for their sake, he hadn't meant for it to bring pain to his family. After all, they were all he had and he didn't want to lose them. Though in the end, maybe it would be the safest thing.

"Is he well?"

Unfortunately, even though he was supposed to be  _himself_ , he could not sense his own son's aura. He could not tell how he was or what he was feeling.

As a natural reaction, Sesshomaru pressed a kiss on Kagome's shoulder. He didn't want to break any boundaries, or encroach in her personal space but he did enjoy having her closer. Hopefully, the reality of their life wouldn't be shattered.

Knowing their history, they did not get very many good moments.

He hoped that one day he would be able to change that.

Kagome's eyes remained on his wrist, feeling as if something was different. It took her a few seconds, but she finally realized that his watch was missing. "Is the watch broken?" she asked, slightly confused.

"It was fixed," he said, pulling his wrist away from her view. "You're the only one who can put it back."

She nodded slightly, her hands traveling to his wrist. "I think your skin is burnt."

Intrigued, Sesshomaru glanced at her fingers. It was barely noticeable, as a matter of fact he was surprised she saw it, but there was a print of the watch on his skin. And as she stated, it was as if he had been burnt. Could it be the effect of the watch breaking? Had the intensity been too much?

"I don't think we should put it back."

The silliness of her words caused him to pull away a bit and sit up in the bed. "Kagome, if the beast comes back, it could be dangerous."

She shrugged. "I know, but, we won't be going out for a while. I mean not until we know what's going on. Why don't you enjoy  _looking_  like yourself for a while?"

His glance fell to the bed. "Isn't it difficult for you to see me like this?"

He hadn't forgotten the bad memories attached to this  _side_  of him. Sesshomaru had no desire to bring forth more pain in her life.

"It's okay. I know who you are." True, it was hard sometimes, but the look in his eyes was so different… it was almost hard to mistake him for the monster of the past. Sometimes it might be harder than others, but this was who he was and dealing with it would be a step forward.

Considering the fact that he had almost lost everything, it was a little gain. "Thank you."

She smiled. "You don't have to think me for letting you be yourself."

Sesshomaru gently grabbed her hand and held it tightly. "Thank you for everything."

She nodded, but remained silent.

For a while, she would hold on to the notion that everything happened for a reason. Lives were intertwined, and everything was meant to be was it not? In harder times, it was difficult to believe but when you could see everything clearly it was easier. Life seemed horrible back when she had been his prisoner in the Feudal Era, but now things were looking up.

Not everything from then was terrible.

As the thought crossed her mind, she found herself peering at her son. He was her everything.

Kagome might be feeling a bit better, but Sesshomaru was still concerned. He knew his beast; he had fought him way too many times. He didn't always care what the woman said; he had power. If Sesshomaru could have tamed his beast, he would have already. He was not giving up control; the beast was taking it by force.

Sesshomaru also knew it meant his beast wouldn't give up. Obviously whatever had upset it had been a huge deal and this wasn't over. It was never over.

As he watched Kagome sit on the edge of the bed, looking at their son, his heart warmed up a bit. Perhaps being  _gifted_  this youki-less period wasn't the worst thing. Maybe it was his chance to make a few steps in the right direction.

Unfortunately he might lose it all when  _it_  came back.

Surely, he wouldn't remain empty forever. No matter how much Sesshomaru despised his beast, the things he had done, and the way it acted, there was one thing he couldn't deny; it was a part of him. Unfortunately it might be a part of himself he couldn't live without.

As twisted and sick as it was, he needed his beast, and it killed him to even have such a thought.

But for her sake, he would bear it for now.

-B-


	64. Glimpse of the Past

_Zing!_

Kagome's eyes opened wide as she dropped the towel she had been holding in her hands. A familiar feeling tingled through her body and she rushed outside of the bathroom. Her heart was pumping at an unbelievable speed while she began glancing around trying to find Sesshomaru. He didn't appear in her line of sight until she reached the kitchen. Once she arrived inside the room, panic was written all over her facial features.

"It's here."

Sesshomaru frowned slightly as he put his cup of coffee down. "What is here?"

His new appearance was still requiring some getting used to considering it had been a while since the last time he had been ruining around every day looking like  _himself_. Nonetheless, she pushed the initial shock aside. "The shard. I can feel it."

Frankly, Sesshomaru had almost given up on the last shard. They had been at their current location for so long since so many things had happened that he had almost thought that they would never find it. What also added to his surprise was the fact that it was apparently  _right_  there when they had been looking all over, even in the most deserted areas.

"Are you certain?"

She nodded. "It feels like it's coming right for us."

Kagome could not help but feel slightly afraid. After all, if the shard was coming for them, it meant someone was looking for them as well. Currently, Sesshomaru could not offer any protection and it made her feel uneasy. Granted the beast wasn't her favorite person, but at least he would save her if it came down to the worst possible situation.. Without his youki, Sesshomaru would be left to watch if something happened, unable to defend them.

Sesshomaru saw the panic in her eyes, and it wasn't hard to guess what she was thinking. He also knew there was only one thing to do. However that one thing would shatter his pride and in normal circumstances it would not be something he would do. Yet, if it might protect Kagome and Kiyoshi, then he had to do it. He would go seek Kouga and ask for his help. The Wolf could not refuse.

"Don't move."

As soon as he spoke the words, Sesshomaru dashed out of the room and went banging on Kouga's door. It was still fairly early and he hoped that Kouga was awake. If he wasn't he would pound on the door until he was.

It was after ten seconds or so that Kouga flung the door open, looking quite annoyed. "Whaddaya want?"

"Kagome says the shard is here."

Kouga raised both eyebrows clearly shocked. "Here? At the hotel?"

"I'm not sure, she said it was near and it's getting closer."

Kouga, who had been wearing nothing but a pair of boxers grabbed the closest t-shirt, put it on, before following Sesshomaru to the next room. He almost wondered why Sesshomaru needed him, but before he could allow himself to think about it, he noticed his new appearance. Or rather his old one.

"Your beast ain't back? And just what do you need me for?"

"My youki is gone."

Kouga blinked. "Gone?"

Sesshomaru held back a frustrated sigh. "Can you feel it?"

He stopped as they reach the door as Kouga tried to feel his aura but nothing came. "No. "

"I'll explain later."

Right now they didn't know what was going on with the shard, or who was carrying it, and frankly they didn't have time to waste keeping Kouga up to date. Plus this was not Sesshomaru's current favorite subject. He was still bittersweet about losing himself and the changes happening and Kouga was not exactly his favorite person to share with.

Kouga nodded slightly before entering the room. Immediately he spotted Kagome standing near the window looking out. "Do you still feel it?"

Kagome quickly nodded. "It's coming here, I know it."

Now the question was how did the person now where to find them, and why were they coming to them? Their first encounter with the shard hadn't turned out good, and the other person who had been looking for the incomplete jewel had been completely insane. Thus, this was not looking too favorable.

Suddenly the quietness of the room was pierced by a scream, and Kagome's eyes closed. Kiyoshi. He had to be protected just in case whoever was coming over was not an ally. Kagome was about to turn around to go console her son when she saw Sesshomaru taking the lead and going there himself.

"I'll do it," she said, a bit confused.

Sesshomaru shook his head. "You're more useful keeping your attention on the shard. And Kouga can protect you. I cannot do anything. I will take care of him."

There it was; he had admitted out loud that he was useless. His head hung a bit low as he disappeared from their view. His pride was hurt, but he wouldn't let it show. He had to put their safety before anything else, even if it was painful. Silence filled his mind as he took the few steps that separated him from his son.

Kiyoshi's cries ceased almost as soon as Sesshomaru looked inside the crib. He had to admit, a part of him felt a bit scared that his son would either not recognize him or would not approve of this new self. Slowly he reached out and picked up Kiyoshi, carefully holding him in his arms.

His son's eyes were on him, almost as if he was examining him or trying to recognize him. Usually his aura would give him away, but now that his youki was not just locked away but gone, he wondered if Kiyoshi could tell it was him. It was then that his son lifted his arm, reaching out for his father's face. Sesshomaru bent forward just a bit so that Kiyoshi's fingers could touch his face.

Gently his tiny, chubby fingers traced his stripes and lingered at the end of them. Sesshomaru didn't dare move or breathe as he allowed his son to do as he pleased. Strangely Kiyoshi's touch was bringing him some comfort he had not found in the past two days.

All of the sudden, the contact was intensified by a light coming from his son's fingers. It felt as if it was reaching out for something inside of him. A storm was quickly stirring and it was like his son could  _pull_  him from inside himself. A bit of panic rose, and before he knew it, he was pulling himself away.

Meanwhile, Kiyoshi simply looked at him, the same glance in his eyes.

Clearly there was more to his son than he had realized.

In the other room Kagome was on her toes, waiting as the shard only came closer and closer. She didn't like the idea of waiting for it to come and get her since it felt as if she was putting her loved ones in danger. Though, she assumed the  _carrier_  of the shard already knew their location.  _Still_ , the further this was happening from Kiyoshi, the better.

Without thinking about it twice, she dashed for the door and began heading to the elevator.

Her actions left Kouga sighing; she was still the same girl he knew five hundred years ago. He knew better than to yell after her since it would not stop her so instead, he began running after her. Perhaps he wouldn't be able to hold her back, but the least he could do was accompany her.

It wasn't too long until he exited the room as well, the door slamming behind him which attracted Sesshomaru's attention. He peered inside the kitchen, his son in his arms, only to be graced with an empty room. A nervous feeling filled him slightly, as he wondered why they had left. The only thing he was grateful for was the fact that Kouga was also gone, meaning he was looking after Kagome.

And now there he was again. He had to be left behind because he could not do anything…

-B-

"Kagome, I don't think it's a good idea."

Kagome pushed the doors of the hotel open and walked onto the sidewalk. "You don't think it's a good idea? I think it's better to meet whoever is coming here, then to meet them  _inside_ the hotel room where  _my son_  is."

Kouga decided to not argue with that logic but he still didn't think it was the safest solution. Whoever was coming was determined and he had seen what power and the jewel could do to someone. Kagome had almost been killed last time someone had been after the jewel and he refused to let that happen. He had promise to protect her, and some hundreds of years ago he had made her pack.

He'd always look after her.

"It's getting close," she said turning her head to the side slightly while looking out for either a strange person, or a car.

Protectively, Kouga took a step forward and stood in front of her as if to shield her from whatever danger was ahead. The seconds ticked away, his instincts getting sharper by the moment, waiting.

"It's here," she said almost holding her breath as she looked into the distance.

It was then that a dark green vehicle pulled over the side of the hotel and parked. Kagome's eyes were locked on the door as it slowly opened, revealing a woman. She had bright blue hair, which was tied up in a messy bun. She had shiny red eyes, which soon enough made contact with hers. She was a youkai; there was no mistake about it… unless she was a very extravagant human.

Though, if she was youkai, she'd have a tail, or maybe ears to prove it. She had nothing, except her flashy looks.

"Isn't that a very obvious appearance?" asked Kagome without breaking eye contact with the woman.

When all she received was silence, she looked up at Kouga. His eyes were set on the female, never even paying any attention to Kagome. Deciding to bring his attention back to her, Kagome waved a hand in front of his face. "Kouga?"

It was then that he tore his eyes away from the youkai to glance down at Kagome. "Sorry what did you say?"

Kagome resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Eyeing her much?"

Kouga backed away slightly. "No, she just, she seems familiar."

He didn't know where he had seen her before, but he knew their paths had crossed. Then again it could have been hundreds of years ago since youkais had good memory.

Both of them watched as the woman smiled and began walking in their direction. Kagome was a bit thrown off by her confidence. Why wasn't she nervous? And most of all, how did she know how to find them? Kagome remained slightly behind Kouga as the woman finally stopped in front of them.

"Hello, I'm Kai."

She bowed slightly, a smile always present on her face.

Kagome was a bit surprised by she returned the introduction. "I'm K-"

"Kagome," Kai finished for her. "And you are Kouga."

"How do you know all this?" asked Kagome as her confusion grew.

"Shall we go inside?" proposed Kai as she gestured towards the door.

"How do we know we can trust you?" asked Kouga as he crossed his arms in front of his chest.

Kai shrugged her shoulders. "You don't. But Lord Sesshomaru seems to think he can trust me. After all, he left his  _watch_  in my care."

Kagome frowned. "You're the one who fixed it?"

"I did," said Kai, her voice soft.

"Kag, it doesn't mean you can trust her."

"I know," said Kagome as she glanced at Kouga. "But I think we can. I can feel it."

There was a vibe about Kai that Kagome couldn't explain but she didn't feel threatened. Perhaps it was part of her plot, but Kagome was willing to take a risk and trust her. After all, she had  _at least_  introduced herself instead of kidnapping her or harming her, thus Kagome would give her a chance.

"If you're so sure," said Kouga as he took a step forward, and opened the door for both women. "After you," he said to Kai, offering her a smile.

Kai returned the smile, before entering the hotel knowing exactly where she was heading. Kagome followed right after still a bit intrigued. She knew deep inside that the woman wasn't bad at all, but she still couldn't understand how she knew all the things she knew. She doubted Sesshomaru would have shared all that information with her when they briefly met…

Or at least she thought so.

All three of them went up the stairs and silence was surrounding them until they reached the hotel room. Both Kouga and Kai stayed out of the way as Kagome slid her card into the card reader. Once the light went from red to green, she pushed it open.

"Kagome? Is everything well?" inquired Sesshomaru as he walked closer to her, Kiyoshi still in his arms.

He hadn't been able to put him down since they had left. It would not really protect him, but it felt as if it was doing something.

"Yeah, we brought back someone you know."

Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Someone I know?"

Kagome moved out of the way and allowed Kai and Kouga to enter the room. Immediately, Kai smiled at Sesshomaru and she bowed. "Lord Sesshomaru."

It was hard for Sesshomaru to hide his surprise. He had known she had been a bit strange and what not, but he hadn't expected her to track them down or to have the shard. Most importantly, he had not seen her as dangerous, but if she wasn't why was she here?

"Why have you come here?"

"I was simply returning something that belonged to Kagome."

Kai pulled a tiny little red pouch out of her pocket and handed it over to Kagome. She opened it as soon as it was in her possession, only to reveal that it held the last shard. Her heart skipped a beat as she gently picked it up and held it up high, unable to look away. There it was in her hand, the  _last_  shard. This was the last piece missing; after five hundred years the jewel would be complete.

Her heart began to beat a bit faster, and she realized her hand was shaking.

 _This_  woman had the shard this whole time?

"Why did you have it?"

"A while back a human was  _addicted_  to knowing their fortune. Eventually she ran out of money and she offered to pay me with this. Usually I refuse jewels and what not, but I recognized this, and knew it was better in my hand then in a human's hand. They are much more corruptible."

Kagome had faith in people but she could not disagree. Though most of the time, youkais could not be trusted either when it came to obtaining power.

"Why would you give it to me?"

"Aren't you the Shikon No Tama Miko?"

Kagome pressed her lips together and nodded. "But it doesn't explain why you're giving it to me, why not keep it?"

Kai shook her head. "It's not mine. It belongs to you. What could  _one_  shard do for me?"

This time Sesshomaru cut in. "One shard might not do anything, but the whole jewel could."

She couldn't help but laugh a bit. "I have no interest in power, Lord Sesshomaru."

He hadn't gotten a bad vibe about her when he had spent hours in her company. She had also been honest with him and she had provided help when he had required it. Still, he found it suspicious that someone would do something without expecting anything in return. Sesshomaru had seen the world change and nobody ever did something out of the sake of helping another being.

"What do you want in exchange for the shard?"

"Absolutely nothing."

Kai was not surprised that Sesshomaru didn't trust her; he had not changed. She had not known him personally in the past but she had heard about him. He trusted nobody and he didn't allow many people in his vicinity. Though she was getting a different  _feeling_  from him, she could tell certain things about him had remained the same.

"What do you benefit from this?"

"Nothing."

"So why do it?"

"Because it's the right thing to do."

"And why-"

Before Sesshomaru could pursue his interrogation, Kagome pushed him aside slightly. "Sesshomaru, that's enough. She's just trying to help us."

Usually she was fairly good at judging people, and the more they were around Kai, the more she felt like they could trust her. Though Kagome did have a few questions of her own to ask, but they were not accusations.

"How did you know where we were and our names?"

"I saw it in Sesshomaru's mind," she bluntly admitted. "I'm a fortune teller, but it doesn't mean I'm a fraud." Before Kagome could ask another question, Kai tilted her head slightly, glancing at Kouga. "Him though I know."

Kouga raised an eyebrow. "I knew you seemed familiar."

Kai smiled brightly prior to taking off a silver ring that had been on her finger. It wasn't too long until her ears became pointy, and a light brown tail came from under her skirt.

Kouga knew too well the color of her tail because it was the same as his. That could only mean that she was from his clan. But she didn't seem-

"Kai? As in Shinjitsu's daughter Kai?"

She nodded.

"I remember you! "he said pointing a finger at her. "Your father was killed by Kagura when we were trapped. But you were nothing more than a cub, barely a year old."

"That is correct," she said, a certain sadness in her eyes.

"Your mother left the pack after the incident, upset that her mate had been killed under my supervision."

"We lived on our own mostly after that, joining some other packs from time to time, but mom didn't want to be with people anymore."

The reason why she seemed familiar was because he remembered every person who left the pack. He had tried to stop her mother and explain the incident, but she had refused to listen. He didn't like having his own endangering their life, but she had left anyway.

Frankly he had believed that neither of them would have made it, especially not  _Kai_ , but he had been wrong.

"We can trust her," finally said Kouga as he leaned against the wall. It didn't matter that her mother left; pack was pack. Most people might have given up on the idea, but he didn't.

To him, it still meant everything.

"Thank you," she said, offering him a soft smile.

"I don't mean to intrude on the reunion, but can you read everyone's mind?"

Kai shrugged her shoulders. "It doesn't exactly work like that. I just can  _see_  sometimes. Flashes, waves, and sometimes sentences. It works strangely."

"Well thank you for  _this_ ," said Kagome lifting the shard. "Though I wish I could actually use it."

"What do you mean?" asked both Sesshomaru and Kouga unison.

Kagome looked down, a bit ashamed. The jewel was her responsibility, and perhaps it did belong to her as Kai had stated but she couldn't rid the world of it. "I'm afraid that the darkness in the jewel will overpower me."

She knew it had been a while since she had last tried to handle the jewel, but she didn't think things had changed. After all, she hadn't grown or changed that much since then. Yes, she had let go of a few events and feelings, but was that enough? Was she truly protected from the darkness growing inside the jewel?

Kai took a few steps in Kagome's direction before putting a hand on her shoulder. "I think everything will be fine. When you're ready, it will all work out."

Kagome wanted to be reassured by Kai's words, but she didn't know if she could. It was true that perhaps Kai knew the future, but maybe she was only saying that to make her feel better. Kagome wanted to be strong, but she wasn't sure if she could believe in herself the way she used to.

"Thank you," she said nonetheless.

Sesshomaru watched the whole scene happen, his eyes locked on Kai. He knew everyone said to trust her, and perhaps they were right, but he felt like she was keeping some information from them. But he had no intention of chasing her away. After all, he had to be grateful for the help, and also she might be the only person able to guide him in retrieving his beast.

For now, he wouldn't say anything, but he would keep an eye on her.

"I should leave you all alone. I'm sorry again for the unannounced entrance."

Kagome immediately shook her head. "No, no it's fine. I mean, we just didn't know. But you should stay."

Kai shook her head. "It's fine, I have my business to attend to but…" she paused as she reached out for a card in her purse. Once she pulled it out, she handed it to Kagome. "You can call me if you need me."

"I'll walk you to your car," offered Kouga as he slid into the conversation.

"Thank you," said Kai as she slowly backed away from Kagome.

She allowed herself to quickly glance at Sesshomaru. She offered him a quick nod, but she didn't expect him to return it. He was so distrustful. Then again, she could see there were not many reasons for him to trust strangers. One day perhaps he would learn that sometimes people just  _did_  things without expecting anything in return.

Kai slowly exited the room, followed by Kouga.

Though Kagome had many things on her mind, she couldn't help but watch the two of them leave. Two wolves together. She couldn't stop the smile that reached her lips; Kai could be good company for Kouga.

"The last shard."

The sound of Sesshomaru's voice almost made her jump, as she didn't expect him to talk. She turned around and glanced at shard in her hand. "Do you think I can do it?" she asked, before peering up and looking right into his eyes.

He wanted to be as reassuring as Kai had been, but he wasn't sure he could do that. "I believe that you will know when you're ready."

Sesshomaru spun around, heading for the crib trying to avoid more conversation. He knew everyone was grateful, and he didn't want to rain on their happiness. He simply didn't trust many people. Gently he put his son down in the crib, covering him with his blanket.

Never before had he held him for so long. But never before had he felt so  _at peace_  for such a length of time.

His son was powerful he could tell even if he was unable to feel his aura and that made him feel proud. At least he had done one thing right.

Kagome decided to keep the shard in the pouch. She placed it in one of the drawers, under her clothes. She didn't want it near the almost completed jewel because she was not ready to assemble it. Not only did she not know if she was ready to make a wish, but she also had no idea what she could wish for. It had to be selfless, and lately all she had felt like was selfish.

Could she come up with the right thing?

She didn't know if she had that much faith in herself.

-B-

The day had gone by, and the night had almost fallen but Kagome had found no rest. She was aware that she was not the only one with problems and concerns; Sesshomaru's lack of emotion was a proof of that, but she couldn't chase away her own failure. Not being able to complete the jewel was killing her.

It was true that perhaps it was worth a try, and maybe she should attempt it, but what if the completed dark jewel was too much for her to handle? She could be engulfed… and who knew what kind of beings the jewel would attract! With Sesshomaru unable to defend anyone, she refused to take the risk.

She knew very well that the reason why they were here was to get the last shard and complete her task, but she couldn't.

And thus, because of her, it was being dragged on and on.

"Stop blaming yourself."

Sesshomaru echoed through her mind, and allowed her to pull herself away from her thoughts. She sighed heavily as she turned around slightly to face him. "I know, but I can't help it."

He didn't wish to be bold but he closed some of the distance between them anyway. Sesshomaru approached the window and leaned against it, watching her trying not to fall into deep thoughts. She worried a lot, and she took on a lot of responsibility she didn't need to.

"Why don't you trust Kai?"

It was easy to tell he didn't trust the woman, which was strange considering she had helped him.

"It's not that I do not trust her. I simply do not believe one would do something like this without a reason."

Kagome shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe she just wants the jewel gone."

After all, the jewel was poison and when you didn't want it for your own gain, shouldn't you desire for it to be destroyed? It brought nothing but pain and misery to everyone she knew.

"Wait; of course she wants it gone. Didn't she lose her father because of Naraku? All  _he_  wanted was the jewel."

Naraku's selfish desires had taken Kai's father from her. Kagome had lost people in the past and she could understand the pain it brought. Maybe Kai was trying to make sure nobody else would die in the fight for the jewel.

Sesshomaru wasn't familiar with the fight Kouga had talked about, or the whole story, but Kagome seemed to be. If she said such thing had happened, then he could perhaps understand why Kai had done what she did. But it proved his point that nothing was done out of pure selflessness. Something had happened to make her do this.

Unconsciously she leaned in onto Sesshomaru, resting her head on his chest. She was nervous and afraid; Sesshomaru was all she had. Yes, she was afraid of certain steps they might take in the future, but she knew he wouldn't do it without her consent.

Plus he was now like her; empty trying to fill himself.

"Lie to me."

He raised an eyebrow, a bit confused. "What do you want me to lie about?"

"Tell me I can do it."

Yes he believed in her, and told her that when she was ready she'd know, but she wanted to hear him say she could do it whenever. That she had it in her to fight whatever darkness had taken hold of her heart. She wanted to be better than  _it_.

"You can do it."

He wouldn't lie to her. He wouldn't tell her unless it was true. Sesshomaru knew that deep inside Kagome had all she needed to be herself again. But, he was also aware that it was a difficult thing to do.

Kagome pressed her lips together and sighed. "Thank you."

Being trapped in your own body wasn't a good feeling, and it was getting old. She had been used and traumatized, she couldn't deny it, but did she have to let it run her life? She couldn't be scared of the world forever. Slowly she turned around, and rested both of her hands on Sesshomaru's chest. Gently, Kagome looked up in his eyes, before closing the distance between them.

He felt her soft lips against his and it reminded him much of what had happened the previous day. Without thinking, he cupped her face with his hands, bringing her even closer to him. As desperate as it sounded, she was all he had. He lost it all, and he found it all in her.

Their kiss went on a bit longer before Kagome finally pulled away and buried her face in his chest. She was no longer embarrassed by it, but sometimes she did feel a bit uncomfortable especially if she was the one to initiate it. She smiled softly at him before pulling away and sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Life works in mysterious ways sometimes."

"Doesn't it always?" he inquired leaning his head to the side.

She shrugged her shoulders. "Everything is connected isn't? And things happen for a reason."

"Me falling down the well. The jewel coming out of me, going to the feudal era. You learning a few things, and Rin." She paused for a second. "I think she saved you… and didn't you save her?"

Sesshomaru nodded. "I brought her back to life after…" He almost slipped up. He had almost told her that Kouga's wolves had killed Rin. Sesshomaru had no intention of telling her that bit of information. It was in the past when things had been different and he didn't want it to change the view she had of one of her dear friends. "After she was killed."

Kagome quickly nodded, before a realization was bestowed upon her. "Wait, you brought her back to life correct?"

A bit perplexed he nodded; wasn't it that what he had just said?

Kagome began to breathe a bit faster as she put the pieces together. "So if you hadn't saved her, she would have been dead, right?"

Sesshomaru knew that Kagome was usually a logical girl, and he didn't understand why she was asking questions then she already knew the answer to. Nonetheless, he answered. "Correct."

She brought a hand to her chest as she took a deep breath. "So if you hadn't brought her back to life, I would have never existed."

His lips parted and then he closed his mouth only to open it again. The phrase she had uttered earlier saying that everything was connected couldn't have been more right. He had also thought  _he_  had chosen to save Rin, but clearly he hadn't. Sesshomaru had been meant to save her. Kagome's presence in the Feudal Era had been a clear evidence of that.

Rin had just been  _destined_  to be on his path, and he had just been  _meant_  to save her.

Was life already all intertwined… did they never truly have a choice?

Sesshomaru was the reason her life had changed, yet he was the reason she was alive. Her perspective on the whole situation had shifted and frankly she was a bit confused. He was her  _savior_  in a way but at the same time he was the one who had taken her life. Didn't they cancel each other out?

Her heart hammered in her chest as she rose to her feet. Somehow it felt as if she had always meant to be in Sesshomaru's life. If her life was linked to his back when he had saved Rin, didn't that mean that somehow they were always meant to come across each other?

This whole time, she thought it had all been a mistake, but perhaps she had been wrong.

"I don't know what to say," she finally said, almost chuckling.

Sesshomaru had known for a while that Kagome and Rin were related yet that realization had never hit him. Before he knew what he was doing he walked in her direction, and put his hand on the back of her head. Quickly he pressed his forehead to hers, and breathed out. What was he supposed to say? He couldn't apologize, because the situation didn't require it, and he was too speechless to think of anything else to say.

"I guess we were always meant to be," she said half meaning it, half joking.

"For that I'm sorry."

He wanted to be the one for her, the one who could heal her even though he had hurt her. But, he still felt like he didn't deserve her. He gently caressed her hair before pressing a soft kiss against her forehead. He didn't want to kiss her, because he felt turned upside down inside.

"Nothing you need to apologize for. Apparently, I need to thank you for the fact that I'm alive."

"I think many things happened in the past that erase the need for you to thank me."

She smiled a bit. "I guess."

Sometimes life worked in mysterious way. Maybe she just had to go along with it since she didn't always know what was best for her. Since what had happened in the Feudal Era she had been making sure she didn't take any risks. But apparently it was all the risks and chances they had all taken in the past that made the present what it was.

She was scared of emptiness and of what she didn't know. Maybe it was time for her to scare herself to death. It was time to jump with no promise of being caught. This time, she had to take the step into the emptiness and risk everything. It would most likely hurt, and she would probably cry, but maybe in the end it would be all worth it.

Kagome raised her hands, and rested them on his cheeks, glancing right into his amber eyes. He looked so much like the old Sesshomaru, but she had to stop making the distinction. Sesshomaru was Sesshomaru no matter what was inside of him or no matter what he looked like.

"I wanna fall."

Sesshomaru frowned slightly not understanding what she meant. "Fall?"

She nodded before bringing him into a deep kiss. She ran her fingers through his hair and pressed her body tightly against his. Maybe if she felt more than ever, even though not all of it would be good, maybe it would help. She felt completely foolish because she might end up hurting herself more, and she might also bring pain to Sesshomaru in the process, but she didn't know what else to do.

If they followed everything, they were linked to each other.

Maybe there was no other way around it.

She had been close to Sesshomaru before and it hadn't hurt her. Yes, she had been a bit afraid and a few tears had been shed, but it hadn't been completely unpleasant.

Yes, she would throw herself into the unknown, and she wouldn't stop herself.

Sesshomaru had been there for her, and he had sacrificed a few things just for her sake. Why did she keep pulling away, why did she keep herself locked inside her own heart? The darkness was only ruining her, even preventing her from doing her duty.

Maybe the only way to face the somberness within was to face it head on.

She allowed herself to wrap her arms around his neck, as she felt him put his hands on her hips. She knew he was terrified of doing something to hurt her, meaning he wouldn't do anything unless she did it first.

Kagome had no idea where this was heading, and she'd probably back off eventually when the pain in her heart would be overwhelming, but for now, she would remain close to him. Her heart fluttered and her guts twisted in both anticipation and nervousness.

Sesshomaru felt like she wanted him to guide her, but he didn't know to where. He didn't want to damage her any further, but he didn't know what she wanted from him. If it went too far he might lose her.

But if she allowed him near her like this, he wouldn't turn her down. She was his, and the pulsing mark on her neck was proof of that. He wouldn't lose her again.

She might need him to  _fall_ , but he needed her to  _catch_  him.

-B-


	65. Take me Down

The sunlight hit his bare chest while he rested his head against the headboard. Sesshomaru had ended up not obtaining a lot of sleep and had remained awake for most of the night. He did feel completely exhausted but he hadn't been able to find rest. Meanwhile, Kagome was resting against him with his arm wrapped around her, completely asleep.

Perhaps it was the closeness keeping him awake.

After the previous night, Kagome had passed out from exhaustion. He wasn't even sure if she realized how close she was to him, not that she seemed to mind anymore. Her hair was spread across his chest while her arm was halfway around his waist. Somehow during the night his shirt had ended up half open and he didn't want to move her to button it up.

She looked peaceful in her sleep and he didn't want disturb her. He was aware that now more than ever it'd be difficult for her. She  _wanted_  to complete the jewel, but believed she couldn't and he knew that was hard to bear for her. Sesshomaru couldn't help but glance down, observing her face as the sunlight was barely reaching it.

Unconsciously he brushed away her bangs and she didn't even stir.

Every day with her was becoming much harder. Each passing day he wanted her a bit more and it was causing an ache in his heart. He was once again experiencing a heart wrenching feeling and he had to deal with it alone. Even though they were becoming closer, all those horrible emotions were coming back. He was feeling drained, he experienced pain, and he couldn't stop thinking about  _her_.

Sesshomaru wondered if she felt the same.

He did not wish for her to suffer any longer, but he wanted to be a part of her life. Last night she had sucked him in and he didn't want to be away anymore. She  _needed_  him, he knew that, but was she willing to accept that fact? She wanted to  _fall_ , and even now he didn't know what it meant. He had hoped for an explanation but she had never given him one.

It was hard to figure out if he was poison in her life or a good presence?

Suddenly there was movement against him and he glanced down at his mate. He observed as she slowly opened her eyes squinting through the light. Her hand slid down to his stomach as she pressed down a bit to help raise herself up. She peered left and right before finally looking up at Sesshomaru. Once she realized the position she was in, she quickly withdrew her hand.

"Sorry," she said, still squinting a bit.

She didn't even remember falling asleep. All she knew was that she had attempted to fall. To be honest, she had been terrified for most of it, yet it had felt somewhat liberating. Her fear had been running her life for many months for now and to release herself from its hold… she had felt alive.

"It's nothing," he said as he moved away just a bit so she would feel more comfortable.

She was such a mystery sometimes; she required closeness and space at the same time.

Kagome knew she couldn't ignore what she had said the previous night or the things she had thought and felt. She realized that somehow Sesshomaru had saved her life many centuries ago and to think she was alive because of him made her thoughts into a whirlwind. Sometimes it felt silly that she couldn't let go of the past but a part of her just couldn't put it behind.

"What are we doing?" she finally asked.

Sesshomaru arched an eyebrow, a bit surprised by her question. "I don't understand."

Kagome shrugged her shoulders. "What are we doing? I know we said we were taking it slow, but I just… Where is it going?"

Sesshomaru moved to be closer to her. He sat on his knees right in front of her while looking straight in her eyes. "We are going wherever you wish." He lifted his hands and cupped her face gently. "I told you before, if you do not want this, it will not happen. If you do, we will go to your pace."

"But what do you want?"

It was always about what she desired and she was more than grateful for that, but for once, she wanted to know everything that was going on in his mind. "What does  _Sesshomaru_  want?" she inquired again.

For the past few months he hadn't thought about what he wished for. It had all been about her and frankly, now that the question was asked he didn't know what to tell her. What if the real answer caused her to walk away? Was he truly able to speak his mind?

"It doesn't matter what it is, just tell me."

For once, she wanted him to be completely open with her. They had been through too much together for them to keep things from each other. If this was going anywhere like they both intended to, then they should be able to handle whatever the other had to say.

She still wanted the same thing she wanted last night. She wanted to fall with  _him_.

There were no right words to describe what he wanted to say. Thus, there was only one thing he could do to give her the answer she desired. Almost forcefully he pressed his lips against hers, taking her down a passionate road. At first her eyes remained open, but as the seconds passed away she closed them. Yes  _falling_.

His tongue quickly invaded her mouth, tasting her sweet hot cavern. He couldn't get enough of her. Before when he had been graced with her kisses, he had despised them. He wouldn't make that mistake again. He needed her so much his heart ached, or his heart ached because he needed her.

His hands trailed down until he was holding on to her waist and he pressed her body against his. Because of his actions, Kagome could feel his bare skin against her fingertips and his flesh was warm. Her heart hammered so hard in her chest it felt as if it was hitting his. Yet, it didn't stop her from kissing him back her own tongue shyly coming out.

Her heartbeat was the only thing filling her mind and echoing through it, but she kept going. Unlike previous times, tears were not coming to her eyes. Meanwhile his fingers gently glided inside her shirt, rubbing her smooth skin. He deepened his kiss, making her breathless as he explored her mouth with his tongue.

When he finally pulled away, he rested his mouth against her ear. "You," he whispered, "That's what I want."

His eyes bore into hers and she found herself without an answer. The intensity of his glance was making her melt into a puddle and she could not look away. She had always known he felt that way, but to hear the words from his mouth, it was a different effect.

Seeing as how she was not speaking Sesshomaru trailed his mouth down until he reached her neck. It was then that he began  _devouring_  her. He lapped at her mark, the one pulsing every day, taunting him, before slightly nibbling at her skin. He felt her buckle ever so slightly, causing him to do it again. The jolts going through her body were increasing and she opened her mouth, yet nothing came out.

Sesshomaru raised his hands up just a bit, leading his hands to be under her breasts. As his thumb gently rubbed, Kagome couldn't hold back a soft low moan. As soon as the sound escaped her, her cheeks became decorated with a gentle, bright blush. He could feel her whole body heating up under his touch and it was almost making him dizzy. Yes, that was what he wanted… _her_. But not just her body, he wanted Kagome as a whole. When she allowed him this near it was always hard to pull away. He wanted to feel more; he wanted to taste more.

He wanted to provide her with the great experience she should have been given in the first place. He wanted to give back to her what had selfishly been taken away. He wanted to give her everything.

She could feel it spin out of control, much more then ever before, yet she felt so powerless to stop it, but not in a bad way. Contrary to what she originally believed, this was not a completely terrifying experience. Yes, she could still see the flashes of the past in her mind but she was also able to stay in the present. Granted his appearance didn't help, but she was more able to make the distinction.

Sesshomaru once again allowed himself to go a bit further. He was surprised that she had not stopped him yet, but he would not complain. His lips pursued their way down to her collarbone, where he laid soft kisses, causing her to lean back a bit and expose more of her neck. Sesshomaru held her tightly, almost afraid that she would lose her balance.

Kagome's heart was pound extremely fast and hard, so much that it was almost bringing her pain. For a second, it felt like nothing around them existed and that time had stopped. She was right here and there and nowhere else.

She did feel a bit bad however, since he was touching her and she was remaining still. The problem was she had no clue in the world what to do. In the past, her experiences in that domain hadn't been pleasant and hadn't involved much on her part. She was also afraid that if  _she_  began doing something it would break that balance she had managed to find.

Yet, she  _wanted_  to touch him.

There was no denying he was attractive and in the past few months he had done more than his share of things to melt her heart. But could she handle it?

It was true that she wanted to fall…

Kagome decided to gather a bit of her strength, and she allowed her hands, which had been resting upon his chest, to glide up a bit, feeling all the ripples of his muscles under her fingers. At first, Sesshomaru was surprised and nearly pulled away, but he caught himself just in time.

Kagome was his mate, and he could not recall when he had really obtained her touch. Mates were supposed to be affectionate, and it was something he had been deprived of for a very long time. It could also be the reason why he was experiencing so much pain. A surge went through him as her tiny little hands kept exploring his chest. Rather than continuing to kiss her skin, he nuzzled his head in the crook of her neck, feeling rather satisfied.

Kagome didn't think she had ever been this nervous in her entire life as she finally reached his shoulders. His body was toned, something she had not noticed before, but had expected. She hadn't looked at his body very often in the past, and since they had met up again in the present he had always made sure to shield his body from her.

Since his shirt was unbuttoned, her hands were dangerously close to causing his sleeves to fall off and slide down his arms. He didn't want the situation to be taken too far, afraid to scare her, but he didn't want to be the one to put a halt to it either. He licked his lips slightly prior to gently grazing his fangs against her neck all the way down to the top of her breasts.

Of course, he required self-control. He knew that taking off a piece of her clothing would be too much, thus he pulled himself away slightly. He raised his head and rested it against hers as he did every so often. Sesshomaru pressed a gentle kiss on her nose and smiled. Meanwhile Kagome was nearly out of breath while her hands rested on his pectorals. Her lips were moist from his kiss and she couldn't even look up. A part of her wasn't sure why he had stopped but another part was glad, but that was only because it was still a scary thing.

Sesshomaru brought of his hand up in her hair, gently twirling with her locks.

"I hope I answered your question?"

His words lightened up the mood she couldn't help but laugh a little. "You did," she said finally peering into his eyes.

It was then that the moment was broken by a small scream coming from the crib nearby. Kagome's eyes lingered in his for a little longer before she pulled away. "I'll go get him," she said, retracting her hands from his body.

It was when she was no longer touching him that he felt the need for more. He had been graced by her touch once, and he already required more. Oh yes, he was screwed.

As Kagome walked to the crib, she couldn't help but feel a bit lighter than usual.

This wasn't so bad.

-B-

"Where's the dog?"

Kagome raised her head up, only to see Kouga walking in to the kitchen area. He was wearing nothing more than jeans and a white t-shirt while his usually tied hair was loose.

"In the shower," answered Kagome while she kept on rocking her son in her arms. Kiyoshi had been restless ever since the morning and had refused to be put down.

"Great, it's gonna smell like wet dog in here," said Kouga as he walked further into the room only to take seat beside Kagome.

He probably would have made normal conversation if he hadn't notice something different on her. "Doggie bit you?" he asked before pointing at her neck.

A blush immediately appeared across her face as she clamped one hand over her neck, the other securely holding her son. There was a guilty look on her face. At her reaction, Kouga couldn't help but laugh.

"I was actually somewhat joking, but I guess I was right." He leaned forward a little bit more. "I'm surprised you let him near ya."

Kagome wasn't much for gossiping, especially about that but… it almost felt overwhelming to the point where she had to tell someone. It was true that having girl talk with Kouga would seem strange, but it wasn't like she had many people she could tell this to.

"I want to. I mean I want to let him near, it's just…"

"You're scared?" he asked, knowing it was perfectly normal for her to be.

She waited a few seconds before shaking her head. "It's not exactly that." She didn't even know herself what it was. "Isn't it  _weird_? I mean after what happened… am I that twisted?"

Kouga raised both eyebrows; her question was unexpected. "So a part of why you won't let him close is because you think it's wrong of you to want someone who... well you know?" She didn't need to hear the word.

"Well, it is."

She was well aware that there were cases were people who were locked up long enough with their…captor sometimes ended up falling in love, but this was not the case. Sesshomaru wasn't, at least not anymore, forcing her to be by his side. She was there out of free will and  _she_  wanted him near.

Still, it made her feel wrong.

"How can you want to be with someone who did that to you?"

Kouga shifted in his seat, feeling uncomfortable in the conversation. He understood where Kagome was coming from, but he also knew the other side of the story. "Well, sometimes it's case by case. Some girls are destroyed, taken, and then killed or left for dead. I'm not saying what happened to you isn't bad but… it's all about time period and context. From where you are from, what his beast did was terrible. But for his beast, he did it because he loved you."

Of course the simple fact that the beast loved her didn't make it all better. But, he didn't  _try_  to kill her.

Kagome couldn't help but sigh. "I know that. I get that it was different, but it doesn't take the pain away. I mean, I've outgrown some of it but…"

"He's not who he was. Maybe you could think of  _it_  as someone who existed five hundred years ago, and think of Sesshomaru as someone who exists now. It doesn't change the past, but it makes the present much better."

"So you think I should go forward with all of this?"

Kouga smirked. "Well, did you enjoy it?"

The blush covering her cheeks increased and she couldn't do anything but look away.

"I'll take that as a yes."

"He's sweet and he cares," she said, remembering the way he was carefully handling her. "It's just sometimes I get these flashes… I just. It's all bad memories and pain… how can I not… feel that? What would make it different now?"

"You… him." There was no magical answer he could give her to make her feel better, even if he wanted to. "I know he won't hurt you. But you shouldn't go that far if you're not ready. It's not easy coming back from a traumatizing experience. You just take it as far as you're comfortable. And  _no_  enjoying it doesn't make you a bad person."

Did it not? There was nothing wrong with the Sesshomaru now; all that stood in the way was the lingering memories of who he used to be. But then again, she knew better than anyone that people did change. Wasn't she the one who always had faith in the goodness inside people? Why had she lost that faith?

Instead of answering, Kagome peered down at her son. He was looking up at her with his shiny amber eyes, stretching his hand out for her. She gently slid her fingers into his palm and he squeezed tightly. Kiyoshi was the proof that even though bad things happen, good things emerged. He was her ray of light, her everything.

"So why did you come over?" she asked, deviating the subject away from her and Sesshomaru.

"No reason, feeling in a good mood."

Kagome raised an eyebrow. "And why is that?"

Kouga inclined his head to the left a bit then brought it back straight. "It's that girl from yesterday, Kai."

This time, Kagome's curiosity was arisen. "Kouga, you have to stop falling in love with girls at first sight."

"Only you," he said teasingly. "No it's just. Pack is important to us and when someone leaves or dies, it's always a hit. I really thought I had led them to death when they left because of what happened. But they didn't. Even if they left, they were always pack."

A sweet smile appeared on Kagome's face as she stretched out an arm and gently rubbed Kouga's arm. No, she didn't know everything about what it was like to be in a pack, or be in charge of it. However, she did know that since the day they had made  _her_  pack, they hadn't let anything happen to her.

"I'm happy for you then," she said offering him an even brighter smile.

"And I'm happy for your neck," he said smirking so widely his fangs were showing.

Immediately, Kagome glared at him, her hand once again hiding the hickey on her neck. She really hadn't thought what had happened between them this morning would be so apparent.

"I told you," he said as he leaned back into the chair. "Nothing to be ashamed of."

It was then that the sound of the bathroom door opening was heard. Kagome kept her hand on her neck while looking straight ahead, while Kouga was trying to peer at the door, waiting for Sesshomaru to come. He couldn't fully make fun of Kagome, but with Sesshomaru he had no problem at all. He was actually looking forward to it.

"Hey Doggie."

Kagome held back a smirk; Kouga was in a bigger teasing mood than usual. She wondered if that was what happiness did to him. She was ware that both of them would behave, but Kouga was very good a pushing Sesshomaru's buttons sometimes.

"Wolf," said Sesshomaru as he walked into the kitchen.

His hair was still damp, dripping down his light blue shirt, which was slightly unbuttoned. His eyes quickly scanned the room, allowing him to notice the bright blush covering Kagome's face. It was also then that he realized Kouga had a wide smirk on his face, as if he was proud of himself. And why in the world was Kagome covering her neck?

"Come on Kag, I'm sure Sesshomaru already knows what he did to you. No need to hide it."

Her eyes widened a bit, but she allowed her hand to slide down and settle back under Kiyoshi. Now that it was exposed, it was possible for Sesshomaru to see the nice marks he had left upon her flesh. Of course the Wolf _had_  to see it didn't he? Their eyes met, and Kouga moved forward a bit, resting his chin upon his palm.

He would  _not_ grace him with a response, or a comment. He was well aware that Kouga was just trying to get to him. "Don't you have somewhere to be?" asked Sesshomaru as he lifted the kettle, inspecting it to see if there was enough water for a coffee.

"Nope. Nowhere is as entertaining."

"Alright you two. I'm going to go feed Kiyoshi,  _behave,"_ said Kagome as she rose to her feet. The place was a little too crowded for breastfeeding and frankly, she had a feeling they were about to bicker.

Canines were so territorial.

As soon as Kagome stepped out of the kitchen, Kouga turned around so he was facing Sesshomaru. "I guess things are going well for you."

Sesshomaru poured the hot water in his cup, never once glancing at Kouga. "It is none of your concern, but no I'm not certain they are."

Yes he was getting much closer to her than ever, but he kept having this feeling that soon enough she would slip from his fingers and it was terrifying. It was as if he was standing on the edge of a cliff, never knowing when the wind would push him into the emptiness.

"I don't know, she talked to me and she seems okay with it for the most part."

Sesshomaru felt himself twitch; he didn't want to invade in Kagome's privacy, and what she shared with others, but he had to admit he was a bit intrigued. She was a bit vague with him lately, which he understood, but he would like some clarification. Though, it wasn't right to pry into someone's conversations.

"What she told you was not for my ears to hear."

Kouga shrugged. "Your choice."

He wouldn't have broken Kagome's trust by repeating everything that had been said, but he would have pointed Sesshomaru in the right direction. Without it, Sesshomaru wouldn't get anywhere.

"Just know that you don't have to standby waiting for something to happen."

Sesshomaru pinched his lips together slightly, before taking a deep breath. He didn't have to? Because sometimes it felt like the whole world was moving and happening and all he could do was  _stand_  still and watch it happen.

When had he lost all control?

-B-

The sound of laughter was filling his ears when he walked into the bedroom, only to find Kagome on the floor with Kiyoshi. She was holding him by the waist, lifting him up in the air and twirling him like a plane. Kiyoshi was smiling brightly while Kagome could hardly hold back a smile.

Happiness.

The scene was enough to warm his heart. He wanted that but not just now; he didn't want it to be taken away eventually. What he desired was to be in  _their_  house, and have these kinds of moments. He wished to be part of them.

Kagome's focus was broken when she realized Sesshomaru was standing there. "Hey," she said.

It almost felt a little awkward. After the last few days, she didn't know how they should be acting with each other. Would it now be okay to casually kiss and be together? She knew Sesshomaru was waiting for it to be right with her, but she wouldn't  _hate_  it if he made a move of his own like he had done earlier.

It made it easier.

Since Kagome's attention was somewhere else, it seemed to cause Kiyoshi's focus to shift as well. He tilted his head to the side, catching a glimpse of his father. It was then that he stretched his arms in direction of him asking to be picked up. Kagome arched an eyebrow, astonished a bit, but not offended.

Sesshomaru could nothing  _but_  give in into the demand. He took a step forward and bent down so he could pick up his son from Kagome's arms. Since his beast had gone, Kiyoshi seemed to be the only one bringing him complete peace.

As Sesshomaru was holding on to their son, Kagome took advantage of the situation to get up. Her legs were killing her and completely numb from the way she had been sitting on the floor. The sight in front of her caused her to smile as she sat down on the edge of the bed.

This was good, this was normal.

Normalcy wasn't something that had been in her life lately and she had been craving it. Granted that with the way her life had been going, it wasn't something  _for_  her, but she wanted it. Couldn't they make the best out of what they had and make it work? They would always be tied to one and another no matter what… couldn't they transform this into something better?

"Sesshomaru, can I talk to you?"

He didn't like the tone of her words, but he nodded nonetheless. Quickly he put Kiyoshi in his crib, even though his son didn't seem to appreciate it. He wanted to hold him, something he didn't do often, but he could tell whatever Kagome wished to talk about was important. He carefully tucked Kiyoshi in, feeling a bit of guilt, before joining Kagome in the bed.

Kagome crossed her legs and inclined her head slightly to the side. She dared to raise her hand and trail a finger against his left cheek's mark. Slowly she traced until she reached the corner of his mouth.

"I want  _this_  to be normal."

"Normal?"

She chuckled a bit. "I know it sounds insane, but yeah. I mean, everything has been upside down forever. For once, I want  _one_  thing in my life to be completely normal."

"And what is  _this_?" he dared to ask.

"You and me."

She moved her hand away from his face and back into her lap. "I just…I can do this. I know I could. But I need to put everything back together. I mean if I can't, I won't be able to make my wish."

Extremely interested, Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow. "Your wish? You know what selfish wish you will make upon the jewel?"

Kagome nodded. It had become clear to her during the day what she was supposed to wish for. Perhaps it was not completely selfless, she wasn't sure, but… she felt it was the right thing to ask for. It was a big risk to take because she didn't want to jewel to come back, but she would give it a try.

"I won't tell you if that's what you're asking," she said while smiling a bit. She didn't want Sesshomaru to know her wish yet. He could find out later when she made it, or never.

It wasn't as if she was trying to keep something from him but this wish, it was personal. Since the jewel was her responsibility, it was her duty to make the right wish and she wanted to keep the  _weight_  of it to herself for now.

"Of course, I wouldn't  _think_  about asking," he said, a bit taunting.

Yes, he wanted to know. She was the only one who could make the right wish and he was intrigued to know what that was. The jewel's existence had been dragged on and on and it was time to put an end to it.

"Do you think  _we_  can do normal?"

"We won't know unless we try."

She nodded, glad that he agreeing with her. "It doesn't have to be big stuff you know. We can start with small steps."

Kagome had a feeling that Sesshomaru had also not experienced a normal life in a long time. Maybe he could use it as well.

"What are small steps?" He was aware of his own limits and boundaries, but he was never sure of hers.

That was the part she wasn't sure of. What could be the right way to start all of this? "We could  _do_  things as a family or even… meals together? You and I. Let's face it; neither of us has been eating lately." Not that Sesshomaru required food… or did he? "I thought we could also…" Could she say that?

"You thought we could also what?" He usually didn't push her to say what she didn't wish to, but he was intrigued. She seemed to be a bit embarrassed since her cheeks had a hue of pink, and he wanted to know more.

Kagome began fidgeting a bit, as she played with the hem of her pants. "I just…we've been closer… and I just. We slept in the same bed more than once right? I mean, it was never really planned but… And I was just thinking…"

"You want to share a bed?" he finished, hoping he had gotten it right.

Unable to answer with words, she nodded. She felt a bit ashamed to propose it, and perhaps it was wrong, but she felt like it would help. The biggest problem they were going to have was physical closeness. If during the night they could be near each other, maybe it would help. If she was getting use to having his body right beside hers, it could get better.

It would be a good thing.

"If you don't mind?"

Mind? He wouldn't mind. He had been waiting for her to want to be closer to him since he had found her again. The fact that she was willing to give this a shot was more than what he was asking for.

She nodded again, before moving away from him. The night had fallen and it was now dark outside. Could they begin this now? Did she even have pajamas she would feel comfortable wearing, without looking like a complete dork? And did she just worry about the way she would look?

"I'll be right back," she said as she offered him a quick smile.

It wasn't too long until she disappeared from his view into the next room and all he could do was watch. Sesshomaru's eyes were opened wide and he shook his head softly. "What had just happened?"

He had seen Kagome nervous before, but this felt different somehow.

Deciding he'd keep his own mind busy while she was gone, he walked over to the crib where Kiyoshi was laying. His amber eyes were still wide open, and a smile appeared upon his lips when he saw his father. Sesshomaru held on to Kiyoshi's hands feeling the softness of his little fingers. It was as they made contact that he began realizing there was a small white glow around his son.

It reminded him of when he held him after losing his youki.

Once again, calmness overtook him and he didn't want to pull away. Kiyoshi grabbed one of his father's fingers with three of his own. He gently brought it to his mouth and began sucking on it, which caused Sesshomaru to smile. Kiyoshi was gently nibbling on his fingers and the glow increased.

Suddenly Sesshomaru felt a shock inside of him and he closed his eyes forcefully, almost as if it was giving him a headache. Without thinking he pulled his hand away from his son, resting it on the edge of the crib. It took him a few seconds before he could finally open his eyes. His vision was a little blurry for a while, but it finally cleared up.

What in the world had just happened to him?

Out of the blue, he felt a hand on his arm and all he could do was jump in surprise.

"Sesshomaru? Are you okay?"

He tilted his head to the side a bit to be able to look at her. She was standing right beside him wearing nothing but a white spaghetti strap top and yellow silky pajama pants. Her hair was tied up in a ponytail and her face was cleared of all make up; she looked radiant.

"Yeah, it's nothing. Just a headache," he finally said before releasing the crib and heading for the bed.

As he let go, both of them missed the obvious dent in the wood. It was as if it had been melted by liquid poison. Instead their attention was focused on the bed in front of them and so they both walked away, never noticing.

Kagome could feel her body trembling just a bit as she walked over to the left side of the bed and pulled the blanket back. Gently she slid under the blanket, feeling the coolness of the sheets tickle her skin. It wasn't too long until Sesshomaru realized he couldn't join her yet; he had to get changed first. Feeling a bit foolish that he had forgotten, he grabbed a few clothes in one of the drawers before disappearing into the bathroom.

Meanwhile she adjusted the pillow a few times, trying to get comfortable. Yes, she could do this every night. She laid her arms flat by her side, outside of the blanket. As twisted and bad as it might sound, she did feel a bit excited. What girl hadn't thought about warm nights in bed all cuddled up? Never had she been given the chance to experience it and she was overwhelmed.

In the room just next door, Sesshomaru was staring at himself in the mirror, bare chested and confused. Right down his cheek, there was a trail of blood leading to the inside of his ear. He turned his head to the side, trying to figure out how it had happened. Could it be because of the pain he had experienced a few moments ago?

He grabbed a towel quickly and rubbed the blood away from his face. To be honest, he was beginning to be concerned. Was it because of his missing youki, or was it because of whatever his son had done?

Sesshomaru rubbed his head with his thumb and index fingers while letting out a long sigh. It was when he heard a sound coming from the bedroom that he was reminded of Kagome waiting for him. He quickly grabbed his shirt, threw it on before placing the blood stained towel in the laundry basket.

For now he wouldn't worry Kagome further. She was already stressed enough as it was and he didn't want to add to it. For the time being, it was no threat or big problem. Unless it became worse, he would keep it to himself. Sesshomaru glanced in the mirror once more time to make sure there was no more blood. Once he confirmed it, he exited the bathroom, feeling a tad nervous; what if he bled again?

As soon as he stepped into the bedroom, Kagome raised her head slightly, almost to confirm if it was him. This was probably the most casual she had ever seen him dressed. He had nothing on but a black t-shirt and long baggy dark blue pajama pants. She held back a smile at the sight and put her head back down on the pillow.

Though it was too late because Sesshomaru could already see amusement dancing in her eyes.

He shyly joined her in bed, making sure he would rest on his side, the one he had bled from laying against his pillow. Kagome was resting on her back, and he could tell she was nervous because her rib cage was moving up and down quite rapidly.

"I've never done this. Well  _not_  like this, anyway."

Her lips were forcefully pinched together, as she joined her hands together. This was probably not the most comfortable position for  _closeness_ , so she slowly turned to her side, exposing her back to him. She didn't say a word but her heart was hammering in her chest, though it was not caused by fear. She felt him slowly approached her body, and she held her breath until their bodies made contact.

Sesshomaru was extremely warm and she found herself leaning in just a bit when he snaked his arms around her waist. His open palm was pressed over her clothed stomach, his heat transmitting to her. Then, slowly he buried his face in the crook of her neck, her hair tickling his face. His moist lips were pressed against her mark and she found it necessary to take a deep breath.

Her skin tingled with every contact and she leaned her head back ever so slightly causing her back to arch just a bit. She forced her eyes closed, trying to decrease the rate of her heartbeat a little. Kagome was still trying to figure out if she was nervous, scared, or somewhat… no. No. She wasn't  _that_.

Sesshomaru found himself cursing in his mind. She might eventually calm down and sleep, but there was no way he would find rest.

He was doomed.

-B-


	66. All I Wished For

Familiar warmth was surrounding her as she opened her eyes. It took her a few seconds to realize that it was coming from Sesshomaru. The tiniest smile was drawn on her lips at the thought and she made sure she was not moving just in case he was still asleep. From what she had gathered from the new Sesshomaru, even if he had awoken an hour ago, he'd still be in bed.

The seconds ticked away and a nice sensation of comfort was forming around her. This was nowhere near as bad as she thought, not that she believed it would be horrible… it just wasn't… uncomfortable. It was while she was paying attention to everything surrounding her that she noticed his heart was pounding since she could feel it against her back.

He was awake.

"Sesshomaru?" she asked, her voice was barely half a whisper.

It required a bit of time, but he finally replied. "Yes?"

She couldn't help but allow her smile to grow; she had called it right. She almost wanted to ask how long he had been awake but she kept that question to herself. Slowly, she turned around to lie down on her back so she could look at his face. His eyes were wide open and it seemed as though he had been awake for a long time.

"Good morning," she said while trying to prevent herself from blushing.

This was the  _close_  and intimate interaction she had been thinking of but since they did not have much of that kind of interaction normally she was a bit unsure of how to proceed. Nonetheless, she tried to remain as relaxed as possible. The point of this was to get closer and be comfortable around each other, thus she would make sure she put in as much effort as it required.

"Morning Kagome."

There was something about the way he said her name that often made her heart skip a beat. Perhaps it was because he had never used it in the past, and still barely did nowadays, but it sent jolts through her body. She pinched her lips together for lack of other reactions, unsure of what to say.

Sesshomaru wanted to glow just like she did, but his worry was preventing that. Since he had woken up over two hours ago he hadn't desired to move, afraid that he would have disturbed her sleep. Unfortunately that meant he hadn't been able to ease his concerns from the previous night. Was he still bleeding?

Even now, he could not verify it because if there was still blood, Kagome would see it and that was the last thing he wished for. Instead, he had to look as peaceful as possible until she left the room. A part of him wanted to curse out loud for this  _problem_  ruining this moment, but there was no way around it. All he could do was tighten his hold on her waist, his hand gently pressed against her hip.

"I could make breakfast. I mean, my cooking is  _great_ , in my opinion, though Inuyasha always-"

It wasn't until she had said too much that Kagome caught herself and stopped. Yet it was too late since the damaged had been done. She closed her eyes, not even wanting to look at Sesshomaru. This was a good moment and she had brought forth a bad memory ruining it all.

Sesshomaru peered away from her, his heart sinking a bit. "I wish I could take it back, but I can't."

Inuyasha was a very sensitive subject for him. They had discussed it in the past, and though along with many things it had been suggested for him to overcome what had occurred, he could not do it. Yes, it had been inevitable and he had been left with no choice  _but_  he wished his younger brother had lived.

He had no desire to have this conversation again, especially not now. Perhaps Kagome wished to discuss it, but this was one of the times where he would allow himself to be selfish. He had enough guilt weighing on him now more than ever since they had agreed to try and be normal.

Sesshomaru had no intention of forgetting how lucky he was to have her.

"Breakfast would be great."

Kagome slowly nodded in understanding. Inuyasha's death had hurt her  _a lot_ , she would not deny that. Also, she had no forgotten her friend, but deep inside she was well aware that this was perhaps more difficult for Sesshomaru then it was for her. If he was not ready to speak about it, she would not force him. After all, he had never made her talk about things she didn't wish to discuss.

She put a smile back on her face before nodding. "Breakfast it is."

For a while she had actual pondered if they would go through with the whole  _normal_  life thing, but it appeared that so far they were.

"I need to get up," she said, glancing down at his arm.

Quickly Sesshomaru removed it, making sure he did not move his head. This was one of those times where he missed his long hair; it would have been very useful to hide the blood stain that he was hoping wasn't there. Still, from his angle he could observe her carefully as she rose to her feet, her messy hair cascading down her shoulders.

She was breathtaking.

Kagome peered his way for a second before turning around and heading for the kitchen with a little sprint in her step. Her shirt was half raised, revealing just a tad bit of the skin on her back.  _Just_ enough to give him an evil glimpse.

As soon as she disappeared completely from his view, he lifted his upper body up and rushed to glance at his pillow. It was then that he found a small spot of blood staring right back at him. At that point, Sesshomaru couldn't tell if he was relieved or not since there were two explanations for the blood.

Either it was blood residue from the bleeding he had hours ago, or it was new blood that had leaked from his ear during the night. He much preferred the first option and he hoped it was that one. Nonetheless, he couldn't discard the fact that he might have bled again, and it did bring a bit of concern forward.

He wiped his cheek with his hand, along with his ear, but once he looked at his hand, he saw nothing. Perhaps he was in luck and the whole bleeding thing had ceased. Sesshomaru allowed himself to take a deep breath prior to getting up from the bed. He pushed the blanket off and pressed the soles of his feet against the cold floor.

Sesshomaru was already able to hear sounds coming from the kitchen and he raised an eyebrow. He wasn't sure what kind of breakfast she was making, but it sure required a lot of… pans? He tilted his head to the side ever so slightly trying to see if something would come crashing down. After a few seconds, he noticed that nothing happened and decided that perhaps it was safe to go in there.

As he walked in direction of the kitchen he felt a bit awkward because of the way he was dressed. Usually he was always, showered, proper, and clean dressed. Now his clothes were nothing more than night clothes and his hair was a mess. It felt almost too casual, and he didn't know just how comfortable he was with that, which was strange since he had been naked around her more than once.

He straightened his shoulders a bit, before peeking into the kitchen. The first thing he noticed was Kagome standing in the kitchen, right in front of the stove, three pans on the counter, one ready to fall. He arched an eyebrow, a bit perplexed. He wasn't an expert at cooking, but he had a feeling she wasn't doing it right.

"Is everything well?"

Kagome jumped at the sound of his voice. Quickly she spun around, holding the spatula in her hand as if she was ready to hit someone with it. "Don't do that!" she said, her eyes opened wide.

She was slightly annoyed at herself at the moment and hadn't expected him to see it. She had attempted to make eggs but hadn't found the spatula in time meaning the eggs had the time to burn. Thus, it had led her to find a new pan, but while doing so, she had banged her head on the counter, causing one of the pans to fall on the ground.

And now, well chances were she would ruin these eggs too.

"Sorry… I just… I'm usually better."

Kagome was well aware that did not sound very truthful at the moment, but it was the truth. She sighed heavily before she finally put the spatula down. "I just don't know this kitchen very well."

Sesshomaru chuckled just a bit as he leaned on his right foot so that he could grab the menu. He then preceded to hand it to her. "Perhaps room service would be safer."

She pouted a bit but agreed. It had been so long since she had actually done something for herself that it seemed she had lost her touch. Usually she had provided both for her friends, and also in the hunt. Ever since Sesshomaru had entered her life, she had been shoveled around and everything had been taken care of.

Kagome took the money from him, and began flipping through the menu. "Pancakes?" she asked with an eyebrow arched.

He shrugged. "Why not?" Though he could eat, and even though he was half human, half youkai at the moment, he didn't really do it very often. But if it would make her happy to have breakfast with him, then he would go along.

Kagome nodded before giving him the menu. "I don't think my languages skills are good enough for me to order."

Sesshomaru took the menu from her before heading for the phone while Kagome watched his every move. Now that she could take a good look at him, she couldn't help but notice the unusual attire. Sesshomaru did _not_  do casual. Though a normal t-shirt and jeans would not be bad on him. Perhaps he would try it one day.

However, the thought of him not wearing his  _suits_  was almost making her laugh. Since she had known him he was always proper and it would be way too out of character. If five hundred years had not managed to change his clothing style, nothing would.

She bit on her bottom lip as she sat down on the nearest chair. She was about to have breakfast with Sesshomaru, like a normal couple would, and it was just dawning upon her that she did not know what they could talk about. Usually there was not a silence between them, but since it would now be expected of them to talk, she was afraid that they would have nothing to say.

Kagome was a bit nervous and began tapping her fingers against the table, awaiting his return. It was but a minute later that Sesshomaru came back into the room and put the menu back where it belonged. He made eye contact with her prior to sitting down right beside her. He had considered sitting in front of her, but he felt it would not only be awkward, but it might offend her if he sat close.

"It shouldn't be too long."

She nodded, before glancing down at her hands. If she thought she was hiding her nervousness well, she was wrong since it was the first thing Sesshomaru noticed. The point of this was to make them more at ease around each other, not the other way around. He usually respected the boundaries of private space and whatnot, but he decided to invade them a bit.

He was not one to be bold,  _but_  he could try.

Sesshomaru reached out for her hands, and untangled them to allow himself to hold on to one of them. He wrapped his fingers with hers, and smiled just a little. "Are you nervous?"

 _Caught_. "It's just… we never did normal. I don't think I know what normal is anymore."

He wasn't really experienced in the domain of comfort, and he didn't always know the right thing to say, but he would have to attempt it. It was obvious she was a bit lost, and though he was just as nervous as she was, one of them had to be  _stronger_  and lead. As long as he didn't push it, everything should go smoothly.

"Normal is not always how you have to do things."

They could have their own version of normal.

"I know, I just. This, us… it could work."

They had so many things standing in their way, including a heavy path; yet, a future could be there for them. The only thing they had to do was be ready to put in a lot of effort and be very involved emotionally. It would be a hard path but after everything that happened, she was ready to go through one more hurdle to perhaps find happiness.

After all, if she did not give it a chance, she would regret it for the rest of her life.

Sesshomaru used his free hand to tuck her hair behind her ear. He couldn't explain why but the more she allowed him closer, the closer he wanted to be. Perhaps it was because as mates they hadn't had a lot of contact for about  _five hundred years_  and he wanted to touch her. Her skin felt smoother than anything he ever touched, her eyes were glowing like jewels, and her lips were as red as blood.

He wanted nothing more than to caress her entire body with his fingertips for hours, watching her squirm under his touch. He wanted to press his lips against every inch of her skin, tasting her porcelain flesh. He wanted to feel her press against him while he made love to her, and brought her to a world she had yet to know.

At his own thoughts, he almost felt himself flustered. This was not the kind of thing he should be thinking at the moment. Yet, as he tried to forget, all that filled his mind was the dream he had a while back. Needless to say, it was not helping.

"Are you okay?"

As she glanced at him with concerned eyes, he nodded. "It's a little hot in here."

Somehow he had a feeling that this whole normal breakfast thing had gotten a lot more complicated. If he could keep his  _perverted_  thoughts out of his mind, perhaps he could handle this.

Though for him to do that, she had to stop looking at him with those shiny eyes.

Kami, what was he? A pup running high on hormones?

-B-

Kagome was sitting on the bed, her legs crossed;  _attempting_  to watch television but her mind was not focused. All she could think about was the events that had transpired between her and Sesshomaru. Breakfast had gone fine, and they had made a bit of conversation, though when it came to casual talk, they were a bit awkward. Still, it had gone smoothly.

Except for one thing.

The entire time Sesshomaru had seemed like he was in another world. Had he been bored? Hadn't he enjoyed it? The whole process wouldn't work if Sesshomaru didn't like it. She hoped he would share, but he had not yet. And now, he was taking a shower and she could only wait.

A sigh left her as she uncrossed her legs to let them dangled from the bed. Even Kiyoshi could not keep her mind occupied; once she had fed him, he had quietly gone back to bed for a nap. It was not  _unusual_  for her son to sleep a lot, but then again, she knew that he was good at being quiet when something was going with her and Sesshomaru.

It was no surprise since he seemed to be able to sense their auras.

Meanwhile Sesshomaru was in the shower, pressed against the wall, the cold water running down half his body. He was not one to require such thing usually, but this situation was different. Now that he thought about it, for the entire five hundred years he had been without her, he had not been  _turned_  on. The whole thing had not even crossed his mind.

Beyond everything, it was not as if he had been required to  _seduce_  someone for a while and he did not know how it worked anymore. Although, perhaps he had never known since it wasn't as if he had flirted in the past.

It was as he finally flashed his eyes open that he took conscience of the amount of time he had been in the shower. He didn't wish for Kagome to think he was avoiding her after their breakfast. He knew he had ruined the whole thing a bit, especially when he had let go of her hand and had not  _interacted_  as much.

He hadn't meant to, he had just tried to control his own thoughts.

Even now this  _cold_  shower was not helping. He doubted it would anyway.

He sighed heavily as he reached out for the knob and turned it off. Sesshomaru waited for a few seconds before stepping out, his wet feet dripping on the little dark blue carpet. He reached out for a towel, quickly wrapping it around his waist before going and standing in front of the mirror.

Sesshomaru couldn't help but stare at his reflection. He looked exactly the same as he did five hundred years ago and he was unsure if it was a good or bad thing. In a way it was good, since she had not changed either, though it hadn't been centuries for her yet.

That brought forward the question he had been dreading, just exactly how long would she live?

Before he could allow himself to think about it, he quickly shook his head. He would  _not_  think about that yet. He had more than a century left with her for now, and that would be all he would focus on for the time being.

He ran his fingers through his wet hair before grabbing his shirt and hurrying to button it up. Sesshomaru then dropped the towel and put on his pants, trying to rush and make it back to her side. Once his towel was in the basket, he calmly exited the bathroom only to find her sitting on the bed.

As soon as he stepped into the room, she turned her head to look at him. He offered her a small smile before joining her on the bed. As he sat down, some of the water in his hair dripped down upon his light grey shirt. Unconsciously, Kagome reached out for his hair and gently ran her fingers through the wet strands.

Since he didn't pull away, she assumed he was back in the real world with them. "Are you okay?"

Maybe she shouldn't ask, but she wanted to know. Could it be that he was still thinking about Inuyasha? She hoped not, because then she would be to blame.

Sesshomaru was stuck; he had to glance into her eyes, but that also meant he would have to tell her what was on his mind. He knew that she wanted him to be honest, and that he had expressed that he desired her before but he wasn't sure how comfortable she would feel with it.

"It is a small problem I'm having, it is no trouble."

Kagome felt a small tug at her heart at his words. He had a small problem? He was allowed to have his own problems, but she felt a bit bad that he didn't want to share. He was allowed to have his own personal thoughts, but she hoped that they were past dealing with things on their own.

It didn't take Sesshomaru too long to realize he had made a mistake. "I just don't want to offend you."

Kagome shook her head. "It's fine. I mean you have your problems, I have mine."

Sesshomaru felt like smacking himself. He didn't want Kagome to retract from him; it hadn't been what he had planned at all. It appeared that the only way to get himself out of the situation was to embarrass himself. At least, it would spare her feelings.

"I'm afraid that my own mind is betraying me. I have stayed  _further_  from you because of certain thoughts I've been having."

"Certain th-"It was only half way through her sentence that she realized what he meant.

The tiniest blush crept up on her cheeks, and she couldn't help but glance away. It was flattering, she was not denying it, but she had no way to reply to him. What could she possibly say? She could not really help with the problem in the end.  _Technically_  she could, however it wouldn't be right, not currently at least.

She went to pull her hand away from his hair, when he suddenly grabbed her wrist, ceasing her movements. "Don't."

Sesshomaru didn't know how to explain to her that he  _needed_  some of this. The little touches and smiles. He wasn't sure if it helped, but he did feel a bit better. He didn't require as much sleep, he wasn't drained all the time, and the pain in his chest wasn't there. Lately they had been around each other a lot, and he really believed it had made a difference.

However it also meant he was seeking her attentions more.

Only question was, did all of this have the same effect on him as it did on her?

He could ask. "Do you not feel  _improved_  lately?"

Granted she might not see the difference since as a human she already required more sleep than he did.

"Improved?" she asked with an eyebrow raised.

"Do you feel as if you have a bit more energy? Are you less drained?"

Kagome inclined her head back, her hand resting on his shoulder since he had released her wrist and thought. She could remember a time where all she did was sleep…. Did she still do that?

"I guess my sleeping pattern has been normal."

"Any pain in your chest? Any feeling of uneasiness?"

She pinched her lips together for a second, as she pondered before shaking her head. "No."

"I'm not sure if you remember when Izumi told us the pain and the tiredness would go away if-"

"We were closer," she finished for him.

She hadn't thought about it much after it had been said. It really wasn't her fault; they had been so busy since then. Though now that she was thinking about it she realized that it was true, it had helped a little. Was that why Sesshomaru was having those kinds of thoughts? Because it made him feel better?

"We were apart for a long time," he began explaining, knowing that being bluntly honest with her was the best way to go "and we are mated. Sometimes, it's more difficult for me. Mates are supposed to be affectionate."

Kagome bit her bottom lip as she quickly nodded. Of course, she hadn't thought about that. As a matter of fact, she didn't even know what it would feel like to feel that kind of emptiness inside. It had taken Sesshomaru a long time to even bring it up, meaning he had been holding himself back for a while now. At least, it was the assumption she was making.

It was a self-control his beast had not known in the past.

"I-"

Sesshomaru didn't allow her to speak. "You do not need to say anything. I was merely informing you."

He had nothing to hide from her, especially not himself. No he wouldn't tell her the many things going through his mind but he could share the basic of the situation. He had no reason to keep anything from her. Lies brought nothing forward except more lies and deceit.

Sesshomaru bent forward and captured her bottom lip in a kiss. Kagome stayed stunned for a second and prior to her being able to react he had already pulled away. There was a ghost of a smile upon his lips as he sat beside her, still able to feel her moist lips against his. Why did she have to be addictive?

He expected her to remove her hand from his shoulder but she didn't. Instead she seemed quite fascinated by his face. She was not saying a word, but he noticed her eyes scanning him. Sesshomaru had to admit he was a bit intrigued, but he decided to wait until she would speak or look away, whichever happened first.

Kagome  _knew_  she was staring; yet she couldn't stop. There was something about his markings that fascinated her. Kiyoshi had some as well, and she had found herself more than once tracing them. She hadn't done it as many times with Sesshomaru, mostly because she was afraid it was a strange thing to do, or that he might be annoyed by it.

Once she finally realized that he was watching her watch him, she blushed a bit. "I just- I mean, you're handso- No, I meant, not that you're not, I just-"She popped her lips together. "Okay. I think I've said enough for today."

They both couldn't help but slightly chuckle at the awkwardness of the moment. "I'll take it as a compliment," he said with devilish eyes.

"Oh. Yeah. A compliment. Why not?"

If Sesshomaru didn't know any better he was ready to say that she was making some sort of attempt at teasing him. He couldn't even recall the last time something like that had happened. Although the atmosphere was now light, he felt like saying something and it was burning on the tip of his tongue.

"You're absolutely beautiful."

Forreasons she didn't understand, Kagome had been having a low self esteem, and that made him frown. He didn't know what she saw in the mirror, but apparently she wasn't looking right. There was not one thing wrong with her, no matter what she said. He just wanted to make sure she knew that.

Her heart fluttered a bit. Sesshomaru had a way with words, or perhaps it was the way he said them, but he did make her feel the things he said. Frankly she hadn't been given much time to worry about herself lately, which in a way was a good thing.

"Thank you." She felt a bit dorky answering his compliment that way, but she didn't know what else to say.

Sesshomaru gently cupped her cheek with his hand. "May I?"

Instead of answering with words, she found herself nodding.

Kagome expected him to kiss her, but instead he inclined her head back, exposing her neck to him. He pressed his lips along her throat, causing her to shiver. Sesshomaru hadn't been this forward or sexual…  _ever_ really. There was a small fear developing inside of her, almost screaming at her, but she held it back.

It was telling her he might take it too far, and then she'd fall back into that circle. Of course, she decided to ignore the voice. Sesshomaru wasn't like that;  _he_  had never been like that. Even if it was difficult at times, she had to put her faith in him. He wouldn't do what it had done to her. Not then, not now.

No matter what had happened, she could tell that  _now_  he cared about her. He wouldn't hurt her in that fashion.

Once he left a shivering feeling all over her neck, he pulled away, causing her to come down from a sort of daze. Sesshomaru gave her a small apologetic look. He knew she was comfortable with it but he found himself feeling like an animal. He wanted her and he could control himself, but he was still afraid that one day he would make a wrong move and scare her away.

"Well this is  _normal_ ," she said trying to clear the air.

She was about to offer him a smile, when suddenly he watched her expression drop as she frowned. "Is that blood?" she inquired as she moved forward a bit.

Sesshomaru wanted nothing more than close his eye and sigh heavily, but that would give it all away. Instead he made sure to keep a mask on while he raised an eyebrow as if this was the first he heard of it. No, lying to her wasn't something he wanted to do, and he prided himself on being as honest as possible, but this he couldn't do.

Perhaps it was because he himself was unsure of what was happening and he didn't need someone else worried, or perhaps he just didn't want to concern her over something that was most likely nothing.

He raised his hand and touched the spot he  _knew_  was bleeding, only to feel a bit of the thick substance underneath his fingers. Why had he known this was going to happen? He felt like sighing in frustration, but he held himself back. He brought his hand in his field of view and glanced at it. The red blood was staring right back at him.

Sesshomaru then looked up, only to find a concerned Kagome peering his way. He would have to come up with something to tell her. She would not allow him to dismiss this as if it was nothing. His brain overworked while he attempted to come up with  _anything_  that might sound realistic.

"I hm, I haven't had my claws in a while. I must have cut myself while I washed my hair."

Unlikely that would ever happen to him, but Kagome might buy it. The concerned look didn't leave her eyes, but she didn't seem suspicious either. It took a few seconds for her to finally rise to her feet. "I'll get something to clean up the blood."

As she ran for the bathroom, her mind was pondering the issue. Would Sesshomaru really be clumsy enough to cut himself? Then again, she wasn't one to talk; she had done a lot of clumsy things in the past. It happened to everyone, especially when they were distracted, and he seemed to be.

Once in the bathroom, Kagome grabbed a towel and wet it, only to rush to his side. She sat back down on the bed and began wiping away the blood from his ear. "I guess that's what happened to the crib."

The crib? "What happened?"

"Oh, there are claw marks or something, I'm not sure. It was damaged."

She had quickly noticed when she had picked up Kiyoshi this morning. At first, she had even considered that perhaps their son had done it, but now that he said he wasn't used to his claws anymore… Maybe he had held on to the crib a bit too tightly and had ended up grazing his claws against it or something.

Sesshomaru immediately eyed the crib but couldn't really distinguish the damage from that far. He chose to wait until she was done wiping the blood, before getting up. Once she pulled away, he rose to his feet and headed for the crib. His hand touched it and his fingers began mapping the dent. There was no way he had done that with his claws.

"I do not believe I did this."

Kagome's eyebrows rose. "You think… Kiyoshi did it?"

Definitely not. He was almost certain his son couldn't do something like that. Though there weren't many explanations left. "Perhaps."

He had displayed some use of power in the past, it couldn't be the craziest thing right? Though it did make Kagome worry a bit. She didn't want anything bad to happen to her son. If he had no control over his power, he might end up hurting himself one day.

"Seem like you both need to control yourselves," she said as she stood up.

Kagome joined Sesshomaru by the crib and glanced down at her sleeping son. She would keep an eye out for him, and make sure nothing too bad happened. Kagome also found herself a bit worried for Sesshomaru. All she could do was hope that it was nothing more than a scratch. What else could it be?

Meanwhile Sesshomaru was far in his own mind. The blood he had found this morning  _might_  have been residue from the previous night, but this one was definitely new. Now his new problem was he didn't know how to keep the lie alive. If this happened again, he couldn't keep telling her that he scratched himself.

It didn't leave many possibilities for him. He had to go see Kai again.

She might not know everything, but on the subject of his beast, she did seem to have a bit of knowledge. . As the thought crossed his mind, he felt Kagome press her hand against his side, her warmth spreading through his body. He had just obtained  _this_ , and whatever was happening… he didn't want to let it ruin everything.

Somehow, Sesshomaru  _had_  a feeling it was his beast screwing him over. Obviously there was no real hint of that, but then again it was why he'd go see Kai so she could confirm it. What else could make him _bleed_? His beast had taken enough from him and he refused to let it happen again.

And one thing was for certain; he wouldn't let it take away his life or Kagome.

Inside of him, he felt desperate. If Kagome was taken from him, he would not take it lightly. She couldn't be chased away, she couldn't be taken. Quickly he turned around and wrapped his arms around her waist. He had to deal with being half of himself, which was not easy, but now something wrong was happening to him and he didn't know how to stop it?

He was getting sick of it.

He had made mistakes, he wouldn't deny it, but couldn't he even catch a small break, or at least not have everything occurring at once?

His mind was made up once he picked up Kagome and pushed her against the nearest wall, holding her legs with both of his hands. This wasn't even about being sexual; he just wanted the comfort that she brought to him. He pressed his face half on her stomach, half on her breasts not even thinking about where it was.

Kagome seemed stunned for an instant, but then wrapped her arms around him. At first she had been a little shocked and almost scared, but now she understood. Sesshomaru wanted  _comfort_? He didn't come to her for many things usually handling everything on his own. She knew he did it because he felt he inflicted enough upon her, but it was also nice to be  _needed_.

Slowly she began rubbing his back, resting on her head on top of his. Tears came to her eyes and she couldn't explain why, but she held them back.

For the first time in a life time, Sesshomaru was experiencing a very intense emotion. He was afraid. The last time he had been this scared was when Kagome had been kidnapped and he hadn't known if he'd find her in time. This was not something he had wished to experience again, yet there he was  _feeling_  it.

He felt lost, and still did when his beast disappeared, but now the thing slipping through his finger was… his  _life_? At least it was what it felt like.

When she was near, he didn't feel the emptiness, he felt whole. But when he was away, it was like death.

It wasn't until he had been far from her, that he had realized that.

She kept him in one piece.

He dared to look up while his face was still awkwardly positioned in her breasts. "I need you."

-B-


	67. One More

Her heart was dropping in her chest while she glanced down into his amber eyes. . His words were still echoing in her mind and she could not even think. She had not failed to hear the desperation in his voice and it left her slightly shaken. Her whole body was one fire and she felt him hold on to her as if his life depended on it.

She didn't even know what was going with Sesshomaru mostly because he wasn't sharing with her. He had indeed provided her with an explanation, but seeing his current expression, she had a feeling he hadn't told her the whole truth. For him to be keeping something from her… it had to be for a good reason right? At first, the thought had crossed her mind that he had been trying to change the subject, but she no longer thought that.

He was honest; she could see it in his shiny eyes.

Kagome's heartbeat increased and she could not tear her eyes away. How could she answer him? He was still holding on to her tightly, his feelings bare and waiting for her to respond. His face was securely nested between her breasts, only adding to the intensity of the situation, yet she was not uncomfortable. It felt right to have him so close to her despite everything that happened.

Her only problem was that she wasn't exactly sure what Sesshomaru meant by  _needing_  her. But, surely if she was not comfortable he wouldn't take it too far. Kagome found herself taking a deep breath before cupping his face with her hands and nodding.

Sesshomaru found that his own heart was beating faster as she gently rubbed his cheeks with her soft fingers. God, he needed her. He rose to his feet and yet, her hands remained on his face. It was then that he wrapped his arms around her waist. Quickly he rushed in and pressed his lips against hers. Her tiny body fitted so well against his and it sent jolts throughout his body.

Kagome immediately returned the kiss, her lips moving against his own like she had often done. He could taste a hit of strawberry and it made him want to kiss her even more. One of his hands moved up to the back of her head and he pressed himself harder against her. He didn't want to allow himself to lose control, but he needed this more than ever.

His fingers were intertwined in her hair while he felt her hands gliding down his shirt and pulling on it with all her strength. He could feel that she was on her tippy toes which caused him to lower himself slightly so she wouldn't have to do that. Kagome's face was soon becoming red as she felt him insert his tongue in her mouth trying to twirl it with hers.

She felt a bit embarrassed since she didn't have much experience, but she went along with it. Her tongue shyly poked out and she began moving it around.. With one of his hands, Sesshomaru held on to her face while slowly dragging his other hand to her neck. He could feel her mark pulsing against his palm, or perhaps it was just her heartbeat he was sensing.

He  _wanted_  her.

Sesshomaru found himself pulling away before glancing upon her face. Her lips were moist and her cheeks were flustered. Her hair was a bit messy and she was breathing heavily. Yet, her eyes still remained locked on him. He grabbed both of her hands and guided her to the bed by walking backwards. Sesshomaru sat down on the bed, clearly inviting her to sit on him.

Her eyes shifted to the left, then the right, before she shyly sat on him. His arms were wrapped around her waist in a matter of seconds and Kagome snaked hers around his neck. Instead of attacking her lips, he went for her neck. He nibbled at her skin, gently grazing his teeth against it while her fingers were drowning in his mass of silver hair. Unconsciously she found herself thinking how much she preferred the silver to the black.

Sesshomaru's eyes were locked on her collarbone and he couldn't stop himself from running his tongue over it. He wanted to pull down ever so slightly on her shirt just to reveal a bit more skin. Sesshomaru had this intense desire where he wanted to cup her breasts with both of her hands but he wasn't sure if she'd let him. She had agreed to this, but he wanted to play it by her rules.

"Guide me," he whispered against her skin.

Kagome frowned slightly. "Guide you?"

He nodded as he pressed as soft kiss against her heated skin. "I'll do as you wish, as you please."

She couldn't help but blush even more at his words. When it had come to these kinds of situations she had never really been the one in control. Now she was supposed to decided and tell him what to do? She didn't even know  _what_  to do herself! Feeling a bit uneasy, she reached out for his hands while he remained still with his face against her neck.

Taking a deep breath she gently moved his hands to her breasts. At first, only his fingertips grazed them but she finally gathered the courage to lift them completely. Kagome shut her eyes tightly feeling more nervous than she had ever been before. Sesshomaru felt the excitement build inside of him and he hoped that sitting on him wouldn't make her uncomfortable.

Gently he squeezed and watched her tilt her head back a little, her eyes still closed. Her heart had never beaten this fast before and she was afraid that it would come out of her chest. Only his skillful hands were roaming over her mounds and she felt the anticipation kill her. She could feel his breath against her skin, but his mouth was nowhere to be felt.

Sesshomaru was trying to contain himself as he felt her soft breasts through the fabric of her shirt. He could still remember how it was to hold them bare and it was difficult to chase the thought out of his mind. Still, he focused himself on the present situation which was much better. This was what  _she_  wanted, and he was more than happy to please her.

Kagome still couldn't believe she had done such a bold move. He had allowed her to choose from anything and she had chosen that? Granted they had gone further then that even in the present time but… It was always a bit nerve wrecking to be intimate with him. Still she took a deep breath, trying to calm herself as best she could. Being nervous would not do her any good.

He glanced up at her face again before finally closing the distance between himself and her skin. He pressed his lips against her flesh, pondering if he should make an indecent request. "Kagome?"

The sound of his voice snapped her out of her own mind. She slowly opened her eyes before looking down at him. Her bottom lip began trembling as she moved her shaking hands down and grabbed the edge of her shirt. She had been more naked then this in front of him hadn't she? She swallowed hard before lifting her shirt, causing him to pull his hands away.

He watched carefully as she removed her top revealing a dark purple bra. Her arms were shaking a bit as she dropped her shirt on the ground while waiting for Sesshomaru to do something. His eyes were on her chest as he slowly lifted his hands again. He glanced up at her face, almost as if he was looking for permission. Kagome nodded and he took it at his cue to hold on to them again. However this time, he only used one hand, while the other was put on her bare lower back.

As his flesh touched hers she squirmed a little.

Sesshomaru allowed his fingers to grab the edge of her bra, pulling down on it gently to reveal even more of her breast. Kagome held her breath as he put his lips on her skin, his tongue making circles against her flesh. His prize was still hidden, and he wanted to get to it, but he wished to take his time. He wanted to savor this moment as much as he could.

His fangs were almost digging in her skin as he brought his mouth even lower. Kagome could feel his moist lips near her nipple and it made her shiver. Her eyes were still opened this time, but she was too shy to glance down. It was then that it happened. She felt his mouth finally make contact with her nipple completely covering it.

Sesshomaru began sucking on it and it immediately hardened in his mouth. Her flesh was burning under his touch and her back was beginning to arch. The motioned caused him to thrive to please her. He wanted her to feel good for once, he wanted her to know the pleasure he could provide her with. As long as she was comfortable with whatever he did, he'd keep going.

The hand that had been on her lower back rose up a bit, allowing him to slowly undo her bra. Kagome couldn't help herself from gasping as her bra fell upon her lap. The cool air was all over her bare skin, but she didn't even feel it. She was so embarrassed her flesh was warm. His hands touched her breasts, and his mouth was on her nipple once more making it impossible for her to not tilt her head back.

Sesshomaru devoured her, caressing her naked skin, grasping her breasts. She smelled divine, she tasted like heaven, and every little sound she made was just  _perfect_. Though he was feeling a bit constricted in his own clothes he didn't let it bother him. He followed the line of her hip with his fingers, enjoying every bulge, every line.

It wasn't until Kagome felt his hand on her stomach that she was attacked by her self-consciousness. She hadn't really completely gotten over the complex she had with her body. However, she had been so caught up in the moment, she hadn't even thought about it. Immediately both of her hands went down and covered her stomach putting a halt to Sesshomaru's actions.

He pulled his mouth away from her skin and glanced up at her. Sesshomaru couldn't help but think of how adorable she was biting on her bottom lip. . He grabbed her hips before changing their positions. He laid her flat upon the bed and settled himself on top. His large body was covering her completely and he rested one of his knees between her legs.

Sesshomaru brought one of his hands to her chest, resting it between her breasts. He could feel her heartbeat under his touch and her eyes were locked with his. Her eyes were glistening with a hint of water, but he didn't know if it was because she was about to cry or because of the embarrassment. Gently he bent down and pressed a kiss against her warm, almost sticky forehead.

It was then that Kagome found herself taking a deep breath in an attempt to relieve some of the stress.

"You're beautiful, do not think otherwise," he said, his fingers gently caressing her left cheek.

He expected her to blush even more, or to look away, but she did neither. Instead she moved her tiny hand, and he felt her press it against his stomach. Her fingers played with the hem of his shirt until he felt her fingertips grazed against his flesh. Sesshomaru held his breath as she slid her fingers inside. Her hand glided all the way up feeling his every muscle, ripple, and well defined abs under her touch. He definitely was in a better shape than her.

The more she touched him, the more he felt like a pup running wild with hormones. How could the simple fact of her making contact with his flesh put him in such a state? He craved it more than anything else, yet he knew it would be taken away from him soon. The feeling increased in intensity as she added her other hand and he did his best to keep a straight face.

Her hands were trembling a bit, as she explored his body, something she had never really done before. When touching him he felt much more imposing then before. His body was strong and hard with muscles everywhere. She couldn't' really recall ever seeing him work out or anything. How in the world did he keep that up? Maybe it was because he barely ate.

Lucky bastard.

From what she could tell his body had not changed in the last five hundred years. But this situation was completely different from the one in the past. Before everything he had done to her, well his beast, had been for his own pleasure and nothing more. Granted he had said that he needed her, but so far only  _she_  had received some sort of satisfaction.

She did feel as though it was a bit selfish since he was always focused on her, but she wasn't sure if she had the strength to overcome that fear just yet. In the past, every time she had been intimate with him it had involved strength, domination and tears. This was something big to get over and she was afraid if they got into that right now it would ruin everything.

All those thoughts filling her mind caused her eyes to water slightly. Sesshomaru didn't fail to notice and immediately he held himself up with his elbows to allow himself to hold her face with his hands. "What is the matter?" he asked concerned.

Maybe she had already ruined it. "I'm sorry, I just. I'm scared to-"God, she couldn't even say it. "I just, doing certain things is-"

He nodded, trying to put an end to her current misery. Sesshomaru knew exactly what she was referring too. The beast had brought a great trauma upon her and perhaps some of it would never heal and some would just take time. But he understood. He would never force her to do anything because unlike his beast, he respected her.

Sesshomaru offered her a small smile. "Kagome, you do not have to do anything. I considered myself privileged enough to have you in my life. I will take whatever you have to offer."

She felt her heart swell in her chest, and she nodded. "I know."

This Sesshomaru was so different that she almost felt bad for the way she put a halt to everything. Mistakes might have been made in the past, but she was glad to have  _this_  Sesshomaru in her life. He understood and respected the pain she experienced inside and it made her feel warm inside. She couldn't help but bury her head in his chest.

She put her lips against the exposed skin of his neck causing Sesshomaru to twitch. His grip on her face fell up to her neck, and he did his best not to hold on too tight. He pressed a kiss on top of her head trying to ease the overwhelming emotions he was experiencing. There was no doubt in him that if he couldn't be with her, then he would finish his life alone.

He had changed for her, because of her, and he wouldn't go back. She was damaged, and so was he. There would be no one he'd be able to tolerate and there would be no one who would understand him. Plus, he'd never be able to forget Kagome or what he had done to her. He wrapped his arms around her and brought her even closer.

Kagome brought her arms inside the embrace, her hands resting on his pectorals. The person who had brought fear into her life in the past was now the only person she felt safe with. When he held her like this for once she was shielded from the world. It was almost enough for her to forgot she was half bare.

She wanted time to stop, even just for a little while.

-B-

She slapped herself on the cheek, feeling something annoying wetting it. Kagome attempted to wipe it again with her eyes still closed, but it only felt as if she was smudging it. She groaned a bit before finally opening her eyes and looking around. It was then that she found herself staring at  _red_? Panicked, she used her arms to lift herself and she began peering around.

Blood.

There was blood on the bed.

It was then that she noticed her hand was covered in it. Her eyes widened a bit as she used her non-stained hand to touch her cheek. Just as she expected, there was blood on it. Her eyes moved to Sesshomaru only to realize that all of this blood was coming from him. She gasped loudly while she got on her knees and put her hands on his shoulders.

Kagome shook him violently. "Sesshomaru?"

No matter what she did, he did not bulge and her worry increased. She tried to move him vigorously, but she got no results. "SESSHOMARU?"

Kagome was breathing heavily, her heart pumping rapidly, as her eyes began to fill with tears. No,  _no_ , no. She kept shaking him desperately, as hard as she could while the first tears poured out of her eyes. They began falling on his face, and she closed her eyes shut tightly. She sniffled as her sorrow increased, when all of the sudden she felt a hand on her wrist.

Her eyes flashed opened and she found herself staring right at Sesshomaru.

"Kagome?"

Relief washed over her like never before and it felt as if her heart ceased to beat for an instant. He was… alive? Without thinking she allowed herself to collapse on top of him, a laugh of joy escaping her. He was alive! She gripped onto his shirt. She was afraid to let go feeling as though he would slip through her fingers if she did. It took her a few seconds to raise her head again, and when she did she was smiling brightly.

"You're okay!"

Confused, he arched an eyebrow. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Kagome tilted her head to the side. Couldn't he feel all the blood surrounding them? Did he realize he was losing blood? All she could do to explain it to him was raise her hand and show him the red covering her hand. A soon as Sesshomaru saw he gripped the sheets with his fingers while anguish developed inside of him. There was  _much_  more blood than the last time, and he wasn't sure it was a good sign.

"Sesshomaru, tell me the truth. Do you really have no idea what is going on? This isn't a  _scratch_."

Apparently his previous lie hadn't been a good idea. "I have no idea." That, at least was the truth. He was just as lost and confused as  _her_.

Kagome pressed her lips together and took a deep breath while she was trying to keep her nerves under control. This was  _a lot_  of blood. Too much blood. How much blood could someone lose? Well, Sesshomaru wasn't someone. No, he was a youkai. How much blood could a youkai lose?

"You're calling Kai. Now."

She'd do it, but she probably wouldn't know what to say or how to say it. How could she even explain what was going on? "The number is by the phone," she said as she slowly let go of him.

Sesshomaru nodded as he hurried to make it to his feet. He had expected to feel a bit dizzy but such a thing did not happen. He glanced at Kagome's back before walking away from her, finally feeling the dry blood on the side of his head. He did his best to look calm, not wanting to increase her worry. Though, he had already failed at that.

Kagome took a deep breath when she heard him walk away. She brought a hand to her mouth, holding her feelings back so that she would not cry again. Now that Sesshomaru was no longer lying on the bed she could see just how much blood he had lost and it did nothing to ease her concerns. She ran her fingers through her hair, her bottom lip trembling.

"HEY! What's with the blood smell?"

She immediately snapped her head in direction of the voice, only to catch a glimpse of Kouga walking in. "Hey doggie what's up with all that blood?"

Kagome didn't hear Sesshomaru answer, instead she saw Kouga coming in her direction while still glancing at Sesshomaru. "Hey Kag, what's wrong wit-"

His eyes widened a bit before he finally covered his eyes with his hands. "I'm so sorry! I didn't know."

Kagome frowned in confusion while her head inclined to the side. What in the world was h- It was then that realization hit her. She had no  _shirt_ on. A tiny scream escaped her lips as she grabbed the sheet and did her best to cover herself. How could she have forgotten such a thing? She was almost ready to die of embarrassment.

Her scream caused Sesshomaru to run inside the room, only to realize the situation. Right away he turned his head and glared at Kouga who couldn't see it since his eyes were still covered.

"I swear I saw nothing," he said turning slightly to where he thought Sesshomaru was standing.

He messed a round a few times, teased Sesshomaru, and jokingly flirted with Kagome, but he was still aware of boundaries. This was not someone he had meant to cross. "I'll just…I'll wait there," he said pointing at the kitchen.

Kouga rushed to go away feeling a bit nervous. As soon as he uncovered his face, a blush could be seen. Sesshomaru was going to have his head. Kouga might not have been able to see Sesshomaru's expression, but he could guess what it looked like. And here he had just come to check up and make sure everyone was okay. The scent of blood had overwhelmed his nose for an hour now and since no noise had come from the room, he had gotten worried.

So much for being a good friend.

Kagome glanced up at the ceiling shaking her head slightly. Of all the things to happen  _today_. "I'm fine," she said when she looked into Sesshomaru's worried eyes. "I don't think he meant to walk in on me like this," she said trying to reassure him.

She hadn't meant to scream, she had simply been caught off guard. Sesshomaru nodded, his glare disappearing before he returned to the kitchen where Kouga  _and_  the phone were. Meanwhile Kagome scanned around trying to find her shirt so that she could cover herself. It took a few seconds, but she finally spotted it on the ground and rushed to retrieve it.

Once she made sure nobody was looking, she slipped it on, feeling a bit more at ease. She tossed the blanket aside and quickly walked in direction of the kitchen. Once she reached it, she found Sesshomaru on the phone and Kouga awkwardly sitting at the table looking at the ground.

"It's okay you know," she said as she sat down in front of him.

Kouga slightly looked up, only to see her smiling at him. Well, she was definitely just as pretty as he expected her to be. Oh  _god_  he should not be thinking that. Especially not with Sesshomaru standing right there. The best thing to do would be to change the subject.

"What's wrong with him?" he asked pointing at Sesshomaru.

Worry appeared in Kagome's eyes as she shrugged her shoulders. "I- we don't know."

Kouga now wanted to hit himself for bringing up a subject that was clearly upsetting her. "I'm sure he's fine," he said not sure if he believed his own words. To be honest this was not the first time he had smelled blood coming from the room and he knew it meant nothing good.

Of course, he couldn't tell Kagome that.

Their conversation was cut short when the phone was hung up and Sesshomaru turned around. "Kai will be coming later."

Kouga's ears perked. "Kai?"

Sesshomaru nodded, throwing a displeased glance in direction of Kouga. "Yes,  _Kai_. Perhaps you will keep your eyes on her rather than my mate."

The choice of words Sesshomaru used surprised everyone, including himself. He hadn't meant for that word to escape him. He was not ashamed he had used it, but he was afraid it might have made Kagome uncomfortable. Kouga on the other hand had almost expected it. Kagome  _was_  his mate and another male had come  _too close_  to her.

Both males turned their attention in direction of Kagome, waiting to see what her reaction would be.

Her eyes were opened wide while she glanced back and forth between Sesshomaru and Kouga. Sesshomaru calling her his  _mate_  had shaken her up a bit, but technically, he hadn't been wrong. It was what she was. She simply had never warmed up to it and the word had never been used very often.

"What?" she asked when they refused to look away.

Both shook their heads slightly and glanced at something else. Kagome resisted the urge to smile a bit. Men would be men. Sesshomaru had meant nothing wrong with what he said, thus she saw no reason to discuss it. It was also the first time she saw him  _protective_  towards her. Yes, he worried for her safety but this was different. It had felt as though he had been stating she was his.

She wasn't exactly sure how that statement made her feel, but she wasn't completely against it. After all, she had agreed to go down that path with him. Still it tingled her inside with a feeling she could not explain and she had yet to make up her mind if it was good or not. Nonetheless, they had something a bit more important to focus on at the moment: Sesshomaru's condition.

"Kouga, do you know why Sesshomaru might be bleeding?"

He wished he had an answer for her, but unfortunately, he didn't. "I don't know. I've never seen or heard of anything like that."

Kagome's eyes saddened. "I hope she knows."

"I doubt it."

Right away Kagome glared at him. "I don't know what your problem is, but you should change your attitude. You might not care what happens to you, but  _I_  do."

Once the words left her mouth Kagome rose to her feet and quickly stormed out of the room clearly upset. Kouga couldn't help but chuckle. "You sure know how to get her riled up."

"You,  _shut up_."

Kouga raised his hands to shoulder level, acting innocent. "I'm just saying. Be careful what you say. Obviously you mean a lot to her. Try to make an effort."

He imitated Kagome's action by getting on his feet. "Let me know when Kai's here," he said waving at Sesshomaru before getting out of the room. He knew these two would be having a talk and he wanted no part of it.

Sesshomaru sighed heavily before spinning around and heading for the bedroom. He hadn't meant to make Kagome more upset wit his words, but his thoughts had slipped and he had voiced it. He knew Kai had helped in the past, but it didn't mean she could solve everything.

He was about to step inside the bedroom when he stopped in his steps right in the doorway. He glanced at her while she sat on the side of the bed, looking out the window and avoiding peering his way. He didn't need his youkai senses to know he had upset her and he felt guilty. Slowly he walked to her side and waited for her to say something.

When she didn't, he initiated the conversation. "May I?"

She nodded, still not looking at him. Sesshomaru joined her while his eyes remaining locked on her face. "I did not mean it that way, Kagome."

Kagome sighed, inclining her head forward. "Why don't you care about what's happening to you?"

"I do, I just do not believe she holds the answer."

She turned her head and looked at him. "But what if she does? Do you really have nothing to live for that you would throw your life away without trying?"

He looked deeply into her eyes, almost right into her soul. "I have much to live for, believe me."

Her heart ceased to beat for a moment and her lips parted. Her eyes began to water, and she found herself without a response to give him.

"I do care what happens to me. I do not wish to leave you or my son behind."

One lonely tear rolled down her cheek, as she nodded. "But then, why are you so against this?"

"Because it's my problem."

"Really?" she said, a bit surprised. " _Your_  problem? It's an interesting statement coming from someone who referred to me as his mate less than a minute ago." She hadn't meant for the words to slip out of her mouth so harshly, but he had made it difficult for her to control her emotions.

"Are you not my mate? Even though you are free to leave any time you wish."

"No, I am. But you never really used that word before. At least not in modern times. You said it cause you meant it." At least a part of her hoped he did.

"I did." She seemed comfortable with it, thus he had no problem admitting to it. "Even if you reject me, you will remain my mate. I will not love another."

The word love echoed in her mind, and she couldn't help the feeling of surprise that overcame her. "L-love?"

She hadn't meant to put emphasis on it, but she couldn't help it. It had taken her off guard and she wasn't even sure Sesshomaru had realized what he said. Surely he hadn't meant to right… not now, not like this? He couldn't really mean it. It had just been an expression or something.

Love? Had he used the word love? No, he hadn't. God damn it, he had. His mask remained perfectly on as he tried to think of the best answer he could give her. It was not that he didn't feel strong feelings towards her or anything, he had simply not meant for anything to come out that way. Especially since she looked so troubled by it.

"I just…I meant I would not be with another."

"But that's not what you said." She didn't want to be pushy about it, but she had to know.

"I merely used another word."

"Another word that means something else."

He hadn't known Kagome to be so persistent about something like this. Would she keep going until she corned him? He sighed before pulling his gaze away from her. "Perhaps I meant it. But my feelings towards you are different than the ones you have for me Kagome. What I feel does not matter."

"But it does," she said, her voice shattering a bit. "I know you put yourself aside because of what happened. You don't do what you want; you don't say what you want." She appreciated it in certain occasions but he didn't have to do it all the time. "It's okay for you to be who you are. I like who you are."

She had already accepted a long time ago that she did feel something for him and she was fine with that. There was nothing wrong with Sesshomaru and he did treat her right. No it didn't erase all the fears she had, but as she had always believed if she could move on, he'd be the one by her side while she did it.

"Then perhaps I did mean it."

God, he hadn't meant to do this like that. Saying that he would not love another seemed messy and it felt like the word lost its magic. Though he already felt stupid enough to say it. He was putting himself out there with every chance to get his heart shattered which was something he had never done. He couldn't help but take a deep breath.

He turned his body so he was facing her and he grabbed both of her hands in his. "I love you Kagome."

She knew it was coming yet it hadn't prevented her heat from fluttering. She felt her entire body heat up and she swallowed hard. In a romantic movie, the girl would return the feeling and they would kiss passionately. But this was no movie, and she couldn't do that. It wasn't like she didn't care, but those words could not be uttered by her for now.

Sesshomaru knew from the start she wouldn't say anything, but he hadn't realized it would make her feel uncomfortable. "I do not expect you to say anything, Kagome. I just believe it was time I properly expressed myself to you."

He raised his head and pressed a gentle kiss on her forehead like he often did when he was trying to reassure her and bring her comfort. "I will meet with Kai just as planned and I will listen to what she has to say." Even if it was just for her sake.

Kagome nodded. "Thank you."

A lot of things had happened during the day, making him feel overwhelmed. He had no desire for his worries to affect Kagome so he released her hands and stood up. He needed a bit of fresh air to calm down and empty his mind before Kai's arrival. "I will be back," he said offering her a bit of a smile.

Once again, she nodded as her hands fell upon her lap. She couldn't help but glance at Sesshomaru's back as he walked out. He was about to disappear from her view when she decided to say one more thing before he left.

"Don't go dying on me okay?"

He only half turned his head, just enough so she could see him nod. A warm feeling filled her heart as she let out a breath of relief. His declaration of love was still echoing in her mind and she had a feeling it would stay with her for a while. She allowed her hand to slide down the bed, only to end up feeling the dry blood under the fingers.

Immediately she looked down and sadness replaced the feeling of happiness she had been experiencing. If there was blood that meant there was a wound, or something of the kind. She was a Miko for crying out loud! Shouldn't she be able to fix him? That should be her job! Why was she so fucking useless?

She hit the bed with all of her strength in frustration.

If something was terribly wrong with Sesshomaru and Kai couldn't fix him what would happen?

In the past she had wanted nothing more than for him to die, but now… Could she even imagine her life without him? She didn't even know how that would make any sense! Sesshomaru had lived through five hundred years and now he would die? Her heart began to beat faster as her eyes remained locked on the blood stain on the bed.

_Don't die on me._

He promised he wouldn't. Sesshomaru would keep that promise wouldn't he? He always had.

Kagome closed her eyes, trying to empty her mind as best she could. However, she couldn't make it completely blank as one thought, one memory remained behind. All she could hear echoed through was Sesshomaru's voice and words.

 _I love you Kagome_.

Could she ever love him back?

-B-


	68. Stay With Me

Before the knock could be heard on the door, it was flung open to reveal Kai. Her blue hair was cascading down her shoulders and her red eyes were glowing. They were nicely accented by her bright pink eye shadow. A smile was upon her face as she tilted her head to the side examining Kagome from head to toe, almost expecting something to be wrong.

"You called?"

Kagome nodded as she moved out of the way. She had been waiting for Kai for hours, pacing in front of the door. As soon as she had sensed her coming she had rushed to the door. She observed carefully as Kai came in and took a seat in the nearest chair. Kagome closed the door behind her and joined her at the table. Technically Sesshomaru was supposed to be the one having this conversation but Kagome didn't trust him.

He didn't like Kai and he might leave key elements out.

"There is something wrong with Sesshomaru."

"I could have told you that."

Kagome bit her bottom lip holding back a small smirk. Sesshomaru did deserve that; especially with the way he had been treating Kai.

However, the matter at hand was a bit serious. "He's bleeding. Out of his ear."

Kagome watched as concern appeared on Kai's face. She frowned; her dazzling blue eyebrows knitting together. "Bleeding?"

Kai had no intention of allowing her doubts to show since she did not want to worry Kagome but the situation did sound fairly terrifying. Bleeding was never a good thing, especially in a youkai who was lacking his beast. "Is it because he tried to get his beast back?"

Kagome's lips parted while her bottom lip twitched. "No, he didn't. I mean, he didn't even  _try_."

She couldn't help but endure a small pain deep inside. Sesshomaru hadn't even told her there was a way for him to retrieve his beast! He hadn't even discussed the fact that Kai had mentioned it! It was important information to withhold from her. It was true that she was not his beast's biggest fan but it didn't mean she wished for Sesshomaru to die!

If she could only have Sesshomaru with his beast inside of him, she'd take that option any day over no Sesshomaru at all.

Of course thinking about such things only reminded her of the declaration of love she had obtained from Sesshomaru and it made her stomach flip and fill with butterflies. It had been hard to stand there without being able to return the affection and it was even harder to go on with the memory constantly fresh into her mind.

"He's dying."

The words hit her like a brick, especially with the lack of emotions in Kai's voice.

Kagome swallowed hard. "Do you often announce that kind of news, so you're used to it? Or is it just because you don't care or like him?" She was aware that she was coming off moderately rude but she didn't care.

Kai smiled slightly. She could understand Kagome's situation and pain but softening the news wouldn't make it any better. It wasn't that she had no sympathy but she refused to sugar coat the truth; it didn't do any good. All she could do was be as brutally honest as possible. The sooner they knew the truth, the easier it would be to attempt to save him.

If there was even a way to rescue him.

"I am just being honest. You would rather I didn't tell you?"

Kagome slowly nodded before pulling down on the sleeve of her shirt to allow herself to play with it. Nervousness quickly filled her and she tried to prevent her worry from reflecting in her eyes. Slowly the words were sinking in and Kagome did not like it. The thought that he might be dying had crossed her mind more than once, but she had constantly repeated to herself that it had to be something else… or that at least it could be fixed.

"Can we do something about it?"

"I'm not sure," replied Kai as she rose to her feet. "First things first, I need to talk to him."

Immediately Kagome jumped on her feet, ready to follow Kai, but was stopped when the blue haired youkai raised her hand. "You shouldn't come. I can't stop you, but it would be better if you weren't there."

"Why not?"

"Because he might not say certain things if you're there to protect your feelings."

She wanted nothing more than to argue, but she knew Kai was right. It would be just like Sesshomaru to do that and she needed him to say  _everything_  he had to say. She sighed heavily before allowing herself to fall back into her seat. The only option she had left was to wait. Her eyes traveled in direction of Kai, watching her as she disappeared from her view and into the bedroom where Sesshomaru was clearly  _hiding_. There was no way he hadn't heard her and Kai's discussion.

Meanwhile Kai peeked into the bedroom, searching for Sesshomaru. It was not too long until her eyes landed on him. He was standing in front of the crib glancing down at his son who was peacefully sleeping. Silently, Kai made her way to his side making sure not to disturb the moment yet. Kai knew he was aware of her presence but he chose to ignore her.

Once she arrived by his side she put her hands on the wood exactly where the dents were. From the corner of her eyes she peered at him, waiting for a reaction. Unfortunately for her, she obtained none. Instead Sesshomaru's eyes were locked on his son. Kai couldn't stop a smile from reaching her face while admiring his devotion. Though that did nothing to explain  _why_  he was allowing himself to die.

"He's very handsome."

Apparently he could no longer ignore her. He tilted his head to the side with an air of irritation to give himself a better view of her face. "May I help you?"

She scoffed at his  _very_  sarcastic tone. "Actually it appears that I should be asking that question."

It  _also_  appeared she had been talking to Kagome. He couldn't blame Kagome for worrying but he didn't want Kai prying into his life. Even though she was supposed to be there to help. "What more do you need from me? You already are aware that I am bleeding."

"You're dying. I told her."

Inwardly, Sesshomaru felt like cursing at her. Why in the world would she share such information with Kagome? Obviously her concern would do nothing but increase! "If you have a matter about myself to discuss, talk about it with  _me_."

"A little protective are we?"

"None of your business."

She raised an eyebrow, only slightly surprise. "Fine. Still, being angry won't make you better."

"There is a way to fix this?"

"I didn't say that."

Sesshomaru held back the urge to sigh; she truly enjoyed making this situation difficult and painful didn't she? "Then what are you saying?"

"I'm saying there _might_  be a way to fix you. Then again, you might die." She removed her hands from the crib prior to turning around slightly. "You didn't try to make peace with your beast or to bring him back?"

Honestly that was one thing he had wanted to try but he hadn't been able to. Everything in the past few days had occurred terribly fast and it hadn't left him any time. Granted that most of his time had been spent getting closer to Kagome than he had ever hoped. That hadn't been an opportunity he could have allowed himself to turn down.

Though that could turn out to have been a fatal mistake.

"Could I still attempt to bring my beast back?"

"As I told you the first time you came to me, I'm not even sure that would work. And now, I'm even less certain. I mean… you're bleeding. From the look in her eyes it's not just a little bit."

He sighed. "A few times each day. But I do not feel any different."

Kai was well aware of what response Sesshomaru was waiting to get out of her. Unfortunately she could not give him good news. "I'm sorry but none of your symptoms lead to a happy ending."

"Then the only advice you can give is that… I wait to die?"

This was the exact reason why he didn't think she was useful and why he hadn't wanted to call her. Did she believe that he was at ease with the idea of dying? That it was an enjoyable thought? He finally had Kagome near him and he was going to lose everything? Hadn't his beast cost him enough in life already?

For the first time, Kai felt a pinch of guilt in her heart. Sesshomaru was obviously the type to hide many emotions behind anger. Except when it came to Kagome of course. She had seen much in his mind; the past and the future to come. However the one thing she could not tell was if he would survive this. It was grayed out and impossible for her to read.

She truly wished she could provide good news but she had no intention of feeding him false hope. Kai had many answers to many problems but she could not give him anything. Never had she encountered such a dilemma before and so far she had tried to do her best.

"This is as useful as I can be for now. I'm trying to find out what could cause all of this, but I have not found the answer yet."

She was still trying to find a solution? He had to admit he was rather surprised; he didn't really expect her to give a damn. He truly believed she was doing it because she felt she had to.

"Please refrain from sharing any more bad news with Kagome."

"You want me to lie to her?"

Sesshomaru paused for a second while considering his words. "No. Simply do not talk about it."

"I saw quite a lot of your  _history_  together. I don't know how you two ended up where you are if I can be completely honest."

For the first time he glanced right into Kai's eyes. "I do not know either." But he was truly lucky to have her grace him with her presence. "But I do not ask questions. I am simply grateful."

Kai bit on her bottom lip. "I'll stick around. Who knows, maybe you'll have another bleeding episode and I'll be able to help more."

She was about to leave him alone when she decided to add one more thing. "Your son is special. Very special."

Sesshomaru observed her as she walked out remaining completely silent. She had not taught him anything new about his son. Since that one time where Kiyoshi had made him feel whole while being empty he had known. He still wasn't sure what it was that his son could do, but he would find out.

Of course that was  _if_  he was given the chance to be in his life.

-B-

"Kagome, would you stop pacing?"

She snapped her head in direction of Kouga, who was calmly sitting down at the table beside Kai. Kagome had been making the atmosphere awkward and thick for an hour now and he knew he had to stop her. That and she was about to burn a hole in the carpet if she didn't cease her speed walking. Unfortunately he didn't know what to say to her.

"I can't," she said as she resumed her walking.

Sesshomaru was currently driving her nuts and pacing back and forth was the only answer she had found. He was terribly calm and uncaring while his life might be hanging by a thread. It was true that he might turn out just fine, but she refused to only see the good side. Too many times had she been disappointed.

For the first time she had allowed herself to be completely close to him, to fall without caring… and this was happening? How bittersweet, just like usual.

"Why is he staying in that room? Why isn't he coming here?"

Kouga shrugged his shoulders. "Go see him. We both know you have no problem being in that room with him." The words had slipped him before he could attempt to stop them. He hadn't meant it  _that_  way, though it was true…

While the red blush decorated her cheeks, the redness of anger filled the rest of her face. "Maybe, but you don't have any problem walking in on people."

Kai couldn't help but raise an eyebrow with a smirk of entertainment playing upon her lips. She didn't know the story but she could guess it. "Kouga is right," she spoke, trying to loosen the atmosphere. "I think only you can talk to him. Plus he doesn't like me very much."

Kouga scoffed. "It's not you he doesn't like, it's wolves in general."

Kagome wanted to argue but the best argument she could come up with was that Sesshomaru simply didn't like anyone at all in general which wouldn't turn out to be much of an argument. All she could do was exhale deeply before heading towards the bedroom. Perhaps they were right; maybe she had to go see him. It was also true that she might have been avoiding him.

She didn't want to hear him say he was fine with dying. Not after what had happened and what he said. Perhaps they were right; the only answer was to confront him. She glued her lips together, peering at the room one last time before heading in direction of the bedroom. Determination filled her as she took a deep breath.

Sesshomaru was in the same position that Kai had left him in. He was glancing down at his son, never giving his attention to anything else. Kagome found herself becoming quiet, detecting that she was disturbing him. However it was too late since Sesshomaru had already sensed her come much before she had even set foot in the room.

"She already told me that I was dying."

Kagome closed her eyes, annoyed slightly by his lack of desire to communicate. Then again it was  _Sesshomaru_. "And it doesn't bother you? Your life doesn't mean anything?"

She already knew the answer to that and it made her question completely pointless. It was obvious that he valued his life. He had not been able to pull himself away from his son by fear that this would be the last time he would be with him.

"It does matter," he replied, giving her an answer nonetheless.

Kagome walked towards him, closing the distance between them. She stopped once she reached his side, their closeness causing their shoulders to touch. "How can you be so calm?"

"Perhaps it is better this way."

Her eyes widened a little. "You think it's better for you to die then to live? Do you really wish to keep your beast out that badly?"

Honesty was the way to proceed. "Yes."

Kagome experienced a rage stirring inside of her while she tried to keep it buried deep within. He could make her control snap so easily! It wasn't like the past months had been easy yet she was ready to get hurt by putting herself in situations that would probably damage her. Why was he ready to give up on himself so easily?

"Then I guess I was wrong."

The disappointment laced with her tone was hard to miss. "You despised my beast for very good reasons and I do not believe you'd enjoy having him back."

He turned his body slightly while tearing his eyes away from his son to peer at her. "Would you really have done everything that has happened in the past few days if my beast was still within me?"

Her lips parted and she opened her mouth, ready to give him a reply when she suddenly realized she had nothing to say. She found herself withholding her response because she was afraid of what it would be. It was completely understandable that she wanted nothing to do with his beast. Not after what it had done to her.

 _But_ , she had agreed to follow this path with him when his beast had still been present. She had been willing to give this relationship a try  _even_  if it meant Sesshomaru came with his beast. After all, they had both been aware of that fact that he could not be half of himself for the rest of his life. It would kill him. Just like it currently was.

When she remained silent, he assumed he was right. He took a step forward before putting his hands on her shoulders and holding on to her tightly. "You would have kept your distance and we both know it. I can't do this to you anymore. If my beast comes back, will you truly be okay with it roaming free? I do not know how much control I can have over it."

It was a terrifying thought that could not be ignored anymore. "Could you stand having it do  _that_  to you all over again? I cannot promise it changed. I cannot promise that  _something_  will bring it back either."

Kagome felt like her heart was caught in her throat. She had planned to be mad at him, but he was making it difficult. She was almost ready to let his words sink in when a thought crossed her mind.

"You're not all that selfless." Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow at her in confusion. Kagome shook her head a little before explaining further. "I know you're different. You're a good person now, but nobody is completely selfless. You might be thinking about me when you make this decision, but you're also thinking about yourself."

She didn't blame him for considering his own sentiments, which was a completely natural thing to do, but she wished he could admit to it. "You don't like your beast.  _You_  don't want him back."

Granted she had been truly afflicted by the beast, but she was not the only one. Sesshomaru's suffering at the hands of his beast was not the same as hers which made it difficult to compare the situations, but she knew it hadn't been easy for him either. His beast had locked him within himself, had ruined and dictated his life and ignored his feelings. On top of that, his beast brought him a tremendous amount of guilt and was obviously getting in the way at the moment.

Why would he want it back?

"You might be doing his for plenty of reasons, but that's one of them." His eyes were locked with hers, making her afraid to look away. "There are also reasons to stay alive."

Sesshomaru loosened his hold on her shoulders a little, slipping his hands down to her arms. "You would be fine with it coming back? You would not be afraid? You would remain by my side?"

She wanted nothing more than to answer him, but she found herself speechless. The truth was that she  _would_  stay, but if his beast became out of control and attempted to bring the same kind of horror upon her again she would have to leave. Yet, the thought of losing him was bringing a strange feeling within; emptiness. He had been in her life for a long time now, good times and bad times.

But if his beast didn't come back she might very well lose him nonetheless. It was a lose-lose situation and the only one that had some bit of hope was to hope his beast would return.

"I would stay if possible."

It wasn't hard for Sesshomaru to guess what that meant and he nodded. It was his own life, his own decision but if him living meant that much to her that she was willing to take a chance on his beast, then perhaps he had to take that chance too. His beast being gone made him feel empty, but with it he felt nothing but guilt as he carried around a monster.

He was well aware that she was telling the truth and he could do nothing but follow her wishes. If this was what she desired, if she wanted him to be alive even with his beast then he would try. His life was not entirely devoted to her, he mattered to, but he had much to be forgiven for. He wasn't one to rely on hope but she seemed to have a lot of it. Her pureness was literally blinding.

"Then I will try. I cannot promise anything. Kai does not believe it will work either."

Kagome shrugged her shoulders. "Then we'll deal with it if it comes to that."

Without a second thought she brought her hand to his cheek, caressing it softly. Then she lifted herself onto her tippy toes to make herself taller. Gently, she pressed her lips against his trying to bring him some sort of comfort. Her heart was beating faster then it should because of her nervousness, but she ignored it.

Lately her heart had been pounding when she was around him. She was used to it.

It was also one of the reasons why she couldn't let him die. He was more than just Sesshomaru, he was more than just the one who had damaged her, he was more than just the one who showed her a new world. He was… _him_. It didn't even make much sense to her, but she could not explain it. He just  _had_  to be there.

Sesshomaru wrapped his arms around her, bringing her body close to his. He just needed to feel her warmth. This tiny human had turned his life upside down more than once, yet he did not mind. She made him into a new person and perhaps one day he could have  _faith_  in something.

-B-

"It's been a while."

"Maybe they are doing it."

As soon as Kagome glared his way, Kouga could feel his skin tingling with pain. Immediately he backed away. "I was joking!"

As if Sesshomaru would ever be with anyone, especially a  _wolf_. Clearly Kagome was uptight today. Perhaps he should refrain from trying to lighten up the mood again. "I'm sure it's fine. The fact that it's taking a while means that they are trying different things, or that it's working."

Kagome settled down in her seat before nodding at Kouga. "I guess you're right." Though two hours was still a long period of time. As a matter of fact, she was shocked that Sesshomaru had stayed in a room with Kai for that long without running out of hotel.

She took a deep breath trying to relax. Meanwhile, Kiyoshi was peacefully asleep in her arms, oblivious to everything happening around him. Kagome was unconsciously running her fingers through his small, fine black locks acting like it brought her peace of mind. All she could do was hope that Sesshomaru was doing what he could and not worrying about what consequences might come.

"You're terrified aren't you?"

Kagome raised her head, giving Kouga her attention. "I don't want him to die."

He shook his head. "No it's more than that. You're scared you're going to lose him."

"Isn't that the same thing?"

"No. Scared of him dying and scared of him being alive but controlled by his beast, thus losing him, is different."

Kagome cursed Kouga in her mind but couldn't deny that he was right. It was worse to know he was alive but she  _had_  to stay away from him, then him being dead. But her desire to see him alive was stronger than anything else. They had grown closer and it was inevitable; they were together 24/7. Not only that but they had gone through more together than most people would in a lifetime.

Her heart was clenched as she nodded. "You know when you're with someone for so long that…"

"You forget how to be without them," completed Kouga, somewhat nostalgic.

All she could was smile sadly.

Suddenly, the door of the bedroom flung opened to reveal Kai. "I need your son."

Kagome frowned immediately before protectively bringing her son closer to her chest. "Why?"

Kagome was a little displeased with her tone and she glared at Kai. "No."

Kai rolled her eyes; why did she have to be as difficult as Sesshomaru? She wasn't going to harm Kiyoshi. She was doing this to help Sesshomaru!

Kouga could sense the situation tensing up and decided he should interrupt it. "Kag, it'll be fine."

"If my son goes, I go as well."

Kai shifted her eyes from left to right, pondering the issue. Frankly it didn't really bother her to have Kagome present, but she didn't know how comfortable Sesshomaru would be with it. However, she was not here to get into a conflict or anything else. If Kagome wanted to come and Sesshomaru didn't want her there it was  _his_  problem to tell her no.

"Fine."

Kagome felt lighter as she followed Kai back into the room, leaving Kouga alone in the kitchen. He was unsure of what was going to occur but he had a feeling that he did not want to be in that room. All he could do was wait in the kitchen for the fireworks to begin.

Meanwhile, Kagome entered the room with Kai in front of her. The wolf youkai was shielding her from the view that was sure to horrify her. Once Kai moved out of the way, Kagome was able to see Sesshomaru sitting on the bed in bad shape. The blood trails leaking from his ears weren't as difficult to take in as the blood that was also spilling from his nose was.

Without thinking, she rushed to his side and dropped to her knees on the ground, Kiyoshi safely resting in her arms. Panic was obvious in her eyes as she scanned his face, trying to confirm that he was fine.

To settle her panic, Sesshomaru put a hand down on her shoulder. He meant for his grip to be firm, but he was exhausted. Kai had attempted to raise his beast from within, but all it had done was completely drain him of his energy. The more she tried, the weaker it became. It was as if it was tapping straight into his life energy.

"I'm fine."

Kagome pressed her lips together, intending on trying to prevent the tears from falling. "Don't lie."

He opened his mouth, ready to speak again, when blood spilled out quickly while a drop landed right on her cheek. She felt the warm red liquid slide down her cheek but did nothing to stop it from falling. Her heart was pounding in her chest while her eyes remained locked with his. He could not speak to her and she could not speak to him.

"Why do you need Kiyoshi?"

"To try and heal him before he loses all of his blood."

Kagome quickly became perplexed. "Kiyoshi? He can't... heal."

"He will be able to. I was hoping he could now."

Kagome turned her head and peered at Kai. "What do you mean he'll be able to?"

Kai shrugged her shoulders. "Let's just say I can make some predictions."

It wasn't the most surprising thing considering Kagome was Miko, but to be honest she didn't expect her son to pick up that trait from her. From his appearance she assumed that he would carry more youkai traits..  _Wait._  She was a miko!

"Why can't I heal him? Why Kiyoshi?"

This was the exact question Kai had hoped Kagome would not ask. She would have to be totally honest and considering the situation she didn't know how well the Miko would take it. "I don't think you're strong enough to do it."

"But my son who is only a few months old can?"

"His power is not being sealed away."

This time, Sesshomaru became just as intrigued as Kagome. "What do you mean?"

"I'm not sure exactly, but I can't feel all of her power. Something is holding it back." She noticed that Kagome was getting ready to ask another question, causing Kai to hurry and add some more. "But, I don't know anymore than that. And I'd prefer to focus on the dying youkai."

Slightly shocked, Kagome nodded in agreement. She didn't know how Kiyoshi could help Sesshomaru since he didn't have much control over his powers. Nonetheless, if it could help Sesshomaru, she had to try. "What do we do?"

Kai took a step in their direction and pointed at Kiyoshi. "Sesshomaru, hold him."

Despite feeling extraordinarily weak, Sesshomaru stretched out his arms while Kagome helped him hold his son. She positioned him properly before letting go. Her eyes were saddened as she watched the scene displayed in front of her. As the days had gone by, she had noticed Sesshomaru breaking down in front of her very eyes. He had changed, he could feel, but he was still supposed to be strong.

But he could no longer hold the façade.

Her bottom lip was trembling while she waited just as patiently as Sesshomaru was. She could discern Kai's presence right behind her, but attempted to block it out. The seconds ticked away, but nothing changed. Kagome slowly began cracking her toes against the floor, her impatience growing. Her annoyance wasn't directed towards Kiyoshi, but in direction of Kai.

Did she know what she was doing?

Kagome was well aware that she was the one who had convinced Sesshomaru to call her but now that the situation was even more stressful her mind was all over the place. Kai was helping, but Kagome was so terrified that her mind was only focused on Sesshomaru's health improving.

Sesshomaru had blocked the presence of both Kagome and Kai, trying to focus solely on Kiyoshi. He had experienced the feeling Kai was referring to before. When his pain had almost been too much to bear, only his son had been able to chase it away. He still didn't understand how, but he was grateful. Unfortunately the only person who could control it was Kiyoshi.

Kagome raised her hand and put it down on Sesshomaru's leg trying to comfort him. It was then that he was surrounded by a soft, barely visible, white glow. Sesshomaru found himself unable to breathe yet no panic overcame him. Instead he experienced a feeling of complete calmness.

All Kagome could do was pull her hand away; she too was afraid to break the  _spell_. She rose to her feet and backed away from the father and son slightly. "Is it working?" inquired Kagome while she leaned towards Kai.

"I'm not sure."

Since Sesshomaru's face, neck and chin were already stained with blood, it was hard to tell if it had stopped. Kai was extremely concerned, especially since she felt guilty. Yes, Sesshomaru had contacted her to help him, but nothing she had done had helped. It had only seemed to make it worse. When all the blood had begun pouring, she worried.

If only they could get that under control.

There was also the painfully obvious truth that Kai did not want to mention out loud. It was impossible that both Kagome and Sesshomaru did not know it; they were simply ignoring it. Sesshomaru was dying. If she couldn't help him then the only person who could save Sesshomaru was himself. He had to find a way to bring his beast back. If he couldn't, then he would die.

As quickly as the glow had begun, it faded away.

When the glow disappeared completely Kagome rushed to Sesshomaru's side and examined his ear. From the look of it, some blood was still spilling which caused her to frown. Why hadn't it stopped?

"Maybe there was nothing for your son to heal."

"What do you mean?"

"If a missing part of himself is causing that, nobody can heal it."

Kai was politely saying there was nothing anyone could do.

"I wish I could help, but everything I did made it worse."

Kagome shook her head. "It wasn't your fault. He was bleeding before; you were trying to fix it."

She was about to add more when suddenly she felt something becoming limp in her hold, while Kiyoshi's screams echoed through the room. Kagome barely had the chance to turn her head, only to see Sesshomaru falling into a state of unconsciousness upon her. His face was buried in her stomach while he was barely holding himself in a sitting position.

His arms had grown limp around his son, causing Kiyoshi to almost fall upon the ground. It was Kai's fast speed that came to the rescue as she grabbed him at the last second. Tears were burning Kagome's eyes while everything occurred too fast for her to see. Her heart was pumping rapidly and her mouth was dry as the panic took over.

As the seconds ticked away, the scene in front of her became clearer. When she finally saw Kai holding Kiyoshi, her heartbeat slowed down. She stretched out her arms and took him from Kai while the tears came sliding down her cheeks as relief washed over her.

Unfortunately, Kagome was quickly reminded of an unconscious Sesshomaru. Despite the screams coming from her son, Kagome glanced down. He was smearing her shirt with sweat and blood but it was the least of her worries. Holding Kiyoshi with one hand, she used the other to lay Sesshomaru down on the bed. Once she was certain he wouldn't fall off the bed, she rushed in direction of the crib.

Her heart squeezed at the thought of putting her crying, terrified son in his crib but Sesshomaru needed immediate attention. Once she put a gentle kiss on her son's forehead, she put him comfortably in his bed.

Kai was watching the scene unfold, frozen in place. She'd dealt with problems before but she did not deal with emergencies and she didn't react well in presence of death… or upcoming death. After taking a deep breath she decided that the best thing to do was to retrieve Kouga. He would probably be of more help than she could. Especially since he knew Kagome: he might be able to calm her down.

Kagome's mind was so preoccupied that she did not even notice Kai leaving. Her focus was set on Sesshomaru. She ran to his side and using all of her strength, she lifted him so that his entire body was on the bed. She pressed the back of her hand to his forehead so she could check his temperature. Just like she had expected, he was burning up. All those symptoms thrown together could not be good.

Her body was trembling with fear and she felt like it was going to give up on her any minute.. All she could hear echoing in her mind were the screams of her son and the only scenery she could offer her eyes was a dying Sesshomaru. Her legs quickly gave up and she had no choice but to sit on the bed by his side.

Kami, she was so hopeless.

Apparently she could not heal him and she couldn't save him. Then, what in the world was she supposed to do? Watch him die? She refused to remain by his side while his life was being extinguished.

She wanted to blame it all on his beast, but she couldn't. Putting the blame on someone wouldn't make it better.

The tears kept spilling out of her eyes as she threw herself at him while laying her head against his chest. She closed her eyes tightly as she carefully listened to his heartbeat. As long as his heart was beating, he was still with her wasn't he?

Slowly, she reached out for his hand and though he was unconscious, she tangled her fingers with his, holding on as tightly as she could.

One tear dropped on his chest.

 _Stay with me_.

-B-


	69. The Final Choice

Kai sighed heavily and pressed her head against the doorway while crossing her arms in front of her chest. Three hours had gone by and they had barely been able to do anything. Sesshomaru was bleeding as much as he had been three hours ago and he was still unconscious. Kiyoshi's screams had not stopped and that only added more to the dreadful feeling hanging in the room.

"She still in there?" inquired Kouga as he peered over Kai's shoulder.

She nodded. "She hasn't left his side. She won't."

Tears were still pouring out of Kagome's eyes and perhaps that was the worst sight of them all. Kai wished she could fix Sesshomaru for her but she couldn't.

"There's nothing to do?"

Kouga was growing fidgety while he had been forced to sit and watch as two people he knew and cared for, even Sesshomaru, were being torn piece by piece. He knew this wasn't something he could fix but deep within all he wanted was to take it all away so Kagome would no longer suffer the way she was. He felt useless by standing there looking at them.

"Not that I know of. I mean, we can't just reach out into him and pull his beast out."

"But, is there a way he can do that?"

"I don't think so. And there is no way he can do it while unconscious."

Kouga was more than certain that Sesshomaru had his share of problems with his beast but what could have caused it to  _run away, leaving Sesshomaru to die and Kagome to be heartbroken? It just didn't make sense. He did admit though, didn't have much knowledge about beasts, he just knew his own. Yes sometimes it was kind of wild but it was always under control._

Sesshomaru's on the other hand… he had been ruling his life.

"What if we have been looking at this all wrong?"

Kai turned around slightly with an eyebrow raised. "What do you mean?"

Kouga sighed as he tried to come up with the right way to explain it. "What if Sesshomaru's beast was never  _okay to begin with? I mean sure, my beast rumbles in his cage once in a while but never like this. What if something was wrong which was what made his beast obtain so much control over Sesshomaru? What if none of what happened was _normal?"__

Kai's lips parted as she processed his words. "I guess that… could make sense."

She had seen beast scenarios from both sides: docile and wild. However, she couldn't deny that Kouga might have a point. The way Sesshomaru's beast overtook his life to the point where he had to lock it away or Sesshomaru himself would completely disappear… it was more than a disagreement between master and beast that was causing friction. Something else might just be involved.

"There would be no way to find out. It's not like it's a disease we can test for."

Kouga shook his head. "No, but maybe we could find it. I mean you have a lot of stuff about this don't you? Books and what not?"

"We could go skim through them, I suppose. It might help."

"No. You should go get them and bring them back. It's not a good idea for them to be by themselves in case something happens."

"You're right. I'll hurry."

Kouga didn't even turn as Kai zoomed by him and focused his attention on Kagome and Sesshoumaru completely. He knew it was practically insane to even consider his answer to this problem but it was all he had. If there was even a remote chance they could save Sesshomaru, they had to try. It beat standing there doing nothing.

He was extremely tempted to go inside the room and comfort Kagome but she didn't appear to be in her right state of mind. Not that he was calling her crazy, but she did seem quite fragile. He wouldn't pull her away from Sesshomaru's side, so he would keep his distance. If only he could do something to cease Kiyoshi's screams… but the little boy would probably just try to purify him if he attempted to do anything.

All he could do was wait for Kai.

In the other room, Kagome tightened her hold on Sesshomaru's hand. She decided to ignore the fact that despite his burning fever, his hand felt icy. But he was not dead! His heart was still beating and he was still breathing. There was no reason to be concerned. At least, it was what she kept telling herself for the last two hours.

Kagome used her free hand to grab the damp towel on the bedside table and gently pressed it against Sesshomaru's scorching, bloody forehead. She wiped as much sweat as she could while trying to cool him down in the process.. She then proceeded to brush away his wet bangs before pulling them back.

Sesshomaru had looked very vulnerable in front of her more than once before. She had witnessed him drop to his knees, apologizing. She had also seen him beg for forgiveness and grovel for a chance. All attitudes you would never expect from him. However this was completely different. He had no control of his vulnerability; it wasn't his choice.

Then came the dreadful question; what if he never came out of it? What if all that awaited him after this coma was death?

More tears rushed to her eyes and she could barely hold them back. Their relationship was not a fairytale and could very well be heading for a crash but he  _needed to stay alive. She _wanted him alive. Despite all that happened, despite even what his beast did to her, she needed him to live; even if it meant bringing his beast back.__

She had never been so terrified in her whole life.

Though she prayed for him to get his beast back, both of the endings to this situation left her scared. If he died, it would break her but if his beast came back it would not make her feel all that great either. Was she only saying she wanted his beast back because it was the right thing to feel? In the past, no matter what, she had stuck by the right thing to do.

Back when she had saved Kikyo and had been thanked for it, she had explained it wasn't a choice to save her. She  _had to save her. Was the same thing repeating itself? No matter how much pain this would bring her she _had to save him?__

Kagome quickly shook her head, chasing the thought away. She wanted Sesshomaru to be saved; he didn't  _have to be saved._

The problem was it didn't matter how much she dwelled upon how she felt about the situation. She still didn't know how to fix him.. She had been completely useless, holding his hand the entire time and shutting off the world that surrounded them. Somehow, it had left her feeling completely drained. Though she was not tired; it was as if her soul was running out of energy.

She did her best to take a deep breath, trying to calm herself. Her own face was on fire because of the tears and the stress, but she didn't care. Sometimes Kiyoshi's screams would reach her and she would feel guilty. He was her son, she was supposed to take care of him and make sure he was not crying. However, she couldn't take care of them both.

Kagome loved her son, but unlike Sesshomaru he was not dying. She knew Kiyoshi was fine just upset. She however, had to try and find a solution to this problem. And it made her feel like a terrible mother.

She grasped Sesshomaru's fingers while a sad smile crossed her face. "You know, you're supposed to be tougher than this."

Kagome was well aware that Sesshomaru probably could not hear her. However, she had heard that talking to people in a coma could help. For the moment it was the only thing she could try. It beat doing nothing.

"I thought nothing could bring you down. Youkais are so much stronger than humans."

If he had been awake, he would have smiled at her words. Unfortunately, he was still unconscious and his face reflected nothing but a stoic mask and a faint cringe.

Her bottom lip was trembling as she pulled herself together enough to speak some more. "I guess we can't run away from the problem."

She had pretended his beast wasn't there for a long time, shutting that thought away. Sesshomaru had dealt with it by locking it away hoping to keep it away forever. Neither of their solutions had worked and now the problem was bigger than ever.

Also, there was one fact that could not be ignored.

If Sesshomaru retrieved his beast, could he really lock it away again? Who knew what the reason was for his beast's disappearance… if they managed to save him they couldn't take foolish risks.

That could mean that she would have to accept his beast's freedom. That also meant that she would have to make definite decisions. Be with Sesshomaru along with his beast coming free when it wished, or leaving. Having to make that decision left her sick to her stomach and she could feel her guts twisting. From the beginning she had been so torn…

She had never known what the right choice was and she still didn't know it. It seemed insane to be with him after what occurred yet it felt right. The real Sesshomaru could just be right for her… but it came with the burden they had somewhat created together. That much she could bear… maybe. But more? His beast?

Kagome was not perfect, nobody was. She had and would make mistakes just like the rest of the world.

If Sesshomaru was saved and she had to make a decision… Hopefully it wouldn't be the wrong one. She was already carrying enough pain around.

-B-

Kai tilted her head left and then right, trying to relieve her sore neck. For two hours they had sat at the kitchen table reading through every book she owned but they found nothing. Of course, they had not given up yet, especially not Kouga, and they were still reading. She still thought Kouga might be right, but they couldn't find anything to back it up.

It wasn't as if there were millions of people searching and trying to find everything there was to know about beasts. Youkais weren't a majority anymore and most of their kind spent their time blending in with the rest of the world, forgetting themselves in the process. It was just the way it was nowadays.

"Kouga?"

Both Kai and Kouga jolted their heads in direction of the door at the sound of Kagome's voice. Kouga scramble to his feet as fast as he could and rushed to Kagome's side.

"Is something wrong?"

She shook her head, her bloodshot eyes saddened. "There are no more towels and this one is soaked in blood. I was just wondering if you could get some more?"

Kouga nodded and he took the towel from her hand. It was the first time she spoke since Sesshomaru had fallen unconscious and he didn't want to let this moment slip away. Kagome was trapping herself within her own mind, secluding the rest of the world. She was a dear friend and he refused to let her suffer in silence. Problem was she was making it rather difficult to help.

As soon as Kagome realized the missing weight in her hand, she understood Kouga had taken it from her. Slowly she turned around, ready to head back into the room. She had only gotten up because it was necessary. She didn't want to be rubbing more blood on his forehead.

Kouga watched her walk away and knew he had to follow her. "Kai, get towels from my room. It's right next door and Ginta will let you in."

Kai nodded before putting the book down and heading for the door. Kouga dropped the bloody cloth to the floor and followed Kagome. He knew she could hear his footsteps yet she made no attempt to turn around and look at him. Gently, he grabbed her arm and stopped her in her tracks.

A sigh rolled off her lips as they made eye contact.

"Are you okay?" he asked with concern.

Kagome wanted to remain whole and strong, but the way Kouga was looking at her made her want to shatter into a million pieces. "I'm a terrible person."

Kouga raised an eyebrow; clearly she was not thinking straight because that would never be a sentence used to describe her. Quickly he pulled her closer before wrapping his arms around her; she looked like she could use a hug. He felt her tremble in his hold, which caused him to rub her back softly trying to soothe her.

"You're not a terrible person."

Kagome nodded in his chest. "I  _want him to get better," she said, as she pulled her face away. "I really do. Even if it means his beast will come back."_

"Then why are you terrible person?"

She forced her teeth into her bottom lip almost drawing blood as she bore her eyes into his. There was a sentence burning her lips, yet she refused to speak it. Maybe if she said it out loud, it would make her feel even worse about herself. Yet, the way Kouga stood there, waiting for her to speak…

"I don't want it to come back."

It was a very conflicting emotion. She wanted Sesshomaru to live at any cost, yet when she thought of his beast coming back, she felt uneasy. It was true that she would rather have the beast come back than Sesshoumaru's death. She just didn't want it to come back. Even in her own mind it made no sense. All it did was leave her confused and hurt.

She sniffled a little and finally glanced away.

Kouga wanted to shake his head at how silly she was being. Kagome almost always put herself last and everyone else first. For once in her life she was doing the opposite and she felt terrible about it. He knew just as well as she did that she didn't want Sesshomaru to die. She simply didn't want the being who had made her life a living hell and who had broken her into pieces to return.

How did that make her a terrible person?

He gently grabbed her chin and tilted her head so that she was looking at him. "Kagome,  _it hurt you. It's perfectly normal to not want it back. You're not wishing for Sesshomaru to die, you just don't want his beast to be around you."_

"But I want to be around Sesshomaru."

He loved Kagome to death and the last thing he wanted was for her to be in pain. Unfortunately he would have to cause her some by being honest. There was no other way around it.

"Kagome, you'll have to make a choice. Either you stay and his beast is there or you leave and he's out of your life for good. If his beast is around, you'll have to stay away."

She didn't like the words Kouga was speaking, but she knew he was telling the truth. Kagome had done her best to avoid making her decision because it was so conflicting. But if they manage to save him, she would have no time to make a decision.

"I don't know."

Tears cascaded down her face as she grabbed Kouga's shirt even tighter. She was seeking strength but could find none. Nobody could carry this burden for her and nobody could make a decision for her. Loved ones and friends surrounded her yet she had never felt this alone in a long time. Her bottom lip quivered as she released Kouga from her hold while backing away from him.

It was at that moment that Kai returned. Kouga turned his head to see her, before walking in her direction and grabbing the towels from her. "Thank you," he said before heading for Kagome.

Kagome took them from him, her attention suddenly refocusing on Sesshomaru. "Do you know how long we have?" she questioned Kai.

Kai shook her head, despite the fact that Kagome couldn't see. "We're trying to fix this… but no I don't know. Not very long though."

She didn't want to crush Kagome's hopes, but she had to give her the truth. If Kagome had something she wanted to do or say before it was too late, it was only fair to give her a warning and some time to do it.

Kagome nodded, her heart weighting even heavier then before. "Thank you," she said to the both of them before sitting back down by Sesshomaru's side.

As both Kouga and Kai still stood there, she began cooling off Sesshomaru's forehead again with the towel. Kai and Kouga were feeling awkward and didn't want to intrude so they returned to the kitchen to continue their research.

Kagome's tears were falling upon Sesshomaru's shirt as she pulled the towel away. "I feel so selfish and useless."

This time the words she was speaking were not for his own good, but for hers. She needed to get them off her chest even if he couldn't hear them. "I'm selfish because I feel like I can't get over  _it. I don't want to see it."_

She turned her head slightly, peering outside of the window instead of at Sesshomaru's face. "I'm useless because I'm a Miko who can't heal you. I'm supposed to help people, protect them, and make them better… aren't I?"

But she had never been able to do that because her powers had always been completely useless. She couldn't control them, or perhaps she wasn't strong enough to begin with.

"Why can't I fix you?"

Despite her conflicting emotions, it was all she wished for. She wanted to heal him and take his pain away. She squeezed his hand even harder, feeling as though her heart was about to explode in her chest. "I just need you to wake up. You can't just die like this, we need more time."

How were a few hours enough to figure out what was wrong with him?

As she closed her eyes shut, tears spilling out she felt her hand move. It took a few seconds for her to realize that the movement didn't come from her own hand, but rather his. In a flash her eyes were opened as she glanced down at their joined hands. Could it be that her words had reached him? A jolt of hope ran through her heart as she waited for him to do it again.

She held her breath while she looked down impatiently. Then it happened, his hand jerked in a spasm. Unfortunately as she observed it carefully, she noticed it was his entire arm doing that. That meant he wasn't waking up… something was wrong with him.

Her heart began to pound as she rose to her feet and pulled her hand away from his. As time ticked away it became worse. It appeared as if his entire body was convulsing. Her lips parted, panic froze her in place and her breathing accelerated. Why was it happening? He was in coma; he was supposed to be still.

Could it be?

"KOUGA!"

It took less than a second for the wolf youkai to rush inside the room, followed closely by Kai. They were both panicked when they glanced into the room and immediately noticed the way he was having somewhat of a seizure.

"What is going on with him?" asked Kagome while she glared at Kai for an answer.

Kai was trembling herself as she rushed by Sesshomaru's bedside. She had a small idea of what was going on, but she didn't want to share it with Kagome. The news would clearly devastate her, but she couldn't really keep it from her could she?

"I think he's dying."

"Hasn't he been dying for a while?" Kagome knew her question was stupid, but she didn't want Kai to be saying what she thought she was saying.

"He's dying  _right now."_

Kai sat on the bed before grabbing Sesshomaru's wrist, which was proving to be a very difficult task since he was jerking his arm around constantly. She finally managed to grasp it properly and pressed her fingers against his wrists trying to feel his heartbeat. It didn't take too long for her to notice it was beating fast – too fast.

"His heart is going to give out."

She was well aware that he was a youkai and his heart could withstand a faster heartbeat, but this was too much for anyone. Was there a way she could slow it down? It wasn't as if she was a doctor… and even if they could find one… there was no telling if they would make it back in time!

Kagome shook her head. "No."

Without thinking she ran for the bed, almost throwing herself at Sesshomaru. She grabbed both of his shoulders with her hands and held on tightly. "Sesshomaru, listen to me. You have to wake up! You can do this; if you can wake up… you'll have better control over yourself."

As everyone expected, her words did nothing to bring him out of his unconscious state.

"Sesshomaru,  _please."_

She tried to shake him even though it wouldn't do anything. It was at that moment that Sesshomaru's convulsions increased. During his harsh movements, he began lifting his arms around and the little strength Kagome had did nothing to keep them down. In a flash his loose fist made contact with her face spreading pain throughout Kagome's body.

Before anyone, including Kagome, could realize what was happening she hit the wall full force. Bits of the wall tore off and dropped to the ground before her body did the same. All she could do was keep her eyes closed while she winced in pain. Her vision was blurry and it was difficult to figure out where exactly the pain was coming from.

"Kagome? Kagome? Are you okay?"

She raised her head and opened her eyes only to see Kouga looking down at her with concern in his eyes. He immediately wrapped his arms around her waist and helped her up to her feet. He made sure she rested her weight on him.

"Are you okay?"

Kagome lifted an arm to hold her head and cringed. "My head hurts."

Then suddenly it rushed back to her and she focused her attention on Sesshomaru, almost pulling herself away from Kouga's hold. "Sesshomaru!"

Kouga resisted the urge to roll his eyes in annoyance. "Kagome, stay away. I know he didn't mean to hurt you, but he might do it again."

Stay away?

He was dying; she couldn't simply remain away from him. "I'm sorry, I can't do that," she said as she tried to jerk herself away. "I have to stay by his side."

Kouga could have held her back, but he couldn't force her so he loosened his arms and allowed her to slip away. He had been absolutely terrified when she had been thrown against the wall, but this time he'd be prepared. His reflexes would be on edge and he would catch her next time. He knew what to expect.

Kagome, despite Sesshomaru still seizing, put her hands on his chest and pressed down as hard as she could.

"What are you doing?"

Kagome shrugged her shoulders slightly. "I don't know. Maybe I can fix his heart."

Of course to be able to do that she would need to have  _power. Still, her stubbornness remained and she kept trying to push her hands against his chest. When she had healed Kikyo it had _just happened.__

"Please, Sesshomaru!" she begged.

Repetitively she pushed her palms, over and over.

_He nuzzled his face in the crook of her neck near the mating mark while she kept pushing. It might have no effect, but she had to try._

_Sesshomaru wrapped both of his arms around now, since she had freed his hand and held her closer._

_" _Just a few more pushes_ _."__

_Kagome was digging her fingers into his arms, feeling the sweat drip down the side of her face, as she tried to bring her son into the world. She allowed Izumi's words to echo through her mind, as exhaustion took over her body. She could do it. It was just a few more. The pain didn't lessen because of Sesshomaru's actions, but she felt warmth fill her as it became more tolerable_

_He could feel her small body trembling in his hold and it made him remember how fragile she felt. He had forgotten. Her body felt so small and she reminded him of a porcelain doll._

_"That's it Kagome, one more."_

_"I care for you Kagome."_

_The words didn't come as any surprise since she had heard him say it before. Yet, to hear him say it directly to her… it made her heart skip a beat._

_A deep sigh rolled off his lips. "I am aware of what happened in the past." Though, he hadn't truly been the one to harm her he still took full responsibility._

_"Kagome? Do you regret giving me a chance?"_

_When he was angry in the past, he sought retribution; he usually kept going until he obtained it. He could not let go, but she could._

_He wanted their son to be like her._

_But he wanted to be in his life regardless if things worked out with Kagome or not._

_Though first he had two little words he had to say. "Forgive me."_

_For everything._

_"Come on, stop acting silly. My mother will be bringing the kids back soon and I want to spend some more time with you."_

_There was no way he had heard her right._

_"Kid_ s _? With an s?"_

_Kagome had thought he was playing around at first, but the more time passed the more worried she became._

_"Yes, kids. Our daughter, our son. Remember?"_

Kagome's lips were parted and she breathed heavily. Sesshomaru's own memories were rushing into her mind bringing with it a new pain. She swallowed hard when all of the sudden she felt a rush of power come through her and travel to her fingers. Before she knew it, a glow spread from her fingers and shone brightly for a few seconds.

Then as quickly as it appeared, it disappeared.

It took her a few seconds to catch her breath and she tilted her head back. She was too wrapped up in recovering that she failed to notice that Sesshomaru had stopped moving. Time ticked away and it was then that she realized he was no longer hitting her. Quickly she turned her head to look at both Kai and Kouga.

"Did I do it?"

She moved out of the way so Kai could come closer. She bit on her lip hard while waiting for an answer. Last time something like this had happened she had fixed Kikyo. There was a high possibility she had helped Sesshomaru right? Clearly she did not fix his beast problem but if she could have at least done something for his heart…

This time around Kai pressed her fingers against Sesshomaru's neck. She waited with a frown on her face the entire time.

It was too slow. His heart had gone from beating too fast to beating too slow. Neither were very good options for him. All Kai could do was shake her head. "His heartbeat has slowed down. But now it's dangerously slow."

She had only made him worse. Kagome felt her heart clenching but she managed to nod. Even when she tried her best it wasn't enough.

All she could do was peer down at the floor while it felt like a hand was wrapping around her heart and squeezing it as hard as possible. She took a deep breath before slowly turning around and walking away both from Sesshomaru and everyone else. There had to be something she could do, a way to save him.

"Kag-"

Before Kouga could finish his sentence, Kai grabbed his arm. "Let her go."

If Kagome was walking away after all of this it meant she needed some time alone.. This was hard enough on her without them interfering. Kai also noticed something else.

"The baby stopped crying."

Kouga tilted his head before looking at Kiyoshi. Kai was right, he was no longer crying. His screams had become part of the background and he had almost forgotten about it He was aware that Kiyoshi screamed a lot when he was upset, but what Kouga could not understand what why he no longer was? Nothing about Sesshomaru's condition had improved.

Perhaps Kiyoshi sensed something they could not. Of course there was also the possibility that he had noticed just how upset his mother was and had decided to help her by being silent.

"What are we supposed to do?"

"I don't think there's anything we can do," said Kai, saddened. "He's running out of time."

Without thinking, Kouga punched the nearest wall in frustration. It was true that Sesshomaru was not his greatest friend, but it didn't mean he wanted to see him die. He especially did not want to see Kagome suffer, not again.

There was always an answer, always something to do. Sesshomaru had lived throughout five hundred years of history. He survived moments that most youkais hadn't and this was how he would end?

"Not yet."

At the sound of Kagome's voice, they both turned their heads in her direction. She was standing in the doorway, her hands clenched into fists. She had a determined look on her face as she took a few steps forward.

"What do you mean?" asked Kouga, more concerned than curious.

She had walked out completely heartbroken earlier and now she seemed more confident than ever. What could have happened in the span of a few minutes?

Kagome ignored his question and kept walking forward. Her heart was pounding stronger than ever and her mouth felt completely dry. This was the only answer she could think of. This was the only way to save him wasn't it? Tears were burning her eyes as she began to tremble with fear. If she did this, Sesshomaru would live.

Once she reached the bed she dropped to her knees and locked her eyes on Sesshomaru's form. She could see the deep pain in his features and she knew he was suffering. It was possible that she was about to make the worst mistake in her life but as she felt sweat drops drip down her back she knew there was no way around it.

She lifted the hand that was still closed tightly and put it on top of Sesshomaru's.

"I don't care. I don't care if I can't stand it. I don't care if you have to stay away. I don't even care if it hurts me."

"Kagome what are you talking about?" Kouga questioned.

She turned her head slightly, looking at her friend. Instead of offering him an answer she simply smiled through the tears.

"Kagome…"

"I'm doing what I have to do."

"I might not be around you anymore. Actually, I probably won't. But I'm grateful for these last few months."

"Why are you saying goodbye to him?"

Kouga could have sworn that Kagome had said Sesshomaru was not out of time. She had made it sound like she had an answer to what was happening. But if that was the case, why was she saying her goodbyes instead of fixing him?

"Because chances are, I won't see him again."

Kouga was about to open his mouth to ask another question when Kagome opened her hand. Resting on her palm was the darkened jewel. At the sight both Kai and Kouga held their breath.

"You cannot do this Kagome. You haven't purified it."

"I know that! But… it's the only solution."

"You're its guardian, this won't do anything good!"

He didn't want to crush her only hope, but this was a very bad idea. The jewel was filled with more darkness than ever and Kagome could not make it pure again. If she used it now… the world would not be rid of it.

"Kagome, please… we'll fine another solution."

She scoffed. "Trust me, I wish there was another one. If I do this, Sesshomaru gets his beast back."

As her body shook in fear she closed her eyes. Her duty had been to protect the jewel. Then it had been to put it back together. She was supposed to make the right wish… that she had found out a few days ago but now everything was different. Nothing would save Sesshomaru but this.

Her wish was not all selfish. She didn't want his beast back, she hated it. It would hurt her and perhaps leave her terrified forever.

But… it wasn't selfless was it?

When she thought about using the jewel it had all seemed so obvious… now she was beginning to have doubts. She agreed to go on this trip with Sesshomaru months ago because it was her duty. But if she did this… would she be turning her back on her duty?

Was it right to use the jewel to save someone else? But on the other hand wasn't it wrong to let him die when she could save him? If Sesshomaru were to die she would carry the burden of his death forever. She would live every day knowing she could have saved him.

She noticed from the corner of her eye that Kouga was getting closer to her; he would attempt to stop her. She closed her eyes as tightly as possible before closing her hand on the jewel.

It was now or never.

Her lips were cracked because of the dryness while she felt dizzy from how hard her heart was beating. With both decisions she would lose something. The question was how much was she willing to lose? What mattered the most to her?

Sesshomaru or her duty to the jewel?

"I wish Sesshomaru's beast would return."

As soon as the words left her mouth, Kouga stopped in his tracks fearing the worst. A bright purple light escaped from her hand and she felt the jewel tremble. The light kept growing, becoming lighter as it expanded. The force and power coming out of the jewel was enough to cause everyone to fall to the ground in pain.

As the seconds ticked away, though they felt like hours, Kagome could no longer hold onto the jewel. Her hand was forced off and the jewel lifted into the air, levitating above where Sesshomaru was laying. Kagome tried to raise her head to look at it, but the pressure of the power prevented her from moving her head at all.

In the end, had she made the wrong choice?

She could not take it back. It was too late.

A scream of deep suffering escape her throat at the exact moment the jewel lost its blackness and became completely white. Then, a flash of light escaped from it as it shattered into a millions pieces, blinding everyone in the vicinity.

Then there was a sizzling in the air and pure silence.

-B-


	70. Upside Down

Everyone was trembling, blinded and laying flat against the ground as the light slowly retracted. The seconds ticked away before the room returned as it was before. Nothing was out of place, no objects were broken and the lightning was as dark as before. No one dared to move for a few minutes, until one of them finally gathered the strength to move.

Kouga's arms were shaking, his skin tingling with pain as he pushed his body up. He struggled to make it in a sitting position and once he finally did, he sighed in exhaustion. It felt like all of the power had been drained from his body. Slowly, he brought a hand to his forehead only to realize he was not only sweating but his skin was scorching hot.

He blinked a few times as if he was trying to recall what had happened. He could still vividly remember attempting to stop Kagome for making a mistake but after that it was a bit of blur. She had made the wish had she not? Sesshomaru! Kouga quickly lifted his head and stared at the bed.. He almost felt some sort of relief when he saw Sesshomaru lying there still unconscious.

It wasn't as though he didn't want him to get better, but the thought if his beast being unleashed wild without any surveillance made him shudder.

"Kouga?"

Kai's voice pulled his attention away from Sesshomaru and he began scanning the area for her. He quickly found her lying on her back in the corner of the room. She appeared to be in just as much pain as he was. She was holding her head while looking straight at him. She was biting down on her bottom lip so hard that she almost made it bleed.

Clumsily, Kouga made it on his feet and headed for her. "Are you okay?"

She weakly shook her head. She felt like death, but she had known worse; she would live. "What about Kagome and Sesshomaru?"

"He's still unconscious… but I don't know where Kagome is."

As fast as he could, Kouga searched the area, until he finally reached the other side of the bed. Somehow Kagome had made it there. She was sprawled on the floor, her hair tangled, her eyes closed; she was also unconscious. He bent down with the intention of picking her up and began wrapping his arms around her. It was then that a bright light exploded from her body and before Kouga could react he found himself thrown against the nearest wall.

Between the force of the hit against the wall and the burning of the light it was no surprise that he was in pain. He sat on the floor completely shocked but not caring that his head was still halfway in the wall. What in the world had happened?

"What was that?" asked Kai while she crawled in his direction.

Kouga could do nothing but shake his head. "Kagome is not that powerful. She's not even conscious!"

Kai did her best to make it where Kagome was laying and made sure she stayed at a certain distance away from her. From where she was she could see the faint glow surrounding Kagome's body. There was an angry, dark pink light enveloping her. Cleary her wish had to have worked… or at least something had to have occurred. The problem was that both people involved were not awake.

"At least it didn't work."

Kai snapped her head in direction of Kouga. "What do you mean?"

Kouga shrugged. "I mean, obviously the wish didn't work. Sesshomaru doesn't have his beast back."

"The fact that he is unconscious does not mean it didn't work. What if it did?"

Maybe he had been too quick to assume the wish had been wasted. Or perhaps it was his fear that it might have worked that was clouding his thinking.

"Even if it did, we're safe aren't we? I mean you did fix his watch didn't you?"

Kai nodded. "I did." Unfortunately, according to what she was looking at on the floor at the moment, it wouldn't be of any help. She grasped the object with her hand and lifted it. "Though the watch doesn't work when it's in pieces."

She threw them at Kouga and waited for his reaction. The watch exploded which could only mean one thing; it worked.

Kouga took a moment to take it all in; all of this was nothing but bad news. "So you're telling me we have an insane, Kagome-obsessed beast with no leash on and all we can do is wait for him to wake up? OH and Kagome is defenseless and unconscious."

"Yes. But she's not quite defenseless. He's not going to be able to get to her, not when she's glowing like that."

At least. The problem was that it was now a guessing game; who would wake up first? Kagome they could handle, but Sesshomaru… An angry beast could most likely take both him and Kai out. The safest thing to do was to bring Ginta and Hakkaku in. The more power they had, the more likely it would be that they could control him.

Or at least keep him down until they could figure out what to do. Though that was technically a task for Kagome. He loved and cared for her dearly but he did not approve of her wish. He knew why she did, he understood and chances are if he were in her situation he would have done the same thing. However from his point of his view it had been the wrong move.

The jewel had still been darkened, it wasn't a selfless wish and she had unleashed hell. Who knew if the jewel was truly gone? With that kind of wish… it might just re-spawn somewhere else and end up in the wrong hands. He ran his clawed fingers through his hair, his locks freed from the ponytail during the chaos.

"What do we do now?"

Kai sighed as she brought her knees to her chest. She was, for the first time, experiencing fear. She knew the potential of Sesshomaru's power and the thought that it might be hurt, wild and free was not something she wanted to think about. She shivered before leaning her head against the wall. "We wait."

There was nothing else to do.

Kouga nodded before heading once again in direction of Kagome's body. "We have to pick her up; we can't just leave her on the floor like that."

"Then you try." She wasn't trying to be rude, but she wouldn't risk being purified.

Last time he had tried it had not ended well. He could still sense the burning on his skin. Still, he refused to leave Kagome laying there. He took a deep breath before repeating his previous actions. He slowed down when he was about to put his arms around her. He wasn't too proud to admit to himself that he was a tad bit afraid. Still, he gave the final push and wrapped his arms around her.

Immediately the glow surrounding her grew, and he felt as if his flesh was being burnt off. He was shaking immensely and grunting as he took small, short steps. He could feel her wanting to propel him away like she had done earlier, but he resisted. Every little movement was draining him of what little energy he had left but he didn't stop.

His grunts got louder with every step while the pain increased with every breath. Kai got up, helping herself with the wall. She was trying to remain behind Kouga, feeling as though he was going to fall unconscious at any moment. He was sweating like never before, his body was trembling and she could see the blue of his eyes fading away and almost becoming red; he was exhausting himself.

Surely where Kagome laid could not matter that much! He was risking his life; the surge of power coming from her was so intense it was going to kill him. She could see the cut forming on his skin and it looked like he was being ripped from the inside out. She cringed as she watched him painfully lay Kagome down on the bed near Sesshomaru.

As soon as Kouga let go of Kagome, he dropped to his knees, feeling like his soul was escaping his body. The pain going through him was almost too much to bear and a grunt of pain went past his lips. He grasped the sheets of the bed and almost pulled them off as he collapsed on the floor

Panic appeared in Kai's eyes as she rushed to Kouga's side and kneeled beside him. "You idiot," she said before grabbing his head and putting it on her lap.

Now she was left with two injured youkais and an unconscious Miko. Somehow she didn't see this ending well. Kai took a deep breath, as her fingers were buried in Kouga's hair. Her own body was ready to break under the exhaustion, but she fought to remain awake; someone had to be.

Just what was she supposed to do?

-B-

A powerful surge was invading inside of her body while she struggled to find consciousness. Her head was overpowered by a terrible headache and she winced, unable to open her eyes. Her body felt out of her control and an unknown sensation was tingling her skin. She found herself breathing in deeply while she attempted to open her eyes once more.

This time it worked, but the process was extremely slow. Her eyelids were slowly cooperating as the room came in view. She ran her tongue over her dry lips and she found herself staring at the wall. Her surroundings were completely silent and she realized the room appeared empty. Panic took over and her heart began to beat faster as she searched the vicinity for her friends.

Unfortunately all she found as an empty bed beside hers.

Sesshomaru was gone?

Wait! Gone? Kagome could do nothing but hold her breath back as the events that had occurred prior to her losing consciousness rushed back into her mind. She had made the wish…

Oh god.

She didn't regret what she had done but… the doubt that hadn't been there before was beginning to form once again. At the moment she didn't even know if her decision had even saved his life; he wasn't there. She couldn't even remember what had happened to her! Why was she in a bed? Why had she passed out? After the memory of her making the wish, everything else was nothing but a blur.

Holding her head in one hand, she swung her legs, which were feeling rather heavy, over the bed until her feet touched the floor.

Guilt was leaving a bitter taste in her mouth as she kept her eyes shut. She had wanted him to live so badly, no matter the consequences that came out of it, including his beast. All she had been able to think of was that he would die. Had it been wrong to use the jewel, to put her duty on the line to save someone's life?

The purity of the wish was… questionable.

Despite the fact that her body was trembling, Kagome stood on her feet. She felt a bit shaky, but took a step forward nonetheless. It was then that her foot came in contact with an unknown object. Out of fear, she found herself jumping which caused her to trip. Before she knew it, she found herself lying on the floor on top of a pile.

She blinked once, then twice before opening her eyes fully. It was then that she found herself staring right into a familiar icy blue eye. "Kouga?" she inquired slightly confused.

He was still half out of it but he weakly nodded. "Wait, you're awake?" he asked as he sat up quickly

It was then that his body reminded him of the pain and he quickly stiffened before wincing.

Kagome put a hand on his shoulder, concerned. "Are you okay?"

He felt like shaking his head; she was the one asking him that? "I'm fine. You on the other hand I'm not so sure. You were unconscious… you were… you burnt me... your powers were out of control."

Sadness quickly filled her eyes as they roamed over his body. "I did this to you?"

Without thinking she reached out for his bare arms and traced the burns with her fingers. How could she have possibly done this? Her bottom lip began to quiver. "I'm so sorry."

Kouga's chest tightened as he reached out for her chin. He gently grabbed it before lifting her head. "It's not your fault, Kag. You weren't even awake. I know you'd never hurt me."

All she could do was offer him a sad smile. "How is it possible? I'm not that strong."

"You were then. You are now."

She did feel different, but it couldn't possibly because she was stronger. All she could experience was pain! How could Kouga even tell if her power was still high? "Are you sure?"

He nodded. "I can feel it."

As Kagome glanced away, hoping her wish hadn't gone wrong she was reminded of the empty bed behind them. "Where's Sesshomaru?"

Kouga raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean? He's right there," he said before turning around.

His eyes opened wide and panic took hold of him at the empty sight. "He was… right here. Oh god!"

"Your wish worked."

At the sound of Kai's voice, Kagome snapped her head in her direction. She was sitting on the floor near them, her back pressed against the bed. "His youki came back, it broke the watch. It's free."

The blood in Kagome's body froze, her heart ceased to beat and she held her breath back. It's free. Those were terrible words and she could not stop them from echoing in her mind. Of course it was free, she had wished for it to be hadn't she? Then why didn't that do anything to calm her panic? She could not regret what she did; never.

"I had to save him," said Kagome trying to provide them with an explanation.

Kouga shook his head. "I know. I understand, but I don't approve even though I still would have done the same thing."

Kagome felt a twitch in her heart while Kouga told her what he thought.. She already knew he didn't like the choice she had made since he had attempted to stop her. She sighed before nodding. He understood her decision and she understood his. The fact was, it was done and could not be undone. The only thing they could do at this point was find it before anything bad happened.

Though usually its only target was her.

"We'll have to find him."

"I don't get it though," said Kouga as he sat up on the bed. "Why would he leave? I mean he wants you… why get away from you?"

Kai decided to speak her mind. "The same reason why his beast left him in the first place."

Had she really been the reason why his beast had refused to come back? She couldn't be! All these months… all these years… Sesshomaru had been forced to battle against his beast's desire for her. How could he possibly give up on her so easily? She refused to accept that reality, even though it was almost pleasing. After all if his beast didn't want her… it made it so much easier.

"It has to be something else," said Kagome, determined.

Kai raised an eyebrow before taking a step forward. "What's wrong with my idea? Sesshomaru explained to me what happened and it makes sense."

"It doesn't make sense. Nothing that happened does," said Kagome, her heart squeezing in pain. There was no explanation for anything that occurred between her and Sesshomaru… and his beast.

"His beast wouldn't change over night. You don't know it, you don't know what it can do," she began explaining, her eyes watering a bit. "I tried to give it a chance, I tried to see… but there's nothing to do. It won't change."

Kai hadn't gone through what Kagome had experienced and Kagome was right; nobody knew the beast like her. But Kai just couldn't give up on her idea. It was the only thing she could come up with that made sense. If his beast felt no regret then what was the purpose of leaving, of hiding? It had to be experiencing shame.

Still, she could see that she couldn't and shouldn't force her idea on Kagome.

"You're right, I'm sorry."

Kagome shook her head softly. "It's okay."

She bent her head forward slightly and kept her eyes locked on the bed. The sheets were stained with Sesshomaru's blood and it increased her worry. What if her wish had gone wrong? What if something had happened but none of them had been awake to see it?

"We have to find him."

"No, we don't," said Kouga firmly. "You passed out; your powers are out of whack… you're going to stay here." He also wanted to add a part about the beast, but he decided it was better to keep it to himself.

She wanted to argue, she wanted to tell him that she could do it, but a part of her was scared. Not only of the beast but of what they might find. The jewel was not a blessing… what if she had damaged him? What if she had turned him into something that was no longer him?

"I'll be here in case he comes back," she said, giving herself an excuse.

Kouga nodded before turning around. "Kai, you should stay here."

"No!"

The scream escaped her before she could stop it. "I mean, I'm fine. Kai should go with you. I'll be here with Kiyoshi."

Kiyoshi. Kagome hurried to be at her son's side and inspected him. She gently lifted him, turned him around and made sure nothing had happened. After a few seconds, she sighed in relief before holding him close to her chest. During all the commotion she had blocked everything out of her mind. She gently rubbed her son's dark locks trying to soothe him even though he didn't seem upset.

"You guys should go," said Kagome before spinning around, her back facing them.

Somehow, she preferred being alone then with someone. Too much had happened and she felt overwhelmed. Not only that but she had also badly injured one of her friend… she didn't want to hurt anyone else. It was best if they were far from her.

Alone once again.

-B-

The wind was harsh, blowing the sand straight into his eyes. It burned but he ignored it. His heart was pounding like never before and his head was pulsing with pain. His skin was stained with blood that was slowly drying and becoming uncomfortable. He was praying for rain to wash it all away but he knew it would not come. His mind was completely blank and he wished to not remember.

His amber eyes were threatening to unleash tears but none dropped. His brain was aching with memories but he did his best to push them aside.

It worked. He didn't know what Kagome did but whatever it was he could feel his beast inside of him. Sesshomaru wanted it to come out, he wanted to face it, but it would not come. No matter how much he yelled, how much he searched within himself he was complete alone on the outside.

Slowly he raised his hand and rubbed his forehead. His memory was failing him; he could not remember making it out of the room. All he knew was that he could not return, not yet. He felt that as long as he couldn't reach out to his beast he would be a danger to Kagome and he refused to harm her. It left him with the hard task of waiting.

Sesshomaru could still hear her voice and feel her tears. She had been so concerned about his health and about losing him that it left him with a heavy feeling within his chest. After everything that had occurred between them he wanted to give himself hope but was afraid to do so. Considering the current situation, he couldn't' take her presence in his life for granted.

He slowly bent down before sitting on the sand. The wind was blowing through his hair, tangling his shoulder length locks. He couldn't help but wonder why his beast was trying to get away from Kagome. He had thought it was because of the guilt but his beast didn't hide. He screamed, he took, he yelled, he said. None of what was happening at the moment fit who the beast was.

Then again, perhaps he did not know his own beast. Before Kagome came along he didn't discuss anything with it. Yes, he shared himself with it a few times but it was only during battles. The only side he had seen of it was the one it had shown. Maybe there was more to it?

Sesshomaru stretched himself forward as the tightness in his chest grew. As the seconds went by it became more difficult to breathe and he could do nothing but put a hand on his chest and try to inhale properly. His breath was short and a panicked feeling formed within him as he failed to breathe. His body began to shake and before he knew it, he found himself screaming at the top of his lungs.

Pain spread quickly throughout his body and his heart was ready to burst, while he grabbed onto his shirt with his fingers. His entire body was quivering as sweat drops were dripping down his neck and forehead. His rage increased and all he could do was rip his shirt off. The buttons exploded one by one, the fabric gave up under the pressure.

Sesshomaru fell forward until his face hit the sand but he didn't care. His visage was buried further and further as the pain increased. He grasped his head with his hands and held it as tightly as he could. He was being ripped apart from the inside and nausea appeared, caused by his intense suffering. Before he could stop it, he found himself vomiting, forcing him to lift his head from the hot sand.

He kept vomiting while the intense feeling of death washed over him. Never before had he felt so close to death, not even when he had been bleeding to death in the bed. His level of fear increased and he failed to notice the change that was happening in him. His eyes slowly began to fill with a deep crimson color while he began to scream loudly, expressing his pain verbally.

**Do not.**

As the voice echoed in his brain Sesshomaru found himself completely frozen in his position. Of course he knew that voice but he felt as if the last time he had heard it was a lifetime ago. When his beast was in control he could not feel it, or hear his voice. It was only when he was inside his head. A part of him wished he had heard that voice again.

Do not what?

He could not ignore it. The pain was obviously there for a reason. If he ignored his beast, it would never go away. Also, he had to know why it came back. It had disappeared for so long, refusing to even return when he was near death. What changed its mind?

**You cannot return. I should not have return.**

Sesshomaru couldn't help but arch an eyebrow in confusion His beast didn't want to come back?

Then why are you here?

**It brought me back.**

What did?

**The darkness and the light. Her.**

Sesshomaru's heart began to race as many ideas ran through his mind.

How?

**She wished for my return.**

He closed his eyes forcefully while the despair came crashing down upon him. . She had used the jewel… on him. She had wasted a wish in bringing his beast back! He did not care if it cost him his life, she shouldn't have used that wish. She hated his beast and so did he. His eyes began to burn and his lips were dry. He was cursed and whole at the same time once again.

Sesshomaru had believed it would bring him peace, completion but it did not. Having his beast back only made him even more miserable.

Leave again.

It wanted nothing more but to leave. It no longer wanted this body, this misery.

**I am bound.**

Bound by the jewel. If he left, there would be no more wish. What would a dark jewel bring but despair? She had made the wish on a corrupted jewel… nothing good could come out of it. Yet, coming from Kagome it did not surprise him. She would sacrifice everything including herself if she had to just to save someone. Even if it included saving a part she despised.

**I will not return by her side.**

Life was filled with irony. Months ago if his beast had told him he didn't want Kagome, Sesshomaru would have been pleased. He would have locked himself in a room in his castle and never seen her again. It would have worked out just the way he wanted to. Now, he could no longer live without her. She had become a part of him and he wanted her in his life. Unfortunately this time the tables had turned and his beast didn't want her.

However that did leave a question. Why?

She is our mate. We need to be by her side.

He was using the arguments his beast had used on him in the past. Not only did this increase his guilt but it also made him feel pathetic. If only he could have seen then the things he could see now. Maybe everything would be different.

**We will not return. I will not allow it.**

His beast was clearly evading the question, which only made Sesshomaru ponder even more. His beast refused to give up on Kagome until now. There had to be a reason.

You love her. Why are you doing this?

**I do not.**

**I cannot.**

Why can't you?

**She is not mine.**

We marked her. She is ours. She stayed by our side, she –

**She is not ours.**

Never before had Sesshomaru said that they marked her. Yet the words had left his mouth and it had felt so natural. He understood and still remembered that it had been done with her unwillingly but at the moment she remained by their side by her own choice. He had hoped for a while that perhaps one day he could mark her again properly but as time went by, he could see that hope dying.

His beast's words angered him yet he could not find a way to convince it. Though he did believe what his beast said; he could probably not return until his beast wished to. Unless he found a way to lock it away but for that he would need some cooperation that he doubted he would obtain.

I need her.

He never needed anyone. Back then especially. His beast had been the one to need her, but things had changed. It would be hard to be himself without her or their son. He had been given a taste of a life he never thought he would have… how could he let it go now?

This time, his beast provided him with no answer and remained silent.

Sesshomaru could not help but allow rage to fill him. For many centuries he had put up with the feelings of guilt and regret his beast had forced upon him. He had tried to fix a relationship that was beyond repair because this time he wanted it. He had begged, apologized and done things to his pride and ego he would never have. Also, he had learned.

His beast was taking his life away once again just like it had done five hundred years ago. Sesshomaru would not follow the path he had in the past. This time he would be the one in charge, the one making the decisions. If he had to live with his beast to survive, he would not be a slave to it anymore. Before, his own life had been all that mattered. Things had changed. She mattered. More than he did.

We will return to her. I do not care why you left. I do not care for your feelings.

**Without me you cannot live. You should have died.**

Do you wish for my death? Do you wish for your own demise?

**It does not matter.**

You loved her. You took her without her consent. Yet, you are willing to die rather than to be with our mate. It does matter.

He knew his beast was stubborn, but this was a new level of stubbornness.

We need her.

**WE DO NOT NEED HER!**

At that exact moment, Sesshomaru felt a sharp pain travel through his body. Once again, he took hold of his head and terrible screams of pain escaped his throat. He twisted, turned and bent his body in ways he didn't think he could while trying to escape his suffering. He forced his fangs in his bottom lip, hoping to relieve the pain.

However all it did was cause blood to spill out of his mouth.

**SHE IS NOT OURS!**

Those words kept echoing into Sesshomaru's mind as he felt darkness envelop him. He fought to stay, he fought to keep the light going but its power was too strong. His eyelids became heavier and despite his fighting he slowly fell unconscious. His face hit the sand first, his arms resting at his side.

All that was left was the emptiness of his surrounding and the wind blowing in his hair pushing the sand around.

-B-

The night had fallen, the temperature had decreased but the window was still wide open. She had no idea why she left it open; it would not help her find him nor would it tell her if he was coming back. All she could do was sit on his bed, their son in her arms, staring out at the city while wondering what had happened to him. She couldn't get the thought out of her mind that she might have killed him.

If Sesshomaru was alive, why would he stay away from her? Especially if his beast was back and free! Shouldn't she be its first target?

She inhaled deeply before glancing down at her son. Surprisingly, Kiyoshi had been completely silent the entire time and it made her worry. He usually would get upset when situations were like this, especially when it involved Sesshomaru. Why wouldn't he be crying now?

Deep inside, Kagome was hoping that her son knew something she didn't.

Her life felt upside down at the moment and she didn't know how to deal with it. Usually she shared what was happening but this time she had chased everyone away.

Months ago she would have used her wish differently. No, she wouldn't have made a selfish wish out of it. She wouldn't even have used it to save herself from him, but she certainly wouldn't have made a wish that would have saved his beast. How had things turned out so differently? Now she worried for his safety while worrying about hers.

Also weighing on her mind was the fate of the jewel and the world. It was tainted, meaning she shouldn't have wished on it. A terrible curse was either upon her, Sesshomaru or the world. The problem was she couldn't figure out on who and what it was. Though there was a strange detail she could not get out of her mind; she could clearly remember the jewel become pure white before it disappeared.

Wouldn't that mean it was purified? If so, how was that possible? She was the only one who could do that yet she knew she couldn't.

There was also the fact that she had grown more powerful. How could that be a side effect to her wish? Nothing involving Sesshomaru was related to her powers.

Slowly, Kagome lifted her hand and stared at it intensively. It looked the same it worked the same but something inside wasn't. As time went by, she less felt like herself. Yet it wasn't a bad thing. She wasn't experiencing more suffering, pain or misery. She simply felt herself growing, yet it didn't feel as if it was something she could control.

She felt weak.

Kagome thought that feeling to be long gone after everything she had gone through but she had clearly been wrong. She couldn't control her own self or her powers. Yet, she had expected herself to be able to save Sesshomaru. Never had she considered any of the reasons why his beast had left or what may come of her wish.

What if all she did is give him a few hours? What if she had sacrificed so much only to kill him in the end?

Her eyes slowly began to fill with tears as she held her son closer to her heart. His presence appeased some of the pain, causing her to bend her head and press a kiss on his forehead.

He was not worried.

She shouldn't be either, yet that did nothing to slow down her heartbeat.

All out of the blue, Kagome felt a pulse going through her body causing her to jump slightly. Suddenly she began breathing faster and panic spread through her body. Those emotions were soon followed by other symptoms, including a burning sensation in her neck. Slowly she removed one of her hands from Kiyoshi and clamped it over her neck.

It took her a few moments before she realized it was coming from the side where she had her mating mark. Her concerns only increased but she tried to take a deep breath to calm herself. It meant nothing. It was just a coincidence; this didn't have anything to do with her or with Sesshomaru.

Her panic caused her to ignore the sweat drops sliding down the back of her neck, along with the dizziness. It wasn't until she put a hand on her forehead that she felt it. She also noticed the wet feeling under her fingers and on her forehead. Rapidly she pulled her hand away only to notice it was covered in blood. Kagome knew for a fact it wasn't coming from her forehead, which meant it could only originate from… her neck.

Perhaps now was a good time to panic.

Her vision began distorting and she could feel her hold on her son loosening. Ignoring all symptoms, she focused her mind knowing she had to put Kiyoshi down before anything happened. Kagome put all her strength in her legs, hoping to get up but all it did was cause her to crash upon the floor. All she could do was turn and manage to be the one to hit the floor while her son on top of her.

As she glanced down at Kiyoshi to make sure he was fine, she could discern a white glow around him. Her breathing was heavy as she attempted to lift a hand to rest it on him, but she couldn't..

All she could hear in her head was the echo of a voice. Kagome. Kagome. Kagome. It was calling her name over and over again.

Strangely, it sounded like Sesshomaru. Her body quivered and it felt as if she could sense him. Was he… calling out to her?

Desperation took hold of her as her desire to answer that call grew stronger but before she could do anything darkness filled her heart. She closed her eyelids, not even fighting it. The blood was spilling from her neck to her back and onto the floor, yet it provided her with calmness.

Her son was moving; she could feel it but could not stop it.

And then, there was the never ending echo of her name ringing through her mind.

Kagome.

Kagome.

Kagome.

"Kagome!"

-B-


	71. Vivid Fears

"I'm fine."

Kouga resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Yes, bleeding out of your neck and passing out means you're fine," he snapped.

Kagome decided not to say something back to his comment.. She knew Kouga was angry because he cared about her. She should also be worried about what happened but with all the concerns she had weighing on her mind, she, herself was the last thing she wanted to think about.. Plus, it was not the first time something this strange happened to her.

If she had survived everything else, she would survive this.

"I'll be okay. I'm not bleeding anymore."

"Yes you are," said Kouga as he pointed to the bandage on the juncture of her neck and shoulder.

A small amount of blood was beginning to soak through the fabric telling Kouga that she was in fact  _not_  done bleeding. At least it was not as bad as when he had found her. He remembered watching her pass out on the floor while a hand clamped on her injury. The blood seemed to keep flowing for an eternity before it finally began to slow.

If he hadn't gotten back when he did… things could have been much worse.

"Are you gonna tell me what happened?"

"I'm not sure," she said while wincing in pain when she moved her neck. "I was just sitting there when I felt pain and then, I just remember falling on the ground while you kept screaming my name."

Both Kai and Kouga arched an eyebrow. "I kept screaming your name?" asked Kouga, confused.

Kagome nodded.

"I only said it once and that's when I came in."

"No, no," argued Kagome. "I heard it. Though it was more like you were calling for me then anything else."

"Kagome, that wasn't me."

Her eyes widened a bit before her lips parted slowly. "Do you think…do you think it was Sesshomaru?"

She didn't want to raise her hopes, especially since apparently Kouga hadn't found him, but she would not shut down every possibility. After all, it was not that far fetched; her  _mating_  mark was bleeding out. Maybe it was Sesshomaru trying to reach her? Kouga should have more knowledge on the subject than her since mating was not exactly a topic she and Sesshomaru had ever really discussed.

Kouga rubbed his forehead before running his fingers through his hair while gathering his thoughts He had a bit of knowledge, but really he didn't have a mate himself, making it difficult to comment on the boundaries of such a link. Unable to offer Kagome an answer, he turned his head to look at Kai.

"What do you think?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "It wouldn't be impossible."

"All you heard was his voice? No indications of where he might be?"

She shook her head. "If it was even him, all I heard was him calling out for me. I assume you didn't find anything, not even a trail?"

Kouga glanced away. "If the beast is in control, it's going to be very difficult to track him down. He won't let him be found that easily."

Kagome closed her eyes shut tightly while her heart began beating faster. The more she thought about it, the less she could figure out why his beast would be trying to avoid her. It didn't have a conscience or regrets; he had no reason to flee! She had sacrificed the wish to make sure Sesshomaru would live and it was now impossible for her to know if he was even alive!

"You may have cursed yourself," said Kouga. He did everything to avoid looking at her.

He hadn't wanted to say it out loud but with everything that was happening, he had no choice. He was well aware of her reasons behind using the jewel, but it would never change the fact that there were consequences that came with her decision. He had hoped nothing bad would have come from wishing on dark jewel, but it was now hard to ignore the facts.

She didn't need to ask to know what he was referring to. She hadn't taken all of the risks in to consideration when she made the wish, but she wouldn't regret it no matter what he said. There was still a touch of worry hanging in her mind though ; what if she had cursed more than herself? What if the ones she loved were affected as well? That would include her son and that was enough to break her heart.

"It's not possible," she finally said. When Kouga looked at her puzzled, she decided to explain further. "The jewel was white before it disappeared, I saw it. Didn't you?"

If the jewel was filled with darkness… why would it have returned to its pure state? It had to mean either her wish was selfless, or it had been purified somehow.

Kouga tilted his head to the side a tad bit. "I think so. But how could it have happened? You couldn't have done it."

His words stung a little, but they were true. Though, it no longer seemed to apply; the bubbling power she had felt within herself since she had awoken after her wish was still vividly present. She didn't know how it happened but it was there. It obviously had to be linked to the jewel's disappearance since it began at that moment.

"I don't know. I can't explain it. But I can't be cursed… I mean I'm stronger."

Kouga almost shuddered as he remembered the pain he had experienced. "I'm not sure that's a blessing. It seems a bit out of control."

"If it was she would have hurt her son as well. Unless you haven't picked him up," said Kai. She was doing her best to be on Kagome's side.

She agreed with Kouga that bad things came with the jewel but she refused to think that all the sacrifices Kagome had made to get where she was, to pull through everything would only bring her a curse. There had to be more to it than just that. Maybe it was her own desire to seek hope, to see the light at the end of the tunnel. If Kagome couldn't have light in her life, who could?

"I didn't hurt him," said Kagome immediately, almost defensively.

When she had picked up Kiyoshi it hadn't even crossed her mind that she might hurt him like she had Kouga. He was her son; she'd never do anything to hurt him. Well, except when she had dropped him earlier. The pinch of guilt in her heart was hard to chase away. She was well aware that it wasn't her fault that she had passed out but… she wished she had fought harder to protect her son.

At the moment, she was having a hard time looking in the direction of the crib; what if he  _felt_  it, what if he resented her? She knew he was half youkai and chances were he didn't even notice the drop, but she remembered it happening and it was enough.

"He's fine," said Kai when she noticed the tears building up in Kagome's eyes.

Kagome offered a weak smile, a bit embarrassed to have been caught in the middle of her whirlwind of emotions. She regained hold of her feelings before putting up a strong façade. "I don't think I'm cursed. I think the jewel was purified but I don't know how. I also know I gained power and it can't be a bad thing."

"And what about Sesshomaru?"

"He'll come back."

Kouga looked quite taken back by her words. "What do you mean  _he'll come back_?"

"I mean he'll come back when he can, or when he wants to."

"You're not going to look for him?"

"If he or  _it_  is not here, it's because it doesn't want to. I won't force anyone to be anywhere they don't want to be, or to do something they don't want to."

Her goal had been to save Sesshomaru's life. She had expected some damage to be done along the way and there was nothing she could do about it. Even if Sesshomaru was a victim to his own beast, what could she do? He had been a victim five hundred years ago and she hadn't been able to do one thing, what would be different this time around?

"That's not what it's about."

Kouga didn't want to make Kagome feel bad or sad but this was something that needed to be done. He had to push her close to her limit and for that he'd need to be a little more rude and forward than usual. It caused his insides to twist, but he had no choice. She couldn't go as far as she did with him and now pull away.

He rose to his feet and walked closer to Kagome. "You don't want to do it because you're scared. Not scared of  _hurting_  Sesshomaru, but scared that you'll get hurt. You're afraid to live your nightmare all over again."

"Kouga?" said Kai; her eyes opened a bit wide.

Kouga ignored Kai completely as his eyes remained focused on Kagome. "You made the decision to save him, no matter the cost. Are you going to keep running away? You were growing, you were healing. You can't hide in your shell anymore. You were ready to find him no matter the cost earlier. You were scared for his life! Now you just want to wait? It's not like you. The Kagome I know doesn't give up on someone she cares about!"

Kagome was pressing her lips together so hard that they were turning white. Her heart was pumping blood at an amazing speed, while feeling like it was going to burst out of her chest. Kouga had never been one to speak to her like that and she found herself not only at loss for words but shaking.

"You sacrificed the one  _limit-free_  wish you had to save him. You can't possibly give up on him. I don't care what you're scared of; I know what you feel for him."

His last words seemed to break the dam. "Yeah, what I feel for  _him_!"

Kouga was taken back by her tone and became startled.

"Back then, I hated them both," she said with a bittersweet tone.. "His beast took  _everything_  from me and Sesshomaru couldn't have cared less. All he wanted was for me to be out of his life and he did his best to make sure I was miserable. I could deal with hating both of them."

She took her deep breath, keeping her rage of emotions under control. She felt like she was going to break under the pressure and that was a terrifying feeling. "What I can't deal with is having feelings for one of them. Do you know how scary it was to let myself be close to Sesshomaru out of all people? Do you know how much my heart jumps in my chest every time he's around, both out of fear and happiness? He makes me feel conflicted emotions all the time and I never know if I'll be safe, or if it's okay to be with him."

Guilt overtook Kouga as he blocked from his mind any image of Kagome suffering for months. He couldn't put himself in her shoes and he would never try. All he wanted to do was provide her with some help.

"It was okay to lose him before, I didn't care. If I lose him now… "

She would just be in pain all over again. It was one thing for his beast to come out when the button was pushed on a watch; it was another for it to be in control. She had grown much closer to Sesshomaru then she had ever expected she would. How was she supposed to deal with losing him? Her recent words played back in her mind and it was easy for her to hear the selfishness in them.

She didn't want anything to happen to him, but could she do anything for him? Could his beast  _do_  something to her now that it was free and in control? She hadn't experienced such an intense feeling of fear in a long time, but now it was hard to ignore. Could she leave Sesshomaru to be his beast's prey just like she had been, or could this time things be different?

 _Kami_ , she was scared.

She felt broken.

-B-

This was almost pathetic.

There he was lying on the floor in some alley, covered in blood, exhausted and frustrated. He couldn't remember anything that had been done while his beast had gone on a rampage. All he was fairly certain of was that he hadn't begun his little  _adventure_  with this many scratches. What in the world was his beast trying to prove by doing all this?

He could easily feel how soiled he was and he wanted nothing more than to be back with his family in the hotel room.

His bangs were damp and glued to his forehead but he didn't even have the strength to push them aside. All he could do was close his eyes as the time went by and cure the fact that he had no answers. His mind felt  _heavy._ He was in no sate to be anywhere near his family; he might end up hurting them. Until he found a way to conceal his beast, or find balance he couldn't do anything.

"Are you okay sir?"

At the sound of the strange voice, Sesshomaru opened his eyes and glanced up. Standing near him was a fairly young girl. She was bending down slightly and staring right at his face. As soon as she got a better look at him, she backed away, laughing a bit.

"Sorry, I thought you were  _old_ , you know with hair." She stood properly observing him. "Nice tattoos by the way."

Tattoos? It took Sesshomaru a few minutes to understand what she meant, but then he remembered that his markings were visible. At least she came up with an explanation all on her own. He sighed heavily, hoping that the girl would soon get the hint and leave him alone. He didn't have the patience to be dealing with anyone at the moment.

"You're bleeding,"

"I am aware."

"Are you always this rude to people trying to help you?"

"I do no need help," he said before a growl escaped him and his eyes became slightly tinted with red.

The girl backed away slowly. The growl was an obvious sign of danger yet she found herself a bit more intrigued. Silver dyed hair, facial tattoos and  _growling_? There was something wrong with him, she was certain of that. At first she had intended on simply checking up on him, but now she was wondering if it was right to leave him in such a condition. The only problem she had was the fact that he did look extremely suspicious.

After all he did have blood on him. How was she supposed to confirm if it was his blood, or someone else's? Surely she wasn't going to ask him! She fidgeted a little before glancing around, seeing if anyone was there. It might not be safe to stay here with him alone, but she didn't have the heart to leave him there either. He was nothing more than a stranger but he looked so  _heartbroken_ , as if someone had stolen the very life from him.

That and she had never seen someone look as  _exotic_  as him.

"You didn't ask for it, but it doesn't mean you don't need it," she said carefully.

He felt himself shaking with rage at her words. He could usually tolerate idiots, but she was pushing his limit in a way he hadn't experienced before. Her stubbornness was driving him insane. How could she not get the hint? His patience was shorter then usual and his temper was hard to control right now. Faster than the girl's eyes could see he moved and trapped her between the wall and himself.

"I don't need help," he repeated.

The goodness that had filled the girl's intentions earlier was dissipating. It was being replaced by fear and darkness. "Okay, let me go. I'll leave you alone."

Despite her words the grip Sesshomaru had on her neck did not loosen. Never before had he wanted to destroy someone so badly. His face was inches away from hers while he kept squeezing tighter and tighter. The girl's eyes were glistening with tears and her entire body began to shake. She fought the urge to close her eyes, afraid that it would make him angrier.

She couldn't help but curse herself for staying; why hadn't she left when she had a chance earlier?  _Stupid, stupid, stupid!_ As the seconds ticked away it became harder to breathe and her sense of survival kicked him. She foolishly tried to free herself from his hold, kicking and attempting to scream, but nothing worked; he was too strong for her.

The wind gently blew her dark locks in Sesshomaru's face, tickling against his nose. He couldn't help but notice just how dark her hair was. Instantly it reminded him much of Kagome. As her name crossed his mind, he made eye contact with the young girl in front of him. As soon as their eyes met, he froze. His grip was tight, but he could not longer move or speak.

He felt the sweat drops drip down his neck as if his body temperature had just risen. His face felt flustered and the heat was getting to him. Still, even though he felt conscious he couldn't move.

_"Let me go you monster!"_

A flash of white was all he could see, as a sizzling sound echoed in his mind. His vision became blurry and he found it difficult to see what was in front of him; he had to rely on his ears to  _see_.

"Please, please, let me go."

" _Don't touch me! STAY AWAY FROM ME!"_

Sesshomaru failed to notice that his own eyes became watery. The sound of her voice, the tears in his eyes; it was making his heart ache and bringing him great suffering. Her beautiful ebony locks were glued to her face, her cherry lips were dry and cut.

The girl couldn't help but notice his distraction and decided to grasp his fingers and attempt to pull them away from her throat.

"Please, I beg you," she pleaded.

He looked at her, his eyes soft, but it was not her he was seeing. It was Kagome. She was bare, standing in front of him, crying and begging for him to leave her alone. Why was she naked? There was the strong scent of blood surrounding them,  _her_  blood and it was making him dizzy. Why was Kagome here? Where did the girl go? Without realizing, his grip loosened, allowing the girl to take one deep breath.

His world went white one more time for a quick second before he could see again.

Her body was trembling like a leaf while she gathered all of her energy to push his hand away from her neck. She expected him to retaliate, but all he did was allow his hand to drop to his side. Knowing this might be her only chance, she ran as fast as her legs allowed her to while trying to stay completely silent. She could not even manage to scream.

Sesshomaru could hear the footsteps echoing in his mind and he dropped to his knees. Kagome was running from him. He raised his hands, glanced at them and the way they were covered in fresh blood. Why had he harmed her again? He  _loved_  her. The sizzling sound in his ears only increased in volume causing him to twitch his neck left and right.

He wanted to scream, he wanted to run after her.

He laid flat on the ground finally noticing that his body was completely drenched in sweat. His body felt heavy like never before, and his brain brought him pain as if it was swollen and too big for his head. Where was she? Where did she go? He could  _feel_  her running. He wanted to reach out for her, stop her but… he couldn't! She had to run; she had to get away from here before it was too late.

The screams, the pain and her tears: it was making his heart wanting to explode. He didn't want to see it; he didn't want to think about it.

The flashes of white quickly began to happen faster and faster until Sesshomaru began to squirm in pain on the ground, twisting his body in ways it should not be twisted. A feeling of death lingered over him while he attempted to fight this. His screams began to get louder and louder until finally  _it all ceased_. He grasped the floor with his fingers and began panting while the dizzy feeling in his mind increased

He felt like a part of him had tried to rip itself out. Never had he experienced such a level of pain in his life. The memories of him and Kagome in the past had always been vividly present, but never like this. At the moment he could remember the girl who had tried to help him, but he could also clearly remember her being Kagome… yet… she hadn't been… had she?

He shook his head softly,  _no_ , she hadn't been. She couldn't have been.

The only thing he was sure of was that Kagome could fix this. He didn't know how, but he knew she was the one who could do something. Only when she came to his mind, only when  _he_  had thought about her did the beast stop killing that girl. In the past, his beast's desire for Kagome seemed to keep him in control. Now it was Sesshomaru's desire for Kagome that had put a halt to it.

It couldn't be a coincidence.

It was a complete turn around from what he had always done and wanted. Her safety had always been first, no matter his suffering, but this time… well if she could fix it… it wasn't endangering her was it? He couldn't help but think that was  _wrong_.

As his hands began to shake immensely, he laid his palms flat and tried to lift himself. It felt as if his strength had left his body. Still, he didn't give up and minutes passed before he could finally sit upon the ground. It wasn't until he turned his head in the direction of where the girl had ran that he realized that the cops might be coming after him.

He could not stay here. In his current state he could not explain anything. As a matter of fact it might make him go more insane. The only place he could really go was the place he should avoid. His need for Kagome was growing by the second and he felt like she could lift this weight off his shoulders. But was it worth risking her life? Could he really control his beast if it came down to it?

Sesshomaru didn't think so.

But what else was he supposed to do?

His bottom lip trembled before he decided to go to her. At least Kouga was present and  _should_  be able to defend Kagome. As a matter of fact, there were fou wolf youkai; it should be enough to hold him back if the situation required it. The pain and desire to see her was so intense, he felt like death would be a better fate for him than this.

His steps were fast, despite his lack of energy. He was probably walking much faster than any human, which was probably suspicious, but he didn't care for anything at the moment. He was still weak and in pain and he wanted relief. The interchanging images of the girl and Kagome's face in his mind were driving him crazy. Had he gone insane? After everything he was losing it  _now_? Or was it his beast playing tricks with him?

It couldn't be. His beast  _didn't_  want to see Kagome. Unless Sesshomaru had imagined her all on his own causing his beast to feel intense guilt?

Sesshomaru did his best to keep his mind completely clear and empty as he zoomed through the town, blindly making his way back to the hotel. The closer he got, the stronger her scent was; now that his youki wasn't sealed away, he could sense her and smell her again. He had thought he didn't miss much from being incomplete but perhaps he had been wrong.

When he was himself, he could feel the bond between them and it overwhelmed his heart.

As soon as he reached the hotel he rushed upstairs, bumping into people and getting strange stares because of his appearance. He didn't care about any of it. The fear of seeing her was growing, but he couldn't stop himself for racing in her direction. When he saw her, the beast ran away. If he stayed by her side, just maybe, he wouldn't feel all this unthinkable guilt and pain.

His hands were shaking when he grasped the handle, but he managed to steady himself enough to turn the handle and open the door. He made sure to be fairly quiet since he didn't know who was inside or if they would think he was a threat. He took silent steps through the kitchen, which was empty, heading straight for the bedroom. He was about to walk right in when he suddenly spotted Kouga and Kagome on the bed.

Tears were streaming down Kagome's face while Kagome had an arm wrapped around her, holding her close to his chest. His fingers were tangled in her hair, soothing her pain away. At the scene, Sesshomaru glued himself to the nearest wall, peeking in. There was no reason why he shouldn't walk in, but he simply couldn't; once again, he was frozen in place.

"I don't know what to do anymore," said Kagome, her fingers grasping Kouga's shirt. "I just… I don't think I can deal with his beast being free."

Kouga softly nodded, moving his hand from her hair to her back. "I know Kag. But you don't know what's going on yet, maybe it won't be so bad."

She shook her head. "He'll always need it. He'll always need his beast to survive and that's a part of him I can never accept," she said while wiping a few tears away. "I can't be with Sesshomaru. It's too much."

At her words, Sesshomaru felt like a knife had been driven through his heart. He wasn't that surprise at what she was saying, but he had hoped that perhaps,  _maybe_  somehow they would have made  _this_  work out. Though she was right; not having his beast had been killing him. But having his beast was killing  _her_. He wasn't sure which one was easier to live with.

His eyes began to burn with tears but he still couldn't move.

"Are you sure Kagome? I mean, I know what happened between you and Sesshomaru but… I don't think you should be alone. You don't deserve to be alone and sad like this. You deserve a happy life."

Kouga moved his arm around so he could grab on to her chin. He lifted it slightly so that she was looking at him. "I'm so tired of seeing you in pain. I'm tired of seeing tears in your eyes."

She pinched her lips together, nodding. "I just…It hurts. I thought he was the answer to the pain, the answer to moving on… And Kiyoshi! He brought us together and I just… I wish he could be in his son's life. But I feel like it's so dangerous to have him around. I don't know anymore."

"He doesn't need to know who his father is."

Puzzled, Kagome frowned. "What do you mean?"

Kouga shrugged his shoulders. "You could find someone to be your son's father."

"Kiyoshi is young now, but if I ever find someone he'll be so old, he won't believe that."

At the thought of someone else raising his son, Sesshomaru almost allowed a growl to slip by him. As if he'd ever let… well he would. He shook his head, trying to tame his anger. He had always told Kagome she could do what she pleased and that included their son. If she didn't want him in Kiyoshi's life, he wouldn't force himself in. Problem was, when he had mentioned that, he hadn't been in his son's life. Now that he was… being taken away would kill him.

"Then maybe he could have another father now."

"Who?"

Kouga tilted his head back, then to the side, obviously avoiding Kagome's glance.

"You?" she asked surprised.

"Why not?" he said finally turning to meet her gaze. "I told you I'd always be there for you. That hasn't change and it never will. What I said five hundred years ago, I meant it and I still do. The way I feel for you will never change. All I want is for you to be happy."

The possibility of Kagome being with Kouga had been in his mind for a long time. Of course, he couldn't deny that he had been relieved when she had turned the wolf down. Still, he had long thought that he could be the answer to Kagome's happiness. He loved her, he cared for her and most of all he was devoted. Sesshomaru knew Kouga wouldn't hurt Kagome.

But it was too late. Kouga had lost his chance hadn't he? Kagome  _would_  turn him down. She had to.

Jealousy grew inside of him and it became difficult to not bare his fangs. He had grown possessive of her as the time had gone by. He could let her go; he  _would_  let her go but…

"I know," said Kagome, unable to glance away. "I know you wouldn't hurt me. I'm just... I'm scared."

"Then let me help you not be scared anymore."

Once the words were spoken, Kouga brought her face closer to his and pressed his lips against hers. Kagome's eyes remained opened for a few seconds, before she finally closed them and began kissing back. Their lips were locked, Kouga's fangs slightly sticking out as though he was dying to nibble her.

All Sesshomaru could do was watch the scene unfold in front of him, his hands clenched into fists. His breath was hitched, his vision was red and he felt his blood boil. He had mated her, she bore his mark. Why… how could he…. Why? No. NO. He wanted to take a step forward but when he went to do just that he couldn't move.

Something was holding him back frozen in place.

A fury was storming inside of him; feelings strange to even himself were taking hold of his heart. His eyes were burning even more, but he refused to allow the tears to spill. They were so close to him, yet they felt so far. While he was panting, he realized that  _Kouga_  was in his full form; he should have sensed his presence by now. Was the Wolf doing all of this  _knowing_  Sesshomaru was there?

Sesshomaru's amber eyes were locked on the sight in front of him. Kouga's hand on Kagome's hip, and her own hand on his chest; it looked so natural. Why could she make such fast progress with him? Then again, Kouga had never hurt her and did  _deserve_  her. Sesshomaru on the other hand, didn't. He tried to take a few deep breaths to lessen his anger as he reminded himself Kagome's best interest was the only thing that mattered.

He couldn't help but feel selfish. He had always kept his feelings for himself; he had never let his emotions towards Kagome get in the way of everything. If he felt uneasy or a pinch of pain caused by one of her decisions, he wouldn't let it show. After everything he put her through, she did not deserve his outburst or his feelings.

He always took only what she gave, nothing more.

Sesshomaru tilted his head back, no longer looking at them. If she wanted this… he couldn't… he  _wouldn't_  stop her.

The first tears spilled out of his eyes and he felt relief wash over him. Somehow the tears lessened the pain in his heart. He could hear the sounds coming from the room, but he quickly pushed them aside. A bright light was shining in his eyes, forcing him to close his eyes to protect himself from the brightness. His gesture caused a few more tears to cascade down his cheeks.

He took a few more deep breaths, the bright light still present even though his eyes were closed. It became brighter, almost blinding him. Confused, he returned his head to a normal position before opening his eyes again.

It was then that he received a shock.

Instead of seeing Kagome and Kouga intertwined he saw a brick wall. He was … still in the alley? A small panic formed inside of him while he glanced around quickly searching for his previous location. But he was not at the hotel. He was exactly where he had been sitting with his eyes closed before that girl disturbed him… the girl… had she really come along?

He ran his hand over his face feeling extremely panicked and confused. It had felt so real… how could it have not happened? All the feelings of jealousy and rage… he had  _felt_  them. He hadn't been quite himself… but he had been himself at the same time. No, no. He hadn't hallucinated that, it hadn't happened all in his head. It couldn't have.

**She's happier without you.**

Sesshomaru's eyes widened.  _You did this. You made her and the Wolf…_

**You did. Isn't that what you wanted for her? You thought she'd be better. You think you can let her go, but you can't.**

How did his beast know that…? Unless it had worked and his beast knew everything. Although that would also mean… his beast felt regret.

_The regret. It wasn't mine. It was yours._

His beast remained silent which frustrated Sesshomaru. When it was to point fingers, he was so quick to speak. Now that the situation was reversed, he couldn't say anything?

_What was the point of this?_

**You're no good for her. You bring her pain. She can't be with you.**

_Yes, she can. She decided herself without my influence._

**She can be with _you_ , but not the whole you.**

Sesshomaru wanted to argue, but he didn't know what to say. It was true. Maybe it was true. Kagome had been able to be somewhat with him, but could she handle his beast? She couldn't possibly, not in a wild state.

_Then I'll find a way to get rid of you._

**And kill yourself in the process.**

His heart squeezed. No, there had to be a way to not be killed. There had to be a way.

**Can you be half of yourself forever? Can you be a real human for her?**

_This is the difference between you and me. You loved her in your own selfish way. You took, and you didn't give. It didn't matter what she felt for you, only what you felt for her. I'm different._

**You are the same. You are jealous, possessive and you want her to be yours only.**

_But I can let go. And I can go much further than you. If I can find a way, I will silence you forever. Even if I have to be human. I took everything from her._ We _did. If I have to give everything to make it right, I will_.

No matter how painful it might be, Kagome was worth every sacrifice. No matter how much  _he_  had to sacrifice in exchange of that.

-B-


	72. Don't Say Goodbye

"Are you sure?"

Kouga nodded his head,  _again_. "I'm certain. I know her better than you."

Kai shrugged her shoulders. "I'm just saying, maybe it's a little strange."

"She just wants to be alone. There's nothing strange or wrong with that. Considering everything that happened, she clearly deserves it."

Just like the rest of the world, Kagome needed some time to deal with things. Her confusion, her new found feelings and her pain were all things that would require some time and she didn't want to share that process with anyone. Of course it killed him that he couldn't do more for her, but he'd respect her privacy and give her as much as space as she needed.

He didn't understand why Kai, someone who didn't know Kagome, worried about her so much. Kagome had gone through something more mind breaking in the past than this, which was why he believed she would be just fine. Once the shook, the new feelings and everything would fade away, she'd cease to hurt as much.

"If you're sure," said Kai as she sat beside him.

She couldn't explain why she was having this  _bad_  feeling, but she knew it meant something. Regardless of Kagome's past hurdles, Kai knew this was different. She had seen things from the past and future and this could not be good. It was easier to be hurt deeply by someone you cared about than someone you hated. Kagome's feelings for Sesshomaru were much stronger now than they were back then.

Desperate times called for desperate measures.

Kagome was confused both about her feelings and the right path to follow and that might cause her to make a mistake. Granted Kagome was in no way her responsibility, they weren't even friends, but she didn't wish for her to follow the path of self-destruction without knowing. She had chosen to help and she intended on keeping that promise.

Kouga chased Kagome from his mind to allow himself to focus on other things, by which he meant  _Sesshomaru_. They had tried to look for him, but it had been without hope. He couldn't believe that after five hundred years, the beast was still amazing at hiding. Kouga wasn't sure if they should waste any more effort trying to find him when they didn't even know where to begin looking.

He could recall Kagome's words; the way she had told him to  _not_  find Sesshomaru had shaken him. Of course, her own feelings had been a mess when she had spoken leading him to believe that if she could think clearly, she would seek him as well. His main problem however was leaving Kagome alone without protection. If  _he_ came back while Kouga was gone… it could be difficult.

If he faced reality, he would realize that the beast didn't want to come back. For the first time since Kagome disturbed Sesshomaru's life, both sides wanted the same thing. Sesshomaru's beast had spent months trying to convince his dominant part that Kagome was the right fit for them. Now, Sesshomaru finally agreed. The only problem seemed to be that the beast had changed his mind.

The question was why?

It could not have possibly have fought that hard for Kagome only to let her go. He refused to believe that  _guilt_  alone was making him run away. If he was truly feeling guilty, he would have apologized. Why run away from her?

In the room next door, Kagome had her palms pressed against the window as she stared ahead at the emptiness. Her wound had stopped bleeding, but a throbbing, aching pain in her heart was still vividly present. Her own thoughts had been driving her nuts and the emptiness caused by his missing presence did nothing to help.

Plus, her mind was filled with a different dilemma.

Kouga had called her cursed; claiming she had inflicted such a thing on herself by wishing on a dark jewel, but it simply didn't feel right. A dark jewel would still be present, it would not leave. Only a pure wish could rid the world of the jewel and since it had indeed disappeared, exploding in front of her very eyes, didn't it mean she had done it right?

Her bottom lip quivered and she sighed heavily. Nothing could make this right.

She pulled her hands away from the window and dragged herself in direction of her son's crib. Kagome rested her arms on it and glanced down at her son. His eyes were tightly closed and he appeared to be peacefully resting. Her eyes became watery as relief washed over her. During all the commotion she felt as if Kiyoshi had been forgotten.

He remained her main priority; she'd rather him happy than herself. Unfortunately, she knew that somehow it included Sesshomaru. Either he had to be completely out of their lives or in. There could no longer be any in between. Her heart began to pound as she ran her tongue over her lips. Slowly she extended a hand into the crib before pressing her fingers against her son's soft cheek.

He couldn't be tainted: he had to remain unaffected.

She tilted her head left and right, pondering a new idea forming in her mind. One day it would be time to stop running away, both from Sesshomaru and her fear. She had wished him back with the jewel she had been guarding. Whatever she had unleashed upon the world, she was responsible for. Her duty had gotten her this far… could she stop following it now?

Kagome found herself shaking her head at her own silliness. If she was terrified, her duty would not change anything. It had been one thing to speak with his restrained beast; it was another to be at his mercy once more. The last time he had been completely free, he had taken over her life and destroyed her piece by piece. She had been able to escape before he had broken her completely.

Would she be as lucky this time?

She could still painfully remember Inuyasha's death. She felt a sting in her eyes as she thought back at the boy she used to love. His betrayal towards her had broken her heart more than anything. What Sesshomaru had done to her had seemed like nothing compared to Inuyasha breaking her trust in him. She had  _loved_  him and had expected so much more from him.

Kagome vowed that after that heartbreak she wouldn't allow it to happen again.. Over the past months she had begun to care much for Sesshomaru. No matter her fears, she had developed feelings and it was hard to ignore them. He had shown her a side of himself and she had believed in it. If he took it all away now it would be devastating. If she went out there and sought him… it could all be taken away and it made her shiver with desperation.

She clamped a hand on her mating mark with a heavy heart.. This was the one thing that had always kept them bound to one and another.

He had made a choice and now she had to make a decision. Was her fear too great to overcome?

While Kagome pondered the mess within her mind, Kouga was trying to make up his mind in the other room. It killed him to sit there doing nothing while Sesshomaru was roaming the city doing Kami knew what. That was also ignoring the fact that Kagome was suffering right next door. This was not his responsibility… but he had made it so. He had made Kagome pack, which meant he would care for her and try to protect her as best he could.

"You don't always have to save her," stated Kai in a tone that was highly uncaring.

"I don't always try to save her."

She couldn't help but chuckle slightly. "Yes you do. You make everyone of her problems yours as well."

"She's family."

She had been a bit more than that to him in the past, but things were different now. He just wanted her safety and happiness.

"How long?"

Kouga raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"How long were you in love with her?"

It was obvious and she had guessed it a long time ago. Yet, she had never asked. Frankly, it was none of her business and it didn't affect her in any way, but she was curious. He still seemed so devoted to her even after so many years. On top of that, he could never have her. Perhaps he was just a great leader to his pack which only made her wonder even more why her mother left the pack.

He couldn't help the smile that appeared on his face. "Too long."

Even when he thought she no longer was alive, he still cared deeply for her. However, he did not regret any of those years. It brought him happiness to love her and protect her. Now, she had become a dear friend and was still part of the pack. In the end, he had still gained. Maybe he wouldn't have been able to come up to these mature reasoning's centuries ago, but now he could.

"I just want her to be safe."

The biggest problem with that statement was that Kagome was probably the hardest person to keep safe. She always threw herself at danger head first especially if it could help someone else. How many times over the years had she attracted trouble trying to defend the weakest? She wasn't even doing it to be a good person, she just  _was_. Yet, no matter how hard she fought for others, no matter how much of her time she dedicated herself, she always ended getting the short end of the straw.

This was actually the first time he could recall her putting her own feelings and fears first. Though, it was not a peaceful experience for her. He could tell just how torn up inside she was and how broken it left her. In the end, he _knew_  she would end up doing the right thing for  _Sesshomaru_  instead of for herself. That side of her was so predictable.

She couldn't live with the guilt of letting someone she cared for die just because she was scared.

Oh there was no doubt she was terrifed, it would make her sick to her stomach to search for him, but she would do it. He was waiting for her to tumble inside the room and announce they had to go look for him. Her fear would not hold her back twice. The only question was; would she be able to do it? Was her fear so powerful that in the end, all of this would break her?

He hoped not.

She was indeed strong and had gone through a lot, but everyone had a limit, even Kagome. Just how much insanity, fear and pain could she take?

At that exact moment, a baby's cries pulled Kouga away from his thoughts. He frowned before tilting his body to the left trying to see in the other room. It was then that he spotted Ginta holding Kiyoshi. Since the sight in front of him provided more questions than answers he decided to go inspect.

As soon as he set foot in the room, he began scanning for Kagome. Unfortunately, she was nowhere to be found. "Where's Kagome," he asked, cringing at the way Ginta was holding Kiyoshi.

He had a feeling that if  _he_  was the one holding the brat, he'd be burnt by now.

"She left," said Ginta rather calmly.

"Left? Where?"

"I don't know. She gave me Kiyoshi and left the hotel."

Kouga blinked once, then twice. "And you let her?"

Ginta couldn't help but raise an eyebrow. "I didn't know she had to stay locked in."

Ginta cared for Kagome just as much and her safety was important to him as well, but he also knew that she couldn't be kept in her room, sheltered from the world. If she had to leave, there was a good reason for that. Plus there was no real harmful situation lurking around was there? Him, Hakkaku, Kouga and Sesshomaru could take care of her.

…Wait. "Where is Sesshomaru?"

"He's on the loose. And now Kagome is looking for him  _alone_."

This was not turning out like he had planned. He thought she would have come to him and they would have gone together. She had just passed out and almost bled out to death! This was no time for her to be alone, roaming the streets for an insane beast.

"When did she leave?"

"About five minutes ago."

If he used his max speed he could catch up to her in an instant. Feeling a bit relieved he nodded in direction of Ginta before beginning to head down the hall. It was at that moment that he felt someone grab his hand, ceasing his actions. He turned his head only to see Kai holding on to him. He frowned as he became confused.

"You can't go."

"Whaddaya mean I can't go? It's not safe for her."

"She's a big girl."

"She was also a big girl back then and that didn't stop  _it_."

"Now is different."

"She's different, he is not. It's too dangerous and there are too many risks."

Kai sighed; she was clearly aggravated. "Don't you think she knows those risks? If she was too scared to do anything earlier she didn't leave on a whim this time. She thought about this and this is her answer. She knows it's dangerous but she's doing it anyway."

"That won't protect her. She has done this for as long as I've known her. She'd give up her own life if it meant saving someone she cares about."

"That was Kagome from before. If she was still like this then why didn't she come the first time? Why was she scared of going? Why did it take her so long? She's not as selfless as you think."

Kouga knew what Kai meant, but her words bothered him slightly anyway.

"No, she's not  _perfect_. She is scared and terrified because her rapist is on the loose. Obviously she might have some concerns. Yet, she's still out there trying to find him. All she wants to do is run away yet she's  _right_  there, looking for him. Running  _towards_  him."

Kai wasn't sure if he was talking solely about Kagome, or he was referring to the fact that her and her mother had fled the pack. Kai had not been given any choice in the matter, she had simply followed. Maybe her mother had run away from the pack trying to chase away the memories of death involving her mate. Did that make her a coward?

"Fine then. Then why are you running after her? This is what she does. If you admire the way she's going to face her fears, why not let her?"

Kouga pinched his lips, before a deadly glare set in his eyes. "Because her fears  _can_  kill her."

Nobody knew what the beast could or would do to her. It had run away to be far from her. If Kagome was anywhere near it, Kouga couldn't safely say that she would be fine. Though he knew Kagome; even if he stopped her now, if her mind was set she'd go eventually anyway. Perhaps the best thing to do was to  _follow_  her but not stop her.

That way, he might be able to protect her without putting a halt to her plan.

"I'll watch over her," said Kouga before tearing his eyes away from Kai and running down the hall.

Kai opened her mouth, ready to start a plea, but she gave up. A tiny smile appeared on her lips as she shook her head softly. Yes, it appeared her mother had been wrong to leave the pack; Kouga did have what it took to watch over his clan.

-B-

"So, what happened to your head?"

Sesshomaru raised his head and glanced at the bartender in front of him. He thought these people were supposed to be good at reading their costumer's expression; it was clear Sesshomaru didn't wish to have a conversation. His eyes were blood shot; he had a deep wound on the side of his head and a deadly blank stare filling his eyes.

"I don't remember," answered Sesshomaru as he picked up his drink from the counter and downed it in one shot.

The bartender smirked before nodding. "You want another one?"

"Make this one a double."

As the man poured his drink, Sesshomaru realized how pointless this was. No matter how much he drank, he would not be drunk. Maybe he just wanted something to alter his mind so he wouldn't have to think or  _hallucinate_ again. He was apparently unable to tell reality from dreams. There had to be  _something_  to set him straight.

The only positive side he could see to all this was that the longer he was in a crowded place, the longer his beast seemed to stay away. It was  _it_  that was bringing all this pain upon him and Sesshomaru had no desire to talk to him. He needed a break from his own mind. He tilted his head back as the bartender put his whisky down in front of him.

As Sesshomaru reached for it, a loud clap of thunder was heard before heavy rain began to pour down. Of course, he needed it. He spent his nights roaming the streets, heading nowhere. Sure, the rain had no effect on him, he would not be cold, but it was only one more inconvenience to add to the list. He sighed heavily before tightening his hold on his drink.

While he lifted the glass and drank its contents the doorbell attached to the door of the bar rang. He paid it no attention while he finished his giant gulp and put his drink down. Just one more mindless idiot had entered the bar.

"Sesshomaru?"

His blood froze in his veins as he recognized the voice. He felt a rage spread throughout his body, but it did not come from him. The first question that popped in his mind was  _how_  could she have found him? He had left no trace and she didn't know how to track him down! This had to be some coincidence. Either that or the Wolf had somehow managed to get on his trail. Though he could not detect Kouga anywhere in the near vicinity.

Kagome took a deep breath, her feelings a bit hurt. To be honest she had at least expected him to turn around and look at her. Even if it was the beast in control, she thought he would have glanced her way. Apparently she had guessed wrong. She didn't even attempt to step in his direction, choosing to remain where she stood.

She hesitated to call out his name again. It was clear he had heard her the first time. Did she want to risk him getting annoyed? Whichever  _him_  was currently in charge. She felt stuck and all she could do was stand there and wait for him to make the first move. At that moment she felt like an idiot for even coming to search for him in the first place.

How she had even managed to track him down felt like a mystery.

This city was big and unknown to her, yet she had walked down every street like she had  _known_  where she was heading. It had felt like something had guided her. That and the pain in the crook of her neck had become unbearable once she had been near this little, pitiful bar. Since her instincts had gotten her that far, she had chosen to listen to them once more and had entered.

Now, she almost regretted it.

Yet, there had to be a reason why she was standing beside him. Kai and Kouga had been unable to track down Sesshomaru and she had done it so easily. A part of him  _wanted_  her to find him, she knew it. Maybe it was Sesshomaru, who was probably locked deep inside his own body, who had leaded her to him. She refused to believe it was a coincidence.

Even though her hand was trembling Kagome decided to reach out for Sesshomaru. All she could do was pray that once he'd finally turn, she would see amber eyes. Her lips were glued together as she dared to put her hand on his shoulder. She felt his entire body stiffen but it seemed to be more out of fear then out of anger.

"How did you find me?"

At the sound of his  _normal_  voice, she found herself breathing easier. "I don't know."

She couldn't have found him on her own, especially not that quickly. He had left no trails and he was nowhere near the really frequented area.

"Leave."

He wanted to turn around, he wanted to hold her but he couldn't. For the moment he was himself, but he could feel  _it_  stirring inside of him. He would not endanger her. He was about to pull himself away from her when a thought crossed his mind. The fact that she had found him so easily was perhaps a hint. Yes, a hint that once again, he was hallucinating.

His beast was taunting him once again wasn't he? He longed for her terribly and he missed her. It was only natural for his beast to use those feelings to torture him.

Sesshomaru sighed heavily before softly shaking his head. Did he want to see her so badly? Last time his little  _dream_  experience had been a nightmare. Not only had he seen her be with someone else, but he had felt like he had lost her. Kami knew he never wanted to feel this way again. But he did wish to see her smiling face again.

Since no harm could be inflicted, he gathered his strength and turned his head to look at her.

She was slightly trembling, her dark locks pulled in a ponytails, giving her a more childish look. She was dressed in nothing more than a purple shirt and a pair of jeans with sneakers on but she was beautiful. Her eyes were shining with tears that were threatening to fall and she was biting so hard on her bottom lip, she was about to bleed.

Why did he have to imagine her so sad looking?

Even though she could clearly see he  _was_  himself and that he even sounded like he should, Kagome couldn't help glancing in his eyes just to confirm it was really him. He had run away on her without giving her an explanation, without leaving a note. She knew he was scared but… he shouldn't have left like that. His beast was not all there was to him.

"Why did you go?"

"It is too dangerous for me to be around you."

What was supposed to be the purpose of this? He had to admit to himself all the reasons  _why_  he couldn't return by her side? He already knew them all and had accepted it. Why did the torture have to increase each time? Why couldn't he find some sort of peace?

"We've dealt with worse. You can't just run away from me," she said before finally daring to take a step forward. "You can't leave like that."

She was just as scared as he was, but if they collapsed the moment things went wrong, then it would never work. It was already difficult for them to be together which meant they couldn't let every hurdle push them apart. She didn't want  _it_  around her, but apparently she couldn't run away from it either.

He could smell the tears coming and he felt his heart squeezing. He didn't want to hurt her; it was the whole reason why he had been unable to return! He couldn't guarantee her safety and that was his priority. He decided to get up from his seat and walk closer to her. Sesshomaru glanced down into her eyes for a few moments before deciding to grab her hands with his.

Unlike last time, he didn't want this to end. Although this illusion did bring him pain, it also allowed him to touch her, to see her. He didn't want it to disappear so soon.

"Come with me," he somewhat questioned and ordered at the same time.

She met his eyes, uncertainty dancing upon her features. His behavior was leaving her puzzled. One minute he could not even look at her or talk to her and now he was touching her and asking her to follow him. Yet the entire time his eyes had not changed color which meant it was  _him_  and not his beast. Fear took hold of her heart and all the insecurities she had shared with Kouga came back rushing through her body.

Kagome had wished him back to life; she had wanted him to live.

She had even come all this way despite how terrified she was and how dangerous it was. She could hardly believe that following him would lead to anything worse than anything she had ever been through. Still, she couldn't chase off the feeling that he was not acting like his usual self.

Nonetheless, she nodded.

Sesshomaru's hold on her hand tightened and before she knew it, he was guiding her to the door. It was rare for  _that_  Sesshomaru to be in charge. Ever since they had met again in the modern era, he had mostly let her do and decide everything as if he had been afraid to hurt her. She could only come to the conclusion that something was bothering him.

As Sesshomaru set foot outside, he was reminded of the rain. How had he not noticed? Kagome must have been soaked… right? He turned around to glance at her, only to realize that it was too late to recall if she had been wet  _prior_  to stepping outside with him. While still looking at her, he backed away from the semi-busy street into a quieter corner.

He didn't know why he asked her outside. His beast would only make him suffer before taking her away from him.

Sesshomaru was ready to go to such lengths to be with her, even sacrificing half of himself, yet the only thing he could do to be with her at the moment was to be without her. If he had to be away from her, did it make it okay to treat this hallucination as if it was reality? Ever since he had found her again in this modern world, ever since she had been  _born_ , she had been a part of his life.

He saw her when he had watched her from afar and he had felt, heard and desired her while being by her side. He was weakened, bound to her by more than just their mating now that she had linked them with the jewel and he cared deeply for her. He loved her. Knowing what he… what  _it_  could do to her… it was killing him. However, being far and unable to protect her was doing just the same.

Sesshomaru cupped her cheek softly with his hand and watched her lean in. As he watched her worried face, his mind was attacked by flashbacks of his last illusion, causing him to frown.

"What's going on?" asked Kagome while she tried to make eye contact.

He shook his head a bit, refusing to answer her. There was no point in telling her. He softly rubbed the skin of her cheek, only to be thrown off by how  _real_  it felt. It wasn't her, it couldn't be her. She wouldn't have found him, no matter what method she used. He had been so busy convincing himself she was a fragment of his imagination… what if he was wrong?

Though his beast had shown him he could make fakeness appear very real. Then again, he did not feel at the moment the same way he had that time. He wanted to sigh in frustration. If he could only ask her and know that she was telling the truth it would be much easier.

When he didn't answer her, Kagome pulled herself away from his hold. She grabbed his face with her hands and forced him to look at her. "What's wrong?"

He covered one of her hands with his before his features softened. "I don't know if you're real."

She knitted her eyebrows together in confusion. Why wouldn't she be real? Her heart began to beat a bit faster as she loosened her hold on his head a bit. "Sesshomaru, what's going on? Why wouldn't I be real?"

The only problem she thought they had going on was his free beast. Apparently she had been wrong. Couldn't he see that she was risking her sanity by coming to look for him? She was willing to risk seeing his beast again in a free state because she couldn't leave him out there. Why was he keeping things from her? Didn't he think she could understand?

"Because he doesn't want me loving you. He wants to be away from you."

"Your beast?" she asked not hiding the surprise in her voice.

"He doesn't want you."

It should have been the sentence that took away the pain, stress and relief, yet it didn't. Yes, she did enjoy the feeling of fear dissipating. After all, if he didn't want her, she didn't feel at risk of losing her life and her body. Yet, that statement also brought a downside. If the beast didn't want her, then Sesshomaru would be kept far from her.

She had noticed a long time ago that the beast was the one pulling the strings. What he wanted he took and what he didn't want he tossed aside.

Still, that brought forth an important question;  _why_  didn't he want her? It didn't make any sense! After everything he had put her through, after everything he had imposed upon her he could not just decided that he didn't want any of it. Something had to have happened. The problem was she didn't know if it was something Sesshomaru had done or it was related to the jewel.

Heck, they didn't even know why the beast had left in the first place, endangering Sesshomaru's life.

Kagome lifted herself, getting on her tippy toes, looking Sesshomaru dead into the eyes. "We dealt with it wanting me. We can deal with it not wanting me."

She wasn't sure if her words were the truth, but they couldn't give up, not yet. Surely it should be  _easier_  to deal with right? Her life wouldn't be in as much danger and there was no risk he would force itself upon her. This  _had_ to be a better situation. The beast had stayed away the entire time she had been around… it was a good thing.

"I am not sure," said Sesshomaru with a heavy heart..

The beast was trying to break them apart and though Sesshomaru wouldn't allow that, he wouldn't endanger Kagome either. Her safety, unlike last time they had a somewhat similar problem, was his priority. Though, it seemed that him staying away was hurting her. He was stuck.

Her eyes filled with tears before she looked down at his lips. She wanted them to fight this. Sesshomaru had tried not wanting to be near her in the past, yet the beast had won. But it couldn't possibly win every time! There had to be a way to control him! This was Sesshomaru's own body… why couldn't he be the one in charge?

She had dealt with the fact that she hated him, with the fact that he hated her. She had also accepted the fact that he had to be in her life and that she cared for him a lot. She didn't want to go back to not having him in her life once again. The desire to make this work was the reason why she was standing in front of him at this moment.

Kagome had almost lost Sesshomaru once. It had been so terrible that she had been forced to use the jewel. After all this, she couldn't lose him.

Yet, she could read his mind.

"You want to leave."

He couldn't answer her, he couldn't speak the words. However, he didn't have too; she could see it in his eyes.

"You think that will solve anything?"

"It'll prevent me from hurting you."

"You already did that before. I can handle it." Her voice was a bit shaky since she was unsure, but she wanted to say those words nonetheless.

He shook his head. "I don't want you to go through that again."

"He doesn't want me anymore. It won't be like  _that_."

"Then it might be worse."

Nothing  _worse_  came to his mind, but he knew the beast could find a way to hurt her just to obtain what he wanted. Clearly he wanted Kagome as far from them as possible. Though if it was the case, why hadn't he come out yet? Did he really  _not_  want to see her that badly that he couldn't bear the sight of her, even if it was to run away from her?

As he kept turning down her solutions, Kagome felt her eyes burning. Before she knew it, she grasped his shirt and the tears began to fall down her cheeks. It was then that Sesshomaru put his arms around her and held her close. He didn't wish to see tears stain her face. Not again.

The more her sobs increased, the closer he held her to his body. Kagome brought her hand down searching for his. As soon as their fingers met, he took hold of her hand and held on tightly. She didn't want him to let go.

"Don't say goodbye," she said into his chest.

Her words made his heart swell with pain. He couldn't help but grab her chin with his free hand and lift her head. Without thinking about it twice he dove in and captured her lips in a passionate kiss. Kagome didn't even hesitate and returned the kiss immediately. All the feelings of fear and suffering, all the hesitations died upon her lips as she met his.

Her heart was beating loudly in her chest but she kept holding on to his hand. It was almost as if she was afraid he'd leave if she released him.

He moved his hand to behind her head and deepened the kiss feeling as though he needed her as much as he needed oxygen. He could never tell when she'd be yanked away from him so he made a point to enjoy every second. Her silky hair felt amazing through his fingers and her lips were moist and plucked. He just wanted  _one more_  second with her, just one more.

Sesshomaru gently backed them up into a wall, making sure not to hurt Kagome as her back made contact with the brick. They were breathing heavily, still holding each other's hand as he pulled away from lips. Instead of resuming kissing her, or even looking into her eyes, he headed for her neck.

For a while now, he had been able to smell blood and he knew exactly where it was coming from. He ran his tongue over the mark, still tasting her blood. A million questions ran through his mind, the first being  _why_  was she bleeding. Still, he didn't ask any of them. Instead he focused on the softness of her skin, on the taste of her flesh.

He couldn't be with anyone, he couldn't love anyone else.

Kagome tilted her head back unconsciously, giving him better access. She was terrified and feeling like her heart was going to explode out of her chest. If he let go, he would leave. She couldn't chase that feeling off. It was then that she felt him bite her neck and in surprise she yanked herself away.

As he looked up at her slowly, she felt her heart stop.

Immediately, without thinking, she released his hand.

Yet, his  _red_  eyes remained on her.

-B-


	73. Impossible Solution

_Those red eyes_ .

She knew them too well.

She swallowed hard while pressing her back against the wall. She should have known that such a situation would have brought him out of his hiding place. Still, her bottom lip was quivering and she was holding her breath, unable to do anything else. It felt like someone was trying to strangle her, the air refusing to make it past her throat. Se had obviously faced his beast more than once in the past, but this time felt more terrifying than the others.

This time, she didn't know what to expect.

He was not the beast she was used to. He didn't want her, he didn't wish to speak to her and he had created the distance between them. She wasn't even sure if she was supposed to talk or remain as still as possible. Would he stick around, or would he run away from her like he had kept doing since he had been back in Sesshomaru's body?

Kagome was almost surprised when he pulled away from her, stood tall and stared at her as if she was a stranger. His eyes were cold and void of any feelings. He kept making eye contact with her for a few more seconds before he turned around. Without uttering a single word, he began to walk away from her, leaving Kagome shocked and stunned.

_What in the world…_

Despite the fact that her heart was pounding, a part of her was relieved to see it walk away. Her other half knew this could not end this way however. If she let him leave, she would have to find him again and repeat the process all over again. If she wanted this to be over, she had to deal with it now. She clenched her hand into a fist before gathering the courage to move.

Kagome was about to take her first step in his direction when all of the sudden he ceased all movements almost scaring her at the same time. His actions were slow while he turned his head and glared right at her.

" **Do not follow me.** "

The way he  _ordered_  her rubbed her the wrong way and she couldn't help but frown. For months she had done as he had said just in the hopes of surviving, in the hopes of living with the least amount of pain possible. He had made her obey just so it could be somewhat bearable. After everything he had put her through, she would not listen to him anymore.

Even if what he said technically made sense considering their  _past_ : she should want to be as far as possible from him.

"No," she said, challenging him.

If it hadn't been for the façade she was working so hard to keep up, she would have winced. It was true that she had stood up to the beast more than once in the past, but this time she was doing it while trying to get the upper hand. Before, she was doing it just to keep a little bit of her dignity. He was everything she hated, everything she had fought against.

He had turned her life into a real nightmare; he had taken away her pureness and everything she cared for. Her love, her freedom and her life; it had all been tainted. He had made her want to give up life. He had shown her a darkness she hadn't known before. This was the being that had turned her into a completely different person, taking her soul and stretching it to its limit. She owed him nothing while he owed her everything.

Tears were burning her eyes as she thought about all of the things she wanted to scream at him. She was  _mad_  that he dared to walk away on her. He had no  _fucking_  right to walk out on her. It was  _her_  right to yell until she had no voice, scream until he was deaf and control HIS life. Her breathing was heavy as she parted her lips ready to speak her mind.

The whole time he had remained completely quiet, simply watching her, waiting for her to make the first move. His head was tilted, his hair getting blown by the soft wind. He could remember the last time he had seen such an expression of anger upon her soft beautiful features; it was a little over five hundred years ago.

"You can't walk away."

He quirked his head to the side even more. " **I can**."

Yet, despised his words he remained where he stood.

She shook her head, holding back the tears. "You can't do this. You can't drag me through hell, force me by your side because  _you love me_  and then toss me aside. You can't just  _leave_. You imposed yourself on me, you did things to me nobody should have done to them against their will. You never gave a  _damn_  about me only yourself and your desires."

Kagome took a small pause using the time to compose herself slightly "After all of your words and actions, you're going to walk away on me?  _NO_! I will not have gone through all that just for you to decide you didn't really want it. You can't make someone suffer like that and then decide it meant nothing. It's  _not_  fair!"

Yes, she did prefer it if he hated her. But it would mean everything he put her through was meaningless, it meant he might as well have not done it… but he did do it. He couldn't have felt so strongly about her only to decide she was worthless. She wouldn't stand for that. The least he could do was provide her with some explanations; he owed her that.

"Why don't you care anymore, why don't you want me anymore?"

" **Isn't this what you always wanted?** "

His question took her by surprise but she quickly formed an answer anyway. "Yes, but…"

" **You claimed you hated me, that you did not wish to be by my side. You now have your freedom, yet you keep chasing me."**

"But you can't just change your mind!" she almost begged.

Sesshomaru took a step in her direction. " **You're changing yours. You might feel the same about me, but you do not feel the same about him.** "

"But I didn't put him through what you put me through. You can't possibly do everything you did to me and decided it didn't mean anything!"

" **I can do as I please _._** "

"No, NO! You did as you pleased enough in the past," she said before stomping her foot against the ground. "You can't do it anymore."

" **You never fought this hard in the past. Why do you fight for him now? How is he different from me? We are the same."**

"I'm not fighting for him, I'm fighting for me."

" **But you came looking for him. He guided you to him through your bond. You didn't have a bond with us in the past.** "

"It doesn't matter why I care for him." She wasn't about to share her feelings with him, he was nothing, he was no one.

" **It does. You never cared for me.** "

She held her breath for a second. "You're jealous, so you're running away?"

It made no sense. Jealousy could not be the reason why he avoided her and ran away from her. If he was jealous, he would probably try to get her even more. It was a wrong guess, yet it didn't explain why he was standing still, not looking upset by her accusation. The more time went by, the more she  _almost_  preferred his old self; at least she could tell what he was feeling.

" **I cannot be jealous. You were never mine, correct?"**

She was almost ready to argue with him, but everything fell flat. She blinked a few times, confused about the fact that she had to… agree with him? "No I never was."

He nodded. " **You aren't his either."**

Those words hurt a little.

" **If you aren't mine, you cannot be his. We are one. You might have enjoyed a little piece of happiness from him, but it was proven he cannot be the only one there. I have to be there."**

His selfishness was making her sick to her stomach. "So if you knew you had to be there, why weren't you?"

" **He showed me everything. This was what you wanted. This was the way to make it right. You only had _him_.** "

He had mated her because he thought it was the right thing to do. He loved her and he knew she was the one. She had proven that she could handle her own and she had turned out to be a wonderful mother. He had felt immense pain when she had been away from him and had almost wished for death. His desire for her had been great and he had done everything he could to make her happy while trying to bond with her.

He had tried to do everything at once. Yes, she had been unhappy, but so were most females at the beginning of a mating. It should have worn off… and it hadn't. She had kept getting more miserable and she had defied him! How could she defy him! Every female knew that they had to show their alpha respect. Even with all those time she had stained his pride he had not punished her as strongly as anyone else would have.

During their times together, he had wanted her happy while he had suffered the absence of her touch and love. He had tried to give her as much of those two things as he could but she had not appreciated it. How long had he been longing to receive the same treatment from her but he had never gotten it? He had done all he could while not forgetting himself and the rules to make her happy.

She had never wanted any of it.

Then  _he_ had come along. He had done nothing but apologize and be weak. Yet, he was the one who had ended up with everything. He hadn't done anything to prove his devotion; he hadn't done anything to be the alpha male. How was he supposed to protect her when he was weak and obedient? How was he going to protect their son?

Why did she  _care_  for him?

" **This was what you wanted. Only him without me.** "

She swallowed hard while the bitter truth she already knew washed over her. "But he can't be himself, he can't live without you."

" **Now you understand. You can't have him the way you want him. You need to have him with _me_.** "

She had always known that. Of course, a part deep within her had always hoped there would be a way around it. Maybe his beast would be different, maybe Sesshomaru didn't need it. It was cruel to let him be half of himself, especially when it was killing him. However, when the truth was being told to her by the beast itself, it had a different effect on her.

"He'd be so much better without you."

" **You only have him because I took you. The way you feel around us you would have never felt. The son you have you would never have. You say I took everything from you, but I love you. I gave you everything you have. He wouldn't be who he is and he would not be in your life**."

Five hundred years ago, she would have never thought Sesshomaru and she would have any kind of relationship. The one they did end up having, she didn't want. Now, things were a bit different. Their current relationship… had nothing really wrong with it. Sesshomaru was a different person, yet himself. Just like everyone, the years had changed him and the guilt had given him a new perspective on life.

She had nothing against  _that_  Sesshomaru. And she loved her son. She didn't  _love_  the person she was forced to become because of the pain he had inflicted upon her. She did understand life came with hurdles, but not everyone had  _this_  kind of pain to overcome. Perhaps one day, when she figured out how to deal with all of it, she'd be stronger.

For now, she felt weaker than ever.

She didn't have control over her reactions and fear and the same darkness as before still filled her heart. She had somewhat failed to her duty, still not knowing what the fate of the jewel was and everything else was a mess. She used to go head first into problems, solve them and accept even the bad things. Until  _him_ , the worst thing she had to overcome was the pain of being nothing more than a copy.

Inuyasha had been interested in her in the beginning because she was  _Kikyo_. He hadn't wanted her for who she was… just for whom she looked like. Then, she had suffered the agony of him picking Kikyo over her and it was with a smile that she had stayed by his side. She had always found her own happiness, even in dark situations.

Why couldn't she do it anymore?

"Maybe so, but it doesn't mean you did it the right way. If you love me, you wouldn't have done things this way. You never stopped to ask me what I wanted."

" **Because you wanted that _filthy_  hanyou!**"

For the first time, emotions could actually be heard in his voice. Jealousy. If he hadn't acted as fast as he had she would have been Inuyasha's instead of his.

He took a step forward in her direction. " **Would you have said no to him? Would you have refused to be his? No. What was I supposed to ask you? Men do not ask. They did not then. They picked their woman and they took her.** "

Kagome couldn't help but be stunned by his choice of words. "Back then?"

He had always mixed both eras together, never making the distinctions. Unlike Sesshomaru, he didn't know the differences and he didn't care about them. Could it be that he now  _knew_?

" **This is what he wanted me to know: that this world is different. I saw. I still did what was right. The pain was killing me, not him. He can't understand.** "

"What pain?"

" **The pain of not being with you. The pain of knowing I was losing you.** "

She couldn't help but feel as if he was lying. His timing did not make any sense. "You came to me that day in the forest…. I wasn't with Inuyasha yet. You didn't do it because you thought you were losing me."

It wouldn't excuse his actions even if he had felt like he was losing her, but she knew he wasn't. At that point even she still thought Inuyasha was all over Kikyo.

" **He spoke of you… to her. I heard him. I knew there was no more time.** "

The hanyou had never been able to make up his mind. He was supposed to have the luxury of time to make her his. But he didn't. He had wanted to make  _Sesshomaru_  want her before he went after her. All he had been able to do was take control and take her. He had put his claim on the female that was to become his mate and bear his children.

What was so wrong about that?

It was not the way she did things, but it was the way he did.

Now, things were done her way and not his.

Was it so wrong to do things according to where you lived, where you were raised? Nobody would shame him for taking her AND mating her. If he had used her and tossed her aside without her consent, it would have been more shameful. But he marked her as his, he claimed a mate, a wife. Many men and youkais did that back then.

She hated him for doing something that was common because she didn't understand it. She wanted him to understand so badly her side, her customs… but why did she refuse to understand his?

" **He didn't love you. Even if he chose you, it was simply because he understood that his relationship with the dead Miko was impossible. He also wished to live. You were only to logical choice. I picked you. Despite it causing conflict with us, splitting us. You were not a left over and you did not resemble anyone. I chose you.** "

He knew it was her since their first meeting. She was the girl who did not fear him, the one who pulled out the sword and the one who did not die by his hand. As a matter of fact, he had even lost an arm because of her. Sesshomaru might have ignored her, but he hadn't been able to. Every meeting they had she had shown to be even more worthy.

" **He didn't want you, but he still took nobody else, even before he _changed_. It was only you. Always. Both of us were devoted to you. Yet only he was rewarded.** "

"Because he didn't do anything I didn't want."

" **In my eyes I honored you. In yours I destroyed you. You might come from a different time but so do I. I was forced to see the world through your eyes but you never looked at my world.** "

"Because your world is unfair."

A world where it was okay to take women to do what you pleased… it couldn't be right. There were women, strong and independent like Sango…why would they want this for a life when they could have so much more, when they could chose what they wanted?

" **You only know your world. The one where you were given everything and every right. It wasn't always that way. Had I taken anyone else, they wouldn't have run away, they would have even been happy. You never let me make you happy. You let him and it worked.** "

For a moment, Kagome found herself completely speechless. Had she let Sesshomaru make her happy? Well, she certainly hadn't kicked him out of her life and she had allowed herself to get close to him. Still, she had let him be in her life because he hadn't been as awful to her as the beast had. He had mistreated her and he had not cared but he hadn't taken her body against her will.

"You didn't do it just once. You kept taking my body over and over even though I hated it."

" **Your body enjoyed it. I thought your mind would too one day. I also gave you a child; I know you longed for one. I saw you with the kit.** "

"I didn't want to have a child who would have a monster for a father."

" **Was I a monster to Rin**?"

"No," she quickly answered. She could call him every name, insult him, but she could never say he wronged the little girl. "Then doesn't it hurt you to know I'm her?"

" **I did not think I did anything wrong. It's wrong for you because you're from here. I wasn't.** "

She felt her blood boil slightly. The fact that he didn't see things her way didn't erase anything he did. He violated her while she begged and tried to save herself. Nothing could ever excuse that.

"It doesn't change anything!"

The beast felt something within snap. He had always lost his control, snapped and did as he pleased around her. He was controlling his feelings, trying to leave but she was being stubborn. No matter what he tried to do, her anger only rose each time. What did she expect him to do? She was only proving further than only physical strength worked against her.

" **It will never change anything. To you."**

He took a few more steps in her direction while the red in his eyes seemed to intensify. There was but a few inches between them and Kagome could not increase the distance since her back was already against the wall. She tilted her head back and began taking shorter, quicker breaths. She knew he was trying to intimidate her; she was trying to make sure it didn't work.

Still, it was hard to chase aside that suffocating feeling.

" **I gave you everything. I tried everything I could do to make you happy while going with along with my rules, with what I knew. Nothing will make you happy.** "

One tear escaped her eyes as she shook her head. "I was perfectly happy before you came in to my life."

" **Where you?** " he inquired, a semi-smirk upon his face. " **You were in love with someone who put you last. You were stuck between two worlds. You didn't belong anywhere.** "

"Inuyasha had chosen me."

" **By default**.  **But did you ignore that?** "

"He chose me because he wanted to be with me. He didn't… He didn't force me to be with him."

" **I gave you a child, I gave you love, I gave you attention and devotion. Just because it was not the way you expected it to be, you did not want it. I loved you the way I knew how. You hated me the way you knew how.** "

"I just hated you. I just hate you."

" **No matter what I do it's not enough for you. I gave you him alone, just him. That's what you wanted, but it was killing him. You risked everything bringing be back. I did that. I did that for you. You didn't want me. I put you through everything horrible, everything that destroyed you. I gave you the one thing you wanted; I was gone.** "

"Him being dead is what I wanted?"

" **That's what you wished for. Just him and that would kill him. You _can't_  just have one of us. You need both of us or there's none of us.**"

Kagome shook her head violently. "Back then, you were merging. That would leave only one of you. Yet you would live. Why can't this happen? Why can't he over take you?"

" **If we merged we wouldn't be just one half. We'd be two halves together. There he was alone.** "

"How did you leave? How could you disappear? You're him aren't you?"

At first, he wasn't quite sure himself how it was happening, but as the days went by he began to understand. " **I was inside. Just like your own powers were locked away, I locked his away. I was the dam holding the power back. It was too much to handle for him and he bled and he suffered.** "

"He is you. Why would you want to die; why would you want to suffer?"

How could he make such a clear distinction between himself and Sesshomaru when she herself couldn't? They were part of the same person no matter how much she hated and loathed that. She had gone to a new level with Sesshomaru despite her fears; he had been able to make her feel comfortable. She had been able to be at ease in his presence, even in a situation that terrified her.

Now she felt like it was all ruined.

" **I would not suffer more than I already do now. You feel pain, but I do too. You refuse to see the things I see, feel the things I feel.** "

She was being selfish and she had always been selfish. He had tried to make her desires come first but it meant nothing to her. How could he make her understand; how could he make her see? Memories and thoughts he did not want had been forced upon him. Her vision… he had seen it all. Why didn't she want to get into his mind?

He finally closed the distance between them, his chest pressing against her as he glanced down. The situation felt oddly familiar. He put a hand on her shoulder, feeling her tremble under him. Perhaps it was the knowledge that he would not be locked away that scared her or maybe it was just his presence alone.

He squeezed her shoulder a bit before approaching his face to her. Kagome held her breath, almost smashing her head into the brick wall trying to avoid his touch. "No," she said with a firm tone.

" **If I was him, you would let him. You let him kiss you plenty of times. So tell me…would you kiss me if my eyes were a different color?** "

Her heart was pounding in her chest, her lips were dried and her mind was working in overdrive. She didn't care about him; she didn't have to speak the awful truth. If he remained the same, if his eyes just were amber, yes she would kiss him. But the eyes meant more than just eyes, it represented just who was in control, who she was kissing.

" **No. We are the same person no matter what. You just ignore it** ," he said as if he was reading her mind.

She popped her lips together before closing her eyes. "I would." Admitting it caused tears to spill from her eyes.

It killed her that they shared a body. It killed her that he looked this way because it reminded her of the monster inside, the one who had put her through hell. It only made her think that she was even more insane by being with Sesshomaru. It made no sense while making complete sense. She swallowed hard as her bottom lip began to quiver.

Before he responded, he tilted his head to the side slightly and growled. Kagome arched an eyebrow, a bit confused, but quickly enough the beast refocused his attention on her.

If he couldn't have her, it wasn't fair that Sesshomaru had her. Thus, she was not theirs; they didn't have the right to be with her. Perhaps he was jealous, but it didn't matter. Either they had both had her, or neither had her. He had done his best to convince Sesshomaru that Kagome was better off without them, but he refused to budge.

Maybe he could use her fear to scare her away.

He went to move closer to her, but before their lips could meet, he was stopped. Even if he gave himself a small push forward, he could not kiss her. He could feel Kagome's breath tickling his lips while her tears overflowed from her eyes. He couldn't do this; he couldn't force it upon her. His rage began to spread throughout his body as he held back a scream of anger.

" **He has nothing more than me**."

"He respects me. He cares for me." She didn't know what made him stop his actions but she was grateful. "He loves me."

She could still hear him telling her and she remembered the way she hadn't returned the sentiment. He didn't mind though, he had simply been very sweet to her. This was who she wanted back, yet it seemed it was who she couldn't have. Why did the beast always have the upper hand? Sesshomaru was strong she knew it; why couldn't he be the one in charge?

" **I love you more than him, I loved you before him. He thought you were worthless, not worth his time. Why can't you forgive him that**?"

"Because he's genuinely sorry, because he didn't take from me and still isn't. My life is my own."

The beast couldn't help but scoff at her reply. " **Your life is your own. What about his life? Is he supposed to wait around for you to make up your mind? What if you can't? Will you toss him aside like he means nothing? I was thrown aside. You do not know the pain I experienced.** "

She pinched her lips together while her head tilted to the side. "Pain?"

" **I loved you and you threw me away like I meant nothing. Will you do the same again? You might move on, you might love again, he won't. One mate. That is all.** "

Her eyes were red and burning, but it didn't stop the fury in her heart. "I'm not toying with him. If Sesshomaru wasn't comfortable with the situation, he'd tell me."

" **Would he? Because I'm fairly certain that if he did, he would lose his one chance with you.** "

No. She was not playing a game with him. She gave this a chance because she really wanted to try. She had done a lot so far and many times Sesshomaru had told her it was okay, that they were following her rhythm. If he didn't like the current relationship they had, he would have said something. The beast simply wanted her to doubt him.

" **Do you know how much he wants you? Do you know how much he wants to taste you? How long do you think he can keep himself in check?** "

"He wouldn't."

Sesshomaru might have been an asshole in the past, but even he wouldn't have gone that far even back then. She knew that meant he wouldn't now. She had her fears and trust issues, but she could not place blame on him where he was not at fault. He would not abuse her; he would not betray her trust in him like that. It had taken everything from her to offer him what little she had… he wouldn't cross the limit.

 **"I know him, I know his inner thoughts.** "

"Not because he wants me so much that he will take me. Not everyone is like you. Sesshomaru is not a monster. I care for him. I don't care about you."

The way she kept saying she cared, the way she kept saying he was different was infuriating. WHY did she refuse to understand she was speaking about the same person? It was so unfair. He loved her more, he loved her better. He was the one that made sure Kagome would be theirs, so why was he the only one suffering? Why did his other half get to be happy?

Why wouldn't she love him and forgive him?

" **Don't you understand you can't have him if I'm not there? What will you do?** "

His question left her without a voice. She had been with Sesshomaru for so long now that she didn't know what it was like to be without him. He had helped her heal some of her wounds and he was patiently waiting to help her with the remaining ones. Could anyone else ever understand her? Could anyone else ever make her feel safe?

As the amount of tears spilling from her eyes increased, all she could do was shake her head. "I don't know."

Her answer left the beast with a bittersweet taste in his mouth. She would rather give him up then to accept him as a whole. Her hatred for him apparently knew no boundaries. She would remain with her point of view, only thinking that what he did to her was pain when all he had tried to do was love her. The pain she brought him meant nothing to her.

" **Then you cannot have him. Go.** " There was a hint of pain in his voice then that he was unable to hide.

He decided to not give her a chance to answer and he pulled away. After one long glance at her, he turned around. A part of him thought she would stop him, just like she had stopped Sesshomaru. However, the more footsteps he took, the further he was from her and the more silent she was. She truly denied him. She didn't want him.

A sadness like he had never known before filled his heart completely. The intensity of the feeling could easily be explained; it was not only his sadness, it was  _his_  as well. It could not be avoided. They both cared for her, it was the only thing they had in common apparently.

As the shock hit Kagome, she fell straight to the ground, her knees hitting it first. She brushed her knees as the puddle she had fallen in splash around. Her hair was heavy, almost hiding her face and she was completely soaked by the heavy rain. It was dark and cold but she ignored it all. The only thing she was able to do was watch him walk away with a burning desire to stop him.

"Kagome?"

At the sound of her name, she managed to gather the strength to raise her head. She found Kouga standing in front of her just as soaked as she was. His blue eyes were filled with sadness while he crouched down beside her and quickly wrapped his arms around her. As soon as they made contact, her head collapsed on his shoulder and she cried.

He had been there the entire time trying to figure out if it was right to come out of his hiding or not. He had almost been found out, thinking the beast would reveal he was there when he growled at him, but he hadn't. Kouga had watched, torn, waiting for his moment. He had wanted to let Kagome confront the beast; he had wanted her to free her heart from the pain.

Of course if the situation had gotten dangerous, he would have intervened. Unfortunately, it had turned out worse; she was heart broken.

He tried to hold her closer, he attempted to comfort her, but he could feel her shattering to pieces in his arms. He didn't think anyone would have answered any differently than she had. He took her life yet another part of him gave her a new one. The person she hated the most and the person she cared for the most where one person.

How was she supposed to choose?

It was then that Kouga felt her move in his arms and he loosened his hold to allow her freedom. Slowly Kagome raised her head and look straight into his eyes, the rain and tears mixing on her face. She parted her lips, but said nothing. All she did was stare. Kouga gently brought his hand to her face, brushing her cheek with his thumb.

"It'll be okay," he said, attempting to make her feel better.

"He's leaving. I'm going to lose him."

Kouga shook his head. "No you won't. We'll figure this out."

" _How_?" she pleaded. "He is right. If I want Sesshomaru… I have to accept him whole."

"A youkai's beast is not always around Kagome. It's not like you experienced. If Sesshomaru and he could… find a way to keep a balance, it would be okay."

"But he would still be inside."

"Yes, but he wouldn't come out. Their desires tore them apart. It's the only thing that can bring them back.  _You_ 're the only one who can do that. Without you, Sesshomaru and his beast will always be in a battle. Sesshomaru will want to be with you, with Kiyoshi, while his beast will refuse him his happiness."

She shook her head while biting on her bottom lip. "It's not fair."

"I know, Kag. I wish it was."

"So what?" she asked, shrugging her shoulders. "I just let him walk away?"

"I wish I had an answer for you, but I don't. If you care about him, if you can put up with this, then go. Run. If you can't, then you might have to wait."

"But he could go anywhere."

The answer was obvious, painful but obvious. "You're finding more reasons to go after him then reasons to stay here with me."

"But… he's still…"

"Do you care about him Kagome? Do you love him? If you do, then go after him but I can't promise you that it won't hurt. It might end up very close to the hell you were living before. Of course I wouldn't allow him to do  _that_."

Kagome peered back and forth from Kouga's face to the emptiness where Sesshomaru had stood. Her heart was ready to explode out of her chest, yet she could not make up her mind. What if she made the wrong choice, what if she ended up regretting it for the rest of her life?

Could have. Should have. Would have.

She closed her eyes tightly before completely pulling herself from Kouga's embrace. This was about to be the worst mistake she ever made. Without giving it another thought she began running in the direction he had disappeared. Her inside were twisted, she felt sick to her stomach and her heart was going crazy. Still, despite the harsh rain and the sound of thunders, she kept running.

The terrible weather made it difficult for her to see, but it did not stop her. All she saw was darkness and not a hint of the person she was looking for. Kagome still had no idea how she was supposed to stop the beast, but it wouldn't prevent her from trying. She had now officially gone too far; there was no turning back for her.

Her footsteps were heavy and loud as her desperate search continued. How could he have disappeared so quickly? If he had used his speed… if he was flying… she wouldn't be able to find him.

"NOOO!"

The sound of a voice caused her to halt all actions. Kagome knew that voice; it was  _his_. Her eyes widened a bit as she began running again, hoping she had heard right. Her entire body was trembling, her throat felt dry but she made for her destination nonetheless. Her legs were barely supporting her, pain was shooting through her body but she finally reached her destination. She stopped in front of a dark alley, barely daring to go further.

Was he here?

As she took one footstep at a time, she found herself staring at nothing but blackness. It required a few more steps for her to see shiny silver hair. When she approached him she noticed he was on his knees on the ground, holding his head and grunting. She dared to move a hand in his direction, but he did not react to her.

"Sesshomaru?" she tried.

At that moment, he lifted his head to look at her with his shiny amber eyes. Relief washed over her and she allowed herself to drop down to her knees to be eye level with him. She didn't need to ask what was going on since she already knew; he was battling his beast. He  _wanted_  to stay with her even though she had been unable to provide an answer earlier.

She covered his hands were her shaky ones, trying to provide support. "It'll be okay."

Sesshomaru didn't answer; instead, his head hung even lower as if he was avoiding looking at her.

"We can do this."

The tears were forming in her eyes once more and she felt like breaking down. "I don't care. I don't care if it needs to be there. You promised you'd stay. You promised you'd stay until I didn't want you by my side."

Sesshomaru's breathing slowed down as though her speech was affecting him.

"It'll be terrible. I'll be terrified, but I can't go back. I think… being alone is worse. It's dark and it's cold, and I don't want to be like that anymore."

Maybe being with him, all of him wasn't as bad as living through this hell by herself. Maybe she needed him more than she ever knew. She pressed her forehead against his, her hands dropping to his knees while his remained on his head.

"You don't have to be alone. I don't have to be alone. You don't have to be torn anymore, we'll fix this."

She didn't know if they could, but she couldn't give up. Kami knew she should, everyone else would… This was insane; this was the craziest relationship there was. She wasn't caring about him because she had been imprisoned under his influence for too long. She cared about him because she wanted to. She was with this man, she put up with it all because she  _wanted_  to. She couldn't go back to the way things were, all she could do was move forward.

Kagome gently pressed her lips against his forehead, hoping it would soothe both their pain. Sesshomaru remained quiet while he kept struggling, but she could not leave him. Her entire body was quivering from the coldness of the rain but she managed to sneak herself onto his lap. Sesshomaru had no choice but to sit on the cold wet ground and he did.

She laid her head against his chest, feeling the rapid beat of his heart. She could not say it would be okay, all she could do was hope. This was terrifying, but it was the path she had chosen… or maybe the one that was given to her.

It was too late to go back, too late to change her life. And even though Kami knew there was plenty wrong with it, she would hold on to the good parts.

And right there, hope was born.

Hope for a better day, hope for a better life.

Hope for love.

-B-


	74. Give and Take

He was alone in that room; he wanted to be alone. He sat there listening to the sounds coming from the other room; he could hear her breathing, her heartbeat… everything. He could even be overwhelmed by her scent yet she was so far. He had really missed being whole and that was unfortunate. He wished he was better off being only half of himself.

**Half of yourself kills you.**

Sesshomaru closed his eyes. He hadn't missed  _that_.

_I am well aware of that._

**She will not last. She hates me.**

_She wants to stay_.

**It doesn't matter. She is being selfish, she doesn't wish for me.**

Sesshomaru scoffed.

 _She is being selfish? After everything you forced upon her_?

**I accepted her world. She refuses to accept mine.**

_There is nothing to accept._

**She won't want you anymore. She wanted you without me. You'll be hurt.**

_I will not. And she chose to stay with me._

**Just because she forgot what it was like to be with me.**

_I can wait._

**No you can't.**

_I am not like you!_

No matter what Sesshomaru said, the beast didn't believe him. Sesshomaru might have thought he had changed, but he hadn't – not that much. Even without  _his_  desires, Sesshomaru would have some of his own. He was burying everything he felt deep inside just to not scare the Miko.

He had a feeling his counterpart would stay very far from their mate now and he wouldn't let that happen. If she did choose  _them_  as she claimed, she should be able to do everything she did before.

He didn't trust her.

He loved her and she hurt him.

He couldn't trust that she wouldn't break his heart again.

On the other side of the door, Kagome sat in the chair at the kitchen table with a heavy heart. All three of them had managed to make it back to the hotel without any interruption. The only reason why it had happened was probably because the beast had accepted her decision. After all, wasn't that what he had wanted from the start? Granted she had not done it with lightness in her heart but because there was no other answer.

 _Things would never be the same again_.

She was snapped out of her thoughts when she felt a light fluffy object being dropped on her head. She raised her eyes up and took notice of the yellow towel on her head. She grabbed it before pulling down on it so that it was resting around her neck. From the corner of her eye she could see Kouga standing near, drying his hair.

"Are you okay," he asked not very subtlety.

She faintly nodded. "Yeah."

Kagome couldn't stop herself from glancing into the bedroom. Sesshomaru was completely soaked and sitting on the bed just like he had since the moment they came back to the hotel. It created an unsettling feeling within her and she sighed heavily before refocusing her attention to the  _marvelous_  table in front of her. Why didn't she feel better… why didn't he feel better?

"Is he avoiding me?" she inquired.

Kouga pinched his lips together; this would not be an easy situation. He had known she wouldn't give up on Sesshomaru but the paths that lie ahead of those two would be rocky. Frankly the protective side within him didn't like it much. He'd be on his guard just to make sure nothing happened to her. He didn't care what the beast said, or how he voiced, he understood the modern world and customs; he didn't trust it.

He wouldn't let Kagome be physically and mentally hurt all over again.

"I think he needs time to take it all in."

Kouga wasn't certain his answer was correct but it was the best response he could provide. When he saw her run for Sesshomaru, he had seen a glimpse of hope. Now he was thinking that he had mistaken hope for destruction. He wanted her to be happy; he just hoped she wasn't going down a path that would destroy her.

He had no doubt Sesshomaru could make her happy. He did have doubts however that the beast could. Problem was, they could no longer be separated and the good had to come with the bad. Would the good be enough to outweigh the pain and memories?

Kouga stretched a hand and rested it on Kagome's shoulder to bring her comfort. Words would do nothing to appease the pain she felt inside. He squeezed gently before pulling away knowing there was someone who did require a little talking to. Sesshomaru was too closed off and Kouga needed to get him to express himself or this would go nowhere.

"I'll be right back," he announced to Kagome before exiting the kitchen and heading Sesshomaru's direction.

She remained there hearing his footsteps echo through the room before she finally began to dry herself with the towel when she started to shiver. She knew exactly what Kouga was going to do and it was something she had to do as well. They had shared this intense moment where she had agreed to be with him no matter what it meant but everything after that had been silence.

They might have had their awkward moments but they shared everything. Or at least eventually they did. The beast's words were still running through her mind, especially the part about her being selfish. Was she really taking what  _she_  wanted from Sesshomaru while leaving him to scramble for what he wished for? Did she pressure him into taking less, much less than what he wanted?

He would have told her if he wasn't comfortable. He had promised he was fine with her pace, one that had to be set because of the events of the past…

She sighed before completely covering her face with the towel. When would this load on her shoulders get lighter?

In the next room Kouga took a seat on the bed beside Sesshomaru. He intertwined his fingers while resting his hands on his lap. Sesshomaru appeared to be mindlessly staring at the wall; this wouldn't help. It was obvious he would have to begin the conversation and that caused him to tilt his body to the side, making him face Sesshomaru's back.

"She thinks you're avoiding her."

"I'll hurt her," he responded almost immediately.

His heart had shattered when she had come running to him, bawling her eyes as she accepted who he was  _fully_. She was willing to put up with this thing inside of him, the thing she despised. He didn't see it happening. He, himself, found it hard to live with that part within. Yes people changed, but not that quickly. He didn't trust it to not hurt Kagome.

"You didn't hurt her then. He barely laid a hand on her."

"But what happens when it wants to get its way?"

Kouga grabbed Sesshomaru by the shoulder forcing him to turn around. "Then you stop it. That girl in there  _cares_  about you. She's putting her own sanity on the line to make this work. What do you do? You mope in your own fucking corner, staying away  _not_  to hurt her. You're hurting her now! She knows the risks and she's willing to take them."

He took a deep breath, trying to keep his temper under control. "Plus I wouldn't let you do anything to her. I don't care who or what you are. If it tries anything, I'd stop it."

 _That_  Sesshomaru didn't believe. "As if you could take me down."

"Yeah, yeah," said Kouga nearly rolling his eyes. "Get that smartass attitude in there with the broken hearted girl. I really don't know why I let you have her."

Sesshomaru arched an eyebrow. "I believe she turned you down."

"Keep telling yourself that," said Kouga as he pulled his hand away and rose to his feet. "Go talk to her and don't make me come back in here."

Sesshomaru nodded slightly and he forced his lips together. He didn't know what to tell Kagome. He was terrified that at any given moment his beast would take over and do as he pleased just like he had done in the past. It had been one thing to be around her knowing his beast was locked away, it was another to  _trust_  it to do the right thing.

Still, he could feel and  _smell_  her sadness from where he sat and it tore his heart apart.

It was hard getting adjusted to being his full self again. He had regained his appearance a while back, but he hadn't been his self, not without his beast. He had his powers back, he had his senses and most of all and he could feel  _her_  and their broken, damaged bond. Still fullness had its price; he had to be whole with everything, be everything his beast had done.

Slowly he stood up and took small steps in direction of the kitchen. He could clearly hear her every movement and the way she vigorously rubbed her skin with the towel. It didn't take long for him to set foot in the kitchen, only to peer at her back; she hadn't heard him coming her way. He made his footsteps louder in the hope that it would alert her of his arrival, but it didn't.

When he was finally behind her, she decided to turn around only to gasp loudly. She stared at him wide eyed before putting a hand on her chest. "You scared me," she said in a voice not much louder than a whisper.

For a second, she thought it had been his beast. Now, relief washed over her.

She looked straight into his amber eyes and her heart nearly skipped a beat. She wanted to clear her mind, to speak to him with no thoughts or memories but she still could not chase aside the beast's words. Kagome managed to take a deep breath before taking one step forward.

"Are you okay?"

He nodded, though she could easily tell he was not. Sesshomaru knew he could return the question but he was already aware that Kagome was not doing well. Hoping he was not breaking the boundaries he stretched out his hand and grabbed a lock of her wet hair. She was completely soaked and her cheeks were slightly red. If she fell ill because of him, his guilt would only increase.

"I am sorry."

She shook her head. "It's not your fault."

Kagome didn't blame him because it was meant to happen. They both knew his beast could not be ignored forever. She had wished to avoid it but like everything else that happened between them it was thrown back in her face. At least this time the meeting with the beast hadn't led to a physical fight. Her body had remained untouched.

"Kagome, are you sure you're okay with this?"

Her eyes began to tear slightly but she nodded. "I know it won't be easy. But… when you walked away… I realized it would be harder if you were gone."

His heart became swollen at her words. He was well aware of the horror the best had put her through and her words meant everything. He moved his hand away from her hair and cupped her cheek gently. He had made many promises and he hadn't always been able to keep them, but this one… no matter how desperate it sounded, he would keep it.

"I won't let it hurt you."

He might not be able to always stop it from taking over, but he'd spend every second making sure his beast would not hurt Kagome anymore. She was willing to put herself at risk for this and he would put in just as much effort as her. This was tearing him up from the inside, but he had always known their relationship would come with pain. Hopefully, one day the weight wouldn't be as heavy.

A day ago, they would have kissed. Today, both of them were uneasy. Kagome wanted to but all she could hear was the beast telling her that kissing Sesshomaru was like kissing it. She knew in her mind it was much different, but his words were hard to push aside. She was also aware that Sesshomaru would not make the first move.

They had taken a few steps back with the current events.

She had to confirm something, even if it sounded foolish. "Are you going to stay?"

"Why wouldn't I?" He paused. "Kagome, are you afraid of being close to me?"

Right away she turned her head and glanced his way. It was true that physically they had taken a huge step lately and now she felt like she was keeping her distance. She wasn't doing it consciously though. Maybe it was her unconscious fear of the beast. She could tell by the tone of his voice that he was a bit hurt and her thoughts ran wild.

Once again, her mind was invaded by the wretched words of his beast. Sesshomaru  _did_  wish that she was closer at the moment. So did she, and frankly there was nothing wrong with that but…

"Sesshomaru do you –"She pressed her lips together. Could she ask this? Also, could she ignore his question? "Do you… feel used?" It was an odd question but she didn't know how else to put it.

Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Used?"

"Do you  _get_  what you want from this relationship?"

Her question left a bittersweet taste in his mouth; he didn't like where this was heading. "Yes."

She nodded. "Are you sure? You don't want more?"

"No."

Her eyes widened a bit. "You would never want more?"

"I would."

"But not now. There is not one single time where you wanted more than I gave you?"

She felt like she was attacking him, but it wasn't what she was trying to do. She  _needed_  him to tell her the truth. He couldn't sugar coat everything just for her sake alone. She had to know if what the beast said was true. It was foolish since it had probably wanted to upset her. Well, it was working and now she was seeking the truth.

Even though Sesshomaru had not been the one to speak to her, he was aware of the words that had been spoken… at least most of them. He also knew exactly what she was referring to. Of course he could lie to her and tell her no, there was  _never_  a single moment where he had not wanted to  _continue._ Obviously the desire hadn't driven him insane, but yes the thought had crossed his mind at least once.

But that was because he loved her and he wished to be with her. It was a normal reaction no matter what situation someone was in. Holding back and waiting was also a normal occurrence in many couples. It didn't change anything; it didn't make them any different from any other couple.

"There were a few times."

Her lips were glued together as she nodded. Of course there were a few times… even she had almost been caught in the whirlwind at least once. The next question was; did he suffer? She gave as much as she could and expected him to be fine with it. She didn't think he needed more because they had discussed it before. She was unable to give more. Not yet.

Kagome slowly raised her hand and pressed it against his chest near his heart. "Does it hurt you? Does it hurt you that I don't know? That maybe in the end, I can't? Does it hurt you that you love me, you're ready for me and I'm not?"

It did. But it wasn't something he blamed her for since he was the cause of it. Actually, his beast was… but apparently they had to be the same person, thus he took responsibility. He shattered her and after he had glued the pieces back together, he was aware that he had to wait for her to be strong again.

He'd wait as long as he had to.

"It doesn't."

"Liar."

He chuckled a bit. "It does hurt, but it is not a pain I cannot bear. I will wait. I have control over myself, I will not snap. I chose this, I want this. I will wait as long as I need."

"What if you always want more than I can offer?"

She didn't want to shut down every hope from the start but she had to. She could not deny the reality that she might never be able to be completely with him. Would he go on forever like that? Could he? She knew that to youkais, mates were more serious than husband/wife, but… He had not really mated her. Another part of him had.

He didn't want her to only have memories of him  _harassing_  her body. But if she couldn't, then he wouldn't. It would probably hurt since their bond would be painfully weakened, but he'd live with that pain just like she lived with it. He was not an animal like his beast; he wouldn't resort to violence just because he experienced some kind of suffering.

"I will not leave."

Sesshomaru moved himself a bit closer to her. "I won't go anywhere Kagome unless you want me to. We went over this before. I am grateful for everything you give me. It doesn't matter if sometimes I wish for more, because I want what you are willing to offer me."

This conversation should not have to happen again. She should know he wanted everything she wanted.

"I know," she said softly,

Sesshomaru wouldn't take, but it didn't mean he didn't want. She felt guilty for the things he desired that she didn't give. It was completely understandable that she was afraid of a few things, but it didn't lessen the knot in her stomach. What if it all worked out, but in the end Sesshomaru's buried desires became too much and he ended up resenting her?

Then all of this, all of the hurdles they would go through, all the pain would be for nothing.

"I just…" There was no way for her to end that sentence.

From now on during each and every situation she would know that somewhere inside was the beast and he could come out whenever he wanted. He could sneak up and ruin any moment, he could terrify her. She didn't want that fear to take hold of her heart; she had to be stronger than that didn't she? Kagome took deep breaths while she moved closer to Sesshomaru..

Her heart was pounding harder than ever and her body heat seemed to skyrocket, which she assumed was from the time spent under the rain. She grabbed on to his shirt and held on tightly. She felt Sesshomaru closing the distance and she hoped he understood what she was trying to do because she didn't have the courage to do it.

If she could just kiss him back, prove to herself there was a difference, it would help. She had to know she hadn't been mistaken, she had to know this was Sesshomaru was she was kissing. It was a horrible thought to think she'd willingly kiss his beast… but no… this wasn't his beast. This was Sesshomaru. The same person she had kissed many times.

Unfortunately, despite her thoughts, her body was locked in place.

He could _hear_  her heartbeat in his head because of its loudness. She had seemed to come forward, but she appeared to be a complete nervous wreck at the same time. Sesshomaru was not sure what exactly what she expected from him. Though by the way she was glancing his way and clinging on to him, he had an idea. However if he was wrong, this could be problematic.

Sesshomaru used the hand that was cupping her cheek to bring her face closer. In his hold, he felt her tremble, but since her eyes didn't show much doubt, he continued. It wasn't until his lips met hers that she closed her eyes and he followed. He was about to taste her lips when he suddenly felt a choking feeling deep inside.

Before Sesshomaru was able to react he found himself feeling very far away inside himself. His lips did not move against her and his breathing rate changed. Still, he felt her lips against his. He wanted to open his mouth and speak, but he had no control. He felt his fangs against her lips as he gently nibbled, but he was not the one doing it.

Suddenly, he felt her pull away and he strangely found himself able to open his eyes. As he did, a tint of red quickly disappeared and he stared at Kagome puzzled. Had his beast just…  _already_?

Kagome raised a hand to her lips, feeling rather strange. This kiss had felt different from the other ones, she didn't know how though. She glanced into Sesshomaru's eyes to find an answer but all she noticed was his paleness. She wrinkled her eyebrows in surprise. He was  _fully_  youkai at the moment, how could he be sick?

She  _knew_. Kagome knew. Just from the way she looked at him, Sesshomaru could tell. He felt his body heat rise as his heart was caught in his throat. Should he tell her that his beast had been in control during the kiss? She hadn't kissed him out of lust; she had kissed him while searching for answers. If he told the truth, it might be the wrong answer.

What if she was scared of it afterwards? Maybe she would not only come anywhere near him but she'd lose the faith she had in  _this_ , in them. If he were her, he'd probably think the beast would come around every time. To be honest, he hadn't expected the beast to show up this quickly, but apparently he was trying to prove a point.

"Are you okay?" he inquired as if nothing was wrong with him.

She nodded, still a bit taken back.

He would lie to her.

His cheeks had a hue of red and he seemed a little breathless. "Are you okay?" she said, returning the question when she noticed his state.

Lies. "Yes. You are very warm. I think you might have a fever."

That was no explanation for pulling away from her. All he could manage to do was deviate the conversation. He didn't wish to lie to her, but he didn't know what else to say. This was the situation he had been trying to avoid. This was why he had wished to control himself. He didn't care how much control his beast thought it had.

They would not go through this again.

A low growl escaped him, almost as if he was trying to establish dominance. In the past he had almost gone along with it. He had settled for a deal. But he shouldn't have to. This was  _his_  body, his mind to control. He had always assumed his beast could do as it pleased, but what if he was simply allowing it to do as it wished? When it had taken over the first time, Sesshomaru had been slightly confused and had fought it.

Afterwards, he had thought his beast could overcome him. Even when he fought it, he always thought  _it_  could  _win_.

This time, he would begin this with a different frame of mind. This was not just about him; this was about her as well. For centuries he had relied on the watch to keep his beast at bay, now it was his turn to do it. No, he had absolutely no idea if it would work, but he couldn't give up. Unlike then, he felt like he had much more to lose if he was defeated.

Despite her awkwardness and the slight feeling that Sesshomaru wasn't telling the truth, she was still hanging on to his shirt. Words were burning her lips and she had to tell him. She sacrificed a lot just to have him stand in front of her again. Of course a darkened jewel had given a terrible answer to her wish, but it had granted it nonetheless.

She slipped one of her hands in his. "I'm scared."

It was easy to say she knew the consequences and it was easy to say she knew it would be hard. It was another to admit her fears. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she clenched her fingers around his. It had been a while since her body had been molested but to think of those red eyes, it brought it all back. She had managed to be somewhat comfortable around Sesshomaru when it came to  _that_.

She had to hold her ground, no matter how difficult it became.

The beast was just a  _part_  of him. If it could be re-absorbed, if they could be united… It wouldn't be as hard. It was the lurking feeling of knowing he could come around whenever he wished that terrified her. She didn't want to wake up one night with him hovering over her with those red eyes. She had been freed; she had known trust and caring…

She wouldn't go back to that.

"I can't go back to that," she said truthfully. "I wanna try; I don't want this to change anything, but…"

"But if I constantly lose control, you cannot suffer through that again."

She was willing to accept it was a part of him, willing to remain by his side. She was however unwilling to be abused once more. Since she could not speak the words so all she did was nod her head while a feeling of guilt spreading through her. She was well aware there was no reason for her to feel that way but she could not help it.

Kagome buried her face in his chest and he wrapped his arms around her and held on to her tightly He rested his chin on her head and inhaled deeply. It was then that out of the blue, he felt his body temperature rising. At first he thought it was because Kagome might be sick and her heat was transferring over, but it was when it hit his cheeks that he realized.

It wasn't that kind of hotness.

He began breathing a bit harsher and he closed his eyes while cursing his beast. He was trying to prove a point. He was trying to prove to Kagome that  _he_  was the same as  _it_. Sesshomaru couldn't understand his own beast; he wanted Kagome, he did. He was simply trying to offer her what she apparently wanted. Now he was trying to push her away?

Frankly if Sesshomaru acted like his beast, all it would cause was the loss of Kagome.

Suddenly he was broken away from his thoughts when Kagome pulled away from him slightly. One of her eyebrows was raised and she appeared to be both surprised and puzzled. However, she did not say a word. Instead her eyes traveled gently down and all he could do was follow her gaze. It was then that he met a  _bulge_  in his pants.

Oh for the love of -.

An erection.  _An erection_?

This could not be from him. Yes, he was attracted to Kagome, but this was completely different. All he had done was hug her; nothing that should be getting him worked up. Could…. It be his beast? After telling him he'd lose Kagome he had disappeared and became completely quiet. Was this is way to prove his point?

It was a bit awkward and uncomfortable, but Kagome wouldn't run away because of that. After all, they had gotten a bit close themselves in the past months and it wasn't anything she wasn't familiar with.

"My apologies," he said as he pulled himself away from her.

Kagome pinched her lips together. The timing couldn't be more wrong. Hadn't she just asked him if he felt used, if he put his own desires aside? Though it was quite a strange reaction from Sesshomaru. He didn't usually become… _excited_? He had kissed her passionately of his own will a few times, but… Well.

He had just  _become_  one again with his whole self. Maybe there was still a bit of adjustment to do.

It did remind her of their proximity. Not the one she shared with the beast, but the one she had shared with Sesshomaru so far. Every single time he had touched her he had treated her like a queen, putting her before  _himself_. Technically it was what the beast had tried to do in his own fashion. He had hurt her, but he had kept saying he was doing it for her.

She swallowed hard.

Was she closing her eyes to his point of view?

He had damaged her; he had hurt her, taken her life away and made it into something completely different. Did she hate everything about her new life? No. Would she have hated the life of a prisoner that she had by his side? Yes. She did believe it all happened for a reason and even though she was still scared and broken she had also gained some wonderful things during this terrible experience.

Being with his beast had not worked; being with the old Sesshomaru had not worked. Being with the new Sesshomaru had worked but it almost cost him his life. Now they were on the fourth try where she had to be with the new Sesshomaru along with his beast.

She tore her eyes away from his crotch and glanced at his face. "The problem before was that you didn't want me right?"

He nodded.

"But you do now. So why are you not one?"

"I'm not sure."

Was it his fault for hating his beast, or was it because their mating was still broken because she still despised half of him?

"This won't be right; this won't work unless… you're one. You can't be two forever."

But that meant both her and Sesshomaru would have to deal with the issues they had with the beast.

"You know what that means correct?"

"I do. But this is worse. The part where he differed from you was his love for me. But you feel that way. If you were to be one again…" He wouldn't be any different.

However it involved her forgiving his beast. That would be a long road ahead.

Sesshomaru closed his eyes while the frustration reached him. There had to be another way. He did agree with her; they couldn't let the beast change things around as he pleased. But he couldn't have her pressure herself into moving on. If he did, then one day she might break.

He cupped her cheek with his hand. "I don't want you to do anything you don't want."

She covered his hand with hers. "I won't. I just can't take this anymore. I'm not doing it for you, or for him. I'm doing it for me. If I don't break out of this darkness, I'll go insane. I can't be in fear for the rest of my life. "

How was she going to do this?

She had no clue.

But he was here with her and  _maybe_  that would be enough.

-B-

It was very late into the evening and the sun was just getting ready to rise. Nonetheless, both Sesshomaru and Kagome were still awake, each sitting in their bed. Kagome had moved Kiyoshi's crib right beside her, almost as if she felt guilty for leaving him while she had sought out Sesshomaru. She had a hand hanging inside the crib, gently brushing her son's hair.

"I never called my mother."

It wasn't as if she couldn't or didn't want to, it simply was that the situation was too complicated to be explained over the phone.

"What am I supposed to tell her?"

Obviously she would tell her the truth, but at the moment it sounded quite insane. The last time her mother had seen her, the simple sight of Sesshomaru was making her sick. How was she supposed to say that they were considering a relationship and that she didn't find him as terrible as before? The only way to make this right was to allow her mother to meet Sesshomaru which she couldn't do right away.

Though it didn't mean that her mother wasn't worried sick over her.

He had also noticed but he had not pointed it out since he didn't feel like it was his place. He had figured she had her own reasons for not calling her. Though one thing he couldn't help notice was how she was bringing this up now… when they had not quite finished their conversation from earlier. It was easy to tell, she didn't want to discuss it.

Although, what was there left to discuss?

His beast had returned and she had made the conscious choice to stay by his side even if it meant accepting his beast somewhere along the lines.

"If you wish to ease her worries you can call her. If you think it'll increase them, don't."

She nodded. Maybe it was best to wait. Wouldn't they be returning  _soon_  anyways? After all, the jewel was now gone and their task was over. All that remained was waiting for Kiyoshi to be old enough for the flight. She didn't care if he was half-youkai or  _full_  youkai: she wouldn't jeopardize his life. They would wait the required amount of time.

It was at that moment that the silence of the room was broken by cries. Kiyoshi's tears were spilling, causing Kagome to rush to her feet to hurry and hold her son. She grabbed him from his crib and gently rocked him. It was nice to hold him. She hadn't been far from him for too long, yet it had felt like an eternity. Although, despite enjoying holding him, there was something she noticed.

His screams had only increase in intensity.

Sesshomaru sat on the edge of the bed, concern flashing through his eyes. As if his change of position had made Kiyoshi notice him, he began to extend his arms in direction of his father. Kagome seemed rather taken back at first, but she still walked in direction of Sesshomaru. Their son wanted… his father?

"I think… you should hold him," she said as she stood in front of Sesshomaru.

Still unsure like most times he held him, Sesshomaru reached out for his son. As soon as he held him in his arms, he began to feel overwhelmed in a way he could not explain. He had done this before, why was he being so  _proud_  this time? He glanced down at Kiyoshi and their amber eyes met. While Sesshomaru kept staring at his son, the cries died down.

Kagome couldn't help the tiny smile that reached her lips. No, she did not mind that this time Kiyoshi needed his father's attention. She wanted them to be in each other's life… no matter what happened in the end.

As Sesshomaru gently stroke the markings on his son's face with his thumb, he bent forward just a bit more again. His bangs were now hiding his eyes from Kagome while she moved to sit beside Sesshomaru, no longer wanting to awkwardly hover over them.

Beneath the silver bangs were no longer amber eyes looking down at Kiyoshi, but red eyes. The expression on his face had also transformed. It was not only a look of contentment but it was one of pride. It was a look of true happiness. Never had such a bright smile been upon his lips before.

He had been kept from his son for too long now. His son had known he was there; he had reached out to him. Yes, his heir had wanted to bond with him. The last time they had been in contact was when he had still been inside his mother's womb. Now for the first time he held him and he felt his youki swirl inside as pride filled him. He was strong, very strong.

Sesshomaru ran his finger until he reached the moon on his son's forehead and he gently tapped it.

This was the life he had wanted.

This was the life he had wished to give her.

And now, they had it.

His Mate. His Son.

How long until the illusion would be shattered?

-B-


	75. Burning Desires

Her small body was trembling, her bottom lip quivering, while she took another step in the direction of her destination. Kagome was taking deep breaths, foolishly attempting to slow down her heartbeat. She  _wanted_  to do this. It was probably very stupid of her and it would make a mess out of everything, but she  _had_  to. Just yesterday she felt terrified to be close to him, considering his new found wholeness but… she missed _it_ .

The two of them actually hanging out together, their closeness, everything, she missed all of it.

Could it truly be so wrong of her to want this?

Her chest was rising up rapidly and her breathing rate accelerated. It was with a shaky hand that she reached out for the handle before swallowing hard. Her fingers wrapped around the handle and she half closed her eyes as she turned it. It clicked before she found herself pulling the door open. The steam that had been trapped inside the room immediately began to escape when she set foot in the bathroom.

Quietly, she closed the door behind her and pressed her back against it. From where she stood she could see his silhouette through the white curtains of the shower. Her heart was pounding, her hands were moist and her lips were dry. A puddle of warmth was developing in her stomach while she ran her tongue over her lips. Now that she was face to face with…  _him_ , she wasn't sure if she could do this.

Did it seem desperate? Was it foolish?

Kagome pinched her lips together before she finally pulled herself away from the door. Her footsteps were silent while she attempted to never attract his attention. If she changed her mind she would look less stupid if he never knew she was there in the first place. It was then that a strange thought crossed her mind. He was a youkai… shouldn't he have detected her scent by now?

Her head tilted to the side yet she kept moving forward. Was it the heat and steam filling the room that left her undetected or was he so used to her presence he didn't notice it was so close?

Shrugging her shoulders she breathed in heavily; there was no turning back at this point. She quickly grasped the curtain and in one swift motion pushed it out of the way. The rest happened in a blur. A slightly surprised and shocked Sesshomaru stood in front of her, his hands in his wet silver hair, shampoo bubbling through. He was fully exposed to her while his amber eyes seemed a little wider than usual.

Oh dear Lord. He was naked. Of course he was naked; he was showering! Oh god. Oh  _god_. He was naked. In the shower. In front of her. Oh and  _wet_ \- he was wet. Her eyes were glued to his chest, slowly traveling downwards and downwards… Her excitement over took her, along with her fear. No, she didn't have to be scared… she had seen it before.

"Kago-me?"

Sesshomaru had an eyebrow arched while his mouth hung open slightly..

She bit on her bottom lip, wondering what her next course of action should be. She was terrible with words and she would probably ruin the whole thing. That included the plan she had in mind. Even though she was completely mortified, she clenched her hands into fists and set foot in the shower, slowly getting sprayed by the water. Sesshomaru remained completely still as she went for the final step.

Kagome threw herself in his direction, her arms wrapping themselves around his neck before she pressed her lips against his. Her still dry skin was sliding against his wet one, going from his neck to the lower part of his back. He was surprised and didn't return the kiss at first. That made her a bit nervous but as the seconds went by she finally felt his lips moving against hers.

Relief washed over her as he bit on her bottom lip his fangs slightly sinking in. She held back a groan while his hands found her body. He squeezed her hip with one hand and the other hand rested on her back. She allowed herself to explore his body, her little hands gliding on every surface and muscle she could find.

The second Kagome tilted her head back she felt his lips missing from hers, only to sense his mouth on her neck. He grazed his fangs against her flesh, making her shiver in pleasure. She licked her moist lips, panting under his every touch, every kiss. He squeezed her skin with his powerful hands, while she squirmed in pleasure.

Why had she been scared of this? Granted in the past he had used this as a way to control her, but this was different. He cared about her, he loved her. She was doing this to prove to herself she was strong enough to handle it. This was a step they could take; after everything they had gone through, they should be able to share such closeness.

She felt Sesshomaru tug at her wet shirt, causing her to lift her arms to allow him to easily remove it. He slipped the shirt off before tossing it on the ground carelessly. Since she had just woken up, nothing had been under the shirt leaving her completely bare to him. His hands quickly found her breasts and he began gently caressing them.

This couldn't be wrong, if it was it wouldn't feel so right. Before, she had  _felt_  something but her mind hadn't been into it. This time she was giving him her whole body.

He caught one of her nipples in his mouth and began gently nibbling on it. A loud moan escaped her before she inclined herself backwards even more. At that point his hands were the only thing holding her body up. As he pressed his body against hers, she could feel his erection stabbing at her stomach and wetness spread through her core.

His fingers were digging into her flesh while he made his way to her little pajama shorts. Once she felt him grab the hem she bent forward, grasping his shoulders. Her breathing was uneven as excitement and fear spread through her body. She could do this, she could pull through. Suddenly, she held her breath as Sesshomaru pulled down both her underwear and her shorts down to her ankles.

The water hit her wet womanhood while the fire burned within her. Since  _then_  this was the closest they had come to doing this. She couldn't help but force herself to look into Sesshomaru's eyes. She expected to find the same fear, but instead he appeared to be completely confident. She could see passion and lust dancing in his amber orbs and she pinched her lips together.

It had been one thing to join him in the shower; it was another to actually go through with it. Her heart refused to stop pounding in her chest, her vision was becoming blurry and her whole body was being enveloped by a soothing feeling. It was normal to be scared. This was her being  _willing_  to give herself to another being.

She ran her fingers through his hair and pulled it..

Sesshomaru glanced right into her eyes while she felt him press his cock against her wet entrance. She could tell he was waiting for her to give him permission, but she could not find her voice. For a brief moment her whole body was frozen and she could only stare back. She finally gathered the strength to nod her head gently and it was the only sign he needed.

She closed her eyes tightly as she felt him insert himself inside her core. She held her breath; the foreign yet familiar feeling filled her. She expected pain, but nothing came. Instead, a pleasure she did not remember overtook her once he was fully inside. She slowly opened her eyes and she began to pant.

Kagome somewhat expected this to go slowly when suddenly she felt him slam her back into the wall of the shower, pounding inside her cunt. Because of his rough movements, her ass was being slammed against the wall violently. Instead of wincing, she dug her nails into his shoulders, which was only encouraging him to go faster.

Why had she put this off for so long?

The water was running down his body, his wet hair clinging to his face. She grasped his face, bringing it closer to kiss him. When their lips met she felt him going even deeper inside of her and she groaned against his lips.  _This_  feeling. "Faster," she begged, her lips pressed against his cheek.

He was holding her tightly enough to leave marks on her body, but she didn't care. She felt completely filled while he kept hammering within her core, bringing her to the edge of pleasure. She thought it would have taken her longer to experience this kind of lusty feeling, but apparently she had been wrong. If he just kept pounding at that spot for a bit longer…

"OH GOD!" she screamed in his ear.

"SESSHOMARUUU!" she moaned loudly, feeling herself explode from within with an unbearable heat.

"K-kagome?"

Puffing, completely breathless, Kagome opened her eyes, puzzled. Why did his voice sound like that? It wasn't until her eyes were wide open that she began panicking. Sesshomaru was standing beside her, confusion filling his eyes. He was dressed. Not in the shower. Her mouth opened wide as she dared to glance at herself. She was in bed. Dressed too.

Oh for the love of – she wasn't just  _dressed_ … she was  _wet._

She could sit up in the bed, but her body refused to move. She wanted to die. Yes if she could sink in the bed at that exact moment and be swallowed and disappear she  _would_. How was she supposed to face him or even look at him? Not only did she have a sex dream  _right_  beside him but she had just  _orgasmed_  in front of him while screaming his name.

Oh god. How could that  _not_  have been real?

No, no, she had to still be dreaming. Yes. This was the bad part of her dream that was it.

Meanwhile Sesshomaru couldn't tear his eyes away from her. He had been woken up not only by the sound of Kagome tossing around and the weird noises coming from her, but also by the scent enveloping the room. At first he thought he had been mistaken but as soon as he had reached her bedside the scent of her arousal had attacked his nose.

He should have backed away and returned to his own bed but he hadn't been able to. Instead he had gotten a bit closer – too close – and he had kept inhaling deeply allowing the scent to fill him. It had also caused for his boxers and pants to be a little too tight, but he had ignored that.

It wasn't until her arousal had reached another level that he had  _known_  he had to wake her up. He had been able to sense her climax was near and it nearly been too much for him. Of course, he also hadn't expected her to scream his name so  _loudly_  in pleasure while juices of love were expelled out of her core. The scent still vividly lingered leaving him even more uncomfortable than before.

Her face was burning while her embarrassment was killing her. The heat in her face was unbearable and she felt sweat drops running down her neck. She was  _sticky_  and she felt dirty. She couldn't believe she had that dream and especially how real it had felt. After everything that had just happened, how could this be on her mind? Now! Out of all times!

Before she could attempt to speak, despite her obvious shyness, Kagome felt Sesshomaru press his cold hand against her burning forehead.

"You are warm," he stated.

Her blush increased even more. She  _knew_  he could smell  _it_. "Well – I – so – it's."

"It is not that," he said, cutting her off. He was aware she would not be able to say it. "I believe you are sick."

It was hard to tell since the scent of her recent orgasm was overpowering any other scent, but he was fairly certain. It would explain the tossing prior to the dream and it could be easily explained by the time they had spent in the rain. This was  _his_  fault. Guilt ran through him when he sat down at the edge of the bed. It would be just a cold, but he felt responsible.

"You should remain in bed."

Staying in bed was the last thing she wanted. What she really desired was a nice long cold shower. She sighed heavily, her eyes quickly traveling over his body. It was then that her eyes finally noticed the bulge in his pants. Unlike the previous one… this one was kind of her fault. After all, he was an Inuyoukai and very sensitive to scents. That and she had sort of screamed his name. Oh  _god_.

"I think I'll take a shower first."

With the way her cheeks were flustered he wasn't sure he wanted her standing on her own in the shower, but he could understand  _why_  she desired to be washed. In all honesty he would also prefer for the scent to be gone. No, he wasn't ruled by his arousal but, she was very tempting and had made him just a little excited. He was even shocked that his beast had not attempted to take over. Grateful, but surprised nonetheless.

Kagome sat up in the bed in one swift motion, bringing her face a bit closer to Sesshomaru's than expected. Her lips were parted slightly and she tried avoiding his eyes. This was an unwieldy situation and endorphins were running wild through her body. This closeness was not a good thing. Sure, it had happened before but…

Damn it all, why wasn't she this scared in her dreams?

This  _was_  the same Sesshomaru. A part of him simply wasn't locked away. She swallowed hard as she lifted her gaze and dared to peek into his eyes. She felt him move his hand, putting it against her cheek as his fingers grazed against her ear. She didn't have the time to take a deep breath before he crashed his lips against hers and enveloped her in a warm embrace.

It wasn't too long until she allowed her lips to move against his, nervousness still filling her. However, before she could open her mouth to give him better access a breeze like a gust of wind hit her and suddenly, he was no longer by her side. She raised an eyebrow as she found him standing near the wall. She hadn't seen him use his abilities in so long… she had almost forgotten about them.

"You should shower," he said barely looking at her.

She mindlessly nodded. She couldn't help but wonder why he had backed away. Was it because her scent made her too desirable or because he was afraid  _it_  would take over? It couldn't be for her, because he knew she was willing or she would have not kissed him.

It was with a heavy heart that she grabbed the blanket and tossed it away from her body. If he didn't trust the beast himself, how did he expect her to feel at ease? It wasn't up to him to make her comfortable around his other half but… if he couldn't be then he couldn't expect her to be either. She could tell him that but she wouldn't.

She wouldn't force him to pretend he is fine with it for her sake. It wouldn't be right. Kagome knew Sesshomaru and that was what he would do if he found out it made her uneasy.

Kagome exhaled deeply as she dragged her suddenly very heavy body in direction of the bathroom. She didn't glance at Sesshomaru once the whole time she headed there. It was only when she was inside the bathroom that she took a long breath. This didn't have to be awkward did it? The situation was uncomfortable, more than before, but nothing she hadn't dealt with.

And really so far the beast had stayed away; he hadn't come in control even once.

Maybe… maybe he was trying.

Guilt spread through her body at the thought. He had a heartfelt conversation with her where he had not tried to force himself on her or attack her. He had squashed her heart, brought tears to her eyes and made her insides twist, but he hadn't done anything like before. He had wanted her to forgive him though and she couldn't.

He had given reasons for his behavior, but could anything ever explain what he had done? There was no reason for her to feel guilty for not listening or for constantly pushing him away was there? Then why was her heart being squeezed when she thought about it? He had wronged her in the most painful way… it could not be expected that because he finally showed regret, or  _some kind_  of regret, that she'd forgive him instantly.

On the other side of the door Sesshomaru was pacing around and attempting to  _cool_  off. He had broken the kiss out of his own free will. She had been rather tempting and willing but he hadn't wanted to take advantage. She had felt uneasy about being around him yesterday and the only reason she hadn't been apprehensive had been because of her  _climax_.

She had to be fine with this while not being influenced by her own body. It was the right thing to do.

It had left him, however, slightly frustrated. She had been flustered because of her fever, but it could have easily been mistaken for something else. Red cheeks, pouted moist crimson lips and a divine scent. She was the most tempting woman and she wasn't even trying. Maybe it was the main thing about her; she never tried to be anything but she just  _was_.

At that moment Sesshomaru was brought out of his thoughts by Kiyoshi's screams. He rushed to the crib knowing that if the cries went on for too long, Kagome would emerge from the bathroom. He was well aware that it was nothing more than a cold, but he didn't want her on her feet longer than she had to be. Once he reached the crib, he grabbed his son a bit awkwardly and held him close to his chest.

It was then that Kiyoshi grasped his father's shirt with his tiny fists, before struggling a bit in the hold until his head touched his father's chin. Then, he rested it in the crook of Sesshomaru's neck, his cold cheek against Sesshomaru's heated flesh. Then, out of the blue, a vivid green glow emerged from Kiyoshi and surrounded him.

At first, Sesshomaru's instincts were screaming at him to back away but he didn't. Instead, he remained where he stood, still holding his son. Instead of bringing him pain, the aura coming from Kiyoshi was soothing him. It was also  _calling_  to him. He felt his own aura want to come out, but he didn't let it. Instead a pinch of pain spread through his heart.

Kiyoshi had youkai blood; it was only natural for him to form a bond by  _feeling_  his parents' auras. Kagome's had always been there even when it had been weaker. He had been able to form a bond with his mother, but what about him? His other half had always been locked away or it had disappeared. In the womb, his son had not been able to reach out to him and until now he still had been unable to.

Had he been suffering? Lately Kiyoshi had been trying to be closer to him; he had begged for his attention. Was it a sign that now he was fully able to sense his father?

Sesshomaru pulled Kiyoshi away from his chest before lifting him so that they were eye level. He observed his son's face carefully; his expression, his every feature. To his surprise, Kiyoshi seemed to want to do the same thing. He moderately smashed his palms against Sesshomaru's cheeks, his tiny chubby fingers following the markings. His little amber eyes watched in admiration as the magenta stripes momentarily disappeared under his finger.

He remained completely still, allowing Kiyoshi do to as he pleased.

Kiyoshi slowly approached his head to his father's before their foreheads connected and their moons pressed together. At that instant, Sesshomaru felt warmth spreading through his body. All the guilty feelings and all the pain within were suddenly melting away. Kiyoshi covered his father's eyes with his hands, forcing Sesshomaru to close them.

His breathing rate and his heartbeat slowed down while a strange inner peace he had not known in many centuries took hold of him. He stayed that way, knowing that once the moment would be broken, he would not feel that way again for a while. His own aura was forced out of his body and he felt it collide with his son's. Instead of the auras battling, they remained singly mingled, never clashing.

The seconds ticked away until, it all ceased.

Sesshomaru felt his aura die down as Kiyoshi pulled his hands away allowing him to open his eyes. His son was staring at him with a smile on his lips before snuggling his face to Sesshomaru's. He ran his fingers through Kiyoshi's hair, one question burning his mind.

What was he?

-B-

"Kagome," she heard her name being moaned in pain.

She knew this voice yet at the moment it felt like she didn't. She was panting heavily, her body was on fire and her eyelids refused to obey. Why was her skin burning?

"Kagome," the voice said again.

She felt her entire body being shaken as if someone was trying to wake her up. Wasn't she up? She cringed in pain before gathering all of her energy, her eyes finally opening. It was then that she found herself with the sight of an injured Sesshomaru. He was holding himself away from her, while being half collapsed on the bed.

His skin appeared to be melting. His features were twisted with rage and she noticed his claws were glowing and his fangs were bared.

"Sesshomaru?" she inquired puzzled.

"You are –'he began but was unable to finish.

Kagome glanced around herself only to notice the purple aura that enveloped her. Oh god! She was  _purifying_ him. Panic took hold of her as she tried to hold back her powers. Never had something like this happened to her before! She had been sick in the past and she hadn't purified anybody! She watched Sesshomaru groan in pain, unable to do anything.

Unfortunately she didn't fail to notice one important detail; his eyes were slowly turning red. Of course they were. He was trying to fight her powers with all he had. However, that did not make her feel any safer. Why were her powers so out of – Oh. Because of the recent events between her and Sesshomaru she had tossed aside the fact that her powers had been expanded by her wish on the jewel.

But how could she not be able to control them even a little. What if she couldn't stop this?

"Sesshomaru, leave." He had to go as far away from her as possible.

The part that Kagome was unaware of was that for minutes now her aura had been growing and he feared it wouldn't stop. Not only was he here but Kiyoshi was present, along with Kouga and the others in the next room. Heck who knew if more youkais were not in this hotel in disguise? Not only that but if she became too out of control, she could end up harming herself as well.

It was true that her aura kept growing but her own energy was decreasing he could tell. She was going past the point of exhaustion and her body heat refused to lessen. He had to  _force_ her to stop. His whole body was shaking and his suffering was driving him past his own limit. He had been holding back himself while all of his instincts had been telling him to fight.

Now he would have to unleash some of his powers without harming her. He had to overpower her before the situation got even more out of hand. He managed to drag his body next to hers even though the pain increased as he did so. He could see the surprise in her eyes, but it did not stop him. He allowed his aura to come clashing against hers and he watched painfully as she winced.

"I'm sorr-y."

Kagome could tell he was voluntarily doing this. He was… trying to stop it? She closed her eyes tightly, tears threatening to fall at the radiating pain while never stopping her struggle against herself. She could do this; it was her own powers, her own body. More pressure from his aura was added on hers, but her powers were as stubborn as her.

Purple and green collided, clashing and causing the air to sizzle.

Kagome felt as if her body was ready to give up and her strength was leaving her. She hoped she would be the one to cave in, because at least he had control over his powers. He would not harm her like she was hurting him. Kagome took deep breaths, convincing herself she was not in any danger. She couldn't help but wonder if her body was trying to fight her sickness and this was what was causing the surge in her powers.

She had gone through worse, she could hold this back.

Kagome dared to open her eyes, only to find herself staring into red eyes. A yelp almost escaped her, but she held it back. Sesshomaru was trying to not lose control while she was slowly melting him away. It was a normal reaction. He wasn't even trying to harm her, simply trying to force her powers away. She clenched the sheets of the bed with her fingers, digging her head backwards.

She could do this, she could do this.

He increased his amount of power but his mind almost nothing but a blur. Rage was building inside of him and it was hard to hold back. She was literally slowly killing him. It wasn't in his nature to lay there and take it especially since his instincts knew he could easily eliminate her. Still, he took deep breaths as he forced himself upon her even more.

Kagome screamed at herself in her head.  _Stop!_  Tears were spilling out of her eyes when suddenly she felt it. Something inside of her snapped and before she knew it, his powers enveloped her while hers retracted away. She winced in preparation of the pain to come, but before his poison could make her skin sizzle, she felt it die out.

Sesshomaru collapsed on top of her, his self-control taking the last of his energy.

He breathed heavily, his head buried in her chest. He wasn't sure what had happened, if he had broken through or she had regained control but he knew it had been a long time since he had last been this drained. He barely managed to lift himself from her. His arms held his weight off her as he glanced into her shiny blue orbs.

"Are you alright?" he asked with concern.

Her red, puffy eyes scanned his arms, the only visible skin she could see, and sadness filled her. She had roughened him up pretty good. She dared to lift a hand, pressing it against his damaged flesh. Kagome saw him pinch his lips, probably holding back a wince. Without thinking, she threw her arms around his neck.

"I'm so sorry."

He shook his head before putting his hand on her lower back. "It is not your fault."

Unable to hold both their weights he was forced to lie down on the bed with Kagome on top of him. She glanced into his eyes, noticing how the amber was shining through the red. He was still with her; she could tell which eased the worry in her heart.

Once she laid her head back on his chest, Sesshomaru pressed a kiss on top of her head. He hadn't been scared for his own life, but more for hers. They could have left and they would have been safe but he had been too afraid she'd hurt herself. His heart was still pounding hard in his chest while he softly caressed her hair.

"I didn't think he'd hurt me. I wasn't scared," she said, referring to his red eyes.

"He was never there."

"He's always there," she stated somewhat painfully.

Now, his beast was with him at every moment, listening in with the possibility to emerge when he saw fit. She was aware of that yet during her fear she hadn't considered it the same way she did when she was safe. She pressed her ear against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. His heart was beating faster than anything she had ever heard and she wondered if it was because he was youkai.

Since her head was on the side, she could see the visible marks on his skin. "Will you heal?"

He nodded. "These are small injuries."

No they weren't. He couldn't remember the last time someone had been able to actually attack him like that. Other powers usually rolled off his aura, but hers had been able to break through. Yes he had  _allowed_  her to keep attacking him, but he still hadn't been able to push her powers away. She was a lot stronger than she knew.

"I had a dream this morning."

Oh yes. He knew. Still, he couldn't help but wonder why she was bringing it up especially considering the nature of the dream. She had been red like never before this morning and uncomfortable. Why did she want to talk about it now?

She was fairly certain he remembered but there was a part of it she wanted to share. Slowly, Kagome raised her head and looked into his eyes. "In it, I wasn't scared."

"You were not scared of what?" he dared to ask.

"I wasn't scared of being with you. I came to you. I – I trusted  _all_  of you enough to know it would be alright."

He softly cupped her cheek with his hand and brushed aside her bangs with his thumb. He wanted her to be able to trust all of him, but he could not speak those words to her. He didn't trust all of himself. No matter what he still believed the beast was able to hurt her voluntarily or not. If she got too close… he might damage her again.

That thought alone was killing him.

Kagome covered his hand with hers. "I want to feel that way again."

Taking a deep breath she closed the distance between their faces and their lips connected. Instead of waiting for him to respond, Kagome moved her lips against his, a few left over tears sliding down her cheeks. She had felt so free from all pain in her dream and she didn't think she'd be able to stop searching for that feeling.

She wanted happiness again.

Kagome tangled her fingers into his hair, their silkiness causing her to grab a handful, almost as if he was going to back away from her. Sesshomaru was barely given a chance to return the kiss before Kagome pulled herself away from his mouth. She had no idea what she was doing for she had no real experience in actually  _touching_  someone.

She moved her mouth to his neck, shyly pressing her lips against his skin. Sesshomaru felt a shiver of pleasure traveling through him. He was more used to touching her than he was having her do these kinds of things to him. She didn't even know just how desirable she made herself. She was still so innocent and he loved her.

This felt like a torture. It was more than his desire for her body. It was his desire for her, all of her. He wanted to bond with her: he wanted to be one with his mate. Sesshomaru was aware patience was required, but little moments like these ones only made his passion for her increase. As she moved around on him slightly, he felt her core brush against him and he tilted his head back.

Her face remained buried in his neck. She was panting like never before and terror was taking hold of her. This time she was being with the whole Sesshomaru. Neither part of him was being locked away. This was the full Sesshomaru; the one she would have to be with. It was his hands, his body and his mind.

"Am I being selfish?" she asked while breathing hot air against his skin.

"Selfish?" Did she think what she was doing at the moment was selfish?

She nodded before pulling her head away. "Is it selfish that I said I didn't forgive it? Is it okay that I don't care he feels regret for the first time? I just –" God this was going to sound awful. "I don't think...I just don't feel like he understands enough. Because he sees my point of view doesn't mean – I."

Sesshomaru silenced her by pressing his finger against her lips. "You are not forced to forgive anything Kagome." He pulled his finger away, moving his hand to the back of her head. "I will be here and I will wait for you. Whatever you need, whatever you want."

No, uncertainty wasn't always easy, but in the end he found it more worthy than loneliness. "You were hurt. You will choose when what has been wronged was made right."

"You don't trust it either. You think he will hurt me."

He swallowed hard. "Yes."

"But if you think he can escape you, how should I think I'm safe?"

She hadn't wanted to say this but… She longed for happiness, she longed for the heavy darkness in her heart to be gone. She had promised to stay by his side no matter who he was. Yet, he had not made the same promise to himself. If he refused to be himself, how could she love  _his whole_  self? She needed him in her recovery because she couldn't do it alone.

"If you don't want to be you, how can I be with you?"

"How can I forgive it?"

"How can I?"

He watched as her eyes became filled with tears and his heart swelled.

"It won't stop. He won't stop coming if you are  _two_."

"I won't be whole until you forgive him."

She bit her bottom lip. "Then, we both have to forgive him."

If they didn't Sesshomaru would be complete but divided. Her task might be harder but it was impossible without Sesshomaru doing his part. She grabbed his free hand with both of hers and pressed it against her pounding heart.

"I don't want to let go."

She knew there could be so much more for them. If they could be free from the past then they could finally move forward. Her tiny body was trembling, both from exhausting, fever and pain but she tried to stay as still as she could. She had spoken her mind that night in the rain and she wouldn't change it. But if they ignored it, if they fought it, it would only make things worse.

The time for running away was over.

It was time to be hurt.

A tear fell on his hand and he lifted himself up to put his forehead against hers. "You won't have to."

He gently kissed her nose, before wrapping his arms around her. He'd do it all. Everything they had been doing before, the closeness, the connections, he'd go through all of it again.

He hated his beast.

But he loved her more.

Problem was, she was whole, making it easier for him. He wasn't apart. The day she would love him would be the day he'd be complete.

It seemed like a distant dream.

-B-


	76. Deeper Bond

"So, there was a new scent in here yesterday," said Kouga as he brought his cup to his lips, hiding his smirk.

He felt Sesshomaru freeze before he slowly turned his head to look at Kouga. He had come downstairs in the hopes of finding a few aspirins for Kagome. Her fever remained steady, with only a slight decline once in a while. He hadn't expected to run into Kouga and he certainly had not planned for him to mention  _that_. It had been expected that he would have smelled it but he never thought he'd bring it up.

Sesshomaru glared at him slightly before re focusing his attention on the empty space in front of him. The hotel employee was still not back with his requested item.

Kouga wouldn't have talked about it if Kagome had been there but since Sesshomaru was alone he could not pass up the opportunity. "Is it what I think?"

"Nothing happened," said Sesshomaru while never peering his way.

"That didn't smell like nothing."

He was  _not_  going to tell Kouga that Kagome had a  _dream_. He couldn't imagine how embarrassed she would be if someone else was aware of it. She was already ashamed that  _he_  knew.

"This is not something I will discuss with you."

Kouga raised his hands in front of him, acting innocent. "Suit yourself. I was just  _intrigued._ I mean the noises coming out of the room…"

Kouga had been blushing a bit himself. He was used to often picking up on such moments because of his good hearing but he had never expected to hear Kagome moaning. Yes, he did think her and Sesshomaru would end up together and be together that way. Just not now. And especially not in this hotel room.

"Why are you still here?" inquired Sesshomaru with his eyebrows furrowed somewhat. "Kagome retrieved all the shards and made her wish upon the jewel. You no longer need to help her."

"Maybe I'm just sticking around to annoy you?"

"You certainly cannot afford to keep living here."

"Oh, I can."

"I apologize for the wait, Sir."

Both Kouga and Sesshomaru's attention was directed toward the man who had just interrupted their little verbal fight. Sesshomaru nodded quickly, putting more money than necessary down on the counter before grabbing the pills. He dared to glance at Kouga one last time.

"I won't hurt her," he said, knowing that through his mocking earlier, Kouga had been worried.

" _You_  won't," Kouga said before getting up and leaving the room first. The silence that followed allowed Sesshomaru to ponder his words carefully.

Everyone, including himself was afraid of what the beast could do. Yet, despite all the possibilities and opportunities, it hadn't done anything yet. Was it because it was waiting or did it truly have good intentions? Sesshomaru didn't believe it was good intentions... He hoped it was but he knew better than to let his hopes rise.

He turned and made his way back upstairs with a heavy heart.. It was still awkward to be around her, but he didn't let it show. She didn't seem terrified by the experience and the last thing he wanted her to believe was that he thought it was something she had to be ashamed of. Actually the fact that it was  _his_  name she had screamed in ecstasy made the whole thing beautiful.

It wasn't long until he reached their room again and he swung the door open. He walked right by the kitchen and headed straight for the bedroom. He didn't think twice as he spotted her, only to find her in an  _expected_  yet blush worthy situation. Kagome was sitting on the bed breastfeeding Kiyoshi. He had seen her do it before, perhaps not so  _close_  though.

She didn't seem to notice his presence causing him to clear his throat.

Her eyes widened considerably while a red color crept along her cheeks. Instinctively she tilted her body away from him. Once again she had stained her shirt because of the overflow of milk in her breasts. Since Kiyoshi had been hungry she had decided to fix two problems at once. She had been so focused she had completely forgotten that Sesshomaru would be coming back.

"I- hm, I brought your aspirins," he said before he set them down on the table.

"Thank you."

He quickly nodded and turned around to give her privacy. He went to the kitchen and sat down in the nearest chair. If Kagome and he managed to create a proper bond the coming times would be difficult. Their desires would increase, they would want to spend time together and he didn't know just what her level of comfort would be.

From what she had said she wanted to get over her fear; she wanted happiness again. Problem was he didn't know how to help her with that. He could be there for her, he could do whatever she wanted him to do, but she had not shared what she expected of him. He wouldn't take the initiative since he refused to scare her away.

There was only one solution; ask her.

They weren't good on the conversation level. They could talk, but they usually waited way too long before they did. Maybe this time it would be better to discuss everything before hand. His heart was pounding slightly at the thought. He was different from who he used to be, but it was still difficult to share everything naturally.

He was a loner by nature.

His thoughts were interrupted when Kagome walked into the room while gently pulling on the sleeve of her yellow shirt. He could detect a thin layer of sweat going through her neck and it worried him. He knew fevers were a normal thing and she would break through it but he didn't enjoy having her sick. Especially when he was to blame for it.

She joined him at the table, silently sitting down before joining her hands and resting them on the table. Kagome was exhausted even though all she did was sleep but she was fighting to stay awake as long as possible. After their heart to heart the previous day she had hoped  _something_ , anything, would have happened.

It was the most terrifying decision she had made in her whole life and somehow she wanted something to occur because of it.

Sesshomaru was the first to break the ice. "We need to talk."

Usually that sentence meant nothing good, but considering their relationship, it had the same meaning as anything else.

He was about to make himself vulnerable in front of her again. "I am not sure of what you expect from me. I wish to help, but –"

"You don't know how," she finished for him. She offered him a small smile before responding. "I don't know either. I just – I thought we could learn together. I mean everything we've learned from the beginning we've had to learn on the spot. I figured this would be no different."

Even when they hated each other they had been forced into situations where they had to come up with answers rapidly. Over time, she assumed they had developed some abilities to do so.

"A bond is important between mates right?"

He nodded. It was more than important; the whole mating relied on it. It was the main reason why theirs was not strong no matter what.

"And we don't have one?"

She was aware that they weren't the closest, but hadn't they grown closer over the past few months? It wasn't what one would qualify as a normal relationship but it was more than a friendship. Actually now that she thought about it there was no word to describe the mess they found themselves in. She could only  _hope_  they would call it a relationship one day.

"Not exactly. A bond is usually created prior to the mating or not long after. It took five hundred years for us to begin one."

For her it had been nothing more than a few weeks and months since she had jumped through the well. For him it had been centuries of feeling the bond deteriorate. It could not simply be fixed after a few times of trying. Especially not when all  _three_  of them were so divided.

"Oh that's right." Kagome had forgotten about the centuries that had separated them. "Is there anything we can do to make it go… faster?" She didn't want to rush anything, but she didn't want to spend the next hundred years trying to fix it.

"We have a basic bond created. We would need to form a deeper one."

"How do we do that?"

It was then that Sesshomaru went completely silent. His reaction left her puzzled, causing her to raise an eyebrow. Did he not know how? After all, it would be normal for him to not know everything about mating; she was the only mate he ever had.

"It is it too difficult?"

She wanted an answer and he didn't want to give her one. If he did, it would bring forward a complex topic. Yet, he couldn't keep it from her and he could not stay silent forever, especially not since she seemed to be demanding an answer.

"We never had a deeper bond because we never connected in one of the aspects."

"Which one?" Kagome wasn't sure why, but her heart was pounding while she awaited his answer.

"Physically."

They had been physical recently though not as much as in the past but –  _oh, oh!_  "You mean…"

Instead of replying with words, he nodded.

Then he had been right; they had never connected that way. All the times the beast had taken her it had been against her will and that must have prevented them from bonding further. The problem was that, that meant they were supposed to – if she wanted to – oh God. The reason why he didn't want to tell her made much more sense now.

"And that's the only way?"

"I believe so. It would make it faster."

"And it has to be  _all the way_."

"Our auras they… well… they are supposed to mix during the process."

Her blue eyes were opened wide and she began chewing on her bottom lip. This was an inevitable step in this wasn't it? She had always known that one day she would be doing this again. Of course, until a few months ago she had never thought the other person would be Sesshomaru. She was also aware that he wouldn't do anything she didn't want and that he would treat her right.

Still, she was afraid.

What if they came to that moment and he was about to… and she… couldn't? What if she cried? He wouldn't judge her but she would feel embarrassed. Since her first time hadn't quite been right this would be it. She felt the same nervousness she would have if  _that_  hadn't happened. Except, she carried scars and wounds around with her.

And then, there was that terrifying thought; she had never done anything with  _Sesshomaru_.

It had been his body but it hadn't been his mind. It also hadn't been him wanting her. What if he didn't like it? Oh dear God. Of all the things she could be worrying about this was what crossed her mind?

She needed to get out of her thoughts.

"How … I mean … this… what do you think?" This was not the question she had meant to ask, but it was the only one she could coherently form.

What did he think? He wasn't sure if she was referring in general, or to what he had just said. He of course was more ready than her because he hadn't been put through what she had been. He felt like each answer would be the wrong one. If he told her they should do it, he felt he would hurt her, if he said no… then he would hurt her as well.

"I believe we should simply follow the right pace."

It didn't give her much information, but it was a vague enough answer that he was pleased.

"Would you – I mean would you be ready to do  _that_?" She felt like smacking herself; she was not ten years old, she could speak the words. Yet she couldn't.

She pressed her lips tightly together, waiting for his answer. Of course it would be yes, but she had to ask nonetheless.

Apparently he had to answer. "I would. When you are."

A question had been troubling her and perhaps he was not the one who could provide her with a response but she had to ask. "How do I know if I'm ready?"

She would probably always experience fear, but then again so would a virgin ready to do it for the first time. How was she supposed to distinguish both fears? Was the one she experienced at the moment mingled with excitement or terror? It should be obvious to tell, but she couldn't. It felt as if her thoughts were influencing her too much.

Sesshomaru had never really experienced fear. The only time was when he had almost lost her and it had broken him inside. However, he wasn't sure he'd able to explain to her how to tell. There was one obvious way, but he didn't want to go that far. Not now and especially not while she was this confused and seeking advice from him.

"The best advice would be to try, but I would not recommend it."

"Why not?" she asked..

"Because you are too confused for that step."

She closed her eyes tightly as a response formed in her mind. She inhaled deeply almost as though she was seeking the courage to say it. "There are other things then  _that_  to do."

They didn't have to go all the way for her to know if she was really comfortable with it. Yes they had experimented before but they had also known it wasn't leading to going all the way. It had also been Sesshomaru alone. Now she wanted to know if she was ready to throw herself into this while being with the whole him.

She felt her hands shake while she waited for him to respond; the suspense was killing her.

She wanted them to  _fool around_? It felt like such a weird term to use. Before they had just gone along with the situation as it came. This was planned; this was her wanting to see how she felt about being intimate with him. No he didn't think it meant that if it went well they would do it. But he did think it would help them take not only a step in the right direction, but also a step towards her dream.

He found himself at a loss for words so he nodded even though it was not quite an appropriate answer.

One question popped in both their minds: were they supposed to do this now?

Her bottom lip was trembling and she clenched her hands into fist. She had come to him and told him she wanted happiness again. Now she had told him she wanted to try and deepen their bonds since it was the first step to both their recoveries. Since she was the one who brought all of this forward, then perhaps she should be the one to start it.

Ignoring the heat spreading through her body because of her fever, she rose to her feet. She slowly walked toward him while Sesshomaru followed her every movement with his eyes. She was taking deep breaths the whole time until she came to a halt in front of him. He glanced up at her with a touch of confusion in his features.

She wanted this. Now?

Alright. Now. Now was good.

He remained sitting down while she kept standing in front of him. Kagome wasn't sure if she should bend down or wait for him to get up. By now he  _had_  to know what she was trying to do and since he had yet to move it meant that… he was waiting for her to make the first move?

Well, he had often taken the lead, so she could do it too.

Kagome proceeded to bend down, unaware that at the same moment Sesshomaru had made the decision to get up. Both their actions caused them to smack their foreheads together. Sesshomaru felt no pain, but he did immediately sit back down, trying to avoid bringing  _her_  more suffering. Kagome meanwhile, rubbed her sore forehead, wincing in pain.

Well this had not gone as planned.

Once Kagome had backed up and he had more space, Sesshomaru got up and rushed toward her. He put his hands on her shoulders and brought her closer. "I am so sorry."

"It's okay," she quickly replied, pulling her hand away from her forehead. It was also her fault. She had been so nervous and didn't want to wait.

She took a deep breath and looked up at him now that he was standing and was obviously much taller than her. Her heart began to flutter in her chest once more and she knew it was time to try this for a second time. She closed her eyes and tilted her head back gently while she waited for him to proceed.

Sesshomaru's hands were shaky against her which he found strange. He had kissed her before; he had even done more than that. Yet now that she was asking and trying to figure out some answers from it, it was as if he could not longer do it. His uncontrollable raging hormones didn't help either. He felt like he had never been with a woman before.

He managed to control himself as he bent down to capture her lips with his own. He could feel the heat coming from her spreading through him, but he ignored it. He squeezed her shoulders slightly as he deepened their kiss. Kagome wrapped her arms around his neck, trying to support herself since she felt a little weak.

Sesshomaru graciously moved his lips against her, his tongue poking for access. It could qualify as  _bold_  but since she wanted this he figured she wished for more than a normal kiss. It only took a few seconds for her to open her mouth, giving him full access. She quickly felt his warm tongue invade her mouth and she responded to the attack.

She gripped his hair and began panting while their tongues intertwined. A shiver went down her spine, probably caused by their actions and the heat. Sesshomaru moved his hands to her lower back, bringing her body even closer to his. He could feel the sweat against her damp shirt, but he didn't care. He wanted to feel her flesh against his fingers, but didn't dare take it up a notch yet.

Kagome was more nervous than before because she felt this meant more. The fear was still roaming in her chest, but she moved forward anyway. She decided at that moment to  _try_  something. She was not good with intimacy and had very little experience. It was terrifying to think she might do something he didn't enjoy, but she decided to go along with it nonetheless.

She began biting down on his bottom lip. At first gently, but she then realized he probably could not really feel it. She decided to take a chance and bit down harder. She waited for him to pull away or stop their kiss but instead he growled. Not in anger no, a growl of lust which sent jolts throughout her body.

Unable to resist the urge, Sesshomaru copied her action by biting on her lip, his fangs drawing out a little bit of blood. The taste of her blood invaded his mouth and he pushed his tongue deeper in. He grabbed a fistful of hair and his claws gently grazed against her scalp. The newly discovered feeling caused her to arch her back and her lips nearly escaped his.

It was then that Sesshomaru pulled away, his breathing barely phased. She was not in the same situation. All of her weight was resting on him while she panted and attempted to catch her breath. She knew part of the reason why she was out of breath was her sickness, but he had caused some of it. Her entire body was throbbing and burning up.

As he noticed a sweat drop drip down from her forehead to her shoulder he couldn't help but press a hand against her forehead. "Perhaps we should stop this," he said concerned.

She shook her head. "I'm fine."

Kagome felt a little weak, but she truly was fine. Most of this had because she had been so nervous. She still was, but she felt more comfortable. This was the same as it had been before, when his beast hadn't been present. It had been Sesshomaru the whole time and it had felt the same. The beast had not changed anything, he had not interfered with the feelings Sesshomaru created inside of her.

He frowned a bit but decided to compromise; he wanted her to sit down. Problem was the chair would be too short and he would have to bend too much. He softly wrapped his arms around her waist, watching her observe him with wide opened eyes, before sitting her down on the kitchen table. At least this way she would be at the right level while not exhausting herself too much.

Sesshomaru didn't mind supporting her, but he knew she would not put all her weight on him since she would feel like it would burden him.

"There," he said in a husky voice.

She nodded, speechless, while looking his amber eyes. She gently brought a hand to his face and cupped his cheek with her tiny palm. She smiled at him, almost trying to reassure him and herself at the same time. Her action caused him to put his hands on each side of her on the table, slowly closing in the distance between them.

Instead of attacking her lips again, this time he went for her neck. He began laying soft kisses before the skin became too tempting and he nibbled at it. His fangs were grazing against her flesh and she realized it was quite an addictive feeling. She couldn't help but tilt her head backwards wanting to give him a better access.

An unusual feeling was growing inside of him and he groaned against her. He wanted all of her, he wanted to taste every inch of her skin and kiss her flesh. Without thinking he pressed his body against her causing her thigh to be poked by his erection. Unlike when this had last happened, she didn't flinch or move. Instead she moved her legs so that they were around him.

Her movement caused his manhood to touch her clothed core. It was the closest amount of contact that they had, had in a long time but Kagome simply closed her eyes tighter and allowed him to keep roaming his mouth over her skin. Her heart was pounding harder than before and it was making her completely dizzy She could feel herself sweating, her body temperature rising but she kept going.

This was Sesshomaru, the same Sesshomaru she had been with for months. This moment was not different from any other moment they had together.

At that moment, Sesshomaru tugged on her shirt to reveal a part of her breasts and bra. He ran his tongue over them, tasting her salty skin. She arched her back as if her body was begging for more. It was then that he pulled away, hoping to be granted permission.

Kagome opened her eyes, straightened her body and looked into his eyes. He was asking, but not with words. She slowly nodded and he grabbed the hem of her shirt. This was nothing; they had gone further before. And this was still him, which made it the same as before.

She felt him remove her shirt which unfortunately had become glued to her skin because of her illness. Once it was off she felt lighter and colder; it was a good feeling.

His hands rested on her bare stomach, causing her to be a bit self-conscious, before he pressed his lips near her belly button. He tasted her flesh, somewhat biting it, but not hard enough to make her bleed. He knew how she felt about this particular area of her body and he didn't want her to be concerned with it. He glanced up into her gleaming eyes unable to tear himself away.

"You're beautiful," he whispered.

His words caused her to blush and she looked away. It felt worse that he knew just how self-conscious she felt. She had never really worried about it but – her body had changed there was no denying it. It did however help to hear those words; it made her heart swell. This felt very emotional for her and she couldn't prevent the tears from flooding her eyes. They were tears of happiness though not of sadness. She might be scared but she felt happy.

She pinched her lips together when she felt his fingers search for the hook of her bra. It only required a few tries to undo it before her bra was slowly gliding forward. He helped her arms out of it before tossing it on the floor. He rushed to cup her breasts with his hands, gently fondling them. Sesshomaru was aware they were quite sensitive and he intended on taking advantage of that to make her feel better. When he bent down to capture one of her nipples in his mouth, her toes curled.

As soon as he began to suck the overflow of milk emptied into his mouth and a loud moan escaped Kagome.

With his fangs grazing her breasts, his sucking and his tongue lapping around this was  _definitely_  not the feeling she had expected to get from this. Her panting increased, her noises were louder and she began twisting her body around almost as if it was felt so great it was unbearable.

She wanted to tell him to stop while she wanted him to keep going at the same time. Without thinking she began thrusting her hips gently, causing his erection to rub against her core. The feelings he was bringing her distracted her from it, but he was completely aware of what she was doing. He felt his blood freeze for a second, the sweet unthinkable feeling teasing him.

Before he knew it, he began thrusting back against her ever so slightly. He was aware that it only made the torture worse but he wanted to feel more. She was so fragile, breakable and breathtaking it was hard to contain himself. The way she moaned, the way she rubbed herself against him; it was more than he had expected from this.

He moved both of his hands to hold her hips tightly, but not enough to make her stop her movements. He began pushing himself against her harder, his cock begging for release. It had been so long. Too long. And the last time it had happened it had not been because of such actions.

She gasped loudly when she felt his penis twitch against her and she bit her bottom lip hard to contain herself.

" _Oh Sesshomaru_. Please, take me."

His eyes flashed open at her words and he pulled his mouth away from her breast. Her voice had seemed unreal and he couldn't help but glance up at her. It didn't seem as if she had spoken but… he had heard her.

"Did you say something?" he asked while panting a bit.

She shook her head since she was unable to find her voice at the moment.

Since his mind was obviously playing tricks on him, he resumed his attack on her chest. He did however move one of his hands down to rest on the hem of her jeans with only his fingertips daring to venture inside. He felt her body quiver and he inserted his fingers inside her pants even more. His own excitement was building causing his thrusts to increase..

He never thought he'd be one to  _dry hump_  so much.

"Please Sesshomaru,  _now_."

Once again he was taken back by her words. He was fairly certain again that she had not spoken. He wasn't going to ask her again or she would wonder if something was wrong with him. Instead he shook his head, dismissing the voice. At that moment he felt her put her tiny hands on his shoulders, trying to glide them down.

"Now. Take me now."

He ignored the voice. He hadn't heard it. Instead, he rapidly snapped open the buttons of his shirt before taking it off.

Sesshomaru stood up fully to give her better access before kissing her forcefully, knowing he could ignore the voice better that way. She immediately gave him access and her mouth opened while her hand slid down his powerful chest. He missed the feeling of her core rubbing against him but quickly found out that the way her fingertips were roaming against his skin felt just as good.

He almost stopped breathing when he felt her fingers reach his belt. He couldn't help but pull away in that moment.

Confused she burrowed her eyebrows together. "Is- ev-everything okay?" she inquired breathlessly

He nodded. "I simply –"

"OH! Sesshomaru."

"I think we've –"

"Take me; I need you inside of me."

"We've probably done enough for today. I wouldn't want to rush things."

That and apparently a part of him wished to mess this whole thing up. At first he had refused to believe so but it had now become obvious that his beast was playing with his mind. It was just like it had done before where he had imagined his Kagome being taken by Kouga. Perhaps his beast wanted to prove that even Sesshomaru could lose control.

But he wouldn't.

Not only did he know when to stop but he could also control himself. However, he was aware that his beast would make this very dangerous for him and the safest path to take was to stop this just in case it slipped out of control. It was already rather surprising that his beast had not decided to ruin the whole thing by taking control.

Kagome was still puzzled but she nodded. She pressed her face against his bare chest while still attempting to catch her breath. She had never been so caught up in the moment before; this hadn't been like any other moment they shared. It was as if her whole brain had ceased to function and she had only been able to feel.

She knew there was more to this than her losing herself in the moment. It had been so addictive, almost like a trance. She had not only felt her own feelings, but it was as though she had been able to sense what he felt as well.

Kagome remained in that position for a little longer until she could breathe properly before pulling away. It was then that she gazed at Sesshomaru only to gasp in surprise.

Her reaction seemed to leave him perplexed and he glanced around concerned. When he found nothing surrounding them, he laid eyes on her again and waited for an explanation.

She chuckled lightly "I mean to take a deep breath." It sounded believable right?

The truth was that there was a gleam of red in his eyes that she had not expected. She could swear it hadn't been there before. But why would it only come out now? And why was it so faint? It was clear Sesshomaru was still the one in control but it didn't explain anything. She didn't want him to know because she didn't want him to think she was scared.

She wasn't scared, doubtful, but not scared.

She was with the real Sesshomaru; the one she knew and had learned to care for, there was no other. The beast was simply a part of him that had rebelled, and ruined her life, but Sesshomaru would eventually return to being one piece. She brought a hand to her chest, feeling the pounding of her heart against her fingers.

At that instant, Sesshomaru bent down and pressed a kiss on top of her head. "I love you."

He had not said it often, more times than her since she had never said it, but he felt like the moment was right. All these steps were scary for her and he cherished every moment with her no matter how difficult it was to eventually end them. She trusted him to know when it was enough and he wouldn't fail her.

He gently brushed her hair with his fingers as she glanced up into his eyes. The red was still present and she tried to avoid focusing on it. He loved her, he truly did. Those were not lies or the illusions of a demented beast. They were true words. He knew her, he had learned to be with her and she knew he meant it. She was dying to reply, to say the same but she only wanted to when she was sure.

She already felt like she was  _playing_  with him by leaving uncertainty. It would be unfair to reinforce his feelings for her if nothing was a sure thing.

Although by now it had become obvious. Ever since he had entered her life many months ago he had forged himself a permanent place in it. No matter the pain and the fear, how could she be without him?

"Did you feel it?"

His question brought her out of her mind and she tilted her head to the side. "Feel what?"

He hoped he hadn't been the only one. Each time they had been together before he had sensed her fear and hesitation. This time it was as if she had been completely free.

"The feeling of freedom."

"Yes."

How did he know?

He chuckled softly and brought her closer. "Before you could not bond with me because I was not whole." All those times they had been kissing and touching… her aura had not been able to mix with his since it had been missing; locked away deep within him.

She inhaled deeply. "This is what a bond feels like?"

"It feels better. This is what a basic bond feels like."

He had never experienced it before. And even though his beast trying to ruin it had interrupted it, it had been like nothing he had felt before.

He could almost understand how one could lose control – with a willing partner, of course.

That feeling of happiness Kagome had been hunting for since the day her life had been shattered… it could be found with the mating bond? She thought it had been wrong for her to enjoy all of this with barely any worries. In the end it turned out her worries were being eased away by his love for her. The thought alone brought tears to her eyes.

It also made Kagome decide on a very important matter. She didn't know how it would happen, but her mind was set.

She pushed herself off the table, breaking their embrace. Since her short height made her only reach his chest, she rose to her tippy toes to be able to glance into his eyes. For a moment she had been happy. For a moment the darkness within her had completely disappeared. She wanted to chase that feeling away forever.

"Sesshomaru?" she asked in an attempt to gain his complete attention.. Her heart was pounding and she was terrified while being drowned in the aftermath of happiness from their actions. This was the right decision. This was what they had to do… wasn't it? Yes. It was.

"I want our bond to be strong."

-B-


	77. Coming Undone

The sun had barely risen in the horizon and his fingers were silently tapping against the wooden table while he was surrounded by darkness. His heart was pounding in his chest faster than it should and his brain refused to shut down. He could not find sleep no matter how hard he sought it. There was one sentence that replayed in his mind over and over again; _I want our bond to be strong._

He shared her view on the matter; he wanted to be closer to her. However now that it was all out in the open he was unsure of how to proceed. Kagome was stronger than before but her heart was still fragile. She was looking for happiness and believed this would provide it for her. What if in the end, he only added more pain? It was ridiculous that after all this time he was hesitating… but he could not help it.

There was also the matter of the  _voice_. It had sounded exactly liker hers, but of course it had been nothing more than a trick from his beast. He understood that his beast was experiencing high level of frustration, but he couldn't let it screw up all of the progress he and Kagome made. This was the most crucial step for them and if they were to do this, or anything  _close_  to this, they couldn't afford to have any mistakes

On top of that he knew that even if she wouldn't want it that way and even if she didn't think about it, all of the responsibility weighed on his shoulders. He had to be careful, he had to know when to stop and he had to put her first. Any slip up and they might return to their awkward beginning and it was the last thing he wanted.

Though the first step at the moment would be to not be so damn nervous.

After she had spoken those words to him he had truly thought that it would happen  _right then_ , but she had laid her head on his chest with her eyes closed and he had relaxed. She had simply  _expressed_  her desire to have things move into that direction, she hadn't meant for it to happen right this second. Still, it had gotten his heartbeat up.

Sesshomaru was deep in his thoughts when suddenly he heard the door handle being turned, forcing him to tilt his head to the side. He eyed the door and wondered who could possibly be bothering them at this time when suddenly, he smelled it.  _Kouga_. He resisted the urge to roll his eyes before refocusing his attention on the wall in front of him.

What did  _he_  want so early?

He didn't bother to look when Kouga walked in and closed the door quietly behind him so not to wake up Kagome or Kiyoshi. The only reason he had come over was because Sesshomaru's restless aura was driving him insane. Obviously he had some issues that needed to be worked out and Kouga knew Sesshomaru would be unable to do it on his own.

He took a seat at the table in front of him and Sesshoumaru was left with no choice but to gaze in his direction.

"So, what's the problem?" he inquired casually.

"There is no problem," said Sesshomaru as he resumed tapping his fingers against the table.

Kouga smirked before chuckling. "Sure, you're just sitting here before sunrise because your mind is so at ease that you don't need rest."

"Demons don't require rest every night."

"No but for her sake you do it."

Sesshomaru's eyes shifted left then right before they settled on Kouga once more. Why was it that every time something occurred between him and Kagome, he usually ended up discussing it with the Wolf? He truly needed more people in his entourage. Then again it had been proven to him over and over again that he could not trust many people.

He held back a sigh while admitting reality; he was the only one he could talk to.

"Kagome – she –"How was he supposed to explain this?

"She's ready?" provided Kouga.

Sesshomaru nodded.

It was something Kouga could have told both of them a long time ago. Despite the fact that Kagome had been hurt and damaged, he knew that what had been holding her back for a while was the fear of being hurt again and being put through more suffering. She cared for Sesshomaru, anyone could tell that and it was obvious that he cared for her too. Now the actual question was would either of them have the guts to go through with it?

"And it's keeping you up because?"

Where should he even begin? The part where he was afraid he'd hurt Kagome? Afraid he'd push her or damage her once more? Maybe he should just begin with his beast…

"I believe my beast is trying to make me lose control."

"So?" asked Kouga casually.

Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow in disbelief; how did Kouga not see how this might be a problem?

Kouga sighed heavily before dropping his arms to his side. Apparently he was going to have to spell it out for doggie over there. "What if he tries to make you lose control? Do you want to hurt Kagome? Are you going to?"

"No."

"Then why do you worry about it? Do you wanna know what I think? I don't think your beast has that much power. I think  _you_  give it most of it. I mean, you wouldn't hurt her. I don't care what you say. I know you wouldn't hurt her. Yet you're scared your beast will make  _you_  hurt her. You didn't say he would take over, you said  _you_  would be the one to hurt her."

Sesshomaru opened his mouth to talk, but Kouga stopped him.

"Even if he tried anything on you, the only way 'you' would hurt her was if he took over. And then, it wouldn't be you. Stop giving it so much power. Don't start out with the idea that it's stronger than you. You're a dog, why isn't your alpha instinct kicking in? Why are you being so  _weak_?"

At Kouga's insults, Sesshomaru felt his pride swell, demanding that he beat the living hell out of him, but instead he just clenched his hand into a fist. Kagome was sleeping, his  _son_  was sleeping and it was not an appropriate reaction. He was also aware that Kouga  _was_ trying to get a reaction out of him. It was working, but it also made him think.

One thing was for certain; he shouldn't be afraid to hurt her. In the past he hadn't even cared for her and he had refused enough that he hadn't even been the one in control when things happened. But, this wasn't what he wanted. He didn't want to just  _not_  be the one who hurt her. He didn't want her to suffer at all, in anyway and by anyone's hand.

This was her recovery and it had to go smoothly.

"I cannot let him hurt her."

"Then don't."

"I couldn't stop him then, why would I be able to now?"

"He won't hurt her."

"How do you know such thing?"

"Because there have to be some positive sides to her being the one who wished it back. He owes her doesn't he? Maybe the jewel just won't let it happen."

Sesshomaru sighed. "The jewel is gone."

Kouga shrugged. "Does that mean whatever wish or curse it put on your beast is gone? I mean, if it was a pure wish, then I don't think your beast could hurt her. If it wasn't-"

Then he didn't know. But if her wish hadn't been pure something really bad would have happened before now. Knowing both their luck, there was no way things would have gone smoothly for as long as they had. If his beast intended on hurting Kagome it would have done it a long time ago.

"He doesn't want to make her suffer. At least not that way. I was there in the alley, he understands. He might want to make  _you_  hurt her, but he wouldn't do that, not again. It made him suffer too."

Sesshomaru didn't believe in his beast's redemption as much as Kouga did but he had a point. It was true that his beast seemed to have understood the situations it had put Kagome through and it was sorry in its own way. Surely now that it knew it wasn't acceptable in this world, it wouldn't try to do it again…

"You need to stop worrying so much. Do you think it helps her?"

"She needs to –"

"She knows the risks. It happened to  _her_  and she knows every single possibility. I'm sure she's scared and if you're scared too then it'll only force her to be more terrified."

Sesshomaru sighed heavily knowing Kouga was right. Still, that did very little to ease his worries away. He had no choice but to dive in head first like she was, yet it wasn't exactly one of his traits. He didn't like not knowing and he especially didn't enjoy the fact that there was the possibility he could harm her. Though he could not ignore that there was a chance he might make her happy…

"So," said Kouga in an attempt to lighten up the topic of conversation. The more he allowed Sesshomaru to brew over his bad thoughts, the worse this would become. The key was to distract him from himself. "You know what I heard before?"

Sesshomaru's eyes shifted as they narrowed. He remained silent, knowing that even if he didn't reply, Kouga would provide him with the answer.

"They say breast milk tastes like cantaloupe. What do you think?

Sesshomaru's amber eyes widened at the unexpected question and he nearly choked on his own saliva. He blinked once, then twice before glaring at the Wolf sitting across from him. Cantaloupe – he – well – he had  _tasted_  her- but – well – he…

"I have not tasted that fruit."

Kouga smirked. "But you've tasted Kagome's-"

As if on cue, the loud scream of a baby echoed from the room next door. Kouga couldn't help but cough. "I swear you train that kid to be against me," he said before standing up.

Kagome was about to be up and he knew how she could be in the morning. It was much better to just go back to his own room. However, Kouga refused to leave without saying one last thing to Sesshomaru. "Remember what he said, "He highly suggested as he walked backwards in direction of the door. "You've got the power. Not it."

Sesshomaru watched Kouga leave before turning around and heading for his son. Maybe if he stopped his cries in time, Kagome would remain asleep. It wasn't like he  _wanted_  to keep her asleep. No, he simply wanted her to obtain all the rest she required. Also, she was always the one taking care of their son, yet Kiyoshi was just as much his responsibility as he was hers.

He reached out for his son slowly and brought him close to his chest. The instant Kiyoshi's face touched him, the crying stopped. Sesshomaru gently pat his son's back and wondered what he should do next. Kagome always seemed to know what he needed or what he was craving for. Sesshomaru on the other hand didn't have the first clue what to do.

Sesshomaru kept that position a little longer before pulling his son away from him while still holding him tightly. He glanced into his amber eyes, almost as if he was hoping for an answer. Suddenly, instead of a response, Kiyoshi began to glow. In spite of that being a regular occurrence, he was not glowing the same way he usually did. Instead of his whole body being wrapped in a colorful aura, only his upper body was emitting a bright purple light.

He frowned, turning Kiyoshi's body a bit. Why- was he supposed to do that? No, he had never seen him do that before? Sesshomaru expected his son to be afraid, but he was simply looking at him with the same expression he always did. Obviously whatever was happening was not unnatural but… why hadn't it occurred before now?

Despite his best intentions, he became concerned. He had experience with youkai powers but he had none with holy powers. He had a feeling this was what it was. Perhaps what was giving it away was the prickle against the skin of his hands. His heartbeat picked up and he moved his son away from his face while trying to sense something –  _anything_.

Then, out of the blue, he felt a hand on his shoulder and he almost jumped.

Before he could go into attack mode, he recognized Kagome's aura and his whole body calmed down. Without showing even a hint of emotion, he turned his head to glance at her. Her blue eyes were shining but her features were distressed.

"Is he okay?" she questioned.

Not finding the words, Sesshomaru nodded. He peeked back at his son only to see that the glow was now gone. It was – It had just disappeared. Kiyoshi's arms were stretched while he attempted to grab his father's nose. He was smiling as if nothing had happened.

"Are  _you_  okay?" she asked when he remained frozen like a statue.

It took a few seconds but he nodded again. "Yes," he finally said while Kagome took Kiyoshi from his hold.

She smiled briefly at him and he returned the gesture. His strange reaction was giving her an unsettling feeling in the pit of her stomach. Had something happened and he was keeping it from her or was he simply acting weird because of what she had said the previous night? He hadn't seemed perturbed last night so why was he now?

Kagome shook her head softly before heading in direction of the kitchen with Kiyoshi in her arms. She was simply being paranoid and nervous.

He ran his fingers through his hair still feeling confused. Why had this glow knocked him out of himself so badly? It had just been his aura… how could it have mesmerized him? Perhaps he had been wrong; maybe he did require some sleep. Unfortunately it was now too late for that.

Sesshomaru would just have to find a way to keep his stress under control. This wasn't a new situation; he should know how to handle it. Never before had  _Lord_  Sesshomaru allowed a situation to make him nervous.

No more mistakes would be made. Not by him, not by his beast.

-B-

"I don't think you're okay."

Sesshomaru, who had been reading a book while lying on the bed, lifted his head to glance at Kagome. Her bangs covered her eyes; her hair was tucked behind her hair while her arms were crossed in front of her chest. Something seemed to have been on his mind all day and no matter what he had told her earlier, she didn't believe him. If he had a problem with her confession she wanted him to tell her now.

Though she couldn't even begin to understand why it would bother him. Hadn't he – wouldn't he… She had strongly believed that they wanted the same thing. Had something changed?

He slowly put his book down. No, he hadn't been trying to avoid her. Yes, his mind had been running wild with thoughts for the last three hours. It had always seemed easier to simply  _go_  with the flow when everything was unplanned, when it was all uncertain. Now, it was planned, it was all thought up and they knew very well where this might all head.

It should make him calmer but it only transformed him into a nerve-wreck, something he had never been before.

"I am fine."

"Don't lie to me. If we – If we're going to do this. If we take this step, I don't want us to lie to each other."

Her words caused his heart to ache for a brief moment. He didn't mean to lie to her; he simply didn't wish to bring her more pain with his own concerns. Sesshomaru sighed silently before sliding over to give her room to join him on the bed. Kagome's eyes widened a bit, but she sat down beside him. They never did this; they never had a clear conversation.

Feelings had always brought forward every single talk they had. Now for the first time they were talking before acting upon the feelings. She was paralyzed with fear but she was also thrilled each time she could remember that feeling of happiness. Yes, she would always carry with her the events that happened and she would not forget them. However, the more time she spent tasting happiness, the more she wanted to move past that point.

Unfortunately for her the only way to do it was to do the thing that terrified her most. She and Sesshomaru had taken a few steps towards physical closeness but this would be a completely new step. It would also be the most difficult. She could not have done this with only half of Sesshomaru even though doing it with him whole scared her.

But, he needed her to be whole,  _permanently_  whole and she needed him to close the wound in her heart.

The only problem she had at the moment was  _she wasn't supposed to be the strong one_. Maybe it was a selfish thought, but considering their history, she had expected him to be her rock. She couldn't deny that it pleased her to know he was just as terrified as she was though. Someone filled with confidence was perhaps great for a real first time but considering the way she was damaged, she wanted someone who was nervous, someone who cared.

"I am afraid I will hurt you."

They were not staring at each other; instead both of them were looking straight ahead at the wall.

"Were you afraid before?"

"Before I did not think it would go that far."

She took a deep breath before speaking the truth. " _You_  will not hurt me."

"I don't want any harm to come to you."

There were many things she did not know about his beast and many she was fairly certain about. Although a few of those had changed during the past days. She had this feeling he wanted to hurt her but not the way he had before. No, the pain wouldn't come in a physical manner. She didn't even know  _why_  she knew. She didn't trust it; she believed he spoke mostly lies yet in all those times he hadn't come out once.

There had to be a reason for that beside the fact that he was hurt.

She could recall very clearly everything he had said to her that night; she had not forgotten one word of it. She didn't know how much she believed, how much she wanted to be true, but his words still echoed in her mind. There  _was_  something different about his beast there was no denying it even if she wanted to sometimes.

The only question was; was he different enough?

She didn't believe he was.

She knew it was selfish of her but she couldn't help her own feelings. However, she didn't let that put a stop to what she was trying to do. Before the return of his beast, a return she had wished for, they had been heading in a direction that had made her happy. Now the only difference was the person who had twisted her fate around was back inside of Sesshomaru.

It was  _not_  Sesshomaru. It was just a part of him. A part of him that eventually would no longer emerge or be in control. Once they could heal themselves and their broken bond then they could both be whole. Nothing came without work. The more of her fear she could vanquish, the happier she would be in the end. It seemed difficult now, but she knew in the end it would all be worth it.

It was what she kept repeating to herself.

"You won't. It won't." If she believed her words strongly enough, he would too right?

He couldn't help the surprise that over took him when she said those words. She didn't think it would hurt her? She  _should_  be the one thinking that. Not him! Perhaps Kouga had been right; he had been the one over thinking this.

"You would not be scared?"

"I'll be terrified.  _I am terrified_. But I've been scared for so long. I don't want that anymore."

Her chest was heaving but she finally turned her head to look at him. Her eyes were filled with tears but none of them slid down her red cheeks. She had promised herself she wouldn't feel this alone again. She had taken them to the point of no return last night and no matter what she would stick to that.

Her mouth was dry and her throat was burning when his eyes met hers. Gently he bent forward and stretched his hand to cup her cheek. Their lips met and her heart skipped a beat. No, it was not their first kiss but she felt this was the first kiss of an important moment. Now. Right now. They had gone from him uncertain to this… so quickly.

Wait. No, this wasn't quick. It was at their pace and it was right.

She lifted a hand and took hold of his dark blue shirt tightly. All of her senses were on high alert causing Sesshomaru to able to hear her heartbeat echoing in his mind. He could feel her blood rush through her veins and the heat of her skin radiating through. He moved his other hand to cup the other side of her face, bringing her even closer.

He was  _waiting_  for the fake voice to fill his mind, but nothing came.

Sesshomaru was not displeased but surprised. A part of him wished that his beast would begin whatever it had in mind instead of making him wait for it.

He mentally grounded himself and re-focused his attention on the current situation. One of his hands glided down her shoulder while a finger pressed against her neck. He could feel her soft skin and her pulse all at once. She pressed her chest against his causing her breasts to perk up even further. Although he enjoyed the taste of her moist lips, he pulled himself away.

Sesshomaru went straight for her neck, his lips gliding across her flesh, causing her to tilt her head back. The familiar feeling of his lips on her skin made her body shiver and she closed her eyes at the feeling. They had done this before and so much more so there was nothing to be nervous about. Actually, she didn't really feel nervous; perhaps it was just the  _thrill_?

Yes the thrill.

His hand found its way down lower and she expected him to stop at her breasts but he didn't. Instead, Sesshomaru continued until he reached the hem of her shirt. The moment she felt him pull it up, she raised her arms up to make his task easier. The cool air danced across her heated flesh and she had to admit that the feeling alone was nice.

Sesshomaru moved his hand to her back and though he knew she expected him to, he didn't remove her bra. He didn't want to fly through this just because they had been through this before.. If this was going to be her first time, her  _real first time_ , he would make sure he did everything he could to put her at ease and make it as memorable for her as possible.

He wanted to take away the old memory from her mind and replace it with a new, more pleasurable one.

His fingertips tickled her back and he was being mindful of his claws. Her lips were pressed against his collarbone and he could feel her warm breath tickling against his skin. He felt her shudder in pleasure and he fought the smirk that was attempting to form on his lips. She wasn't doing anything he yet he found it to be extremely teasing.. Her flesh was sticky, but it only added to the atmosphere. He thought he was the one leading the situation when suddenly she proved him wrong.

Sesshomaru felt her tiny fingers fighting with the buttons of his shirt, and that caused him to stop the movements of his hand. He glanced down and watched her intensively while she undid one button at a time. It seemed to take forever but it finally happened; she undid the last one.

Shyly, she grabbed his collar and pulled his shirt down. He wrestled his arms out of it, leaving it half hanging on the bed and half on the floor. She ignored the fact that his body was much more in shape than hers. She pressed her palms against his shoulders before letting her hands go all the way down to his wrist. Though his body was pleasing, touching him was not always the easiest thing.

The way she was doing it now was fine but… it was then that she stopped what she was doing frowning.

She did wish for their bond to be stronger and she did want happiness. However, it did not mean they had to skip all the steps at once. Instead, they could take them one at a time. Kagome was fine with touching Sesshomaru, but there were things his beast had forced her to do that still scared her a bit. Perhaps she should be focusing on those.

If she could take all the bits of fear away one at a time, it would be much easier to take the final big step.

Sesshomaru had always said he'd go at her speed. And though she had said she wanted their bond to be stronger, she hadn't specifically said they had to do this  _right now_. It had been somewhat implied and it had crossed her own mind but now that she was faced with the decision, she decided this made her feel safer. Why should they rush this because she wanted happiness, because he wanted to be whole?

Perhaps it would be better to discover each other's bodies properly and comfortably.

Now the only problem she had was that she didn't know how to explain this to Sesshomaru. As a matter of fact she was unsure she could even speak those words. It seemed a bit foolish if you considered the situation. After all they had done it all and she was a mother. Yet, her degree of comfort in those situations never changed.

It was then that she realized there was one convenient way for her to go about this. Maybe she didn't have to tell him; maybe she could just go along and lead them in that direction. Once they came face to face with the situation, they would have to do it wouldn't they?

Kagome nodded to herself and took a deep breath before staring into Sesshomaru's confused eyes. He hadn't dared to move or touch her because she had seemed to be in a trance. At first he had been a little scared that she had decided she couldn't do that. He wouldn't have been disappointed, he simply hadn't wanted her to keep moving forward if she truly didn't want to anymore.

Now he could tell that he had been wrong. It was clear in her eyes that she was not that  _scared_. There was the normal amount of fear he had expected to see, but nothing else.

She moved her hands to his pectorals while never breaking eye contact. She slid her hands down and did her best to keep a straight face in front of him. She could tell he was pondering where this was heading. She did not stop her movements until she reached his belt and it was then that she broke the eye contact. With unsteady hands she began to undo his belt.

Never before had her heart beat so fast.

On the other hand he felt like his was ready to stop. He hadn't thought that she would do that but at the moment the facts were hard to ignore. She still had most of her clothes on yet she was also attempting to remove all of his clothes with a determination he almost didn't know she had. He swallowed hard, unsure of how to proceed.

She was chasing away the memories of his beast forcing her down her knees because they didn't matter. She was not with the beast right now, she was with Sesshomaru. He might look exactly same, but he was not it. He was a part of him though; she couldn't let herself forget that. She had to remind herself constantly that  _together_  they formed a whole Sesshomaru.

Kagome could no longer keep separating them entirely. She had to accept that he needed the beast inside to be alive and to be himself. It wasn't always an easy thought to face but it had to be done.

She took a deep breath before her hand darted inside his pants to life the hem of his underwear. She had ended up doing this in the past, but she wasn't exactly sure she had ever known what she had been doing. Yes, she was doing this for them to be closer, but she also wanted him to enjoy himself.

It took a few more seconds, but she finally wrapped her small fingers around his erect length. The instant she made contact with it, Sesshomaru felt as if he could no longer breathe. He held his breath as the foreign –yet familiar touch overthrew him. She had done this to his body before just not to him. His head tilted back while hoping that not seeing her would help him keep his control down.

Really, when was the last time he had obtained satisfaction? At least satisfaction provided by another being?

It was with her. And really, it hadn't quite been him receiving the pleasure.

He couldn't deny the fact that this was making it hard for him. After all, what she was doing had one precise goal. He  _knew_  he didn't have to hold back and really direct touching made it difficult too. Sesshomaru already felt like he was ready to come undone in her hand. Although she would pass no judgment, it would be embarrassing and his pride would suffer.

But, five hundred years was a long time.

She stared intently at his penis while her hand moved up and down slowly. She could not see his face because he was hiding it from her and that made it impossible for her to tell if she was doing it right. She decided to pick up the speed a little and felt his width increase in her hold – or at least it felt like it did. That should mean she was doing it right…

She knew this should be enough, it could be enough yet she wanted to push herself. So far she didn't really feel out of her comfort zone. Yes something like this had happened with his beast but more intimate things had also happened between her and Sesshomaru.

If she kept it to as far as they had gone before, then there was no point to it right?

She had to prove to herself she could be comfortable in his company no matter the situation.

Yes, this was the right step to take. Despite the pounding of her head, Kagome bent forward and opened her mouth slightly. Her eyes were closed tightly before she finally inserted the tip of his cock into her mouth.

At the unexpected contact, Sesshomaru unconsciously buckled forward, pushing more of his length in her hot moist cavern. He inhaled deeply knowing that now there was no way he could glance her way. The simple sight of her would be enough to make him explode. Though what she was doing at the moment was just was pleasurable – or rather unbearable.

She felt him wriggle around underneath her and she assumed it was okay. If not he would have stopped her right?

Her hand had remained still but as she pulled his cock in and out of her mouth she made her hand follow her movements. It was rather strange to be doing this out of her own free will. Even Sesshomaru had no idea where she was going with this and she had to admit it was a nice feeling. For once in this situation she was fully in control.

Yes, they had fooled around but he had always worked to please her and she had been left in the dark only able to guess what would happen next. Now she  _knew_  what was going to happen.

Feeling some of her confidence rise in her, she began sliding him in and out of her mouth. She was not hurt or in pain, but she did remember some of the memories before. Still, she knew she wouldn't cry because she wouldn't let herself do that. This was a step towards their happiness and it wasn't one of sadness.

Her slender fingers squeezed harder while her moist mouth wet his length even more each time it glided out. Sesshomaru was taking deep breaths and trying to focus his thoughts. He didn't have to impress her but he just…maybe he just wanted this moment to last. He sensed no fear coming from her and he was pleased with that.

For a second he had been afraid she was rushing into things but now he knew this was what she wanted.

Kagome pulled his cock out of her mouth, still holding on tightly with her hand. She poked her tongue out of her mouth and slowly licked the tip. Did it feel good? She wasn't certain but – well, she was trying what she thought might be right.

She licked again, this time twirling her tongue around and she felt him shift. He lifted a hand, bringing it close to her head. A part of him wanted to grab a fistful of her hair but he was trying to remind himself that it might scare her. After all it would be a huge reminder of what the beast used to force upon her and he didn't want that.

Instead, Sesshomaru forced himself to simply put his hand down on her shoulder. Her teeth gently grazed against the skin of his erection but he didn't even flinch; it only increased the feeling of him slowly losing his power over his control.

It was going to be over soon he could tell.

Once she licked the side of his length, Kagome put it back in her mouth again and began pumping faster than before. She could feel him pulse and a weird feeling of excitement developed in the pit of her stomach. While his cock was in her mouth, she used her tongue to lick the top and the combination of all sensations proved to be too much.

He wanted to pull out; he really did but before he knew it his control slipped him. Sesshomaru's body jolted as he began to release himself inside her mouth. His eyes rolled back and his body temperature rose while he attempted to pull himself away from her before it was completely too late.

Kagome felt the explosion in her mouth and began to cough. Then suddenly, her face was hit with his release and she attempted to block some of it. Once she felt nothing else hit her she removed her hands and glanced at him. He was half sitting, half laying, panting, which was quite a rare sight for him and straight into her eyes.

This had been unexpected.

She turned around to lie beside him. Her face was stained along with her mouth, but it would wait. She slowly reached out for his hands and twined his fingers with hers.

"We'll be okay."

And for the first time, she truly meant it.

-B-


	78. New Experience

The sun had risen and the only sound that could be heard in the room was the kettle whistling as it boiled. Kagome was standing near the doorway observing Sesshomaru while doing her best to keep her mouth shut. His behavior had been strange this morning however it had nothing to do with her. He had begun acting weird around  _Kiyoshi._

Sesshomaru was standing near the crib hovering with his head above it. He wasn't talking; he was simply  _staring_  like he was waiting for something to happen.

At first she thought perhaps he was using one of his youkai senses to  _detect_  something, but the frown that would occasionally appear on his face made her think it was not that. Frankly she should have no problem going up and speaking to him; nothing bad was going on. Also, it wasn't as if they were not talking because they were.

Of course there had been a bit of shyness occurring the previous day because of what happened but once the initial moment had worn off, everything had been okay. She could tell Sesshomaru had thought their  _moment_  would have gone a completely different way, but she enjoyed the way it happened. Before she had only uncertainty, now she felt  _ready_.

Kagome took a deep breath before forcing herself in the bedroom. A soft smile was on her lips while she approached him with quiet steps. "Is-is everything alright?"

Sesshomaru tensed liked he hadn't sensed her presence. Obviously his behavior was strange enough to attract her attention, he had known that. Unfortunately his desire to know exactly  _what_  had happened last night had been stronger than anything else. The  _glow_  had been too different and holy power wasn't his –

_Oh._

It was hers.

Actually, not really. She didn't know much about her own powers, but he figured she knew more than him right? He hadn't told her last night because he hadn't believed it to be very important but… well the glow had haunted him. He had seen it in his dreams. Though it had only been the glow, not Kiyoshi, which was rather strange. Then again, it had only been a dream.

Since she needed an explanation and he would not lie to her, the best way to go was with the truth. "Kiyoshi glowed last night."

A bit puzzled, she knit her eyebrows together. "He  _has_  done that before."

He shook his head. "His upper body glowed purple."

"Only his upper body?"

"Yes."

Kagome glanced down at the crib only to see her son sleeping peacefully..  _Glowing_. That shouldn't be something that worried them should it? He had done it plenty of times before! So what if it had been a little different?  _Kiyoshi_  was a little different. He had both holy and demonic powers inside of him. That was bound to mess him up quite a bit.

"Maybe he just doesn't know all to control all of his powers yet," she offered as an explanation.

"Maybe."

It didn't do much to explain the bad feeling he was getting, but then again he did have a tendency to over worry now. He assumed the worst and went along with it. Perhaps this time he should follow her example and take for granted that it was nothing. After all, Kagome didn't seem worried at all.

As a matter of fact she appeared to be calmer than he ever recalled her to be. Since she had admitted they would be fine the previous night, it was as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Her smiles seemed more real, her laugh brighter and her breaths easier. At first he hadn't been sure she had meant it, but now he was starting to really believe it.

Kagome was ready to make the biggest step and put it behind her.

"I meant what I said yesterday," she began, shifting her gaze his way. "I-I'm better, we're better. It's going to be hard sometimes – maybe – but what isn't? Even people without our past struggle from time to time. I mean, we shouldn't let that stop us."

"Most people do not have a  _double_  personality like I do."

She nodded. "Maybe. But, everyone has feelings they keep buried inside and hidden from others. I mean, it doesn't make them drastically different but…" She sighed. "If we don't do this, we'll never – you'll never be yourself again. He's a part of you, and I've come to slowly accept it. He's not all you are though."

It felt much better to express the words she had been keeping locked inside. She had thought them, she had gone through the process, but to actually share it with him was another thing. She didn't need to look at him to be re-assured; she already knew she was safe. Maybe the past had shown her to be over careful, but this time, it was the moment to ignore everything that had happened.

It was the moment for her to be the one in  _charge_.

"I – hm – I was thinking," she said breaking the silence. "I thought maybe we could leave Kiyoshi with Kouga today."

Sesshomaru looked stunned for a second, but turned her way with an eyebrow raised as he waited for more.

"I just, I think it'd be better if Kouga took care of him for the day. I mean, this would leave no interruption and really I would feel awkward if my parents – well I know he's just a baby and he doesn't know but – I mean he can sense us, so I think he sort of knows – and I just mean –"

"I know what you are trying to say," he replied, trying to cut her misery short. "However, I'm not quiet sure how well he could handle Kiyoshi alone."

It was true that Kiyoshi had tried to burn him a few times. It wasn't really either of their faults; Kiyoshi was just reacting and using his powers. Kouga  _had_  done it before and nothing had gone wrong, but this might be for a while… Then, an idea formed in Kagome's mind.

"I think I know what we should do."

-B-

"Kai?"

She smiled brightly at him shrugging her shoulders. "You weren't expecting me?"

Kouga raised an eyebrow and tilted his head to the side. "I should have?"

"Sesshomaru told me to come over to help you babysit."

He blinked. "Babysit?"

She lifted the baby she was holding her arms. She had picked him up  _prior_  to coming over to Kouga's room knowing there would be a better chance he could not argue if she did it this way.

"You don't like Kiyoshi very much," she quickly explained.

Kouga scoffed and raised a finger. "No, no, no. I have no problem with the kid. However,  _he's_  got a problem with  _me_." He was about to smirk when he suddenly realized he had been sidetracked. "That still doesn't explain the whole babysitting thing."

"I thought you knew you were supposed to look after Kiyoshi today," she said while trying to feign innocence in the whole plot.

"Why?"

"They – well you know. They need some time alone."

Kouga smirked. "Time alone huh?"

He didn't need to have it explained what that meant. Yes, he would have liked a heads up but he could understand their  _excitement_. Also he didn't think he'd get  _purified_  again by the child if so many people were around. He would be lying as well if he didn't say it was nice to see Kai. It had been a while since he had heard from her and he had wondered if she had vanished.

No, he wouldn't have actually called to check up on her. However, he enjoyed having his concerned thoughts put to rest by her presence.

"Well, come on in," he said before moving her out of the way to let her walk in.

Kai was holding Kiyoshi tightly with one hand, while carrying his bag of supplies with the other.

In all honesty she had wondered a bit when Kagome had asked  _her_  to babysit. Especially since they had three wolves next door. Kagome did provide her with an explanation, and thought Kai felt there was more than just that. The reason had been intriguing enough to drag her out of her little shop.

It was not as if she had been avoiding anyone… she simply was aware that she didn't quite belonged in their little circle. They all shared a past together and Kai, though she was linked to Kouga and had gotten involved in their lives, knew they didn't need her help to make it through anything. Yes, a part of her had wanted to be there, but more for Kouga than the others.

He was the past left behind. He was also another wolf youkai.

Kagome's call and the things she said had been the little push she needed to come around again. Although Kagome had seemed very calm, she had begun explaining on the phone that perhaps something was wrong with Kiyoshi. They  _had_  a friend who could sense powers, but Kagome felt it was something only Kai could provide answer to.

Also, it appeared Sesshomaru was he one who thought something was wrong. Although they believed that Kiyoshi's glowing was normal and perhaps a struggle of his inner conflicting powers, it was worth examining it. That and  _they_  needed a babysitter and someone who could handle Kouga. It had made Kai giggle and she had agreed.

Kiyoshi was  _new_.

Perhaps other children were born from a demon and Miko, but none of them were like him. His mother's powers had been locked while he had been in the womb and he was – well they didn't know what he was yet. Despite his more human looking appearance he possessed a great demonic strength. It was a complete mystery and a challenge she'd love to take on.

"It's good seeing you," said Kouga while he shifted his weight from one foot to another.

Kai would be a pleasing distraction from what was going to happen in the room next door. It didn't bother him that they were together but he had a feeling their auras would be  _powerful_  and it would leave him restless. Now, he would be able to focus his mind on something else.

"It's been a while," she answered back with a smile.

She hated the awkwardness that was present. Even though they weren't really pack anymore because her mother had left… they still had the bond of one deep down. After one spends their life alone, it was something else to actually  _want_  to spend time with people of your own. Of course, she wouldn't voice that out loud.

Kouga moved over to the table and sat down, anticipating she would join him. Kouga was smooth and he was fairly good with the ladies. Even in the face of rejection, he did not give up. However, with Kai he sometimes didn't know how to act. What was she? Pack? A Friend? Maybe she was only someone he knew, an acquaintance.

"I don't do awkward very well," she said, hoping to lighten the atmosphere.

"No reason to be awkward," he said, making a decision for them. "You're pack."

Kai had been too young to make any decisions and when she had been able to it had been too late; there had been no way to find anyone. Heck thinking that  _here_  out of all place she had found Kouga was still a little strange.

"I guess I am. Although," she began glancing around. "It's not quite the size I remember it to be."

He shrugged. "People moved on over the years. They think they no longer need their own to survive. Maybe some don't but… I mean if everyone had not gone all over the place, maybe it wouldn't be so hard to find our own."

Kouga was a leader at heart. It wasn't about bossing people around or being in charge, it was about taking care of his kind and helping. He'd be lying if he said he never had wanted power, but it hadn't been all for himself. He had wanted to be stronger to grow and not let anyone harm the wolves anymore. He'd take anyone with him that wanted to come for that reason.

Actually over the years a few wolves had gone in and out of his house in Australia. They had been penniless and homeless. He had given them shelter and once they had gotten back on their feet, they had left. Kouga had given them the option to stay, but pack didn't mean much anymore. At least he had been able to provide some help…

Kai. Well Kai seemed different.

She was on her own and she had no problem with that, yet she appeared the most lost out of all of them. The only youkai she grew up with was most likely her mother and when people began to die while the world was changing, she found herself completely alone. Growing up with fear and loneliness didn't make someone willing to live with others.

But he remembered her and he liked her. She had a little spunk hidden in her shyness.

Plus he'd be lying if he said he would mind other company that was not Ginta or Hakkaku. He loved them to death, but sometimes a breath of fresh air was appreciated.

"And size doesn't matter," he finally added.

"Yeah, men say that a lot."

At the unexpected joke, Kouga broke into a laugh.  _There_  was a funny side hidden within her. Perhaps she just needed to be around people more to let it out.

-B-

It was still light out, not that Kagome could tell since she was locked in the bathroom, and the room was completely empty except for Sesshomaru and herself. Nobody would be there to interrupt them; nobody would be there to put a stop to things. It was only the two of them. Although Kagome was not a complete mess when it came to intimacy she had  _normal_  fears.

For a little while now she had struggled with her body's appearance, along with the fear of this being her first  _good_  time. Nobody was forcing her to do this and she would experience every sensation willingly. It was a good thing, but it was also stressful. It was why Kagome had decided to lock herself in the bathroom for a few minutes and splash some water in her face.

She had to calm down and take hold of her emotions. She had already made herself one promise; no tears would be shed. This was not a sad moment, it was a happy one. This marked the instant she decided to trust  _all_  of him, that she would willingly bare herself to him. During it, she wanted to be filled with joy, not regret and pain.

Kagome stared at her reflection in the mirror before taking in a deep breath. Her hair was pulled in a tight ponytail and her bangs were trying to break free. She wore nothing more than a yellow top and a pair of jean shorts and a part of her felt she was underdressed. Then again, Sesshomaru had seen her in every way imaginable. There was nothing to hide from him: he had seen it all.

Knowing there was nothing else to look over; she reached out for the handle and slowly turned it. When she stepped out of the bathroom she was surprised to find an empty room since she had believed Sesshomaru would be in the bedroom. Had he required a moment alone by himself as well just like she had? After all, he had to be scared too; she knew how much he feared hurting her.

"Sesshomaru?" she tried.

She was met with silence and was about to raise an eyebrow when suddenly footsteps echoed through the room. Sesshomaru popped his head inside the room, smiling, just a little awkwardly, at her. He walked into the room completely and stood completely straight near the doorway. She almost held in a laugh even though there was nothing funny.

It was so  _obvious_  what they were about to do and it added both a stressful and a funny side to the whole thing. It was not smooth and natural even though they had tried to achieve that effect. Then again, when did something go according to their plans?

She breathed in heavily before marching in his direction. Sesshomaru was quick to imitate her movements and it made her feel more at ease. They met half way near the bed. Kagome expected them to stand this way for a while with neither of them making a move, but Sesshomaru took her by surprise. She felt him grasp her hands in his to bring her closer.

He didn't want to make her afraid, but if nothing was done nothing would happen. She had surprised  _him_  by taking the reigns the previous time. Regardless, he didn't want this to be about him, he wanted it to be about her and her pleasure. She was the one who needed a sweet, loving experience. Obviously he would enjoy it, but his goal was her happiness.

Sesshomaru gently cupped her cheek with his hand and pressed his lips against hers. She didn't stiffen in his embrace, as a matter of fact, she immediately relaxed. Their lips moved together and their skin was on fire. He gently nibbled on her bottom lip, mindful of his fangs and watched as she tilted her head back in pleasure. He bit down harder this time, feeling her pulse quicken under his palm.

Her eyes were closed and her memory was shut away.

It was him and her and no past between them. It would always be there, she would not forget it, but for tonight she just wanted it to be the two of them.

His hand dragged down her body, grasping the fabric of her top while he did so. Her breasts were darting out of the shirt tempting him. A part of him wanted to rip her clothes off, he wanted to enjoy the sight of her naked, but he knew patience was required and it would be sweeter in the end. He pressed his cheek against her breasts, feeling her open, moist mouth on his forehead.

Sesshomaru pulled at the shirt, revealing her white bra. It taunted him and he pulled even harder.. He lapped and sucked and licked while the nipple hardened under his touch. Goosebumps ran over her skin and she arched her back to bring her body closer to him. His fingers felt like fire that was melting her skin every time he touched her.

The claws gently circled her nipples and she bit on her bottom lip.

They had done it all yet one touch and she felt a heat propelling through her body. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling up her shirt with his teeth His fangs were grazing against her stomach and he felt her shiver in his hold. His mouth began to travel low and he pressed kisses all the way down. Sesshomaru did not lift a hand until he reached her shorts.

Slowly he undid the button taking the zipper with it in the next second.. Her purple underwear was showing and his hands became moist. His head felt dizzy and he was no longer certain if he was keeping up the slow pace he had wanted or if he was hurrying things along too much. Since she hadn't said anything and her body languages indicated she enjoyed it, he decided to not worry about it.

He stuck his tongue out before slowly sliding it inside the top of her underwear. The instant he did that Kagome felt a rush of heat travel all the way down to her core and she  _knew_  she was wet. She pushed her hands back in a futile attempt to help keep herself up, but she felt nothing but the emptiness. All she could hope was that her legs would not give up on her.

Her heart was pounding in her ears and her blood was on fire. The way his tongue was traveling further and further down with each passing second didn't help her calm down. Not that she wanted to.

Since his tongue could go down any more, Sesshomaru grabbed her underwear and shorts, bringing them low enough to give him good access. His treasure was near and once his tongue twirled around the bundle of nerves he felt her body freeze while her legs seemed to weaken. She was holding her breath and her back arched as much as possible.

He held her up by holding her leg with one hand and having the other pressed half on her behind and half on her back. Once she felt secure in his hold, he began moving his tongue again. He kept his attention on her clit for the time being because he was able to tell it was already a lot of sensations for her. Also he was in no rush; he intended on pleasing her over and over again.

She buckled into him, her wetness increasing. How could one area be so  _sensitive_? As he lapped, his tongue was almost sliding inside her core. She held her breath and knew that his hands were the only things keeping her up.

With the taste of her sweet nectar on the tip of his tongue, he decided to poke it in again; he wanted to taste more of her. His damp tongue made its way up her womanhood and Kagome's lips parted. Her breathing was out of rhythm and her body was trembling while he picked up his speed. His tongue was darting in and out quite rapidly and he could feel her wetness increase.

His mouth was covered with her nectar and he never stopped. Her knees were shaking and he was aware if he kept this up, she'd get her first release. Deciding to  _torture_  her a bit, he moved the hand that was on her back and carefully inserted it inside of her. She inhaled loudly while his finger mimicked the speed of his tongue that was swirling inside her.

The overwhelming feeling of the sensations was causing Kagome to moan loudly, though she did not even realize it. The familiar feeling of not being able to hold it back anymore washed over her and she tried to squeeze her legs together. Unfortunately for her, Sesshomaru used his hands to make sure they stayed apart. She felt like cursing at him just because it was completely unbearable.

She attempted to take deep breaths as his tongue reached even deeper inside of her. Instead, it came out like a groan. His fangs were just barely touching her flesh once in a while and she shuddered in pleasure. Again. And Again. Kagome closed her eyes, swallowed hard and pressed her lips together tightly. She just  _couldn't_. And the dam broke. Her lips parted while she loudly expressed her orgasm.

Her sweet juices began to flow out of her to drown Sesshomaru's mouth. And he drank it all. He used both of his hands to help her up while her body wanted to collapse. He did not pull away until he stopped feeling her shake in pleasure. Then, he slowly pulled his mouth away and proceeded to lift himself up. Kagome wrapped her arms around him hoping to keep her balance.

A slight blush was creeping on her cheeks and she buried her face in his chest. He pressed a kiss on the top of her head before smiling even though she could not see him.

He bent down, nibbling on her ear. "I'm not done," he said teasingly. He could tell she was still catching her breath.

Sesshomaru lovingly snaked his arms around her waist and proceeded to lay her down on the bed. Her heartbeat was loud and his senses were picking it up; he could  _hear_  it and he could  _feel_ it. He slowly laid her on her back and watched her chest heave up and down rapidly. Sesshomaru grabbed the edge of her shirt, pulled it up and tossed it on the ground; they were a bit passed the clothes stage. Although he was still _fully_  dressed.

Since her stomach was bare and he kissed it gently all the way to her left hip. Her shorts were hanging low, barely covering anything anymore. Although he had  _just_  removed her shirt, he decided to go for the shorts as well, which left her in nothing more than her underwear. With the way her panties were soaked, they were barely doing anything for her.

Kagome wanted to caress his body, feel his muscles and ripples under her touch, but each time she was attempting to do so, he would keep her in her current position and overload all of her senses She had a feeling he was trying to turn the tables around after the other time. Well he was a man and he had an ego. Plus, she didn't mind. Each time they got close, the intensity grew past her expectations.

His fingers grazed against her sensitive flesh and he grasped the string of her underwear. He was taunting her by barely pulling them down. He felt like his own skin was damp but considering the fact that he was a youkai it was impossible that so little even exhausted him. It was all his feelings and the anticipation.

He held his breathe before ending her suffering and removing her underwear, though he kept his movements extremely slow. He put them down on the floor carefully and then he covered her body with his. He slid his hand on her back and gently unhooked the bra. He felt her inhale deeply underneath him while her little fingers tried to grasp her bra.

And then she was completely bare.

Then, the silence was broken by a laugh of nervousness. "You're completely dressed."

He assumed it was not really fair, but he had wanted to focus his attention on her. Sesshomaru nodded and then grabbed the collar of his shirt, slowly unbuttoning it. Kagome was aware she should be the one doing that but her heart was pounding and she felt like her hands would be too shaky to do it. She wasn't afraid but she was nervous beyond belief.

His chest was revealed, the sturdy perfect smooth skin she was used to looked like it was glowing. He dropped it on the bed before attacking his belt. He hoped his face was showing that he was confident because his hands movements weren't. She was just  _looking_  at him with those eyes and his heart was ready to stop beating.

Earlier he felt like he was rushing it and now that they would soon both be naked, he felt like he had sped it up even more. To remove his pants, Sesshomaru dragged himself away from her with his feet landing on the floor. Once they were off, all he had on were dark black boxers. He decided that for now he would keep those on.

They would come off in time.

He went back on the bed; the scent of her core and the sound of her heartbeat overwhelming him. Instead of going for her mouth, he went for her neck. He ran his tongue at the exact spot where her pulse could be felt feeling the skin being pushed against his tongue. He could also sense the mark he had left on her so long ago. If he could take them away and mark her again tonight, he would.

His fangs grazed above the spot biting down lightly but not actually doing it.

Kagome wrapped her arms around his neck bringing his attention back to her face. He lifted his head, his now quite long silver hair almost covering his face. She smiled brightly at him, raising a hand to push his hair behind his ear. She was still panting from the rush of pleasure from earlier but her eyes were reflecting kindness.

For the first time that evening, she took an initiative and pulled him into a kiss. It wasn't hot or intense. It was slow and romantic. She wanted, she  _needed_  to feel him. She had decided to trust him with everything she had and to take this step. She did it because she knew when he expressed his feelings for her he actually meant it.

Once he backed away, he pressed his forehead against hers.

"I love you," he said bluntly.

She had heard those words from him a couple of times and they sounded as sincere as the first time. She moved her hands closer to his face, her thumbs touching his lips. The words wanted to come out of her too, but she wanted to wait, she wanted this to happen first. She wanted to  _feel_  him, feel that connection you can't get any other way.

"Are you ready?" he asked, feeling foolish for doing so.

He wanted to make sure.

She nodded. "Yes," she whispered.

Before Sesshomaru could move, Kagome slid her hands down. She wanted to be the one to fully undress him. She shyly wrapped her fingers around the band of his boxers and began tugging down. Sesshomaru moved forward to help her and she pulled until they reached his knees. He gracefully kicked them off, adding to the pile of clothes on the floor.

It was now flesh against flesh. A blush crept up on Kagome's cheeks and she bit on her bottom lip. She watched intensely while he positioned himself and she parted her legs to give him room. She couldn't even breathe as he put his erection in front of her core but didn't touch it. His eyes met hers for approval and once again she nodded.

She felt it touch her entrance and her body froze, the anticipation and feelings overwhelming her. He began inserting the tip and she tried to not be stiff. Slowly, inch by inch he slid it in and the pain she expected to come because of her past experiences never did. Her wetness was allowing for a smoother entrance than never before.

As Sesshomaru felt more and more of her moist, tight womanhood envelop him, he began taking deep breaths. He had self-control, but a part of him just wanted to be buried deep inside of her. It was like  _he_  was experiencing it for the very first time and he wanted to savor the moment. His cock was pulsing with the blood rushing through it.

Once he was almost fully in, Kagome arched her back causing his length to reach far within her. Her body was expecting so many feelings and her mind so much pain. Fortunately this was completely different. Though her heart sometimes beat in fear, her heart was being overtaken by his patience and kindness; he didn't have to take his time, but he did.

Sesshomaru decided to bend forward, allowing her to bury her face in his neck. He held her head with one hand and held himself up with the other. At that moment he made the final push, feeling Kagome nibble at his flesh when he did. His body shook for a second at the sensation and now knowing that it was okay with her, he began to slide in and out of her wet dripping core.

Kagome licked her lips and his skin at the same time. This – this was not the feeling she had ever prepared for. She had felt the sensation before, so had her body but her mind hadn't. Also, it had never felt like this. Their interaction was something she had wanted, she had chosen to do and it made it a good one. No tears, no pleas.

Sesshomaru groaned, unable to keep his current speed. He began pounding in her more, feeling her squeeze tightly around him. He knew she didn't know how to do this since his beast had only forced himself upon her. He simply wanted to watch as she discovered pleasures for the first time- real ones.

He pulled her away from him and bent down even more to capture her nipple between his teeth. While he kept his motions controlled her juices were spilling out of her and staining the sheets, he began nibbling. Her back arched even more forming a perfect curve. He pushed himself deep, filling her completely while his tongue poked out and made circles against her hard nipples.

"Se-ssh-" but she couldn't finish his name.

Her mind was numb with all of the sensations and her heart was ready to burst. He slid out of her with ease and pushed himself back in harder. She tilted her head back while her lips parted and her panting increasing. She wanted to calm down and she wanted to know how – how it  _could_  have felt like this the whole time, but she couldn't.

She experienced more than her own feeling, it was like Sesshomaru's own joy was filling her heart.

Sesshomaru held on to her hips, his claws almost breaking the skin while he moved her around to push himself deeper. Her nectar was dripping down his dick while her moans were getting louder. He had to pleasure her, he wanted to. His own excitement was making it difficult; it had been so long and she was so desirable.

Kagome knew she was getting louder the more he filled her but she couldn't quiet the sounds. For once, her world was only pleasure. She couldn't even bear to open her eyes because she wanted to feel every sensation and every caress.

"Oh god."

Sesshomaru's fingers had found their way to her clit. While he rubbed it vigorously, his tongue kept licking her breast making her shiver in pleasure. Her entire body was being overwhelmed by pleasure and his pounding never ceased. She raised her hands to his chest feeling the muscles under and she tried to grasp at them.

Warmth filled her lower area and she repetitively threw her head back while the sensations increased. She bit hard on her bottom lip, almost drawing blood. She could  _sense_  within her that Sesshomaru was keeping himself in check while she allowed her body to feel everything and her mind to explode. She squirmed under him twisting her body in every direction.

Sesshomaru's hands slipped from her waist and landed on the bed. His face was clenched and he was doing his best to hold back. He was pounding in her and the wetness surrounding his cock increased with every second. He could feel the tip of his dick hitting something within her and each time her squirming increased.

He kept hitting at the spot over and over, perhaps a little too fast.

Once he hit it again, she pressed her naked chest against him forcing him to stop paying attention to her breasts. Her fingernails dug in his back wanting to break the flesh.

"SESSh-OH-."

It was too much and she felt herself coming undone in his arms. She exhaled heavily and her entire body shook with pleasure while her juices exploded upon his length. While her world became nothing but pleasure he kept pounding in, his fangs threatening to break her skin because it was the only way to hold back. He could sense her pleasure, and another being's pleasure within him.

He felt at peace inside of her.

His mind was dizzy and he felt her fingers drag down his back while her warm breath danced against his skin.

Just. One. More.

He felt his release being close and he threw his head back. His eyes were threatening to roll back and his bangs were glued to his forehead. He began emptying himself within her when during his pleasure and lust his mind reminded him it might not be a good idea. He yanked himself out of her wet warm core, his seed spilling upon her womanhood, her stomach and thighs at the last minute.

His entire body gave up on him, or so it seemed and as Kagome lay back down on the bed, he collapsed on top of her. He remained that way for a few seconds, before sliding off of her to lie right beside her. His heart could be  _seen_  pounding against his chest and he closed his eyes, the feelings still vividly present.

Kagome buried her face in his neck and was barely able to catch her breath.

Her mind was a world of lust and no coherent thoughts could be formed. Yet, she knew she had to say something.

She pressed her lips against his ear and whispered. "I- I lo-ve you."

-B-


	79. A New Light

The glow of the moon was the only thing lighting up the left side of the room while the rest was engulfed in darkness. Unfortunately for Kagome, she was resting on the left side. The light was shining upon her closed eyelids, which caused her to frown before she decided it was time to open her eyes. At first, she was quite peaceful but then suddenly she felt arms wrapped around her and a small panic overcame her.

It wasn't until she glanced down at the familiar claws that everything rushed back to her. Kagome relaxed in Sesshomaru's embrace and pressed her back against his sturdy chest. She then proceeded to rest her tiny hands on top of his much larger ones and gripped his fingers. Her bare flesh was heating against his and instead of feeling uncomfortable she felt at ease.

The smallest smile was creeping on her face while she resisted the urge to giggle. Last night had terrified her at first, but then it had been…  _real_  and everything she had expected it to be a long time ago. Her heart was still pounding at the simple thought of what they had shared.

Although she was uncertain if he was still asleep, Kagome dared to turn around. Her smile grew in intensity when she gazed at his sleeping face; he looked serene. Her bare chest touched his as she raised her hand to touch his face. She cupped his cheek gently while his soft skin tickled at her palm.

She swallowed hard in an attempt to process everything that had occurred. She didn't regret anything nor did she wish it didn't happen. However, it still felt like a dream. All those months she had spent thinking she would never heal enough, never get to the point where she'd be close to someone again, Yet it had happened. It filled her with joy to know she was able to move on.

The memories would never be erased, but now she could see the light.

"I was not aware my cheek was this interesting."

She jumped slightly because she did not expect him to be awake. She pinched her lips together while a small blush decorated her cheeks.

"Sorry," she said before twisting her mouth in a grimace.

Kagome was about to pull her hand away when his fingers wrapped around her wrist to stop her actions.. He pressed her palm back against his cheek and enjoyed the softness of her flesh. What had occurred between them still seemed to be a fantasy. Even if it ended up all being a fantasy he would consider himself lucky just to be able to  _imagine_  himself with her.

His amber eyes were gazing upon her face, which was causing her to blush even more. Kagome decided to bury her face in his chest in an attempt to hide her red cheeks from him. Soon after, Sesshomaru ran his fingers through her hair while he felt at complete peace for the very first time in a long time. He had known for a while now that  _home_  was wherever she was, but the feeling had never been this real.

However, despite all the happiness, he had this strange feeling filling him. What if it all slipped away and he lost her? He was well aware this wasn't the kind of thoughts he should be having right now but he couldn't help it. He had watched her pull forward and back for a while now and he was terrified that she would realize there was much better than him.

He suddenly wrapped both of his arms around her and in one swift motion moved her so that she was resting on him. She lifted her head to glance at him carefully.. Gently, Sesshomaru brushed back her bangs and put her hair behind her ears. He kept his hands on her cheeks before moving forward to kiss her forehead.

He could feel her pulse rushing through her veins against his lips and he closed his eyes. Her blood was flowing and mixing with her pure holy aura which made his heart throb and his blood pump faster. If he took in to consideration what they had done and his own reactions it was a miracle his beast had not shown up to ruin the moment just yet.

The other thing he was surprised about was the fact that he hadn't brought up what she had said after their waves of pleasure. He could still hear it echo in his mind and it felt like the sweetest sound and words he had ever heard. It had been so unexpected that for a moment, he thought he had made it up, but he couldn't invent such a sweet thing because he didn't even feel like he deserved it.

"I meant it."

Her words shocked both him and her. Sesshomaru couldn't help but raise an eyebrow while his confusion rose. "H-how?"

"I just – I  _felt_  your thoughts."

There was no way for her to explain it since it had been like a vibration throughout her whole body; she had just  _known_. It also confirmed that what she had said had simply slipped. She did mean it, though she hadn't expected to say it. She didn't regret it but she did feel slightly embarrassed. It had been said after the waves of passion, not during a fully lucid moment.

Now she had just confirmed that she knew what she said.

"The bond," he finally said.

When she looked at him as though his answer didn't quite enlighten her, he added more. "We strengthened our bond when we – we were close."

That possibility hadn't really crossed her mind even though she had been aware of it. Obviously the two of them taking this step together would bring them closer as real mates. They had done this both out of their own will instead of being forced by the beast. It was the turning point in their relationship and from now… they could only get closer now right?

"Can you feel my thoughts?" It wasn't like anything she was thinking was secret, but it was a tad strange to think that any moment someone might hear everything that goes through your mind.

He concentrated and emptied his mind the best he could, but he could not hear anything. He shook his head before opening his eyes. "Perhaps it just  _happens_. I believe that the bond strengthens over time. We will not be getting all the perks so easily."

"Perk _s_?"

He smiled. "I am not aware of all of them." After all, this  _was_  his first mating. "Closeness, sharing our thoughts, feeling each other. If you were in pain, I would know it and I could locate you."

"Is-is that how it knew where I was when I was kidnapped?"

Their bond was beyond weak back then, it was nearly inexistent,  _but_  the beast was more in touch with its primal instincts then Sesshomaru was. "I believe so."

Although she did not require someone watching over her, it did give her a sense of security to know that even in the worst case scenario there was someone out there who could save her. She sighed heavily before burying her face in his chest. It was all still surreal and for the time being it was as if they were stuck in time and she would enjoy it.

As Kagome moved around she was reminded of the  _stickiness_  of her body that remained from last night's ending. At that instant she felt small twinge of worry.. Sesshomaru hadn't – well done  _that_  but well, maybe he had? She couldn't really tell or remember. She was okay with this step and loved her son but she didn't really – she wasn't ready for another one.

"Don't worry."

She bit her lip and lifted her head to stare into his eyes.

"Your heart is beating faster. You are worried and tensed."

"Oh I was just thinking – I mean…" She glanced down at her stomach and then back at him.

The atmosphere was decidedly awkward before he completely realized what she was trying to say. "I was afraid of that as well."

Of course it was until he wasn't reminded of a certain detail. He had been so caught up in the moment that he had just never considered avoiding pregnancy. He had forgotten his instincts and how reassuring they could be.

"You cannot get pregnant. You are not in heat and you will not be for a while."

"Oh." It was true that now that she thought about it. She realized that she hadn't had her period since she had gotten pregnant with Kiyoshi. Did that mean something was wrong with her? She had bled a lot during the delivery of her son…

"Hey," he said before cupping her face. "You should not concern yourself with that."

He didn't want her to worry about this; he simply wanted her to finally feel happiness. He hadn't thought much about it last night, but he would not – he would not be a careless little pup. He was now a responsible demon, not a half-half wreck.

Kagome nodded before putting her head back on his chest. It wasn't time to stress about things, it was time to let herself relax and enjoy the moment just like she had done minutes ago. She was going to take a deep breath and clear her mind of all thoughts.

At least she planned to until someone knocked on the door.

"Kouga," said Sesshomaru before the person even spoke.

He sighed heavily while a part of him hoped Kouga would go away. Unfortunately, another knock was heard and he knew the Wolf wasn't going to leave them alone. After all, Kouga was able to sense Sesshomaru's aura and he was still standing in front of the door.

And this was the instant their moment ended.

It was with great reluctance that Sesshomaru slowly slid Kagome off of him. He put her down beside him and tossed the blanket off his body. He stood up naked and began scanning the ground for his clothes. It was then that he finally found three things: her pants, his shirt and his pants. He grabbed his pants and quickly put them on before throwing his shirt near Kagome.

In case Kouga came in he was  _not_  getting any free eye candy.

Kagome smiled before putting the shirt on and doing the buttons up. She watched Sesshomaru disappear into the other room before she ran her fingers through her messy hair and made sure the blanket covered her legs.

Sesshomaru quickly reached the door and opened it before casting a deadly glare in Kouga's direction. Unfortunately, his expression quickly changed when he noticed what, or actually who, Kouga was holding in his arms.  _Kiyoshi_. His son's entire body was glowing purple..

"I thought he was trying to  _melt_  me again," Kouga began when Sesshomaru remained silent. "But then, it didn't hurt.  _And_  he didn't stop then this  _feeling…_ just took over the whole atmosphere of the room."

"How long?" asked Sesshomaru while his expression became one of worry.

"I don't know. Ten minutes?"

"What's going on?"

Both men turned around only to see Kagome pressed against the doorway. Kouga couldn't help but have his eyes travel up from Kagome's feet to her mid-thighs. The shirt was not buttoned up all the way up, which showed a little bit of cleavage. Before Kouga's eyes could roam any further he heard a subtle growl coming from Sesshomaru and it forced him to re-focus his attention.

He didn't mean to  _stare_  but it was kind of  _right there_  shoved in his face.

Kagome on the other hand had not noticed the stare since she was rather focused on something else. She had always been able to tell  _presences_  but never before had auras and people's feelings had been so clear to her. She had sensed them vibrate through her body and had come rushing from the bed. Because Sesshomaru turned around, he was no longer hiding her view.

As soon as Kagome caught sight of her son glowing, she frowned. "Ki-yoshi?"

Her lips parted and her heart stopped beating for an instant. Right away, Kagome ran in the direction of her son and quickly retrieved him from Kouga's hold. She completely ignored the glow surrounding him. She brought him close to her chest while one of her hands rested on the back of Kiyoshi's head. She ignored the people surrounding her and gazed down at her son.

There was something off about this; she could  _feel_  it. Kagome could tell the difference right away between Kiyoshi's aura and whatever was glowing around him. She could not explain how easily she could distinguish them when Kouga had not been able to, but it was the least of her concerns at the moment.

"He's not the one doing this," she finally shared with the others.

"What do you mean," Kouga asked.

She gently tangled her fingers in her son's hair. "It's not him doing this. It's not his power."

"Then whose is it?" Sesshomaru questioned. He could have sworn that when this happened before, it had been his son's powers.

"I-I don't know," she replied with a frown still present on her face.

She looked down at her son and stared straight into his amber eyes. He didn't look panicked or even afraid and his aura was also calm. Whatever it was, her son wasn't afraid of it. For a second, Kagome allowed her own aura to spread around and wrap around her son. It was the moment that her aura and the foreign one made contact that she was filled with a feeling of familiarity.

Where had she experienced this before?

"I think I know – I know the feeling."

She began focusing on her son in a desperate attempt to figure out what it was but before she could something else happened. The glow began to lessen and suddenly it completely disappeared.

"Okay, what just happened?" asked Kouga while he moved further in the room.

Kagome brought her son close to her chest in a protective manner. She wasn't sure if it was because of her concerns as a mother or the overwhelming feelings of her new power levels but her heart was being stabbed and her insides twisted. Her stomach was also heavy and she was having a hard time breathing. Her son might trust whatever it was but she didn't.

It just felt  _cold_. The darkness that she had once known and that she was attempting to rid from her life had all rushed back to her in an instant.

"Look, how about you both get dressed and –"Before Kouga could finish his sentence, he caught drift of a smell and suddenly his cheeks became tainted red. "And shower. And then Kai and I will come in here and try to figure this out alright?"

He could see that Sesshomaru was too concerned to speak and Kagome had all her attention focused on Kiyoshi. At least nobody had heard his part about the shower He didn't think he could bear a meeting with that smell surrounding them the whole time.

"Sure," said Sesshomaru before walking closer to his mate and son.

When he had seen Kiyoshi glow he hadn't been that worried. Then again, it hadn't been his  _entire_  body. Maybe he was simply trying to lessen his own guilt. Kagome had noticed right away that it wasn't their son's glow but he hadn't? The bond she shared with their son was clearly better than the one he shared with Kiyoshi.

Some part of him, the prideful side of him, was hurt. He was not as good at fatherhood as he believed he was. Then again it was natural that Kagome had a deeper bond with him. She had not only carried him but when he had been created and born Sesshomaru had still been stuck between being himself and being his beast.

He stared while Kagome walked away with their son in their arms. Her bare legs were showing and though they had much to worry about he allowed himself just a second to stare at her while she wore his shirt. Sesshomaru wanted to burn that sight in his mind because he knew she loved him. He could remember five minutes ago when they had no trouble and he was happily holding her in his arms.

He wanted to remember that too.

Reality really had a way to slap him in the face each time he began to comprehend what happiness was. Maybe in some way he didn't deserve the happiness he was being given and life knew how to take away from him to keep the balance.

No. He could be happy without the guilt. It was what he had learned from Kagome today.

-B-

Everyone was sitting at the table and some had more serious looks on their faces then others. At least this time, everyone was dressed properly though. Sesshomaru felt guilty for not mentioning what had occurred the other day but he could have sworn his son had used his powers to calm Sesshomaru and soothe him. Kagome on the other hand felt bad for never noticing  _something_  was taking hold of her son.

"I don't think this is as serious as you all make it out to be." Kai was the first one to break the silence but unfortunately not everyone agreed with her opinion.

"Not serious? Did you  _feel_  it?" Kagome questioned with her face twisted in concern.

Kai pinched her lips together for a moment and pondered the situation. Her gift of being able to see the future could not always be used to reassure people. However, she had touched Kiyoshi before and she knew more about him than anyone else in this room. She saw it; he would be just fine but she couldn't really share everything.

Some things had to be figured out without any help. Plus, she wasn't exactly certain if she was right. The only way to be certain was to let time follow its course.

"Kagome, whatever it is, I know your son will be fine."

"I don't." Kagome couldn't chase away the feeling that there was this  _darkness_  and she had lived with it. It wasn't the one caused by what had happened between her and Sesshomaru, it was something else. Whatever it was, she didn't trust it.

"He did glow before."

Kagome raised an eyebrow before glancing straight into his eyes.

"It was not like this. It was not  _dark_. It was this pure soothing feeling. However, only his stomach was glowing, nothing else."

Kagome was not angry and she did indeed believe his words. No matter how her powers might have grown he was more used to feeling auras than she was. If he had sensed anything evil, he would have told her right away. Still, she kind of wished he had shared that detail with her. If there was nothing wrong with it, why keep it to himself?

"What color was it?"

"Purple."

The color wasn't much of an indicator since Kiyoshi had gone through all of them by now but at least it was consistent with the color he was using now. It was also the color of Kagome's powers even if hers leaned on the pink side.

"I just don't understand. Nobody else has been here. If there was a strange demonic being in the area we would know by now. I mean don't tell me all four of us would have missed it. Especially not Kagome. Since her powers  _grew_  she's been… well more alert and on edge."

Sesshomaru agreed; it couldn't be an outside force. It had to be something that was already here.

"Maybe it is his powers," proposed Sesshomaru.

"How?"

"He has both a holy side and a demonic side. Perhaps the reason why he was not afraid was because somehow it was him doing this. It might come off as another aura because one being should not have two kinds. Maybe he was using them at the same time."

It wasn't much of an explanation but for the moment, it was all he had. Nobody in the vicinity would have allowed anything to happen to his son. He was also certain that nobody could have made it close to Kiyoshi. Kagome's mothering instincts were strong and with her new powers there was no way she would have let anyone do anything to her son.

"Maybe," was all Kagome answered.

Sesshomaru was right and his explanation made a lot of sense but she couldn't chase away the sensation that it was something more. Then again, her instincts had been wrong more than once. Maybe she was over thinking it. After everything that happened to her it was hard to blame her for thinking that something was out to get them.

After that, everyone fell silent. Most of them didn't know which lead to follow or even if it would happen again. Maybe it had been a one time thing. Heck it could have been a reaction to Kouga; Kiyoshi had tried to burn him more than once after all. The worse part in this was not knowing if he was okay. He was nothing more than a child; did he even know if he should  _fear_  whatever was happening?

"Well, I don't know about you, but this isn't the kind of pillow talk I always want after sex."

Sesshomaru's eyes shifted and he glared at Kouga. Meanwhile Kagome blushed while trying to avoid looking at anyone. Because of all this, it had  _sort of_  slipped her mind that their moment had been interrupted. The feeling she had sensed coming from her son had turned her whole  _heart_  upside down. It was too familiar.

Despite Kouga's attempt at humor everyone suddenly became tensed in the room. The sensation Kagome had experienced before was back except this time she wasn't the only one feeling it.

Kagome was the first one on her feet and she rushed into the bedroom. Just as expected she found Kiyoshi glowing in his crib but like last time, he was happy. In fact he was smiling as if there was no danger at all. Puzzled, Kagome picked him up from the crib, his purple glow casting its light upon her, which forced her own aura out. She closed her eyes and she could  _hear_  his heartbeat.

It was slow and calm. Hers on the other hand was fast paced.

Sesshomaru and Kouga joined her while Kai remained in the kitchen. From their point of view they noticed something happening that Kagome could not see. Kiyoshi's glow had been somewhere between a light and dark purple while Kagome's was bright purple. However, now the colors were shifting. As the seconds passed Kiyoshi's aura became more pure while Kagome's darkened.

After barely a minute had passed Kagome's aura was nearly black and Kiyoshi's nearly white.

"Hm," said Kouga before clearing his throat. "Kagome?"

She lifted her head and glanced at him. However her glance was not like usual since it quite resembled a glare.

"Your aura is – hm d _ark_."

She looked at herself and turned her head left and right which confirmed his words. However, she did not seem panicked by it. Instead she held her son closer. Her blue eyes were gleaming with a darkness they had never seen before and she backed away from them. She could hear the voice echoing in her head but she could not make out the words.

Kagome's confusion grew and she didn't know if she was backing away from herself or from them. Also, her protectiveness towards her son began to expand and everyone looked like a threat. He was so fragile and so  _pure_. They are tainted; all of them. He didn't like tainted.

"You can't have him."

"We don't want your son Kagome."

Instead of remaining still, Sesshomaru approached her. She might have said earlier that she didn't recognize the aura coming from Kiyoshi but now he didn't recognize the one coming from her. And no it had nothing to do with dual powers. He could tell it from miles away or in a sea of people and this was  _not_  Kagome's aura. Yet she was not possessed; it was more like she was being influenced.

"Kagome?" he said before trying to get even closer.

She was panting as their eyes met and her glare only intensified. "She's going to take him from me."

"She?" asked Kouga since he had thought she was talking about him.

"Me."

They turned only to see Kai leaning against the door. "She thinks I'm going to take him."

"Why would she think that?" Kouga asked completely confused.

"Because I am."

Kouga blinked once, then twice while he processed Kai's words. "Wait a fucking second. Back up- back up. You're going to do what?"

"I'm going to take him."

He hadn't been wrong about Kai, he couldn't be. "Why?"

"Because I saw it. I saw myself taking Kiyoshi from her."

"You're not going to take him," Sesshoumaru said loudly.

He wasn't exactly certain what was happening to Kagome but if there was one thing he knew it was that he wouldn't let another woman take his child especially not under such strange circumstances. She refused to share any kind of answers with them and she enjoyed the secrecy. Kagome might think she could be trusted but right now he would not put his faith in her.

"Well she can't keep him. Obviously the – whatever is going on is affecting her. You'd be under the same spell. And he doesn't like Kouga which leaves me."

"The what?"

Kai glanced Sesshomaru's way, clearly confused by his question.

"You said 'the', but you changed it to 'whatever'. What were you going to say?"

"Nothing."

She didn't let a smell of a lie or fear envelop her because it would betray her too quickly. Apparently Sesshomaru was sharper than she thought since he had caught on to her little stumble.

"Well, we all figured out it wasn't Kiyoshi doing this. I was simply going to say the entity." It was a good enough to cover up to make Sesshomaru move on.

He probably thought she enjoyed the lie but she didn't. Seeing the future came with responsibilities. She could prepare for it better and guide people but she could not tell them the answers. Who knew what would happen to Kagome's soul if she revealed what was going on? She couldn't risk it. Kagome's feelings were linked to her soul and she couldn't let those feelings go in a panic. It could tip her over to the wrong side.

"Nonetheless, you are incorrect. I would not be vulnerable. He glowed before and this did not happen to me."

"Why does it want Kagome then?"

Kai felt a small frustration build within her. It was quite bothersome sometimes to know what was going to happen when others didn't. Especially since she could see the clues pilling up but nobody seemed to be putting them together. She wanted to guide them in the right direction but she didn't enjoy getting involved. You could always disrupt the future and change it and she had no intention of doing that.

Sesshomaru decided to grab his son from Kagome. Unfortunately the second he took a step towards her, her attitude changed. Her glow grew more powerful and before he could move away he felt her aura prickling against his skin. It was like purple flames were surrounding her and they grew with her anger and rage.

Although she was giving him a clear sign to not come any closer he did it anyway. The force of her aura against his was making his flesh burn and he bore his fangs trying to bear the pain. He felt his blood rushing through his body and his head was pulsing. He knew Kagome was strong but this felt like a different type of strength that was not hers.

In one swift movement he grabbed her shoulders and brought her and Kiyoshi close to him. "Kagome, snap out of it."

She glanced up at him and her blue eyes were shinning at him. Her lips parted and she appeared to be quite confused. "I just, I don't want anyone to take him."

"They're split."

Sesshomaru felt his frustration growing. Perhaps Kai helped a few times but he had no patience for her half- clues and half- truths at the moment. This involved his son and his mate and he wanted to figure out just what was going on.

"The good part is inside Kiyoshi. The bad one is spreading through Kagome. Take the child from her."

She didn't think it was safe, but it was better than letting Kagome be consumed by pure darkness. Kagome would not harm anyone intentionally but Kai did not trust that fiery aura of hers. The only ones who could not be hurt where Kagome and Kiyoshi. Everyone else was a youkai waiting to be purified.

Sesshomaru glanced between Kagome and Kai rapidly before deciding to take Kiyoshi. He wasn't doing it because Kai asked him too but because of the way Kagome's aura was growing. If she was not snapped out of it soon there would be only two people left in this room and he wasn't going to let it happen.

He glanced down at his mate nervously. She was aware of what he was going to do yet she seemed to make no movement to stop him. Assuming it was a good sign, Sesshomaru quickly retrieved Kiyoshi. The instant he did so, Kagome's dark aura began to retract and become lighter. Her eyes closed and she fell backwards upon the ground.

Sesshomaru reached out for her while holding their son tightly and managed to grab her before her head hit the floor. Unfortunately, Kagome seemed to be unconscious because she didn't open her eyes. Concern appeared on Sesshomaru's face, but he felt Kai coming closer.

"She'll be fine; she's just a bit drained."

"Why do you know so much about this," he said before sitting on the ground next to Kagome. His hands were a little too full at the moment to remove her from there meaning he would act as her pillow.

"I can't tell you but now she can. When she wakes up of course." She then pointed at Kiyoshi. "He's not glowing anymore. It doesn't want you."

"What is it?"

"You're too much of an easy prey to corrupt. The beast is still inside of you. You might not have seen it recently, but it's there."

"I think I know that."

It was his own body and he was the one who had to deal with it for so long. He was not about to forget it. Even though he was extremely surprise that the beast had yet to make an appearance after everything that happened between Kagome and him. Although he took offense in her words that he was easy to corrupt. His heart was not the same way it used to be.

Suddenly, they heard a groan coming from Kagome. Everyone looked her way only to see her put a hand on her head while she gently rubbed it. It took her a few seconds to open her eyes but when she did she cast a look all around her, until her eyes finally landed on Sesshomaru.

At first she seemed to be confused. She was staring blankly at the space between his eyes while she processed the last few minutes. Her entire soul had been filled with such darkness that she had almost lost herself in it. Even during her darkest times something like that had never happened. She slowly brought a hand to her chest and rested it on her heart.

Tears began to sting her eyes and she suddenly gasped for air. It wasn't until she could finally breathe that Kagome began to realize that what had just happened to her was even more familiar then the sensation she had experienced when holding Kiyoshi. She gently tilted her head to the side while everything became much clearer.

"Kagome?" Sesshoumaru said softly

Instead of answering him, Kagome began to look for Kai. Once her eyes met with hers, Kagome searched for the answer she didn't want. Unfortunately for her, Kai nodded to confirm her suspicions.

"What's going?" asked Kouga who was even more confused than before.

"Kagome knows what's going on. She figured it out."

"Then someone is going to have to explain it to me."

Kouga shifted his body so that he was now facing Kagome and he peered down at her while he waited for her to begin to explain. Unfortunately he didn't quite get the response he was expecting from her.

"No," she said before pulling her hand away from her head.

Concerned, Sesshomaru approached her. "What is it? What is Kai not telling us?"

Kagome shook her head and her eyes were still locked upon Kai as if she was hoping the girl would change the truth at any moment. Kagome had no desire to go through this problem again, especially not in this manner where she had no control over it.

"No, it can't be."

Instead of daring to ask again both Sesshomaru and Kouga remained silent. Obviously each time they asked they only seemed to make Kagome's reaction worse.

"I – no, no, no! You all saw it!"

Kagome was aware her words didn't make much sense, but she couldn't form proper sentences. How could she tell them what was going on if it didn't even make sense to her? All of this – it didn't – she didn't understand.

"It's not possible. I  _wished_  on it."

The moment Kagome used the word  _wished_  Sesshomaru felt his body freeze. In the span of a second Sesshomaru put all the missing pieces together and he didn't like the result he obtained. Although he now understood what Kai had kept form them, he had to agree with Kagome: it was not possible.

"It can't be." He then turned his head to peer at Kouga. "You also said it was gone."

"What is gone? I don't understand!" said Kouga before throwing his arms in the air.

"The jewel," Kagome began "The jewel is inside Kiyoshi."

-B-


	80. Conflicting Sides

The room was completely quiet and everyone was staring at Kiyoshi. Kagome laid a hand on her son's head in an attempt to  _sense_  where the jewel was. It was somewhere inside of him and she was going to find it. While her hand roamed over his hair she suddenly remembered where the jewel had hidden inside of her. She quickly moved her hand to his stomach and closed her eyes.

"It's here," she said before glancing at Sesshomaru.

"Okay, can someone explain me how this is possible?" Kouga questioned before trying to get in the middle of them. "I mean, didn't it shatter and disappear when Kagome wished on it? We all saw it right?"

"No, all we saw was a bright light," replied Kai.

She tucked her blue locks behind her ears and sighed. "We didn't know what happened to it; we just  _assumed_  it was gone."

"Did you know?" Sesshomaru asked in a tone that clearly showed he was not pleased.

"I did," she said. However, before Sesshomaru flipped because of her answer, she added to her response. "I didn't know then, but I have known recently."

"And you believe it was a good idea to keep this information for yourself?" This was – this changed everything and she thought it would be better if none of them knew? What was it with this woman?

Kai felt her temper rise within her and she glared at Sesshomaru. She had shown him respect more than once, despite the way he had treated her, but now she was reaching her limit. She took a few steps in his direction which caused the tiny heels on her brown ballerina shoes to click against the floor. Her stare was set on him and her chest puffed with confidence.

"You think you are powerful and almighty. You are a  _Lord_. However, all you have are powers that  _any_  youkai could have. I, on the other hand have something – something special." She took a deep breath. "I can see the future. Do you think it's all fun and games?"

"Kai," Kouga began in the hopes of stopping the fight from erupting.

She raised her hand, the bracelets around her wrists tinkled and she hoped Kouga would understand her gesture. "It comes with responsibility. I can't just tell everyone what's going to happen and I can't save everyone."

Kai was now standing right in front of Sesshomaru, her head reaching to his shoulders. "Do you know how many innocent people I've had to watch die? More than you've killed. Do you know what I can do about it?  _Nothing_."

Tears were now filling her eyes and her bottom lip was trembling. These were not memories that she enjoyed re-living. "If I changed something, if I save someone then someone else will die or something else will change. I can't interfere with anything."

Everyone, including Kai, was surprised that Sesshomaru had yet to speak. Instead, he was staring at her intently and remained completely silent.

"You can't change the future. You know, despite what you might think and believe your beast is not the reason why you couldn't stop Kagome from going through that well that day."

She had seen more than he knew when she had grabbed his hands. Heck, she had seen more than she had wanted to see.

"You couldn't stop her because it was meant to happen. Many things will be fixed because Kagome went through what she did. It had to happen because it was the way it was written. If I had told her that Kiyoshi had the jewel inside of him, I would have prevented her from getting to that realization. For the future to happen she had to learn it on her own."

The anger finally left her eyes and her expression saddened. "You can't change anything, no matter the pain it will bring. At least you have the chance of not having to live with that. I have to know what will happen and go on regardless."

Her words were harsh and filled with emotions but she could not help it. There were things she could tell like  _you will find love_ , but nothing specific. She was tired of carrying this burden and then being yelled at for what she was doing. All she had ever done was protect the future. No matter the pain, she could not protect anyone. She could only see it and brace herself for it.

Sesshomaru's amber eyes were set on her but unfortunately she could not read his expression. She maintained the stare and it went on like that for a little longer until finally Sesshomaru backed away from her. That surprised her more than once. He was not one to lose a fight or an argument but he knew better this time.

He felt a new type of rage inside of him and he knew it was because of his wounded pride. The only reason he was doing this was, though it killed him to admit it, she was right. Also, the last thing they needed at the moment was an added fight to all of this. He had lost his temper and had blamed an innocent when she hadn't done anything.

He was aware first hand that you could not change the future no matter how hard you tried. Even if Kai had alerted them of this or anything else it wouldn't have made a difference.

"Very well," was his only reply before he returned to his family's side.

Kai smiled gently as she nodded. It was understandable; Sesshomaru was protective of his mate and son and it was a very natural reaction. He could not protect them and for someone like Sesshomaru it was most likely one of the worst feelings.

"That still doesn't answer my question," said Kouga while he tried to remind everyone that he was still waiting for an explanation. "How did it end up in Kiyoshi?"

"He's Kagome's son."

"Meaning the duty was passed down to him," Kagome finished. "It means I failed."

Although she could feel her chest rise up and down, Kagome didn't feel as if she was breathing. Her heart was being constricted and tears were burning her eyes. A lot of things had gone wrong in her life and she had made more than one mistake. She had experienced a lot of pain along with tragedies but – this had been in  _her_  control.

She hadn't just failed in her duty as the guardian of the jewel; she had failed as a mother.

Her job was to protect her son but instead she had passed the burden down to him. The worst part was that he was much younger than she was when she learned about the jewel's existence. Also unlike in her case the jewel seemed much more active now and there was no way a child so young could protect it. Had she doomed her own son?

A tear slid down her cheek and glued her lips together. What was going to happen now?

"So you made a selfish wish and then the jewel appeared in Kiyoshi?"

"She failed to do her duty," said Sesshomaru while making sure to avoid looking at Kagome. "She was supposed to protect it and make a selfless wish on it and she did not. It would have gone to her next reincarnation but –"

"But Kagome is the first guardian of the jewel to have a child. They usually die before they can even start a life. It  _should_  be passed down and since it could this time…well it was."

"They all died?" Kagome knew Midoriko and Kikyo had been guardians of the jewel and obviously neither of them had children but she didn't think there were more.

"All four of them." Kai could see the confused look on people's faces and was aware she'd have to explain. At least this time she could since it was the past and it had already happened.

"Your soul has traveled a few times and not every  _being_  had the chance to actually look over the jewel since it was  _lost_. Yet it was still their duty."

Kagome raised an eyebrow. "Then why did they die?" If they weren't guarding the jewel, why would someone kill them?

This was the part Kai wasn't sure she was allowed to reveal. She nervously ran her fingers through her hair and wondered if it was a good idea. It couldn't possibly be harmful since Kagome was obviously not following the path her soul had taken so many times. The only thing this might do was sadden Kagome but the truth always did hurt.

"The guardians of the jewel are doomed. Your soul is doomed or at least was."

Kagome's lips parted and she inhaled deeply. "Doomed?"

"You're not. I mean you have a husband – I mean a mate and you have a child. In all of your previous lives you have never found love successfully or had a family. This means you changed your luck. This will not happen to you."

Considering all of the times her life had been in danger, Kagome did not trust that she was safe simply because she had more than she had in her previous lives. She glanced down at her son and this time the weight of her guilt had increased even more. She had passed down the duty of the jewel along with a doomed life? She was beginning to wonder if perhaps others did not have children by choice since they didn't want this life for their children.

Kagome protectively brought Kiyoshi against her and buried his face in her chest. She felt like her heart was ready to explode and it was getting harder to stop the tears from raining down her face.

"Hey Kag, it'll be alright," Kouga said as he tried to comfort her. "I mean, the jewel was cut out of you right? We just have to get it out of Kiyoshi."

Her eyes widened and anger flashed through them. "Nobody is going to  _cut_  anything out of my son."

"It's too dangerous too keep it in there! He could get hurt!"

She scoffed. "By who? Our biggest threat had always been Naraku and he's  _gone._  I mean – who – who else could we not all handle? Especially since I have my full powers now I'm stronger."

Kagome was hiding her fear behind fake confidence but she had no other choice. She would not let anyone harm her son even if it was for Kiyoshi's sake. He was very fragile and hers to protect. She might have harmed him more than she thought but she was not ready to add to the list. Nobody was getting anywhere near her son.

Kouga took a deep breath; everyone was ignoring the obvious. Perhaps Kagome would get mad at him, but he had to say it. She was his friend and he cared deeply for her. "Then you'll let it drive you mad?"

"You think it was the jewel?" asked Sesshomaru while he moved forward. "Why would it be affecting her soul?"

"Because Kiyoshi is too pure," answered Kai. "The jewel was never purified and then wished on. The darkness was never removed from it and then it was passed on to Kiyoshi. He's a baby and there is nothing more innocent than that."

"Since he can't find darkness in my son, he had to find it in someone else," finished Kagome.

Kai nodded. "He could have taken over a youkai but it wouldn't mean anything. We have darkness inside of us by nature. You on the other hand…"

"I used to protect it and my heart is still filled with blackness." Kagome felt herself choke up and she blinked for a few seconds trying to chase the tears away. "Are you telling me that every time I'll be near my son, I will – I'll feel like  _that_?"

"I can't say."

"You don't know, or you can't say?"

"I can't say. If I tell you, it might change a lot of things and I can't take that risk."

Kai knew her lack of answers would disappoint Kagome the most out of everyone she had kept the truth from, but the rules could not be changed. Still, out of guilt Kai began fidgeting with the fabric of her long frilled green skirt in the hopes that it would lessen the feeling.

Through her worry and concern, Kagome could feel that darkness still bubbling inside of her and somehow she knew the answer to her own question. Being around her son would mean that she would feel this way. It was terrible since there was absolutely no way she would not be near her son. She'd take care of him no matter what.

"It doesn't matter. If I feel this way I'll handle it." She shrugged her shoulders. "I mean, I'm a Miko, I should know how to defeat darkness. My life hasn't been, I mean Sesshomaru and me – I just. It couldn't be that bad."

"You didn't see yourself earlier." As soon as Kouga spoke those words he regretted them. "I mean, you're fine now."

"Because she's worried about her son. A mother's love is stronger than anything else."

"She loved him earlier and she was still overtaken."

"Yes but now she is guilty."

"And she's standing right here," Kagome said with her tone louder than expected. "Whatever is going to happen, we'll deal with it. We always have.." She had dealt and lived through worse things before meaning this was nothing.

"Your plan is to do nothing?" Kouga asked completely baffled.

"I had the jewels in me for fifteen years and nothing happened to me."

"Yes, but you had a balance within you. Unless Kiyoshi has enough darkness to satisfy the jewel, it'll keep overtaking you."

"Well, he's half youkai. Kai didn't you say every youkai had darkness in them?"

Kai threw her hands in the air. "They do but Kiyoshi is not a youkai. I mean I know half youkai have darkness, but your son is not even that. I mean… I don't know what he is. All I know is that if he has the jewel he has to be pure, it's the only way."

"He has holy powers that's for sure," Kouga said before crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"What do you suggest we do?" Sesshomaru questioned as he glanced directly at Kai. She knew the future so there was a chance she could provide even the smallest input on the matter.

"There's nothing you can do. Kagome doesn't want to take the jewel out meaning…."

"Meaning what?"

"The only way to make this a safe situation would be to have Kiyoshi purify the jewel."

"You would like for my son to purify a jewel that he does not know is inside of him?" Sesshomaru believe Kiyoshi was strong but it was impossible for him to have that kind of power and even if he did he wouldn't know how to use it.

"It's the only way."

"But whatever happens, Kiyoshi won't be harmed. Just me right?"

Kai knew what answer Kagome was looking for but she was afraid that giving her that response would not be a good thing. Still, she couldn't lie. "That's correct."

"Then he's not in any immediate danger," Kagome concluded.

"But you are."

"Kouga, it'll be fine. You guys can go back to your room. We'll be okay."

Kouga tucked his bangs behind his hair while being filled with disbelief. "Why aren't you saying anything?" he asked Sesshomaru. "She's in danger, why aren't you doing anything?"

Sesshomaru was stuck. Obviously he wanted to protect both Kagome and their son and he understood that she didn't want him to be cut open; he wasn't very keen on the idea either. He had no desire to see Kagome being overtaken by the darkness of the jewel either. But…

"Isn't the darkness prisoner inside the jewel? How much damage could it do?"

Kai sighed. "Kiyoshi is not purifying it but his pureness is trying to push it out of the jewel. I can't say for sure."

"But why now, why not before? The jewel has been inside Kagome for a while now."

"I'm not sure," Kai said slightly uncomfortable. "I'm guessing it is because the jewel has been trying to find darkness inside of Kiyoshi. Now it has failed, it can't find any and it has to seek it somewhere else. The jewel is dark and it wants to stay that way. It'll fight for that."

Sesshomaru would have to protect Kagome. He had known her long enough to know that she wouldn't do anything to harm her son and there would be no changing her mind. This was just one more thing to add to the list. After all, it wasn't as if he believed their blissfulness would have lasted. Everything good in his life was always temporary.

"Kagome is right, we will be fine."

"You have got to be kidding me," Kouga said while he threw his arms in the air. "You think this is okay?"

"This is my family. It is none of your concern."

Kouga gulped down hard in an attempt to swallow his rage. He  _hated_  when Sesshomaru took up this attitude. "Fine. I guess we'll go then."

He threw a glance in Kai's direction and she nodded. Both of them left with their steps extremely slow. Kouga wasn't able to chase away the feeling of uneasiness in his chest but he kept walking nonetheless. As soon as they stepped out of Kagome and Sesshomaru's hotel room he stopped. Then, he turned his head and glanced at Kai.

"Will it really be okay?"

"Maybe."

"There's something I don't understand though. Why isn't the jewel after Sesshomaru? I mean I'm sure it would be able to bring the beast back… and that would bring back darkness inside Kagome."

"I have no idea."

And this time, she was speaking the truth.

-B-

Sesshomaru was pressed against the doorway and watched Kagome carefully rock their son in her arms while humming a song. He didn't want to interrupt the moment and he also didn't know what to tell her. He had been quiet for most of the conversation and it wasn't like him. He was usually in charge and a main part of the plans.

"It will be fine," he finally said breaking the silence.

She nodded. "I know, I just…" She turned around to face him. "I didn't want him to be put through this. I don't want him to get hurt and I certainly wouldn't like for him to have to take care of the jewel."

"He won't have to. We'll deal with this and find a way to purify the jewel. He won't have to do anything."

"I hope so," she said as she looked at her sleeping son. She sighed heavily before gently putting him down in his cherry wood crib.

He was fine for now and apparently she could use the distance from him whenever he was asleep; it was the only time he didn't need her. She didn't even like the thought of not being near him but at least she wouldn't feel guilty while he was asleep. She did promise herself that darkness or not, she'd remain close to him whenever he required her presence.

Kagome took a deep breath when suddenly she felt hands on her shoulders and she knew they belonged to Sesshomaru. "I guess it's one thing after another," she said before leaning into his chest. "I thought we were done, I thought we were waiting to just  _leave_  and put this behind us."

He kissed her neck in the hopes of comforting her. "I know."

It was time to realize that things would never be simple for them. Maybe one day when there was nothing  _youkai_  or holy left in the world. That was not about to happen.

Kagome turned around and pressed her palms against his chest. "I guess this is not the aftermath we were expecting."

The most important night of their relationship and it had been interrupted once again by the jewel. What part of her life hadn't been ruled by it? It was the reason she had ended up in the past, with Sesshomaru and had a son. Without it she would be a normal high school girl right now. Quite the difference.

"That thing really is cursed. And now Kiyoshi-"

Sesshomaru brought a finger to her lips to make her stop talking. "Our son is not cursed. I warn you not to fear anything; we will be fine."

"How do you know? You're always so confident. Where does that come from? I mean you screwed up more than once and you certainly haven't gotten rid of your problem. I mean your beast might not have come out yet but it doesn't mean it's gone. We both know he's going to come out again."

Sesshomaru's eyes widened and he tilted his head to the side. "Is this how you feel?"

"What, you think because we did it that it's all going to be okay? That he's not gonna come back? You know he will and then we will split and it just won't work." The moment the words escaped her mouth she appeared to be taken back. "I- I didn't mean to say that."

She couldn't explain why but her heart was filled with sadness. Her chest felt heavy and under pressure while her mind was hazy. Despite what had just occurred between them, it was as if she could not see a bright future for them. That thought alone was enough to cause her to tear up. After everything, a happy ending should at least be a possibility…

The instant Sesshomaru caught a glimpse of her expression of sadness; he had an idea of what was happening to her. It seemed that the moment Kiyoshi had left her arms her worries for him had lessened and she had remained in close vicinity. Apparently that was all it took for the darkness inside of her to emerge again and take hold of her heart.

"Kagome, do not apologize."

Although he was aware it was not her talking it didn't help but shake the poor hope he had in them. He had already felt like he could always lose her and this was not helping. The same thoughts she currently had running through her mind, he had as well. They had gone from not being able to get rid of it to not being able to talk to it. It was suspicious.

"I just… I mean why… why didn't he show up? We did it, what he thought we wouldn't do. Why didn't he try to stop us or ruin it? I don't understand. He is not interested in me anymore?"

She didn't want it interested in her, especially not the way he had been in the past, but she couldn't ignore that it was strange. He had been ready to rob her of everything she was to be with her and now, he was nowhere to be found? The fear was spreading through her heart and slowly her teeth sunk in her bottom lip.

Sesshomaru hid his surprise in the hope that he had misunderstood her. "Why would you want him here? This is better. The closer we can become Kagome, the better our chances are to have him merge back with me. Then, he will be inside of me forever."

She scoffed. "You believe that? He's never going to think it's enough. He'll never think we're close enough for you two to be one." Although sadness was shining in her eyes, it was dark rage that controlled her heart. "You wanna know why?"

Kagome pulled her hand away and pointed her index at him. "You let him be in charge." Her eyes were darkening and she began glaring at him. "He wants me to love  _him_ , not you."

She was speaking the words faster than she could process them. After each syllable, she was already regretting it but by then it was too late. Kagome didn't want to say those things, not now. And then, she became scared. What if – what if those words created distance between them? What if he left her after they had become so close?

In the end, she would be all alone with herself and her thoughts.

"He is me, Kagome." He didn't like to admit it but the truth was if she loved him, truly loved him, it meant she loved all of him and accepted every part of him even if  _he_  didn't.

"No, he's not right now. You're you and it's  _it._ Whenever he wants, he'll ruin it for us." She sighed before backing away from him causing her back to hit the crib. "He'll take it all away."

Sesshomaru didn't know why but he couldn't help but reach out for her wrists and stop her from making any further movements.. He was getting a bad feeling and whatever she was about to do he knew he wouldn't like it. "Kagome, you need to stop this. This is not you speaking."

"Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm not sure anymore, maybe I'm scared."

It had all felt so perfect,  _too_  perfect. It couldn't have been real.

His heart pinched with pain. "You are still scared of me?"

"I'm not afraid of you. I'm – You'll let it come between us.

Sesshomaru frowned. "No. Kagome, even if he tries to break through I will not let it take you away from me."

He gently cupped her face with his hands and pressed his forehead against hers. Even if he could not beat the beast during a battle for control he'd never let it hurt Kagome. Although, he seriously doubted the beast would harm her again the way it had in the past. It now carried a different kind of consciousness along with guilt.

Sesshomaru was at loss of words; he had no more answers to give her.

This was not Kagome talking, it was all too obvious. Also, if he was correct it meant that what she was doing now was only a way to hurt herself. The darkness within the jewel was trying to make her dwell in her suffering to deepen the blackness in her mind. Did this mean that she had to be even further from Kiyoshi to not be affected? After all, she was not even holding him and her personality had still transformed.

Sesshomaru wrapped his arms around her fully and pressed her face against his chest. Then, when he was certain his hold was strong he used his speed to propel himself against the bathroom door. This was as far as he could get her from their son without leaving the room. All he could hope was that it was enough distance to at least clear her mind.

He waited a few seconds before releasing his hold on her and he listened to her heartbeat. Once it had finally slowed down, he loosened his arms and she pulled away. She glanced up at him with her shiny blue eyes and she appeared to be on the verge of breaking down.

"I – what is happening to me?" she mumbled between cries.

Yes it was the jewel, but why was it tearing her up from the inside like this? Earlier she had simply felt angry and powerful. Now she felt like a complete emotional wreck. She wasn't even sure if her heart had felt this heavy back in the Feudal Era when she had been the beast's prisoner. All the memories from the past had been rushed into her mind at once.

"We will find a way," he said in an attempt to give her faith.

"I'm not cutting the jewel out of our son."

"I know," Sesshomaru replied while caressing her hair. "We will purify it somehow."

She brushed her bangs away from her eyes and carefully pondered. "Could I still purify it? I mean, Kikyo could always touch the jewel even when I was the one protecting it. If- if I could…"

Sesshomaru didn't wish to shatter her hopes but he knew deep inside that the answer to her question was no. Even if Kagome overcame all the obstacles in her life and was happy again, there would always be a memory of darkness within her. No matter what, the jewel would be able to reach it and it would be her demise.

The only true way was for her to make a selfish wish upon it. Well her  _or_  Kiyoshi.

It did scare him that his son could make a wish without knowing but he relied on the hope that Kiyoshi's mind was not at that stage yet. It was true that Kagome had grown up with it inside of her but at the time it hadn't been  _conscious_. Now it was obviously trying to escape and it would be a danger for everyone.

"I'm the one who put everyone in danger," she said before sniffling.

At this particular moment she had no desire whatsoever to be in his head but it seemed she didn't even have control over  _that_.

Capturing her chin with his index and thumb, Sesshomaru focused Kagome's attention on him. "It is not your fault. You made a wish out of love. It was selfless."

Yes, there was a bit of personal gain, but truly for the main part she had a chance to lose more than she could win.

"It wasn't enough. Love wasn't enough."

She wiped her nose with the back of her hand before settling in his hold. "Kikyo was going to use it on Inuyasha. She loved him and she wanted them to be humans together. She was going to do it out of love, but it wouldn't have been a selfless wish either. Love is really selfless."

You might do everything for someone, but in the end you might be doing it for yourself without even knowing. Kagome hadn't thought about what was in it for her when she saved Sesshomaru; she had just wanted him alive.

He wanted nothing more than to argue with her but he couldn't. All of this, him and her, it had all begun because he hadn't been able to live with the guilt. Yes, he had thought he had to make it up to  _her_  but really deep down it was in the hope that someday his burden wouldn't be as heavy to carry.

"I won't let it happen to him," she said through silent tears. "I don't care what Kai said; Kiyoshi won't be doomed."

She didn't include herself because her share of hell had already happen and there was still more to come, but he would have a different future.

Kagome turned her head to glance straight into Sesshomaru's eyes. "He won't pay for my mistakes."

"Or mine," he added.

If she had failed her duty, it was because of him. Sesshomaru wouldn't let his son be miserable; the vicious circle had to end. If you considered Sesshomaru's history as well, it didn't look good. Inuyasha had lost his parents terribly young and Sesshomaru had been greatly affected by his father's loss to the point that it had ruled most of his life.

She pressed her head against his chest and she wanted to believe in his words. Darkness still lingered and her hopes weren't high. In her heart she had failed as a mother. Nobody should have passed down such a curse; she should have protected him better. Now the simple fact of being close to him was destroying her from the inside.

All she had to hold down was Sesshomaru. If only she could chase the thoughts of his beast away.

" **I told you, you would have doubts** _."_

At the change of tone in his voice, her body immediately stiffened. "What- what did you say?" Kagome asked before peering at his mouth.

Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow to show his confusion. "I did not speak."

Her heartbeat picked up and she tilted her head to the side. There was no way she had hallucinated those words and especially not that voice. Then again, what were the odds that she'd hear  _it_  just after she had thought that? It had to be her imagination. She shook her head softly before forcing her smile. "I guess I got lost in my own thoughts."

" **You heard me _?"_**

This time she nearly jumped and threw herself away from Sesshomaru's hold. It wasn't really that she was scared of the beast but more than she feared she was going insane. It was becoming harder for her to tell what her own thoughts were and what was forced upon her by the darkness of the jewel; it was all merging together.

Concern flashed through Sesshomaru's amber eyes and he dragged himself in her direction. He didn't dare to touch her almost as if he was afraid she'd back away from him once again.

"You really didn't say anything?" she asked almost suspiciously.

He shook his head.

"Then why can I hear it?"

His eyebrow twitched, then the corner of his mouth. "He is speaking to you?"

She nodded. "I heard you," she then added in reply to the beast. Maybe this was just –maybe it came with the whole bonding package. If so, she wasn't sure it was one of the perks she would enjoy.

Kagome began glancing around out of paranoia and she could feel the sweat drops dripping down her neck. Her blue shirt was glued to her heated flesh and she ran her tongue over her dry lips. It had no reason to hide from her, it would reply.

The seconds ticked away and nothing happened. The only movement happening around her was Sesshomaru tilting his head forward. "Do you feel it?" she asked worried.

Sesshomaru remained completely frozen yet a strange chuckle escaped him. Kagome held her breath for a moment and watched him as he raised his head. His eyes were glowing crimson and his fangs were bared at her. A hissing sound emerged from his throat and then everything happened too fast for her to realize it was occurring.

Before Kagome could even breathe she was slammed against the floor with a hand wrapped around her fragile neck. The beast's grip on her throat was tightening and she began to feel the lack of oxygen. Her whole body was trembling before she grasped his wrist with both of her hands in a foolish attempt to get him off her.

Why would he do this? Hadn't he claimed his eternal love for her?

Tears were pouring down her cheeks and she was kicking as hard as she could. Death and fear were all that surrounded her while she felt the darkness slowly taking over. She fought for consciousness but he wassqueezing hard enough to break her neck. She glanced at him with an expression filled with questions but she received no answer.

"P-ple," she begged without success.

But it didn't listen.

It just squeezed harder.

-B-


	81. Last Option

The world was nothing but darkness while no more air was allowed into her lungs. All she could see were two red eyes glowing in the dark and she held on to her fear and anger. Her brain was trying to explain the events unfolding but it failed. Despite how the beast had treated her in the past, he hadn't wanted her dead.

Why now?

Her body began to tremble and tears spilled from her tightly shut eyes. He was going to kill her. She could  _feel_  her bones wanting to snap and give into the pressure. Despite her gasping and her obvious lack of oxygen along with her panic, he never stopped. She began lifting her arms and tried to reach him, maybe even claw him, but her strength was slowly leaving her body.

The seconds went by and she was heaving but she never went into unconsciousness or died. The pain however, never died down. Her eyes might be closed, but she could  _feel_  his red eyes on her probably waiting for her to draw her last breath. It didn't make sense as to  _why_  he was doing this but there was one thing she knew; she had to escape his grip.

It was with a lightheaded feeling that Kagome gathered all of her strength and raised her hand to smack it against his face. She bent her fingers in the chance that her nails might pierce his skin. Her fingers were tingling and her hand was shaking while she concentrated her energy without her knowing it. Before she could attempt to gasp for air again, a bright light began to shine from her.

Despite the strength of her power, he did not release his hold on her. A foul smell began to spread, probably from the burning, but it did not matter. She clenched her hand tightly causing her power to increase before the light that was almost white began to glow pink.. The instant the powerful flash of pink exploded from her palm the beast was sent flying against the nearest wall. The wall nearly gave up under the force of the blow, but held on. Nevertheless, several cracks began to spread while he remained laying on the floor unconscious with a puddle of crimson blood forming around his head.

Kagome was twisting her body on the bed with a hand on her throat while she hoped all the coughing she was doing would get some air into her lungs. Her eyes were rolling back and she felt ready to vomit but she tried to keep herself under control. It took a few minutes, but finally she felt like she could breathe again.

She was still inhaling loudly when she realized that he had not tried to attack her again. Fear formed in her heart when she decided to sit up and get a peek at him. Her vision was blurry but she managed to notice the blood. And then she noticed something even worse; he was not moving. This time, the tears were raining down her face. She had not- she had not meant to hurt him this much. Her only purpose had been to get him off her before he killed her.

She had done more than harm the beast: she had harmed  _Sesshomaru_.

Once her body agreed to obey her once more, she rushed to his side and threw herself on the ground. She grabbed his head with her shaky hands and pulled it on her lap. When she turned his head, the source of the blood became obvious. She had badly burnt the flesh of his face and in some areas she had completely annihilated any layers of skin..

Never before had she felt so out of control; each time she linked her powers to her feelings someone ended up getting hurt.

"Ses-shomaru?" she tried desperately.

It was just a hit right? There had been no way around it. He had  _almost_  killed her.

She shook him. "Sesshomaru?"

Right when her heart was ready to drop, she caught a glimpse of him twitching. Her lips broke into a sad smile and she ran her fingers through his bangs. She could see that he was struggling to open his eyes, but he was alive and it was all that mattered. It did not erase the guilt she felt, but at least it was not irreparable.

Wait. She was a Miko right? If she was powerful enough to do this kind of damage, she had to be powerful enough to heal it. Of course the healing ability was just another skill she had never mastered. She had healed Kikyo that one time, but it almost didn't work. She had no idea how to trigger any of her powers. Most of the time it just sparkled on its own.

She gently cupped his cheek with her hand and closed her eyes to focus properly. If a feeling had unleashed her powers, a feeling could help him. She loved Sesshomaru and she – she wouldn't let him suffer. Kagome clenched her teeth while rubbing his cheek and trying to heal him but nothing happened.

Frustration began to build inside of her and she sunk her teeth in her bottom lip. He was still twitching, but he was not awake. Also, the blood had not stopped flowing and she noticed that instead of healing, the wounds seemed to be spreading. She had to do something, but it was obvious she had no way to carry him. Kouga was her only option.

She gently put his head down, away from the blood, and hurried to her feet. She rushed out of the room, not bothering to close the door behind her and she began pounding her fists against Kouga's door. While she waited for what seemed like an eternity, she realized something was strange. Why hadn't Kouga sensed anything?

Finally, the door opened revealing Kouga. He had a smile on his face until his eyes landed on her blood stained hands. He arched an eyebrow before casting a panicked glance in the hall.

"Why-"

"I hurt Sesshomaru," Kagome replied before he could even ask his question.

Kouga's eyes shifted from her eyes and hands back and forth. " _Hurt?_ "

She groaned in frustration. "He- the beast tried to strangle me, I wasn't – I didn't mean… He's really hurt." Tears formed in her eyes again and she sniffled.

Kagome didn't have a chance to see the frown of concern appear on Kouga's face; he sped to her room before she could. She hurried to follow him and once she was back inside, she saw Kouga kneeling by Sesshomaru's side much like she had been doing earlier. Her footsteps were quiet as she walked towards them. Unknowingly, she was holding her breath, afraid Kouga would give her an answer she did not want.

A few seconds seemed like forever before Kouga raised his head and looked at her. "He'll be okay."

Her bottom lip was quivering. "Are you sure? Why isn't he awake?"

Kouga scoffed. "Well, you did get him pretty good." When he noticed her hurt expression, he felt guilty. "Kagome, you had to. It's not your fault. He'll be fine."

Kagome pinched her lips together while she nodded. It was so easy for him to take the blame away from her, but she couldn't. She did realize it had been necessary, but it didn't make her actions any less dangerous.

"He's a youkai, he'll heal."

Of course, Kouga wouldn't mention that if Sesshomaru wasn't as strong as he was, he probably wouldn't have survived the attack. Heck, considering how most of the flesh of his face had melted, Kouga was wondering if he himself would have made it out alive. Kagome must have really feared for her life to inflict this kind of damage.

Now the problem was that Kagome would feel guilty. "You should get him in some water and clean off the wounds. I'm sure it would speed up his healing process." Not really, but he knew if Kagome did something it would help her feel better.

"Could you help me can him in the bath?" Sesshomaru was too heavy for her to carry.

Kouga gave her a nod before taking hold of Sesshomaru, being mindful of his facial injuries, and began taking him in the bathroom with Kagome following right behind. He put Sesshomaru down in the bath and turned on the water. As he backed away he noticed Kagome taking off her pants leaving her in her underwear and a t-shirt.

He cast a weird glance in her direction, but she offered him a small shrug. "He can't stay up in the bath by himself."

She carefully joined Sesshomaru in the bath and laid against the wall with his head resting on her chest. She stretched out her hand and Kouga handed her a towel. "Thank you," Kagome whispered before dunking it in the water.

Kagome began gently washing the blood off with the towel and making sure she wasn't hurting him. He was still twitching in her hold and she took it as a good sign. Her arms were wrapped around his waist as she tried to secure him. If he slipped away she wasn't sure she had the strength to bring him back in a sitting position.

Feeling slightly awkward in this situation, Kouga decided to quietly exit the bathroom; he could wait in the bedroom.

He had many questions for Kagome, but it would have to wait. The beast was insane; there was no denying that, but to kill her? Why would he ever want that, especially now that Kagome and Sesshomaru were finally being mates? Sesshomaru and his beast should be merging back together not splitting again. What had brought this attack forward, what had they been doing?

In the bathroom, Kagome was holding tears back while she was forced to look at the damage she had done to Sesshomaru. She was keeping him close despite the fact that once he came back to himself, he could still be the beast. This time Kouga was near if something happened  _and_  she refused to leave him alone to heal when she was responsible for his injuries.

The water had already begun to take on a red tint but it brought relief; the more blood in the water, the less on him. It took a few minutes, but his face was finally cleared from the crimson liquid. She softly brushed his bangs back and pressed a kiss on top of his forehead. She could feel the heat coming from his flesh through her lips.

She stared down at his half melted off markings and saddened. She raised a hand to brush her thumb over it when suddenly she felt something wrap around her wrist. To add to her shock, Sesshomaru's eyes flashed open. The amber orbs peeking up at her should have reassured her, but they didn't. All she saw clouding them was fear and confusion.

And then, everything happened too fast.

Before Kagome could even blink Sesshomaru had shifted their position and she found herself on the lower end while he held both of her hands away from him. Her heart was racing while she was now the one who was puzzled. He was  _himself_ , why was he treating her like the enemy?

"KOUGA!" she screamed without thinking.

The other male rushed in a beat only to growl at the scene he found. However before he launched himself at Sesshomaru, he did not fail to notice the golden eyes shining. "Sesshomaru," he said with a cold tone, "what are you doing?"

"She is under the jewel's influence again."

Sesshomaru was as displeased by this situation as Kagome; he didn't enjoy doing this. He loved her and he wasn't trying to hurt her but he wouldn't let her almost kill him again. When he had been shoved against the wall, he had felt his life slipping away from him. The power that had come from her had been unimaginable; it was as though someone had set him on fire.

Kouga arched an eyebrow. "Aren't you the one who tried to strangle her?"

" _What_?"

He blinked. "You didn't?"

"Why would I strangle her?"

"Not you. The beast."

" _The beast?"_

"Kagome are you sure?"

Tears were beginning to cascade down her face as she tried to pull herself away from Sesshomaru. "You think I would attack him like this for no reason? The beast was strangling me."

Sesshomaru glanced at her with a worried look in his eyes. "Kagome, the beast never took control of me."

"Then  _you_  strangled me?"

"No. You began to shake and throw yourself around on the bed while panicking and screaming. I came over to try and calm you down but you would not listen. That is when you used your powers against me."

After speaking such a long sentence, he took a deep breath; he was still weak.

Kagome shook her head rapidly. " _No_ , it attacked me. I couldn't breathe – I."

"Are you certain it was real?"

Well, he had strangled her for a long time without her losing consciousness or dying but it didn't mean anything. Maybe he hadn't been squeezing hard enough? There was no way she had hallucinated something so real… so deadly. She didn't care how much the jewel could influence her, this was not – no. It had been real.

Because if it wasn't then she was losing it.

He was in pain and his whole body was screaming at him to drop face first in the relieving water but he held on to Kagome. He had known from the start that something was wrong when she had attacked him, but this… He had been tricked by false realities himself but he did not want the same for her. If the jewel kept messing with her sanity…

"Look at the marks on my neck, you  _left_  marks."

Both men looked at her neck, and for the first time since this began, Kouga felt foolish. He had been so concerned when she had spoken of what happened that he hadn't even  _glanced_ at her neck. Why would she have lied or made it up? Nevertheless, now that he was finally looking at her throat, he saw  _nothing_. Not even a bruise or redness.

It was fine.

"Kagome, there is nothing wrong with your neck," Kouga finally spoke when he saw Sesshomaru wasn't going to.

She tried to peek down at her own neck but she couldn't. Though, why would Kouga tell her lies? Considering the strength he had used to strangle her, he would have left marks for sure. Were they… right? Was this all in her head? She became limp in Sesshomaru's hold and her knees hit the bottom of the bath. It was enough to hurt but she didn't react.

"W-why?" she questioned with a shaky voice.

"The same reason why it always happens," Kouga began with a sigh. "It wants your darkness."

A darkness that she had been getting rid of little by little lately. There wasn't enough to compensate for Kiyoshi's light anymore. The jewel had been known to consume minds and drive certain people to madness but Kouga never thought it could happen to Kagome. Then again, there were many fears and traumas in her past that could be brought forward.

Sesshomaru freed Kagome's hands and kneeled down by her side. He wasn't angry at her, he was simply afraid  _for_  her. She had clearly become a danger for those around her, but what if she became one to herself? He could handle it – barely apparently – but if she turned against herself...

"Kags, I know you're against this, but we're either gonna have to take it out of Kiyoshi or wish on it... or I don't know. We can't let you go down that path."

Sesshomaru didn't want to agree with Kouga, but he was right. Unless they found a way to fix this it could become extremely dangerous. Sesshomaru gently cupped her cheek with his hand to make her look at him. He didn't say a word – he didn't have to. He always agreed with her and he still did, but they had to do  _something_.

"I don't want to  _cut it_  out of him," she said with a firm tone.

"But I don't think anyone can wish on it," added Kouga. "I mean, at this point  _any_  wish would be selfish."

Every wish would be to save Kagome. It's the only reason  _why_  they want to make a wish again. It basically meant all they could do was take it out, but Kagome was clearly against that option.

"We could attempt to seal it."

Kagome tilted her head at Sesshomaru's suggestion. "Seal it?"

"The jewel is simply a power like anything else. You are a powerful Miko; you should be able to seal it with the right tools."

" _If_ you could find something powerful enough to seal the Sacred Jewel, then it'll be powerful enough to seal your son's powers."

Kouga knew Sesshomaru had probably considered this option already and he was obviously fine with it, but Kagome? His eyes were focused on her, waiting for her to reply or share her opinion.

"Will it hurt him?"

She refused to leave any scars on him or cause him injury. She already knew it was terrible to have your powers sealed away but it was better than this. It was selfish; it was for her sake but then again… Kiyoshi wouldn't be an innocent baby forever. No matter how good he would be eventually he would experienced some sort of darkness.

When he did, the jewel would no longer want  _her_. It would focus on  _his_  darkness and destroy him.

If they took the jewel out, would it solve everything? The jewel was affecting her even before she made the wish, before Kiyoshi was born. They could take it out and try to seal it. But it still involved hurting her son and really would they find it? It wasn't as if it was just  _there_  resting on the surface. In her case it had been pretty deep and Kiyoshi well… they didn't know.

No, cutting it out truly would never be an option.

"It won't hurt him."

He probably didn't even know what it was like to have powers, so to not have them… he wouldn't know the difference. He was already conflicted inside since he was both holy and youkai. Maybe it would help him grow before he settled in into his powers?

"It will not be forever."

Sesshomaru wouldn't do this to his son permanently. In spite of that, it was difficult to focus on a way to get rid of the jewel when they had to worry about Kagome. It was  _lucky_  he was the one to receive her attack; many people wouldn't have withstood it. All the wolves and their own son would have perished to her.

"Do you know how to do it?" she asked Sesshomaru.

"I am not certain." He turned his head to look at Kouga. "Do you believe Kai would know?"

"I'll ask."

For the first time since the incident, Kouga left their room completely. Now that Sesshomaru wasn't making her look at him, Kagome made sure her glance was focused on the floor. How could she look at him? Apparently she had gone  _insane_  and had almost  _killed_  him. He had tried to protect her and she had tried to purify him.

"Kagome, it is not your fault."

"I did this to you so yes it is."

This was not the kind of guilt he wanted her to live with. He wrapped his arms around her and brought her body against his.. "You tried to protect yourself."

"From a hallucination?"

"You did not know that."

Unable to bear it, she forced herself out of his hold and looked at his face. "Did you see yourself? I burnt your  _face_  off." In any other situation this would almost have been funny. However, the thought of him dying was anything  _but_  hilarious.

"I'm alive."

"And in pain."

"I am not."

"You're lying."

If it had taken him this long to come back to consciousness, he clearly was hurt and suffering. She didn't want him to keep the truth from her just to lessen her guilt.

"Barely."

"I thought you weren't in pain at all?"

"I will be healed in a few hours. It is nothing to concern yourself with."

"It is." She leaned forward and rested her arms on the edge of the bath. "I did this to you. There is  _something_  growing inside of me and the jewel wants it."

"You were feeling better; it's simply trying to bring out your misery once again. If you are better, it has nothing to feed off of."

"I should be stronger by now."

Why was it that every time the situation required it, she felt completely weak? Everyone had always told her she was strong, even more recently. Where was this strength they kept referring to? She never experienced it.

"The only reason you have this darkness is because of me."

Kagome was about to reply  _not you, it_ , but she didn't. When she decided to take their relationship to the final step, she decided that she accepted all of him. That meant she had to stop doing comparisons like this, she had to stop  _splitting_  him in two. She still knew who did what, but she wouldn't voice it.

"The situation was complicated back then." It was one way to describe it. "I'm still the one who's a danger now."

"Soon the beast will be gone and you will not have to concern yourself with this."

Kagome scoffed. "You know what's strange?"

"No."

"Even when I hallucinated that the beast was trying to strangle me, I was thinking instead of fighting. I was telling myself it didn't make any sense. Despite everything it did to me, it wouldn't kill me. I actually genuinely defend it in my mind. I thought everything that happened he did it out of what it claimed was love. Killing me couldn't be done out of love. I mean he was ready to leave me alone. It didn't make any sense."

Pushing his own feelings aside for his beast, he was glad she had those thoughts. It meant Kagome was healing herself and they were healing as well. The more she believed in them, the less she feared, the brighter their future would be. Also, when she was at peace with his beast, he could allow himself to be too. Wasn't that the only way to merge again?

"You are right. He would not kill you."

He was many things. He had done many things. But he wouldn't take Kagome's life. Despite how he had hurt her, she meant too much to him to  _actually_  hurt her. Everything he had done he didn't consider harmful, but that he would.

She had faith in the beast. She almost wanted to laugh at herself; she clearly had changed a lot since the last time she had been in the past.

Kagome didn't feel better and the guilt had not disappeared but she took a deep breath and put on a strong face. Everyone had to live with something that destroyed them, which hurt them. She already had a lot of experience in that domain. One more or one less at this point…

"I'm sorry."

He bent down and kissed her ear. "Kagome, you did nothing wrong."

Sesshomaru knew she didn't believe him, but he meant it. "If it had been real, if for some reason it did try to kill you, this is exactly what I would want you to do."

"You'd want me to kill you?"

"If it saved you, then yes. Without any hesitation, I would want you to purify me if it was the only way out."

He couldn't do this – he couldn't say this. She already knew he was ready to go to extreme lengths for her but to hear him say it after what she did… He was willing to lose his life so she could live, but she was supposed to kill him to live? How selfish was that? To save her own life she had risked his.

Was she not as devoted as he was? Because she knew he spoke the truth. If she killed him he would not even fight her.

"No," she finally said.

"No?"

She shook her head. "If I ever try to kill you, fight me."

He had been living the reality, he had known something was wrong with her and he hadn't used his strength against her. He had remained a defenseless prey. She didn't want that because with her powers out of her control, there was always a chance she could kill him. If this happened again, she wanted him to fight her.

"You can restrain me. If I lose it –"

"You will not. We are sealing the jewel remember?"

"What if we can't? What if it happens before that? What if I don't have enough power?"

"You will."

"But if I don't and I try to hurt you again, I want you to fight back."

He remained silent.

"Promise."

"I promise."

And now, he couldn't go back on his promise.

-B-

Dead silence.

Kouga's room was completely quiet while he leaned against the wall and Kai sat on the bed. Not a word was being spoken and it made the situation quite uncomfortable. He had called her with quite a strange request and now he was not speaking. She was almost wondering if she should be worried.

"Why aren't we going?"

"I just wanna make sure they're out of the bath."

She tilted her head to the left. "How do you know they are in the bath?"

"Long story. I just wanna give them some time." It was obvious that they needed to discuss a few things and Kagome was probably still beating herself up over what happened.

"I don't know if it's gonna work," Kai said while looking at him in the eyes. "I've never heard of anyone trying this on anything as powerful as the jewel."

"Is this the strongest seal you can make?"

She nodded. "At least that I know of."

"Well," he began before rubbing the back of his neck, "Kagome  _used_  to be the guardian and she definitely had the powers to protect it. If the jewel could seal her… maybe she could seal it."

Even if she wasn't technically the one who was supposed to watch over it, they were linked. The jewel had removed the seal on her even if it hadn't been destroyed. Her powers were beyond what they could imagine. Every time she used them they seemed to increase. If they had been released maybe there was a reason for it.

If you ignored the fact that the jewel had been consumed by darkness, it still had a hint of light and a hint of hope left within it. Maybe it was that little bit of hope that was behind Kagome's powers. She might be the only one who could stop this as long as she pulled herself together.

Also, she was the only holy being which meant nobody else could do the sealing.

"We have to try."

Kouga had only given her the fast version of what happened, but she could already tell it was bad. Of course, they had all known it would come down to this. Ignoring it and trying to deal with it had never been an option. Obviously though, Kiyoshi was Kagome's son and nobody could tell her what to do about it or force her to do something she was against.

Sometimes, you can only come to a decision through hard times.

Unfortunately it was the last thing Kagome had needed.

Kai had seen peace for her, but now as time went along she was beginning to wonder if that peace hadn't been set in a very far off future.

"Well they moved. Maybe we should go now."

Kouga nodded. He finally peeled himself from the wall and slowly headed in Kagome and Sesshomaru's room with Kai following him. She held in her hands a bag filled with what they needed. She hadn't done a sealing in a long time and she was a bit nervous. They had called her since they relied on her and she did not want to let them down.

Kai knew Kagome was harboring guilt and she had already gone through enough. This had to stop before it became even more out of control.

And Kiyoshi. The poor child did not even know what was happening and he was about to be stripped of his powers. Hopefully it would only need to be temporary. She didn't know how they planned to  _wish_  on it, but nobody could at the moment. However, she would trust in them; they had made this decision and they would eventually have a plan right?

Kouga stopped in front of the door and considered knocking for a moment but then decided against it. He never knocked before. He opened the door and walked in only to see Sesshomaru and Kagome were in the kitchen. Kouga was not surprised by Sesshomaru's scarred face, but Kai was a little shocked. As soon as Sesshomaru's visage came in view, she gasped.

The skin on his face was bright red with only some areas beginning to heal. She could barely see his moon and stripes anymore. She could see the future, but she had not seen that coming. Kai quickly put a smile back on her face and joined everyone at the table. She dropped the bag in front of her and set her eyes on Kagome.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"It won't hurt him?" She had already asked Kouga this question, but she wanted to ask someone else just to be safe.

"No, it won't. He might be a little confused at first without his powers, but it'll be fine."

"Confused?"

She shrugged. "He's used them a few times. I mean, he might try again and he won't know why it doesn't work. But he'll be fine."

She nodded. "Then I'm sure."

Kai opened the bag and emptied its content on the table. A scroll, ink and a bag of leaves gathered in the middle of the table. Kai grabbed the ink and the scroll and slid it over to Kagome.

"Write Kiyoshi's name on it."

"Why me?"

"Because you have to do everything for this to work."

Kagome began scribbling with a shaking hand. Once she was done she kept it with her and waited for Kai to give her further instructions. She was trying to take deep breaths to keep herself calm but it wasn't working. She knew this way wasn't going to hurt her son, but it didn't mean she liked it.

"Take these leaves and put them in the scroll and wrap it around them."

Kagome proceeded to follow the instructions. A few leaves cracked during the process but most of them remained inside the scroll. "Anything else?"

"We need Kiyoshi."

And there it was. There was no turning back now. There was no other plan.

She stood up first and headed for the crib without anyone else following her.

"Shouldn't we go with her?" Kouga questioned.

"We will," Kai said knowing Kagome probably needed a second with her son first. "Let's go, slowly."

Sesshomaru was the first to go in the bedroom and the other two followed closely. Kagome was leaning on the wooden crib and glancing down at her son with loving eyes. It wasn't until she heard their footsteps that she turned her head.

"What now?"

"You'll have to channel your powers."

Kagome raised an eyebrow. "Channel?"

Right. She didn't have much control over her powers. "I'll help you."

Kai was about to grab Kagome's hand when suddenly an idea hit her. Yes, Kai helping her could work, but there was a way the sealing could be more powerful and even work better.

"Actually, Sesshomaru will help you." Before they could ask another question, she answered it. "You're both his parents and the jewel is inside of him. Maybe having both of you would be better."

Sesshomaru nodded and moved so that he could stand beside her.

"Take her hand," Kai instructed.

Sesshomaru grabbed a hold of Kagome's hand and didn't fail to notice how she wasn't looking at him. She probably didn't want to see his face because it would increase her guilt. He would need to fix that. After all he had put her through; she should  _not_  be guilty for trying to defend herself from what she believed was an attack.

"Now, just help her channel her energy. You know, give her a little  _zap_."

A little zap? He had to find a way for Kagome to  _start up_  her powers?

"Oh Kagome. Put the scroll on Kiyoshi's forehead, but keep holding it."

Kagome did as she was told before strengthening her hold on Sesshomaru's hand. She closed her eyes in the hope that it would help her focus. Kagome controlled her breathing and waited for Sesshomaru to  _zap_  her as Kai had so nicely said it.

To be honest, Sesshomaru was a little  _apprehensive_  about using his youki to power up Kagome. It wasn't too long ago that she had  _hurt_  him and he was a little jumpy about it happening again. He was okay losing his life for a cause, but just to start up her power, he wasn't so keen on the idea.

Nonetheless, nothing was happening meaning he would have to do something.

He concentrated the smallest amount of energy in his hand and quickly hit her palm with it. Kagome immediately jumped from the contact and before she knew it a pink glow enveloped her. It was not much, but it was enough to transfer her energy to the scroll which then passed it along to Kiyoshi.

She could only watch as her pink aura surrounded her son and she couldn't help the nervous feeling that filled her heart. She was well aware that Kai wouldn't have let her do this if something could go wrong but she was a mother and she would always worry about her son.

The light increased even more and suddenly a screech filled the air. Kouga and Kai covered their ears while both Kagome and Sesshomaru had to endure it. The noise was much worse for Sesshomaru since his ears were sensitive but he did his best to put on a façade.

And then, it  _exploded_.

The whole room was filled with the pink aura when it finally snapped. It felt like everything was destroyed but all that happened was that the light died down. Still, the force of the blow was enough to send  _everyo_ ne flying. In a protective instinct, Sesshomaru shielded Kagome with his body.

Once all the light disappeared, everyone sat back up. Kagome was the first to make it to her feet and she rushed to the crib. She was relieved when she found Kiyoshi lying in his crib, completely unharmed.

"Did it work?" asked Kagome.

"Only time will tell," Kai said with hope in her voice.

Now all that was left to do was wait and see if she was going to try and kill  _Sesshomaru_  again. She turned her head and glanced at his scarred face. She couldn't hurt him again.

She couldn't hurt  _anyone_  again. Not Sesshomaru and certainly not her son.

-B-


	82. A Place Called Home

The day had gone by rather uneventfully much to everyone's relief. However, that had not stopped Kagome from spending her time in the bedroom hovering over Kiyoshi's crib. Sesshomaru stayed by her side for the most part but he left her recently to whip her up a little meal; she had not eaten in a long time.

It also meant that he was in the same room as Kouga and Kai who had refused to leave. They wanted to be there in case their plan backed fire badly. Unfortunately for him, they seemed to be lacking entertainment since their eyes were locked on the back of his head.

"You are free to leave," he stated without looking at them.

"And miss you being a homemaker? I don't think so," Kouga said teasingly. "We need a little bit of humor around here."

Sesshomaru felt his top lip twitch and his eyebrow was urging to be raised in disapproval. Any other time he assumed he would have made a snarky comeback, but this involved Kagome. No, homemaker would never be in his list of goals and considering whom he was some people might think this was degrading.

After all, ever since this trip began he had taken care of everything, even the little details that had slipped her mind. Things as futile as making sure there was food on hand, clothes and more he made sure he took care of. No he did not  _shop_  for it himself, but he still made sure it was provided.

And he did not mind. A human lifetime of taking care of her would not even be enough.

"She'll be fine."

Kai's voice snapped Sesshomaru out of his thoughts and he tilted his head to glance at her. There was no smile upon her lips and her eyes were almost gleaming.

"Instincts or abilities?"

"Both."

"Are you sharing your insights?"

She smirked. "I would not, it would interfere with the future."

It was nothing important. She had not mentioned anything else she knew but Kagome's well being. She  _would_  be fine. She did not say if she was happy or joyful, simply that she would recover from this. It was a blow to her motherhood and she would need a few days to pick herself back up.

Sesshomaru finished the sandwich and nodded at Kai as he walked by. They never shared a great amount of time around one another, but she had proven to be more and more helpful as time went on. He could not exactly say he had anything against her anymore though.

When he entered the bedroom, he found Kagome on the floor. She was staring at the crib with half-opened eyes. Quietly he walked in her direction just in case she was dozing off; he did not want to wake her up. He slowly slid himself on the floor beside her and observed her face. Now that he was this close, he noticed her eyes were nearly closed. He put the plate on his lap and rested his head against the bed.

"He's okay."

The sound of her voice surprised him and he quickly peeked to his left. Kagome's eyes were now fully opened as she stared intensely at their son.

She knew that Kiyoshi being fine during the first day did not mean anything, but it did re-assure her. At least, they probably had done nothing  _wrong_  and the worst case scenario was that they failed and they would need to find another way around it.

"How are  _you_  feeling?"

"I'm fine."

She did not feel like she was losing her mind anymore. She also wasn't imagining his beast trying to strangle her so it had to be a good sign. "As long as all of this is really happening, I'm okay," she said in an attempt to lighten up the mood.

"We did the right thing."

It was the only option they had considering all the restrictions. He did not want her to carry a heavy burden anymore; she should not feel guilty. Everything that happened was out of everyone's control – or almost. She should not blame herself for the repercussions of actions she did not do.

"What if it worked? I mean, what if for now we've taken care of it? What do we do?"

There was only one answer. "We go home."

 _Home_. It was such a strange word at the moment. Kagome had not felt like she even had a home for a very long time. When she was traveling between two worlds, she was torn between two homes. Then she had lived in Sesshomaru's castle which had been anything  _but_  home. And now, she felt out of place at the shrine. It would always be where she came from, but she did not know if it could be home. At least not forever, especially not now that she had Kiyoshi.  _And_  Sesshomaru.

They had been living together for so long now that she wasn't sure what it would be like to  _not_  have him around. Despite the fact that their relationship had progressed, there were a few loose ends and she wasn't sure the best way to fix everything was to pretend it was all fine and play house.

"We will figure it out."

"You know, sometimes this  _thought_  thing is creepy."

She had nothing to hide from him, but that did not mean it was comfortable to have him inside her head. At least it made it easier to express her feelings since she did not have to word it out.

"This feels safe. Going back home…."

"It will be filled with a lot of obstacles?"

Kagome smiled. "Something like that." She sighed. "I know we can't stay here forever but I just – I wish it was simpler."

While her thoughts ran wild her eyes moved to his laps where there was food and at that exact moment her stomach began to growl. It had been a while since her last meal…

"It is for you," he said as he handed her the plate.

"Thank you," she replied while grabbing it from him.

Kagome dared to try and steal a look at the kitchen. "Are they still here?"

She had been so focused on watching her son and making sure nothing bad was happening to him that she had shut out the real world for a few hours.

He nodded. "They have been waiting." They cared too and although their level of worry was probably nowhere near Kagome's, they wanted to make sure Kiyoshi was fine.

Instead of beginning her meal, Kagome showed concern. "They should go home. I mean, they must be tired too." She also felt like everyone had to baby her and her son.

She was not mad at him though, she just wished it did not have to be one problem on top of another.. Especially since it was truly nobody's burden except hers and she let all of them carry it with her.

"If they wished to leave, they would have."

Kagome nodded before putting the plate down despite her hunger and leaned into Sesshomaru. Her nose was pressed against his chest and she felt warm while a nice comforting scent surrounded her. She and Sesshomaru had not been  _close_  since they had taken the final step. She was not craving it, but she wanted his presence.

Ignoring what had occurred in the Feudal Era, Sesshomaru had been the only stable thing in her life in the Modern world. He was the only thing that was consistent rather than everything else that was falling apart. She was holding on to that more than ever before. Even when she had doubts he picked her back up. She needed that.

Sesshomaru wrapped his arms around her and brought her body closer. Her aura shifted along with her scent when she came closer to him. It made him want to  _protect_  her more than usual and he wanted to take her worries away. The times to come could either be easier than anything they had gone through or they could be worse.

He did not know her family and frankly, even if they were the nicest and most accepting people he had a hard time believing they would accept him. He would not. Problem was, Kagome would end up being the one hurt the most. Although, if he allowed himself a selfish thought, then he would say that it would pain him more than he wanted to think about.

Sesshomaru had been alone for so long and the thought of his family being ripped away from him was anything but joyful. It was one of those times where it would be difficult for him to sit back and let it occur as it should. Because if he did that, he felt he might lose her.

He had no doubts about her feelings for him. She had shared those during a very important moment.

But what about when they were out there and the people who were  _always_  there for her tried to show her just how insane this was. There was nothing normal and rational about them being together but it did not make it completely  _wrong_. It was definitely insane if you thought about it from an outside perspective though.

"I'm not going anywhere." She smiled against his chest. "My turn to peek in."

It was not as clear as with him, but she had been able to sense how  _lost_  he felt. Since the night they shared, every day she felt that bond growing. It was slightly scary, but she knew that it would make them stronger than ever.

He wanted to tell her he knew and to confirm she was right, but he would not. He was already acting as if he was never going to lose her and he should not. Kagome could be taken from him or slip through his fingers at any given moment. He did not want to think about it, but it was a reality. She felt good with him, she was putting the events of the past behind, but what if it was all brought back?

Sesshomaru nearly shook his head; with Kagome in his head, it was a bad idea to be thinking about this.

Instead, to distract himself, he pressed a kiss on top of her head. Following his action, she raised her head and in one quick motion she pressed her lips against his. Sesshomaru's mouth felt warm and she shivered. Until now, she had not realized it was cold in the room. Of course, Sesshomaru's body was always warmer than normal people.

His hands grabbed her waist and held her tightly. Their lips moved in sync and a sense of relief was shared. It felt like that at any moment the fragile relationship they shared could be shattered. At the same time nothing felt stronger. When he pulled away, her lips still felt moist and she almost reached out for them just to  _feel_.

When she glanced up at him she felt her heart swell up.

She enjoyed being near him without hallucinating that his beast trying to kill her. She did not want anything to control her mind anymore. She needed to feel like herself with no influence. In a way, it was ironic. Maybe the way she had felt and still did was what Sesshomaru went through with his beast. To him, he had probably been his darkness – and still was.

Unfortunately once you are tainted, you can never return to being pure. It was not wrong. Before all those events, she was easily hurt. She would fight back but her feelings would get hurt. Now she knew she could be put through hell and come back from it. No, she was not completely fine or healed, but she was alive and herself.

"There is something I need to give you."

Her sense of alert was on the rise and she frowned slightly. "Okay," she said uncertainly.

"It is nothing to fear," he added with a smile to reassure her.

Sesshomaru released his hold on her and Kagome allowed her arms to fall flat upon the ground. She watched his every movement with intensity as he walked to his suitcase. When he began to carefully open it, she suppressed a smile. If this was a normal relationship where two adults were dating and had a child together, then this could almost seem as if Sesshomaru was proposing or committing of some sort.

But they were themselves, and instead she feared that whatever he had would cause their world to come crashing down.

When Sesshomaru took out nothing more than a folder out of the suitcase, she began to breathe easier. She pressed her palms against the floor and lifted herself. To be honest, the floor was getting slightly uncomfortable. She resumed sitting on the bed and waited for him to join her.

Sesshomaru did not mimic her actions and instead remained standing. He did however hand her the folder he had been holding. It had been in his possession for a while now but he had wanted to make sure she was ready for it before offering her the reality of a new possibility. Home.

Kagome opened it and found herself staring at plane tickets. A bit confused, she blinked before she looked up. "Plane tickets?"

"There are no date on them. Whenever you wish to leave, you can. On a whim or on a calculated decision."

Until now, they had too many problems for him to give those to her. Now though, it felt as if things were slowly getting back into place and it felt right. Whenever Kagome felt safe enough to go home, she could. No trouble, no worries and no time to second guess herself and wonder if she was making the right decision.

"Oh," was the only answer she managed.

This was it. This could bring her back to Japan, home and bring with it more problems to figure out. It was a good thing; the final step. They had already agreed that they would no longer doubt or concern themselves with what may lie ahead. But this did bring back a bit of her fear along with questions.

"How long have you had these?"

"A while."

"Two of them? You thought we'd be back before Kiyoshi was born?"

"I thought only the two of you would go."

He never thought their relationship would be like this even when they became closer. He wanted her to have the option of leaving alone. He still did as a matter of fact. It would be better if she was alone to go home and see her mother. He was not running away, but he believed it would be easier if Kagome arrived and prepared her mother for the shock.

Of course, if she wished for otherwise, then he would go along with that as well.

"You know, I don't think there was ever a path where we did not find each other."

"Destiny?" he asked with a bit of sarcasm.

Thinking about an already forged path reminded him of Kai. It also proved a lack of control. If Kai could see the future, if he and Kagome could not avoid being with each other, did they ever truly control anything? All those years he spent controlling his own life, but in reality, did he never have a choice?

He did not regret anything he had but he simply wished that he could have acquired it differently.

Kagome put the tickets back in the folder and dropped it on the side table. Then, she proceeded to lay down on the bed. She was exhausted and craving a full night of sleep. After everything that had occurred recently it was as if someone had drained her of all of her energy.

When Sesshomaru noticed what she was doing, he decided to join her. A lot of things had been keeping him awake at night too. Kagome rather welcomed his warm arms around her body as they shielded her from the cold. She wanted to discuss some more things, but she found herself closing her eyes instead. Peace and quiet; something they had not been blessed with in a long time.

It was at that moment that a thought hit her. "Are Kouga and Kai still here?"

Sesshomaru nodded against her neck.

She had forgotten to pay attention, to notice if they had left during their conversation. Although to be fair, even if  _Sesshomaru_  hadn't come to see her she would have forgotten about him. Back there for a while she had been swallowed in her own little world.

"Maybe we-"

"They will know."

The fact that they were in the next room did not bother him. He also knew that both of them had probably heard everything he and Kagome said. They might stay, but Sesshomaru had a feeling they would return to Kouga's hotel room.

For now, things were calm and it seemed like nobody required supervision.

-B-

Darkness.

It was the only thing surrounding Kagome when she opened her eyes. Since she was still a bit confused, she snuggled with whatever was nearby and smiled. Once a few seconds went by, her mind caught up and she remembered the little nap Sesshomaru and she had decided to take.

Though by the look of outside, it had been more than a  _little_  nap.

When she looked down at her waist, she could see that Sesshomaru's arms were still tightly wrapped around her. Kagome leaned into him once again and this time, she felt something else. She wasn't sure if she was going to smile or blush as she felt the hard bulge.

And here she was thinking only teenage boys had no control over their hormones.

As expected her cheeks took on a shade of pink and she closed her eyes again. It was clear Sesshomaru was still asleep and she did not want to wake him up. Not because of his current physical state but because if he was sleeping, it was obvious he needed to rest.

Kagome thought she might lay there for a while or maybe even fall back asleep but instead, her skin was warmed by the feeling of soft lips pressed against her neck.

Sesshomaru was aware of his current condition and he also knew Kagome had felt it. It was indeed slightly embarrassing but it was his nature. She was his mate and for so long he had been denied loving her. It was now with her approval that he could touch and feel every inch of her body. A mating bond was important and theirs was getting stronger.

Although they had been together  _once_ , he was not going to push more encounters on her until she was ready. Her speed was her own and he would wait for her. Of course, it did not mean he would not touch her or stay away from her.

No matter what emotion she was experiencing her scent was always sweet.

He felt her breathing change and once her heartbeat became irregular he pulled away from her neck. It was then that she shifted her position and turned around to look at him. He saw no fear in her eyes and it pleased him. He thought that after her recent hallucination, she might still be a little scared.

Sesshomaru gently grabbed her hand and moved her wrist to his lips. He laid butterfly kisses all over it which tickled her. The smile on her lips grew and he stared into her blue eyes. "You have nothing to be afraid of."

"I'm not scared," she quickly replied.

"Good," he said while resting the tip of her fingers on his bottom lip.

Kagome used her free hand to grab the collar of his shirt and bring his face closer to hers. This was reality; this was the real Sesshomaru. She crashed her lips against his and allowed herself to be over taken by the warmth of her feelings. Her other hand rested against the pillow and Sesshomaru tangled his fingers with hers.

She felt small and fragile beneath him and he loved the feeling. Kagome's hand slid inside his shirt and rubbed against his neck. Her delicate fingers explored around his collarbone before lowering. His buttoned shirt stopped her actions and he held back a growl. He  _wanted_  to feel her touch and let her explore.

Kagome was human and that came with restrictions that as a demon, it took him a while to grasp. They were mated; there was no shyness. The bond was pure and he was hers while she was his. Humans however did not always seem to fully share themselves and they hid.

She had nothing to be ashamed of.

"You are beautiful," he whispered against her lips.

Nothing but the truth was shinning in his eyes as he captured her face with both of his hands. Instead of aiming for her mouth, he began to leave kisses along her jaw line while he tilted her head back. Once her neck was full exposed to him, he lapped at the flesh. Kagome's body tingled and she sunk her teeth in her bottom lip. It was not until his tongue reached the mating mark that a moan slipped past her lips.

Satisfied with her reaction, Sesshomaru lowered his mouth. His fangs grazed against her breasts and as he did so, he brought the collar of her shirt down. When he was near the nipple he pulled away and her collar lifted back up. Her eyes met his for a second and then she made a decision. She grasped the hem of her shirt and quickly lifted it over her head.

Once the shirt was thrown on the ground, Sesshomaru wrapped his arms around her body and lifted her up. A sense of thrill filled her as his tongue traveled between her breasts. She felt teased and that did nothing to prevent the puddle of lust forming inside of her. Sesshomaru moved his skilled tongue all the way down to her navel and circled it.

While Kagome squirmed underneath his touch, he dared to venture further. Her lips parted, her head was thrown back but not a sound came out. She was waiting – waiting for that other feeling; that one that would make her toes curl.

Sesshomaru shifted his hold on her and freed one of his arms. He then proceeded to unbutton her pants while watching her expressions. He would know if she was not comfortable or unwilling, but he was being extra careful. Pleasing her did give him pride as a male and he also had many bad times to make up for.

In one swift motion he freed her from the constraint of her jeans and tossed them aside. She was left in nothing more than her blue underwear as he laid her back down. He could see her bottom lip trembling while he lowered himself. He pressed his nose against her core and inhaled the divine scent; she was wet.

He used one of his claws to push aside the fabric blocking him from his goal and then without hesitation plunged his tongue inside of her. The second the contact was made Kagome twisted her body in pleasure. He shoved his tongue deeper inside of her and her juices began to flow into his mouth. While he made circles with his tongue, Kagome grabbed the sheets with her fingers and began twirling her feet.

_Just a little more._

When Kagome began to thrust her hips forward, Sesshomaru decided to add a little bit more sensation. He slipped one of his digits inside of her while he removed his tongue. He instead decided to focus his attention on her little nub of nerves. He nibbled on her clit while his finger was rapidly sliding in and out of her.

He had done so little, yet Kagome already felt like she was on the edge. Most of these  _good_  sensations she was not used to yet and Sesshomaru had a skillful touch. It was as if he knew her body and where to touch for her to reach climax. His finger was putting pressure exactly where it should and sounds of passion escaped her.

Sesshomaru peered up and watched her nearly bare body. His erection was throbbing inside his pants and he was becoming frustrated. The way her chest heaved with each of her deep breaths was made to drive him insane with lust. He reached out for one of her breasts and despite the fact that her bra covered it he massaged it.

Kagome felt a bit of irritation; she wanted to feel his hand. Although her own thoughts embarrassed her, she slowly reached out for her bra's clasp. After a bit of fumbling she unhooked it. It fell off her breasts and Sesshomaru used the opportunity to gently pinch her nipple. Kagome arched her back, which drove his finger deeper inside of her.

As his hand slowly became coated with her nectar, he plunged another digit inside. He turned them inside of her causing her body to jolt with lust. He watched as she ran her tongue over her lips and he decided to give into the temptation. Although he never removed his fingers from within her, he bent her forward so that he could kiss her.

She could taste herself on his lips but she did not care. Instead, she returned the kiss while she felt him pushing his fingers into new angle trying to find the spot that would make her dam give up.

And he did.

Kagome felt her eyes wanting to roll back and she closed them shut as she felt the wave. She loudly expressed her orgasm as she flooded his hand with her sticky juices. The entire time his lips were against her until finally, she could do nothing but rest her forehead on his completely breathless.

It took a few seconds, but Kagome laughed. "Once again," she said while shaking her head softly.

She was completely bare and he was fully dressed. How did this happen almost every time? While he was hovering over her she took the opportunity to undo his buttons one by one. His eyes were gazing into hers deeply and she could see the desire reflecting in them; he wanted her.

Kagome slowly dropped his shirt from his shoulder and then slid her hands down his muscular chest. She did not know how many times she had done this but she would not get tired of it. Kagome wasn't sure if it was because he was a demon, but even with his lack of exercise, he did not lose any muscles. Instead, it felt as if he had more each time.

Much like last time, her fingers found his belt and she quickly undid it. It was not until the sound of zipper echoed that she felt a chill going through her. This was their second  _real_  time. She was not as nervous as last time, but she was not completely calmed and controlled either. She trusted Sesshomaru and it was all that mattered.

Last time, he had given her feelings and experiences she did not think were possible and she would be lying if she said she didn't wish to feel more. One step at a time was perfect for her.

Once his pants and boxers were taken off, he was completely bare on top of her. She laid back down with a pounding heart as he grabbed her underwear and left her as nude as he was. Excitement was bubbling inside of her when she watched him position himself between her legs.

Kagome closed her eyes while Sesshomaru slid his length inside of her. She was warm and tight as he pushed his way through. He felt her squeeze around him and a curse nearly slipped him. The wetness of her walls was overwhelming, but he focused himself as he began a slow pace. He still wanted to take it easy.

It did feel like torture.

He did not wish to be too rough or hurt her, but a faster speed would not displease him. As he plunged himself further within her core, she began to thrust her hips to his rhythm. Her fingers were digging into his shoulders while he hammered away at what he knew was her weak spot. Her long legs were tightly wrapped around his waist bringing him closer.

He was locked in her hold.

Sesshomaru bent forward and captured her nipple between his teeth. With a gentle tug he pulled but instead of it bringing her pain, she received pleasure. His hands were gripping her hips as he pounded away and part of him hoped that one day he could take her the way Inuyoukais were meant to take their mates.

He did not want to offend her with such a move and he would not suggest it. After the latest events, this was how they connected back and he was grateful for it. He closed his eyes and let himself enjoy her tightness. It did no matter how many times they had done this; she squeezed him just as much.

"W-we can do it," she said between deep breaths.

When she uttered those words, he almost felt ashamed of his thoughts. He was aware that she could hear some of them and he had not wanted her to think this was not satisfying or  _not enough_.

"I want to do i-it," Kagome added before he could complain.

She was a bit apprehensive, perhaps because it was technically new, but she knew nothing bad would happen. It was Sesshomaru and she had not even thought about that side of him. He was an Inuyoukai; it was obvious they did certain things a bit differently.

With doubt dancing in his eyes, Sesshomaru nodded. Kagome was strong and she could obviously handle this but he was completely terrified that an action might trigger a memory that was too bad to overcome. However, she did seem fine with this so perhaps he needed to have more faith in her.

He removed his pulsing cock from within her and her juices slipped onto the bed sheets. Carefully, Sesshomaru turned her around and helped her as she went on all fours. He could hear her heartbeat very clearly; it was beating like a drum inside her chest. He waited a few seconds before taking a grip on her like he was waiting for her to change her mind.

When she said nothing, he took hold of her hips. His length was throbbing as he aimed himself. One deep breath and one swift push and he was inside. The moment Kagome felt him enter her from that angle her mouth opened wide. A silent moan was pronounced and she was out of breath right away.

His speed was faster this way than ever before. She also did not know he could even reach this deep inside of her. The overflow of her juices was leaking down her own legs as he kept pounding inside of her at a decent rhythm. She could not even control her own hips as she thrust back into him.

Sesshomaru allowed his hands to move to her rear and temptation was upon him. Instincts, desire and lust were mingling inside of him and if he let himself slip, he would lay her flat on her stomach and  _take_  her. It was like he was already ready to burst. The feeling and sound of her ass smacking against him was nearly enough to cause that.

Kagome felt her mind melt while she tried to grab on to something – anything - as if it would relieve some of the pressure. It felt so good that it was  _too much_  and she did not know how to handle it. His touch was like a ghost upon her flesh yet it was setting her on fire. Her insides were lighting up and she was biting terribly hard on her bottom lip; it was bleeding  _again_.

"Se-sh-se." She did not have enough breath to say his name.

It hardly mattered because her little moans and the way she was saying his name was enough to drive Sesshomaru to his edge. He could last, but she made it terribly difficult. This was all new for her; the shared  _feelings_  because of their bond, the height of her experience; it was too much added to his own.

However, he would not end until she was satisfied.

Without getting too rough, Sesshomaru picked up his speed. He also moved one of his hands to her breast and gently caressed it. He noticed as Kagome threw her head back and pushed her ass deeper into him. He could do nothing but cover her back with his chest before starting a more intense pounding within her. Because of his constant deepness, Kagome felt her legs begin to tremble.

If he just –  _oh_ – and there – _ah_  -.

And she felt it.

Her eyes fully rolled back, her toes curled and she moaned his name in pleasure as she climaxed. Her nectar was dripping out and completely coating Sesshomaru's erection. Unable to hold another second because of the wave of lust she had just thrown his way, Sesshomaru emptied himself within her without a second thought.

It was not too long until he swelled within her and he was then reminded of what he had done. He had not pulled out and he was now stuck. He expected a reaction from Kagome right away, but he seemed to get none while she was trying to catch her breath.

He cursed at himself while he waited within her. At least from her scent he could tell she was not at her most fertile days, but… she could be close. Things were finally straightening up and this was the last hurdle they needed. He wished for a bigger family with Kagome… when things were right.

Another few seconds passed before he finally pulled himself out and dropped beside her. It was not until she moved to rest her head against his shoulder that she seemed to realize.

Her eyes widened a bit and she twisted her mouth. "Am I?"

She trusted him and his judgment. It was possibly the only reason why she did not seem nervous or concerned. She simply wanted him to confirm it. "You are safe," he said.

Sesshomaru was sure she had to be. If she was in any way fertile, it would have tickled his nose. It was one slip up and it would not happen again. He had to stop being an out of control pup when he was with her.

Considering his age it should not be this difficult. Though, the stronger their bond became the more he would experience her feelings. And she was new at this meaning he would feel new as well.

He wrapped one of his arms around her shoulder and pressed a kiss on top of her head. The less worries they had, the better. Despite not being tired, he closed his eyes; he wanted to enjoy these few seconds with her.

The silence was quickly broken by a quiet sizzling sound. Almost inaudible. Neither truly heard it and both of them missed the small glow that quickly appeared.

Instead, everything faded into the darkness of the night where everything felt safe.

-B-


	83. Goodbyes

For the first time in quite a while the morning was uneventful. Kagome was still lying naked under the sheets while Sesshomaru was in the kitchen. Kiyoshi remained peacefully asleep in his crib. . Kagome wrapped the blankets tighter around her body before she lifted her head and tried to peek inside the kitchen. Unfortunately for her, she couldn't see anything.

Sesshomaru told her, even order her, to stay in bed while he prepared her breakfast. Although he always took care of her, this was the new spoiled treatment she was not used to and to be perfectly honest it was not as if she did anything to deserve it. That did not mean she would not enjoy it, simply that – well it was  _new_.

She heard noises coming from the kitchen, but all she was able to do was tap her fingers on the mattress in waiting. There was a dull ache coming from between her legs, but nothing that was not worth it. She and Sesshomaru elevated things last night and she handled it well. The more she was with him, the less doubts she had.

The fear she had in the past was slowly starting to dissipate and vanish.

Suddenly, Kagome's thoughts were disrupted by the sound of her stomach growling. She completely forgot that she did not really eat the day before and she was starving. She bent over and grabbed Sesshomaru's shirt off the floor. Her clothes were too far and she was not exactly comfortable walking around the place completely naked.

She quickly slipped it on and did up a few of the buttons before slipping out of the bed. The floor was cold against her feet while she ventured into the kitchen.

"This is not exactly  _staying_  in bed."

The sound of his voice almost made her jump. "I was hungry," she said as she moved forward.

Unlike her, he was not a mess. His short silver hair was shiny and brushed and his shirt was carefully tucked in his black pants. She on the other hand was stuck with tangled hair and her face probably looked like she went through a rough night. She pulled on the shirt hoping that it was going to make her a little more presentable and went to stand beside him.

Her eyes moved to the pan and she spotted the eggs. Her stomach responded for her by growling in hunger once more. It was hard to miss the smile on Sesshomaru's face which caused her to look away.

"I've been too worried to eat."

With his free hand, Sesshomaru grabbed a plate and emptied the eggs on it. The meal was not very  _Japanese_  but then again they were not in Japan. He guided her to the table and put her plate down beside the utensils.

Once she sat down he went back to begin cooking eggs for himself as well. He didn't usually eat but today he was feeling tired. He was sure that it wasn't his own exhaustion he was feeling but rather it was Kagome's.. She was probably tired and it was passing on to him through the mating bond. He did not mind but he forgot that the strong their bond was the more they would share.

She would feel more  _youkai_  experiences and feelings like strength while he would be put through the weaknesses of human life. Five hundred years ago, this would have disgusted him, but now, it meant nothing. He might have changed during the last centuries, but it did not make him  _human_ , Kagome on the other hand was. Sometimes he felt like it would be easier to understand her if he could feel the same way she did.

Sesshomaru lifted the pan and flipped the eggs one last time before emptying them on a plate. He added a touch of bacon before taking a seat beside Kagome at the table. Instead of finding her happily digging away, she was looking at the wall and playing with her food.

Last night was a new step, even if the experience itself was not, and despite her current fears he hoped it would have cleared her mind. It was also the reason why he tried to treat her this morning. The two of them were in this situation together and she did not need to carry the burden by herself. He was aware that Kagome was independent, but he wished for her to know that he could help her.

He did not want to ask but he could not let her brood over this alone. "Is the jewel still troubling you?"

Her eyes snapped in his direction and she offered a small smile. When did it not bother her? When did she not worry? In spite of that, she felt guilty. Sesshomaru was trying to give her a relaxed atmosphere and she was allowing her thoughts to distract her.

"Breakfast. A great night. No more insanity. I just – I feel like something's gonna happen. We don't get to be happy."

This is why she should have stayed in bed this morning. It felt like the moment she stepped out and allowed herself to think about something outside of the happy bubble they created, it all fell apart. Her words were negative, but not exactly false. For each step forward they took, they backtracked twice as much.

"I'm just waiting for the next disaster."

Part of him wanted to comfort her and let her know that there were no more hurdles for them. However, he was afraid that he would not be able to keep that promise. Their life here was about to be shattered and he could not assure her that their situation back home would be an easy ride.

Despite that, he could promise her  _one_  thing. "We will get through it."

There was no longer any other option for him then her, there never was. It was also pointed out to him that  _he_  was the only answer for her as well. He failed her in the past, but never again. No matter how hard life was, he would protect her, even from himself if he had to.

Kagome stretched out her hands and tangled her fingers with his. She was terribly gloomy lately and it bothered her but after the way she was broken, she did not want to experience that again. She was now aware of how fragile happiness was and it taught her a lesson. When you have it, do not let go.

It might have been a hard road to happiness, but she got a relationship with someone she trusted with her life and a son out of the misery.

"Do you think it's for good this time?" They discussed it, they agreed it was for the best, but this morning it felt so  _real._ Night together and breakfast in the morning; would it be like that back home?

Also, the jewel ruled her life for too long now. It got her to the Feudal Era, kept her there and she spent the last few months hunting the remaining shards. Its completion was not even the end of the road. Even now, it still existed – it lived inside her son. Until Kiyoshi was older, it would remain there. All they were able to do was hope his youkai side would not affect his purity or when the time came, he would be unable to purify it.

But until that time arrived, there was nothing else to concern themselves with. Actually, Sesshomaru's beast was still present but it was rather quiet lately. Even though her feelings towards his  _other_  personality were not positive, he stopped trying to harm her both physically and psychologically.

Maybe Sesshomaru was right; maybe the time was now.

"Now. We should go now before it all falls apart." Did she sound convincing?

Sesshomaru put down the fork he was holding and looked her way. "Are you certain?"

She nodded. "It's not like avoiding that step is going to do us any good."

He moved his hand to reach out for hers and he entwined their fingers together. If she was ready then so was he. Never mind the fact that he was afraid this might be how he lost her. If she was sure and it made her happy, then he was okay with it.

Kagome squeezed his hand back and smiled. Now if only she could stop dreading the next catastrophe, this might not be so bad.

-B-

Half the day went by already when Sesshomaru left Kagome and Kiyoshi alone inside the hotel room while he got ready to go outside. He closed the door behind him and turned around to head down the hall. There were a few things he needed to take care of before their departure.

When he reached the elevator, he felt a familiar presence behind him. When Sesshomaru tilted his body to the side, he found Kouga standing there. As usual, he seemed to be in a rather good mood while he approached Sesshomaru.

"You're actually  _out_?"

"I need to attend to a few obligations."

Kouga raised an eyebrow. "So serious. What's going on? Is Kagome alright?"

"She is fine. I am simply preparing. We will be leaving."

Now, Kouga's expression changed. His smile dropped and his lips parted. He always knew they were not going to stay here forever. Actually, neither was he. His home, his company, everything was back in Australia. The only reason he was here was because she was and he promised to look after her. If she was leaving – then perhaps he would be too.

"Oh. Well that's a surprise. I thought you were going to stay here forever," he said masking his tone with amusement.

"Her home is not here."

Sesshomaru would not point out how poorly Kouga was putting on his attitude, but he did not fail to notice.

Kouga had a happy life back home as well, but being here with her and even Sesshomaru reminded him of the good old days back in the Feudal Era. For a while it felt  _acceptable_  to be a youkai again. Of course, there were still plenty roaming around but they were always hiding. Here with her, he felt free to be himself all the time.

"I hope it'll work out," he finally said. "I mean, you and her you know, back home. I'm sure it will."

Kouga knew that if they made it this far, they could go all the way. Of course, that did not mean they would not face any obstacles. But the hardest ones were probably behind them already.

"You'll make her happy. At least you better," he said tauntingly.

He could not get rid of the ball forming in his throat and he backed away from Sesshomaru. "You should get those things done." He lightly hit the wall with his fist. "See you around, doggie."

Sesshomaru did not even react to the nickname, instead he watched as Kouga walked away with his hands stuffed in his pockets. Seeing the wolf's sadness reminded them that Kagome would probably feel the same way once it hit her that they were leaving some people behind.

If he was to be completely honest, and though he would never,  _ever_  admit it out loud, Kouga was not  _that_  bad.

It was not terrible to have another youkai around. Oh how times changed.

-B-

Night fell and the dark sky was filled with stars by the time Sesshomaru returned to the hotel room. The first sight he was greeted with upon his arrival was Kagome looking completely exhausted while she walked into the kitchen with a towel over her shoulder.

Her eyes widened when she lifted her head and caught sight of Sesshomaru. "That took a while."

When he said he needed to retrieve a few things before their departure, she did not ask what. It never crossed her mind that he was hiding or keeping something from her, which meant she had no reason to ask. It was strange to think she trusted him fully but then again, lately she found herself in his hands more than once. Plus, it was not as if she would never find out especially with their mating bond growing.

"My schedule conflicted with someone else's schedule." He lifted his hand and pointed at the towel. "Is Kiyoshi fine?"

She tilted her head slightly confused, before realizing. "I think he's upset. It took an hour for him to fall asleep." He was usually calm and rather easy when bedtime came along but not today.

Perhaps he could sense all the disturbances in her aura.

Sesshomaru noticed her fingers fidgeting while she held them in front of her chest. He put down the envelope he was holding and moved forward towards her. He grabbed both of her hands with his and pulled her closer. He rested her hands on his chest and bent down to kiss them.

"Are you alright?"

He asked her this many times already, but her eyes seemed to be shining with worry

She nodded. "I just – I keep telling myself it'll be the same, but it won't be. Out there is the real word and this is just… not fantasy but… it's just us."

The world had rules and other people to consider. Here, they just had themselves to focus on. It might be selfish, but she did not want that. Although at least this time, they would not have to concern themselves with his beast's reckless behavior. Even without the watch, he remained at bay.

Eventually he would completely merge with Sesshomaru and they would be one.

He moved her hands down while still holding them. "It will still be us."

She nodded and he bent forward slightly to rest his forehead on hers. He did not want her to concern herself with all of this. Her happiness was the only goal. Sesshomaru pressed his warm lips against Kagome while she leaned in towards the nearest wall. Sesshomaru released her hands and moved his so that he was holding on to her waist tightly with his fingers digging into her flesh. His kisses reminded her of the night before and the thoughts of passion tainted her cheeks pink.

One of his hands moved up to her hair which allowed him to tangle his fingers in her ebony locks. Kagome was terrified by her own choice, he could tell. Sesshomaru was doing what he could to help her relax but even now, she tensed up. She could not allow her mind to blank out, not anymore.

"Kagome –"

At the sound of the familiar voice both Kagome and Sesshomaru backed away from each other. Sesshomaru glared in Kouga's direction but he kept his hands on Kagome's hips. He was not going to let her go  _completely_.

Kouga smirked before he stepped into the room completely. "At least you have clothes on this time," he said mockingly.

Kagome blushed a little more and unconsciously brought an arm near her chest. "Is something wrong?"

"Sesshomaru told me you made up your mind." He was unable to hide the hint of sadness in his voice.

When he was with Sesshomaru, he did not let his voice betray him but now it was different. The sight of her made him feel weaker. Although he only reunited with her recently, it felt like she never disappeared from the Feudal era all those years ago. Back then he was wild and stubborn and well, he quite liked it.

Kagome's smile faltered and she pulled herself free of Sesshomaru's hold. Once she reached Kouga, she threw her arms around his neck and pulled him into a hug. "You could come back. Go  _home_."

He might have made his life in Australia, but now that she was calling Japan home it could not be ignored that it was where he was from. Did he not miss it sometimes?

"I'll come visit," was the only answer he could give her.

Kouga was not even sure where he would return or even when. He always thought that once Kagome left, he would too but now things had changed. . He found another member of his pack here and he did not want to leave her behind to be by herself.

She could feel her eyes burning with tears before she forced herself to pull away. "Now, no reason for sad goodbyes. We're still here." They were not gone yet and already, she was turning into a crying mess. She did not even want to think about how she was going to react the day they left.

Kouga's presence was reminding her of the life she was about to leave behind and it was becoming harder to ignore how heavy her heart felt in her chest and how painful each heartbeat was.

"When are you going?"

The question left Kagome stumped. She mentioned that she wanted to go before it was too late, but they never actually discussed a date. It probably meant she was required to make up her mind. "In the next few days," she announced to both Kouga and Sesshomaru.

"You better not leave without saying a word," he said while his eyes strangely began to shine. But it was not tears. He would not cry.

"Never."

It would be much harder to leave with everyone present, but it would not be right without all of them there. She was able to pull herself out of the darkness because they helped her so much. If they never met up with Kouga back in Australia, her life would not be the same and she probably would not be as happy. Having him, having a friend during the dark times where Sesshomaru terrified her helped.

"I wouldn't have made it without you," she said softly..

He tightened his hold before he forced himself to pull away. He did not think he would have to say goodbye again. Although, the first time he hardly got to say it.

"Sorry for interrupting," he said with a fake light tone. "Just keep it down. You have neighbors."

He turned around before they could add anything else and Kagome held her hands together. She was not as skilled as them when it came to sensing aura, but even she did not miss this one.

Suddenly she felt Sesshomaru's hand on her shoulder and she spun around to wrap her arms around him. She wanted to cry, but she did not. Instead she let his hand that was gently stroking her hair calm her down. Sadness was to be expected when you were leaving.

Goodbyes were never her strong suit.

While she looked away, she noticed and remembered the envelope Sesshomaru came in. She did not care about what he did, but it was a topic and she needed one to distract herself.

"Anything important?"

"The envelope," she said when she noticed that he was confused.

"Kiyoshi's birth certificate."

This time Kagome was the one to pull away. "I forgot, I completely forgot."

They could hardly go back home without it and yet she never thought about getting it. Once again, she felt quite unprepared. Everything that was tossed at her was so unplanned and she never thought she would need to get ready for a baby at seventeen years old.

Sometimes she believed she was lucky that her son was half-youkai. She had less of a chance to do something terribly wrong and dangerous because of her complete lack of experience and knowledge.

"You are an excellent mother." He refused to let her put herself down. Especially when she did nothing wrong. "You never failed him."

"I have no idea what I'm doing."

"Most mothers are in your situation Kagome. Your age is not a factor. You rely on your instincts and they are right."

"What if I do something wrong one day because I didn't know?"

"Everyone does." He cupped her cheek with his hand. "You forgot about a birth certificate, it is hardly a big issue."

She nodded and leaned back into him before taking in a deep breath. She was not alone. If she ever made a mistake or forgot something, he was there as well. She was afraid their life together would change, but she was taking all the responsibilities upon herself. For a while there, especially during their relationship she was forced to be strong and be on her own.

Kagome needed to learn how to let go.

-B-

Two days went by and each day new suitcases were added to a pile in the corner. Since they were leaving with more luggage than they arrived with, Sesshomaru was forced to get them more suitcases. It was mostly for her and Kiyoshi really since he didn't get anything new during their trips. She on the other hand had a whole new wardrobe and she could hardly go back to her old clothes.

It was not only a matter of her thinking they would not fit anymore since she already knew she still had the baby weight on. No, it was because she felt her old clothes were too  _childish_. Then again, she had no idea how a mother was supposed to dress. All she could think of was her own Mother but that did not feel right.

How did young mothers dress? Usually, they were not exactly in her situation when it happened…

She sighed and shook her head. Lately she spent too much time being gloomy and focusing on the bad. The whole point of leaving was to go out in the world, all three of them and be happy  _for real_. Until they resumed a normal life they could not go along with a normal family life.

 _Normal life_. These felt like strange words.

She moved forward from her current position and did not stop until her pelvis hit the edge of the window. The curtains were pulled but since it was dark out, not much light was coming in or at least not enough to disturb Kiyoshi's sleep.

This would be her last time looking at this scenery. The unsettling feeling in her chest refused to falter and her eyes lowered to the wooden edge. This was the place where she healed. Mingled with the happiness there was some sorrow and tears, but it was part of the process. In the end, through it all, she came out stronger here.

She vowed to never let the darkness overcome her again. She might be afraid, but she refused to let that fear break her. Bad events would follow no matter what. After being close to death and almost losing the people who were important to her, what else was there to be scared of?

Kagome lost herself in the past and found the light again. She was positive she could do it again.

Suddenly, arms were wrapped around her waist and without a second though she moved herself backwards and let his warmth surround her.

"Are you certain you are ready? We can wait."

"For what? The world to end?" She smiled. "Things are calm, if we don't do it now, I feel like we never will."

He rested his chin on top of her head and followed her gaze outside. He was strong and confident for her. Her home might be the one thing that would take her away from him. If it did, the only thing he could do was let her go without begging and without fighting.

That thought alone was mournful.

If he lost her, life would not be the same. Even though she felt their bond and the benefits from it it ran so much deeper for him. He was a youkai, mating was everything. She was part of him and apart of his soul.

"Are you still settled on tomorrow?"

This time she did not answer with words, instead she nodded against his chest. "If you let me change my mind, we might never leave." At that moment, another thought crossed her mind. "Did you tell Kouga?"

"Yes. I spoke to him earlier."

"Is he okay?"

"He is a grown youkai Kagome. He will recover."

She chuckled at her own worries. "I know. I just – he's my friend. He's  _our_  friend."

Despite how Sesshomaru might act and how he and Kouga teased each other, she refused to believe they did not form a friendship over the months that went by. They were around each other often and they helped one and another. They had to be closer now than before. Although what they had before now was probably not even close to a friendship. She did not even know if they ever met back in the Feudal Era.

Friends. It was not a word he used often. He was not even sure if he could say he had friends. Kagome was not to be qualified with that word because she was much more. Before her there was never truly anyone. Rin was like a daughter, not a friend and Jaken – well, there was not a word to describe the little toad.

"Shocking to think you would have a friend?" she said teasingly as she turned around. "Maybe if you weren't such a hermit you would have many more."

"I enjoy the quiet.."

Those words were almost funny considering that back in the day she was anything  _but_ quiet. She used to be young, loud and stubborn. Most of it did not change but she did grow quieter.

"You have the wrong mate then."

She did not use that word very often and neither did he actually. It felt weird to say it, but she did not mind.

"Never." He pressed his lips to the side of her head. "You'll see Kouga again."

Sesshomaru already knew Kouga would stay around for a little while longer, probably because of Kai. She was pack and when it came to that, instincts were strong. In spite of that, Sesshomaru was certain Kouga would like to come back to Japan if he could. Obviously his life was now in Australia with his company and everything but…

If he needed it, Sesshomaru would help.

It would make Kagome happy.

Her happiness was what he aimed for.

-B-

The sun was low in the horizon and morning barely began while Kagome was already by the door with all of their luggage. Since it would be a long trip, they were taking the first plane of the day. Now that she was standing back and looking at the empty room, she felt like they were never there. It looked empty and clean yet they spent so much time in it.

She held her son closer to her chest and snuggled him under her chin. Sesshomaru was already downstairs and brought most of the bags to the car with Kouga's help. She was left behind in the room with Kiyoshi watching over the rest that needed to be carried. Her eyes were glistening with tears but she was holding them back. She could not start crying  _now_.

Her quiet moment was soon disturbed when someone pushed the door open. Kouga's head peeked in and he smiled at her. "I'm grabbing the rest. Ready to go?"

Kagome nodded before bending down to grab one of the bags which contained Kiyoshi' stuff before she followed behind. When she grabbed the handle and closed the door, her heartbeat became slower. This was it; they were leaving it all behind to return to Tokyo.

Somehow everything in her surroundings felt extremely quiet and each step Kouga took echoed through her head. A part of her was dreading returning home because of her mother's reaction which she could not blame her for. Any caring mother would probably beat the crap out of Sesshomaru on sight and truly she did not expect her mother to do anything but that.

Of course, she was not going to mention that out loud.

Once they arrived downstairs, she spotted Sesshomaru outside of the hotel. He was putting or rather shoving some of their bags in the car. Their entire life here could be stuffed into a bag and packed away.

It was only when Kouga pressed against her that she realized she came to a stop. She offered him a small smile before moving along. "Are you coming with us to the airport?"

"You think I would let you leave with him without accompanying you?"

This time, her smile grew in size. He nudged her shoulder before moving ahead and handing Sesshomaru the last bags. Sesshomaru finally lifted his hand and his eyes met Kagome's. He offered her a nod while concern danced in his eyes. She was sad but it was to be expected. He simply hoped she was not regretting her decision. Really they could stay here as long as she wanted; it was not like he could not afford it.

Although, they did have to return someday.

Kagome began walking towards the car while holding on tightly to their son. He met up with her at the door and smiled.

"This is it," she said almost afraid to look up.

"This is it," he repeated.

Slowly she slid inside the car where Kouga already was and sat beside him. Instead of looking at her, he was staring straight ahead. She did the same. Sesshomaru was the last one to enter the car and he sensed the disturbed auras. This would be a rather awkward trip to the airport.

While they were being driven to their destination, everyone remained completely quiet. How do you say goodbye? How do you close the page to an adventure or a chapter of your life? For Kagome this was the point where she moved on and grew up. For Sesshomaru, it was the return to reality where he was forced to face its harshness. For Kouga, it was the moment where he finally had to let go of the past. He saw her, he found her again and she was fine and happy. It was a closure.

The half hour seemed like an eternity, but finally the driver pulled into the airport. They hurried to get everything inside and then Sesshomaru left Kagome with Kouga while he left to retrieve his ticket. For once, he was quite please that things did not go as he expected or Kagome and his son would be leaving together without him today.

Life threw a few surprises his way.

Kagome shifted her weight from one leg to the other and she tried to find the right words to say. She was always crappy at goodbyes. Instead all she did was make it harder for herself not to cry. She was not able to say she had many friends but Kouga was one of them. Suddenly, he reached out for her face and took hold of her chin.

"I know I'm terribly handsome, but there's no need to cry over me."

She laughed at his foolish attempt to make her smile. It did work. "I'll miss you."

Since Kiyoshi was covering her stomach, he put his hand on the back of her head and brought her closer. He then pressed a kiss on top of her head. "I'll miss you too."

For a moment, he flashed back to the moment he told her wolves mate forever and he laughed at himself.

"You know, my offer still stands. If you get bored of him, you know where to find me."

She chuckled lightly and nodded. She didn't know how to find him because he was staying here and she was leaving, but she would not mention it.

"Take care of him."

Kagome knew he did not mean Kiyoshi.

"He's a bit of an ass and he's stubborn. He'll take care of you I'm sure, and he thinks he doesn't need to be taken care of… but he does."

"I know."

They were both hurt and broken in a way. Maybe it was another reason why they were always going to end up with each other.

Kagome stretched her hand and gave Kouga's a squeeze. "You look after Kai. I think she has been alone for long enough."

He would try. She was quite stubborn though and he was not certain he would be able to convince her to leave everything behind and go  _home_  with the rest of the pack. Then again, he was quite thick headed himself. Maybe it would work out.

"Ready?"

Sesshomaru's voice brought them out of their thoughts and Kagome nodded in response. She backed away and Sesshomaru moved forward. He extended his hand to Kouga, who shook it.

"Hurt her and I'll come getcha."

"I would like to see you try,  _wolf_."

Kouga scoffed before releasing Sesshomaru's hand. "Don't give up." If Sesshomaru ever doubted he was not the right thing for Kagome, he would hurt her.

Sesshomaru didn't respond but never broke his stare. Once the beeping went off and the message for their flight was blasted through the speakers, he moved away.

"I'll see you around," Kouga said before he stuck his hands in his pockets.

Kagome raised her hand and waved at him while walking away. She was smiling brightly but he could see tears were threatening to fall. He did his best to show nothing but put on his best smile to help her.

Then she stopped waving. Kouga watched as she lowered her hand and tangled her fingers with Sesshomaru. It was hand in hand that the both of them were walking away and slowly disappearing from his view. He never wanted a couple to make it more than these two, but he was not worried.

Kai might not be able to tell  _them_  about their future, but he was lucky enough to be told a few snippets.

For that reason alone, he did not doubt them. If they could make it, anyone could with a little effort. They arrived with nothing and they were leaving with everything. Including their terrible son who would not stop trying to purify him.

Only one image remained in his mind; her smile. It was quite striking because he remembered the broken look on her face when he first saw her.

She was finally Kagome again.

-B-


	84. Home Sweet Home

Nervous.

The word was not strong enough to describe how she felt. The plane ride seemed like the longest event of her life. Although she was lucky that Kiyoshi seemed to enjoy flying, as expected, her stress level still rose with every passing second. Maybe if she warned her mother before they got there she wouldn't be as worried.

Now it was going to be more than a surprise, but a shock as well. Kagome doubted that her mother would find this to be a pleasing surprise visit.

Her mother was known to be accepting and loving and she supported her through it all no matter how difficult it was. But this? She did not think there was a mother in the world that could overlook  _this_. The idea sounded just as insane to Kagome but there was more than meets the eye when it came to her relationship with Sesshomaru.

Since they were now out of the plane and in the middle of the airport, the dreaded meeting was growing closer. Her sweaty hands were carefully holding her son while a million thoughts ran through her mind. She could feel Sesshomaru's presence near her but he chose to remain quiet the entire time. She knew that he could feel her distressed aura.

No matter what scenario she played in her mind, she did not see a good ending happening. The only thing left to figure out was how to proceed with it; did she let Sesshomaru make an appearance first to get it out of the way, or did they enter as a family? Should she go inside first with Kiyoshi? She could already tell the first option was not going to be a good idea which left her with the last two options.

"It might be preferable if you and Kiyoshi entered the shrine first." Although he probably was still going to get hell from her mother and get kicked out, it would be more polite to prepare her for the bad news.

Right; mind reading. He should probably stay out of her head at the moment; it was a chaotic mess. Then again, it always was when Sesshomaru and her had to take a step in their relationship.

On top if it all, it did not feel right that her mother was  _always_  kept out of her life. When she used to travel between the Modern and Feudal era, her mother never saw her, or barely saw her, and she was constantly left to wonder if Kagome was alive or not.

They made it outside and she immediately spotted a luxurious car she assumed was for them. She watched as a man ran out of it and dashed in their direction to retrieve the luggage. Sesshomaru opened the door for Kagome and helped her in while she settled comfortably with their son in her arms.

Now that they were back _home_ , they would have to re-do everything from scratch; a room for their son, supplies and a suitable environment. Yes, Sesshomaru had a house, though he was planning to move closer, but they had not discussed the issue of moving in together just yet. It was true that they lived together at the hotel but they both knew it was a temporary situation.  _Actually_  living together was a whole different story.

On top of everything, their whole situation still had a few quirks that needed adjustments. His beast was one of them. Although he was giving them the same  _trouble_  as he was before, the situation was left unresolved.

Suddenly she felt Sesshomaru grab her hands and intertwine their fingers together. The warmth of his hand spread to her body and she silently sighed. To be honest, he should be the nervous one, yet he was the one comforting  _her_. In all technicalities, their only  _human_  bond was their son. Mating did not mean much in the human Modern Era.

Marriage.

She thought of it a few times – actually not really. When she fell down the well she was too young to have it as her main focus and then, well, everything happened. Still, the thought happened to cross her mind once or twice in the past, but she never thought it was something she'd consider at eighteen years old and without a high school diploma.

"She might not let you in."

It was a difficult situation. It was not Kagome's  _house_  and she could not tell her mother would to allow in and who to kick out. Also, despite all the nice things she had to say about Sesshomaru, she now understood motherly instincts. It did not matter what Sesshomaru did  _now_ , it mattered what he did  _then_. At least for the first meeting.

She cringed. It was their  _first_  meeting. Kami.

"Then I will not go inside."

He wished to prove to her mother he could take care of her daughter and Kiyoshi but he would not impose himself. Obviously his pride was going to take a blow and he was fairly certain every single instinct he had would scream at him to challenge her authority as if this was still five hundred years ago. Unfortunately, he had to hold his nature back.

If Kagome's mother was anything like her daughter, he knew he was not even going to get up those stairs before her mother chased him away.

"But I don't want that." The whole point of this meeting was to figure it all out. Then again, it might be easier to talk to her mother if Sesshomaru was not present.

"All in due time."

Now that he thought carefully about it, he had more than her mother to be concerned with. He also had her brother and her grandfather. To add to the ever growing list of things in his way, he was not able to forget that  _her_  mother was also a descendant of Rin. He might not have hurt her like he did with Kagome, but some _serious_   _making up_ was definitively in order.

The only person not stressed by this meeting was Kiyoshi. He was peacefully asleep in his mother's arms which Kagome found quite surprising. If there was someone who could sense tension it was  _him_. Still, she was glad he was asleep rather than suffering from hers and Sesshomaru's disturbed auras.

Her mother was going to be thrilled when she saw him.

The rest of the car ride was fairly silent, but Sesshomaru never released Kagome's hand. He made sure his hand was steady to give her the re-assurance she needed. Inside, he was praying for the worst not to happen. He knew his beast managed to behave itself lately, but he felt that they were cursed so naturally it would choose this moment to ruin it all.

He did not think his beast would hurt anyone, but he doubted Kagome's mother would like the things it had to say.

Finally, the car came to a stop and Kagome held her breath. Sesshomaru was the first to exit before Kagome followed slowly. He signaled to the driver to leave. If it failed and her mother did not allow him inside he would just take a nice long walk or possibly even a run.

Kagome watched as the car left and then slowly focused her attention on the million stairs that stood in front of her. It always seemed like it took forever to get to the actual house, but today she had a feeling it that time was going to speed by.

She went first and Sesshomaru slowly followed behind her. Kiyoshi was carefully tucked against her as she went up the never ending stairs. Her insides were twisted and she felt slightly nauseous yet she held it together.

Moments later, they reached the top. She came a halt for a second and Sesshomaru stopped behind her. The house was in view and she was certain that if she took another few steps, she'd see her mother through the glass doors. She took a deep breath before she dared to turn her head to look at Sesshomaru.

"Ready?" she whispered.

No. Still, he was as ready as he was ever going to be. It was not like he did not know this moment was coming. "Yes."

He was now conscious of his empty hands but he also knew that bringing a gift for this meeting would have probably been a bigger insult. He was not a normal boyfriend trying to win over a girlfriend's mother… he was… dare he even say it? He had to. He was her daughter's rapist who was trying to make amends and bring himself into their lives.

Part of him felt that if she allowed him in, it meant she was completely insane.

The woman could not even have a nice opinion of him because the non-beast part of him used to be an asshole. Well to Kagome at least or… actually pretty much to everyone. On top of that, she was a mother and obviously she was going to be very protective of Kagome.

And he was  _nervous_.

His heart stopped beating for a moment when Kagome raised her hand and knocked on the glass door.

Usually, Kagome would simply slide the door open and walk in. However, she did not think it was wise to let her mother simply walk in on them, on this situation. It was safer for her to walk to the door and see them while they were outside. It was not until footsteps were heard that Kagome noticed just how  _hard_  her heart was beating and how painful each heartbeat was.

The sounds grew closer and closer until finally, Kagome's mother's face came into view. At first, her expression was neutral, but when her eyes locked with Kagome's, she broke into a smile. Her eyes were shifting from her daughter's face to the little buddle of joy Kagome was holding.

Surprisingly, she slid the door open before even taking account of Sesshomaru's presence.

Of course, all went downhill once she stepped outside. Despite her joy at seeing her daughter alive and well along with her grandson, noticing Sesshomaru made her freeze.

No reaction. No yelling, no breathing.

Seeing her mother hold her breath caused Kagome to do the same thing. She was afraid any movement would break her out of her trance.

Then it happened.

In a flash, Kagome saw her mother moving, but it was not until she heard the violent smack echoing through the emptiness that she processed what occurred. Tears were glistening in Miyu's eyes while Sesshomaru stood in front of her blinking.

However, his head was no longer facing forward. The force of the hit  _actually_  managed to turn his head to the side. He was a youkai, she was a  _human_  and yet, his cheek was  _burning_. He strongly believed there was a red hue decorating his pale skin.

Miyu was breathing heavily as if the hit took all the energy she had. She did not speak because there were no words. Nobody was moving, nobody was uttering a word.

But it was not over.

Once again, another slap came along. This time, it was Sesshomaru's other cheek that was the target.

Miyu was not a violent woman. She endured many hardships with a smile on her face. Also, she knew if her daughter brought this man to their house, she trusted him. Unfortunately, none of these facts did anything to lessen the motherly rage stirring within her. She saw her daughter broken, damaged and beyond fixing. She knew she would recover eventually, but she saw her in that state nonetheless.

She turned her shaking body to face her daughter. Her throat was dry, her eyes were burning and her tears were like fire.

With a softness only a mother could give she wrapped her arms around Kagome, mindful of the child in her arms. She pressed her head against Kagome's, her heart ready to burst because she was overwhelmed. Too many feelings clashed inside of her, and her trembling only increased.

When Kagome raised her arms to hold her, the dam broke and a few tears rolled down Miyu's cheeks. She barely heard from her daughter the entire time she was gone. She  _knew_  in her heart she was fine, she had to be. How many times did she disappear through the well without returning for weeks? Her daughter was strong and she could withstand many difficult situations.

This was different. It should not be, but it was. That  _man_  was the one who caused Kagome to fall apart for the first time.

She did not know the whole story. Not what happened prior to them  _leaving_  together or what happed during their trip. It did not really change anything, except that it was obvious her daughter trusted him. If she did not, she would not have brought him here. Kagome was a smart girl; she would not just  _let him_  be in her life.

He did something that made her forgive him.

She was glad. She would be lying if she said she felt hatred towards the man, but she wanted her daughter to be happy. If Kagome was managing to put all of this behind her, then it was a good thing.

Her daughter's happiness was very important to her. She worried each time Kagome went to the Feudal era, but it brought her happiness, and so Miyu let her go. This had to be the same.

Kagome was older; she  _could_  make her own decisions. Nonetheless, Miyu would not trust  _him_  until she could see the change Kagome saw. No, she did not know what he was like before, which could make it hard to compare but she was a mother. She would know.

When she finally pulled away from Kagome, she looked down at her grandson. A bright smile appeared on her face and she gently rubbed his head. Her daughter was a mother.

"Kiyoshi," Kagome said with a shaky voice.

"Come in," Miyu replied, speaking for the first time.

Everyone tensed since Miyu was only looking at her daughter. Kagome took a step forward and  _then_  her mother turned to glare at Sesshomaru.

"You may come into my house. You may not speak."

She was bold, staring right into his eyes. He would be allowed to speak eventually. For now, she needed to see her daughter and talk to her. He was lucky she trusted her daughter's judgment or he would not be allowed in her house. She wanted to leave him outside, she wanted him to wait and be left in the unknown.

But Kagome  _brought_  him to the house.

Sesshomaru bowed slightly, thanking her silently. His cheeks were still burning and he was shocked she was letting him inside.

He now knew where Kagome got her inner strength from; her mother.

Kagome seemed to breathe a little easier as she walked inside the house.  _Home_. The only one she ever knew. A feeling of safeness wrapped around her and she felt her heartbeat slow down. Behind her she heard the footsteps of her mother and Sesshomaru. Both of them were slow and probably more awkward than she was.

How were they supposed to begin this conversation?

Her eyes landed on the table and she figured it was a start. She led the way by sitting down in her usual spot and waited to see if they would join her. Obviously her mother did and after lingering for a few seconds, Sesshomaru did the same. Of course, he sat close to her and rather far from her mother.

"Are Souta and Grandpa home?"

She was dying to see them, but she had a feeling their presence would make this situation even more difficult to handle. They did not know everything and her mother would protect them. It was easier for the three of them to be alone to deal with everything.

"Your grandfather went with Souta to his soccer practice."

Kagome's surprise was hard to hide. All those years, her grandpa tried to replace Souta's passion for soccer with religion. Apparently, he learned to give up. It was not much and yet it made her feel like the world moved on while she was far away trying to break away from the past.

"May I?" her mother asked while looking at Kiyoshi.

"Of course."

Gently, she handed her son over to her mother who held him to her carefully. Although he resembled Kagome a lot, the amber eyes and markings made it very obvious who the father was. She wanted to ask if the markings were going to be a problem once he was old enough for school, but considering the fact that Sesshomaru lived in their world for many, many years, she figured they had a solution to that problem.

"He's beautiful."

Kagome was so young and yet there she was, a mother. While she gently rocked Kiyoshi in her arms, she raised her head and stared at her daughter.

"What is the story?"

-B-

Hours went by, many tears were shed but the story was told. The entire time Sesshomaru had to remain in his seat, completely silent, while they spoke of  _their_  story. Many times he was dying to pitch in, but he respected the rule Kagome's mother decided on. He was a guest in her house.

Obviously the alpha in him was not too pleased with his submission, but he was not a reckless pup. He would not do anything that could jeopardize this. Kagome seemed to be feeling better and her mother looked happier. For her sake and for his, he needed this to work.

He knew very well she would not ignore him forever. Sometimes, she glanced his way. Maybe she did it to check if he would speak, or maybe she was processing everything and making a new opinion of him.

At least he hoped.

"That  _thing_  is still free?"

Silence. He blinked. More silence. He dared to tilt his head to the side only to notice Kagome's lips were close. The question was not for her? She was… she was actually speaking to him?

"Yes."

"Under control?"

There was no true answer for that. "It behaves." Until he fixed himself, until he and Kagome were healed, he would never truly have the beast under control. However, there was one fact he was fairly certain of.

"It will not harm her again."

His beast was many things, but it seemed to have learned his lesson. Kagome was a woman of modern time, not from the feudal era.

"Will you?"

Miyu was willing to go along with the idea of the two separate identities. For Kagome's sake, actually everyone's sake, she opened her mind to their explanations and point of views. Nonetheless, none of that erased what  _Sesshomaru himself_  did to her daughter. He seemed to have redeemed himself in Kagome's eyes, but he caused pain in the beginning.

"I will never hurt your daughter. This is on her terms."

"If she asks you to leave?"

"I will leave."

Everything inside of him would fight his decision, but he would leave.

"I am aware of what occurred between myself and your daughter, Mrs. Higurashi. I am grateful that you have allowed me inside your home. I love Kagome. I will not let her suffer again."

His voice sounded sincere and she wanted it to be. Kagome was smiling. An actual smile. When her daughter left months ago, she was a mess. The twinkle of happiness vanished from her eyes and she walked around like she was soulless. Not anymore. She was  _happy_. Yes, the scars were still there and visible, but she seemed so much better.

After the way she found her so broken, Miyu never thought Kagome would feel this great again.

She stared into Sesshomaru's eyes trying to come up with magic words. This was Kagome's life, she was a mother now. Miyu could not and would not stop her. But, they both knew that. They did not come for permission they did not need, they were here for approval and understanding.

"I don't know you," she finally whispered.

She heard of the terrible things he did, she witnessed her daughter's broken life but this was her first time  _seeing_  Sesshomaru with her own eyes.

Her hands were shaking and her emotions overwhelmed her. "I am willing to get to know you."

So many things she wanted to say did not make it past her lips. Right now, they could leave. Her daughter would leave with him and stay somewhere, maybe his house. Yes, they did stay together before, but it was not the same. They were traveling and last she heard their relationship was not like this. This time, it would be a permanent situation.

"I will get a room in the closest hotel." His house was too far. Ideally, he would love to be in walking distance.

"You?"

"I'll stay here with Kiyoshi," Kagome added.

They already agreed not to rush in to anything. Yes, it would be terribly strange to not see him all the time, to not be able to talk to him, but if they were going to do this, it had to be done right. On top of it, Kagome wanted her family to get to know Sesshomaru. The real one. The one she came to love.

She did not look at Sesshomaru.. This would be their first night apart in a long time. She knew he could come whenever she needed him to, but the nights would be strange. She felt guilty about the fact that she would have Kiyoshi with her while he would be completely alone.

"I have your brother's old baby things in the shed. I'm sure the two of you could set it all up while I make dinner." Kagome's mother turned her head to look at Sesshomaru. "You are invited."

Miyu's eyes were red from the tears she cried. Her heart was pounding with confusion and her brain pulsing with the pain of a headache. She was not certain how to proceed because this was an unusual situation. Some facts could not be changed. Sesshomaru hurt her daughter. He was also the father of Kagome's child. And the man her daughter seemed to love.

She would keep it together.

"Thank you," he said while offering a polite nod.

Kagome rose to her feet, Kiyoshi carefully tucked in her arms, and she pressed a kiss against her mother's cheek. She did not say anything.. She did not need to.

Miyu inhaled heavily while Kagome and Sesshomaru slowly began to head outside. The atmosphere was still thick and awkward, but everyone was trying. Kagome knew better than anyone that a situation like this could not be fixed in a matter of days. Even now, her mother was probably holding back many emotions. Kagome did not mind if she let it all out.

Kami knew Kagome broke down more than once.

The moment they stepped outside, Kagome took her first real deep breath.

Without a word, she used her free hand to grab Sesshomaru's and she held on tightly.

"How are your cheeks?"

"Your mother is a strong human."

Kagome chuckled. "She worries for me," she added after a pause.

"Because she loves you. She is a great mother." Another trait Kagome received from her mother. Both were much different from his own mother. Perhaps it was a human thing, he thought as he recalled Inuyasha's mother.

"She will love you too eventually. She needs time."

He nodded. Kagome's family was important to her and it meant it was important to him to be accepted by them. He did not want her torn, or for her family to be a mess.

"It'll be weird."

He tilted his head left and raised an eyebrow out of confusion.

"You staying somewhere else."

He had a feeling his sleepless nights were about to return. Especially now that they were bonding and growing closer, it was going to be difficult to put distance between them. Nonetheless, it was necessary. Also, if allowed, he would only be away during nights. Although, he did have a few things he wanted to work on and some plans to finish up. He needed a new house, one closer to the shrine before he could move on to that one, final problem.

They were bound by their mating but in human terms they were nothing. They would be seen as parents but noting more beyond that.

Mating was more permanent than marriage but he had a feeling that one bond might be a lot for Kagome at the moment. He had no desire to overwhelm her with another set of steps she was not ready or sure of. Yet, he knew that their current situation would be problematic for her and her family. An unmarried woman from a shrine who had a child out of wedlock.

He did not want to bring shame on her or her family. He did wish to thoroughly explore the issue with her, but he was unsure of how to bring forth the subject. Or if there was a right timing for such a thing.

"I hope you're ready to dig," Kagome said while she released his hand and opened the shed.

The furniture inside was piled up making it impossible to find one specific thing. None of it was overly fancy but she enjoyed the fact that is once belonged to her brother.. She wanted Kiyoshi to have his own stuff, but while they were here it would feel more like home. Sesshomaru had money. Kagome did not grow up with a lot. She thought it was important that from the start, it was known that money was not everything.

Sesshomaru tilted his head and watched as Kagome smiled.

She was happy here.

-B-

Supper did not end up quite the way they planned because Souta and her grandpa never showed up. They ended up having a long practice and the entire team went out to eat. Kagome was not sure if she was relieved or disappointed. To be honest, she was not certain she was ready to handle her grandfather throwing sand at Sesshomaru.

It was mostly a quiet meal with her mother asking a few questions from time to time. Kagome did make a bit of chat about the things she saw during the travels, but nothing too personal. She did not want to force too much information on her mother knowing how she felt.. If she wished to know, Kagome was certain she would ask.

They had time, a lifetime, to make this work. She did not want to rush it and mess it up.

It was true that they had other matters that concerned her, like the jewel inside Kiyoshi, but this was important too.

Kagome knew her mother. She always smiled, even when the moment was sad. She was strong and loving. This was the first time Kagome noticed her mother was forcing a smile. She was doing her best despite the emotions conflicting inside of her. Yes, they told her the stories, but she was not there to live them. All she remembered was her little girl broken beyond repair.

She was trying and she was doing amazing. She did not have to invite Sesshomaru in, or tell him to stay for dinner. Kagome would not have hated her mother if she told Sesshomaru to never come on her property again. Accepting everything that happened and going along with a relationship with Sesshomaru did make her feel crazy more than once.

Kagome could not blame her mother for being sane.

Now though, the moment was over. Darkness was shadowing over the shrine and tiredness was overtaking Kagome's body. It was a long flight and with the jetlag, she was not sure she was going to last very long before passing out. All the emotions drained her.

"Thank you for having me, Mrs. Higurashi."

Miyu answered with a silent nod.

This moment was not about her. Sesshomaru was about to leave and he had to say goodbye to Kagome and their child. Miyu decided it was best to give them privacy before she stepped into the living room.

Kagome picked Kiyoshi up from the baby high chair and walked towards Sesshomaru. "Are you sure you have somewhere to stay?"

"When you have money, you always have somewhere to stay."

"Right, I forget."

She was nervous but not the same kind of nervous she felt all day. No, this one felt even more uncomfortable. She did not know if it was because she was used to having him around, or because of the bond, but seeing him go actually  _hurt_.

"I will be a phone call away. I will leave a number as soon as I find a hotel."

"I know."

She swallowed hard before lifting Kiyoshi to let Sesshomaru hold him before his departure. He delicately took his son from her hands and pressed him against his chest. They were his family, the only things he had left. It was actually a lot if you considered the amount of years he lived.

With a firm hold on Kiyoshi he bent forward and pressed a kiss to Kagome's forehead. Considering he was in her mother's house, it felt like the most appropriate action. Once he stepped away from her, he handed Kiyoshi back..

His heart felt slightly heavier the minute he began to exit the house. He could sense their presence behind him and it forced him to turn around. He gave Kagome a sort of wave before heading for the stairs. Kagome stood in front of the door and watched him leave.

It took almost two minutes for her mother to come back into the kitchen. She walked up behind Kagome and wrapped her arms around her before pressing her head against Kagome's. If Kagome asked, she would have let him stay. They did have a guest room after all. No, she would not have felt completely comfortable, but she was trying to go along with Kagome's choice.

She was smart and she did not need a lesson or a speech about life. She heard the stories and from what they did tell her, Sesshomaru did a lot for Kagome. Her daughter would not have forgiven him unless he proved himself worthy of her forgiveness. She simply had to see it as well. Until then, she would trust her daughter's judgment like she always had.

"Do you want me to help you set up everything in your room?"

They did bring everything in, but they did not put the blankets or set up shelves with diapers and whatnot.

"Sure, thanks mom," Kagome said before casting one last lingering look in Sesshoumaru's direction.

Normal felt strange.

-B-

Night fell and everyone was asleep. Well, almost everyone. Despite the quiet that was bestowed upon Kagome, she could not find rest. Instead, she was tossing around in her bed. This was  _hers_ ; this was where she should feel comfortable. Instead, it was like she was in a stranger's house. She wanted to chuckle at her own thoughts.

 _Before_  she was in a hotel. Somewhere that was not very personal.  _This_  however was personal. Was her brain all screwed up or what?

Also, she was not used to such a small bed. Granted it might be better than an empty big bed but she felt rather lonely and somewhat childish. It was like she was sixteen years old all over again. Except her son was in his crib right next to her. Thankfully he did not seem to notice the change in the environment. Perhaps he did, but he did not mind. At first she thought Sesshomaru's missing presence might bother him, but he remained calm throughout the entire evening.

Now that he was asleep and she did not need to look after him, it was too silent. Sesshomaru and she decided to take it slow and make sure all of their issues were fixed before throwing themselves into life changing decisions. Things were going good at the current speed and there was no reason to mess it all up.

That did nothing to stop the tossing though.

She closed her eyes one final time before giving up. She sighed as she sat up in the bed and pushed the blankets down to her waist. Her eyes shifted to the left and she found herself looking at the piece of paper that had Sesshomaru's number on it. Of course, before she allowed her thought process to go any further, she peeked at the clock.

 _1am_.

Could she call him at this time? Technically he did not sleep. Well, he did. He just did not really need it. Still, that was no excuse to wake him up was it?

Oh god, was she fifteen years old?

She learned to rely on him during the past few months. They started to be open and they talked when they needed to get something off their chest. Just because she was in her old environment didn't mean she had to go back to the way she used to be.. Then again, she had not slept in a long time and she was still a little overwhelmed by everything that happened today.

Maybe once her nerves calmed down, she would feel better.

Or she could call.

She snatched the paper and grabbed the phone. Slowly, she dialed the number and she waited. And waited. And waited. The phone rang many times, too many times, and she felt bad as she realized he was most likely sleeping. As she was about to hang up the phone, a voice came through.

Kagome quickly put the phone back to her ear.

_"Hello? Kagome?"_

"Sesshomaru. I- m –" Why was she calling? "I wanted to say goodnight."

It was silent for a moment before his voice came through again. "Goodnight Kagome." His voice was usually neutral, but this time it sounded more…expressive? If she did not know better she would say he was smiling.

"Well, sorry I woke you up. And goodnight.  _Again_."

"I will see you tomorrow, Kagome."

She hung up and put the phone away. This time, it was her turn to smile as she laid her head back on her pillow. Maybe not everything had to be painful or a constant reminder of the pain she carried around. Maybe she could simply learn to enjoy the little moments. She did like it.

Being back home might not be such a bad thing. If everything went right, Sesshomaru and her could make a home to call their own.

Home sweet home.

-B-


	85. One Day at a Time

Loud screams woke up the Higurashi household before the sun was barely even breaking through the horizon.

Kagome, being the closest to the source of the cries, was the first to awaken. In a panicked moment, she sat up, confused, her hair tangled and her heart beating loudly in her chest. Despite the chill in the room, she was dripping with sweat and her face was flustered. She immediately looked at Kiyoshi's crib. Through the bars she saw him with his little arms raised and his hands clenched into fists.

She jumped to her feet and gently picked him up from his bed and held him carefully against her chest. Usually, it calmed him down but this time, he kept crying and screaming. Kagome tried rocking him in her arms but it did not help either.

"What's wrong?" she whispered softly.

Tilting forward, she pressed her lips against his forehead. He was not warm. Perhaps he was hungry. She sat on the bed and offered him her breast, but he did not take it. The more things she tried, the more obvious it became. Kiyoshi could not find his father's aura and it upset him. The three of them were separated for the very first time, but Kiyoshi could not understand why.

She felt a pinch of guilt in her heart which forced her to look away in shame. Normalcy was a new experience for them and they were trying to deal with it the best way they knew. It would take time to adjust.

"Is he alright?"

Kagome peeked at the door and saw her mother's head sticking in the room. "He's just upset."

It was silently shared that Sesshomaru's missing presence had something to do with it. Miyu nodded before fully coming in the room. "Would you like something to eat? I'm going to start your brother's breakfast before he gets up."

"I'd like that, thank you."

The morning routines were going to be different from now on too. Then again, if she thought about it carefully, it was not a big change. She went from being with Sesshomaru who took care of her to her mother taking care of her. That thought created an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. Kagome proved time and time again that she was independent and yet lately it felt like she  _needed_  someone.

Then again, she  _did_.

If Sesshomaru never found her in the modern time, if their months of traveling never happened, she was not sure she would be getting better like she was.

"Are  _you_  alright? You look a little red," Miyu questioned with concern.

Kagome pressed the back of her hand to her cheek and felt the heat radiating from her skin. She did wake up in sweat did she not? Perhaps she had a nightmare she did not remember?

Kagome shrugged. "I'm not sure. I do feel a bit warm, but I'm fine." It was not  _fever warm_ , it was just warm; like she was boiling from inside. She did not know how to explain it.

Her mother nodded before disappearing downstairs. Kagome's eyes lingered a bit longer on the empty doorway before she looked at her son. His cries were not as loud anymore, but his sadness was quite obvious. It was an adjustment for everyone, especially him. A deep sigh escaped her as she rose to her feet again. She brushed her fingers softly on Kiyoshi's cheeks but his screams barely died down.

"We'll figure it out," she said against his skin.

Sesshomaru and she were trying to be normal and do this the right way. Now there he was in a hotel, and here she was in her childhood bedroom that was way too small to hold a crib. This was not a way to start a life fresh. It was a mess. She got used to his presence nearby and it was strange to not feel it.

Once again, she put her hand on the back of Kiyoshi's head and held him against her chest. He was no longer screaming but she felt his sobbing. His pain was turning her stomach inside out and the guilt was making her heart heavy in her chest. Maybe if she were able to calm her soul, Kiyoshi would sense it and it would soothe him. She had to try.

Kagome took slow, silent footsteps as she headed downstairs as silently as possible. Thought it was rather pointless since if Kiyoshi's screams did not wake up Souta, nothing would. Nonetheless, she tried to be respectful. Between the Feudal Era and her traveling days with Sesshomaru this  _home_ ,  _her_  home, made her feel out of place. It almost felt like this wasn't her home anymore.

Yesterday, she felt happy and it was great to be back. She did not want to feel like a stranger here.

However, once she took a step downstairs, a feeling of familiarity settled in - mostly due to the smell of her mother's cooking.  _That_  was always home.

Miyu raised her head and then smiled at the sight of her daughter and grandson. "I'm making you some rice and rolled omelets."

Despite her hunger, Kagome's stomach churned. It was probably just the nervousness and guilt, or at least she dismissed it as such as she took a seat at the table. She rested Kiyoshi on her lap and held him tightly against her. The screams were gone, the tears were slightly dying down, but she still felt he was upset.

"He's not used to having his father so far away," Miyu said neutrally as she kept on chopping radishes.

It was unclear just how much of a sensitive subject Sesshomaru still was. No, her mother would never dictate her life, but Kagome was not trying to make her uncomfortable either. Her mother accepted Sesshomaru in her home and even allowed him to stay for dinner. She did not say anything about him not permitted to visit again.

And yet, Kagome never missed the agony in her mother's eyes last night. In the past she did, but now that she spent months dwelling in her own kind of suffering, she was keener about noticing pain in others.

Kagome refused to pretend Sesshomaru did not exist, but she found it preferable to let her mother bring up the subject on her own when she was comfortable with it. It seemed she was at the moment, unless she spoke without realizing.

"I'm sure the first night is the hardest," she finally replied.

"What about you," Miyu immediately inquired, "Are you missing him as well?"

Kagome bit on her bottom lip. All that filled her mind was the phone call from the previous night and the emptiness of the room. She did miss him because he was there every day for the past months of her life. He might be the one who broke her to pieces, but he also helped her put herself back together. Now, she was standing on her own.

"I did."

She would not lie to her mother; Miyu would know.

Miyu nodded while she kept cooking. She expected her daughter to miss him.

"Is he coming over today?"

They did say  _see you tomorrow_  last night, but… it was such a natural way to say goodbye. After all, they saw each other every day. Nothing prevented her from seeing him  _outside_  the house, but inside her mother's home? It was not something she would do without her mother consenting to it.

"We didn't really talk it over."

Miyu's footsteps echoed as she grabbed Kagome's plate and headed for the table. She put it down in front of her daughter and then picked up Kiyoshi.

"Thanks, Mom."

Kiyoshi rested comfortably against Miyu's left hip as she gently rocked him. Granted she never thought she would be a grandmother this young, but it did not mean she did not enjoy it. Considering how much she missed from her grandson's life already, she was simply happy to have him around.

"You know, you could call Sesshomaru. You could all go to the little park two streets down and maybe have a picnic as a family?"

Miyu did not say it, and probably did not mean to imply it, but Kagome felt like the sentence should be,  _as a normal family_. Despite them being a family they had yet to do anything conventional. Maybe her mother was right; it could be a good idea. She was about to smile and nod when a less pleasing detail about this outing came to her mind.

Sesshomaru did not look much older than her, but he looked older. There were no rings but there was a young child. She did not care. She could take the stares and glares; the Feudal Era sure got her used to that. Unfortunately, it was not about her only. There was her family and the shrine. It was how her family lived. Would people still come to the shrine if they saw her situation?

Miyu smiled as she stared her daughter. She raised her hand and slowly, she removed her ring off her finger. "Take this."

Kagome's eyes widened. "Mom, I – can't."

"Of course you can," she said as she grabbed her daughter's hand and put it in the middle of her palm.

How her mother knew everything she knew, Kagome had no clue. If she could become half the mother Miyu was, she would be happy. "Thanks, Mom."

"Kagome?"

"Yes?"

"I'm not ashamed of you or Kiyoshi."

A smile tugged at her lips. "I know."

As her mother walked away to prepare Souta's breakfast, Kagome picked up her fork. This was new. Eating by herself. Technically she was not by herself, but… Sesshomaru was missing. It was strange how she finally noticed the impact he had on her life. During the past few months everything involved him. She cried with him, she was happy with him, she ate, she entertained herself… she did everything in his presence.

Now, it was just herself. Alone, in her mind. She felt like asking herself stupid questions.  _What does Kagome like to do_? She certainly did not find amusement in the same things as in the past.  _What are Kagome's goals and interests? What does she do all day_?

Most of all, what did Sesshomaru do all day? What did  _he_  like?

-B-

The weather was nice and cool with a gentle breeze blowing through the trees. Kagome was sitting on a blanket on the ground with Kiyoshi by her side in his baby seat. He was no longer upset, perhaps because he could feel her emotions. She was at ease and not as conflicted as she was this morning. The fever like symptoms she was having were gone and Sesshomaru was on his way.

"I apologize for my delayed arrival."

At the sound of Sesshomaru's voice, Kagome raised her head. There he was, in front of her, wearing quite the business like attire. She twisted her mouth and furrowed her eyebrows together.

"Overdressed?"

"I believe this is the most appropriate clothing I possessed."

Most men would be happy to trade the uncomfortable business clothes for a t-shirt and a pair of jeans, but she did not think Sesshomaru would like it. He would actually be  _uncomfortable_  in those simple clothes. Also, he looked rather handsome no matter what he wore. She did not know why but she felt butterflies fluttering in her stomach. It was not like her.

She smiled at him. "Thanks for coming."

As if he had anything else scheduled, he thought as he sat down beside them. He nodded at Kagome before taking a peek at his son. Kiyoshi was wearing a small blue hat that hid the moon on his forehead. The pink strips on his cheeks however were very visible.

"I think he missed you this morning. He would not stop crying."

Sesshomaru reached out for Kiyoshi's cheek and gently brushed it. He missed his son and he missed his family. When Kagome called him last night, he was taking a shower. He was unable to find rest or peace in such an empty room all on his own. He hated that he almost missed her phone call especially since she needed him.

"How are you doing?" he asked while never taking his eyes off Kiyoshi.

"Better," she said before running her fingers through her hair.

It was then that Sesshomaru noticed  _it_. The ring. It seemed his stare was quite obvious since Kagome immediately put her hand down.

"It's my mother's. She – hm – she lent it to me."

She did not need to explain, he understood.

"I apologize."

"I don't care. I just - it's them too."

Kagome did not want Sesshomaru feeling guilty about this. No more guilt, no more bad emotions. This was a happy family outing. Carrying all the memories and the guilt around was getting quite heavy. They were doing better before their return to Japan. They could not let all of their efforts go to waste.

"My mother made the lunch, so it's safe to eat."

He almost flinched at the mention of her mother. "I will assume your house is not a safe place for me."

"It's not if my grandpa's there. I mean, he might try to attack you or throw sand at you. But it's nothing personal." She laughed gently. "My mother doesn't hate you, she just – she's confused and looking out for me."

It was a lot to take in at once for everyone.

Out of loneliness, Kagome reached out for Sesshomaru's hand and squeezed it gently. As soon as they made contact, she felt little shocks going through her hand. They did not even have a proper greeting, though she was not even sure what a  _proper_  greeting was for them. Didn't couples kiss and nuzzle or something when they saw each other? They were getting over the intimacy issue after all. Granted it was not the easiest, most natural thing all the time but still.

In the real world it seemed they were as awkward as ever.

When she touched him, Sesshomaru felt an overwhelming soothing feeling take hold of his heart. Already he was craving her, not just her touch  _but her_ , and he had to be far away. It did not make it easier on him and it was also a reason why he struggled to find rest. Before they returned to Japan, they were at the height of their connection and they were finally creating a bond.

In the last few days, they did not act the same.

Obviously, he expected this when they choose to leave. That knowledge, unfortunately, did not make it any better.

"Are  _you_  okay?" she asked with her voice filed with concern.

He nodded. "It is simply… different."

At least, she was not the only one who noticed it. Being by themselves was apparently new and difficult.

"Sorry I woke you up last night."

"Nonsense. I was awake. You also never have to apologize. You can call me anytime."

"You can't sleep?"

"I do not require much rest, and since you are far, your emotions are not affecting me." Was it foolish to say he missed it? She made him much more  _human_. Through her, he experienced more feelings than he ever did in his life.

"I guess our bond isn't strong enough yet." He told her about the bonds many times. If it was as strong as it could be, she would not need to call him. He would know what she was thinking in her mind. All the words she wanted to say. "I'm sorry it's always so complicated."

They were together, and they were not. They could just buy a house and live there and be done with the confusion. She did love him and she felt safe with him. Nonetheless, they were many problems still left unsolved. She did not want to throw herself into a new life only to have it ripped apart later. Until they fixed everything, this was better. Not only that, but Kagome needed to be on her own a little.

Not like before. She was not trying to be strong by herself. She simply wanted to find herself. Who was Kagome without Sesshomaru? She lost that person a bit during the past few months. She did not want it to be about how to recover and be with him. She wanted it to be about being Kagome. That in no way meant she wanted him out of her life, though.

"You can take all the time you require. I will never pressure you." Oh, how badly he wanted to return to the nights where he held her in his arms, where he could touch her and listen to her heartbeat. He  _wanted_ to have her back as quickly as possible, but he would never be selfish. She came first.

"I know," she said as she reached out for his cheek with her free hand.

She ran her thumb over his bare skin, touching him more than usual, and took notice of the missing markings. "You covered them up."

"The hair is enough to stand out. I do not think humans believe grown men  _paint_  their faces before going outside."

Kagome laughed. "Grown men with children do. Look at your son."

"I thought my lack of markings would be better."

"I like you. The real you, the whole you." She could not say she forgot everything that happened, but she was learning to accept the real Sesshomaru, including the way he looked. She preferred that to a fake cover.

She leaned forward and gently pressed her lips against his. He loved when she was the first to initiate contact. They might have done everything, but he still feared pressuring her. It was always at  _her_  pace, not his.

Once she pulled away, he tucked some of her hair behind her ear. She was beautiful. She wore little make up, a simple t-shirt and jeans but she looked beautiful.

"I'm a mess," Kagome said before looking away. "Little sleep and a very disorganized life."

You would think that by now, she would be the queen of adjustments. She was always being thrown into a new environment. Of course, it was easier when she was on her own. Now with Kiyoshi, it was a different story.

"I just wanna do it right," she finally added.

"We will."

Now that Kagome was closer to him, and not kissing him, he detected an unfamiliar scent on her. He knew it, he smelled it before but it seemed so long ago…  _Oh._

"Did you stop breastfeeding?"

She arched an eyebrow. "Hm- no. Why is something wrong?"

"You're in heat," he plainly stated.

He hoped for more time before she was fertile again, but he was not that lucky. Now the fact that he lived a little farther from her was actually a good thing. If he fell victim to her charms before, he was not sure how he would resist her now.

"Oh." She blushed. "Is it – mm, is it supposed to be different from usual right now?"

He tilted his head to show his confusion. "Different?"

"Like – hot. I mean, me, am I suppose to feel  _hot_  or warm, or you know." She did touch him a lot too.

"Perhaps you're being affected by our bond. We did strengthen it."

"Our bond affects my – my  _heat_?"

"Happy mates want to produce offspring. As many as possible."

She pinched her lips together and then opened her mouth only to close it again. "More?" Kagome was not against the idea of having more children, but not at the moment. She would like to at least be out of her teenager years the next time…

When he first saw Kagome in the modern era, he strongly believed Kiysohi would be his only child. However, now the situation changed. If she would like it, in the future, he would not be opposed to more. He even vividly remembered the dream he had where they were the proud parents of two children.

"I mean, one day. Just-"

"It is not the time," he finished for her.

"Will it get worse? I mean the feeling?"

"I am not quite experienced in that domain. I do know mates with a bond are more attracted to each other during that time, but I am afraid the exact effects are unknown to me."

She nodded and tightened her grip on his hand. They were not senseless teenagers. It was one more thing to add to their list. Plus, it was a positive thing. The stronger the bond, the more chances Sesshomaru would be one with his beast instead of still being divided.

For once, it looked like all the pieces were coming together.

-B-

Sesshomaru and Kagome spent another two hours at the park. Sometimes talking, sometimes in silence. Kagome especially wanted Kiyoshi and Sesshomaru to spend some time together. She would not let the current situation hurt her son and if he needed more time and connection with his father, she would do that for him. It always soothed her that they were all together.

The only awkward moment came along when they arrived at the shrine. Sesshomaru felt like the polite thing to do was to return to his current living quarters. However, he did miss his family. The decision was not really his to make and it forced him to go along with whatever Kagome decided. He did not want to impose himself in her mother's life.

"Hello children."

Kagome and Sesshomaru raised their heads only to see Miyu outside with a gardening hat on. She was kneeling on the ground digging a hole. "How was the park?" she asked while never looking their way.

"Good."

"Thank you for the lunch, Mrs. Higurashi."

"Are you staying?"

"I would not want to overstep my boundaries."

"Souta and grandpa are home. I think they would like to meet him." Miyu was uncertain of how that meeting would go. Despite their desire to shield some of the gruesome story from Souta he heard everything when Kagome returned to them. She did not think he would take a liking to Sesshomaru. The same could be said with her father.

"If you invite me into your home, I will meet them."

"They are inside," she said finally turning around to look at him. He did make it a bit hard. She would give him that. He was polite, respectful and since he began redeeming himself, he did treat Kagome right and gave her daughter her smile back...

"Protect your eyes," Kagome warned while walking ahead of him.

Right. The  _sand_.

Affronting Miyu was still a hardship in itself. He did not want to imagine what it would be like to go against Kagome's brother and grandfather. He would show them the same respect that he showed Kagome's mother but he did not think they would care. Miyu herself did not seem to take it in consideration.

He could not erase the past, but he did his best to ensure a good future for Kagome.

Kagome was the first to enter the house with Kiyoshi carefully tucked against her chest. Knowing her grandpa, he was hiding in a corner ready to toss some of his dust and she did not want any of it to get into her son's eyes. Fortunately, the way seemed clear. She could feel Sesshomaru following her from behind rather closely.

When they felt the way was safe, they both relaxed. However, neither knew just how wrong they were.

Out of the blue, a cloud of dust surrounded them. Kagome barely had any on her but Sesshomaru on the other hand was  _covered_. The dust  _stuck_ to his face, decorating his cheeks with little patches of light yellow. As if that was not enough, they heard someone jump and then, Sesshomaru's face was decorated a little more. Right there, on the left side of his head was a paper charm, or demon repellant to be more exact.

"This will keep your monster away."

Then, he threw more of his dusty ashes at Sesshomaru.

The urge to bare his fangs stirred within Sesshomaru and it took every ounce of self-control he had to keep himself in check. He felt his hands clench into fists and he took a deep breath.

"Grandpa!" Kagome screamed.

"Demon! He is a demon!"

Resisting the urge to face palm, Kagome turned around to help dust off Sesshomaru. "I warned you," she said with a cringe.

Oh yes, he was warned. It was not like he did not expect it from the old man, he simply… well he was not sure how he thought this would go. Surprisingly this was not too far off form the scenario he pictured.

Kagome raised her hand, ready to reach out for the paper when her grandpa grabbed her wrist. "It stays, or he goes."

Her eyes shifted from her grandfather to Sesshomaru and she waited to see which one of them would make the next move. Maybe it was a good thing she did not grow up liken normal teenagers did. She had a feeling her grandfather would have embarrassed her to death.

"I will keep it," Sesshomaru said as calmly as possible.

This  _thing_  was nothing more than regular paper with glue painted on the back,  _but_  it made her grandfather happy. He could not forget that he was a guest in the house and not a very welcomed one. If this made him more at ease, then so be it.

"Dinner will be ready later." Her grandfather began walking away, but he did come to a halt before leaving the room. "I have my eyes on you, Demon!"

"He means well," Kagome said while rocking Kiyoshi in her arms.

"Hn."

A smirk snuck up on her at his reply and she shook her head. "How about a tour of the house? You didn't see much of it last time." He brought everything inside the house, but never made it to her bedroom, or the rest of the first floor.

"I would enjoy that."

With a smile, she guided him upstairs. As she held his hand in hers, she could feel his nervousness and how tense he was. It was probably the first time in history that the Higurashi household did not make someone feel over welcomed. Granted her grandfather always used to bicker with Inuyasha, but her mother loved the hanyou.

And now was not a good time to be letting those feelings re-surface.

The first stop was luckily her bedroom. She took the first left and let him inside. It was not much, especially now that it was crowded with Kiyoshi's stuff. "This is where me and your son sleep."

While she remained by the door, he walked further in. It was still very teenager like. Well, of course it was; Kagome was not even out of her teenage years yet. It felt like she was much older, probably because she went through so much, partly because of him.

"It is… colorful."

"Is that an insult or a compliment?"

"Both?"

She grinned. "I have not re-done my room since I was 14. I mean, after that I was too busy traveling between this era and the Feudal era to care."

"It is lovely." It made him feel guilty. Her room seemed filled with happiness and it reminded him of whom Kagome used to be and of the person he broke into pieces.

Kagome put Kiyoshi down in his crib and sat down on her bed. Then, she patted the spot beside her, inviting Sesshomaru to join her. He did, though he left some space between them. While staring at her hands during the silence Kagome realized she was still wearing her mother's ring. Quickly, she slipped it off her finger.

"Knowing my luck, I'd lose it."

She was about to put her hand back down and Sesshomaru grabbed it. "Would you like one?"

"A ring?"

He nodded.

She always thought she would get married – one day. Then everything with Sesshomaru came along and she thought she would not want to be with anyone, ever. Now, the situation was slowly changing. If it was right, if it worked for them, heck if  _they worked out_ , then one day, maybe.

"I was just wearing it. I wasn't asking you to propose," she said nervously.

"I am aware. This is coming from me."

She could ask him if he wanted to, but it was clear he did. After all mating was marriage for him. It was even more of a bond than marriage. Perhaps it was why she was not wrapped up in the idea of a wedding. The bond already made her feel more than a wedding ever could. It was true that, in some cases like today, being married was practical.

"We are mated. Isn't that more?"

"It is for youkais. What about for you?"

"I know what it means. I mean, I'm not against marriage. I just - one step at a time."

Sesshomaru agreed silently. He was not trying to pressure her into this; he was simply trying to make her as comfortable as possible. If not being married was difficult for her, he would fix that in a heartbeat.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"You're always acting selflessly by putting me and Kiyoshi first. You know, it would be okay for you to say what you want to. It won't break me." She still had a fragile side, but it did not mean she would break down every second. Each day, she grew a bit stronger.

"The two of you are what I want."

He said he loved her first, he called her 'his mate', and he did every single first step in their relationship. Then, he always waited for her to catch up. Sometimes, she felt it was not fair.

Kagome leaned forward and kissed him gently. The progress he made from the person he used to be was insane. Although, just like she never wanted to lose herself, she did not want him to lose himself either. He was so afraid to hurt her again that he never voiced what  _he_  liked.

As he moved his lips against hers, he found himself cupping her cheek. Her scent was quite powerful and he missed her, a lot. Unlike her, he spent five hundred years with a weakened bond. It hurt him more than her to be apart from each other. A simple kiss was causing his heart to drop to his stomach.

A puddle of warmth formed in Kagome's stomach as the kiss grew more aggressive. It started as a thank you kiss, but it was slowly transforming. His skin was soft and loneliness was overflowing her heart. She raised her hands to hold on to his shirt and clenched them around the fabric.

He quickly left her mouth to press kisses on her neck. Immediately, she tilted her head backwards and closed her eyes. It did not take long before he showed his teeth and began nibbling at her flesh. He  _needed_ her because every cell in her body was calling out to him. After ravaging her neck for a few more moments, he forced himself away.

Bad idea, very bad idea.

He licked his lips, still tasting her and released his hold on her fully.

Kagome remained in the same position with her lips parted. Fire was burning in her loins and her face was flushed. Right, did he not mention something about her heat or – yeah. Apparently it did get worse.

"My apologies," he said before straightening his shirt. He almost cringed. That sounded  _too_  formal.

She pinched her lips tightly together and held back a sigh. "We can't do it like this." She closed her eyes. "If you keep tip toeing around me, I will not get better." She smiled at him. "I know you're doing this because of what happened in the past, but I won't break down. I know my limits and I'll let you known if they are overstepped."

Sesshomaru was doing it out of kindness and love for her. Unfortunately, she wanted to find out who  _Kagome_  was and she wanted  _Sesshomaru_  to find out who he was. "We spent all this time trapped, and I think we both lost who we were. You spent so much time trying to not be like your beast that you don't voice your opinion anymore."

She in no way wanted him to be like he was before. She did not need a cold-hearted selfish Sesshomaru in her life, but it was okay for him to disagree with her or have opinions and desires. He chose to move around her because her family was here and she was here. Maybe he preferred the country? Maybe he liked to be in the middle of the city?

The more she thought about it, the more she realized she knew so little of him because he never expressed himself. He had to be asking himself the same questions she was.

Sesshomaru stared at her while doing his best to not appear confused. He did the things he did because it also pleased him. After everything they went through, after five hundred years alone, he did learn to prioritize. Also, since their bond became stronger, he experienced many emotions and thoughts that he never knew existed. Humans and youkais went through situations differently.

He was learning to enjoy the new emotions she was sharing with him. Her happiness made him happy because even though it would never erase all of his guilt, it did lessen it.

He was looking for redemption and for her love.

Looking into Sesshomaru's eyes, Kagome felt all of her thoughts falling apart. She was not making any sense was she? Being alone made her edgy. She learned to find her safe place in that hotel room with Sesshomaru. She learned to push aside many of the bad memories there because they created something together in that location. Then it was ripped away from her upon their return.

Being home was great, but it also held memories. Like when she returned to her time, broken and pregnant. Back to a time where she never thought she would smile again.

Now, she was here with him but not with him, trying to figure their relationship out. They did have a relationship. She loved him and he loved her. They did all that in their safe haven.

They accepted their past, they were moving on but there were many things she did not know. She did not mind when he called her his mate, it made her blush sometimes even. But what did it mean? She was just human. She did not feel it like he did despite all the connections they tried to make. Before they made the final jump, she wanted to know what everything meant. She needed to understand it all and she wanted to know him, the rules, their life…

"I do the things I do because  _I_  want to." He thought about himself for long enough. Even during her suffering, he only took himself into consideration. He owed her a lifetime of sacrifices.

He pressed his lips against her forehead, feeling the warmth of her skin. She smelled delicious, and he wanted nothing more than to caress her flesh and make her feel good again. Her scent was enticing.

Despite what she thought, the guilt Kagome felt was not hers. It was not Sesshomaru's. The heavy guilt that made her think she was oppressing him originated from deep inside Sesshomaru.

From his other half.

-B-


	86. New Guest

Blanket on.

Blanket off.

Kagome sighed in frustration as she tossed her blanket on the ground for, hopefully, the last time. She was very well aware of the bright red numbers behind her that indicated it was three in the morning. Despite how late it was she had yet to get any rest; her body was preventing that from happening.

No matter what she did her body temperature stayed high and her face flushed. Her skin was on fire and a puddle of heat was forming between her legs. She blamed Sesshomaru for this. Really it was  _her_  fault, the way  _her_ body was reacting to her heat and the mating, but… oh  _dear_ , it was not his fault.

It was just her body betraying her.

This was not like her. Heck, this was not something she'd ever done before. The only orgasm she had on her own was during her first, and only, very embarrassing wet dream. Considering that she now lived in a house full of people, she did not want a repeat of that event.

Did that mean she had to,  _ugh,_  take care of it?

Considering everything that happened, Kagome never had a chance to  _discover_  her body. It made her rather shy to even think about it. The heat in her face was obvious and she found herself burying her shame in her pink pillow, hoping it would swallow her and end her torment.

Her arms were by her side and her fingers were twitching.

Many people did it; it could not be  _that_  bad. After all, during the past few months she had many new experiences. Maybe it was just one more thing to add to her list. She sighed before giving up; the urge was too great. She flipped around to lie on her back and rested one of her hands on her stomach. There was  _nothing_  to be ashamed of.

Her hand was trembling as she glided it across her top and near her core. Her breathing was hitched and loud and her eyes were enticed by her own actions. Then it happened; she slid her fingers under her pajamas pants and underwear. Her digits felt cold against the heated flesh but she did not stop. Once she reached her destination, she took a deep breath.

Slowly, she plunged one finger inside her womanhood and her arousal immediately increased. She was shocked with how easily it slid in and out of her and quickly enough the moans followed. She tried to keep them quiet, she really did. Her whole family, including her son, was in hearing distance and she was trying to avoid an awkward situation.

Stopping was no longer an option now that she started. Her fingers moved with a mind of their own and she wiggled around in her bed.  _Oh god_.

Mere kilometers away from her was Sesshomaru. He lay in his large and rather empty bed completely awake. A throbbing pain was trapped in his pants and his eyes were wide open. He was certain she had no intention of sharing her  _nightly_  activities with him but unfortunately he was hit full blast by her lust. If he closed his eyes he could  _feel_  and see her.

Her little hands were caressing her own body and her delicate fingers were plunged deep inside her…

No, he would not make the mistake of closing his eyes again.

His hands were evil. He found himself desiring to stroke his erected length more than once, if only to relieve some of the tension. He was no fool. He knew if he began and if he blinked once, he would be doomed and he would not stop. Her desire was running through his veins and spreading throughout his body.

She was  _calling_  out to him, involuntarily of course. Maybe he needed a brush up course on mating, one that he would share with her. The torture his sweet mate sometimes brought him was driving him up the wall. Too many memories filled his mind; her long legs wrapped around him, her breasts pressed against his chest, and her angel like voice moaning his name.

His cock pulsed at the thoughts informing Sesshomaru that it refused to be ignored any longer.

He shuddered and clenched his fingers into a fist to prevent himself from masturbating.

A very cold shower was what he needed.

He  _jumped_  out of the bed and speed walked to the bathroom. In a flash, he was undressed. He hopped in and left the curtain open before running icy cold water on his skin. He pressed his palms against the shower wall and hung his head low so that he could keep his eyes open without the water getting in them.

His hair was draped around his head to form a curtain and he took many deep breaths. As she grew closer to her orgasm, he felt the surge of her arousal vibrating through his body. He remembered her scent and the taste of her nectar. He wanted to run his tongue over her wet slit and devour her. He wanted her juices to fill his mouth while he made her reach climax.

Then, he made his first and last mistake.

He closed his eyes and she filled his mind. After that, his hands moved and he did nothing to stop them.

He hissed as he roughly took hold of himself and he began stroking. How foolish of him! It did not make his predicament better; it made it worse. It was now too late to even think about stopping. His speed increased and he ignored the pain coming from the friction. He kept pumping and pumping while the claws from his free hand were grazing against the shower wall.

Sesshomaru was rough with himself. He was tugging hard and his claws sometimes scratched against his skin. He did not care. He was filled with frustration and desire and he had one goal; release. He pictured the sight of Kagome lying on her bed, playing with herself. He growled like an animal.

He was dizzy and light headed. The bond and her body were screaming for him to come to her and to satisfy the urge that lay deep within her. She had no idea how dangerous she currently was. Her body was sending signals without her permission and she lost herself in her own lust. She was fertile, so very fertile and calling out to her alpha. His eyes flickered red for a brief instant as he continued, his speed picking up.

Then she orgasmed and he followed.

His release hit the shower wall in front of him and he tilted his head backwards. His hand dropped to the side and his erection remained despite his climax.

Frustrated, he turned off the water and left the shower. He quickly snatched a towel and wrapped it around his waist. His wet hair dripped on the floor as he headed for the bed. Clearly, a shower was not the way to clear his mind. He dried himself off swiftly before retrieving clothes from his suitcase. His heart was aching because of his desire to be close to her and he knew one way to fix that without intruding.

He never bothered to dry his hair as he made a dash for the door. Before he knew it, he was outside, enjoying the fresh air. Kagome's house was in walking distance from him and he could really use the cool down. Fortunately for him, his erection was finally settling despite the fact that it remained painful. This was not the kind of release his body had in mind.

His heart was still racing by the time he made it to the shrine. Even though he was standing at the bottom of the stairs, her scent was still taunting him. From there, he could hear her heartbeat and he could tell she fell asleep peacefully. No such luck would be bestowed upon him tonight. Now, he would be restless for days. Once her heat was over, he would find some salvation and peace of mind.

He was not out of control, he was not a –  _beast_ , but he did he desire her greatly especially since he knew she felt the same. He would have never experienced her lust unless she desired his body. She  _needed_  him as much as he  _needed_  her.

As he stared at the shrine, he felt someone push him as they walked right into him. He glared while he turned his head only to be graced with a familiar sight. This was no accident and that was not a stranger.

 _He sighed_  and then followed, disappearing into the night.

-B-

Three phone calls were definitively obsessive. She would keep it at two.

She tapped her fingers against the phone restlessly. She called Sesshomaru in the morning but he didn't pick up. At first, she was relieved because she honestly had no idea why she was calling him so early.. Perhaps she was influenced by the events of the night before. Also, she was glad that he was finally getting some rest since he looked more tired every day that she saw him.

Now however, it was almost four in the afternoon and she still hadn't heard from him. Could he really sleep for that long?

Kiyoshi was in her arms, half asleep. At least her current stress was not disturbing him. He managed to make it through the night and morning without crying and she was grateful. Especially since she did not manage to get a hold of Sesshomaru yet.

"Maybe he doesn't like it here. Maybe he'll leave."

Souta's eyes were fixed on the TV as he played his video games. He did not like  _Sesshomaru_. He wanted to meet him, to see for himself that Kagome  _trusted_  the guy and she did. Maybe that guy brained washed his sister because Souta refused to think Kagome was going out with him. Souta did not say one thing to Sesshomaru during the whole dinner. Instead he just  _stared_  at him.

If he never came again, Souta would be glad.

" _Souta_ , come on."

She did not really want to reprimand her brother since he was only looking out for her considering everything that happened. Nonetheless, harboring hatred towards Sesshomaru was not going to make this situation any easier.  _He changed_  and he was trying really hard.  _Too hard_  sometimes.

"I'm not gonna just forget what he did to you."

"Nobody is asking you to do that, just – give him a chance."

"I'm just saying, for a good guy, he's not returning your calls very fast." He  _knew_  that the guy could have a life but after everything he put Kagome through he should be spending his days  _waiting_  for her to call him.

"Sesshomaru can be busy too."

After all, did she not hint last night that he should be more selfish? She had nothing against him doing stuff, she just – she was worried. He did not always share how he felt deep inside and she needed to know he was alright.

The only response her little brother offered her was a shrug. Sesshomaru still had a lot to prove before he could feel welcomed in this house.

Kagome tore her eyes from the phone and gently began to run her fingers through her son's hair. By now, Kiyoshi was fully asleep in his mother's arms and his little head was resting against her breast. He seemed as peaceful as he was back in the hotel room and she was grateful.

"Oh, Kagome! Did you know they are having a little fair in town? There's a whole bunch of kiosks and there will even be fireworks tonight. I thought we could go."

"Oh, I-" She stopped to look at her sleeping son. "Kiyoshi just fell asleep. I don't really wanna drag him around."

Miyu was about to speak when Souta cut in. "So go without him. I'll babysit. Then when he wakes up later, I'll meet up with you guys."

Kagome trusted her brother, she really did but he was still young. It was not like he was going to let anything happen to Kiyoshi but if Kouga's babysitting experiences were a reference… sometimes Kiyoshi did not know what he was doing with his powers. Then again, maybe she needed to stop worrying about everything.

"Come on, he's my nephew. I can take care of him for a few hours while he  _sleeps_."

Her eyes shifted between her mother and her brother until she gave in. "Sure, it'll be fun."

Truth be told, with the exception of her outing to the park with Sesshomaru, she had not done anything in a long time. It would be nice to be surrounded by  _other_  people while having some fun. She found herself wondering if Sesshomaru would enjoy that? He did not seem very social… but it did not mean he  _hated_  fun. And it did not matter since he was busy.

"There's some milk in the fridge if he gets hungry, oh and all his stuff is upstairs and – wait are you gonna be down here playing video games while he's asleep upstairs cause -"

"Why don't we just let him sleep in his baby seat in the living room? And I know where his stuff is Kagome. I live here."

Right. The whole shrine looked a lot smaller with Kiyoshi's stuff taking over every room. "Okay, but you have to watch him."

Souta fought the urge to roll his eyes as he paused his game to get up. He retrieved the baby seat from the kitchen and put it down where he was sitting previously. He then walked to his sister and pick up Kiyoshi carefully. He did not wake up or even move as Souta put him down in the baby seat.

"See. I told you I could take care of him."

Yes, Souta strongly disliked Sesshomaru but it did not mean he harbored any bad feelings towards his nephew. He thought the markings on his face were pretty cool. Plus, Kiyoshi would never be anything like Sesshomaru. Blood did not mean anything; Inuyasha was way nicer than Sesshomaru and they were brothers.

"If anything goes wrong-"

"I'll call mom's cellphone," Souta finished for her.

Kagome smiled and seemed to relax a little. "Thank you."

She peeked at her son one last time before following her mother. Maybe this really would do her some good. She also had to learn to have days without Kiyoshi right? On top of that, she always loved fairs and fireworks.

Hopefully,  _everyone_  would be okay.

-B-

_Annoyed_.

It was one word that could describe his current state. Every little thing bothered him at the moment; the color of the sky, the way people breathed loudly and the  _stupid_  cars. His patience was thin as he slowly made his way back to the hotel. It was already six in the evening. He did not know how he managed to be held back for so long.

His day was wasted and furthermore, he did not have a chance to see Kagome and his son yet. Perhaps she called, he did not know. Why did he leave her the hotel's number and not his cell phone? Oh wait. No, he no longer had his cell phone. He would have to rectify the situation by getting a new one. He did not like that she was unable to reach him if she needed to.

What if she wanted to call him after her  _heated_  night? He was not there.

Though, he was hardly to blame.

 _Someone_ was even more stubborn than he was and the meeting dragged on. The worst part was that he knew it was not over yet.

When the hotel finally appeared in sight, he sighed. He made his way to his room and then headed for the phone. Calling her made him a tad bit nervous since she might not be the one who picked up. Nonetheless, he wanted to check up on her and he  _needed_  to hear her voice after the nightly events that happened.

Just her voice would be enough.

The phone rang once, twice, three times before someone picked up.

_"Higurashi residence, Souta speaking."_

He tilted his head back, aggravated. "May I speak with Kagome?"

" _She's not here."_  Sesshomaru did not fail to notice the change in Souta's tone and it was obvious Souta recognized his voice.

Sesshomaru's eyes widened and he felt his chest tightened. Kagome was not home? Why was she not home?  _Deep breath_. She was allowed to go out. He was out all day was he not? And she never knew where he was.

"May I request that you let her know I called?" Souta did  _not_  like him. Heck, that was an understatement. He was fairly certain Kagome would never know he called.

 _"She won't be back 'til late. She's out. I guess I'll leave a note._ "

Even though the conversation was happening was over the phone, Sesshomaru detected nervousness in Souta's voice. " _Hn_ , thank you."

After he hung up, Sesshomaru ran his fingers through his hair. Then, he rested his hands on his thighs and inhaled deeply. Sadness filled him and he felt like whimpering. His need for her never lessened throughout the day. He wanted her, he needed to feel her and speak with her. Even now while she was far away, her body and mind were reaching out for him and that made him feel terribly lonely.

There he was, all alone in a  _stupid_  hotel room.

Perhaps she was right. He did not know how to return to a normal life. He no longer went into work, instead he did it all over the phone and computer, and his only outside activities involved her. He promised her a normal life but he did not know what that meant.

Suddenly, a chill ran through his spin and he snapped his head in the direction of the door. Again? He thought he made it clear that the meeting was over. He barked at the person behind the door. " _Leave!_ "

How could he even think about being normal when every time he tried, life threw a curve at him?

-B-

Music filled the park while children and adults ran around enjoying the different attractions. Kagome was waiting by a bench while her mother was buying them some food. They tried a few games, without winning anything, and walked around a lot enjoying the entertainment. They came to a stop when their growling stomachs warned them of their hunger.

Kagome could not help but look in the distance, hoping that both Kiyoshi and Sesshomaru were fine. Souta had yet to call which meant her little boy was still sound asleep. She could not wait until he was a bit older and she could take him on every ride and watch as he discovered everything with wonder in his eyes.

Out of the blue, Kagome felt an icy liquid running down her back. She gasped and turned around only to come face to face with a woman. She had long black hair that reached her waist and piercing grey eyes.

"Oh, I am terribly sorry," the woman apologized. "I was not looking."

Kagome offered her a smile. "It's okay really."

From the woman's cup she could tell it was only water; at least it was not going to leave a stain.

"It is simply beautiful here and I am afraid it distracted me."

"Happens to me all the time." If someone was a klutz, it was her. Kami knew how many times that got her in trouble.

"Oh, where are my manners. I am Mizuki," the woman said with a slight bow.

"Kagome."

"Kagome, what a beautiful name."

"Thank you."

"Do you mind?" she asked before pointing at the bench behind Kagome.

Kagome tilted her head, slightly confused until realization dawned upon her. "Oh of course." She moved out of the way and allowed Mizuki to sit down on the bench.

"Did you come here alone?"

"Oh, mm, no I came with my mother."

"Your husband is not joining you?"

Kagome involuntarily frowned and backed a step. "My h-usband?"

Mizuki smiled and tapped Kagome's finger. "You have a ring."

Oh  _the_  right. Did she not take that thing off? She completely forgot about it. It almost felt natural to keep it there. "O-oh, hm, he is working."

"What a shame. This would be a very romantic outing." She sighed before looking away from Kagome and staring into the distant. "I was suppose to have a date tonight but it seems he ran away from me. I do not think he was expecting me."

"I'm sorry."

For a moment, the woman appeared awfully sad. Then, as quickly as it showed, the sadness disappeared.

"Oh well. I am certain he will come around. He always has."

" _Kagome!_ " The screaming voice of her brother pulled Kagome from the conversation.

She turned her head just in time to see Souta walking in her direction while pushing Kiyoshi in a stroller. "Hey! See, told you I would keep him in one piece!"

Kagome forced a smile as she gently shook her head. "You know I didn't think you couldn't take care of him."

She bent down and lifted her son from the stroller. Immediately, her son reached out for her face and gently grabbed it with his tiny little hands. She kissed his hand softly and tucked him under her chin.

"Is that your son?"

"Hm,  _yes_."

"My, he is beautiful. I see you prepped him for the festivities."

The markings. Of course the markings were noticeable. He did not have a hat on and his little patch of black hair was not doing much to cover the moon on his forehead. For a moment, she wondered if she was being stupid. Clearly, youkais were still present in her time and who knew just how many of them were  _nice_. The moon was  _clearly_  something passed down from Sesshomaru's heritage.

What if someone with bad intentions recognized it?

"He seems to like it," Kagome added before moving her hand, slightly shielding his face from the world.

"What's his name?"

"Kiyoshi."

" _Pure_ ," the woman said with a hint of surprise in her voice. "Interesting choice."

Kagome felt a chill creep up and began to feel uncomfortable. "I g-guess."

Why was this woman so keen on talking to her? Maybe she was being paranoid but her instincts were hard to ignore. "Well, it was nice meeting you – Mizuki but I have to go."

"Oh of course, dear. Do not let me hold you back. Enjoy your evening."

"You too," she said before Souta and her headed in the direction of their mother.

"Who was that?" Souta whispered with an eyebrow arched.

"I have  _no_  idea."

Whoever she was, her interest in Kagome made her wary. She would rather be on her guard than end up in another mess. She tried to shrug it off as they arrived by her mother's side and grabbed the plate of food that was offered to her.

"How about we go sit down by the water?" Miyu offered.

"Why not."

As they were leaving, Kagome turned around to look at the woman one last time. Unfortunately, she found an empty bench.

She was gone.

-B-

The television was on, some senseless teenage drama was playing, but Sesshomaru was not paying attention. Instead, he tried to sit despite his restlessness. Every second he felt a jolt of impatience running through his body and he shifted his position. Something  _inside_  was bothering him and it was becoming quite hard to ignore it.

This horrible familiar feeling that rose within him made him nervous. When was the last time his beast made its presence known? He could  _barely_  remember.

It was all  _her_  fault; she brought it upon him.

_What is it?_

No response.

Sesshomaru knew it was his beast. He argued with him during their last conversation and managed to prove him wrong. Kagome loved  _him_ , all of him. It did not matter that the beast was still deep inside; she accepted whom he was.

_Why are you still here?_

His bond with Kagome was strong and he now wanted everything his beast wished for in the beginning. He wanted him gone –  _well merged_. Despite his stubbornness, the beast was no longer a threat to Kagome. Actually, he was more of a threat to Sesshomaru than anything else. After wanting the two of them together for so long, it seemed to want them apart now.

**She is happy.**

_I am aware_.

The roaring of his beast in his head caused him to wince. These conversations were exhausting.

**No. She is happy _without_  you.**

_Kagome is free to have a life of her own. I have no intention of trapping her_.

**Why didn't she invite you?**

_I was busy_.

**Did she try to contact you?**

Even if she did, he would never know. Souta would not share that information with him and there was no way for him to see if he had any miss calls.

**You proposed to her. She said no.**

_She is bounded to us by the mating mark. A wedding is nothing but a mere human formality_.

**But she never wanted to be mark by us. This was her choice, though. And she said no.**

He should not have brought up the idea of marriage with her, at least not yet. He simply thought that because she wore the ring, she wanted to. He would do anything for her.

_She needs time. I am giving her time._

**Mate will realize, there is much better than you out there. She will leave us because she hates me.**

This time, pain shot through Sesshomaru's heart. The beast was still quite bitter that Kagome did not forgive his actions. How could she? Even when it was suppose to understand, it did not.

_You are but a part of me. She accepts me._

**Do you not see? Do you not feel _guilty_?**

_Why should I?_

**She is not happy. Her family hates us and the world looks down upon her for what we did to her. She is unhappy. She does not want more from us, she wants less.**

_She called me when she needed me. She does not want me out of her life._

**But why would you do this to her? Do you not love her? This will make her miserable. Her family will never accept you. She will always be torn between you and them.**

His beast's guilt was slowly transferring to him and it made Sesshomaru want to suffocate. He gasped for air for a moment before resting a hand on his chest.

 _You will cease this nonsense_.  _You are too foolish to be rational. She loves me, all of me. She found it in her heart to forgive what occurred in the pas-_

**She did not need to forgive _me_ for anything. I did what was normal. You were the one who treated her badly. She only needed to forgive you. She was supposed to understand what I did.**

Sesshomaru wanted to hate his beast more than anything. Yet they shared thoughts and it was hard for him to ignore that the reason he had everything was because of the beast. Kagome would not be in his life and he would not have a son. It was a disgusting way to obtain the best things in life but it was how he got them nonetheless.

_She knows but it does not take away her pain or the memories. You have not proven yourself worthy of her._

**I did when I claimed her.**

_No, you only proved you were more powerful and reckless than her._

**She will not come back to us. She should be free.**

_I will not lose her because you are unable to atone for your mistakes._

Kagome was the most forgiving person he ever met, perhaps except for Rin. She  _would_  forgive his beast if it was not so stubborn. After all, she forgave him. His beast was a part of him and it was dangerous to have two halves instead of one full person.

In the past when Sesshomaru hated Kagome, his beast always fought for  _her_. Now, it no longer was. The beast was  _his source_  of power, his most raw, powerful attacks originated from it. If the situation ever required it, would his beast give up the fight? The heavy feeling of guilt in his chest led him to think that yes.

His beast would not fight to keep Kagome by their side.

**She will bring you to your senses. I do not approve of her reasons but she will help you understand that Kagome will be better without us.**

_She?_

**You know whom I speak of. She came to see you earlier. She was not happy with you.**

The beast wanted Kagome's freedom, nothing more. He did not want her hurt or injured. She was not willing to forgive him when she forgave Sesshomaru. He gave her everything and she  _hated_  him. Being near her hurt more than being away from her. Every day was pain and agony. She was his completely and yet she did not belong to  _him_.

How much pain did he have to endure? He already spent five hundred years away from her. He could take no more.

If she refused to love him like she loved his other half, he wanted to let her go. He might have brought her pain but it was out of love. She was bringing him misery out of hatred. How could he go on when he felt her  _crave_  his body but she refused to speak to him? Did she not know that his need for her was as great as Sesshomaru's need?

He wanted to be free with her but she kept him in a cage. He was more stubborn and had more pride than Sesshomaru. He understood her view and yet she refused to see the world through his eyes.

On top of that, new emotions were swirling inside of her. Sesshomaru might not feel her inner confusion but he did. It made him feel guilty and it only contributed to his pain and destruction.

_We will not speak of her. She will never talk to her, see her or be around her. I will get rid of her._

**You are weak without me.**

_What are you talking about?_

**Can you not smell it?**

Sesshomaru arched an eyebrow before closing his eyes. Smell what?  _Her_? He tried to find peace in the chaos that currently was his mind. If his beast detected something, so could he. It took a few moments but then, it hit him full blast.

 _Her scent_.

His eyes opened in a flash.  _No_.

Sesshomaru sped out of his room at full speed, leaving all the doors open behind him. He didn't care if anyone noticed anything suspicious. Why did she not take his warning seriously? He told her to  _leave_. He thought she might come back but for  _him_ , not for  _her_.

His heart ached with each heartbeat and then, in a flash, he was at the shrine, all the way at the top of the stairs. In front of him was Kagome, her eyes opened wide in shock. She was holding their son in her arms and her brother and mother were right behind her looking just as confused.

"Are you safe?"

"W-what?"

He looked to the left and to the right but he saw nobody.  _No_ , he smelled her! He did! It was not until he focused on Kagome that he realized he was worrying her.

"Sesshomaru..." She approached him and put her delicate hand on his arm. "Are you okay?"

His strange behavior and his missing presence earlier during the day made her quite concerned. He never acted like this before.

"Did something happen?"

He shook his head. "I – I have made a mistake."

"There you are."

There it was, that  _icy_  voice.

"Mizuki?"

Sh- she knew her name? Sesshomaru stared at his mate and frowned. "You know her?"

"Oh, I accidently dropped my glass on her earlier. How else was I going to meet her? I knew you were not going to introduce me."

"I- I don't understand," Kagome said before protectively wrapping her arms around her son.

Mizuki smiled as she went up the remaining stairs. Her steps were slow and her long dress was dragging across the ground. She was awfully calm while she passed Miyu and Souta, even nodding their way, but her eyes hardened as she stared at Sesshomaru. He was quick to return the glare.

"Why do you not explain it to her? Have you not told her about our meeting earlier?" she teased.

"This is none of your business and this is not your place."

Mizuki took a step forward and grabbed Sesshomaru's chin with her fingers. "It  _is_  my place and right to be here."

Her eyes peered to the left and she looked at Kiyoshi. "He does not even look like a hanyou," she said, sounding quite pleased.

At that moment, Kagome felt her heart constrict and her fingers twitch. Who was this woman? She was not human, she could not be. She might not have an aura but Kagome knew that all youkais disguised themselves nowadays. The only thing she did not understand was why Sesshomaru knew this woman and why he did not like her.

And what was the meeting she spoke of? Was that why Sesshomaru did not answer her calls?

"Who are you?"

She chuckled. She pulled her hand away from Sesshomaru's face and closed the distance between Kagome and her. "Forgive Sesshomaru. He has always been rude." She turned her head to look at Sesshomaru. "Why not introduce us?"

As he felt Kagome's eyes on him while she waited or an answer, he knew this moment could not be avoided. She  _trapped_  him and he played right into her hand. She left a trail of her scent for him to follow her and she expected him to show up.

He sighed. "Kagome, this is my mother."

-B-


	87. Family Bonding

Mother.  _His_  mother.

Kagome blinked once, then twice. This woman was Sesshomaru's mother? She was  _still_  alive? She must be at least a thousand years old by now. Then her words suddenly hit her. Wait, wait,  _wait_!  _'He doesn't look like a hanyou?'_ She was talking about Kiyoshi? Her nose twitched. What was that supposed to mean?

"Well, can I hold my grandson?"

Immediately Kagome brought Kiyoshi closer to her chest. " _No_."

Mizuki's eyes widened but she smiled. "You  _are_  your father's son. She is so much like  _her_."

Her? Oh –  _Izayoi_. The tone Sesshomaru's mother used let Kagome know it was not a compliment.

Sesshomaru glared at his mother. " _You will not treat her like such_." His tone was harsh and he was threatening her.

He remembered how his mother acted with Izayoi. Sesshomaru could not say he was any kinder to the woman but he  _changed_. His mother did not. He saw that when they spoke to each other for hours earlier during the day. He never thought she would be bold enough to actually come to Kagome's house. He should not have underestimated her.

"I already spoke to the girl and I was polite," she defended.

She was talking like Kagome was not standing  _right_  beside her causing Kagome to frown. "Why are you here?"

"I wanted to see my son, grandson and…  _you_." She sighed. "Nobody told me about all of this. I had to learn it through gossip."

"Nobody knows!"

"Actually, they do," Sesshomaru interrupted. "It seems as though there were more youkais disguising themselves as humans than we thought in Brazil. The moon marking is very recognizable."

" _Oh_."

That could be a bad thing if Sesshomaru had enemies. Their trip proved that he did. Well, he only did because he was mated to her,  _a human_ , which apparently was the most disgusting thing ever. Five hundred years and people had yet to change.

"I come in peace. I simply wanted to see my family." She turned around, looking at the rest of Kagome's family. "I would like to know you as well, if you'd please invite me in."

Miyu's eyes shifted from the woman to Kagome. Her daughter seemed wary but the woman did seem harmless. Granted she was a youkai but… Miyu was a mother and a grandmother as well. Plus, would Sesshomaru really allow her this close to Kagome and Kiyoshi if she were dangerous?

"Please, come in."

.Kagome said nothing when she felt Sesshomaru come close to her and wrap an arm around her waist. Miyu went ahead first and Mizuki followed her. Souta glared at the back of her head while she walked in front of him. He hated her instantly. She was that  _asshole's_  mother after all.

Once everyone was in the house, Kagome spun around and stared at Sesshomaru. "Your mother?"

He sighed. He was not supposed to explain this already. "She came to see me last night and I spoke to her. I thought she would leave."

"Is that why you didn't answer the phone today?"

He would be lying if he said his heart did not flutter at the fact that she  _did_  try to reach him. "Yes. I spent half the day with her. What did she say to you when you saw her?"

She shrugged. "She just asked about who I was at the fair with and if Kiyoshi was my son. Nothing really that would make me think she's your  _mother_. How  _old_  is she? Are youkais supposed to live that long?"

"My mother is very powerful."

"Can I trust her?"

He nodded. "She will not harm anyone. She is simply… unpleasant to be around."

Sesshomaru did need to establish that he was the one in charge but his mother would not be reckless. Even she knew it was dangerous to mess with an Inuyoukai's chosen one. His father taught her that.

"What did you talk about with her?"

 _Maybe_  she was being nosey,  _maybe_  it was none of her business but she could not help herself. His mother seemed to dislike humans and it made Kagome uneasy. Sesshomaru and she had yet to establish solid grounds and she did not want anything to shake them up.

"She was merely trying to  _catch up_  with me. She acted offended that I did not inform her I had an heir."

"Oh. Are you sure she's not gonna do anything?"

"I will personally assure she does not."

Kagome nodded before leaning into his chest as he guided them to the house. He did his best to hide his feelings. He  _remembered_  the night, her scent was invading his nostrils and she felt  _soft_. Her heat was approaching its peek and he wanted her. Her body was  _screaming_  at him to take it.

Once they entered the house they found Mizuki sitting down beside Miyu, both of them sipping tea. Kagome's mother did not seem quite comfortable but she remained polite. She was not going to judge Mizuki because of Sesshomaru's actions in the past. The woman was a little strange but Miyu had no idea how she spent her long life and her behavior could easily be explained.

Kagome and Sesshomaru joined them at the table. Kagome made sure to keep Kiyoshi tucked against her which forced Sesshomaru to let go of her. He resisted the urge to whimper and looked down at the table. It was not even about being with her sexually; he simply wanted to lay at night with her cuddled against his body. He wanted her touch.

"Now, I am intrigued. How did you two end up mated?"

Her son  _did_  hang around humans about five hundred years ago. Well,  _one_  human. "Did it not work out with the little girl I brought back to life?"

"Rin was a daughter, not a mate."

Mizuki arched her two perfect eyebrows and smiled. " _Of course_. Then what  _did_  happen?"

The pounding of Kagome's heart filled her ears and she tried to keep a straight face. . She did not like that story. She did not want to tell that story.

"Are you ill, dear?"

"I'm fine."

"Mother, I have already explained it. Kagome and I ended up mated by accident."

"Mated by accident? That is  _quite_  the accident."

"We weren't ourselves," Kagome managed to croak out. It was true for  _one_ of them.

"But you  _are_  together now, correct?  _Married_ , if I remember our conversation from earlier correctly."

Sesshomaru's gaze shifted to Kagome's face as she stared at her hands. She never bothered correcting Mizuki because she never thought she would  _see_  her again. "We aren't."

Mizuki glared at her son. "She  _is_  human. Did you not honor her the human way?" She shook her head. "My son has no manners."

This woman was a mystery. She seemed to hate humans but then she made statements that confused Kagome. Was she supposed to be nice or a conniving bitch?

"I have offered."

"We're just not ready yet."

Miyu was listening to the conversation but kept completely silent. Apparently, they had no intention of sharing the real story. She would not be the one to tell but it did not stop her from glaring in Sesshomaru's direction every now and then.

"Well of course not," Mizuki began as her fingers wrapped around her cup of tea. "Marriage is serious, much more serious than  _mating_." She sipped away at her beverage as if there was not an ounce of sarcasm in her statement.

"I believe what we do with our lives does not concern you, Mother." This was  _not_  his house and Kagome's mother already seemed quite displeased by his presence. He would not make a scene but his mother was making it rather difficult for him to keep his calm.

Kagome shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Not only was she lucky enough to sense everyone's aura but also she was being hit directly with Sesshomaru's feelings. It was overwhelming. Adding that to her own stress made her dizzy.

"Well, at least you know he looks after you. He was guarding the shrine like a good dog last night when I found him."

Immediately, Kagome looked at Sesshomaru puzzled. He was in front of the shrine last night? What was he –  _oh_ , she did not know what he was doing there but she knew what she was doing. A blush appeared on her cheeks and she swallowed hard. There were too many  _sniffing_  noses for her to stay at this table.

"If you'll excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom."

Her skin was flushed and felt like it was on fire as she rose to her feet. She handed Kiyoshi to her mother before rushing to the bathroom.

"Mother, I do believe you have overstayed your welcome."

She laughed. "Have I?" She turned to look at Miyu. "I never meant to overstep any boundaries or offend anyone. Sometimes I forget how to interact with humans. I simply wished to see my grandson. If my son had not refused me in the first place…"

Miyu was usually a good judge of character but she could not pin down the woman that sat beside her. Her voice sounded sincere but there was something about her that was  _off_.

"It is your house. I will leave if you wish me gone."

"I think we should wait for Kagome to return." The only reason she allowed Sesshomaru in her house was for her daughter's sake. She was trying, she truly was. Kagome did seem uncomfortable but she wanted to see what  _she_  wished to do before making any decisions.

This involved everyone, including Kiyoshi.

Sesshomaru sighed in annoyance. He stood up, offered Miyu a small bow and headed for the bathroom. Once he arrived at his destination, he knocked on the door softly. "Kagome?"

"I'm fine," she replied right away.

He grabbed the handle and tried to open the door. It was locked but he gave it an extra  _squeeze_  and the handle turned fully. He looked inside, only to find Kagome leaning against the sink with her head hanging low.

"There are a  _lot_  of feelings going on out there."

Sesshomaru took it as his cue to come in. He closed the broken door behind him and leaning against it. He reached out for her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"I apologize for my mother's words. She truly does believe she is being polite."

"Why were you in front of the shrine last night?"

Right. He almost thought she would forget about that. It was not that he was ashamed of what he did but he mostly did not want to embarrass her.

"I had to see you."

He dared to walk closer to her so that he could bury his nose on top of her head. He wrapped his arms around her waist and sighed in contentment.

"I  _felt_  what you did."

Kagome's eyes bulged out of their sockets and she blushed. Instinctively, she buried her face in his chest, her hands clenching around the fabric of his shirt. A faint scent of arousal also began to appear. It was an urge she was unable to control.

"I-I-mm." She never thought he would know. She did  _think_  about him but she –  _oh god_.

He did not try to stop himself as his mouth dragged down to her ear. " _I had to do the same thing_ ," he whispered.

She shivered in his hold while his hands dropped down to her hips. "It's – I mean, it's just because I'm in," she blushed even more, " _heat_." What was it about that word that made her so shy?

He trailed his lips along the side of her head until he reached her jaw. He nipped at her skin and growled. Her breasts were pressed against his chest, threatening to overflow from the top of her shirt. She was  _wet_  for him as he bent down and captured her mouth with his. He ran his tongue over her bottom lip and grazed his fangs against it..

She moaned quietly and his cock pulsed. Without thinking, he grabbed her legs and wrapped them around his waist. She tightened them and he lifted her onto the counter. He felt himself grinding against her core while he attacked her mouth. He remembered last night, he remembered seeing her  _touch_  herself.

Sesshomaru wanted to flip her around and give her what she needed. He was already panting and out of breath. He was holding himself back. He wanted to touch her whole body at once and he wanted to make her dizzy with lust but he had to be slow, so slow. They only shared two experiences together; he could not rush her. If he scared her away he would never forgive himself.

But she smelled so  _good_  and she was so willing in his arms.

He had to let go.

He backed away from Kagome leaving her legs hanging from the counter. Her lips were swollen when she raised her head to look at him. He didn't give her an answer before leaving the bathroom in a hurry.

Kagome ran her hand over her lips and jumped off the counter. What just happened?

She tried to go after him but she was stopped. The moment she opened the bathroom door, Mizuki stood in her way.

"How long do you plan on making him  _suffer_?" she questioned with an accusing tone.

"Excuse me?"

"I am no fool. My son is not one with himself."

Could she  _feel_  Sesshomaru's beast or did Sesshomaru tell her?

"How could he be? He must hold himself back around you at all time." Her son gave her vague answers all morning, mostly telling her to mind her own business. Who did he take her for? She  _knew_ more than he gave her credit for..

Kagome frowned. "No he doesn't. I never asked anything of him."

Mizuki scoffed, although it sounded like a chuckle. "Child, what is he supposed to do? You're terrified of the  _real_  him. If he does not pretend, he will lose you."

Mizuki did not know why Kagome was terrified. They seemed rather happy together and it seemed they had  _chemistry_. Why did she not trust him?

"Pretend what?"

"Do you know so little about Inuyoukais? Why did you even  _mate_  him?" They were lying to her, straight to her face. She would play their little games because it was fun to pretend she did not know. "We are dominant, rough creatures. He is nothing but a docile  _dog_  for you. He does not even impose his status of alpha."

Dominant? That was what his  _beast_  was.

Memories flashed through her mind and his beast's words echoed in her mind. _That's it, come for your alpha. Submit to me! Why won't you submit to your alpha?_

Sesshomaru was not like that, he was kind and slow and… She inhaled deeply. Did he want to be rough?  _Not bad rough_ , she was sure, but rougher than he was? Did he want to  _take_  her? Did he feel those  _urges_?

"You know I am right, dear. You have seen my son, you have seen  _the other one,_ the half breed. We are not like this. He suffers. He misses your touch. Do you not notice how he tries to touch you? Why do you push him away, why do you not feel his needs?"

No, no,  _no!_  She talked to Sesshomaru; they agreed to be honest with each other. He told her he only wanted her and her happiness even when she told him he could want whatever he wanted. He would have told her if he was unhappy! She would not have pushed him away. But then – why did he leave just now?

"It's complicated. You don't know what happened. But I'm not trying to make him unhappy. I love him."

"Then let him go. You are not made for each other," she warned.

Before Kagome had a chance to reply, Mizuki walked away. Her words burned through her mind and Kagome felt tears come to her eyes.

After everything Sesshomaru and her went through… if it did not work out… what would be the point?

-B-

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have let her in."

Miyu stroke her daughter's hair as she lay in her bed. Kagome was  _trying_  not to cry. She knew something was wrong the moment Mizuki returned to the table.

"No, it was the right thing to do."

Clearly Sesshomaru's mother was persistent. If she was willing to track her down at the festival, she would have come around regardless.

"I'm just tired," she mumbled with her face stuffed in her pillow.

Miyu pressed a kiss on the side of Kagome's head and got up. She quickly checked on Kiyoshi before leaving the room and turning the light off.

Sesshomaru was no better than his mother. He left without saying a word and Miyu knew it was a part of the reason why Kagome was so upset. She did not meddle and she would not ask. If Kagome wanted her to know, she would tell her.

Kagome sighed as she flipped on her back. Did she not repetitively ask Sesshomaru if he was okay? She  _needed_  him to voice his opinion. He could not do this forever. Her happiness was not worth his. It was scary, she would not lie. Every time she thought about  _dominant_  and  _rough_ , she thought about his beast.

What if Mizuki was right? What if it was a part of Sesshomaru? Maybe it was part of him merging back with his beast; he was regaining his instincts.

She vividly remembered the way he picked her up and suddenly pushed her against the mirror as he sat her down on the counter. That was not bad. Actually it made her insides melt and her arousal grow. Maybe dominant just meant that he wanted to assert his desires better.

Not too long ago, they had this exact conversation. She told him to tell her whatever was on his mind. Why wasn't he doing that?

Discouraged, Kagome reached for the phone. She dialed his number and waited while the phone rang One ring, two rings, three rings… after the sixth she sighed. Maybe he never returned to his hotel room?

" _Kagome_?"

At the sound of his voice, her heart skipped. "Sesshomaru, I – can you come over?"

Silence. Maybe this was a bad idea. "I'm so-"

_"I'm on my way."_

Everyone was here and her mother was probably not asleep yet.

"Just come inside."

 _Click_. He did not say goodbye.

She sat up in her bed and crossed her legs to wait for him. Would he walk? Would he use his speed? It was night and nobody would see him. Though the question was, was Sesshomaru in a hurry to get to her?

Her answer came fairly quickly when a few seconds later a gush of wind manifested itself in her room. He stood in front of her in a white t-shirt and black pants.

"Why did you leave earlier?"

Sesshomaru watched her carefully. Her legs were pressed against her chest and her arms were wrapped around her knees. She was  _hurt_ , he could smell it.

"The situation and location were not appropriate."

"Your mother says you're not being yourself."

His eyebrow twitched. What did  _she_  do? "I am myself."

"She says you think you're going to scare me away if you're…" she paused and swallowed hard. " _Dominant_. She says you want to be my alpha, but you're too scared of losing me."

He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. Her eyes were locked on him and he knew he had to answer. What was he supposed to tell her? He was  _happy_ ; he had  _no problem_  with their current situation. Yes, Inuyoukais were dominant by nature but… dominance only brought pain to Kagome. He would never do that to her again. The stronger their bond became, the more he wanted to be with her but he would not be  _that_.

"I only want to be with you."

Kagome rose to her knees and tilted forward to put her hands on his chest. "Sesshomaru, tell me the truth. If you say she's wrong, then okay. But don't lie to me. We agreed we were going to make this work. I don't want you always holding yourself back. I don't want you doing everything  _I want_. If you tell me, we can work on it."

Her frustration transferred to him and he began to feel uneasy. "You are letting my mother do exactly as she wants. She  _wants_  you to doubt me."

"What did you talk about? Did you tell her about your beast?"

He shook his head.

"She  _knew_."

"My mother does not believe a human-youkai bond is strong. She is trying to prove a point and you are letting her win."

Kagome clenched her fingers around his shoulders. "But do you feel that way? Do you need my touch? Have you been feeling lonely?"

 _Of course_  he had. That was only natural.  _She_  was his family, she was his mate, his everything. "I do not believe that me missing you makes her right."

**Mate is not happy. Mate is scared. We are no good for her.**

He ignored the voice echoing in his mind and instead, gently stroked her hair. "I do not need anything else."

"I want you to be happy too, not just me." She said she would stay with him and be with him despite his beast, she said they would  _deal with it_. His happiness was also important to her.

"I am happy."

**You are, but only because you are selfish. Can't you feel her distress? She is not happy, she is miserable. She worries for you. Why do you make her worry for you?**

" _Shut up_."

It slipped him; he never meant to say it out loud.

She stared at him with concern dancing across her face.. She brought a hand to his cheeks and cupped it. "What's going on Sesshomaru?"

He leaned forward and pressed his forehead against hers. "He doesn't want you."

" _He_? – It?"

He nodded. "He says I'll make you miserable, that if I love you I have to let you go."

For a moment, her heart stopped beating. His mother said the same exact thing. She pressed her nose to his, her breath tickling his skin. "That's not true. You don't make me miserable."

She did not comment on the fact that his beast was making its presence known. She did not even want to deal with  _it_  right now. Why was it being so selfish? Did it not spend all that time wanting her, taking her? Now it wanted to toss her away?

"We don't have to listen to them, okay?"

"Them?"

"Your – your mother said that if I loved you, I should let you go. That we weren't meant for each other."

He growled low. He raised a hand and wrapped his fingers around her wrist, gently holding it. He buried his face in her neck and whimpered. Her mother hated him, so did her brother. His beast wanted to set her free and his mother was trying to stir trouble. Why was everyone trying to take her away from him? She was  _his_.

She  _wanted_  to be his.

**Now she is sad for you. Why do you make her sad?**

He shook his head, his lips brushing against her throat. He released her wrists and wrapped his arms tightly around her. He felt like he was losing her and it was terrifying.

"This is hard for you, isn't it?" she whispered.

No lies. "The bond – it is stronger for me. I  _feel_  it." She did not know when he was pleasuring himself he thought of her. She did not feel his unbearable need for her. He was the one inflicted with all of those emotions.

"I'm sorry."

He always re-assured her when she needed it but she never returned the favor. He looked like a hopeless little puppy holding on to her.

She lifted her body, forcing his head in the valley of her breasts. He looked up at her and she smiled. She pushed her hips forward, pressing them against his sturdy chest seductively. His breath caught in his throat and he refused to look away from her eyes. Did she not know that she did not have to try? That he wanted her no matter what?

Unfortunately, his urges were as high and unpredictable as they were when they made out in the bathroom. There was a reason why he left.

"Kagome," he began.

She put a finger to his lips. " _No_."

He made her feel better and now he was in pain. She would help him. She was not doing anything she did not want to do. Also, she would be lying if she said she did not want this. Her night of  _fun_  was not as satisfying as she hoped. All they had to do was be careful.

She crashed her lips against his and he immediately returned the kiss. His hands tangled with her hair, bringing her head closer. His tongue invaded her mouth and she moaned. His fingers quickly trailed down her back and fumbled with the fabric of her shirt. He used his hold on her to lay her down on the bed before releasing her mouth.

His lips quickly found the top of her breasts and he nibbled. Kagome squirmed under him and she ran her fingers lightly down his chest. A puddle of warmth was already forming between her legs and she involuntarily rocked her hips. He groaned at the contact and imitated her actions.

**Show her what you want. Show her why we are wrong for her.**

_Will you cease this non sense? You_ love _her. She wants us._

His beast was beginning to drive him crazy. Kagome was the one who started this, the one who wanted him. Why did he have to ruin it?

He guided his hands to the hem of her shirt and then looked at her for permission. She smiled and he lifted the clothing above her head, leaving her in her white bra. He ran his fingers across the smooth, creamy skin of her stomach and growled.  _Beautiful_. She giggled; his sounds making her stomach vibrate.

 _She's happy_.

Sesshomaru trapped her body between his legs as he laid over her. Her tiny fingers began to slide under his shirt to caress his warm flesh. Her nails were grazing his skin and he felt his erection grow larger. It was pressing painfully against his pants and begging for a release.

He did not know about her but his actions last night only left him more frustrated. Walking away from her earlier did not help either. Now she was pinned under him  _asking_  for more. He could not leave, she would not let him. Her long legs were wrapped around him, squeezing him and trapping him. He lapped at her neck, tasting her skin as his hand was softly caressing her breasts. She was arching her back and  _moaning_.

"Kagome," he said between kisses. "This is your mother's home. Everyone is here."

He did not need her mother finding him  _tangled up_  with her daughter.

"Everyone's in their room," she said breathless.

He smiled despite his intention of keeping a straight face. "I have not known you to be  _quiet_."

A blush covered her entire face and she avoided his gaze. "I – I'm not that loud."

He rested his arms against the bed and lifted himself up. "You are. You should ask our old neighbors."

She smacked his arm. "I am not." So, she made a few sounds, who didn't?

He wanted to tell her he did not want her to be quiet. He wanted to hear her, he wanted her to moan for him and to scream his name. Unfortunately, in the current situation it would mean stopping. If they were to keep going… it would have to go undetected by the people living in the house.

"If your mother -"

"You'll know if she's coming."

Now that he was more aware of his surroundings, he did feel slightly uncomfortable. It felt wrong to take her  _here_.

Kagome did not feel the same since she nuzzled her head under his chin, urging him to continue. She missed him too, even if it was just his presence. He worried for her and he felt pain because of her. Things were not settled yet but she did not want him scared of losing her. He did not do anything to cause that.

If she wanted him to voice his opinions and be more forward she had to do the same.

"Do you want me?" she asked innocently.

She was not even trying to tease him; she was being serious.

He opened his mouth to answer but she was not done speaking. "Does it hurt?"

Sesshomaru took hold of her wrist with his hand and brought it to his mouth so that he could kiss the inside of her palm. "You bring me no pain."

She wound her fingers around his shirt and tried to lift it. He raised his arms to help her and then pressed his bare chest against hers. He would make her forget the foolish things his mother said. He would  _keep_  that woman  _away_  from her.

He lowered his fingers until he found the button for her pants and snapped it open. Her zipper was quickly taken care of and before she knew it, her pants were coming off. He tossed them on the ground before running his fingers down her thighs to grip her flesh. He  _missed_  her.

Kagome rolled her hips as she felt heat travel through her body. Her heart was pounding and his fingers were sending chills down her spine. "Off," she managed to whisper.

He looked at her slightly confused until she pointed at his pants. Both times she was completely naked before he even began to undress himself. Not this time.

Sesshomaru was pleased to obey and quickly got rid of his pants. He repositioned himself but this time he trapped her between his legs. He buried his nose on her stomach, inhaling her divine scent before tasting her skin. His erection was now obvious through his boxer and Kagome was made very aware of it when he pressed it against her clothed core.

Immediately, her womanhood became drenched. His nose did not fail to inform him of that detail and he pushed into her one more time. His hands made their way to the bra and he quickly undid it and watched as her breasts were revealed to him. They were still large and heavy with milk. He carefully kneaded the sensitive flesh. He suckled her nipples while she squirmed underneath him.

" _Sesshou,_ " she moaned.

He whispered a shush against her breast before he continued nibbling.

As much as he was dying to hear her say his name in pleasure, he was not going to risk it. While he focused all of his attention on her breasts, Kagome wriggled her legs free. She tried to warp her legs around his waist but each time, her foot kept sliding. Her attempts caused his underwear to be dragged down until his length broke free.

He hissed at the contact of his cock against her wet panties and he found himself breathless. If he pushed, just a bit more, it would go in regardless of her panties.

Sesshomaru was reaching out for her underwear, ready to take it off when two little hands on his arms stopped him. "Wait," she panted.

She tried to look away in an attempt to hide the red blush on her face. She knew of one thing that was satisfying for her, one thing that he  _actually_  somewhat expressed he liked. She did not mind it, so why not? Her core was throbbing with need and her body was on fire. She pulled herself away from him and from that point on he watched all of her movements very carefully.

Kagome removed her own panties before taking a deep breath. She could not believe she was the one initiating this. Her heart was beating so fast that it hurt. She clumsily positioned herself on all fours giving him quite the view, before turning back to look at him.

"L-like this."

He never meant to share with her that he  _wanted_  that but his thoughts connected with hers. They had tried it and nothing bad happened. She enjoyed it. Now however, she felt like her face was on fire and it was taking everything she had to look in his direction. This was not supposed to be uncomfortable. They were growing accustomed to each other's presence… would it ever be easier?

Sesshomaru wanted to move, he really did, but he was frozen in place. She was right there in front of him with her ass up in the air and her glistening core shoved in his face,  _begging_  for him. He would have taken her  _any way_  he did not care. But this, it made a roar rumble through his chest and without thinking; he sank his claws into the bed beneath him.

She was offering herself to him so willingly that it hurt.

Kagome watched him stay like a statue and she swallowed hard. Did she do something bad? Was this a bad idea after all?

"Se-sshomaru?" she tried, her voice shaking.

He clenched his jaw, cursing at himself mentally. He wanted her to know how perfect this was and he certainly did not want her to feel bad about it.

Sesshomaru lowered himself on the bed and crawled in the direction of her body. Once she felt his hands caressing their way up to her rear, she turned her head to stare right ahead. They did do this position before but they did not  _start_  that way.

His large body covered her, his chest against her back while he whispered in her ear. "Are you sure?" He just – he needed to make sure she was comfortable but he did not think he could handle it if she changed her mind. He was not inside of her yet and he was ready to  _finish_.

She nodded while his arms found their way around her waist. He rested his head on her shoulder and pressed kisses on her flesh. He raised his hips higher and dragged his erection along her core, trying to find the entrance. He did not want to let go of her, he wanted to hold her tight. Finally, the tip of cock touched her dripping womanhood and he groaned.

Slowly, he thrust in her.

Kagome silently gasped as he filled her and stretched her. She tried to breathe but she could not, instead, she dragged her nails along the sheets. Once he was fully inside, he stopped to enjoy the feeling. So warm, so  _wet_ … so fertile. He threw his head back before grabbing hold of her hips. Then, he pulled himself out only to push back in roughly.

Her knees buckled and she did her best to keep her lips tightly shut.  _Quiet, quiet_ , she kept repeating to herself. Sesshomaru was trying to keep a pleasing pace but with the way her ass was smacking against him it was becoming rather difficult. His hands were sliding, almost resting on her behind. He wanted to squeeze the flesh but instead he only caressed it.

Kagome was moaning and he knew he should try to keep her quiet but he did not want to. He missed the way she said his name in the midst of passion. She was tightening around him, moving her hips out of her own accord.

" _Sesshoma-ru._ "

He felt like a bubble of lust was surrounding them. Every pulse of pleasure she felt, he experienced as well. The dizzier with desire she became, the more he felt himself slipping away.

This was  _much better_  than his hand.

He was not even aware of the damages he was inflicting on her pillows with his claws. All he felt was her tight, warm sheath squeezing him.

And her mother.

 _Her mother_.

"Ka-gome." It came out more like a groan than a warning.

"Ugn."

"You-r mother."

Her eyes snapped open and she stiffened. A few more seconds went by and this time she could hear the footsteps.

All Sesshomaru could think about was how he was not leaving her insides. No,  _not_  when he was this riled up. His eyes snapped in the direction of the door of her personal bathroom. Using all his restraint and speed, he moved them to the other room. Kagome's stomach made a _smacking_  sound as it hit the wall. She was trapped between Sesshomaru and the wall with his long length still deep inside of her.

They were both holding their breaths as the door of her bedroom opened. "Kagome?" her mother said softly.

As Kagome grew nervous, she unconsciously squeezed down tightly around him and he held back a groan. The problem was that she was not letting go. He was pulsing inside of her, enjoying her sweet torture. He wanted to move, he  _had_  to move.

She had her head pressed to the door, listening.

"Kagome?" her mother tried again.

She was going to have to say something… "I'm in the bathroom."

Silence. "Is something wrong?" Kagome dared to ask.

"No, I just – I wanted to make sure you were okay. I heard noises."

"I'm f-fine." Her eyes widened as she felt Sesshomaru slowly move inside of her.

He did not mean to but  _damn_  it, she would not stop squeezing. He felt ready to explode.

"Okay, goodnight then."

"Go-od night."

Miyu was about to leave when suddenly a white shirt on the floor caught her eye. That was  _not_  Kagome's. Her eyes trailed further up until she noticed more clothes on the bed along with  _clawed_ pillows. She looked at the bathroom door and sighed.

She would not… intervene but she did not approve.

She closed the door behind her, walking down the hall with a longing look in her eyes. Uneasiness swirled through her and she felt she was not going to get much rest tonight.

Meanwhile, not far away, just outside the shrine, Mizuki was having a different reaction.

 _Hn_. This girl was  _stubborn_.

-B-


	88. Head to Head

A loud scream pulled Kagome from her deep sleep while the rising sun was still making its ascent into the sky. A warm feeling surrounded her and she found herself leaning into it. She nuzzled her face against the soft skin while the arms around her waist tightened just a little more. The cries increased and she tried to pull herself away to get up as a frown appeared on her face.

Unfortunately for her, she met resistance and was unable to free herself. Suddenly, a kiss was pressed on her forehead and the arms released her. "I will take care of it."

 _Sesshomaru_.

The previous night's events flooded her mind quickly. They managed to finish their little activity even though her mother almost caught them. He meant to leave right after, which was the safest thing to do, but she remembered asking him to lay with her. Then, they apparently fell asleep or at least  _she_  did.

Sesshomaru was wearing nothing but his boxers as he sat up and approached the crib. Gently, he picked up his son and began to rock him in his arms.  _He missed this_. Frankly, he should have left last night because this only made it harder for him. How was he supposed to go back to his empty hotel room now?

Actually, he tried to leave. Unfortunately, even in her sleep, she refused to let him go. The moment he moved, she grabbed his hand and held on. He could have easily freed himself from her hold but he chose not to. It felt like forever ago since he last fell asleep with her in his arms.

Kagome sat up in the bed and Sesshomaru's shirt lifted up to her upper thigh. She observed the scene in front of her with a smile on her face.

Last night was the first time she witnessed Sesshomaru let his control slip. In a good way of course. She did not know if it was because he listened to her and shared what  _he_  wanted or because he held back so much that he reached his limit. Even this morning, he seemed more at ease and relaxed than usual.

Obviously, they still had ways to go but she felt like finally, they had progressed.

"Your mother seems quite upset."

It was mostly the reason why he did not sleep. Miyu was restless the whole night and even now, she was not pleased. Did she know he was here?

"Do you think-"

"I am not sure."

Kagome did not even know how she would explain this situation to her mother. Regardless of her past with Sesshomaru, what they did showed a lack of respect. This was her mother's home and there were rules to follow.

"I should leave," he said with a hint of sadness in his voice. If her mother had not found out about him spending the night yet, he would not risk it. Leaving now was safer even though the simple thought of leaving Kagome and Kiyoshi behind crushed his heart.

Kagome nodded and sighed; he was right.

Sesshomaru put Kiyoshi back in his crib; the little boy was a little feisty even now. He tried to soothe his son with his aura but it did not do much. He turned around to look at Kagome and then bent down to press a kiss on her lips. Immediately, Kagome wrapped her arms around his neck and deepened the embrace.

It turned out to be a mistake.

The room still smelled like sex. Her hair was tousled. Her skin was soft. He  _wanted_  her. Sesshomaru found himself nibbling on her bottom lip, grazing his fangs against the inside of it. Her tongue poked out and invaded his mouth. Before he realized what he was doing, he laid her down on her bed with his large body covering hers.

He dug his fingers in the smooth creamy skin of her thighs, his claws gently poking at her flesh. The closer his hands got to her womanhood, the more her arousal grew. So wet.

It was not until she moaned when his left hand rose to glide across her breast that he snapped out of it.

She was appetizing and tempting. Last night, it took every ounce of will power he possessed to cum outside of her. Her moans, her begging, the way she  _whispered_  his name; all of it was overwhelming. They were extremely wrapped up in their little world and he was certain that  _at that moment_  she would have welcomed his seed inside of her.

It made it much harder.

"I should leave," he repeated, his breath nothing but a tickle against her heated skin.

"Yeah," she breathed out while her chest heaved each time she inhaled.

A blush crept up on her cheeks and she was barely able to hold his gaze. She felt like they were two teenagers sneaking around who were not able to keep their hands off of each other.

He briefly brushed his lips against hers before releasing his hold on her waist. He would like to use the front door but it was too risky. It left him with the window. Although, this time it was a bit more awkward since it was the morning and people were out and about.

Sesshomaru looked at his family one more time before speeding out of Kagome's bedroom in his underwear, leaving behind nothing more than a gush of wind.

Kagome rose to her feet and leaned against Kiyoshi's crib. His cheeks were stained with his tears but he was no longer looking for attention. She stretched out her hand and softly brushed his cheek. She felt  _selfish_. She missed his presence, she called him over and then he was forced to leave. Moving in with him would fix everything but –

 _But_ …

-B-

"Sesshomaru didn't stay over for breakfast?"

At her mother's words, Kagome froze on the stairs. She tightened her grip on Kiyoshi and swallowed hard. A million lies, a million explanations ran through her mind but none of them made it to her mouth. There was nothing to say, nothing to lie about.

Lying would probably make it worse actually.

"I'm sorry," was all Kagome could say as she finished the last few steps.

Miyu tapped her fingers against the counter, her chest heavy. She was glad Kagome did not try to lie or cover it up but it did not make it all better. Kagome could choose to be with Sesshomaru if she wanted; it was  _her_  life. No, Miyu was not comfortable with her choice but it was not her call.

"I do understand that the situation between you two is complicated and,"

"I'm sorry we were disrespectful. It won't happen again – we didn't plan…" She did not try to stop it or anything but… well now that she was face to face with her mother she felt extremely guilty.

"A warning would also be nice."

Walking in on the scene was unpleasant to say the less. Especially since she went there because she was concerned for Kagome and Kiyoshi. She quickly learned  _nobody_  was  _injured_.

"It wasn't like that. We – I was upset – his mother – she's  _horrible_."

She might have appreciate it better if Mizuki was straight forward and  _told_ Kagome just how much she disliked her. Instead, she was sneaky and rude while remaining polite. Regardless, Kagome could not care less if Mizuki thought Sesshomaru and she should not be together. Nobody was going to tell them how to live their lives.

"She's -"

"Nasty," Kagome finished.

Miyu offered her daughter a smile. "Are you hungry?"

Kagome nodded and sat down at the table. She let out a small breath of relief. She knew her mother was not pleased with what happened but at least there was not any awkward tension. However, Kagome would make sure that nothing like  _that_ happened in the shrine again.

Thinking about last night made her blush. It turned out to be more  _intense_  than what she was used to. Despite the  _mind blowing_  effect of their activities she did not forget what he said before they indulged in the pleasures of the flesh. His beast did not like her. The one who  _forced_  them together truly did not want her anymore.

As twisted and sick as it sounded, it bothered her. The beast was eventually going to be a part of Sesshomaru and the more he disliked her, the harder it made the merging. Before she could not get it to give her a break and now she could not get it to like her? How were they going to fix that situation?

Kagome was snapped out of her thoughts when her mother dropped a plate in front of her. Still smiling, she sat beside her daughter. "Kagome?"

She turned her head to give her mother all of her attention.

Miyu sighed, unsure how to approach the subject. "Where is all of this going? You and Sesshomaru?"

Her dislike of Sesshomaru was no secret but most of all, Miyu did not want her daughter caught in the unknown. This style of life was fine as long as they had a goal set for the end.

"I – I don't know. I do want to be with him, I just. There's so much left to deal with."

"And you don't think you can handle what's to come?"

"No, I think I can." If she could make it through everything that happened in her life so far, then she could live through anything.

"Then why the hesitation?"

"What if it doesn't work out? What if – Sesshomaru is not Sesshomaru when he's whole? What if – he's not being himself because he's scared of hurting me? I don't want him spending his whole life holding back."

"Did you tell him?"

"Over and  _over_  again." She just was not sure that he actually listened to her.

"Maybe he needs time. If you're really important to him, then obviously he's going to be scared of losing you. You two share…" she paused, "a difficult past."

That was  _one way_  to put it.

"I know. It's just… every time we seem to catch a break, something happens."

Hopefully his mother would not be adding to the mess. Kagome would be  _thrilled_  if they never saw her again.

"If it's meant to be, it'll work out."

Miyu really wanted to give her daughter better advice but as long as she felt the way she did towards Sesshomaru, it would be hard to do so. She truly hoped that one day she would see him the same way her daughter did.

She stretched out her arm and ran her finger through her daughter's bangs. "It'll be alright, I promise."

Kagome gave her a faint nod and leaned her head down to kiss her son. He was another person to consider in all of this. His needs came before hers. It became harder to ignore the fact that her son was missing his father. Sesshomaru seemed to be the only one to be able to fully calm him down. Perhaps it was selfish to keep him with her all the time…

Maybe she could let Sesshomaru have him for a few days?

That thought made her chest compress with agony. She was  _never_  far from her son. Especially not throughout the night. She did not even think she would be able to handle being away from him. It only left her with one possibility; stay over at Sesshomaru's hotel every now and then. Unfortunately, even that solution made her feel guilty.

She got to be with her son  _all the time_  and Sesshomaru did not.

Why was this so difficult? Why did she not see this coming?

Actually, she did. She simply did not think it would hurt this much.

Suddenly, Kagome felt tiny fingers grabbing her nose. Kiyoshi was looking up at her as if he could sense her sadness. She almost forgot how sensitive to her feelings he was.

"It'll be alright," she promised. "Mommy's gonna figure it out."

She reached out for his little hand and pressed her warm lips to it. Even when she was living in the past, in hell, she always thought about how he would come first. That would never change.

Kagome also needed to realize this was not a decision she could make alone. It involved Sesshomaru too. For so long, he let her make all the decisions to make her feel more comfortable.. His opinion mattered.

They both needed to work on that.

-B-

"I am  _not_  opening the door."

"Would you rather I break it down? I will you know."

Sesshomaru let out a sigh before pinching the bridge of his nose. His mother decided to annoy the hell out of him today. She even let her youki out as if to make sure he would sense her as she stood on the other side of the door.  _As if_  he could ignore her annoying presence.

Without any other options coming to mind, he opened the door. He did not invite her in. Instead, he left it open and walked back to the bed.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" he questioned irritably.

"Can't a mother simply visit her son?"

"A normal mother, yes. Not you."

He never saw much of his mother. He was raised by nannies and once he was old enough, his father oversaw his education – or rather his training. His mother simply remained in her castle taking care of herself, and herself only, as she had always done. Now that he was wiser and older it did not surprise him that his father sought attention elsewhere.

"I gave birth to you did I not? I believe it is enough."

Her son was too much like his father; it was almost disappointing.

"Hn."

She laughed before sitting down beside him. "I enjoyed dinner last night."

"Did you enjoy telling Kagome that she should release me from our bond?"

The smile on her lips never faded. "I underestimated her, I will give her that." She expected a small breakdown or even some doubts. Instead the girl hurried to prove her wrong. It would certainly make this whole thing rather interesting. "I do still mean what I said however."

"She makes me happy. As my  _mother_  it should be enough for you."

"If you were happy, you would not be so  _divided_."

He frowned. "That is my own fault. I caused the dispute between my beast and I."

She smirked. "Then, you are only holding back because you do not enjoy being what you are." She faked a sigh and pressed her hand against her chest. "Here I was thinking it was because you were afraid to hurt her or even bring back bad memories."

Sesshomaru did not hesitate to close some of the distance between them as he snarled. "I do not need to be an animal to be happy."

"No, not now," she said as she reached out for his bangs. She gently brushed them away from his forehead with a kind touch. "But how long will that last? Ignoring who you are and what you want is the reason you are in this situation, Sesshomaru."

"I will fix it."

She arched an eyebrow. "Fix what?"

"My beast."

"But you  _do_  want the girl. What is there to fix?"

This was not a conversation he wanted to have with his mother. This was not information he wanted her to have. Yet, he did not have anyone else to ask.

"It does not want her anymore."

"Then you also got your father's pride and ego." She pulled her hand away and allowed it to drop on her lap. "She does not want it does she?"

"How  _could_  she?" he growled. "After everything it did to her, she never will."

"She forgave you. Do not think I forgot your previous dislike for humans. Although, you did keep that young child around."

Her words were not harsh. They were almost helpful. "What are you up to?"

"Whatever do you mean?"

"You told her to let me go. Why are you trying to convince me this can be fixed?"

"I only want my son to be whole. I still strongly believe she cannot handle who you are and that if you hold back forever you will end up miserable. The two of you will not work out. However, she is the key to fixing you. We cannot toss her aside right away."

That time, his control snapped.

Before Sesshomaru was conscious of his actions, he had already slammed his mother against the nearest wall and his fingers were wrapped around her neck.

"I will  _never_  toss her aside," he barked.

Mizuki's joy only grew. "Of course. Not as long as you're mated to her. If we take care of that situation, I am not certain you will feel the same way."

His anger broke for a brief instant. "You cannot undo a mating."

"Yes you can. And she will agree to it."

"She would not."

"Think about it carefully Sesshomaru. If she thinks this bond is stronger for you, that it hurts you, she will want to  _save_  you. She will release you from the mating to lessen your pain."

He wanted to scream at his mother that Kagome would never agree but he was not sure. If his mother sugar coated it, Kagome might just go for it. She already felt guilty because she thought he was suffering.

"You will never have a chance to tell her."

"Why not? I planned on visiting my grandson."

"I strongly believe that you are no longer a welcomed guest in that house."

"I do not think you are either after what you two did last night."

His eyes widened.

"You do not believe I would simply  _leave_  after issuing her a challenge, do you?"

"Why are you doing this?"

"I only want what is best for my son. If she is, so be it. I simply do not think she can make you happy in the long run. There is too much damage, too much is broken."

"We will fix it."

"Why spend forever patching up broken things when you could start new? I am certain she will allow you to see your son. She can make her own life and you will have yours. The boy will still be your heir. Nothing stops you from loving him and giving him everything."

She took hold of his wrist and pulled his hand away from her throat. "What kind of life is this for your son? He has no home with you and he only gets to see you when it is convenient for  _her_. He needs his father in his life, probably more than he needs his mother."

Sesshomaru grew up fine without her. He might not have turned out the same if Inutaisho did not raise him.

"She is a better person than I am."

"She is  _selfish_."

His fingers twitched, threatening to attack her again.

"No need to be  _reckless_ ," she teased. "I did warn you that holding back was not good for you."

"This is not because of her. This is because of you,  _Mother_."

"Then do it, Sesshomaru. Prove to me she can make you happy."

She stared into his eyes, lingering for a few moments to let her words sink in. Then, Mizuki pushed him away and walked herself out of his apartment.

Her words rung in his mind but he felt no fear. Kagome already made him happy and he could not care less about his mother's opinion.

 **She is right**.

He ignored  _it_ , he ignored  _her_.

He had the life he never knew wanted, the one he almost lost, and the one he fought for.

He was not letting go.

-B-

_Knock. Knock._

It was soft, barely audible.

For a moment, he thought it was his mother returning and he nearly growled. However, the second he smelled her and  _felt_  her, he relaxed. He rushed to the door and once he opened it, he found Kagome on the other side, her hands resting on the bar of the stroller. Kiyoshi looked asleep, tucked into his blue blanket.

"Hey," she shyly said.

He moved out of the way to allow her inside and closed the door behind her.

"Sorry to drop by uninvited."

Sesshomaru immediately reached out for her hand and intertwined their fingers. "You are always welcome."

After the frustration he felt because of his talk with his mother, her presence was most soothing. Her touch was enough to calm him and give him peace of mind.

"Is something wrong?"

She shook her head. "I just-" This was going to be a long conversation. "My mom knows." She blushed. "About last night."

"Am I correct to assume I am no longer welcomed?"

"She was upset but she didn't say anything like that. She's just – it's hard for her. That's all."

He nodded before releasing her hand. He then wasted no time in wrapping his arms around her waist and bringing her body closer.

"I am sorry for my lack of control."

"I'm the one who didn't have any." He was wary about her mother being nearby but she insisted. She did not regret what they did, simply some of the circumstances.

It did not matter; he felt like he should always know best. After all the years he had to change and grow, he should be more careful.

"But that's not why I came here. I – I don't think it's fair for you to be away from Kiyoshi."

His heart sunk at her words. Was it killing him to be away from his son? Yes. Would it hurt him more to take him away from her?  _Yes_.

"Kagome- "

"He's your son too. You should get to spend time with him and he misses you."

"He would be more comfortable staying with you. I do believe he spent enough time in a hotel room."

"He won't notice. He'll just feel your presence."

"He should stay with you."

"Sessh-"

"It is for the best."

"But lis-"

"Kagome-"

" _Damn it!_ I'm  _trying_  to tell you something!"

Both of them remained a bit surprised as her temper slipped. She did not mean to get angry but he was falling back into old habits already.

"What do  _you_  want? Ignore me. Pretend I don't exist. What would you want?"

He wanted to give her the typical answer he would give her but from the way she was glaring at him he could tell that was a bad idea.

"I want to see my son."

"Good, then this is how."

"You cannot be far from him. It will hurt you."

"So instead  _you_  should hurt?"

His answer was going to sound moronic. "Yes." She suffered enough for a lifetime because of him.

"Sesshomaru, it can't work like this. I don't like your mom but she is right. You can't pretend all the time. You can't ignore your feelings. I love you. All of you. Stop thinking you're going to scare me away because it won't happen. If we don't work out, it won't be because I'm terrified of you or because you express yourself."

She leaned into his embrace, the warmth of his body spreading to her. "Last night turned out pretty good," she said trying to stop the blush from reaching her cheeks.

He resisted the urge to chuckle. She was completely oblivious to how close he came to losing control and putting them in a situation they did not want to be in at the moment. It was safer for them to  _not_  repeat it until her heat was over.

"And I also wanted to talk to you."

Suddenly, her tone sounded much serious and he pulled away from her. "Is something the matter?"

"I think I've been selfish," she blurted out, avoiding his eyes. "Kiyoshi really misses you and I keep you living here and – Kiyoshi needs you  _and_  me."

He tried to keep his heartbeat down, he tried not to let his emotions over rule him – it used to be very easy for him.

"I mean you can't keep living  _here_  until we sort it out. What kind of life is that? And Kiyoshi will need to see you and I just – I don't know how to fix any of it," she finally admitted.

Sesshomaru raised his hand and cupped her cheek. "There is nothing to fix. You have done nothing wrong."

"You live in a hotel. Our son misses you. Your mother  _hates_  me. My mother doesn't really like you. Your  _beast_  hates me." She sighed. "Anyone else I need to add to the list of people who hate me?"

"My mother's opinion is of very little importance.  _Its_  opinion was never important."

"I'm tired of you being two people. It can't feel good for you. And you said it yourself; you feel the bond stronger than I do. It's not fair to you."

"I have had more time to come to terms with everything. You have not."

"I  _want_  to."

"Kagome, I am not leaving you unless you want me to. You have  _all_  the time; there is no need for you to rush the process."

He wanted nothing more than for them to go through life without fears but he knew he had to wait for them to mend the wounds he brought upon her. If he had to wait forever, he  _would_.

"I will buy a house. The first one I find if it makes the whole situation more comfortable."

"I don't need you spending money recklessly."

He chuckled. "I do not think you realize how much money I have."

She knew he had a lot. After all he paid for all of their travels and hotels. They were gone for quite a while too. She never did educate herself much about his life though. Now that she was thinking about it, she felt rude.

"I – just – it's not necessary. I mean unless…" It never occurred to her how uncomfortable it might be for him to live in a hotel. Ever since she came into his _modern_  life he had to leave his home. Maybe he wanted a place to call his own. "If you want a  _home_ , then, I mean, I won't stop you."

"My home is where you and my son are."

She covered his hand with hers. "I know." His words were so truthful they almost hurt. "But if you wanted somewhere more appropriate, somewhere other than a hotel room for once – I'm sorry I went against your idea. You can do what you want. It's your life and your money."

He always thought the next home he bought would be for him and his family. He had to live in very  _bad_  situation in the past as he made the transition from the old world to the new old. This was nothing; this was even luxurious.

Sesshomaru was about to answer her when a familiar presence tickled him. His eyes lifted and he glared at the door. Without thinking, he bore his fangs and a growl escaped him.

Kagome went rigid but she remained by his side. She peered at the door, a bad feeling washing over her. "Who is it?"

"My mother." Again.

An invitation was clearly not needed for her as she opened the door regardless of the  _bad_  vibes coming from her son. She walked in with a smile on her face as if she was completely welcomed and loved.

"Kagome." Her attention was quickly focused on someone else. Kiyoshi.

She was about to bend down to reach out for her grandson when Kagome moved in the way.

"I don't think so."

"You will prevent your son from seeing his grandmother?"

"Oh no, he does see his grandmother."

Kagome disliked her for more reason than before. She introduced herself under false pretenses, lied and then… she managed to shake Kagome's confidence. Sesshomaru and she had enough obstacles to overcome and now that the road ahead was finally calmer and smoother they did not need anyone messing it up.

Mizuki smiled but remained silent. The girl  _liked_  to prove her wrong; she liked to win against her. How unfortunate that Mizuki could so easily crush her. She had nothing against her really; she was smart, beautiful and she was the Shikon Miko. Heck, she even had a little attitude that was admirable.

But she would break his son's heart. She was going to leave and it was a good thing because she was not fit to be his. She could not handle who Sesshomaru was.

She could prove it. She thought she did last time, after all she smelled the tears and how upset she was, but it all came apart.

Tonight, it would not.

"You cannot be with him," she spoke softly.

"Mother we – "

"I heard you two speak." She turned her head to look at her son. "You did not think I would leave you without watching over you? This is quite a nice hotel."

She would no longer need to hide her aura while residing in the room next door it seemed.

"What is left to figure out? If you cannot accept him now, you never will? Do you think the fears will dissipate? That the nightmares will stop? If you do not love him as a whole now, you will never be worthy of him. You never were."

Many emotions flashed through Kagome's eyes and Mizuki almost chuckled. Yes, she reminded her of Izayoi so much. The most human of humans.

Kagome felt her power wanting to surge but she kept herself calm. She could hardly control the height and intensity of her new powers and Sesshomaru and her son were in the room; she had no desire to harm them as well.

"I do love him."

"Not all of him."

"Whoever he is in the end, I will love him."

Even if it did not work, even if they failed, the feelings and the memories would remain. She learned to love and ignore the hate, she learned to forgive and give him her heart regardless of the history they shared. They would always be mated, no matter what they chose to do, and he would always be Kiyoshi's father.

"Fear is not love. Do not let him sacrifice who he is for you. He already has given you enough."

"I have never seen you before. Not then, not now. Why do you care?"

"Do you know the privilege you were given when he mated you?  _Of course not_. You became a part of the House of the Moon. By mating only, but nonetheless. Me, my son and his son are the only ones of blood left. If you had been there back then – if you had seen us –  _it meant everything_. Why do you think he is so powerful? Why do you think I am?"

She took a step forward. "You were given a privilege. Unfortunately, my son made a stupid decision. You are not right for him. Maybe you were but you were broken."

"I was ne-"

"Never broken? Yes you were, dear. Even if you never gave in, do you not fear his red eyes? Did you not fear intimacy? You  _were_  and still are broken. You will always be."

Kagome wanted to argue, to tell her to stop speaking lies. She never considered herself broken  _by_  his beast, only by the pain. She never surrender, she always fought him the best she could.

"Let him go or face him."

Mizuki focused her attention on her son. "You only have the title of Lord because your father passed away. I am still the Lady of the House of the Moon. I  _am_  still your alpha, Sesshomaru."

She did not want to do this to him but they both refused to listen to her. How could they not see she was doing this for their own good? In the end, if they kept going down this path, they would only hurt each other.

Her son needed to be free. He needed to be an inuyoukai. She remembered his cold exterior, his pride… it was all gone. She did not think a few centuries could change someone so much.

She stepped towards him and put her palm flat against his chest. "You hate me currently, but it will still recognize me as its alpha."

Mizuki allowed her youki to slip free and graze against her son's. She was demanding his beast. It alone could prove her point.

**She is right.**

_She is wrong. You heard Kagome speak. She will love us no matter what._

**When we are one, when I can longer come and out and control us.**

Sesshomaru wanted to say that it would not matter to her. That she loved him now even though there were still risks. But that was the thing. She loved  _him_  but only that one part of him. The outcome with his beast… was it not the reason they were not a family? The reason they lived apart? The reason she did not want him to propose to her?

His need to be close to her grew with each day. His side of the bond was straightening and hers remained the same.

He did not want her to face his beast because he feared if she did, she would leave him. If he could never be fixed, if he could never be one, would she want this nonetheless?

"Mother, stop your foolishness."

"Why are you afraid?"

Her question caused Kagome's heartbeat to speed up.

"She is human. She will die before you regardless of the mating mark you placed upon her. She will be gone and you will be free to find someone else. I have never seen you afraid before."

"I have never had anything to lose." He was powerful, he was everything. He knew nobody could ever take anything from him. Until she came along.

"That has not changed."

This time, she surged her power and blast him through the chest, sending him flying into the nearest wall. "I command you," she spoke with a firm tone.

Kagome rushed to his side and kneeled beside him. She put her hands on his shoulder with concern shining in her eyes. "Sesshomaru?"

She brushed the bangs away from his face and cupped his cheek to lift his head. Then, she froze. His eyes remained closed but she  _knew_. She did not need to see  _them_  to feel it.

But he opened them anyway. Red eyes stared up at her and she could not even look away.

He raised his hands and squeezed down on her arms, holding her in place. " **You cannot be with us. You will not find happiness."**

"I love him," she said with a steady voice.

She remembered last night and this morning. Moments of love and moments of happiness. Not even  _it_  could take her joy and hope away from her. He never could.

" **Love is not enough.**   **I loved you and it brought me nothing**." He risked everything to have her; to love her and she never returned the feeling.

"When he has me, you -" Why was it so hard to admit it? "You have me too."

 **"I will never have your heart**."

"You don't need my heart. You never did. You never wanted it." If he had, he would have treated her differently despite the 'ways of his time'.

The beast stared at her but she held firm. She did not want to be one to look away. She was never going to be intimidated by him again.

" **I will let you have him**."

Her heart skipped.

" **If you kiss _me_.** "

-B-


	89. Same Lips

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, it's the rude girl who kept you waiting with a cliffhanger OTL. I'm sorry. Thank you for reading and sticking with me.
> 
> Also, this is not beta and I am very sleepy.
> 
> Second also, on my profile you can find a little section where I say, Wanna know what I'm up to? And there's the % of completion of each chapter and the date that number was updated. (For those who messaged me, wanting to know when the update will be, now you don't have to wait for me to reply!).

_Kiss me_.

His words echoed in her head and suddenly she forgot how to breathe. It wanted her to kiss him out of her own will? No blackmailing, no forcing her? No, of course she did not want to kiss him, she never did. He was the one who ruined her life. Her lips were trembling and she was frozen in time. If she did not do it then he would stand in the way forever. If she did do it then…

Then she did not know what would happen.

She said she loved him, she said she wanted this to work because she needed him in her life.

But this was  _him_. The monster from her nightmares, the one that took everything from her.

It glared at her with those red eyes, challenging her and waiting for her to prove it right. She did not want it to win but she felt it would win either way. Did she really have to play this game? Maybe she did. After all, this was it. This was the moment she dreaded. She managed to build herself back up, she managed to trust Sesshomaru and actually have a relationship with him and now that almost all the pieces were together, it did this. She always knew it was coming but she hoped she would be able to escape it.

" **What is your decision?** "

She wanted to yell at him and tell him to shut up. How dare he rush her after everything he put her through, after ruining her life?

Then again…it was only a kiss, right?

Once upon a time, it meant a lot. Even now she remembered her first kiss, the one she shared with Inuyasha. It was sweet and it was special. This would not be.

For Kami's sake, it was just a kiss, she tried to tell herself again as her stomach churned.

She should be able to do it. Everything had a price did it not? Long ago, she thought if you believed in something and worked hard enough, you could achieve happiness. She was wrong. You had to pay for it. If she wanted a life with Sesshomaru she had to give up a part of herself; the part that was afraid.

Her whole body began to quake as she took her first step forward. She expected a reaction from him but obtained none. He simply kept staring at her with those dreadful red eyes. Oh how she prayed for the day she would never have to look at them again.

After she took another step she decided she needed to remind herself why she was doing this. For herself. For Sesshomaru. She told him she loved him and that she  _wanted_  to be with him. If she could not do this…it would all feel like a lie. She  _chose_  to love Sesshomaru and she always knew what it entitled; accepting all of him.

Another step.

And then another.

Eventually, she forced herself to close her eyes; it made it easier.

By the time she opened them again she found herself right in front of him. If that was not enough she could also see his  _mother_  from the corner of her eye. Did  _she_  really have to be here to witness this? Of course! According to her Kagome was not good enough for her son. She had to prove two people wrong today.

As she swallowed she came to the conclusion that he was tall. Did Sesshomaru always appear this tall? Maybe it was because he usually bent down to kiss her. The beast was not going to make it easier for her.

" **Your time is ruining out.** "

"I can take as much time as I want," she spat out.

"Do you not  _love_  my son? This  _is_  my son."

No, it was not him. It was just a non-evolved, monstrous version of Sesshomaru. She had to prove herself but he never had to; it was unfair. "I love Sesshomaru. I am just wondering why I have to do something and you don't?"

" **I will let you have him _._** "

"It's not enough. It doesn't cost you anything."

" **A kiss costs you something**?"

"You know it does."

" **What do you expect from me**?"

"If I do this, you have to make amends."

" **How**?"

"Figure it out." She did not know how he could ever make this up to her. Actually, he could not but she needed him to try. She needed to believe there was some good deep inside the beast. First, he raped her and mistreated her. Now, he was trying to take Sesshomaru away from her. Nothing he ever did was  _good_.

" **Kiss me.** "

Hopefully, this was its way of agreeing to the deal.

Kagome dared to raise a quavering hand and rested it on his shoulder. Using her new grip, she lifted herself onto her tippy toes. She was about to lean forward when he took her by surprise by wrapping an arm around her waist. It did steady her better but it also pressed her against his body. She knew this body, she explored it with her hands but at the moment it felt very foreign.

She regained her composure fairly quickly and resumed her previous action. Her lips were so close to his that they were brushing against each other. She began closing her eyes when he squeezed her hip.

" **Keep them open**."

Obviously he did not even want her to pretend it was not him she was kissing. It had to be  _him_. The kiss was already going to be awkward as hell and now she had to do it with open eyes.

Now or never.

She ignored the fact that her chest was no longer trembling from her heartbeat or that she became completely deaf. She even forgot that his mother was watching them with a smirk on her face.

Kagome gave the last push and before she knew it, she was kissing  _it_.. Despite her feelings of nausea and the flashbacks flooding her mind, she moved her lips. It was not much, but it was enough to cause him to return the gesture. His movements were more hurried than hers and she found herself hypnotized by those red eyes. It was the beast…it was the beast kissing her. He parted her lips with his tongue and she did everything she could not to pull away.

If only that was the scariest thing.

No, the scariest thing was that the more they kissed, the more she was forced to see the undeniable truth. He did not kiss her like he was a monster; his lips were not rough, his touch was not cruel. Instead, he was soft, loving and driven by passion. Just like Sesshomaru was when he kissed her.

As his tongue invaded her mouth, circling with hers, her eyes closed shut. For the briefest of moment, she was kissing Sesshomaru. She let herself slip and she returned it with a tad bit of passion. Then, she recovered. She re-opened her eyes and realized how moist her lips were from his ministrations. He was in charge. She had to be there and be a willing participant.

Once it was over, he left her with no choice but to sort of suck on his bottom lip to free herself. And she did. The sound echoed through the room and tugged at her heart.

By the time he removed his arm from around her, Kagome was certain her legs were going to give up. Surprisingly, she remained steady while he pulled away. She did it. She kissed the beast. Not because she was forced to, not because there was no other options. She had a lot of those. However, she got to pick the one she wanted. One that involved putting herself at its mercy.

She could not look to her left because  _she_  was there and she could not look up because  _it_  was there. However, before she was able to make up her mind, strong arms wrapped around her. Kagome's first instinct was to fight them off but their warmth overwhelmed her. She leaned in since it was the only thing she could do. Once her face was pressed into the chest, she knew the truth; Sesshomaru was the one holding her.

He probably expected her to cry but she did not. She probably should and yet no tears came. If she cried did it count as another victory for him? Most likely. Tears, always so many tears. For once, she wanted to be strong in  _its_  presence. He made her weak enough times already. She needed this.

"I am sorry." The soft, kind voice; the one she loved. She never realized just how re-assuring it could be.

"I'm okay," she said in a quiet whisper.

"No you are not."

"Sesshomaru, she says sh-"

At the sound of  _that_  voice, Sesshomaru felt something inside of him snap. Enough was enough.

"Mother, I will only tell you this once.  _Leave_ ," he said, his voice sounding almost like a growl. "I will not ask you again. You have ruined enough lives for one day. Do not return."

Mizuki met his gaze and held it for a few seconds before nodding. A sigh escaped her as she sensed the tension and rage in the room. He was not challenging her as his alpha but he was exercising his right to chase her out of his personal den - if this place could be referred as such - and considering the waves of anger she was receiving from his aura she knew it was better to obey. She might be older and his alpha but she was not certain she could take him down while he was in this state.

Hopefully one day he would come to see that she did this for his own good. She ended up miserable because she chose the wrong mate. She refused to let him live through hell and be stuck to someone who was not good for him. Also, he was one of the last strong youkais. It was important that his mate was equally strong. Kagome did not fit the bill. Yet, she kept giving the girl chances. She was growing soft and it irked her.

It was with a longing glance that she exited the room and quietly closed the door behind her.

Once they were alone, Sesshomaru dropped to his knees and Kagome imitated his actions. He held her even tighter, rage and guilt eating away at him. He was still so powerless against that wretched beast and it killed him. If he could help it, he never wanted her to have to face her worst fears. Then again,  _he_  was her worst fear was he not? Himself and his beast; they both hurt her, granted in very different ways, but the damage was still there.

When the scent of tears never filled his nose, he wondered if it was a good thing. She  _should_  be crying. Then, he did the only action he thought might help; he pressed his lips to the crook of her neck and whispered, "I am sorry."

Her tiny palms rested on his chest, never pushing him away. "I'm fine."

Was he supposed to believe that? Kagome hid her own feelings more than once for the sake of her others and he had no doubt she could feel his guilt. He did not need her to spare him.

He decided to lift her off the uncomfortable ground and lay her on the bed instead. He maneuvered himself around until he was by her side. All he wanted to do was cover her body with his and keep her close until all the bad memories were gone.

"Kiss me."

At first, he had to blink because it felt unreal. Her voice was so low, so soft he thought he imagined it. However, when she turned her head and repeated it he was forced to admit that she did speak.

Perhaps she wished to erase the memories of what took place and he could not deny her that. He approached her and pressed his mouth to hers. Quickly, her fingers intertwined in his hair and she brought him closer. He never knew her to be quite this aggressive. Her tongue slipped into his mouth and he reciprocated. He tasted her, he felt her until she pulled away. She put her forehead to his and her breathing became hitched.

"Y-you kiss like him."

He felt his blood freeze and he became voiceless.

She remembered the beast's ministrations. She knew he kissed her quite often in the past but those memories were not clear. This one was however and it shattered the illusion she created for herself. Her save heaven was gone. Despite everything that occurred, she saw Sesshomaru and his beast as different beings. They shared the same body, they might be somehow part of the same person, but different things drove them.

But now he kissed like him.

Sesshomaru's gestures were soft, he loved her and he always put her first even to the detriment of his own desires. The beast was a selfish bastard. He could not kiss like him.

"It makes sense doesn't it?" She blinked slowly. "You are one. It's the same lips. I just-" They were supposed to kiss differently. One softly, one harshly. "I didn't want him to kiss like you." She was holding on to every little thing; it was what got her through most days. Little by little, all her safety nets were vanishing.

Immediately, she felt the sadness spread through him. He might try to hide it but she could sense it. They were linked and it pulsed through her. She winced, knowing she expressed herself wrongly.

"I still want to kiss you." She sighed. "I decided to kiss him. He did not force me. I could have said no. I'm okay. It's just that-"

"You did not want us to be the same."

Voiceless, she nodded her head.

He cupped her cheek and kept his hand steady. "I love you. I will never hurt you again."

She covered his hand with hers. "I know."

"I am aware that the beast is not -  _good_  but it will not hurt you physically again."

She did not know if that was the truth. Then again, all he did lately was make her life a torment by abusing her psychologically but he had yet to lay a hand on her. Perhaps she should be grateful for that. Although… was psychological torture truly better than physical one?

"I kissed it. I chose to do that."

"Why?"

She swallowed hard, her vision slightly blurred by her tears. "Because he wanted to take you away from me."

His fingertips brushed her skin and his heart raced. She hated his beast more than anything in the world. Yet, she put herself on the line and hurt herself on purpose…simply to keep him? His heart ached and guilt inflicted him once more. He was tired of her being the one to fix him.  _She_  had to get over her proximity issues and her relationships issues. All he felt he ever had to do was be there and wait. His part was not hard, especially since he deserved all the guilt. But her? She was the innocent one. She had to fight to get her life back.

"I am not worth this. I am not worth your tears."

She frowned. "I'm not crying."

"You should be."

Kagome squeezed his hand. "Last time I had to face him I was alone." She paused. "This time, I'm not."

"I am him."

"I know that." She did not always know but now it was confirmed; it was a reality she could no longer ignore.

There was no more words he could find and instead he captured her lips with his. She never stiffened, she simply returned the kiss. He buried his fingers into her hair, feeling all of her. They might kiss the same but he would make her forget about all those nightmares. He was he same person but he would prove to her over and over again that he could be different. Behind his touches, his kisses, there was love and devotion. He would remind her.

Once her lips were moist and plump from his ministrations, he lowered his mouth until he touched her neck. "I love you."

"I love you too."

She relaxed in his touch. "Did he say anything?"

"Who?"

His breath was warm, tickling her flesh. "The beast. I did what he asked. He said if I did it, if I kissed him, he would not take you away."

"I am still here aren't I not?"

But it lied before. No wait, she  _lied_  to it. He always told the truth. He said it like it was. However, he never confirmed if it was enough, if she passed his test, because Sesshomaru took over too quickly. She refused to wait and see if she did enough.

"You don't know?"

"He rarely speaks to me or answers me. He only does so when it is convenient for him."

"You know, he really reminds me of you in the past." It almost amused her. Perhaps it was not something she should laugh about considering the hell her life became back then. Though, it might be the only way she kept her sanity. Also, it did show how far Sesshomaru came in the last five hundred years.

"I was close minded back then. I did not know what I had." He hated his past and the way it haunted him forever. "I will spend my life making it up to you."

She shook her head. "It's not what I want. I told you already. It's okay for you to want what you want. I don't to be the one that stands in your way. This won't work if you do this. I am  _really_  fine. It was just a kiss."

It was as if Kagome was crying without tears. Though she was not as upset as she thought she would be. Instead of being a mess, like she was prior to the kiss, she felt empty. Maybe not empty. Maybe she was…shocked, too shocked to feel anything. Maybe it was what it felt like to move on, to take steps towards recovery?

He wrapped his arms around her before flipping over so that he was on his side. She buried her face in his chest and he held on tightly. His fingers were gently massaging her scalp and he hushed. He was panicked, barely holding himself together and she was acting like he should be. It was not right. He wanted to blame his beast for this one but there was another culprit; his mother. She  _was_  trying to create a mess.

From the corner of his eyes, he watched his son. This was his family. His mother was not. He would keep what was most precious to him away from her.

Kagome shifted in his hold, fisting her fingers in his shirt. She heard his heartbeat and it soothed her; it made her feel  _alive_  instead of hollow. He rubbed her back with soft caresses and put a kiss to her forehead.

He had to get a grip on his beast and force him to talk. He did not want her to worry again.

Also, he needed his mother  _out_  of his life forever.

He  _craved_  to be the one to fix it all.

-B-

Soft cries echoed in the room, shattering the silence. They were low, a sort of whispering sounds, but it was enough to stir her from her sleep. She pushed her palms against the bed and lifted herself up while a daze of confusion made her head heavy. It was not until she sat down that she realized it was her son who was crying. She jolted up and searched the room for him. She nearly smiled when she saw Sesshomaru gently holding him in his arms.

"Is he okay?"

"He was just hungry," Sesshomaru said in a hush as he gave Kiyoshi his bottle.

"Sorry I fell asleep," she said as she sat on the edge of the bed. It seemed to always happen to her.

"You had a strange day."

She nodded, silently keeping a small detail for herself. The nightmares. She fell asleep peacefully did she not? Why was she haunted by nightmares of it? She might have felt empty or shocked before but she did not right now. For once, she wished  _it_  would show its face. Although, if she saw him again, it might require something else of her and she knew she could not give anymore today.

Kagome despised those kinds of nightmares…because they were real and not fragments of her imagination. They were memories. She could not dismiss them as foolishness once she awoke. They stayed with her. They would be in her mind forever.

"Feeling better?"

"I'm fine." The words slipped her quickly. It was like she was programmed to give him that reply. She wanted to be fine. It was always she sought.

Fine. There was that word again. She kept saying it and he kept refusing to believe it. He lay by her side while she slept and he knew it was not true. She trembled, she sweated and she moaned in fear. Sometimes, he even got glimpses into her mind and he saw it; he saw what it did to her. It made him wonder how she was ever  _fine_. He did not want to push her to share if she did not want to but he did not wish for her to keep things to herself.

She moved to the edge of the bed and looked at Sesshomaru and Kiyoshi. Them being together  _was_  the reason she came over. Nothing prepared her for what actually happened.

"I- hm, I can come pick him up whenever. Or you can drop him off."

He raised an eyebrow, puzzled. "I am afraid, I do not understand."

"Kiyoshi. Remember? I  _originally_  came here so that you two could spend time together?"

 _"_ We also spoke about a house."

"Well, your mother interrupted before we had a chance to finish the discussion."

"I want a house."

She smiled; usually it was not easy to get him to admit to what he wanted. "I can help you look…though I guess you can pay people…or you have people to do that for you."

"I want a house for us."

"Oh," she said dumbfounded. They said not now. Actually,  _she_  said not now.

"I am aware that we are not to move in together at this particular moment - or ever but I would like for you to pick the house with me. I wish for you to be satisfied with it."

"So that when the time comes, I can just move in. No more relocation. Kiyoshi will stop being moved around from one house to another."

"If you would like."

She kissed the beast; picking a house was nothing compared to facing your worst fears. "I'd love that." She rose to her feet and approached them before gently brushing her son's hair away from his face. "But for tonight, I think he should sleep here. With you. I think he would like that."

"You could stay for the night."

She pinched her lips. She had nothing against staying. Though, if she stayed it would become family time. Although she welcomed that and they needed it, Sesshomaru needed to bond with their son. Sesshomaru and her were working on getting a good bond and she had an excellent one with her son. He however did not. They did try this once but so much happened…they never had time to fully go through with it. Sesshomaru kept his feelings and desires to himself. He needed to be pushed out of his shell.

"I think you need to be with Kiyoshi." She paused. "And I'm not running away because of -  _it_."

It crossed his mind. Especially when she said no. But he trusted her; he had to.

"I'll stay for - dinner. We could do it like we used to." She would be lying if she said she did not missed having dinner on the bed. It was not proper or how she was raised but it was more… _fun._  It almost reminded her of the old times. It was true that she had some very  _bad_ , traumatic memories attached to the Feudal Era but there were also years of good times.

"I would enjoy that."

At the same time, Kiyoshi finished his bottle. Sesshomaru lifted him, holding him awkwardly, and Kagome laughed. "I'll do it."

She took him from Sesshomaru and pressed him against her chest, his chin resting on her shoulder. Meanwhile, he stared at her. His mate. The mother of his son. She was perfect at everything, she was beautiful and kind. Unfortunately, she was constantly hurt.

"Here we go," she said, smiling at her son.

Kagome carefully put Kiyoshi back in his stroller, his blanket tucked around him. She did not even have a chance to stand back up straight that Sesshomaru grabbed her hands. "I apologize."

"Sesshomaru, you can't be sorry forever. It's not your fault. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to keep you. I'm fine."

"You never reacted like this to the beast."

"I can't be fine?"

"I wish for you to be fine." He preferred her not hurt, he truly did. "I am simply not certain you are."

"I kissed it. I kissed the thing that raped me, that tortured me, that forced me into a life I didn't want. I chose to do that."

He wanted to speak and ask more questions but instead he decided to remain silent. He would not brusque her into speaking.

"He took everything he wanted from me. My life, my choices, my body. He ignored what he wanted and he just destroyed everything. I could never fight. You took my chance of fighting from me. I couldn't use my powers. All I could do was stay strong in the inside. That didn't win me any battles. For once, I had a choice. I could let him take you from me or I could keep you. He did things to me, to my body that - I can't erase. This kiss, it meant choosing, it meant keeping something."

"But did he not still force you into doing what he wanted? If you did not do as he wished, he threatened to take me away."

"I guess," she quickly answered. "But I chose to stay and fight. I have to accept it is there, that it exists. Even if you merge, it'll be there - somewhere deep inside of you. When I kiss you, I kiss the same lips."

After what she did, she would never see the kisses the same way and that was not necessarily a bad thing.

"I'm never going to be completely fine," she admitted. "I'm always going to be healing. It doesn't mean I can't get better though. All of this - us, I never pictured any of it happening at first. I couldn't even be around  _you_  without throwing up."

 _That_  day, she fell to the floor vomiting and she never wished for death as much as she did then. At that point, she never thought it would get any better and she could not see the light at the end of the tunnel. She was proud of herself for overcoming it all and growing stronger.

"But, I don't feel that way anymore. I trust you, I love you. I - I did something terrifying because I thought you were worth it."

He changed. She did not ask him to but he did.

"If it tried, if it ever even… but it never did. It won't. It knows what it did was wrong but it never tried to make it better. Instead, it always tries to get in the way."

"He wants you happy."

"Too late."

He should have renounced on her  _back_  then, not now.

"It doesn't matter though. It can throw whatever curves and challenge it wants at me. Today, I proved I could handle it. Maybe it doesn't mean much but - to me it means everything. I went against it and I came out stronger. It never happened."

She could face it - without shedding tears.

"This is who I want to be; the one who is in control."

He did not know what to say since he was afraid to say the wrong thing. If he agreed, if he said he would help in her goal than she would not be the one in control. Instead, he offered her a silent answer by nodding.

"Who do you want to be?" She approached him and grabbed his hand. "You don't have to be the one who feels guilty anymore."

"I want to be someone who deserves you. Someone who deserves a family."

"You are."

Even if they did not make it work, even if in the end they were unable to be with each other he would still deserve love and happiness. Perhaps it was what scared her when she felt hollow earlier. What if once the beast was gone, once she survived it, she felt nothing? It was terrifying.

She rose on her tippy toes and pressed her lips to his briefly.

"Let me show you my world."

His words were unexpected which caused her to back away slightly. "Your world?"

"Where I work, how I live and how us youkais live in this world."

She wanted to know more about him. She wanted this to be less about her and more about what he wanted. Then, he would introduce her to his world. At the same time it would be an occasion to be away from his mother and hers. Although, he would have to find a way to apologize for his inappropriate behaviour to her mother. She already had enough reasons to dislike him.

"I'd love that," she answered with a smile.

There was the Sesshomaru from the past, the one she loved and the one who had a life when she did not know him. She wished to find out about every part of him. Also, it made her feel less alone, like she was not the only one who had multiple versions of herself.

"A few phone calls are required but I am certain that it could be in the next few days. If that is convenient for you."

"It's perfect." No job, no school; she had nothing taking up her schedule. Perhaps they could pick the house he wanted to find at the same time.

The idea of the house scared her a bit. Mostly because she knew how dependent she became of him and how she tried to not be anymore. Picking a house together…she would be tempted to move in and be with him in an environment that was theirs. She knew it was not the time but it would seem like a good option. Nonetheless, his suggestion did not make her uncomfortable and he  _finally_  expressed something he wanted. She was not about to take that away from him.

He brought her in an embrace, feeling relieved for the first time since she kissed the beast. She was holding up. He thought it was a facade, one that she would not be able to hold for long, but he was wrong. Perhaps she did not require protecting. It would not stop him from doing so but it did remind him of just how strong she was.

They remained that way, in silence, for a few moments before her stomach growled.

"I will retrieve the menu," he said with a smile tugging at his lips.

She was about to let him go when she suddenly changed her mind. As he was about to slip away from her she grabbed onto his hand and held on tight. "Wait," she whispered.

He turned around, confusion clear on his features, and stopped in his tracks.

"I just-" She came to a conclusion earlier, one that she would not deny but she also knew things were not black and white. "I need you to do something."

Sesshomaru closed the distance between them but she never freed his hand.

"I need - I know you think you two kiss differently." She inhaled deeply. "Show me."

At first, he seemed surprised but he recovered rather quickly. He snaked his hand out of her hold and wrapped both of his arms around her waist. He stared into her eyes as he lowered his face and she never broke the gaze - she maintained it instead.  _Amber eyes_  that could so easily turn red but they did not. His palms burned hot as they rested on her shirt, their heat transferring to her skin.

His lips brushed against hers and never fully touched them. His nose nudged hers and she tilted her head to the left. His fingertips dug into her flesh and her chest heaved while she leaned in. She felt their chests being so tightly pressed together that her lungs could no longer be filled with air. It left her dizzy. Her heart was racing to the point that she numbed. Blood rushed to her cheeks and left her skin pinkish instead of pale.

Then, he ended the agony.

Their mouths connected and when the sensations rushed through her, she raised her arms to lock them around his neck. Her fingers disappeared into his silver locks and she reciprocated the kiss. They melted into each other as he not only focused his lips and his soul into proving he was right but also his aura. They were opposite, they always were. Youkai and Miko. When they connected it should not be anything but sizzling.

Their hearts synched, beating as one. She remembered his hands moving but her skin felt like it was fire; she could not tell where he was touching, caressing. All she wanted to do was feel, feel the man she loved. She wished she could say she faced her fears only because  _she_  wished to but it would be a lie. Despite all her attempts, he was a major part of her happiness. She faced her fears because she needed him in her life.

She felt a rush as he laid her down on the bed, his needs filling her soul. She was breathless, her lungs empty, but their lips never separated.

He would not let go until it was over.

He would not let go until he showed her that he shared the same lips as his beast, that he might somewhat kiss the same, but that selfless love was what drove  _him_. He would let her  _feel_  the difference love made.

-B-


	90. It's not the End of the World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Pretty sure everyone either forgot about all my stories or they hate me for not updating. Sorry. I will make one thing clear though, I will never abandonned any of my stories. I know lately it's been taking a while to update but THEY WILL ALL BE FINISHED, I swear. Life is just wibbley wobbley full of ups and downs... so sometimes writing has to take the last place on the priority list. I'm sorry. Updates for all my other stories are coming and you can check their progress on my profile (should be tonight or tomorrow though). 
> 
> If you're still reading, thank you.
> 
> Also, no beta-ed and seriously, it's been so long.... I'm sure it's FULL of mistakes and I'm deeply sorry for that.

The sky remained grey and a hint of the moon was present while Kagome sat in her bed with her eyes wide opened. Her night was peaceful and most of all uninterrupted and she had to admit it that she found it strange. Usually she could sense her son's presence by her side while she slept but not tonight. It felt like something was missing. Because of that, she found herself laying down, completely awake, at five in the morning, unable to find rest again.

Obviously, it was much too early to go over to Sesshomaru's hotel. Plus, she wanted the two of them to really have some bonding time. She simply never thought it would be this hard. 

To top it all off, everything was a bit of a mess at the moment. She was still able to feel his lips lingering on hers. Although, it was not the beast's kiss she thought about but rather Sesshomaru's kiss. He poured not only his soul and love into it but also his fear. He never appeared very afraid but yesterday he did. 

They went through a lot and never once did they get a break. If it was not the beast or the past lurking around, it was the jewel. They did seem to be stronger than ever but they were also at their weakest point. Fear was not their friend. If they could not figure out how to make it all work, they could not be together.

That brought fear into her. 

She sighed before running her fingers through her hair; enough sulking. She stole a peek at the clock only to see that it finally indicated 7am. That was late enough to at least leave her bedroom right? She kicked her blankets off before slipping on her slippers and heading to the kitchen. 

Unfortunately, as soon as she opened the door, she heard a yelp of pain coming from the other side. 

"Ow," Souta said as he sleepily rubbed his head.

She winced. "Sorry."

Her little brother turned his head and then looked into her room with a frown on his face. "Where's Kiyoshi?"

"I left him with Sesshomaru for the night."

"What happened?"

"Nothing. I just- I thought they should spend time together."

"Are you two ever gonna move in together?"

Her expression saddened. "I hope." Despite the uncertainty… after everything they went through did they not deserve a bit of happiness? 

"Souta, brea-" Miyu seemed startled for a moment as she stopped talking. "Oh. You're up!" she added with a smile. "Breakfast is ready. Kagome, are you hungry?"

"I could eat."

She gestured for the both of them to come downstairs and then disappeared into the kitchen. Souta rushed ahead of Kagome and she followed. As she watched him run to the kitchen she could not help but picture her own son when he would be his age. The thought was almost terrifying; he was already growing up fast enough as it was. 

"How did you sleep?" her mother asked as soon as Kagome sat down.

"Not that great," she admitted.

Miyu noticed her daughter's long face when she came in last night but did not comment on it. She voiced her opinion a long time ago and Kagome knew how she felt on many topics. She had no intention of prying in business that was not her own unless she felt Kagome's well being was at risk and it was not at the moment.

"I miss him but this is good for them."

"Is he going to spend another night with Sesshomaru?"

"No, I'm going to meet up with them later." She paused, wondering if she should share the rest. "We - actually Sesshomaru wants me to help him look for a house."

Miyu's movements slowed down for an instant. "A house for the two of you?"

She shook her head. "A house for him." Though it would be a lie to say that it would not be tempting at some point. "That way if we - if we decide it's going to work, we won't have to find another house." However, she had to admit whatever house they chose it did not matter. She was not superficial and she certainly did not need a perfect house. 

Life taught her fairytales were exactly that; tales, myths. They were not real. She simply wanted somewhere safe and loving to raise her son. It was all that mattered. 

"That's a good idea." 

"You guys should find a house close to here! Then I could teach him how to play soccer when he's old enough!" Souta excitedly said as he finished shoving his food down his throat. 

Kagome smiled. "That's a good idea." 

Souta was barely done swallowing his food that he was running out the door with his school bag hanging off his shoulder. Apparently being late to school was a family trait. 

"I want to like him," her mother spoke.

"I know."

"I want to make sure you are ready for all this." Although her daughter went through a lot, all by herself, Miyu had no desire to see her hurt ever again. She did not think she could handle seeing that broken look on daughter's face another time.

"We are taking it slow," she confirmed. "At first, I was sure I didn't want this, then I was sure I did and now I don't know."

"His mother confused you."

"She pointed out things I chose to ignore."

She always saw his devotion as his way of repenting. She never tried to see past that. But now she could see the whole situation clearly. He had to be happy and comfortable too. Constantly forsaken himself for her own sake would never make him happy and in the end he might even resent her. That was the last thing she desired. As much as Kagome hated Sesshomaru's mother, she forced them to deal with issues they might have ignored. Granted, she pushed them very fast - too fast. Involuntarily, she put her fingers to her lips. 

Like that kiss.

Maybe the beast got his attitude from her because it enjoyed provoking people. 

Sometimes it hurt to think that after all that time, he still only thought of itself and what it wanted. Could it not see what it did? Sesshomaru kept saying it wanted her happiness but it did not. Forcing her to make haste decisions, pushing her away… that did not help. Despite what the beast apparently thought, Kagome believed she could find happiness at Sesshomaru's side. After all, did she not heal by his side? No, she was not the same Kagome and all was not well but she recovered. She became stronger and she faced many of her fears. If she could do it with him, then she could withstand a lot of trials and hurdles.

"I do not like her or trust her," Miyu pointed out. 

Yes, the woman might not be doing all of it out of selfishness, however… her hatred seemed to run deep and her dislike for humans was obvious. What she doing all this because she wanted to protect her son from being harmed or because she did not want to see him with a human? It remained to be proven. If anything, Sesshomaru did not deserve Kagome, not the other way around.

"I don't either."

Kagome planned on enjoying the moment when she would prove Sesshomaru's mother wrong. Even if they did not work out she would prove that it was not because they were too broken, that there was too much to fix. If they could not be together it would be because they did not want the same thinsg. She knew it was a real possibility that Sesshomaru might be much happier with someone else than her. He might not see it now because of his guilt but it could be the truth, although she rather not think about it too much for the time being.

She sighed; when would things not be complicated?

-B-

Father and son time. With a hint of how to prove his mother wrong.

Sesshomaru made sure to always be near his son when he was awake and to hold him - although he still held him like he was fragile at time which was foolish; his son was strong. Changing diapers and giving him the bottle were also skills he needed to work on. However, when Kiyoshi slept, Sesshomaru did some research. 

He never forgot what his mother said about breaking the mating. It was not possible. If it was, he was certain he would have found out about it back then when he wanted nothing more than for their mating bond to be broken. If he did not find it in the past, it did not exist.

And yet his mother seemed so sure. 

His mother was always known for her dirty tricks. Whatever her solution to what she thought was a problem, it was harmful he was sure of it. For now it was not a problem but if she… somehow managed to convince Kagome it was the way to go, it could have horrible consequences. The simple thought of Kagome wanting them to be unmated was enough to make his heart ache. He knew if she agreed it would not be out of wickedness but because his evil mother convinced her it was the way to save him but nonetheless. Mating was forever. For a youkai, that was the only truth. He did not know how much meaning it held to a human, even one as kind and loving as Kagome.

Despite all his research and all the hard work he put into it, he did not find any answer. Asking her was not even an option because she would keep it a secret, even if she was lying. Why would she give away the one thing she had over him? All he could do is make sure he showed Kagome he was not unhappy. That way, when his mother would try to interfere, Kagome would refuse it. 

Sesshomaru would make sure that today was perfect. It was hard though. He knew she wanted him to express himself more but he was at a point where whatever made her happy made him happy as well. For the longest time, he was afraid of losing her and now he wanted to hold on to her. It would be a lie to say he did not miss following his own desires. Though for the most part, he was completely satisfied. He was happy with how things were. 

As if on cue, a knock on the door echoed through his hotel room. 

He made sure Kiyoshi was carefully tucked against his chest while he got up. He already knew it was her. When he opened the door, she offered him a shy smile.

"How did it go?" She did not doubt him or his ability to take care of their son but he was known to be a bit shy and awkward when it came to Kiyoshi. She hoped this helped boost his confidence.

"Good. My skills do not compare to yours but we are both well."

She grinned. "I'm glad."

"Do you still wish to go house hunting and to see my life?" He assumed she was not only there because she wanted to retrieve their son. 

"I do."

He moved out of the way and she came inside. It was ridiculous but she would miss hotel rooms. They held more good memories than bad ones and it was in those kind of places they spent most of their family time. It might be strange but then again everything about them was. 

"The house you have here could do you know." Even though Sesshomaru seemed to have very little attachment to objects it was still his home. It could easily be their home. "We don't have to find a new one because you want it to be ours."

"I have answered this already. A nice house closer to your shrine and that is only ours is something I wish for."

She nodded. "I just wanted to make sure."

Sesshomaru put Kiyoshi down and safely tucked him in before grabbing Kagome by the shoulders. He looked right into her eyes, hoping to make her see how honest he was being. "I promise, I will voice what I want. You do not have to worry about my needs being suppressed or ignored."

"Your mot-"

"She is a vengeful person. She is simply not happy that it did not go how she desired. She is trying to do this, she is trying to separate us."

"What did she want?" she dared to ask.

"For me to be the alpha she wanted my father to be. He disappointed her when he chose a human over his own life."

There was a hint of sadness, or something that resembled it, in his voice. He never really spoke about his family or his childhood. Maybe it was because it was all bad memories? "Did he disappoint you too?" she asked as she took hold of his hand.

His childhood was complicated. Also, it was from another time. What was normal back then was not anymore. Just like he did not understand her back then, he did not know if she would comprehend where he was coming from. Instead, he decided to give her a simple answer."Back then? Yes. When I was a pup, I could not understand his need to sacrifice everything to save another person." He paused. "Now I do."

Her features saddened and she reached out for his cheek. She lovingly cupped it and brushed her thumb across his cheek. "I don't need you to give up your life for me."

"But I would," he said as he covered her hand with his.

She forced a smile. "Why don't you try this; put yourself first for a while."

"I could not do that." He lowered one of his hands until it was resting upon her heart. "Perhaps you do not feel our bond as strongly as I do. If I did that, it would hurt me. There is not only you to put first but also our son. I want our family to come first. I do not want to be selfish. Never again."

"I just don't want it to silence you."

"You are not, I swear."

He closed his eyes before lowering himself. When his lips brushed against hers, he felt her stiffened for the briefest second. Unfortunately, it was enough to stop him completely. He pulled away until he could no longer feel her mouth on his. The beast. He kept reminding her of it and it killed him inside. 

"That's not it." 

The last thing Kagome wanted was to go back to the nightmare of the past. She might never heal fully, she might never completely forget but she had to move on. It happened and it was probably the worst thing that she would ever lived through but she made it out alive. She got a son and Sesshomaru out of it. There was some good in it. She saw the light in the darkness and she came through the other side. She refused to let one kiss steal away all of her efforts. 

To convince him he was wrong, she grabbed his arms and lifted herself to her tippy toes before pressing her lips to his. The other night, he showed her his love through his lips and now it was her turn to do the same thing. She poured her soul into the kiss and she enveloped him with her warmth. He allowed himself to be caught up in it and he snaked his arms around her. Their chests were pressed together, their hearts beating as one while their lips moved in sync. 

After a moment, it was over.

"I'm fine." 

He kissed the top of her head to re-assure her even though he was not convinced. Though, she would tell him right? She never hid her emotions from him; he saw them all too well.

"Now, about those houses?"

Today was about him and what he wanted to do. The beast should be nothing more than a distant bad memories. He had to let go of the guilt and let himself be happy. 

"I have arranged a few appointments."

She smiled. "Great." She turned her head and looked at her son. Spending a whole night away from him was difficult and she wanted nothing more than to keep him close to her all day but… she had a feeling it might be good for her and Sesshomaru to be alone today. So, despite the heavy feeling in her heart, she made a suggestion.

"My mom is free to babysit today."

He looked rather unsure, as if he did not know what the right answer should be. Almost as if agreeing to having someone babysit his son would make him a bad father.

"I thought we could spend some time together." She popped her lips. "And then we could all sleep here tonight." 

Sleeping alone could get lonely and she did feel bad that they were picking a house but he was moving in alone. The least she could do was spend a few nights with him at the hotel while he waited to move into his new house. She did hope he understood though. She needed to know who she was without him. He influenced her life in so many ways since that faithful night and everything was a mess. Only she could sort it out and figure out who she was now.

She was not doing this to hurt him, she was doing this for herself. Just like she wanted him to do things for himself as well. They could both use a little bit of selfishness.

"I would like that."

She offered him a smile before she tucked in Kiyoshi in his stroller. Today would be full of firsts. Today, they would actually be normal people. 

Hopefully it would be a new refreshing adventure. 

-B-

Silence filled the car while they drove to the first house. It was strange to be together without their son but it was a step every parent had to take eventually right? Plus, her mother was thrilled to babysit. It was true that with everything that happened since their return to Japan, her mother did not really have a chance to spend time with Kiyoshi. She did worry Mizuki might come around and try to cause some trouble, since she was so good at it, but she was sure her mother could handle her. 

Sesshomaru's grip on the wheel was tight as he kept his focus on the road. This house was a little far from the shrine and he was not certain he liked that. Since Kagome would remain at the shrine for the time being - or maybe forever - he wanted her to have easy access to the house.

After a few more minutes of driving, they finally arrived at their destination. He did his best to pick houses he thought she would like. Currently, he had a fairly big house, mostly because he could afford it and because it reminded him of what he used to have. However, he did not care what his house looked like - he only cared about who would be in it. He chose modest houses because he knew Kagome was not into showing off and unnecessary spending. She did not need luxury.

He got out of the car first and then waited for her to come out as well. He observed her face and watched her expression. Her eyes widened and she slowly approached the house. 

It was nice but…"It doesn't have a fence," she said, never looking at him. It did have a nice yard though.

"If you like this house, we can easily have a fence installed."

True. Though now that she was thinking about it, she was not sure a fence would be able to keep Kiyoshi in. He had powers and she had a feeling he was destined to be very strong.

"You're right," she said with a smile. 

She squeezed his hand and they kept walking towards the house. Near the door, a woman waited for them. Once she spotted them, she smiled brightly and walked towards them as fast as her high heels allowed her.

"You must be the Taisho," she assumed.

Sesshomaru was going to correct her but Kagome acted faster than him. She extended her hand to the woman. "We are. I'm Kagome. Nice to meet you."

His last name meant nothing. Until he chose to be human like in this world, he did not have one; he was not even born with one. It was simply something he picked to blend in and it held no value. Despite all that he rather liked having her being Mrs. Taisho. How human of him. A mating bond was much stronger than marriage…

Kagome felt the happiness coming from Sesshomaru and she quietly chortled. He should be happy more often but instead, he always feared rejection. She wanted to change that.

As they followed the woman inside the house, Kagome believed this was a good idea. Though, hopefully it would not put too many ideas into Sesshomaru's mind.

She did not think his ego and confidence could take another hit.

-B-

"Five houses! You did not like any of them?"

It was not that he did not like any of them, it was more that she did not seem to like any of them. Her expression remained neutral during all the visits and he did not know what to make of it. All he knew was that he did not wish to pick a house she was not pleased with and so, he decided that none of them would do the job.

"They were not what we were looking for."

She arched an eyebrow. "Were they what you were looking for?"

"This is supposed to be a mutual decision."

"I know, I just want your opinion, that's all."

This was a trap. It felt like a trap. "They were nice."

"So why don't you like any of them?"

"You did not like any of them." He knew this was what she wanted him to say.

"I didn't say that."

"You did not demonstrate any enthusiasm."

"Because I didn't want to influence your decisions."

"You liked some of them?"

She nodded.

She laughed at his puzzled reaction and approached him. Since they were walking back to the car, the best way confront him was to bump into him with her hip. "There was a time when you did everything you wanted regardless of what people thought or desired."

"And I did terrible actions because of that."

"Yes you did," she confirmed with a more serious look on her face. "However, what you're doing now is not any better. You don't have to be one or the other you know. Middle ground is good too. It's okay for you to try to be yourself."

"I am never going to hurt you again."

"You will hurt me again."

His face changed and she knew he did not like her affirmation. She grabbed his face with her hand and forced him to look into her eyes. "Sesshomaru, if we're going to be a couple, we will fight. It might not happen now, it might not happen five years from now, but it will happen one day. And that's okay." She sighed. "You won't hurt me like that again, but we will fight and it will hurt." She leaned in and briefly kissed him. "I am okay with that."

Obviously, she did not know what the future would bring or how she would deal with things. Some days she did firmly believe she made herself out to be stronger than she actual was. She did fear that one day the facade would fall apart. Maybe if he eventually stopped making her a priority in his life and hurt her feelings, she would break down. However, she did think it was okay. If she fell down again, she would rise back up. It might not be easy but she did once before and she could certainly do it again.

If she never believed in her own strength, she would not be able to move on. Actually, moving on was the wrong word. She would never move on, she would never forget. However, she could use the pain and experiences to become a new person. This was what all of this was all about after all. 

"I will never try to hurt you."

She was right and more realistic than he was. One day, he hoped to stop fearing he would hurt her. Problem was, when that day would come, he might do something hurtful without meaning to do it. 

Kagome caressed his cheek with her thumb. "I know."

"So, did you like any of the house?" she repeated with a smile.

The corners of his mouth tugged into a smile. "The second one."

"It was nice," she agreed. It would take a lot of work to get him to express his opinions. 

"We do not have to choose now. We can look at more houses first."

"Did you want to look at more houses?" 

Every time he asked her a question now she replied with another one. He knew he would not get out of this unless he gave his opinion a little more. His little mate was quite determined today. It was not the worst thing in the world, especially considering how much he liked doing things his way in the past… but he did not want to be that person anymore. Actually, he did not know how to be himself anymore. Maybe he could let her show him how.

"I believe I have had enough of that woman for the day," he answered while glancing at their agent. Obviously she wanted money which meant she was pushy and it was not a trait he appreciated or valued.

She laughed. "I agree." She poked him on the shoulder. "See, it wasn't that hard."

"You are right," he said while he took her hand in his. 

"Are you two ready to see the next house?" 

He held back a sigh and Kagome smiled. "I think we're done for today. Can we schedule the other houses for another day?"

"Oh. Of course. Do you have my card? Let me give it to you again." She pulled out two cards and gave each other them one. "I'm available at all time. But we should hurry before someone else makes an offer on these houses!"

"We will," Sesshomaru replied with a semi-cold tone, hoping she would get the message.

She seemed to get it since she quickly gave them her farewell and headed towards her own car. 

Kagome turned to Sesshomaru and squeezed his hand. "What would you like to do? What did you use to do for fun?"

"Nothing." He was mostly by himself all the time drowning in his sins and his guilt, trying to make it right. Plus, he was not the most social person and so social events and activities never appealed to him. 

"You sat in a chair and stared at a wall?" she teased.

"I looked for you, I looked for the jewel… I learned how to live in this new world." After everything was taken from him, he had to start from the beginning. "I did not want to indulge in any kind of pleasure. I did not feel as though I deserved it."

She wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him. "You do. Don't punish yourself anymore."

It was moments like these that made her feel as though she was holding him back. It was those moments that proved his mother right; he would not be happy with her. Maybe he thought he could be but until he changed the way he thought, he would not be. Perhaps she stood in the way. When she was around, he could not forgive himself and move on since she constantly reminded him of what happened. 

Then again, on the other hand she feared that if he was left by himself he would drown in sadness. She wished she could find a way to lead him to freedom. Yes, she herself still held some grudges but she learned to let go of most of them and she felt so much lighter. She no longer lived in fear and she no longer suffered all the time.

She grabbed his face with her hands and gently caressed his cheeks with her fingertips. "I can't help you with this. You're the only one who can do it."

He covered her hand with his and leaned into her touch. "I am trying. It is difficult to forget when it is still living freely inside of me."

"It won't hurt me."

"It might take you away from me. It might take me away from you."

His beast was so fickle. He did not trust it or its decisions. His mother also could not be ignored.

"From now on, we take charge, we make the decisions. We have to work together." If he could not work with her…he would have to work without her. 

This was what she feared; she was terrified that they would need to be apart to be whole. She did not know how to be alone and he did not know how to forgive himself. No wonder they often hit a wall. But they were good together and despite the past, he was kind to her now. He was a changed man, he was someone she loved. If it ended up not working out, if she had to give him up… she did not want to think about it for now.

"It never truly worked out in our favour," he pointed out.

"That is because we were always afraid. It's easier to be strong when you fear nothing."

"Once you have something to lose, you always have something to fear." And now, there were two people he could lose. He was not willing to risk that. 

"We're not going anywhere, Sesshomaru. So you have nothing to fear."

Instead of replying to her, he bent down and kissed her. She could not help but smile against his lips; she did not mind him being a little more forward. 

"You should let yourself go more often," she said once he pulled away.

He held on to her hips and pressed his forehead to hers. He seemed to devour her with his eyes. 

"What do you want to do?" she asked again but this time with a soft voice.

His eyes spoke for him. However, she wanted to hear the words. After everything, it would be nice to hear how much he wanted her, how much he wanted to be with her. 

"I love you," was his reply. 

Not what she expected but she was not surprised by his answer. 

"I love you too."

He bent down and kissed her again, this time with a bit more intensity. She shivered in his arms and deepened the kiss. 

"We could go back," he finally suggested.

He almost seemed shy to propose it. He knew she had no problem with their intimacy and yet he remained unsure. Especially since that kiss. "I'd like that." It was not an activity that got them outside of a freaking hotel room but it was something he wanted to do and she was happy to oblige. 

She took his hand and they walked back to the car. He opened the door for her and she thanked him before sitting inside. He joined her soon after and they went on their way. 

"You really liked that second house?"

"It was nice but there will be more nice houses." He knew exactly what she was trying to do and it was not going to work.

"I'm sure you could afford a few houses."

"I could."

"You've never have the urge to spend?"

"I kept it to travel and to finish the quest."

She leaned in and kissed him. "And now you can relax. I know you're Sesshomaru the Lord of the West, but even you need to learn to be crazy sometimes. It might be good for you."

He had plenty of ideas on how to spend his money but he did not think she was agree with any of them. Mostly because they involved her and she wanted him to be more self-centered. Oh how things had changed. Five hundred years later, he was the complete opposite. Before being selfish would have been very easy for him. He always used to put himself first.

"I will try."

Before she completely pulled away, he leaned in for another kiss and she happily gave in. She held the side of his face with her hand and softly brushed his cheeks with her fingertips. 

His grip on the wheel was firm while he tilted his head a bit more to give himself better access. Once she looked out of breathe he pulled away.

But it was too late. When he focused his attention on the road again, he was too late. A car that had smoke coming out of the hood shifted lane and was heading for them. Even with his speed, he could not stop the collision from happening. All he could do was try to protect Kagome from the crash. He completely let go of the wheel and threw himself over her. 

Kagome gasped, as she was not yet aware of the danger, and then, it came; the crash. The speed was too high and they were both sent flying into a nearby truck. 

A loud noise echoed through the neighbourhood. Pieces of both cars began flying around and blood splattered. The truck had been carrying wood logs which scattered all around the scene.

On one side of the road was a man with long black hair. He laid there, covered in injuries and blood. He was not moving. His car was near him, squished into a metal box. 

Not too far from him, were two other people covered in wood logs. Sesshomaru's clothes were a bit shredded and blood covered his shirt. Except it was not his blood; it was Kagome's. She laid unconscious beneath him, a huge injury on her head…along with a sharp piece of wood embedded in her side.

And blood.

A lot of blood.

"Kagome," he said with fear in his eyes.

He shook her but she did not move. His hands had blood on them; her blood.

"Kagome," he repeated with desperation in his voice.

Not now. Not like this.

-B-


	91. The End of the World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: You get a heart attack, you get a heart attack, everyone gets a heart attack. An update and it hasn't been a year. I wonder how long I can keep that up, aha.
> 
> Seriously though, thank you guys for the amazing reviews and support. I swear I'm doing my best.
> 
> This was not beta. I'm sorry. I barely re-read it... because I work long hours and I'm tired.

_Red;_  everywhere.

A sense of panic took hold of him as he watched the woman he loved bleed out beneath him. He could hear the people running out of their homes to see what happened, he could hear their screams, he could feel their rapid heartbeats but he ignored all of it. All of his attention was focused on  _her_. And the fact that he had no idea what to do.

Kagome was fragile human. Kagome would not heal like he would.

At first all he wanted to do was remove that  _fucking_  stick out of her but then, his better judgement kicked in. What if it made her bleed out, what if it punctured something and  _it_  being there was what kept her alive. No, no he could not move her. Not even if he used his super speed; he could not risk killing her.  _He could not be the reason she died._  Although, he already was… was he not? He should have heard the truck, he should have been faster and he should have protect her better.

He should have been a better shield.

The scent of blood was so overwhelming that he wanted to puke. He did not.

He stayed on top of her, covering her body. As though something else was going to come and harm her. It was foolish but he could not move - he did  _not want_  to move.

Sesshomaru heard the people gather around him and they were asking so many questions, all of them at the same time. He answered none of them. He waited. One of those idiots  _had_  to have called an ambulance by now. He hoped so because he knew his body would not listen to him. Even if he tried to move or take his cellphone, he would remain like this, like a frozen statue.

 _She could not die_.

For the first time, he felt his tears. He had been crying for a while, he was certain of it, but  _now_  he could feel the tears running down his cheeks and falling upon her body.  _Her still breathing body_. He could hear it; her faint heartbeat. He would hold on to it until he could no longer hear it. It would be his hope, his light. As long as that sound remained, she was alive, she was with him.

"Kagome," he whispered. "Stay with me."

She said she would not leave him. She was his, she was finally his. She was happy, she laughed… she lived. No, no, they could not take her from him. They could not  _take her life_  from her. He would give up anything to have her live, even if it meant he could never see her again. He wanted her to  _live_. She went through too much to die. It should be him; he should be the one laying on that pavement, dying. She did not deserve to suffer again.

"Sir?  _Sir_?"

That voice was different; more authoritarian. He managed to tilt his head to the right and saw it was a paramedic.

"Sir, I need to see if she's alive."

"She's alive."

"Do you know her?"

"She's my wife." Wait. Why did he say that? They were not married… though it was better than to say she was  _his mate_ , his everything.

"Are you injured?"

He shook his head; he only wished he was.

"We need to take her to a hospital."

He nodded.

Sesshomaru wanted to move fast, to get out of their way so they could save her but his body was slow and under a lot of stress. All of his limbs were shaking as he got off of her. He dropped to the ground, barely able to sit up. They moved in fast. His head was dizzy and though he wanted to make sure they handled her properly, all he saw was a blur of people. He even became deaf; all he heard was his own heartbeat echoing inside of his head and it drove him mad.

Time stood still until he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Are you certain you do not require any assistance?"

 _No, no he just wanted everyone to leave him the fuck alone and take care of Kagome_. "I am fine."

"Can you get up? You can ride in the back of the ambulance."

Yes, he could get up. Although, apparently only his brain was aware of that since his legs did not listen. Instead, he was forced to have the man help him. His ego, his pride; none of it mattered. Once he was standing, he followed him to the ambulance. There he saw her, strapped to the stretcher, blood staining everywhere.

He could not look. He was going to be sick.

He wanted to scream, he wanted to rip everyone's head off.

It was everyone's fault and all of his fault at once.

If she died, he would die with her because he could not forgive himself.

He felt the ambulance move but his eyes were locked on her. She had to make it, she had to live.

 _Life was a cruel bitch_.

-B-

_He hated everyone_.

No matter how many times he tried to go through those doors, he was denied access. As if he could not break them down and go where he pleased. But he did not. He could not make a scene; he needed everyone to be calm while they tried to save his wife.

He thought he could get information in a more  _normal_  way. He could not. Every time he stopped someone and asked them a question, nobody ever knew anything. They all told him to sit and wait. As though it was easy. As though he could simply sit and hope for the best. Yet, he was forced to do exactly that. He was  _that_  close to exposing his true nature, this close to letting his youkai blood flow through but he held himself back and it was the hardest thing he had ever done.

" _Sesshomaru_?"

He did not need to see to know who it was. Only one person in the world could feel  _more_  broken, more desperate than he did right now; Kagome's mother.  _He did not call her though_? Oh, right. She was probably Kagome's emergency contact. He could not be; they were not married and until recently…she hated him.

He rose to his feet and walked towards the woman.

Miyu's eyes were bloodshot, filled with tears. She had to take a cab to the hospital; she was not in any state to be driving. Without thinking, she lunged herself forward and grabbed Sesshomaru's shirt; it was the only thing holding her up.  _Not Kagome, not after everything she went through_.

"W-what happened?" she barely managed to ask.

"A car." The real answer he wanted to give her was  _me_. It was  _his_  fault. He should have seen it, he should have protected her better.

"Why didn't you protect her?" He was fine, he did not have a scratch but meanwhile…her daughter might be dead. She did not wish death upon Sesshomaru but… he healed so much better. Why was Kagome the one who was injured?

"I tried," he said, his voice shaking and threatening to break.

She clutched her fingers around Sesshomaru's shirt a little longer before letting go. The tears still stained her cheeks as she weakly reached out for the nearest chair and sat down. She took deep breaths, trying to calm down but it did not help. Sesshomaru sat down beside her, the same defeated look on his face.

"They will not tell me anything."

Miyu was not sure if it was for the worst. She preferred knowing nothing than learning that her daughter was dead. As long as nobody came to talk to them, there was hope that she lived and that she would be fine.

"She's strong," Miyu said with sadness in her voice. Kagome pulled through everything and she would pull through this as well.

Kami he hoped she was right. It was not until he intensively stared at Miyu that he realized something. "Kiyoshi?"

"Souta is watching over him."

He wanted to come as well but Miyu convinced him it was best to stay him and they needed someone to watch Kiyoshi. She refused to bring the baby to a hospital, especially considering the state of mind everyone was in. It was best that Kiyoshi stayed at the shrine. Plus, he would be safe there.

Sesshomaru nodded, strangely sad. Since he was so close to losing Kagome, the only thing he wanted was to hold his son in his arms. Kiyoshi… if he lost his mother it would all be Sesshomaru's fault.

He felt a hand cover his and saw it was Miyu's. Her feelings towards him did not matter, the past did not matter. They both cared for her and right now, they were both lost. All they could do was pray for Kagome's well being together. All they could do was hope she would pull through and they would get to see her smile again.

And wait.

And waiting they did.

Nine hours later, Miyu was half asleep on the uncomfortable orange chair while Sesshomaru was losing the fight as well. He did not need rest because his body was strong but this time, it was his mind that was exhausted. He never felt so mentally drained before. Nonetheless, he fought the fatigue and kept himself awake; he could not be asleep when they would get out of there. He needed answers as soon as they were available and so he fought as much as he could.

Soon enough, his long efforts were rewarded. As the door opened he smelled it; Kagome's blood. It was faint, probably washed up but he knew it was hers and his heart raced.

"Mr. Taisho? Mrs. Higurashi?"

Even Miyu jumped at the sound of her name. Both of them stood up in a rush and walked towards the doctor.

"Is she alive?"

"How is she?"

The doctor sighed. "Well, the good news is, she is alive."

Despite that being a good news, Sesshomaru did not let himself relax; the way the doctor said it almost made it sound as though it was a bad news.

"But she is in a coma."

"A coma?" Miyu asked with teary eyes.

"It could be temporary…it could be permanent."

There it was, that dreaded feeling of doom.

"For the moment there is a little bit of brain activity so she is not brain dead. That is good news."

Sesshomaru found that he  _hated_  this doctor's idea of  _good news_. Though he would cherish what he had; she was alive. At the moment, they could not hope for more.

"May we see her?"

"Not yet. Her surgery was intensive and she lost a lot of blood. Her organs were badly damaged in the crash and she had a lot of internal bleeding."

Did he truly fail to protect her? Did he not even  _save_  her from one injury? He felt pitiful and most of all, he knew he failed her. She trusted him with her life and he failed her miserably.

"You should be able to see her in an hour or two. It might be good to  _talk_  to her even though she's unconscious."

Yeah, he heard that many time. He also heard many stories were coma patients did not wake up. What if Kagome was one of them? What if…she stayed like that forever? Was it a faith worse than death?  _Oh god_.

Apparently it was all it took for Miyu to lose the one shred of strength she was keeping. Her legs became weak and before she knew it she dropped on her chair. She knew this dreadful feeling all too well; she lost her husband already. She could not lose her daughter as well.

Sesshomaru was quick to join her. Neither of them dismissed the doctor, they simply sat there with an impending doom lurking above their heads.

-B-

All doctors lied.

What was supposed to be one or two hours turned out to be four. Not until that but by then, Sesshomaru lost his nerves; he could not go in the room. Miyu went first and said she would stay until he wanted to go. That was forty-five minutes ago. He wanted to get up and walk in there but he could not; his legs refused to work. He was not sure how he would bear the sight of his Kagome, so broken, so near death. He could  _smell_  her from here and it killed him.

The fact that the whole thing was entirely his fault did not help. How could he look at her knowing he was the one who put her there? How would he ever look at his son again?

**She is happier without us.**

**I told you to leave her.**

Oh, how could he have forgotten?

His beast seemed to revel in this. Sesshomaru could hear its thoughts coming from deep inside. The worst part was, he could not tell it off, he could not tell him to shut up…because it was right. He hated it, he hated everything it did to Kagome but in this particular instance, it was right. Kagome would not be in this mess if he had left her alone. He refused to admit it to his beast and to himself but he knew it was the truth.

None of that made the voice go away.

**It is not too late to listen.**

_Shut up! Cease your useless chatter._ He did not want to hear it again. He did not want to know what could have been.

"Sesshomaru?"

At the sound of Miyu's voice, his head jerked up.

She was leaning near the wall, uncertain if she should move forward. "I'll stay with her. If you want to leave." She expected him to come in the room long ago but he never made an appearance. She understood he felt guilty; it was obvious. For a moment, even she blamed it so how could he not blame himself?

 _No_ , he could not leave. What kind of coward would take make him?

"I am fine."

"You can come again tomorrow."

Nobody would think less of him if he could not face Kagome. She herself almost did not make it into the room, especially after she saw what a poor state her daughter was in.

He knew Miyu did not mean to insult him but he felt attacked. He rose to his feet almost instantaneously. Where was that strength and courage earlier? He nodded at Miyu and headed straight for Kagome's room. She decided to remain behind for a little while; he probably wanted a moment alone with her.

He could hear his feet echoing through the hospital. Usually everything was too loud, today everything was too quiet. He wanted something - anything - to distract him from the sound of his own heartbeat. It was not too long before he stood in front of her closed door. He inhaled deeply, trying to give himself some courage. He had to remind himself that it was not over yet, that Kagome  _still_  lived. Instead of expecting to lose her, he should expect her to pull through.

It was a tenuous task; he lost all will to be hopeful.

Once he opened the door, a scent of sickness and death reached his nose. He tried to ignore it.

 _There she was_ ; laying in a hospital bed, hooked up to too many machines. They all made a beeping sound that irritated him to no end. He quickly spotted the chair near the bed and sat in it. He did not know how much longer his legs could support him. He rested his hands on the bed rail and looked at her. Her skin was pale and she appeared fragile, breakable, especially with her head all bandaged up. He had not even realized she had hurt her head.

He rose a hand and brushed away her bangs; her flesh was cold to the touch.

"I am sorry," he whispered.

Sorry he could not protect her, sorry he put her in harm's ways.

**I warned you this would happen.**

Not now; this was difficult enough on its own.

This was not supposed to happen; they were happy. Hours ago they were together, laughing and kissing in the car. How could it have gone down this way?

Life kept on taking from her and it did not give anything in return.

 _I will make it right_.

**You cannot. You can no longer choose what happens to her. You are too late.**

He was always too late. Too late to realize that he treated her badly. Too late to prevent her from going to into the past. Too late in loving her. The timing was never right. Each and every time, she got hurt because of him. When would he be enough? When would he be able to save her from all this pain?

He would do anything, sacrifice anything for her sake.

And it was not enough.

-B-

Words usually made sense to him but not today.

The doctors kept on talking but none of it made sense. They said her signals were strong and they were happy but they were worried. Worried because though her vitals were great, they were not improving. How could they be confident and worried at the same time? It did not make any sense. Was she or was she not going to wake up? Was it that hard to answer?

 _Why would nobody give him a fucking answer_?

Every day it was the same thing, the same routine. He came in to the hospital as soon as the visits started and did not leave until they  _forced_  him to leave. It killed him each night that he had to leave her alone. He was almost convinced that she could feel his aura, hence why he wanted to be by her side at all time. Although, he knew somebody else depended on him; Kiyoshi. Miyu was often at the hospital as well and Kagome's brother and grandfather could not always look after Kiyoshi. It was perhaps the only thing that made him leave the hospital. After all, if he truly wanted to stay none of those humans could force him.

Two days after the accident, Miyu kindly offered him Kagome's room but he refused. He strongly believed that being surrounded by all her things would make this whole thing even harder. Also, he thought it might be best if their son was away from the bad auras. If he stayed in that house, where  _everyone_  was upset, it would be worst. He was too young to understand what was happening.

That was his life now; he would come to the hospital during the day and hide in his hotel room at night. What else was he supposed to do with his life? Kagome  _was_  his life. Somedays, he even pictured what she should say to him. She would say she was right and that he should have listened to her. This was why she wanted him to be selfish and to do things for himself. Now, he had nothing. And she was right but he did not care because he rather have her and nothing else than everything and not her.

Kagome gave his life meaning.

Now he was lost and he did not know where to begin.

He did all he could do. He had money, he had connections; humans and youkais. He had a few friends fly over to take a look at her. They all said the same thing though; they did not know when she was going to wake up. How could nobody know? Apparently she was doing okay, her aura was still there but…she was not waking up.

What if she did not want to wake up? What if she had enough of all the pain and suffering?

"How are you holding up?"

Sesshomaru sighed; Dr. Izumi. He did not know why but he thought Kagome might appreciate a doctor she was familiar with and he wasted no time in calling him. Izumi also hurried to Japan when he heard what happened. Sesshomaru was grateful for his time and efforts even though it did not lead anywhere.

"I am fine."

"I've never seen a youkai look as terrible as you," he somewhat teased though the concern in his voice was obvious.

Youkais could go days without sleeping. Sesshomaru had not slept in eight days. That should not affect him too badly but it did. He had dark circles under his bloodshot eyes and he looked  _unhealthy_. Izumi proposed to prescribe him something to sleep but Sesshomaru always refused. The fact that he was not eating did not help either. He advised Sesshomaru that destroying himself would not help Kagome but he felt like his warnings were going unnoticed.

"She will wake up."

"I thought you did not know if she would."

"The tests won't tell us but  _I know_."

He did not want to give Sesshomaru false hope but -  _this was Kagome_. From what he saw in her, there was no way she would not pull through. The worst part was, her injuries were not the worst ones he had seen. She should have woken up by now. It was mystery yet it was common. Some people pulled through insane surgeries and some died from the simplest procedures. He simply wished there was something he could do.

"I do not know that."

At first, he tried to be hopeful but now it was too exhausting. Especially when he was this tired. He would be hopeful when someone would finally tell him something - good news or bad news. He just wanted to know at this point. Everyone's ignorance drove him crazy.

"How is Kiyoshi?"

"Fine." That was a bit of lie. He could tell his son was missing his mother and that all the disturbance in everyone's aura was getting to him. Unfortunately, he had no way of making it better.

"But you're not," he said, bringing up the topic again.

"I do not care about myself. Kagome is my priority. My health hardly matters, I will recover." She might not. If only… he had been better at protecting her.

"Is that what keeps you up at night?" Izumi asked as he walked in further into the room. "That if you had been hurt instead of her, you'd all be fine by now?"

"I heal faster than she does."

"You might be a youkai but it does not mean you can also be fast enough, Sesshomaru. Even we have our limits." He always thought he did not. Nothing ever stopped him in the best. Heck, he could not even stop his own beast. He was supposed to be the strong one.

He could not save her then, from himself, and he still could not save her now. She was also the one rescuing him and he felt hopeless. He thought about every possible solution and all of them failed. He tried, he tried so hard but he was not enough.

"We can't dictate life's path. We all have our own journey and destiny."

Sesshomaru did not care; this was not Kagome's destiny. She was not meant to die after all the hardships she endured. It was not fair. If that was the plan for her then what was the point? Why make her suffer only to kill her like this?  _No_. There was another way, there was a reason why this happened. If only he could figure out what it was.

"I will not let her die."

Izumi wanted to tell Sesshomaru that he did not really have a choice in the matter but decided against it. He probably knew that already. People could do anything during desperate times. He just hoped Sesshomaru would not push himself too hard.

"I will be back later to check up on her again."

Sesshomaru did not even acknowledge him, he simply let him walk away.

His amber eyes were locked on Kagome. Life was a twisted bitch. If anyone deserved to be suffer and be in that hospital bed, close to death, it was him. Although, he was not a strong as her. He probably would have given up. Deep inside, he believed Kagome was fighting this with all she had. He had to believe that; it helped him get out of the bed in the morning.

She had to come back to him and to their son.

He did not care about fate or destiny. Kagome would live even if he had to screw with all of time and space to make sure it happened.

-B-

_This was the worst idea_. As Sesshomaru stood above Kagome's bed with their son in his arms, he came to the conclusion that he made a mistake. He thought that Kiyoshi's presence might jolt Kagome back into the world but now all he was doing was exposing his son to his sick mother. Kiyoshi was certainly able to feel his mother's sick aura and it could be traumatizing for their son.

Still, he remained there.

He wanted to give her a reason to wake up and he could not find one better than Kiyoshi. Sesshomaru was linked to many painful memories but their son was pure, he was her reason to keep going and fight. From the first moment she learned of her pregnancy, she protected her child with her life.

And if this was not the answer, he did not know what was.

He tried it all and nothing seemed to wake her. Even her doctors did not know. Nobody knew.

Sesshomaru held on to his son as tightly as he could, fighting off tears. Kagome had to live and he would find the way. There was nothing he wanted more than that, nothing he would not sacrifice for it.

As that one little thought crossed his mind, a purple light began to glow around him. It took him a few seconds to realize that it was coming from his  _son_. The…jewel. His eyes widened and before he was even able to process what was happening, he felt a darkness take hold of him. As his world went black, he fell upon the floor with his son resting on top of him, still glowing.

He was inflicted with a painful headache as he struggled to find consciousness. There was blackness everywhere.

 _"You can save her_."

The voice was screechy and it was coming from deep within his mind. Sesshomaru finally opened his eyes. He was no longer standing in the hospital, instead he was surrounded by darkness and swirls of purple.

"Where am I?" he asked, slightly panicked. Where was Kagome? Where was his son?

" _Inside of me._ "

He arched an eyebrow; what was it talking about? It was not his beast, he could tell as much.

" _You wished upon the jewel_."

He remembered; his son was glowing. "I did not wish anything."

He would not dare to make a wish. He knew they always came with consequences. He never even spoke out loud! This was wrong - it was all a big mistake.

" _You did. You wished with your heart. I can hear your thoughts."_

"It is a mistake. I do not want to make a wish."

" _I thought you wanted to sacrifice everything you had to make her live."_

That was it? That was the wish the jewel thought he made? He wanted Kagome to live? That was obvious. But he would not temper with the jewel. The last time they did that it ended up stuck inside his son. He did not want this. He backed away, cornering himself in the darkness. There was no escape from her was there? He could not get out.

"I do want her to live but not like this." She was not dead yet, there was hope she would pull through. She used the jewel on him once. He could do the same but…was it worth the risk. God he felt like a selfish idiot for asking this. Was her life worth the consequences? Her life was worth everything. She was worth more than him.

" _I can give her life. I can do more than that, I can give Kagome her whole life back. A new chance_."

"More?" He should not ask but it was too tempting.

" _This happened because of you. All the bad things in her life are your fault. I could take it all away._ "

For a moment, he forgot how to breathe. He  _knew_  he was responsible for all the misery in her life; he did not need to be reminded of that.

 _"What good did you ever give her_?"

"Kiyoshi," he answered without thinking.

That was one answer he was sure of and nobody could argue.

" _She could have had that happiness with someone else. Someone more deserving_."

But Kiyoshi would not be Kiyoshi if he was not  _his and hers_. It would not be the same.

" _Did she really need all that pain? Does she need to live with all that suffering_?"

"No," he answered against his will.

" _I can answer your deepest wish. I can make it all go away. She will live and she will no longer no pain._ "

Do not ask. Do not ask. "How?"  _Fuck_.

" _I will make all of this disappeared. I will make it as though you never took her that night. I will even make it as though you never encountered her in the woods the first night. You will never take her against her will, you will never make her suffer, you will never kill your own brother. All of the bad will go away_."

This was the solution? Kagome lived and she was happy but he would have to lose her forever? They would have to lose their  _son_?

"Kagome would never get rid of her son."

" _She will have him again with someone else. He will not be lost to her. The only thing that will be missing from her life will be you_."

He had to give her up?

" _She will always be miserable. You will lose her and she will be unhappy forever. You cannot bring goodness into her life. Only pain in misery. You always hurt her. You always take everything away from her. You are poison. You destroy her life. You are selfish for keeping her with you_."

"She wants to stay with me."

" _Because you never let her found out how good it was not to have you in her life. Give her that chance. Let her live and give her a fresh start._ "

The jewel could not be right; it could not all be his fault. He spent a lot of time trying to make it up to her. Every day he tried to do right by her. He always tried to keep her best interest in heart.

" _How long do you think you can keep up this charade? One day, you will want more. Maybe your beast will - or your mother. Everything about you is made to hurt her. Let her go. Let her have the life she was meant to have. You took her future from her and now you can give it back_."

His heart was racing and he felt deaf again. Would Kagome truly be happier if she kept going on the path she was meant to go on? Did he truly steal everything from her? He did not mean to - he thought she would be happy again… She  _looked_  happy lately. Did that not mean anything? Was he going to lose her again?

Would she be worst off now than before?

_"Save her. If you love her, you should save her and set her free. It is the only way. Wash away all your sins."_

"Would I remember?" Every choices, every wishes…they all came with consequences. Losing Kagome was already the biggest consequences he could ever think of but he knew that could not be the only thing. This was a very selfish wish. He  _wanted_  to save her. Even if it was done out of love, it was selfish right? Giving her up just so she could live. It was not the selfless wish the jewel required. If it was, it would not pressure him into doing it.

The jewel did not want to vanish.

" _No_.  _You would not have any memories."_

It felt like a trap. It was a trap. Of course it was "But?"

 _"Your heart would remember. Not hers. She was the one for you but you are not the one for her. You said you would sacrifice yourself for her. This is your chance_."

He was willing to give it all up for her but this was too much. It was not only him, it was his son and… And he did not want to say yes because he would lose it all. Their life was not perfect but it was theirs was it not? She smiled, she laughed and she loved. Did she hide sadness behind her eyes? Did he miss something? Could she truly find a better happiness if she was no longer by his side?  _Kouga_  and his brother came to mind.

 _His brother_. He would be alive. Inuyasha would still live and reckless roam through the lands as though he was invicible.

He remembered how much she loved his little brother.

He could give it all back to her. He could give her the life she was meant to have; a life away from him.

All he had to do was say yes. All he had to do was give it all up. His life, his love, his memories.

All of it so that she would have a chance at a better life. He felt selfish if he said no and he felt selfish if he said yes. Selfish because he  _wanted_  to save her even if it meant using the jewel and selfish because…he did not want to lose her and their life together. Was there even a right answer to this dilemma?

" _What will you choose_?"

Would he choose himself or Kagome?

-B-

_I know this story has a lot of chapters and I take my sweet time between updates, so for those who don't remember who Dr. Izumi is, he was Kagome's doctor, the one who helped her deliver Kiyoshi._


	92. The Decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Again, thank you for all the nice reviews. Just woke up from my night (day?) nightshifts are hell. This might be the only thing I have time to update today. I'm really sorry. I'm just so tired and I have to be at work for 11pm. I'll try. If not, I PROMISE, everything else will be updated tomorrow. Also, I've been writing sleep deprived lately. If anything seems weird, you see names you haven't seen before and it's all wobbly-wibbley...just roll with it.
> 
> This was not beta. I'm sorry. I barely re-read it... because I work long hours and I'm tired.

_Her heart was racing, her body was tired but the adrenaline kept her going. Why did she think it was a good idea to go chasing a shard all by herself? Why did she not wait for Inuyasha and the others? Of course, none of this would have happened if Inuyasha had come to pick her up as he should have. Stupid Inuyasha. Stupid Kikyo._

As she ran, Kagome turned her head and glanced back to try and catch a glimpse of her  _opponent_. If only she could stumble onto a familiar face –heck even Kouga! The knowledge of someone else being around would make her feel safer. Since Kagome was not looking in front of her, she became distracted and her coordination greatly suffered from her lack of attention.

As expected, she suddenly tripped over a branch.

The impact came quickly and painfully and before Kagome could protect her head, it was smashed against a rock. The hit was so unexpected that for a second, Kagome did not feel it. She had to blink a few times for the pain to make its way to her brain. As soon as it hit her, Kagome's head violently began to throb. She managed to get on four with her blurry vision.

She succeeded in raising a shaky hand to her head and rubbed it slightly as she could feel a headache coming. Slowly, her vision cleared up, but the pain refused to cease.

As she removed her hand from her forehead, she felt something thick going down her arm. She yanked her arm around before she realized it was blood.  _No need to panic, its just blood. You've seen blood before._  She pulled her arm closer to her body and saw the huge amount of blood on her palm going down her wrist and to her elbow.

She obtained worse injuries on her arm in the past, causing her to still be extremely calm. The resolution to not panic however left her mind quickly when she felt the blood sliding down her cheek.

_How hard did I hit myself?_

Obviously, she was a little more concerned about her head injury than the wound on her arm. Nevertheless, neither of these were her priority at the moment since her situation just got more complicated. The scent of her blood would surely attract youkais and she needed to leave  _now_  or they would turn her into their midnight snack.

She scrambled around for a few seconds before she managed to make it on her own two feet. Even though she still felt extremely dizzy from the hit, she immediately started to run again. In addition, she could see ahead of her that the forest was ending soon.

Once she took the first step, she was made aware of the pain in her right leg.

A sharp, breathe-taking agony ran through her whole body, giving her cool chills, as she put down all her weight on her injured leg. The wound from her head distracted her from any other kind of pain and she failed to notice the state of her leg.

 _I can do this._  Kagome winced at every step she took, but she kept on running –well wobbling.

She needed to push her pain aside, or she might not make it; her adrenaline was the main reason why she could still run.

Kagome felt extremely relieved when she began to get closer to the end of the forest, hoping to be safe. After all, she couldn't be that far from Kaede's village. If she could only last a few more minutes, she would mostly be out of harm ways.

While she kept running, trying to stay alive, there was a feeling she could not shake off.  _Something was supposed to happen_. Yes. She was supposed to get eaten alive and die. She ignored the feeling and kept on running.  _This was not how she wanted to die_. Her heart raced as she finally saw the village come into view. She kept going as fast as her legs would allow her to go until finally, she collapsed near Kaede's den. She had never been this happy in her  _entire_  life.

From afar, she could see Sango running in her direction.

She made it.

As she laid on all fours on the ground, the nagging feeling returned. She turned her head, inspecting the woods but she saw nothing. Her eyes traveled left and right but all she found were trees and darkness. There should be something but there was not. Glowing.  _Glowing_?

"Kagome! Are you alright?"

Kagome looked up at her friend and smiled. "I'm fine."

She  _was_  fine right?

-B-

Nightmares.  _Every nights_  she had nightmares. They kept her tossing and turning and sometimes, she woke up screaming. Her friends were starting to get worried but she convinced them all she was fine. Of course, they might believe her a bit more if she actually believed her own lies. Ever since that night in the woods, her life had felt upside down. Something was missing and she could not figure out what it was. Perhaps she did get injured…or maybe it was just the hit to her head. She should have gone back home and went to the hospital.

Although, she was a bit wary of the well. Since that day, she did not go near the well. Every time she approached it, she felt a bad feeling wash all over her. It was telling her  _not to go_. And she listened.

She leaned back into her sleeping bag, uncomfortable. She was soaked in sweat. Her sleeping bag was soaked in sweat. At least Shippo was sleeping beside her as though nothing happened. Her night terror did not even seem to wake up Inuyasha. It was best this way; she did not want to awkwardly explain her situation to everyone again. They were worried enough as it was and when Inuyasha was worried, he yelled. She did not think she could handle his yelling right now.

Her heart was racing and her lips were dried. There had to be a way to stop this. She did not think she could bear it any longer. Nightmares were supposed to be temporary not a recurring thing. If only she knew the source of all her fears perhaps she could make it all stop. Another sigh escaped her as she ran her fingers through her hair. Another sleepless night.

At least she did not wake up crying this time. Some nights, tears were  _pouring_  out of her eyes and there was this unexplainable ache deep in her heart. It was as though something was ripped away from her and without it she could not breathe, she could not live.

What was this need? What was this hole that needed filling?

"Kagome."

She jumped at the sound of her name and began frantically looking around. Panic began to settle in when she came to the conclusion that everyone around her was asleep. Did she imagine it? Was she still dreaming?

"Kagome."

 _No_. That was definitively real. She breathed in heavily as she slowly sat up, making sure not to wake up Shippo. Her eyes darted into the darkness but she could not see anything. Even the trees and the forest were too dark for her to discern anything. Did she dare get up? Was exploring such a good idea? After all, she could have gotten killed the last time she went off on her own.

"Kagome I-"

I what? The rest was too mumbled for her to hear.

Her face turned white and her hands became clammy. She managed to stand up on shaky legs and took a step closer towards the forest. This was a  _bad idea_. But hey, Inuyasha was close by right? If she screamed, he would wake up? Then again…someone was  _calling_  her right now and he was not even blinking.

"Kagome."

 _Oh god, anything to stop that voice from muttering her name_.

Her walking was stiffed and her knees were locked with each step she took. However, the closer she got to the forest, the louder the voice got. That had to be a good thing right? At least it was not running away and she would not be too far from her friends. Hopefully it would be friendly enough because she was certain she had lost all ability to speak or scream. Her limbs were shaking as she finally reached the edge of the forest. Unfortunately for her, it only got darker.

"Hello?" she asked, her voice a whisper.

"Kagome!"

The voice sounded different…happier. That was a good thing right? A mean person would not sound happy.

"Where are you?"

"Kagome, come, please!"

"I don't understand!"

" _Please._ "

At the word, at the pleading in the voice, she felt herself break down. Before she knew what was happening, tears were rolling down her cheeks. She lost all her strength and she dropped to her knees. She hit the mud and she supported herself with her hands. "What do you want from me?" she shouted at the top of her lungs.

"I -  _we_  need you to wake up."

"I'm awake." This was not the nightmares. No, no, she woke up from that. The nightmare was gone was it not?

"He needs you."

 _He_?

Kiyoshi.  _Kiyoshi_.

"KIYOSHI!"

 _Brightness. Whiteness._ And gasps.

When Kagome's eyes flashed opened, it was all she saw and heard. Three people staring at her; her mother, Sesshomaru  _and_  Kiyoshi. She was still in a fog of confusion as her brain tried to process what was reality and what was fantasy.  _This_  was the real world right? With her son, with her mate and with her mother. But the other world felt so real. It was just like - just like when she saw Sesshomaru in the woods except - she did not see him. She never met him.

And she  _felt_  the loss.

"Kagome?"

Sesshomaru gave Kiyoshi to Miyu before leaning forward. He gently brushed away some of her tears before cupping her cheeks. "Why are you crying?"

"I- I don't know," she said her voice husky.  _Wow_  how come she sounded like that? "Where am I?"

"The hospital," Miyu replied.

She squished her eyebrows together.

"You were in an accident," Sesshomaru clarified.

Her eyes quickly traveled to her son to make sure he was not injured.  _Wait. No_. He was not in the car was he? The car. Oh god, it crashed and Sesshomaru - Sesshomaru was in it. She focused her attention back on him and searched his eyes.

Her concern for his safety nearly broke his heart. "I am well."

She nodded and then glanced down at herself. There were so many things hooked up to her arm and the rest of her body that she did not know where to begin. Apparently she got the worst of it. "How long?"

Everybody looked away.

"How long?" she asked again.

"Two months," Sesshomaru dared to reply. The worst two months of his life.

The tears began flowing out of her eyes again. She was here - asleep - for two months? How?  _Two months!_  No, no she could not have lost two months of her life… but so many things were happening. She - and then - Sesshomaru! He was looking to buy a house. They were looking together. And his mother, god she was a pain in the ass. Did she - did she try anything? Did anyone die in the accident?

He knew what she wanted to ask before she even voiced it. "The man who hit us. He did not make it."

She did not know him and  _he_  might have caused all of this and yet more tears poured out of her eyes.

"Nobody else was injured. Except you."

She held on to Sesshomaru's fingers, which was all the strength she had and she squeezed. As he looked at her, his heart swelled. Two months ago, he could have lost all of that. The way she looked at him, the way she held on to him. He always let it all go because he thought there was no hope for her and there she was, staring into his eyes  _alive_  and well.

For the first time in a long time, he was sure he made the right decision. Being selfish never paid out for him before but this time, it really did. For a while, he regretted his decision every single day. She made no progress, she did not wake up. Sometimes, he even considered summoning back the jewel. He was glad he did not. He was glad he said no on that day.

_"Pick her. Do not pick yourself."_

_It would be the right thing to do would it not? He should choose Kagome and her life. He would even give his brother his life back. It would be the fair thing to do. After everything Sesshomaru did he was the last one that deserved happiness. And yet, instead of speaking the words and making his wish, he remained completely silent. He was speechless. He loved Kagome like he had never loved anyone. As a matter of fact, he had never loved before her. Rin had created that feeling within him but he truly discovered the limits and passions of love with Kagome. It was a different kind of love. He was not sure he was willing to let it go._

_Sacrificing himself was the right thing to do but losing her… it was too much. Could he really take that chance? Although, if he said no, she might never wake up. He had her life in his hands and he had to choose if he wanted to be selfish or not. She always said he should be but he did not think she meant while making decisions for her. If he made the wrong choice, she might die. He might take everything away from her._

_But - but this was not a decision he could make without her input._

_Kagome had a life now, she had a son. He took too many choices away from her and he would not do it again. No, it would not be right. He could not read her mind; perhaps she preferred this life - although at this moment he doubted it - . Still, it was her choice to make. He would wait. He would wait for her to wake up because he needed to believe she would wake up. Once she would, he would propose to her what the jewel just offered him. She would then be free to say yes or no and he would not stop her._

_If she wanted all of this gone, he would agree._

_Until then, he had to keep believing in her, he had to keep thinking that she would wake up._

_"I will not wish anything."_

_"You will lose her."_

_"Maybe."_

_If after a long time she did not wake up, he could always…wish it right? If the situation was extreme, he could still keep her. He had to hold on to that. He could not rule her life for her. She had to make her own choices just like she wanted him to make his own. Except, she was much better at it then he was._

_"I will make no wish. Let me be."_

_And then, purple surrounded him_.

Ever since that day, that moment kept replaying in his mind. She could have died and then it might have been too late to wish. However, in the end, he was right to wait. He did mean what he thought that day. He would not keep what happened from her. Perhaps she wished to go back and undo it all. After all the pain he put her through, it would be her right to do so. Today was not the day though. Not when she was so overwhelmed and confused. Soon. He would tell her soon.

"Is he okay?" she asked while looking at their son.

Sesshomaru nodded. "He missed you."

Miyu walked closer to the bed and rested Kiyoshi against Kagome's chest while still holding him. She was not convinced Kagome had enough strength in her arms to hold him up. Kagome smiled as she leaned forward and pressed her forehead against her son's. "Mommy missed you," she said, her voice breaking.

 _She knew he was the thing missing from her life_. The mention of her son was what brought her back completely.

"I heard your voice," she said, though she did not glance at Sesshomaru. "You were talking to me. You talked about Kiyoshi. I remembered him."

 _Remembered?_  Her choice of words was strange but he did not mention it. He would ask later. He would ask what happened inside her head while she was asleep and away from him for two long months. For her, it was nothing more than the blink of an eye. For him, it had been agony and misery. For most of his life, he had her, he had goals… concerning her. It was the first time that he was completely on his own with nothing to occupy his mind. He nearly lost it.

She had wanted him to learn how to be his own person but this was the most cruel way for him to learn. At least he had his son by his side. It was probably what pulled him through, what kept him hoping that she would open her eyes one day. Kiyoshi needed her. He could be a father to him but he could never replace Kagome and all the love she had for their son.

"I always talked to you," he finally replied as he pressed a kiss to her forehead.

He always heard it was what you were supposed to do and he did not see the harm in trying. Every day he came to see her and he always spent a bit of time telling her about his day, what happened, what changed. Obviously she did not remember any of it and he would have to tell it all over again but at least - at least she heard him and she returned to him.

"You will be fine," he promised as he kissed her again.

He could not wait until they could get her out of this terrible place, until she was  _walking_  again and smiling.

Kagome let tears pour down her cheeks.

 _This was where it felt right_.

This was where she belonged.

-B-

The sun was bright and nearly blinding as Kagome was changing into her  _real_  clothes. After nearly a week, they were finally letting her out of the hospital. She felt much better and they told her that her physicals wounds had almost all healed up. It was one of the perks of being in a coma for two months; it gave her body a long time to heal. At least she would not have to be in a lot of pain. The only problem was that she felt weak. Walking was a little harder than it used to be and even her arms had a hard time holding every day objects.

They told her it was pass and with time and exercise she would get back in shape quickly. Hopefully they were right. She could not wait until she could hold her son and take care of him. For now that task had been passed down to Sesshomaru and her mother. They did a good job during the past few months and she trusted them completely.

There was only one thing that scared her and that was not knowing how everybody had gone with their lives for the past two months. Sesshomaru did not really answer any of her questions and avoided the topic most of the time. She did not remember the last time he was so  _secretive_. It was a good thing though. Did she not tell him to be himself? Perhaps it was what he did when she was gone. Although she mostly pictured him coming to the hospital all the time - which he probably did.

"Kagome, do you require any assistance?"

At the sound of his voice, she smiled. He was so concern. Though, she would not mind some assistance; her sleeves were giving her trouble. "Come in," she said as she tried to get her head through the shirt's hole.

He quietly opened the door and walked towards the bed. He managed to get her head through in a second, messing her hair up at the same time. Although, her hair was already tangled  _for life_. Another positive outcome of her coma; she had a reason to  _shave_  her head.

Sesshomaru also helped her with her sleeves and then sat down beside her. "Are you ready to leave?"

"I'm not going to miss this hospital," she said as she leaned in against him. "Is my mother coming?"

"She stayed home with Kiyoshi."

"Then I'm ready."

He helped her up, even though she did not ask and offered her his arm. As they approached the door she noticed  _it_. A wheelchair. "Really?"

"Hospital policy."

Yes, she had a little bit of difficulty walking all on her own but did she really need that? It was somewhat embarrassing. Nonetheless, she did not fight Sesshomaru as he helped her sit down.

"We are almost out of here," he said trying to encourage her. And then they would be home where he would have to explain everything to her. Two months did not feel like such a long time but without her it had felt like an eternity. Her coma confirmed one thing; living without her was nearly impossible. He was glad he would not have to do it forever.

He rolled her out of the hospital and then helped her into the car. She had seemed perfectly fine until she was seated. Then, he saw a panic settle in her eyes and he knew the reason behind it. He had felt the same thing the first time he got into a car after the accident. He did not want to drive, he hated cars, he hated humans - and he hated himself. That had not gone away. It would take a while for him to forgive himself but he did not want her to know. She did not need to worry about him.

Eventually he would get over it, especially now that she was back by his side.

"Nothing will happen," he promised. From now on, every time he was driving, all of his attention would be focused on the road - no matter what. Nothing would distract him and he would never get into another accident. If by some bad luck he did, he would be quick enough to save her.

She nodded. Kagome wanted to believe him and she did trust him but - her body was not listening. She closed her eyes and tried to lean into the seat. Maybe if she did not look and thought about something else, than it would be better. Kiyoshi. She could think about Kiyoshi while they were driving. Kagome was trying to picture her son in her mind when the car started. She gripped her legs with her hands and kept her eyes tightly shut.

Sesshomaru was not sure what to do; he wanted to go at a regular speed to lessen their traveling time but he felt like slower might be better for her. The less she felt the movements and the speed the better. Perhaps he would wait and see how she felt. He did not like to see her so nervous and terrified. Enough things happened to scared her and she did not need another reason to fear life.

 _It was just a car_ , was what she kept repeating to herself. The memories were blurry but she remembered her body feeling crush, flying out of the car. Her throat was dry and she was digging her fingertips so deep into her thighs it was beginning to hurt. She had to focus, she had to remind herself that this was not the worst situation she found herself in. She survived through worst thing than a car crash. And even that she lived through. She was strong, she pulled through things. She did not crumble.

One quick breath. Two. Three.

Slowly, she opened her eyes and looked at the road ahead. There was nothing. No traffic, no other cars. Only the road and the trees. There was nothing nerve racking about that. Right?

Kagome forced herself to keep her eyes open the entire time. Her heart was racing by the time they arrived at the shrine. Even after Sesshomaru parked the car and got out, she did not move. She saw him go around the car and open her door but she kept on staring ahead. She felt him reach out for her hand and squeezed it. For the first time since they got in the car, she released her thigh. It was probably  _bruised_. She intertwined their fingers.

"I don't think I can move," she admitted. Fear was paralyzing her but she was also weak.

He nodded and wrapped his arms around her waist, mindful of the injuries she  _might_  still have. He got her out of the car and then, picked her up bridal style. There were too many stairs and her legs looked wobbly - he did not want to risk it. He closed the door with his foot and then began to head up the stairs. Kagome buried her face in the crook of his neck. It almost made her laugh to think about him carrying her like that. They were  _mated_  not married.

Sesshomaru heard her heartbeat slow down and he was relieved. For a while, he thought she was going to have a panic attack in the car. It was the only reason why he drove faster at the end; he wanted to end her suffering. As he held her even closer, he realized just how much he missed her, all of her. She was warm and  _alive_.

Once they were in front of the door, he put her down on her feet while keeping one arm snaked around her waist. Kagome fumbled with the door before opening it. She barely had a chance to walk in that her mother was running in her direction. She wrapped her arms around Kagome and held her tightly. She was holding back tears.  _For a moment_ , she thought she would never hold her daughter again.

Miyu helped Kagome in and Sesshomaru followed closely behind. The house did not feel as foreign and strange to him as it used to - after all, he spent lots of time at the shrine during Kagome's recovery. Some days because he had to, some days because Miyu did not let him leave. He never seemed to be her favorite person, for good reason, but it was as though she saw something in his eyes; as if he should not be left alone. She was a kind woman.

Kagome sat down at the kitchen table, relieved to have something holding her up.

"Do you want some water? Or something to eat?"

Kagome shook her head. "No thanks, I'm fine."

She took a deep breath, hoping to relieve some of the stress she could feel building up.

"Take it easy. No rush," Miyu said as she sat down beside her. "You have time to catch up on everything you missed."

" _Everything_? What did you do while I was sleeping?" she asked amused. She could not assumed that a lot of things went on in the past two months. Or at least, nothing terrible seemed to have happened.

Unless they were keeping it from her. "Did… something happen?"

Sesshomaru avoided her gaze for a brief moment but Miyu replied by shaking her head. "Little things." She perked up. "Why don't you tell her Sesshomaru?"

Kagome chewed on her bottom lip; tell her  _what_?

"I purchased a house."

Miyu could only mean that because he never told her about the jewel, about the wish he did not make. She was a great woman with a kind and pure heart but she might have hated him. He did not know because he did not know her. However, he had a feeling she would have wanted a different life for her daughter. She would never intervene, she would never force Kagome to do something she did not want to do but that was another situation entirely. This was a chance to start over and take away all of her daughter's pain. He felt that if he told her, he might have gone through with it.

If Kagome wanted to tell her later on, so be it.

"One of the houses we saw?"

He shook his head. He did like the last one they visited but after she had her accident so close to it, he would never be able to live there. He did not want any of the other houses either; they reminded him of her. He required a house that was not attached to her at all. It was the only way to find some sort of peace. At first, he intended on staying on the hotel but then, he thought about her. She wanted him to get a house, she wanted him out there doing things for himself. His heart was broken at the sight of her comatose body and he decided he  _had_  to follow her advice.

And he did.

It was hard and he was afraid he might regret it but… but then he realized it was just  _a house_.

Kagome broke into a smile. "I'm glad." She tried so hard to get him to make decisions for himself. Apparently all it took was…for her to be gone. He was afraid he was going to disappoint her or hurt her so when she was not around, he actually made decisions.

It was good and it was bad all at the same time.

"Would you like to visit it? Later, of course."

"I'd love to."

He made a decision not based on her; she was intrigued to see the house.

"What I would love right now though is to lay in my head," she said with a sheepish smile. Leaving the hospital exhausted her and she knew her body needed a nap - which was almost ridiculous since she spent the last two months sleeping.

Sesshomaru helped her once more and they went up the stairs. They were a little harder to climb than she remembered. However, with Sesshomaru holding her up and the ramp, she finally managed to make it to the top. As soon as she opened her bedroom's door, she saw her son sleeping in his crib. She could not wait until she could hold him in her arms.

She felt terrible about what happened; her son needed her and she was not there. He could not possibly understand why his mother was ripped from him for so long.

Sesshomaru quickly picked up the salty scent of the tears forming in her eyes. "I brought him to the hospital many times."

"You did?"

"I wanted him to see you, feel your aura."

His son might be young but he had great powers. He was certain feeling her presence was what kept him from being so reckless. However, that was not the topic he wanted to discuss. It was not why he brought up that little information.

 _He had to tell her because it was eating him up_.

"Something happened at the hospital."

She frowned. "With Kiyoshi? Is he okay?"

Sesshomaru silently led her to the bed; it was probably best if she was sitting down. He did not trust her legs to hold her up.

"Yes, and yes, he is fine."

"But something happened to him?"

"Something happened  _with_  him."

"Sesshomaru, what's going on?"

He sighed. "The first time I brought him to the hospital I was rather  _desperate_. I felt as though I had failed you." He still did. "I would have done anything to erase what happened, to bring you back - awake." She was staring at him so intensively, he was unsure if he could even finish his speech. "Since I was holding Kiyoshi in my arms, my feelings made the jewel  _react_."

Her eyes flashed opened, her lips parted and he saw the fear shining through her. "S-Sesshomaru…" Last time she made a wish, the jewel ended up stuck in their son, punishing him for her mistake. She did not even want to think about what happened now.

"I did not make a wish," he clarified first. He saw her relax a bit but her body posture remained stiffed. "It - it made me a proposition. I could make a wish and take it all back."

"The accident?"

"Us."

She knitted her eyebrows together. "Us?"

"It offered to take all your pain away, all your bad memories. We would have never seen each other that night in the woods."

"You said no?" Obviously.

He nodded. "But I wanted to tell you. I said no because it was not my choice to make. It is your life. I know the jewel has brought bad things upo everyone but, I wanted you to have the option if you desired it."

"You wanted me to be able to take it all away? All of  _us_?"

He nodded again.

Kagome used the bed to push herself up and then leaned against Sesshomaru's chest. "I might not like everything about how we got together but it's our life, Sesshomaru. I am happy with you  _now_  and I love our son. I would not trade my life for anything. I would not be the same person."

"You would be happier. And everyone would be alive."

"But I wouldn't have you or Kiysohi." She raised her hand to cup his cheek. "I dreamt while I was in a coma. I dreamt that we were not together. That I was back to my old life. It wasn't right, Sesshomaru. I hate the way it happened but, I think - I need to believe there is a reason why it happened. The jewel only brings misery. If it wanted us to never be, then it was for a horrible reason."

She buried her face in his chest. "I would never make that wish. Why do you think I rather have your beast be a part of you than to lose you?  _I love you_ , Sesshomaru."

He wrapped his arms around her, his heart heavy. Nothing ever felt as liberating as her words.

He offered her the perfect life, a life without pain and misery.

A life without him.

And she chose the hard way, the way that got them where they were today.

For the first time since he turned down the jewel, he felt  _alive_.

She was right; selfishness was  _freedom._

He could freely admit that he was never letting her go.

-B-


	93. The Final Test

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Do you know how much I love you guys? I worked like 6 days straight - night shits. On my only day off, wednesday (well the night from wed to thursday), I did not rest (even though I had another 5 days of work coming my day). No, instead of that, I wrote 30k so that I could update all my stories on time. If that's not true love I don't know what is. :P
> 
> Thank you to all who read and to all who review :)
> 
> Very much not beta-ed. And probably a whole bunch of none sense!

 

Water droplets slowly ran down the length of the window. The soft sound of the rain hitting the outside world was like a humming noise, soothing away at the ears. The wind was gently blowing causing the leaves to bend and the umbrellas to bend backwards. And Kagome was watching it all happen as she looked out the window, _waiting_.

She was waiting for Sesshomaru.

Today, he was going to show her his new house.

She thought he would have done it as soon as she got out of the hospital but instead he chose to wait. He said that he wanted to make sure she recovered properly first and did not want to exhaust her. Even though she explained that she _slept_ for two months and did not require rest, despite what him, her family and her doctors were saying, she went along with what he wanted. It seemed to make him happy and so she did not see the harm in it.

Kagome noticed how happier he was lately. Especially since she turned down the jewel's proposition. She knew it was wrong. Things happened for a reason and time and space should not be messed with and that was it. There was a reason why he was unable to stop her from jumping down that well; he was not supposed to. And he loved him and her life. She did not need the start over. He never believed her but she hoped this proved it. She did not even need that dream like reality she experienced while unconscious to know _this_ was the life she was meant to have; she had known it for a while.

Her goal was to show it to him as well.

Though Sesshomaru was different. He was not the same man that sat in the car next to her two months ago. He changed, he transformed himself. Every day, she found out new things about him. It was a pleasing, new and refreshing situation. She did not think she would get to experience it again. Although he was just as caring and loving as he was before she noticed that he did affirm himself more. And he went on his day, doing things without asking or telling.

While she was asleep, he got his own routine. Some days she almost felt bad for interrupting it. After all, this was what she wanted. Sesshomaru got to know who he was, what he enjoyed. Obviously, she hoped he would have discovered that under different circumstances but it could not be helped. At least, the change _happened_.

A change that created a small hint of fear inside of her. Despite all the happiness it brought her to see him like that, it was scary. Sesshomaru was himself without her. She did not want to trade their life together, she did not want to erase it but the same doubt as always was there; what if in the end they were not right? It would not changed what happened or her feelings. She cherished their moments together but perhaps he did not need her as much as he thought. Perhaps he _could_ indeed be happier if she was not around him.

She would not mention it to him. Mostly because that one little thought broke her heart and she did not even know if she could voice it out loud.

Although, she might be the same way as him. Maybe she was different without him around. She would not know that and she was scared to find that out. She did learn to affirm herself around him so perhaps she was not the same as him? Maybe she knew how to sometimes put herself first? _NO, no_ that made her sound selfish. She did not want to prioritize herself but… she knew how to _grow_ in their relationship. Before her coma, he did not.

Before her coma, she would have never been sitting by the window, waiting for him to come and get her.

Still, she would be a liar if she said she minded the wait. When Sesshomaru would arrive she would have to get in a _car_. The little amount of time she spent home did not free her from that fear. She did not know how she would get over it. It was mostly a physical response. Her mind was used to dealing with _horrible_ events and she knew how to control her panic and fears. Her body though could not be controlled the same way. Every time a car was involved, she would shake and tremble.

She did her best to be calm but it did nothing. He noticed but he never said anything.

"Sesshomaru's not here yet?"

Kagome snapped her head in direction of her mother. "Not yet."

"How is he?" her mother inquired while pointing at Kiyoshi.

"Still sleeping."

Kiyoshi slept a lot lately. She did not know if it was his regular _new_ habit that she missed or because he was restless during her coma. The guilt from that was not going away either. She never meant to leave her son without her and she spent most of her waking moments holding him and spending time with him. Nothing would make up for the time she missed but she would make sure he never felt alone. Although, the positive side was that Sesshomaru got to create a bond with Kiyoshi; he had no choice but to get over his fear and just as she expected, he was a great father.

Her son, her poor son who was left with her burden. She hated that it _lived_ through him and that it even tried to take Kiyoshi himself away from her. She always hated the jewel for what it was, what it did to others and how it affected her life but now she truly despised it. Everyone was right; nothing good could come out of the jewel. There was a reason why corrupted people should not touch it or why it took away the goodness in pure people; it was _evil_ , rotten to the core.

How could it have proposed such a deal?

She fell prey to it but not even because it tried to influence her but because she was desperate. Nonetheless, the jewel got what it wanted and it now had a new host; her son. There were too many emotions clouding her judgement but one day she would find the right wish. It would have to be perfect because she did not want anybody else stuck with the jewel. It had to disappear for good. Hopefully, she could still be the one to find the right wish.

Suddenly, she heard footsteps and they pulled her away from her thoughts. It was Sesshomaru.

She bent down and softly kissed her son on the head before hugging her mother. "We shouldn't be gone too long."

Kagome did not want Kiyoshi in a car. She knew he was in one while she was in a coma but it did not matter. Not anymore. One day, she would have to get over her silly fear but not right now. Her accident was too fresh in her mind and she did not want to endanger him. He probably would not get hurt the way she did but she did not want to take a chance. He was _half_ human after all and she was afraid to find out his limits.

"Don't worry, I love watching over him."

Her mother's words only reminded Kagome of the time she spent away from her son and it nagged at her. She did not like that feeling. Still, she put on a smile and walked towards the door. She managed to open it right before Sesshomaru could knock. He lowered his hand and then approached her to kiss her. He did not mean to be too forward but it was an amazing feeling to be able to do that again. Some days, he thought he would never kiss her again.

She gladly returned the kiss and once he pulled away she grabbed his hand. "I'm ready," she said, her voice almost a whisper.

He knew she was lying but he nodded nonetheless. He watched her draw quick breaths, fidget with her fingers and her restlessness. He ignored it all and led her to the car. Her hand was shaking as she grabbed the handle and pulled the car's door open. She let go of his arm and climbed in. He felt nervous for _her_. She kept a straight face but he could tell.

Sesshomaru walked around the car and sat down in the driver's seat. She should know he would never let anything else happen to her. Too many times she got hurt because he failed her; when she got kidnapped, the car accident. It was enough. He did not care if he had to put all of his senses on alert and always be silent and focus; he would be. He was lucky once and he did not expect them to be lucky twice.

He buckled his seatbelt as well, even if he did not need it, and started the car.

His house was not very far so it would not be a long drive. Although, they had no been driving for long when they got into the accident.

Instead of feeling nervous about that, he would be slightly nervous about her seeing his house for the first time. She might hate it. Although even if she did she would not say anything. She wanted him to be independent, and she would not try to ruin it. It was a shame because he did want her real opinion about it. It was the first time he made a purchase for himself without considering someone's opinions, goals. This was all for him.

It would probably not be his permanent home, they would need another one for the two of them, but he wanted her to like it.

In the past, they were two very different people who should not have gotten together. His personality was especially the problem. Kagome was too good and too pure for him. She still was, despite what she thought, but he was a new person. He tried to make up for all of his mistakes and he was genuinely trying to do the right thing - for her, for their son and even for himself. The him now and the him before had almost nothing in common - except for his wretched beast.

His beast. He was mad at it too. He encouraged the jewel, he wanted that wish. How did it not realize that _it_ was the reason all of it happened? If his beast had not taken control of him back then, none of it would have gone down and now it wanted to take it all away? It did not know how to react or be. Before, it acted without thinking, only wanting what it wanted. Now, it knew what happened but was hurt over Kagome's reactions and still only did what it wanted.

Would there ever be a way to make it understand? He was ready to give up on it.

The whole drive was done in silence. Kagome was nervous about being the car and Sesshomaru was angry at his beast. Neither of them seemed to really notice the silence.

After a few minutes, they pulled in front of his house. Kagome could not see it from her angle and had to wait until she was outside the car. Once she went around his white car, she saw _it_. The house was like a poster for a family home. White picket fence, red bricks, a small garden, a _swing_ hanging from a tree and there was even a little bench by the red front door. The porch was decorated with many flowers and the whole place looked very _warm_.

Family.

In the past, it did not really matter to Sesshomaru; he always put himself first. Now, it was all he was looking for and he was terrified of being alone.

She could tell that from his house. He had come such a long way from who he used to be.

"It's beautiful," she finally said with a smile.

As he guided her towards the front door, he smiled as well. Kagome _liked_ the house, he knew she did.

She understood why he felt like it was a dream house; even she thought of it that way and she could picture their son on that swing. He might have bought that house all by himself without outside influence but he bought it with only one goal in mind; his family. Perhaps she had been wrong, perhaps doing things for his family had truly become one of his traits.

Sesshomaru was a family man.

-B-

An hour.

It was how long it took them to do the tour of the house. It was not particularly big; although it was spacey enough for all of them. What took the most time was going through all of the rooms one by one. Sesshomaru decorated them all by himself. He did not re-do the paint but he bought all of the furnitures on his own. It distracted him from what was going on with her. Despite the beauty of the all the rooms, her favorite one was Kiyoshi's bedroom.

Although Sesshomaru had elegant taste, it appeared that when it came to a child's nursery he had no clue had to do it and he went with the most stereotypical theme he could. The room was two tones of blue, a navy one and a soft baby blue color. The furniture was a dark wood and all the accessories were either cars or spaceships.

It was _adorable_. She was convinced it was the room that took him the most time and she could picture his loss expression.

After the tour, they sat down for lunch and as he often did in the past, Sesshomaru cooked something up for her. Now that lunch was over, he was finishing the dishes. She tried to help but he categorically refused. He was still protective of her since she was in a coma. It was sweet, but she was not going to let him get away with it forever.

Once he dried the last plate and put it away, he joined her at the table.

"It's a beautiful home," she told him again.

It was. It was also nothing like he ever had before. Castles and big mansions. This was a huge tone down and he liked it that way. He was even more pleased that it seemed to fit her taste.

"Did Kiyoshi sleep here?"

"Most nights," he quickly answered. "Some of them he spent at your mother's."

"I'm glad… I mean that, you and my mother got along."

Her words reminded Sesshomaru of Miyu's little outburst; he never saw her like that before. Though, it was completely understandable and he had agreed with her.

"We were both worried about you."

His _we_ made her think about something else. "Did… did it…appear? While I was in a coma?"

It did. Should he tell her that his beast wanted their entire history gone? Should he tell her it stuck by its words and wanted her far away from him? He did not think that owuld make her like his beast more but - he could not lie to her.

"When the jewel came to him, it expressed its opinion."

She swallowed hard; she could guess what came next just by the look in his eyes. "It wanted it to be all gone."

He sighed before nodding. "It favored the jewel's proposition, yes."

 _Kami, the - ugh!_ "You know, it got us where we are. It wanted me so much it just couldn't even bother to ask me what I wanted. It was cruel to me. And now, it wants it to be all gone?"

She never liked his beast, it always made her angry but now, it was worst than ever. It put her through hell and back to get its way. She was broken, she had to rebuild herself and move past all the horrors it made her live and now, now that she finally found the good in it and was at peace and - _happy_ now that she was happy it wanted to take it all away? She survived it all to get to this, to have these two people that made her happy. All her suffering could not be for nothing. She learned, she grew.

Why did it always have to change its mind?

"Did it come back since then?"

Sesshomaru shook his head.

" _Call him back_."

He heard the desperation in her voice. He saw Kagome upset plenty of times in the past but this was different. In her desperation he heard anger and rage. He was not convinced it was a good idea for her to talk to his beast when she was in such a vulnerable state.

"Perhaps we should wait."

" _No, it never waited_." Once she realized the harsh tone she spoke in, she took a deep breath. "I'm not angry at you," she said as she caressed his cheek. "I just - I need to talk to it."

Talking never worked because it never listened. Nonetheless this was not about _it_ , it was about _her_. She needed to get some things off of her chest and she did not want to be scared of it. _They made a deal_. If she kissed Sesshomaru, he was hers. It would not try to pry them apart and it did exactly that when it tried to persuade Sesshomaru to take up the jewel's offer. A deal was a deal. She did something she was terrified of doing simply to keep Sesshomaru in her life. She thought the beast would keep his end of the deal. It did not. It was a liar. _A liar_.

"Very well," Sesshomaru said, giving in.

He was not sure his beast would listen because it never did but he tried. He dwelled deep within himself and called out for him and then he waited, and waited. This was no time for his beast to be stubborn. It usually always jumped at the occasion of having an opinion and now it was hiding? It was not scared of Kagome, so why not show up? It loved confronting her, It loved making her angry. At first, even Kagome thought it did not work but after a few moments, Sesshomaru opened his eyes and they were shining that familiar red color she used to dread so badly.

" _Why_?" she asked before it even spoke.

" **Why what?"**

"We had a deal."

" **I did not break any deal.** "

"You told Sesshomaru to make the wish! That would be breaking the deal! You said you'd stay out of it. Sesshomaru was mine if I kissed you. And I did."

" **I advise him that you would be happier without us in your life. I did not force him. And he did not make the wish _."_**

"Only because he's better than you. And he knows, he knows I love him."

" **And me?** "

"And you?"

" **I have told you this many times. If you love him, you love me as well. I am part of him."**

Yes, she knew that. She knew it would be inside of him forever but it could be a less active part of him. It did not need to have the power to surge and give horrible advice to Sesshomaru. "Why won't you merge with him?"

" **We disagree _."_**

 ** _"_** _Why won't you agree with him!_ You wanted him to have me and now he does. Can't this be over?"

" **We are not right for each other."**

 **"** How are we not? We love each other."

The beast took a step forward and grabbed Kagome's chin with its fingers. It tilted her head forward and stared right into her eyes. " **Will you love him when him and I are one while he takes your body**?"

She knitted her eyebrows together. "What are you talking about?"

" **Did you not feel it? When his eyes turned red while he was taking you? It was _us_. Me and him together at the same time. Will you be able to handle it when he takes you and you have to look into his red eyes knowing we are both there at the same time**?"

When did Sesshomaru's eyes turn red? She knew she would have remembered such an important detail. She had no memories of that. He would have told her if it happened… unless…unless he thought it would have freaked her out. Maybe he did not notice? She could hardly see Sesshomaru coming something from her, especially something this important.

The beast knew Kagome could not love it. He tried, he tried and apparently he did her wrong and brought her nothing but misery. Sometimes, through Sesshomaru, he felt her pain. She would have no real happiness as long as he was present and she would never consider him like she saw Sesshomaru. He made a deal, he said he would not intervene but it did not mean Sesshomaru and him had to be one. They were too divided for that. He could see now the damage he did to her.

She had to find someone else, someone who brought her no pain and only happiness.

" _I could_ ," she finally answered with a shaky voice.

Being with Sesshomaru would always be a fight. There would always be memories, they would always be the thoughts, the feeling. However, being with him as also happiness and love. He made her feel alive. He made her feel love. Nobody would love her the way he did and nobody would go through the same hurdles with her. It was not easy but their past was their past and she learned to accept that.

It was the same reason why she was glad he did not let the jewel take it all away.

His beast would be there, with him merged. It would not be in control. And that was the thing she needed to remind herself. This was not the Sesshomaru from the past that would let the beast hurt her. Maybe the beast would be in there, maybe his eyes would be red but it would be the same sweet kind Sesshomaru who made love to her plenty of time.

Perhaps this was the alpha, the freedom, his mother said he was lacking.

It was his beast. That was the alpha part of him he could not have when he was with Kagome.

This was the hurdle Sesshomaru's mother thought they could not get past. Kagome said Sesshomaru had to learn to be selfish, to be himself without her or it would not work. In return, she needed to accept this; all of him, no matter how scary it was and how much it was linked to memories she wished she could forget forever.

This was _her_ test.

She thought it was the kiss but the kiss was nothing. A brief moment of courage, nothing more.

But she pulled through that and she faced her fear for the very first time. She even came out victorious. She could do it again. She learned to be better than his beast once and she would succeed again.

At least she hoped.

" **Do you really believe you could? You could have him make love to you with my eyes?** "

She would not. She would never let him make love to her. She was only his because he desired so. She never willingly let him have her body and she never would.

" _Yes_." Her voice was losing courage and conviction every time she spoke but it did not mattered. All it mattered was that, she was willing to take that risk, take that chance for Sesshomaru.

For them.

For their family.

Because he lost her and she saw it in his eyes; he almost died from it.

What if she lost him?

She always said they might not be meant to be, they might have to be apart if they could not be themselves fully. But could she actually do it? Was something worth walking away from Sesshomaru?

Was his beast the thing that would keep them apart forever?

Was she not tired of all the fears and all the pain?

This was the moment, the moment she decided how much their love was worth and she just what kind of courage she had. What was her limit? What was the one thing she could not handle?

" **Prove it**."

Those were the words she was afraid it would say and yet she knew she could not escape hearing them.

How was she supposed to prove it, how was she going to pull through it?

"How?" she dared to ask.

The further she went, the less she could escape it.

" **I will be there. He will be there**."

She wanted to pretend she did not know what it meant but she could not. She had not even been with Sesshomaru that way since her coma. Now it expected them to _be_ together like this? Those red eyes looking at her while…just like before? That would be it. That would be Sesshomaru complete. Sesshomaru feeling all of his instincts, all the things he should feel.

It would be all of him.

His beast always left her in a dilemma in a situation where she could say no and lose everything or say yes and face everything she feared.

"Fine," she answered with a shaky voice.

At that point, she did not know if she could go through with it or if she would stop it half way through. She knew she had to try; because she never went down without a fight and she could not start now. Everyone faced hurdles, theirs were simply… the stuff from nightmares, the things you could never truly escape. But if she did this, it could be all over. One less struggle, one less obstacles standing in their way.

The beast nodded and then, just like that Sesshomaru's eyes returned to normal.

At first she was confused but then she understood; this was as though they were one. Sesshomaru was himself and then in throes of passion…

There was one problem; Sesshomaru was not as keen to the idea as she was and she could tell simply by looking at him.

He approached her, his body still shacking. "Kagome, we are not doing this."

"We both know you can't stay like this forever. We can't stay like this forever. It said it would stay away and it came back. The only way to get rid of it is if you two merge."

But she was always the one paying the price. Yes, it hurt him to see her in pain but… she was the one who had to go through all of it. He could not be worth all that pain, all the trauma she put herself through. This was not like a kiss, this was much worst. Granted he would be there as well but - no. He could not let her go through with it.

"How do we know it will keep its word? It failed us in the past."

"It cannot pretend to be gone. It either will be or it will not. No more surging back, no more… no more being on its own. And you'll never have to worry about it again. It'll be over Sesshomaru."

She took a step forward and leaned into his chest. "We need it to be over." _She needed it to be over_. If they wanted to move on and forget all about it, they could not have this threat constantly hanging over their heads. They had to put an end to it.

"Kagome…"

"We both knew getting rid of it would come with a price."

They did not know who would pay it or how much of a sacrifice it would be but they always knew it would be _something_. This was it.

"It'll be over. Forever."

"Are you sure?" He hated himself, he hated his beast. But how could he not help if she decided to do it? How could he refused her? He did not want to fight with her, he did not want to lose her. Though he did not want to hurt her either and that was exactly what would happen.

She nodded.

Kagome grabbed his hand, unable to say another word, and led them back to his new bedroom. If they were going to do this, they were going to do it right. She could feel her body shaking with fear but she ignored it. Freedom; this was her only goal. Freedom for herself and freedom for Sesshomaru. That was the thought they needed to hold on to so that they could push through it.

She sat down on the bed and Sesshomaru joined her.

"It won't hurt you."

"I know."

"I won't hurt you."

If they were one, Sesshomaru would still be the one in charge, the one loving her, the one touching her. The beast would simply be very present, directing his thoughts, influencing his desires. But it would be _Sesshomaru_.

Since Sesshomaru was not initiating it, she decided to do it. She tilted her head and kissed him. At first, he did not move but then, after a while, he returned the kiss. She knew he was unhappy with the whole situation but if they made it pass this, they would be okay. She wrapped her arms around his neck and brought her body closer to his.

Sesshomaru and her loved each other. She could feel the love, the passion, every time they were together. This time it was different. They were going through the motions but the spark was lacking. She ignored it. She grabbed his hands and put them around her waist and he held on.

"I need you to help me," she whispered against his lips.

She could not bear all that weight all by herself. She could not carry them both; she could barely carry herself through it.

He lowered his gaze and looked into her eyes. He could not abandon her, he could not let her do it on her own. He was being _selfish_ and he knew but he - he never wanted to see that terrorize look in her eyes again. He did not want her to be terrified of _him_. They had come a long way and if she slipped away because of this…

But she was asking and… when did he ever refuse her?

Because…he could not lose her. And both ways…he might.

He cupped her cheek with his hand and deepened their kiss. He also used their new position to his advantage so that he could lay her on the bed and be on top of her. The less she had to do, the less she would think about it. It was all he could do for her. He could not take away her fear or the memories. He could only help.

Kagome kept her eyes tightly closed as she tried to focus on his hands, on how they felt. Usually she would love it when he touched her, when it dragged on; today, she wanted it to be over as quickly as possible. His hand glided under her shirt and it felt warm against her skin. She held her breath as his other hand traveled up her thigh. His movements were usually smooth but now they were shaky and awkward.

She could not focus on that.

Soon enough, the clothes were coming off and she did her best to lose herself in their love, in Sesshomaru. She leaned on him and he leaned on her. This was how they always made it through. It was too late to give up now.

She was grateful that her body _loved_ his touch because she was not _completely_ turned on at the moment - especially with all that weighted on her mind, but, his ministrations were enough for her body to offer some natural lubrication.

Sesshomaru wrapped her long legs around himself and positioned his not-quite-as-hard-as-usual-erection at her entrance. He knew he had to look at her but he did not want to do it. She loved him too much. She should not go through with it and yet he would selfishly hold on to her like he had done when he refused the jewel's wish. He could not lose Kagome.

He dared to raise his head and their eyes met.

Kagome smiled at him and she nodded. "I love you, Sesshomaru. Nothing is every going to change that." Even if they did not make it. Even if they _did_ make it - she would always love him.

He hoped not.

He took a deep breath and then took the plunge.

Two months.

Two months without kissing her, two months without feeling her pressed against him, without tasting her skin, seeing her smile. Those last two months had been hell and this was not how he planned for them to find each other again. He would make it up to her in any way possible.

She grabbed with forearms with her hands, giving herself some stability and she closed her eyes again. She focused on feeling him, through their love and through their bond. His aura pulsed through her and it brought her warmth. It made her feel better. Almost enough for her to forget for nearly a second what was happening and why they were doing this. It was him and her like it always was.

Unfortunately for her, she was not graced with that moment of happiness for too long. She sensed it when Sesshomaru came to a halt for a brief instant. His action were enough for her to open her eyes.

And then, she regretted it.

There, staring at her from above where those red eyes from her nightmares. But it was all wrong, it was nothing like she expected. They should been _its_ eyes.

Except, they were not empty, they were not cruel.

Those eyes, that face, _that_ expression. It was all Sesshomaru.

It was her kind and loving Sesshomaru with the eyes of a monster.

And she had to make her decision.

-B-


	94. It's just you and me - and it

He was completely still - which was a very difficult task considering where he was sheathed.

He would not move, he refused to even blink until her gaze shifted. Her saw the pain, the memories, flashing in her grey orbs. She might not realize it but she was forgetting to breathe. His stomach was coiling at the memories, at the agony he brought into her life. He was so close to being one with his beast, to no longer be torn apart. At this point he spent more time separated than he did whole. However, it was up to her. She got to choose if he was Sesshomaru - beast and all, or just Sesshomaru. For the first time in his life, he did not know what solution was better.

He hated who the beast was, he hated what he did. He did benefit from the end results - although he despited how it happened.

But, but now that it felt like only one heart was beating in his chest, he missed it. He missed feeling in control of his body, he missed being the only person in his head; he missed sanity. Most of all, he could almost taste it; the freedom and no longer having to worry about someone else taking control of his body and messing up his life.

He would stay broken for her because  _she was Kagome_. But - no, he would be happy. He would be happy no matter what.

It was strange being without her for two months. She used to be his whole focus and then, for a while, life rushed in. He forgot how to be on his own without constantly trying to make up for his mistakes.

The way she was looking at him was making his head spin and he did not know what to do. He did not like the silence, he did not enjoy this pause; it made his brain run wild and he did not want to be thinking. However, if he moved, he was almost certain he would spook her away.

The everlasting gaze was broken when he saw her rise a shaky hand. Gently, she scooped his cheek. He felt how moist it was from the inner turmoil raging with her head. He leaned into it, trying to re-assure her, trying to convince her that underneath this mask, underneath the redness it was him. The hardest part was keeping his eyes open; he wanted to close them, he wanted to take the nightmare away for her. But he could not.

Her soft fingertips brushed his skin, sending jolts of tickle through his body. He missed her. He missed her so goddamn much. His life simply was not the same when she was not in it. Every step of the way, every event, every catalyst, she changed him. Until he was no longer who he used to be. And that was not a bad thing. But now, this new person could not be - could not be everything she needed him to be but he could hardly be without her. Alone? He remembered being alone. Alone with  _it_ , alone with himself, with what he was.

Some days, he felt like he was barely hanging on to her.

Kagome slowly let her hand drag down, her fingernails almost grazing his flesh. Never once did he look away, never once did he even move an inch.  _Her_  Sesshomaru was waiting for her to make a decision. The struggle within her heart was heightened. She owed herself and she owed him. Even if he was happier without her, he would not be happy being half of himself - even if he hated that part. She also deserved freedom and control over her life. She had to shatter the nightmare, shatter this mirror of horror and go after what she wanted -  _him_.

She had to be willing to fight for him, to sacrifice everything.

All she wanted to do was bury her face in his embrace, shield away from his gaze, from his crimson look, but she could not or it would not count. It was already  _Sesshomaru_ , the softness, the kindness and the understanding. She had to remember this was  _all_  of him, not just the part she loved with all of her heart. She could not speak, her voice gone, her body frozen under the pressure of the hesitation. The only indication she could provide him with to let him know he could keep going was a nod of her head.

He almost missed it.

He did not even think she would let him pursue down this path.

But she did. Because she was Kagome and she was strong; she was a fighter.

The torture ended and he was finally able to move with her. The pause, the hesitation made his strokes difficult; they were far from being the throes of passion. He let his hands glide to her sides, following the curves of her body. He cupped her bottom, his fingers caressing the cold flesh. She let him touch her, she let him guide her legs until they were secured around his waist. He bent over, his lips brushing her earlobe. " _I love_ ** _you_** _Kagome_ "

A shiver ran down her spine, it was not his voice but it was his voice. She never heard it sound like that before; dripping with love while a deepness, a darkness echoed through.

" _I'll never_ ** _hurt_** _you."_

He wanted to take the memory away; the one of the big bad red eyes. All he wanted to leave her with was pleasure, desire and acceptance. This had to be done on her terms to let her forget all the times her willpower was taken away. Never again would something be done against her wish. Never again would something be taken from her.

She felt the tears form in her eyes. She did not want to cry but the overwhelming feeling in her heart made it hard not to spill tears. Her bottom lip was trembling as she tried to focus on his words, on his touch, on his heart. This was not a monster, this was the man she loved. Her mate. The father of her child. The one she wanted to spend her life with; for better or for worst. If they pulled through this they could get through anything….

If  _she_  forgot this, if she forgave… she could pull through anything.

Did she become stronger than this? Was she better than everything that made her fall apart into pieces? Was she stronger than the nightmares that tainted her pure soul?

She  _was_  still alive was she not?

He would not take anything away from her again. Not even Sesshomaru. And that was  _her_  choice. She wanted him to be him, she wanted him to be himself.

She threw herself against his body, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I trust you," she managed to say with a shaky voice. Kagome was saying it to him but she was also saying it to  _it_. She trusted Sesshomaru to love her, no matter what part of him were inside. And she trusted the beast to respect his promise - which was probably the crazy thing she ever did. Last time, he did not keep his hand of the bargain. This time, she would make sure he would.

She did not deserve to live with a burden and neither did Sesshomaru.

He put his hand on her lower back, supporting her tiny weight. His heart wanted to burst. He felt her heart hammer against his chest while she shook like a leaf in his arms; but it was not out of fear. No, he could tell it was relief. He buried his face in the crook of her neck and pressed gently kisses on her skin as he continued his ministrations. He could feel the heat of her body rising, the stress slowly fading away. He did not know if she would ever get rid of the nightmare but he knew she was stronger than he could ever be.

He did feel one difference though.  _He_  was different but in a whole new way.

And he never felt so complete in his life.

-B-

_8 hours._

That was how long he watched her sleep. He was fairly convinced the exhaustion was more psychological than it was physical. And he let her sleep. He held her, his arms carefully wrapped around her, protecting her from the outside world. It was meant to be a short visit that turned into a turning point in their life. Though he had to say, he was glad when his eyes returned to the regular amber color.

There was one thing that slightly bothered him; he was still split up.

He did not know what he expected. Was he going to be able to tell the difference? Was it going to be a big show of lights and sparkle? He could not even remember how he got split up in the first place, how his beast got to be its own part of him. He hoped it had not been all for nothing. Yes, they did need this, they did need to take a huge step into putting this behind them but - but he wanted her to get something out of it, to obtain some peace of mind. Anything that would make her life slightly better. She deserved that much after everything it put her through.

Though he was relieved for the moment.

She was calm, her sleep undisturbed. Her heartbeat, her breathing was steady. No nightmares, no regrets. Maybe he was over thinking it, stressing over it way more than she was. Maybe she was okay. She did recently have a near death experience. He inhaled deeply as he brought her closer to his chest. She did not seem to mind as she only cuddled closer to him, a ghost of a smile on her face.

_She was no longer sleeping._

"Good…" He turned his head and glanced at the window. "Evening."

He did not even realize how long it had been. At least, he had no worries about their son; he was in safe hands.

She hide her face in his chest and nuzzled her nose against him. "Sorry I fell asleep." Her heart was pounding as the memories rushed in but she felt no regret. She did the right thing and she had no problem with it. She could not say she would forget, that it would never be in her mind, but she did not regret her choice. She picked her own happiness, she also chose to help Sesshomaru.

"You were tired," he simply stated.

After two months away from her, he was happy to just hold her in his arms. And what she went through was very difficult emotionally. He would never hold that against her. He did worry she might not be doing as fine as she was letting it on. He saw the look in her eyes when she woke up, when reality came crashing up on her.

He did not want to ask but he could not ignore the feeling in the pit of stomach. "Are you well?"

Immediately, her head snapped up. Her long black locks tickled his chest as she looked into his eyes. "Sesshomaru, I don't regret it."

"I did not ask if you regret it," He gently reached for her and tucked her hair behind her ear. "I asked if you were well."

She offered him the tiniest of smile. "I am."

"If you are not, you can tell me."

"Sesshomaru, it's okay. I wanted to do this." Her expression shifted slightly before she furrowed her eyebrows. "I just don't know if I can trust it." She laid her palm against his chest, his flesh warm beneath her touch. "Do you feel any different?"

He could not hide the truth from. He shook his head. "No."

Irritation flashed through her eyes and she pinched her lips. "Did- did it talk to you?"

"No, and I am uncertain as to how it will take place. Perhaps it is a lengthy process?"

Usually his beast had its own reasoning for doing what he did. Hopefully the delay was because of that and not because it played a trick against Kagome. Although - even if some of its decision only brought pain to Kagome, it usually did it for her own sake - at least that was how the beast saw it in its mind. It wanted to keep them apart because it thought they could not be happy together - not because it wanted to hurt Kagome. It was completely foolish but it was done for  _her_.

"I guess we'll just have to wait."

She was willing to show a bit of patience but it better be truthful. She was sick and tired of her life being some kind of game that was out of her control. What she did, it was her being in charge again and she wanted it to remain that way. She would not let it call the shoots anymore - not for anyone, be it her or Sesshomaru.

He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I love you," he reminded her.

He could not let her forget that. She was a strong woman and some days he wondered if he even deserved her; he could almost understand his beast's hesitation. Kagome was too good for him. And he would love her and cherish her every day. And when he would be one again, he would make sure no more hurt would come to her - at least not from him.

Kagome laid her face flat on his stomach and let her fingers mindlessly play with the small patch of silver fur beneath his navel. "I hope everything's okay with my mom and Kiyoshi." Not that their son was a difficult child but - well it had been a hard couple of months - almost year- for everyone.

"Do you wish to return?"

She shook her head. "I wanna stay here." She popped her lips. "At least a little while longer."

She maintained what she said before, it was best if they both had some time on their own by not sharing the same living space. And it was not forever. Plus, she was beginning to think that perhaps his beast might make an appearance if she was not around - since it disliked her so much now. But she did not want to test that theory just wait. She preferred remaining with him a bit longer before that. She faced her biggest fear and she came out through the other side - stronger. She always thought it would be end of her. But she was in control of her destiny.

If only she could fix her son's problem, everything would finally be right.

But, it seemed the jewel was always going to be a problem in her life. No matter what she did. And it always wanted her to be unhappy. It almost cost her Sesshomaru, it sneaked its way into her son and then - it tried to take away all the things she loved. The jewel was rotten and nothing good could come out of it.  _It made everything selfish._  It fed off desperation.

"He will be fine." He smiled. "He gets it from you."

She frowned. "How did you know I was thinking about him?"

Sesshomaru tangled his fingers in her hair. "I felt it." Her fears and her worries pulsed right through him.

The bond was not right, they were not completely right because he was not whole but a few hours ago, he was and it made a whole lot of differences. He forgot what he was missing, he forgot what it was like to be  _Sesshomaru_. And he did not want to tell her because he was afraid she would think she prevented him from being himself, from being happy. Being with her made him happier than being whole but he could not say he hated  _everything_ he felt earlier.

Being youkai was what he was, it was his very nature, his very core. When his beast decided to be its own, it took a huge part of Sesshomaru's life. It took everything that was instinct, all that way what made him a powerful youkai. And no matter how much he changed, that would never alter. He was a youkai and a damn powerful one. And that was okay.

"Do you think our bond will get strong enough for me to  _feel_  things?" There were a few times where they connected but she wondered if she would be able to feel the full extend of their bond once he was  _himself_.

"I am not certain."

He hoped so. It was a connection, a never breaking bond. Though nothing could break it even if she could not feel it they way he did.

"I never thought I would be able to do this," she said as she tilted her head to look at him. "I never thought I would over come this." She reached out for his hand and intertwined their fingers together. "I thought it would always be stronger than me. I thought all that was going to happen was a flash of bad memories." But something much better than that took place. "Instead, all I thought about was how much you loved me. How strong I am."

"Nothing will bring you down again."

"I know."

And this was the Kagome he loved, the woman he would spend his life with - and he had no regrets.

"Soon, it will all be over."

And this time, it was not because she would bury the memories or because she was pretend it was all fine. There would be no doubts, no hesitation. Because once Sesshomaru was whole, she would be free forever. And they would start a new life as new people and she could not wait for it to happen.

A new life free of the shackles of the old one. Memories not forgotten but instead of being nightmares they would be lessons.

-B-

A new day. Another day wasted waiting.

Kiyoshi was sleeping, unaware of the terrible burden he carried inside, while Kagome watched him, her hands resting on the edge wooden crib. She spent much more time with Sesshomaru yesterday than she actually intended but it was not a bad thing. After two whole months apart, they did need some alone time. Although, she was glad to get back home to Kiyoshi - and she felt a little bad for keeping him with her. Even if Sesshomaru assured her that he got a lot of alone time with their son during her coma and that she had no reasons to feel bad.

Last night, before going to bed, she called him, hoping he would have some news for her but he had none. Despite her departure, the beast did not try to make contact with him and Sesshomaru was still not whole.

The sun had barely grazed the horizon this morning that the urge to call him at appeared but she controlled herself. If he had news, he would have called her or he would have come over. There was no reason to harass him about it. He was most likely as anxious as her for it to be over, to be himself again.

Instead, she decided to focus herself on another task; how to get rid of the jewel. Although, that would be an impossible task since it could not be destroyed - which she proved by shattering it into a billion she did not look after it, someone would come for it. Youkais were still alive and roaming around the entire planet and such a dangerous weapon could not fall into the hands of the wrong person. No, destroying it was impossible.

 _But_ , she could get it out of her son. She was not absolutely sure on how to proceed with that plan but she had faith she would figure it out. For now, it had not harm Kiyoshi, or anyone else, but she was sure it would cause trouble. Granted, it was dormant inside of her for years and it did not do anything but - but now it was quite awake. Especially if she considered the way it tried to trick Sesshomaru to wish upon it. Even Kiyoshi might accidentally make a wish!

She would rather have it back inside of her instead of inside her son. Maybe there was a way to put it back where it used to be? She could deal with the darkness. She proved that to herself yesterday.

"Kagome?"

At the sound of her mother's voice, Kagome turned her head. "Hey mom."

Miyu took that as an invitation to come in and she entered the room. She walked until she reached her daughter's side and then she glanced at her sleeping grandson. "Is he okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just thinking."

"About?"

She sighed. "The jewel."

Miyu frowned. "Has it done anything?"

"No, but I don't trust it," Kagome said as she bent forward to brush Kiyoshi's hair with her fingers.

"I'm sure you'll be able to take care of it."

"I hope so."

Silence installed between them as they watched Kiyoshi sleep. Now that Kagome was thinking about it, there was a certain strangeness. Why was it that the jewel was manifesting itself to Sesshomaru's desire but not Kiyoshi? A child should be much more easily manipulated. Kiyoshi's thoughts could be taken and transformed. He could wish something without even knowing he was wishing for it. And yet, the jewel never once tried to fool him?

What was it about her son that protected him from the jewel?

"How is Sesshomaru?"

Miyu noticed her daughter's and Sesshomaru's expression when they returned late last night. She did not say anything, not wanting to pry into matters that did not concern her. However, she wanted her daughter to know she could tell her anything. Sesshomaru was not always her favourite person but she slowly got to know him and they spent a lot of time together during Kagome's coma. She would never tell her daughter what to do and she would never stop her from pursuing her goals. All she could do was support her.

"Good. He'll be better soon."

Miyu arched an eyebrow but did not say anything. She let Kagome go at her own pace.

"He's gonna be rid of it." She twisted her mouth into a grimace. "Not actually rid of it." No life was not  _that_  perfect. "But it won't be able to take control again." Because they were going to be one person - but she did not say that part out loud.

"That's a good thing isn't?"

Kagome nodded. "It is."

"You look happier."

It was not because she was smiling more or even because there was a spark in her eyes. It was simply something about her aura, the way she carried herself around…the way she looked off in the distance. It looked like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Like it did not hurt as much to breathe, to be.

"I am. I got myself back."

Her mom did not need to know why or how. She simply needed to know that Kagome was happy and that her life was her own. That she was a fighter that could make it through the worst storms.

"I'm glad you two are doing better. After everything you went through, you deserve it." And she meant it - for the both of them.

One day she would forget her daughter's sad eyes, the way she came back home in a million pieces. The gash left in her heart after seeing her daughter so broken would heal. It would leave a scar and it would heal. If Kagome was able to love him and see him for who he was, Miyu could do the same thing.

Kagome saw the good in people, she saw light where others saw darkness.

"I think he'll be okay. How about we eat some breakfast with your brother and your grandpa?"

A family breakfast; it had been a while. They had also been worried sick about her while she was in her coma. So much had happened lately that she had lack time for them. They were family - they were  _her_  family. The ones who welcomed her with open arms. Even her grandpa - despite the fact that she was mated to youkai… and had a half-youkai son. She smiled as memories of her grandfather throwing sand around flashed in her mind.

"I think that's a good idea," Kagome replied with a smile.

She glanced at her son one more time, concern shining in her eyes, before bending down and kissing him. She would never be far from him again. And she knew he could feel her presence; he would not think he was alone. She tore herself away from him before following her mother downstairs and into the kitchen. Still, he did not leave her mind.

And soon he would be as free as her and Sesshomaru. She would make sure of it.

-B-

Dark colors of orange and yellow were mixing with the dark blue of the sky as the night slowly fell. The moon was shining grey in the top of the sky, the ray of the sun still preventing it from seeming white and pure. Sesshomaru was sitting in his home office, the blue curtains half closed. He was staring at his cellphone but he never dared to pick it up. He almost expected Kagome to call him a bunch of times today, to inform herself about his situation with his beast but she did not.

It was better that way.

Especially since he had no good news to give her. Despite his patience and best prayers, he was still only half of a youkai rather than a whole one. Part of him did not want to see her until the issue was resolved. She poured her heart into her latest action and he hated the way the beast was not rewarding it. Part of him was also fearing that it was nothing more than a dirty trick and he did not like it. Sesshomaru was not a liar and he kept his promises. His beast should be the same way. Were they not one? Or was he going to become a liar when they would merge?

If they merged.

This moment was forever in the making and it was supposed to happen now.

Instead, he was sitting in the dark alone,  _waiting for it_.

He found himself wondering a few times if - if he should call it. Would the beast even respond? Would it anger him?

Sesshomaru was close to not carrying about his beast's feelings. After all, on some days it felt like the beast did not care about anyone. He inhaled deeply before leaning backwards in his chair. Perhaps there no longer was any other option for him? Confrontation was always the way the beast liked it anyway, was it not?

_"Will you keep your word?"_

Nothing.

And he was not surprised. However, that did not stop him from trying again.

"She did it, she did this and more. She did everything.  _She stayed._ " She chose him. Despite all the pain. She decided that love was enough to forgive the worst sins.

" **Is she happy**?"

Sesshomaru had half-expected his beast to never respond so when the voice echoed in his head, he was almost startled.

"She has been happy for a long time."

" **Not when I am around.** "

"She was happy yesterday."

Yes, some tears were shed but he believed that most of them were of relief and happiness. Perhaps she was afraid at the beginning but it did not last; she did not let fear control her and she proved it. "She did what you asked of her."

" **She did**."

"Then what more do you need? You made a promise."

Once again, his beast fell silent and that angered Sesshomaru.

"You cannot take this away from her. She proved she could be happy despite your existence." He inhaled deeply, his nostrils flaring. "You have to honor your word."

 **"Do you want it?** "

"Do I want what?"

" **Me to be a part of you.** "

"Yes," he rapidly answered.

" **Because of her? Or for you**?"

"Both."

He realized today that it would make them both happy. She would not have to worry about those red eyes and he would never be split in two without control of his body again.

" **I will be you. You will be me**."

"We are the same."

" **Not completely**."

This was insane. The beast was apart of him before they were apart. It could not be its own thing, it could not be a whole new personality.

" **You will not swallow me whole and drown me**."

Sesshomaru never saw it as such. He simply thought that the beast was more instinctive than he was. Did he mean that Sesshomaru was going to be like it? No, that was not going to happen. He would be the same person he was. He would be the person that Kagome deserved. Not  _an animal_.

" **I am you. The urges you ignore, the darkness you crave**.  **Will you make her happy?** "

And for once, it almost made sense. The way the beast pushed her away, the way it was trying to shut itself off. Were those instincts, that darkness, the reason why he hurt Kagome in the first place? Could it be that once he would be whole, he could hurt her again?

" **You are a sheep. You'll be different**."

That thought terrified him. Kagome did it thinking she loved him. Would she love who he would be after he merged? He could not be that different could it? His heart was pummelling and his blood was racing. Could it be that who he was now was not who he was supposed to be? Did he simply grow to be half of himself or was his beast simply messing with his mind, trying to make Sesshomaru fight against the merge, against Kagome?

His head was spinning.

" **Can you make her happy if you can hurt her? Can she make you happy**?"

"She will always make me happy." But he did not answer the other question.

" **Can you make her happy**?"

"I will never hurt her." It was half of an answer.

" **Never?** "

"You made her a promise and you will respect it. I do not break my word and neither will you."

A chuckle echoed in his head.

" **There is no going back**."

They wanted her, they always wanted her. They could not be two again because there would no need to be split up. They would be two halves making one Sesshomaru. Sharing control, sharing needs and desires. Most of all, they would be sharing experiences and memories. They would be one person. Together.

A pulse traveled from his heart to his brain and for a moment he felt like he was being electrocuted. The shock sent him on the floor.

The impulse of the shock traveled all the way to Kagome.  _He could tell_. The beast was calling her. Why was it calling her?

"What are you doing?"

" **What you both wanted**."

For the first time, Sesshomaru was a little terrified. He did not like the serenity in the beast's voice, he did not like how it was just  _that_  simple. Nothing was ever simple.

Suddenly a darkness flashed through his mind and his brain hurt. Jolts were traveling through his body and he found himself glued to the floor. He had no strength and he could not even manage to think. His brain was ready to explode and it was as though someone was torturing him from inside his head. Was this it?

He felt himself being rip to shred, thoughts shifting around, feelings pulsing. He felt like a stranger in his own body. He did not like it. He twisted himself around, as if it was going to free him from the pain but it did not do anything. He clenched his hands into fists, his claws digging into his palms and drawing blood. The metallic scent of the crimson liquid did not help with his confused state of mind.

Sesshomaru was like a project being rebuilt from scratch. He felt parts of himself being swallowed away and never to be found again. It was terrifying but the silent scream never left his lips. He could no longer move, at all, not even to free himself from the pain. He was stuck in an abyss of darkness and it was winning. He could not fight it, he could not win this. All he could do was lay there while it took over. There was no longer another voice in his head; instead, he was completely alone.

But its last sentence rang through his mind as he let the darkness took over and let his world become a blank.

 _What you both wanted_.

-B-


	95. Merging or Losing?

Her throat was dry, her fingers were numb and her head was light. Kagome felt  _ill_. She was clutching her hand to her thighs as she stared through the cab's window. Moments ago she felt something pierce her heart. She did not know how she felt it but she knew it was coming from Sesshomaru. It was like he called out to her soul. She was still not comfortable being behind the wheel which forced her to call a cab. She knew he was not dead but something  _bad_  happened, she could feel it. His house had felt close by before but now it felt too far away.

She could  _hear_  the meter ticking as the price went up. The trees were zooming by, becoming nothing more than blur of greens. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the cab came to a halt. She did not even look at the price. Instead, she handed way too much money to the driver and thanked him before rushing out of the car. Her heart was pounding louder and louder with each step she took. She was deaf by the time she reached the door, the  _thump_  being the only sound ringing in her ears.

Kagome raised her shaky hand and knocked on the door. She  _wanted_  to see him run to the door and opened it but she knew it was nothing more than a fantasy. If he was fine, if nothing was wrong, he would have already come to the door  _before_  she knocked. If he had not, it meant - she did not want to think about what it meant.

Forced to face reality, she wrapped her hand around the handle and slowly turned it; it was unlocked. At least. She pushed the door open and peaked inside.  _Nothing_. She fully entered before closing the door behind her. She had yet to familiarize herself with the house. That would make finding him a little more difficult than anticipated. She walked through the hall, checking each room as she went in. Once she cleared the first floor, she was forced to take the stairs and check upstairs. Her legs were barely responding to her command as her entire body was trembling.

Nobody could harm him… right?

Could it be that it was the beast? A  _bad_  news concerning his beast?

Her heart skipped a beat and she rushed upstairs. Once his bedroom proved to be empty, she frowned. He  _had_  to be here; that was where she sensed him when her heart was transpierced by that feeling.

And then she found  _him_.

As she entered the room next to his bedroom she saw him, unconscious, on the floor. Her eyes widened and she ran to his side. Immediately she dropped to her knees and laid his head on her lap. "Sesshomaru?" she tried, her voice cracking.

 _No response_.

She laid a hand on his chest and tried to shake him. The first thing she noticed was that his clothes were  _soaked_. She quickly realized it was because he was burning hot. She pressed a hand to his forehead and it left her palm moist. Was he sick? Did someone attack him? She did not sense any evil aura when she entered the house! She held him closer to her body, not knowing what else to do. How was she supposed to help him when she did not even know what was wrong in the first place?

Things were supposed to be better. He was supposed to be doing better.

Why could they not catch a break?

" _Sesshomaru_ ," she pleaded.

Kagome was shocked when his eyes twitched. She lowered her face to his and gently caressed his cheek. "Sesshomaru?" she whispered in his ear.

He shifted in her hold as he tried wake himself up. It seemed a difficult task as she heard him groan in pain. Finally, he opened his eyes.  _They were amber_. And she almost sighed in relief. Nothing happened. He tilted his head backwards just enough to be able to look into her eyes. At first she saw confusion reflecting in them but then he seemed to remember what happened to him. She smiled at him before bending down and kissing the tip of his nose.

"You scared me," she said honestly.

"K-kagome," he said with a raspy voice.

"What happened?"

He took a few moment to let it sink in; it was gone. The beast was gone.  _He_  was gone too. Everything merged - he - yes he could remember the vivid pain he experienced and then… he passed out? He was not sure how it all happened but he knew one thing; he was not the same person he was earlier. He could feel it. His heart was beating to a different rhythm. He reached out for her ebony tresses, tangling them in his fingers, mesmerized.  _He was finally whole_.

"Sesshomaru?" she asked with a hint of concern.

"It did it."

"It di- " She did not have to finish her question since the answer came to her.  _It was done_. The nightmare was over, the long overdue quest was finally completed. The beast was  _gone_. Not gone, gone…but he could never hurt anyone on his own. "Are you sure?" she asked with shining eyes.

He nodded.

And then he remembered  _everything else_. The urges, the darkness his beast spoke about. Was it all threats or was it all real? It was not as though it answered any of Sesshomaru's questions. It simply let it all happened without an explication, only a warning. And that terrified him. What if he did indeed become different? What if he no longer was recognizable? What if he did things he would have never done before? What if… what if Kagome did not love this new person? What if he disliked who he was now?

No, nothing could completely changed him. He could not be a whole new person.

The beast was only trying to scare him, trying to make him change his mind and it did not happen. It was that simple.

"Yes, I am sure."

She felt the tears come to her eyes and she did nothing to stop them. Instead she let herself collapse on them of him and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly while he rested on her lap. "I'm so happy," she said as a few tears rolled down her cheeks. This moment, this freedom.

When he saw her happiness, he decided it was best not to share the beast's threats. What would be the point of it? She was happy and he had no intention of worrying her over nothing. He lifted one of his arm and hugged her back. After a moment, he felt her pull away and he used that moment to sit up on his own.

"Why were you on the floor?"

"I believe I fell unconscious."

"Is that why I felt it?"

Right. He remembered that surge of power that traveled through him and right to her. That explained her presence by his side. "I believe so."

"Are you okay?"

"I am simply a bit shaken. I will be fine."

He truly was fine; the pain he felt before had completely dissipated and was nothing more than a bad memory. To prove his point further he rose to his feet and then extended his hand to her to help. She happily took it and he pulled her up. He took this opportunity to put his arms around her waist and then rested his chin on top of her head.

"It is over."

Could it really be?

"How do you feel? Different?"

Yes. But he wanted to say no…and that would be a lie. He might not want to tell her what his beast said but he was not too keen on the idea of lying to her. "Yes."

Her eyebrows furrowed in concern as she pulled her head away from him. "Good or bad?"

"I am uncertain."

It was an honest answer and she knew he was simply trying to tell her the truth but it concerned her. Was this Sesshomaru  _her_  Sesshomaru? Did it do something to him, his body or his mind? Then again, there was no point in asking him a million questions; he knew about as much as she did it and she had no intention of overwhelming him.

"It's okay, we'll figure it out together."

Oh how he hoped she meant those words because he was at a loss. Last time he was whole was back in the Feudal Era and he remembered what kind of person he used to be. Was that who he was when he was fully himself?  _No_. He evolved. Even combined with his beast, he changed throughout the years. There was no way he was still that person. He did not put himself through centuries of misery and lessons only to come out the same on the other side. That was one reality he would not accept.

He remained silent but nodded.

They did not know anything yet.

Kagome tried to search his eyes but he appeared to be lost in his thoughts. She waved a hand in front of his face and that seemed to catch his attention. She leaned forward, resting her hands on his sturdy chest. "Hey, it's finally over."

Was it bittersweet?  _No_. It was the best news. Unless she was wrong.

"You're not gonna hurt anyone," she added with a little smile.

Not because his beast was inside of him that he was going to harm her. Now, Sesshomaru had full control of himself. He never had to do anything he did not want to do again. He was free. She was free. And yet she could see the missing spark in his eyes; he was not as happy as he should be about this. The thing she could not figure out was  _why_? It was a possibility that the merging took a toll on him. She had never truly seen a tired, exhausted Sesshomaru before.

"I know."

Even if he was different, even if there was more darkness inside of him, neither him nor his beast ever wanted to hurt her - at least not on purpose. That would not change. He would not harm her, he would not let her shed a single tear because of him. He wanted to make her smile, every single day until the end. He took hold of her hand, brushing his thumb against the back of it.

"I will never hurt you."

"I never thought you would."

She squeezed his hand. "Do you wanna lay down? Are you sure you should be standing up?"

"Kagome, I merely joined my mind back with my beast. I am not ill." And he never would be.

"Yeah, I know. It's just… you like tired."

"It is probably from the merging. I will go away."

It had to - he had to get back to normal before he no longer believe the words he told her.

-B-

Sleeplessness.

Was that his new curse, his new affliction?

No matter how much he tossed and turned, Sesshomaru was unable to find rest. Granted he was a youkai and he barely needed it…but still. It had become his new habit. He slept. Each night. With Kagome. And then without her. He changed his routine to fit hers better. Unfortunately he was now restless. He tried every tricks in the book but he was unable to fall asleep. Instead, he spent his time staring at the ceiling with many thoughts filling his mind.

He managed to convince Kagome that he was well. She seemed to believe him. He did promise he would rest though - a promise he was not keeping at the moment.

All he could think about was the beast, the merging and  _her_.

She was probably sleeping at the moment - unlike him. He had the sudden urge to see her, hold her. He spent two whole months without her and yet his bed never felt as lonely as it did right then. His heart was craving her, his body was pulsing for her. He wanted to feel her presence, sense their auras clashing together. Instead, she was far away from him. Usually he would make rationally decision. He would wait until morning - which he was going to do. Even though he had this urge to escape his bed and join her in hers.

But he would not do that.

Because that was insane and he was a rational, sane person.

Although it was the first time in his life he had to persuade himself to be  _sane_.

Perhaps he was indeed losing it. Perhaps it was his beast.

He did not know anymore. Maybe he was looking for sign so badly that he was creating one - maybe his urge to see her was a normal one and he was turning it into a bigger deal than it actually was. Maybe it was all in his head. He pinched the bridge of his nose out of frustration and exhaled deeply. Did he  _really_  need to see her that badly? Could he not wait a few hours? Yes, he could wait. This was not an emergency and he was not a child. He had learned the virtues of patience.

Or at least it was what he thought.

As the minutes ticked away, as they began to turn into hours, he found that his restlessness was growing into some type of frustration. He was restraining himself and he was not happy about it. He tried to weight in the pros and the cons in his head. After a while, he decided that there were not many cons to his irrational desire. He still did not do it. Because  _no_ , he would not.

And then, his brain listened less and less to his arguments.

It was about four in the morning when he lost the battle.

At four in the morning, he found himself standing in front of the shrine, staring at her window. As if that was not crazy enough, he did something even more insane. He did not  _drive_  there, like the good human like youkai he had become. No,  _instead_  he found himself flying through the sky to reach his destination.

He was clearly losing his mind. He was losing the battle.

But none of those arguments made him leave. Instead, he kept staring at the window as though she was going to melt. The front door was out of the question. He was not going to wake up her family; they would not forgive him. Plus he had no logic explanation for his presence. No, the front door was clearly not an option. All that was left was the window but even that was not excellent. Although a better option would be to return to his own home but he knew he had gone too far to give up now. Kagome was near, he could feel  _her_. All he had to do was reach out for her.

He already flew once, what was one more time?

Sesshomaru did not even have to convince himself. Immediately he began floating through the air and before he knew it he was up there. For the first time luck was on his side since the window was unlocked. A smirk formed on his lips as he slid it open. Silently, he let himself in. She did not even wake up or flinch. Of course not, why would she? It was not as though her body recognized his aura as a danger. He was not an enemy. Though he was happy that she was  _that_  comfortable in his presence.

He leaned against the wall, watching her sleep. He did not like being far from her. He did not like that they had different homes. He understood but he did not like it.

Sesshomaru dropped to his knees and balanced himself on the edge of her bed. Her face was inches away from his; he could feel her breath tickling his skin. He gave into the urge and dove his fingers in her ebony locks.  _That_  brought her out of her slumber. Luckily for him, she did not seem to be alarmed. Her eyes opened and she blinked a few times while a dazed smile adorned her lips.  _She thought it was a dream_.

"Hey."

"I am sorry."

"F-for what," she asked, her tired eyelids begging to be closed again.

"For waking you up."

He saw the confusion appear on her face. Then, reality seemed to come crashing down. She jolted in her bed and got on all fours before inspecting her surroundings.  _Yes_ , she was in her bedroom. Then what in the world was Sesshomaru doing there in the middle of the night?

"Sesshomaru?"

"Morning, koi."

"Morning?" She turned her head to look at her alarm clock.  _4:04am_. That was not exactly morning. That was more…middle-of-the-night. "What are you doing here?" she asked as she rubbed her eyes awake.

"I wanted to see you."

Despite her confusion, she smiled at him. "At four in the morning?"

"I tried to wait but I could not sleep."

Her happiness soon turned to concern. "Are you okay? Is it the merging?"

"I could not sleep because you were far away."

Her eyes softened and she bent forward to press a clumsy kiss to his lips. "It won't be forever."

But he wanted her now, he wanted to be with her everyday. He wanted to be  _selfish_. Sesshomaru did not even know how to explain it to her. Many thoughts and feelings were pushing around in his head and he was not sure where common sense began and where insanity ended. He wanted many things at the same time and he wished to be able to do it all at once. His head was ready to explode and yet it made perfect sense to him.

"I missed you."

He did not give her a chance to reply. Instead he closed the small distance between them and captured her lips with his. She tasted sweet, like cherry. At first, he meant for this to be a quick kiss but it quickly turned into something else. He was not slow and gentle; he was devouring her mouth. And she did not look like she minded. She raised her tiny hand to clutch at his shirt, bringing their body closer. Unfortunately, the mattress was in the way. Sesshomaru decided to fix the situation by rising to his feet and hopping onto her bed. She quickly followed his lead and laid down on her back while he hovered over her. His arms were holding him up, keeping some distance between them while he never stopped kissing her.

Kagome was still half asleep as she let his powerful aura make her dizzy. She was not certain how it started or why but she was not against it. The only other time they were close since her coma was - well the other night. And it was not the reunion she thought they would have. This - this was spontaneous, this was romantic. This was better was it not? Now all she had to do was ignore how strange and out of character is behaviour was.

Sesshomaru made it much harder for her to forget when he released her mouth from his hold and instead focused on her neck. His tongue lavished at her skin, tasting it, wetting it. She twisted her body beneath is, the pleasure flowing through her. Her mind was like on a cloud, floating high above ground. The daze of sleep still enveloped her as she let her hands roam at his sides. Her hands found their way inside his shirt and she glided her fingers across his chest, sprawling them across every inch of surface available. His skin was warm to the touch and she arched her back, trying to bring her own body closer.

And he gave in.

He stopped supporting himself and he let his body cover hers. He also let his mouth lower and lower until he was at the edge of her shirt, her lips being teased with the taste of her breasts. He got to have her yesterday but it was not the same. It was not making love, it was not closeness. This was. For two long months he was unable to taste her flesh, feel her heartbeat, smell her heavenly scent. He could finally fix this, he could finally love her the way she should be loved. He could chase the memories of red eyes from her mind, remind her what it was like when they loved each other.

Sesshomaru grabbed the edge of her shirt and slowly lifted it, revealing her stomach. She shivered under the cool air but his hand soon fixed the situation. This was what was missing last time, the spark, the love, the  _need_. He was making her dizzy -and not only with his touch but with his aura as well. Her mind was filled with a fog while he kept on lifting her shirt until her breasts were free from the constraint. She bite on her bottom lip while he slowly inched his mouth closer and closer to his  _prize_. Her body shivered in anticipation and when he finally wrapped his tongue around her nipple she moaned.

She should be quiet, she should not make any sound but he was taking hold of her body in a way she never experienced before. He was  _hungry_ , pleasing, loving. He was taking and giving without seeking permission because he already knew her answer. She did not feel like a fragile piece of glass, instead, she felt  _desirable_. It was the same feeling she experienced when he took her  _roughly_  for the first time, when he let his instincts take over. This was the same thing. Was it easier for him to do this now that he was whole?

Kagome was not complaining.

Sesshomaru was devouring every inch of flesh available to his mouth. He was being greedy and he was not even trying to stop. The one thing that killed him was that he could not hear all the sounds she wanted to make. They had to be silent despite the fact that he wanted  _all_ of her. They could not wake her family. Although it seemed it was too much for her to hold in. How he missed the sounds of her moans.

Impatience was getting the best of him and while he trailed his mouth down her stomach all the way under her navel, he let one of his hands free her from her pyjama bottoms. He carelessly threw them on the ground and she did not seem to care either. As soon as her white underwear were revealing to him, he jumped down to his new goal. He buried his nose in her core through the fabric. Her wetness soaked right through and the scent filled his nose. He closed his eyes, enjoying it.

A pale tint of red colored her cheeks; she did not know why but she felt shy. It was not the first time she did this kind of thing with him but it was the first time his eyes pierced through her soul. He  _wanted_  her. His amber orbs were clouded with desire and it was bringing out a side of her she did not know she had.

She did know that he had way too much clothes on though while she laid there almost naked. Why did that always happen?

Kagome decided to take an initiative and began fumbling with the buttons of his shirt. One by one they become undone until his shirt fell from his shoulders. He removed the rest himself and tossed it away with her pyjama. Once he was bare chested, he returned to his zone of interest. This time however, he slowly sneaked one claw inside her underwear. Then, slowly, he sliced an opening for himself. She inhaled deeply when the cold air brushed against her wet core. He nearly licked his lips in anticipation before diving in. He pushed his tongue through, tasting her juices.

The unexpected action caused her to let slip yet another moan. However, she was too turned on to notice she was being quite loud. Her bottom lip kept shaking while she rested her feet on his hips. Every time she flexed her toes, she was dragging his pants down. That was when Sesshomaru decided that they had to go. He never once pulled away; instead he used his free hands to tug them down and then kicked them at his feet. Now it was much better.

There was only one more piece of clothing of hers he wanted to get rid of and lucky for him, it was already tattered.

He dared to pull himself away from her core. He saw as she raised her hips out of instinct.  _Soon_. He grabbed her underwear and dragged it all the way down her leg. He then did the same with his own which he was grateful for since his erection was getting quite uncomfortable. He wasted no time as he positioned himself at her entrance. Despite all of his bold actions, he still paused to look at her. He  _needed_  to make sure she wanted to keep moving forward with this. She never gazed at him since her eyes were closed but she wrapped her arms around his neck and that was all the permission he needed.

In one stroke, he pushed himself in.

And after that, he felt like a possessed man.

His strokes were rough and fast he gave powerful hip stroke. She was left voiceless; her lips open but every sound dying before it reached them. The entire bed was moving with them, slightly hitting the wall with each stroke. But they ignored it, they ignored it all. He was taking hold of her body, making her dizzy with a need she did not realize she had. The faster he went, the more she squeezed him, trapping him between her legs. Desire drove him wild and he never stopped, never slowed.

This was where he wanted to be, this was where he belonged.

He wanted to feel her, touch her. His mind was filled with passion, filled with thoughts of her. He almost felt as though he was inside her head.

He took. He was selfish.

She let him.

-B-

A sharp cry echoed through the room, breaking the silence.

By the time Kagome came to, she felt like a truck ran her over. Nonetheless, she did manage to open her eyes. However, she could not move - which was mostly due to the fact that Sesshomaru's heavy body was covering her tiny frame.  _Sesshomaru_. Every single muscle in her body ached - but in a good way. She gently grabbed his shoulder and tried to shake him awake. She never knew him to ever go in such a deep sleep; could he not hear their son cry? His hearing was much better than hers.

" _Sesshomaru_."

Her voice combined with the noises and her touch did the trick. In a bolt, he was sitting in the bed. It took him a few minutes to find his surroundings and realized who was crying. He wasted no time and ran to their son. He quickly retrieved Kiyoshi from his crib and brought him to the bed with them. As soon as Kiyoshi was with his parents, he stopped crying.

"I think someone wanted some attention," she said with a laugh.

She took Kiyoshi from Sesshomaru's arms and gently rested him against her chest. Then, she slowly tilted her head backward and looked into Sesshomaru's eyes.

"That was unexpected."

She had no idea. "I did not plan for this."

How could he explain it to her without sounding absolutely crazy.

"You didn't wanna come over at four in the morning?"

No, no. He did. "It was not what I intended, no." But he gave in anyway.

"What happened?"

"I do not know."

"And the - mm…"  _How could she still not say it_? She had a son! They just  _did_  it. "Sex. Was that planned?"

"Definitively not." Although it was his favourite part of this whole nightly escapade and she appeared to have rather enjoyed it as well. Especially if he based himself on all the screams she had to hold back during their little activity.

She did not mind what happened. Kagome had to admit she was not quite used to such spontaneity when it came to Sesshomaru but it was not a bad thing. She enjoyed being surprise, she enjoyed watching him do things he wanted to do. He was sweet the whole time, making sure she was comfortable but he took actions. He  _did_  things. Seeing him happy made  _her_  happy as well. He appeared to be much more comfortable than before in his own skin.

Kagome was no fool; she could see the timing. Clearly whatever changes were happening were due to his recent merging. Did she prevent him from being happy? Did she keep his beast away from him for too long? Could he have been happier much before? She did not like those thoughts. And those changes, were they permanent? Were they more to come?

"Does this have something to do with the merging?"

He figured she would eventually connect the dots. His behaviour was too unusual for her not to notice. He meant to bring up the subject in a much nicer conversation but now his choices were limited. The only thing he could do was to tell her the truth.

"I believe so."

"What is it doing to you?"

"I am not certain." His answers were always the same; he never knew anything. He was not doing it on purpose, he was simply just as clueless as she was. "I believe it tried to warn me."

"Warn you?"

"It said it took away some sides of me."

"What kind?"

"Urges. Darkness."

She did not like to think about darkness and Sesshomaru together. She saw what his worst side could do and she had no desire to ever see that again. No, she could not think that way. It was a different situation. He would never be this dark, this cruel with her. He proved it countless times.

"Do you think it was right?"

"I did not wish to believe it earlier but I do believe this might prove it."

He would have never acted like that before. He would have never showed up at her window like a horny teenager; he had some self-control. The worst part was that he barely tried to fight it; he embraced it.

"So, does - does that mean you'll just be a bit more  _selfish_?" she said with a hint of a smile. She always wanted him to think of himself. This could be good for him, it did not have to be a bad thing. At least one good thing had to come out of this mess.

"It might be a little more than that." He should not tell her, he should keep it to himself. Then again, she would soon notice. He was apparently incapable of keeping himself in check.

She was afraid to ask. "Like what?"

"I might be changing."

"You merged."

"I merged and now I am changing."

She took a few breaths, her eyes never looked away from his. Change was good, right? "As in… to be more like your beast?"

"I am becoming more like myself."

She licked her dry lips, the question stuck in her throat. "And who's the real you?"

"I have no idea," and that was the truth.

Desperation and fear shun in his eyes for a brief moment but she did not miss it. He was heading down a new path and he thought he had to do it alone. He was always by her side, every step of the way. And now it was her turn. She survived his beast, she survived all the darkness, all the nightmares. She said it herself, they went through the worst. Nothing they had to face now could be any worst than what they already lived through. He was always by her side protecting her and now it was her turn to do the same.

So what if he had to change. What if he had to become a new person that could be completely different from the Sesshomaru she knew and loved? It did not matter. At the core, he would always be the same and that was the only thing that mattered to her.

She reached out for his left hand and covered it with her own. "I'll be okay," she said with a re-assuring voice. "If you don't know, then we'll figure it out together."

"What if you do not appreciate the end result?"

"Sesshomaru," she said with a serious tone. "I have already stared into the darkest part of you. And I've accepted them - just as you've accepted mine. I already know I love you and nothing is going to change that." She shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe these are just the effects happening right now because you just merged. Maybe they'll go away or maybe nothing else is going to change. No matter what happens, we'll face it together."

She could be the strong one this time, she could be the one saving him from himself.

He was going crazy. He could not understand his own thoughts or what was happening to him. All he could do was sit there and watch it happen. Despite her positive speech he knew things would keep on changing; he could feel it inside his chest.

The real question was, who would he be when it was going to be over?

What Sesshomaru would stand in front of her at the end?

He was beginning to wonder if the merging he agreed to was just another way for him to lose and that thought alone terrified him.

He could not lose her.

Most of all, he could not lose himself.

-B-


	96. Unexpected Solution

"Work?"

"He has a job."

"He has a company right?"

She nodded.

"But he didn't use to go in to work."

No, he did not. It was one of his new habits he developed since the merging. And that was a good thing. He should have a more normal routine, they both needed that. She would be lying if she said she was not surprised when he first brought it up. He did talk to her about it before - even though his mind was pretty much made up. She did not mind; it was his life and his choices. He should not have to run everything by her. Yes, they were a couple but he was also his own person. There was one thing she had to admit; it was slightly terrifying. In the past, she felt bad, she felt like she was the one putting a barrier between them, forcing them to be apart.

Now, all of the sudden, Sesshomaru was throwing himself in the world and she was the one wondering if - if they should be apart.

She often feared that she was preventing him from being himself. She never forgot his mother's words. However, since he was whole, he changed, he became who she thought he would never be able to be. That was their obstacle right? The last thing she ever wanted for him was unhappiness. It might no longer be a threat to them. If everything was solved, if everything was now possible…why were they still apart? It was not like either of them were afraid of serious commitment and they were already mated and had a son. They proved they could grow strong together and beat the strongest enemies. What was left to do? What was left to prove?

Maybe there was something else. Maybe it was the reason for her hesitation.

Time.

That was the problem left; they needed time.

Sesshomaru just went through a life changing moment and he was changing. It did not matter what he said; things might not be alright.  _They_  might not be alright. Perhaps his emotions and reactions were heightened since it very recently happened but maybe it would only increase with time. Perhaps in a few weeks he would decide that he was not satisfied with their relationship. Perhaps he would realize that something else made him happier. She did not doubt that he loved her and she would never doubt that. However love did not almost mean happiness. To be happy in a relationship you had to be able to be yourself.

He was doing that now but it might not always be this way.

It was better if they waited for all the changes to settle.

She sighed heavily before looking at her mother. "I should do something."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't really work - I mean I can get a job but it would not be a very good one. I don't really wanna work at Wacdonald's."

Sesshomaru had money but that was  _his_  money and she already explained that she wanted her own money. She did not want to be given money, she wanted to work for it.

"You want to return to school?"

"A lot of people do it. I could do it part-time, finish high school." Then maybe college. She did have her son to think about but if she only went part-time and found -  _oh_. She could not exactly put him in day care now could she? She had not even thought about it. Youkais and half-youkais were so common for her that sometimes she forget the world did not know about them.

That would be problematic.

If only there was a support group for this. Now she would need to hire a special babysitter. She could not ask her mother to take on that task. Kagome was well aware that her mother would not mind looking after her own grandson but Kagome refused to take advantage of her and her kindness. Plus, she would not always be living with her mother. She would need someone. It would be the first problem she would take care of and then she would move on to bigger one like; how was he going to attend school?  _Unless_. Unless they used one of Sesshomaru's device? They could hide his special features. But - but would it work with Kiyoshi? He was not youkai, at least not full and he was a priest either. They did not even know what it was.

Also, unless they restricted his powers too… he was bound to use them at least once.

That would be his life? Hidden from the world, never truthful with anyone?

That was a sad life. It was the life she and Sesshomaru had to live. She lied to her friends, even to her family sometimes, and he lied to the world. If the world was going to be such a harsh difficult place, she would have to create a safe place for her son. Somewhere where he could be himself.

"I think it's a good idea," her mother said with a smile. "I can help you if you need."

"Thank you, but I'll manage."

She was not a single mother, she had to remember that. And if her mother could raise two kids - three if you counted her  _grandpa -_ all on her own, then Kagome could manage with Sesshomaru by her side.

"If you need anything, let me know."

Kagome thanked her mother with a nod.

"Oh, and maybe we should give Sesshomaru a key to the house?"

Kagome's eyes widened slightly as a small panic formed inside of her.  _Did_ she know? "Oh, why?"

"He's often over and it would be normal for him to have access to the house. You live here. Kiyoshi lives here."

Kagome felt her heartbeat slow down. She was aware that she was not exactly quiet when Sesshomaru came over. Although she could hardly be blamed for her reaction. She was not used to a rough, intense Sesshomaru. And he made her  _feel_  good. Perhaps that was another thing to add to the pro column; it would not be awkward to be intimate if they lived together. They would not have to hide anything or worry about someone walking in on them.

"Good idea. I'll talk to him about it."

Her mother smiled, happy with her daughter's decision before getting up and heading towards the kitchen so that she could begin working on their lunch. Right before she exited the room, she stopped and turned around.

"And that way he could use the front door instead of the window," she added with a smile.

This time, Kagome's cheeks turned full bright red and she was forced to look down at the ground, unable to gaze at her mother. Shame rose within her as she tried to form an explanation. How could she explain? Clearly they were trying to hide what they were doing. He did not even stay for breakfast that morning because he did not want her to have to explain his presence in the morning and he did not want to be disrespectful. He did not think it was polite of him to come over during the night. Even though that did not stop him from coming. She agreed with him since this was her mother's house.

And now… it turned out that she knew the whole time.

"Sorry," she mumbled. It was the only thing she could think of saying. It was the same thing she said  _last_  time it happened. She also promised that it would not happen again. She did not even try to stop it and she should have…

"He is allowed to come over."

Last time, Miyu's reaction was slightly different. However, things between her and Sesshomaru. Especially during Kagome's coma and despite all the pain, all the hurt she did know one thing; he made her daughter happy and  _he loved her_. A lot. He would do anything for her.

She would not stand in the way of those two and if Kagome thought it was better that they did not live together just yet, then she did not want her daughter to rush into that decision. Because of that, it meant she would have to make some exceptions. And from what she understood, they were mated, which was a stronger commitment than marriage. They already made a lifetime commitment to each other - simply not in a human way.

"I know - but I - I'm sorry."

"I'll have the key made today."

"Thanks mom."

Although once Kagome would share this with Sesshomaru she had a feeling he might not want to come over. He was already uncomfortable in her mother's presence and this would not help the situation. Even she was uncomfortable. She would make sure to keep her bedroom door opened the next time he would be over. At least until they stopped looking so guilty. It was not as though her mother thought she was a virgin. Regardless, she did not need to know  _when_  she was doing it - or that it was happening under her very own roof. They were usually very discreet about it. It almost made it sound like they lacked passion before, but they did not. Their pace was simply  _slow_  and steady. Everything they did was done one little step at a time. They never jumped steps or made decision on the spot.

Perhaps that was something that was missing? Maybe they needed to be more spontaneous like normal people?

They would need to have a more in depth conversation about this. She did not want to push him, she did not wish for him to speak about it if he had no desire to do so. But - but they probably could not leave the situation as it was, especially with all the transformations happening.

Kagome leaned into the couch and sighed before staring at her son. His baby blue blanket was sprawled across the floor and he was happily laying on it as he played with his toys - not a care in the world. How she wished it could stay that way forever. She wanted him to remain unaware of the burden he carried inside. She would take care of it, she would make it go away. She was resourceful and so was Sesshomaru. There was no way the two of them could not fix this problem. She would carry it, she would protect it. She would not fail pray to the jewel once more. She was not the same person as before. Darkness used to swirl around inside of her but she got rid of it. She grew, she changed, yes. But she could be pure enough to carry it around with her.

 _It was her burden_.

One that she did not choose for herself, but it was hers anyway.

She would never escape her destiny.

-B-

He no longer recognized himself.

Sesshomaru stared at the pile of papers in front of him and he was unsure of where to begin. He was gone for a  _long time_. Granted, he had people who took care of things for him but it was as they said; if you want something done, do it yourself. Problems had accumulated, notices were passed and all the organization went through the window. Nobody seemed to have his dedication to perfection. Though, the fact that he did not require any sleep did help him stay organized. He was almost beginning to regret his decision but he could not back down now that he saw the mess that laid in front of him. He forgot all the responsibilities that came with owning a business. For a while, his little fake life far away with Kagome had become his real life.

But, no, reality was not as kind as his Kagome.

And now he had to come back to reality and  _work_. He did not need the moment at the moment but he wanted to keep his business going. Not only would it provide money for him and his family for a long time but it was also a sanctuary for youkais. If one came to him, he offered it work. It was a hard place to be a youkai and if he could help he would. It also helped him make contacts and keep friendships alive. Contacts were essential in this world and they helped him fix a lot of problems in the past, including his little watch and finding the locations of the missing jewel shards.

Until now, he spent every second with Kagome and their son. If he was not with them, he was thinking about them. That was his whole life. He woke up in the morning thinking that might not be a healthy perspective on life and that perhaps it was putting too much pressure and constriction on his relationship with Kagome. Was she not the one who was constantly afraid he was unhappy? Selfishness was no longer his favourite trait but he understood the necessity of it. If they wanted to have a normal life together, then they needed to find a  _healthy_  balance again. It was not just them and they were not stuck days at a time in a hotel room. They had to think about themselves, their future and their happiness. At least that's what he came to understand today.

He was understanding a lot of things since the merging and a lot of his opinions were slightly different from before. Life-changing decisions had to be made with Kagome - that was a giving. But little things about his life? He could make those on his own. He already bought a house all on his own and he could choose to go to work on his own. He was not a child. He used to walk around her like she was a fragile sculpture of glass and he was going to break her. That was not the reality of their situation. Kagome was stronger than he was and she could voice her opinion when she did not agree about something. And she was right; his attitude was unhealthy for the both of them. Now that his mind was not as clouded, he could see and accept that.

Unfortunately, having those revelations were scary.

When it happened, Sesshomaru felt like he was losing himself. He did not think like that before. Why not? Was it because he was not whole or was it because it was not who he was? Perhaps he needed a good balance within him to be the person he was meant to be. Or maybe sometimes his beast was more logical than he used to be - and that was a terrifying thought. Though it would make sense would it not? The beast did mention that it took away some parts of Sesshomaru. That would mean that his judgement was affected when he was only half of himself. They were only small modification, nothing major. He had more urges, he responded more strongly to a few things - but… he was still himself. At least it was what he tried to tell himself every time he felt like he was having an out of body experience.

His dreams were strange as well. That meant he was barely getting any sleep. His beast's memories were merging with his but they mostly felt like dreams, not like real life experiences. He also took that as a hint that the merging was not fully completed. Perhaps there were other steps he was not aware of and that he would only find out about when they happened. For once, he almost regretted the fact that he could not ask his beast about it. He almost missed the second voice in his head. It seemed to have all the answers while Sesshomaru was always left behind, trying to piece it all together. Why did that trait not transfer over as well?

He also did not share all of this with Kagome. It was not as thought he did not want to or because he thought she would not understand. It was mostly because there was nothing she could do to help him. Plus, it would worry her and that was the last thing he wanted. He chose to be selfish; he could keep all of this to himself. If he ended up thinking it was bad or dangerous, then he would tell her but for her, it was safe.

Sesshomaru leaned back into his black leather chair and crossed his arms behind his head.

How was he supposed to focus on his work to do when his mind was scrambled with a million thoughts?

Could he call Kagome? He could. And he wanted to; was that not reason enough?

He picked up his office phone and quickly dialled her number. It rang a few times and for a while he thought she was not going to pick up. Fortunately for him, just as he was about to give up, someone picked up.  _"Moshi-Moshi. Higurashi residence."_

 _"_ Mrs. Higurashi, this is Sesshomaru. Is Kagome home?" Where else would she be? Though she could leave to - she was free to do as she pleased.

" _Just a minute_."

He barely had to wait a second.

_"Sesshomaru?"_

_"_ How are you?"

" _I'm good. How's work_?"

"Long. Boring. Clearly these people do not know how to run a company."

He heard her laugh. " _Then it's a good thing you came back."_

"I think so too. Are you free tonight?"

" _Yes why_?"

"I'm taking you out to dinner. We can bring Kiyoshi. Your mother does not need to babysit him." She was not their babysitter and he felt like they imposed on her a lot already. He sure did when Kagome was in a coma. It was hard to take care of a child when you were on your own. And he was not the most skilled when it came to parenthood - and diaper changing. His mother-in-law was definitively better than him at it. Plus, if they brought Kiyoshi he would be able to spend some time with him and their son was not a loud child and so it should not be a problem if he was with them.

" _That'd be nice_."

"I will pick you up tonight at 8." It was not even a question. That was rude of him. "If that is convenient for you."

"8'o clock is great."

"I miss you, Kagome."

He might want to work and busy up his day but it did not mean he did not miss her presence by his side. He had only gotten her back.

" _I miss you too_."

"I will see you tonight."

They exchanged their goodbyes and he hung up the phone. She deserved a special evening, she deserved to be treated like a queen. And he would do that for her. She did not enjoy being spoiled and he appreciated that about her but it did not mean he was not going to try. The merging only helped to confirm what he already knew; Kagome was the one, his mate. And it would always be that way. His beast only tried to push her away because it thought it was best for her. He understood it clearly now. He knew it was no longer necessary. He could be the one she needed and he could be himself all at the same time. It did not scare her, it did not push her away. For a while, he was afraid selfishness and darkness would be the reason she would leave but he was wrong.

It was by holding himself back that he could lose her.

He needed to go out with her, talk to her. Show her the new side of him and perhaps they could discuss of things to come.

Sesshomaru knew how she felt about many things. And he agreed on most of them.

However, for the first time, he was going to give his point of view.

-B-

Punctuality.

As per usual, Sesshomaru arrived at her house at eight o'clock sharp. She had already been awake for hours by the time he arrived. Since she did not know where they were going she opted for a black skirt and a red top. He was rather silent during the car drive and he remained that way until they arrived at the restaurant. Now that they were sitting down, and they had ordered, it was just the two of them. She chose to let him break the silence; obviously he had something to say and she refused to rush him.

Instead she stared at him, smiling, as she played with edge of the golden table cloth.

He was aware of the patience she was showing him and he appreciated that she allowed them to have a silent car ride. However, he did know that this could not go on forever. When he was alone in his office, he was convinced that he could speak with her without any trouble. Now however, he was kind of worried. He did not know why. It was one thing to imagine the conversation and it was another to actually have it. Plus, he did not know what kind of reaction to expect from her - or from  _himself_  for all that mattered.

"How was your day?" he finally asked.

"It was okay." Should she tell him?  _Oh why not_. "I- I actually - I'm thinking about going back to school." She paused. "Part-time. But you know it would be nice to  _finally_  get my high school diploma."

"I agree."

"So you think it's a good idea?"

"If you would like to do it, I believe you should." She was not just a mother - or a mate. She could have goals and desires; there was nothing wrong with that and he would never stand in her way. He would help her any way he could.

She smiled. "Thank you. But - I was - I mean there is one problem. We can't exactly get a babysitter for Kiyoshi. And it's not like we've figured out a way to hide  _his_  youki."

"There are youkai babysitters."

"Are you serious? That's a  _thing_?"

"I am not the only youkai in the world."

"Oh, I guess that makes sense. Could - could we get one of those?"

"Would you not rather leave him with your mother?"

It was almost foolish. Their son was strong and he was currently protecting a very precious item. It should be safer to leave him with a youkai and yet somehow he felt like his mother-in-law was better. Perhaps it was the shrine -which offered some kind of protection despite the fact that Kagome's grandfather was not a very powerful monk. Perhaps it was her.

"I know she'd do it if I asked but she has done so much. I don't want her to take over all these responsibilities that aren't hers."

He nodded in agreement. "It will be a lengthy process. I will not leave her son with just anyone."

"I agree." Especially considering the few problems they had in the past when it came to other youkai and  _the jewel_. "That's something else I'm concerned about…" She did not mean to start the topic now.  _He_  had something he wanted to talk to her about. She should let him - but the jewel had occupied her mind so much lately, it was hard to let it go.

"About Kiyoshi?"

"And the jewel," she rapidly added. "I don't want it to stay where it is. I want to find a way to bring it back in my body."

He arched an eyebrow. " _Your_  body?"

She nodded. "I'm the one who's supposed to protect it. I don't want his live in danger."

"I do not want either of your lives in danger."

"Rather mine than his."

They were both equally important to him but he understood. She was a mother; her child came first - there was no point in talking it over, he would not win this.

"What would you like to do about it?" It was not as though they had not tried to get rid of the jewel before…

"I don't know but we need to figure it out. I can't have him like this. It's not safe.  _I saw it in my dream_ ," she said, ending the end in a whisper.

"In your coma?"

"Yes.  _He needs me_ , I know he needs me to protect him from it. I don't care who we have to find, who we need to talk to… we have to fix this."

He sighed heavily; she was not going to like his proposition. "There is one person who might be able to provide us with some answer."

"Who?"

"My mother."

 _Mizuki._  Her favorite person in the entire world. The person who was  _almost_  responsible for pushing them apart. No, she was not exactly thrilled about the idea of ever seeing her again.

"How could she help?"

"My mother has been alive for a very long time Kagome. She knows many people."

She did say that she did not care who it was as long as it worked. That would have to include his horrible mother. "Fine."

"You would not mind if I invited her over?"  _He_  almost minded - although he was with her on this. Kiyoshi came first. Plus, there might be a chance they could find a way to destroy it completely, not just transfer it to Kagome's body. He still did not like that idea.

"It's for Kiyoshi. I'll tolerate her."

"Very well, I will take care of it tonight."

His last conversation with his mother did not end well. None of his conversation with the woman went very smoothly. Last time was worst though; she forced Kagome to face the beast and he was not quite ready to forgive her for that. At least this time, she could not repeat that little trick of hers. Also, perhaps this would be a great occasion to rub in her face that she was absolutely wrong about them and that they could do it. That Kagome could face her fears and love all of him. And she did. He was fairly certain that his mother did not see that coming.

And despite all of her flaws she might just  _want_  to help her own grandson.

"Thank you."

"He is also my son," he said, a hint of teasing in his voice.

"I know I just - I know you pretty much feel the same way I do about her _."_

"We will handle it - for Kiyoshi."

She nodded. There was no other option - at least not at the moment.

"What about you?" she finally dared to ask. She took the conversation so far away from him that he probably forgot whatever was on his mind. "Are you okay?" she tried to play it off.

"I am not certain."

That response again.

"Is it the merging again?"

"I am not the same person, Kagome."

"And that's fine, I already told you."

"I no longer feel like myself," he admitted. "I want things. I  _do_  things."

She shrugged her shoulders. "So? That's not a bad thing. You should want things, you should do what you wanna do."

"But -"

"This relationship is not only about me, Sesshomaru, I've told you that before. We are new people, we are not broken. It can't be about my happiness all the time. It's not right."

He treated her like a queen. He made sure she had everything she wanted and more. She could not complain. But she would not mind if he did things for himself. His new attitude was good.

"What if it goes too far? What if -"

"You'll never hurt me."

"What if I do?"

"Sesshomaru, we're going to fight. We're probably going to be very angry at each other sometimes. And that's okay. It happens."

He knew. Though they probably had enough fights in the Feudal Era to last them a lifetime. He would hate those moments. He would hate being angry with her and he would hate raising his voice at her. He never wanted to do that - but she was right, it would happen eventually.

"What if I do something worst?"

"You won't."

"Hn."

She could not help the laugh that escape her. "It's been a while since I've heard that."

"Perhaps I am regressing, perhaps I am going back to what I was."

Kagome reached over the table and grabbed his hand. "Sesshomaru, you are never going to be that person again. You don't have to be scared. You're changing and yes it might make a few differences but you'll always be Sesshomaru. It's okay for you to fully be who you want to be."

"Is it alright for me to want the things I want?"

" _Yes_."

"Come live with me."

From all the things he could have said, this would have never been what she thought he would ask for - not now. They talked about it before her coma. They agreed. Then they stopped talking about it. It was on her mind, she could not lie. She thought about it this very morning - but she came to the conclusion that it was not right, not when he was changing. And he only confirmed her suspicions; he wanted new things. And one day she might not be one of the things he wanted.

"Now?"

"Is the present not an appropriate time?" They pushed it back because of his beast and everything surrounding it but that problem had now vanish. What was holding them back?

"I just - is the timing right?"

"Was it ever? Will it ever be? The beast is gone." He was pushing her, forcing her into a decision she did not want to make but he could not stop himself. He did not want to stop.

"I-" How could she explain it to him? "This might not be what you want later on, down the road."

"I might not want to live with you?" She was not making any sense.

"You might not want  _me_ ," she finally admitted out loud. She felt so foolish that she was forced to stare down at the table, unable to hold his gaze.

At her words, he felt his entire world crashing down around him. How could she think such foolishness? He raised his hand and grabbed her chin. Gently, he lifted her head, forcing her to stare into his eyes. "Kagome, I will  _always_  want you. You are the only certainty in my life. It does not matter how much I change,  _this_  will never change. I will always love you."

"What if you don't?"

"But I will. I promise you that. You said I cannot become a different person. I would  _need_  to be a completely different person, without my memories, to ever not want you."

All he could think about was how sure he was that  _she_  was the right choice, the one to be with him forever. How could she believe that there was even a possibility that he would not want her in his life? He was a better person because of her. He was a changed man. All the happiness he ever experienced, he owed it to her. She gave him everything; her love, a happy life, a  _son_. He would never be able to repay all the joy he obtained from her love.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Aren't you? Will you ever not want me?"

"No."

"And I do not question it."

He was right - he was absolutely right. He never questioned her. He let her do everything and he believed in her. But really could he blame her? When did anything ever go right for them? Since the very beginning they went through hurdle after hurdle, never catching a break. It did not matter if they were in the Feudal Era or the present; there was always an obstacle standing in their way. Some days she did not even feel like she was living, it was just as though she was waiting for the next storm to hit. That was no way to live.

"You're right. I'm sorry."

He lifted his hand and gently caressed her cheek with the back of his hand. "You have nothing to apologize for, Kagome." He paused and stared into her eyes. "If you do not wish to move in just yet, I will wait. If you do not want to answer me, I will wait. I do not wish for you to do something you do not want to do."

"But you want this."

"I do."

"And you  _told_  me."

"Yes."

"You never would have done that before."

"I  _am_  changing."

"I think I like it."

He chuckled. "I do not mind it." Not if it made her smile like that. Even her grey eyes were sparkling with joy. He told her what he wanted and it went smoothly. He almost felt like an idiot for worrying in the first place.

 **"** Step by step?"

He tilted his head to the side in confusion, his silver locks cascading down his shoulders. "Step by step?"

"We could go slowly. I could you know, have a drawer, clothes. Sleep over." And not just fall asleep after having sex with his beast. Something she would never ever have to do again.

"A drawer?"

"Mmm-hmm. And a toothbrush, let's not forget that." She bite her bottom lip. "I don't want to say no, because I want this. But I don't want to throw myself into this situation. I'm afraid the moment I'll start being really happy… is the moment it'll all go to hell and I don't want that. If I'm going to get burned then I want to be ready."

"Kagome…"

"When have we ever been lucky?"

He could not argue with that.

"Perhaps our luck has changed?"

"We'll see about that," she added with a tiny smirk. As long as he understood that it was not him she did not trust but  _life_ , it was okay. She was not doing this to hurt him.

"I agree."

"Step by step?"

"Step by step," he repeated after her.

He felt his heart swell within his chest and happiness traveled through him. He broke into a smile and realized selfishness was not  _that_  selfish. It was not all about getting what he wanted. It was the happiness that came with  _her and his_  happiness. He was taking step, he was reaching out to get what he wanted - and it was working.  _And he was not hurting anyone_.

He enjoyed that.

He was whole, he was happy and most of all, he had Kagome by his side and nothing was going to change that.

-B-


	97. Surprise Visits

"Morning."

Kagome blinked, the powerful rays of the sun dancing on her face. She tried to shield her face with her hand but only barely succeeded.  _Why were the blinds open_? Once she finally managed to open them, she was grace with the sight of Sesshomaru's face. He was leaning on his hand, watching her sleep. Apparently, he did not sleep,  _again_. It was her fifth night sleeping in his house in in the past two weeks. He did not sleep most of the nights. She did not worry; it was normal for him, he was a youkai.

"Morning," she said as she snuggled closer to him.

It was not the worst thing. At first she thought she might feel strange being in a home that was not hers but - it was  _home_. Not her only home but it was a home. Sesshomaru did everything he could to make her as comfortable as possible. And they did a wonderful nursery for Kiyoshi. Every time he was here, he slept fine. Though she was to understand that he slept there a couple of time while she was in her coma. However, it was never furnished or decorated. Sesshomaru did not have the artistic trait.

He let his fingers glide down her bare arm, tickling her skin.

The sex was great, better than it ever was. She always thought there was connection, a love that could not get any greater but now it was different. He was taking, she was taking and they were meddling into one person. Heightened emotions, swirls of heating passions. He took over her whole body and she let him. It had been a while since she relinquished control and she was surprised at how much she could enjoy it. Every time they were together, every time they shared this connection she became more comfortable in her body and with their intimacy.

"Is he still sleeping?"

Sesshomaru sat up, showing her his naked, muscular chest at the same time, and closed his eyes to listen to his son's breathing pattern. After a second, he laid back down by her side.

"I believe so, yes."

She was all tangled in the blankets and happy that she could remain that way a bit longer.

"Breakfast in bed?" he offered.

He spoiled her. He wanted her to love her life here. He wanted her to never leave his side again; he was getting greedy. The first week she only slept over twice and now he had already persuaded her to come over three times and the week was not yet over. During the Feudal Era he spent a majority of his time traveling, never truly having a home. Of course, he had his castle but it was not as though he stayed there and it was not a true home; he was alone there, no one to keep him company. This time it was different. He had a home, a son and a mate. He planned on enjoying it all.

Plus, Kagome did not seem to mind since she said yes every time.

"I'm not hungry," she said as she turned around to lay on her back. She did not want him to get up and cater to her every night. Once she was hungry enough, she would go down and make herself some breakfast. Although that was something she needed to work on; her cooking skills. Especially if she wanted to be the same kind of mom as hers; one who made cute little lunches for her kids before they left for school.

"What would you like to do?"

"Can we stay like this?"

It was perfect. This was one of those perfect moments she wanted to cherish and keep with her. That way she would have them for days were things were a little harder. PLus, she was trying to spend a few less nights at his house. It was great, it truly was, but as per usual she was waiting for the other shoe to drop. When was the last time they got two whole weeks without anything bad happening to them?  _It was almost suspicious_. She realized that she could not spend her entire life waiting for something bad to happen but old habits died hard. It was difficult for her to settle in and relax.

"We are going to be fine," he said as though he read her mind. And some days he did.

Ever since he merged with his beast their connection only got stronger which was to be expected. Sometimes, her thoughts echoed through his mind and other times, his feelings took control of her. It would require some getting used to but it was nothing that they minded. And it only helped them understand each other better. Now Kagome could tell when Sesshomaru felt… _less like himself_.

He could still experience the changes but he could feel more and more like himself - or actually his new self. He was settling into his personality. Neither did he or Kagome appeared to have a problem with it. Sometimes they were both surprised by his actions or thoughts but it was nothing unusual.

"I know. I wanna tell myself that but - there's something we haven't taken care of yet…"

"I have tried to call my mother. Though I cannot say I am sad that she did not return any of my calls."

"Yeah, I didn't think she would."

Four phone calls. And she never called back. It irritated Kagome; after everything she did to them she could have at least the decency to return or call - or at worst show up. She always knew when to show up when nobody wanted her around and now she was being a bitch? She sighed and shook her head.

"I don't know why I thought we could use her help."

"Because you are a kind woman and you wanted to help our son." He snaked his arms around her. "You cannot blame yourself for this. My mother is horrible person."

"I just don't like that he's stuck like this."

"Neither do I but do not worry. If danger come, we will protect him."

"Can we protect him from the jewel?"

She could never save herself from it - or even Sesshomaru. If it did something, if it used her son, she would be completely powerless to do anything about it. And it would kill her.

"We will." He would not let anything happen to his son -  _ever_.

Unfortunately, before they could continue their conversation, the sound of the doorbell began to echo through the house. Kagome frowned; would in the world even had the address? Would you come to see Sesshomaru?

"Are you expected someone?"

When she turned her head to look at Sesshomaru, he was not even listening to her. Instead he was glaring at the wall with a frown on his face.

"You know who it is?"

" _Unfortunately, yes_."

He pushed the blankets aside and then grabbed his boxer from the ground. He quickly slipped them on and then took his robe from behind the door. He put it on and rapidly headed down the stairs. If Kagome was not curious before, she was now. She imitated his actions and bolted out of the bed. She grabbed whatever clothes she found laying on the floor. She quickly put them on and followed him downstairs.

"You were not supposed to arrive today," she heard him say from the top of the stairs.

Who did he invite?

The little mystery made her hurry her steps. Once she arrived downstairs, she obtained no answer since Sesshomaru's frame was hiding whoever he was speaking with which made her frown.

"Sesshomaru?" she tried.

This got his attention and he turned around - which unblocked her view. Who she saw was not who she expected.

"Kouga?" she said in complete disbelief.

"Well, if it isn't my woman."

Sesshomaru let a small growl escape as he moved in between the two of them.

"Come on doggie, I'm just kidding."

Although it was just a joke, considering Kagome's state of clothes, he decided against hugging her. He did not need a pissed off Sesshomaru after him when he had just arrived back into Japan.

"What are you doing here?" she asked in disbelief as she took a few steps forward, completely ignoring Sesshomaru's  _jealous_  attitude. Although, she did not quite mind seeing that side of him.

" _He's not supposed to be here_."

"Yet," Kouga corrected. " _He_  called me."

Alright, now she was absolutely confused. She knew that Sesshomaru no longer hated Kouga and that most of their little  _attitude_  game was just for show but she did not think he would go as far as to call him over.

"He's our new babysitter."

And all Kagome could do was chuckle.

"Kouga? A babysitter?  _Our_  babysitter."

"I'm great with kids."

"You've babysitted before?"

"Well, not exactly. I mean I've looked after your kid."

"I don't think that qualifies."

" _I trust him_ ," Sesshomaru finally said, even if it called him to say so.

He promised her they would find someone they could trust. He did not trust anyone - especially not youkais. He also knew what the jewel could do to someone. When it came down to it he realized there was only one person he trusted with Kagome and Kiyoshi and it was the damn wolf. He was annoying as hell and he kept calling her his woman but he knew he would protect her. Plus, he was a bit too attached to even make an attempt on Kagome.

"Plus, I figured it would be good practice."

"Practice?" she inquired, still completely puzzled.

"I  _mean_  not yet, it's a little soon and we haven't even settled in anywhere."

"Y- wait. You and  _Kai_?"

He shrugged his shoulders, a blush forming on his cheeks. "It's recent. I mean, we're not mated or anything. I just -  _she's nice_."

Kagome broke into the biggest smile before running in his direction. She jumped and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him. "I'm really happy for you."

He chuckled before returning the embrace. "Thanks, Kag."

Then, after she pulled away from the embrace, she smacked his arm. "Why didn't you bring her?"

"Hey!" he complained. "She  _is_  coming. She'll be here in a few days."

"Perhaps you should have waited for her," Sesshomaru commented dryly.

"Man, he really doesn't like it when things don't go his way huh? I don't remember him being so moody."

Kagome could not help the laugh that escaped her. "I think he gets that from his other side."

"His other side?"

 _This_  was one news she was happy to share. "No more beast."

"Are you serious?"

She nodded vigourously.

"That's great. I'm really happy for you guys! We gotta celebrate."

"It is still  _morning_  here."

" _Right_. This whole time thing. Got me all messed up."

"Why don't you join us for breakfast?" she politely offered.

"Thanks, I'm starving."

"Do not invite him in."

"You invited him first," she reminded with a twinkle in her eyes.

Sesshomaru scoffed but there was a smile hiding on his lips. He waited for Kouga and Kagome to walk in front of him and then he closed the door behind him.

"Is he always like this now?  _Wow_."

"I can hear you, wolf boy," he warned.

"At least you haven't lost your hearing yet," Kouga teased.

And now he would spend the next few hours trying to remind himself why he chose to invite the wolf into his home. It appeared to be such a good idea at the time, the perfect solution to their problem. Perhaps it was one mistake he could blame on his new personality?

The next few days were going to be hell.

-B-

A day went by, filled with more events and chatters than Kagome expected. She thought Kouga would be sleeping in Sesshomaru's room but her  _mate_  had already made arrangement for a hotel. She tried to say it was a little insensitive but he told her he was not sharing his home with a wolf - and Kouga seemed to prefer a hotel as well, so Kagome let the issue go. She forgot how much she missed her friend and it was nice to have a laugh.

Because of all this, she found herself spending the night at Sesshomaru yet again. It was too late for her to leave and she was completely exhausted; it was the best option. Not that it was a terrible solution.

"But - isn't … I mean won't Kouga have to go back?" she asked as she fluffed back her pillow. "He can't stay here and be a permanent babysitter. He's got his life, he's got  _Kai_."

"No," he answered as he walked into the bedroom. "But they have not decided where to settle down. I do not believe that Australia was meant to be his permanent home and Kai would like to re-locate as well."

She let the red pillow slip from her hold. "How do you know all this?"

"I have spoken with him," he answered as thought it was completely normal for him to do so.

"You talked to Kouga. Like on the phone?"

"Yes."

"When?"

"During the past weeks."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I did not want to share it with you until I knew if it would work."

"And he said yes just like that?"

"I believe he missed Japan."

"I think it's nice you called him."

"We are not friends."

"Of course, you're not," she said, sarcasm obvious in her voice.

"I trust him."

"So do I."

And then silence fell and they began getting into bed as if it had been their routine their whole life. Kagome wrapped herself in the blankets until the warmth of them started to envelop her.

"I hope him and Kai get mated."

"They would be a good match."

"He deserves to be happy. He's a nice guy."

"Hn."

He knew the wolf was no treat but he did not know if he would qualify him as a nice guy. He was an annoyance most of the time but he proved himself.

"Oh please, you called him. He's your  _friend_."

He eyed her. "You are playing a dangerous game."

She giggled, go along with him. "Oh, and what happens if I keep going?"

Kagome did not miss the smile that formed on his lips before he hurried and used his speed to trap her beneath his body. "Would you like to find out?" he inquired in a dangerously low tone.

Her entire body shivered in anticipation beneath his and her lips parted. " _Maybe_."

The invitation was too much for him to resist and he lowered his head to brush his lips against hers. She rapidly snaked her arms around his waist, digging her fingers into his back. He did not let the torture go on too long as he finally took her bottom lip between his teeth, gently nibbling on it. She felt her body melting beneath him, already responding to his call. The bond was useful in such situation; he  _knew_  what to do with her body without her even having to speak. He touched the right spot, he kissed where he should and he caressed her favourite areas.

He moved both of his hands to her ass and lifted her up, giving himself better access between her legs. His erection brushed up against her throbbing core and she moaned.

Unfortunately for her that was as far as she got until the sound of the door was heard. They both still and Kagome tilted her head to the side, trying to get a view of their bedroom's door.

"Kouga?" she asked Sesshomaru.

He shook his head.  _Much worst_. Unfortunately for him he did not even have time to move off Kagome that their intruder was in their bedroom. All Kagome had time to see was a blur of purple and silver. And then she saw  _her_.

Mizuki.

"You called?" she inquired with a smirk as she put her hands on her hips.

Why was everybody showing up uninvited today? Was that the new thing and nobody thought to mention it to him? An exasperated sigh escaped Sesshomaru as he untangled himself from Kagome. He could easily get up since there were no embarrassing evidence to hide; his mother's presence took care of that rather rapidly.

"Weeks ago," he pointed out as he closed the distance between them.

"I've been busy." She looked at Kagome with glimmering eyes. "And apparently, so have you."

"What I do is none of your business."

"Then why did you call me?"

Because he had a moment of stupidity.  _And_  because she was the only one who could help. Because nothing could ever be simple in his life and everything always came with a price. Even happiness and peace of mind.

"Your services are required."

"Do you need me to summon your beast again?" she teased.

"That's no longer a problem," Kagome pitched in as she threw her legs over the bed, ready to stand up. They were not having this conversation without her. That woman had made her life hellish enough and now she could no longer do anything against them. Kagome was not about to miss this conversation.

"Oh? What have you done?"

"We merge," Sesshomaru supplied.

Even Mizuki was not able to hide her surprise. It was probably not part of the scenario she made in her mind. Sesshomaru could not help but think back to their previous conversation, the one where she wanted to break the matin between Kagome and him. That was not going to happen. And there was absolutely nothing his mother could do about it - she had even lost her only argument. Gone were the days where she could torment them and use their weakness against them.

"You did what?"

"Merge. I love him.  _All of him_ ," Kagome added, simply to spite her.

"You are not  _completely_  useless," Mizuki said with a smirk. "However, I doubt you are happy."

"I  _am_  happy. Or at least I was before you came here."

This woman used people's pain for her own twisted pleasure. She was the worst kind - and she would never be forgiven for what she did. Kagome should have been able to deal with the beast on her own,  _when_  she was ready, just like she had done recently and not because someone was forcing her. Kagome was only glad that she could not do anything against her. She was too strong to be doubted again, too strong to let her get into her head. She made that mistake once and would not let it happen again.

"Feisty," Mizuki commented as she tore her eyes from Kagome and inspected the room.

She was surprised when her son called. At first, she thought he might have lost his mind and so she did not answer him just yet. When his efforts to contact her remained, she thought he had perhaps changed his mind and realized that the best solution was to break his mating. It was one of the main reason why she came all the way over here. Unfortunately, it did not seem to be the case. Her son managed to make himself whole while keeping the girl by his side. It was quite a feat.

"Where is my grandson?"

Kagome wanted to tell her to stay away from Kiyoshi but she could not. After all, they called her over so that she could help with him - she would not be kept away from him.  _Unfortunately_.

"Not yet."

"Oh?" she said with a smile. "Very well. But if you do not share with me the reason behind my presence here, I have no reason to stay."

He did not want to have this conversation like this, almost in the middle of the night, but his mother always made every situation extremely complicated. "We required your knowledge on a certain subject."

"You have said that already," she said, her eyes narrowing. "Spit it out, I do not have all night."

"It's about the jewel," Kagome supplied.

"What about the jewel dear?"  _Although_  it was meant to be an affectionate word, Kagome knew Mizuki did not mean it that way.

"It's inside Kiyoshi."

This time, she frowned. "That  _thing_ is inside my grandson?"

She was very possessive about Kiyoshi, which usually displeased Kagome but in this case, it could prove to be a good thing. Whatever gave her motivation to help Kiyoshi, she would take it. Though she was afraid she might see it as an access into their lives. She was  _not_  welcomed into their home and that would not change.

"How did this happen?" Mizuki demanded.

"A wish gone wrong."

Her eyes narrowed on Kagome. "I suppose it was  _your_  doing _?"_

She wanted to say no, she wanted to prove she was not the weak human girl Mizuki thought her to be but in this case, there was no point in lying. It was her fault and she would have to carry this guilt around with her for the rest of her life. "I didn't mean for it to happen. I was simply trying to save  _your_  son's life."

"And you endangered your own son in the process."

"You're not exactly mother of the year. You don't have the right to judge what I did."

"I look out for my son, above anything else."

"That's why you tried to make him miserable?"

"I was only thinking of his happiness.  _Not yours_."

" _I_  make him happy."

"So you've fooled him to think."

" _Enough_ ," Sesshomaru said as he placed himself between them. He began to feel Kagome's aura surge and he knew it was better to put a halt to the little verbal spat. Kagome might be powerful but so was his mother and he was pretty sure nobody was going to survive if these two went against each other. The point of this horrible conversation with his mother was to unite to help Kiyoshi. Clearly their issues would never be solved but that did not matter. Kiyoshi was all that mattered.

"The jewel is not yet harmful to Kiyoshi. It would be best to get rid of it before it becomes a threat."

"And what would you have me do with it?"

"Put it back in my body."

Mizuki arched an eyebrow, obviously pleased with Kagome's suggestion. "It might be the best idea you have had so far, dear."

Obviously it would please her to put Kagome in harm's way.

Sesshomaru could feel his patience running thin. There were only so many insults he could take. Kagome was his mate and it was difficult to stand there while his mother kept on bashing her every time she spoke. "You will respect her. She is my mate."

"You chose that."

"And you have no say in it."

"We'll see."

This time, it was Sesshomaru's turn to glare. He took a threatening step forward, his stance shifting into a defensive one. "Are you threatening me, mother?"

"Do you believe you could overthrow me?"

"Do not challenge me. I am not the same."

"I can see that."

He dared to be disrespectful and he challenged her authority more than he used to in the past. Last time, she was able to bring the beast out of him because  _it_  wanted to come out. Apart, they were weaker but now he was back to being himself - his whole self. And she could see it, she could see just how much like his father he was. Inutaisho was a strong youkai and Sesshomaru was no different. If only he tapped into his full potential he could surpass her - and his father put together. But he would never be able to do that, not as long as  _she_  was by his side. Although, it felt like she would never leave. Despite Mizuki's best efforts, Kagome stayed by her son's side. She fought. The girl was a stubborn little thing, there was no denying it.  _Too bad she was human_. She could have made a fine mate.

"And what makes you think I will help," she said, keeping her eyes locked on Sesshomaru.

"He is your grandson."

"He is half-youkai."

"He is blood."

"Inuyasha was your blood and you did not care," she reminded him.

It was not the same. He was a brother - a half brother. Sesshomaru was different back then, he harboured a hatred for humans because they took his father away from him. He watched his father throw his life away for a mere human. He could not understand back then but now he did. He knew how someone could die to protect the person they loved.

"It was not the same."

"It is the exact same thing."

"You care for him," Kagome reminded her.

"I do," she replied, amused. "Despite your genes, he turned out to be quite strong. He is lucky to have my son has a father."

"He gets a lot from me."

"Really? I did not see my grandson as weak."

"I am not weak."

Kagome's powers were tingling at the tip of her fingers, waiting to explode out of her. She wanted to blast the damn woman away. She wanted to watch her crash into that wall. She always brought out the worst in her. She knew what to say to hurt her and to anger her. She meant to not let it get to her but it was a hard feat to accomplish.

" _Kagome_ ," Sesshomaru warned.

Thou shall not try to kill their mother-in-law no matter how much of a bitch she was. That had to be a universal rule right? She was a good person, not an angry woman. Kagome took a deep breathe before lowering her fists and calming herself.

"Can you help or not," she asked through clenched teeth.

Mizuki paused to think it over. "Maybe."

"Maybe yes or maybe no?"

"Yes."

"Then do it."

"What do I get out of it?"

"You get to help your grandson."

It should be enough. Considering all the bad things she did in her lifetime, she could at least help her own blood.

"Now, now. Do not act as if I never did anything for you. Did I ask for something in return when I brought that little girl back to life?" She was not sure why she did it. She did remember the look in her son's eyes that day and how much he reminded her of his father. That had not changed. "I am not a monster, Sesshomaru. I simply want your happiness."

"My happiness is here."

"We shall see."

"So you will help then?"

"Yes. For my grandson, not for you."

"I don't care, I just want him to be safe."

"Then we agree." Kagome did not want Mizuki to do anything for  _her_  anyway. It was better if she did not owe her anything - she felt it could be dangerous.

"How will you get rid of the jewel?" Sesshomaru questioned.

"I will not fix the issue tonight. I will need some time. The jewel is an old artefact and filled with power. It went inside Kiyoshi because it wanted to, because it thought it would be the safest place for it. Do not make the mistake of thinking it's random. The jewel always has its survival in mind." Sh shrugged. "It simply did not think Kagome was enough to protect it. The next compatible host was Kiyoshi."

Did she mean it could not go into Sesshomaru? Was Kiyoshi a potential host because he was Kagome's son or because of his holy powers? It was not as though they figured out  _what_  exactly their son was yet. It was one of the remaining mysteries.

It was obvious that Kagome was not a good host for the jewel back then. There was too much darkness within her and she was  _weak_. Yes, the jewel could have easily corrupted her, manipulated her but could she have protected it? She might have tried but she would have probably failed. Kiyoshi was a perfect choice with his combination of youkai and holy powers.

"But you will be able to help him?"

"I do not make promises I cannot keep. And I never fail."

"Are you sure about that?" Kagome inquired, taunting her. "I am still here."

"For the time being. It is not over yet." She exhaled before clapping her hands together. "Now that we got this out of the way, may I see my grandson? After all, I will be the one to sae him from your mistake. I should be able to see him."

Kagome could not really argue with her and they did need her help - no matter how much it drove her crazy. Mizuki would have to win this round but it did not matter because in the end, Kagome would have her family - Kiyoshi  _and_  Sesshomaru and Mizuki would be all alone.

"Third room on the right," Sesshomaru answered.

Mizuki beamed a smile. "Great. Now I hope you have a room ready for me."

"A room?"

"You do not expect your mother to stay in a hotel while you have this house available."

No, no he did not want her in his home. He did not want her near Kagome. If  _she_  was here, Kagome would not be, he knew it.

"I need to keep a close watch on my grandson if you need my help."

His glance shifted from his mother to Kagome. She seemed just as displeased with the situation as he was. "It's your home," she told him.

It was but - but it was her he wanted by his side, not his mother. However, if he refused her, she might leave and even if he tried to stop her, she would do as she wanted and there would be nothing he could do about it.

"Downstairs."

"Pardon me?"

"There are rooms  _downstairs_."

"I knew you wanted me here," Mizuki said as she exited the room, ready to finally see her grandson.

As soon as she was in the hall, Kagome let a groan of exasperation slip her. How could she survive with this woman around her?

"You may leave if you wish to - I will not force you to endure my mother's presence."

Kagome raised her eyebrows. "You think I'm gonna leave this woman alone with my son?  _Not gonna happen_."

"I will be here."

"She is your mother. You won't hurt her."

"You should not hurt her either," he reminded her.

"Maybe. But  _I can_  purify her if she gets too close to my son."

He had to admit, it would almost be entertaining to see her try but it would never happen. His mother was full of dirty tricks and she was not afraid to use any of them. He never understood the woman. She tried to get rid of Kagome every chance she got but at the same time she saved Rin's life. There was no logic to her actions. She simply did as she pleased whenever it suited her.

"Once she helps, she will leave. I will not allow her to stay."

"Don't worry, as soon as she gets rid of the jewel, I will kick her out myself."

"I will help you," he said with a smile. "I suppose this will be a nice trial run for us."

She would need to stop by her house and bring a bunch more stuff over at Sesshomaru's. She did not know how long it would take for Mizuki to get rid of the jewel but Kagome was going to spend every second watching Mizuki; she was not letting that woman out of her sight. Who knew what she would plan if she was left alone?

"I will take a break from work."

"I can handle your mother just fine."

If these two were left alone, he had feeling he would no longer have a house upon his return. "I should stay. You might require my help. We do not know what my mother's plan will be."

"You don't want to leave me alone with her."

"I do not," he bluntly admitted.

"I guess it's better this way." She should try to tolerate her. Kiyoshi was very sensitive to his environment and she did not want to add him any stress. She would have anything that might active the jewel that rested within him.

"At least now I know what  _bad thing_  I was waiting to happen."

"My mother is not the worst affliction we have had."

"Are you sure about that?" she asked, her head cocked to the side.

" _She is a close second_."

"Yes, right after your beast. I'd say that's pretty bad."

"It will be over before we know it," he said trying to re-assure her and himself.

"I hope so," said Kagome as she headed back to the bed. She was even more tired than before and all she wanted to do was sleep and forget Mizuki's presence for a few hours at least.

She pulled the blankets away and laid beneath them. Sesshomaru quickly joined her but instead of sleeping close to each other, there was a bit of space between them. Their mood from earlier was definitively gone and it was not about to come back.

"Your mother is worst than a cold shower."

Granted they did  _some things_  while her own mother was nearby but  _her_  mother could not hear anything - unless they were being really loud. His mother was probably listening in, waiting to barge in or comment on whatever they were doing.

"I don't need her coming in here, telling me how I'm doing it  _all wrong_."

If he had any left over desire, it was gone. Especially since with his hearing he could hear his mother moving around in his son's bedroom. This was not the kind of ambiance he wanted. She had only been there a few minutes and he was already irritated by her presence. Clearly this was going to be put his new personality to the test. And he was pretty sure he was not going to enjoy the end result.

"It will not be for long."

He wrapped his arms around Kagome's waist, bringing her closer, despite his mother's presence in the house. He would be more at ease if he could  _feel_  her against him. He would not sleep tonight because he did not trust his mother; he had to remain on his guard.

He closed his eyes, letting the illusion set in.

But he knew, he knew she was right there; he could feel her.

Now the only question left was, what was she planning?

And he could he stop it?

-B-


	98. The Right Wish

He was in hell.

He used to be a terrible person and now he was paying for it. There were no other explanation for his current predicament.

He was sitting in his dining room, where he was supposed to have breakfast with his mate and son.  _Alone_. Nobody else. Instead, he was sitting there with his mate beside him, his son across from him, the  _wolf_  on his right -with Kai- and his mother beside his son. Why did he have to be punished this way? He was getting a headache simply from the situation. And there was no escaping it.

There were way too many people in his house, too many people he did not want and it was starting to take a toll on him. He did not need Kouga or Kai's help yet and his mother appeared to be dragging her feet when it came to finding a solution for Kiyoshi's dilemma. She was supposed to be useful and most of all she was not supposed to be there for very long. None of this was working out the way he had anticipated.

"Are you required to have breakfast here?"

" _Kagome_  invited us," Kouga pointed out as he took a bite of his toast.

Right. And his mother well - his lovely mother was living with them. Obviously she would not give them any moment of peace and she forced her presence on them any time she could.

"And you had to agree?"

"Free breakfast," he pointed out as he stared at Sesshomaru with a smirk on his face.

"Sesshomaru. Kouga agreed to come all the way over here - to help us. I think we can let him have breakfast here."

She knew the situation was not ideal - although Kouga's presence was  _his_  idea. Not that she was against it - she was more than thrilled to see her old friend. And she definitively needed to have a girl talk with Kai. If someone deserved happiness it was Kouga and Kai was also all alone. It was a match made in heaven and she was glad that their relationship was progressing in the right direction. Unfortunately, the house had been crowded during the last little while she prevented her from chatting with anyone really. She could not even have a proper conversation with Sesshomaru since his mother was listening in any time she got the chance.

So far, Kagome managed to avoid her every single time which was a good thing. If she was left alone in the same room as that woman she might lose her mind and they would end up fighting. She wanted to be the better person but she simply could not when Mizuki was around; she knew just how to push her buttons. And so, Kagome decided it would be best to never be in the same room as her and if she had to be, there had to be someone else around.

Usually that someone else was Sesshomaru.

Though his patience with his mother was running thin as well.

Also, she spent all of her time with Kiyoshi. He was always in her arms, she always feeding him, changing him. It was not as though she thought her son was in danger with her - she was crazy but she was not  _that_  crazy. Plus, Kiyoshi seemed to trust her. He never argued when she held him, he never cried. He even often smiled and giggled. He liked his grandmother. She supposed she should be happy about that but it was difficult. Also, she did not have the heart to tear her son away from her arms.  _He_  should be happy. Plus, it might be that Mizuki was helping with the jewel when she was spending time with him.

Though that did not prevent her from missing her son.

Sure, she had some time with him but it was not the same. Also, she could not forget about that warning she had during her coma. She was always extremely protective of her son but that only made it worst. She did not like it when he was out of her sight and she felt like time was running out. She woke up because  _he_  needed her. She could not fail him, not now.

"I believe my son prefers human company to his own kind."

Kagome felt her grip tighten on her glass of orange juice but she said nothing. She was getting used to these little cheap shots. Although, even Mizuki had to admit it was a bit foolish; she loved her grandson - who had human blood - but she kept on insulting humans. She had to see it made no sense.

"I prefer the company of people I like."

"You invited me here," Kouga reminded him.

"You are a necessary nuisance."

Neither of them forgot their goodbye or the understanding they came to back then. However, the relationship was not one that was meant to be  _nice,_  it was more a friendly rivalry and it suited them both.

"I'll take that as a compliment."

At least Sesshomaru was treating him better than he was treating his own better. Kouga could hardly blame him though; the woman was horrible. She sneered at him a few times even if she clearly preferred  _him_  over Kagome. He was not a fan of how she was treating Kagome but it was not really his place to say. Plus, he saw Sesshomaru's strength; he had to be getting it from  _someone_. Plus if both Sesshomaru and Kagome were tolerating such a bad attitude, there had to be a reason for it and he would not interfere.

He was a bit worried for Kai. She had not been back to Japan since she left and he had meant to show her a good time; it was not exactly happening at the moment. Hopefully the woman would leave soon and they could enjoy the time they had here. He never really meant to come back here but now he could not find a reason not to live here. Ginta and Hakkaku would follow him. There were not many youkais left and frankly he considered Kagome family. He would much preferred to be near his family than all alone. And he kinda liked the little guy.

And home was  _home_.

He never truly thought about starting a family but now he had Kai. It might be nice to actually have his cubs where he was born.

But that was an important decision and it was one he could not make alone. Plus it might be better for him to wait and see how things would end up between him and Kai.

"We should do something today," Kagome said to break the silence.

She was tired of hearing Mizuki's insults and it was not as though she would get to spend the day with her son. It might be nice to do something maybe a double date. Like normal people. They did not have any friends, they did not know other couples. It was not as though they had time to make friends and meet the neighbours. Plus, what would they talk about with normal people? Too many things happened to them. It was impossible for them to ever be normal. They could be a great couple with less issues but they could never be human normal.

"All four of us," she specified. "I mean, your mother seems thrilled to be babysitting all the time."

"He has to have a strong female presence in his life," Mizuki supplied.

Oh yes, it was time for her to get out of the house. She was done being Mizuki's amusement toy for a while - she needed to get away from this four walls and she had to get some fresh air away from that evil woman.

"Kagome, I do not -"

But Sesshomaru was not given the chance to finish his sentence since Kagome cut him off. "And I think it's a great idea. We should show Kouga and Kai how much things changed since they've been gone."

"Well, I kinda know -"

"Let's go."

And at that point, everyone decided it might be a good idea to simply go along with Kagome's suggestion and stop fighting it. In silence, they all got up from the chairs, leaving most of their breakfast untouched and they made their way to the door. Sesshomaru could not help but eye his mate.

"It's either this or I'm going to kill your mother."

"Let's hurry then." She could do that later. After they got rid of the jewel.

"My point exactly," she replied as she moved everyone along. She did not know where to take them or where they were going but being in this house made her dizzy. It was too much and it was suffocating.

Mizuki never tore her eyes away from her grandson, not even when she heard the front door shut. She did not try to stop them from leaving why should she? She much rather have her grandson all the herself. Plus it would be easier to work on this if Kagome was not present. She had a way of mingling when it was none of her concern. If Mizuki tried anything, Kagome might say she was trying to harm Kiyoshi. No, that human knew nothing and she preferred it when she was not around.

At least her grandson understood that she was only trying to help.

He was  _strong_  very strong. It was surprising that the jewel did not try to manifest itself yet. Her grandson's power were enough to keep it locked away for the most part. Although, she despised the idea of keeping such a dangerous artefact inside of him, she knew he would more than able to handle it. He certainly did not get that from his mother.

Kagome was quite an interesting creature. Mizuki was surprised she had not lost her mind yet. She did do her best to get on her nerves but no matter what, Kagome ignored her and kept herself control. She was worthy opponent, especially for a human. Then again, she was the Miko of the Shikon no Tama. It might make her stronger than most. She would have made a fine mate for a  _monk_  - not a youkai. A youkai and a miko. Was there a worst match possible? It was a miracle that her grandson came out of her alive. She could have harmed him, purified him. A miko should not mate a youkai. It was even worst than a human and a youkai.

Unfortunately, there was no reasoning with her son. He was dead set on staying with her despite the fact that she found a solution to his problem. He did not have to remain stuck with her. She thought he would see the errors of his ways but it was not happening.

First of all, she would get rid of the jewel and then she would deal with this mating.

She glanced down at her grandson while smiling at him.

"Do not worry, your grandmother will take care of you."

Someone had to do it.

-B-

" _What is she saying about me?_ "

Sesshomaru blinked. "Nothing."

"I can  _hear_  her talk. Clearly she's talking about me or you wouldn't be making that face."

"What face?"

" _That_  face."

In frustration, Kagome crossed her arms in front of her chest. Kouga, Kai, Sesshomaru and her ended up going to the restaurant and went to the movies. After they ate, she realized that not much conversation would be happening; Kouga and Sesshomaru did not talk much and she could not even have a conversation with Kai because she was a bit shy and did not talk much. The movies then became their best option and that was what they did. Once their little outing was over, Kai and Kouga returned to the hotel and Kagome and Sesshomaru were forced to go back home.

It was supposed to be a nice place for the two of them. A home, a place where she wanted to live.

His mother made it impossible.

And now, she had to hear her trash talk about her with her son. Granted she was not exactly sure what Mizuki was saying but she could guess. Sesshomaru did not look happy either but he was not saying anything.

"Perhaps it would be better if she left."

"No. We need her help. But if I have to tolerate her in our home, I'm gonna bitch about it a little."

Sesshomaru could not help the smile that formed on his lips. "Our home?"

It slipped her without her noticing. It was not a bad thing though. Despite the horrible situation she was apparently becoming very comfortable in this house. It was hard not to - her son was at home with his own bedroom, her mom, grandpa and brother were not there. It was more intimate. It made her feel like they were a real normal family and it was a nice feeling.

"Should I interpret that as a sign that you are comfortable here?"

"I am." She sighed. "I'm not irritated by you Sesshomaru. It's just - everything is changing and it can be stressful and your mother is not helping. And I'm really worried about Kiyoshi."

Sesshomaru put his hand on her arm, trying to re-assure her. "Nothing will happen to our son. I will not allow it."

"We tried to prevent a lot of things and we've been pretty bad at it," she said with a sad smile.

"Not this time."

She tilted her head back and closed her eyes, trying to relax. "I guess."

"I am certain that my mother does not want to drag this on." She might enjoy spending time with her grandson but she disliked Kagome. He might need to have a conversation with his mother once Kagome went to bed. He did not want to do it with her awake. She did not need something else to worry about - she had enough on her plate.

"This is what she wants. Me upset. I am giving it to her."

She was certain that she was listening in right now with a stupid smirk on her face. Perhaps it was best if she just went to sleep and tried to forget about it, at least for now. She leaned into Sesshomaru's body and kept her eyes closed. His presence and warmth could calm her. It was another new perk of their ever growing mating bond. He had a much easier time than her when it came to relaxing. Perhaps youkai had a better patience - they had a few centuries to work on it. Every time she was near him for long enough, his emotions and peace of mind could affect her.

It did not seem to be working the other way around though, or he would spend all of his time stressed out.

He made sure to caress her arms to help her fall asleep. He waited, never moving a muscle. He waited until she was asleep, her breathing steady and then he got up. He slowly detached her from his body, careful not to wake her, and laid her head on her pillow. He covered her with the blanket and then quietly exited the room. It was time to have a conversation with his mother. From the shift in her aura, she could already tell he was coming. Hopefully, she did not plan on yelling; he  _could not_  wake up Kagome.

"You have to cease all of this childish behaviour," he said as he leaned against the doorframe.

"What are you referring to?" she inquired, innocently.

"You will stop insulting her. She has enough to worry about and she does need your insults."

"I only speak the truth. It is not childish of me."

"Then you do not know who is she or you would not speak to her that way."

"She is human, she is the Miko of the Shikon no Tama." She paused. "Did I miss anything else?"

"She is more than that. People are not their  _kind, their face_ , mother, they are more than that."

"What could she possibly offer you? What makes her worthy of you?"

"Everything. I am the one who is unworthy of her."

Her eyes narrowed. "You are not unworthy. Do not speak that way. The blood you carry, traveling through your veins, is much precious than hers.  _Do not say this to me_. You deserve someone as powerful as you."

"She is more powerful than me. She survived more than I would have been able to handle."

He would never stop fighting for her, he would never stop defending her. His mother was very lucky that he required her help; he wanted to rip her throat out. He was keeping it polite and civilized simply because his son was present and he did not want to wake up Kagome.

"I am not sure about that. I managed to shake her certainty for a while."

"It was only because she wished for me to have the best I could have." Even though that was her. And after everything they went through it was normal for her to have her moments of doubts and confusion. He hardly thought that counted.

"As do I. Why do you think I am doing this?"

"Because you like to have your way. Because this is not what you wanted."

" _Of course_  this is not what I wanted." She sighed. "Why would I want you to have a human as a mate?"

"I was naive to think that my happiness was important to you." She never cared much about him. Status and power was all that mattered to her. She thought it was terrible and tainting their blood that he mated a human. Did she not see everything he gained from this mating? The happy life he had? She was never able to provide him with a happy childhood and now he gathered his own happiness. Could she not be happy for him?

"You believe this is happiness because you have not had anything better. If you let me show you, you would agree with me."

"Nothing you ever showed me brought me happiness."

"You hardly complained when I brought that little girl back. You seemed happy. Or at least that was what your valet said."

He was happy and grateful when she showed such kindness. He did not believe she was able to do something like this. Obviously, he always had his doubts behind her motives. His mother was not a kind person. He thought she might want something in return but during all those years, she never asked for anything. Unless she only did it so she could throw it back in his face whenever she pleased.

"It was a surprising gesture but I highly doubt you did that for me."

"Well, I certainly did not want her alive."

"You did it for my sake?"

"Of course, I am your mother after all."

He eyed her suspiciously. "You had no ulterior motives?"

"She was not a potential mate. I had no reason to go against your happiness and keep her dead. I could bring her back to life and I did. I am not evil, Sesshomaru."

"Kagome is already my mate and there is nothing you can do about it - despite what you think. It is too late. If you are not evil then you should not attempt to ruin this mating."

" _Fine_."

He blinked, her reply taking him by surprise. When did his mother ever admit that he was right? "You will stop getting between us?"

"No. Well - I might. If she proves she is worthy enough to be with you."

It was not what he was hoping for but it was better than before. "What will be proof enough for you, mother?"

"That is something she will have to figure out on her own. I cannot give her all of the answers."

He resisted the urge to sneer. She was not giving any answers, she was simply being a difficult brat. His hands were clenched into fists as he took a step forward. How could one person be so infuriating? Why did she know how to push his buttons so well?

"You simply want her to fail."

"If she is so strong and amazing, then her worth should show all by itself. She should not need my indications."

"I don't need them."

Sesshomaru was nearly startled out of skin when he heard Kagome's voice. How did he not notice her coming? His senses were sharp! Was he so used to her presence that she could approach him undetected? He did not mean for her to hear this conversation or hear everything his mother had to say. She was already furious enough with the woman - she did not need any more reasons to hate her.

"Oh?" Mizuki inquired, clearly amused by Kagome's presence.

Unlike her son, she heard her coming towards the bedroom. Obviously she chose to remain silent about it. If her son's senses were dull enough not to detect her, who was she to ruin the surprise? Although she had to admit it was strange that his guard was not up against the girl's presence. They had not been mated for a long time. They should not be so used to each other's presence.  _Her_  senses always flared up when Inutaisho approached. Then again, he was a human lover cheating bastard.

"I don't need your indications and I don't need to prove myself to you," Kagome explained as she walked into the room. "You are nobody. You are not important to me. And I don't know what made you think you could decide if I was worthy of your son or not, but it's none of your business. I don't need your approval. I know I'm good enough for Sesshomaru and I know I can make him happy."

She almost made him feel foolish for deciding her; she could defend herself all on her own.

"If you don't like me, that's your problem. Not mine."

"I could break your mating."

"You need me and Sesshomaru to agree to it. Or at least one of us." She was not exactly sure how it worked since she did not even know there was a way to do it - but she would pretend that she knew all about it. She refused to lose her confidence in front of her. Sesshomaru thought he had to protect her and she did not want him to think that way. She could handle his mother. She tried to ignore her, she tried to be nice because she thought they needed her but if the woman was going to keep on bashing her, she would prove to her she was better than her.

The girl called her bluff - she would give her that much. Although, she was fairly certain that she could get one of them to break. Her son's anger seemed to manifest a lot easier than before. Perhaps this new Sesshomaru had more rage inside of him. It could be a good thing.

"Maybe one of you will get sick of each other?"

"I highly doubt it. I accept  _him_ , all of  _him_. I live with him." Perhaps it was not yet a permanent arrangement but his mother did not need to know about that.

"Do you? A lot of your stuff seems to be missing from here."

"I have not finished moving in yet. Your presence kind makes it difficult."

"Oh please, do not stop your life on my account."

"Oh I'm not. I am still mated to your son."

She smirked. "That is because you've fooled yourself into thinking you were worth it."

"And what makes you think I'm not? Because I'm human? I'm stronger than you are."

"You want to test it out?"

"Yes."

She was not afraid of her. She survived Naraku and he was the worst she could deal with - physically. She even managed to pull through Sesshomaru's beast and all the nightmares it put her through. His mother could not be worst than all of that put together. Nothing could bring her down ever again and she would not let Mizuki terrorize her. If she wanted to fight, then so be it, they would fight. It was not the way she wanted to solve the problem but if it was the only way to do it, then they would fight.

"You would take me? You are that foolish."

Sesshomaru had the urge to intervene but at the same time, he was not sure he wanted to get in the middle of those two. His mother's eyes were glowing red and Kagome's aura was flaring up. If he tried to interrupt them, he would probably get  _burned_  alive. Although, his son was still in his mother's arms and he was not too keen on leaving him there. He did not think that either of them would hurt him but he could get hurt in the process by complete accident.

He took one step forward and removed Kiyoshi from his mother's arms.

"I would never hurt my grandson," Mizuki said with anger flashing through her eyes.

"No, but I do believe my mate should have the chance to prove her strength and I do not want my son present for that."

"You believe she would fight me?"

"Yes. And she would win."

Kagome could protect herself, she could fight. And she was a new person than before, a stronger one. He highly doubted she would easily lose. He was not sure about the ending of the fight since his mother was stubborn and a sore loser but he knew for a fact that Kagome would not go down easily. Obviously, he would not share his uncertainty with his mother.

"I will not fight her."

"Why not? I thought this was what you wanted," Kagome argued.

"No, I said you should prove yourself worthy."

"Worthy how?"

"Worthy of my son," she finally said. "If you fight me, it will not prove it. And you will lose. I do believe that will only make the situation worst for you."

"I would beat you."

"Prove you are worthy."

Those were Mizuki last words before she walked out on all of them, as if the conversation was over. Kagome's eyes widened and her eyes narrowed; the nerve of that woman! Who did she think she was? She initiated this, she insulted her and then she simply left? This was unbelievable!

"Why does she keep doing this?"

"Because that is simply the way my mother is."

"I don't have to prove anything to her."

Sesshomaru walked up behind her and snaked his arms around her waist. "I know."

It bothered her - she did not want her to be right, she did not want her to think she was important. And yet she could not help it; she wanted Mizuki to see why her and Sesshomaru were right for each other.

She had to find a way to prove it.

-B-

Two people did not sleep that night.

As per usual, Sesshomaru found himself tossing around - although this time it was for a different reason. It was because Kagome could not sleep. She was the one who began to toss around, clearly upset. He did not ask her what was wrong but he ended up staying awake like her.

He tried to comfort her a few times, tried to wrap his arms around her, but she felt so tense that he let go.

Kagome's eyes were forced shut as she tried to clear her mind. Despite her closed eyes, she could already feel the light of the sun filling in the room. It was way too late for her to be trying to sleep. Yet, despite how desperate her situation was, she kept trying. Her mind was numb and her thoughts were clouded inside her head. How was she supposed to think clearly and deal with his mother if she was running on no sleep?

It was Mizuki's fault that she stayed awake the whole night.

She kept trying to find a way to prove she was worthy of Sesshomaru - and it was completely insane because they were good together. How could she find a solution to something that was not a problem?

"You should not let her get to you," he finally said.

"How am I supposed to do otherwise? She keeps trying to get in our way!"

"She will not."

"I know - I just - why can't she see what we see?"

"Because she's a rotten woman."

Kagome smiled. "I like that answer." She turned around to lay on her back and stared at Sesshomaru. "I'm sorry."

"Do not apologize, she angers me as well."

"Yeah, well I can't wait for her to be gone." She sighed. "Is she awake?"

"She is downstairs."

"With Kiyoshi?"

"No, he is upstairs."

"Good."

Kagome pushed the blankets away from her body and swung her legs from the edge of the bed. "I'm gonna see my son a little bit before she steals him away.  _Again_."

He let her go, though the urge to keep her in bed with him was strong. He missed her, he had not been with her, felt her in a very long time. Also, the way his mother was lingering around, he had a feeling it would take a while before he could do it again. It was not helping with his on going rage - it only made it worst.

Kagome was smiling dazzlingly when she entered her son's room. He was waiting for her, lying in his crib, waving his arms in front of his body. How she missed the mornings with him. It was nearly the first time since Mizuki's arrival that she got to see him when he woke up. She hurried to the crib and took him into her arms.

"Good morning you."

He smiled at her.

"I missed ya. Sorry mommy hasn't been around you that much." She had not realized how much it hurt to be so far from him when he was so close to her. "Your grandma takes up a lot of room."

"Or perhaps you have not made enough efforts to see your son?"

Kagome's blood iced in her veins when she heard Mizuki's voice.  _Why did she insist into turning her life into a living hell_? Could she not even let her have a moment with her son? Could she not understand how important that bond was? Of course not. She had no bond with Sesshomaru. He hated her.

"I tried. But you insisted you needed time with him to  _save_  his life. His life is more important than anything else."

"If you say so," said Mizuki as she approached her grandson. She gently caressed his cheeks, ignoring the fact that she was right in Kagome's bubble.

"I  _say_  so. I love my son. More than you love yours. I care about what makes him happy."

"Oh have you spoken with him?"

"I don't need to. And I don't ignore what he wants like you do with Sesshomaru."

"My son doesn't know what he wants."

"He does know what he wants. You're simply the one who ignores everything he tells you. He wants to be with me."

"And you believe yourself to be enough for him?"

"Yes," Kagome replied with no hesitation.

"Would you bet your life on it?"

Kagome observed Mizuki's face, searching for an emotion. Was she serious? Was it a question or was she threatening her? The woman hated her but she was not certain that she would kill her. Maybe fight her but… to the death? No. Even she could not be that evil.

"Yes."

Sesshomaru was worth her life. He was ready to give up his for hers. He was willing to do anything for her. She was willing to do the same in exchange.

"Are you certain?"

"What are you going to do? Kill me?"

"I am simply confirming that you truly are willing to bet your life on your worth."

"I am."

"And you are willing to live with the consequences of that choice?"

"It is not a consequence. I am willing to bet my life on it. And I would not die, because we were meant to be together."

"You were not always so sure."

"I am now. I didn't have enough information before. Now I know."

"If you're so sure, then so be it."

Mizuki ignored Kagome's confused look and took Kiyoshi from Kagome's arms. At first Kagome resisted but when Mizuki proved to be persistent, she let her do it. Mizuki was not going to hurt Kiyoshi - she had to keep repeating that to herself. Mizuki smiled brightly and tucked her grandson into her arms.

"You wanted to jewel gone, correct?"

Kagome nodded. Of course she wanted that! It was all she had been wanting. It was the only reason Mizuki was present in their house and destroying her life. Why else would she tolerate her here?

"And you wish to prove you are right?"

"Yes. And yes."

"Then so be it. You will have the chance to prove both."

Mizuki pressed her hand against her grandson's chest. She closed her eyes and began mumbling under her breathe. Kagome tried to listen to the words but she could not make out any of them. Mizuki kept going for a few minutes until finally a white glow emerged from her hand and transferred to Kiyoshi's chest. Kagome held her breath, never able to glance away. Finally the glow turned pink and a sphere of light came out of her son's chest and went into Mizuki's hand.

A smirk appeared on Mizuki's face. "Good luck," she said before smacking her hand against Kagome's chest.

Kagome felt choked, unable to breathe. It was though someone knocked her over but she was standing still. Her whole body began to shake and she could not control it. Her eyes rolled back in her head and her lips parted. Her mind went blank and then, she was on the ground.

"W-whwat did you do?" she barely managed to ask.

Mizuki seemed completely unfazed as she bent down to lower herself to Kagome's level.

"I made a wish."

-B-


	99. Eternal Jewel

This was not happening, this was not her life.

" _A wish? What wish_?" Kagome managed to ask when the shock wore off.

"Is that not what you want?"

"I wanted to get rid of this damn thing. I didn't want it to go back into Kiyoshi. And I certainly didn't want  _you_  to make a wish." Mizuki was evil and twisted. She was not supposed to use the jewel! She was supposed to help her grandson! Who knew how badly this would evolve? The more selfish wishes they made the worst it was. Even she should know that. She trusted that witch - she thought she could not harm Kiyoshi!

"It will not go back into my grandson. Who do you take me for?" she inquired, clearly insulted.

"Then why did you make a wish?"

"I made a wish that will prove who is right."

The girl would never agree with her and this way there was no way to argue with the results. It was the perfect solution. She did not care about Kagome but she cared about her grandson. The jewel was out of the way and she would be proven right. That was a foolproof plan. Though Kagome did not seem quite pleased with it. Oh well. She should have no problem with it; she thought she was right."

"Right about what?"

"Right about you. Right about your relationship with Sesshomaru."

Kagome lifted a hand and put it against her chest; she felt a throbbing in her chest, a foreign presence. Before, she would not have recognized it but now she knew exactly what it was; it was the jewel. She was now the one carrying it. Was that it? Was that the terrible wish Mizuki made? Kagome did not mind being the one who carried it. Better her than her son.

"You put it back in me," she stated.

"Isn't that what you said? Destroyed or back inside your body where it apparently belongs."

She was a little strong; so far she was handling the power of the jewel. Although, it was dormant at the moment and it would remain that way until - until everyone understood that Mizuki was right. Though, she was surprised that Kagome was still standing; perhaps she had slightly mistaken their situation. They might be a bit stronger than she anticipated. At least it gave Kagome a bit more of time.

"That was your wish? To put it back in my body?" That hardly made any sense. Also, wishes always back fired. That was how the jewel found its way into Kiyoshi in the first place. This was not going to end well. It was going to leave her body or even worst; someone would come after her and her family. A solution could not be that simple. The only way the jewel was safe was if it was destroyed. As long as it was present, it could hurt someone.

"Of course not, why would I make such a silly wish?"

Kagome blinked. "Then what did you wish for?"

"I told you, child. We will finally know who is right."

"Right about what?"

"If you are worthy of my son, if you truly make him happy."

" _What was your wish_?" This time it was not just a question, she was demanding an answer.

"If you live, you'll know you were right."

Her eyes widened and a sudden fear began to paralyze her.  _If she lived_? What did she do, what did  _she_  do! "You wished for my death?"

"Do not be foolish. If I wished for your death you would already be dead." It would have been a nice way to get rid of her but she did not think her son would let that one slide. Plus, it would hurt him a lot since they were still mated. She refused to put him through that kind of pain. Especially since she could easily free him from her.

"Then what are you talking about?"

"You'll stay with Sesshomaru if you're meant to be."

"And I'll die if I don't?"

"I am not sure how humans handle the breaking of a mating bond. You might die."

"You  _destroyed_  our mating bond?"

"I have done nothing. If it ends up dissipated, it will be your own fault, not mine."

" _Can you give me a clear answer for once!_ " Kagome was sick and tired of her mind games and she did not want to deal with all of this foolishness. Her heart hurt and her entire body ached. She had no desire to be Mizuki's toy. Why did she always have to pull the strings? Why did she always have to get her way? It was not fair. Sesshomaru and her deserved a break, they deserved to be happy. Why did something always run it for them?

"I made a wish. If your love - if you relationship does not make my son happy, if it is not enough, if  _you_  are not enough, then your mating bond will be broken."

At first she felt like her lungs were set on fire, all the air disappearing. She could not inhale, she could not exhale. Her eyes were burning with tears and her heart was skipping a beat with all the fears and terror that ran through her mind. She would dare to mess with them, their bond, the very thing that pulled them through a lot of horrors? No. The jewel was evil, it would spin this wish around and it would bring them pain and heartbreak. It would never work right even if she did love Sesshomaru with all of her heart.

Although… "But the mating mark…it's still there." She pinched her lips. "It means I was right."

Mizuki shrugged her shoulders. "For now. I do not doubt that you make each other happy for the moment. You do not know any better. But in the long run? You two will never work and the mating will be broken. Everything will be as it should. Although you might die. But do not fear, I will be there to look after my grandson. He will not need you."

Kagome frowned. "Die? I'm sorry but you're not gonna get rid of me that easily. I can't be killed that easily. Trust me, lot of people have tried." How could this woman be so cruel? She would take her grandson's mother away from him? How could she disrespect her like this?

"Mother. What have you done?"

Sesshomaru tried to stay away from the conversation but he had officially heard too much. A wish on the jewel could not be undone. It would follow its course until it was completed. He did not have the same doubts as his mother. He did not think that Kagome and him were doomed - he knew they were meant to last forever. That did not mean he enjoyed the idea of his mate carrying the jewel in her heart. It was as dangerous inside his mate than inside his son. He wanted it destroyed, not inside Kagome! This was all wrong.  _And death_. What if it backfired and she died? He could not lose her, not after everything. They went through too much - he could not have her die on him.

"I did what I had to do. You would not listen to me. Now you will have no choice."

"Kagome, take Kiyoshi," Sesshomaru ordered as he kept his eyes locked on his mother.

Kagome did not even hesitate or question his motives. She dove in and retrieved her son from his evil mother's arms. Mizuki made no motion to stop her, instead she was intrigued by her son's reaction. For the first time, she did not know what reaction to expect from him. He was new and different. This would prove to be rather interesting. Plus, he was still nothing more than a puppy - she could handle him.

As soon as his son was out of harm's way, Sesshomaru rushed in. Before anyone could blink, Sesshomaru wrapped his fingers around his mother's throat and smashed her against the nearest wall. The force of the hit was so great that half of the wall gave in beneath his mother's frame. The tip of his claws were breaking her skin and the sound of blood was already filling the room. To his frustration though, his mother did not seem to have a reaction. Instead she was staring right back into his eyes, almost challenging him. Did she not know he wanted nothing more than to kill her? She was no longer useful to him. She made a wish, they would not be able to get rid of the jewel. Her purpose was gone. He could kill her. He already was very unhappy with her because of everything she did to Kagome but this - this was too much.

He could not tolerate this. He could not let her get away with it. She had this impression that she could do whatever she want without getting any consequences. It had to stop today.

"What will you do Sesshomaru? Kill your own mother?"

"Perhaps. You would deserve it."

"Why? I thought she made you happy."

"She does."

"Then why do you believe she will die? Or that your bond will be broken?"

"The jewel does not give gifts. It is not good. It will bring evil and bad wherever it goes. Even if I love her, even if she makes me the happiest man alive, it will find a way to hurt us."

"You simply do not understand how the jewel works."

"I know very well how it works."

He saw its evilness when it proposed him the deal. It was like he was staring into an abyss. He could never forget its evil power pulsing through. No, no good could ever come out of it.

"Then we shall see."

"I am not letting you get away with it."

"Then kill me."

His grip on her throat tightened. He wanted to do it very badly, he did not even know why he had not done it. What was stopping him? He hated his mother and she never brought him anything good in his life. She abandoned him, she treated him badly. She did not care about what made him happy. She only thought of herself. She was willing to kill Kagome simply to get her way. What kind of evil person did such a thing?

"Go ahead, son. Do it or let me go."

She knew he would not do it. He might be different but he was not a killer. He used to be, but not anymore. She changed him, she made him a bit weaker. Of course, he relied more on his instincts, even she could see it. Still, those instincts would never drive him to be a killer.

His hand began to shake, he wanted to do it.  _Why could he not end her terrible life_? Why could he not free himself from her hold? He had to avenge Kagome and what she did to her.

Mizuki smirked. "That is what I thought." She wrapped her fingers around his wrist and pulled his hand away. He let it drop to the side and made no attempt to lift it back up again. She then detached herself from the wall and walked towards Kagome. She kissed her grandson on the head and smiled at Kagome. "I hope you were right."

It was too late now. She won. Nobody could take her wish away and nobody could change what would happen. Maybe the girl would be lucky, maybe the breaking of the bond would not kill her. She was a miko and she could heal; perhaps that would be her saving grace. Of course, it hardly mattered what would happen to her. As long as Sesshomaru was free from her, it was always she concerned herself with - she could die or she could live.

Kagome's bottom lip began to shake she wanted to punch her, she wanted to hurt her. Instead, she held her son tightly in her arms and never broke eye contact. She lost. She lost against Sesshomaru's mother. It was too late to change what happened, it was done. If for some reason Sesshomaru and her were not meant to be, then she would die. And if she did not die, well she would live but they would no longer be mated. Was that something that could be fixed? In the eventuality that she did survive it, would they be able to mate again? No. The jewel would do something terrible - if it had not done it already.

Mizuki let her gaze linger a little longer before walking out of the room. She was no longer needed her; she did what they asked her to do. Obviously, she did not do it the way they expected. It was their own fault; they were not specific enough.  _And_  they should not have challenged her. She was right and time would prove her right. She was sad she would not see her grandson for a while but she knew she could come around any time she wanted - even without their blessing. She was not afraid of her son. Although his aura was flaring a lot - it was safer to leave the area for the time being. His newly  _composed_  body could be unpredictable.

As Mizuki left, Sesshomaru approached Kagome and wrapped his arm around her waist, bringing her and their son closer.

Everything from now on was left to the unknown.

-B-

Days went by, but Kagome did not leave her room.

Sesshomaru tried but she barely spoke to him. She got up to take care of her son but as soon as all of Kiyoshi's needs were taken care of, she went back to the bed. She hid in there without getting dressed, without showering and she barely had a meal a day. Once Sesshomaru got desperate enough, he called in Kouga and Kai. They both made a large amount of efforts but she even ignored them. Their presents proved to be a mistake. Now that the wolf was worried about Kagome he refused to leave.

So, instead of sharing a house with his wife and son and living a happy life he was stuck with two wolves.

This was not how he imagined all of it would go down. And there was only one person to blame for it all; his mother.

Obviously she had not shown herself ever since she made her  _great wish_.

He understood why Kagome was sad and depressed. He was a little scared as well. After all, they never knew how the jewel would react to wishes. However, she was still alive. And he did not think their love would fail. They loved each other and she made him happy. Even if they fought, even if they gave each other the cold shoulder, he would never be unhappy. Before he met her, before she came into his life and showed him what it truly was to  _live_ , he did not know happiness. He only knew how to miserable. How could he ever let go of her after the world of wonders she gave him? His mother was insane. She was an insane, bitter woman.

He meant to have this speech with Kagome but she did not want to hear it and he refused to have a conversation by himself. He would speak with her when she was ready to listen. Though it had better be soon. He refused to let her waste her life away because of his mother. She was not worth it.

"Still nothing?"

"She is  _sleeping_."

Kouga sighed heavily before running his fingers through his long black locks. He did his best to help his friend. Actually the first thing he wanted to do was killed Sesshomaru's mother but apparently it was not an option. The bitch was hard to track down. He could not believe someone would do something so terrible to Kagome. She was the kindest woman he ever met in his life. And she did not deserve it. She fought to hard to get her life back only to have someone take it away from her.

Kai even tried to find a way to get rid of the jewel but she found no answer. It was too late. The wish was made and it would remain that way. The only good thing was - if the jewel did not put a twist on the wish, it would stay dormant for a very long time. Kai and Kouga strongly believed that nothing could bring Kagome and Sesshomaru apart. They were meant for each other. Even when Sesshomaru tried to change the past, to prevent them from being together, he could not. He was unable to jump through that well.

They could not be apart.

"She won't die."

"Hn."

"Even if this thing works, she'll survive it and then you can mate her again."

"No."

"You wouldn't mate her again?"

"I could not."

Kouga arched an eyebrow. "What? Since when?"

Sesshomaru resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "How do you not know about this?" Kouga should be more familiar than him with mating. Sesshomaru was a loner who spent most of his life roaming the world on his own. Kouga was the pack leader who spent screaming about a mate.

"Not know about what?"

"You can not re-mate the same female."

"Why not?"

"If you break the bond, it cannot be reformed. It is a permanent arrangement."

Kouga gulped, suddenly feeling very bad. He supposed it made sense but it was cruel. Kagome would surely stay with him even if they were not mated. After all, that was a youkai thing right? And she was just human. All they did was get married - it was  _not_  the same thing. Marriage would be enough for her, would it not? Sesshomaru would feel the loss though. It would be very different for him to be with her without all the perks of the bond. It would never be the same again. Since the very beginning the two of them were bonded…

"Marriage. It'll be the same."

"Do not take me for a fool."

"She'd stay with you anyway."

"I know."

He knew but it would not be the same. He would stay with her regardless but he would spend his life longing for their bond. It would not be fair that his mother would be able to take away something so precious. Why did she even have that power? Why did they put her in a position to be so powerful? That was a terrible mistake; he never should have trusted his mother, he should not have allowed her into their home. And he could never take that decision back. He could never make it right again.

"Listen, we don't even know if that's gonna happen."

"I cannot make sure she will be safe."

"No but you can make sure that she lives her life. She spent too much time living in fear. She can't go on like this. It'll kill her. Eventually, she'll stop being Kagome. There is only so much one person can take."

"I have tried to speak with her but she refuses to listen."

"Then make her listen."

He did not want to be forceful with her. If she did not want to talk about it, if she needed to be sad, he wanted to let her do as she pleased. Obviously he did not want it to go on forever but he could not - he could not impose himself on her and he could not dictate her life. It was something he horribly did in the past and it was not something he intended on repeating.

"You're not forcing her. You're trying to help her."

Sesshomaru shook his head.

"Seriously, you're gonna let her hurt herself like this? Do you think this is good for her? If you think your mother won before, now she really won. She destroyed her life, she destroyed her happiness. She got everything she came for."

Sesshomaru did not want to say the wolf was right but unfortunately he could not say he was wrong. His mother walked out with the big prize. Maybe this huge unhappiness would activate the jewel and it might make it all much worst than it already was. Perhaps he needed to follow the wolf's advice. Although, he would not tell him. He did not need the satisfaction of knowing he was right.

Instead of speaking, Sesshomaru simply got up and ahead for his bedroom. Of course, he did not need to tell Kouga what he was doing; the wolf already knew. He went up the stairs two by two until he reached Kagome. She was exactly as he left her; laying in the bed, covered by the blanket. All he could see was the tip of her head sticking out. He walked to the bed and once he reached the edge, he sat down. He laid his hand on her hip and squeezed.

"Kagome. You cannot keep doing this."

No answer.

"My mother will not win. She cannot take away our happiness. You are letting her have her way, you are letting her win."

"I'm not letting her have anything!" Kagome's entire body was numb. How did he not understand. "It's inside me. Not inside of you. It's inside of me. And if I fail you, I lose you, I lose everything." One wrong move, one wrong moment and it was all over. It was a lot of pressure - too much pressure. "I am trying to deal with all of this. I don't know how to process this information. I have to live every single day knowing that if I don't make you happy, I lose you. I lose my family."

"Your family?"

"Your my family."

He reached for her hand which was hiding under the blanket. "And I will always be your family, Kagome. It does not matter if we are mated or not. It does not make us what we are."

"But - "

"No. You are human. You do different kind of bonds. If it was not for what happened, you would not know what it is."

It was a pain he could carry for her. She did so much for him that he was willing to carry the whole world around on his shoulders. He could hurt, he could take on all the pain simply to see her smile - because the moment she would smile he would be happy, he would forget about their missing bond. Her presence was enough to satisfy him and to make him happy. So what if he could never be mated to her? As long as he had her in his life, everything would be fine.

"Are you sure? You will know. I will know. I  _feel_  connected to you."

"And you will still feel connected to me. Our connection will not change. We went through too much Kagome."

"So even if I destroy our mating -"

He interrupted her, he could not let her finish that sentence. "Kagome, you will not destroy anything. You could never make me unhappy."

"We'll fight."

"And I will still be happy." He reached out for her cheek. "Kagome, you need to stop wasting days hiding in her. You will not find a solution to this problem. We simply have to learn to live with it - and we will. We will be happy forever, no matter the outcome."

For the first time, she sat up in the bed, pushing the blanket away from her body. She did not mean to be sad or depressed but she did not know how to deal with all the feelings swirling inside of her. The jewel was this foreign entity in her body and she did not know how to forget its presence. It was like a constant reminder of the doom lurking upon their heads. Could she truly trust this? Will they be happy no matter what? He seemed to be convinced that it would not kill her - meaning - meaning their situation would barely change right?

"I guess you're right."

"I am right. I am always right."

"You know, this Sesshomaru is really cocky."

"Is that a bad thing?" he asked with a smile.

Kagome laughed. "No, it's a good thing. The old Sesshomaru would have let me mope in her."

"You do not have time to mope. You have a life to live." He approached her and brushed his lips to hers. "We are free. I do not care what mother did, I do not care that the jewel still exists. I refuse to let anything else stand in the way of our happiness. Apparently we will always have to deal with terrible things happened to us. If so, then we must learn to make the best out of these situations. We cannot let anything else run life for us."

She pressed a peck to his lips. "I know. I can just -" She took his hand and pressed it to her chest. "I can feel it in there."

"The jewel?"

She nodded. "It's always there, pulsing inside of me,  _it's darkness_  it's like swirling inside of me."

"Why did you not tell me this?"

"Because I thought it would go away."

"It will."

"It has been days and it's not going away."

"Because you're holding on to it."

She frowned. "What do you mean?"

"You're feeding it with your darkness. My mother corrupted you, she took away your light. The jewel feeds on darkness and your sadness is perfect for it. If you stopped focusing on it, if you let your natural light feel you, it will not have the upper edge on you. You must take control of it. Do not let anything else ever control you Kagome."

"You think I want this?"

"I know you do not, but you are letting it happen."

She curled her toes, frustration rising inside of her. Did he think she wished for her life to be out of her control again? It was the worst thing that could happen to her. She promised herself that she would never be in such a situation again. She was a changed woman. She was a new person who overcame all of her problems. She should not be punished this way again. Why was life so unfair to her? Why, why, did the worst always happen and why did she always expect it to?

He was right. Her mind was filled with dark thoughts. No wonder she could feel its presence growing inside of her.  _She was feeding it_. How could she stop? Her life was about to be destroyed by it. How could she be thinking happy thoughts?

"What makes you happy?" he inquired when he saw confusion shining in her eyes.

"Love."  _Him_. He frustrated her but he made her so happy. He gave her so much during their time together. Things, memories that not even his mother or the jewel could take away. It could break their mating but it could not take away everything they built together. Their mating was not who they were, it did not define them and all the struggles and hurdles they went through. They were who they were because of everything they survived as a couple. Their strength and love defined them and nothing else.

"Then hold on to that," he said before kissing her.

This time she did not argue back. Instead she closed her eyes and she let his lips move against hers. She needed to focus on what was good and pure in her life. She truly needed to let go of all the darkness. If she had to live with the jewel inside of her then she would not feed it. It would be stuck in her, dormant and unable to do any harm. That would be the way she would live a peaceful life. If it could not be activated, it could not hurt her. Plus, she had no intention of making Sesshomaru's unhappy meaning the wish would never be fulfilled.

Those were the thoughts she had to hold on to to remind her that her life was good.

"It's just a jewel," he whispered against her lips before moving to her neck.

He laid gentle kisses, sucking and nibbling on the flesh. He did not meant for this to be so sensual but his control slipped from him. He had not been able to touch her in so long and now she was there for the taking. And she was making no move to stop him. He put his body over her, pressing their chests together. As soon as he did so, Kagome raised her hands and tangled her fingers in his hair. She let his love carry her, she let his touch set fire to her body. These were the feelings she wanted to focus on, these were the thoughts she wanted in her mind.

No more darkness. She was done with that.

Obviously, life would never stop dealing them bad cards.

She could no longer let the darkness always win. She was strong, she survived worst than a stupid jewel stuck inside of her. And she managed to spend many years with it living inside of her. If she got rid of all of her darkness, she would be able to do it all over again. She had a loving mate, she had a beautiful son. What else could she want? What else could make her happier? Nothing. She had enough with what she had. And no darkness in the world could erase the precious people that shared her life.

Darkness could not always win.

Her love for Sesshomaru would always be present. They would love each other and they would pull each other through the worst hurdles.

"I love you," she said with a smile.

"I love you too."

No one could make him happier than this woman. A simple kiss from her and he was lost. She changed his life in so many ways that he could not even remember the man he used to be - and that was a good thing. He was still changing now and that was not bad either. Every day with her was a new experience and he got to discover a new side to himself. Until she came along, he was two parts of one whole. His beast and him apparently never agreed on anything, they never merged. Although, it was his beast's desire for her that truly broke them apart - but  _she_  brought his two halves back together and for the first time in forever he was whole.

He was whole and it was all because of her.

He could never thank her enough, he could never love her enough for everything she brought him, all the adventures, all the memories and all the love. He would be alone if it was not for her. He would not know happiness and he would not know what love was. He did not even think he could love someone enough, he did not think he could  _love_  someone enough to mate them.

But there she was and he was holding on to her with everything he had.

"I will."

"You will what?" he asked, confused.

"I'll move in."

They waited long enough to start their life together. Plus if the jewel had not gotten rid of their mating bond yet it meant they did make each other happy. They managed to survive another crisis. Why push it back? Life was fleeting. It could be taken away at any moment. Why should she not enjoy all of the moments she could have with him? Why delay what was going to happen anyway? Plus she already spent a lot of time with him in this house - more than anticipated. She was basically settled in.

Why not take the jump?

"Are you sure? I do not want you to do anything you do not want to do."

"I want this, I want us."

The wait was over.

"We deserve this. We don't need another set back. I think we need to be able to start our new life now. We waited long enough, Sesshomaru. What else is holding us back?"

"Nothing," he quickly replied. He wanted to move in with her a long time ago. If this was truly what she desired than he would not stop her. He wanted their life together to start now. He wanted to wake up with her every morning. He wanted to feel her in his arms and he wanted to kiss her awake when the sun rose and now he would finally be able to do it.

"Scared?"

"Happy," he replied.

"If your mother ever shows up again, I'll kill her."

"Do not fear. I will do it first."

She could not help but laugh. "We can do it together."

"Another couple activity."

She leaned forward and pressed his forehead to his. "Is this it?"

"Is this what?"

"Is it finally the moment our forever begins?"

He nodded. "It will never end."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

He kissed her lips again, trying to make her feel all the love he had for her. He never wanted her to be scared again. He would show her love every day if that was what she needed. Each day, they would fight the darkness inside of her. They would make sure the jewel never saw darkness again. She would live carefree and happy and she would be loved. It did not matter what it would take to make this happen, he would do it.

When he finally pulled away, she was breathless.

Her chest was heavy but it was not because of the jewel this time. It was because she was happy. It was true, pure happiness. There was nothing standing in their way. For them to be together forever they only had to live up to one promise; to make each other happy and to love each other. To be perfectly honest, his mother could have made a worst wish.

Because if there was one thing she was sure of it was that she would never stop loving him. And he would cherish her forever.

-B-


	100. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Here we are. The last part. It has been years since I started this story and really - I never thought I would get to a 100 chapters but the plot kind of got a mind of its own and here we are. Over 600,000 words later, it is the end. I cannot thank you all enough for the all the support, reads and reviews you've given me over the years. It is what made all of this possible. I owe it all to you. Thank you for putting up with me and following the story for all these years. It's been one hell of ride. I don't think I'll ever such a long story again.
> 
> Thank you everyone and for the last time, please enjoy.
> 
> *P-S: If this feels familiar, refer to chapter 57.

_A few years later._

The sun was just rising as he felt the warmth of the rays raise the temperature of his skin. Through the sleepiness and his closed eyes, a smirk appeared on his lips. Never in his life had he ever felt so relaxed before. He was going to press himself into his bed even more, until he felt hands on his bare stomach. The smirk on his face grew larger as her warm little hands felt great against his flesh. He slowly opened his eyes and then looked down at her. Her hair was wet, he could only assume it was from a shower. The other thing he noticed was her bare chest, her breasts pressed against his own stomach, her hard nipples brushing against him.

Even after all these years, all he needed was her body close to his and he was doomed. Everything about her always aroused him and he loved her even more than the first day.

Ignoring the way he was lost in his thoughts, she only began to get closer to him. A playful smirk was upon her face as she bit on her bottom lip, looking so teasingly up at him. Like a cat making its way to its prey, she hunted him. Over the years, she grew comfortable within her own skin and in their relationship. Bad memories were far away, unable to affect them and their happiness. This was the man she loved, the one who made her smile every day, the one who gave her the greatest gifts in the world.  _Her children_.

Sesshomaru raised a hand to her cheek and gently brushed up his thumb across her cheekbone. Her eyes still sparkled with the same light as it did all those years ago. She almost looked the same and he hoped it was because their bond was lengthening her life. They did not find an answer to that question and after a while they both decided it was better not to think about it. If the time came that it became a problem, they would try. For now, they had to live, they had to be happy together. Their happiness was what kept them together, what kept them bonded throughout all those years.

While he was being kind and sweet, Kagome took the opportunity to sneak up on him. She laced her arms around his neck before pressing her plump lips against his, savouring his mouth. He rapidly returned the kiss, letting his tongue invade her mouth as passion filled his heart. As she voluntarily pressed her body against his, he found himself wrapping his arms around her waist, feeling her smooth skin. He could not detached himself from her, he could not stop tasting her. She was his, only his. He spent a lot of time fighting for her and she was his. He did not have to worry about losing her, he did not have to worry about someone taking her away from him.

The kiss went on for a little while longer before she pulled away, pressed her nose against his. She laughed softly, which was the sweetest sound he had ever heard, before kissing the tip of his nose. "Morning sunshine."

"Do we have time for this?" he asked, slowly losing the battle. He wanted to have her, he wanted to enjoy her body. However, they might be running out of time.

"My mother is not supposed to bring the kids back for another half an hour."

They were used to long moments of passion but ever since they added another bundle of joy to their family, time was a luxury they did not have. Sometimes, ten minutes was a long run. It was a good thing her mate had super speed or they might just never get anything done. Half an hour was almost a gift. They could use that time to explore each's other bodies and take advantage of every little caresses. She was not about to let this go to waste; she would use up every single minute.

Kagome crashed her lips against his again and this time he found himself completely lost into. She was right, who was he to put a stop to this little piece of heaven? She bit on his bottom lip, causing him to feel a sting of pain, but he didn't stop. Their lovemaking evolved over the years. At first they were scared and confused and it was sweet and steady. Then, when he merged all those years ago, his instincts kicked in and they began to let a fiery passion filled them. Now, he managed to erase the pain, the hurt and the bad time from her mind. They were free with each other. Nothing held them back. He hissed as she pressed more and more of her naked body against his.

His will felt so thin, she felt so willing.

His hands roamed over her body as she moaned into his mouth, sending him into a spiral of lust. Her hair was tangled through his finger and he could not help thrusting against her. His tongue slipped into her mouth as he tasted her sweetness. This was the warmth, the feeling of wholeness he had been looking for all this time. He found it each time he kissed her. He made a promise and he never broke it. He made sure that every day, he would let her know how grateful he was for having it. He would cherish her, he would never hurt her again. Never would he be the cause of her tears rolling down her cheeks.

So far, he kept his word.

"I need you," she breathed, her heart pulsing in her chest. "Please."

Oh, all he wanted was to answer her, give her what she need. His mind was filled with lust. All he needed was her, he had to feel her, touch her, make her feel good, better than she ever wished for in her life. When was the last time he heard her beg for something?  _God_  they needed to use her mother as babysitter way more often - he was about to lose his mind.

" _We're home_."

Oh they had to be fucking kidding him. This was not happening, this was not his life. His grip on Kagome's hips tightened and he closed his eyes, trying to inhaled deeply to calm the urges that were spreading through his body.

"Why did we have another one?"

"Because you couldn't keep your hands off me?"

"Valid point."

He loved his daughter to death. He would not take that moment back for anything. Although at that precise moment he found himself wishing he did not have any kids - at all. He wished it was only him and Kagome, naked in a bed forever.

"Come on, better get dressed before they barge in here."

Her mother would stay downstairs but she had a feeling Kiyoshi and Kiyoko would not be as patient as their grandmother and they would run upstairs. She had managed to avoid their kids seeing them naked so far and she wanted to keep it that way. She moved away from Sesshomaru and jumped out of the bed. She grabbed the first pyjama she found laying around and quickly dressed herself. Sesshomaru was doing the same thing but at a much slower speed.

"You underestimate your kids. They get their  _speed_  from you, you know."

He smirked. "You wanted to stay with a youkai."

She shook her head, a smile on her face, as she finished putting on her shirt. Once she was dressed, she headed for the door. "Coming," she said, hoping it would slow down her kids.

Sesshomaru put on black dressed pants and a white shirt before joining her. Together, they made their way downstairs. They did not even have time to reach the end of the stairs that their children ran in their direction. Kiyoshi, the oldest, was faster and much taller than his little sister. He managed to make it to their parents first.

"Grandma let us make cookies with her and then uncle Souta played soccer with me."

Souta was still sort of living with their mother. He was often traveling the world, playing soccer professionally, as he had always wanted, and he never bothered to have an official residence since he was barely ever in Japan. Their mother did not seem to mind. After all, when Souta was not here, she was all alone and Kagome did not like that. Her grandfather passed a few years back and - it was a big shrine for one woman. Sesshomaru and her did the best to help when they could. The shrine was part of their family and Kagome did not want her mother to have to sell it. She wanted her children to have it when they were older.

"Mommy, Kiyoshi pushed me," Kiyoko said with a pout on her face and her arms crossed in front of her chest.

Her big brother was much bigger and stronger than she was. The both of them looked quite different. While Kiyoshi had his father's markings and normal ears, it was much different for Kiyoko. She had the same long ebony locks as her mother along with her father's amber eyes but - her face was void of any kind of markings. On top of that, her ears were much like her uncle Inuyasha's ears; puppy like. Obviously, they were hidden most of the time since she had to wear her special ring to go to kindergarden but when she was home, they were right there, on top of her head.

At first Sesshomaru and Kagome wondered why she was so different from Kiyoshi. But then they realized that her first pregnancy was very different from her second one. Including the bracelet that locked away her powers and everything else that happened during that not-so-wonderful adventure. They figured it affected his powers - though just like his sister he was in no way a full youkai.

"Kiyoshi, be nice to your sister."

Kiyoshi frowned. "She kept trying to steal the ball when me and uncle Souta were playing!"

"Your sister wanted to play too."

"But - Souta was playing with  _me_."

"And you sister is allowed to play as well," Sesshomaru added with a serious tone.

Sesshomaru was a serious child that did not really play - all he tried to do was be as strong as his father. Obviously, he was kind of happy that his children did not turn out like him. However, he did not think his kids would remind him so much of his brother. All things considered, it was not a bad thing. He was glad that they had some sort of memories of him and that he could live through his kid. It was hard not to see Inuyasha when he looked at his daughter. And Kagome seemed happy about that. They often talked about him with their children and they visited his grave at the shrine.

"You know, why don't you two go in the kitchen and we will have pancakes?"

"Pancakes!"

"Oh! Mom can Shou and Takuya come over for breakfast?"

"I'll ask Uncle Kouga."

"Yay!"

Before Kagome could even blink, her children were running in direction of the kitchen. At least there was one thing her kids could agree on.  _Food_. Boy did that remind her of someone.

"Thanks for watching them," Kagome said as she looked at her mother.

"I love spending time with my grandchildren."

She knew it could be hard to be a couple while you had kids running around. Since she lived so close by it was easy for her to pick them up and enjoy a day or two with them. Plus, the shrine was quite empty nowadays and it was nice to fill with laughters and joy. It kept her young to run around with the kids and she loved cooking big meals. It was harder to have such a passion when she lived all by herself. Kagome and Sesshomaru had offered her to live with them but she turned them down. She was still able to take care of the shrine. There was no need for her to impose on them.

"Do you wanna stay for breakfast?"

"I'm okay, I have things to do at the shrine."

"Are you sure?"

Miyu nodded. "Absolutely." She brought her daughter into a hug.

"If you need anything again, let me know," Miyu said as she waved at her daughter and Sesshomaru.

"Thank you, Miyu."

His relationship with his mother in law was better than ever. Kagome and him waited a while before getting married since they wanted to make sure Miyu was comfortable with their situation and the way they were progressing. They wanted her at their wedding and they wanted her to be happy for them. When they finally had it, she was the first one to jump in and prepare everything. She was truly happy for them and Sesshomaru and her learned to have a good, healthy relationship.

Once Miyu left, Sesshomaru came up behind Kagome and wrapped his arms around her waist, then he rested his head on top of hers. "Do we really have to have Kouga over?"

Kagome laughed. "Yes. Your kids happen to love his kids."

Kai and Kouga ended up getting mated. Not too long after that, Kai gave birth to twin boys. Obviously, Kagome insisted that their kids be the best of friends. And that was how Kouga and Kai became uncle Kouga and aunt Kai. It was not the worst thing in the world since their children were able to have friends that were like them which was a change from all the human friends they had at their school. It helped them be more normal and it helped them accept who they were.

It was difficult being youkais in this world and they tried to give them a normal environment. Plus, all they had was  _normal_  grandmother. His mother had not showed up again, most likely because for the last few years, Kagome and him proved her wrong over and over again.

Despite the jewel that hid inside Kagome's body they managed to have a normal, happy life. Kagome no longer felt the darkness from within it and she was slowly able to purify it. It did not cancel the terrible wish his mother made but it did help her forget that it was even there in the first place. The rest did not worry them. After all, they knew they made each other happy and ever since they added another child in their lives, they could not be happier. They had the life they always wanted. Nobody could take it away from them.

"I love you," she whispered as she leaned into his hold.

"I love you too."

"You know… maybe… maybe uncle Kouga is gonna want to take the kids out to the park."

"Why would you want him to -" His eyes widened. "Oh."

"You're getting a little slow," she teased.

"You know, I believe you are right. We should definitively have Kouga and his kids over for breakfast. It is a great idea."

She shook her head, clearly amused. "Pervert."

"You married me."

"That I did."

She covered his hands with hers, her smile never fading. This was perfect. A few years back, she worried that all of it would be taken from her, she worried she might even die. Now, she felt foolish for even thinking that somebody could take it all away from her. She was responsible for her own happiness and she intended on staying happy for the rest of her life. Jewel be damned, his mother be damned. The woman failed and now Kagome had a happy family with two wonderful children.

Years ago, when she used to travel in the past, when Sesshomaru first  _mated_  her, she never thought her life would end up like this. She never even though she would know what happiness was. Now, she was glad she had them all in her life. The worst thing in the world happened to her and it became the best thing she could have ever hoped for -  _and it was real_. It was hers.  _He_  was hers. All of it was nothing more than a bad memory, the stepping stone they used to build the life they now had.

She was no longer stained by the horror, the blood from the past. She was free. She was happy.

"I believe we should join them before they turn the kitchen upside down."

"Just one more second," she said as she freed herself from his hold. She turned around and grabbed his face with both of her hands and gently gazed into his eyes. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For everything. For being my mate, my husband and the father of my children."

He felt his heart stopped beating. "Kagome, you are the one who changed my life, you changed who I was and you gave me more than I could have ever hoped for - I have this life because of you. I do not deserve it."

He always did that, he always made her feel like she was the special one.

"You know, we should hurry and call Kouga, you're right."

He smirked at her. "I am not the only one who is a pervert."

"I do have to thank you for being so sweet."

She let go of him and gave him one last smile before joining their children in the kitchen. He stayed there, not moving an inch, and he observed her as she walked away. He could not tear his eyes off of her. Some mornings, he had to pinch himself to make sure that this was reality and not a dream. Kami knew he had a lot of illusion like dreams in the past.

But not, this was real, this was his life.

Kagome and him were finally happy and nothing would ever change that.

-The End-


End file.
